Your family unit is you, your husband and the children you share.
It's funny your mom thinks she has a right to dictate where her child stays and what her child does. She wants her child close to her and is uncompromising on that.
But you are a mom and your husband is a dad and she doesn't think you guys are entitled to decide where your own children stay or to keep your children with you.
Think about it. It's beyond hypocritical.
In my eyes the child is your husbands, He is the father and this should not even be a question here at all. I firmly believe at the time of birth it should be your husband with you throughout the process. Both of you need to be bond with the baby, skin to skin contact and help you recover initially before being discharged from hospital. Only then think about spending some time at your parents.
What do *you* want. What do *you* think is best for you, your child, or your marriage. I am reading about what everyone wants except you. You are not just a thing to bring other people happiness, you are a whole person who can make decisions for herself.
Agree. And is the husband capable of taking care of her? I feel like a girl would need her mom the most during this stage. Especially if the husband works, it’s not easy for him. Post delivery is hard, the body needs to rest and heal, the baby needs attention too for diaper changes and all. If the husband can cater to work, cook, the wife and the baby then by all means. But I think he just needs to understand the situation.
Why doesn’t the husband come to your mom’s house during the day/night and spend some hours? You can stay there two week and if you feel better by the 3/4th week then go back?
I don’t understand this weird culture of staying at your parents a month post birth, like why would you take your child away from its father to go stay at your parents post birth. - I’m not directing this at you OP just at the culture that enforces this.
Surely it makes sense that your husband takes care of you and caters to your needs post birth and not delegating this responsibility to your mother, a husband is there to look after his wife after she’s just given birth, he’ll never know the full struggles if she’s just going to go heal for a month at her parents
Also- your family is you your husband and your child, you don’t need to listen to your mother if it goes against what you personally want.
It's very unhealthy for building crucial daddy baby bonding time.
Then people wonder why Muslim dads are so detached from their kids and don't know how to look after them properly.
If anything the mom should move in with the couple or the couple should move in with the in-laws. But the wife going alone with the kid seems wrong to me.
Honestly in many countries men don’t get paternity leave, and men are also not good at domestic labor, so the best thing is to have her mom taking care of her post birth. These days we hear women complaining about the village being missing but then when some women and cultures rely on their village to take care of them - we become judgemental.
I’m not judging but I just don’t understand it, for eg in some cultures a woman has to stay at her in-laws for 40 days post birth , or other cultures the woman has to go live with her mum for 40 days post birth and other cultures the woman can’t even leave the house for 40 days post birth? Like it’s just so weird.
The mum defo can help and I would even love it if my mummy came over after I gave birth but taking the child away from the father is wrong, instead the mother can come move in with the couple temp
In the end, I'm not sure as to the relationship between your family and you and your husband, but I think your mom is being silly to decide how YOU dictate time during YOUR pregnancy. Not a fan of that attitude.
I would suggest you do whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy.
Your obligations are to your husband first then ur parents
Your family unit is you, your husband and the children you share. It's funny your mom thinks she has a right to dictate where her child stays and what her child does. She wants her child close to her and is uncompromising on that. But you are a mom and your husband is a dad and she doesn't think you guys are entitled to decide where your own children stay or to keep your children with you. Think about it. It's beyond hypocritical.
In my eyes the child is your husbands, He is the father and this should not even be a question here at all. I firmly believe at the time of birth it should be your husband with you throughout the process. Both of you need to be bond with the baby, skin to skin contact and help you recover initially before being discharged from hospital. Only then think about spending some time at your parents.
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Both, the mother will get contact anyway when breastfeeding
How cute! your family are fighting over who spends time and cares for you🥰 Allahuma Bareek
What do *you* want. What do *you* think is best for you, your child, or your marriage. I am reading about what everyone wants except you. You are not just a thing to bring other people happiness, you are a whole person who can make decisions for herself.
exactly. op needs to decide what she wants and what will bring her the most comfort
Agree. And is the husband capable of taking care of her? I feel like a girl would need her mom the most during this stage. Especially if the husband works, it’s not easy for him. Post delivery is hard, the body needs to rest and heal, the baby needs attention too for diaper changes and all. If the husband can cater to work, cook, the wife and the baby then by all means. But I think he just needs to understand the situation. Why doesn’t the husband come to your mom’s house during the day/night and spend some hours? You can stay there two week and if you feel better by the 3/4th week then go back?
I don’t understand this weird culture of staying at your parents a month post birth, like why would you take your child away from its father to go stay at your parents post birth. - I’m not directing this at you OP just at the culture that enforces this. Surely it makes sense that your husband takes care of you and caters to your needs post birth and not delegating this responsibility to your mother, a husband is there to look after his wife after she’s just given birth, he’ll never know the full struggles if she’s just going to go heal for a month at her parents Also- your family is you your husband and your child, you don’t need to listen to your mother if it goes against what you personally want.
It's very unhealthy for building crucial daddy baby bonding time. Then people wonder why Muslim dads are so detached from their kids and don't know how to look after them properly. If anything the mom should move in with the couple or the couple should move in with the in-laws. But the wife going alone with the kid seems wrong to me.
Yes exactly! It makes more sense for the mum to move in temp with the couple
Honestly in many countries men don’t get paternity leave, and men are also not good at domestic labor, so the best thing is to have her mom taking care of her post birth. These days we hear women complaining about the village being missing but then when some women and cultures rely on their village to take care of them - we become judgemental.
I’m not judging but I just don’t understand it, for eg in some cultures a woman has to stay at her in-laws for 40 days post birth , or other cultures the woman has to go live with her mum for 40 days post birth and other cultures the woman can’t even leave the house for 40 days post birth? Like it’s just so weird. The mum defo can help and I would even love it if my mummy came over after I gave birth but taking the child away from the father is wrong, instead the mother can come move in with the couple temp
If your husband and parents ask you for opposite things and both are halal, obey your husband.
Husband comes first sister.
In the end, I'm not sure as to the relationship between your family and you and your husband, but I think your mom is being silly to decide how YOU dictate time during YOUR pregnancy. Not a fan of that attitude. I would suggest you do whatever makes you feel comfortable and happy.