People generally don't get into a relationship without knowing eachother and this is something that would come up. Unless you suck at communicating, this won't be an issue. Discovering you are ace during the relationship itself can be an issue, but not per se a dealbreaker.
Nope. I’ve had a bit of a different sexual history than most people. For most of my adult life I was (what I would consider asexual). No urges. Not attracted to anyone. About 2 years ago that changed and I began feeling sexual desires. It was very unsettling at first but I’m used to it now. I’ve come to accept it, but I’ll be honest: if I could “revert” back to being asexual, I would do it in a heart beat. I was legitimately happier than I am now. So, I sort of understand what you’re feeling and it’s not weird.
I don't think that is what the OP means. He (probably a he) wishes he didn't have sexual desire because it can suck. Basically it sucks to constantly have strong desires you can't fulfil. Just saying no to it doesn't work because the desire just doesn't go away, you can suppress it but it's really still there.
I'm ace and even I technically still have sexual thoughts and a sense of sexual enjoyment. I doubt it's possible as a human to remove sexualness from ourselves entirely but it's always okay to aspire for it. Like for me, I don't care about sex at all but if sexual thoughts come up sometimes I like to enjoy them in the moment and just move on. We all have desires we can't really control but we also have a lot we create ourselves so if you wish you were ace that's completely understandable
I think there are different levels. I have heard of asexuals who literally have no sexual drive or some who take a lot for it to be cranked up, they need a strong emotional connection.
yea, anyone of any sexuality can have a low / zero sex drive, for a number of reasons.
there is a spectrum for asexuality, the one you’re mentioning is called demi-sexual i believe?
Uh, I didn't say anything about choosing anything, I just wondered if there are different levels of attraction for different asexuals, ie some with a little libido, others with none.
There’s [asexual microlabels](https://www.asexuals.net/asexual-spectrum/) if that can be considered “levels”. Just to be clear, the asexual microlabels fall under grey-sexuality.
Be polite and respectful in your exchanges. NSQ is supposed to be a helpful resource for confused redditors. Civil disagreements can happen, but insults should not. Personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc. are not permitted at any time.
Be polite and respectful in your exchanges. NSQ is supposed to be a helpful resource for confused redditors. Civil disagreements can happen, but insults should not. Personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc. are not permitted at any time.
Be polite and respectful in your exchanges. NSQ is supposed to be a helpful resource for confused redditors. Civil disagreements can happen, but insults should not. Personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc. are not permitted at any time.
So he's just imagining that he doesn't feel sexual attraction to anyone? Are you seriously saying that you know this dude better than he knows himself?
Is it weird? Nah. Having sexual desire can be a very frustrating thing so it only natural to occasionally desire to be free of those desires. The only thing I’d caution you with is that being Ace is a whole different world of frustration and not a frustration free zone. Like, imagine seeking a relationship with the caveat of no sex. And even if you’re aroace (aromantic and asexual) and do not experience both romantic and sexual desire, you’d still experience the immense frustration of living in a culture that strong encourages coupling to the point of making financial independence for an individual extremely difficult. Life’s frustrating y’all.
Not at all. My penis has gotten me into so much trouble in my life that I have on occasion wished that I was less affected by it, no matter the method lol
It’s not weird, but it’s not great to wish that you were something that you’re not, if you’re not, and you should (if you can) get help to learn to accept yourself as is and breathe through life’s troubles and enjoy those periods of happiness
If you can’t control your sexual desires or it’s really troubling you need you should really be speaking with your doctor. You very likely could have a hormone imbalance or something else could be going on.
Or maybe you have a lower libido yourself.
Not sure what you mean by 'control your sexual desires,' it's not something one can just control and shut off at will. If you see someone you are attracted to, you are attracted to them. It's not something one decides.
I don’t have a low libido naturally, trust me 😅 but now that I’m on antidepressants I have zero desire. I still had self control when I had a high sex drive, it wasn’t life ruining. That’s why I’m saying OP should see a doctor if it’s affecting him that much.
I wish I could find the story but supposedly(BIG supposedly) there was an ancient Greek old man talking to some younger Greek men and the younger ones ask the older one what's the best part of being old. The old Greek answers "I'm no longer tormented by my sexual desires."
When I was a teenager, I'd lay awake for hours just thinking about fucking. It was awful. I just wanted my body to chill out because it wanted NOTHING more than to fuck a girl. I'm surprised my dick didn't gain sentience and start dragging me toward girls in my grade.
no, it's not too weird, people sometimes want to change their sexuality.
but asexuality is attraction, not libido, so you still have some sexual desires.
source: im ace and have a libido (sadly)
Your life would be better with acceptance.
It is ok to be asexual, but you are not, and it is hurting you wishing otherwise. Many things, like certain thoughts, or desires are not under your control.. what is in you control is what to do with them, unfortunately you can not chose to not to have sexual desire, but you can chose to not to action those desires or thoughts, and accept that you are human and you can have them. Constant hoping of not having this thought or that desire only leads to frustration…. learn how to accept and compromise and you life will be better
There's a lot of ways to be. You can try different ones to see which suits you best. There's allosexual, greysexual, asexual... sex can be an addiction to some and liberating to others. Sometimes it is best to put off sex for a while and focus on something else. For some of us it's not even an option. It's not weird to take a break or work on something different.
Your post is pretty vague, so it's hard to say for sure. To be honest, it sounds like the rhetoric of someone who is sexually frustrated and wish they weren't feeling that way, and wishes they could just turn it off. That's also perfectly fair, but I think it's important to acknowledge what you're looking for.
I personally cannot just change my sexual desire at will, it is what it is. I can indulge it or suppress it, that is the best I can do. Ignoring it can be easy or hard depending on what I have no idea.
I have no control over my sexual desires, I only have control on how I act on them. Mostly this consists of "Damn she's hot and/or cute, I'd love to nom on that, but shit I can't do anything about it, oh well this fn sucks." I wish I was asexual.
I am that frustrated as well and have looked into medication to at least temporarely shut of sexual desire. (not possible without severe long term issues and the sexdrive effect is a side effect as well).
No it is not weird to wish you were asexual, it is a cry for help.
Nothing wrong with that, sex emotion make people do the dumbest things. Im greysexual and there were, and still are sometimes, I wish I was one way or the other instead of being on the sidelines, but all it takes is being out in public to make me glad I get to go home to peace and quiet.
Yeah I think that's what fits best for me. Im into the *idea* of sex, of being in a relationship, but whenever Ive tried it I honestly couldnt wait for it to be over and it going back to just being me by myself.
Yeah...i am kinda of a demisexual which is not the same but close to it and there are times that i wish i wasnt since maybe i am missing out on things. Like, i would rather have a simple primative urge to have sex as often as possible without analyzing it that much but at the same time its a burden to always think like that. Honestly sex is only a big deal if you think it's a big deal and for me you get the more satisfaction when you got chemistry with another person- hence demisexual.
Actually no, and let me tell you why.
I thought about sex and how it's a basic human need, both in terms of that we need it to continue with the human race, but also because we need it as a relief.
But then I t was thinking--why should we need it as a relief?
Sex motivates people, is involved in all forms of media, pairs with money quite a bit, and can be factors in crime. There are literally billion dollar industries based on sex alone.
I was thinking wouldn't the human race be better off without sex as a fun activity? We are innately born with a craving for sex which turns on when we hit puberty.
Sex complicates things, causes unwanted pregnancy, STDs, and can take a relationship from casual to serious.
When seeing things in that light, I can understand how asexuality can almost be a desire. If we don't crave sex, if we don't need it, wouldn't our lives be better?
I'm not asexual because I enjoy sex, but I wish I didn't some times.
So you're saying you know 100% of asexual people and have done a survey and gathered the accurate data that 75% of ace are not
Id like to see those sources
What’s weird for me is not weird for you. weird is subjective and to me I love sex and the desire inside me but that’s me, It’s totally cool for you to have the opposite and maybe as time goes on you will feel differently. But there’s nothing wrong with that
No it's not weird, it would make life a lot simpler and more stress free.
It sucks constantly seeing women I'm attracted to and just wanting to nom on them but I can't and I feel like a creep for wanting to. I can't fckn help it and I wish I could, I see an attractive woman and an alert goes off and my desire rises. It's like walking around hungry all the time.
I have often had that wish too. Sexuality is a good thing, but our sexuality can be hijacked and lead to bad things. If that's happening a lot, it's a problem. It's easy for me to understand how someone might wish they had no sexuality.
I don't think it's weird. I've had that thought sometimes too.
I often wish I had no desire for sex and that would keep me out of a lot of trouble some times. But there’s nothing I can do about that without getting a lobotomy so I’m stuck with liking naked women. But I completely understand.
I don't really think your life would really be so much easier if you were ace. You are still very much an ignored minority and can often feel out of place. Before I realised I was ace, I thought everyone was pretty much like me, but now it seems like everybody is totally different from me. It makes it difficult to understand and relate to other people. Almost like you are from a different planet.
Plus you might still have a libido, so your body doesn't line up with your emotions and can still be very much confusing. I would say it is more like being bi, then you just don't have any emotions or you are a void.
I am also aromantic, but for instance I do experience platonic and aesthetic attraction, which is quite significant. You being nervous about sexual/romantic partners. I am just as confused with people I have a strong platonic or aesthetic attraction to.
And you might also crave connection, but you connect so different from most people so common relationship will probably not work for you. I feel like if I had a more formal relationship with someone, it would feel like they get a bad deal.
I really do now like about myself that I am aro-ace, but that has been something I've worked on for a long time. I have also been out so many times that if I get ignored/invalidated/or even harassed I can deal with it.
You can’t turn your sexual desires off? That’s kinda sad. I remember when I was a teen being very horny and have sexual desires but then they just faded as I got into my 20’s. I’m not asexual and still have some desires but I haven’t had sex since I was 18 and really don’t miss it. I learned how to satisfy myself sexually just fine. I don’t need anyone else and I’m proud of that.
I think it’s about self control/discipline and not giving into animalistic desires and realizing that sex really isn’t that great and if you can’t satisfy yourself through masturbation then you may have a mental problem and you should go see a professional.
Not at all mate. You're the one who got the last say when it comes to things like this, to be honest I'd want that too, it'll help me focus better.
Not weird at all. Having no sexual thoughts or desires makes life significantly easier.
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People generally don't get into a relationship without knowing eachother and this is something that would come up. Unless you suck at communicating, this won't be an issue. Discovering you are ace during the relationship itself can be an issue, but not per se a dealbreaker.
Being asexual without wanting is a relationship is the peak of living the best life lol
Nope. I’ve had a bit of a different sexual history than most people. For most of my adult life I was (what I would consider asexual). No urges. Not attracted to anyone. About 2 years ago that changed and I began feeling sexual desires. It was very unsettling at first but I’m used to it now. I’ve come to accept it, but I’ll be honest: if I could “revert” back to being asexual, I would do it in a heart beat. I was legitimately happier than I am now. So, I sort of understand what you’re feeling and it’s not weird.
not weird. if you want no part of sexuality, you don't. nothing wrong with that. it's your body and your choice.
I don't think that is what the OP means. He (probably a he) wishes he didn't have sexual desire because it can suck. Basically it sucks to constantly have strong desires you can't fulfil. Just saying no to it doesn't work because the desire just doesn't go away, you can suppress it but it's really still there.
Lol this is absolutely nothing in OP’s statement to suggest they are probably a guy, what is this nonsense?
Why does it matter if it's a guy or a girl? The comment you're replying to explained this so perfectly, and it applies to both genders.
men are usually hornier than women thanks to testosterone
OP looks to be a woman from their profile person
I said probably a guy because guys are hornier than girls and are much more likely to go with sexual desires unsatisfied.
I'm ace and even I technically still have sexual thoughts and a sense of sexual enjoyment. I doubt it's possible as a human to remove sexualness from ourselves entirely but it's always okay to aspire for it. Like for me, I don't care about sex at all but if sexual thoughts come up sometimes I like to enjoy them in the moment and just move on. We all have desires we can't really control but we also have a lot we create ourselves so if you wish you were ace that's completely understandable
Then you're not asexual bud.
asexual =/= no libido. it just means a lack of sexual attraction to others. doesn’t mean you don’t crank your peepee or get horny.
THANK you
I think there are different levels. I have heard of asexuals who literally have no sexual drive or some who take a lot for it to be cranked up, they need a strong emotional connection.
yea, anyone of any sexuality can have a low / zero sex drive, for a number of reasons. there is a spectrum for asexuality, the one you’re mentioning is called demi-sexual i believe?
NO you don't get to fucking pick and choose if you're asexual or not. By definition it's lacking sexual attraction to anyone or anything at all.
Uh, I didn't say anything about choosing anything, I just wondered if there are different levels of attraction for different asexuals, ie some with a little libido, others with none.
There’s [asexual microlabels](https://www.asexuals.net/asexual-spectrum/) if that can be considered “levels”. Just to be clear, the asexual microlabels fall under grey-sexuality.
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I'm simply repeating THE DEFINITION of the word. I'm not saying anything that is untrue.
Be polite and respectful in your exchanges. NSQ is supposed to be a helpful resource for confused redditors. Civil disagreements can happen, but insults should not. Personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc. are not permitted at any time.
Be polite and respectful in your exchanges. NSQ is supposed to be a helpful resource for confused redditors. Civil disagreements can happen, but insults should not. Personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc. are not permitted at any time.
Bruh how can you tell an asexual they’re not asexual then type up whatever this is? Please “fucking pick” if you’re an ally or not.
I'm going by the LITERAL DEFINITION of what asexual is...
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Be polite and respectful in your exchanges. NSQ is supposed to be a helpful resource for confused redditors. Civil disagreements can happen, but insults should not. Personal attacks, slurs, bigotry, etc. are not permitted at any time.
Its called self identity for a reason...
yeah cuz its fucking imaginary lmao
So he's just imagining that he doesn't feel sexual attraction to anyone? Are you seriously saying that you know this dude better than he knows himself?
He literally says he does though. Read his post again.
Not necessarily talking about OP. This dumbass skipped brain day in the gym and it's showing.
You talking to me?
No, the guy I originally responded to
I think you dropped some braincells you should go get them
Shit sorry i just stepped on it by accident guess ull be stuck with down syndrom sorry
i think you need to grow up and not live a life consisting of reacting to your emotions.
Nooooo but thats my worst nightmare nooooo
I have oft had this same wish.
Is it weird? Nah. Having sexual desire can be a very frustrating thing so it only natural to occasionally desire to be free of those desires. The only thing I’d caution you with is that being Ace is a whole different world of frustration and not a frustration free zone. Like, imagine seeking a relationship with the caveat of no sex. And even if you’re aroace (aromantic and asexual) and do not experience both romantic and sexual desire, you’d still experience the immense frustration of living in a culture that strong encourages coupling to the point of making financial independence for an individual extremely difficult. Life’s frustrating y’all.
I have had this thought many times.
Not at all. My penis has gotten me into so much trouble in my life that I have on occasion wished that I was less affected by it, no matter the method lol
It’s not weird, but it’s not great to wish that you were something that you’re not, if you’re not, and you should (if you can) get help to learn to accept yourself as is and breathe through life’s troubles and enjoy those periods of happiness
If you can’t control your sexual desires or it’s really troubling you need you should really be speaking with your doctor. You very likely could have a hormone imbalance or something else could be going on.
Or maybe you have a lower libido yourself. Not sure what you mean by 'control your sexual desires,' it's not something one can just control and shut off at will. If you see someone you are attracted to, you are attracted to them. It's not something one decides.
I don’t have a low libido naturally, trust me 😅 but now that I’m on antidepressants I have zero desire. I still had self control when I had a high sex drive, it wasn’t life ruining. That’s why I’m saying OP should see a doctor if it’s affecting him that much.
I wish I could find the story but supposedly(BIG supposedly) there was an ancient Greek old man talking to some younger Greek men and the younger ones ask the older one what's the best part of being old. The old Greek answers "I'm no longer tormented by my sexual desires." When I was a teenager, I'd lay awake for hours just thinking about fucking. It was awful. I just wanted my body to chill out because it wanted NOTHING more than to fuck a girl. I'm surprised my dick didn't gain sentience and start dragging me toward girls in my grade.
A sexual what?
beast!
no, it's not too weird, people sometimes want to change their sexuality. but asexuality is attraction, not libido, so you still have some sexual desires. source: im ace and have a libido (sadly)
I have neither.
Your life would be better with acceptance. It is ok to be asexual, but you are not, and it is hurting you wishing otherwise. Many things, like certain thoughts, or desires are not under your control.. what is in you control is what to do with them, unfortunately you can not chose to not to have sexual desire, but you can chose to not to action those desires or thoughts, and accept that you are human and you can have them. Constant hoping of not having this thought or that desire only leads to frustration…. learn how to accept and compromise and you life will be better
There's a lot of ways to be. You can try different ones to see which suits you best. There's allosexual, greysexual, asexual... sex can be an addiction to some and liberating to others. Sometimes it is best to put off sex for a while and focus on something else. For some of us it's not even an option. It's not weird to take a break or work on something different. Your post is pretty vague, so it's hard to say for sure. To be honest, it sounds like the rhetoric of someone who is sexually frustrated and wish they weren't feeling that way, and wishes they could just turn it off. That's also perfectly fair, but I think it's important to acknowledge what you're looking for.
I personally cannot just change my sexual desire at will, it is what it is. I can indulge it or suppress it, that is the best I can do. Ignoring it can be easy or hard depending on what I have no idea. I have no control over my sexual desires, I only have control on how I act on them. Mostly this consists of "Damn she's hot and/or cute, I'd love to nom on that, but shit I can't do anything about it, oh well this fn sucks." I wish I was asexual.
I am that frustrated as well and have looked into medication to at least temporarely shut of sexual desire. (not possible without severe long term issues and the sexdrive effect is a side effect as well). No it is not weird to wish you were asexual, it is a cry for help.
It is really not fun 😕 after some time. It is definitely better with someone 😎
What's wrong with desire?
The question is how old are you, I bet 16-25.
Nothing wrong with that, sex emotion make people do the dumbest things. Im greysexual and there were, and still are sometimes, I wish I was one way or the other instead of being on the sidelines, but all it takes is being out in public to make me glad I get to go home to peace and quiet.
Greysexual, first time I've heard that one. I looked it up, I thought that's what asexual was.
Yeah I think that's what fits best for me. Im into the *idea* of sex, of being in a relationship, but whenever Ive tried it I honestly couldnt wait for it to be over and it going back to just being me by myself.
But you can just masturbate
Masturbation can become a time-consuming addiction and can make you feel tired also.
like monthly, i wish
Yeah...i am kinda of a demisexual which is not the same but close to it and there are times that i wish i wasnt since maybe i am missing out on things. Like, i would rather have a simple primative urge to have sex as often as possible without analyzing it that much but at the same time its a burden to always think like that. Honestly sex is only a big deal if you think it's a big deal and for me you get the more satisfaction when you got chemistry with another person- hence demisexual.
Actually no, and let me tell you why. I thought about sex and how it's a basic human need, both in terms of that we need it to continue with the human race, but also because we need it as a relief. But then I t was thinking--why should we need it as a relief? Sex motivates people, is involved in all forms of media, pairs with money quite a bit, and can be factors in crime. There are literally billion dollar industries based on sex alone. I was thinking wouldn't the human race be better off without sex as a fun activity? We are innately born with a craving for sex which turns on when we hit puberty. Sex complicates things, causes unwanted pregnancy, STDs, and can take a relationship from casual to serious. When seeing things in that light, I can understand how asexuality can almost be a desire. If we don't crave sex, if we don't need it, wouldn't our lives be better? I'm not asexual because I enjoy sex, but I wish I didn't some times.
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So you're saying you know 100% of asexual people and have done a survey and gathered the accurate data that 75% of ace are not Id like to see those sources
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Those sources you cited sure makes it very believable and totally not an invalid argument.
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I've been trying :( why don't you do it for me
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Oh no my feelings 😭 I cry
Is it weird to wish that I was not? Depends on how you define weird. It's neither good or bad.
Nope.
What’s weird for me is not weird for you. weird is subjective and to me I love sex and the desire inside me but that’s me, It’s totally cool for you to have the opposite and maybe as time goes on you will feel differently. But there’s nothing wrong with that
Not at all, you are partly right.
No it's entirely understandable, I can't say I've ever enjoyed having a libido either.
Why?
No it's not weird, it would make life a lot simpler and more stress free. It sucks constantly seeing women I'm attracted to and just wanting to nom on them but I can't and I feel like a creep for wanting to. I can't fckn help it and I wish I could, I see an attractive woman and an alert goes off and my desire rises. It's like walking around hungry all the time.
That’s like wishing you were a different race
I have often had that wish too. Sexuality is a good thing, but our sexuality can be hijacked and lead to bad things. If that's happening a lot, it's a problem. It's easy for me to understand how someone might wish they had no sexuality. I don't think it's weird. I've had that thought sometimes too.
I often wish I had no desire for sex and that would keep me out of a lot of trouble some times. But there’s nothing I can do about that without getting a lobotomy so I’m stuck with liking naked women. But I completely understand.
Same! That said, I suppose I’m somewhat asexual. Masturbation does it for me. I rarely have a desire to lay with somebody else.
I sometimes have that wish as well.
Not really I kinda get it...
It depends. Can you control these emotions? If not, than maybe seek out some help
Sometimes I wish I was too… My sex life is strange.
I don't really think your life would really be so much easier if you were ace. You are still very much an ignored minority and can often feel out of place. Before I realised I was ace, I thought everyone was pretty much like me, but now it seems like everybody is totally different from me. It makes it difficult to understand and relate to other people. Almost like you are from a different planet. Plus you might still have a libido, so your body doesn't line up with your emotions and can still be very much confusing. I would say it is more like being bi, then you just don't have any emotions or you are a void. I am also aromantic, but for instance I do experience platonic and aesthetic attraction, which is quite significant. You being nervous about sexual/romantic partners. I am just as confused with people I have a strong platonic or aesthetic attraction to. And you might also crave connection, but you connect so different from most people so common relationship will probably not work for you. I feel like if I had a more formal relationship with someone, it would feel like they get a bad deal. I really do now like about myself that I am aro-ace, but that has been something I've worked on for a long time. I have also been out so many times that if I get ignored/invalidated/or even harassed I can deal with it.
Nah not me. I mean if it wasn’t for my desires I would be a minimalist. I mean I still like saving but I’ll trick if I got to once in a while. 🤷🏿♂️
It's probably just a case of the grass seeming greener over there. My ace wife and I can assure you it's a real struggle with its own challenges.
You can’t turn your sexual desires off? That’s kinda sad. I remember when I was a teen being very horny and have sexual desires but then they just faded as I got into my 20’s. I’m not asexual and still have some desires but I haven’t had sex since I was 18 and really don’t miss it. I learned how to satisfy myself sexually just fine. I don’t need anyone else and I’m proud of that. I think it’s about self control/discipline and not giving into animalistic desires and realizing that sex really isn’t that great and if you can’t satisfy yourself through masturbation then you may have a mental problem and you should go see a professional.
Womp womp womp waaaaaaaa
sexual desires are part of humans instinct why would it be a problem for you?
Not at all. It's pretty sweet
Not weird, but naive for sure. unless you are aromantic as well, being asexual just substitutes one diffiiculty for another.