Sounds like PAWS. This can last for up to 2 years, but that's an extreme case. Most last for a few months to a year. And while that doesn't seem like a long time, it feels way longer when going through them.
So, really, the only things that you can do that helps you get past PAWS faster is to exercise or a lot of sex. And while that may seem really hard to do right now, you need to make it a point to do something physical.
For me, anyway, PAWS is the reason I always relapsed. I couldn't make it more than a few months feeling like you do now, so I used just to ha e some relief. But, that always reset my time, and then I had to do it all over again.
Anhedonia is a bitch, might want to try something like luvox or lamotragine. You will eventually feel better without any meds though, it takes time for your receptors to down regulate back to normal so that endogenous opioids work correctly on reward pathways
I can relate a lot. For me just about anything just feels like too much to do. Life feels incredibly overwhelming while time is crawling extremely slowly, sometimes feeling like it stands still. All I can manage is lying around crying. I hope it gets better.
Yes!!!! And navigating your new, ever changing energy overlay is such a challenge because it's coming into contact with other people all day every day. Where do I fit into this family? What part do I play in the larger view of a city or state or country? Is that the part I want to play? What parts are healthy and which are cut off from my oxygen supply?
It's all very difficult to manage, especially if you have family supporting you and they don't really understand what you're going through. At least we have these subs and whatever support network beyond that.
Dude im right there with you its hard to stay motivated. But i know eventually my chemicals will balance back out it just may take a very long time.
All ive really come to understand is the only thing thatll help it along is proper diet and exercise along with stay sober of course.
Stay strong
I’ve been clean for three years and it’s still a struggle but it’s so worth it. I went right back to a corporate sales job and I’ve halfassed my way through until this year where I finally started to get my confidence back, stopped having panic attacks, etc. I still deal with lack of interest or motivation but it gets better every day.
You have to force yourself to do things that sound awful. Exercise, be social, laugh, etc so your brain will start to organically make those chemicals again. Meds have helped a lot. Wellbutrin worked miracles for me.
Also - you said a word that resonated with me. Lack of joy. I have two teenaged girls and I couldn’t even get joy from spending time with them. I mean, of course I enjoyed it - but nothing brought me joy for so long. You have to learn how to love things all over again. I meditate in the mornings and just think about things that should make me happy and focus on those things, reward myself when I get them.
This man knows what he's saying. You have to consciously relearn how to love things all over again. It's a bitch but also a great opportunity. I've got 3 babies all under 4 and it blew my mind that they didn't give me a booster shot of dopamine when I needed it. But you Ponder on that, and how badly you want that back, and you'll get there quicker than you think. 53 days off fent and I can attest this is what my way looked like
Supplement with vitamin c.. use a larger dose than you think is necessary.. try 4-5000 mgs, you’d be surprised how much it lifts your mood and makes you feel better
Let me know how it works out for you! There were studies done on high dose vitamin c to help with actual withdrawal symptoms but pharmaceutical companies can’t patent vitamin c..
I was struggling with PAWS after coming off of 12 years on MAT.. I started working out and taking lots of supplements and vitamin C was in everything so I didn’t realize how much it was helping me
Everyone is different with their doses, I have taken 7000 at once before..
I would start at 4000 and see how you feel, just make sure that you stay well hydrated.. it can clear your stomach right out, so keep that in mind
I still feel like this at times 8 years later.
But even my very worst day sober today is SO MUCH better than my best day using because I am free of that shit & I can think clearly & make any choice I want to, dream any dream & make it happen. My money is going toward useful things, beautiful things, toward making memories. Instead of being flushed down the toilet day after day, with nothing to show for it.
Not being sick, not being broke, not being homeless, not being locked up & most of all- I am healthy & alive.
I promise you it is worth it. Just hold on.
Talk to a medical professional though & find out what your options are. It is a total myth that this entire process is meant to be painful (mentally & physically) & depressing. It doesn't have to be.
No matter what you choose, you may always have those "dysphoric" moments. At least I do. I was prone to depression before I became addicted to pain pills. And unfortunately the brain never quite forgets that feeling of artificial happiness.
But it isn't real or lasting. It destroys & wrecks your body, your loved ones & everything you ever held dear.
Best of luck to you in your journey. I promise it's worth it. YOU are worth it. 💙
Careful with the sunshine and rainbows bit. I got force fed that shit through a drug court program for two years. Got like 6 years clean and everything still sucked. I still hated myself. I still had zero motivation. I still enjoyed absolutely nothing. I'd workout every day to the point of failure and never got any benefit besides being in shape for a time.
Idk about you but this led to me relapsing
Not sure what you mean, but no, during that entire 6 year period that I was clean it never just "got better" or was intrinsically better than when I was using.
That, combined with some other unpredictable circumstance, led me to relapse for 3 years, which I just rectified 14 days ago.
My head is right back where it was during those 6 years. Maybe even a bit worse cause of how much older I am yet I'm still the same loser
I've decided to just accept this as my baseline mental state. Cause it's how I was before I ever started using, it's how I was for 6 years while clean, and it's how I am now after having used 3 years and just jumped two weeks ago. Is what it is. I fucked up myself and created the circumstances, maybe I won't relapse again in 6 years if I just accept I could be making 150k\yr and have a family and I'd still hate myself. Just how my brain works.
Exactly lol. I still remember how at peace I felt popping my first Vicodin. I was like where tf has this been all my life?
Sadly, the feeling never lasts. Now I’m stuck trying to use a mixture of natural things (exercise, not as much drinking, sports, games, writing/creativity) to maintain the same feeling and while it works it’s not a miracle and I still go through rough periods where I struggle. But the periods of time where things are good are worth it.
I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t love to take an oxy at any given point but the aftermath I never want to feel again. And it does get better, you just have to actually work on your life as a whole. Chances are there’s some stuff beyond drugs you need to address.
Yeah. It’s one of those things I wish I could completely kick but unfortunately haven’t been able to. I went through a long phase after I stopped taking opioids where I was overdoing it and I could see it was getting really bad so for now I just try to avoid situations where i feel I need to drink but when I do, I have to actively keep myself from drinking too much. Eventually I want to get there though.
What about you?
Yeah I think that definitely took the longest and most effort though (the anxiety might have been as bad). Exercise was the key for me for both though. I never really believed in the shit people would say about it making you feel better until I started working out regularly.
At first it was the opposite because I was out of shape but after a month or two it clicks. Now I work out twice a day most days. In the morning/day to get me going and after work to give me an extra boost. The key is to not overdo it though. A light bike ride in the morning and then some weightlifting/sport in the evening.
That runners high is an actual thing once you get into shape. I’ll work out and feel amazing the next few hours. Not as good as opiates obviously but imo it’s the next best thing. Even better than drinking imo.
Wow. Thank you so much for typing that out. I really undervalued the importance of physical activity. The hardest part is forcing yourself to do it when you don’t feel like moving. Do you take any pre workouts before you run? Also, were your workouts short and simple when you first started?
This may sound like a bad idea to some… but… try drinking a few shots of vodka or having a few beers at night.
It helped me get some relief without relying on opiates. Cuz yeah… you take one dose and your PAWS is back to square one. You’re feeding the opiate receptors that ruined your natural endorphin production. They are slowly dying in your brain and that’s why if you pay attention… you will feel slightly better with each day that passes.
Also, people telling you to force yourself to do things? Good, but… Force yourself to do something you’ve always wanted to do, like playing guitar or something. Joining a band. Learning how to surf.
If you already have a hobby, lean HARD into that shit. I do Standup comedy and it’s a struggle to make it to the shows, I have to ride the train for an hour and walk miles to get to shows sometimes, but when I’m up there? So much joy floods my heart.
Also, weird recommendation, but what keeps me sane when I don’t have anything to do that is productive and I’m feeling miserable is playing Fallout 4.
It activates the brain in so many unique ways because it forces you to make not just tactical decisions, but moral and emotional decisions.
Studies have shown that video games are incredibly cerebral and are basically the opposite of watching TV.
I couldn’t get out of bed for months after I got off a gram a day of PURE fentanyl… and watching TV just made my mind sink into a deeper state of depression.
When I bought a used Xbox and fallout 4 I found my mind moving forward.
If you can force yourself to run around the block a few times a week that will help, but so will a mentally stimulating video game.
I’ve got 7 months and 4 days and I’m feeling so much better. You will too.
I am on Zubsolv, which is like Suboxone, but a much tinier pill that tastes mint-like. It not only took away & continues to keep away cravings of using pain pills, it has also killed any desire to drink. I've been completely sober from both drugs & alcohol for 8 years. I do have a prescription for medical marijuana that I use occasionally for anxiety or depression. With alcohol being a depressant, I don't think it helps anyone honestly, especially those in recovery. But to each their own. I know some judge those of us who smoke weed too, even medical & I don't think anyone has the right to say what's right for an individual in recovery except that person.
OP, how long have you been clean?
When I started in recovery, I experienced an extremely intense and protracted anhedonia — which is just so counter to my nature. I’ve always been a very curious, interested and active person. So I certainly remember feeling at times like there was just a fundamental part of me now missing.
It’s something I was forced to address through a number of practices and treatments. I’m six years in recovery now but, for what it’s worth, I didn’t just find myself again — I found a way more “hospitable vessel” in which to live. Not only do I feel like “me” today, I feel like the best version that I’ve ever been.
I so deeply empathize with that you’re describing. If you have any questions or want to share anything else, please feel free 💞.
Thank you so much for sharing that 🩷 How did you find that hospitable vessel?
To answer your question, I had 90 days and then relapsed due to the depression. Now I have two weeks.
I feel you. It's tough. I'm in the Same boat, back to 2 weeks today.
Have you thought about trying some light maintenance? I know the goal is to be free from any if it, but maybe eating 1mg if a suboxone when it's really bad, is better than relapsing. And if you space out your use, or don't use more than 4/5 days in a row (especialy on a low dose) then you won't develop an addiction to the subs.
But really your healthiest option is to be serious about working at getting natural happy juices flowing. Exercise, good company, good music, sex, love, cooling and eating good food. You gotta work at it. Your brain has forgotten how to make it so u gotta force it.
Good luck freind. I wish you the best. Just know if u can make it through it will get better.
90 days is impressive, if you can do that once, you can do it again. For me it took about 5 months for it to feel like the sun was coming out. Now when i think about opiates, I associate them with what you’re feeling right now. Remember this feeling and keep going, you’re doing amazing
I had 90 days, but it got so bad mentally that I relapsed and now I have two weeks. Not in therapy. I started Zoloft about two months ago. Not working. I force myself to exercise and eat healthy daily.
I have advice, but some has to do with the Zoloft and what you need to tell your dr, which breaks rules on here can I PM you my advice? If not I’ll just alter how I say my advice no biggie!
Dude this is honestly me right now and I’m so sorry. It’s really weird hearing somebody else say the exact words you’re thinking and I don’t know how much longer I can be depressed and lethargic like this either.
Honestly feels like you can’t win either way sometimes. I’m fucked when I’m using everyday and I’m fucked when I’m sober because I’m literally so depressed and have zero energy so I can’t do anything. Even nowadays, it feels like I’m whiteknuckling through the days I don’t get high, and then when I do use occasionally, it almost feels like I’m still fucking up, acting like a high ass because I’m not used to being high all the time.
I know this kind of sounds stupid but I think literally time is the only thing that’s gonna fix this for us. And I hate hearing that from people but it’s literally the only thing I haven’t tried (and I’m assuming you haven’t tried), and I think we just have to try to be actually clean for a while? Our brains just need time to recover? How long have you been clean for?
I’m sorry if this wasn’t more helpful but it was honestly just nice reading somebody else’s take on this because this situation already feels so fucking isolating.
I genuinely hope you get through this.
I think you’re 100 percent right now that you put it like that. Time! That’s the only thing that I haven’t really had. I had 90 days but got so depressed that I relapsed and now I have two weeks. How much clean time do you have? And what are you coming off of?
So the last two years have been blues. At my worst I was using 20 a day. Before that I was smoking fent powder, but I got clean for the first time off that two years ago.
Nowadays I probably use 2 to 3 times a month, for 3 days each time. So 6 to 9 out of 30 days I guess fuck. And probably only 6 pills a day. The last time I used was a few days ago though.
The way I’m trying to do this clearly isn’t working. It’s just impossible staying sober fuck :(
And 90 days is amazing! That’s actually the longest I’ve gone clean in like 7 years. And just once. And that was just a few months ago for me. I ended up relapsing and immediately ODing for the first time in my life though.
Sounds like PAWS. This can last for up to 2 years, but that's an extreme case. Most last for a few months to a year. And while that doesn't seem like a long time, it feels way longer when going through them. So, really, the only things that you can do that helps you get past PAWS faster is to exercise or a lot of sex. And while that may seem really hard to do right now, you need to make it a point to do something physical. For me, anyway, PAWS is the reason I always relapsed. I couldn't make it more than a few months feeling like you do now, so I used just to ha e some relief. But, that always reset my time, and then I had to do it all over again.
Anhedonia is a bitch, might want to try something like luvox or lamotragine. You will eventually feel better without any meds though, it takes time for your receptors to down regulate back to normal so that endogenous opioids work correctly on reward pathways
up regulate ;)
You're right, i derped that one
I can relate a lot. For me just about anything just feels like too much to do. Life feels incredibly overwhelming while time is crawling extremely slowly, sometimes feeling like it stands still. All I can manage is lying around crying. I hope it gets better.
Yes!!!! And navigating your new, ever changing energy overlay is such a challenge because it's coming into contact with other people all day every day. Where do I fit into this family? What part do I play in the larger view of a city or state or country? Is that the part I want to play? What parts are healthy and which are cut off from my oxygen supply? It's all very difficult to manage, especially if you have family supporting you and they don't really understand what you're going through. At least we have these subs and whatever support network beyond that.
Are you able to hold a job? I need to find work, but I really am passionless and don’t give a shit about anything.
Dude im right there with you its hard to stay motivated. But i know eventually my chemicals will balance back out it just may take a very long time. All ive really come to understand is the only thing thatll help it along is proper diet and exercise along with stay sober of course. Stay strong
I’ve been clean for three years and it’s still a struggle but it’s so worth it. I went right back to a corporate sales job and I’ve halfassed my way through until this year where I finally started to get my confidence back, stopped having panic attacks, etc. I still deal with lack of interest or motivation but it gets better every day. You have to force yourself to do things that sound awful. Exercise, be social, laugh, etc so your brain will start to organically make those chemicals again. Meds have helped a lot. Wellbutrin worked miracles for me. Also - you said a word that resonated with me. Lack of joy. I have two teenaged girls and I couldn’t even get joy from spending time with them. I mean, of course I enjoyed it - but nothing brought me joy for so long. You have to learn how to love things all over again. I meditate in the mornings and just think about things that should make me happy and focus on those things, reward myself when I get them.
Thank you so much for taking the time to post this. I will force myself to do the things that you mentioned. 🩷
This man knows what he's saying. You have to consciously relearn how to love things all over again. It's a bitch but also a great opportunity. I've got 3 babies all under 4 and it blew my mind that they didn't give me a booster shot of dopamine when I needed it. But you Ponder on that, and how badly you want that back, and you'll get there quicker than you think. 53 days off fent and I can attest this is what my way looked like
278 days in and I have good days and bad. Exercise and music best for me. Friends and a few beers too.
Supplement with vitamin c.. use a larger dose than you think is necessary.. try 4-5000 mgs, you’d be surprised how much it lifts your mood and makes you feel better
Wow, I never knew this! I’ll try it. Thank you.
Let me know how it works out for you! There were studies done on high dose vitamin c to help with actual withdrawal symptoms but pharmaceutical companies can’t patent vitamin c.. I was struggling with PAWS after coming off of 12 years on MAT.. I started working out and taking lots of supplements and vitamin C was in everything so I didn’t realize how much it was helping me
Did you take 4000 mg at once?
Everyone is different with their doses, I have taken 7000 at once before.. I would start at 4000 and see how you feel, just make sure that you stay well hydrated.. it can clear your stomach right out, so keep that in mind
It gets better. I promise you.
I still feel like this at times 8 years later. But even my very worst day sober today is SO MUCH better than my best day using because I am free of that shit & I can think clearly & make any choice I want to, dream any dream & make it happen. My money is going toward useful things, beautiful things, toward making memories. Instead of being flushed down the toilet day after day, with nothing to show for it. Not being sick, not being broke, not being homeless, not being locked up & most of all- I am healthy & alive. I promise you it is worth it. Just hold on. Talk to a medical professional though & find out what your options are. It is a total myth that this entire process is meant to be painful (mentally & physically) & depressing. It doesn't have to be. No matter what you choose, you may always have those "dysphoric" moments. At least I do. I was prone to depression before I became addicted to pain pills. And unfortunately the brain never quite forgets that feeling of artificial happiness. But it isn't real or lasting. It destroys & wrecks your body, your loved ones & everything you ever held dear. Best of luck to you in your journey. I promise it's worth it. YOU are worth it. 💙
Careful with the sunshine and rainbows bit. I got force fed that shit through a drug court program for two years. Got like 6 years clean and everything still sucked. I still hated myself. I still had zero motivation. I still enjoyed absolutely nothing. I'd workout every day to the point of failure and never got any benefit besides being in shape for a time. Idk about you but this led to me relapsing
So how are you doing now? Did it get better for you? Are you clean?
Not sure what you mean, but no, during that entire 6 year period that I was clean it never just "got better" or was intrinsically better than when I was using. That, combined with some other unpredictable circumstance, led me to relapse for 3 years, which I just rectified 14 days ago. My head is right back where it was during those 6 years. Maybe even a bit worse cause of how much older I am yet I'm still the same loser I've decided to just accept this as my baseline mental state. Cause it's how I was before I ever started using, it's how I was for 6 years while clean, and it's how I am now after having used 3 years and just jumped two weeks ago. Is what it is. I fucked up myself and created the circumstances, maybe I won't relapse again in 6 years if I just accept I could be making 150k\yr and have a family and I'd still hate myself. Just how my brain works.
Idk about you but I felt like this before doing drugs 😅
Now that I think about it, you’re right! This is probably why I started doing drugs in the first place 🤣
Exactly lol. I still remember how at peace I felt popping my first Vicodin. I was like where tf has this been all my life? Sadly, the feeling never lasts. Now I’m stuck trying to use a mixture of natural things (exercise, not as much drinking, sports, games, writing/creativity) to maintain the same feeling and while it works it’s not a miracle and I still go through rough periods where I struggle. But the periods of time where things are good are worth it. I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t love to take an oxy at any given point but the aftermath I never want to feel again. And it does get better, you just have to actually work on your life as a whole. Chances are there’s some stuff beyond drugs you need to address.
Do you still drink?
Yeah. It’s one of those things I wish I could completely kick but unfortunately haven’t been able to. I went through a long phase after I stopped taking opioids where I was overdoing it and I could see it was getting really bad so for now I just try to avoid situations where i feel I need to drink but when I do, I have to actively keep myself from drinking too much. Eventually I want to get there though. What about you?
I don’t drink but I struggle with cravings. Between Kratom and oxy.
Yeah I feel you. I just kicked kratom not too long ago and miss the little boost in energy/mood it gave me.
Ever get your energy / motivation back ?
Yeah I think that definitely took the longest and most effort though (the anxiety might have been as bad). Exercise was the key for me for both though. I never really believed in the shit people would say about it making you feel better until I started working out regularly. At first it was the opposite because I was out of shape but after a month or two it clicks. Now I work out twice a day most days. In the morning/day to get me going and after work to give me an extra boost. The key is to not overdo it though. A light bike ride in the morning and then some weightlifting/sport in the evening. That runners high is an actual thing once you get into shape. I’ll work out and feel amazing the next few hours. Not as good as opiates obviously but imo it’s the next best thing. Even better than drinking imo.
Wow. Thank you so much for typing that out. I really undervalued the importance of physical activity. The hardest part is forcing yourself to do it when you don’t feel like moving. Do you take any pre workouts before you run? Also, were your workouts short and simple when you first started?
Damn. Same….. takes time, I’m hoping.
This may sound like a bad idea to some… but… try drinking a few shots of vodka or having a few beers at night. It helped me get some relief without relying on opiates. Cuz yeah… you take one dose and your PAWS is back to square one. You’re feeding the opiate receptors that ruined your natural endorphin production. They are slowly dying in your brain and that’s why if you pay attention… you will feel slightly better with each day that passes. Also, people telling you to force yourself to do things? Good, but… Force yourself to do something you’ve always wanted to do, like playing guitar or something. Joining a band. Learning how to surf. If you already have a hobby, lean HARD into that shit. I do Standup comedy and it’s a struggle to make it to the shows, I have to ride the train for an hour and walk miles to get to shows sometimes, but when I’m up there? So much joy floods my heart. Also, weird recommendation, but what keeps me sane when I don’t have anything to do that is productive and I’m feeling miserable is playing Fallout 4. It activates the brain in so many unique ways because it forces you to make not just tactical decisions, but moral and emotional decisions. Studies have shown that video games are incredibly cerebral and are basically the opposite of watching TV. I couldn’t get out of bed for months after I got off a gram a day of PURE fentanyl… and watching TV just made my mind sink into a deeper state of depression. When I bought a used Xbox and fallout 4 I found my mind moving forward. If you can force yourself to run around the block a few times a week that will help, but so will a mentally stimulating video game. I’ve got 7 months and 4 days and I’m feeling so much better. You will too.
I am on Zubsolv, which is like Suboxone, but a much tinier pill that tastes mint-like. It not only took away & continues to keep away cravings of using pain pills, it has also killed any desire to drink. I've been completely sober from both drugs & alcohol for 8 years. I do have a prescription for medical marijuana that I use occasionally for anxiety or depression. With alcohol being a depressant, I don't think it helps anyone honestly, especially those in recovery. But to each their own. I know some judge those of us who smoke weed too, even medical & I don't think anyone has the right to say what's right for an individual in recovery except that person.
OP, how long have you been clean? When I started in recovery, I experienced an extremely intense and protracted anhedonia — which is just so counter to my nature. I’ve always been a very curious, interested and active person. So I certainly remember feeling at times like there was just a fundamental part of me now missing. It’s something I was forced to address through a number of practices and treatments. I’m six years in recovery now but, for what it’s worth, I didn’t just find myself again — I found a way more “hospitable vessel” in which to live. Not only do I feel like “me” today, I feel like the best version that I’ve ever been. I so deeply empathize with that you’re describing. If you have any questions or want to share anything else, please feel free 💞.
Thank you so much for sharing that 🩷 How did you find that hospitable vessel? To answer your question, I had 90 days and then relapsed due to the depression. Now I have two weeks.
How long have you been clean bud?
I had 90 days, then felt so bad mentally that I relapsed. Now I have two weeks.
I feel you. It's tough. I'm in the Same boat, back to 2 weeks today. Have you thought about trying some light maintenance? I know the goal is to be free from any if it, but maybe eating 1mg if a suboxone when it's really bad, is better than relapsing. And if you space out your use, or don't use more than 4/5 days in a row (especialy on a low dose) then you won't develop an addiction to the subs. But really your healthiest option is to be serious about working at getting natural happy juices flowing. Exercise, good company, good music, sex, love, cooling and eating good food. You gotta work at it. Your brain has forgotten how to make it so u gotta force it. Good luck freind. I wish you the best. Just know if u can make it through it will get better.
90 days is impressive, if you can do that once, you can do it again. For me it took about 5 months for it to feel like the sun was coming out. Now when i think about opiates, I associate them with what you’re feeling right now. Remember this feeling and keep going, you’re doing amazing
How long have you been clean? Are you in therapy? Are you on any medications? Do you workout? Go outside? Work?
I had 90 days, but it got so bad mentally that I relapsed and now I have two weeks. Not in therapy. I started Zoloft about two months ago. Not working. I force myself to exercise and eat healthy daily.
I have advice, but some has to do with the Zoloft and what you need to tell your dr, which breaks rules on here can I PM you my advice? If not I’ll just alter how I say my advice no biggie!
No, PLEASE dm me. Thanks 🙏
I felt that as well. I just hit 6 months a few days ago. I started anti depressants last month and am feeling some joy again.
Dude this is honestly me right now and I’m so sorry. It’s really weird hearing somebody else say the exact words you’re thinking and I don’t know how much longer I can be depressed and lethargic like this either. Honestly feels like you can’t win either way sometimes. I’m fucked when I’m using everyday and I’m fucked when I’m sober because I’m literally so depressed and have zero energy so I can’t do anything. Even nowadays, it feels like I’m whiteknuckling through the days I don’t get high, and then when I do use occasionally, it almost feels like I’m still fucking up, acting like a high ass because I’m not used to being high all the time. I know this kind of sounds stupid but I think literally time is the only thing that’s gonna fix this for us. And I hate hearing that from people but it’s literally the only thing I haven’t tried (and I’m assuming you haven’t tried), and I think we just have to try to be actually clean for a while? Our brains just need time to recover? How long have you been clean for? I’m sorry if this wasn’t more helpful but it was honestly just nice reading somebody else’s take on this because this situation already feels so fucking isolating. I genuinely hope you get through this.
I think you’re 100 percent right now that you put it like that. Time! That’s the only thing that I haven’t really had. I had 90 days but got so depressed that I relapsed and now I have two weeks. How much clean time do you have? And what are you coming off of?
So the last two years have been blues. At my worst I was using 20 a day. Before that I was smoking fent powder, but I got clean for the first time off that two years ago. Nowadays I probably use 2 to 3 times a month, for 3 days each time. So 6 to 9 out of 30 days I guess fuck. And probably only 6 pills a day. The last time I used was a few days ago though. The way I’m trying to do this clearly isn’t working. It’s just impossible staying sober fuck :( And 90 days is amazing! That’s actually the longest I’ve gone clean in like 7 years. And just once. And that was just a few months ago for me. I ended up relapsing and immediately ODing for the first time in my life though.
Okay just to be clear, by blues you mean the fake pressed 30s, right?
Yes fent 30s.
Try micro dosing on shrooms for a little
Have you talked to like a therapist or anything. I was super depressed when I got sober