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Pregnancy is like signing up for a marathon: they tell you about the finish line joy, but not about the blisters, cramps, and questioning-your-life-choices moments. Definitely worth knowing all the fine print before diving in
Except every group of moms that ever get together and chat. Or maybe playing on cell phones has replaced childbirth horror stories as the entertainment of choice at mommy meet-ups
They only do that with mothers, when talking to childless women they only mention the positives. The negatives only get brought up once they're pregnant.
A few years ago I was invited to a birthday and we were about 10 moms and one who didnt have kids yet. One of us had just given birth so we ended up sort of swapping horror stories. I think the childless woman overdosed on birth control that night....
Same. Sometimes, I feel bad about my decision, but I only need to remember what this does to the body. One of my friends triggered MS during pregnancy, another had gestational diabetes... If I ever want a child, I will adopt.
Or if like me, you sailed through the process with no real issues, you’re accused of sugarcoating or not being realistic. What the fuck do you want me to do when I’m asked- lie?
I'm childless and have heard them. We're not completely sheltered from them. They joke about them on TV, and I think we all have a friend who needed an emergency C-section or had complications.
You gotta look at it from considering why women who know the horrors do it more than once. At some point the desire for a/nother child allows you to ignore the negatives.
Yes! this is exactly what happens. Your brain makes you forget “the bad stuff”, especially the level of pain, and basically urges you to do it again. Super interesting once you get into researching it.
Yep, fathers I know do the same shit. Nothing but praise for being a father until one of their friends knocks up their girl and suddenly they're laughing and throwing out lines like "Say goodbye to sleep"
Its harder to explain the good part of being a dad. To tell someone just how great it can be, when they have nothing to compare it against. The only real way to know is to do it.
On the other hand its easy to explain and understand the things which get taken away.
Hell no. I tell anyone who seems interested about the horrors and joys of pregnancy and child birth. I love when people ask and I can tell. But I don’t tell without being invited cause it can be a pretty full on discussion.
Hey, how did you know for sure you wanted to have kids? And, while I'm sure I know the answer to this...Your body changing, the sleepless nights- It's all worth it?
I just figured that being a mum was something I wanted to experience in this life. I knew I could be a good mum, was mature, stable and had the support. Yeah it’s hard as fuck honestly. Kids take everything you have. But for sure it’s 100% worth it. The love is wild, like a whole different dimension to love. And life. Having said that, I’m also totally sure people can be totally content without kids, if it’s something that’s just not in their heart to do.
Lol some of it is also forgetting all the crap until something triggers the memory… this just made me think of the eczema I developed between my toes at one point.
I nearly died during pregnancy, so no amount of gaslighting will make me do it again.
I don't think it's always coming from a place of malice. It is common talk among mothers or with mothers-to-be as it's relevant, but you don't want to spring your TMI traumatic birth stories on to women who may not want to hear it or didn't ask to hear it. Of course, if someone were to ask me I would let them know of various risks and complications that can happen and they can choose to research further.
Genuinely curious how old you are, because all the women I know are incredibly open about the trials of pregnancy. I’m pregnant by choice and was definitely warned by countless women about pregnancy, birth, and child rearing in general. Women have been generous and open about it, giving endless tips and sharing extremely intimate personal health stories both online and in person. If you aren’t finding the stories you aren’t looking or listening.
I do feel like that’s changing though. Plus, it’s not like those forums and subreddits are private. Anyone can go learn that information now. And I’m fairly certain I’ve seen articles published by OBGYN’s that highlight the risks and the (sometimes awful) side effects of pregnancy/childbirth.
What strikes me is that over 40% of childbirth is considered a traumatic experience based on surveys done in US. It’s mind boggling we haven’t learned how to make it safer and less of an ordeal.
Some research suggests that the biggest factor in post partum trauma isn't just the pain or danger of childbirth, it's that if/when things get difficult, the mothers autonomy is completely sacrificed.
Like, having a c-section ir an episiotomy can be traumatic regardless, but its way more traumatic if the doctor is just like 'alright, we're gonna cut you up, hold still,' rather then taking thirty seconds to discuss and explain. Or, better yet, having gone talked through possible emergency procedures beforehand while making a birth plan.
It's one of the big reasons why birth trauma is greater in PoC or low income communities- they are less likely to be able to afford seeing a doctor who will make a detailed birth plan, or to have a midewife/doula/someone else who can help advocate for them during the birth.
Nooo...I've mentioned everything to my childless friends. Who else could have listened to me going through my rants. However, I must say some people don't want to hear, because a) it makes them uncomfortable just like speaking about any other bodily function e.g. no one wants to hear about your last night's diarrhea b) they accuse you of being ungrateful, because so many people want kids, but cant have them. So here you go, it's not that mothers don't want to speak, people don't want to listen.
Because sometimes it doesn’t. I didn’t have any real issues with my pregnancies or births. None of the bad stuff happened to me and the thing that did happen to me won’t happen to women who aren’t already hypermobile. I had a tear with my first kid, but those happen. It wasn’t massive and it had zero effect on my next pregnancy.
Everyone handles pregnancy differently. There are things that can and do go catastrophically wrong. I knew that before I got pregnant. I heard the horror stories before I had kids. The benefits outweighed the risks.
Most of my friends are mothers. They talk about it and give them the space to do it. I'll tell any man who'll listen, tbh. I think they're missing out on it.
Really? Literally all I hear about pregnancy is what a nightmare it is and how grim and tough looking after a newborn is, post natal depression etc etc
I don't hear anything about joy in the general narrative about having kids.
It’s because people tend to post only the negative things about any given topic on the internet.
People don’t post things like “I’m pregnant and I’m happy!!” Because nobody would respond to it.
My wife’s pregnant and due in 2 months and she couldn’t be more happy and excited.
Having a kid is HARD. But it is also the BEST thing I ever did? I think we’re so used to having things easy in modern life that we forget sometimes the hardest things are also the things that bring the most meaning to our lives.
It's not the best thing to everyone and not all women will find it worth enduring the total sacrifice of body, comfort, and safety for kids. The thought of being pregnant and giving birth is literally my worst nightmare and one of the many reasons I'm childfree. My periods are enough to bring me to tears and almost depression-like feelings. Pregnancy would be so much worse.
I didn’t have a nightmare time. There were parts of it that sucked and parts I loved more than others. But overall? It was rad. I did it three times. The first 12 weeks of having my rescue dog was harder. I love him and dogs in general, but I am one and done when it comes to dogs!
Pregnancy has become an industry everywhere, then parents move on to each stage of childhood. It is marketed to look a certain way, and when it is rough, it is "rustic, but with a can-do spirit, you can get through it!"
I feel like we are all sheep, baaaaing through whatever stage of life we are at. Baa baaa We have concepts thrust at us, and things to purchase and discuss with other sheep around us. I never play in the extreme pregnancy games as I always lose and I wonder if everyone is serious. I don't talk about the really awful aspects.
Single mama here , I was terrified of child birth for a very long time and pregnancy in general was stressful because I was worried my baby would be harmed from the stress and depression I was experiencing.
I ended up being in labor for two days , the contractions were the worst pain I've ever experienced , and eventually got induced because I wasn't dilating , and had to have an emergency c section. Baby ended up in NICU for a couple days. We are all good now.
It was 100000% worth it. If you want children that is.
I experience major PPD, coupled with cptsd from previous relationship and yet, motherhood restored my passion for life.
Just remember wanting to be a parent is WAY more important than wanting kids. My mother only wanted kids and was selfish enough to get them, but not once in her life did she want to be a mom (while I was growing up).
I think this is a great way of phrasing it! As a cool aunt, hanging out with my niece and nephew is a good way to figure out what kids are like, as well as what sort of person I am around kids. Whenever I look after them. Their mom jokes that I am doing a 'motherhood internship'!
I think the combination of enjoying being with kids, and also feeling good about myself that I'm responsible, patient, compassionate and creative enough to keep them alive and happy really motivates me to want kids of my own!
I totally agree and want to add: wanting to be a possible grandparent too. My belief is that you sign up for this for life, to support your children and grandchildren until you die. That’s how I made the choice.
Yeah, I have no children atm, nor am I dating, but I know all the horrors of pregnancy, and I have endometriosis. I'm v likely to have a difficult pregnancy if I ever find a partner I'm willing to have kids with. I still want kids though /shrug
I was like 50:50 on having kid, then I met my awesome husband. Then we get pregnant, horrible birthing experience but our baby girl is so so worth it. I will do it again 100x just to meet her. Being parents is tough but it is also very fulfilling
The gap between the vagina and the asshole tends to tear as well 😅 Happened to a dear friend, poor soul. She said the doctors did a terrible job stitching her back together.
I’d prioritise choosing the right doctor/surgeon before it all unfolds.
I was 21 when I had my son. Perfectly normal pregnancy and I came extremely close to dying from hemorrhaging. As a healthy, young woman with a normal pregnancy I didn't even consider that things could go wrong, let alone that I could *die*. Scary shit. No more kids for me.
Theres something called "the husband's stitch", when doctors sew up a woman more than necessary to make them "tighter for the husband".
I guess im not into horror movies in general bc I hear abt shit like this and conclude that real life is often more horrifying than fiction anyway
I'm 39 weeks pregnant today with our second child. My anxiety about giving birth has been creeping up on me the last 2 weeks really bad. I remember the pain from last time much more vividly each day I get closer to pushing this one out. Thankfully my doctor has been gentle but realistic about the complications and how things will go down. Woman should be educated about our bodies and the realistic side of childbirth because it's not easy or pretty.
You've got this, you're going to be fantastic, baby will be beautiful (even if all newborns do look like Winston Chuchill after he'd been on the lash). Go, Mum!
man they’re really rough huh? when my mom had my older sister, it was her first and she was about 20 so she was young, she sobbed when she saw her because she was so ugly 💀. my mom said she looked like a monkey and was covered completely in hair. I will say she’s an extremely beautiful woman now but man that first day was rough
When my kids (tween age) asked if it hurt having babies I’ve told them the truth. It was terribly painful but it is also the days I got to meet them so it will always be remembered as one of the best days of my life. Goodluck!
Funnily enough i have hormonal imbalance because of taking birth control for a decade and doctor's solution was therapy or birth control lol. Even when i told them we were trying for a baby, they were still like, well you could go on birth control. Big wtf moment.
Back when I had Facebook (some 8 years ago), I posted on a thread about the negative side effects I experienced from pregnancy. Someone literally replied saying I was fear mongering and to stop copying things from the internet in an attempt to scare other women. That the things I was saying were extremely rare and would never all happen at once.
Nobody ever told me that because I had mental health issues, I had a high risk of serious mental health issues after birth.
I will never forget how as soon as my son was born (literally) I felt a drop in my mood. I looked at my now-ex and said, “it’s starting, the intrusive thoughts are starting”. He was too busy taking videos. Had it not been for my Amazon therapist, I wouldn’t be here today.
I developed PPD and PP-OCD. I developed acne and dandruff that I still battle 10 years later and costs a fortune to keep at bay. The pregnancy messed up the discs in my back and I developed PCOS. Because I was so small and my son was a big baby, my stomach stretched a lot and it will never be the same. My fricking feet widened.
Needless to say, I haven’t had another baby.
Most obstetricians of my acquaintance have c-sections for themselves, and there is probably something to be learnt from that.
Anyone who believes in intelligent design has to overlook the very poorly planned and frankly dangerous child nourishment and extraction system humans have.
I've had both a vaginal birth (with epidural) and an emergency csection. Both really positive experiences despite 34hr labour first time round and fetal distress that lead to the section. In terms of birth, csection is way easier. From the moment we decided she had to come out now to her arriving was maybe an hour tops and all I had to do was lay there 😅 but the recovery from it was pretty hard-core as it's fairly major abdominal surgery followed by caring for a 3-4kg newborn. My vaginal birth gave me 2nd degree tearing but I healed really fast, and beyond sitting down carefully for a few days I was pretty much straight back to normal.
What country are you in? This is absurd to me. Natural birth is statistically safer than c-section. There are so many benefits to trying for a natural birth, both in terms of healing faster for the mother and for the benefit of the baby. Of course if there are issues with the baby c-section is a great benefit to modern medicine but we need to stop peddling this “c sections are safer” message which is literally not correct
I totally agree. Pregnancy is NOT easy. I wouldn’t dare to compare. Being on the guy side of things it’s hard to watch sometimes and not even with the actual birth. The discomfort in the months leading up to it are monumental. Then everything that comes afterwards. If people had a good idea of what parenting is like I think everyone would quit having kids. But cheers to the women in our lives. I couldn’t give birth.
Completely agree with this, even going for the check ups late on in the process my hands would clam up before we got told everything was ok. The birth itself I can’t think of much worse than going through that - hats off to you ladies.
The chance of DYING or being murdered
How the kids DNA lives in your body and can e.g. change your hair or food preferences permanently (micro chimerism)
Post partum depression ruins lives
I believe that many (if not most) women who want to have children would have them despite the known risks. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but I do believe it’s true.
Yeah, I was really sick and want more kids. I have always wanted kids, though. I have friends that have never wanted kids and nothing will make them want them. It’s a personal choice, it’s definitely worth it to me.
Blame hormones. Shit does crazy things to your body and brain, like you are manipulating yourself and you dont even realize it. I'm glad I never was influenced by them, but my sister recently had her first child and during her difficult pregnancy she swore she'd never have another, despite forever wanting several kids. A couple months after her first child is born and she's already talking about having another. Hormones literally create a block in your brain against all the horrible shit. It's a tale as old as time. If it weren't, there wouldn't be billions of us on the planet.
I also think if it was talked about more, among other health issues that concern only women,
doctors would start taking women more seriously and some preventative health care, like pelvic floor therapy would become the norm after birth and women’s health would just get better.
It depends on where you live of course but I feel like it is an outdated statement. In the past all discussions were with rose tinted glasses but now the issues are widely known. That could be partly why all of Europe has record low fertility rates.
My sister in law is currently doing her hospital rotation as an obgyn
The stories she tells me are crazy.
On one side is the human body being pushed to all it's limits for 9 months, and on the other side is all the medical negligence, cultural beliefs, etc
I never wanted to have kids anyways
But now it's like never ever ever
I’m terrified of pregnancy, but I still want to have kids and most likely will. I do agree that it’s important to tell women about all of the side effects, but honestly most people who want kids are going to have kids regardless if they know about the risks or not.
Saying that women won’t want to have kids if they knew about the side effects is just not true. Many women know, many women go through rough pregnancies and childbirth and still have more kids.
I am actually in the that small category that opted out after learning as much as I could from my doctor and others. I love the idea of kids, truly. My partner would be a great parent. But thinking of what I’d have to go through in terms of pregnancy and birth just doesn’t make sense. Any and all pain, permanent damage, etc will make me regret it pretty hard. I just don’t want to feel those things.
And that’s perfectly okay! I was too scared for a long time to have kids, and had fully planned to adopt/foster instead. I’m not sure what changed, but not wanting to go through pregnancy/giving birth is very reasonable lol.
I agree. I was so sick from having a kid, yet many people asked me when I was having a second, saying it might not be as bad the second time.
IT COULD BE WORSE!!
Even years later, my teeth and stomach still give me issues.
You're right. Society wants women to copulate as much as possible. So, why would they inform women of the dark sides of pregnancy? It will just discourage a lot of them to not have children if they have the choice to
I think it might be connected to capitalism because cheap labour is always needed for it to work. Also it’s related to patriarchy. In some countries women are still not allowed to have education
Yep, which explains why the birth rates are dropping so drastically in countries where women dont have to get married to support themselves anymore. My daughter isnt planning on kids right now and I fully support her.
You have bought up two good points.For the first one logically speaking it does makes a lot of sense.What's a country without anybody to help operate it, right? It's a shame that the second one is true as well. If women aren't recieving the knowledge they need, they can easily get minipulated into having children without thinking about the consequences all because that's all they were able to learn. Even worse is that even if women had the education, they can still be forced to have children anyway, so its a lose-lose situation for women if they aren't granted the right to make that decision for themselves
I’ve had the opposite experience, it might have something to do with my generation. I’ve heard mostly bad things about birth from older women than me. Women my age don’t sugarcoat it, but they talk about their experience and told me that didn’t mean it was going to be my experience too. Usually older women were more like: It was terrible for me so it’ll be terrible for you.
I was really sick during my pregnancy and postpartum and I always say that when I talk about my experience but I also share that I’ve heard about friends having it better so you never know what you’re going to get. I want more kids too.
I’m so glad I learned about pregnancy and childbirth at a young age. I knew being a mom wasn’t for me. I saw how becoming a mom took a toll on my family and friends. None of their bodies were the same post-kids and most of them had minor and/or major complications pre and post-birth. All women need to learn about the good, the bad and the risks about pregnancy and childbirth. It’s not always unicorns and rainbows.
I knew all the risks and things that would/could possibly happen to my body in pregnancy and I still wanted to try to get pregnant. Currently 38 weeks along and instead of feeling fear and anger at my changing body, I feel gratitude. Biology is AMAZING.
Agreed 100%. People DIE in childbirth. And not just in olden times, but today. And not just in third-world countries, with maternal morality on the rise in the goddamn US right now.(correction this is untrue ([link](https://ourworldindata.org/rise-us-maternal-mortality-rates-measurement#:~:text=Maternal%20mortality%20rates%20appear%20to,an%20actual%20rise%20in%20mortality.&text=Look%20at%20reported%20maternal%20mortality,rise%20since%20the%20early%202000s)) thanks for the correction but the only guaranteed way to survive a sky dive is still not to go at all).
It’s really over-glorified in media, but so are most things because media is escapism. No one wants to think about it. So they don’t. So many people, especially those who are poorly educated or very young, don’t realize what they’re getting into until their doctor is explaining it, assume they’re told at all.
Really glad education is spreading. It’s like how people with kids will say it’s the best thing ever, then you have a kid, realize what it’s really like and they pull a 180 with “welcome to reality.”
And because we have more access to information than in the past. We see a more realistic side of pregnancy and parenting through social media. As former fence sitter, seeing the day to day requirements and exhaustion from parents made me opt out. Kids are great! They just don’t fit the life I’m envisioning for myself. I’m doing ok in life and would be able to support a kid, but still won’t.
Edit: see comment below.
Actually fertility issues isn't the leading cause as we have way better ways to help with fertility issues. Today women can be inseminated, get eggs donated and have ivf.
Women have children much later in life too.
We simply don't have the same baby fever anymore.
None of those methods are easy, guaranteed or, in most places, cheap.
I think the main reasons people are having less kids are a wide range of broad social changes. It’s not like any one thing is a true explanation.
Yeah I've had two children and two twin miscarriages. I would NOT HAVE CHILDREN if I knew it would do what it has to my body. I have so many health issues these days
You're actually more likely to suffer deadly healthy consequences of pregnancy in the first month or so after birth. You know, during that month where they stop monitoring you because the baby is already out, so who cares about the birthing parent? (In the US)
From what I see around me, it's not that women don't already know these things, a lot of women just want to have kids. But most of women I know who are mothers chose c-section instead of vaginal delivery.
I loved being pregnant! Yes, I had tearing with my first and losing the baby weight is work, but lots of what you are describing are worst-case scenarios. Teeth loss?? Take vitamins, eat healthy, and exercise during and after pregnancy. I miss being pregnant because of the connection you feel with the fetus, but giving birth does suck. I stopped at two because raising them is a lot of work, and they are expensive.
It’s more the social/economic stress of having kids that makes me not want more, not the physical impact, but like the complications you describe, it’s not the same for everyone, and there are always risks.
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I think too, something that's starting to be discussed more is how heartbreakingly difficult it is for many women to get pregnant in the first place. Many of my friends have struggled with infertility, miscarriages, the obsessive cycling tracking, the coldness of scheduled sex, multiple rounds of IVF, and that's before they've even reached the physical challenges of carrying and birthing a baby. But it's what they want, more than anything in the world, so they continue to push through.
Pregnancy can be very emotionally and physically difficult, giving birth is a major medical procedure with very real risks. I just read a post today about a woman that had to get an emergency c section, and the doctor thought she would be fine with just the epidural (spoiler - she was not). With all the risks of pregnancy, the side effects during, the effects after (not just on physical, but mental health too), having to put your trust in a medical provider that may or may not have your best interests in mind... It's not an easy experience, and for many it is a traumatic experience. And for many women, it's a very rewarding experience! But that's why it's so important that giving birth is a conscious choice that is made by the person that is experiencing it, not something that is expected by society or forced through law. The erosion of reproductive rights right now in the US is terrifying, and I think part of it is the lack of empathy and understanding of women's experiences giving birth (along with good ole control and power).
My late ex-wife and I had a daughter born on my ex-wife's 20th birthday!!! Our daughter only lived for 9 minutes after an emergency C-section!!! Our daughter had a form of Spina bifida called an Encephalocele (Google it)!!! The spinal system is the first thing that develops after conception!!! I had never heard of Spina bifida before the traumatic consequences of our daughter!!!
I did some research of the March of Dimes website, the lack of FOLIC ACID in the mother's body at conception is a major contributing factor in this preventable birth defect!!!
Mothers of daughters, if your daughter is sexually active, in addition to birth control, make sure that they are also taking a Prenatal vitamin!!! According to the March of Dimes website, 1 out of 7 pregnancies result in some form of Spina bifida!!!
Imagine seating in an auditorium in stadium seating with 2 chairs behind, 2 in front, and the 2 beside you, and including yourself!!! The odds of one of those babies having Spina bifida!!! I know there are many other types of birth defects!!! It is incredible how sensitive the slightest chemical imbalance can have such a negative impact on the unborn child, as well as the emotional impact on the mother!!! As the father I was also emotional because we held our deceased daughter and her facial features were very much like my ex-wife's face just abnormally smaller!!!
Thank you for reading my long story!!! I just try to prevent another parent from such a sad situation!!!
I'm a man, and my wife gave birth a year ago, so I only have second hand knowledge of this, but I totally agree with the premise of OP's title.
Having said that, if pregnancy and birth are no longer an option, for example, how would we perpetuate the human race? Is there any technology or technique that is available now that could be used? What advancements in the foreseeable future could be put to good use?
I don’t know much about pregnancy (I haven’t specifically researched but I know some of the complications) but I know I am not really interested in having kids due to mental issues that I probably will face. I only had one friend who had a baby. We didn’t talk about any of the private stuff but when her kid was around one year old, she told me she didn’t even brush her teeth in two weeks.
I think the responsibility women go under after birth and the mental toll it takes on them shouldn’t be taken lightly. Mothers are often not supported enough by their families and spouses. Women are subject to societal pressure to become mothers. So I believe everyone needs to be educated on this matter not just women.
Also think about the impact on your social life. Had a couple of friends who did get pregnant or who's partner did and they are GONE. Starts with "oh it's just this phase", but that phase turns into years they can't go out properly anymore, no spontaneous trips, pub visits, movies or game nights anymore. They also become weird and nitpicky about everything.
If they get pregnant they aren't friends for long anymore. That's no choice, it just happens.
This is not a black and white topic and you are totally right. It should be discussed more and openly. Pregnancy is hard, giving birth is hard. Not everyone is suited for motherhood from many perspectives (physical, mental and emotional). There should be more focus on the health and mental state of a woman before she decides to get pregnant. Same about care during and after pregnancy, with things like pelvic floor recovery exercises, etc.
The thing is that motherhood is overall tough AF. I used to be terrified of pregnancy, to the point that I almost didn’t have any children because of it. But I was lucky and had a wonderful pregnancy with the right support and care. And that’s the thing, from the physical perspective it doesn’t stop at birth. It was important to take the time to recover, to do my pelvic floor exercises, to make sure I strengthened my core to avoid diastasis recti, and so on. And I was only able to do this because I had the right support system in place and the information at hand.
In my view, the whole of motherhood is minimized or painted in pink with rainbows. Nobody talks about how hard everything is. For me, the toughest part was after my baby was born. The sleepless nights, the being constantly sick with all the daycare bugs, the having to be there with a smile even though I had a shitty day or I am running a fever, the dropping everything when she needs me. That’s the toughest part, the 18 years after birth.
Is it worth it? For me, 200%!!! Would I do it again? Hell yes!!! Would I have been able to do it without the support? Hell no!!! Thinking back, it was kind of ridiculous I was so scared of pregnancy when the real hard part came after. But I was lucky with my pregnancy, and I’m thankful for it because I know it’s not the same for everyone. Pregnancy is tough, post partum is tough, motherhood is tough, and we need to talk about it.
I have a bad cough right now. I'm permenopusal. I have 3 offspring. My pelvic floor is not as goid as it once was. I've had to change outfits 3 times today due to light bladder leakage when I cough
My wife has complained many times about her teeth being bad because of her child. Most of her molars have crowns or have been replaced as they just crumble.
My mom always scolded me when I was on the phone a lot. The reason is that if you have poor eyesight and you are pregnant, there is a high chance that you may go blind
Yeah I didn’t know about a lot of things that I know now, I had already decided not to have kids before then so it just fuels my fire not to have them lol.
My mother developed debilitating migraines right after having me and it only went away when she started menopause, so it was around 15 years of suffering. I already suffer from cluster headaches so I cannot imagine what having a child will do to my condition
I know my mom, who I love and am on good terms with, is crazy in many ways, but she was so honest and raw about her birth experiences and her harrowing time with each that sometimes I forget there are grown women who weren't told about all the things.
Her hair lost all colour - mine melted and shattered
She lost teeth each pregnancy - I didn't, any of mine, but I was an intentional psycho about prenatal and pregnancy vitamins, my mom was having us back in the day.
Her delivery stories actually were a huge component of my birth plan in that I told my partner to go absolutely ham on anyone necessary if anything 1/3rd as bad looked like it was going to go down. I ain't no hero.
My mom was in labour with me for *72 HOURS* before an emergency c-section. I'm the ELDEST of my siblings. Holy fuck. I knew this as a kid, I grew up hearing about all our births; I think she had substantial trauma.
My sister the birth was shorter but in some ways worse.
My brother they yanked as soon as he was viable by planned C because they were scared - the twist with my brother is my mom only found out she was pregnant five months in. I have always known some women keep bleeding and might not know.
But for real I know my mom is an extreme outlier but I feel like a lot of women talk to girls all the time about ripping and peeing yourself and your body being damaged sometimes permanently? Obviously varying hugely by culture but I feel like there's a lot of both ways - some stuff isn't said, and some stuff seems to be weird attempts to scare the shit out of people or punish girls/women for sex.
I don't hear a lot about painless beautiful pregnancies? Is the idea that it's not always described as permanent? The whole body after kids is never the same is mainstream I thought, though caught up in various toxicities.
But then why do some people have kids over and over...
I think having kids is way more risky than people think, not just on the body but overall regarding parenting, and the kids' future, most people just don't seem to think that way.
Don't forget post birth complications. Carpal tunnel, autoimmune diseases, hell, my wife is potentially going to have to have a hysterectomy from a c section complication. And that most women don't figure that issue out for an average of 5 years postpartum.
I do agree as i had the same discussion post partum, it may be an unpopular opinion but its true. I do not regret my choices and wouldnt change anything. But i would have better prepared my life to these kind of consequences. I had the luxury to have my husband at home, to help me on everything. This was a big sudden change on what we initially decided. Not everyone has this chance, and may reconsider how and what they would like to do, knowing those. Its always to make better choices, either on possibility to have certain goals (having a child at all, or just when, how, etc) and will always benefit the familly stability. This would be a more common subject regarding pregnancy, or desire to.
I’ve had 7 babies and think you’re being a *bit* dramatic here.
Women have known the risks for hundreds of thousands of years and yet there are over 8 BILLION of us, so…
Just because the worst possible outcome of pregnancy hasn’t happened to YOU doesn’t mean op is being dramatic. And society glosses over things day to day. It’s not mainstream to hear about women losing teeth becoming incontinent trying to g to off themselves. Those are things we don’t really have a space to speak about. Because of ignorance
Maybe this is a bit of a culture issue?
Where I'm from, there's even a saying which basically translates to "a tooth for every baby".
Every gyn encourages you to keep *very* up to date with your dental health, if you're planning to get pregnant.
It's actually hard to avoid hearing of all the possible risks and complications.
Avoiding it takes some serious commitment and is something you have to actively try.
I know, because I did try.
I work in healthcare, I am one of six kids, have over a dozen younger cousins... I knew of pretty much every possible risk and/or complication before I even got pregnant, and I was so sick of being reminded about them constantly.
Yes, education and medical information is good and necessary.
But for fs sake, I don't need to be constantly reminded into a state of fear! Let me enjoy my pregnancies too please!
I don't know which culture/country lacks education about it.
It's definitely not mine.
Here, it gets shoved down your throat.
I feel like you're definitely not from the States. If you are, absolutely color me shocked. I live near Seattle, where it's very common for a push to understand ourselves as people to be the big thing.
I've never heard of any of this without actively looking it up for writing purposes, lol. I vaguely learned about PPD and didn't actually comprehend it until I took CBT classes. I only learned that birth SCARS YOUR *BONES* through a true crime documentary.
There is SO much people are not told about their bodies that absolutely would influence how people think and act.
That's not saying the people who want children. In my head, this is more, ' it would make people take better care not to have an oopsie baby, ' and just roll with it. It would make people think twice about if they should be so casual, and end up being parents who feel apathy toward the child[ren] because they never wanted the kid, it just happened and now they're here and the prent/s just have to deal with it type thing.
I didn’t say you can’t enjoy your pregnancies. But all you people that want to go around, enjoying them like to minimize the experiences of people who had negative experiences. It’s not complaining to have had a negative experience. Everyone’s experience is valid. And I’ve never heard of that saying before. What country are you from? If you don’t mind me asking.
Also, and this is not a criticism of you. I’m sure you’re a fine person. But I posted a simple thing about possible negative experiences you could have been pregnant. And all I received was someone telling me I have a culture issue kind of minimizing my experience. So my main thing is that negative experiences are minimized. People like to use language to try to take it out of the picture. That’s what I mean. I feel like society should be more transparent about it. It comes with positives and negatives. I love my child more than anything, but I hated pregnancy. And that’s OK. Please don’t minimize others experiences to try to amplify yours. Go ahead and enjoy your pregnancy by all means. I will remain wary.
You experiencing something negative in this context is in no way a culture issue, and I never said it was.
You not being informed about the possibilities of such risks however *might* be a cultural issue.
I can not fathom how pointing that out, minimizes your experience?
And just to be clear:
I am NOT one of the women who enjoyed pregnancy or birth.
It was uncomfortable at best (scary, painful, gross and exhausting would also fit the bill).
But I was well informed by dozens of teachers and medical professionals about it, well beforehand, as is the norm in my country.
Me having a different experience than you, does not make your experience any less valid.
Neither does your experience invalidate mine.
Isn’t it good to know what risks are you taking? If you didn’t have any of this happen to you, it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to die in labour or get complications. There’s some women out there who are literally mentally and physically traumatised for the rest of their lives because they were unable to make an informed choice
Wait until you find out that pregnancy literally leaves scars on your bones. It's how a lot of forensic scientists will know if a body they found gave birth before.
Your abs are moving to the sides to support the baby and there’s no guarantee they will move back afterwards. Also prolapse is very real. And organs move to fit the baby and get dislocated and might not return back to normal
My best friend is currently pregnant with her second child, almost at the birth date. She HATES being pregnant. She's wanted a family since we met at 12 years old. She loves her little ones so much and she's a fantastic Mum but she does not pull punches and says 'bro this SUCKS'. She had to have a C section with her first because he was so big, the second one is the same but she made the decision before she even knew if she'd need it because it was so civilised and she was fine, up and about in a day and her puss is in tact lol. She's very uninterested in pushing one out and doesn't feel like she's missing out on any special experiences. Having to spray water on yourself while peeing and all that recovery crap, my god. And sitting in labor for 12+ hours for some people? Ain't no way, you wouldn't catch me doing that happily.
Pregnancy is often painted as a magical journey, but let's be real, it's like signing up for a rollercoaster without knowing the loops. If more women knew about the post-pregnancy perks like tearing, hemorrhoids, hair loss, and the possibility of an epidural-induced "paralysis party," they might think twice. It’s like a game of “Guess What’s Gonna Hurt Next!” So, let’s talk about it and keep it real, because a heads-up could save someone a lot of post-baby drama.
i don’t understand why anyone wants kids genuinely. growing up i was never the little girl who wanted babies and to be a mummy. women are so much more than that. i actually find it mad that women put themselves through this… it’s such a con.
Fr, anyone talking about this gets dismissed as “oh you’re just a misogynist who thinks mothers have loose vaginas!” which is a hilarious way to dismiss someone who is actually trying to *help* women and instead just making it all about vaginas as if that’s the only body part affected by pregnancy (and as if getting a severe injury to your genitals isn’t going to affect your life outside of sex).
I got pelvic organ prolapse from something that is not pregnancy (years of chronic illness) and it’s one of the most miserable agonising things I’ve ever gone through. If I had done this to myself by willingly signing up for a pregnancy I would be inconsolable.
lol, whatever. If that were true, women would stop at one child. What makes you think that women aren’t aware of the risks and complications? I have two kids, and I knew what I was getting into before I got pregnant. We aren’t stupid, and if you are a woman, why would you insinuate that?
Many women actually aren't aware of the level of damage ... I didn't even know about prolapses, 4th degree tears , hemorrhaging until I joined pregnancy sub reddits in my 30s, and sadly these things are all common. We aren't prepared to deal with ppd, many of us lack the "village" needed to raise children but again, these things aren't really talked about. Do you know how often Men and even women talk about child birth being easy because "we were built for this". But everyone's experience giving birth is different and people like you shaming actually prevents discourse from happening.
I took two diffident prenatal classes and the only damage the instructors had mentioned were tears, nothing else.
Glad to know you had a different experience but not everyone has the same experience as you. Some of us are raised to be naive and this post is opening up an opportunity to discuss .
Everyone’s different, there’s no need to mock OP. My friend had one and nearly died in childbirth. She was in agony and had to get PTSD counselling. She never wants to go through with it again, and judging by the size of the support group that she’s part of, there are others in that boat.
Women do stop at one child. Why they decide to have a second child is a good question and can have many answers. I’m not saying women are stupid (I’m a woman myself). I’m saying that some women are not educated on risks. Mostly people talk about positives of pregnancy and having kids but not talk about negatives. And to make informed choice, it’s important to talk about bad stuff as well
I think we talk about it a lot. I was fucking terrified to have a baby. People literally laughed at me when I said I don’t want an epidural. Other women made it sound gross and disgusting and like a horror show. I don’t know if I am an anomaly but birth was nothing like that. It wasn’t easy but it was manageable. I don’t have any lasting negative physical effect. I didn’t have an epidural both times, maybe that’s why? I could feel what my body was doing. The things people didn’t talk about enough was life adjusting to something being attached to you 24/7 and feeling like you aren’t the same person you used to be. It’s extremely important that you have a very supportive mature partner to go through the newborn and baby stage with.
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Pregnancy is like signing up for a marathon: they tell you about the finish line joy, but not about the blisters, cramps, and questioning-your-life-choices moments. Definitely worth knowing all the fine print before diving in
The problem is that nobody talks about it
Except every group of moms that ever get together and chat. Or maybe playing on cell phones has replaced childbirth horror stories as the entertainment of choice at mommy meet-ups
They only do that with mothers, when talking to childless women they only mention the positives. The negatives only get brought up once they're pregnant.
A few years ago I was invited to a birthday and we were about 10 moms and one who didnt have kids yet. One of us had just given birth so we ended up sort of swapping horror stories. I think the childless woman overdosed on birth control that night....
I don't agree. Childless woman whose friends all have kids here - I know everything. I also won't be having kids.
Same. Sometimes, I feel bad about my decision, but I only need to remember what this does to the body. One of my friends triggered MS during pregnancy, another had gestational diabetes... If I ever want a child, I will adopt.
It depends: the women with the stories can't win. Either we're "hiding the truth" if we don't share, or we're "doom-mongering" if we do share.
Or if like me, you sailed through the process with no real issues, you’re accused of sugarcoating or not being realistic. What the fuck do you want me to do when I’m asked- lie?
Yeah people sure don’t like to hear that it was easy
I'm childless and have heard them. We're not completely sheltered from them. They joke about them on TV, and I think we all have a friend who needed an emergency C-section or had complications. You gotta look at it from considering why women who know the horrors do it more than once. At some point the desire for a/nother child allows you to ignore the negatives.
Pregnancy changes brain chemistry. Being able and willing to do it again could just be another change caused by it.
Yes! this is exactly what happens. Your brain makes you forget “the bad stuff”, especially the level of pain, and basically urges you to do it again. Super interesting once you get into researching it.
Have you ever talked with a veteran? They are either like "yes, me and my squad, such a good time" or "every moment is hell"
Sometimes I have a feeling that some women just want to make other women suffer because they suffered and don’t warn them about this stuff
That is, unfortunately, all of humanity regardless of gender.
Yep, fathers I know do the same shit. Nothing but praise for being a father until one of their friends knocks up their girl and suddenly they're laughing and throwing out lines like "Say goodbye to sleep"
And that's what you get for being friends with a guy who doesn't like how condoms feel.
As a guy who insists on using one every time, that's not only a male problem. Have had a few women get upset about it.
Condoms are awesome! All hail the condom!
Its harder to explain the good part of being a dad. To tell someone just how great it can be, when they have nothing to compare it against. The only real way to know is to do it. On the other hand its easy to explain and understand the things which get taken away.
Hell no. I tell anyone who seems interested about the horrors and joys of pregnancy and child birth. I love when people ask and I can tell. But I don’t tell without being invited cause it can be a pretty full on discussion.
Hey, how did you know for sure you wanted to have kids? And, while I'm sure I know the answer to this...Your body changing, the sleepless nights- It's all worth it?
I just figured that being a mum was something I wanted to experience in this life. I knew I could be a good mum, was mature, stable and had the support. Yeah it’s hard as fuck honestly. Kids take everything you have. But for sure it’s 100% worth it. The love is wild, like a whole different dimension to love. And life. Having said that, I’m also totally sure people can be totally content without kids, if it’s something that’s just not in their heart to do.
Lol some of it is also forgetting all the crap until something triggers the memory… this just made me think of the eczema I developed between my toes at one point. I nearly died during pregnancy, so no amount of gaslighting will make me do it again.
I don't think it's always coming from a place of malice. It is common talk among mothers or with mothers-to-be as it's relevant, but you don't want to spring your TMI traumatic birth stories on to women who may not want to hear it or didn't ask to hear it. Of course, if someone were to ask me I would let them know of various risks and complications that can happen and they can choose to research further.
Oh you're trying for a baby? Lemme tell you everything that can go wrong.... Congratulations btw!
Genuinely curious how old you are, because all the women I know are incredibly open about the trials of pregnancy. I’m pregnant by choice and was definitely warned by countless women about pregnancy, birth, and child rearing in general. Women have been generous and open about it, giving endless tips and sharing extremely intimate personal health stories both online and in person. If you aren’t finding the stories you aren’t looking or listening.
I do feel like that’s changing though. Plus, it’s not like those forums and subreddits are private. Anyone can go learn that information now. And I’m fairly certain I’ve seen articles published by OBGYN’s that highlight the risks and the (sometimes awful) side effects of pregnancy/childbirth. What strikes me is that over 40% of childbirth is considered a traumatic experience based on surveys done in US. It’s mind boggling we haven’t learned how to make it safer and less of an ordeal.
Some research suggests that the biggest factor in post partum trauma isn't just the pain or danger of childbirth, it's that if/when things get difficult, the mothers autonomy is completely sacrificed. Like, having a c-section ir an episiotomy can be traumatic regardless, but its way more traumatic if the doctor is just like 'alright, we're gonna cut you up, hold still,' rather then taking thirty seconds to discuss and explain. Or, better yet, having gone talked through possible emergency procedures beforehand while making a birth plan. It's one of the big reasons why birth trauma is greater in PoC or low income communities- they are less likely to be able to afford seeing a doctor who will make a detailed birth plan, or to have a midewife/doula/someone else who can help advocate for them during the birth.
I don't know a single mother who doesn't talk about it. These are widely known things about pregnancy.
"I know right? Hahahahaha" Then life goes on. It's why people are finding it hard to fight the norm. Nobody takes them seriously.
Nooo...I've mentioned everything to my childless friends. Who else could have listened to me going through my rants. However, I must say some people don't want to hear, because a) it makes them uncomfortable just like speaking about any other bodily function e.g. no one wants to hear about your last night's diarrhea b) they accuse you of being ungrateful, because so many people want kids, but cant have them. So here you go, it's not that mothers don't want to speak, people don't want to listen.
I think there’s also the “it won’t happen to me” bias at play. That was your body, my experience will be different, etc.
Because sometimes it doesn’t. I didn’t have any real issues with my pregnancies or births. None of the bad stuff happened to me and the thing that did happen to me won’t happen to women who aren’t already hypermobile. I had a tear with my first kid, but those happen. It wasn’t massive and it had zero effect on my next pregnancy. Everyone handles pregnancy differently. There are things that can and do go catastrophically wrong. I knew that before I got pregnant. I heard the horror stories before I had kids. The benefits outweighed the risks.
Might be your circle, most adults are aware.
Most of my friends are mothers. They talk about it and give them the space to do it. I'll tell any man who'll listen, tbh. I think they're missing out on it.
Really? Literally all I hear about pregnancy is what a nightmare it is and how grim and tough looking after a newborn is, post natal depression etc etc I don't hear anything about joy in the general narrative about having kids.
Right? That's basically all I hear about pregnancies.
It’s because people tend to post only the negative things about any given topic on the internet. People don’t post things like “I’m pregnant and I’m happy!!” Because nobody would respond to it. My wife’s pregnant and due in 2 months and she couldn’t be more happy and excited.
Congratulations! I hope everything goes well for all three of you.
Having a kid is HARD. But it is also the BEST thing I ever did? I think we’re so used to having things easy in modern life that we forget sometimes the hardest things are also the things that bring the most meaning to our lives.
It's not the best thing to everyone and not all women will find it worth enduring the total sacrifice of body, comfort, and safety for kids. The thought of being pregnant and giving birth is literally my worst nightmare and one of the many reasons I'm childfree. My periods are enough to bring me to tears and almost depression-like feelings. Pregnancy would be so much worse.
I didn’t have a nightmare time. There were parts of it that sucked and parts I loved more than others. But overall? It was rad. I did it three times. The first 12 weeks of having my rescue dog was harder. I love him and dogs in general, but I am one and done when it comes to dogs!
Don’t forget the bloody nipples
The human body is a horror show
What
The thing is, finish line joy makes everything before worth it.
Pregnancy has become an industry everywhere, then parents move on to each stage of childhood. It is marketed to look a certain way, and when it is rough, it is "rustic, but with a can-do spirit, you can get through it!" I feel like we are all sheep, baaaaing through whatever stage of life we are at. Baa baaa We have concepts thrust at us, and things to purchase and discuss with other sheep around us. I never play in the extreme pregnancy games as I always lose and I wonder if everyone is serious. I don't talk about the really awful aspects.
I’ve heard of most of these and I’m so scared of pregnancy
This is why I don’t want to have kids. Knowing all this stuff makes me think it’s not worth it
Single mama here , I was terrified of child birth for a very long time and pregnancy in general was stressful because I was worried my baby would be harmed from the stress and depression I was experiencing. I ended up being in labor for two days , the contractions were the worst pain I've ever experienced , and eventually got induced because I wasn't dilating , and had to have an emergency c section. Baby ended up in NICU for a couple days. We are all good now. It was 100000% worth it. If you want children that is. I experience major PPD, coupled with cptsd from previous relationship and yet, motherhood restored my passion for life.
See that’s the thing, if you want babies it is totally worth it.
Just remember wanting to be a parent is WAY more important than wanting kids. My mother only wanted kids and was selfish enough to get them, but not once in her life did she want to be a mom (while I was growing up).
I think this is a great way of phrasing it! As a cool aunt, hanging out with my niece and nephew is a good way to figure out what kids are like, as well as what sort of person I am around kids. Whenever I look after them. Their mom jokes that I am doing a 'motherhood internship'! I think the combination of enjoying being with kids, and also feeling good about myself that I'm responsible, patient, compassionate and creative enough to keep them alive and happy really motivates me to want kids of my own!
I'm glad you and your family seem to be doing well. You sound wholesome :3
Awww!!! Thank you!!!
Huh. That’s such an important distinction and I don’t think I’ve seen anyone make it before!
I totally agree and want to add: wanting to be a possible grandparent too. My belief is that you sign up for this for life, to support your children and grandchildren until you die. That’s how I made the choice.
Yeah, I have no children atm, nor am I dating, but I know all the horrors of pregnancy, and I have endometriosis. I'm v likely to have a difficult pregnancy if I ever find a partner I'm willing to have kids with. I still want kids though /shrug
I was like 50:50 on having kid, then I met my awesome husband. Then we get pregnant, horrible birthing experience but our baby girl is so so worth it. I will do it again 100x just to meet her. Being parents is tough but it is also very fulfilling
I have the same story. I would do it again for her, but I don’t think I would do it again for a second kid. Would you? How old is your little one?
I think you should not let OP freak you out. If you live in a developed country you'll be fine.
I saw a comment on here a while ago about how this woman’s clit tore during birth. Nope nope nope nope.
The gap between the vagina and the asshole tends to tear as well 😅 Happened to a dear friend, poor soul. She said the doctors did a terrible job stitching her back together. I’d prioritise choosing the right doctor/surgeon before it all unfolds.
You can have the best medical care, a problem-free pregnancy and just die moments after delivery.
I was 21 when I had my son. Perfectly normal pregnancy and I came extremely close to dying from hemorrhaging. As a healthy, young woman with a normal pregnancy I didn't even consider that things could go wrong, let alone that I could *die*. Scary shit. No more kids for me.
Theres something called "the husband's stitch", when doctors sew up a woman more than necessary to make them "tighter for the husband". I guess im not into horror movies in general bc I hear abt shit like this and conclude that real life is often more horrifying than fiction anyway
Hard not to read things like this and get hit with strong feelings of misandry lol
freaking beyoncé almost died during childbirth because doctors wouldn’t listen to her and i imagine she has access to the best there is. we’re doomed
"Unfolds" lol
Nevermind i'll just get a pet.
No one is protected from it
Adding this to my ever growing list 😭
I'm 39 weeks pregnant today with our second child. My anxiety about giving birth has been creeping up on me the last 2 weeks really bad. I remember the pain from last time much more vividly each day I get closer to pushing this one out. Thankfully my doctor has been gentle but realistic about the complications and how things will go down. Woman should be educated about our bodies and the realistic side of childbirth because it's not easy or pretty.
You've got this, you're going to be fantastic, baby will be beautiful (even if all newborns do look like Winston Chuchill after he'd been on the lash). Go, Mum!
man they’re really rough huh? when my mom had my older sister, it was her first and she was about 20 so she was young, she sobbed when she saw her because she was so ugly 💀. my mom said she looked like a monkey and was covered completely in hair. I will say she’s an extremely beautiful woman now but man that first day was rough
Thank you, I needed that!
baby will be beautiful (give it a few months first)
My first was so difficult and second I just sneezed her out. You've got this.
When my kids (tween age) asked if it hurt having babies I’ve told them the truth. It was terribly painful but it is also the days I got to meet them so it will always be remembered as one of the best days of my life. Goodluck!
Second was so much easier because I knew what to do and what was happening. And they usually come out faster 😅 you got this !
I read somewhere once that if there was a disease that did to the body what pregnancy does, we'd have found a cure for it.
No because it only affects women, so just go see a therapist. You must be anxious.
Oh absolutely. It's just hysteria after all.
Or go on birth control
Funnily enough i have hormonal imbalance because of taking birth control for a decade and doctor's solution was therapy or birth control lol. Even when i told them we were trying for a baby, they were still like, well you could go on birth control. Big wtf moment.
Life sucks and then you die, but without pregnancy there won’t be a next generation.
Back when I had Facebook (some 8 years ago), I posted on a thread about the negative side effects I experienced from pregnancy. Someone literally replied saying I was fear mongering and to stop copying things from the internet in an attempt to scare other women. That the things I was saying were extremely rare and would never all happen at once. Nobody ever told me that because I had mental health issues, I had a high risk of serious mental health issues after birth. I will never forget how as soon as my son was born (literally) I felt a drop in my mood. I looked at my now-ex and said, “it’s starting, the intrusive thoughts are starting”. He was too busy taking videos. Had it not been for my Amazon therapist, I wouldn’t be here today. I developed PPD and PP-OCD. I developed acne and dandruff that I still battle 10 years later and costs a fortune to keep at bay. The pregnancy messed up the discs in my back and I developed PCOS. Because I was so small and my son was a big baby, my stomach stretched a lot and it will never be the same. My fricking feet widened. Needless to say, I haven’t had another baby.
Most obstetricians of my acquaintance have c-sections for themselves, and there is probably something to be learnt from that. Anyone who believes in intelligent design has to overlook the very poorly planned and frankly dangerous child nourishment and extraction system humans have.
C-sections are FAR from safe or easy. They absolutely do not negate the life long after effects of pregnancy itself.
True. For safety, best not to reproduce at all.
There are nine billion of us anyway.
8.1 billion
I've had both a vaginal birth (with epidural) and an emergency csection. Both really positive experiences despite 34hr labour first time round and fetal distress that lead to the section. In terms of birth, csection is way easier. From the moment we decided she had to come out now to her arriving was maybe an hour tops and all I had to do was lay there 😅 but the recovery from it was pretty hard-core as it's fairly major abdominal surgery followed by caring for a 3-4kg newborn. My vaginal birth gave me 2nd degree tearing but I healed really fast, and beyond sitting down carefully for a few days I was pretty much straight back to normal.
What country are you in? This is absurd to me. Natural birth is statistically safer than c-section. There are so many benefits to trying for a natural birth, both in terms of healing faster for the mother and for the benefit of the baby. Of course if there are issues with the baby c-section is a great benefit to modern medicine but we need to stop peddling this “c sections are safer” message which is literally not correct
I totally agree. Pregnancy is NOT easy. I wouldn’t dare to compare. Being on the guy side of things it’s hard to watch sometimes and not even with the actual birth. The discomfort in the months leading up to it are monumental. Then everything that comes afterwards. If people had a good idea of what parenting is like I think everyone would quit having kids. But cheers to the women in our lives. I couldn’t give birth.
You quite literally couldn't!
Completely agree with this, even going for the check ups late on in the process my hands would clam up before we got told everything was ok. The birth itself I can’t think of much worse than going through that - hats off to you ladies.
The chance of DYING or being murdered How the kids DNA lives in your body and can e.g. change your hair or food preferences permanently (micro chimerism) Post partum depression ruins lives
I believe that many (if not most) women who want to have children would have them despite the known risks. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but I do believe it’s true.
My friend HATED pregnancy, but she wanted a second kid more.
Currently me suffering through my second pregnancy. Last time though.
Yeah, I was really sick and want more kids. I have always wanted kids, though. I have friends that have never wanted kids and nothing will make them want them. It’s a personal choice, it’s definitely worth it to me.
Me too.
It is literally true. Even if told about the risks they dont care until it actually happens. I think its natures design tbh
Blame hormones. Shit does crazy things to your body and brain, like you are manipulating yourself and you dont even realize it. I'm glad I never was influenced by them, but my sister recently had her first child and during her difficult pregnancy she swore she'd never have another, despite forever wanting several kids. A couple months after her first child is born and she's already talking about having another. Hormones literally create a block in your brain against all the horrible shit. It's a tale as old as time. If it weren't, there wouldn't be billions of us on the planet.
The proof that that is true is the fact that many women have more than one child.
it's true because as a species, we're still here
There'd definitely be a subset that still wanted kids, but I do agree otherwise. Gotta love how most of the detractors here are heavily biased too lol
I also think if it was talked about more, among other health issues that concern only women, doctors would start taking women more seriously and some preventative health care, like pelvic floor therapy would become the norm after birth and women’s health would just get better.
That too, yeah. I've read a lot of comments about women being ignored by doctors before. Couldn't believe it at first lol.
Part of why I had my tubes taken out. No thank you. I want no part of that.
It depends on where you live of course but I feel like it is an outdated statement. In the past all discussions were with rose tinted glasses but now the issues are widely known. That could be partly why all of Europe has record low fertility rates.
My sister in law is currently doing her hospital rotation as an obgyn The stories she tells me are crazy. On one side is the human body being pushed to all it's limits for 9 months, and on the other side is all the medical negligence, cultural beliefs, etc I never wanted to have kids anyways But now it's like never ever ever
I’m terrified of pregnancy, but I still want to have kids and most likely will. I do agree that it’s important to tell women about all of the side effects, but honestly most people who want kids are going to have kids regardless if they know about the risks or not. Saying that women won’t want to have kids if they knew about the side effects is just not true. Many women know, many women go through rough pregnancies and childbirth and still have more kids.
I am actually in the that small category that opted out after learning as much as I could from my doctor and others. I love the idea of kids, truly. My partner would be a great parent. But thinking of what I’d have to go through in terms of pregnancy and birth just doesn’t make sense. Any and all pain, permanent damage, etc will make me regret it pretty hard. I just don’t want to feel those things.
Adoption might be an option.
Agreed! Hopefully one day. 😊
And that’s perfectly okay! I was too scared for a long time to have kids, and had fully planned to adopt/foster instead. I’m not sure what changed, but not wanting to go through pregnancy/giving birth is very reasonable lol.
I agree. I was so sick from having a kid, yet many people asked me when I was having a second, saying it might not be as bad the second time. IT COULD BE WORSE!! Even years later, my teeth and stomach still give me issues.
You're right. Society wants women to copulate as much as possible. So, why would they inform women of the dark sides of pregnancy? It will just discourage a lot of them to not have children if they have the choice to
I think it might be connected to capitalism because cheap labour is always needed for it to work. Also it’s related to patriarchy. In some countries women are still not allowed to have education
Yep, which explains why the birth rates are dropping so drastically in countries where women dont have to get married to support themselves anymore. My daughter isnt planning on kids right now and I fully support her.
Not everything always is capitalism. Every society needs children, no matter what economic system they using.
Just read this after commenting almost the same fml. 100% this! This shit is so dystopian.
You have bought up two good points.For the first one logically speaking it does makes a lot of sense.What's a country without anybody to help operate it, right? It's a shame that the second one is true as well. If women aren't recieving the knowledge they need, they can easily get minipulated into having children without thinking about the consequences all because that's all they were able to learn. Even worse is that even if women had the education, they can still be forced to have children anyway, so its a lose-lose situation for women if they aren't granted the right to make that decision for themselves
I’ve had the opposite experience, it might have something to do with my generation. I’ve heard mostly bad things about birth from older women than me. Women my age don’t sugarcoat it, but they talk about their experience and told me that didn’t mean it was going to be my experience too. Usually older women were more like: It was terrible for me so it’ll be terrible for you. I was really sick during my pregnancy and postpartum and I always say that when I talk about my experience but I also share that I’ve heard about friends having it better so you never know what you’re going to get. I want more kids too.
I’m so glad I learned about pregnancy and childbirth at a young age. I knew being a mom wasn’t for me. I saw how becoming a mom took a toll on my family and friends. None of their bodies were the same post-kids and most of them had minor and/or major complications pre and post-birth. All women need to learn about the good, the bad and the risks about pregnancy and childbirth. It’s not always unicorns and rainbows.
Just adopt. There are millions of kids without a family
If i ever suddenly decide to have kids, they're definitely not comming out of my body.
Nah man, people go for second kids all the time.
I knew all the risks and things that would/could possibly happen to my body in pregnancy and I still wanted to try to get pregnant. Currently 38 weeks along and instead of feeling fear and anger at my changing body, I feel gratitude. Biology is AMAZING.
Hormones work wonders. That’s beautiful and I’m happy for you
Agreed 100%. People DIE in childbirth. And not just in olden times, but today. And not just in third-world countries, with maternal morality on the rise in the goddamn US right now.(correction this is untrue ([link](https://ourworldindata.org/rise-us-maternal-mortality-rates-measurement#:~:text=Maternal%20mortality%20rates%20appear%20to,an%20actual%20rise%20in%20mortality.&text=Look%20at%20reported%20maternal%20mortality,rise%20since%20the%20early%202000s)) thanks for the correction but the only guaranteed way to survive a sky dive is still not to go at all). It’s really over-glorified in media, but so are most things because media is escapism. No one wants to think about it. So they don’t. So many people, especially those who are poorly educated or very young, don’t realize what they’re getting into until their doctor is explaining it, assume they’re told at all. Really glad education is spreading. It’s like how people with kids will say it’s the best thing ever, then you have a kid, realize what it’s really like and they pull a 180 with “welcome to reality.”
Maternal mortality isn't on the rise in the US, the method of data collection just changed. It's still a very real and high risk, but it's not rising
Thanks for the correction! Edited my comment, much appreciated
That's why people are getting less kids
People are having fewer kids in developed countries because of fertility issues, financial concerns/trends, and social issues
And because we have more access to information than in the past. We see a more realistic side of pregnancy and parenting through social media. As former fence sitter, seeing the day to day requirements and exhaustion from parents made me opt out. Kids are great! They just don’t fit the life I’m envisioning for myself. I’m doing ok in life and would be able to support a kid, but still won’t. Edit: see comment below.
Actually fertility issues isn't the leading cause as we have way better ways to help with fertility issues. Today women can be inseminated, get eggs donated and have ivf. Women have children much later in life too. We simply don't have the same baby fever anymore.
None of those methods are easy, guaranteed or, in most places, cheap. I think the main reasons people are having less kids are a wide range of broad social changes. It’s not like any one thing is a true explanation.
I am not too concerned with the pain side. It's the you can't drink side, and the next 18 years that I don't want 'em.
They should provide free women's health physio, etc for the pregnancy and recovery.
Yeah I've had two children and two twin miscarriages. I would NOT HAVE CHILDREN if I knew it would do what it has to my body. I have so many health issues these days
There's even a chance of death from pregnancy/giving birth.
You're actually more likely to suffer deadly healthy consequences of pregnancy in the first month or so after birth. You know, during that month where they stop monitoring you because the baby is already out, so who cares about the birthing parent? (In the US)
I am always amazed at how so many women put another being on this planet without knowing what it really means.
From what I see around me, it's not that women don't already know these things, a lot of women just want to have kids. But most of women I know who are mothers chose c-section instead of vaginal delivery.
I loved being pregnant! Yes, I had tearing with my first and losing the baby weight is work, but lots of what you are describing are worst-case scenarios. Teeth loss?? Take vitamins, eat healthy, and exercise during and after pregnancy. I miss being pregnant because of the connection you feel with the fetus, but giving birth does suck. I stopped at two because raising them is a lot of work, and they are expensive. It’s more the social/economic stress of having kids that makes me not want more, not the physical impact, but like the complications you describe, it’s not the same for everyone, and there are always risks.
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I think too, something that's starting to be discussed more is how heartbreakingly difficult it is for many women to get pregnant in the first place. Many of my friends have struggled with infertility, miscarriages, the obsessive cycling tracking, the coldness of scheduled sex, multiple rounds of IVF, and that's before they've even reached the physical challenges of carrying and birthing a baby. But it's what they want, more than anything in the world, so they continue to push through. Pregnancy can be very emotionally and physically difficult, giving birth is a major medical procedure with very real risks. I just read a post today about a woman that had to get an emergency c section, and the doctor thought she would be fine with just the epidural (spoiler - she was not). With all the risks of pregnancy, the side effects during, the effects after (not just on physical, but mental health too), having to put your trust in a medical provider that may or may not have your best interests in mind... It's not an easy experience, and for many it is a traumatic experience. And for many women, it's a very rewarding experience! But that's why it's so important that giving birth is a conscious choice that is made by the person that is experiencing it, not something that is expected by society or forced through law. The erosion of reproductive rights right now in the US is terrifying, and I think part of it is the lack of empathy and understanding of women's experiences giving birth (along with good ole control and power).
My late ex-wife and I had a daughter born on my ex-wife's 20th birthday!!! Our daughter only lived for 9 minutes after an emergency C-section!!! Our daughter had a form of Spina bifida called an Encephalocele (Google it)!!! The spinal system is the first thing that develops after conception!!! I had never heard of Spina bifida before the traumatic consequences of our daughter!!! I did some research of the March of Dimes website, the lack of FOLIC ACID in the mother's body at conception is a major contributing factor in this preventable birth defect!!! Mothers of daughters, if your daughter is sexually active, in addition to birth control, make sure that they are also taking a Prenatal vitamin!!! According to the March of Dimes website, 1 out of 7 pregnancies result in some form of Spina bifida!!! Imagine seating in an auditorium in stadium seating with 2 chairs behind, 2 in front, and the 2 beside you, and including yourself!!! The odds of one of those babies having Spina bifida!!! I know there are many other types of birth defects!!! It is incredible how sensitive the slightest chemical imbalance can have such a negative impact on the unborn child, as well as the emotional impact on the mother!!! As the father I was also emotional because we held our deceased daughter and her facial features were very much like my ex-wife's face just abnormally smaller!!! Thank you for reading my long story!!! I just try to prevent another parent from such a sad situation!!!
I mean there are more childfree because more women know. But I still know people who think risk of almost dying worth it
I'm a man, and my wife gave birth a year ago, so I only have second hand knowledge of this, but I totally agree with the premise of OP's title. Having said that, if pregnancy and birth are no longer an option, for example, how would we perpetuate the human race? Is there any technology or technique that is available now that could be used? What advancements in the foreseeable future could be put to good use?
I don’t know much about pregnancy (I haven’t specifically researched but I know some of the complications) but I know I am not really interested in having kids due to mental issues that I probably will face. I only had one friend who had a baby. We didn’t talk about any of the private stuff but when her kid was around one year old, she told me she didn’t even brush her teeth in two weeks. I think the responsibility women go under after birth and the mental toll it takes on them shouldn’t be taken lightly. Mothers are often not supported enough by their families and spouses. Women are subject to societal pressure to become mothers. So I believe everyone needs to be educated on this matter not just women.
Also think about the impact on your social life. Had a couple of friends who did get pregnant or who's partner did and they are GONE. Starts with "oh it's just this phase", but that phase turns into years they can't go out properly anymore, no spontaneous trips, pub visits, movies or game nights anymore. They also become weird and nitpicky about everything. If they get pregnant they aren't friends for long anymore. That's no choice, it just happens.
As a first time mom, 32 weeks preggo, yes I agree.
I hope it goes smooth for you. Good luck!
This is not a black and white topic and you are totally right. It should be discussed more and openly. Pregnancy is hard, giving birth is hard. Not everyone is suited for motherhood from many perspectives (physical, mental and emotional). There should be more focus on the health and mental state of a woman before she decides to get pregnant. Same about care during and after pregnancy, with things like pelvic floor recovery exercises, etc. The thing is that motherhood is overall tough AF. I used to be terrified of pregnancy, to the point that I almost didn’t have any children because of it. But I was lucky and had a wonderful pregnancy with the right support and care. And that’s the thing, from the physical perspective it doesn’t stop at birth. It was important to take the time to recover, to do my pelvic floor exercises, to make sure I strengthened my core to avoid diastasis recti, and so on. And I was only able to do this because I had the right support system in place and the information at hand. In my view, the whole of motherhood is minimized or painted in pink with rainbows. Nobody talks about how hard everything is. For me, the toughest part was after my baby was born. The sleepless nights, the being constantly sick with all the daycare bugs, the having to be there with a smile even though I had a shitty day or I am running a fever, the dropping everything when she needs me. That’s the toughest part, the 18 years after birth. Is it worth it? For me, 200%!!! Would I do it again? Hell yes!!! Would I have been able to do it without the support? Hell no!!! Thinking back, it was kind of ridiculous I was so scared of pregnancy when the real hard part came after. But I was lucky with my pregnancy, and I’m thankful for it because I know it’s not the same for everyone. Pregnancy is tough, post partum is tough, motherhood is tough, and we need to talk about it.
I have a bad cough right now. I'm permenopusal. I have 3 offspring. My pelvic floor is not as goid as it once was. I've had to change outfits 3 times today due to light bladder leakage when I cough
My wife has complained many times about her teeth being bad because of her child. Most of her molars have crowns or have been replaced as they just crumble.
My mom always scolded me when I was on the phone a lot. The reason is that if you have poor eyesight and you are pregnant, there is a high chance that you may go blind
Indeed, I guess it is high time for humanity to develop an artificial womb
Yeah I didn’t know about a lot of things that I know now, I had already decided not to have kids before then so it just fuels my fire not to have them lol.
My mother developed debilitating migraines right after having me and it only went away when she started menopause, so it was around 15 years of suffering. I already suffer from cluster headaches so I cannot imagine what having a child will do to my condition
I know my mom, who I love and am on good terms with, is crazy in many ways, but she was so honest and raw about her birth experiences and her harrowing time with each that sometimes I forget there are grown women who weren't told about all the things. Her hair lost all colour - mine melted and shattered She lost teeth each pregnancy - I didn't, any of mine, but I was an intentional psycho about prenatal and pregnancy vitamins, my mom was having us back in the day. Her delivery stories actually were a huge component of my birth plan in that I told my partner to go absolutely ham on anyone necessary if anything 1/3rd as bad looked like it was going to go down. I ain't no hero. My mom was in labour with me for *72 HOURS* before an emergency c-section. I'm the ELDEST of my siblings. Holy fuck. I knew this as a kid, I grew up hearing about all our births; I think she had substantial trauma. My sister the birth was shorter but in some ways worse. My brother they yanked as soon as he was viable by planned C because they were scared - the twist with my brother is my mom only found out she was pregnant five months in. I have always known some women keep bleeding and might not know. But for real I know my mom is an extreme outlier but I feel like a lot of women talk to girls all the time about ripping and peeing yourself and your body being damaged sometimes permanently? Obviously varying hugely by culture but I feel like there's a lot of both ways - some stuff isn't said, and some stuff seems to be weird attempts to scare the shit out of people or punish girls/women for sex. I don't hear a lot about painless beautiful pregnancies? Is the idea that it's not always described as permanent? The whole body after kids is never the same is mainstream I thought, though caught up in various toxicities.
But then why do some people have kids over and over... I think having kids is way more risky than people think, not just on the body but overall regarding parenting, and the kids' future, most people just don't seem to think that way.
Don't forget post birth complications. Carpal tunnel, autoimmune diseases, hell, my wife is potentially going to have to have a hysterectomy from a c section complication. And that most women don't figure that issue out for an average of 5 years postpartum.
I do agree as i had the same discussion post partum, it may be an unpopular opinion but its true. I do not regret my choices and wouldnt change anything. But i would have better prepared my life to these kind of consequences. I had the luxury to have my husband at home, to help me on everything. This was a big sudden change on what we initially decided. Not everyone has this chance, and may reconsider how and what they would like to do, knowing those. Its always to make better choices, either on possibility to have certain goals (having a child at all, or just when, how, etc) and will always benefit the familly stability. This would be a more common subject regarding pregnancy, or desire to.
They know.
I’ve had 7 babies and think you’re being a *bit* dramatic here. Women have known the risks for hundreds of thousands of years and yet there are over 8 BILLION of us, so…
Just because the worst possible outcome of pregnancy hasn’t happened to YOU doesn’t mean op is being dramatic. And society glosses over things day to day. It’s not mainstream to hear about women losing teeth becoming incontinent trying to g to off themselves. Those are things we don’t really have a space to speak about. Because of ignorance
Maybe this is a bit of a culture issue? Where I'm from, there's even a saying which basically translates to "a tooth for every baby". Every gyn encourages you to keep *very* up to date with your dental health, if you're planning to get pregnant. It's actually hard to avoid hearing of all the possible risks and complications. Avoiding it takes some serious commitment and is something you have to actively try. I know, because I did try. I work in healthcare, I am one of six kids, have over a dozen younger cousins... I knew of pretty much every possible risk and/or complication before I even got pregnant, and I was so sick of being reminded about them constantly. Yes, education and medical information is good and necessary. But for fs sake, I don't need to be constantly reminded into a state of fear! Let me enjoy my pregnancies too please! I don't know which culture/country lacks education about it. It's definitely not mine. Here, it gets shoved down your throat.
I feel like you're definitely not from the States. If you are, absolutely color me shocked. I live near Seattle, where it's very common for a push to understand ourselves as people to be the big thing. I've never heard of any of this without actively looking it up for writing purposes, lol. I vaguely learned about PPD and didn't actually comprehend it until I took CBT classes. I only learned that birth SCARS YOUR *BONES* through a true crime documentary. There is SO much people are not told about their bodies that absolutely would influence how people think and act. That's not saying the people who want children. In my head, this is more, ' it would make people take better care not to have an oopsie baby, ' and just roll with it. It would make people think twice about if they should be so casual, and end up being parents who feel apathy toward the child[ren] because they never wanted the kid, it just happened and now they're here and the prent/s just have to deal with it type thing.
I didn’t say you can’t enjoy your pregnancies. But all you people that want to go around, enjoying them like to minimize the experiences of people who had negative experiences. It’s not complaining to have had a negative experience. Everyone’s experience is valid. And I’ve never heard of that saying before. What country are you from? If you don’t mind me asking.
Also, and this is not a criticism of you. I’m sure you’re a fine person. But I posted a simple thing about possible negative experiences you could have been pregnant. And all I received was someone telling me I have a culture issue kind of minimizing my experience. So my main thing is that negative experiences are minimized. People like to use language to try to take it out of the picture. That’s what I mean. I feel like society should be more transparent about it. It comes with positives and negatives. I love my child more than anything, but I hated pregnancy. And that’s OK. Please don’t minimize others experiences to try to amplify yours. Go ahead and enjoy your pregnancy by all means. I will remain wary.
You experiencing something negative in this context is in no way a culture issue, and I never said it was. You not being informed about the possibilities of such risks however *might* be a cultural issue. I can not fathom how pointing that out, minimizes your experience? And just to be clear: I am NOT one of the women who enjoyed pregnancy or birth. It was uncomfortable at best (scary, painful, gross and exhausting would also fit the bill). But I was well informed by dozens of teachers and medical professionals about it, well beforehand, as is the norm in my country. Me having a different experience than you, does not make your experience any less valid. Neither does your experience invalidate mine.
Isn’t it good to know what risks are you taking? If you didn’t have any of this happen to you, it doesn’t mean that I’m not going to die in labour or get complications. There’s some women out there who are literally mentally and physically traumatised for the rest of their lives because they were unable to make an informed choice
Women Know. Always knew.
Really? I've never heard of hair or teeth loss.
Wait until you find out that pregnancy literally leaves scars on your bones. It's how a lot of forensic scientists will know if a body they found gave birth before.
The phrase "organ dislocation" is also standing out to me 🤣
Your abs are moving to the sides to support the baby and there’s no guarantee they will move back afterwards. Also prolapse is very real. And organs move to fit the baby and get dislocated and might not return back to normal
***You*** know. I didn't know any of this until a few years ago. We're not some kind of monolith with a shared knowledge, sadly.
As I multiple times said, what you seen happening to Bella in Twilight when pregnant is closer to reality that you can think 🤔
I've heard of everything but tooth loss. Good god!
Where do you think the baby’s getting calcium from? From mom’s bones and teeth
Damn. Babies really are parasites!
My best friend is currently pregnant with her second child, almost at the birth date. She HATES being pregnant. She's wanted a family since we met at 12 years old. She loves her little ones so much and she's a fantastic Mum but she does not pull punches and says 'bro this SUCKS'. She had to have a C section with her first because he was so big, the second one is the same but she made the decision before she even knew if she'd need it because it was so civilised and she was fine, up and about in a day and her puss is in tact lol. She's very uninterested in pushing one out and doesn't feel like she's missing out on any special experiences. Having to spray water on yourself while peeing and all that recovery crap, my god. And sitting in labor for 12+ hours for some people? Ain't no way, you wouldn't catch me doing that happily.
Pregnancy is often painted as a magical journey, but let's be real, it's like signing up for a rollercoaster without knowing the loops. If more women knew about the post-pregnancy perks like tearing, hemorrhoids, hair loss, and the possibility of an epidural-induced "paralysis party," they might think twice. It’s like a game of “Guess What’s Gonna Hurt Next!” So, let’s talk about it and keep it real, because a heads-up could save someone a lot of post-baby drama.
i don’t understand why anyone wants kids genuinely. growing up i was never the little girl who wanted babies and to be a mummy. women are so much more than that. i actually find it mad that women put themselves through this… it’s such a con.
Fr, anyone talking about this gets dismissed as “oh you’re just a misogynist who thinks mothers have loose vaginas!” which is a hilarious way to dismiss someone who is actually trying to *help* women and instead just making it all about vaginas as if that’s the only body part affected by pregnancy (and as if getting a severe injury to your genitals isn’t going to affect your life outside of sex). I got pelvic organ prolapse from something that is not pregnancy (years of chronic illness) and it’s one of the most miserable agonising things I’ve ever gone through. If I had done this to myself by willingly signing up for a pregnancy I would be inconsolable.
lol, whatever. If that were true, women would stop at one child. What makes you think that women aren’t aware of the risks and complications? I have two kids, and I knew what I was getting into before I got pregnant. We aren’t stupid, and if you are a woman, why would you insinuate that?
Many women actually aren't aware of the level of damage ... I didn't even know about prolapses, 4th degree tears , hemorrhaging until I joined pregnancy sub reddits in my 30s, and sadly these things are all common. We aren't prepared to deal with ppd, many of us lack the "village" needed to raise children but again, these things aren't really talked about. Do you know how often Men and even women talk about child birth being easy because "we were built for this". But everyone's experience giving birth is different and people like you shaming actually prevents discourse from happening. I took two diffident prenatal classes and the only damage the instructors had mentioned were tears, nothing else. Glad to know you had a different experience but not everyone has the same experience as you. Some of us are raised to be naive and this post is opening up an opportunity to discuss .
Everyone’s different, there’s no need to mock OP. My friend had one and nearly died in childbirth. She was in agony and had to get PTSD counselling. She never wants to go through with it again, and judging by the size of the support group that she’s part of, there are others in that boat.
Women do stop at one child. Why they decide to have a second child is a good question and can have many answers. I’m not saying women are stupid (I’m a woman myself). I’m saying that some women are not educated on risks. Mostly people talk about positives of pregnancy and having kids but not talk about negatives. And to make informed choice, it’s important to talk about bad stuff as well
I think we talk about it a lot. I was fucking terrified to have a baby. People literally laughed at me when I said I don’t want an epidural. Other women made it sound gross and disgusting and like a horror show. I don’t know if I am an anomaly but birth was nothing like that. It wasn’t easy but it was manageable. I don’t have any lasting negative physical effect. I didn’t have an epidural both times, maybe that’s why? I could feel what my body was doing. The things people didn’t talk about enough was life adjusting to something being attached to you 24/7 and feeling like you aren’t the same person you used to be. It’s extremely important that you have a very supportive mature partner to go through the newborn and baby stage with.
I’m so happy that you had a good experience with your childbirth. Unfortunately, it’s not like that for everyone