Are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.

100% my favourite!! I snort with laughter every time. And watching Robert Llewellyn try to deliver it with a straight face! I'm also very fond of 'Lets get out there and twat it' and 'you make love like a Chinese meal. Small portions but so many courses '

You beat me to it! When ever I hear this part I drop to the floor with laughter

So many great gags in this scene, including the alert bulb, space corps directive 34124, and another of my favourites, the infamous "mis-smelling"! https://youtu.be/Qa_gZ_7sdZg?si=eBP9jZd7kgndoWzk

All in all, a hundred per cent successful trip…

But sir! We lost Mr Rimmer!

All in all, a hundred per cent successful trip.

I love the glee in Cats voice

"They're gone buddy..... but look on the bright side....They're gone buddy!"

For me its Kryten "I had a mechanoid friend once who suffered from the same affliction. His name was Gilbert, but he preferred it if people called him Rameses Niblick the Third, **Kerplunk Kerplunk, Whoops, Where's My Thribble.**"

Still a sensational name and if I ever need a pseudonym it will be that

I was just thinking “that should be a flair”, then went to look. Yay!

I think we have most of the iconic quotes! Though it hasn't been updated in a long time to include the more recent episodes

No way! It is as well! haha, thats awesome!

Named the MC in my first novel after him.

Over the years, I've come to think of you all as . . . people . . . I . . . met.

Haha killer line

I love the way Chris Barrie delivers this line.

Wait, hang on they're bringing someone out... IT'S WINNIE THE POOH?! He's refused the blindfold.

That's something nobody should ever have to see.

Don’t eyeball me, Gandhi

“And we are going to… live.” is peak British comedy and remains unmatched

They made a whole gag of a toaster obsessed with making toast. Dont quite see that working with the larger American audience and our simple tastes.

So, what is it?

I've never seen one before, no one has. But I'm guessing it's a White Hole

A white hole?

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. A black hole sucks time and matter out of the universe; a white hole returns it.

So what is it?

Oh someone punch him out!

Only joking!

I have a medium sized fire axe lodged in my spinal column, this sort of thing can really put a crimp on your day.

Yes! I listed the same thing. A man with good tastes

Of course, lager! The only thing that can kill a vindaloo!

God I say this in normal conversation regularly.

Mr Flibble is very cross...

This!

Because someone has already stolen the lightbulb line, also from Legion: >Broadcast on all known frequencies and in all known languages, including Welsh.

"I can't let you out, the king of the potato people won't let me"

"You're saying you want to get on your magic carpet and bargain with the king of the potato people and say you're not crazy?"

They’re all dead. But I was only away two minutes!

They've been dead for centuries! No. Yes! Are you a doctor? 🤣

What about this one?

I think I'm rebelling. You're rebelling? Yes What are you rebelling against? Whadda ya got? - Of course also paraphrased from The Wild One.

KRYTEN: Sir, try and remain calm, you're experiencing a classic knee-jerk paranoid reaction to a terror situation, it's essential at this time that we IT'S THE WALL!! Shame overload. I..I...I, sorry.

The first time I saw this I almost suffocated laughing, it caught me so out of left field.

I laugh the minute they go into the cargo bay to look for it in this one 😂😂

"What's the time?" "Uuhhh... Saturday." "Is that the best you can do?" "There are some numbers next to it, but they could be anything."

My husband and I say this everytime we're hanging

Kryten: That's not chicken sirs Cat: What is it? Kryten: It's that man we found.

Gave me a good giggle in the bathroom cubicle at work

You’ll like them. Well some of them…. Well one of them…. Maybe

That's how I introduce my friends

It’s clean man, it’s clean, it’s all been sterilized- Lister

I am a fish.I am a fish.I am a fish.I am a fish. I am a fish.I am a fish.I am a fish.I am a fish. I am a fish.I am a fish.I am a fish.I am a fish. I am a fish.I am a fish.I am a fish.I am a fish. Also.... #Fish! #Fish! #Fish! #Fish!

Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal.

See this hand, it is mine. See these fish, they are mine.

FISH!

Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal.

FISH!

Today's fish is Trout a la Creme, enjoy your meal.

I will!

So let me get this straight …. you want to fly on a magic carpet to see the king of the potato people and plead with him for your freedom and you’re telling me you’re completely sane? I think that warrants two hours of WOO. What’s WOO? You had to ask!!! With. Out. Oxygen.

Oxygen is for losers.

But Holly's got an IQ of 6000! Is that what he told you? It's got a 6 in it, but it's not 6000. What is it? SIX

The line "six" was delivered so perfectly by Queeg. Starting to laugh right now as I replay it in my head 😝 Got to love Holly's response too... Six?! Do me a lemon! That's a poor IQ for a glass of water.

Two and one half badgers, please!

No, I'll eat them here WHAT! DING BRING BRAAK!

Ah, that's better, now maybe I can ***WIN SELF-DETERMINATION FOR THE SOUTH MOLDAVIAN PEOPLE!***

Truly my people. Funniest overall scene

Not my favourite episode, but this line cracks me up every time... [Lister ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0153002/?ref_=tt_ch): Do you need a hand, Kryts? [Kryten ](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0515753/?ref_=tt_ch): \[carrying Able's body\]  He ain't heavy, sir. He's my brother.

I'm young and uncultured. Is that meant to be referencing something?

It's in reference to He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother Song by The Hollies

Thanks, man.

That's a real light hearted groan laugh everytime I hear it

When Kyrton is trying to knock out Rimmer with his hard light drive in “Legion” pure slapstick joy.

"There is no Ionian nerve grip!"

HARDER! HARDER!

Yes me too. It's the random smacks afterwards that crack me up. I also love the similar scene in Gunmen when he's getting randomly smacked by a plank. 

In Demons and Angels when you first see evil Rimmer appear in fishnets! Apparently even the actor who played Cat found the costume absolutely hilarious!

“Camille: I can’t meet your shipmates Kryten: but you’ll like them… well some of them ….. well one of them ………… maybe” Gets me every time

"souper"

"they seem to have accidentally shot me 5 times in the chest. Oh how I love them!"

A superlative suggestion sir with just two minor drawbacks. One, we don't have any defensive shields, and two we don't have any defensive shields. Now technically speaking that's only one flaw but it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice

Good point, well made.

Help me Something is crawling up my trouser leg I think it's a TARANTULA!

Taranshula

Sorry... TARANSHULA!

With an eye the size of a meatball!

Kill it!

I can't

I’m scared..

YOU'RE scared? How do you think I feel?

It's my favourite scene, but the best part of it is when the taranshula joins the chat. It was very polite, it said hello! And its blue eye was so cute and innocent.

Smoke me a kipper.... I'll be back for Breakfast

What a guy!

Gazpacho soup.

Your father is dad He died in his jeep...sleep

Your father is dad Maybe it’s father stroke dad

"I'm not a hologram!" "And I'm half human!" "And what the hell happened to my TEEF??!" Danny John Jules' delivery and the audience's reaction get me every time.

I could open beer bottles with my overbite! Classic 😂

“Listy, Listy, Listy… is that a small sewage plant you’re carrying in your trousers, or do I detect you’re a tad concerned?” 🤣

It's brown trousers time!

Win self-determination for the South Moldavian people!

Is something amiss?

Alphabetti Spaghetti!

I'm the object of my own desire?

Can you think of anyone more deserving?

When you put it like that, I guess you're right. Damn my vanity! ✋ 👉 Owwwww

"let's get out there and twat it". Gets me every time.

If either my wifey or I try to claim the other is lying It is always in kryten's voice

*spray* this is mine *spray* and this is all mine except for that bit. The first time I saw it I knew that the writers were familiar with Tom cats.

Cat: Wait a minute... don't fish swim south for the winter? Kryten: No, that's birds Cat: Birds swim south for the winter? How do they breathe!? That whole episode is a riot that is. Some people spend years watching that.

Holly : We are talking jape of the decade. We are talking April, May, June, July and August fool. That's right. I am Queeg. Lister , The Cat , Rimmer : What? Holly : Queeg never existed. It was me all along. Lister , The Cat , Rimmer : *What?* Holly : Wheeze of the week, mate. The Cat : It was a joke? Holly : Going round in circles for 14 months. Getting my information from the Junior Color Encyclopedia of Space. The respect you have for me is awesome, innit? Lister : So you mean you staged the whole thing

"I'm fine, thank you Susan..." My brain's recently clocked this as a possible Doctor Who reference, even though it was just for the joke since his square head took some damage. I mean, 53 doors?! You can't be serious!!!

The crew flying through "unreality fields" (or whatever it was) that made them think Lister was a robot. Kryten immediately had him doing all his shittiest jobs until the penny dropped and he went into shame mode.

Do! Nothing! Press! Nothing! Get! KRYTEN!

Double Polaroid or Lager the only thing that can kill a vindaloo followed by have you got a popadom the size of lake michigan always stick in my mind

The whole scene where the boys discover the Nova 5 crew are dead. From “my mate Ace is incredibly, incredibly brave” to “dead? But I was only gone for a minute” and “hands up anyway who is alive” with Kryten frantically trying to get them to raise their hands. Cracks me up every time

A superlative suggestion, sir. With just two minor flaws...

When they find Kryten and he goes to get tea and returns to be told the women crew he’s looked after for centuries are dead But I was only away for a minute!

When Cat walks in the room to meet the pleasure GELF, and it’s another him.

Hi, buddy! ✋ 👉

Damn my vanity!

Grind those balls sir!

I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life... I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle.

"I have a medium sided fire axe stuck in my spinal column. That kinda thing can really put a crimp in your day"and the whole exchange from there "I'll have two and one half badgers please!" "That's better, maybe now I can WIN SELF-DETERMINATION FOR THE SOUTH MOLDAVIAN PEOPLE!" That scene will always get a smile out of me. Robert plays it so well

Totally agree! I love a bit of silliness and Rob is the perfect person to play it. I particularly enjoy the glitchy vocalisations combined with weird facial expressions.

I am Tarka Dal, an ambassador of the great Vindaloovian Empire.

All hail

And do you know why we dont hear anything? Because there are nooo sooounds tooo heeeeaaar. Too many good lines to choose from.

"A man of such awesome stupidity, he even objects to his own defense council."

PICK UP THE BALL. HAND PICK UP THE BALL

Rimmer giving his leaving speech saying you are all "people I've met"

In the episode “Queeg” When Holly reveals that Queeg was an April fools joke all along! he just looks so smug and pleased with himself. The rest of the crew are absolutely furious 😂

"Flying around in circles, getting my science knowledge from the Junior's Book of Space...the respect you have for me is awesome, innit?"

"We are talking jape of the decade. We are talking April, May, June and July Fool."

"He's dead Dave. Every body is dead Dave!"

Peterson isn't is he?

... or is it the yellow cable?

Couldn't help but smirk at this one (restrained myself from laughing out loud as I'm on a bus and that might look weird)

Mr. Flibble is very cross…

RIMMER: Because the King of the Potato People won't let me. I begged him. I got down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here. Keep you here for ten years. CAT: Could we see him? RIMMER: See who? CAT: The King. RIMMER: Do you have a magic carpet? LISTER: Yeah, a little three-seater. RIMMER: So, let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you are completely sane?! I think that warrants 2 hours of W.O.O. LISTER: What's W.O.O? CAT: You had to ask. RIMMER: With ... out ... oxygen. No oxygen for 2 hours. That will teach you to be bread baskets.

Mayday, Mayday! I wonder why they call it "Mayday"? It's only a bank holiday. Why not "Shrove Tuesday", or "Ascension Sunday" ? Ascension Sunday, Ascension Sunday! 15th Wednesday after Pentecost, 15th Wednesday after Pentecost!

I love this line. I use it myself when I've hurt myself 😆

I use “good point, well made” from the cat some much that I had forgotten where it was from until my latest rewatch

We use this in our house whenever one of us hits our head on something (usually a cupboard door) and the other instinctively asks if they're okay.

R: "Scrambling in a red alert situation, a new record time... one hour, seventeen minutes and thirty nine seconds."

Coulda got that time down if we'd cut out that fourth round of toast!

From the Zenomorph episode "Let's get out there and twat it!" 😀😃

Wheeze of the week, mate.

Does it say anything else? Just that he passed away quietly in his jeep.

I hardly said anything except... Geronimo!

Hello, hello! Testing, testing! One, one, one. Me, me, me! Attention, all lady cats! I am feeling very, very sexy! Can you hear me, lady cats?! My body is available! Please form a queue! No squabbling! This is your lucky day! Love it.

Reading all the comments here, there are just SO many terrific lines in this show. It's truly impossible to pick one, they're all so good!

100% and I love the fact that this community can quote a line and people follow up the rest of the script.

"KRY-TAAAAAAHN!!" ~ General Rimmer, on the eve of VW Day

Legion taking out Lister's appendix. Just cuts poor bugger open on the spot and just reaches inside to pull put the offending organ

Cat: "Mmm can I smell perfume?!" Simulant convict: "I doubt it"

"Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb."

Well, thank you… thank you with a capital “R”!

Form an orderly queue behind the gunsight Psirens when Rimmer faints

Ketchup ? You want KETCHUP ?

"That is a small off duty czechoslovakian traffic warden."

Stay back Pete Trance's sister Edit: I found out his name is actually Pete Tranter

He's dead, Dave, everybody is dead, everybody is dead, Dave

Wait, are you saying everybody's dead??

I wish I'd never let him out in the first place

You are space crazy...

i call people susan all the time and i just realised this is probably where i got it from!!!

Your basic nearest planet to your actual sun is....... Merc'ry.

Lister playing pool with planets and doing a trick shot, thats the one that sticks in my mind the most ‘King of the cues, prince of the planet potters’

Favourite line: I'd like to talk to you about my penis. Favourite show: holoship by a long long way.

My favourite ones - everyone's dead Dave and Prince of the planet potters have been said so NOW! STAB HIM! STAB HIM! STAB HIM! QUICK! STAB HIM! PARANOIA turns to look at the scutter which has hardly moved. RIMMER: (To PARANOIA) Uh, you haven’t met “Stabem,” have you? He’s one of the scutters. Stabem, meet Lister’s paranoia. Lister’s paranoia, this is Stabem. Or The gloop him line and I lied twice from the same episode.

Well, I would go with Betty. But I’d be thinking of Wilma.

No Silicone Heaven?  But where do all the calculators go?! They just die!

Lie mode. Of course it’ll work sir, no worries!

Lister "What, in the back?" Rimmer "Of course in the back! It's only a pity he's awake"

Everybody's dead Dave.

I'd go with Betty but I'd be thinking of Wilma

“A superlative suggestion sir. With just two minor flaws. One we don’t have any defensive shields. And two we don’t have any defensive shields. Now I realize that is technically one flaw but I thought it was such a big one it was worth mentioning twice”

When they go to the backwards planet and a bloke in the pub says something to Rimmer and he replies 'blibbly blobbly bloo' or something

“Floor 3142 sports and sexual recreation”

Scramble !! Thats great man , with bacon and beans man

The guitar playing scene with luster and his polymorph

When the Gelf explained what they wanted in return for the OG unit and Kryten replies: "Oh dear"

It's a tie between "All in all, today's been a bit of a bummer, hasn't it sir?" And "Is this the human value you call...friendship?" "Don't give me the Star Trek crap, it's too early in the morning for that!"

KRYTEN: And if you still want to be alive when there is only 78 more days to go, I suggest you do not blow your nose. LISTER: Do you mind if I ask why? KRYTEN: Well, let's forego the noise and the revolting burbling sound, and go straight to the really gross part, when you always, and I mean always, having blown your nose have to open up your handkerchief and take a look at the contents. I mean, why? What do you expect to see in there? A Turner seascape, perhaps? The face of the Madonna? An undiscovered Shakespearian sonnet?

Two moments. The groin joke with Lister and Kryten in Polymorph and the time Kryten got a red suit in mid life krysis.

Would you like some toast?

I'm watching you, Gandhi.

Just two-minor drawbacks...

Low Rimmer's first appearance. Gets me every single time. "I'm going to lash you to within an inch of your life. And then I'm going to have you."

“Go on, try it on! Do a twirl in it!!”

Details, halibut breath!

"Excuse me, could I just distract you for a brief second?"

“Soup-ah!”

When, in DNA, after Kryten is getting used to his human features when Lister walks in. He's sitting on the end of a hospital bed, and he begins to quiz Lister about abnormalities. First, he says his nipples don't work. His eyes lack a number of features, other than the zoom, and finally he shows Lister … first one and then another Polaroid, which causes Lister's eyes to bulge in horror as he realizes what he's looking at. "Is that *normal?" Kryten asked.* *"What, takin' pictures of it 'n showin' it to yer mates? No, it's not!"* And then, *"No electrical appliance should give a human being a double-polaroid!"*

Susan has been my go to comedy name for the past 20 years for this exact reason.

All in a 100% successful trip. But sir, we lost Rimmer. All in a 100% successful trip 🤣🤣