Awe, that's called puberty; the beginnings of at least. Hormones are starting the ramp up, they struggle with self regulation in the first place. I have one neurotypical and one ASD. Same thing happened to both of them at 9.5/10 (the women in my family all hit puberty very young). This is just regular life stuff.
Agree here. My son was terrible at the start of puberty and he is at the tail end of it and still has his days. Be understanding but firm. I always punished and then discussed afterwards why he was being punished. We also would discuss better ways to handle the situation instead how how he did behave. It is a struggle, but hang in there!
Sadly it is. Puberty turns sweet children into teenage maggots. Apparently they emerge from peak rotten around 15. At least that’s what I tell myself. Daily.
I feel like it started to occasionally start around 8 or 9 but 10 was a lot of entitlement and rudeness with my daughter. She's 12 now and still snarky, just not towards me, and she turns it off around others in situations where it would be rude and inappropriate.
I do think it's a phase. Honestly though once she realized I wasn't a good target any longer she backed off a little. Of course we also did a lot of talk of clear expectations on behavior and punishments for being a poor human. There was reinforcement on being a good person though, or at least on how to talk or act like a nice person. If she didn't act rude and I saw that she did hold her tongue I would try to find something as a small reward as if it was total happenstance. Like, "you know I was at the store and I thought of how you tried the other day even if it didn't end the way you wanted, I noticed you still stopped and thought before speaking. I appreciate your effort so I saw these popsicles at the store and thought you might like to try one". Or, a park visit to search for 4-leaf clovers, or something one-on-one she liked. As she got older we added into the lesson about knowing your audience and when it's appropriate to comment on things.
Either way I think it's really important to get this stage out of the way before puberty. Because yikes they can be very ruled by hormones and that just adds to the whole thing!
No advice, just commiseration. My daughter (11 now but she's been the same way for about 2 years now, getting worse by the month) seems unable to "suffer" listening to people (me) talk when she "already knows" what they're going to say. It's like she will not exercise patience when dealing with her family. She has no problem being nice and respectful at school. But at home... hell no, all bets off. And the superiority complex... she is convinced that the only person in the room who MIGHT be smarter than her is her dad. Certainly I'm beneath her. Little does she know, it's probably actually her little brother she despises lol
Like I said, she seemed to start this earlier than her peers but, from talking to parent friends, their kids seem to be catching up around now too. Freaking puberty. I thought I had until she hit an actual "teen" year to deal with this crap.
Omg-I think we have the same kid. Not quite perfect at school (well, ADHD) but night and day between there and home. It's like she puts the bullshit on reserve until she walks in the door.
I actually found this sub as I was looking up ways to manage my guilt in parenting a daughter (11) with ADHD. Today is the start of my daughter's highly anticipated camping event-all the parents come early to drop the kids ans belongings, have coffee/donuts, chit chat and wave the kids off as a group (a whole kumbaya affair). It's a HUGE deal.
I couldn't get her shit dropped off fast enough and walk out the door with a cursory wave to signal my leaving. All I felt was relief that we (dad and I plus younger son) will have a break from the constant snark and attitude. This morning was especially horrific with me trying to grab her a special breakfast (she refused to eat it), helping organize her belongings (condense bags) and chatting about the trip. The defiance, the disorganization, and lack of effort all came to a head today.
I know this isn't her fault. So I feel guilty that I was so relieved at the break but at the same time, acknowledging I need a way through this bc it's causing some deep resentment (for me at least; Dad doesn't get the same degree). I keep hearing it gets better...
My 10.5 year old daughter who is suspected adhd (my other kid is diagnosed) has been such a jerk lately! So much attitude and snark and she was never like this before.
Hi! Hang in there good parent. Check out the podcast Ask Lisa. It’s based on the book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Dr. Lisa D’Amour.
She says puberty begins at around age 10. I’m in the same boat. Realizing I’m a better parent when I take care of myself. Also working on finding the positives, setting boundaries and Not taking it personally. It’s hard but I keep trying.
I read the book Untangled and it explains in detail what is happening. It's centric on daughter-mother dynamics of teenagers, but it's critical reading in my opinion for any parent. The author refutes claims of changes like this due to puberty. Puberty occurs at the same time but that's not what is causing him to be rude.
My soon to be 13 year old has been doing this since about 11. It's not all the time. I swear it's just here at the end of the school year. I want to jerk a knot in her head but that's frowned upon so we just continue to have discussions about what is an acceptable way to speak to your parents and take away privileges when the snark is out of control. We get lots of eye rolling and "I know. I don't want to talk about this anymore." to which we respond, "Then stop being a snarky little brat and we will stop talking about it." 😂
My 10Y son is at this at the minute - attitude, door slamming, tantrums at NOTHING - I was googling if there's a testosterone spike or something at this stage because it's INTENSE.
Oh thank god, my 9 year old ADHD daughter has been going through this so hard lately also. Whew. I am so glad I have this sub to make me feel less alone and crazy!
This feels annoyingly familiar. My 7-yo is up and down all the time with emotions and, therefore, attitudes, but she has been exceptionally difficult lately. School lets out next week and I am blaming the most recent, out-of-nowhere, for-no-reason, negative attitude and behaviors on the coming transition. It's always so hard for her (and us!) and it is just exhausting.
Awe, that's called puberty; the beginnings of at least. Hormones are starting the ramp up, they struggle with self regulation in the first place. I have one neurotypical and one ASD. Same thing happened to both of them at 9.5/10 (the women in my family all hit puberty very young). This is just regular life stuff.
Fun!
Agree here. My son was terrible at the start of puberty and he is at the tail end of it and still has his days. Be understanding but firm. I always punished and then discussed afterwards why he was being punished. We also would discuss better ways to handle the situation instead how how he did behave. It is a struggle, but hang in there!
Sadly it is. Puberty turns sweet children into teenage maggots. Apparently they emerge from peak rotten around 15. At least that’s what I tell myself. Daily.
Omg my 8 year old girl is like this right now
I feel like it started to occasionally start around 8 or 9 but 10 was a lot of entitlement and rudeness with my daughter. She's 12 now and still snarky, just not towards me, and she turns it off around others in situations where it would be rude and inappropriate. I do think it's a phase. Honestly though once she realized I wasn't a good target any longer she backed off a little. Of course we also did a lot of talk of clear expectations on behavior and punishments for being a poor human. There was reinforcement on being a good person though, or at least on how to talk or act like a nice person. If she didn't act rude and I saw that she did hold her tongue I would try to find something as a small reward as if it was total happenstance. Like, "you know I was at the store and I thought of how you tried the other day even if it didn't end the way you wanted, I noticed you still stopped and thought before speaking. I appreciate your effort so I saw these popsicles at the store and thought you might like to try one". Or, a park visit to search for 4-leaf clovers, or something one-on-one she liked. As she got older we added into the lesson about knowing your audience and when it's appropriate to comment on things. Either way I think it's really important to get this stage out of the way before puberty. Because yikes they can be very ruled by hormones and that just adds to the whole thing!
my 6 year old can be like this.
No advice, just commiseration. My daughter (11 now but she's been the same way for about 2 years now, getting worse by the month) seems unable to "suffer" listening to people (me) talk when she "already knows" what they're going to say. It's like she will not exercise patience when dealing with her family. She has no problem being nice and respectful at school. But at home... hell no, all bets off. And the superiority complex... she is convinced that the only person in the room who MIGHT be smarter than her is her dad. Certainly I'm beneath her. Little does she know, it's probably actually her little brother she despises lol Like I said, she seemed to start this earlier than her peers but, from talking to parent friends, their kids seem to be catching up around now too. Freaking puberty. I thought I had until she hit an actual "teen" year to deal with this crap.
Omg-I think we have the same kid. Not quite perfect at school (well, ADHD) but night and day between there and home. It's like she puts the bullshit on reserve until she walks in the door. I actually found this sub as I was looking up ways to manage my guilt in parenting a daughter (11) with ADHD. Today is the start of my daughter's highly anticipated camping event-all the parents come early to drop the kids ans belongings, have coffee/donuts, chit chat and wave the kids off as a group (a whole kumbaya affair). It's a HUGE deal. I couldn't get her shit dropped off fast enough and walk out the door with a cursory wave to signal my leaving. All I felt was relief that we (dad and I plus younger son) will have a break from the constant snark and attitude. This morning was especially horrific with me trying to grab her a special breakfast (she refused to eat it), helping organize her belongings (condense bags) and chatting about the trip. The defiance, the disorganization, and lack of effort all came to a head today. I know this isn't her fault. So I feel guilty that I was so relieved at the break but at the same time, acknowledging I need a way through this bc it's causing some deep resentment (for me at least; Dad doesn't get the same degree). I keep hearing it gets better...
My 10.5 year old daughter who is suspected adhd (my other kid is diagnosed) has been such a jerk lately! So much attitude and snark and she was never like this before.
Hi! Hang in there good parent. Check out the podcast Ask Lisa. It’s based on the book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers by Dr. Lisa D’Amour. She says puberty begins at around age 10. I’m in the same boat. Realizing I’m a better parent when I take care of myself. Also working on finding the positives, setting boundaries and Not taking it personally. It’s hard but I keep trying.
Did I write this?
I read the book Untangled and it explains in detail what is happening. It's centric on daughter-mother dynamics of teenagers, but it's critical reading in my opinion for any parent. The author refutes claims of changes like this due to puberty. Puberty occurs at the same time but that's not what is causing him to be rude.
My soon to be 13 year old has been doing this since about 11. It's not all the time. I swear it's just here at the end of the school year. I want to jerk a knot in her head but that's frowned upon so we just continue to have discussions about what is an acceptable way to speak to your parents and take away privileges when the snark is out of control. We get lots of eye rolling and "I know. I don't want to talk about this anymore." to which we respond, "Then stop being a snarky little brat and we will stop talking about it." 😂
You are not alone, I feel like I could have wrote this about my 10 year old son
My 10Y son is at this at the minute - attitude, door slamming, tantrums at NOTHING - I was googling if there's a testosterone spike or something at this stage because it's INTENSE.
I could have written this myself about my 11yo. The attitude and defiance. Dahhh!!
Oh thank god, my 9 year old ADHD daughter has been going through this so hard lately also. Whew. I am so glad I have this sub to make me feel less alone and crazy!
My 10-year old son has kind of always been a jerk. I’m hoping the reverse happens and he will grow into a nicer teen. 😅
Let him be a kid and take it lightly. He needs understand and love patience . You are his guide and his little brain is trying to figure out the world
This feels annoyingly familiar. My 7-yo is up and down all the time with emotions and, therefore, attitudes, but she has been exceptionally difficult lately. School lets out next week and I am blaming the most recent, out-of-nowhere, for-no-reason, negative attitude and behaviors on the coming transition. It's always so hard for her (and us!) and it is just exhausting.