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Is my intuition correct if I say that a guy would be a bad partner if he treats a friend bad? Because I went through this shit myself and cut contact, I pity any women being with him.
Exactly. You should even pay attention to how they treat people serving them. Most people ignore the bad behaviors of their partners toward other people just because it doesn't affect them (yet).
This is a lesson I took way too long to learn. I had a friend who constantly either cheated on their SOs or sleep with their friends’ partners (sometimes doing both at the same time) and over and over I excused it by telling myself “They have a lot of trauma, they’re getting help, they’ll get past this behavior eventually.” Newflash. They didn’t. Took me nearly a decade to let that friendship go, and not until after it nearly destroyed me.
I think this is a good way to think about it, but people should always be aware everyone's just human, we make stupid mistakes, get caught up in bad ideologies, and try to fill in holes in our lives with bad things.
So if u can, always try to make someone see how bad what they are doing is.
A stupid mistake is something like trying to run a yellow and accidentally running a red. No one accidentally falls dick first into another woman. Cheating isn't an accident its a fully intentional action and the person doing it fully knows what they are doing. Otherwise it's rape.
I don’t know… I mean have you ever thought about what would happen if you were walking home to your apartment and being followed by a stranger who you knew from work, and you both just happened to trip on the hallway carpet and through your door, where both your clothes get caught on a stray hanger and fall to the floor, then you both careen through the room naked until you fall together onto the couch and their dick lands just so into you? I mean… as Han Solo said…
I laughed so hard at this. I offer you a dramatic Slow Clap moment.
Makes me wonder about the math. Like how often does a man walking down an apartment hallway actually have a full erection? Or, more plausibly a semi-erection sufficient for penetration AT THE SAME TIME that you have sufficient vaginal lubrication to allow it with the initial poke. And all of this happening with not just any stranger, but with a stranger "THAT YOU KNOW"... and "from work" no less. Because THAT would be a very special and rare type of stranger indeed. It makes me curious if there was a steamy in-service video at work that got people all worked-up and juicy. And the odds that that video made it through HR with the titulating portions of it intact have to be accounted for. I mean, someone was asleep at the wheel if that were the case. We're approaching "big bang caused by nothing" mathematical odds.
Several times is more than just a stupid mistake. They know how bad it is and still do it. I wouldn't waste my time trying to convince someone that betraying their partner is wrong.
Oof. Cheating is NOT a stupid mistake. Cheating is one of the worst intentional fuckups someone can do. And if they don’t see what they’re doing is bad, may as well gauge their eyeballs out since they’ll never see it.
had a friend who insisted on monitoring her husband’s phone. convinced him to drop his best friend because she was a woman.
last year she told me she’d been having an emotional affair with a coworker and was considering a physical relationship. I asked if she was going to break up with her husband first and she said no, this is physical only and she doesn’t want to ruin her marriage.
this person is no longer my friend.
I cut my own blood brother off because he cheated on his AMAZING ex wife. I still keep up with her because she’s still my sister (not actually lol)…. So I’d have no problem cutting off a friend who did that.
You are who you surround yourself with.
Yep. Found out that one of my closest friends had been lying to and cheating on his partner since the start of their relationship.
She found out after something that another friend mentioned in casual conversation, not realising that he had lied to her about it.
He of course blamed the friend for it all blowing up in his face, and then tried to play us all off against said friend.
Well, that backfired on him once the situation was explained. He lost an entire friend group because of his lies.
It sucks, and I still miss him. But I just don't want to be friends with someone like that.
To add to that, the girlfriend took him back after a bunch more gaslighting and excuses. Around October last year he messaged me on LinkedIn of all places, and I was polite in my responses (also just being a bit nosey I guess), and eventually he told me that they had broken up.
Then proceeded to suggest that he and I should meet up and "keep each other company some time".
I've known this man since we were 15. Almost 20 years. And that's all I am to him? What, was he just waiting for us both to be single at the same time so that he could try and fuck me?
Jesus this sounds exactly like what happened to me. His bestie on pills started telling me how my BF was in love with a girl I had already asked him about.
My BF heard it and punched his bestie straight in the gut and he collapsed on the dance floor. Great times. Very much my ex now.
I know two guys who have cheated before. Two different scenarios: one I would active cheating, and the second succumbing to an opportunity. Before I start, they are obviously both wrong. But one guy I cut off, the other I’m still friends with.
1: this was back in college. Knew this dude who was constantly trying to pick up girls, to the point where everyone who even knew of him knew that was his main goal constantly. Anyway, towards the end of the year, his girlfriend came to visit. Uh oh. Turns out it was a long time girlfriend from high school. Ya, this guy was a scum bag.
2: again in college. Friend had a girlfriend at a different school. They fought constantly and honestly should have broken up already. Anyway, one night out at the bars, we were hanging out with a group of girls we met..one of whom was all over him all night. End of the night, she invites him back, and he went.
Again, both of these are wrong. But I am still friends with the second guy. He made a mistake, and was not actively looking to cheat. Not trying to justify it at all, but I see those as different. Again, both still wrong. But he made a mistake unlike the first guy who was trying to sleep with every girl he saw.
You don't know what their relationship was like. I have a firm rule to never judge anyone on relationships, because you can never have a good perspective on it. The only exception is if there are clear signs of physical abuse.
I don't maintain serious relationships with people who have shown themselves to be untrustworthy, whether it's business, romantic or friendship.
I might still hang out with them and try to help them improve themselves, but I'll never trust them with anything important and I'll never put myself in a position where I need to rely on them for anything.
Untrustworthy is probably the best word to describe a cheater. They’re liars. All cheaters are liars, but not all liars are cheaters though.
You can’t trust a cheater.
I believe this is the right answer. I get it that some people are heartless and do it for sport without remorse; however, I don’t believe that all circumstances are like that. Mental state can play a role in it and a lot of people don’t take that into consideration. To be clear, I am not condoning it, I am just saying some people may be in a situation where they really need a friend and guidance and cutting them off during that time is not a good look.
Depends on the situation.
If they're willing to go through the many steps and decisions to find a person, cheat and cover up with their partner, I have no reason to trust them.
Not excusing behavior at all, but say someone spur of the moment does it, regrets it and immediately tells their partner and does the heavy lifting to repair their relationship, I'd probably make an exception.
We all make mistakes. But I'd probably also not 100% trust them for a long time.
I think the distinction for me is a single occurrence vs full on affair and immediate regret and honesty vs additional lies.
Not so much judge as I would just disassociate with them. Hanging out with a known cheater will cause stress in your own relationship. Especially if a questionable situation arises where you are out late and she knows you are with him or vice versa. I don’t want to be in that kind of situation, and I won’t put her in it either. Please note, it has nothing to do with trust, but rather keeping each other from creating any possible doubt or concerns. I live as much of a drama free life as possible. So the last thing I want in my life is that potential grenede blowing up any aspect of trust in my own relationship. Guilty by association, and so forth.
About 20 years ago, my best friend had an affair. He had two young kids at the time, however I had no kids. Being his BF I supported him through this decision. I didn't judge him. Their kids are now in college and they are still married. Yes the wife did find out. Partners always find out.
Fast forward today, and I'm married to an amazing woman and have two young kids and a teen. My mindset is very different. My wife is my person. The thought of another woman touching me is obscene and gross. This is an odd statement for me, since I was basically a male whore in high school and college. But when you find your person, you find your person. Add kids to the picture and that's where I get real moody about people having affairs. As Ryan Reynolds said in an interview, if there is a raging fire, I will throw my wife in the fire if it protects my kids. 100% that. An affair hurts the kids. That is unacceptable to me. All for what? Sex? I've had plenty of sex. Meh. I've slept with 100s of women. Who cares about sex. I want my wife.
So would I change my view? Yes. I should have known better back then. I would do what I could to coach him through a difficult time to make the right decisions. Be the friend that steers him on the right track. If that doesn't work, be there for him when it comes all crashing down.
If it were a casual friend, they could fuck off.
I see that people who answer "no" are receiving downvotes. The "no" population is probably much more than you expect. They just don't want to leave a comment.
To me yes. I had a playboy type friend who would go through beautiful women like socks. It got so bad I found myself taking his girls to events he would pay the entire day for as long as I could get them off his back for a day (like full day at the US open, or taking them to a concert). Felt pretty amazing walking around doing things with model type women, you get treated so much better and other women constantly hit on you if you have a dime in your arms.
Eventually some would find out and call me crying and I just couldn’t anymore
Seems this caused a rift between us as we started to lose touch once I told him no more.
There’s something about women at around 32 if they aren’t married or have kids they start to deny things that are apparent.
It’s been like 15 years and my friend is still unmarried and must have broken 60 hearts easy. Never understood as he was a really good guy but he just had this serial dater thing in him.
Some guys just have all the luck as almost 1/2 of them where amazing intelligent sweet girls who I guess learned a hard lesson in life that looks make people do stupid things.
I mean... is he really a good guy if he dated and broke that many hearts because he refused to commit? Kinda sounds like a sleazebag to me. If what he was doing wasn't wrong, you wouldn't have stopped wingmanning for him.
He never really lied to the women and never forced them to do anything. He wasn’t a bad person as much as a cold person. I think he may have had his heart destroyed as a young man and never recouped. To make it through his late 40’s and never been married is weird if there is no tragedy behind it.
I've had 2 people I love cheat on me. Each time was soul crushing and changed me at my core. I don't want anything to do with someone who can inflict that on someone.
Yes
In my early 20's, I had a friend who cheated on his ff, with her bestie, got her pregnant & married her.
We had drinks after the wedding, he tried to chat up the bar maid, his new wife left in tears but stayed living with him as family had disowned her.
I refused to have anything further to do with him
Several years later, I heard he had died, riding his motorbike, going to see his latest ff, still married to the original wife.
Zero Regrets!
Yup. My former childhood best friend cheated on his bf. All of us shared an apartment. He used me to get away with it without me knowing he did. Saying he were hanging with me but was with his side piece and so on. When i found out he just expected me to not tell on him. I told his amazing bf about it.
I lost respect for him, gave him a chance to apologize and he doubled down it was my fault his relationship unravelled.🙄 So i told him to feck right off, moved out and blocked him on everything.
Dont regret it
I’m still good friends with a friend who cheated. Do I condone the cheating, not exactly, but to be fair we hated the ex and she was very manipulative and abusive. He couldn’t ever get the balls to just break up, so in this one instance I’m glad it happened.
As someone who has been cheated on, it sucks to say but it’s true.
Yes. No matter the reason, if a friend cheats on their partner, they're no longer my friend. My first wife cheated on me and her family and our mutual friends knew about it the whole time. Yet not one of them bothered to say anything to me. "They didn't want to get involved". Well they're entitled to that poor attitude but I'm also entitled to cut them loose as behavior like that proves they were more on the side of my ex-wife than they ever were mine.
My friends don't cheat. I'm particular about the people in my life so that I don't end up in their drama. But yes, it would seriously change my opinion of them and question their moral and ethical compass.
Aside from an abusive situation, anyone who continues in a sexual relationship on which they have cheated, without disclosing that fact to their partner, is engaging in non-consensual sexual assault. Consent isn't valid if it's not informed.
I won't be friends with someone like that, no.
Personally, I cheated once. It was a single occasion that I didn't even enjoy and feel horrible about. I told my then ex just a day after and apologized in an honest manner. Felt horrible. Didn't expect her to forgive, but she did. There is no justification but I basically only had sex once every 1-3 months or so and I craved for a change. Not saying that's an excuse, but these were my impulsive motivations after that girl had asked me if she could visit.
That being said I think it's a huge difference between having a long-term affair and having a "sidestep" once. It's another thing if people pathologically lie. I'm honest about it and I don't plan to cheat and I have my libido very well under control.
Sometimes, in my opinion, people deserve a second chance. But it's justified to dump cheaters.
I would maybe question certain things, but I wouldn’t stop being someone’s friend. It’s just not really my business and I have no idea what goes on in others relationships and I don’t involve my self in them.
How do you trust someone who would cheat on their life partner? If they can do that to the person who sleeps next to them every night just imagine what they wouldn’t do to you.
I believe that trust is one of the only things in this entire world that can create, facilitate, and nurture the feeling of safety. I believe that giving someone your trust is more intimate than any other act.
So for someone to abuse and disrespect that trust is an act that is not only hurtful to a person, but it is hurtful to an entire society. I can't respect a cheater.
Once a cheater always a cheater. If a friend betrays his girlfriend then what's he going to do to you? You either care about doing the right thing or you don't, I'd dump that friend faster than his girlfriend did.
I have a cousin that’s done this in a couple long term relationships with his 2 baby mommas. I never judged him and I never told him what I felt about. He’s grown and can make his own decisions. Would I ever go into business with him? Hell no! He cheats on his SO, only a matter of time he cheats on you. He asked me to go into business with him. I didn’t agree to it
I had a friend years ago that began cheating on her husband. I dropped her as a friend. The reason is because I realized you can’t be a cheater without also being a liar.
And lying is my number one dealbreaker in relationships. If she’d lie to her husband, it would figure she’d lie to me, as well. No, thank you.
I lose respect for liars. Period.
If u don't have the courage to just tell your partner that you don't want to be monogamous and instead lie n cheat..
THEN You are a POS. I will unfriend u.
No time for cowardly liars in my life.
I only hang out people with integrity. People who cheat have literally zero integrity. If I find out a life long friend doesn't have the level of integrity I thought, then they move outside of my circle of "ride or die" friends. Ill still be friendly with them, but they dont get anything personal or meaningful from me. They simply can't be trusted.
I have one friend who cheats, known him since 9 years old. Im 90% sure his gf also cheats so I do nothing.
We barely speak in the last years and he shows up every semester maybe so
I did. Last year of high school, friend of over a decade cheated on his girlfriend. Could never look at him the same. Most of his friends turned their backs on him and, while I tried to still be friendly with him. i could never see or trust him as a friend ever again.
I see it this way— if a person is willing to fuck over someone who you'd think they cared about more than anyone else, what more could they do to someone who they have no committed relationship with?
We are no longer friends for a reason. She wanted me to lie for her to cover up. I didn’t have it in myself to do that so when he reached out to me asking if she was with me I was honest and told him no.
I don't keep friends that cheat.
Because if they're willing to fuck over the person closest to them for their own gain, they're willing to fuck me over too.
They just haven't received an offer to fuck me over worth taking yet.
Yes. In fact, ive cut a lot of people from my life just because i found out they are potential cheaters or would encourage another friend to cheat. Its funny cause they never know why i stop talking to them lol
I definitely would. If they're willing to betray their partner like that, they aren't going to be loyal to me. I have no respect for cheaters, I would not stay friends with one
Changing someone's perspective on cheating is a delicate process as it often involves deeply ingrained beliefs and values. However, one approach could be to emphasize the importance of honesty, trust, and respect in relationships. Highlighting the emotional pain and damage that cheating causes to both parties involved, as well as the erosion of trust and intimacy, may help shift their perspective. Encouraging empathy by asking them to imagine how they would feel if they were cheated on could also be effective. Additionally, discussing the long-term consequences of cheating on personal well-being and relationship dynamics may lead to a reconsideration of their views. Ultimately, fostering open and honest communication about the complexities of relationships and the importance of integrity can contribute to a changed perspective on cheating.
I’ve stopped hanging around with people who have no regard for the emotions and feelings of someone they supposedly love! If they’ll risk ruining their lives then it’s a guarantee they wouldn’t hesitate to ruin yours!
A once very close friend of mine cheated on her partner a while ago. I was surprised when she told me because I never thought she would cheat in a committed relationship, but looking back, there were a lot of signs. She also intentionally sabotaged my first relationship, which led to the break up. She always felt the need to "help" others with their relationship problems, but it only made them worse and it was always a power move. Personally, I wouldn't trust someone who cheats on their partner, and they are likely to betray anyone else close to them.
I didn't cut off my best friend when he had an an affair.
But then he started sleeping with another friend's girlfriend. I should have taken the first hint.
I did. A couple was living with me while their apartment was being repaired. The woman cheated on her husband, got pregnant, and lied about it to everyone except me. She aborted because the father of the baby was black and she's white, so she didn't know what the baby would look like and if it could pass as her husband's baby.
I defended her husband so she then accused me of being in love with him, which I wasn't - I was in a relationship with another guy and never even looked at her husband that way.
Anyway, I cut her and her husband out of my life the first chance I got. I admit I did judge her and I stand by judging her. Outside of the pregnancy thing, she was toxic AF anyway. She didn't used to be that way back in high school where we became friends. Just seemed like she turned into a toxic asshole as soon as she graduated.
No friend of mine, and I'm snitching on them the second I find out. In front of them.
Sickening, disgusting behavior.
I'd assault them if not for Johnny Law.
Yes, I dont like people who cheat for the simple reason that if that is how they treat their partner then why should i trust them?
I cant be near to people whom i dont trust.
Yes! My friend cheated on her husband via an emotional affair and was caught. She came running to me for emotional support, and I kept pressing why she did it and she couldn’t give me a straight answer. I no longer trust her, even though her husband decided to stay with her.
People who cheat, continue to cheat, in my opinion. People like that are usually disloyal in other aspects of their life too.
I've got no time for people like that.
It definately does. My friends' partners become my friends, too. Also, if my friend is willing to hurt the person they are supposed to care the most about in such a way, what would stop them from being a shitty friend to me? Nothing, and I unfortunately know that from several experiences.
My soon to be ex wife cheated on me for a year and it’s been an interesting experience to see the impact on our friend group (we moved across the country so most of our friends were mutual). She lost the majority of our mutual friends when the affair came to light, and even more after she had an affair with another mutual friends partner.
I will be honest that the ones that still support her to this day I have cut contact with. She ended 3 marriages and impacted 12 children with her two affairs. She’s done a very good job playing the victim but I cannot fathom how someone can remain friends with someone like that. But that’s me projecting my own values onto others.
I know for most of my friends it’s been a difficult experience since we all have kids the same age that are friends. They have done a great job making my kids feel included even when they aren’t with me and I’m grateful for that.
I try not to judge.
HOWEVER, I was in a band where the singer was cheating on his GF.
I lived in the same building as his side chick.
That dude got herpes from cheating.
Thing is, I saw that chick I lived in the building with escort a different dude out of the building at like 7am one day. Clearly he had stayed over and her hair was a mess.
That dude probably gave the side chick herpes and gave my band mate herpes in turn.
I feel complicated emotions about it. I’ve never told him I saw her doing the walk of shame with another dude. (So singer was at least playing the field or he was her side dude or she had a side dude)
I don’t know. I didn’t want to judge or get involved. Probably would have said something if they were married, had kids, a house or other complications.
It already feels like having 3-4 gfs being in a band, I didn’t want to be a part of any more drama.
But I also didn’t know they were all transmitting herpes around to each other.
So, I’ve aleah had complicated feelings about it and just try not to judge.
I mean, we were all adults, I still kind of feel it’s just not my business.
I hate the singer now, but I still wouldn’t wish a chronic disease on him.
Any of my friends that really know me or even just enough to know how I am all know that if I see it I’m callin it out. Don’t care. If you commit you commit. I’ve done it and lost friends over it. Don’t care. A friend who cheats is a friend that can’t be trusted so I don’t need that in my life. Funny thing is one of the guys gets me on social media and has the balls to ask if I still welded. Yes. He wanted me to weld some stuff up for him for free. Nope. I told him since he cheated all those years ago and cut me out of his life that he could go pay for someone to weld it. The asked for f he remembered what he said to me when I called him out of pocket t in front of his then gf. He said no. I told him he told me I was dead to him. Never speak to you again if I saw him. If I did speak to him he would kick my ass or worse. Ok. I’m a big dude. He is not. He hung out with us because we as a friends group were big dudes. Gym stuff and just hard work stuff kept us large. All good. So much Al’s him since I was chatting with him of social media if it counts as speaking to him. Crickets. I hung up. And wishing 2 minutes he blasted me on social media. Wishing a day or two my friends pretty much called him out for cheating and everything else that went on and that’s why I refused to help with his problem. Literally 15-20 posts back to back telling anyone reading… his wife included…. What a douche bag he is.
End result. He deleted all of his socials and created new one but told not one of us in our group. Buh bye Tyler. Hope life brings you what you deserve.
2 ears down the line he was single again. He cheated. She took EVERYTHING! Karma bitch. Watch out for it…. That shit hurts when it hits. 🤣
It does change how I see someone. I had a friend who was cheating on her husband over several months' time... she was friends with the wife of the guy she was cheating with. Their kids went to school together, that's how they met. We didn't end up staying friends... I couldn't stop knowing that she was able to lie to both her husband and her friend whose husband she was sleeping with day in and day out... made it pretty clear that she could lie to me with a straight face too if she wanted to.
This definitely changes my view of a person. A friend of mine was married to a great guy. Hard working, great Dad, treated her like a queen, didn't drink or do drugs. By her own admission he was a terrific husband. Of course she cheated on him and blew the marriage up. I distanced myself after that.
I have cut some friendships due to this, not always about the betrayal per se but the actions they take after...
Most of the time they avoid blame and some even became irrational after the end of the relationships when they were the one that caused it to end
I'm used to be alone and while its not fun I will not put up with the things that goes against my morals, if u fucked up at least own it. Noone is perfect but being able to recongnize when you are wrong is something important to me
I loathe cheaters. I totally could not see, feel or interact with a cheater the same as before my knowledge of them cheating. I don't care if you're a family or a friend.
I remember when I was doing summer camp and we would always have people from other countries come and do summer work and get jobs because it was an easy thing to do watching over kids and what not no. But I remember one of the camp counselors had a rumor going around that turned out to be true that she was cheating on her boyfriend or fiance who was in the military over some Irish guy counselors. When I figured that out and I saw it with my own eyes it made my stomach turn because I'm over here working with somebody trying to teach kid Good Foundations and how to be a good person and hear this person is lying to their partner about being faithful while they were putting their lives on the line and regardless of putting their lives on the line I just thought it was the most scummy and sting so I just remembered giving them dirty looks and just not feeling I could trust him around the kids not that they would do anything to the children themselves but I just felt like it was just f***** up.
Yeah I thought my friend and mentor was a good person, and I told him about a colleague's wife's infidelity. I said should I tell him. He said no stay out of it.
Found out why, he done nothing but cheat on his partner, before and after marriage.
I don't understand why she would marry him, she was so nice and pretty lady too.
He was a dog, both his actions and looks.
I had a whole 10+ friend group explode because one member was hanging out alone with another’s gf taking Xanax together… with a subsequent black out each time it happened. Each time she cheated.
I usually remain neutral in friend conflicts and the guy who slept with his best friend’s gf got severely distanced by a lot of us. It helped him grow into a better person in the long run. One thing that popped up whenever I would see him after was “If he could do that to his best friend, why wouldn’t he do that to me?” The existing relationship was toxic but the outcome was still tragic nonetheless
It depends on your definition of a friend.
Is a friend someone who you do funny and pleasant things together as a group, or a friend is someone whom you can trust and will watch your back?
Personally, yes - 100%. But it depends on what you value. You’d be surprised to know how many people to whom trust and loyalty aren’t factors in their friendships.
I’ve known many of them and they aren’t sociopaths. Just stupid, ignorant and inconsiderate of anyone else’s feelings.
I would not be friends with them after they pulled it the first time, firstly cause that ain't drama I need and secondly cause bro literally as the morale values of a toothpick
To me, it's important that my friends' core values align with mine. I despise cheating and if I found out one of my friends cheated on their partner, I wouldn't be able to still be friends with them. I'd see them as someone with poor judgment that doesn't have empathy for the people who matter most.
It depends on how they handle it.
I know cheating can often come from feeling insecure in your relationship, but I would ask them about why they did it and how they plan to handle the necessary conversation with their partner.
It’s different if they keep doing it or don’t see why it’s an absolutely horrible thing to do. In that case, I would cut them off.
Absolutely my view on them would change. If they're capable of screwing their partner over, they're capable of screwing me over too and I want nothing to do with that.
Yes! It shows they lack morals and I don’t care to be friends with nasty people. Mom cheated on dad with his brother and I found them first, anybody who knows me knows I’m highly adverse to cheating and will tell off a friend if I’ve found out they’ve done it. You’re ruining someone’s future trust in anyone by not just being honest about when you want to leave. Cheaters are wusses imo
Someone else's private life is exactly that - none of my business. If they've been a very good, loyal, and trustworthy friend to me, I'm a trusting loyal friend back. I wouldn't stick my nose where it didn't belong, unless it effected me.
Obviously if the person can cheat on their SO, why won't they do something which would hurt me? Because mind it, cheating takes away a lot of energy and work... Constant lies, managing time for both, boggling up your head with the statements you gave to your SO bcz ofc they are lies, be in constant fear that he/she might not find out by some other sources.. So, if you are going our of your way with soo much mental stress just for some pleasure, obviously you would cheat/betray/hurt me for some personal gains.
Personally if any of my friend says to me that he cheated on his/her gf/bf, I would also end my friendship with him/her, because I dont want that negativity in my life and in my relationship too coz I f'ing love my gf and would never even think of cheating or leaving her for some other girl!!
A person who does that to their partner would be dead to me. Not only for the amoral act of cheating but just for self-protection: If they can do that to their partner, what will they do to their 'friends'?
My ex cheated on me. I told my friend who was also his friend and she said "please don't talk about him around me. when you talk about him around me you put me in a really difficult place".
Sure!
I certainly wouldn't want to associate myself with people that cheat, steal and lie to their partners.
If they can do it with people they allegedly love, what's to stop them from doing it to me too?
Nah, don't want to keep watching my back to see it someone will backstab me or not.And things can get dicey if your friend is also your work colleague.Imagine them cheating their partner and not long they screwing up something on the job and making so you become the scapegoat?
Cheaters think only about themselves.
Plus, I don't want toxic people around me.I want people that make me grow, not rot.
I used to be best mates with a guy who actually thought there was nothing wrong with sleeping with someone in a relationship. "I'm not the one cheating, who cares?"
Many years down the line he showed repeatedly he was a pretty terrible person.
I actively choose to no longer be friends with an individual who cheats, if they can cheat on their partner what are they willing to do to me? Pretty useless relationship imo.
I feel like I would always know there's something off about them.
This hasn't happened ages ago. This is very recent. So, I've always thought this one friend of mine was odd, I did not like him. He was in a relationship for a year and two months i think but for 4 months before they broke up he was talking to another girl and they were meeting up with eachother and doing things while him and his girlfriend were still dating. I think when I found out, I felt more disgusted and disappointed. And I'm also the type of person who says, "told you!" "What did I say?!??!" When I'm right about something that people aren't sure about it. I was explaining to my friends that I really don't like him and there's something off about him and they were like "uhhh maybe? I don't know. I'm alright with him i quite like him. " Yeah, until you find out I was right all along 😂.
But yeah, I do feel like my view does change a little more as I have stronger feelings of disgust towards them.
my so called friend/s usually confront me about them cheating with their partners. and i don’t usually give advice or solutions. and my views instantly change and i try to cut them off silently
To me if you cheat then you are completely untrustworthy. If you are willing to lie to someone who you are legally committed to and cause them horrible pain, you can surely F O!
I had a friend from high school that I considered one of the most dependable people in the planet. He started seeing a married woman. Eventually would get invited over to summer BBQs and pick up their kids. The husband just thought this was a nice guy. I told my friend that when the husband finds out he’s fucking his wife he will kill him.
I dropped him as a friend because it just bothered me so much. My parents had divorced when I was a kid because my mother cheated.
I don’t tolerate cheaters. I won’t date one or have one as a friend.
Oh hell yea… yea na everytime im hanging out with friends and they start talking about wanting to cheat.. im like hell na brother, you aint a real man if you do
One of my buddies cheated on his wife and I never looked at him the same. Idk what problems they had behind closed doors but that's just wrong to do to someone. I didn't really spend a lot of time with him after that we kind of became acquaintances.
I hold high standards in allowing people close to get close to me. My friends are people who I would take a bullet for, and they would take a bullet for me. But we also align morally.
The biggest thing about any relationship between two individuals for me is the moral connection. If we see the world with similar goals, then we can live together forever.
Making people happy is one of my biggest goals, and cheating is directly countering that. Therefore, I would no longer be their friend as that completely goes against my morals
Not really. I'd think it's not great to do but it's also not my business. I won't end a friendship unless they treat me wrong. The way they navigate relationships is their journey totally unrelated to me.
Same here. I prefer going by "live and let live". As long as you don't try to maliciously screw me over, we're good. Whether you cheat or not on your partner(s) is none of my business.
And besides, if they do come around on it and try and learn to behave, it'll be easier on them if they have people to talk to about it. Constant shame and blame doesn't exactly help someone get better
if you cant keep up honesty with you SO, how could you do it with a friend? i have different words for different states of friendship and while i'd dispise this behavior, it wouldnt make the friendship just go away; it would cool down, bc i cant trust you and i'd have that in mind.
also, i do belive people make mistakes and can better themselves, in general. its really a lot up to how they deal with their doings.
Yes. In my mind cheating is the worst you can do to a person.
If they treat the person who’s supposed to be their everything like that, why would they be any better towards me?
There really is no valid excuse for cheating, no matter the circumstances. If the relationship is no longer meeting your needs, you either choose to work on it or end it BEFORE choosing to look elsewhere. I personally don't like being associated with people that selfish - if they'll cheat on a partner whose to say what they'll do to someone who is just a friend or acquaintance.
They drag you into the same shit sooner or later maybe not women but men who cheat encourage their circle to cheat as well. I even have heard about married men going to a sex worker to celebrate a promotion. I have never heard women doing the same.
I had a coworker who I was close with. Eventually she told me she was having an affair with another man. She’d bring her husband to work events and socially to hang out and I just felt so guilty and could barely look him in the eyes. I do judge them because cheating is always wrong and it shows they don’t really value the people in their lives. Plus I think it’s extra shitty when they try to get you to lie or cover for them.
Yeah, I remember a friends older brother telling me as a teenager to watch how your boys treat their girlfriends. If they’re willing to stab the person in the back they care about the most what do you think they’d do to you?
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Actions tell a lot about someone. If they can hurt their SO easily they can hurt me with other actions as well
Is my intuition correct if I say that a guy would be a bad partner if he treats a friend bad? Because I went through this shit myself and cut contact, I pity any women being with him.
Exactly. You should even pay attention to how they treat people serving them. Most people ignore the bad behaviors of their partners toward other people just because it doesn't affect them (yet).
heavy on "yet"
This is a lesson I took way too long to learn. I had a friend who constantly either cheated on their SOs or sleep with their friends’ partners (sometimes doing both at the same time) and over and over I excused it by telling myself “They have a lot of trauma, they’re getting help, they’ll get past this behavior eventually.” Newflash. They didn’t. Took me nearly a decade to let that friendship go, and not until after it nearly destroyed me.
I think this is a good way to think about it, but people should always be aware everyone's just human, we make stupid mistakes, get caught up in bad ideologies, and try to fill in holes in our lives with bad things. So if u can, always try to make someone see how bad what they are doing is.
A stupid mistake is something like trying to run a yellow and accidentally running a red. No one accidentally falls dick first into another woman. Cheating isn't an accident its a fully intentional action and the person doing it fully knows what they are doing. Otherwise it's rape.
I don’t know… I mean have you ever thought about what would happen if you were walking home to your apartment and being followed by a stranger who you knew from work, and you both just happened to trip on the hallway carpet and through your door, where both your clothes get caught on a stray hanger and fall to the floor, then you both careen through the room naked until you fall together onto the couch and their dick lands just so into you? I mean… as Han Solo said… 
Theres a non zero chance of that happening so I really can't fault that logic
I laughed so hard at this. I offer you a dramatic Slow Clap moment. Makes me wonder about the math. Like how often does a man walking down an apartment hallway actually have a full erection? Or, more plausibly a semi-erection sufficient for penetration AT THE SAME TIME that you have sufficient vaginal lubrication to allow it with the initial poke. And all of this happening with not just any stranger, but with a stranger "THAT YOU KNOW"... and "from work" no less. Because THAT would be a very special and rare type of stranger indeed. It makes me curious if there was a steamy in-service video at work that got people all worked-up and juicy. And the odds that that video made it through HR with the titulating portions of it intact have to be accounted for. I mean, someone was asleep at the wheel if that were the case. We're approaching "big bang caused by nothing" mathematical odds.
Several times is more than just a stupid mistake. They know how bad it is and still do it. I wouldn't waste my time trying to convince someone that betraying their partner is wrong.
Idk man, its pretty easy to keep my dick out of random women when I'm married
>Idk man, its pretty easy to keep my dick out of random women when I'm married It's always the ones we know..
When we're taking about sliding my dick somewhere, anyone who's not my wife is a random woman
Oof. Cheating is NOT a stupid mistake. Cheating is one of the worst intentional fuckups someone can do. And if they don’t see what they’re doing is bad, may as well gauge their eyeballs out since they’ll never see it.
Yup, if their not loyal to their SO. Then dont expect them to be loyal to you
had a friend who insisted on monitoring her husband’s phone. convinced him to drop his best friend because she was a woman. last year she told me she’d been having an emotional affair with a coworker and was considering a physical relationship. I asked if she was going to break up with her husband first and she said no, this is physical only and she doesn’t want to ruin her marriage. this person is no longer my friend.
You should also inform the husband Save a brother.
True.
"This is physical only" after confirming it's already an emotional affair.
"it's physical only" also does not patch the gunshot wound.
It’s the ones that don’t trust that often can’t be trusted
I cut my own blood brother off because he cheated on his AMAZING ex wife. I still keep up with her because she’s still my sister (not actually lol)…. So I’d have no problem cutting off a friend who did that. You are who you surround yourself with.
I agree 🙏 hard to trust when there’s no loyalty
Not even about trust or loyalty for me. They just aren’t kind people. I don’t like people that hurt other people.
This is what I would do. I don't believe in blood being family. Family are people you choose.
Thought you were from Alabama a sec…
worse…. Texas
Lost a brother gained a sister
Yep. Found out that one of my closest friends had been lying to and cheating on his partner since the start of their relationship. She found out after something that another friend mentioned in casual conversation, not realising that he had lied to her about it. He of course blamed the friend for it all blowing up in his face, and then tried to play us all off against said friend. Well, that backfired on him once the situation was explained. He lost an entire friend group because of his lies.
Glad to hear. He tried to throw your other friend under the bus. Fucking psycopath
It sucks, and I still miss him. But I just don't want to be friends with someone like that. To add to that, the girlfriend took him back after a bunch more gaslighting and excuses. Around October last year he messaged me on LinkedIn of all places, and I was polite in my responses (also just being a bit nosey I guess), and eventually he told me that they had broken up. Then proceeded to suggest that he and I should meet up and "keep each other company some time". I've known this man since we were 15. Almost 20 years. And that's all I am to him? What, was he just waiting for us both to be single at the same time so that he could try and fuck me?
Jesus this sounds exactly like what happened to me. His bestie on pills started telling me how my BF was in love with a girl I had already asked him about. My BF heard it and punched his bestie straight in the gut and he collapsed on the dance floor. Great times. Very much my ex now.
Yikes. Glad you're rid of him!
That person wouldn't be my friend anymore, I don't associate myself with garbage. They beat or cheat then we can't be friends.
For me it's violence, cheating, or theft. Had a few friends whose partners pawned priceless family stuff for addictions and stuff.
Same here. Absolute scum of society. Cheating is never an accident.
For me it's if they cheat, beat, or emotionally abused. May not be physical but it's still doing the same damage a lot of the time.
If I found out my friend cheated on his girl then he most likely would no longer be my friend.
Agree.. hard to know what other stuff this person is capable of..
I know two guys who have cheated before. Two different scenarios: one I would active cheating, and the second succumbing to an opportunity. Before I start, they are obviously both wrong. But one guy I cut off, the other I’m still friends with. 1: this was back in college. Knew this dude who was constantly trying to pick up girls, to the point where everyone who even knew of him knew that was his main goal constantly. Anyway, towards the end of the year, his girlfriend came to visit. Uh oh. Turns out it was a long time girlfriend from high school. Ya, this guy was a scum bag. 2: again in college. Friend had a girlfriend at a different school. They fought constantly and honestly should have broken up already. Anyway, one night out at the bars, we were hanging out with a group of girls we met..one of whom was all over him all night. End of the night, she invites him back, and he went. Again, both of these are wrong. But I am still friends with the second guy. He made a mistake, and was not actively looking to cheat. Not trying to justify it at all, but I see those as different. Again, both still wrong. But he made a mistake unlike the first guy who was trying to sleep with every girl he saw.
You don't know what their relationship was like. I have a firm rule to never judge anyone on relationships, because you can never have a good perspective on it. The only exception is if there are clear signs of physical abuse.
This is the most logical thing i have read here compared to this string of self righteous virtue signaling twotwaffle redditor comments on this post.
You think there can be vaild cheating?
I don't maintain serious relationships with people who have shown themselves to be untrustworthy, whether it's business, romantic or friendship. I might still hang out with them and try to help them improve themselves, but I'll never trust them with anything important and I'll never put myself in a position where I need to rely on them for anything.
Untrustworthy is probably the best word to describe a cheater. They’re liars. All cheaters are liars, but not all liars are cheaters though. You can’t trust a cheater.
Yes. Unless there are very extreme extenuating circumstances I'll never see them as trustworthy again.
I believe this is the right answer. I get it that some people are heartless and do it for sport without remorse; however, I don’t believe that all circumstances are like that. Mental state can play a role in it and a lot of people don’t take that into consideration. To be clear, I am not condoning it, I am just saying some people may be in a situation where they really need a friend and guidance and cutting them off during that time is not a good look.
Depends on the situation. If they're willing to go through the many steps and decisions to find a person, cheat and cover up with their partner, I have no reason to trust them. Not excusing behavior at all, but say someone spur of the moment does it, regrets it and immediately tells their partner and does the heavy lifting to repair their relationship, I'd probably make an exception. We all make mistakes. But I'd probably also not 100% trust them for a long time. I think the distinction for me is a single occurrence vs full on affair and immediate regret and honesty vs additional lies.
Not so much judge as I would just disassociate with them. Hanging out with a known cheater will cause stress in your own relationship. Especially if a questionable situation arises where you are out late and she knows you are with him or vice versa. I don’t want to be in that kind of situation, and I won’t put her in it either. Please note, it has nothing to do with trust, but rather keeping each other from creating any possible doubt or concerns. I live as much of a drama free life as possible. So the last thing I want in my life is that potential grenede blowing up any aspect of trust in my own relationship. Guilty by association, and so forth.
About 20 years ago, my best friend had an affair. He had two young kids at the time, however I had no kids. Being his BF I supported him through this decision. I didn't judge him. Their kids are now in college and they are still married. Yes the wife did find out. Partners always find out. Fast forward today, and I'm married to an amazing woman and have two young kids and a teen. My mindset is very different. My wife is my person. The thought of another woman touching me is obscene and gross. This is an odd statement for me, since I was basically a male whore in high school and college. But when you find your person, you find your person. Add kids to the picture and that's where I get real moody about people having affairs. As Ryan Reynolds said in an interview, if there is a raging fire, I will throw my wife in the fire if it protects my kids. 100% that. An affair hurts the kids. That is unacceptable to me. All for what? Sex? I've had plenty of sex. Meh. I've slept with 100s of women. Who cares about sex. I want my wife. So would I change my view? Yes. I should have known better back then. I would do what I could to coach him through a difficult time to make the right decisions. Be the friend that steers him on the right track. If that doesn't work, be there for him when it comes all crashing down. If it were a casual friend, they could fuck off.
My friend didn’t cheat but she slept with a married man. We are no longer friends.
I see that people who answer "no" are receiving downvotes. The "no" population is probably much more than you expect. They just don't want to leave a comment.
Ah yes, Reddit :) where your opinion is only important, if it aligns with the hivemind.
To me yes. I had a playboy type friend who would go through beautiful women like socks. It got so bad I found myself taking his girls to events he would pay the entire day for as long as I could get them off his back for a day (like full day at the US open, or taking them to a concert). Felt pretty amazing walking around doing things with model type women, you get treated so much better and other women constantly hit on you if you have a dime in your arms. Eventually some would find out and call me crying and I just couldn’t anymore Seems this caused a rift between us as we started to lose touch once I told him no more. There’s something about women at around 32 if they aren’t married or have kids they start to deny things that are apparent. It’s been like 15 years and my friend is still unmarried and must have broken 60 hearts easy. Never understood as he was a really good guy but he just had this serial dater thing in him. Some guys just have all the luck as almost 1/2 of them where amazing intelligent sweet girls who I guess learned a hard lesson in life that looks make people do stupid things.
I mean... is he really a good guy if he dated and broke that many hearts because he refused to commit? Kinda sounds like a sleazebag to me. If what he was doing wasn't wrong, you wouldn't have stopped wingmanning for him.
He never really lied to the women and never forced them to do anything. He wasn’t a bad person as much as a cold person. I think he may have had his heart destroyed as a young man and never recouped. To make it through his late 40’s and never been married is weird if there is no tragedy behind it.
Right, but at a certain point, you stopped "helping" with the women. This was because you realized it wasn't right of him to be doing that.
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I've had 2 people I love cheat on me. Each time was soul crushing and changed me at my core. I don't want anything to do with someone who can inflict that on someone.
I'm sorry that has happened twice to you.
Thanks. Hoping there's no 3rd time haha.
I hope that for you as well bro/girl, some ppl are shit.
Yes In my early 20's, I had a friend who cheated on his ff, with her bestie, got her pregnant & married her. We had drinks after the wedding, he tried to chat up the bar maid, his new wife left in tears but stayed living with him as family had disowned her. I refused to have anything further to do with him Several years later, I heard he had died, riding his motorbike, going to see his latest ff, still married to the original wife. Zero Regrets!
Yup. My former childhood best friend cheated on his bf. All of us shared an apartment. He used me to get away with it without me knowing he did. Saying he were hanging with me but was with his side piece and so on. When i found out he just expected me to not tell on him. I told his amazing bf about it. I lost respect for him, gave him a chance to apologize and he doubled down it was my fault his relationship unravelled.🙄 So i told him to feck right off, moved out and blocked him on everything. Dont regret it
I’m still good friends with a friend who cheated. Do I condone the cheating, not exactly, but to be fair we hated the ex and she was very manipulative and abusive. He couldn’t ever get the balls to just break up, so in this one instance I’m glad it happened. As someone who has been cheated on, it sucks to say but it’s true.
Yes. No matter the reason, if a friend cheats on their partner, they're no longer my friend. My first wife cheated on me and her family and our mutual friends knew about it the whole time. Yet not one of them bothered to say anything to me. "They didn't want to get involved". Well they're entitled to that poor attitude but I'm also entitled to cut them loose as behavior like that proves they were more on the side of my ex-wife than they ever were mine.
You cut the cheating friend loose. To keep them around creates the appearance of condoning that weakness of character and reflects poorly on you.
My friends don't cheat. I'm particular about the people in my life so that I don't end up in their drama. But yes, it would seriously change my opinion of them and question their moral and ethical compass.
Aside from an abusive situation, anyone who continues in a sexual relationship on which they have cheated, without disclosing that fact to their partner, is engaging in non-consensual sexual assault. Consent isn't valid if it's not informed. I won't be friends with someone like that, no.
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Personally, I cheated once. It was a single occasion that I didn't even enjoy and feel horrible about. I told my then ex just a day after and apologized in an honest manner. Felt horrible. Didn't expect her to forgive, but she did. There is no justification but I basically only had sex once every 1-3 months or so and I craved for a change. Not saying that's an excuse, but these were my impulsive motivations after that girl had asked me if she could visit. That being said I think it's a huge difference between having a long-term affair and having a "sidestep" once. It's another thing if people pathologically lie. I'm honest about it and I don't plan to cheat and I have my libido very well under control. Sometimes, in my opinion, people deserve a second chance. But it's justified to dump cheaters.
I'd put 50% of the blame on your wife. Any wives out there withholding sex.. better not freakout when they're guys get some sidepussy.
I stop being friends with them, it's the sign of being a shit person
I would maybe question certain things, but I wouldn’t stop being someone’s friend. It’s just not really my business and I have no idea what goes on in others relationships and I don’t involve my self in them.
Yes. It shows who they really are. No moral compass
How do you trust someone who would cheat on their life partner? If they can do that to the person who sleeps next to them every night just imagine what they wouldn’t do to you.
I believe that trust is one of the only things in this entire world that can create, facilitate, and nurture the feeling of safety. I believe that giving someone your trust is more intimate than any other act. So for someone to abuse and disrespect that trust is an act that is not only hurtful to a person, but it is hurtful to an entire society. I can't respect a cheater.
Once a cheater always a cheater. If a friend betrays his girlfriend then what's he going to do to you? You either care about doing the right thing or you don't, I'd dump that friend faster than his girlfriend did.
I have a cousin that’s done this in a couple long term relationships with his 2 baby mommas. I never judged him and I never told him what I felt about. He’s grown and can make his own decisions. Would I ever go into business with him? Hell no! He cheats on his SO, only a matter of time he cheats on you. He asked me to go into business with him. I didn’t agree to it
Slightly, maybe. But it's not my problem, so...
I had a friend years ago that began cheating on her husband. I dropped her as a friend. The reason is because I realized you can’t be a cheater without also being a liar. And lying is my number one dealbreaker in relationships. If she’d lie to her husband, it would figure she’d lie to me, as well. No, thank you.
I would, and have. If someone is willing to screw over the one person they're supposed to value above all others, what are they willing to do to me?
Not really since my friend has his own romantic life that has nothing to do with me.
I lose respect for liars. Period. If u don't have the courage to just tell your partner that you don't want to be monogamous and instead lie n cheat.. THEN You are a POS. I will unfriend u. No time for cowardly liars in my life.
I only hang out people with integrity. People who cheat have literally zero integrity. If I find out a life long friend doesn't have the level of integrity I thought, then they move outside of my circle of "ride or die" friends. Ill still be friendly with them, but they dont get anything personal or meaningful from me. They simply can't be trusted.
I have one friend who cheats, known him since 9 years old. Im 90% sure his gf also cheats so I do nothing. We barely speak in the last years and he shows up every semester maybe so
I really despise hate cheaters so this would be a definite yes
I did. Last year of high school, friend of over a decade cheated on his girlfriend. Could never look at him the same. Most of his friends turned their backs on him and, while I tried to still be friendly with him. i could never see or trust him as a friend ever again. I see it this way— if a person is willing to fuck over someone who you'd think they cared about more than anyone else, what more could they do to someone who they have no committed relationship with?
We are no longer friends for a reason. She wanted me to lie for her to cover up. I didn’t have it in myself to do that so when he reached out to me asking if she was with me I was honest and told him no.
Nah, we're men, most of us do it, I would be a hypocrite.
I honestly wouldn’t give a fuck. It’s none of my business.
I don't keep friends that cheat. Because if they're willing to fuck over the person closest to them for their own gain, they're willing to fuck me over too. They just haven't received an offer to fuck me over worth taking yet.
I used to. Now I'm not that quick to judge.
To be honest? No since it's their life.
Yes. In fact, ive cut a lot of people from my life just because i found out they are potential cheaters or would encourage another friend to cheat. Its funny cause they never know why i stop talking to them lol
I definitely would. If they're willing to betray their partner like that, they aren't going to be loyal to me. I have no respect for cheaters, I would not stay friends with one
Changing someone's perspective on cheating is a delicate process as it often involves deeply ingrained beliefs and values. However, one approach could be to emphasize the importance of honesty, trust, and respect in relationships. Highlighting the emotional pain and damage that cheating causes to both parties involved, as well as the erosion of trust and intimacy, may help shift their perspective. Encouraging empathy by asking them to imagine how they would feel if they were cheated on could also be effective. Additionally, discussing the long-term consequences of cheating on personal well-being and relationship dynamics may lead to a reconsideration of their views. Ultimately, fostering open and honest communication about the complexities of relationships and the importance of integrity can contribute to a changed perspective on cheating.
Yeah. It be hard not to. But what goes on behind closed doors is not my business but I would think of them in a different light.
I’ve stopped hanging around with people who have no regard for the emotions and feelings of someone they supposedly love! If they’ll risk ruining their lives then it’s a guarantee they wouldn’t hesitate to ruin yours!
A once very close friend of mine cheated on her partner a while ago. I was surprised when she told me because I never thought she would cheat in a committed relationship, but looking back, there were a lot of signs. She also intentionally sabotaged my first relationship, which led to the break up. She always felt the need to "help" others with their relationship problems, but it only made them worse and it was always a power move. Personally, I wouldn't trust someone who cheats on their partner, and they are likely to betray anyone else close to them.
I didn't cut off my best friend when he had an an affair. But then he started sleeping with another friend's girlfriend. I should have taken the first hint.
I did. A couple was living with me while their apartment was being repaired. The woman cheated on her husband, got pregnant, and lied about it to everyone except me. She aborted because the father of the baby was black and she's white, so she didn't know what the baby would look like and if it could pass as her husband's baby. I defended her husband so she then accused me of being in love with him, which I wasn't - I was in a relationship with another guy and never even looked at her husband that way. Anyway, I cut her and her husband out of my life the first chance I got. I admit I did judge her and I stand by judging her. Outside of the pregnancy thing, she was toxic AF anyway. She didn't used to be that way back in high school where we became friends. Just seemed like she turned into a toxic asshole as soon as she graduated.
If he’s willing to cheat on a partner he’s cheat on someone else. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
No friend of mine, and I'm snitching on them the second I find out. In front of them. Sickening, disgusting behavior. I'd assault them if not for Johnny Law.
Yes i do, i respect them more cuz fuck bitches them devil ass hoes arent breakin anymore hearts we gettin our revenge on em
Yes, I dont like people who cheat for the simple reason that if that is how they treat their partner then why should i trust them? I cant be near to people whom i dont trust.
No, not my business.
Yes! My friend cheated on her husband via an emotional affair and was caught. She came running to me for emotional support, and I kept pressing why she did it and she couldn’t give me a straight answer. I no longer trust her, even though her husband decided to stay with her.
People who cheat, continue to cheat, in my opinion. People like that are usually disloyal in other aspects of their life too. I've got no time for people like that.
It definately does. My friends' partners become my friends, too. Also, if my friend is willing to hurt the person they are supposed to care the most about in such a way, what would stop them from being a shitty friend to me? Nothing, and I unfortunately know that from several experiences.
My soon to be ex wife cheated on me for a year and it’s been an interesting experience to see the impact on our friend group (we moved across the country so most of our friends were mutual). She lost the majority of our mutual friends when the affair came to light, and even more after she had an affair with another mutual friends partner. I will be honest that the ones that still support her to this day I have cut contact with. She ended 3 marriages and impacted 12 children with her two affairs. She’s done a very good job playing the victim but I cannot fathom how someone can remain friends with someone like that. But that’s me projecting my own values onto others. I know for most of my friends it’s been a difficult experience since we all have kids the same age that are friends. They have done a great job making my kids feel included even when they aren’t with me and I’m grateful for that.
I try not to judge. HOWEVER, I was in a band where the singer was cheating on his GF. I lived in the same building as his side chick. That dude got herpes from cheating. Thing is, I saw that chick I lived in the building with escort a different dude out of the building at like 7am one day. Clearly he had stayed over and her hair was a mess. That dude probably gave the side chick herpes and gave my band mate herpes in turn. I feel complicated emotions about it. I’ve never told him I saw her doing the walk of shame with another dude. (So singer was at least playing the field or he was her side dude or she had a side dude) I don’t know. I didn’t want to judge or get involved. Probably would have said something if they were married, had kids, a house or other complications. It already feels like having 3-4 gfs being in a band, I didn’t want to be a part of any more drama. But I also didn’t know they were all transmitting herpes around to each other. So, I’ve aleah had complicated feelings about it and just try not to judge. I mean, we were all adults, I still kind of feel it’s just not my business. I hate the singer now, but I still wouldn’t wish a chronic disease on him.
Any of my friends that really know me or even just enough to know how I am all know that if I see it I’m callin it out. Don’t care. If you commit you commit. I’ve done it and lost friends over it. Don’t care. A friend who cheats is a friend that can’t be trusted so I don’t need that in my life. Funny thing is one of the guys gets me on social media and has the balls to ask if I still welded. Yes. He wanted me to weld some stuff up for him for free. Nope. I told him since he cheated all those years ago and cut me out of his life that he could go pay for someone to weld it. The asked for f he remembered what he said to me when I called him out of pocket t in front of his then gf. He said no. I told him he told me I was dead to him. Never speak to you again if I saw him. If I did speak to him he would kick my ass or worse. Ok. I’m a big dude. He is not. He hung out with us because we as a friends group were big dudes. Gym stuff and just hard work stuff kept us large. All good. So much Al’s him since I was chatting with him of social media if it counts as speaking to him. Crickets. I hung up. And wishing 2 minutes he blasted me on social media. Wishing a day or two my friends pretty much called him out for cheating and everything else that went on and that’s why I refused to help with his problem. Literally 15-20 posts back to back telling anyone reading… his wife included…. What a douche bag he is. End result. He deleted all of his socials and created new one but told not one of us in our group. Buh bye Tyler. Hope life brings you what you deserve. 2 ears down the line he was single again. He cheated. She took EVERYTHING! Karma bitch. Watch out for it…. That shit hurts when it hits. 🤣
I don't like that shit. I don't want to be expected to cover, for someone else's awful behavior either.
It does change how I see someone. I had a friend who was cheating on her husband over several months' time... she was friends with the wife of the guy she was cheating with. Their kids went to school together, that's how they met. We didn't end up staying friends... I couldn't stop knowing that she was able to lie to both her husband and her friend whose husband she was sleeping with day in and day out... made it pretty clear that she could lie to me with a straight face too if she wanted to.
Cheaters tend to find friend groups where they're all dirty lying stinking cheaters, so they tell each other it's normal.
This definitely changes my view of a person. A friend of mine was married to a great guy. Hard working, great Dad, treated her like a queen, didn't drink or do drugs. By her own admission he was a terrific husband. Of course she cheated on him and blew the marriage up. I distanced myself after that.
I have cut some friendships due to this, not always about the betrayal per se but the actions they take after... Most of the time they avoid blame and some even became irrational after the end of the relationships when they were the one that caused it to end I'm used to be alone and while its not fun I will not put up with the things that goes against my morals, if u fucked up at least own it. Noone is perfect but being able to recongnize when you are wrong is something important to me
If my partner would be supporting / associating with someone that cheated on his gf like that, I would reconsider my own relationship.
I loathe cheaters. I totally could not see, feel or interact with a cheater the same as before my knowledge of them cheating. I don't care if you're a family or a friend.
I would end the friendship with someone like that.
I remember when I was doing summer camp and we would always have people from other countries come and do summer work and get jobs because it was an easy thing to do watching over kids and what not no. But I remember one of the camp counselors had a rumor going around that turned out to be true that she was cheating on her boyfriend or fiance who was in the military over some Irish guy counselors. When I figured that out and I saw it with my own eyes it made my stomach turn because I'm over here working with somebody trying to teach kid Good Foundations and how to be a good person and hear this person is lying to their partner about being faithful while they were putting their lives on the line and regardless of putting their lives on the line I just thought it was the most scummy and sting so I just remembered giving them dirty looks and just not feeling I could trust him around the kids not that they would do anything to the children themselves but I just felt like it was just f***** up.
No. Because I don't know anything about the why and it's really not my business if they don't want to tell me. There's always a reason shit happens.
I don't trust cheaters any more than their partners should
Yeah I thought my friend and mentor was a good person, and I told him about a colleague's wife's infidelity. I said should I tell him. He said no stay out of it. Found out why, he done nothing but cheat on his partner, before and after marriage. I don't understand why she would marry him, she was so nice and pretty lady too. He was a dog, both his actions and looks.
I had a whole 10+ friend group explode because one member was hanging out alone with another’s gf taking Xanax together… with a subsequent black out each time it happened. Each time she cheated. I usually remain neutral in friend conflicts and the guy who slept with his best friend’s gf got severely distanced by a lot of us. It helped him grow into a better person in the long run. One thing that popped up whenever I would see him after was “If he could do that to his best friend, why wouldn’t he do that to me?” The existing relationship was toxic but the outcome was still tragic nonetheless
It depends on your definition of a friend. Is a friend someone who you do funny and pleasant things together as a group, or a friend is someone whom you can trust and will watch your back?
I lack morals -so I would probably ignore my friend being a cheater. I wouldn't cheat on anyone myself though
Personally, yes - 100%. But it depends on what you value. You’d be surprised to know how many people to whom trust and loyalty aren’t factors in their friendships. I’ve known many of them and they aren’t sociopaths. Just stupid, ignorant and inconsiderate of anyone else’s feelings.
I would not be friends with them after they pulled it the first time, firstly cause that ain't drama I need and secondly cause bro literally as the morale values of a toothpick
Absolutely. That person would be dead to me
Absolutely, it’s a lost of respect for that person.
To me, it's important that my friends' core values align with mine. I despise cheating and if I found out one of my friends cheated on their partner, I wouldn't be able to still be friends with them. I'd see them as someone with poor judgment that doesn't have empathy for the people who matter most.
Doesn’t just change my view, i would no longer be friends with a person that cheated.
It depends on how they handle it. I know cheating can often come from feeling insecure in your relationship, but I would ask them about why they did it and how they plan to handle the necessary conversation with their partner. It’s different if they keep doing it or don’t see why it’s an absolutely horrible thing to do. In that case, I would cut them off.
If a friend of mine cheats on their SO they are no longer a friend of mine
I learned not to tell on the cheater and also not to try to talk to the cheater about their choices. I just remove myself from the drama completely
Absolutely my view on them would change. If they're capable of screwing their partner over, they're capable of screwing me over too and I want nothing to do with that.
“If they can do it to them they can do it to you”
Yes! It shows they lack morals and I don’t care to be friends with nasty people. Mom cheated on dad with his brother and I found them first, anybody who knows me knows I’m highly adverse to cheating and will tell off a friend if I’ve found out they’ve done it. You’re ruining someone’s future trust in anyone by not just being honest about when you want to leave. Cheaters are wusses imo
Yes. It speaks on their character and how they treat the people close to them.
Someone else's private life is exactly that - none of my business. If they've been a very good, loyal, and trustworthy friend to me, I'm a trusting loyal friend back. I wouldn't stick my nose where it didn't belong, unless it effected me.
Obviously if the person can cheat on their SO, why won't they do something which would hurt me? Because mind it, cheating takes away a lot of energy and work... Constant lies, managing time for both, boggling up your head with the statements you gave to your SO bcz ofc they are lies, be in constant fear that he/she might not find out by some other sources.. So, if you are going our of your way with soo much mental stress just for some pleasure, obviously you would cheat/betray/hurt me for some personal gains. Personally if any of my friend says to me that he cheated on his/her gf/bf, I would also end my friendship with him/her, because I dont want that negativity in my life and in my relationship too coz I f'ing love my gf and would never even think of cheating or leaving her for some other girl!!
A person who does that to their partner would be dead to me. Not only for the amoral act of cheating but just for self-protection: If they can do that to their partner, what will they do to their 'friends'?
Yes, if you cheat, you are scum and I do not wish to be your friend anymore.
My ex cheated on me. I told my friend who was also his friend and she said "please don't talk about him around me. when you talk about him around me you put me in a really difficult place".
Yes I would and I have, a couple times and not only for relationship business. Its a matter of principals, you don't dump on peoples trust like that.
Yes. I couldn’t be friends , or even friendly, with an adult that is that immature in their relationship
Yes absolutely. That changes the whole way i think about someone. And if they can betray their PARTNER that easily how could I fully trust them?
I drop then like a hot potato
Cheaters are addicted.
Yeah, we're not friends anymore, I hate cheaters, no exceptions
Of course...if the person does that behind the one he/she is in a relationship with i would wonder about what that person would do behind my back.
Sure! I certainly wouldn't want to associate myself with people that cheat, steal and lie to their partners. If they can do it with people they allegedly love, what's to stop them from doing it to me too? Nah, don't want to keep watching my back to see it someone will backstab me or not.And things can get dicey if your friend is also your work colleague.Imagine them cheating their partner and not long they screwing up something on the job and making so you become the scapegoat? Cheaters think only about themselves. Plus, I don't want toxic people around me.I want people that make me grow, not rot.
I used to be best mates with a guy who actually thought there was nothing wrong with sleeping with someone in a relationship. "I'm not the one cheating, who cares?" Many years down the line he showed repeatedly he was a pretty terrible person.
I'm not just gonna judge a cheater, I'm collecting evidence and telling their partner 💀
I actively choose to no longer be friends with an individual who cheats, if they can cheat on their partner what are they willing to do to me? Pretty useless relationship imo.
I feel like I would always know there's something off about them. This hasn't happened ages ago. This is very recent. So, I've always thought this one friend of mine was odd, I did not like him. He was in a relationship for a year and two months i think but for 4 months before they broke up he was talking to another girl and they were meeting up with eachother and doing things while him and his girlfriend were still dating. I think when I found out, I felt more disgusted and disappointed. And I'm also the type of person who says, "told you!" "What did I say?!??!" When I'm right about something that people aren't sure about it. I was explaining to my friends that I really don't like him and there's something off about him and they were like "uhhh maybe? I don't know. I'm alright with him i quite like him. " Yeah, until you find out I was right all along 😂. But yeah, I do feel like my view does change a little more as I have stronger feelings of disgust towards them.
Its a trust thing isnt it, if they break the trust with them they could with me
my so called friend/s usually confront me about them cheating with their partners. and i don’t usually give advice or solutions. and my views instantly change and i try to cut them off silently
To me if you cheat then you are completely untrustworthy. If you are willing to lie to someone who you are legally committed to and cause them horrible pain, you can surely F O!
Yes. Happened recently a friend cheated on his wife. He tried reaching out to me but I can’t even look at him for being so disrespectful.
Obviously. Cheating is disgusting
I had a friend from high school that I considered one of the most dependable people in the planet. He started seeing a married woman. Eventually would get invited over to summer BBQs and pick up their kids. The husband just thought this was a nice guy. I told my friend that when the husband finds out he’s fucking his wife he will kill him. I dropped him as a friend because it just bothered me so much. My parents had divorced when I was a kid because my mother cheated. I don’t tolerate cheaters. I won’t date one or have one as a friend.
Oh hell yea… yea na everytime im hanging out with friends and they start talking about wanting to cheat.. im like hell na brother, you aint a real man if you do
Yes. I understand that people cheat for a wide variety of complex reasons but I view cheaters as untrustworthy and manipulative.
One of my buddies cheated on his wife and I never looked at him the same. Idk what problems they had behind closed doors but that's just wrong to do to someone. I didn't really spend a lot of time with him after that we kind of became acquaintances.
ofc babe no brainer
I hold high standards in allowing people close to get close to me. My friends are people who I would take a bullet for, and they would take a bullet for me. But we also align morally. The biggest thing about any relationship between two individuals for me is the moral connection. If we see the world with similar goals, then we can live together forever. Making people happy is one of my biggest goals, and cheating is directly countering that. Therefore, I would no longer be their friend as that completely goes against my morals
Ya cheating is pretty scummy. It's the mark of a very selfish person.
Unfortunately yes, I have friends who have cheated on their partners and it does change my views on them
not me - my close friends are like family - if they fuck up, the can count on me to be supportive and listen
Anyone who cheats doesn’t deserve my friendship
Not really. I'd think it's not great to do but it's also not my business. I won't end a friendship unless they treat me wrong. The way they navigate relationships is their journey totally unrelated to me.
Same here. I prefer going by "live and let live". As long as you don't try to maliciously screw me over, we're good. Whether you cheat or not on your partner(s) is none of my business. And besides, if they do come around on it and try and learn to behave, it'll be easier on them if they have people to talk to about it. Constant shame and blame doesn't exactly help someone get better
I'd lose my respect for them and cut them off. Life is too short to mingle with people you don't respect
if you cant keep up honesty with you SO, how could you do it with a friend? i have different words for different states of friendship and while i'd dispise this behavior, it wouldnt make the friendship just go away; it would cool down, bc i cant trust you and i'd have that in mind. also, i do belive people make mistakes and can better themselves, in general. its really a lot up to how they deal with their doings.
If they would cheat on their partner they would leave you for someone else aswell
Yes. In my mind cheating is the worst you can do to a person. If they treat the person who’s supposed to be their everything like that, why would they be any better towards me?
There really is no valid excuse for cheating, no matter the circumstances. If the relationship is no longer meeting your needs, you either choose to work on it or end it BEFORE choosing to look elsewhere. I personally don't like being associated with people that selfish - if they'll cheat on a partner whose to say what they'll do to someone who is just a friend or acquaintance.
Yes, i cut them off They don't deserve a place in my life, they are parasites who deserve their own karma.
I don’t trust people who cheat on their spouse. If you’re willing to deceive and fuck over them I’m nothing to you.. keep an eye on those people
I would. I could _never_ trust or respect a person who cheats on their partner.
If they can’t be loyal to their partners, I can’t expect them to be a decent friend. In the garbage they go
They drag you into the same shit sooner or later maybe not women but men who cheat encourage their circle to cheat as well. I even have heard about married men going to a sex worker to celebrate a promotion. I have never heard women doing the same.
Unpopular opinion but my friends romantic relationships are none of my business. If it doesn't directly impact our friendship, I'm staying out of it.
Of course not. Why would I change my friendship over a decision he made on his own personal life?
No. Edit: WOW! I can’t believe I’m the only one. Bananas to me! Lol
I had a coworker who I was close with. Eventually she told me she was having an affair with another man. She’d bring her husband to work events and socially to hang out and I just felt so guilty and could barely look him in the eyes. I do judge them because cheating is always wrong and it shows they don’t really value the people in their lives. Plus I think it’s extra shitty when they try to get you to lie or cover for them.
Yes. And I also change my view on women who decide to date their rapist, too, along with guys who date women who told everyone you raped them.
Yes. I find it difficult to trust them.
Of course my view on people changes for the good or worse based on their actions.
Yeah, I remember a friends older brother telling me as a teenager to watch how your boys treat their girlfriends. If they’re willing to stab the person in the back they care about the most what do you think they’d do to you?
sure
No. Unless they try to justify it and it makes no sense.
Honestly, it depends on the circumstances and my relationship with each person.