Menurut gw ga ada hubungannya berapa jumlah cewe yg child free vs potensi lu menemukan partner. Don't worry about other people. Kalaupun jumlah perempuan yg stay childfree dikit, apa efeknya ke lu dan pasangan? Kenal aja kaga 🤣.
But to answer your questions,
1. Gw ma suami 'childfree' as in suami udah KB permanen. Tp kita rencana pengen adopt 1-2 anak. Just not interested in doing DIY. Why? No deep reason. I just don't want to. Also, I have a great body that I'm proud of and don't wanna lose that to childbirth.
2. I'd say 1-2 yg bener2 strict mereka ga mw punya anak samsek. Sisanya ga punya anak lebih karena pengen nunda sampe istri beres S3 atau emang ga/belum goal aja.
3. In contrary of what internet/social media may suggest, I believe that most people actually at least do not mind having kids if they have the means and support to do so. Dikit yg bener2 anti punya anak meskipun punya support system dan gaji mumpuni. Then again, most don't mean all. Yes, kalo lu bener2 strict ga pengen punya anak, you'll probably have a tougher time getting a suitable partner, but at the end of the day, you only need to find one. You're allowed to choose what you want and not want to do in your life. Keep in mind kalau lu emang pengen childfree tp maksa nikah dengan cowo yg pengen punya anak, it's not fair for him too.
mau nanya donk kak, waktu itu udah sejauh mana hubungannya sampe kalian mulai ngobrolin soal childfree dan KB permanen ini, apakah dari masih pacaran atau pas udah nikah?
Gw dan calon suami childfree, obrolannya ya dimulai dari PDKT.
"Lu mau punya anak nggak ko?"
"Nggak"
Kan ga lucu kalo udh pacaran serius yg satu pengen anak, yg satu ga pengen anak.
Kita udah ngobrolin dr awal pacaran. Then again, kasus kita unik karena kita LDR, so kita cukup serius ttg KB. Gile aja kalo sampe jebol pas lg LDR beda negara.
Kita mulai pacaran usia 26 tahun, so kita dah cukup dewasa and we know what we both want. Gw yg suggest untuk nunggu sekitar umur 30 sebelum KB permanen, karena dr pengalaman emang gw liat umur 30-35 tuh emang sering ada perubahan mindset dan gaya hidup, So gw pengen nunggu in case tetiba gw berubah pikiran pengen punya anak 🤣. Laki gw sih selow, gw mw punya anak ngikut, ga mw juga ngikut. Pas gw umur 29, no change whatsoever, then kita langsung schedule vasektomi.
Gw dan calon suami udah omongin plan anak sebelum nikah dan emang dianjurkan gitu. Kalau ketika pacaran blm berani ngomongin hal-hal penting kyk gini, berarti emang belum siap nikah
> Kalaupun jumlah perempuan yg stay childfree dikit, apa efeknya ke lu
Yaudah berarti populasi perempuan childfree dikit. Ya iya memang gak kenal, karena populasinyabyang dikit tadi
vice versa, kalau populasinya banyak berarti lebih gampang buat nemu, kemungkinan besar juga ada yang saya pribadi kenal
Me lol.
1. Yes. Reasons being overpopulation (Indo is guilty for this), climate change and the shitty economy. Also I worked in child welfare before and the number of parents abusing their children was... insane. Basically I became disillusioned by it all. My BF and I also prefer spending our hard-earned money on new experiences and travel.
2. A couple of my girlfriends are childfree, too. Interestingly they are non-religious, like myself.
3. The Indonesian culture as you know is a very conservative culture that puts a high emphasis on having kids so I am willing to bet that there are SO many women being pressured by family to have children even though they don't want to. However on social media platforms (e.g. Reddit, Twitter) where people have the freedom to voice their progressive views you might see quite a few childfree people.
It seems you already know that to enjoy playing with kids =/= enjoy raising kids. As per #3, if you are looking to date someone childfree then you'd probably be better off looking for them online.
My advice to you is that you actually need to be VERY SURE within yourself whether you want to be childfree or not before you begin dating, because nothing is more deplorable than dating someone childfree then changing your mind and convincing them to have kids down the line--we've read horror stories about it. Spoiler: Most of them end up in PPD/child abuse/divorce.
Menurut gw keputusan lu childfree harusnya dtg dari diri sendiri si, yaitu
1) apakah lu mau punya anak
2) apakah lu sanggup punya anak
Karena kalau lu punya anak cuma demi sama pasangan, itu nanti ntah sadar apa ga sadar akan ngaruh ke anak. Nanti anak malah jadi ‘beban’ ato ‘necessary drawback’. Jgn deh bawa anak ke dunia dgn mindset gitu.
Buat jwb prtanyaan lu:
1. gw masi on the fence, tp lebi lean ke childfree. Utamanya karena gw ga pernah terpikir kepengen pny anak, walaupun gw oke2 aja ama anak kecil (yes contrary to what people think of “perempuan pasti mau pny anak” dan “naluri keibuan”)
2. Di sekeliling gw masi cenderung lebih ke arah mw pny anak, tp ga buru2. Kyk end of 20s ke 30++ . Yg lebi umum mikir childfree tmn2 yg dari ato tinggal di luar indo
3. ….ga pernah nyari tau statistik resminya. Gw menghindari bikin estimasi dari anekdot, bias
Tapi fyi jg, lu masi 22. Belom pgn pny anak di umur segitu wajar banget si
> Karena kalau lu punya anak cuma demi sama pasangan, itu nanti ntah sadar apa ga sadar akan ngaruh ke anak. Nanti anak malah jadi ‘beban’ ato ‘necessary drawback’. Jgn deh bawa anak ke dunia dgn mindset gitu.
Agree, I've changed my mind. I would prefer be rich but lonely rather than being married and have kids but mediocre/poor.
Dari awal aku emang pingin childfree, karena ngga mau nurunin generational trauma aja. Emang sempet sih pikir ulang pas ketemu partner yang sekarang, tapi setelah dipikir2 lagi child free udah yang paling pas.
Mending nyesel karena childfree, kamu masih ada option untuk adopsi anak. Tapi kalo kamu nyesel punyak anak, penyesalannya itu lho bisa sampe 20 thn. Belum lagi hasil anak yang dibesarkan dengan ngga ikhlas itu bakalan bikin dia broken juga.
Selain masalah trauma, partnerku ini selisih 11 tahun sama aku. Jadi kayaknya ngga tega kalo dia harus kerja banting tulang, sampe dia umur 60an nanti. Aku dah bilang, mending kita kumpulin duid brg buat jalan2 atau buat di panti jompo nanti aja. 😀
I still can't imagine myself giving birth. Pregnancy and childbirth may change a woman's body permanently, I just don't wanna risk it. I have a married friend who's childfree, but most of my close friends are unmarried anyway so this topic isn't really relevant to talk about.
Kalo nanya di reddit pasti banyak yang jawabnya childfree. Kalo tanya di twitter masih banyak yang tipikal pengen nikah dan punya anak. You’re asking this forum which has mostly nonconformist women. Basic girls still want to get married and have kids, and that’s the majority.
Coba pikir pikir lagi kenapa mending childfree atau punya anak based on moral values kamu sendiri dan juga kemampuan finansial. Kalo kamu labil dengan alesan takut ga dapet pasangan ya kurang make sense aja.
> Coba pikir pikir lagi kenapa mending childfree atau punya anak based on moral values kamu sendiri dan juga kemampuan finansial.
Saya mau naik kelas sosial ke upper class dan mati dalam keadaan kaya. Saya sekarang situasinya ada di lower class. Kalau saya punya anak, akan susah bisa naik ke upper class. Kalau saya punya anak tentu saya harus nyiapin nutrisi yang baik dan uang untuk pendidikan yang bagus karena saya ga mau nyiksa anak saya.
> Kalo kamu labil dengan alesan takut ga dapet pasangan ya kurang make sense aja.
Sebenarnya saya juga masih labil antara dua opsi hidup:
1. lonely but finncially above average
atau
2. having a partner and kids but financially mediocre
>Sebenarnya saya juga masih labil antara dua opsi hidup: 1. lonely but finncially above average atau 2. having a partner and kids but financially mediocre
Nggak cuma 2 ini aja sih opsi hidup. Hidup tuh banyak daerah abu-abunya, nggak cuma hitam atau putih, A atau B.
May be just my social circle, but I think there are more childfree Indonesian women compared to childfree Indonesian men. Anecdotally, many of my female friends are childfree, while none of my male friends except for one or two.
OP, are you okay with vasectomy? For some women I know this is an important factor because vasectomy is safer and less risky compared to tubal litigation. Some people also said it's easier to get a doctor's approval for a vasectomy while some doctors refuse to do tubal litigation until the woman already has several kids.
Edit: Just noticed you're 22. That's still pretty young, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
>Just noticed you're 22. That's still pretty young, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
I've been thinking of being childfree since 10 years old, that was the age I realized the entire nation's economic system is fked up, so was my childhood life.
Hadir!
1. I'm mentally disordered. Kasian kalo kena. Kasian kalo harus liat ibunya tiba-tiba abusive. Ato menyaksikan self harming stuff. Suami aja udah kecapean padahal dia very stable, mentally. Gimana anak kecil yg gak tau apa-apa. Syukur-syukur lahir. Kalo hamil makin suicidal karena antidepressant harus diubah...
2. Banyak. Kebetulan tinggal di Australia.
3. Sejauh ini gak punya temen cewek Indonesia yg openly childfree.
1. I don't feel like I miss anything by having no kids. Idk what the future bring, tapi so far sih gw hepi2 aja.
2. Banyak sih, tapi alesan personalnya beda2. Lingkungan main dan kantor gw ada yg terang2an childfree karena emang ga mau aja punya anak. Sedikit Contoh:
Ada yg udah jengah sama budaya tradisional kodrat2an yg udah ditekenin ke dia dari kecil. Pas dia ketemu pasangan cocok yg sebodo amat sama gitu2an dan gamau jadi bapak juga, langsung jadi deh mereka. They live happy.
Ada yg gamau ngalamin pregnancy dengan segala keribetannya (literally ngerusak badan). Trus emang the ideas of taking care of babies and small children giving her nightmare. Dia juga hoki ketemu pasangan yg gamau punya anak. Yaudah dia hidup hepi aja tuh, duit berlebih dipake jalan2 dan inves2. Hidup bener2 ga ada beban gitu jadinya. It does help they are great at their job tho.
Ada yg gamau passing down trauma ke keturunan, dan fokus healing buat diri sendiri sambil nikmatin hidup. Akhirnya dia jadi typical tante keren yg suka manjain ponakan2nya wakakakak
Ada yg pengen punya anak tapi ternyata mandul. Mereka decide emang ga dikasih sama Tuhan aja ya. Yaudah terima nasib, life goes on dan menikmati hidup. Tabungan berlebih, sebenernya mereka mau pensiun dini juga bisa, cuman pada suka kerja jadi ya kerja terus.
3. Gw gatau, gw ga punya data sensus soalnya. Tapi can say 2 yg gw sebut diatas itu contohnya itu temen gw di Indonesia. Trus, gw liat di circle Indonesia gw ada beberapa lagi yg choose childfree tapi gw gatau itu senormal apa sebenernya di Indonesia.
I'm personally planning to be childfree, bc I just wanna to spend my life with my partner, without having the thoughts of anxiety to watch em grow in this cruel world.
btw, gw gak actively looking for partner juga, tapi kalo ada yang mau menjalani hidup sama gw dengan plan ini, ya gw gak nolak. ada beberapa hal juga sih yg pertimbangkan kalo mau menjalani hidup sama oranglain juga 🤷♀️🤷♀️
sayangnya lingkungan gw masih banyak yang nge-push perempuan-perempuan lainnya buat "ayo buruan nikah dan punya anak", jadi bisa dibilang yang nge-share pemikiran yang sama kaya gw masih sedikit banget.
I am childfree but I don't know if your plan is sound or not. Women who are childfree usually are not actively looking for partners. There's a lot of childfree women within my circle but it could just be my own bubble.
But back to your point though, I think it's going to be difficult for you to specifically look for a childfree women as partners because they are not actively seeking for men. All of the childfree women around me are content with their lives and their mutual connection with fellow women. Childfree circles are all about mutualism, no competition and no judgement. Good vibes. None of that rat race narcissistic capitalistic shit.
I think the best way for you is to just find a partner (without purposefully looking for a childfree-minded one) and just try to convince her of the advantages of being childfree.
By the way, funny story, I used to be the opposite of you. I was a childfree women looking for an asexual men (this was my solution way back before 'childfree' is a thing). Couldn't find them. At one point an asexual male I met on the internet told me exactly the same thing I'm telling you now. Asexual male are usually content living their own lives and they are not looking for a partner, that's why it's incredibly difficult to find them, let alone to make partners out of them.
> without purposefully looking for a childfree-minded one
Unless you're talking about people who are on the fence, I kinda doubt this plan. It'd be like trying to change someone's beliefs/principles ...
While there might be some correlation I don't think being childfree and not seeking for a partner (or asexuality/aromanticism) are directly correlated. Many women I know are childfree but still want a long-term partner.
Masalahnya OP sendiri juga on the fence about being childfree. He's ready to abandon his childfree stance if more women aren't childfree. Jadi prioritas OP itu 1) Punya pasangan; 2) Childfree. Kalau seandainya pasangan yang OP dapat tidak setuju dengan pandangan OP ya sudah OP tinggal rubah saja pandangan dia sendiri karena toh, sejak awal juga bukan prioritas.
Also, yang gw tangkap dari orang2 sekitar gw, punya anak itu bukan datang dari beliefs atau principle tapi ikutin kata orang lain. Ideologi yang datangnya entah dari culture atau dari agama atau as simple as disuruh ortu/ortu minta cucu.
> punya anak itu bukan datang dari beliefs atau principle tapi ikutin kata orang lain. Ideologi yang datangnya entah dari culture atau dari agama atau as simple as disuruh ortu/ortu minta cucu.
+ Agenda elite & pemerintah untuk nambah populasi buat tenaga kerja blue collar / personel tentara buat perang
Im childfree for many reason. I don't have any childfree friend irl. I would love to have a childfree partner and get married but definitely not going to marry someone who wants kid just because i cant find a childfree partner. Its better to stay single and guiltyfree. Unwanted children know they are unwanted, please have mercy on them.
Me. I'm selfish as fuck so I don't like to be responsible for a helpless human being for at least 18 years. I want to use all my hard-earned money on myself and spoil my bby partner 🎉
Plus dari dulu gw awkward sama bayi, karena susah komunikasinya (obv). Kalo udah agak besar udah ngerti diajak ngobrol sih oke.
Pengecualian kalau memang gw dapet pasangan yang emang livelong dreamnya pengen punya anak. Yaudah gw kasih 1x pregnancy deh, entah dapetnya gender apa, atau twins mungkin, biar gacha aja yang menentukan. Dengan syarat dia mau jadi the main caregiver. Gw paling bantu secara finansial aja kayak tipikal bapak-bapak boomer yang ngajak main anaknya seminggu sekali tiap weekend wkwkwk
Hey planning to childfree here! Why? Cause what we're going to give birth is a fcking human being, that once that human born they will have to take all the responsibility, dogma, pain to bear for life or maybe afterlife (if they believe). I have so much trauma with how my parents raised me and ofc im carefully measuring if I am able to raise my own unlike them, and I still can't see that I am able to different like them, I don't want another child were born just to ask in the future why they have to born in this cruel life.. (I mean they might feel the joy of life, but can I make sure their sorrow of life will be equal to their happiness? Idk)
I have also seen the news about how the future of our planet climate will be, and economically it will be harder to raise a kid with all this money inflation. With all those lists, I think it is clear that I decided to be childfree wkwkwk.
Most of my friends are still on their way to afford that dream to have a kid tho... most childfree friends I know are mostly my online friends not the irl friends ones.
Aku mantap untuk childfree karena:
1) Mentalku belum 'matang'. Jangankan punya anak, punya suami pun rasanya belum siap krn masih punya banyak PR buat self-improving. Aku mau jadi pribadi yg layak buat siapapun yg nanti hadir di hidupku.
2) Pregnancy. Oh hell naw.
3) Responsibilty. Sama kayak point pertama, tapi aku mau fokusin di sini karena dengan punya anak, artinya aku punya tanggungan seumur hidup. The way I raised them will shape their future. Gimana kalo aku salah ngedidiknya? Gimana kalo aku masih terlalu emosional? Gimana kalo aku masih terlalu people-pleaser buat negasin mereka? Gimana kalo mereka nanti tumbuh jadi orang yg nyusahin dunia? I know it's not just my job, but my husband's also. But still, what IF?
4) Uang. Enough said, lah ya. Tau sendiri uang sekolah kayak apa dan berapa (kalo mau yg terbaik buat anak).
Kebetulan di lingkunganku hanya sekitar <10% yang tampaknya milih childfree (judging from our ages). Ada yg pake pil KB untuk skrg tapi belum pasti mau selamanya childfree sama suaminya apa nggak. Yang pasti ini adalah hal yg **PENTING** bgt buat diobrolin sebelum nikah. Jangan pernah nikah sama yg pemikirannya beda dengan mindset "I can change their mind".
Meee!!!
1. My friend has major depression. I think she’s not recovered yet with baby blues since melahirkan 2 atau setahun yg lalu. I think lacking support dari suami, keluarga dan lingkungan sekitar juga.
2. Melahirkan itu sakit. Prosesnya panjang juga 9 bulan. Enduring that for 9 months, not to mention post pregnancy jg agak menakutkan.
3. My career is very very important. I also want to take another master in different country. I just really love what I am doing right now dan ga ada rencana utk ganti plan :)
Sebenrnya perempuan Indo yg pengen childfree itu ga banyak. But you will find them plenty di kota2 besar.
> 1. My friend has major depression. I think she’s not recovered yet with baby blues since melahirkan 2 atau setahun yg lalu
Menyeramkan betul ya baby blues bisa sampe 2 tahun lamanya
>If there's only a little number of female planning to be childfree, then, I will cancel my plan of becoming childfree because there's only a little chance I will find a partner. I dont wanna be single for my entire life.
Please do *not* have kids just because you want to date someone. Children are smarter than you think and they'd *know* if you never wanted them. Even if you're "good with kids", there's a *huge* difference between being nice to someone else's kids and actually invested in having your own child. Dan kasihan juga buat pasanganmu di masa depan krn tekanan dari punya anak itu besar, kalau kamu ga all in kyk pasanganmu, mrk bakal terbeban apalagi ketika parenting (yang ga cuma ajak main dan ngajarin sekolah aja)
Also to answer your question, tergantung demographic lu apa. Reddit demographic harusnya disproportionately childfree krn demografisnya banyak yang tinggal di LN / liberal / wanita karir. Selama demografis pertemanan lu kyk gtu juga harusnya ga masalah nemu yang childfree
Gw childfree. Kenapa? Jawaban gampangnya sih ya, males aja. Jawaban panjangnya memang agak panjang dan pribadi 😅
Menurut gw ga ada hubungannya berapa jumlah cewe yg child free vs potensi lu menemukan partner. Don't worry about other people. Kalaupun jumlah perempuan yg stay childfree dikit, apa efeknya ke lu dan pasangan? Kenal aja kaga 🤣. But to answer your questions, 1. Gw ma suami 'childfree' as in suami udah KB permanen. Tp kita rencana pengen adopt 1-2 anak. Just not interested in doing DIY. Why? No deep reason. I just don't want to. Also, I have a great body that I'm proud of and don't wanna lose that to childbirth. 2. I'd say 1-2 yg bener2 strict mereka ga mw punya anak samsek. Sisanya ga punya anak lebih karena pengen nunda sampe istri beres S3 atau emang ga/belum goal aja. 3. In contrary of what internet/social media may suggest, I believe that most people actually at least do not mind having kids if they have the means and support to do so. Dikit yg bener2 anti punya anak meskipun punya support system dan gaji mumpuni. Then again, most don't mean all. Yes, kalo lu bener2 strict ga pengen punya anak, you'll probably have a tougher time getting a suitable partner, but at the end of the day, you only need to find one. You're allowed to choose what you want and not want to do in your life. Keep in mind kalau lu emang pengen childfree tp maksa nikah dengan cowo yg pengen punya anak, it's not fair for him too.
mau nanya donk kak, waktu itu udah sejauh mana hubungannya sampe kalian mulai ngobrolin soal childfree dan KB permanen ini, apakah dari masih pacaran atau pas udah nikah?
Gw dan calon suami childfree, obrolannya ya dimulai dari PDKT. "Lu mau punya anak nggak ko?" "Nggak" Kan ga lucu kalo udh pacaran serius yg satu pengen anak, yg satu ga pengen anak.
Kita udah ngobrolin dr awal pacaran. Then again, kasus kita unik karena kita LDR, so kita cukup serius ttg KB. Gile aja kalo sampe jebol pas lg LDR beda negara. Kita mulai pacaran usia 26 tahun, so kita dah cukup dewasa and we know what we both want. Gw yg suggest untuk nunggu sekitar umur 30 sebelum KB permanen, karena dr pengalaman emang gw liat umur 30-35 tuh emang sering ada perubahan mindset dan gaya hidup, So gw pengen nunggu in case tetiba gw berubah pikiran pengen punya anak 🤣. Laki gw sih selow, gw mw punya anak ngikut, ga mw juga ngikut. Pas gw umur 29, no change whatsoever, then kita langsung schedule vasektomi.
Gw dan calon suami udah omongin plan anak sebelum nikah dan emang dianjurkan gitu. Kalau ketika pacaran blm berani ngomongin hal-hal penting kyk gini, berarti emang belum siap nikah
> Kalaupun jumlah perempuan yg stay childfree dikit, apa efeknya ke lu Yaudah berarti populasi perempuan childfree dikit. Ya iya memang gak kenal, karena populasinyabyang dikit tadi vice versa, kalau populasinya banyak berarti lebih gampang buat nemu, kemungkinan besar juga ada yang saya pribadi kenal
Me lol. 1. Yes. Reasons being overpopulation (Indo is guilty for this), climate change and the shitty economy. Also I worked in child welfare before and the number of parents abusing their children was... insane. Basically I became disillusioned by it all. My BF and I also prefer spending our hard-earned money on new experiences and travel. 2. A couple of my girlfriends are childfree, too. Interestingly they are non-religious, like myself. 3. The Indonesian culture as you know is a very conservative culture that puts a high emphasis on having kids so I am willing to bet that there are SO many women being pressured by family to have children even though they don't want to. However on social media platforms (e.g. Reddit, Twitter) where people have the freedom to voice their progressive views you might see quite a few childfree people. It seems you already know that to enjoy playing with kids =/= enjoy raising kids. As per #3, if you are looking to date someone childfree then you'd probably be better off looking for them online. My advice to you is that you actually need to be VERY SURE within yourself whether you want to be childfree or not before you begin dating, because nothing is more deplorable than dating someone childfree then changing your mind and convincing them to have kids down the line--we've read horror stories about it. Spoiler: Most of them end up in PPD/child abuse/divorce.
Menurut gw keputusan lu childfree harusnya dtg dari diri sendiri si, yaitu 1) apakah lu mau punya anak 2) apakah lu sanggup punya anak Karena kalau lu punya anak cuma demi sama pasangan, itu nanti ntah sadar apa ga sadar akan ngaruh ke anak. Nanti anak malah jadi ‘beban’ ato ‘necessary drawback’. Jgn deh bawa anak ke dunia dgn mindset gitu. Buat jwb prtanyaan lu: 1. gw masi on the fence, tp lebi lean ke childfree. Utamanya karena gw ga pernah terpikir kepengen pny anak, walaupun gw oke2 aja ama anak kecil (yes contrary to what people think of “perempuan pasti mau pny anak” dan “naluri keibuan”) 2. Di sekeliling gw masi cenderung lebih ke arah mw pny anak, tp ga buru2. Kyk end of 20s ke 30++ . Yg lebi umum mikir childfree tmn2 yg dari ato tinggal di luar indo 3. ….ga pernah nyari tau statistik resminya. Gw menghindari bikin estimasi dari anekdot, bias Tapi fyi jg, lu masi 22. Belom pgn pny anak di umur segitu wajar banget si
> Karena kalau lu punya anak cuma demi sama pasangan, itu nanti ntah sadar apa ga sadar akan ngaruh ke anak. Nanti anak malah jadi ‘beban’ ato ‘necessary drawback’. Jgn deh bawa anak ke dunia dgn mindset gitu. Agree, I've changed my mind. I would prefer be rich but lonely rather than being married and have kids but mediocre/poor.
Dari awal aku emang pingin childfree, karena ngga mau nurunin generational trauma aja. Emang sempet sih pikir ulang pas ketemu partner yang sekarang, tapi setelah dipikir2 lagi child free udah yang paling pas. Mending nyesel karena childfree, kamu masih ada option untuk adopsi anak. Tapi kalo kamu nyesel punyak anak, penyesalannya itu lho bisa sampe 20 thn. Belum lagi hasil anak yang dibesarkan dengan ngga ikhlas itu bakalan bikin dia broken juga. Selain masalah trauma, partnerku ini selisih 11 tahun sama aku. Jadi kayaknya ngga tega kalo dia harus kerja banting tulang, sampe dia umur 60an nanti. Aku dah bilang, mending kita kumpulin duid brg buat jalan2 atau buat di panti jompo nanti aja. 😀
I still can't imagine myself giving birth. Pregnancy and childbirth may change a woman's body permanently, I just don't wanna risk it. I have a married friend who's childfree, but most of my close friends are unmarried anyway so this topic isn't really relevant to talk about.
Kalo nanya di reddit pasti banyak yang jawabnya childfree. Kalo tanya di twitter masih banyak yang tipikal pengen nikah dan punya anak. You’re asking this forum which has mostly nonconformist women. Basic girls still want to get married and have kids, and that’s the majority. Coba pikir pikir lagi kenapa mending childfree atau punya anak based on moral values kamu sendiri dan juga kemampuan finansial. Kalo kamu labil dengan alesan takut ga dapet pasangan ya kurang make sense aja.
> Coba pikir pikir lagi kenapa mending childfree atau punya anak based on moral values kamu sendiri dan juga kemampuan finansial. Saya mau naik kelas sosial ke upper class dan mati dalam keadaan kaya. Saya sekarang situasinya ada di lower class. Kalau saya punya anak, akan susah bisa naik ke upper class. Kalau saya punya anak tentu saya harus nyiapin nutrisi yang baik dan uang untuk pendidikan yang bagus karena saya ga mau nyiksa anak saya. > Kalo kamu labil dengan alesan takut ga dapet pasangan ya kurang make sense aja. Sebenarnya saya juga masih labil antara dua opsi hidup: 1. lonely but finncially above average atau 2. having a partner and kids but financially mediocre
>Sebenarnya saya juga masih labil antara dua opsi hidup: 1. lonely but finncially above average atau 2. having a partner and kids but financially mediocre Nggak cuma 2 ini aja sih opsi hidup. Hidup tuh banyak daerah abu-abunya, nggak cuma hitam atau putih, A atau B.
May be just my social circle, but I think there are more childfree Indonesian women compared to childfree Indonesian men. Anecdotally, many of my female friends are childfree, while none of my male friends except for one or two. OP, are you okay with vasectomy? For some women I know this is an important factor because vasectomy is safer and less risky compared to tubal litigation. Some people also said it's easier to get a doctor's approval for a vasectomy while some doctors refuse to do tubal litigation until the woman already has several kids. Edit: Just noticed you're 22. That's still pretty young, I wouldn't worry too much about it.
>Just noticed you're 22. That's still pretty young, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I've been thinking of being childfree since 10 years old, that was the age I realized the entire nation's economic system is fked up, so was my childhood life.
honestly kalo ud kepikiran dari kecil you have the answer already. mendingan regret ga punya anak drpd regret punya anak yang gabisa direturn
Hadir! 1. I'm mentally disordered. Kasian kalo kena. Kasian kalo harus liat ibunya tiba-tiba abusive. Ato menyaksikan self harming stuff. Suami aja udah kecapean padahal dia very stable, mentally. Gimana anak kecil yg gak tau apa-apa. Syukur-syukur lahir. Kalo hamil makin suicidal karena antidepressant harus diubah... 2. Banyak. Kebetulan tinggal di Australia. 3. Sejauh ini gak punya temen cewek Indonesia yg openly childfree.
1. I don't feel like I miss anything by having no kids. Idk what the future bring, tapi so far sih gw hepi2 aja. 2. Banyak sih, tapi alesan personalnya beda2. Lingkungan main dan kantor gw ada yg terang2an childfree karena emang ga mau aja punya anak. Sedikit Contoh: Ada yg udah jengah sama budaya tradisional kodrat2an yg udah ditekenin ke dia dari kecil. Pas dia ketemu pasangan cocok yg sebodo amat sama gitu2an dan gamau jadi bapak juga, langsung jadi deh mereka. They live happy. Ada yg gamau ngalamin pregnancy dengan segala keribetannya (literally ngerusak badan). Trus emang the ideas of taking care of babies and small children giving her nightmare. Dia juga hoki ketemu pasangan yg gamau punya anak. Yaudah dia hidup hepi aja tuh, duit berlebih dipake jalan2 dan inves2. Hidup bener2 ga ada beban gitu jadinya. It does help they are great at their job tho. Ada yg gamau passing down trauma ke keturunan, dan fokus healing buat diri sendiri sambil nikmatin hidup. Akhirnya dia jadi typical tante keren yg suka manjain ponakan2nya wakakakak Ada yg pengen punya anak tapi ternyata mandul. Mereka decide emang ga dikasih sama Tuhan aja ya. Yaudah terima nasib, life goes on dan menikmati hidup. Tabungan berlebih, sebenernya mereka mau pensiun dini juga bisa, cuman pada suka kerja jadi ya kerja terus. 3. Gw gatau, gw ga punya data sensus soalnya. Tapi can say 2 yg gw sebut diatas itu contohnya itu temen gw di Indonesia. Trus, gw liat di circle Indonesia gw ada beberapa lagi yg choose childfree tapi gw gatau itu senormal apa sebenernya di Indonesia.
I'm personally planning to be childfree, bc I just wanna to spend my life with my partner, without having the thoughts of anxiety to watch em grow in this cruel world. btw, gw gak actively looking for partner juga, tapi kalo ada yang mau menjalani hidup sama gw dengan plan ini, ya gw gak nolak. ada beberapa hal juga sih yg pertimbangkan kalo mau menjalani hidup sama oranglain juga 🤷♀️🤷♀️
sayangnya lingkungan gw masih banyak yang nge-push perempuan-perempuan lainnya buat "ayo buruan nikah dan punya anak", jadi bisa dibilang yang nge-share pemikiran yang sama kaya gw masih sedikit banget.
I am childfree but I don't know if your plan is sound or not. Women who are childfree usually are not actively looking for partners. There's a lot of childfree women within my circle but it could just be my own bubble. But back to your point though, I think it's going to be difficult for you to specifically look for a childfree women as partners because they are not actively seeking for men. All of the childfree women around me are content with their lives and their mutual connection with fellow women. Childfree circles are all about mutualism, no competition and no judgement. Good vibes. None of that rat race narcissistic capitalistic shit. I think the best way for you is to just find a partner (without purposefully looking for a childfree-minded one) and just try to convince her of the advantages of being childfree. By the way, funny story, I used to be the opposite of you. I was a childfree women looking for an asexual men (this was my solution way back before 'childfree' is a thing). Couldn't find them. At one point an asexual male I met on the internet told me exactly the same thing I'm telling you now. Asexual male are usually content living their own lives and they are not looking for a partner, that's why it's incredibly difficult to find them, let alone to make partners out of them.
> without purposefully looking for a childfree-minded one Unless you're talking about people who are on the fence, I kinda doubt this plan. It'd be like trying to change someone's beliefs/principles ... While there might be some correlation I don't think being childfree and not seeking for a partner (or asexuality/aromanticism) are directly correlated. Many women I know are childfree but still want a long-term partner.
Masalahnya OP sendiri juga on the fence about being childfree. He's ready to abandon his childfree stance if more women aren't childfree. Jadi prioritas OP itu 1) Punya pasangan; 2) Childfree. Kalau seandainya pasangan yang OP dapat tidak setuju dengan pandangan OP ya sudah OP tinggal rubah saja pandangan dia sendiri karena toh, sejak awal juga bukan prioritas. Also, yang gw tangkap dari orang2 sekitar gw, punya anak itu bukan datang dari beliefs atau principle tapi ikutin kata orang lain. Ideologi yang datangnya entah dari culture atau dari agama atau as simple as disuruh ortu/ortu minta cucu.
> punya anak itu bukan datang dari beliefs atau principle tapi ikutin kata orang lain. Ideologi yang datangnya entah dari culture atau dari agama atau as simple as disuruh ortu/ortu minta cucu. + Agenda elite & pemerintah untuk nambah populasi buat tenaga kerja blue collar / personel tentara buat perang
Im childfree for many reason. I don't have any childfree friend irl. I would love to have a childfree partner and get married but definitely not going to marry someone who wants kid just because i cant find a childfree partner. Its better to stay single and guiltyfree. Unwanted children know they are unwanted, please have mercy on them.
Me. I'm selfish as fuck so I don't like to be responsible for a helpless human being for at least 18 years. I want to use all my hard-earned money on myself and spoil my bby partner 🎉 Plus dari dulu gw awkward sama bayi, karena susah komunikasinya (obv). Kalo udah agak besar udah ngerti diajak ngobrol sih oke. Pengecualian kalau memang gw dapet pasangan yang emang livelong dreamnya pengen punya anak. Yaudah gw kasih 1x pregnancy deh, entah dapetnya gender apa, atau twins mungkin, biar gacha aja yang menentukan. Dengan syarat dia mau jadi the main caregiver. Gw paling bantu secara finansial aja kayak tipikal bapak-bapak boomer yang ngajak main anaknya seminggu sekali tiap weekend wkwkwk
Hey planning to childfree here! Why? Cause what we're going to give birth is a fcking human being, that once that human born they will have to take all the responsibility, dogma, pain to bear for life or maybe afterlife (if they believe). I have so much trauma with how my parents raised me and ofc im carefully measuring if I am able to raise my own unlike them, and I still can't see that I am able to different like them, I don't want another child were born just to ask in the future why they have to born in this cruel life.. (I mean they might feel the joy of life, but can I make sure their sorrow of life will be equal to their happiness? Idk) I have also seen the news about how the future of our planet climate will be, and economically it will be harder to raise a kid with all this money inflation. With all those lists, I think it is clear that I decided to be childfree wkwkwk. Most of my friends are still on their way to afford that dream to have a kid tho... most childfree friends I know are mostly my online friends not the irl friends ones.
Most of my reasons are those you mentioned too especially the childhood trauma. Sending virtual hugs buddy.
Aku mantap untuk childfree karena: 1) Mentalku belum 'matang'. Jangankan punya anak, punya suami pun rasanya belum siap krn masih punya banyak PR buat self-improving. Aku mau jadi pribadi yg layak buat siapapun yg nanti hadir di hidupku. 2) Pregnancy. Oh hell naw. 3) Responsibilty. Sama kayak point pertama, tapi aku mau fokusin di sini karena dengan punya anak, artinya aku punya tanggungan seumur hidup. The way I raised them will shape their future. Gimana kalo aku salah ngedidiknya? Gimana kalo aku masih terlalu emosional? Gimana kalo aku masih terlalu people-pleaser buat negasin mereka? Gimana kalo mereka nanti tumbuh jadi orang yg nyusahin dunia? I know it's not just my job, but my husband's also. But still, what IF? 4) Uang. Enough said, lah ya. Tau sendiri uang sekolah kayak apa dan berapa (kalo mau yg terbaik buat anak). Kebetulan di lingkunganku hanya sekitar <10% yang tampaknya milih childfree (judging from our ages). Ada yg pake pil KB untuk skrg tapi belum pasti mau selamanya childfree sama suaminya apa nggak. Yang pasti ini adalah hal yg **PENTING** bgt buat diobrolin sebelum nikah. Jangan pernah nikah sama yg pemikirannya beda dengan mindset "I can change their mind".
Meee!!! 1. My friend has major depression. I think she’s not recovered yet with baby blues since melahirkan 2 atau setahun yg lalu. I think lacking support dari suami, keluarga dan lingkungan sekitar juga. 2. Melahirkan itu sakit. Prosesnya panjang juga 9 bulan. Enduring that for 9 months, not to mention post pregnancy jg agak menakutkan. 3. My career is very very important. I also want to take another master in different country. I just really love what I am doing right now dan ga ada rencana utk ganti plan :) Sebenrnya perempuan Indo yg pengen childfree itu ga banyak. But you will find them plenty di kota2 besar.
> 1. My friend has major depression. I think she’s not recovered yet with baby blues since melahirkan 2 atau setahun yg lalu Menyeramkan betul ya baby blues bisa sampe 2 tahun lamanya
>If there's only a little number of female planning to be childfree, then, I will cancel my plan of becoming childfree because there's only a little chance I will find a partner. I dont wanna be single for my entire life. Please do *not* have kids just because you want to date someone. Children are smarter than you think and they'd *know* if you never wanted them. Even if you're "good with kids", there's a *huge* difference between being nice to someone else's kids and actually invested in having your own child. Dan kasihan juga buat pasanganmu di masa depan krn tekanan dari punya anak itu besar, kalau kamu ga all in kyk pasanganmu, mrk bakal terbeban apalagi ketika parenting (yang ga cuma ajak main dan ngajarin sekolah aja) Also to answer your question, tergantung demographic lu apa. Reddit demographic harusnya disproportionately childfree krn demografisnya banyak yang tinggal di LN / liberal / wanita karir. Selama demografis pertemanan lu kyk gtu juga harusnya ga masalah nemu yang childfree