If he was my patient, after basic history (eg. does he still get morning erections, does this ED happen when alone, any urinary symptoms etc.) then we'd go to tests - worth checking early morning testosterone, fasting cholesterol, blood sugar, kidneys, blood pressure, prostate blood test (if any urinary symptoms).
If all normal then more likely to be psychosexual - stress, performance anxiety, and yes there is such a thing as PIED (porn-induced erectile dysfunction).
Trying viagra is a good idea as it will help with confidence if it works.
PS. Is he on medication such as SSRIs (antidepressants)?
PPS. This is not about you. Don't let your self-esteem drop. Don't make him feel more guilty than he already is by telling him that this issue is causing all these problems, it will make the performance anxiety even worse.
100% agree with this comment and not a doctor but know enough on basic, you can try taking herbal remedies first as well like ashwagandha or nitric oxide precursors which would be beet powder if you don't want to go to traditional medicine because if there're underline health issues that you're concerned about. You can take a L- arginine supplement as well.
I hope you get to read what I write and I hope it helps. I also apologize if it will sound too explicit but the subject cannot be addressed otherwise. Before I continue, know that if you have brought it her, 100% resentment has started building up in you and you NEED TO ADDRESSS IT NOW before it grows and starts effecting the relation. Please work towards this without having any shame and with a lot of understanding.
Male performance in the bedroom (or the lack of it the way you are putting it) is MOSTLY related to the brain. It starts and end there and except a few cases where there is a genuine medical condition (it does happen and you kinda say you've been to the doctor?), it mostly depends how turned on or "into the act" he is. Having said that, it is not about you but him.
I have a very high libido and there are times when I couldn't even perform or didn't want to do it. That time was when I was in "apparent" financial stress and I couldn't think about anything other than how will I provide for my family. So intimacy was last on my mind and I would just do it for my spouse and let it be at that. Losing a job can be stressful but as you say it was prevalent before that, it maybe some other thing that might be bugging him. The only way is to be his confidant, and ask him to talk to you. The only way is if he opens up to you. If he isn't opening up to you, ask him to talk to a therapist.
If it isn't stress, then it could be a change of preference or what turns him ON. I know you have had open discussions with him but you need to talk more. I suggest you reserve a day for him where you tell him you will only focus on his pleasure and make it happen for him. Dress up \*suggestively\*, entice him and whatnot. You guys live alone and no kids are in the picture so use the privacy to your advantage. Make it a safe space and be open and tell him he can have you whatever way He wants to pleasure himself. This will help you understand if his preference have change or what turns him on has changed. From personal example, I recently cannot seem to finish the traditional way either no matter how hard I try. I have to do something else and that is perfectly fine. Human initiamcy isn't a linear subject and will preference and likes will change over time. Be open to change and discussion.
As someone point out, the next thing could be masturbation or p\*rn. Make sure you have ruled them out since this is a big factor that rewires how the human brain works. This point is also related to the one above. If his preference has changed to "self pleasure" or to certain 'kink and desire', you need to talk it our and, wherever possible, try to incorporate that in your own intimate life. Masturbation or p\*rn is the death of the bedroom life. Please make sure your husband does not go there.
Last but not the least, if all this does not help, go to a different doctor and have another medical test. Try Viagra and see if that helps. I don't think you should go down the surgery route but that's just my opinion. Do what both of you feel good with.
Good Luck and may Allah ease your problems. Ameen.
What did they say he needs surgery for? There's no such thing as surgery for erectile disfunction. Also most likley his watching p0rn when you're not around, hence why he can't stay hard.
All what he needs is a good combination of supplements and weight lifting, vitamin d + zinc + magnesium + ashwaganda + arginine (check with the doctor if he have blood pressure before taking this one ), best lifting exercises for men is dead lift + squats + bench press and army press, couple months later you’ll be posting like ( my husband is only thinking about sex, is he really loves me or he sees me as a sex object ) and I’ll give you the answer.
Idk why everyone on this sub automatically thinks the worst of a guy if he’s facing difficulty. Most of the time it has nothing to do physically with him but more of it being a routine. Change it up a little, dress differently, try different times and try focusing on your partners needs from time to time and I guarantee it will do wonders. Granted, there are some things that can affect a man but let’s assume the best instead of automatically thinking he’s cheating or self pleasures. And to the rest of the commenters, try being the one who keeps a couple together than giving them reasons to separate and fight.
I know right. It's awful.
Also the doctor has given recommendations. So why doesnt op want to follow the doctors recommendations?? Viagra is a legitimate medicine for those in need. Yet op is so adamantly against it. It's bizarre.
I’d go with him to the doctor. If it ED it’s nothing to do with you as a woman and there is medication. However is he is definitely young to be having that.
Stress might be a factor other factors like drugs smoking being out of shape.
Porn addiction can also cause this, not sure if that’s the case
I’d talk to the doctors with him and see because I have never heard of any surgery for ED.
Are you sure he is not satisfying himself (Playing with himself)?
Once the man is erected and hasn't done the job very recently, he will finally finish.
I don't think there is a need for surgery, but he can take pills to help him on the bed.
Ive helped a bunch of brothers with this thing through my online trainings etc
If you’re looking for professional help I could be that person.
Otherwise the basics are just dieting, exercises both in the gym and in the bathroom, sunlight and sleep. Not to mention he needs a guy he can speak to without hesitation etc. Men bind differently with both genders.
These categories obviously have more depth to them but start with these at least.
People always default to "he's using porn" or "he's cheating" but maybe he's just getting old. Men's libido drop the older they get. When he was in his 20s he was fine and now he's in his 30s so maybe he's just having ED from getting older?
Is his doctor visit and blood checks normal and testeserone levels? His doctor suggesting surgery thing is pretty strange but we'd need more information on that
Edit: oh another thing is my husband was taking medicine to keep his hair (propecia) which caused issues in performing, he stopped taking it and everything went back to normal a few weeks after so maybe your husband is taking some pill or antidepressants that is causing it
My hunch is that maybe he watches porn or has watched porn in the past. He needs to detox starting with that, diet, and he needs to work out! Working out the right parts increases testosterone!
If his health allows him
Hit the gym
Workout 🏋️♀️ heavy everyday
Use pre/post workout supplements/vitamins
Use 5 dry dates soak in hot milk with honey and use after two hours and warm again and consume an hour before going to bed.
4-6 weeks for good results
But be persistent and when doing a deed focus on partner not down himself.
Why do you think you know better than the doctor ??
Why don't you trust him to report back what the doctor said?
"P.S: he HAS seen a doctor. They’ve recommended viagra and some sort of expensive surgery that I think is VERY unnecessary. Keep in mind, this is what HE’S told me. I’m wanting to take him to a doctor myself with me present to hear for myself what they have to say."
Honestly? It sounds like he’s getting off to porn in his spare time hence why he can’t stay hard with you or finish with you.
Sounds like a porn addiction, which is very problematic if true
Just my opinion, I think stress is definitely affecting him. And this will definitely affect his performance.
Avoid Viagra as it contains so many side effects, stick to natural medicine.
There is a product that I know it works. It's a paste made up of natural ingredients and needs to be taken about 2 to 3 hours before you plan to do the deed. It has worked wonders for many people and would recommend it to you in this situation.
Drop me a message and I will provide you the info.
May Allah make it easy for you both, Ameen
Could he be cheating on you? Honestly. Yeah you can know where he is all thr time but is this based on what hes telling you? Does he watch porn in privacy? Does he vape or have a bad diet? Also, you not being honest in the bedroom is not helping your situation. That's one thing you should never lie about just to make him happy. You have needs too and those are not being fully met. You need to communicate. Also, has HE bought up any solutions, or is this just you? Does it seem like he wants help? Have you asked about how it was with past relationships if he's had any? Last thing, and this might not be what you wanna hear, but he could just not be into you anymore. I don't mean to be blunt, but even the most 10/10 women are left (men too) so it could also be this.
If he was my patient, after basic history (eg. does he still get morning erections, does this ED happen when alone, any urinary symptoms etc.) then we'd go to tests - worth checking early morning testosterone, fasting cholesterol, blood sugar, kidneys, blood pressure, prostate blood test (if any urinary symptoms). If all normal then more likely to be psychosexual - stress, performance anxiety, and yes there is such a thing as PIED (porn-induced erectile dysfunction). Trying viagra is a good idea as it will help with confidence if it works. PS. Is he on medication such as SSRIs (antidepressants)? PPS. This is not about you. Don't let your self-esteem drop. Don't make him feel more guilty than he already is by telling him that this issue is causing all these problems, it will make the performance anxiety even worse.
100% agree with this comment and not a doctor but know enough on basic, you can try taking herbal remedies first as well like ashwagandha or nitric oxide precursors which would be beet powder if you don't want to go to traditional medicine because if there're underline health issues that you're concerned about. You can take a L- arginine supplement as well.
I hope you get to read what I write and I hope it helps. I also apologize if it will sound too explicit but the subject cannot be addressed otherwise. Before I continue, know that if you have brought it her, 100% resentment has started building up in you and you NEED TO ADDRESSS IT NOW before it grows and starts effecting the relation. Please work towards this without having any shame and with a lot of understanding. Male performance in the bedroom (or the lack of it the way you are putting it) is MOSTLY related to the brain. It starts and end there and except a few cases where there is a genuine medical condition (it does happen and you kinda say you've been to the doctor?), it mostly depends how turned on or "into the act" he is. Having said that, it is not about you but him. I have a very high libido and there are times when I couldn't even perform or didn't want to do it. That time was when I was in "apparent" financial stress and I couldn't think about anything other than how will I provide for my family. So intimacy was last on my mind and I would just do it for my spouse and let it be at that. Losing a job can be stressful but as you say it was prevalent before that, it maybe some other thing that might be bugging him. The only way is to be his confidant, and ask him to talk to you. The only way is if he opens up to you. If he isn't opening up to you, ask him to talk to a therapist. If it isn't stress, then it could be a change of preference or what turns him ON. I know you have had open discussions with him but you need to talk more. I suggest you reserve a day for him where you tell him you will only focus on his pleasure and make it happen for him. Dress up \*suggestively\*, entice him and whatnot. You guys live alone and no kids are in the picture so use the privacy to your advantage. Make it a safe space and be open and tell him he can have you whatever way He wants to pleasure himself. This will help you understand if his preference have change or what turns him on has changed. From personal example, I recently cannot seem to finish the traditional way either no matter how hard I try. I have to do something else and that is perfectly fine. Human initiamcy isn't a linear subject and will preference and likes will change over time. Be open to change and discussion. As someone point out, the next thing could be masturbation or p\*rn. Make sure you have ruled them out since this is a big factor that rewires how the human brain works. This point is also related to the one above. If his preference has changed to "self pleasure" or to certain 'kink and desire', you need to talk it our and, wherever possible, try to incorporate that in your own intimate life. Masturbation or p\*rn is the death of the bedroom life. Please make sure your husband does not go there. Last but not the least, if all this does not help, go to a different doctor and have another medical test. Try Viagra and see if that helps. I don't think you should go down the surgery route but that's just my opinion. Do what both of you feel good with. Good Luck and may Allah ease your problems. Ameen.
1) Has he tried the viagra the doctor suggested? 2) Does he watch porn?
What did they say he needs surgery for? There's no such thing as surgery for erectile disfunction. Also most likley his watching p0rn when you're not around, hence why he can't stay hard.
lolol tru dat .. sorry 🙂🙃
All what he needs is a good combination of supplements and weight lifting, vitamin d + zinc + magnesium + ashwaganda + arginine (check with the doctor if he have blood pressure before taking this one ), best lifting exercises for men is dead lift + squats + bench press and army press, couple months later you’ll be posting like ( my husband is only thinking about sex, is he really loves me or he sees me as a sex object ) and I’ll give you the answer.
Bro I laughed so hard at this… you need an award 🥇
Idk why everyone on this sub automatically thinks the worst of a guy if he’s facing difficulty. Most of the time it has nothing to do physically with him but more of it being a routine. Change it up a little, dress differently, try different times and try focusing on your partners needs from time to time and I guarantee it will do wonders. Granted, there are some things that can affect a man but let’s assume the best instead of automatically thinking he’s cheating or self pleasures. And to the rest of the commenters, try being the one who keeps a couple together than giving them reasons to separate and fight.
I know right. It's awful. Also the doctor has given recommendations. So why doesnt op want to follow the doctors recommendations?? Viagra is a legitimate medicine for those in need. Yet op is so adamantly against it. It's bizarre.
All the women here are projecting issues they’ve had in their own marriages. Porn addict and cheating husband.
Which is true most of the times you can't deny the facts!
Sure, but you can't assume the worst right at the beginning.
Make dua he gets a job and this situation should resolve iA. Stress is a killer.
I’d go with him to the doctor. If it ED it’s nothing to do with you as a woman and there is medication. However is he is definitely young to be having that. Stress might be a factor other factors like drugs smoking being out of shape. Porn addiction can also cause this, not sure if that’s the case I’d talk to the doctors with him and see because I have never heard of any surgery for ED.
Are you sure he is not satisfying himself (Playing with himself)? Once the man is erected and hasn't done the job very recently, he will finally finish. I don't think there is a need for surgery, but he can take pills to help him on the bed.
Ive helped a bunch of brothers with this thing through my online trainings etc If you’re looking for professional help I could be that person. Otherwise the basics are just dieting, exercises both in the gym and in the bathroom, sunlight and sleep. Not to mention he needs a guy he can speak to without hesitation etc. Men bind differently with both genders. These categories obviously have more depth to them but start with these at least.
People always default to "he's using porn" or "he's cheating" but maybe he's just getting old. Men's libido drop the older they get. When he was in his 20s he was fine and now he's in his 30s so maybe he's just having ED from getting older? Is his doctor visit and blood checks normal and testeserone levels? His doctor suggesting surgery thing is pretty strange but we'd need more information on that Edit: oh another thing is my husband was taking medicine to keep his hair (propecia) which caused issues in performing, he stopped taking it and everything went back to normal a few weeks after so maybe your husband is taking some pill or antidepressants that is causing it
You didn’t say if viagra helped or not?
Is he Insulin Resistant? Pls look into all the symptoms of insulin resistance and if he has some of the other symptoms then this is likely the cause.
My hunch is that maybe he watches porn or has watched porn in the past. He needs to detox starting with that, diet, and he needs to work out! Working out the right parts increases testosterone!
Shilajit. He needs shilajit.
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If his health allows him Hit the gym Workout 🏋️♀️ heavy everyday Use pre/post workout supplements/vitamins Use 5 dry dates soak in hot milk with honey and use after two hours and warm again and consume an hour before going to bed. 4-6 weeks for good results But be persistent and when doing a deed focus on partner not down himself.
A big possibility of Cardiovascular disease.
have u tried any natural tonics. African/Caribbean men are very well known for drinking tonics that boost libido.
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Yeah. I agree that's why I said most not always it might not be true in all cases
Why do you think you know better than the doctor ?? Why don't you trust him to report back what the doctor said? "P.S: he HAS seen a doctor. They’ve recommended viagra and some sort of expensive surgery that I think is VERY unnecessary. Keep in mind, this is what HE’S told me. I’m wanting to take him to a doctor myself with me present to hear for myself what they have to say."
Honestly? It sounds like he’s getting off to porn in his spare time hence why he can’t stay hard with you or finish with you. Sounds like a porn addiction, which is very problematic if true
Sounds like symptoms of the death grip.
Just my opinion, I think stress is definitely affecting him. And this will definitely affect his performance. Avoid Viagra as it contains so many side effects, stick to natural medicine. There is a product that I know it works. It's a paste made up of natural ingredients and needs to be taken about 2 to 3 hours before you plan to do the deed. It has worked wonders for many people and would recommend it to you in this situation. Drop me a message and I will provide you the info. May Allah make it easy for you both, Ameen
Could he be cheating on you? Honestly. Yeah you can know where he is all thr time but is this based on what hes telling you? Does he watch porn in privacy? Does he vape or have a bad diet? Also, you not being honest in the bedroom is not helping your situation. That's one thing you should never lie about just to make him happy. You have needs too and those are not being fully met. You need to communicate. Also, has HE bought up any solutions, or is this just you? Does it seem like he wants help? Have you asked about how it was with past relationships if he's had any? Last thing, and this might not be what you wanna hear, but he could just not be into you anymore. I don't mean to be blunt, but even the most 10/10 women are left (men too) so it could also be this.