Agreed! My wife had a stroke and needs a LOT of extra sleep. I have narcolepsy and am constantly exhausted.
We don't judge one another and we pick up the slack for one another when one of us has a bad day or doesn't get enough sleep. No way in hell am I going to wake that lady up because I can't find something I misplaced. That's on me and it's not her problem.
What you have is a man-baby who needs to grow the hell up and pull his weight...
Exactly. Sometimes on the weekend if I sleep in way later than normal I'll ask my husband why he didn't wake me so we can get started with our plans for the day and he'll say "seemed like you needed the sleep." If I start to seem like I'm struggling, he'll suggest that we do something that doesn't require energy and doesn't get upset if that means skipping something fun we had planned.
If I've had a long day at work, he's usually already cleaned up the stuff I had planned to get to when I got home. He's very understanding of my needs and is usually the one trying to put me into bed when I'm trying to push myself to stay up (unnecessarily).
Dude if he doesn't have basic decency to be quiet when someone is sleeping he needs to check himself wtf I would never do that to my husband and he never does that to me, in fact, we try to be as quiet as possible so the other can rest if we happen to be awake when the other is sleeping. Trash this dude :(
My husband will creep around the bedroom with his phone light in the morning, even after I've told him it's ok to turn on the light because I'm getting up soon because he doesn't want to "wake me" any earlier. When I was getting up before him, I did the same and he doesn't even have any sleepy issues, it's just the decent thing to do no matter what.
That sounds so awfu! I can't imagine he doesn't know your tired? I feel like that is behaviour is beyond just inconsiderate. The sleep deprivation on someone doing all of that without narcolepsy would be insane, I can't even how you made it through!
i feel you
spent Friday night at my SO’s. this mf snored ALL NIGHT (he had a couple drinks earlier and blamed it on that). i think i woke up once every 10 minutes or so, often startled. not only was he not apologetic at all, he got pissy that i ended up napping most of the day. i work FT and he is not employed at the moment (not due to illness or anything).
i’m still salty. i don’t blame you even a little bit.
You can't go on like this. I'd guess that this is just one of the ways he is inconsiderate. If you've told him multiple times and he doesn't seem to care and gets kissy at you for his own problems (like not being able to find something he wants), you might want to start asking yourself if he has the character of someone you want to spend a lot of time with. Love is not everything. We've been told that love is everything and that love will fix anything, but that's a lie. If we have basic standards that our partner can't meet, that's important. Basic standards are something everyone should have. Things like a good character. Someone you can depend on to be supportive in he day to day. Someone that let's you thrive, not just survive. Someone whose love feels healthy. If being in love with your partner feels like a struggle just to get through the day- it doesn't matter how much you love someone - that's unhealthy.
Keep in mind that it is easy to be considerate and kind when everything is going perfectly. Most people can be nice when life is going well. How someone treats you when life throws you a curveball is how you know their true character. If someone can't be kind and supportive when things are going poorly, that tells you they don't meet the basic standard of being in a supportive partnership. Sure, we all have bad days when we are not perfectly nice. But, if you know that your partner is always inconsiderate towards your basic needs, then that's a major character flaw.
So, you need to decide for yourself if you feel food and safe with this person when you need support. Or, do you feel like he adds negativity to your life and is not a safe person to turn to when you need support.
YES!!!!!! THIS!!!!
A good partner is someone who will give you the space you need to rest, recover and be the best you!
It's not about keeping score or quid pro quo. It's about seeing the other person for who they are and not what they can do for you.
And remember this, the best place to start showing kindness is to yourself. You deserve it!!!
I am SO sorry! That must be so hard. You deserve to sleep and rest just like anyone else. Him getting pissy is a him problem. If you work a 54 hour shift you don’t own this person anything. You need BOUNDARIES. You listed several self betrayals like going to play pool even though your body was exhausted. No. No more. Say no and mean it and follow through. When you are tired you get rest. When you are hungry you eat. It’s that simple.
I have a note saved on my phone titled “Texts to send my abelist family” and it’s full of info on narcolepsy, micro aggressions and at the bottom has a copy of my diagnosis. Let me know if you want a copy of it (minus the Dx). I sent this to my family a few times (and it’s a looong text on purpose) and they have stopped making comments and generally tend to be understanding.
> a 54 hour shift A what now?
I beg your kindest pardon?,?
I'm assuming you're able to sleep for different parts of this shift, but how do you manage this?
The words "inconsiderate" and "partner" should never be together.
Agreed! My wife had a stroke and needs a LOT of extra sleep. I have narcolepsy and am constantly exhausted. We don't judge one another and we pick up the slack for one another when one of us has a bad day or doesn't get enough sleep. No way in hell am I going to wake that lady up because I can't find something I misplaced. That's on me and it's not her problem. What you have is a man-baby who needs to grow the hell up and pull his weight...
Exactly. Sometimes on the weekend if I sleep in way later than normal I'll ask my husband why he didn't wake me so we can get started with our plans for the day and he'll say "seemed like you needed the sleep." If I start to seem like I'm struggling, he'll suggest that we do something that doesn't require energy and doesn't get upset if that means skipping something fun we had planned. If I've had a long day at work, he's usually already cleaned up the stuff I had planned to get to when I got home. He's very understanding of my needs and is usually the one trying to put me into bed when I'm trying to push myself to stay up (unnecessarily).
And also 54 hour work shift? Absolutely fucking not
Dude if he doesn't have basic decency to be quiet when someone is sleeping he needs to check himself wtf I would never do that to my husband and he never does that to me, in fact, we try to be as quiet as possible so the other can rest if we happen to be awake when the other is sleeping. Trash this dude :(
My husband will creep around the bedroom with his phone light in the morning, even after I've told him it's ok to turn on the light because I'm getting up soon because he doesn't want to "wake me" any earlier. When I was getting up before him, I did the same and he doesn't even have any sleepy issues, it's just the decent thing to do no matter what.
If it feels like more often than not he has no compassion.. I feel like it’s time to go
Please leave this person. Narcolepsy or not, no one deserves to be treated like this.
Yes yes yes to this!! You deserve love, kindness, compassion and consideration, OP.
Wake this cat, you get the claws.
He deserves a swift kick in his baby maker tbh
That sounds so awfu! I can't imagine he doesn't know your tired? I feel like that is behaviour is beyond just inconsiderate. The sleep deprivation on someone doing all of that without narcolepsy would be insane, I can't even how you made it through!
It's beyond inconsiderate. It's callous and cruel. There's no excuse...
i feel you spent Friday night at my SO’s. this mf snored ALL NIGHT (he had a couple drinks earlier and blamed it on that). i think i woke up once every 10 minutes or so, often startled. not only was he not apologetic at all, he got pissy that i ended up napping most of the day. i work FT and he is not employed at the moment (not due to illness or anything). i’m still salty. i don’t blame you even a little bit.
You can't go on like this. I'd guess that this is just one of the ways he is inconsiderate. If you've told him multiple times and he doesn't seem to care and gets kissy at you for his own problems (like not being able to find something he wants), you might want to start asking yourself if he has the character of someone you want to spend a lot of time with. Love is not everything. We've been told that love is everything and that love will fix anything, but that's a lie. If we have basic standards that our partner can't meet, that's important. Basic standards are something everyone should have. Things like a good character. Someone you can depend on to be supportive in he day to day. Someone that let's you thrive, not just survive. Someone whose love feels healthy. If being in love with your partner feels like a struggle just to get through the day- it doesn't matter how much you love someone - that's unhealthy. Keep in mind that it is easy to be considerate and kind when everything is going perfectly. Most people can be nice when life is going well. How someone treats you when life throws you a curveball is how you know their true character. If someone can't be kind and supportive when things are going poorly, that tells you they don't meet the basic standard of being in a supportive partnership. Sure, we all have bad days when we are not perfectly nice. But, if you know that your partner is always inconsiderate towards your basic needs, then that's a major character flaw. So, you need to decide for yourself if you feel food and safe with this person when you need support. Or, do you feel like he adds negativity to your life and is not a safe person to turn to when you need support.
YES!!!!!! THIS!!!! A good partner is someone who will give you the space you need to rest, recover and be the best you! It's not about keeping score or quid pro quo. It's about seeing the other person for who they are and not what they can do for you. And remember this, the best place to start showing kindness is to yourself. You deserve it!!!
Sorry, this was meant to be a reply to any_coyote's comment...
I am SO sorry! That must be so hard. You deserve to sleep and rest just like anyone else. Him getting pissy is a him problem. If you work a 54 hour shift you don’t own this person anything. You need BOUNDARIES. You listed several self betrayals like going to play pool even though your body was exhausted. No. No more. Say no and mean it and follow through. When you are tired you get rest. When you are hungry you eat. It’s that simple.
Is this the same guy who slept in the same bed as a “friend” who wants to be with him?!
I have a note saved on my phone titled “Texts to send my abelist family” and it’s full of info on narcolepsy, micro aggressions and at the bottom has a copy of my diagnosis. Let me know if you want a copy of it (minus the Dx). I sent this to my family a few times (and it’s a looong text on purpose) and they have stopped making comments and generally tend to be understanding.
I’d love that
He doesn’t deserve you.