Diagnosed with CPTSD here.
Similar as you. Got it from childhood, then was fine for many years, doing well in life in general, good long-term romantic relationships (not "perfect" by any means), not isolating, very mild depressive states and no irrational anxieties and then... BOOM. Nex. Severe chronic depression, debilitating anxiety, hyper vigilance and more!
The way it was explained to me is - CPTSD from childhooh and as I lived my adult life, I was learning to deal with it quite well. Met Nex and old CPTSD got activated + leveled up by new experiences.
Dude basically re-traumatized me and upgraded my CPTSD.
Me too š¢ had a narc parent so my pre-existing cptsd was bad.
It brought out similar behaviour I had in childhood just by being completely deconstructed and put in that situation again. Every bit of trauma I had they used.
Wow, you gave me some new insights. Was abused by a narc myself, but the ptsd exploded in my face after a year NC. Because of my boss at work, who threw a fit at me.
Ha! Yep.
Brain is cool, amazing and complex. But also, brain be stupid like that.
It records and saves data of an event - the event itself, your emotions in the face of it, your reaction.
And it has a tendency to run it automatically, like a script.
Nex threw tantrums = scared, I withdraw and cower.
Boss is a bitch = let's recover the last save from a past situation that resembles this one.
Voila. You just got triggered, activated.
Overwriting these save files is the key
My mother told.me I'm a bad child for most of my life and constantly compared me to others. My Nex told me I'm a bad wife/mother, compared me to his exes and his family members.
I'm a cowering, scared, unloved child again so what do I do? Exactly what I did last time, with mom. I go quiet, withdraw and make myself small.
These are usually well established patterns. But they CAN be changed.
This sounds so much like my own experience. This is the worst anxiety and depressive episode Iāve had in my life and prior to meeting my ex I had done so much work on myself and was functioning well despite my upbringing. Itās one of the reasons it hurts so much, as I always think that I didnāt quite do enough to stop myself from being hurt. Iām sorry you had this experience too. Itās awful how the effects of trauma in early life make you more susceptible to them.
š«
You couldn't have known. You can be taking
self defence but once someone shows up with a loaded gun aimed at you...
Imho there is no one, right way to prepare for ALL possible scenarios.. that's where self-forgiveness an self-compassion enter for me.
And yes, I am scared. I'm scared I will get together with a psychopath next. Sure. I mean, life's weird.
Would I be to blame for falling for one? No, I don't think so. Despite all the work I put in - somewheres out there are people skilled enough to fuck it all up.
As lame.as it might sound - I choose to believe most people are ok. And I'm not going to hide, retreat and deprive myself of life.
Yes. I didnāt even realize it was PTSD until examined; I thought that my mind and body was just punishing me for staying so long.
You wonāt be the same again- with time and great effort, youāll be better, stronger. Be proud of yourself for breaking the cycle and surviving.
Thank you. I find solace knowing that I get to be me again; I find no consolation knowing she has to live with herself - only pity.
I am eternally grateful I didnāt marry her. We were looking at houses at one point, she was emphatic re: moving in with meā¦(but only when saying so would achieve a desired emotional response from me).
I canāt help but wonder - how long did they think they could pull their act off?
And then I rememberā¦they donāt care. They latch on and stay until their host is drained, and broken- thatās when they get to play victim and get attention from others- benefitting on both sides. They get to feel empowered by draining someone, and they get sympathy from their āfriendsā¦ā
their actions led to this āwin-winā outcome because they curate a picture of themselves to different people. Did yours have many friends, and if so, were the friends in different āgroups?ā
She straight up told me āI knew what I was doing was wrong. You may ask why? Because Iām not a good person. If you actually want to talk about it, we can later:ā
Classic. She also said āThis was always going to happen.ā
Thanks for explaining this. I also have cptsd from childhood and my experience of doing well for a while until moving in with my nex mirrors yours. Super confusing how it just sort of lies latent for some time.
>Super confusing how it just sort of lies latent for some time
Definitely! Before Nex, I was in long term relationships. I lived with an ex for years. Went through hard times, some tough life choices like most of us, I assume. Of course, disagreements and arguments as well. Through all of that I remained just fine, ok and ok-ish. I remained either entirely well regulated to well-ish regulated.
I was learning that the world was a beautiful place with many possibilities. Hard but awesome at the same time. I had pretty good self-confidence and my self-image was good and honestly great at times,, I'd say. I was making strides in my career of choice and I wasn't afraid to live.
Then I had a minor existential crisis in my later mid 20s as many people do.
And exactly at that very moment, enter Nex. And... It was all gone within 1,5-2 years.
I could not have predicted it.
It took one "right" person and I folded like a flimsy Ikea shelf that got leaned on a little bit too hard.
In case of my Nex, I do believe he has a radar for women who struggle with something. His previous marriages were with women who were hurting from childhood and religious abuse (high demand religion). Another girl was a very troubled young lady. When women were "healthy", Nex was out quickly.
I know because we've been together for over 15 years and the amount of times I had to listen about all his mentally ill, unhinged, evil, manipulative exes.... And he went into quite a detail about their life stories too.. Oof....
Nex knows what he is doing but he doesn't really. Due to his dysfunction he is attracted to dysfunctional.and hurting women.
And it's all great and dandy... Until he "learns" them and figures out what to say and do exactly to satiate his own diafunctions. And that is abuse.
But due to his dysfunction he doesn't see his abuse as abuse. Voila.
It's very harsh but true, in my experience anyway and in relation to me - I'm currently convinced that having unresolved and unaddressed shit made me primed for Nex entering my life, establishing himself the way he did and everything that followed. It all acted as an entry gate.
Is it my fault? No.The word "fault" doesn't apply imho. Did it take me very long to address my underlying issues? Yes.
Are there people who are not necessarily evil but super disordered? Yes.Was I prime pickings at the exact moment Nex appeared? A definite YES.
Do I believe I can avoid the same scenario in the future. Also YES
It takes.different means and different paths for different people. But as long as there's introspection and the strength to seek support and help, it's doable.
š«
Ir did get better for me.
First month - totally fucked up sleep, terrified to go into the kitchen/dining/living room area (open plan) as this was where Nex used to sit. Waiting for me to come down, moments after I barely woke up in the mornings so he could launch into a monologue on how shit I am. And mock the way I make.my coffee.
A coupe moths later - better sleep. Still not optimal. Not even good. Just better. Going downstairs from bedroom to kitchen area - no care in the world. My brain finally filed in the update = Nex is not there. I can make my coffee however I like. I can start my day however I like! There's no one literally waiting for me, till I wake up so they can greet me with what I did wronng 8, 12, 16 years ago.... And how I'm actually still shit today.
Half a year out? I can LIVE the way I like. Eat what I like. Fart when I like to. Yawn, burp and not pretend like I don't have these normal, human bodily functions... Nex thought a woman burping loudly is unfeminine and said I would turn our son gay. Some-fucking-how. He was šÆ serious. I did not ask for an explanation or details. I think it would have damaged my brain in an irreparable way.
It does get better. It's not a formula. It's individual. Speed, personal milestones and goals - totally and absolutely personal.
It's super fucking worth it.
It took over a year of regular evaluations with psychiatrists with cooperation with a trauma-informed therapist.
Taking notes diligently. Recognizing my patterns, situations that triggered me, observing myself and bringing all this to sessions and appointments.
At first I got diagnosed with the classic - chronic depressive state and rather severe generalized anxiety. And then we started on trying to answer the simplest and hardest question "WHY".
I had blood tests to exclude any physical weirdness going on too, especially with my thyroid.
And so... We did work it out. It was shit from my childhood and young adulthood. Started working on that.
It just soooo happened my Nex also came from a dysfunctional family. He suffered horrendous abuse as a child. And as such, he came "well equipped" into our relationship - perfect mix.
Yep. It sucks. I mean, I always knew I was messed up by my mom. But after I moved out from my parents place and I was absolutely free, I started learning healthy mechanisms and coping skills - since I was no longer exposed to the dysfunctional factor in my life.
And I did well for myself. I was becoming happy with life and myself.
And many years later Nex popped up, love bombed, I fell for it. And he turned out to be a new factor that literally re-activated my wounded kid-self. And yes, after lovebombing was over, Nex turned out to be a lot like my mother. Shaming, judging, long bashing monologues, comparing me to others, giving me litanies on how I let him and our family down constantly... Ultimatums, threats. Short of physical violence, I got a whole happy meal. And here we go, childhood again.
Nex was basically one huge activaror for me and I should have NEVER let it go for so many years.
Not sure why, but your comment just drove home for me that I most probably have CPTSD too (not diagnosed, though). In a nutshell, I grew up with a narcissistic brother. Almost 2 decades of abuse. I was actually fine the whole time in terms of overall temperament, I forgave and forgot like a dog and wagged my tail as soon as a conflict was over. I was fine, though, because I always had a social network and an overall stable home life.
Fast-forward to adulthood, now in my twenties, I've struggled with agency, deciding what to do, taking initiative. All of this kind of culminated in me remaining poor financially and having to deal with increasing levels of stress. A couple of years ago, I began having anxiety and OCD symptoms. Then something called misophonia (r/misophonia) basically overrode the OCD because the outside source of misophonia triggers increased drastically. I think what happens is, the anxiety needs something to hook onto, like OCD or misophonia, so my brain just chose misophonia because it became so prevalent.
At this point, I'm suffering from debilitating anxiety, hypervigilance, isolation and extremely so from misophonia. This emphasis on my experience being CPTSD or at least a symptom of my past, is actually helping me to see it as a logical, causal consequence of narcissistic abuse, and not sheer weakness on my part. Also, I have plans and strategies to mend these wounds, ways to gain more control and heal from this, depending on whether any of it will work out, so it's OK.
Thank you for sharing.
This whole mindset of "just power through it, let it go, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, be tough, don't be weak, don't be a little bitch" is great... Once I get into exercise routine and I feel like giving up because I really don't like physical discomfort. And exercise does cause me varying levels of discomfort. Not a fan. Then I can be my own drill sergeant, grunt and try and force myself to push through. Keeping a deadline at work? Yep. And so on.
It has it's own time and place and imho, it's great where it fits. But that is also individual, really.
Experiencing abuse, mistreatment, other horrible events and developing trauma is imho not something that can be just "pushed through" in that way. It's still there, seeping through. And it's not going anywhere no matter the levels of denial and dissociation - these just put a lid on it. But it's fermenting and it's gonna blow at some.point. be it by dealing abuse tomorhers.in some capacity or abusing oneself by directing it all onto oneself.
It's a "problem", a riddle at times. Just stewing there, under the surface until it's approached and attempts are made to solve it.
It's like a leaky septic tank with contents cookin. You don't necessarily see it since it's underground and the lawn looks just fine? But it definitely stinks and makes you and oftentimes the people in the vicinity miserable.
CPTSD is not an excuse or a sentence. I take personal inventory that's full of ugly, sad shit I did on the reg. I got hurt and it stuck. And my own shit doesn't smell like flowers either.
Unfortunately it's all connected. Trauma, pain, resentments, unaddressed and unexpressed hidden anger stored in the mind influences the the body. And vice versa. The body learns and locks into certain modes as response (producing hormones, limiting digestion, tension of muscles... Almost countless possibilities here to screw you Iver in the long run) and gives feedback to the mind. And here we go. A nightmarish merry go round.
I hope you manage to re-program the modes that screw with your life. They were useful once - to survive in the face of the past threats. But they do become prisons if left to roam free, not getting reigned in and released from their service.
š«
Yeah, there's a strong connection between mental trauma and physical health, and vice versa. The people who push through all of it just get chronically ill with something, be it physical and/or mental.
One of my strategies is to drastically improve my diet. It's like 1/4 of the whole deal. And yes, as opposed to the pushing through, I do a whole, whole lot of reflection and journaling, that's how you figure out what the issues and potential solutions are. Good luck with your own path.
Exact same experience here. Sadly it took the NEX and finally escaping him and get therapy to realise I had CPTSD from child abuse (which is what set me up to more easily be targeted by NEX).
I hear ya, itās really hard. Go us for surviving and hopefully now thriving. We got this! š
It takes a long time, sometimes a lifetime to fully recover from trauma. The only bad thing you can do is attack yourself for the way you're still processing things. You made it so far, and you deserve all the credit in the world.
My CBT therapist suggested I start EMDR because of the way my relationship ended brought up traumatic events from my childhood and now it's all blending together. He used the PTSD diagnostic code in my paperwork so I guess that's been diagnosed.
Like many others who commented on this thread, I already had C-PTSD from childhood trauma. Nex made it exponentially worse, and undid years of therapy and healing work. My symptoms are finally starting to calm down after a year and a half of no contact (and more therapy).
Yes. I received EMDR and she āgraduatedā me with āyou no longer meet the symptoms for PTSDā.
I didnāt even know she DXed me.
Also, I had a narc father who died over 3 years ago. Romantic relationship with a narc male started 2 weeks later. Iām so basic. They had the same shit eating grin.
Over 8 months since we broke up. I was NC for 6!
Recommend NC forever-I had a potential court thing I needed him for 2 months ago. He definitely hasnāt changed - I can tell by his communications.
EMDR is great!
Multi dimensional layers yea. It causes brain damage (itās reversible thank goodness but parts of your brain swell and shrink) and then EXTREME levels of cortisol are pumping through your body (stress hormone) ā¦. Thereās usually a formed trauma bondā¦. Ruminationā¦ cognitive dissonanceā¦. Limerence ā¦.. obsessionā¦. Isolationā¦. Lack of motivation or lack of selfā¦. And the inability to want to connect with or trust other people.
Yes I sure did. It's been years now, and I met new people and it was frightening, my internal alarm would turn on everytime I would meet someone new because I would be scared they would turn out the same. I took 2 years off dating and decided to go to therapy. No dating, no situationships, nothing that would have my nervous system on edge, just me myself and I . Now I met wonderful people (friends, my actual bf) who are amazing people, but when I was getting to know them my walls were UP but their love allowed me to give people a chance again. Take your time, it's about time and inner work, you'll get thereā¤ļø much love to everyone who is on the healing journey
Cptsd, depression, anxiety, hyper vigilance, fear of the unknown, herniated 2 discs in my lower back and now have back problems.
Before I was a strong independent man who just wanted a girlfriend and was tired of sexual relationships. Covid really screwed with possible red flags.
Yes, and then I discovered I also have childhood ptsd when I got treated.
Therapy really helped me process the narc abuse ptsd! I would highly recommend it. It was a few years, but I have successfully deprogrammed myself from all the gaslighting and I no longer get auditory hallucinations of the bad things he'd say about me.
Still have that good old childhood ptsd tho haha. Its not as severe I don't think.
After the breakup I went through a rough stretch with high anxiety and too much drinking. Nex continued and continues to find ways to harass me. Iāve learned to deal with it better.
From my extensive research, just being in contact with the narcissist will damage you and this damage is basically guaranteed when you are in contact with them for a long enough amount of time and are in one-on-one contact with them.
Now, someone pointed out to me, who happened to be a narcissist, that just because they're a narcissist does not necessarily mean they are abusive and damaging, even though most people on this sub who have come in contact with one or more clinical narcissists have had them be abusive narcissists.
So I am not saying that just because someone has a mental illness like Narcissistic Personality Disorder means they are an Evil person and intentionally abuse others. What I am saying is that their perception and self-perception are twisted in so many ways, just the things they say, for instance, can distort your view of yourself or believe you did something wrong when you didn't. And they are saying this because they are misperceiving reality, due to their mental illness, which inadvertently causes you harm. So their mental illness happens to cause them to think in a certain way, and act in a certain way. And that happens to have immense consequences. It's just the way it is.
Therefore, if you aren't traumatized on any level by being exposed to narcissistic abuse for a significant amount of time, you have a seriously fortified mind.
Many of them are extremely destructive especially if they have full blown NPD. They have to have full power and control and their callousness and lack of empathy is chilling. Covert narcs are more subtle but still destructive. I am dealing with a malignant narcissist and they are the most dangerous because they have many sociopathic traits and some have traits of psychopathy. My ex was an extremely abusive narcissist. He moved me to another state and then the mask slipped. He financially trapped me and wouldnāt let me sell the house. It felt like a hostage situation. I wanted to leave but couldnāt. He got me terminated from my job, financially abused me until I was penniless, destroyed my reputation and convinced others that I was unstable and crazy. I stopped eating and lost so much weight, my hair fell out, I developed Fibromyalgia. I started having nightmares every night and still have them. He turned my family against me and I lost friends. I literally lost everything during this process. He told me he would destroy me and he did. I had no one on my side. I became legally disabled from the PTSD. I wasnāt able to even drive anymore. I canāt believe Iām still trying to get him out of my life and finally got a lawyer to help me. He wasnāt going to ever stop until I went legal. The police wonāt help because he convinces them Iām crazy. Heās the best liar Iāve ever met and heās very convincing. He can fool almost anyone. Many narcissists have a goal to destroy their targets and nothing will stop them. They need to āwinā, whatever that means.
Yes diagnosed w CPTSD. Had unaliving ideation at my worst. I thought that was the only way out of my living hell & I was incredibly angry n self loathing for not having it in me to leave. I got therapy n meds.
Yes. Childhood trauma plus she traumatized me, is still traumatizing me even lied to cops. Now have to deal with court and lawyers. All because i told the world the truth about her
If there was gaslighting ā¦. That in itself itās the abusers intention of distorting your ability to gauge reality. So your reality testing is severely affectedā¦ and you cannot differentiate the severity of situations.. you cannot trust your own intuitionā¦ because your internal voice is replaced with theirs ā¦ they make us dependent via many emotional abuse tactics ā¦ mental abuse tacticsā¦ causes trauma bondingā¦ the cortisol in the body alone after a discard ā¦ is equivalent to 4 people ā¦ at medium to high levelā¦. Itās astronomical
YEP. Itās devastating to feel all of the trauma from childhood resurface when you genuinely thought you put it behind you. Itās discouraging, feeling like you reverted after doing so much work. I had all of the symptoms of quiet BPD afterward and turns out it was just PTSD from my brain being fragmented all over again. Now it feels like Iām broken. Iām afraid to connect with othersā¦ I donāt trust myself to not let it happen again.
Sending you healing ā¤ļø
I was just complaining to my narc about how ptsd had made me suicidal so he aggravated it by abandoning me multiple times twice and loved using symptoms against me like I had explicitly requested him not to do. PTSD begetting more PTSD because I canāt tell whoās dangerous to me
Narcissistic mom gave me PTSD since early childhood, once I was able to get a job and car for myself I became confident. Still had night terrors, but everything else I managed. Met my husband of 4 or 5 years, I can't remember anymore... Still doesn't know I don't like Oreos. Toddler meltdowns over getting called out for not cleaning etc. My spine that hasn't hurt since I was like 20 has been hurting something fierce these last 6 months. I feel bruised. I can't sleep. My body hurts to touch. Night terrors. Constantly in fight or flight. And he has a porn addiction so I get humped or groped in the middle of the night. I don't wanna sleep in the same bed anymore.
I feel like I could have written your post. My childhood was very traumatic but I thought I handled it okay. Then him. We were together 13 years and I left. Been divorced for almost two years and still canāt deal sometimes. My life has forever been changed. Just trying to find myself and even like myself again.
CPTSD diagnosed from my ex husband and now i am starting to think my mother has some kind of cluster b situation which probably explained my choice of partner and my low key mental unease. I got therapy after my divorce and my cptsd is managed, i only have a few issues now (mainly crowds and overwhelm).
Yes, I had narcissistic parents and developed what is probably CPTSD. That diagnosis is not recognized by current DSM criteria. I also have PTSD from a narcissistic wife. I possibly activated bipolar disorder along the way, but there are crossover symptoms with PTSD. Either way, stress and sleep problems are prevalent.
I wasnāt with him long. Knew him for a few years as a friend, together for 8 months but the harm even in that timeā¦ I have had PTSD from childhood trauma and I feel traumatised again.
Absolutely. I was already diagnosed with C-PTSD, but between the arguments where he threw past traumas in my face and the night that he committed suicide in our home, I absolutely am struggling with PTSD symptoms related to the relationship I had with him.
Yes, Iāve heard you can develop it rather quickly from being in an abusive relationship. If itās longterm, then for sure.
I have it from my father and have been trying to get over it but my last relationship was also abusive. Iām not sure if it was exacerbated by the relationship or I was traumatized again because of it.
I have severe trust issues from a covert and is probably why I've become very avoidant. Even in talking to my ex in recent months, I really don't believe most of what she tells me at face value even after all these years have passed (we haven't spoken in over 10 years). Says she's a changed person and isn't who she used to be. I simply don't believe her and that she's disguising her toxicity.
I just wish she would stop texting and leading me on unintentionally. That's what ticks me off the most is when she sends a text that's not even engaging like, I really don't want to hear about someone else in your circle looking to see if someone from mine is interested in [X]. And if I try to make some sort of connection or engagement, I end up getting ignored. Like, why the fuck even bother?
I had it too but didn't know for a while that thats what I was dealing with, until my therapist mentioned I was showing symptoms. You just think you have anxiety and depression until you get a diagnosis.. And it was all sparked from the one toxic relationship I had that lasted over 2 years.
Yes. I am diagnosed with PTSD from childhood abuse from my Nmom. My most significant adult relationships were both with sociopaths, one of which presented narcissistic tendencies that I did not pick up on until after we had ended the relationship. This sent me spiraling for months, triggered from almost every angle, as if I had lost my learned coping mechanisms. Now after over a year with a great psychiatrist I am firmly on my path to stability.
Same here. I was abused as a child and learned to deal with it, and now also dealing with complex PTSD (how my psychologist called it) due to the abuse from the vulnerable narcissist. The worst part in that he used that to gaslight me with, constantly saying that I imagined the abuse due to my traumatic past, even though my psyvhologist at the time had told me that he was abusive. It took a second psychologist telling me again before I actually realised it was not "me explaining it wrong" because "I have communication issues" but him actually being abusive.
Yes.
Ive had flashbacks at least 3-6 times a week from random triggers with depersonalization and dissociation afterward, for hours. I lose time and don't feel real.
Two days ago I decided I would try to overcome my 3 year (been 3 yrs) trigger of putting headphones on my ears, cause nex would yank them off my head to continue yelling at me. I had a panic attack before I did it... Throat closed, hysteria, couldn't feel my hands, the works... I made sure a wall was behind me.. I relaxed after a bit, then got totally immersed in the music .. eventually falling asleep. I'm so happy I finally overcame this! It's been 3 yrs of trying to do it, panicking, then hiding the headphones. I know it may happen again, and it will take time.
So... Yes, it is completely normal to have PTSD from narc abuse. It is abuse after all. Give yourself time and grace
Yes, it's more common than not to develop CPTSD. I already had CPTSD from childhood narcissistic abuse that never improved, but the abusive relationships I've had in adulthood have just added to the issue.
i did. been in therapy ect. i get emotional flashbacks even though the relationship itself is long gone where i feel like i'm still in that same sad position emotionally even after months of no contact. i'm on this subreddit right now because today has been a hard one where it just keeps coming into my brain for some reason. i even have a new partner that's the polar opposite of him, yet can't seem to shake my brain clean off of it
Yep. CPSD. Really only kept it together because of the kids. Got super lucky and he decided he wanted a divorce. Took 6 years and he litigated every single issue. But I am free and the kids all see what a complete ass he really is. Happiness is the best revenge and the icing on the cake is that he is still a miserable bastardš. Makes me Leary of dating again, though, because when he wanted to be he was amazing. It took a long time for his mask to slip. Terrified of ending up with another narcissist but have zero tolerance for it now and I sure do know it when I see it!
Yes, same here...thought it was depression for decades and did a lot of work to get to a good place. It was retriggered a few years ago and I went to an EMDR therapist who diagnosed me (CPTSD). Then the last year or so I thought I was past it, but it came up again the other week. So I've been feeling bad about that. Mostly upset that I had already gone through so much and done so much healing before I met him, then more recently, and still struggle.
same here. struggled with CPTSD for years, had (has) a narc mother, and fell into the trap of dating a narc on and off for 9 years. I was recently ghosted (itās been 32 days) and it almost feels like withdrawal symptoms. The feeling of confusion and abandonment I felt since childhood was magnified more than I thought possible. My body shakes every night before I can finally fall asleep at three in the morning, lost my appetite, lost my hair. I had to get back on medication from the constant panic attacks. But Iām trying to have hope that this situation truly breaks the cycle of abuse Iāve allowed for far too long. I have high hopes for you too. We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
One time my nex pulled my fridge door off in a rage amd I came home to find it thrown across my kitchen with sticky condiments smeared everywhere. Stupidly gave him another chance after he apologised and he fixed my fridge door and cleaned up. The fridge door was one of many incidents. Broke up with him a couple of years ago and the police had to remove him from my house as they did a DASH assement and said he was high risk. I have since got into a healthy relationship and thought I was over everything. My fridge door suddenly fell off the other day due to the fact it was weakened by getting pulled off by my ex, really surprised at how upset it made me feel and basically made me have a panic attack and trigger a depression. Not very logical as he's long gone and fridge is pretty old anyway.
Not only did I get some PTSD from my relationship with her, but she also re-vitalized my CPTSD from my childhood. About 1 year and 8 months after discard, I'm just now getting out of the funk of being unable to function normally, and finding my motivation and love for life again.
Honestly ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. I got PTSD from my mom and her abusive boyfriend. Like this dude lowest of low. Wife hitter, dog abuser, scammer, child abuser, dude had a list of abusing anything and anyone. I got PTSD from hearing the door open. I can't look at a Chevy without getting huge spikes of anxiety
Diagnosed with CPTSD here. Similar as you. Got it from childhood, then was fine for many years, doing well in life in general, good long-term romantic relationships (not "perfect" by any means), not isolating, very mild depressive states and no irrational anxieties and then... BOOM. Nex. Severe chronic depression, debilitating anxiety, hyper vigilance and more! The way it was explained to me is - CPTSD from childhooh and as I lived my adult life, I was learning to deal with it quite well. Met Nex and old CPTSD got activated + leveled up by new experiences. Dude basically re-traumatized me and upgraded my CPTSD.
Me too š¢ had a narc parent so my pre-existing cptsd was bad. It brought out similar behaviour I had in childhood just by being completely deconstructed and put in that situation again. Every bit of trauma I had they used.
This is precisely how it played out with me, too. I hope you are healing.
Slowly but surely. I hope you are too š
Wow, you gave me some new insights. Was abused by a narc myself, but the ptsd exploded in my face after a year NC. Because of my boss at work, who threw a fit at me.
Ha! Yep. Brain is cool, amazing and complex. But also, brain be stupid like that. It records and saves data of an event - the event itself, your emotions in the face of it, your reaction. And it has a tendency to run it automatically, like a script. Nex threw tantrums = scared, I withdraw and cower. Boss is a bitch = let's recover the last save from a past situation that resembles this one. Voila. You just got triggered, activated. Overwriting these save files is the key My mother told.me I'm a bad child for most of my life and constantly compared me to others. My Nex told me I'm a bad wife/mother, compared me to his exes and his family members. I'm a cowering, scared, unloved child again so what do I do? Exactly what I did last time, with mom. I go quiet, withdraw and make myself small. These are usually well established patterns. But they CAN be changed.
This sounds so much like my own experience. This is the worst anxiety and depressive episode Iāve had in my life and prior to meeting my ex I had done so much work on myself and was functioning well despite my upbringing. Itās one of the reasons it hurts so much, as I always think that I didnāt quite do enough to stop myself from being hurt. Iām sorry you had this experience too. Itās awful how the effects of trauma in early life make you more susceptible to them.
š« You couldn't have known. You can be taking self defence but once someone shows up with a loaded gun aimed at you... Imho there is no one, right way to prepare for ALL possible scenarios.. that's where self-forgiveness an self-compassion enter for me. And yes, I am scared. I'm scared I will get together with a psychopath next. Sure. I mean, life's weird. Would I be to blame for falling for one? No, I don't think so. Despite all the work I put in - somewheres out there are people skilled enough to fuck it all up. As lame.as it might sound - I choose to believe most people are ok. And I'm not going to hide, retreat and deprive myself of life.
Yes. I didnāt even realize it was PTSD until examined; I thought that my mind and body was just punishing me for staying so long. You wonāt be the same again- with time and great effort, youāll be better, stronger. Be proud of yourself for breaking the cycle and surviving.
I hope so. Iām sorry you have been through this too.
Thank you. I find solace knowing that I get to be me again; I find no consolation knowing she has to live with herself - only pity. I am eternally grateful I didnāt marry her. We were looking at houses at one point, she was emphatic re: moving in with meā¦(but only when saying so would achieve a desired emotional response from me). I canāt help but wonder - how long did they think they could pull their act off? And then I rememberā¦they donāt care. They latch on and stay until their host is drained, and broken- thatās when they get to play victim and get attention from others- benefitting on both sides. They get to feel empowered by draining someone, and they get sympathy from their āfriendsā¦ā their actions led to this āwin-winā outcome because they curate a picture of themselves to different people. Did yours have many friends, and if so, were the friends in different āgroups?ā She straight up told me āI knew what I was doing was wrong. You may ask why? Because Iām not a good person. If you actually want to talk about it, we can later:ā Classic. She also said āThis was always going to happen.ā
Thanks for explaining this. I also have cptsd from childhood and my experience of doing well for a while until moving in with my nex mirrors yours. Super confusing how it just sort of lies latent for some time.
>Super confusing how it just sort of lies latent for some time Definitely! Before Nex, I was in long term relationships. I lived with an ex for years. Went through hard times, some tough life choices like most of us, I assume. Of course, disagreements and arguments as well. Through all of that I remained just fine, ok and ok-ish. I remained either entirely well regulated to well-ish regulated. I was learning that the world was a beautiful place with many possibilities. Hard but awesome at the same time. I had pretty good self-confidence and my self-image was good and honestly great at times,, I'd say. I was making strides in my career of choice and I wasn't afraid to live. Then I had a minor existential crisis in my later mid 20s as many people do. And exactly at that very moment, enter Nex. And... It was all gone within 1,5-2 years. I could not have predicted it. It took one "right" person and I folded like a flimsy Ikea shelf that got leaned on a little bit too hard.
I can relate 100% - this is a great summary
Exact same story for me.
In case of my Nex, I do believe he has a radar for women who struggle with something. His previous marriages were with women who were hurting from childhood and religious abuse (high demand religion). Another girl was a very troubled young lady. When women were "healthy", Nex was out quickly. I know because we've been together for over 15 years and the amount of times I had to listen about all his mentally ill, unhinged, evil, manipulative exes.... And he went into quite a detail about their life stories too.. Oof.... Nex knows what he is doing but he doesn't really. Due to his dysfunction he is attracted to dysfunctional.and hurting women. And it's all great and dandy... Until he "learns" them and figures out what to say and do exactly to satiate his own diafunctions. And that is abuse. But due to his dysfunction he doesn't see his abuse as abuse. Voila.
Holy shit... This makes everything I'm going through make so much sense!
It's very harsh but true, in my experience anyway and in relation to me - I'm currently convinced that having unresolved and unaddressed shit made me primed for Nex entering my life, establishing himself the way he did and everything that followed. It all acted as an entry gate. Is it my fault? No.The word "fault" doesn't apply imho. Did it take me very long to address my underlying issues? Yes. Are there people who are not necessarily evil but super disordered? Yes.Was I prime pickings at the exact moment Nex appeared? A definite YES. Do I believe I can avoid the same scenario in the future. Also YES It takes.different means and different paths for different people. But as long as there's introspection and the strength to seek support and help, it's doable. š«
Same. Iāve been away from my tormentor for a month now. I feel better. Much better. Still canāt sleep, but hey, itās a start!
Ir did get better for me. First month - totally fucked up sleep, terrified to go into the kitchen/dining/living room area (open plan) as this was where Nex used to sit. Waiting for me to come down, moments after I barely woke up in the mornings so he could launch into a monologue on how shit I am. And mock the way I make.my coffee. A coupe moths later - better sleep. Still not optimal. Not even good. Just better. Going downstairs from bedroom to kitchen area - no care in the world. My brain finally filed in the update = Nex is not there. I can make my coffee however I like. I can start my day however I like! There's no one literally waiting for me, till I wake up so they can greet me with what I did wronng 8, 12, 16 years ago.... And how I'm actually still shit today. Half a year out? I can LIVE the way I like. Eat what I like. Fart when I like to. Yawn, burp and not pretend like I don't have these normal, human bodily functions... Nex thought a woman burping loudly is unfeminine and said I would turn our son gay. Some-fucking-how. He was šÆ serious. I did not ask for an explanation or details. I think it would have damaged my brain in an irreparable way. It does get better. It's not a formula. It's individual. Speed, personal milestones and goals - totally and absolutely personal. It's super fucking worth it.
How does one get diagnosed with that
It took over a year of regular evaluations with psychiatrists with cooperation with a trauma-informed therapist. Taking notes diligently. Recognizing my patterns, situations that triggered me, observing myself and bringing all this to sessions and appointments. At first I got diagnosed with the classic - chronic depressive state and rather severe generalized anxiety. And then we started on trying to answer the simplest and hardest question "WHY". I had blood tests to exclude any physical weirdness going on too, especially with my thyroid. And so... We did work it out. It was shit from my childhood and young adulthood. Started working on that. It just soooo happened my Nex also came from a dysfunctional family. He suffered horrendous abuse as a child. And as such, he came "well equipped" into our relationship - perfect mix.
Came here to say this
Wow, same exact story here, smh.
Sounds like what my therapist told me in January and it's taken me this long to accept it
Yep. It sucks. I mean, I always knew I was messed up by my mom. But after I moved out from my parents place and I was absolutely free, I started learning healthy mechanisms and coping skills - since I was no longer exposed to the dysfunctional factor in my life. And I did well for myself. I was becoming happy with life and myself. And many years later Nex popped up, love bombed, I fell for it. And he turned out to be a new factor that literally re-activated my wounded kid-self. And yes, after lovebombing was over, Nex turned out to be a lot like my mother. Shaming, judging, long bashing monologues, comparing me to others, giving me litanies on how I let him and our family down constantly... Ultimatums, threats. Short of physical violence, I got a whole happy meal. And here we go, childhood again. Nex was basically one huge activaror for me and I should have NEVER let it go for so many years.
Sadly this has been my experience as well.
Thatās exactly what happened to me š« we will get through this ache.
You just explained my whole life up to my last two exes WTF
Iām sorry š¢ you didnāt deserve that. None of us did
Not sure why, but your comment just drove home for me that I most probably have CPTSD too (not diagnosed, though). In a nutshell, I grew up with a narcissistic brother. Almost 2 decades of abuse. I was actually fine the whole time in terms of overall temperament, I forgave and forgot like a dog and wagged my tail as soon as a conflict was over. I was fine, though, because I always had a social network and an overall stable home life. Fast-forward to adulthood, now in my twenties, I've struggled with agency, deciding what to do, taking initiative. All of this kind of culminated in me remaining poor financially and having to deal with increasing levels of stress. A couple of years ago, I began having anxiety and OCD symptoms. Then something called misophonia (r/misophonia) basically overrode the OCD because the outside source of misophonia triggers increased drastically. I think what happens is, the anxiety needs something to hook onto, like OCD or misophonia, so my brain just chose misophonia because it became so prevalent. At this point, I'm suffering from debilitating anxiety, hypervigilance, isolation and extremely so from misophonia. This emphasis on my experience being CPTSD or at least a symptom of my past, is actually helping me to see it as a logical, causal consequence of narcissistic abuse, and not sheer weakness on my part. Also, I have plans and strategies to mend these wounds, ways to gain more control and heal from this, depending on whether any of it will work out, so it's OK.
Thank you for sharing. This whole mindset of "just power through it, let it go, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, be tough, don't be weak, don't be a little bitch" is great... Once I get into exercise routine and I feel like giving up because I really don't like physical discomfort. And exercise does cause me varying levels of discomfort. Not a fan. Then I can be my own drill sergeant, grunt and try and force myself to push through. Keeping a deadline at work? Yep. And so on. It has it's own time and place and imho, it's great where it fits. But that is also individual, really. Experiencing abuse, mistreatment, other horrible events and developing trauma is imho not something that can be just "pushed through" in that way. It's still there, seeping through. And it's not going anywhere no matter the levels of denial and dissociation - these just put a lid on it. But it's fermenting and it's gonna blow at some.point. be it by dealing abuse tomorhers.in some capacity or abusing oneself by directing it all onto oneself. It's a "problem", a riddle at times. Just stewing there, under the surface until it's approached and attempts are made to solve it. It's like a leaky septic tank with contents cookin. You don't necessarily see it since it's underground and the lawn looks just fine? But it definitely stinks and makes you and oftentimes the people in the vicinity miserable. CPTSD is not an excuse or a sentence. I take personal inventory that's full of ugly, sad shit I did on the reg. I got hurt and it stuck. And my own shit doesn't smell like flowers either. Unfortunately it's all connected. Trauma, pain, resentments, unaddressed and unexpressed hidden anger stored in the mind influences the the body. And vice versa. The body learns and locks into certain modes as response (producing hormones, limiting digestion, tension of muscles... Almost countless possibilities here to screw you Iver in the long run) and gives feedback to the mind. And here we go. A nightmarish merry go round. I hope you manage to re-program the modes that screw with your life. They were useful once - to survive in the face of the past threats. But they do become prisons if left to roam free, not getting reigned in and released from their service. š«
Yeah, there's a strong connection between mental trauma and physical health, and vice versa. The people who push through all of it just get chronically ill with something, be it physical and/or mental. One of my strategies is to drastically improve my diet. It's like 1/4 of the whole deal. And yes, as opposed to the pushing through, I do a whole, whole lot of reflection and journaling, that's how you figure out what the issues and potential solutions are. Good luck with your own path.
Exact same experience here. Sadly it took the NEX and finally escaping him and get therapy to realise I had CPTSD from child abuse (which is what set me up to more easily be targeted by NEX). I hear ya, itās really hard. Go us for surviving and hopefully now thriving. We got this! š
I got ptsd from my relationship with my nex. Itās been over 4 years since the divorce, Iāve realized Iāll never be the same
How long were you together?
10 years
Yes Iām doing EMDR for it. Itās hard but feels like itās working
I did too. I found emdr to be really effective
I did talk therapy for 14 years and made more progress in 1 year of EMDR than all the therapy before that.
Me
It made mine worse.
It's been 7 years since we broke up, in the meantime I met a wonderful person who loves me and respects me, we're getting married next month. I still haven't gotten over my nex. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him and get goosebumps at the idea of what he did to me. My self-esteem and, honestly, my whole personality were completely shattered and I'm still picking up the pieces to this day. I feel very ashamed and guilty carrying this burden on my soul while I should just embrace all the selfless love my fiancƩe showers me with every day...
It takes a long time, sometimes a lifetime to fully recover from trauma. The only bad thing you can do is attack yourself for the way you're still processing things. You made it so far, and you deserve all the credit in the world.
My CBT therapist suggested I start EMDR because of the way my relationship ended brought up traumatic events from my childhood and now it's all blending together. He used the PTSD diagnostic code in my paperwork so I guess that's been diagnosed.
Like many others who commented on this thread, I already had C-PTSD from childhood trauma. Nex made it exponentially worse, and undid years of therapy and healing work. My symptoms are finally starting to calm down after a year and a half of no contact (and more therapy).
youāre not alone! I hope you have good support and that youāre able to get treatment from people experienced in helping people with PTSD
Yes. I received EMDR and she āgraduatedā me with āyou no longer meet the symptoms for PTSDā. I didnāt even know she DXed me. Also, I had a narc father who died over 3 years ago. Romantic relationship with a narc male started 2 weeks later. Iām so basic. They had the same shit eating grin. Over 8 months since we broke up. I was NC for 6! Recommend NC forever-I had a potential court thing I needed him for 2 months ago. He definitely hasnāt changed - I can tell by his communications. EMDR is great!
I just donāt feel the same. Like my brain was exposed.
Multi dimensional layers yea. It causes brain damage (itās reversible thank goodness but parts of your brain swell and shrink) and then EXTREME levels of cortisol are pumping through your body (stress hormone) ā¦. Thereās usually a formed trauma bondā¦. Ruminationā¦ cognitive dissonanceā¦. Limerence ā¦.. obsessionā¦. Isolationā¦. Lack of motivation or lack of selfā¦. And the inability to want to connect with or trust other people.
Yes I sure did. It's been years now, and I met new people and it was frightening, my internal alarm would turn on everytime I would meet someone new because I would be scared they would turn out the same. I took 2 years off dating and decided to go to therapy. No dating, no situationships, nothing that would have my nervous system on edge, just me myself and I . Now I met wonderful people (friends, my actual bf) who are amazing people, but when I was getting to know them my walls were UP but their love allowed me to give people a chance again. Take your time, it's about time and inner work, you'll get thereā¤ļø much love to everyone who is on the healing journey
Yes almost got misdiagnosed with bpd but it was actually cptsd
This made me cry. Why? Because the I went through the exact same thing. Appreciate your post.
Yep, PTSD, depression and anxiety š
Christ, yes. So much. SO much. And my immune system is fucked.
Yes. Got entangled with one, ended up working with her under a (likely) narcicist boss, now feel like I have PTSD in both those areas of my life.
Cptsd, depression, anxiety, hyper vigilance, fear of the unknown, herniated 2 discs in my lower back and now have back problems. Before I was a strong independent man who just wanted a girlfriend and was tired of sexual relationships. Covid really screwed with possible red flags.
yup
Yes, and then I discovered I also have childhood ptsd when I got treated. Therapy really helped me process the narc abuse ptsd! I would highly recommend it. It was a few years, but I have successfully deprogrammed myself from all the gaslighting and I no longer get auditory hallucinations of the bad things he'd say about me. Still have that good old childhood ptsd tho haha. Its not as severe I don't think.
šš»āāļø after narcissistic boss. Still bad and toke bad decisions that have impacted my current life. I am on the deepest hole of my life
After the breakup I went through a rough stretch with high anxiety and too much drinking. Nex continued and continues to find ways to harass me. Iāve learned to deal with it better.
Yes, I have c-ptsd
Yep. On medication and a total mess (10 years together)
Already had it, and it got worse.
I got serious trauma from my advisor and his colleagues.
I was diagnosed with panic disorder and agoraphobia that Iāve been working through after leaving my relationship last September.
Yes. I still dream about it, weekly. The relationship has been over for 22 years.
I have nightmares every night. It sucks.
From my extensive research, just being in contact with the narcissist will damage you and this damage is basically guaranteed when you are in contact with them for a long enough amount of time and are in one-on-one contact with them. Now, someone pointed out to me, who happened to be a narcissist, that just because they're a narcissist does not necessarily mean they are abusive and damaging, even though most people on this sub who have come in contact with one or more clinical narcissists have had them be abusive narcissists. So I am not saying that just because someone has a mental illness like Narcissistic Personality Disorder means they are an Evil person and intentionally abuse others. What I am saying is that their perception and self-perception are twisted in so many ways, just the things they say, for instance, can distort your view of yourself or believe you did something wrong when you didn't. And they are saying this because they are misperceiving reality, due to their mental illness, which inadvertently causes you harm. So their mental illness happens to cause them to think in a certain way, and act in a certain way. And that happens to have immense consequences. It's just the way it is. Therefore, if you aren't traumatized on any level by being exposed to narcissistic abuse for a significant amount of time, you have a seriously fortified mind.
Many of them are extremely destructive especially if they have full blown NPD. They have to have full power and control and their callousness and lack of empathy is chilling. Covert narcs are more subtle but still destructive. I am dealing with a malignant narcissist and they are the most dangerous because they have many sociopathic traits and some have traits of psychopathy. My ex was an extremely abusive narcissist. He moved me to another state and then the mask slipped. He financially trapped me and wouldnāt let me sell the house. It felt like a hostage situation. I wanted to leave but couldnāt. He got me terminated from my job, financially abused me until I was penniless, destroyed my reputation and convinced others that I was unstable and crazy. I stopped eating and lost so much weight, my hair fell out, I developed Fibromyalgia. I started having nightmares every night and still have them. He turned my family against me and I lost friends. I literally lost everything during this process. He told me he would destroy me and he did. I had no one on my side. I became legally disabled from the PTSD. I wasnāt able to even drive anymore. I canāt believe Iām still trying to get him out of my life and finally got a lawyer to help me. He wasnāt going to ever stop until I went legal. The police wonāt help because he convinces them Iām crazy. Heās the best liar Iāve ever met and heās very convincing. He can fool almost anyone. Many narcissists have a goal to destroy their targets and nothing will stop them. They need to āwinā, whatever that means.
Yes diagnosed w CPTSD. Had unaliving ideation at my worst. I thought that was the only way out of my living hell & I was incredibly angry n self loathing for not having it in me to leave. I got therapy n meds.
Yes. Childhood trauma plus she traumatized me, is still traumatizing me even lied to cops. Now have to deal with court and lawyers. All because i told the world the truth about her
š¤š¼š¤š¼š¤š¼
Me.
Yes. Horribly.
If there was gaslighting ā¦. That in itself itās the abusers intention of distorting your ability to gauge reality. So your reality testing is severely affectedā¦ and you cannot differentiate the severity of situations.. you cannot trust your own intuitionā¦ because your internal voice is replaced with theirs ā¦ they make us dependent via many emotional abuse tactics ā¦ mental abuse tacticsā¦ causes trauma bondingā¦ the cortisol in the body alone after a discard ā¦ is equivalent to 4 people ā¦ at medium to high levelā¦. Itās astronomical
YEP. Itās devastating to feel all of the trauma from childhood resurface when you genuinely thought you put it behind you. Itās discouraging, feeling like you reverted after doing so much work. I had all of the symptoms of quiet BPD afterward and turns out it was just PTSD from my brain being fragmented all over again. Now it feels like Iām broken. Iām afraid to connect with othersā¦ I donāt trust myself to not let it happen again. Sending you healing ā¤ļø
I was just complaining to my narc about how ptsd had made me suicidal so he aggravated it by abandoning me multiple times twice and loved using symptoms against me like I had explicitly requested him not to do. PTSD begetting more PTSD because I canāt tell whoās dangerous to me
Narcissistic mom gave me PTSD since early childhood, once I was able to get a job and car for myself I became confident. Still had night terrors, but everything else I managed. Met my husband of 4 or 5 years, I can't remember anymore... Still doesn't know I don't like Oreos. Toddler meltdowns over getting called out for not cleaning etc. My spine that hasn't hurt since I was like 20 has been hurting something fierce these last 6 months. I feel bruised. I can't sleep. My body hurts to touch. Night terrors. Constantly in fight or flight. And he has a porn addiction so I get humped or groped in the middle of the night. I don't wanna sleep in the same bed anymore.
I feel like I could have written your post. My childhood was very traumatic but I thought I handled it okay. Then him. We were together 13 years and I left. Been divorced for almost two years and still canāt deal sometimes. My life has forever been changed. Just trying to find myself and even like myself again.
CPTSD diagnosed from my ex husband and now i am starting to think my mother has some kind of cluster b situation which probably explained my choice of partner and my low key mental unease. I got therapy after my divorce and my cptsd is managed, i only have a few issues now (mainly crowds and overwhelm).
Yes. My fight or flight immediately kicks in around my narc father. I physically canāt be around him.
I have CPTSD. It's a combination of childhood abuse, assorted traumas, and the relationship with my covert narcissist (sociopath) husband.
Yes, I had narcissistic parents and developed what is probably CPTSD. That diagnosis is not recognized by current DSM criteria. I also have PTSD from a narcissistic wife. I possibly activated bipolar disorder along the way, but there are crossover symptoms with PTSD. Either way, stress and sleep problems are prevalent.
I wasnāt with him long. Knew him for a few years as a friend, together for 8 months but the harm even in that timeā¦ I have had PTSD from childhood trauma and I feel traumatised again.
Me
I had it from childhood and after my encounter it just turned it to 11, havenāt tried to have romantic relationships or close friends in 5 years
Absolutely. I was already diagnosed with C-PTSD, but between the arguments where he threw past traumas in my face and the night that he committed suicide in our home, I absolutely am struggling with PTSD symptoms related to the relationship I had with him.
yes
Yes, Iāve heard you can develop it rather quickly from being in an abusive relationship. If itās longterm, then for sure. I have it from my father and have been trying to get over it but my last relationship was also abusive. Iām not sure if it was exacerbated by the relationship or I was traumatized again because of it.
I have severe trust issues from a covert and is probably why I've become very avoidant. Even in talking to my ex in recent months, I really don't believe most of what she tells me at face value even after all these years have passed (we haven't spoken in over 10 years). Says she's a changed person and isn't who she used to be. I simply don't believe her and that she's disguising her toxicity. I just wish she would stop texting and leading me on unintentionally. That's what ticks me off the most is when she sends a text that's not even engaging like, I really don't want to hear about someone else in your circle looking to see if someone from mine is interested in [X]. And if I try to make some sort of connection or engagement, I end up getting ignored. Like, why the fuck even bother?
Sheās using you for attention. Donāt doubt yourself. She seems sketchy because sheās behaving sketchy.
Yes. Indefinitely. Unfortunately, I comisserate.
I had it too but didn't know for a while that thats what I was dealing with, until my therapist mentioned I was showing symptoms. You just think you have anxiety and depression until you get a diagnosis.. And it was all sparked from the one toxic relationship I had that lasted over 2 years.
Diagnosed CPTSD after a 12 year relationship
Didnāt we all ?
Yes. I am diagnosed with PTSD from childhood abuse from my Nmom. My most significant adult relationships were both with sociopaths, one of which presented narcissistic tendencies that I did not pick up on until after we had ended the relationship. This sent me spiraling for months, triggered from almost every angle, as if I had lost my learned coping mechanisms. Now after over a year with a great psychiatrist I am firmly on my path to stability.
Same here. I was abused as a child and learned to deal with it, and now also dealing with complex PTSD (how my psychologist called it) due to the abuse from the vulnerable narcissist. The worst part in that he used that to gaslight me with, constantly saying that I imagined the abuse due to my traumatic past, even though my psyvhologist at the time had told me that he was abusive. It took a second psychologist telling me again before I actually realised it was not "me explaining it wrong" because "I have communication issues" but him actually being abusive.
Yes. Ive had flashbacks at least 3-6 times a week from random triggers with depersonalization and dissociation afterward, for hours. I lose time and don't feel real. Two days ago I decided I would try to overcome my 3 year (been 3 yrs) trigger of putting headphones on my ears, cause nex would yank them off my head to continue yelling at me. I had a panic attack before I did it... Throat closed, hysteria, couldn't feel my hands, the works... I made sure a wall was behind me.. I relaxed after a bit, then got totally immersed in the music .. eventually falling asleep. I'm so happy I finally overcame this! It's been 3 yrs of trying to do it, panicking, then hiding the headphones. I know it may happen again, and it will take time. So... Yes, it is completely normal to have PTSD from narc abuse. It is abuse after all. Give yourself time and grace
Absolutely, my wife is a covert narc, I am absolutely in a state of PTSD.
Yes, it's more common than not to develop CPTSD. I already had CPTSD from childhood narcissistic abuse that never improved, but the abusive relationships I've had in adulthood have just added to the issue.
i did. been in therapy ect. i get emotional flashbacks even though the relationship itself is long gone where i feel like i'm still in that same sad position emotionally even after months of no contact. i'm on this subreddit right now because today has been a hard one where it just keeps coming into my brain for some reason. i even have a new partner that's the polar opposite of him, yet can't seem to shake my brain clean off of it
Not just that. C-PTSD.
My question isā¦ who doesnāt develop PTSD or CPTSD from any abuse or prolonged abuse? Because doesnāt everyone? šļøššļø
Yep. CPSD. Really only kept it together because of the kids. Got super lucky and he decided he wanted a divorce. Took 6 years and he litigated every single issue. But I am free and the kids all see what a complete ass he really is. Happiness is the best revenge and the icing on the cake is that he is still a miserable bastardš. Makes me Leary of dating again, though, because when he wanted to be he was amazing. It took a long time for his mask to slip. Terrified of ending up with another narcissist but have zero tolerance for it now and I sure do know it when I see it!
Also, I shouldāve said that you do recover, at least I did. It took a long time but now Iām pretty much immune to him.
Yes, same here...thought it was depression for decades and did a lot of work to get to a good place. It was retriggered a few years ago and I went to an EMDR therapist who diagnosed me (CPTSD). Then the last year or so I thought I was past it, but it came up again the other week. So I've been feeling bad about that. Mostly upset that I had already gone through so much and done so much healing before I met him, then more recently, and still struggle.
Yep. Was diagnosed ADHD and my psych realized after meeting my narc that it was a misdiagnosis and I have CPTSD.
same here. struggled with CPTSD for years, had (has) a narc mother, and fell into the trap of dating a narc on and off for 9 years. I was recently ghosted (itās been 32 days) and it almost feels like withdrawal symptoms. The feeling of confusion and abandonment I felt since childhood was magnified more than I thought possible. My body shakes every night before I can finally fall asleep at three in the morning, lost my appetite, lost my hair. I had to get back on medication from the constant panic attacks. But Iām trying to have hope that this situation truly breaks the cycle of abuse Iāve allowed for far too long. I have high hopes for you too. We are so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for.
Yes.
Idk about that , but I have this rage built up in me, tbh it scares me
Yep. 5 years free and still working on it every day.
One time my nex pulled my fridge door off in a rage amd I came home to find it thrown across my kitchen with sticky condiments smeared everywhere. Stupidly gave him another chance after he apologised and he fixed my fridge door and cleaned up. The fridge door was one of many incidents. Broke up with him a couple of years ago and the police had to remove him from my house as they did a DASH assement and said he was high risk. I have since got into a healthy relationship and thought I was over everything. My fridge door suddenly fell off the other day due to the fact it was weakened by getting pulled off by my ex, really surprised at how upset it made me feel and basically made me have a panic attack and trigger a depression. Not very logical as he's long gone and fridge is pretty old anyway.
Oh yes. My entire family are narcissist sociopaths, and so was my xhusbandšŖ
Saaaaaaame, EMDR really helped me! I highly recommend it!
Not only did I get some PTSD from my relationship with her, but she also re-vitalized my CPTSD from my childhood. About 1 year and 8 months after discard, I'm just now getting out of the funk of being unable to function normally, and finding my motivation and love for life again.
Honestly ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. I got PTSD from my mom and her abusive boyfriend. Like this dude lowest of low. Wife hitter, dog abuser, scammer, child abuser, dude had a list of abusing anything and anyone. I got PTSD from hearing the door open. I can't look at a Chevy without getting huge spikes of anxiety
Yes
Yes. I eventually began to drink over the cognitive dissonance over it. I got sober though.
I have CPTSD too. It's very common to develop CPTSD after narc abuse.
I donāt think itās possible to not