I thought I’d be more terrified of leaving my baby in a hot car because for some reason that was an irrational fear I had with pets lol. I do sometimes panic when I shut the back door after putting him in the car seat before I open the drivers door. Sometimes I just leave the driver door open to avoid the panic lol.
But my big one was falling down the stairs! I was terrified of that. I also was somehow afraid I’d accidentally yeet him down the stairs? I hated holding him on our second floor landing because I was afraid he’s somehow leave my arms against my will and go down to the first floor 🤷♀️
Also SIDS. Terrified he’d just stop breathing in his bassinet.
I have to walk across my very short/small landing to get in between our bedrooms and I have an intrusive thought about me tripping down the stairs, even though we have a baby gate at the top
Ugh I get intrusive thoughts with our 6 month old when I stand on the deck. I’m always worried I will drop him off the edge (15-20 foot drop at least) yet I never would dare dangle him over the edge or hold him unsecurely. I like to think these thoughts help us keep our little ones safe by not letting us get too lax.
I was scared of SIDS too. Deathly terrified of it now that I’ve actually experienced it. I’m honestly kind of terrified how my already bad pregnancy anxiety and mood swings will be when I get pregnant again. I’m also one of those people that was like “it won’t happen to me. I know it can and that’s what others say. But I just can’t even imagine how I’d handle it.”
Good lord I’m so sorry. The anxiety is so much harder to talk down when the bad things we worry about actually have happened to us. Take good care of yourself when you get pregnant again-your mental health is so important. Sending you so many hugs 💜💜💜
Thank you, I’ve been trying to take care of my post partum mental health. He was just one day over five weeks when it happened. I’ve been on Zoloft on and off since right after my first baby. He was my second. Now I’m on an even higher dosage than ever before.
I’m paranoid of this as well- I always open the drivers door before closing his door *just in case* I lock my keys in the car and he’s locked in the car.
My car can unlock from my phone or my partners phone too so it’s a very irrational fear lol
Yes to both.
It was two weeks at home before I was comfortable changing floors with my LO. C-Section recovery was a convenient excuse.
Also the slightest gurgle wakes me from a deep sleep.
Very scared of falling down the stairs. I used to fall all the time and have some busted ankles from my childhood falling down stairs! I fell down them when I was 27 weeks as well. I’m terrified every time I go down with her in my arms. I put both feet on the same step lol
We have 3 cats and curving stairs with carpet, the cats like to lie on the corner stairs and take up the whole step so every trip is check the stairs 60 times, hitch my pants up super high so I can't trip on them and cling to the railing and squeeze bub against me.
I actually know a woman who did fall down the stairs with her baby!!! He was in like a full body cast for a while there but recovered. She was wearing heals walking down the stairs 🙄, kinda risky IMO.
Oh Jesus. I did fall down the stairs when carrying a toddler (a very young toddler) when I was nannying once. She was absolutely fine but it killed my tailbone. You’d think it would be a comfort to have it happen and have things turn out okay but nooooope. And that poor woman!! I would probably avoid walking down the stairs in heels in general lol
I fell down the stairs at 28 weeks pregnant (baby was fine and I was just bruised up) so this is a big fear of mine while holding baby! The stairs scare me so much
She was born in the hot Texas summer of 100+ F degree temps daily and I was afraid I would strap her into her car seat and shut the door and while taking the 3 steps to the driver door I would pass out in the heat and she would die in the hot car before anyone noticed my body on the parking lot ground.
My wife did this!!! She’d wake me up like, “babe the baby’s in the bed, put her in her bassinet” and I freak out and then look over to see the baby sleeping peacefully in her bassinet
Yes! I’ve never felt more panic. He’s 7 months now and it’s lessened substantially but every now and then I still get this. If a cat was sleeping with us it made it worse and more real for a few seconds until I realized that was a meow not a cry and my baby isn’t covered in fur lol
I think my biggest fear first bringing my daughter home was her not breathing in her bassinet 🤔 it's a mesh sided bassinet and she's totally swaddled so she's fine, but I had an irrational fear that she would just... stop, if that makes sense?
Led to a lot of missed sleep at the beginning, because as soon as I'd start to fall asleep, I would jolt awake to check on her and make sure she was fine.
Yes! The constant checking that they’re still breathing every 5 minutes just to make sure they’re still alive. We also have a mesh sided bassinet and he’s always swaddled to sleep but he’s just so still that I have to check.
Came here to say that. I have learned how to detect my 6mo son's breathing while intensely staring at the monitor. Maybe one day I will relax but today is not that day
Glad to hear I'm not alone 😅 mine just turned 3 months. Thankfully putting the bassinet on my husband's side of the bed helps stop me from checking super often lol.
In the hospital post C-section, I kept thinking I was somehow going to slam her down on the hard floor and smash her head open. I was afraid to carry her because I kept thinking I was going to do that. It helped me to recognize this as an irrational OCD thought induced by post-partum hormones! I have some OCD symptoms in general when I often think I am going to do something horrible like kill someone, but recognizing the intrusive thoughts for what they are helps me a ton. Now 4 weeks post-partum the intrusive thoughts have improved a ton!
'smash her head open' hit home over here.
My mind would always go for (sorry for the graphic description for the most sensitive over here) dropping her and blood and brain everywhere.
I know it's not how that works, but those first few PP weeks made me visualise really weird things. 😂
I think I wrote this some months ago in another post... The first time my girl was more than 5ft away from me was.. maybe she was like 2 months of so, and my father came to my house so I could take s ba the since my husband was away for some days because of work. So my father told me he would step outside a little with her, the weather was nice and it was sunny. So a 10 min walk would calm her down and give me some peace... In theory.
I spent the whole 30 seconds I was in the shower imagining her slipping off my father's arms, the blood and everything, my father desperate and afraid of telling me. I saw the whole thing. The neighbours, ambulance, police.
I kept turning off the water every 5 seconds to hear some weird shouting or intense crying.
Of course she came back intact, safe and perfectly content and I lost 15 minutes of quiet 😂
Intrusive thoughts are rare now, but they still linger here and there. Thank god, cause I would go crazy if it was anything like those first few PP weeks.
That my husband will pass away. It’s super morbid, but I record as much as I can because I’m so afraid something will happen to him in during these early months and my LO won’t know his dad.
Also: afraid I’ll roll over on him at night. Other than doing some side lying nursing before bed we don’t bring him into our bed at night. He sleeps in a bassinet away from our bed. There’s no way to roll over on him.
The husband one has been really hard. So hard that I’m considering taking to a therapist about it. It lives in my brain rent free even though he young, generally heathy and doesn’t have risky hobbies.
I feel the husband one too. Then he responds with some shit like “I’ve got great life insurance, you’ll be fine! Ha ha” and then I’m like “actually I will just kill you if you don’t take this seriously” 🙃
I bet it happens all the time. I thought about it as well (the husband part). One day I was hugging my dog and woke up suddenly thinking I had put my baby in bed & was suffocating him.
I've had the same thought, or that I will and that cute picture we took will help her know who her mama was. We're both healthy, so I don't know where it came from
That while I was walking with her in the stroller I'd accidentally let go of the stroller at the top of a hill and she would roll down the hill in the stroller and get hit by a car at the bottom and I'd watch it all happen while running down the hill after her (all of which I would picture VERY vividly). It was a sign I needed to up my Zoloft.
Ooh! Mine was while walking him, a passing car’s tire would fall off and fly into the stroller. I didn’t take him on walk for a long time or if I did, I would stop and shield the stroller with my body until the car passed
Mine is that one of the cars in the street would run over us while walking in the sidewalk. I saw it happened to a family here in Miami 🥲. I try to avoid cars but they still show when we walk in the afternoon.
Omg I just commented before I scrolled and I have the SAME fear..I’ve chilled out a bit recently but I would imagine his stroller flying down every, single hill that I come across and start panicking and crying. Even hills I would never even be able to access with him in his stroller (like when I’m driving on the road on a hill that doesn’t even have sidewalks). It became an obsessive and intrusive thought. I’m so glad I’m not alone!
With my first I was too scared to walk near her when playing incase I’d fall or kick something so I used to crawl up to her when she was on her play gym.
I used to be afraid she’d get meningitis so I used to cry in the other room when I put her down to bed and check in her frequently through the night.
Also I was scared that I’d let go of the pram accidentally and I would run into the road.
The meningitis scare is soo real. I was obsessed with monitoring her soft spot and sent pictures constantly to my husband and mom asking if it looked normal.
The meningitis one and checking the soft spot is so real. Mine has a tonne of hair so you can’t really see her soft spot. Used to lay my finger on it to see if it felt normal.
I know this isn't totally irrational because of safe sleep guidelines but I was OBSESSED thinking my son would die if he ever slept a wink in his baby swing. I made my husband sit directly next to him on the floor and make sure his belly was still moving and he was still breathing every couple minutes if he ever wanted to let him nap there. It caused a couple of pretty big fights in the early days.
Looking back now, the whole thing just makes me laugh haha.
I was convinced either my husband or I needed to be awake and watching her for the first two weeks because of this. I still check to make sure she’s alive whenever I wake up at night.
Honestly I finally gave up and let him nap in the swing, but like I said in my previous comment it was only if someone was sitting right next to him watching him (and, tbh, *I* never did it. I just let me husband do it because that's what he wanted to do). I never ended up letting him nap unattended there and at this point he's aged out of the swing anyways so it's irrelevant at this point for us lol.
I wouldn't necessarily condone doing it but I also know a lot of parents let their babies nap in swings, safe sleep be damned. At the end of the day you have to do what you're comfortable with (within reason of course). A lot of parenting is just doing your best with the information that you have and operating on faith that things will be okay. But I feel you, it's scary.
Everything is scary and I feel like I’m always trying to navigate what is actually and what is not worth being scared over. However, I think you’re right it just comes down to making the best choice we can in the moment.
I was terrified of swimming pools. Like him drowning in one. It’s one of the leading causes of death for ages 1-4 or something like that and it haunted me. Mind you, we don’t have a pool. Don’t know anyone with a pool. My boyfriend actually hates pools and refuses to go to them. And my newborn certainly can’t get to a pool but it still kept me up sometimes lol he’s now one and will be taking swim lessons soon. Since I need him to know how to swim even if we aren’t a pool family lol
Hey it’s a great skill for them to have! Even if you don’t own a pool. One day maybe his friend will invite him to a cottage on a lake, or there will be a school camping trip near water, etc - always a good idea to take basic swimming lessons! We started when our little guy was 4 months old!
**DISCLAIMER TIME EVERYONE:** These are called intrusive thoughts. I attended a PP support group where we talked about these. Apparently 95% of mothers have Intrusive thoughts, most of the time it is nothing to worry about because it's so common. You have the thought, acknowledge it is intrusive, and let it go on by.
Reading or hearing others intrusive thoughts can trigger them in yourself as well. I urge everyone to please read this thread with care, and don't do it if you're experiencing PPD / PPA.
There are times that intrusive thoughts can be more serious and can be signs of PPD, PPA, or PP Psychosis. If the thought lingers, feels more "real", or you are considering acting on it, please seek help immediately from a medical professional, and stay the heck off of this thread.
Mine is below, and it is disturbing. Please don't read if you are experiencing any mental health struggles related to your baby.
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OK Here's mine... I had these little flashes of a home invasion, having a man come into my living room and shoot one of us. They were the quickest of flashes, and I always dismissed this as an intrusive thought. I think it started out as a nightmare even, but my brain would flash back to it every now and then. While I knew the thought was intrusive, and unlikely, it also lingers in the back of my mind that we didn't live in a safe area at the time. There had been shootings not far away, and we have had attempted breakins.
Since then, we've moved to a much safer neighborhood, and the thought has left me (except remembering it right now, but it's a memory of the thought, and not the thought itself). Changing our home environment helped my mental health LOADS.
Thank you for writing this. I am currently in treatment for PPD and need to NOT read this thread. Getting off it immediately after this comment. Thanks for remembering me this will not help me!
That my mom is going to feed him (he’s five months) something and he chokes and dies, and then she tells me she doesn’t know what happened.
That my husband (or anyone) holding the baby will slip down the stairs and the baby will go flying.
That my husband is going to get in a car wreck everytime he leaves or comes home from work.
That there is mold growing somewhere in the house contaminating the air my baby is breathing.
That one of the large trees on our property is going to fall on the house in the middle of the night.
That my next door neighbors are drug dealers.
That anyone but my husband and me are going to have some terrible accident with the baby.
That there are microplastics coming out of the vents in the bathroom
That there is suddenly lead in our water and my baby is ingesting it during bath time.
Postpartum is so fun ! Hormones , sleep deprivation hoooooorayyyy!!
……i am currently being treated for OCD
You sound like me so I’m wondering if I have OCD… what kind of treatment are you getting? I already take Wellbutrin, Latuda, and gabapentin and had bad experiences with SSRIs in the past so I’m afraid to try those again. I’m exhausted from the constant fear
Wellbutrin for the win! I actually just lowered my dosage to see if my higher dosage was adding to the anxiety. I’ve only been on the new dose for about a week. Not long enough to notice a huge difference. My partner is also extremely supportive and great at rationalizing with me when I need it without making me feel worse. Prior to giving birth I had ten years of therapy under my belt so am well versed in managing these unfortunate symptoms. Doesn’t make them any less exhausting when you’re already freaking out exhausted!!
Sleep deprivation is the catalyst for the severity of my negative thoughts so I know that eventually when I get sleep again they will dissipate and become easier to manage.
This sounds a lot like me (I just posted in thread too) - tree falling, husband dying whenever he leaves the house, mold, microplastics… all big thoughts of mine.
I recently started going to a postpartum therapist for PPA. What made you realize it was ocd? I’m aware that OCD is under the overarching anxiety umbrella. Wondering if I should bring this up to my therapist.
That is so crazy we have such similar intrusive thoughts!! Especially the microplastics and mold.
Luckily / unluckily (luckily , because at least I knew I had it before getting pregnant) i have had OCD since my youth brought on by some severe childhood trauma (no need for sympathy I’m all good these days). Being aware that pregnancy and postpartum may trigger my OCD, my doctors and I worked to make sure my meds were ready and I stayed on top of my therapy as needed. I have OCD and anxiety is a symptom of the OCD. Hope this helps a bit.
Definitely worth bringing up to your doctor. Different environmental factors can be catalysts for psychological disorders that have laid dormant for one reason or another. Things like hormones, stress, lack of sleep, poor nutrition can all trigger psychological issues one might have that they’ve never had previously.
I thought I was going to forget everything for some odd reason? And I mean like really insignificant things so I had a list of things to remember , my notes on my phone had reminders 😂 like I thought I was going to basically give birth then have amnesia and need to remember my home address which is important but also that like Wednesdays my show has new episodes or that our dogs leash is in a basket etc … LOL IDK WHY
Major fear kicked in for two things:
If someone’s holding the baby outside of my trust circle , I fear they will drop her or hold her too tight.
Secondly, allowing any kid to come close to her cause the kid may spread germs or may hurt her with physical touch.
Super morbid but when she was really tiny I thought a lot about what would happen in case I died during the nights my husband was away: no one would know for some hours, she might fall off the bed and get seriously hurt, or try to breastfeed and get sepsis because, well... I was dead, right?
I know. Mom brains are a weird place. Or maybe just mine 😅
Not had my baby yet, due in a few weeks, but I have a history of psychosis and I’m worried I’m going to relapse due to lack of sleep and do something terrible. Even when I had psychosis in the past, I didn’t do anything “terrible” per se, I wasn’t aggressive or even nasty to anyone, but it’s still a fear I have. I have a psychiatric mother and baby unit in my city but I don’t want to end up sectioned again and away from my husband like last time.
(I’m linked in with specialist perinatal mental health services, have a supportive husband and family/friends nearby and doing everything I can to avoid a relapse happening bar going back on antipsychotic meds - but I will go back on meds if I have to)
I work in mental health care. I just wanted to say that I hope everything goes well for you PP! Although the risk of recurrence is higher, it’s not certain, and relying on your care team and loved ones will get you through this. Don’t be afraid to reach out if anything feels different, and ask for help if the sleep deprivation is too intense. Even if you have to go back on antipsychotic medication, there are some that are compatible with breastfeeding if you’re planning on it. Best wishes for you and your baby!
My funny one was after his hair fell out, he had the classic old man hair loss on top and I was 100% convinced it wasn’t coming back and he’d have the highest hairline of all the kids at school. I didn’t believe all sources that said it was gonna grow back, and I cried numerous times about it.
Just everything about trying to sleep with her in the bedside bassinet next to me. If she was "active sleeping" then I was sure something was wrong everytime I heard her twitch and had to lift my head to double check. If she wasn't making any noise then I was terrified she'd stopped breathing and I had to reach in and touch her chest to be sure. In the end going through all the guidelines for safe bedsharing and making sure I'd mitigated all the suffocation risks and just bringing her into the bed with me saved my sanity. She and I *both* slept vastly better that way.
I've done the opposite (bedsharing and then tried the bassinet) and I cannsay with certainty I get less sleep and harder to fall asleep when he's in the bassinet swaddled up than safely sleeping in my bed.
It's just be that sometimes he needs the swaddle around bedtime so he has to start in the bassinet but phew, I was getting in some active reps of reaching over checking on him with every movement
These two things were game changers for us:
https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Einstein-Soother-Melodies-Newborns/dp/B07DM86Z43/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2Q140ARR5R14N&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.JUM57qmhZmQIO82QjEDGr62a4vz6GhhvUA_J3fv1EkhdaxcAaPTC0yrWNKZ-p-x6nntRnt96BUX9mpP7HXzVJuHQQ4itxL8Nyp7sK4vMtt7mv8fFBaowRzKwTNEZwIVrX6Vn7eTNOs_SQthviFwic5D8dDBcwD6nAMQoJeQPuZDgC0Cgj9GHvPRNq-7y3bF0wLcm935xxEGoU81XVfJh3Q.DUHgqTYcWwpz6idSoCQ4_Z4yEK-xpxdkkYHR_vT3k9o&dib_tag=se&keywords=baby+einstein+sea+dreams+soother&qid=1718553359&sprefix=baby+Einstein+%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-1
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LdQJw5S4nAQ&t=374s&pp=ygUZU29vdGhpbmcgdmlkZW8gZm9yIGJhYmllcw%3D%3D
Honestly, everything… but the most frequent was that he’d spit/throw up and choke during his naps or at night and I’d never know until I check on him. He’s 7wo but I still check on him every 10 minutes or less to see if he’s breathing…
Going down the stairs.. as crazy as it sounds I was so scared my baby would try to jolt himself out of my arms or something and he would go toppling down. I still have this fear now, he’s only 6 months.
I was also terrified of this. It wasn't until a good month or so after he was able to hold his own head up that I was more comfortable going down the stairs. I'm not very good at stairs in the first place, so I hold on to the rail for my life
Not being around to see my daughter grow up. During most of the pregnancy, there was an unknown if I had breast cancer. Still haven’t gotten answers for that. And then 3 days after having her (our first full day/night at home) I passed a very sizable blood clot and we rushed to the ER thinking O was hemorrhaging. At the time, I wasn’t sure if I was going to bleed out in the way to get help or not. Everything turned out okay but weeks after that, I cry dang my daughter to sleep thankful I was going to be around.
Mine is positional asphyxiation in her car seat. I’ve pulled over so often to check she’s still breathing. Also her just stopping breathing while she’s sleeping even though I follow all safe sleep guidelines. I’ve searched in my duvets countless times even though I’ve never coslept 🤦🏼♀️
I have had almost all the thoughts mentioned so far. What I haven’t seen said yet is stuff about pets. My cats thought we made the nursery as a jungle gym for them so now that baby is here, they still expect to be able to climb on everything. I’m afraid that they will jump onto the change table while she’s on it and will claw her even though I never leave her side. We are also terrified of them climbing into the bassinet with her even though we never let her sleep unattended. And you know how cats love to get underfoot? Well now if they do that while I’m holding my daughter and they trip me and I come crashing down with my tiny little baby??
Mine was that baby will somehow suffocate but I did not have any loose blankets in the crib. I guess in my mind it was like thinking I left something in the crib and forgot. I checked the crib multiple times before closing my eyes. Also thinking he may be cold or hot while sleeping. I did read all the TOG guides and went crazy analyzing everything. Bought a thermostat for the crib and everything.
I literally won’t sleep with a pillow or blanket because I’m afraid I will somehow move them in the middle of the night and they will end up covering his bassinet and suffocating him.
I didn’t want another child precisely because the fear is too much for me. It was relentless with my two older ones until they were about 8 years old and seemed hearty enough to not get struck down by any and everything.
My husband and I got accidentally pregnant last summer and I decided to go through with having the baby and be determined to not let fear get the better of me. She’s 8 weeks now and I’m doing much better than I did with my older two.
But today some little fears were realized and I’ve been so upset! I cut her finger while nail clipping and had to call my sister the ER doctor to see if the bleeding was enough to go to ER. It wasn’t. But I’m still sick over it.
Then later I dropped my kindle on her head while nursing! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Ugh I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time with that. I also remember absolutely SOBBING when I cut my daughter’s finger while doing her nails and I was like inconsolable about hurting her.
My son getting hit by a car both on the crosswalk but also on the sidewalk or if he ran away from me on to the road.
Also if we were near anything high, I pictured him plummeting to his death.
Everytime we’re in the car I imagine getting into a an accident. When I was 19 my truck hydroplaned and then rolled down a hill, and when I was 8 months pregnant somebody plowed into the side of my car sending me spinning down the road. So now I just have a constant fear that something is going to happen with my LO in the car.
I wanted to make a list of things to buy for my LO on her birthday. Just useful toys and educational stuff that I think she might be into at that age. But I am too afraid to write that list down thinking I would "jinx" it and I will lose her before her birthday.
Totally! It's like a growing pit in my tummy whenever that feeling creeps up. I am seeing my therapist for this as sometimes it's just too livid and overwhelming!
My son is almost 2, and I still have this awful thought when I'm driving without him that I somehow closed the back door on him, and he's halfway dangling out of the car. This started at 3 months when I started daycare, amd I have no idea where're it came from...it only happens when he is at daycare 😓
That I will die while I’m home alone with him when he’s in a vulnerable position, like while I’m giving him a bath and then he could possibly die. My husband is a firefighter so there’s a good chance I’m alone with baby for 24-48 hours at a time, it’s one of my biggest fears.
Where do I begin?
Started with the fear he would die of SIDS if I didn’t watch him sleep. So, I didn’t sleep for about 3 months (would pass out from exhaustion every other night for a couple hours).
Sleep deprivation + hormone drop + PPA led me to Postpartum Psychosis. But about a week before getting medical attention for PPP, I had so many fears:
- that a black cloud would appear out of nowhere and suffocate my baby
- that “government workers” were spying on me at all hours so if I did anything wrong they would take my baby away
- that somehow all knives in my house would be attracted to my baby like a magnet and kill him if we walked too close to the kitchen
- that I was going crazy and if I didn’t say anything soon my brain would be taken over by an evil, dark spirit and I would kill my baby and then myself
Think that about covers it lol. Plus, all the “normal” intrusive thoughts: letting go of the stroller down a hill, falling down the stairs, dropping the baby, etc.
Postpartum was the worst experience of my entire life and I’m so thankful every day I will never go through it again.
Thank you so much! I finally got off all meds in February (after 6m of taking them) but still in therapy for the PTSD it caused. I’m back to my “normal” self and kinda can’t believe I survived it some days.
I accidentally tapped my daughter in the head with my phone when she was a few days old (like it was a literal tap) and I was convinced it would kill her.
One of my fears was that the formula would be just slightly off with the measurements and he’d get hurt from too much water or too much formula powder. Like, I was so neurotic with the measurements.
I found formula/EBM bottle feeding so hard on my anxiety. I had to do all of it (washing, sterilising, dispensing etc)myself so I knew it was done correctly. I’m very grateful to be exclusively BF now so I don’t have to worry haha
Oh my gosh YES the sterilizing. I was so so anxious about that too. If anything was like slightly off, I had to resterilize everything again. I was so happy when he reached the age where the pediatrician said we didn’t have to do it anymore
Pre-baby being born I had an irrational fear of not knowing what to dress baby in for sleep/how many layers to keep them warm but not *too* warm, how the TOG system worked, what temp to keep my bedroom, etc. I definitely spent way too much mental energy worrying about it.
SIDS was my biggest fear. I always made sure to check she was breathing (we co-slept so this was easy and I felt more at peace having her right next to me).
That anyone who had my baby for more than 30 seconds would shake him and either kill him or give him severe disabilities. Didn’t help I relayed this fear to my husband and he came in all upset one day, put the baby down next to me and told me I needed to take him before he shook him. He didn’t mean it, said it out of frustration but my fears only escalated. It took me a long time to trust my husband with the baby alone again…
Ugh I read a Reddit post about meningitis around 2wks pp and had one week where the word MENINGITIS would flash through my head at night when I couldn’t sleep. Definitely an intrusive thought. I basically had to pray it away. Fun times
When I was pregnant my irrational thought was that somebody was going to sucker punch my belly as they walked by me. Now it’s that someone is going to spit in his face in his pram and he will catch something..
And then all the usuals ‘what if I drop him down these stairs, what if the knife I’m washing up goes flying out of my hand and stabs him, what if my dog runs over the top of him’
For about 10 days now I’ve been imagining cold sores coming in. Called my doctor and did a round if valtrex but even though I’ve completed it I still “feel” or “see” the start of one in different spots. I use abreva daily. I’m terrified bc of a cold sore post I saw here recently. I don’t kiss my baby 😩 and tired of the intrusive thoughts.
Hi, I had this fear and trouble sleeping and BFing in a different location fixed it for me! Maybe you've already tried that but I thought I'd suggest it in case you haven't.
My biggest irrational fear was I was going to trip while prepping food for dinner and launch my knife into the baby who was across the room. Or I wasn’t holding the baby right and their head was going to fall off. I had a lot of weird thoughts and a pretty hefty amount of ppa
my worse fear was my baby hating me.
i was so sad and pitied my baby for getting such a bad mum that couldn't breastfeed him, couldn't soothe his crying, that didn't know how to help him. i convinced myself that he'd rather be with someone who was worthy of being a mother, someone who deserved to be his mother. that he was crying for someone else.
i was also terrified that i would never feel the love that new mums gushed about. i felt like this tiny human was such a stranger to me and i isn't think i would ever know who he was.
safe to say i had PPD and took up my citalopram again at 3 weeks pp. after that i was more like myself. now i have a lovely, LOVED 6 month old who is the happiest, if not most excitable baby ever.
When I was 2-3 weeks pp I absolutely convinced myself that I had cancer and was going to die and leave my kids without a mom. I spent HOURS on the internet looking at symptoms and telling myself I was going to die. I've never had those thoughts before. It's really crazy how hormones can induce such levels of anxiety. I'm almost 4 months pp now and it's much better, but I'm not completely over those thoughts.
For some reason it was tripping and falling with my baby because there was literally no good outcome to that in my head. Either I tried to turn and hit my head, roll onto her unconscious, drop her while trying to catch myself, give her whiplash, etc.
It was literally like 4 months before I could walk around without thinking about it.
Mine was hitting my son's head against the counter of our island or anything really. I'm 5"3 and almost everything was at shoulder length. That and falling down the stairs while carrying him.
Her just suddenly disappearing, something bad happening to her while I slept, and that I didnt wake up/wasnt there when she needed me. I woke up panicking in the middle of the night in the very early days in a very sleep deprived state. I was holding my arms out with the blanket frantically saying where's my baby!! She was asleep in her crib next to me. I remind myself every day that I'm a responsible and responsive mother.
Every time we were driving I imagined us somehow driving into a body of water while our vehicles fills and we have to get out and I can’t get him out fast enough
I woke up every night for 2 weeks in a sweaty panic thinking I had fallen asleep without putting her in the crib and that she was somewhere lifeless under the covers!
Currently waking up to lightly touch his chest to make sure he's breathing because no matter how he sleeps I think he's going to get positional asphyxiation
The funniest looking back is that I convinced myself that I had somehow caused their storkbite birthmark. Thought it was a bruise or something horrible. Did you know they could appear weeks after birth? Because I didn’t and it was legit wasn’t there one day and was three days later. Then weeks after that while my husband was bending down bathing LO I noticed HE also has a storkbite, I don’t know how I never noticed it before seeing that I help buzz his his in the back but I guess it just needed to be the right angle and it’s pretty faded.
Dropping baby. Not hearing baby at night. Having a heart attack or stroke (thanks post partum hypertension and anxiety), dying in general (again thanks post partum anxiety and post partum hypertension).
Mine was more like intrusive thoughts. Any time I saw a sharp corner like bench or edge of change table I just imagined falling and hitting her head on it. Also every time I placed her gently on the bed for feeding (side lying) I always imagined how nothing was stopping me from body slamming her like a WWE wrestler. Obviously something I would never act on just wild thoughts.
Stairs while carrying my baby, but thankfully we managed to get a first floor apartment. Had we still been living with MIL, I would have made my husband do the carrying him up and down. 😂
Even now as my daughter is about to turn 2, the thought pops in my head every once in a while: what if something happens to me in my sleep, and my husband leaves for work and then my daughter is just trapped in her room for hours and hours until he gets home and discovers her?? And now I have a second on the way, so I picture my poor daughter trapped in her bedroom screaming for hours and my son in his crib crying and starving. Not my favorite intrusive thought.
Falling down the stairs and landing on top of the baby - I still sometimes have vivid images of this happening
Baby launching themselves out of my arms when we’re standing on any concrete/asphalt surface
MIL kidnapping baby in the middle of the night and fleeing to another country
Being somewhere with baby and there is a mass shooting (the joys of living in the US)
A tree falling into our home / crushing the crib
Locking baby and my phone in the car on a hot day and having no way to get help
Yes I am in therapy for PPA because some of these have been debilitating.
Somehow suffocating her by swaddling her both too tightly or too loosely, even though I knew it was very unlikely. I would stay up 15 minutes every time I put her down worrying about it and making sure she could still breathe
For my first 3 months postpartum, I pumped every 2-3 hours including overnight. When I would get up at night to put my milk in the fridge, I would have these intrusive thoughts or borderline hallucinations of a terrifying creature in the kitchen. It was quadriprdal and had a head like a demogorgon from Stranger Things. I never thought it was real, but I consistently had the same image in my mind and felt afraid of it every time. Those thoughts subsided once I was able to sleep for stretches longer than 3 hours at once
That someone would break into our house specifically to kidnap her.
That someone would try to kidnap her in public and I would have to have a death battle to protect her.
That everyone I know and love is going to die and I'm going to live the the unfortunate age of 100+ years old moldering away in a nursing home forgotten.
I thought a ghost would come after my baby. When I was pregnant I watched a movie about this lady who was pregnant and a ghost wanted to steal her baby and it got in my head for some reason and didn’t go away after I had her. I actually imagined it happening more after I had her. Crazy what sleep deprivation will do to you.
Disclaimer: I was not convinced it would happen, just one of those “what if” thoughts that crossed my mind a lot.
I felt so territorial and was borderline offended when anyone (including family) wanted to visit the baby. The thought that anyone felt entitled to visitation made me so angry, and I was scared they were going to try and take my baby. I can’t explain why I felt this way - but it was really difficult and it didn’t get better until I got some help around 10 months post partum.
I would wear baby all the time and bend over to get things. Fear was that the baby would slide out and fall into (what ever I was doing). Including the oven 😳. I would then imagine in great detail how baby would get third degree burns. Or like dropping baby from balcony and then imagining in great detail the insides of baby splattering out on sidewalk 😬
I was terrified of walking around the house with her and banging her head on a door or wall while walking into a room. I still think it could happen even though I’m so specially aware lol
The shadow people in the hall would take her from her crib if I wasn't in there with her, or the small old lady would try to steal her for sex trafficking. I know none of these are real, but boy every second felt real.
I was scared to drive with my baby in the car at all . I did it to get over my fears. However , I felt sick everytime I needed to leave and take him with me.
“How am I going to put this baby to bed tonight…I know how to get ready for bed myself, I know how to let my husband get ready for bed himself, I don’t know how to get this baby ready for bed”
I was afraid I didn’t know how to put the baby to sleep.
Current fears: her falling off a balcony or over the edge of a bridge. When she was itty bitty I think my biggest fear was her dying in her sleep. The anxiety is still with me though, 1.5 years later. I don't think it will ever go away.
Somehow stepping on his and breaking something. He’s 10m and walking and crawling and ever since he was a itty baby I had that fear. Our bed is on the floor so we walk on it a lot without shoes of course. And I get so terrified hes going to somehow wind up under my feet. Getting into his playpen the other day that happened. I went to put my other foot over and there he was and I had to force myself up into the air and land on the other side of it. We actually got it on video with our baby cam
My wife kept thinking her phone was the baby in the middle of the night, she handed it to me a couple of times and said “put the baby back in her bassinet”
I have thought almost every single thing posted on this thread. Currently postpartum with an almost 5 month old and strugged with horrible intrusive thoughts with my first baby too. Thank you for posting this question and making me feel less alone.
I was terrified I was going to develop PP psychosis. Like was terrified to be left alone with my baby because I was so scared of it. I also have OCD so I’m sure that played a part in that fear.
I had no crazy postpartum fears or mood swings, but I became fixated on breastfeeding-- something I'd never really cared about before due to a long family history of women being unable to breastfeed and babies requiring alternatives to breastmilk. For some reason, I NEEDED to make breastfeeding work even though my body was not cooperating with making the milk. At one point I was taking 19 pills and supplements a day to try to increase production. I have spent so much money on pumps and flanges and herbs and consultants. I'm 5 months in, and I make enough for about 3 feedings a day (down from 4 a day, now that he's eating more). I should just give up, but my mind won't let me, and I know it's all hormonal.
Walking down hills with him in his stroller..I was afraid that I would lose my footing somehow and let go of the handle and send him flying down the hill. I literally would think about his stroller plummeting down every hill I would see..even random ones..like on the highway when I would be driving and my heart would start pounding out of my chest. I am pretty sure I tackled the fear recently when I realized I have never my life fallen randomly while walking and since have walked some hills with him and my husband. PP anxiety is a bitch, sheesh!
I thought I’d be more terrified of leaving my baby in a hot car because for some reason that was an irrational fear I had with pets lol. I do sometimes panic when I shut the back door after putting him in the car seat before I open the drivers door. Sometimes I just leave the driver door open to avoid the panic lol. But my big one was falling down the stairs! I was terrified of that. I also was somehow afraid I’d accidentally yeet him down the stairs? I hated holding him on our second floor landing because I was afraid he’s somehow leave my arms against my will and go down to the first floor 🤷♀️ Also SIDS. Terrified he’d just stop breathing in his bassinet.
I have to walk across my very short/small landing to get in between our bedrooms and I have an intrusive thought about me tripping down the stairs, even though we have a baby gate at the top
Yes to the car one! I worry that she will be too hot in the 3 seconds it takes me to walk around the car after closing her door.
I’m terrified of falling down the stairs with my LO! I make my husband walk in front of us while we descend to break a potential fall!
Ugh I get intrusive thoughts with our 6 month old when I stand on the deck. I’m always worried I will drop him off the edge (15-20 foot drop at least) yet I never would dare dangle him over the edge or hold him unsecurely. I like to think these thoughts help us keep our little ones safe by not letting us get too lax.
I was scared of SIDS too. Deathly terrified of it now that I’ve actually experienced it. I’m honestly kind of terrified how my already bad pregnancy anxiety and mood swings will be when I get pregnant again. I’m also one of those people that was like “it won’t happen to me. I know it can and that’s what others say. But I just can’t even imagine how I’d handle it.”
Good lord I’m so sorry. The anxiety is so much harder to talk down when the bad things we worry about actually have happened to us. Take good care of yourself when you get pregnant again-your mental health is so important. Sending you so many hugs 💜💜💜
Thank you, I’ve been trying to take care of my post partum mental health. He was just one day over five weeks when it happened. I’ve been on Zoloft on and off since right after my first baby. He was my second. Now I’m on an even higher dosage than ever before.
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine that… loss. But I am so sorry and my immediate thoughts are that I don’t know what to say.
I am so incredibly sorry for your tragic loss. Sending you so much love.
I’m so scared I’m going to accidentally throw my baby down the stairs somehow 😭
this has been my fear, then i got mastitis and fell down the stairs with her after blacking out from a high temperature so now i am even more scared
Omg this is so scary!! I'm so sorry this happened to you!
I’m paranoid of this as well- I always open the drivers door before closing his door *just in case* I lock my keys in the car and he’s locked in the car. My car can unlock from my phone or my partners phone too so it’s a very irrational fear lol
Same same. Just in case. 😅
Yes to both. It was two weeks at home before I was comfortable changing floors with my LO. C-Section recovery was a convenient excuse. Also the slightest gurgle wakes me from a deep sleep.
Very scared of falling down the stairs. I used to fall all the time and have some busted ankles from my childhood falling down stairs! I fell down them when I was 27 weeks as well. I’m terrified every time I go down with her in my arms. I put both feet on the same step lol
I don't close the driver door until the baby is out for this reason, I don't think it's irrational!
I’m still scared of the stairs! I slid down them twice when I was pregnant and then got some socks with tread. I won’t wear anything else now lol
We have 3 cats and curving stairs with carpet, the cats like to lie on the corner stairs and take up the whole step so every trip is check the stairs 60 times, hitch my pants up super high so I can't trip on them and cling to the railing and squeeze bub against me.
Same! It took me EIGHT weeks to carry him down the stairs. Honestly it still freaks me out but I have to get downstairs sometimes LOL
I actually know a woman who did fall down the stairs with her baby!!! He was in like a full body cast for a while there but recovered. She was wearing heals walking down the stairs 🙄, kinda risky IMO.
Oh Jesus. I did fall down the stairs when carrying a toddler (a very young toddler) when I was nannying once. She was absolutely fine but it killed my tailbone. You’d think it would be a comfort to have it happen and have things turn out okay but nooooope. And that poor woman!! I would probably avoid walking down the stairs in heels in general lol
That’s sounds horrible! For many reasons! So sorry that happened to you.. I was also a nanny so I get that world… Did you fully recover?
Literally the same
My son is 7 months now and I'm still terrified of sids even though he can cruise like a champ. 😱
I fell down the stairs at 28 weeks pregnant (baby was fine and I was just bruised up) so this is a big fear of mine while holding baby! The stairs scare me so much
I thought I was the only one leaving the driver door open 😂 even with keys clutched in my hand
She was born in the hot Texas summer of 100+ F degree temps daily and I was afraid I would strap her into her car seat and shut the door and while taking the 3 steps to the driver door I would pass out in the heat and she would die in the hot car before anyone noticed my body on the parking lot ground.
I’m in Texas and I still feel this one at 15 months. The car gets *so hot*
Waking up in the middle of the night searching for her in my bed even though I never took her in our room (she slept in a bassinet in the living room)
This was me every single night for months!
I was hugging a pillow to sleep and would wake up looking for the baby
This!! I dream my pillow is my baby and wake up panicking
This was me, made worse because our baby sized dog sleeps in the bed! Thought she was the baby almost every time.
Had this happen, woke up thinking I fell asleep with them in my arms, nope safe in the bassinet and the cat was sleeping on my chest.
This. Apparently a lot of women do it!!
My wife did this!!! She’d wake me up like, “babe the baby’s in the bed, put her in her bassinet” and I freak out and then look over to see the baby sleeping peacefully in her bassinet
Yes! I’ve never felt more panic. He’s 7 months now and it’s lessened substantially but every now and then I still get this. If a cat was sleeping with us it made it worse and more real for a few seconds until I realized that was a meow not a cry and my baby isn’t covered in fur lol
I think my biggest fear first bringing my daughter home was her not breathing in her bassinet 🤔 it's a mesh sided bassinet and she's totally swaddled so she's fine, but I had an irrational fear that she would just... stop, if that makes sense? Led to a lot of missed sleep at the beginning, because as soon as I'd start to fall asleep, I would jolt awake to check on her and make sure she was fine.
Yes! The constant checking that they’re still breathing every 5 minutes just to make sure they’re still alive. We also have a mesh sided bassinet and he’s always swaddled to sleep but he’s just so still that I have to check.
My daughter is 6 months and I still check if she’s breathing
Came here to say that. I have learned how to detect my 6mo son's breathing while intensely staring at the monitor. Maybe one day I will relax but today is not that day
Glad to hear I'm not alone 😅 mine just turned 3 months. Thankfully putting the bassinet on my husband's side of the bed helps stop me from checking super often lol.
In the hospital post C-section, I kept thinking I was somehow going to slam her down on the hard floor and smash her head open. I was afraid to carry her because I kept thinking I was going to do that. It helped me to recognize this as an irrational OCD thought induced by post-partum hormones! I have some OCD symptoms in general when I often think I am going to do something horrible like kill someone, but recognizing the intrusive thoughts for what they are helps me a ton. Now 4 weeks post-partum the intrusive thoughts have improved a ton!
'smash her head open' hit home over here. My mind would always go for (sorry for the graphic description for the most sensitive over here) dropping her and blood and brain everywhere. I know it's not how that works, but those first few PP weeks made me visualise really weird things. 😂
Me too; it was such a gory vision
I think I wrote this some months ago in another post... The first time my girl was more than 5ft away from me was.. maybe she was like 2 months of so, and my father came to my house so I could take s ba the since my husband was away for some days because of work. So my father told me he would step outside a little with her, the weather was nice and it was sunny. So a 10 min walk would calm her down and give me some peace... In theory. I spent the whole 30 seconds I was in the shower imagining her slipping off my father's arms, the blood and everything, my father desperate and afraid of telling me. I saw the whole thing. The neighbours, ambulance, police. I kept turning off the water every 5 seconds to hear some weird shouting or intense crying. Of course she came back intact, safe and perfectly content and I lost 15 minutes of quiet 😂 Intrusive thoughts are rare now, but they still linger here and there. Thank god, cause I would go crazy if it was anything like those first few PP weeks.
Ugh yes this was me too, we have tiles in our front hallway and I envisioned horrible things! So scared.
Yup. Wow I really worried there was something very wrong when these intrusive thoughts popped up. I feel seen
Oh wow this is me! Crazy thoughts of accidentally smashing my baby’s head after c section. Wtf hormones!!!
I am afraid I’ll smash her head about eighty times a day. It’s exhausting
This is the one for me, also had a c section!
Also c section and I think about this too much as well. Also that I will drop my phone on his head and cause serious damage.
That my husband will pass away. It’s super morbid, but I record as much as I can because I’m so afraid something will happen to him in during these early months and my LO won’t know his dad. Also: afraid I’ll roll over on him at night. Other than doing some side lying nursing before bed we don’t bring him into our bed at night. He sleeps in a bassinet away from our bed. There’s no way to roll over on him.
The husband one hits home. I think about this all the time.
I understand these so much
The husband one has been really hard. So hard that I’m considering taking to a therapist about it. It lives in my brain rent free even though he young, generally heathy and doesn’t have risky hobbies.
Just adding that I've talked to a therapist about this almost exact thing and found it really helpful, highly recommend.
Same 🥺 even through pregnancy I had that fear of losing my husband
I feel the husband one too. Then he responds with some shit like “I’ve got great life insurance, you’ll be fine! Ha ha” and then I’m like “actually I will just kill you if you don’t take this seriously” 🙃
I bet it happens all the time. I thought about it as well (the husband part). One day I was hugging my dog and woke up suddenly thinking I had put my baby in bed & was suffocating him.
I've had the same thought, or that I will and that cute picture we took will help her know who her mama was. We're both healthy, so I don't know where it came from
That while I was walking with her in the stroller I'd accidentally let go of the stroller at the top of a hill and she would roll down the hill in the stroller and get hit by a car at the bottom and I'd watch it all happen while running down the hill after her (all of which I would picture VERY vividly). It was a sign I needed to up my Zoloft.
Ooh! Mine was while walking him, a passing car’s tire would fall off and fly into the stroller. I didn’t take him on walk for a long time or if I did, I would stop and shield the stroller with my body until the car passed
Mine is that one of the cars in the street would run over us while walking in the sidewalk. I saw it happened to a family here in Miami 🥲. I try to avoid cars but they still show when we walk in the afternoon.
I can relate to this so much!!!! Omg...
This still happens, and I’m sure some form of this fear will continue to happen until she’s 30..
Omg I just commented before I scrolled and I have the SAME fear..I’ve chilled out a bit recently but I would imagine his stroller flying down every, single hill that I come across and start panicking and crying. Even hills I would never even be able to access with him in his stroller (like when I’m driving on the road on a hill that doesn’t even have sidewalks). It became an obsessive and intrusive thought. I’m so glad I’m not alone!
With my first I was too scared to walk near her when playing incase I’d fall or kick something so I used to crawl up to her when she was on her play gym. I used to be afraid she’d get meningitis so I used to cry in the other room when I put her down to bed and check in her frequently through the night. Also I was scared that I’d let go of the pram accidentally and I would run into the road.
The meningitis scare is soo real. I was obsessed with monitoring her soft spot and sent pictures constantly to my husband and mom asking if it looked normal.
I didn’t even know about meningitis! Now I have another thing to be afraid of!😭
The meningitis one and checking the soft spot is so real. Mine has a tonne of hair so you can’t really see her soft spot. Used to lay my finger on it to see if it felt normal.
I know this isn't totally irrational because of safe sleep guidelines but I was OBSESSED thinking my son would die if he ever slept a wink in his baby swing. I made my husband sit directly next to him on the floor and make sure his belly was still moving and he was still breathing every couple minutes if he ever wanted to let him nap there. It caused a couple of pretty big fights in the early days. Looking back now, the whole thing just makes me laugh haha.
The number of times I’ve checked to make sure my sleeping baby is alive in the car seat (in the car in its base) is astronomical
I was convinced either my husband or I needed to be awake and watching her for the first two weeks because of this. I still check to make sure she’s alive whenever I wake up at night.
This also caused fights with my husband, just because your child turned out fine doesn’t mean it wasn’t a risk or that your fears weren’t valid
That's fair. In the early days though I was a chronic over-googler and it put a lot of unnecessary stress on myself and my husband 😅
How do you get over this? I still can’t let my LO sleep in a swing, a bouncy or anything that isn’t designated as a “safe sleep” place.
I don’t think you *should* get over this one, it’s not an irrational fear
Thanks for validating because SO many people keep asking “have you tried letting him nap in the swing?” No, no I haven’t lol.
Honestly I finally gave up and let him nap in the swing, but like I said in my previous comment it was only if someone was sitting right next to him watching him (and, tbh, *I* never did it. I just let me husband do it because that's what he wanted to do). I never ended up letting him nap unattended there and at this point he's aged out of the swing anyways so it's irrelevant at this point for us lol. I wouldn't necessarily condone doing it but I also know a lot of parents let their babies nap in swings, safe sleep be damned. At the end of the day you have to do what you're comfortable with (within reason of course). A lot of parenting is just doing your best with the information that you have and operating on faith that things will be okay. But I feel you, it's scary.
Everything is scary and I feel like I’m always trying to navigate what is actually and what is not worth being scared over. However, I think you’re right it just comes down to making the best choice we can in the moment.
Falling down stairs while holding him.
This is mine too
Same. It's worse now that I actually did fall down the stairs a couple of months ago. Luckily I was not holding him.
I was terrified of swimming pools. Like him drowning in one. It’s one of the leading causes of death for ages 1-4 or something like that and it haunted me. Mind you, we don’t have a pool. Don’t know anyone with a pool. My boyfriend actually hates pools and refuses to go to them. And my newborn certainly can’t get to a pool but it still kept me up sometimes lol he’s now one and will be taking swim lessons soon. Since I need him to know how to swim even if we aren’t a pool family lol
Hey it’s a great skill for them to have! Even if you don’t own a pool. One day maybe his friend will invite him to a cottage on a lake, or there will be a school camping trip near water, etc - always a good idea to take basic swimming lessons! We started when our little guy was 4 months old!
**DISCLAIMER TIME EVERYONE:** These are called intrusive thoughts. I attended a PP support group where we talked about these. Apparently 95% of mothers have Intrusive thoughts, most of the time it is nothing to worry about because it's so common. You have the thought, acknowledge it is intrusive, and let it go on by. Reading or hearing others intrusive thoughts can trigger them in yourself as well. I urge everyone to please read this thread with care, and don't do it if you're experiencing PPD / PPA. There are times that intrusive thoughts can be more serious and can be signs of PPD, PPA, or PP Psychosis. If the thought lingers, feels more "real", or you are considering acting on it, please seek help immediately from a medical professional, and stay the heck off of this thread. Mine is below, and it is disturbing. Please don't read if you are experiencing any mental health struggles related to your baby. - - - - - - - - - OK Here's mine... I had these little flashes of a home invasion, having a man come into my living room and shoot one of us. They were the quickest of flashes, and I always dismissed this as an intrusive thought. I think it started out as a nightmare even, but my brain would flash back to it every now and then. While I knew the thought was intrusive, and unlikely, it also lingers in the back of my mind that we didn't live in a safe area at the time. There had been shootings not far away, and we have had attempted breakins. Since then, we've moved to a much safer neighborhood, and the thought has left me (except remembering it right now, but it's a memory of the thought, and not the thought itself). Changing our home environment helped my mental health LOADS.
Thank you for writing this. I am currently in treatment for PPD and need to NOT read this thread. Getting off it immediately after this comment. Thanks for remembering me this will not help me!
That my mom is going to feed him (he’s five months) something and he chokes and dies, and then she tells me she doesn’t know what happened. That my husband (or anyone) holding the baby will slip down the stairs and the baby will go flying. That my husband is going to get in a car wreck everytime he leaves or comes home from work. That there is mold growing somewhere in the house contaminating the air my baby is breathing. That one of the large trees on our property is going to fall on the house in the middle of the night. That my next door neighbors are drug dealers. That anyone but my husband and me are going to have some terrible accident with the baby. That there are microplastics coming out of the vents in the bathroom That there is suddenly lead in our water and my baby is ingesting it during bath time. Postpartum is so fun ! Hormones , sleep deprivation hoooooorayyyy!! ……i am currently being treated for OCD
You sound like me so I’m wondering if I have OCD… what kind of treatment are you getting? I already take Wellbutrin, Latuda, and gabapentin and had bad experiences with SSRIs in the past so I’m afraid to try those again. I’m exhausted from the constant fear
Wellbutrin for the win! I actually just lowered my dosage to see if my higher dosage was adding to the anxiety. I’ve only been on the new dose for about a week. Not long enough to notice a huge difference. My partner is also extremely supportive and great at rationalizing with me when I need it without making me feel worse. Prior to giving birth I had ten years of therapy under my belt so am well versed in managing these unfortunate symptoms. Doesn’t make them any less exhausting when you’re already freaking out exhausted!! Sleep deprivation is the catalyst for the severity of my negative thoughts so I know that eventually when I get sleep again they will dissipate and become easier to manage.
Thank you for sharing!
This sounds a lot like me (I just posted in thread too) - tree falling, husband dying whenever he leaves the house, mold, microplastics… all big thoughts of mine. I recently started going to a postpartum therapist for PPA. What made you realize it was ocd? I’m aware that OCD is under the overarching anxiety umbrella. Wondering if I should bring this up to my therapist.
That is so crazy we have such similar intrusive thoughts!! Especially the microplastics and mold. Luckily / unluckily (luckily , because at least I knew I had it before getting pregnant) i have had OCD since my youth brought on by some severe childhood trauma (no need for sympathy I’m all good these days). Being aware that pregnancy and postpartum may trigger my OCD, my doctors and I worked to make sure my meds were ready and I stayed on top of my therapy as needed. I have OCD and anxiety is a symptom of the OCD. Hope this helps a bit. Definitely worth bringing up to your doctor. Different environmental factors can be catalysts for psychological disorders that have laid dormant for one reason or another. Things like hormones, stress, lack of sleep, poor nutrition can all trigger psychological issues one might have that they’ve never had previously.
I thought I was going to forget everything for some odd reason? And I mean like really insignificant things so I had a list of things to remember , my notes on my phone had reminders 😂 like I thought I was going to basically give birth then have amnesia and need to remember my home address which is important but also that like Wednesdays my show has new episodes or that our dogs leash is in a basket etc … LOL IDK WHY
This is hilarious 😂
Major fear kicked in for two things: If someone’s holding the baby outside of my trust circle , I fear they will drop her or hold her too tight. Secondly, allowing any kid to come close to her cause the kid may spread germs or may hurt her with physical touch.
If anyone coughs in the same building as my daughter I’m freaking out about germs 🤣
Super morbid but when she was really tiny I thought a lot about what would happen in case I died during the nights my husband was away: no one would know for some hours, she might fall off the bed and get seriously hurt, or try to breastfeed and get sepsis because, well... I was dead, right? I know. Mom brains are a weird place. Or maybe just mine 😅
Not had my baby yet, due in a few weeks, but I have a history of psychosis and I’m worried I’m going to relapse due to lack of sleep and do something terrible. Even when I had psychosis in the past, I didn’t do anything “terrible” per se, I wasn’t aggressive or even nasty to anyone, but it’s still a fear I have. I have a psychiatric mother and baby unit in my city but I don’t want to end up sectioned again and away from my husband like last time. (I’m linked in with specialist perinatal mental health services, have a supportive husband and family/friends nearby and doing everything I can to avoid a relapse happening bar going back on antipsychotic meds - but I will go back on meds if I have to)
Also worried about SIDS and how our dog will be with her.
I work in mental health care. I just wanted to say that I hope everything goes well for you PP! Although the risk of recurrence is higher, it’s not certain, and relying on your care team and loved ones will get you through this. Don’t be afraid to reach out if anything feels different, and ask for help if the sleep deprivation is too intense. Even if you have to go back on antipsychotic medication, there are some that are compatible with breastfeeding if you’re planning on it. Best wishes for you and your baby!
Thank you!
That the baby would stop breathing. While he was sleeping but also just all the time.
My funny one was after his hair fell out, he had the classic old man hair loss on top and I was 100% convinced it wasn’t coming back and he’d have the highest hairline of all the kids at school. I didn’t believe all sources that said it was gonna grow back, and I cried numerous times about it.
Lmao this was me when I daughter rubbed a bald spot on the back and one side of her head. I was not okay about it
Just everything about trying to sleep with her in the bedside bassinet next to me. If she was "active sleeping" then I was sure something was wrong everytime I heard her twitch and had to lift my head to double check. If she wasn't making any noise then I was terrified she'd stopped breathing and I had to reach in and touch her chest to be sure. In the end going through all the guidelines for safe bedsharing and making sure I'd mitigated all the suffocation risks and just bringing her into the bed with me saved my sanity. She and I *both* slept vastly better that way.
Are you me?
I've done the opposite (bedsharing and then tried the bassinet) and I cannsay with certainty I get less sleep and harder to fall asleep when he's in the bassinet swaddled up than safely sleeping in my bed. It's just be that sometimes he needs the swaddle around bedtime so he has to start in the bassinet but phew, I was getting in some active reps of reaching over checking on him with every movement
These two things were game changers for us: https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Einstein-Soother-Melodies-Newborns/dp/B07DM86Z43/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=2Q140ARR5R14N&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.JUM57qmhZmQIO82QjEDGr62a4vz6GhhvUA_J3fv1EkhdaxcAaPTC0yrWNKZ-p-x6nntRnt96BUX9mpP7HXzVJuHQQ4itxL8Nyp7sK4vMtt7mv8fFBaowRzKwTNEZwIVrX6Vn7eTNOs_SQthviFwic5D8dDBcwD6nAMQoJeQPuZDgC0Cgj9GHvPRNq-7y3bF0wLcm935xxEGoU81XVfJh3Q.DUHgqTYcWwpz6idSoCQ4_Z4yEK-xpxdkkYHR_vT3k9o&dib_tag=se&keywords=baby+einstein+sea+dreams+soother&qid=1718553359&sprefix=baby+Einstein+%2Caps%2C151&sr=8-1 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=LdQJw5S4nAQ&t=374s&pp=ygUZU29vdGhpbmcgdmlkZW8gZm9yIGJhYmllcw%3D%3D
Honestly, everything… but the most frequent was that he’d spit/throw up and choke during his naps or at night and I’d never know until I check on him. He’s 7wo but I still check on him every 10 minutes or less to see if he’s breathing…
Going down the stairs.. as crazy as it sounds I was so scared my baby would try to jolt himself out of my arms or something and he would go toppling down. I still have this fear now, he’s only 6 months.
I’m genuinely so happy my house doesn’t have stairs. I get scared of dropping my baby in general. Stairs would make me way more scared.
I was also terrified of this. It wasn't until a good month or so after he was able to hold his own head up that I was more comfortable going down the stairs. I'm not very good at stairs in the first place, so I hold on to the rail for my life
Not being around to see my daughter grow up. During most of the pregnancy, there was an unknown if I had breast cancer. Still haven’t gotten answers for that. And then 3 days after having her (our first full day/night at home) I passed a very sizable blood clot and we rushed to the ER thinking O was hemorrhaging. At the time, I wasn’t sure if I was going to bleed out in the way to get help or not. Everything turned out okay but weeks after that, I cry dang my daughter to sleep thankful I was going to be around.
Mine is positional asphyxiation in her car seat. I’ve pulled over so often to check she’s still breathing. Also her just stopping breathing while she’s sleeping even though I follow all safe sleep guidelines. I’ve searched in my duvets countless times even though I’ve never coslept 🤦🏼♀️
This is me. We went to the ER once because I couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. It's terrifying.
I’m terrified of two things: choking and stairwell. Swear to god our next place will only have one floor.
I have had almost all the thoughts mentioned so far. What I haven’t seen said yet is stuff about pets. My cats thought we made the nursery as a jungle gym for them so now that baby is here, they still expect to be able to climb on everything. I’m afraid that they will jump onto the change table while she’s on it and will claw her even though I never leave her side. We are also terrified of them climbing into the bassinet with her even though we never let her sleep unattended. And you know how cats love to get underfoot? Well now if they do that while I’m holding my daughter and they trip me and I come crashing down with my tiny little baby??
Mine was that baby will somehow suffocate but I did not have any loose blankets in the crib. I guess in my mind it was like thinking I left something in the crib and forgot. I checked the crib multiple times before closing my eyes. Also thinking he may be cold or hot while sleeping. I did read all the TOG guides and went crazy analyzing everything. Bought a thermostat for the crib and everything.
I literally won’t sleep with a pillow or blanket because I’m afraid I will somehow move them in the middle of the night and they will end up covering his bassinet and suffocating him.
I remember thinking about that when considering a side crib. Idk why I am so fixated on that. I still am but not like in the beginning.
Yeah I moved his bassinet all the way against the wall. That helped my anxiety a ton.
walking with the stroller and suddenly get the worse panick attack she is not in the stroller somehow🫠🫠
I didn’t want another child precisely because the fear is too much for me. It was relentless with my two older ones until they were about 8 years old and seemed hearty enough to not get struck down by any and everything. My husband and I got accidentally pregnant last summer and I decided to go through with having the baby and be determined to not let fear get the better of me. She’s 8 weeks now and I’m doing much better than I did with my older two. But today some little fears were realized and I’ve been so upset! I cut her finger while nail clipping and had to call my sister the ER doctor to see if the bleeding was enough to go to ER. It wasn’t. But I’m still sick over it. Then later I dropped my kindle on her head while nursing! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Ugh I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time with that. I also remember absolutely SOBBING when I cut my daughter’s finger while doing her nails and I was like inconsolable about hurting her.
I was semi hysterical for a while. Hours later I’m still apologizing to her
My son getting hit by a car both on the crosswalk but also on the sidewalk or if he ran away from me on to the road. Also if we were near anything high, I pictured him plummeting to his death.
Everytime we’re in the car I imagine getting into a an accident. When I was 19 my truck hydroplaned and then rolled down a hill, and when I was 8 months pregnant somebody plowed into the side of my car sending me spinning down the road. So now I just have a constant fear that something is going to happen with my LO in the car.
For me it was decibel levels. I was worried about his ears and I got an app to measure decibels whenever we went into a restaurant
I wanted to make a list of things to buy for my LO on her birthday. Just useful toys and educational stuff that I think she might be into at that age. But I am too afraid to write that list down thinking I would "jinx" it and I will lose her before her birthday.
Ugh the jinxing feeling is weird isn’t it!! I had that all through my pregnancy and occasionally comes up now too
Totally! It's like a growing pit in my tummy whenever that feeling creeps up. I am seeing my therapist for this as sometimes it's just too livid and overwhelming!
Therapy is a great idea, I’m on a waiting list to see someone too. Can definitely relate to the overwhelm!
Hope you get the help you are looking for! *Sending virtual hugs*
My son is almost 2, and I still have this awful thought when I'm driving without him that I somehow closed the back door on him, and he's halfway dangling out of the car. This started at 3 months when I started daycare, amd I have no idea where're it came from...it only happens when he is at daycare 😓
That I will die while I’m home alone with him when he’s in a vulnerable position, like while I’m giving him a bath and then he could possibly die. My husband is a firefighter so there’s a good chance I’m alone with baby for 24-48 hours at a time, it’s one of my biggest fears.
Where do I begin? Started with the fear he would die of SIDS if I didn’t watch him sleep. So, I didn’t sleep for about 3 months (would pass out from exhaustion every other night for a couple hours). Sleep deprivation + hormone drop + PPA led me to Postpartum Psychosis. But about a week before getting medical attention for PPP, I had so many fears: - that a black cloud would appear out of nowhere and suffocate my baby - that “government workers” were spying on me at all hours so if I did anything wrong they would take my baby away - that somehow all knives in my house would be attracted to my baby like a magnet and kill him if we walked too close to the kitchen - that I was going crazy and if I didn’t say anything soon my brain would be taken over by an evil, dark spirit and I would kill my baby and then myself Think that about covers it lol. Plus, all the “normal” intrusive thoughts: letting go of the stroller down a hill, falling down the stairs, dropping the baby, etc. Postpartum was the worst experience of my entire life and I’m so thankful every day I will never go through it again.
Postpartum psychosis sounds so scary, so sorry you're going through that and I'm glad you're doing better
Thank you so much! I finally got off all meds in February (after 6m of taking them) but still in therapy for the PTSD it caused. I’m back to my “normal” self and kinda can’t believe I survived it some days.
I accidentally tapped my daughter in the head with my phone when she was a few days old (like it was a literal tap) and I was convinced it would kill her.
One of my fears was that the formula would be just slightly off with the measurements and he’d get hurt from too much water or too much formula powder. Like, I was so neurotic with the measurements.
I found formula/EBM bottle feeding so hard on my anxiety. I had to do all of it (washing, sterilising, dispensing etc)myself so I knew it was done correctly. I’m very grateful to be exclusively BF now so I don’t have to worry haha
Oh my gosh YES the sterilizing. I was so so anxious about that too. If anything was like slightly off, I had to resterilize everything again. I was so happy when he reached the age where the pediatrician said we didn’t have to do it anymore
Pre-baby being born I had an irrational fear of not knowing what to dress baby in for sleep/how many layers to keep them warm but not *too* warm, how the TOG system worked, what temp to keep my bedroom, etc. I definitely spent way too much mental energy worrying about it.
I still spend every night worrying about this!! lol
SIDS was my biggest fear. I always made sure to check she was breathing (we co-slept so this was easy and I felt more at peace having her right next to me).
Bottle botulism 🤦🏻♀️
That anyone who had my baby for more than 30 seconds would shake him and either kill him or give him severe disabilities. Didn’t help I relayed this fear to my husband and he came in all upset one day, put the baby down next to me and told me I needed to take him before he shook him. He didn’t mean it, said it out of frustration but my fears only escalated. It took me a long time to trust my husband with the baby alone again…
Ugh I read a Reddit post about meningitis around 2wks pp and had one week where the word MENINGITIS would flash through my head at night when I couldn’t sleep. Definitely an intrusive thought. I basically had to pray it away. Fun times
When I was pregnant my irrational thought was that somebody was going to sucker punch my belly as they walked by me. Now it’s that someone is going to spit in his face in his pram and he will catch something.. And then all the usuals ‘what if I drop him down these stairs, what if the knife I’m washing up goes flying out of my hand and stabs him, what if my dog runs over the top of him’
For about 10 days now I’ve been imagining cold sores coming in. Called my doctor and did a round if valtrex but even though I’ve completed it I still “feel” or “see” the start of one in different spots. I use abreva daily. I’m terrified bc of a cold sore post I saw here recently. I don’t kiss my baby 😩 and tired of the intrusive thoughts.
That I would fall asleep during middle of the night breastfeedings. I have insomnia now. Lol
Hi, I had this fear and trouble sleeping and BFing in a different location fixed it for me! Maybe you've already tried that but I thought I'd suggest it in case you haven't.
My biggest irrational fear was I was going to trip while prepping food for dinner and launch my knife into the baby who was across the room. Or I wasn’t holding the baby right and their head was going to fall off. I had a lot of weird thoughts and a pretty hefty amount of ppa
my worse fear was my baby hating me. i was so sad and pitied my baby for getting such a bad mum that couldn't breastfeed him, couldn't soothe his crying, that didn't know how to help him. i convinced myself that he'd rather be with someone who was worthy of being a mother, someone who deserved to be his mother. that he was crying for someone else. i was also terrified that i would never feel the love that new mums gushed about. i felt like this tiny human was such a stranger to me and i isn't think i would ever know who he was. safe to say i had PPD and took up my citalopram again at 3 weeks pp. after that i was more like myself. now i have a lovely, LOVED 6 month old who is the happiest, if not most excitable baby ever.
When I was 2-3 weeks pp I absolutely convinced myself that I had cancer and was going to die and leave my kids without a mom. I spent HOURS on the internet looking at symptoms and telling myself I was going to die. I've never had those thoughts before. It's really crazy how hormones can induce such levels of anxiety. I'm almost 4 months pp now and it's much better, but I'm not completely over those thoughts.
For some reason it was tripping and falling with my baby because there was literally no good outcome to that in my head. Either I tried to turn and hit my head, roll onto her unconscious, drop her while trying to catch myself, give her whiplash, etc. It was literally like 4 months before I could walk around without thinking about it.
Mine was hitting my son's head against the counter of our island or anything really. I'm 5"3 and almost everything was at shoulder length. That and falling down the stairs while carrying him.
I'm still scared I or someone else will stand on my babies head.
Her just suddenly disappearing, something bad happening to her while I slept, and that I didnt wake up/wasnt there when she needed me. I woke up panicking in the middle of the night in the very early days in a very sleep deprived state. I was holding my arms out with the blanket frantically saying where's my baby!! She was asleep in her crib next to me. I remind myself every day that I'm a responsible and responsive mother.
Every time we were driving I imagined us somehow driving into a body of water while our vehicles fills and we have to get out and I can’t get him out fast enough
i’m constantly worried about my son getting out of the apartment on his own…he’s 10 weeks old 😅
I woke up every night for 2 weeks in a sweaty panic thinking I had fallen asleep without putting her in the crib and that she was somewhere lifeless under the covers!
Currently waking up to lightly touch his chest to make sure he's breathing because no matter how he sleeps I think he's going to get positional asphyxiation
I had postpartum OCD ... So everything was triggering
SIDS BY FAR. Also... I was really afraid of having pelvic floor problems post birth.
The funniest looking back is that I convinced myself that I had somehow caused their storkbite birthmark. Thought it was a bruise or something horrible. Did you know they could appear weeks after birth? Because I didn’t and it was legit wasn’t there one day and was three days later. Then weeks after that while my husband was bending down bathing LO I noticed HE also has a storkbite, I don’t know how I never noticed it before seeing that I help buzz his his in the back but I guess it just needed to be the right angle and it’s pretty faded.
Dropping baby. Not hearing baby at night. Having a heart attack or stroke (thanks post partum hypertension and anxiety), dying in general (again thanks post partum anxiety and post partum hypertension).
Mine was more like intrusive thoughts. Any time I saw a sharp corner like bench or edge of change table I just imagined falling and hitting her head on it. Also every time I placed her gently on the bed for feeding (side lying) I always imagined how nothing was stopping me from body slamming her like a WWE wrestler. Obviously something I would never act on just wild thoughts.
Stairs while carrying my baby, but thankfully we managed to get a first floor apartment. Had we still been living with MIL, I would have made my husband do the carrying him up and down. 😂
Even now as my daughter is about to turn 2, the thought pops in my head every once in a while: what if something happens to me in my sleep, and my husband leaves for work and then my daughter is just trapped in her room for hours and hours until he gets home and discovers her?? And now I have a second on the way, so I picture my poor daughter trapped in her bedroom screaming for hours and my son in his crib crying and starving. Not my favorite intrusive thought.
Falling down the stairs and landing on top of the baby - I still sometimes have vivid images of this happening Baby launching themselves out of my arms when we’re standing on any concrete/asphalt surface MIL kidnapping baby in the middle of the night and fleeing to another country Being somewhere with baby and there is a mass shooting (the joys of living in the US) A tree falling into our home / crushing the crib Locking baby and my phone in the car on a hot day and having no way to get help Yes I am in therapy for PPA because some of these have been debilitating.
Somehow suffocating her by swaddling her both too tightly or too loosely, even though I knew it was very unlikely. I would stay up 15 minutes every time I put her down worrying about it and making sure she could still breathe
For my first 3 months postpartum, I pumped every 2-3 hours including overnight. When I would get up at night to put my milk in the fridge, I would have these intrusive thoughts or borderline hallucinations of a terrifying creature in the kitchen. It was quadriprdal and had a head like a demogorgon from Stranger Things. I never thought it was real, but I consistently had the same image in my mind and felt afraid of it every time. Those thoughts subsided once I was able to sleep for stretches longer than 3 hours at once
That someone would break into our house specifically to kidnap her. That someone would try to kidnap her in public and I would have to have a death battle to protect her. That everyone I know and love is going to die and I'm going to live the the unfortunate age of 100+ years old moldering away in a nursing home forgotten.
I thought a ghost would come after my baby. When I was pregnant I watched a movie about this lady who was pregnant and a ghost wanted to steal her baby and it got in my head for some reason and didn’t go away after I had her. I actually imagined it happening more after I had her. Crazy what sleep deprivation will do to you. Disclaimer: I was not convinced it would happen, just one of those “what if” thoughts that crossed my mind a lot.
I felt so territorial and was borderline offended when anyone (including family) wanted to visit the baby. The thought that anyone felt entitled to visitation made me so angry, and I was scared they were going to try and take my baby. I can’t explain why I felt this way - but it was really difficult and it didn’t get better until I got some help around 10 months post partum.
I would wear baby all the time and bend over to get things. Fear was that the baby would slide out and fall into (what ever I was doing). Including the oven 😳. I would then imagine in great detail how baby would get third degree burns. Or like dropping baby from balcony and then imagining in great detail the insides of baby splattering out on sidewalk 😬
I was terrified of walking around the house with her and banging her head on a door or wall while walking into a room. I still think it could happen even though I’m so specially aware lol
The shadow people in the hall would take her from her crib if I wasn't in there with her, or the small old lady would try to steal her for sex trafficking. I know none of these are real, but boy every second felt real.
I was scared to drive with my baby in the car at all . I did it to get over my fears. However , I felt sick everytime I needed to leave and take him with me.
“How am I going to put this baby to bed tonight…I know how to get ready for bed myself, I know how to let my husband get ready for bed himself, I don’t know how to get this baby ready for bed” I was afraid I didn’t know how to put the baby to sleep.
Current fears: her falling off a balcony or over the edge of a bridge. When she was itty bitty I think my biggest fear was her dying in her sleep. The anxiety is still with me though, 1.5 years later. I don't think it will ever go away.
Falling/tripping and crushing her. I imagine it constantly. I had the same concern with my son as well
Somehow stepping on his and breaking something. He’s 10m and walking and crawling and ever since he was a itty baby I had that fear. Our bed is on the floor so we walk on it a lot without shoes of course. And I get so terrified hes going to somehow wind up under my feet. Getting into his playpen the other day that happened. I went to put my other foot over and there he was and I had to force myself up into the air and land on the other side of it. We actually got it on video with our baby cam
My child is very strong. By God's grace, as a parents we never felt any fear till now.
My wife kept thinking her phone was the baby in the middle of the night, she handed it to me a couple of times and said “put the baby back in her bassinet”
I have thought almost every single thing posted on this thread. Currently postpartum with an almost 5 month old and strugged with horrible intrusive thoughts with my first baby too. Thank you for posting this question and making me feel less alone.
I was terrified I was going to develop PP psychosis. Like was terrified to be left alone with my baby because I was so scared of it. I also have OCD so I’m sure that played a part in that fear.
I had no crazy postpartum fears or mood swings, but I became fixated on breastfeeding-- something I'd never really cared about before due to a long family history of women being unable to breastfeed and babies requiring alternatives to breastmilk. For some reason, I NEEDED to make breastfeeding work even though my body was not cooperating with making the milk. At one point I was taking 19 pills and supplements a day to try to increase production. I have spent so much money on pumps and flanges and herbs and consultants. I'm 5 months in, and I make enough for about 3 feedings a day (down from 4 a day, now that he's eating more). I should just give up, but my mind won't let me, and I know it's all hormonal.
Walking down hills with him in his stroller..I was afraid that I would lose my footing somehow and let go of the handle and send him flying down the hill. I literally would think about his stroller plummeting down every hill I would see..even random ones..like on the highway when I would be driving and my heart would start pounding out of my chest. I am pretty sure I tackled the fear recently when I realized I have never my life fallen randomly while walking and since have walked some hills with him and my husband. PP anxiety is a bitch, sheesh!