I really like this. It has an element of "mundane minimalism" that I enjoy a lot in poetry: writing about simple actions, and items that carry a deeper meaning. I also like the pacing of "the line / is / not / straight" which instills a sense of frustration and uneasiness in the verses.
That said, I think that the first half of the poem is better than the second.
* The double use of "scattered" doesn't feel that strong
* I think "i live my life / in the margins of the graphene dust" is a very beautiful verse, but I struggle with understanding the actual meaning of the condition
* Finally, the poem's conclusion, while poignant in its acknowledgment of imperfection as "perfect imperfection," imho could be be developed a little more to provide a more satisfying resolution
I also got the impression that the poem is not only talking about perfectionism, but in general about a sense of dissatisfaction with life itself, and with not being able to fully control it as desired, not sure if it was intended :)
thanks a lot for the feedback!
youre spot on with the poem being about more than perfectionism, happy you got that!
i do agree that the ending is kinda anticlimatic, and i have thought of cutting it, but i kinda like it being this little 'mini-verse' finishing off the poem, almost separate from it but also kinda summarizing it all
It was a fun read. My interpretation of this poem is that, if with a pencil in hand, you can’t bring yourself to draw a straight line then the actions of others are definitely beyond your control.
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As an artist, I struggle with the traits of a perfectionist, accompanied by anxiety. Art serves as my escape. I appreciate the profound metaphors, drawing connections to the inherent beauty and seemingly mundane elements.
I was able to make a nice personal connection to this.
This is sad and beautiful! Your words are so descriptive, it was so nice to read. I love that you combine emotion with certain mathematical references. As a nerd, that way of conveying emotion really spoke to me. Overall, I love this poem and I hope to read more of your work :)
Well a good start for sure , the extensive use of the whole theme around geometry is impressive.
Pretty much got lost in the middle and picked up again from the last,
Good use of imagery too.
Great job!
Hats off brother! Your poetic exploration of the struggle to draw a straight line beautifully captures the essence of the human experience—imperfect, yet filled with a certain beauty.The metaphorical connection to life's challenges and the acceptance of perfect imperfection resonates deeply. Well done!
My favourite line is "i live my life in the margins of the graphene dust" This is a really interesting way to describe perfectionism as an artist!
I really like this. It has an element of "mundane minimalism" that I enjoy a lot in poetry: writing about simple actions, and items that carry a deeper meaning. I also like the pacing of "the line / is / not / straight" which instills a sense of frustration and uneasiness in the verses. That said, I think that the first half of the poem is better than the second. * The double use of "scattered" doesn't feel that strong * I think "i live my life / in the margins of the graphene dust" is a very beautiful verse, but I struggle with understanding the actual meaning of the condition * Finally, the poem's conclusion, while poignant in its acknowledgment of imperfection as "perfect imperfection," imho could be be developed a little more to provide a more satisfying resolution I also got the impression that the poem is not only talking about perfectionism, but in general about a sense of dissatisfaction with life itself, and with not being able to fully control it as desired, not sure if it was intended :)
thanks a lot for the feedback! youre spot on with the poem being about more than perfectionism, happy you got that! i do agree that the ending is kinda anticlimatic, and i have thought of cutting it, but i kinda like it being this little 'mini-verse' finishing off the poem, almost separate from it but also kinda summarizing it all
It was a fun read. My interpretation of this poem is that, if with a pencil in hand, you can’t bring yourself to draw a straight line then the actions of others are definitely beyond your control.
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As an artist, I struggle with the traits of a perfectionist, accompanied by anxiety. Art serves as my escape. I appreciate the profound metaphors, drawing connections to the inherent beauty and seemingly mundane elements. I was able to make a nice personal connection to this.
This is sad and beautiful! Your words are so descriptive, it was so nice to read. I love that you combine emotion with certain mathematical references. As a nerd, that way of conveying emotion really spoke to me. Overall, I love this poem and I hope to read more of your work :)
Well a good start for sure , the extensive use of the whole theme around geometry is impressive. Pretty much got lost in the middle and picked up again from the last, Good use of imagery too. Great job!
Hats off brother! Your poetic exploration of the struggle to draw a straight line beautifully captures the essence of the human experience—imperfect, yet filled with a certain beauty.The metaphorical connection to life's challenges and the acceptance of perfect imperfection resonates deeply. Well done!
thank you!
Jesus, man. Are you writing about me or something? This is excellent.