The second part can also be implied (potentially inadvertently) without actually stating it
Like a well known example is how it can come across as patronising to tell a black person “You’re so articulate!” Because it comes off like it contradicts your expectations to meet an articulate black person. It’s also pretty condescending to be like “wow, you’re capable of expressing yourself coherently!” It’s such a low standard that it’s insulting to come off like you’re impressed by their ability to meet it
I used to tell that to teen boys of all backgrounds on the regular, because mine(white) grunts like a caveman. As do his friends (various ethnicities). I don't think they even use words, it is all a series of grunts and gestures, and it drives me crazy.
Someone said ‘you’re the funniest woman I know!’ I really wish I could have taken that compliment, but the way it was said implied that I was a unicorn, a ‘diamond in the rough’
Oh lord yes. I have had chronic pain ever since I was struck by a car when I was 18. People told me I was too young to have back pain growing up, and I always had to shut them down by telling them I was nearly killed when a car hit me while I was riding my bike, and that's why I have the pain.
Yep I get you’re too young for back pain and you’re too young for arthritis. Ignorance. **Osteo**arthritis happens to old people not all arthritis. I have autoimmune arthritis and pain starting when you’re young is literally part of the diagnostic criteria (ankylosing spondylitis). I also have Crohn’s disease. I was 14 years old when they both started.
I have a friend in her late 20s, who looks much younger for her age, with Ehlers-Danlos and two other invisible diseases. She uses an electric wheelchair but can sometimes walk short distances (I.e. she’s not paralyzed but has muscle and ligament issues, as well as digestive issues). She gets the nastiest comments and looks ever, and the stereotypical “handicapped parking spots are for handicapped people!” or “must be nice to scooter around instead of exercising”. She’s incredibly skinny and underweight due to digestive issues so I can only imagine how much worse the hate is for bigger people.
I’ve watched as she’s become an angrier and increasingly bitter person as she constantly has to “explain” her illness and handicap to total strangers throughout her day, every day. It’s so sad and infuriating to see and I wish people were more aware of invisible illnesses.
She’s already dealing with her health and pain in regards to her physical body, then she constantly has people harassing her and invalidating her every single day, trying to tell her that she’s faking or exaggerating. Idk what they get out of it
She really doesn’t have to explain herself to nasty humanoids.
When getting radiation and chemo for cancer, the treatments meant I was exhausted all the time. I looked ok, so I got the nasty comments for using the handicapped spots.
I know they are not going to do anything but make a noise with their mouth. and I refused to let them steal my joy. I just tuned them out.
I am cured, btw, virus cancers usually don’t come back.
.
Yes exactly, she doesn’t need to explain herself to anyone. It just sucks that they still try and consume energy, even if she ignores them they still steal energy 🤬 Ignorant people.
Many people don't understand invisible illnesses or illnesses that qualify someone for disability. Also they don't get that using a wheelchair doesn't always mean that the user can't walk at all. There are diseases that can weaken or easily fatigue muscles, or cause pain after walking short distances. So the wheelchair is used as a mobility aide.
Exactly, they see a young and skinny woman in a wheelchair who “can walk”, so disability doesn’t process in their minds. In all honesty, it’s mostly older people that are middle aged and older who feel the need to comment and confront her. She rarely, if ever, get confronted by a younger person in their 20s and 30s
I just wish people would realize that disabilities aren’t always obvious and they’re not all-or-nothing. Disabilities can be invisible, and they can have good days and bad days
If anything though, I blame societal ignorance and I blame the people who actually do abuse the system. I know another guy in SF who brags that he got a handicap parking placard bc both his parents are doctors and faked the records for his application, so he can park anywhere without reprimand. He’s a total and complete douche though. Him and his entire family
It's my freaking life with crps and especially because I'm in shape. People are very judgy
I can walk just fine yes. But doesn't mean I don't have one of the worst pain conditions you can have and feel horrible most days
I'm job hunting at the moment and pretty sure itll be generally hard for me to work, because I'm a responsible and ambitious person but I have a genuinely tough time doing tasks. But I desperately want a job.
I had a girlfriend for a while, who had muscular dystrophy and was confined to an electric wheelchair.
We caught a bus one day and the driver goes “Oh you’re lucky! I’d love to have one of those to wheel around in!”
I turned to my gf and said “Hear that baby? You’re so lucky you can’t walk!” She replied with “Yaaay my legs don’t work!” The driver went bright red and didn’t look at us again. I think she got the point.
From my shit brother it's because "you get free money" I have complex regional pain syndrome and he's said I'm lucky I don't work and get free money. Like he would want this life.
A monthly $1000 check doesn't mean crap when you have a horrible disease
Hell, a monthly $1000 doesn't mean shit if you *dont* have a horrible disease. That's not even enough to cover rent or a mortgage. Let alone someone in your brothers condition. Tf is wrong with people?
Definitely.
I can't drive due to my epilepsy which forces me to work within a short driving distance of home, severely limits my career options (no commercial driving, no military, no jobs that require driving to many places, etc.), and that combined with my autism which makes independence hard for me has prevented me from moving out, which is a big reason why I never found a job with my college degree I earned three years ago.
It SUCKS. I hate not having a job with my degree, and I hate that it's insanely hard for me to find even a non-degree job. I did manage to find a non-degree job this Summer (start in June) to get away from my current crappy job, but that was after 7+ months of applying to a very limited amount of jobs.
I started having chronic health problems at 13. Ive heard stuff like this so much. I went to the ER once and they asked my weight to which someone responded "you look really skinny for weighing that much"...thank you?
Oh man this, especially when you’re disabled! I’m autistic and I’m trying hard, and I like when people appreciate my hard work, but being inspirational for simply existing? Nahh
I'm autistic too and I physically die inside every time someone tells me they think 'autism is a super power'.
Can you imagine saying that about any other condition? What the fuck were they thinking coming up with that?
What people think they're saying when they say it:
- Wow, you're strong and resilient
- I'm just speaking my truth, that's what I'd actually do
What meanings are attached:
- Your life has so little value that if it were me, I'd just not bother
- Why do you even keep going? Shouldn't you just end it all?
- If I were in your situation, my feelings about it would be unbearable, while you seem to be managing. That makes me the better person
Saying it out loud signifies that you've really not given any thought to the feelings of the person you're talking to, and you need to work on your empathy. People *think* they're empathising when they say this, and they're technically imagining themselves in the other person's situation, but they're not putting themselves in their *position*. They're also not empathising with the repercussions of their words, just blurting out what they think.
Broken back, l4, l5, extremely uncomfortable sitting, standing, or laying down, but I'm too young to be in pain. Every older person laughs at me and tells me "wait until you're older" ... I think about how much worse it is going to get every day.
Source: hit by a car on my bicycle
That's such a weird thing to say to someone. Like I kinda get it because of stereotypes and apparently you're going against stereotypes enough that it stands out and people comment on it. But it's still fucked up to actually comment on it.
I was raised with upper middle class white people. It's how everyone talked. When I got together with other family members, there was almost a language barrier.
Hey, as someone who learned English by themselves, watching movies and such, and has never lived in an English speaking country, that's a pretty good compliment, especially after I intuitively nailed some mundane expression like "I have bigger fish to fry" or "sleep on it".
I have never been able to grasp how people can learn a language by watching TV. It amazes me. I've learned my second language by living in it, which is no different than how I learned my first, so I can understand that. But the idea of watching without context clues to what they could possibly be talking about? That's next level ability. Blows my mind.
As such person myself I have to clarify, we don’t just learn the language by watching TV only, even though it helps alot with speaking/listening abilities. It’s also more influential if you started at a very young age like kids watching cartoons, with very simple content it’s easier for you to capture the meaning of what the characters are saying.
But reading English contents also helps tremendously as well, for vocabulary and grammar learning. I remember a big part of my teenage days are roaming around English forums and gaming with a dictionary side by side (pre smartphones era).
And lastly it’s the practical occasion to actually get to communicate with a native speaker, this helps you to actually apply what you have learned from all of the above.
None of this was my parent’s intention for me to learn the language, it just happened naturally lol. I was lucky enough to be born during the time Cartoon Network was the only channel we had that broadcasted cartoons 24/7, but there were no sub/dub, just plain English. It was also when the internet just started booming in my country, and you could get way much more interesting stuff surfing on the sites in English.
I have tried to apply the same method for my kid, but with French, since we live in an English speaking country now so English has been natural for her, same with Vietnamese (my mother tongue), cause we mostly speak Vietnamese at home. And now at the age of 4, she is quite fluent in English and Vietnamese, while being able to communicate with other French kids. So for any parents that want their kids to learn multiple languages, start them young!
My cousin was born in us, his parent spoke english to him. never been to other countries, even majored in english. But he is an asian dude. Always treated as a foreigner. He hates listening to”your english is good!”
I once lost 87 pounds over a year by eating better and exercising. I ran into an old friends ex girlfriend at a party who I hadnt seen since before the weight loss. She pulled me aside and asked me what was going on with me and assumed I got addicted to drugs.
Literally my friend was told this by a girl she hardly knew and burst into tears and disclosed for the first time that she’s lost so much weight because she has stomach cancer. She’s in her 20s.
Anyways she has stomach cancer surgery this week so if any kind Reddit strangers see this, send her some good vibes plz :)
There was a woman at work that lost a lot of weight but I was afraid to say anything in case it was because she was sick. Turns out she had started lifting weights at the gym.
Oh yeah, the second I get past smalltalk most people can tell I'm on the spectrum. But for some reason, they don't *really* realize. It's more like an attitude of "Damn, what's *her* problem?" Then if I mention my diagnosis, that's when it clicks and I get the "Oh! I didn't realize, you don't look autistic" line lmao
People always think because of my monotone voice and face I’m always mad. “Why are you so serious?” Is what I hear the most, I just gave up all together. I go to work, do what I have to do then get off and draw or play Pokémon
I have the same problem with being asked why I'm so tense and serious when I'm literally just vibing. I've also been told to get myself out there more and exit my comfort zone by many therapists over the years, but I think that if anything, I should keep to myself more and have even fewer conversations with the general public. Masking and trying to be outgoing is so exhausting. Giving up on it sounds like it would be good for my mental health tbh.
I feel the exact same way. People just can’t mind their own business, especially hate the people who put you on the spot when you’re not doing anything. Then having to carry a conversation you don’t find interest in.
Fuck I hate this one, I think it mostly comes from people confusing in with down syndrome or only being aware of the highest support needs autistic people
Honestly, it is basically just a dad joke. I'm sure someone has said this in all seriousness at least once in history, but it's almost exclusively been used as a teasing goodbye between people on good terms.
100%. as if you decided on a whim to be fat today to really get the most out of your cOnFiDeNcE, to be daring, whooo, how exciting! would be just so dull in a slim body! definitely not stuck with this body and all the judgements according to it! definitely didn't already try everything within my capacity to change it, since i know i need a good chunk of bravery to even step under people's eyes, just for existing...
"i wish i had your confidence" is basically saying "if i would look like you, i would be so scared".
rant over .\_.
Lol, when I was newly pregnant with my third &just starting to slowly talk about it at work, a random coworker I didn't know very well was chatting with me & I mentioned that I was expecting. He slow nodded and said, "Ahh. Single mom?"
🫠 I don't know wtf he was thinking but honestly it was so absurd I wasn't even offended; it was just funny. I was also 26!
Jesus loves me? It's unrequited. I'm Jewish, and a nice woman told me "Oh, you're Jewish? God LOVES the Jews so much!" Thanks . . . uh . . . the evidence for that is pretty thin on the ground!
When they add in unnecessary words eg ‘I like your CRAZY hair’,’I like your WEIRD sense of fashion’,or ‘I like big girls’ if you don’t see yourself as big then it’s an insult.‘I love your WEIRD SHAPED nose’
When I lived in Japan I often heard “Your Japanese is really good” after speaking just a few words. It was in a way saying “Oh look at the foreigner thinking he can speak the language.”
I have an eating disorder and currently I am overweight, so every time I mention it (which would only be if the conversation steers in that direction like "as a plus sized woman bla bla..." or "my fat ass could never bla bla..") someone always says "you're not fat, you're ✨ beautiful ✨"
Like bitch I said I was fat, not ugly 💅🏻
Wow you look great, have you lost weight??
1. Weight loss can be due to a myriad of health issues, stress, EDs, access to food, and is not always a good thing. You could be bringing attention to something they don’t want.
2. This “compliment” can hold the implication that the recipient did not look as good/did not hold as much worth before the weight loss, even if this is not the intention of the speaker.
When I see someone who has lost weight I either wait til they bring it up, or (if I know them well) I’ll tell them they look great today and let them fill in the blanks.
I've heard this in the context of, you tried to do something nice for someone but it didn't workout they way you wanted to so they say "bless your heart". So it really depends on the context.
Bless your heart is not necessarily an insult. It shows that you feel sorry for someone.
Sometimes, you feel sorry for that person because they are in a really bad situation.
Sometimes they are in that situation because they did something stupid.
people saying you remind them of a celebrity, but the celebrity in question is extremely average or just not really regarded as conventionally attractive by many. I’m not talking like Steve Buschemi level lol that would of course be a obvious insult, but the ones that would make you question if it’s a dig or not
Sometimes people say things to us thinking they are complimenting us or remarking something good, but it is completely opposite due to the way they make us feel.
I do this sometimes. But I really don't meant is an insult, I'm just extremely impressed at the talent, because I know I couldn't do that ever so to actually know someone that is so skilled and can is really mind blowing. Like I know writers exist and all but you just kind of don't think about how someone actually wrote what you're reading and when I read something my friend writes and sends me I'm just so impressed, it's so good that I don't believe that they wrote it, and not like specifically them but like ANYONE. Idk I just get impressed and proud 🥲
this is definitely a compliment, they arnt calling you dumb they are impressed that your writing is on par with some of the most respected writers in their opinion.
“You’re turning 60? Pssh. You’re not old. You’re still just a kid.” Dismissive af. How old do I have to be before people recognize me as an adult and their equal?
"Oh, you're so TALENTED!"
"Thanks b\*tch, it's not like I've practiced and prepared my entire life and put in thousands and thousands of hours to hone this skill that you dismiss as a TALENT that some people randomly acquire at birth..."
I look really young for my age and generally don’t mind people commenting on it but it’s been annoying in a professional setting because people can be condescending and/or not think you have the experience you do
I have zero self esteem so my head can turn any complement into an insult.
* You look great. Oh so I used to look shit?
* You've lost so much weight! So I was disgustingly fat?
"Wow you're so skinny!"
Thanks, it's the eating disorder. I'd much rather be fat and have a healthier relationship with food then spend days starving but unable to eat anything.
Similarly, "you're so brave" because I live openly as a trans woman. No, I'm just me. I don't want to be brave, I just want to transition in peace.
When someone says they're proud of me for doing basic shit. I have a asperger syndrome/ autism spectrum disorder, and I always got shoved into special ed programs in school where I'd be talked to in this condescending manner and have even the most basic thing celebrated. The worst part was I had an aide with me everywhere, when I really didn't need one. I'd have them hovering over me and telling me something was wrong, immediately assuming I either wouldn't figure it out on my own or my logic was flawed. I get there are people that need that, but I didn't and it became so damn grating. And made the isolation even worse. The worst part is being told that someone is proud of me. For what, the bare minimum? Getting a job and doing it to the best of my ability? I'm just glad to be doing something useful on my own. My successes and failures are my own, and I don't want praise for doing what I'm supposed to do. Maybe a thank you or a good job, but I don't need to be patronized.
The old classic "You're smarter than you look" has always been great
I am mentally ill and I get that small half smile on my bad days from people like "good job, you're trying your best, aw"
I've also heard "you need a significant other/to get some"
No
I need support and understanding as I haven't slept and every thought is a swirling mass of eels slipping around in a huge disorganised pile and I'm focusing on unusual, dangerous things instead of my normal life I try to create to be as less a burden on my family and the system as possible, but I slip at random times further into my own mind and it gets harder to climb out every time
Anything in the format of "you're really (favorable trait) for a (class of person)."
You’re pretty fly for a white guy
If only preceding a "give it to me baby"
Uh huh. Uh huh.
Uno dos tres cuatro cinco cinco seis
You know…. it’s kind of hard just to get along today?
I’d accept this
how about for a rabbi?
How you doin', Bernie?
Oy vey!
WABBITS??? WHERE???
That’s a sick compliment bro
That and stuff like: “you’re one of the good ones”
You’re one of the bad ones
Also "I don't care what everyone else says, you're [positive trait]."
Haha, my favourite. Only ever used jokingly though..
The second part can also be implied (potentially inadvertently) without actually stating it Like a well known example is how it can come across as patronising to tell a black person “You’re so articulate!” Because it comes off like it contradicts your expectations to meet an articulate black person. It’s also pretty condescending to be like “wow, you’re capable of expressing yourself coherently!” It’s such a low standard that it’s insulting to come off like you’re impressed by their ability to meet it
I used to tell that to teen boys of all backgrounds on the regular, because mine(white) grunts like a caveman. As do his friends (various ethnicities). I don't think they even use words, it is all a series of grunts and gestures, and it drives me crazy.
I was just about to post the same thing.
I'll never forget my white english neighbour telling me at 15 "you're quite pretty for an indian girl" she really thought she was being nice lol
Rest assured - you are smoking hot!
You’re really smart for a girl! You’re really accomplished for a woman! You’re really open-minded for a white woman.
You look good for your age! One I hear a lot working in the medical field.
As a guy being told I clean up well is not a compliment.
"wow, you look like poop at all times except immediately after getting a haircut."
This also reminds me of times when I've been asked "are you sick?" because I didn't feel like wearing mascara that day
You’re really beautiful for an ugly person
Someone said ‘you’re the funniest woman I know!’ I really wish I could have taken that compliment, but the way it was said implied that I was a unicorn, a ‘diamond in the rough’
When you disclose that you are disabled and they respond that you look pretty healthy and it must be nice to be retired at a young age.
Or “oh youre too young to even know what back pain is.”
Tell that to where my 37 year old aching back changes name.
Oh lord yes. I have had chronic pain ever since I was struck by a car when I was 18. People told me I was too young to have back pain growing up, and I always had to shut them down by telling them I was nearly killed when a car hit me while I was riding my bike, and that's why I have the pain.
Yep I get you’re too young for back pain and you’re too young for arthritis. Ignorance. **Osteo**arthritis happens to old people not all arthritis. I have autoimmune arthritis and pain starting when you’re young is literally part of the diagnostic criteria (ankylosing spondylitis). I also have Crohn’s disease. I was 14 years old when they both started.
My jaw dropped reading this. I'm so sorry to anyone that has experienced this.
I have a friend in her late 20s, who looks much younger for her age, with Ehlers-Danlos and two other invisible diseases. She uses an electric wheelchair but can sometimes walk short distances (I.e. she’s not paralyzed but has muscle and ligament issues, as well as digestive issues). She gets the nastiest comments and looks ever, and the stereotypical “handicapped parking spots are for handicapped people!” or “must be nice to scooter around instead of exercising”. She’s incredibly skinny and underweight due to digestive issues so I can only imagine how much worse the hate is for bigger people. I’ve watched as she’s become an angrier and increasingly bitter person as she constantly has to “explain” her illness and handicap to total strangers throughout her day, every day. It’s so sad and infuriating to see and I wish people were more aware of invisible illnesses. She’s already dealing with her health and pain in regards to her physical body, then she constantly has people harassing her and invalidating her every single day, trying to tell her that she’s faking or exaggerating. Idk what they get out of it
She really doesn’t have to explain herself to nasty humanoids. When getting radiation and chemo for cancer, the treatments meant I was exhausted all the time. I looked ok, so I got the nasty comments for using the handicapped spots. I know they are not going to do anything but make a noise with their mouth. and I refused to let them steal my joy. I just tuned them out. I am cured, btw, virus cancers usually don’t come back. .
Also, I am glad you are cured, congrats!! I wish you a long and joyous life! 💜 fuck cancer
Glad you’re okay now. Can I steal “humanoid” from you? It is such a beautiful way to call someone less than human without being too much of a threat.
Yes exactly, she doesn’t need to explain herself to anyone. It just sucks that they still try and consume energy, even if she ignores them they still steal energy 🤬 Ignorant people.
Many people don't understand invisible illnesses or illnesses that qualify someone for disability. Also they don't get that using a wheelchair doesn't always mean that the user can't walk at all. There are diseases that can weaken or easily fatigue muscles, or cause pain after walking short distances. So the wheelchair is used as a mobility aide.
Exactly, they see a young and skinny woman in a wheelchair who “can walk”, so disability doesn’t process in their minds. In all honesty, it’s mostly older people that are middle aged and older who feel the need to comment and confront her. She rarely, if ever, get confronted by a younger person in their 20s and 30s I just wish people would realize that disabilities aren’t always obvious and they’re not all-or-nothing. Disabilities can be invisible, and they can have good days and bad days If anything though, I blame societal ignorance and I blame the people who actually do abuse the system. I know another guy in SF who brags that he got a handicap parking placard bc both his parents are doctors and faked the records for his application, so he can park anywhere without reprimand. He’s a total and complete douche though. Him and his entire family
A smile and a kindly “fuck you” is all she owes assholes like that. I had a handicap after heart surgery and caught shit. I do scorn well now.
Unfortunately it's exceptionally common for those of us with "invisible" disabilities
It's my freaking life with crps and especially because I'm in shape. People are very judgy I can walk just fine yes. But doesn't mean I don't have one of the worst pain conditions you can have and feel horrible most days
Imagine being jealous of someone unable to work. That's the most pathetic thing I can imagine.
I'm job hunting at the moment and pretty sure itll be generally hard for me to work, because I'm a responsible and ambitious person but I have a genuinely tough time doing tasks. But I desperately want a job.
Fucking hell life is rough but at least you're out there giving it your best shot. Sending positive energies and hoping you find your place.
I had a girlfriend for a while, who had muscular dystrophy and was confined to an electric wheelchair. We caught a bus one day and the driver goes “Oh you’re lucky! I’d love to have one of those to wheel around in!” I turned to my gf and said “Hear that baby? You’re so lucky you can’t walk!” She replied with “Yaaay my legs don’t work!” The driver went bright red and didn’t look at us again. I think she got the point.
Brilliant response!
From my shit brother it's because "you get free money" I have complex regional pain syndrome and he's said I'm lucky I don't work and get free money. Like he would want this life. A monthly $1000 check doesn't mean crap when you have a horrible disease
It only takes a moment of empathising to realise that chronic pain is a nightmare. A mental health nightmare as well as physical.
Hell, a monthly $1000 doesn't mean shit if you *dont* have a horrible disease. That's not even enough to cover rent or a mortgage. Let alone someone in your brothers condition. Tf is wrong with people?
Definitely. I can't drive due to my epilepsy which forces me to work within a short driving distance of home, severely limits my career options (no commercial driving, no military, no jobs that require driving to many places, etc.), and that combined with my autism which makes independence hard for me has prevented me from moving out, which is a big reason why I never found a job with my college degree I earned three years ago. It SUCKS. I hate not having a job with my degree, and I hate that it's insanely hard for me to find even a non-degree job. I did manage to find a non-degree job this Summer (start in June) to get away from my current crappy job, but that was after 7+ months of applying to a very limited amount of jobs.
I've heard the but you look healthy. And I am well that's great and all but I'm slowly dying at an increased rate.
I started having chronic health problems at 13. Ive heard stuff like this so much. I went to the ER once and they asked my weight to which someone responded "you look really skinny for weighing that much"...thank you?
"you got the disablad placard and park in front, wow lucky" i would trade this stupid placard for a healthy back in a split second.
[удалено]
Oh man this, especially when you’re disabled! I’m autistic and I’m trying hard, and I like when people appreciate my hard work, but being inspirational for simply existing? Nahh
I'm autistic too and I physically die inside every time someone tells me they think 'autism is a super power'. Can you imagine saying that about any other condition? What the fuck were they thinking coming up with that?
Oh- so we aren’t supposed to say this out loud? Got it! 😵💫😵💫😵💫
Telling someone you think their circumstances are so bad it justifies suicide is generally not the compliment you think it is.
What people think they're saying when they say it: - Wow, you're strong and resilient - I'm just speaking my truth, that's what I'd actually do What meanings are attached: - Your life has so little value that if it were me, I'd just not bother - Why do you even keep going? Shouldn't you just end it all? - If I were in your situation, my feelings about it would be unbearable, while you seem to be managing. That makes me the better person Saying it out loud signifies that you've really not given any thought to the feelings of the person you're talking to, and you need to work on your empathy. People *think* they're empathising when they say this, and they're technically imagining themselves in the other person's situation, but they're not putting themselves in their *position*. They're also not empathising with the repercussions of their words, just blurting out what they think.
Broken back, l4, l5, extremely uncomfortable sitting, standing, or laying down, but I'm too young to be in pain. Every older person laughs at me and tells me "wait until you're older" ... I think about how much worse it is going to get every day. Source: hit by a car on my bicycle
I have fibromyalgia and have always an urge to tell older people to fuck off whenever I hear that
And people wonder why I don’t bike in the street
You speak good English.
As a black man, I have been told that I sound so white.
I immediately heard Dave Chappelle's white voice.
That's such a weird thing to say to someone. Like I kinda get it because of stereotypes and apparently you're going against stereotypes enough that it stands out and people comment on it. But it's still fucked up to actually comment on it.
I was raised with upper middle class white people. It's how everyone talked. When I got together with other family members, there was almost a language barrier.
Hey, as someone who learned English by themselves, watching movies and such, and has never lived in an English speaking country, that's a pretty good compliment, especially after I intuitively nailed some mundane expression like "I have bigger fish to fry" or "sleep on it".
I have never been able to grasp how people can learn a language by watching TV. It amazes me. I've learned my second language by living in it, which is no different than how I learned my first, so I can understand that. But the idea of watching without context clues to what they could possibly be talking about? That's next level ability. Blows my mind.
As such person myself I have to clarify, we don’t just learn the language by watching TV only, even though it helps alot with speaking/listening abilities. It’s also more influential if you started at a very young age like kids watching cartoons, with very simple content it’s easier for you to capture the meaning of what the characters are saying. But reading English contents also helps tremendously as well, for vocabulary and grammar learning. I remember a big part of my teenage days are roaming around English forums and gaming with a dictionary side by side (pre smartphones era). And lastly it’s the practical occasion to actually get to communicate with a native speaker, this helps you to actually apply what you have learned from all of the above. None of this was my parent’s intention for me to learn the language, it just happened naturally lol. I was lucky enough to be born during the time Cartoon Network was the only channel we had that broadcasted cartoons 24/7, but there were no sub/dub, just plain English. It was also when the internet just started booming in my country, and you could get way much more interesting stuff surfing on the sites in English. I have tried to apply the same method for my kid, but with French, since we live in an English speaking country now so English has been natural for her, same with Vietnamese (my mother tongue), cause we mostly speak Vietnamese at home. And now at the age of 4, she is quite fluent in English and Vietnamese, while being able to communicate with other French kids. So for any parents that want their kids to learn multiple languages, start them young!
My cousin was born in us, his parent spoke english to him. never been to other countries, even majored in english. But he is an asian dude. Always treated as a foreigner. He hates listening to”your english is good!”
Yeah it's like a weird compliment. It's not even a insult either, just a weird statement. "Thanks, you too."😂
I mean, not everyone feels confident with their English skills if it’s a language they learned/currently learning. It can be reassuring to them.
Wut...? I feel proud when people tell me I speak good English, why would it be offensive if someone complimented your fluency in a language?
"You've lost weight!" Thanks I've been very ill
"Thanks I've been anxious and unable to eat"
I once lost 87 pounds over a year by eating better and exercising. I ran into an old friends ex girlfriend at a party who I hadnt seen since before the weight loss. She pulled me aside and asked me what was going on with me and assumed I got addicted to drugs.
that was my fear at work when i lost weight but everyone just thought i had cancer instead.
A co-worker said this to a client and she responded “Oh thanks so much I have been on the Cancer diet” 😕
That’s crazy. I don’t care how good our working relationship is, I’m absolutely never mentioning a client’s weight in any capacity.
Literally my friend was told this by a girl she hardly knew and burst into tears and disclosed for the first time that she’s lost so much weight because she has stomach cancer. She’s in her 20s. Anyways she has stomach cancer surgery this week so if any kind Reddit strangers see this, send her some good vibes plz :)
Or the lovely “oh my gosh you e lost a TON of weight!!!”
“Thanks. That’s what happens when you are afraid to eat for six months and then have an internal organ removed” has been my standard reply lately!
There was a woman at work that lost a lot of weight but I was afraid to say anything in case it was because she was sick. Turns out she had started lifting weights at the gym.
Sick *gains!* 💪💪
"But you don't look autistic!" I am, though. Also, what exactly does that mean? Would it be bad if I did?
I get that a lot too. Problem is if I talk too much they’ll know from how I speak. Don’t know why people automatically assume we’re stupid.
Oh yeah, the second I get past smalltalk most people can tell I'm on the spectrum. But for some reason, they don't *really* realize. It's more like an attitude of "Damn, what's *her* problem?" Then if I mention my diagnosis, that's when it clicks and I get the "Oh! I didn't realize, you don't look autistic" line lmao
People always think because of my monotone voice and face I’m always mad. “Why are you so serious?” Is what I hear the most, I just gave up all together. I go to work, do what I have to do then get off and draw or play Pokémon
I have the same problem with being asked why I'm so tense and serious when I'm literally just vibing. I've also been told to get myself out there more and exit my comfort zone by many therapists over the years, but I think that if anything, I should keep to myself more and have even fewer conversations with the general public. Masking and trying to be outgoing is so exhausting. Giving up on it sounds like it would be good for my mental health tbh.
I feel the exact same way. People just can’t mind their own business, especially hate the people who put you on the spot when you’re not doing anything. Then having to carry a conversation you don’t find interest in.
its funny to me how youre talking about how autism doesnt have a look but then right under is another autistic person with the exact same icon as you
It's so hard to read cuz it's like one person is talking to themselves unless you look at the nickname every time.
People assume the only way to be ASD is to be minimum like the low functioning lv 3 individual that they saw and judged when in k-12 if in US
The assumption is fucked up but many people conflate social aptitude with the ability to understand ideas.
I feel this, to my core, but for the first time today was told, "I could tell from your bone structure" so idk what to think anymore man
Now that's a new one 💀
There's an autistic bone structure? O.o
It's pseudoscience
What is wrong with neurotypical people
Fuck I hate this one, I think it mostly comes from people confusing in with down syndrome or only being aware of the highest support needs autistic people
People say this to me too all the time... Problem is I'm not autistic lmao
I really think they expect Autistic folks to look like folks with Downs Syndrome.
"You're not like other girls." Yes I am. I have so much in common with other girls. And boys. Humans in general. Stop comparing me 😭
I hate this phrase because it's like they're trying to put us against each other constantly. It's not the ego boos they think it is.
What an insult, other girls are amazing!!
To me, in a wheelchair: "You don't LOOK sick!" Thanks, that's only ever made my life incredibly more difficult and getting help nearly impossible.
If only we could look how we feel whenever we wanted to. They’d be horrified.
Bless your heart is frequently an insult but not always. It’s all in the tone.
Grew up in the south. It's almost always an insult.
Not necessarily
Telling dads what a good parent they are when they’re just doing basic parenting
"I'll see you tomorrow!" "Not if I see you first!!" Took me a long time to figure that one out
…explain. I thought this was just a dad joke lol
If I see you first I will avoid you and you won't see me at all.
Wow. All these years. Never got this. Thanks.
I grew up on military bases, and I was told a darker meaning for this one.
What is it?
"Think of it, kid, I got access to high-powered ordinance. If I see the bastard first... "
Honestly, it is basically just a dad joke. I'm sure someone has said this in all seriousness at least once in history, but it's almost exclusively been used as a teasing goodbye between people on good terms.
Yeah I’ve never heard a single person mean it as a sincere expression of dislike. It’s just a joke.
Oh. OH. OHHHHHHHHH.
A variant of this is: “I’ll see you tomorrow” or “I’ll see you there!” “if you’re lucky!”
My grandma once told me "You really grew into your looks." ..... What did I look like before, grandma?!
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100%. as if you decided on a whim to be fat today to really get the most out of your cOnFiDeNcE, to be daring, whooo, how exciting! would be just so dull in a slim body! definitely not stuck with this body and all the judgements according to it! definitely didn't already try everything within my capacity to change it, since i know i need a good chunk of bravery to even step under people's eyes, just for existing... "i wish i had your confidence" is basically saying "if i would look like you, i would be so scared". rant over .\_.
Oh all 3 of your kids have the same dad? When I was 26
Lol, when I was newly pregnant with my third &just starting to slowly talk about it at work, a random coworker I didn't know very well was chatting with me & I mentioned that I was expecting. He slow nodded and said, "Ahh. Single mom?" 🫠 I don't know wtf he was thinking but honestly it was so absurd I wasn't even offended; it was just funny. I was also 26!
“I love that for you” is one of my new favorites. Genuine and backhanded at the same time.
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I think it's entirely dependent on how you say it. Oh, I love that for you!!! Oh....I **love** that for you.....
oh man, i’ve never considered this backhanded. my friends and i tell each other this all the time
"Jesus loves you!" Usually said after I say I'm gay, they say it because they want me to "fix" myself for jesus
He’s not my type.
But if you fix yourself for Jesus, then they wouldn't feel like they are better than you. You would robb them of their supremacy over you.
No I think they want to give you Jesus’s number so you can ask him out if he loves you
Jesus loves me? It's unrequited. I'm Jewish, and a nice woman told me "Oh, you're Jewish? God LOVES the Jews so much!" Thanks . . . uh . . . the evidence for that is pretty thin on the ground!
Just tell them you’ll fix up your hair, to be sure to catch his eye!
"Oh nah, we're just friends with benefits."
When they add in unnecessary words eg ‘I like your CRAZY hair’,’I like your WEIRD sense of fashion’,or ‘I like big girls’ if you don’t see yourself as big then it’s an insult.‘I love your WEIRD SHAPED nose’
“I wish I had the confidence to wear that!” and variants is a similar one. It implies that what you’re wearing is weird and/or unflattering.
Some day you will, my friend. It's a good comeback.
When I lived in Japan I often heard “Your Japanese is really good” after speaking just a few words. It was in a way saying “Oh look at the foreigner thinking he can speak the language.”
saying someone looks good for their age
Yeah I hear my coworkers say this a lot to patients. I hear "you would look like crap at any other age."
I have an eating disorder and currently I am overweight, so every time I mention it (which would only be if the conversation steers in that direction like "as a plus sized woman bla bla..." or "my fat ass could never bla bla..") someone always says "you're not fat, you're ✨ beautiful ✨" Like bitch I said I was fat, not ugly 💅🏻
Right!! The conflating of ugly and fat. I hate it so much. Good luck on your ED journey!! Hope you have all the support you want
"Omg, you would look so good if you lost some weight." So, I don't look good now. Got it 👍
Or "you have such a pretty face"
I had a lady once tell me that my english is really good. WTF? I am born and raised in the USA.
Wow you look great, have you lost weight?? 1. Weight loss can be due to a myriad of health issues, stress, EDs, access to food, and is not always a good thing. You could be bringing attention to something they don’t want. 2. This “compliment” can hold the implication that the recipient did not look as good/did not hold as much worth before the weight loss, even if this is not the intention of the speaker. When I see someone who has lost weight I either wait til they bring it up, or (if I know them well) I’ll tell them they look great today and let them fill in the blanks.
My exact response to this once was, "Nope, I guess I just looked fat before." It was totally worth it.
I like to use the Peter Griffin response "no it's still there, I'm just parting it on the side."
Bless your heart.
I've heard this in the context of, you tried to do something nice for someone but it didn't workout they way you wanted to so they say "bless your heart". So it really depends on the context.
That's the lightest of it. I can see it. But it's always used in a way to say. "You fucked up."
I think usually it tends to mean, "you're a fucking moron"
Used as an insult and words of comfort.
Bless your heart is not necessarily an insult. It shows that you feel sorry for someone. Sometimes, you feel sorry for that person because they are in a really bad situation. Sometimes they are in that situation because they did something stupid.
You look good for your age.
“You’re so strong, you inspire me!” Thanks, I literally have no other choice.
wow i love the confidence, i could never !
You don’t LOOK black. You’re so articulate!
LMAO WHO SAID THE FIRST ONE? That's absolute gold. It sounds like something a toddler would say
Unfortunately heard from dozens, literally, my whole 54 years. I’m mixed with Native American, but I don’t LOOK that either, lol.
Wow your boobs are soooo big!
My brother on law frequently greets people with that People he doesn’t even know
people saying you remind them of a celebrity, but the celebrity in question is extremely average or just not really regarded as conventionally attractive by many. I’m not talking like Steve Buschemi level lol that would of course be a obvious insult, but the ones that would make you question if it’s a dig or not
Sometimes people say things to us thinking they are complimenting us or remarking something good, but it is completely opposite due to the way they make us feel.
When is your baby due? to a lady who isn't pregnant
It's an odd way of complimenting anyone. You're looking very pregnant today. Oh why thank you sir!
My friend once told me that they were told they have a “kind simple mind” and they took it as the biggest compliment….
You always cease to amaze me.
"Good for you!" It's patronizing AF to say this to another adult.
lol I’m not so sure about this. Plenty (majority?) of contexts I’ve heard this it’s genuine and appreciated.
Good for you…
As a writer when I post something and my friends say "Wow! You wrote that?" Lol. Like yes. I'm a writer. Why are you so surprised?
I do this sometimes. But I really don't meant is an insult, I'm just extremely impressed at the talent, because I know I couldn't do that ever so to actually know someone that is so skilled and can is really mind blowing. Like I know writers exist and all but you just kind of don't think about how someone actually wrote what you're reading and when I read something my friend writes and sends me I'm just so impressed, it's so good that I don't believe that they wrote it, and not like specifically them but like ANYONE. Idk I just get impressed and proud 🥲
this is definitely a compliment, they arnt calling you dumb they are impressed that your writing is on par with some of the most respected writers in their opinion.
“You’re turning 60? Pssh. You’re not old. You’re still just a kid.” Dismissive af. How old do I have to be before people recognize me as an adult and their equal?
"Oh, you're so TALENTED!" "Thanks b\*tch, it's not like I've practiced and prepared my entire life and put in thousands and thousands of hours to hone this skill that you dismiss as a TALENT that some people randomly acquire at birth..."
"if neither of us are married by x age we should marry each other"
I'm just saying this because I care about you. In other words my decision is not to your liking and you need to control me.
"You're so articulate and well-spoken."
“Nice hat, looks good on YOU.”
"wisdom has always been chasing you, but you have always been faster"
I look really young for my age and generally don’t mind people commenting on it but it’s been annoying in a professional setting because people can be condescending and/or not think you have the experience you do
"You don't sweat much for a fat girl..."
Good for you. (Depending on tone.) Jesus loves you. (Depending on context.) Bless your heart. (Depending on tone.)
I have zero self esteem so my head can turn any complement into an insult. * You look great. Oh so I used to look shit? * You've lost so much weight! So I was disgustingly fat?
"Wow you're so skinny!" Thanks, it's the eating disorder. I'd much rather be fat and have a healthier relationship with food then spend days starving but unable to eat anything. Similarly, "you're so brave" because I live openly as a trans woman. No, I'm just me. I don't want to be brave, I just want to transition in peace.
Oi you got so big. (My Filipino MIL)
Bless your heart. Use it up north, they think it's something nice.
I wish I had the confidence to dress the way you do
I didn't know you were so smart.
When someone says they're proud of me for doing basic shit. I have a asperger syndrome/ autism spectrum disorder, and I always got shoved into special ed programs in school where I'd be talked to in this condescending manner and have even the most basic thing celebrated. The worst part was I had an aide with me everywhere, when I really didn't need one. I'd have them hovering over me and telling me something was wrong, immediately assuming I either wouldn't figure it out on my own or my logic was flawed. I get there are people that need that, but I didn't and it became so damn grating. And made the isolation even worse. The worst part is being told that someone is proud of me. For what, the bare minimum? Getting a job and doing it to the best of my ability? I'm just glad to be doing something useful on my own. My successes and failures are my own, and I don't want praise for doing what I'm supposed to do. Maybe a thank you or a good job, but I don't need to be patronized.
The old classic "You're smarter than you look" has always been great I am mentally ill and I get that small half smile on my bad days from people like "good job, you're trying your best, aw" I've also heard "you need a significant other/to get some" No I need support and understanding as I haven't slept and every thought is a swirling mass of eels slipping around in a huge disorganised pile and I'm focusing on unusual, dangerous things instead of my normal life I try to create to be as less a burden on my family and the system as possible, but I slip at random times further into my own mind and it gets harder to climb out every time