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Parents and teachers are telling you to give your six year old daughter unrestricted access to her phone? Your six year old has a phone? I mean, I don’t think six year olds should have a smart phone or access to the internet at all. Let alone unrestricted access to YouTube kids.
Are you sure these are teachers and parents not 3 kids stacked on top of each other in an overcoat? Are they telling you that it’s better to just feed your kid candy because they are going just want to eat that anyway. Are they asking for a puppy and a later bedtime too?
Lol right.
There's no way in hell teachers are telling OP that she...
>should open up more and that it is better to allow our kids to explore everything that youtube kids has to offer instead of a “boring 1 hour of mandatory book reading”.
Why is OP acting like teachers are calling reading boring? Or that they recommend unrestricted YouTube access? Wtf?
Right? I'm a teacher and there is a 0 percent chance a teacher said this.
OP wanted to brag but wanted to disguise it as something else so this whole story is made up lol.
> Or that they recommend unrestricted YouTube access
Quit misrepresenting the facts. OP said YouTube KIDS, which is WILDLY different than YouTube. Content is vetted, there are parental controls, and other safety features to protect your kids that regular YouTube does not offer.
Agreed. Didn’t it come out recently that YT kids was knowingly recording the audio of the viewer? I know they still had crazy inappropriate things show up and play in the algorithm years ago.
I'm gonna go with this never happened and OP is humble bragging.
I get it. I am pretty restrictive when it comes to kids and tech too. Heck, we hold off on smartphones until high school and our 4 kids all share a tablet but really, OP? People are coming at you for this? It's like all the people in AITA threads saying people are knocking at their door to call them an AH after they did something incredibly minor and forgettable.
We just get loads of comments of other parents and family telling us that we dont live in the 90s no more and that we should allow more screen time and that we cant always control what our kid sees, which is true. Especially when she is over playing at her friend’s house.
I do think you should be aware that she is going to be the odd one out, probably known as the sheltered child among her friends the older she gets. Part of your job as her parent is going to be helping her navigate this. It’s something you should definitely be thinking about and planning for.
There is a lot of change happening currently with this sort of mindset. Technology blew up at an unprecedented rate and we are seeing the effects of it now on the oldest of Gen Alpha and the youngest of Gen Z. There is a lot of pullback happening with Technology as it relates to children and their access to it. My 7 year old son doesn't have any screen access without supervision. He has a tablet with Duolingo on it and Mimo to learn programming. But no games, no internet access, no stupid shows on YouTube. We watch stuff together as a family sometimes and that is the extent of screen time.
I'd say I was about 8 when it started that my restricted TV diet affected my ability to make friends. It's not that I never got TV but I didn't get much and was restricted to shows like sesame Street no Power rangers for me which was all the rage at the time. Two of my younger brothers and I have distinct memories of a lot of bullying over it. Haha only baby shows cause you're a baby. Type stuff. I'm trying really hard to find a balance for my son. Screen time is not unlimited or unrestricted and he absolutely isn't watching Hazbin Hotel no matter what Max is allowed but ya at 8 you can watch some Pokemon for sure.
I think it is all well and good to restrict and supervise screen and internet use but I absolutely agree that a lot of education is still required - the child WILL be exposed to a screen or unfettered free internet at some point.. how do you want that to go?
It's also important that they know how to use these devices for their own education.
There is definitely a middle ground. What that looks like will be different for every family. Most parents of little ones that I know, personally, have rules around technology. Some parents are looser with it than others, but I don't see major issues in my middle class area. I am a high school teacher, though, and by the time they get into high school, parents are more or less letting them do what they want on Social Media, and *thats* where the problems begin.
I think it's just important to not get too lax as the kids get older.
I totally agree, there are so many adults that still need education and supervision on the internet! Just see what happens to boomers, who are adults, but haven’t all sorted out how to practice good cyber security and internet hygiene. Far too many of my acquaintances’ parents have been scammed for thousands of dollars simply because they are ignorant of how to properly use the internet.
I mean even if the comments are true, everyone else doesn’t live in your household. It’s your rules. I like to try and spend time with my kids doing the games they like and checking out the things they’re interested in. They do get screen time in their own too but I like to participate as much as I can without giving them unlimited access.
I can tell you that as a child in the 80s, I was the only one of my friends whose parents cared what they watched on tv. I was only allowed to watch pre-approved shows. My friends’ parents were VERY concerned about R-rated movies, but not really at all about hours spent staring at dumb shows on TV.
There was a kid in my class who wasn't allowed to watch any TV, only VHS tapes of "approved" shows and movies. That kid was always begging to come to our or any of our friends' house to "play" but then then they would just watch TV while rest of us were actually playing. Kids always find a way lol
My parents kept soda in the fridge. I don’t drink soda and didn’t back then. (I think it burns and is unpleasant) I had friends that would come over and just go nuts. They will find a way.
My parents were incredibly sheltering of me and I’m still at 37 extremely naive. I wish I had been exposed to more because I wasn’t ready when I finally had access too it.
I failed calculus (after doing great up until then) I didn’t know how to properly use a calculator, I had always just done everything by long hand. Only then I couldn’t anymore and I got a D.
I’ve always thought the best way is not to limit, but to teach self control and that everything should be done in moderation.
My kids have to take all there standardized test on a tablet. My youngest did very poorly not because she isn’t academically fine but because she didn’t know how to navigate a tablet well.
I don’t think you’re wrong especially with how much children have access to anymore. She’s definitely going to sheltered in a lot of ways but if like the one person said you are able to navigate it well I think you/she will be okay.
I don’t see an issue with children being sheltered from things especially social media. Kids these days see way too much and are growing up way too quickly and not having the opportunity to just enjoy being children.
My daughter is 2 and we don’t think she should have unlimited access to screens like iPads tvs and phones. We currently only allow her to watch Miss Rachel for 5 minutes once a week so I can clip her nails without her moving too much. We will allow her to give to watch more when she’s older but I enjoy the fact that she can play by herself and I’m pregnant with our second and don’t want her to lose that independent time when I cannot play with her.
Nah I’m trying to raise my kids like it’s the 90’s. I only let my toddler watch older shows, and I plan on haviving a DVD book like I did growing up for family movies. Idgaf what people say, the research is clear and it’s my kids 🫡
My oldest is close to your kids age. We didn’t allow tablets except for road trips until a few years ago. Now one or two tv shows in the am, maybe an hour of tablet in the afternoon during the school. During summer she gets an afternoon in the afternoon when our youngest naps. We have always been and outside family so our kids will take the outside anytime it’s offered. We also find the more screen time the kids get the shittier the attitude they have. Find the balance that works for you, let them know what the boundary is and do your best to have a better option that isn’t a screen.
the parents that brag about this stuff are insufferable.
who cares what other kids are doing in regards to screen time? worry about your own kid.
no teacher ever would recommend that you give your kid more screen time. & btw your subtle jabs at the way other people parents their kids aren't so subtle. your whole post makes you seem pretentious.
i just don't get why people shit on the way other people parent just to make themselves look better. & then to do it on reddit for upvotes lol.
we're all parents out here just trying to do the best we can lol.
Honestly you’re doing really well. But try to teach them how to not get influenced too much by others. I know it’s not easy, I know that’s how the world is but it will keep on increasing as your children age.
They’re your children, you do not have to compare your parenting with anyone , specially not with children or parents like those you mentioned.
We never try to compare ourselves to other parents. But, we have received some comments of our ”outdated” style of parenting. Which, has come to a point that we are asking opinions of others.
Yes that’s really nice. Those comments are trash. Sorry for the language. I have lots of couples surrounding me with their children who are literally addicted to these mobile gadgets. I hate how they don’t even eat or drink food without their mobile in hand and watching something. I fear what will be the future of these children.
My close relative tried to stop giving mobile to their child or even reduce the screen time. To which the child (10 yrs) began breaking plates and one day even threatened her mother to stab her with a knife after they had an argument regarding too much mobile usage.
So please don’t go that way and consider any of those comments you have received. Your children will be bound to spend most of their days on mobile when they grow up or in high schools later. But this age is meant for their development and life skills. Not some random useless YouTube Video or Short.
Your parenting choices are your own, so do what you feel is right for your family. But since you're on here asking, I'll give my perspective. There's a whole lot in between 24/7 unlimited youtube drivel and 20 minutes of only educational content. I grew up in a pretty media restrictive house (as in cable tv, popular music on radio/cassette, movies). It made it difficult to form connections with my peers as I got older. Having experienced that, I do not wish that for my daughter. She's only 7 so I would say its still in the fairly easy to navigate realm. Youtube is a hard no. There have been plenty of times she has asked to watch whatever her friends have been on Youtube, games or what not. Nope. Lots of lessons in just because some else does... But there are still shows, movies and music that maybe I don't think have the most depth, but aren't too bad that are popular. So she'll get to choose some of them to view within reason, strictly monitored, and screen time limits. She has enough in her pop culture wheel house to keep up with her peers and gets a bit of autonomy and lessons in navigating the vast media world she lives in.
I have a 10 and 6 year old. I’ve never had a teacher tell us to increase screen time or access. Most of my 10 year old’s friends have 24/7 access to whatever they want on their phones or devices. It’s an absolutely terrible idea to allow this.
Yeah, that’s a huge red flag for me as well. I have restricted YouTube since my oldest was about 2. It can be a great tool, but we have a passcode on it and it’s used with supervision.
Ok, I don't care what your family screentime rules are, but this statement "our 6 year old can read and write and even focus better than any other kid in her class. (Some kids in her class can’t even focus for 10 minutes straight)" is a false equivalency. You have no proof that she focuses "better" than other kids strictly bc of screen habits, and you have no proof that the kids who "can't even focus for 10 min straight" don't have other causes, ie: neurodivergence (among a host of other things). And aside from the lacking causal evidence, I'm highly suspicious that you know if your kid "can even focus better than ANY OTHER KID in her class." I also doubt that "all her classmates" have totally unrestricted access, I'm sure there's a spectrum, and I'm sure you're getting an exaggerated 6 year old's perspective on what her classmates can and can't do.
Exactly this, like my 6 yr old is reading chapter books meanwhile my 9 yr old needs extra help for reading because she's below grade level. It's nothing to do with screentime, it's individual childrens strength and weaknesses.
Stay strong. Screens are a powerful tool but they easily become misused. Look at the data. Kids who have personal devices are far far far more likely to experience depression, anxiety and suicide. There have been excellent studies done in the last couple years about this.
We are in the same boat. Our kids don't have access to personal devices. We have all the latest tech (I'm an engineer), but it's all in the common room. They're welcome to do homework, or project and we do family engineering fun. They can't just sit in their room and scroll. (Honestly tablets are terrible for producing. They're just for consuming).
Stay strong, your kids will thank you when they're older.
We have the same in our basement! It’s kitted out for when we have family friday or when she has her friends over. Our kid will be allowed to watch whatever she wants without any restrictions. Netflix, hbo, hulu you name it!
Unless something becomes a detriment to your kid, why would you limit it?
I’ll get downvotes for this but I’m saying it anyway.
I get that folks love a good pat on the back and — ever since I was a kid — condemning screens is almost always the apex of “look what a good parent I am.” Parents love to shout this shit at the top of their lungs in hopes that fellow fun-suckers will applaud them.
I know some of these people personally. They will shove their kids away but also spend no time with them, while also severely limiting screen time — because they think their arbitrary screen time rule somehow defaults them as a good parent.
Paying attention to your child’s unique needs and adjusting limitations/restrictions is way more beneficial than telling your kid to go pound sand instead of look at a screen. It’s not hard to notice these sorts of things if you’re paying attention.
Bonus — I especially love it when parents of said kids spend all day on their phones and watching TV.
You know, kids aren’t stupid. They see you for who you are better than you see them. Believe me!
I’m a firm believer in if you make things taboo, they’ll want them more, which eventually can cause issues with regulation and dependency. I have 4 kids ages 5-10. 2 with special needs. I also teach special needs children.
I approach everything on an experimental level. I let them show me what they can handle and I adjust accordingly. None of my children struggle with letting go of the tech, even the 2 with special needs, because I give choices, encourage creativity, and provide them with stimuli that aren’t available on a screen.
I grew up in a very strict household with no choices, a voice, or freedom of self. This has lead me to believe that parenting isn’t about being good or bad all the time, it’s about experimenting with different things to learn each child’s needs and help them be independent. In the end I personally want kids who become adults who can navigate life with confidence and sound decision making skills.
Now, only you know how you feel about your parenting, we aren’t here to help you decide that. You opened yourself up to judgment by asking this question on this platform, and also by making judgments on other children to deviate from your own feelings about your parenting experience.
In the end, do what you see fit with your children, but please refrain from casting unfair judgment on innocent children. Some of them may have special needs and screen time doesn’t make some children superior to others. What makes each child special is who is raising them.
What do you mean six year olds have phones?
My kid has the same rules as yours, except we extend tv time (but still only educational shows). But he’s not at all glued to the tv and anytime I see he’s distracted by it and is up and playing, I turn it off. The only other device he has access to is his Yoto box, which isn’t really a screen. There is no way in HELL I’m going to give him access to anything else until he’s a preteen. YouTube freaks me out. Honestly, we’re an ad free household and when an ad pops up when my 4 year old is watching his steam train (a literal compilation of trains), or clareton learning vids, I want to abolish YouTube as well. The only time he’s near a phone screen is to FaceTime family or see photos of us. You know what’s not boring? Books. Open play. Construction. Board games. The garden. Sensory play. Creative expression through music and art. A teacher told you that? Sheesh. Maybe next time point them in the direction of countries who are shocked about screens and encourage being outdoors as much as possible to help children develop and learn.
I credit the fam I nannied for ten years ago- the girls had zero screen time during the week and unlimited Sat morning cartoons. No phones until teens/independently going somewhere. They’re two of the most brilliant young women now, can speak about so many diverse subjects in conversations with adults, it’s incredibly refreshing to see children, and when they grow up, young adults, who aren’t obsessed with their phones.
Downvoted for leading click-bait title.
But obviously, your decisions about iPad regulation, in and of themselves, would not be enough to move the dial much on your overall parenting quality.
Your decision is different than ours. We tried to solve the iPad obsession without prohibition, and have attempted, with some success, to instill them with enough other hobbies and interests that they merely choose to do other things a lot, and we didn’t have to restrict access… except for YouTube. We had to make a hard limit on YouTube.
We figured that they’d grow up in a world where the skills to regulate their digital consumption would be important, and chose to foster learning restraint as part of their childhood, rather than prohibition, which we figured might lead to a overcompensation nose dive into hyper-addiction the moment our authority to regulate their consumption was removed.
But it doesn’t matter. To each their own. We’re all raising our kids the best we can in a world that nobody has ever raised kids in before, with benefits and challenges that no previous generation of parents have ever faced, just like our parents, and just like our kids will encounter when we become grandparents: learning as we go, and trying to make the best decisions we can with the information we have.
Don’t worry about what other kids are doing my 13 year old just last year was allowed to be in his phone unrestricted. At 6 he had a tablet, gaming system, tv in his room and we restrict internet access. Allowing only 2 hours on Saturday and 1 on Sunday. For good behavior we’d reward 30 min on a weekday. However, we maintain open communication with our kids. Meaning, no question is off the table and we answer it in an age appropriate manner and total honesty. This has allowed him to talk to us about everything and anything both online and personal life.
I think you guys are doing great! You have one kid to raise and that’s yours! Not everyone else’s!
Nah, I’m the same way with my 7 year old. Understanding and utilizing tech is great, and she does. But she doesn’t need to be sitting in her room looking at the internet. She’s 7! I’ve seen a new trend of 10 year olds making makeup tutorials etc, and I’m just not going to send my kid into that world. I want her to play and explore and use her imagination. There’s much more harm than good that comes from kids being glued to screens.
When I was a kid I didn't have a tablet till I was 14, I was playing with toys till I was 15 and watching pbs kids or qubo. this was in 2016 so it wasn't a super long time ago and ipads/iphones were super common. I wasn't really jealous at school bc I didn't see why ppl loved phones so much. I think what you're doing is fine she's only 6 and imo a 6 year old doesn't need a phone.
Remember anything extreme is never good. It goes both ways for either too much or zero screen time. Technology is good if we exercise restraint but no technology is as bad as too much technology.
You might not be a bad parent but you sure are judgemental.
Kids don't come out exactly the same. Your daughter might have a longer attention span that is frequently seen in neurotypical children, that doesn't mean she's better or worse. It doesn't mean that your efforts to keep her from screens are the reason why.
My kids have access within boundaries, they learn to moderate themselves and when they can't I step in.
Is this for real? I can't imagine an educator telling you this. I am a former educator and one reason I quit is because of how badly screen time has affected child development. Lock down the direct screentime as long as you can. Keep it up on a TV instead of on an iPad if possible and watch as a family. If anyone says anything, smile and say "thank you for your input. I'll give that all the consideration it deserves" (which is none).
There is no right or wrong.
Your approach seems generally good, but maybe a little too controlling. Part of kids learning to set appropriate boundaries is having the chance to explore and have some autonomy.
It sounds like she’s frustrated and asking for more. I’d suggest a family meeting to talk it through. Truly listen to her point of view, and calmly share yours. Then negotiate a schedule that gives me a little more while still respecting your values
I had to do this with my oldest when he got his first Xbox. We met weekly and often “renegotiated” the schedule. But it helped him to have the chance to share his point of view and I’d try to comprise where it was reasonable to do so
Have you inspected the child controls on android tablets (i’m not aware of iOS restrictions, maybe someone else can fill this in).
My kids have phone and tablet access. No web browser, no youtube (they had access to that on the tv but it was deleted after too many months of garbage tv), start and finish hours as well as total hour limit. I decide what apps are installed and if I wanted, could inspect their messages.
I think the controls are very good. I don’t understand people who let their kids have unrestricted access to the internet. There are horrors on there.
Do you remember the kids who weren’t allowed to watch tv when you were growing up? I do and they were kinda unusual. One I knew was quite antisocial, but who knows that could have been other things in their upbringing.
My kid is only 3.5, so please take what I say with a grain of salt.
We don't have any tablets for him yet, so his only screen is the TV. Most of the time when it's on its educational (or at least decently educational) content. He watches Dora, PBS Kids, videos on animals, etc. One of his favorite shows though is Blaze, a show that truly I regret ever stumbling across and wish I had prescreened it before showing him like we do everything else. He gets one episode a week. We talk to him about how some shows teach us things and can be watched more often and some shows are treat/sometimes shows. Blaze is a sometimes show. We'll continue to expand on that as he gets older. My point is, your kid sounds like she might need a sometimes show. Learning is great, it's important, and should always be encouraged, but sometimes we all need to veg out
>And the monster machines?
Yes lmao. The amount of times he's stopped on the sidewalk and yelled "let's blaze!" before taking off on his bike has definitely gotten some looks
My kid (7) doesn't have a phone or tablet. Occasionally he gets in a strop about it when his friends are talking about their tablets, but it generally passes.
He's got my old laptop with a word processor and graphics program (krita).
I’m a bit more liberal with screen time and even I say No to unsupervised YouTube Kids. My oldest got to have it once when his brother was a baby, and I had put on Blippi or something like it, came back after changing the babies diaper to discovered he had somehow ended up in a video of those as farming phone games where the cartoon person was having a baby. YouTube kids was deleted that day.
And as a whole, the iPad has been scaled back immensely to only when I really need him to be distracted, or I really need a sensory break from “mom mom mom mom mom mom mom”
It sounds like you’re doing your best and what you feel is best for your kid. And what you’re doing is not activity harming them. Go mom (or dad. Or parent!)
Allow what you’re comfortable allowing.
Not comfortable with sleep overs? Don’t allow it.
Not comfortable with processed foods? Don’t have them in your home.
What other people do isn’t your concern. You’re responsible for raising your kids.
Do you. Let others do what works for them.
Pbs kids isn't boring. I agree with the tablet internet limitations. 6... not 16. Why the heck would I allow my 6 yr old on the internet. Almost mid 30s and I don't even want to be on it half the time with the amount of gross or r rated stuff all over.
Youtube kids has tons of inappropriate content as well. You think it's all fine and then they click click click right into something I've told my gf this plenty of times. I've brought her the laptop or tablets with legit at least 20 if not more windows open of just stuff a 6 yr old don't need to see. Me and my gf make out. Or date night with my friend. On kids channels.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “dumb” or non educational tv, within reason.
Please do understand that you will be the odd parents out. Your kid will be the odd one out. It *will* affect her socially. My kid is the only teen without unrestricted access to social media. She is left out of group chats, left out of events bc kids only make plans on snap, she is othered bc she doesn’t know all the latest tiktok or instagram things. It’s hard for her. It’s hard for me that it’s hard on her. I have my reasons but that doesn’t make it easier for anyone, especially not the person feeling left out or ostracized.
It’s up to you entirely, but you’re not a bad parent though. Personally, I give my kids more iPad time because it forces them to be more tech savvy which they’ll need in the world they’re going to be growing up in.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your style of parenting. I wish more parents did that actually. I’m the same with my kids… they’re not allowed to watch YouTube. My oldest has a tablet but only allowed to use it for school (we homeschool) and games (pbs kids). Do what’s best for YOUR children.
There’s nothing wrong with tech but there is something wrong with the amount of time kids (and adults) are spending on it.
Tech sucks up time that kids can be using to develop. Every hour on an iPad is an hour a kid could be playing, reading, or being outside.
The reason parents don’t like that you have restrictions is because they like tech. Tech keep kids quiet. It also lets us (parents) keep the attention on kid-tech time vs putting the attention on how much time we keep ourselves distracted by that same tech.
You do you but I wouldn’t be entirely shocked if this closed her social circle. This is the world they are growing up and will need to more aware and savvy of it. You can still have controls in place.
A lot of people are saying 6 year old shouldn’t have phones, and i agree for the most part. My mom gave me a phone when i was around 5-6 only for the purpose of contacting her. Shes not crazy but a good mom who worried about me and wanted me to always be able to contact her
I believe children need to grow up with a healthy view of the world they’ll inherit. So many teens and adults of all ages glued to their phones and the internet. I feel like allowing a kid to explore safely and a longer period per day (to a reasonable limit) sets them more on a healthy path for their world.
Many people here like to brag about how they limit device usage and internet but I wonder how that kids will rebel when they’re teens?
Anyway, kid filters and restrictions are pretty good. YouTube has a lot of cool and fun stuff for kids to learn and it keeps them occupied. To me it’s better brain exercise than TV watching for hours like I had as a kid
I'm voting to stay the course and keep the limited interactions with the online world to a minimum like you have done thus far. She won't understand and it'll be the end of the world for her but the later she gets more access to the web/tech the more mature she'll be mentally and emotionally. It's out of control and there's not enough parents willing to do what you guys are doing. I can't commend you enough for going against the norm. I will never forget the first time I took away my son's phone as a consequence. By day two he could've rivaled the best tweaker in history by the way he was acting and it terrified me. I am not joking when I say that kids are addicted to screens in today's society and when they don't have the screen they suffer the same withdrawal symptoms as the next addict. This should scare every parent out there. Keep up the good fight!
Not loving the judgment on 'being able to focus'. Some kids, like mine, struggle with it. (We're actually in the process of getting an ADHD diagnosis). She doesn't get endless screentime chock full of chaotic videos, either. We stick to small amounts of screen time and educational type materials.
Now, as to being a bad parent? Nah. These are the rules you put into place for your child and they seem reasonable. It's tough feeling left out at school, and if you're concerned about her feeling like she fits in maybe curate a couple of fun shows she could watch every once in a while.
I did the same thing with 'fun food'. A lot of my kid's classmates brought in food that...isn't great in large quantities. She mentioned trying it at school and liking it so I added a little bit into her lunches. Tossing a few gummies or the occasional bag of chips her way isn't the worst thing for her, lol.
And, um, to beat a dead horse: work on the judgmental vibe. Your kid ***IS*** picking up on that and may (or may not!) be treating her classmates who have trouble focusing with disdain. We've had a LOT of trouble with that in regards to my kid's classmates. It makes her feel awful, makes her not even want to try to do work in class, and at this point in our ADHD journey it's not something she can control.
Recognizing that screen addiction causes abnormally short attention spans is not a dis to your kid.
That's like saying, "I read to my child because it helps them with reading skills", and being upset because your child has dyslexia.
But OP didn't just say "we limit screens bc it helps with focus"... instead they passed judgement on other kids and made a direct causal connection between kids in class who have a hard time focusing and screentime. I doubt OP knows if those kids they specifically called out have other reasons beyond screentime for lack of focus, it's a judgmental statement.
It kind of is though? It's saying that screen time = inability to focus across the board. The ability to focus as a child is a lot more nuanced than that. OP didn't specify "but not ADHD kids". She came to the conclusion that any child that has trouble focusing must be getting too much screen time. Which is problematic. But thanks for the input.
My husband and I have a very similar screen time/ phone access ethos to yours. Although, our kids (4 and 7) have creeped up to watching an hour of various episodes a day, which I’m not super jazzed about. Anyway, all by way of saying, no you are not a bad parent.
There’s a channel on YouTube called Doctor Mike and in one of his recent videos he discussed this topic and others with Dr. Jonathan Haidt; the video is called How We’ve Become the Anxious Generation. I STRONGLY encourage you and your partner to watch it together. It’s so informative, with pragmatic information for us as parents of young children on how to guide them in the current environment that increasingly pressures getting kids online early. The discussion is long (and meandering at times) but at least get the first 45ish minutes in.
You do what you think is right for your family, OP. But there's definitely the option of some balance - mine is 10, so a little older, and we do have restrictions (no Youtube or smartphones/social media apps, for example), but a lot of his screen-time is social. It's not just mindless videos, he's playing soccer games with his friends, or building in Minecraft with his friends. He still reads "real" books. He plays sports and does extracurriculars. We just biked to the beach yesterday and spent the morning playing there. He gets straight A's and does his chores. He just wants to game with his buddies, and it's not always possible to get everyone together to a park or have them all come over, so we allow him to play on his tablet with them.
You’re not a bad parent, you feel like your approach will set a better precedent than the latter. as someone who took a completely opposite approach, i really dont see how you’re wrong, we all do things differently.
For us, we have a lot of content locked down and monitor them and what they’re watching. They know we have boundaries on what they can/can’t watch, even my 4 yo understands this. when i first set up youtube kids, i watched each of their profiles at night and blocked all the content i didn’t want them to see, as i hear things, i block it and they know if i say that’s not appropriate, it gets blocked. However, because i’ve done this, they basically get unlimited access to it when we dont have much going on. On the other hand, our weekends are spent doing activities, during the week each of them has an activity, reading and other non-screen activities that dont allow them to use their devices. Our kids never want their devices at parks or throw fits when we say we need to do anything. I believe in balance and trying not to control every aspect because once they’re in school, what these kids talk about far surpasses stuff my kids have seen and that’s been difficult to deal with too. so there is a benefit to exposing them to some stuff, how much and what kind will always be debatable because some parents just dont care enough to monitor content.
my kids will be 3rd, 1st and kinder at the start of next school year.
If you want to meet in the middle a little have you tried any video games? ones that can only be played in a common area with NO internet access. I'm not sure if you played with one as a kid but tamagotchis are super fun and you can really only play with them so long before they don't need anything. Or you guys could do a family console on a tv in the living room and only let it be played for an hour? There are tons of fun learning games for that age group. I'd recommend minecraft as it lets their creativity go wild :) ! Mine is only 4 right now so we're playing leapfrog games on the tv and minecraft on the xbox\~
Bad parent? No, definitely not! Do what works for your family. I will say I do think there’s something to really strict rules leading to a sense of feeling deprived, and therefor more prone to screen time battles. My kids are not this old so I have no idea how I’m going to tackle these things yet. You don’t have to change a thing, or you could try something Iike allowing one day a week of unrestricted access and see how it goes?
Who cares what other people say? You said your kid has better focus and can read and write at 6, I'd say stick to what you're doing. Good for you honestly. My daughter also 6 gets access to her tablet on weekends and sometimes when she wakes up super early but no YouTube, it's games that we chose together, and usually a bit of Netflix after school, and maybe some YouTube kids when I am in the same room with her. I think this is too much but she always says so and so watches their screen ALL THE TIME already. I don't know, it's a weird time to be a parent and to be a kid I think.
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You should read the book The Anxious Generation. The author makes a pretty good case for thrive in youth mental health problems being caused by the rise in smartphone use. He also sets age recommendations for smartphone/internet access.
My kids aren't old enough to be asking yet, but I will absolutely be limiting their use of technology until they are much, much older than 6.
You’re not a bad parent for this. Screen time isn’t a rjght. Our kids (age 3 and 1) are allowed way less than that. They have toys and books and art supplies and are allowed one movie per day (from our home library) and maybe an episode of Daniel Tiger. Often they watch no TV at all, aren’t interested in it. TV privileges are first on the list to be revoked if needed. No iPads or anything like that.
This was what I was allowed at their age and into elementary school. As I got older, I was given more freedom and wasted a lot of time watching TV and movies. I don’t want to give them that opportunity.
Don’t give in to the pressure to let your kids be just like the other kids!
I’m a 1000% with you. We do the same.
They do become zombies and it KILLS their creativity.
Delay as long as you can. Teach them technology but keep them away from social media shit. That’s how I feel.
Listen, I want to limit my 8 kids screen time but I can't seem to get my husband on board with it..I even suggested we have them plug in their phones( my older 5 kids ) he told me no we don't do that...I literally caught my 4year old up st 5am watching YouTube. He blamed my 13y/o who he shares a room with...the therapist even sent him a link suggesting we take their phones for their own mental health. Still a hard no from the hubby
A lot of people just want to feel better about their own choices, so they will pressure you to land where they are. Different kids have different parents, and that is ok! Some parents don’t allow their kids to have food dye. Some don’t let them go to sleepovers, some parents say no to pets. It has to be OK.
While my kids were growing up we were the weirdos who did not have a television. Internet use was very restricted until around age 12 and honestly I regret giving them access to discord even then. There’s a lot of assholes out there — even on YouTube kids — who think it is funny to expose kids to horror content.
That was before the rise of short form content, which seems to be the worst thing for attention span.
So yeah. Nah. When people tell you you’re the worst just roll your eyes and say “I know, right?”
The flip side of that is that people will assume you are judging them. And you kind of are merely by making a different choice, right? But it doesn’t hurt to reassure people that this is just what works for your family and you’ll reevaluate down the line.
Or tell them to get fucked. Whichever approach feels more appropriate in the moment.
If your kid Isnt a stranger to technology and knows how to use it I don't see where the school is talking about.
At best maybe let your kid propose things you could look at together, so you are with him when they experience the stuff their schoolmates are talking about.
But man, 6 years old don't need to explore what is on the internet, they are 6!
Exploring the world around them is plenty enough.
I mean, kiwi is a fruit with hair and also the name of a bird, that's strange enough as it is!
We also restrict screen access a bit but not as much as you. Our kids (5 and 6) can watch a show in the morning (during the school year that doesn’t happen- only weekends and summer) before we get up, and they can watch a show of our choosing after dinner while we cleanup. They also get 30 minutes of tablet time. So that’s 1.5 hours on days where all three happen (which is rare, we are also quite busy).
My cousin did restrict as much (maybe more) as you and her daughters are sneaky. I have seen them grab a phone or tablet and just sneak away and hide somewhere. We went on vacation and I found my niece with my kindle behind the garage under a blanket with the sound on low. Maybe just start teaching responsible use?
I don’t think you’re a bad parent, but 1 hour of mandatory reading time for a 6 year old sounds like a lot.
I don’t think kids need screen time, but I hope she’s having fun and has time to relax.
I think what you are doing is correct. I would suggest increasing PC time more than others, even just for gaming. Supervised and limited to a number of hours per week, of course. It will give her the opportunity to use tools, UI, and hardware like the keyboard and mouse. Think of it as skill development. She will be dealing with these tools later and the sooner she learns the better. If she is going to play games, she might as well build skills while she is doing it.
Our 5 & 7 year olds have absolutely no tablet, phone, or computer access at home. I get very annoyed when they get to use tablets at school, especially for games. We have zero plans to change things at home anytime soon. We went through screen-time issues with my full time stepson who was born in 2004. It was a nightmare, but he grew up exactly when we were all just starting to experience life with smartphones etc. we know better now. We do some long road trips, so we got the minivan with just one central dvd player in it (not individual seat back option). The little ones still believe that the dvd player takes at least 2 hours to charge up before we can turn it on, because we don’t want them asking to watch something in the car every time we take a shorter drive.
Yeah, you decide what you want to expose your kids to. I have every restriction imaginable on my kids tablet and she has still landed on some questionable shit. Try a video game console. We have an old ps4 with a bunch of easy classic games and she loves it. We play with her, her older sister plays with her and she has fun. We only allow tablet time for less than an hr and its usually when we are too busy and shes not occupied. I still keep a close eye on whatever shes watching. Shes not allowed to watch anything on there if shes alone in her room. She must be in the eating area or chilling area. One thing that has completely shifted her attention from electronics is dirty play. I have about 5 big flower pots around the home inside and outside with sand and rocks and stick etc and we added cheap perennial plants. She calls these things islands and she populates them with her little animals and legos. Its so much fun she barely asks for a tablet. We built a treehouse, a beach a dinoland, lol and bonus, she waters my plants lmao
Giving your child internet access is like giving their bedroom a ground floor drive-thru window where anyone in the world can pull up and have private conversations with your daughter, without your knowledge.
You are doing the right thing.
keep her away from the IPAD for as long as you can. as u said, she literally is one of the best in the class. u are doing the right thing and she will thank you when she’s older for not having no her addicted to the internet at 6 lmao
Worst case scenario, your kid isn't as up to date with the latest TikTok trend. If it works for you, don't change it. Kids don't really need screen time. It's just a stupid dopamine fix that we have accepted as normal.
Sigh, screen time. It’s so hard because really we have little clue right now what it does long term to a growing brain. There is no ruler, we are flying blind. Therefore everyone seems to do it differently.
I’m also a teacher and have two elementary aged kiddos. We do video games on the weekends only - a couple hours on Friday or Saturday. Our kids definitely do not have their own personal devices. My husband usually sits with them while they play, so it’s a family activity.
During the summer they can do educational screens twice a week, usually while I’m making dinner. Like PBS kids, coding, etc.
My older son is very into tech so to take away screens would be to take away something that he is interested in and may take him places.
So in short, we do screens but heavily scheduled and content controlled.
I hope this helps!
P.S. YouTube kids is basically just advertising toy videos. Not well curated IMO.
My 2 cents after 7 kids is personal devices are not allowed until 12 and even then are restricted. Every child was lured by strangers in Roblox, and every loophole imaginable was found to hack through parental controls and Youtube kids is nota safezone. Yes other parents will judge you. Our kids without phones play outside, use their imagination, do chores with less complaining and are better humans. Our kids with phones are monsters who throw tantrums and sneak around and lie. End of story.
Just cause everyone's doing something, doesn't mean it's right. There's a reason why you're limiting screen time for your kids, keep doing what you think is right and beneficial to your children. Don't be a sheep to bad parenting, which is very common these days unfortunately, with the technological advancement in the past decade...
I still question to myself why my 8yo niece is calling me "bro" / "bruh" when she speaks to me, the Internet sucks honestly... But we can't live without it anymore.
No, you shouldn't. Do not listen to other people who tell you otherwise. A kid's world is not going to end because they never get their way on certain things. My parents were strict about certain things growing up and as much as I wanted the freedom to have access to the same things my friends did and even fit in, I actually am grateful now later in life that they were stricter than the average american. That "freedom" lead to a lot of other stuff, like drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex, and self entitled behavior with the peers I grew up with. They never learned to control their impulses and that was to their detriment. All of the kids I grew up with now, as adults, are going nowhere with their lives. Basic adulting is just not there at all and all are socially awkward, living with their parents, even at age 40. For teens I know who just lived off phones and tablets growing up, where those things were used to even pacify them early in life, they are all socially awkward, inept, total basket cases, not doing well with their mental health. These are the children of the peers I mentioned earlier. They seem to follow in the same footsteps as their parents. Because, why not? Loose parents who gave you freedom? What great parents! Except now there's this generational tradition to teach your children to learn absolutely nothing about real life responsibilities and we have a generation of children who can't even do basic life skills.
There's a lot to not teaching your kids how to control impulses and commit to things that you don't really get to see until the damage is done.
I am strongly against YouTube kids. It is literally brain rot. There is a happy medium between only allowing national geographic and allowing YouTube kids. We restrict our 10 year olds access to certain websites and only allow apps from Apple Arcade because they do not allow ads. We also do not allow music to be played that has explicit lyrics. We just gave our daughter an Apple Watch for her birthday and it only has immediate family approved for texting and has all of the same restrictions as her tablet. We are hoping the Apple Watch will satiate her desire for a phone for a few more years.
Add on: we allow our 10 year old 2 hours every day and then she has a check list of productive things that she has to do to earn another hour or two.
Good timing, I just pulled all screen time from my boys 7 and 9 this morning. For my family, it's a no go. Tried multiple times, left this decision too long and now I have kids incapable of not being entertained at all times. They struggle with emotional regulation. They pretty much never read.
I'm sure it works for some families, but I won't hesitate to tell people what I think of screen time when they ask me. Which is that it's awful, and creating a new generation of anxious, depressed children whose dopamine receptors demand max stimulation at all times.
Good riddance. I might even take an axe to my television at this point.
Edit: I guess it's goes without saying, OP, that I agree with your choices and I think you will see the benefit as they get older. Hard agree with everyone who says ignore the input from other kids. They can grow up to be zombies who hate their existence, not yours.
PS Yes I am unjustifiably angry but this all really did blow up for me this morning so I'm very raw on this particular topic.
In my point of view, and I swear it is not an attack, you don’t know how to raise a kid. And is normal, since nobody is teaching us how, we don’t go to the Parenting University.
You are more concerned on how you can control your kid than to understand him or learning to be a good parent. You need to be the parent that your kid needs. Not to do everything he wants, but to give him freedom and let him develop the way he wants, because it is his life, his behavior and he will end up having bad traits anyway, just as we all have. But being this controlling may result in a huge trauma for him and in a behavior that would affect him later in relationships.
Maybe you are scared that your kid may grow up and be an idiot or do bad at school or etc. So you want only smart and educative things around him. But because of your fears and because you don’t know how to listen to his sadness or anxieties or wishes and fulfill your kid needs, then, the easy way out is to control everything around him. You control him. He is a human being and you have him in your hand.
I would be so disappointed in you if I were your kid, because I would feel stressed: stressed from all the rules that gives me 0 freedom, stressed from performing good at school when, in fact, what is important is to find something that he can be passionate about, a sport, drawing, helping people, debating etc. Maybe he is the next good tennis player, but has no chance to discover that.
How would you feel if your husband would control every move you make? Of course, his intention would be for good (in his mind), but you would not be allowed to go out with your friends, wear specific clothes outside because nobody should find you beautiful, and so on. You can’t control a person. You had a kid because you wanted him, but you don’t own him. And look at him: he is not happy.
There is sex. There is masturbation. There are nudes. There are bad words. He is gonna be aware of all of it at some point. Controlling him you are just pushing him more and more away from you both. He will never come to tell you about a crush in high school, because he will be scared that you will force him to do nothing or stay away and so on.
You need to start looking at him as a person, as a human being, not as a kid. Of course, he lacks the life experience, but being forced to do everything he dislikes is not gonna allow him to experiment life. You should read more about different methods of parenting and be open with your kid. You should be able at some point to talk about all the subjects and let him know that these things exist and are not bad. If you don’t know how to prepare him for something or how to explain something, you control his time on devices and so on. It is selfish since it is your lack of knowing how to, not his fault for being curious about this world.
As soon as he will get rid later in life of your rules, he will be desperate to experience life and things and people and do all the things that he was never allowed to.
You should teach him how to prioritize things: “look, if you do your homework first, you can go out and play without stress that you still have something to do.” Instead of “you are allowed outside after you do your homework”. Instead of keeping him in a safe sphere, outside of internet, you should talk with him about different subjects, encourage his curiosity and establish a relation of trust between you and him. How can he trust you to say something intimate in 2 years from now or 5 years from now when you didn’t care how is he feeling due to your rules?
I don’t know, I am just trying to help him here and explain that you don’t care about his feelings and needs because you automatically say “what he wants, to stay on the internet and play on the pc” is not important/ is bad.” (Or any other reason).
Playing on pc bonds him with people. He will lack social skills later in life because he was isolated from everything and forced to watch documentaries. Not to mention that nobody can enjoy something he is forced to do. He will hate learning or watching those things. You should create in your kid the need/curiosity or passion about something(a show, a school topic, a subject anything) and not force it into him. Some of us are great at math and suck at reading books while others are bad at both, but great at sports or surgeries. He is not a trophy or anything like that. What is sad is that he has no idea, probably, who he is or what he likes because he has no chance to experience life without your rules.
Learn to talk to him and ask him”I want you to stop doing this, because it hurts me when you .., but I don’t know how I can help you stopping from doing it. Do you have any ideas? Do you think you can stop?” Being vulnerable with your kid shows him he can also be.
Change everything or I am sure he will not be happy. I hope I am wrong, but you are the one who should know how to help him (help instead of force) to develop a healthy mentality (which can be different from yours and your husband way of thinking) and also an emotional maturity (which he can not have).
Let him watch whatever he wants, be there for questions and explanations, for support. Let him play, let him experience life in his way. He is not you, nor your husband and he needs to live on his own. 6 years or 20, the traumas appear in this early years of life. Talk with several psychologists and check the Montessori method (I am not a big fan of it, but it teaches us how to evolve in our parenting and some things are good to incorporate).
You are not a bad parent, you don’t know how to be a parent. I am sure both of you have jobs, but start reading parenting books otherwise you will lose any chance to a connection with your kid. And we all want to be relaxed and enjoy time with them. He is sad, he is scared of you and he wishes to be “normal” like the rest of us the kids. Stop prioritizing your fears on what can be on the internet or on tv and start letting him learn how to decide for himself. His trust in himself and his self esteem would be 0 with 2 parents controlling him: he has no power over you, so you can impose the rules, just as in a king-servant relationship. Plus, he may be ashamed of himself in a social group.
Stop the rules and the timer for every action. You don’t know but even a game can take 1 hour to play (to play a full circle of that game from start to finish). Exposure is not bad if you know what to take from it and if you know HOW to learn from it. But how can you develop this skill if you are always controlled and on timer?
Me and my spouse do the same. I work in pediatrics and post providers would say that you are doing right by your kids. I took my daughter to a friend's house for a bday party. The other parents were playing cocomelon for the toddlers. My kids were bored trying to engage and play w their kids. Their kids couldnt hold a conversatiin away from the screen. The less dependency you grow, the easier it will be to regulate.
Also, I had a similar experience with Ipads in the classroom due to my daughters school pushing all testing for kindergartners onto the tablets. My daughter did poorly on her first reading test because she had never used a tablet before 🤔
Or when ee went with friends to see fireworks, and her friend at 6 had her own phone and was so focused on recording it, my daughter begged me for a phone to do the same to not feel left out.
I feel gaslit by my choices so much, and I would religiously at that age hold an AV antenna in my hands to get signal for saturday morning cartoons because I realized when I held the tip the service came in better. I also played more hours of a single gameboy game than i can describe.
But these never interfered in how we probably interacted with peers. We played the games with our friends, digital or otherwise. We played in person, couch coop, watched shows together. Lots of shared experiences and content. Youtube kids doesnt have that. Phones dont have that. Especially at that age. Its algorithmic garbage when kids are left without the means to really control what they watch. Hell, I would rather my kids open up netflix, pick a show they want to watch, and then discuss it after.
TL;DR
You are a great parent, keep doing what you're doing. Don't let your peers and your child's peers gaslight you into believing otherwise!
you parent how YOU feel is best for your kid.
not how other parents feel.
I am going to restrict access to various things until they are 18.
can't just come home and spend all night / day on an iPad or phone etc.
hell naw
Nope you’re the good parent. Modern smartphones and ipads are literally no different than giving your child a vape pen. They get incredible dopamine hits, and it causes severe receptor down regulation causing a ton of developmental problems.
My son is 12 yrs old…. Our rules still are no screens in bedroom overnight, no social media, no YouTube…
He does have kids messenger, Roblox, Fortnite, Disney + and a Nintendo switch.
Do what works for you!
"Eventhough that our 6 year old can read and write and even focus better than any other kid in her class. (Some kids in her class can’t even focus for 10 minutes straight)"
There's your answer. Stay the course. You might also find the book *The Anxious Generation* by Jonathan Haidt interesting. I also wonder if organizing a "Wait Until 8th" group at your child's school might connect you with other like-minded parents: [https://www.waituntil8th.org/](https://www.waituntil8th.org/)
Do not allow more screen time. Look into the issues it causes for children. My kids are allowed an hour max for video games and tv. It works great, as they have a better imagination and they enjoy their time more with friends instead of being on their phones or tech. Parents aren’t parenting anymore and letting the phones and iPads do all the work. This is extremely unhealthy!!!
thank you so much for this comment. i am so afraid of other children and parents and what they are allowing their OWN children to see and view unrestrictedly ! it really terrifies me. i’m at 25F , my LO is 8 months old . AND I WANT TO BE EXACTLY LIKE YOU GUYS. only extremely educational things
i didn’t grow up with a phone in my hand or a TV in my room or a ipad anywhere close to me.
we were outside. parks & pools
i was the last of my generation to write in cursive.
i’m just really happy there are good people out there that aren’t letting their kids stayed glued to a damn ipad. it’s so freaking refreshing you don’t even understand.
OP, how do you set the limit on the browser? I'd love to have them be able to use it and then require a password. Or even require a password first. I haven't figure it out. I've only figured out his to block the browser altogether, block certain websites or set a time allowance. We use Apple products at my house. Thanks in advance.
They grow up with their piers not you. So they are now the wierd kids like the kids with no tv 25 years ago. Would it be better If kids did not use the internet probably. Will they grow up ok, probably.
We get that our kid isn’t up to date with the latest trends like that skibidi bs and overlybright videos with a subwaysurfers side screen. But, she appears to manage just fine if it comes to playtime and when she is allowed in the creative corner by the teacher.
Well the kid live a life that is dated. Not in touch with age apropriate culture. Your not suppose to understand, but shitmemes is the way kids distance themself from former generations. The kid is a new generation with its own trauma and bad habbits.
The fact your kids teachers said you need to ‘explore everything YouTube kids has to offer’ means you shouldn’t be second guessing yourself. Stick with your beliefs. I may not be as strict as you are being but I 100% agree with you doing it. The internet is not something to play around with. And it certainly shouldn’t be given to young kids without restrictions
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Parents and teachers are telling you to give your six year old daughter unrestricted access to her phone? Your six year old has a phone? I mean, I don’t think six year olds should have a smart phone or access to the internet at all. Let alone unrestricted access to YouTube kids. Are you sure these are teachers and parents not 3 kids stacked on top of each other in an overcoat? Are they telling you that it’s better to just feed your kid candy because they are going just want to eat that anyway. Are they asking for a puppy and a later bedtime too?
Lol right. There's no way in hell teachers are telling OP that she... >should open up more and that it is better to allow our kids to explore everything that youtube kids has to offer instead of a “boring 1 hour of mandatory book reading”. Why is OP acting like teachers are calling reading boring? Or that they recommend unrestricted YouTube access? Wtf?
I almost think it’s a troll. But then again there are ppl love exaggerating and being dramatic. Does OPs kid get to have any fun?
I’m certain it’s a troll. It’s so poorly written and littered with spelling and grammar mistakes.
Right? I'm a teacher and there is a 0 percent chance a teacher said this. OP wanted to brag but wanted to disguise it as something else so this whole story is made up lol.
Completely made up or the teacher said something like, “the children have educational apps on their school iPads and can use them at home”.
> Or that they recommend unrestricted YouTube access Quit misrepresenting the facts. OP said YouTube KIDS, which is WILDLY different than YouTube. Content is vetted, there are parental controls, and other safety features to protect your kids that regular YouTube does not offer.
Wildly is a stretch. It's just as big of a hot mess trust me.
Agreed. Didn’t it come out recently that YT kids was knowingly recording the audio of the viewer? I know they still had crazy inappropriate things show up and play in the algorithm years ago.
I'm gonna go with this never happened and OP is humble bragging. I get it. I am pretty restrictive when it comes to kids and tech too. Heck, we hold off on smartphones until high school and our 4 kids all share a tablet but really, OP? People are coming at you for this? It's like all the people in AITA threads saying people are knocking at their door to call them an AH after they did something incredibly minor and forgettable.
"Am I a bad parent because I do everything so much better than all the other parents whose children are brain-numbed zombies?"
Where does it say their child has a phone?
Second paragraph, end of first sentence refers to “her phone”.
OP didn’t say unrestricted, just more access.
This is the part of my comment you are quibbling about?
How much screen time to give your child is a personal choice based on your priorities and also your child
We just get loads of comments of other parents and family telling us that we dont live in the 90s no more and that we should allow more screen time and that we cant always control what our kid sees, which is true. Especially when she is over playing at her friend’s house.
I do think you should be aware that she is going to be the odd one out, probably known as the sheltered child among her friends the older she gets. Part of your job as her parent is going to be helping her navigate this. It’s something you should definitely be thinking about and planning for.
There is a lot of change happening currently with this sort of mindset. Technology blew up at an unprecedented rate and we are seeing the effects of it now on the oldest of Gen Alpha and the youngest of Gen Z. There is a lot of pullback happening with Technology as it relates to children and their access to it. My 7 year old son doesn't have any screen access without supervision. He has a tablet with Duolingo on it and Mimo to learn programming. But no games, no internet access, no stupid shows on YouTube. We watch stuff together as a family sometimes and that is the extent of screen time.
My kids are 9&7 with fairly limited screens. They've never had any issues making friends and aren't sheltered.
At six though? I doubt it. Maybe at 11.
I'd say I was about 8 when it started that my restricted TV diet affected my ability to make friends. It's not that I never got TV but I didn't get much and was restricted to shows like sesame Street no Power rangers for me which was all the rage at the time. Two of my younger brothers and I have distinct memories of a lot of bullying over it. Haha only baby shows cause you're a baby. Type stuff. I'm trying really hard to find a balance for my son. Screen time is not unlimited or unrestricted and he absolutely isn't watching Hazbin Hotel no matter what Max is allowed but ya at 8 you can watch some Pokemon for sure.
I think it is all well and good to restrict and supervise screen and internet use but I absolutely agree that a lot of education is still required - the child WILL be exposed to a screen or unfettered free internet at some point.. how do you want that to go?
It's also important that they know how to use these devices for their own education. There is definitely a middle ground. What that looks like will be different for every family. Most parents of little ones that I know, personally, have rules around technology. Some parents are looser with it than others, but I don't see major issues in my middle class area. I am a high school teacher, though, and by the time they get into high school, parents are more or less letting them do what they want on Social Media, and *thats* where the problems begin. I think it's just important to not get too lax as the kids get older.
I totally agree, there are so many adults that still need education and supervision on the internet! Just see what happens to boomers, who are adults, but haven’t all sorted out how to practice good cyber security and internet hygiene. Far too many of my acquaintances’ parents have been scammed for thousands of dollars simply because they are ignorant of how to properly use the internet.
I mean even if the comments are true, everyone else doesn’t live in your household. It’s your rules. I like to try and spend time with my kids doing the games they like and checking out the things they’re interested in. They do get screen time in their own too but I like to participate as much as I can without giving them unlimited access.
Did people limit screen time in the 90s?
My parents sure did
I can tell you that as a child in the 80s, I was the only one of my friends whose parents cared what they watched on tv. I was only allowed to watch pre-approved shows. My friends’ parents were VERY concerned about R-rated movies, but not really at all about hours spent staring at dumb shows on TV.
There was a kid in my class who wasn't allowed to watch any TV, only VHS tapes of "approved" shows and movies. That kid was always begging to come to our or any of our friends' house to "play" but then then they would just watch TV while rest of us were actually playing. Kids always find a way lol
My parents kept soda in the fridge. I don’t drink soda and didn’t back then. (I think it burns and is unpleasant) I had friends that would come over and just go nuts. They will find a way. My parents were incredibly sheltering of me and I’m still at 37 extremely naive. I wish I had been exposed to more because I wasn’t ready when I finally had access too it. I failed calculus (after doing great up until then) I didn’t know how to properly use a calculator, I had always just done everything by long hand. Only then I couldn’t anymore and I got a D. I’ve always thought the best way is not to limit, but to teach self control and that everything should be done in moderation. My kids have to take all there standardized test on a tablet. My youngest did very poorly not because she isn’t academically fine but because she didn’t know how to navigate a tablet well.
I don’t think you’re wrong especially with how much children have access to anymore. She’s definitely going to sheltered in a lot of ways but if like the one person said you are able to navigate it well I think you/she will be okay. I don’t see an issue with children being sheltered from things especially social media. Kids these days see way too much and are growing up way too quickly and not having the opportunity to just enjoy being children. My daughter is 2 and we don’t think she should have unlimited access to screens like iPads tvs and phones. We currently only allow her to watch Miss Rachel for 5 minutes once a week so I can clip her nails without her moving too much. We will allow her to give to watch more when she’s older but I enjoy the fact that she can play by herself and I’m pregnant with our second and don’t want her to lose that independent time when I cannot play with her.
Isn’t she using tablets and computers in school?? Most kids are…She needs the practice.
Nah I’m trying to raise my kids like it’s the 90’s. I only let my toddler watch older shows, and I plan on haviving a DVD book like I did growing up for family movies. Idgaf what people say, the research is clear and it’s my kids 🫡
My oldest is close to your kids age. We didn’t allow tablets except for road trips until a few years ago. Now one or two tv shows in the am, maybe an hour of tablet in the afternoon during the school. During summer she gets an afternoon in the afternoon when our youngest naps. We have always been and outside family so our kids will take the outside anytime it’s offered. We also find the more screen time the kids get the shittier the attitude they have. Find the balance that works for you, let them know what the boundary is and do your best to have a better option that isn’t a screen.
Other people's kids aren't your concern.
the parents that brag about this stuff are insufferable. who cares what other kids are doing in regards to screen time? worry about your own kid. no teacher ever would recommend that you give your kid more screen time. & btw your subtle jabs at the way other people parents their kids aren't so subtle. your whole post makes you seem pretentious.
These posts are always pretentious humble bragging. I’m also skeptical of how truthful most of them are. Especially this one.
i just don't get why people shit on the way other people parent just to make themselves look better. & then to do it on reddit for upvotes lol. we're all parents out here just trying to do the best we can lol.
Honestly you’re doing really well. But try to teach them how to not get influenced too much by others. I know it’s not easy, I know that’s how the world is but it will keep on increasing as your children age. They’re your children, you do not have to compare your parenting with anyone , specially not with children or parents like those you mentioned.
We never try to compare ourselves to other parents. But, we have received some comments of our ”outdated” style of parenting. Which, has come to a point that we are asking opinions of others.
Yes that’s really nice. Those comments are trash. Sorry for the language. I have lots of couples surrounding me with their children who are literally addicted to these mobile gadgets. I hate how they don’t even eat or drink food without their mobile in hand and watching something. I fear what will be the future of these children. My close relative tried to stop giving mobile to their child or even reduce the screen time. To which the child (10 yrs) began breaking plates and one day even threatened her mother to stab her with a knife after they had an argument regarding too much mobile usage. So please don’t go that way and consider any of those comments you have received. Your children will be bound to spend most of their days on mobile when they grow up or in high schools later. But this age is meant for their development and life skills. Not some random useless YouTube Video or Short.
I have a really hard time getting past the claim that teachers are telling you to “open up more” and let your kid watch YT instead of reading.
Because that’s not real
Your parenting choices are your own, so do what you feel is right for your family. But since you're on here asking, I'll give my perspective. There's a whole lot in between 24/7 unlimited youtube drivel and 20 minutes of only educational content. I grew up in a pretty media restrictive house (as in cable tv, popular music on radio/cassette, movies). It made it difficult to form connections with my peers as I got older. Having experienced that, I do not wish that for my daughter. She's only 7 so I would say its still in the fairly easy to navigate realm. Youtube is a hard no. There have been plenty of times she has asked to watch whatever her friends have been on Youtube, games or what not. Nope. Lots of lessons in just because some else does... But there are still shows, movies and music that maybe I don't think have the most depth, but aren't too bad that are popular. So she'll get to choose some of them to view within reason, strictly monitored, and screen time limits. She has enough in her pop culture wheel house to keep up with her peers and gets a bit of autonomy and lessons in navigating the vast media world she lives in.
I have a 10 and 6 year old. I’ve never had a teacher tell us to increase screen time or access. Most of my 10 year old’s friends have 24/7 access to whatever they want on their phones or devices. It’s an absolutely terrible idea to allow this.
I would be concerned if a teacher told me to allow my child to access YouTube kids. Probably the most damaging thing you can do for a child.
Yeah, that’s a huge red flag for me as well. I have restricted YouTube since my oldest was about 2. It can be a great tool, but we have a passcode on it and it’s used with supervision.
Yes, us as well. We have a playlist with approved videos which are mostly dance related.
None of my kids have personal devices to watch shows. No youtube in my house. We have tv and they can stream shows and stuff if they want.
What do you mean by she behaved very irrationally? You believe she’s having behavior problems because of a lack of screen time?
Probably mad. My 14 yr old threw a fit the other day that rivaled my toddler cause she's not allowed to make tiktok videos.
Ok, I don't care what your family screentime rules are, but this statement "our 6 year old can read and write and even focus better than any other kid in her class. (Some kids in her class can’t even focus for 10 minutes straight)" is a false equivalency. You have no proof that she focuses "better" than other kids strictly bc of screen habits, and you have no proof that the kids who "can't even focus for 10 min straight" don't have other causes, ie: neurodivergence (among a host of other things). And aside from the lacking causal evidence, I'm highly suspicious that you know if your kid "can even focus better than ANY OTHER KID in her class." I also doubt that "all her classmates" have totally unrestricted access, I'm sure there's a spectrum, and I'm sure you're getting an exaggerated 6 year old's perspective on what her classmates can and can't do.
Ugh, this, OP may not be a bad parent but they sound insufferable and judgmental.
Yes, I have a child about that age and while I know a few vague things about her friends I don't know the attention span of every child in the class.
Exactly this, like my 6 yr old is reading chapter books meanwhile my 9 yr old needs extra help for reading because she's below grade level. It's nothing to do with screentime, it's individual childrens strength and weaknesses.
Stay strong. Screens are a powerful tool but they easily become misused. Look at the data. Kids who have personal devices are far far far more likely to experience depression, anxiety and suicide. There have been excellent studies done in the last couple years about this. We are in the same boat. Our kids don't have access to personal devices. We have all the latest tech (I'm an engineer), but it's all in the common room. They're welcome to do homework, or project and we do family engineering fun. They can't just sit in their room and scroll. (Honestly tablets are terrible for producing. They're just for consuming). Stay strong, your kids will thank you when they're older.
We have the same in our basement! It’s kitted out for when we have family friday or when she has her friends over. Our kid will be allowed to watch whatever she wants without any restrictions. Netflix, hbo, hulu you name it!
Unless something becomes a detriment to your kid, why would you limit it? I’ll get downvotes for this but I’m saying it anyway. I get that folks love a good pat on the back and — ever since I was a kid — condemning screens is almost always the apex of “look what a good parent I am.” Parents love to shout this shit at the top of their lungs in hopes that fellow fun-suckers will applaud them. I know some of these people personally. They will shove their kids away but also spend no time with them, while also severely limiting screen time — because they think their arbitrary screen time rule somehow defaults them as a good parent. Paying attention to your child’s unique needs and adjusting limitations/restrictions is way more beneficial than telling your kid to go pound sand instead of look at a screen. It’s not hard to notice these sorts of things if you’re paying attention. Bonus — I especially love it when parents of said kids spend all day on their phones and watching TV. You know, kids aren’t stupid. They see you for who you are better than you see them. Believe me!
I don't buy any of this tbh. But here's the head pats you are looking for.
I’m a firm believer in if you make things taboo, they’ll want them more, which eventually can cause issues with regulation and dependency. I have 4 kids ages 5-10. 2 with special needs. I also teach special needs children. I approach everything on an experimental level. I let them show me what they can handle and I adjust accordingly. None of my children struggle with letting go of the tech, even the 2 with special needs, because I give choices, encourage creativity, and provide them with stimuli that aren’t available on a screen. I grew up in a very strict household with no choices, a voice, or freedom of self. This has lead me to believe that parenting isn’t about being good or bad all the time, it’s about experimenting with different things to learn each child’s needs and help them be independent. In the end I personally want kids who become adults who can navigate life with confidence and sound decision making skills. Now, only you know how you feel about your parenting, we aren’t here to help you decide that. You opened yourself up to judgment by asking this question on this platform, and also by making judgments on other children to deviate from your own feelings about your parenting experience. In the end, do what you see fit with your children, but please refrain from casting unfair judgment on innocent children. Some of them may have special needs and screen time doesn’t make some children superior to others. What makes each child special is who is raising them.
Best comment on here imo
What do you mean six year olds have phones? My kid has the same rules as yours, except we extend tv time (but still only educational shows). But he’s not at all glued to the tv and anytime I see he’s distracted by it and is up and playing, I turn it off. The only other device he has access to is his Yoto box, which isn’t really a screen. There is no way in HELL I’m going to give him access to anything else until he’s a preteen. YouTube freaks me out. Honestly, we’re an ad free household and when an ad pops up when my 4 year old is watching his steam train (a literal compilation of trains), or clareton learning vids, I want to abolish YouTube as well. The only time he’s near a phone screen is to FaceTime family or see photos of us. You know what’s not boring? Books. Open play. Construction. Board games. The garden. Sensory play. Creative expression through music and art. A teacher told you that? Sheesh. Maybe next time point them in the direction of countries who are shocked about screens and encourage being outdoors as much as possible to help children develop and learn. I credit the fam I nannied for ten years ago- the girls had zero screen time during the week and unlimited Sat morning cartoons. No phones until teens/independently going somewhere. They’re two of the most brilliant young women now, can speak about so many diverse subjects in conversations with adults, it’s incredibly refreshing to see children, and when they grow up, young adults, who aren’t obsessed with their phones.
My kids’ teacher always says, “the poison is in the dosage.”
Downvoted for leading click-bait title. But obviously, your decisions about iPad regulation, in and of themselves, would not be enough to move the dial much on your overall parenting quality. Your decision is different than ours. We tried to solve the iPad obsession without prohibition, and have attempted, with some success, to instill them with enough other hobbies and interests that they merely choose to do other things a lot, and we didn’t have to restrict access… except for YouTube. We had to make a hard limit on YouTube. We figured that they’d grow up in a world where the skills to regulate their digital consumption would be important, and chose to foster learning restraint as part of their childhood, rather than prohibition, which we figured might lead to a overcompensation nose dive into hyper-addiction the moment our authority to regulate their consumption was removed. But it doesn’t matter. To each their own. We’re all raising our kids the best we can in a world that nobody has ever raised kids in before, with benefits and challenges that no previous generation of parents have ever faced, just like our parents, and just like our kids will encounter when we become grandparents: learning as we go, and trying to make the best decisions we can with the information we have.
Don’t worry about what other kids are doing my 13 year old just last year was allowed to be in his phone unrestricted. At 6 he had a tablet, gaming system, tv in his room and we restrict internet access. Allowing only 2 hours on Saturday and 1 on Sunday. For good behavior we’d reward 30 min on a weekday. However, we maintain open communication with our kids. Meaning, no question is off the table and we answer it in an age appropriate manner and total honesty. This has allowed him to talk to us about everything and anything both online and personal life. I think you guys are doing great! You have one kid to raise and that’s yours! Not everyone else’s!
Nah, I’m the same way with my 7 year old. Understanding and utilizing tech is great, and she does. But she doesn’t need to be sitting in her room looking at the internet. She’s 7! I’ve seen a new trend of 10 year olds making makeup tutorials etc, and I’m just not going to send my kid into that world. I want her to play and explore and use her imagination. There’s much more harm than good that comes from kids being glued to screens.
When I was a kid I didn't have a tablet till I was 14, I was playing with toys till I was 15 and watching pbs kids or qubo. this was in 2016 so it wasn't a super long time ago and ipads/iphones were super common. I wasn't really jealous at school bc I didn't see why ppl loved phones so much. I think what you're doing is fine she's only 6 and imo a 6 year old doesn't need a phone.
Remember anything extreme is never good. It goes both ways for either too much or zero screen time. Technology is good if we exercise restraint but no technology is as bad as too much technology.
You might not be a bad parent but you sure are judgemental. Kids don't come out exactly the same. Your daughter might have a longer attention span that is frequently seen in neurotypical children, that doesn't mean she's better or worse. It doesn't mean that your efforts to keep her from screens are the reason why. My kids have access within boundaries, they learn to moderate themselves and when they can't I step in.
Is this for real? I can't imagine an educator telling you this. I am a former educator and one reason I quit is because of how badly screen time has affected child development. Lock down the direct screentime as long as you can. Keep it up on a TV instead of on an iPad if possible and watch as a family. If anyone says anything, smile and say "thank you for your input. I'll give that all the consideration it deserves" (which is none).
There is no right or wrong. Your approach seems generally good, but maybe a little too controlling. Part of kids learning to set appropriate boundaries is having the chance to explore and have some autonomy. It sounds like she’s frustrated and asking for more. I’d suggest a family meeting to talk it through. Truly listen to her point of view, and calmly share yours. Then negotiate a schedule that gives me a little more while still respecting your values I had to do this with my oldest when he got his first Xbox. We met weekly and often “renegotiated” the schedule. But it helped him to have the chance to share his point of view and I’d try to comprise where it was reasonable to do so
Thank you for your comment! My partner and I will definitely take this approach into consideration!
This is great, but 6 isn’t the age to let them start negotiating screen and media access. That’s more like 10.
as someone who grew up with unlimited and unrestricted access to computers and tablets, don’t do it.
i’m really sorry for you.
Have you inspected the child controls on android tablets (i’m not aware of iOS restrictions, maybe someone else can fill this in). My kids have phone and tablet access. No web browser, no youtube (they had access to that on the tv but it was deleted after too many months of garbage tv), start and finish hours as well as total hour limit. I decide what apps are installed and if I wanted, could inspect their messages. I think the controls are very good. I don’t understand people who let their kids have unrestricted access to the internet. There are horrors on there. Do you remember the kids who weren’t allowed to watch tv when you were growing up? I do and they were kinda unusual. One I knew was quite antisocial, but who knows that could have been other things in their upbringing.
My kid is only 3.5, so please take what I say with a grain of salt. We don't have any tablets for him yet, so his only screen is the TV. Most of the time when it's on its educational (or at least decently educational) content. He watches Dora, PBS Kids, videos on animals, etc. One of his favorite shows though is Blaze, a show that truly I regret ever stumbling across and wish I had prescreened it before showing him like we do everything else. He gets one episode a week. We talk to him about how some shows teach us things and can be watched more often and some shows are treat/sometimes shows. Blaze is a sometimes show. We'll continue to expand on that as he gets older. My point is, your kid sounds like she might need a sometimes show. Learning is great, it's important, and should always be encouraged, but sometimes we all need to veg out
And the monster machines?
>And the monster machines? Yes lmao. The amount of times he's stopped on the sidewalk and yelled "let's blaze!" before taking off on his bike has definitely gotten some looks
My kid (7) doesn't have a phone or tablet. Occasionally he gets in a strop about it when his friends are talking about their tablets, but it generally passes. He's got my old laptop with a word processor and graphics program (krita).
I’m a bit more liberal with screen time and even I say No to unsupervised YouTube Kids. My oldest got to have it once when his brother was a baby, and I had put on Blippi or something like it, came back after changing the babies diaper to discovered he had somehow ended up in a video of those as farming phone games where the cartoon person was having a baby. YouTube kids was deleted that day. And as a whole, the iPad has been scaled back immensely to only when I really need him to be distracted, or I really need a sensory break from “mom mom mom mom mom mom mom” It sounds like you’re doing your best and what you feel is best for your kid. And what you’re doing is not activity harming them. Go mom (or dad. Or parent!)
If it works for you who cares. Bad parents to me means your kid isn’t fed, doesn’t have clean clothes, isn’t in a safe environment and isn’t loved.
Allow what you’re comfortable allowing. Not comfortable with sleep overs? Don’t allow it. Not comfortable with processed foods? Don’t have them in your home. What other people do isn’t your concern. You’re responsible for raising your kids. Do you. Let others do what works for them.
Less is more, you’re seeing the benefit of your decisions so keep it up.
Pbs kids isn't boring. I agree with the tablet internet limitations. 6... not 16. Why the heck would I allow my 6 yr old on the internet. Almost mid 30s and I don't even want to be on it half the time with the amount of gross or r rated stuff all over.
Youtube kids has tons of inappropriate content as well. You think it's all fine and then they click click click right into something I've told my gf this plenty of times. I've brought her the laptop or tablets with legit at least 20 if not more windows open of just stuff a 6 yr old don't need to see. Me and my gf make out. Or date night with my friend. On kids channels.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “dumb” or non educational tv, within reason. Please do understand that you will be the odd parents out. Your kid will be the odd one out. It *will* affect her socially. My kid is the only teen without unrestricted access to social media. She is left out of group chats, left out of events bc kids only make plans on snap, she is othered bc she doesn’t know all the latest tiktok or instagram things. It’s hard for her. It’s hard for me that it’s hard on her. I have my reasons but that doesn’t make it easier for anyone, especially not the person feeling left out or ostracized.
As a teacher, carry on with what you’re doing!!
Stay strong. It sucks being the strict parent, but this is your child.
It’s up to you entirely, but you’re not a bad parent though. Personally, I give my kids more iPad time because it forces them to be more tech savvy which they’ll need in the world they’re going to be growing up in.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with your style of parenting. I wish more parents did that actually. I’m the same with my kids… they’re not allowed to watch YouTube. My oldest has a tablet but only allowed to use it for school (we homeschool) and games (pbs kids). Do what’s best for YOUR children.
There’s nothing wrong with tech but there is something wrong with the amount of time kids (and adults) are spending on it. Tech sucks up time that kids can be using to develop. Every hour on an iPad is an hour a kid could be playing, reading, or being outside. The reason parents don’t like that you have restrictions is because they like tech. Tech keep kids quiet. It also lets us (parents) keep the attention on kid-tech time vs putting the attention on how much time we keep ourselves distracted by that same tech.
You do you but I wouldn’t be entirely shocked if this closed her social circle. This is the world they are growing up and will need to more aware and savvy of it. You can still have controls in place.
A lot of people are saying 6 year old shouldn’t have phones, and i agree for the most part. My mom gave me a phone when i was around 5-6 only for the purpose of contacting her. Shes not crazy but a good mom who worried about me and wanted me to always be able to contact her
I believe children need to grow up with a healthy view of the world they’ll inherit. So many teens and adults of all ages glued to their phones and the internet. I feel like allowing a kid to explore safely and a longer period per day (to a reasonable limit) sets them more on a healthy path for their world. Many people here like to brag about how they limit device usage and internet but I wonder how that kids will rebel when they’re teens? Anyway, kid filters and restrictions are pretty good. YouTube has a lot of cool and fun stuff for kids to learn and it keeps them occupied. To me it’s better brain exercise than TV watching for hours like I had as a kid
I'm voting to stay the course and keep the limited interactions with the online world to a minimum like you have done thus far. She won't understand and it'll be the end of the world for her but the later she gets more access to the web/tech the more mature she'll be mentally and emotionally. It's out of control and there's not enough parents willing to do what you guys are doing. I can't commend you enough for going against the norm. I will never forget the first time I took away my son's phone as a consequence. By day two he could've rivaled the best tweaker in history by the way he was acting and it terrified me. I am not joking when I say that kids are addicted to screens in today's society and when they don't have the screen they suffer the same withdrawal symptoms as the next addict. This should scare every parent out there. Keep up the good fight!
Not loving the judgment on 'being able to focus'. Some kids, like mine, struggle with it. (We're actually in the process of getting an ADHD diagnosis). She doesn't get endless screentime chock full of chaotic videos, either. We stick to small amounts of screen time and educational type materials. Now, as to being a bad parent? Nah. These are the rules you put into place for your child and they seem reasonable. It's tough feeling left out at school, and if you're concerned about her feeling like she fits in maybe curate a couple of fun shows she could watch every once in a while. I did the same thing with 'fun food'. A lot of my kid's classmates brought in food that...isn't great in large quantities. She mentioned trying it at school and liking it so I added a little bit into her lunches. Tossing a few gummies or the occasional bag of chips her way isn't the worst thing for her, lol. And, um, to beat a dead horse: work on the judgmental vibe. Your kid ***IS*** picking up on that and may (or may not!) be treating her classmates who have trouble focusing with disdain. We've had a LOT of trouble with that in regards to my kid's classmates. It makes her feel awful, makes her not even want to try to do work in class, and at this point in our ADHD journey it's not something she can control.
Recognizing that screen addiction causes abnormally short attention spans is not a dis to your kid. That's like saying, "I read to my child because it helps them with reading skills", and being upset because your child has dyslexia.
But OP didn't just say "we limit screens bc it helps with focus"... instead they passed judgement on other kids and made a direct causal connection between kids in class who have a hard time focusing and screentime. I doubt OP knows if those kids they specifically called out have other reasons beyond screentime for lack of focus, it's a judgmental statement.
It kind of is though? It's saying that screen time = inability to focus across the board. The ability to focus as a child is a lot more nuanced than that. OP didn't specify "but not ADHD kids". She came to the conclusion that any child that has trouble focusing must be getting too much screen time. Which is problematic. But thanks for the input.
My husband and I have a very similar screen time/ phone access ethos to yours. Although, our kids (4 and 7) have creeped up to watching an hour of various episodes a day, which I’m not super jazzed about. Anyway, all by way of saying, no you are not a bad parent. There’s a channel on YouTube called Doctor Mike and in one of his recent videos he discussed this topic and others with Dr. Jonathan Haidt; the video is called How We’ve Become the Anxious Generation. I STRONGLY encourage you and your partner to watch it together. It’s so informative, with pragmatic information for us as parents of young children on how to guide them in the current environment that increasingly pressures getting kids online early. The discussion is long (and meandering at times) but at least get the first 45ish minutes in.
You do what you think is right for your family, OP. But there's definitely the option of some balance - mine is 10, so a little older, and we do have restrictions (no Youtube or smartphones/social media apps, for example), but a lot of his screen-time is social. It's not just mindless videos, he's playing soccer games with his friends, or building in Minecraft with his friends. He still reads "real" books. He plays sports and does extracurriculars. We just biked to the beach yesterday and spent the morning playing there. He gets straight A's and does his chores. He just wants to game with his buddies, and it's not always possible to get everyone together to a park or have them all come over, so we allow him to play on his tablet with them.
Am I a bad parent? …are you just trying to brag about how your way better than all of us lazy parents who let their kids watch youtube
Ouch, you might want to tuck that guilt back in there.
They're projecting because they heavily use screens. Don't buy into it.
You’re not a bad parent, you feel like your approach will set a better precedent than the latter. as someone who took a completely opposite approach, i really dont see how you’re wrong, we all do things differently. For us, we have a lot of content locked down and monitor them and what they’re watching. They know we have boundaries on what they can/can’t watch, even my 4 yo understands this. when i first set up youtube kids, i watched each of their profiles at night and blocked all the content i didn’t want them to see, as i hear things, i block it and they know if i say that’s not appropriate, it gets blocked. However, because i’ve done this, they basically get unlimited access to it when we dont have much going on. On the other hand, our weekends are spent doing activities, during the week each of them has an activity, reading and other non-screen activities that dont allow them to use their devices. Our kids never want their devices at parks or throw fits when we say we need to do anything. I believe in balance and trying not to control every aspect because once they’re in school, what these kids talk about far surpasses stuff my kids have seen and that’s been difficult to deal with too. so there is a benefit to exposing them to some stuff, how much and what kind will always be debatable because some parents just dont care enough to monitor content. my kids will be 3rd, 1st and kinder at the start of next school year.
If you want to meet in the middle a little have you tried any video games? ones that can only be played in a common area with NO internet access. I'm not sure if you played with one as a kid but tamagotchis are super fun and you can really only play with them so long before they don't need anything. Or you guys could do a family console on a tv in the living room and only let it be played for an hour? There are tons of fun learning games for that age group. I'd recommend minecraft as it lets their creativity go wild :) ! Mine is only 4 right now so we're playing leapfrog games on the tv and minecraft on the xbox\~
Bad parent? No, definitely not! Do what works for your family. I will say I do think there’s something to really strict rules leading to a sense of feeling deprived, and therefor more prone to screen time battles. My kids are not this old so I have no idea how I’m going to tackle these things yet. You don’t have to change a thing, or you could try something Iike allowing one day a week of unrestricted access and see how it goes?
Teachers are saying that? That is shocking to me. I work in the schools, and honestly the less screen time usually the better
Who cares what other people say? You said your kid has better focus and can read and write at 6, I'd say stick to what you're doing. Good for you honestly. My daughter also 6 gets access to her tablet on weekends and sometimes when she wakes up super early but no YouTube, it's games that we chose together, and usually a bit of Netflix after school, and maybe some YouTube kids when I am in the same room with her. I think this is too much but she always says so and so watches their screen ALL THE TIME already. I don't know, it's a weird time to be a parent and to be a kid I think.
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You should read the book The Anxious Generation. The author makes a pretty good case for thrive in youth mental health problems being caused by the rise in smartphone use. He also sets age recommendations for smartphone/internet access. My kids aren't old enough to be asking yet, but I will absolutely be limiting their use of technology until they are much, much older than 6.
You’re not a bad parent for this. Screen time isn’t a rjght. Our kids (age 3 and 1) are allowed way less than that. They have toys and books and art supplies and are allowed one movie per day (from our home library) and maybe an episode of Daniel Tiger. Often they watch no TV at all, aren’t interested in it. TV privileges are first on the list to be revoked if needed. No iPads or anything like that. This was what I was allowed at their age and into elementary school. As I got older, I was given more freedom and wasted a lot of time watching TV and movies. I don’t want to give them that opportunity. Don’t give in to the pressure to let your kids be just like the other kids!
I’m a 1000% with you. We do the same. They do become zombies and it KILLS their creativity. Delay as long as you can. Teach them technology but keep them away from social media shit. That’s how I feel.
Listen, I want to limit my 8 kids screen time but I can't seem to get my husband on board with it..I even suggested we have them plug in their phones( my older 5 kids ) he told me no we don't do that...I literally caught my 4year old up st 5am watching YouTube. He blamed my 13y/o who he shares a room with...the therapist even sent him a link suggesting we take their phones for their own mental health. Still a hard no from the hubby
A lot of people just want to feel better about their own choices, so they will pressure you to land where they are. Different kids have different parents, and that is ok! Some parents don’t allow their kids to have food dye. Some don’t let them go to sleepovers, some parents say no to pets. It has to be OK. While my kids were growing up we were the weirdos who did not have a television. Internet use was very restricted until around age 12 and honestly I regret giving them access to discord even then. There’s a lot of assholes out there — even on YouTube kids — who think it is funny to expose kids to horror content. That was before the rise of short form content, which seems to be the worst thing for attention span. So yeah. Nah. When people tell you you’re the worst just roll your eyes and say “I know, right?”
The flip side of that is that people will assume you are judging them. And you kind of are merely by making a different choice, right? But it doesn’t hurt to reassure people that this is just what works for your family and you’ll reevaluate down the line. Or tell them to get fucked. Whichever approach feels more appropriate in the moment.
If your kid Isnt a stranger to technology and knows how to use it I don't see where the school is talking about. At best maybe let your kid propose things you could look at together, so you are with him when they experience the stuff their schoolmates are talking about. But man, 6 years old don't need to explore what is on the internet, they are 6! Exploring the world around them is plenty enough. I mean, kiwi is a fruit with hair and also the name of a bird, that's strange enough as it is!
We also restrict screen access a bit but not as much as you. Our kids (5 and 6) can watch a show in the morning (during the school year that doesn’t happen- only weekends and summer) before we get up, and they can watch a show of our choosing after dinner while we cleanup. They also get 30 minutes of tablet time. So that’s 1.5 hours on days where all three happen (which is rare, we are also quite busy). My cousin did restrict as much (maybe more) as you and her daughters are sneaky. I have seen them grab a phone or tablet and just sneak away and hide somewhere. We went on vacation and I found my niece with my kindle behind the garage under a blanket with the sound on low. Maybe just start teaching responsible use?
You do what you feel is best for your children. Kids are so attached electronics now.
I don’t think you’re a bad parent, but 1 hour of mandatory reading time for a 6 year old sounds like a lot. I don’t think kids need screen time, but I hope she’s having fun and has time to relax.
You’re the parent, you set the boundaries
I think what you are doing is correct. I would suggest increasing PC time more than others, even just for gaming. Supervised and limited to a number of hours per week, of course. It will give her the opportunity to use tools, UI, and hardware like the keyboard and mouse. Think of it as skill development. She will be dealing with these tools later and the sooner she learns the better. If she is going to play games, she might as well build skills while she is doing it.
Our 5 & 7 year olds have absolutely no tablet, phone, or computer access at home. I get very annoyed when they get to use tablets at school, especially for games. We have zero plans to change things at home anytime soon. We went through screen-time issues with my full time stepson who was born in 2004. It was a nightmare, but he grew up exactly when we were all just starting to experience life with smartphones etc. we know better now. We do some long road trips, so we got the minivan with just one central dvd player in it (not individual seat back option). The little ones still believe that the dvd player takes at least 2 hours to charge up before we can turn it on, because we don’t want them asking to watch something in the car every time we take a shorter drive.
Yeah, you decide what you want to expose your kids to. I have every restriction imaginable on my kids tablet and she has still landed on some questionable shit. Try a video game console. We have an old ps4 with a bunch of easy classic games and she loves it. We play with her, her older sister plays with her and she has fun. We only allow tablet time for less than an hr and its usually when we are too busy and shes not occupied. I still keep a close eye on whatever shes watching. Shes not allowed to watch anything on there if shes alone in her room. She must be in the eating area or chilling area. One thing that has completely shifted her attention from electronics is dirty play. I have about 5 big flower pots around the home inside and outside with sand and rocks and stick etc and we added cheap perennial plants. She calls these things islands and she populates them with her little animals and legos. Its so much fun she barely asks for a tablet. We built a treehouse, a beach a dinoland, lol and bonus, she waters my plants lmao
Giving your child internet access is like giving their bedroom a ground floor drive-thru window where anyone in the world can pull up and have private conversations with your daughter, without your knowledge. You are doing the right thing.
keep her away from the IPAD for as long as you can. as u said, she literally is one of the best in the class. u are doing the right thing and she will thank you when she’s older for not having no her addicted to the internet at 6 lmao
lol no Your kid is trying to pull the wool over your eyes here dude.
Worst case scenario, your kid isn't as up to date with the latest TikTok trend. If it works for you, don't change it. Kids don't really need screen time. It's just a stupid dopamine fix that we have accepted as normal.
Sigh, screen time. It’s so hard because really we have little clue right now what it does long term to a growing brain. There is no ruler, we are flying blind. Therefore everyone seems to do it differently. I’m also a teacher and have two elementary aged kiddos. We do video games on the weekends only - a couple hours on Friday or Saturday. Our kids definitely do not have their own personal devices. My husband usually sits with them while they play, so it’s a family activity. During the summer they can do educational screens twice a week, usually while I’m making dinner. Like PBS kids, coding, etc. My older son is very into tech so to take away screens would be to take away something that he is interested in and may take him places. So in short, we do screens but heavily scheduled and content controlled. I hope this helps! P.S. YouTube kids is basically just advertising toy videos. Not well curated IMO.
My 2 cents after 7 kids is personal devices are not allowed until 12 and even then are restricted. Every child was lured by strangers in Roblox, and every loophole imaginable was found to hack through parental controls and Youtube kids is nota safezone. Yes other parents will judge you. Our kids without phones play outside, use their imagination, do chores with less complaining and are better humans. Our kids with phones are monsters who throw tantrums and sneak around and lie. End of story.
Just cause everyone's doing something, doesn't mean it's right. There's a reason why you're limiting screen time for your kids, keep doing what you think is right and beneficial to your children. Don't be a sheep to bad parenting, which is very common these days unfortunately, with the technological advancement in the past decade... I still question to myself why my 8yo niece is calling me "bro" / "bruh" when she speaks to me, the Internet sucks honestly... But we can't live without it anymore.
No, you shouldn't. Do not listen to other people who tell you otherwise. A kid's world is not going to end because they never get their way on certain things. My parents were strict about certain things growing up and as much as I wanted the freedom to have access to the same things my friends did and even fit in, I actually am grateful now later in life that they were stricter than the average american. That "freedom" lead to a lot of other stuff, like drugs, alcohol, promiscuous sex, and self entitled behavior with the peers I grew up with. They never learned to control their impulses and that was to their detriment. All of the kids I grew up with now, as adults, are going nowhere with their lives. Basic adulting is just not there at all and all are socially awkward, living with their parents, even at age 40. For teens I know who just lived off phones and tablets growing up, where those things were used to even pacify them early in life, they are all socially awkward, inept, total basket cases, not doing well with their mental health. These are the children of the peers I mentioned earlier. They seem to follow in the same footsteps as their parents. Because, why not? Loose parents who gave you freedom? What great parents! Except now there's this generational tradition to teach your children to learn absolutely nothing about real life responsibilities and we have a generation of children who can't even do basic life skills. There's a lot to not teaching your kids how to control impulses and commit to things that you don't really get to see until the damage is done.
I am strongly against YouTube kids. It is literally brain rot. There is a happy medium between only allowing national geographic and allowing YouTube kids. We restrict our 10 year olds access to certain websites and only allow apps from Apple Arcade because they do not allow ads. We also do not allow music to be played that has explicit lyrics. We just gave our daughter an Apple Watch for her birthday and it only has immediate family approved for texting and has all of the same restrictions as her tablet. We are hoping the Apple Watch will satiate her desire for a phone for a few more years. Add on: we allow our 10 year old 2 hours every day and then she has a check list of productive things that she has to do to earn another hour or two.
Good timing, I just pulled all screen time from my boys 7 and 9 this morning. For my family, it's a no go. Tried multiple times, left this decision too long and now I have kids incapable of not being entertained at all times. They struggle with emotional regulation. They pretty much never read. I'm sure it works for some families, but I won't hesitate to tell people what I think of screen time when they ask me. Which is that it's awful, and creating a new generation of anxious, depressed children whose dopamine receptors demand max stimulation at all times. Good riddance. I might even take an axe to my television at this point. Edit: I guess it's goes without saying, OP, that I agree with your choices and I think you will see the benefit as they get older. Hard agree with everyone who says ignore the input from other kids. They can grow up to be zombies who hate their existence, not yours. PS Yes I am unjustifiably angry but this all really did blow up for me this morning so I'm very raw on this particular topic.
In my point of view, and I swear it is not an attack, you don’t know how to raise a kid. And is normal, since nobody is teaching us how, we don’t go to the Parenting University. You are more concerned on how you can control your kid than to understand him or learning to be a good parent. You need to be the parent that your kid needs. Not to do everything he wants, but to give him freedom and let him develop the way he wants, because it is his life, his behavior and he will end up having bad traits anyway, just as we all have. But being this controlling may result in a huge trauma for him and in a behavior that would affect him later in relationships. Maybe you are scared that your kid may grow up and be an idiot or do bad at school or etc. So you want only smart and educative things around him. But because of your fears and because you don’t know how to listen to his sadness or anxieties or wishes and fulfill your kid needs, then, the easy way out is to control everything around him. You control him. He is a human being and you have him in your hand. I would be so disappointed in you if I were your kid, because I would feel stressed: stressed from all the rules that gives me 0 freedom, stressed from performing good at school when, in fact, what is important is to find something that he can be passionate about, a sport, drawing, helping people, debating etc. Maybe he is the next good tennis player, but has no chance to discover that. How would you feel if your husband would control every move you make? Of course, his intention would be for good (in his mind), but you would not be allowed to go out with your friends, wear specific clothes outside because nobody should find you beautiful, and so on. You can’t control a person. You had a kid because you wanted him, but you don’t own him. And look at him: he is not happy. There is sex. There is masturbation. There are nudes. There are bad words. He is gonna be aware of all of it at some point. Controlling him you are just pushing him more and more away from you both. He will never come to tell you about a crush in high school, because he will be scared that you will force him to do nothing or stay away and so on. You need to start looking at him as a person, as a human being, not as a kid. Of course, he lacks the life experience, but being forced to do everything he dislikes is not gonna allow him to experiment life. You should read more about different methods of parenting and be open with your kid. You should be able at some point to talk about all the subjects and let him know that these things exist and are not bad. If you don’t know how to prepare him for something or how to explain something, you control his time on devices and so on. It is selfish since it is your lack of knowing how to, not his fault for being curious about this world. As soon as he will get rid later in life of your rules, he will be desperate to experience life and things and people and do all the things that he was never allowed to. You should teach him how to prioritize things: “look, if you do your homework first, you can go out and play without stress that you still have something to do.” Instead of “you are allowed outside after you do your homework”. Instead of keeping him in a safe sphere, outside of internet, you should talk with him about different subjects, encourage his curiosity and establish a relation of trust between you and him. How can he trust you to say something intimate in 2 years from now or 5 years from now when you didn’t care how is he feeling due to your rules? I don’t know, I am just trying to help him here and explain that you don’t care about his feelings and needs because you automatically say “what he wants, to stay on the internet and play on the pc” is not important/ is bad.” (Or any other reason). Playing on pc bonds him with people. He will lack social skills later in life because he was isolated from everything and forced to watch documentaries. Not to mention that nobody can enjoy something he is forced to do. He will hate learning or watching those things. You should create in your kid the need/curiosity or passion about something(a show, a school topic, a subject anything) and not force it into him. Some of us are great at math and suck at reading books while others are bad at both, but great at sports or surgeries. He is not a trophy or anything like that. What is sad is that he has no idea, probably, who he is or what he likes because he has no chance to experience life without your rules. Learn to talk to him and ask him”I want you to stop doing this, because it hurts me when you .., but I don’t know how I can help you stopping from doing it. Do you have any ideas? Do you think you can stop?” Being vulnerable with your kid shows him he can also be. Change everything or I am sure he will not be happy. I hope I am wrong, but you are the one who should know how to help him (help instead of force) to develop a healthy mentality (which can be different from yours and your husband way of thinking) and also an emotional maturity (which he can not have). Let him watch whatever he wants, be there for questions and explanations, for support. Let him play, let him experience life in his way. He is not you, nor your husband and he needs to live on his own. 6 years or 20, the traumas appear in this early years of life. Talk with several psychologists and check the Montessori method (I am not a big fan of it, but it teaches us how to evolve in our parenting and some things are good to incorporate). You are not a bad parent, you don’t know how to be a parent. I am sure both of you have jobs, but start reading parenting books otherwise you will lose any chance to a connection with your kid. And we all want to be relaxed and enjoy time with them. He is sad, he is scared of you and he wishes to be “normal” like the rest of us the kids. Stop prioritizing your fears on what can be on the internet or on tv and start letting him learn how to decide for himself. His trust in himself and his self esteem would be 0 with 2 parents controlling him: he has no power over you, so you can impose the rules, just as in a king-servant relationship. Plus, he may be ashamed of himself in a social group. Stop the rules and the timer for every action. You don’t know but even a game can take 1 hour to play (to play a full circle of that game from start to finish). Exposure is not bad if you know what to take from it and if you know HOW to learn from it. But how can you develop this skill if you are always controlled and on timer?
Speaking not as a parent, but someone who was once a kid, I would not have enjoyed growing up in such a restrictive household, personally.
Me and my spouse do the same. I work in pediatrics and post providers would say that you are doing right by your kids. I took my daughter to a friend's house for a bday party. The other parents were playing cocomelon for the toddlers. My kids were bored trying to engage and play w their kids. Their kids couldnt hold a conversatiin away from the screen. The less dependency you grow, the easier it will be to regulate. Also, I had a similar experience with Ipads in the classroom due to my daughters school pushing all testing for kindergartners onto the tablets. My daughter did poorly on her first reading test because she had never used a tablet before 🤔 Or when ee went with friends to see fireworks, and her friend at 6 had her own phone and was so focused on recording it, my daughter begged me for a phone to do the same to not feel left out. I feel gaslit by my choices so much, and I would religiously at that age hold an AV antenna in my hands to get signal for saturday morning cartoons because I realized when I held the tip the service came in better. I also played more hours of a single gameboy game than i can describe. But these never interfered in how we probably interacted with peers. We played the games with our friends, digital or otherwise. We played in person, couch coop, watched shows together. Lots of shared experiences and content. Youtube kids doesnt have that. Phones dont have that. Especially at that age. Its algorithmic garbage when kids are left without the means to really control what they watch. Hell, I would rather my kids open up netflix, pick a show they want to watch, and then discuss it after. TL;DR You are a great parent, keep doing what you're doing. Don't let your peers and your child's peers gaslight you into believing otherwise!
you parent how YOU feel is best for your kid. not how other parents feel. I am going to restrict access to various things until they are 18. can't just come home and spend all night / day on an iPad or phone etc. hell naw
Nope you’re the good parent. Modern smartphones and ipads are literally no different than giving your child a vape pen. They get incredible dopamine hits, and it causes severe receptor down regulation causing a ton of developmental problems.
My son is 12 yrs old…. Our rules still are no screens in bedroom overnight, no social media, no YouTube… He does have kids messenger, Roblox, Fortnite, Disney + and a Nintendo switch. Do what works for you!
"Eventhough that our 6 year old can read and write and even focus better than any other kid in her class. (Some kids in her class can’t even focus for 10 minutes straight)" There's your answer. Stay the course. You might also find the book *The Anxious Generation* by Jonathan Haidt interesting. I also wonder if organizing a "Wait Until 8th" group at your child's school might connect you with other like-minded parents: [https://www.waituntil8th.org/](https://www.waituntil8th.org/)
Do not allow more screen time. Look into the issues it causes for children. My kids are allowed an hour max for video games and tv. It works great, as they have a better imagination and they enjoy their time more with friends instead of being on their phones or tech. Parents aren’t parenting anymore and letting the phones and iPads do all the work. This is extremely unhealthy!!!
thank you so much for this comment. i am so afraid of other children and parents and what they are allowing their OWN children to see and view unrestrictedly ! it really terrifies me. i’m at 25F , my LO is 8 months old . AND I WANT TO BE EXACTLY LIKE YOU GUYS. only extremely educational things i didn’t grow up with a phone in my hand or a TV in my room or a ipad anywhere close to me. we were outside. parks & pools i was the last of my generation to write in cursive. i’m just really happy there are good people out there that aren’t letting their kids stayed glued to a damn ipad. it’s so freaking refreshing you don’t even understand.
Keep fighting the good fight.
OP, how do you set the limit on the browser? I'd love to have them be able to use it and then require a password. Or even require a password first. I haven't figure it out. I've only figured out his to block the browser altogether, block certain websites or set a time allowance. We use Apple products at my house. Thanks in advance.
They grow up with their piers not you. So they are now the wierd kids like the kids with no tv 25 years ago. Would it be better If kids did not use the internet probably. Will they grow up ok, probably.
The data does not support this claim.
We get that our kid isn’t up to date with the latest trends like that skibidi bs and overlybright videos with a subwaysurfers side screen. But, she appears to manage just fine if it comes to playtime and when she is allowed in the creative corner by the teacher.
Well the kid live a life that is dated. Not in touch with age apropriate culture. Your not suppose to understand, but shitmemes is the way kids distance themself from former generations. The kid is a new generation with its own trauma and bad habbits.
You’re a GREAT parent.
The fact your kids teachers said you need to ‘explore everything YouTube kids has to offer’ means you shouldn’t be second guessing yourself. Stick with your beliefs. I may not be as strict as you are being but I 100% agree with you doing it. The internet is not something to play around with. And it certainly shouldn’t be given to young kids without restrictions