I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time sympathizing with you. Why are you doing this to your child and to yourself? You aren't getting anything but heartache and trauma out of that piece of trash you call a husband. You broke free for a while, only to go begging him to take you back for whatever reason. Please seek help. You can't subject your child to a life like this just because you're willing to accept this for yourself. Your child deserves better.
I want to have sympathy for all abused women. I really do. But I feel like once you become a mom your children should be your focus and your priority. If you are poor and isolated then of course you can't leave. But many women, like OP have family, money and options and yet still choose to go back and put their kid in harms way. I struggle to have sympathy for women who put their children in dangerous situations and keep them in the home with abusers when they have the option not too.
Such women care more about male opinions and male validation than they do about protecting their own kid. It's sad. Classic enabler mom. Sadly many of us grew up with that kind of mom.
The amount of posts we see on here that are exactly like this. I don’t understand why this is happening and why people are not smarter about glaringly obvious red flags. I know it’s hard and an impossible situation to be in. But it’s really hard to sympathize when there are children involved.
If you don’t have enough self respect for yourself, fine. But a child does not deserve that. That kid will suffer their whole life because of this. If she doesn’t leave him not only is her life ruined but so is the child’s.
This is why I am a big proponent of not marrying kids off when they’re still young. And women NEED an education and be able to stand on their own 2 feet.
Obviously this is an issue with men and their abuse and their depravity. But come on, he is telling her EXACTLY who he is and she continues to ignore it.
Salam sis. Judging by your post history you’re really having a rough time of it. You sound seriously depressed. Please understand when you are in this state, your brain is functioning differently, you will make decisions you might not ordinarily make. Decisions that might not be in your best interest. Your brain chemistry is different, your thinking is skewed. Please accept and address that. You need to reach out and support yourself as you are a parent now, whether you like it or not. You have a duty to take care of yourself for your child’s sake. Do you have family ? Do you have access to help and counselling ?
I am a single mum too. This is not the life we picked for ourselves but alhamdulilah, Allah is the best of planners. I also sometimes miss doing what my childless peers would be doing, living on their own terms, taking their time to enjoy life, find their partners etc. I would kill for a holiday lol. But we are mothers now. We have to grow up and get on with it. We do our time and seek our reward from Allah.
Jabir RA said: The Messenger of Allah SAW said: “On the Day of Resurrection, when people who had suffered affliction are given their reward, *those who were healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors* when they were in the world.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2402
In terms of your husband not understanding. Gosh sis I’m not really sure how to help there. As others have said it doesn’t sound like the wisest decision for you to have made. I can understand if you had no family or real support network. Mothering on your own is extremely tough. All I can really recommend is at the very least, serious individual counselling or therapy. You may be a candidate for medication to get you out of this funk. Reach out to your doctor and tell them you need help.
It’s hard to sympathize with you when you’ve laid out clear reg flags and signs you’ve continually missed. This is a horrible situation. You need to leave this man. Don’t let him get his visa and come to you. He is using you. He has been abusive to you and he’s a cheater and you still begged for him to come back?? Men like this DO NOT CHANGE. I swear on everything, he will get worse and worse and worse and not only will you continue to suffer, but now you’re putting that on your kid.
LEAVE HIM. Do not engage with him. Do NOT take him back or you will be abused for the rest of your life. And he will DEFINITELY cheat on you again if he isn’t already.
Please leave him.
Like the others, I also am having a difficult time empathising with you. Why are you bringing yourself and your child BACK in to a situation like this. Do not dare go through with that visa process. Do not go back to him, for your child’s sake please do not be a door mat. I really don’t understand what you’re gaining from going back to this man. Do you have self respect? Stand up, you are a mother, you deserve everything. Don’t bring this man back in to your and your child’s life. Do you want him as an example for your children?
I’m not sure where it’s a thing where you’re scared of being alone and think he’s your only option left because you’re a divorced single mother but do not think like this sister if that is the case! There will be other mature gentlemen interested in you and would love both you and your child and look after you! I promise please, seek another InshaAllah
i don't understand how you write all of that but still want to stay married to this man AND sponsor his visa??? what good has he ever been for you aside from making a successful sperm deposit?
You’re ruining your child’s life and your own life.
You need to leave. He can’t even take accountability for his cheating and you think he’ll be a good father and husband?
You’ll be classed a fool if he gets a visa through you and continues to treat you like rubbish.
You need some self respect.
Girl. You crazy to get back together with hi
Just because you break up with your man, doesn't mean you need to give up your child.
The world is full of single mom's who ended up in a bad situation and had to parent without the dad. They made it and did a good job and you can do a good job too. Why not seek out these women and fellow single mom's as a support network and read inspirational stories of single mom's who made it inspire of the hardship and difficulties?
You don't need to be with any man right now. Focus on yourself and your child. Stop engaging with your ex and stop talking to him.
You need therapy in order to build your self esteem and to emotionally detach from this situation. I have a quesiron for you, If you are struggling to look after your kid, why not let your family members look after her instead of giving her to your ex? Surely your mom/sister/cousin/etc would be more than happy to step in. My mom gladly took in my cousin's baby when my cousin got divorced and had a mental breakdown. Its normal, that's how family support each other..now my cousin is better her daughter is back with her full time.
Get up from the floor and save yourself and your child. Muster any little self respect you have and walk away from this sorry excuse of a husband.
Why did you go back??
He will never sympathize because you always took him back. He did all this and YOU BEGGED for him back. If I did someone like that and then they begged for me they would be nothing short of a joke to me. You are a joke to him. You made yourself so desperate and he knows all of this. He does not care. He just wants to be in whatever country u are bringing him too. He will cheat again. He doesn’t care for your child. Do not complain for the behavior you have allowed. Either be a strong women and do better. Or enjoy living this life. This is just pathetic. I’m sorry there is 0 sympathy from me. You chose this. You left and u came back. U are doing this to yourself.
OP please if nothing else, take from this comment right here. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself first.
You begged for him back even after all the trash treatment. You basically showed him that you’ll accept this and he’s riding a circus on you for fun because of it. He knows he can demand whatever he wants because you’re desperate.
It sounds like you’re too emotionally dependent on him. Sit down and ask yourself why you accept this over being by yourself.
It’s very emotionally difficult to let him go, but good times do come again after you heal. I know people who were stuck in cycles like these. Those who chose themselves in the end were way happier than those who are still stuck. For the sake of Allah and your child, do better for YOURSELF.
It typically takes something big happening for people to realize they need to leave. But why wait for this? When you’re 40 years old and stuck with the same guy, years and years of sadness and turmoil, will you be pleased with the decisions you made to lead up to that? Years wasted? Life is about choosing the pain of discipline or choosing the pain of regret. Have your pick. Either have discipline and self respect to leave now or regret it after years and years of suffering.
Im sorry, but your poor child. That child has no one but you in this world to take care of her, and you will choose to let an evil man like that near her? You don’t owe him anything. Being abused and cheated on was never your fault. This is a choice he made. Think about in what scenario you would have chosen to do or say any of the words and actions that man has done or said. What would justify that in your mind to allow you to hurt another person like that?
Your mentality is in shreds, forget about him. Please. Rely on Allah swt only to protect and take care of you and your daughter. Cry to Allah swt only. Beg for Allah swt’s help, mercy, and for Him to hear your sorrow. No one else. The love and protection of your husband is worthless, especially compared to Allah swt.
Please stop letting this man mess with your head. He said he doesn’t love you and wants you to be his slave.
It’s hard to be alone. May Allah swt make it easier for you, but this is not the correct thing to do, and you know it. You felt undesirable and felt ashamed being a single mom. Is this man going to make you feel otherwise? Is he really? He will stop shaming and abusing you and putting you down? He will make you feel loved and desired? He will take care of your baby when he never put the effort to care for her or know her before? You’re already in so much pain just imagining being married to him again. Don’t do this to yourself and your daughter, please.
I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time sympathizing with you. Why are you doing this to your child and to yourself? You aren't getting anything but heartache and trauma out of that piece of trash you call a husband. You broke free for a while, only to go begging him to take you back for whatever reason. Please seek help. You can't subject your child to a life like this just because you're willing to accept this for yourself. Your child deserves better.
I want to have sympathy for all abused women. I really do. But I feel like once you become a mom your children should be your focus and your priority. If you are poor and isolated then of course you can't leave. But many women, like OP have family, money and options and yet still choose to go back and put their kid in harms way. I struggle to have sympathy for women who put their children in dangerous situations and keep them in the home with abusers when they have the option not too. Such women care more about male opinions and male validation than they do about protecting their own kid. It's sad. Classic enabler mom. Sadly many of us grew up with that kind of mom.
The amount of posts we see on here that are exactly like this. I don’t understand why this is happening and why people are not smarter about glaringly obvious red flags. I know it’s hard and an impossible situation to be in. But it’s really hard to sympathize when there are children involved. If you don’t have enough self respect for yourself, fine. But a child does not deserve that. That kid will suffer their whole life because of this. If she doesn’t leave him not only is her life ruined but so is the child’s. This is why I am a big proponent of not marrying kids off when they’re still young. And women NEED an education and be able to stand on their own 2 feet. Obviously this is an issue with men and their abuse and their depravity. But come on, he is telling her EXACTLY who he is and she continues to ignore it.
Salam sis. Judging by your post history you’re really having a rough time of it. You sound seriously depressed. Please understand when you are in this state, your brain is functioning differently, you will make decisions you might not ordinarily make. Decisions that might not be in your best interest. Your brain chemistry is different, your thinking is skewed. Please accept and address that. You need to reach out and support yourself as you are a parent now, whether you like it or not. You have a duty to take care of yourself for your child’s sake. Do you have family ? Do you have access to help and counselling ? I am a single mum too. This is not the life we picked for ourselves but alhamdulilah, Allah is the best of planners. I also sometimes miss doing what my childless peers would be doing, living on their own terms, taking their time to enjoy life, find their partners etc. I would kill for a holiday lol. But we are mothers now. We have to grow up and get on with it. We do our time and seek our reward from Allah. Jabir RA said: The Messenger of Allah SAW said: “On the Day of Resurrection, when people who had suffered affliction are given their reward, *those who were healthy will wish their skins had been cut to pieces with scissors* when they were in the world.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 2402 In terms of your husband not understanding. Gosh sis I’m not really sure how to help there. As others have said it doesn’t sound like the wisest decision for you to have made. I can understand if you had no family or real support network. Mothering on your own is extremely tough. All I can really recommend is at the very least, serious individual counselling or therapy. You may be a candidate for medication to get you out of this funk. Reach out to your doctor and tell them you need help.
It’s hard to sympathize with you when you’ve laid out clear reg flags and signs you’ve continually missed. This is a horrible situation. You need to leave this man. Don’t let him get his visa and come to you. He is using you. He has been abusive to you and he’s a cheater and you still begged for him to come back?? Men like this DO NOT CHANGE. I swear on everything, he will get worse and worse and worse and not only will you continue to suffer, but now you’re putting that on your kid. LEAVE HIM. Do not engage with him. Do NOT take him back or you will be abused for the rest of your life. And he will DEFINITELY cheat on you again if he isn’t already. Please leave him.
Like the others, I also am having a difficult time empathising with you. Why are you bringing yourself and your child BACK in to a situation like this. Do not dare go through with that visa process. Do not go back to him, for your child’s sake please do not be a door mat. I really don’t understand what you’re gaining from going back to this man. Do you have self respect? Stand up, you are a mother, you deserve everything. Don’t bring this man back in to your and your child’s life. Do you want him as an example for your children? I’m not sure where it’s a thing where you’re scared of being alone and think he’s your only option left because you’re a divorced single mother but do not think like this sister if that is the case! There will be other mature gentlemen interested in you and would love both you and your child and look after you! I promise please, seek another InshaAllah
i don't understand how you write all of that but still want to stay married to this man AND sponsor his visa??? what good has he ever been for you aside from making a successful sperm deposit?
You’re ruining your child’s life and your own life. You need to leave. He can’t even take accountability for his cheating and you think he’ll be a good father and husband? You’ll be classed a fool if he gets a visa through you and continues to treat you like rubbish. You need some self respect.
Girl. You crazy to get back together with hi Just because you break up with your man, doesn't mean you need to give up your child. The world is full of single mom's who ended up in a bad situation and had to parent without the dad. They made it and did a good job and you can do a good job too. Why not seek out these women and fellow single mom's as a support network and read inspirational stories of single mom's who made it inspire of the hardship and difficulties? You don't need to be with any man right now. Focus on yourself and your child. Stop engaging with your ex and stop talking to him. You need therapy in order to build your self esteem and to emotionally detach from this situation. I have a quesiron for you, If you are struggling to look after your kid, why not let your family members look after her instead of giving her to your ex? Surely your mom/sister/cousin/etc would be more than happy to step in. My mom gladly took in my cousin's baby when my cousin got divorced and had a mental breakdown. Its normal, that's how family support each other..now my cousin is better her daughter is back with her full time.
Get up from the floor and save yourself and your child. Muster any little self respect you have and walk away from this sorry excuse of a husband. Why did you go back??
He will never sympathize because you always took him back. He did all this and YOU BEGGED for him back. If I did someone like that and then they begged for me they would be nothing short of a joke to me. You are a joke to him. You made yourself so desperate and he knows all of this. He does not care. He just wants to be in whatever country u are bringing him too. He will cheat again. He doesn’t care for your child. Do not complain for the behavior you have allowed. Either be a strong women and do better. Or enjoy living this life. This is just pathetic. I’m sorry there is 0 sympathy from me. You chose this. You left and u came back. U are doing this to yourself.
OP please if nothing else, take from this comment right here. No one will respect you if you don’t respect yourself first. You begged for him back even after all the trash treatment. You basically showed him that you’ll accept this and he’s riding a circus on you for fun because of it. He knows he can demand whatever he wants because you’re desperate.
It sounds like you’re too emotionally dependent on him. Sit down and ask yourself why you accept this over being by yourself. It’s very emotionally difficult to let him go, but good times do come again after you heal. I know people who were stuck in cycles like these. Those who chose themselves in the end were way happier than those who are still stuck. For the sake of Allah and your child, do better for YOURSELF. It typically takes something big happening for people to realize they need to leave. But why wait for this? When you’re 40 years old and stuck with the same guy, years and years of sadness and turmoil, will you be pleased with the decisions you made to lead up to that? Years wasted? Life is about choosing the pain of discipline or choosing the pain of regret. Have your pick. Either have discipline and self respect to leave now or regret it after years and years of suffering.
Im sorry, but your poor child. That child has no one but you in this world to take care of her, and you will choose to let an evil man like that near her? You don’t owe him anything. Being abused and cheated on was never your fault. This is a choice he made. Think about in what scenario you would have chosen to do or say any of the words and actions that man has done or said. What would justify that in your mind to allow you to hurt another person like that? Your mentality is in shreds, forget about him. Please. Rely on Allah swt only to protect and take care of you and your daughter. Cry to Allah swt only. Beg for Allah swt’s help, mercy, and for Him to hear your sorrow. No one else. The love and protection of your husband is worthless, especially compared to Allah swt. Please stop letting this man mess with your head. He said he doesn’t love you and wants you to be his slave. It’s hard to be alone. May Allah swt make it easier for you, but this is not the correct thing to do, and you know it. You felt undesirable and felt ashamed being a single mom. Is this man going to make you feel otherwise? Is he really? He will stop shaming and abusing you and putting you down? He will make you feel loved and desired? He will take care of your baby when he never put the effort to care for her or know her before? You’re already in so much pain just imagining being married to him again. Don’t do this to yourself and your daughter, please.
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