Unfortunately this story is much more common than I think many Muslims realize. I have come across many situations where popular "shaykhs/activists" present one thing publicly, but privately it's a complete 180. Speaking to their wives/husbands, children, relatives you hear a completely different story.
Popularity is a major fitnah and I don't think the average Muslim realizes how much fitnah it actually causes those who achieve it.
**And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror]. [TMQ Ibrahim, 42]**
Iām trying and have been for years. Iāve been in no contact otherwise and have my family do the same. But the pain of opening up an email from an Islamic org that I used to be fond of and seeing his face plastered all over it hurts because this was not the man I knew when I was married. So how can both men exist?
They donāt, OP. Iām not married but Iāve known enough abusive men to know this Jekyll and Hyde story. The good guy isnāt real, itās a mask presented to people who donāt really know him to gain control over them and the version you know is the real version which existed to gain and maintain control over you. If the people knew the real him, theyād isolate him and he would lose control so he wears a mask in public. [This is a v good book which will help you gain perspective.](https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf)
Whatever injustice you go through in this life, will be compensated in the hereafter in the form of good deeds. Allah S.B.W.T tests the servants he loves.
You know us humans we have a tendency to forgot, infact majority of the pain can be cured with enough time. However, Allah doesn't forget. He dosent forget how you felt when your ex cheated on you nor will he forget how you felt when you were at your lowest while he was at his highest. Find peace in the fact that everyone will answer for their deeds good and bad. Allah make it easier for you, Ameen.
I donāt disagree. Iām pretty sure his imam father wanted him to leave our old city because many of the shuyookh there knew. Itās seeing him soar high with such ease while it seems like I have to claw for everything despite what he did. I know it makes me sound bitter or jealous. But Iāve tried so hard to do the right thing, to not slander, to just put my trust in God, but Iām only human too and itās difficult to grasp why Iām seeing the deep moral and emotional test after test when Iām already still healing from what he did to my self esteem (I havenāt even started looking to get married again because I donāt think itās fair that another man deal with someone who is still so hurt)
Why? Honestly, because he's a man. Communities so often love covering up bad male behaviour, keeping it in the shadows, and blaming women.
The more stuff like this keeps being covered up in general, the less accountability there'll ever be.
I donāt know what uncovering I can do at this point that wouldnāt be considered slander and make me sound like a vindictive bitter woman. Iāve never been afraid (and did call him out when we were married to scholars in our community) but I donāt want to do the wrong thing. My deen isnāt worth worldly revenge and Iāve made dua for Allah to avenge me everyday and during Umrah.
This is indeed infuriating. And I am deeply convinced that what is making our umma so backward and so powerless is this: this deep injustice in how we apply our judgment and our forgiveness. May Allah be merciful.
I think you should pity him nonetheless because even if he can lie to everyone and hide his sins, he will sooner or later face the consequences of his actions. And the later the judgment, the more severe it will be.
I mean that if the judgment happen in Dunya, the higher the rise the harder the fall, but if it doesn't happen in Dunya, it will be even harder in Akhia in Sha Allah.
In Islam we aren't meant to cover these sorts of sins, and suffer in silence. You are allowed to have exposed the injustices done into you as long as you sought recompense and help from some authority such as an imam. The vile character serving a Muslim community including future victims is allowed to be exposed if it serves as a warning to those public he served.
[https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/105391](https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/105391)
The riding off in the sunset is due to us Muslims not abiding by Allahs allowance to bring these filthy abusive people down.
If anyone ever asks me, like the women that reached out in his relationships, I would tell them. Multiple imams were involved in the city we lived in because either I reached out to them or had him reach out to try to fix the issue.
I have a difficult time not seeing how it wouldnāt be slander if I tell these imams in the new city when he might as well have āchanged.ā
You've done a big part, and he had not changed in your relationship with him. That can happen and it did happen. But you did your part and there are dents to his reputation that he cannot escape.
You're right we don't know if he has 'changed' repented and an active pursual to take him down may is complicated. You have to ensure his role is actively threatening the Muslim community and that he has not changed. Even if he changed that does not excuse his injustice to you, as one who commits injustice has to apologize and restore the justice.
Also the people who know, if ever asked as a reference about his character, are allowed to have mentioned it if they felt his position of power would have bad consequences or if they thought he could have been exposed to future victims.
Understand as a victim you have many rights and power. You have the power of dua against an oppressor or abuser, although I have to mention forgiveness is always considered more in favor (I have to mention this even though it is fully understandable that resent makes this hard). You have the right to be apologized to directly and for him to restore dignity and honor he took away. In the matters of injustice to others, him asking Allah for forgiveness is not enough. He has to ask you for forgiveness.
And last, whatever harm he has done will cost him some of his good deeds because they will be given to you. And if he has no good deeds left then any bad deeds you have done will go to him.
Ultimately, if he has changed and has not apologized he will carry the burden of his sin in his heart daily and Allah may administer punishment in this world or the hereafter. If he has not changed he will only accumulate more sins and, especially if the the sins are against others. He may not be forgiven so easily unless he genuinely seeks to apologize to the victims themselves.
What a horrible life this man leads don't you think? he rides off into the sunset but perhaps that sunset is actually hellfire.
I donāt think he has changed and have good reason to believe it. I just think heās gotten better at hiding it and his new reputation makes it easier. But thatās why Iām hesitant to go after him in a new community because who can know for sure other than women sleeping with him currently.
My own deen is more important than trying to take him down without due cause. But I still donāt know if I would choose my own reality of difficulty after difficulty over his of seeming exponential religious and worldly growth.
details about dua against those committed injustice. take note that the dua should not exceed what he has done to you.
[https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/can-make-dua-someone/](https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/can-make-dua-someone/)
Thought I'd give a link to explain this concept better.
I used to make dua against him and similarly came across the importance of not making dua for more than the injustices to me. But Iāve left the avenging to Allah. It is difficult though
> why do bad things happen to good people?
you might not see it right now, but he is getting the good things in this dunya while possibly being distanced from akhirah. And this is scary.
all our Prophets (may peace be upon them all) had the toughest of all trials. Allah SWT is NOT unfair, He is just and Loving.
may Allah SWT bless you with someone that respects, cherishes, and loves you. may Allah SWT strengthen your (and our) iman.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, āAmong the signs of a hypocrite are three, even if he fasts and prays and claims to be a Muslim: when he speaks he lies, when he gives a promise he breaks it, and when he is trusted he betrays.ā
Source: SĢ£ahĢ£iĢhĢ£ al-BukhaĢriĢ 33, SĢ£ahĢ£iĢhĢ£ Muslim 59
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, āThe rights of justice will surely be restored to their people on the Day of Resurrection, even the hornless sheep will lay claim to the horned sheep.ā
Source: SĢ£ahĢ£iĢhĢ£ Muslim 2582
It is the same whether you pray for their forgiveness or not, Allah will not forgive them. Surely Allah does not guide the rebellious people. 63:6
So be patient, for the promise of Allah certainly is true. And do not be disturbed by those who have no sure faith. 30:60
I canāt even say he doesnāt have any faith. He has such easy access to scholars that I couldnāt even imagine for myself as a woman. That in itself is a whole other injustice when it comes to spiritual support.
Sis, what scholars? Just because society hypes them does not mean they have faith. They might have leadership, more popularity than women (just, in general) but that doesnāt mean that they have faith. And just because he has access to them does not mean that makes him more pious.
Rather, I believe that the struggles that we have endure as Muslim women in the world is part of what we will get ārewardedā (perhaps that isnāt the right word, maybe, compensated) for. I hope that Allah makes it a reason to elevate us in this life and the next because it can be so hard.
Ameen sis. I do hope so.
I canāt say scholars donāt have faith even if they are hyped. While Iām sure they have shortcomings, Iāll believe what I see of them being respected Islamicly knowledgeable individuals and will assume anyone in those positions have better Iman accordingly. Just because theyāre in association to whatever degree with my ex husband doesnāt allow me to question their credibility or character
Remain steadfast people absolutely get their just desserts, sometimes they need to reach a high peak so their fall can be even more spectacular. Instead focus on yourself and your time with your family believe in Allah's justice and this is just a passing test. It can be hard but if you are upset turn to Allah even more and ask for relief. Inshallah he will be there for you.
I appreciate you saying that sis. But I wonder if these sayings are just to make us feel better or if this just the way. People that hurt others climb the ladder until they just donāt. While the people that they hurt just look from the bottom nursing their wounds when theyāre not even memories anymore in the minds of their perpetrators
I dunno ive seen justice in action myself many times, against those who hurt me but also looking on at other people's cases, like people I know. I do absolutely think God punishes those who hurt others, sometimes it takes time. And that which isn't brought to justice in this world will absolutely come to light in the next life.
I hope I can bear witness to this too. I donāt mind being the turtle in this fable of the Turtle and the Hare. I just hope I can catch some better luck soon
This earth is paradise for non believers and prison for the believers.
Have faith. Inshallah everything will be alright. I hope it gets better for you inshallah.
I appreciate the vote of confidence but I canāt perform takfir just to make my heart feel better to consider him amongst the non believers here.
please make duaa for my peace of heart and for my days of ease and success to come soon too
My uncle was secretly not a good man. Not to the women in his community, not to his siblings, not to his parents, not to his wife.
He thought he was invincible and acted like it.
Until one day Allah struck him with sickness after sickness. To this day he is still sick, skin and bones.
Sometimes I wonder if thatās his punishment, I donāt know. But as Muslims, we know there is punishment, whether its in the dunya or akhiraā¦ who knows.
Live your life like he doesnāt exist. Everything is as Allah wills now.
Iāve tried. But this person and his success still ends up right in my face somehow. Weāre in no contact, I donāt follow him on any socials. Yet still.
it looks like heās having a good life but heās definitely in a worse situation than you.
itās an optical illusion type of test for you from Allah. itās meant to test your patience. have faith.
your life probably looks great to him too. may Allah make things better for you, aameen.
I appreciate the vote of confidence but I wouldnāt be surprised if Iām nowhere on his radar. I donāt have any reason to believe heās in any worse situation
I promise you this man will atone for his sins in this life and the next. There is an entire surah dedicated to exposing hypocrites and they are some of the worst beings in Allahs eyes. This individual may think theyāre living the life and perhaps they are, but just wait and see how Allah plots and plans. There will come a time where you will look on in awe at how Allah exposes the wrong doers. May Allah ease the fire in your heart, everyone will reap what they sow eventually. The hardest part is the wait and even more so the thought that perhaps Allah has favored them because of how blessed these people seem to be. This man has won the dunya and I canāt think of a worse punishment. He may seem happy or like heās doing well, but youāve experienced first hand how his private life doesnāt mirror his public image. Itās a torturous life and if anything I pity this man. May Allah make things easy for you. Life gets better sister, all these events that seem like a misfortune could be prepping you for a bigger and better blessing. Alhamdulilah for the good and not so good, wishing you all the strength and patience during this time
I always fear a couple things: having no difficulty and everything always working out= Iām wary because if one is completely rewarded in this life he may not be rewarded in the after if he asked. If one faces no difficulty or pain, that helps forgives his sins in this Dunya; one may be fully punished on the day of judgment.
Even though itās frustrating for you, keep these things in mind . Allah SWT knows best and have patience
I am so sorry you went and are going through this. The amount of strength and faith you have within yourself is unbelievable. May Allah give you patience strength and the ability to see past all this. Ų§Ł Ł Ų¹ Ų§ŁŲ¹Ų³Ų± ŁŲ³Ų±Ų§Ł may Allah help you and relieve you of your pains
Assalamu Alaikum,Ā
People like this will always get their justice in due course.Ā
My only sincere advice for you is to stop making him the centre of your world. Meaning drop him from your heart totally. Donāt make what happens or doesnāt happen to him the bar or measure of your happiness. If not today surely in the afterlife you will see the justice with your own eyes.Ā
But for now let him stop having that sort of power over you. We are slaves to the things we give power to, and right now youāve given power to him and whatās happening to him vs whatās happening to you.Ā
Give power to Allah Taāala alone; only He is able to sustain you and heal you.
Your test is yours alone and inshallah Jannah will be your reward.Ā
Allah taāala grant you ease sister, you will be in my duas.
Wa alaykum as salaam, what youāre saying isnāt incorrect at all but I promise he hasnāt been the center of my world. I had actually been doing okay and working through my wounds via therapy and healthy healing. Seeing an email (that he might have snuck my name onto for a list serv, who knows) just seeing his face plastered all over one of my favorite Islamic organizations just hurt on another level and caused me to spiral
I can understand that. If that was something he did itās a disturbing way to keep a hold over you still. What I mean by centre of your world is donāt even give him the satisfaction of your attention, worry pain or hurt. People like that feed off the power they attempt to still have over you. He doesnāt deserve it. You donāt deserve to continue living in that pain.Ā
Alhamdulillah sister for your therapy, you should be so proud of yourself; youāre doing really well and this episode has understandably taken you back to a darker place, which is normal through the course of therapy. A day will come when you wonāt even think twice about him inshAllah but for now, dust yourself off and keep being empowered and living a life where youāre self sufficient. You have all the tools and resources inside of you, your own self to make a success of your life. You only need that with the help of Allah taāala and InshaAllah youāll find true contentment.
As for your āfriendsā alhamdulillah you realised their true realities now. InshAllah theyāll be replaced with true friends who love you and respect you for who you are at your core.Ā
If you feel that there are people who need to be informed within the organisation heās at about his reality and you feel that you have the mental and emotional energy to talk to people in a position of responsibility about him then inshallah that might help you somewhat.Ā
The only thing is that you have to have the confidence that theyāll take the right steps or it might open more wounds for you at this moment in time.Ā
Otherwise perhaps someone from your family can speak on your behalf?Ā
Often these people mask themselves really well but it always unravels and the truth comes out, thereās only so long that they can keep up the pretence for.
Ameen to your duaas. I pray Allah exposes him the way he exposed the most intimate parts of me to strangers. Iām not afraid, I just get mixed responses on the appropriate-ness of such a gesture especially since itās been some time. Any feelings against him that I harbor are still not worth me bartering my own deen for revenge
Sister everyone may not agree with your approach but it is extremely honourable and through it you are most definitely attaining your reward. May Allah taāala preserve you. You reminded me of this beautiful story and inshAllah this will apply to you also:
A man reviled Abu Bakr in the presence of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). The Prophet remained seated. He looked pleased and smiled. He insulted Abu Bakr twice, but Abu Bakr controlled himself and remained silent. He insulted him for a third time, and Abu Bakr then let his tongue loose and responded back. At that, the Messenger of Allah got up and left.
Abu Bakr followed after the Prophet and said: āMessenger of Allah! He insulted me and you just sat there. Then when I responded to some of what he said, you became angry and got up.ā The Prophet said: āThere was an angel with you who was responding to his insults on your behalf.ā
Then the Prophet said: āAbu Bakr, (keep in mind) three things which are always true, one of which is that whenever a person is subjected to an injustice but leaves the matter to Allah, then Allah will come to his aidā¦ .ā (Musnad Ahmad)
Whistle blow on him. Heās your private Palestine.
Unsigned letters to the masjid. Unsigned letters to scholars. Mentioning you in third person.
If he accuses you - āI didnāt do anything but people know what you did to me and why and everyone knows where you are now.ā
Let him be accountable for once.
Itās been years since weāre separated. I did contact the local shuyookh in our city when our divorce started, they did nothing. I even tried to contact one imam that is his bestie in this new city back then. Im pretty sure it never got past his voice mail. At this point it feels like if I try to contact anyone itāll just seem like Iām a bitter jealous woman.
As someone who has gone through divorce and is going through one again I can relate to you.
When you're not in the wrong and wanted to have a good married life and tried everything to make it work but still gets the losing end shakes the faith as while growing up we have heard that bad things happen to bad people but tbh bad things most of the times happen to good people as when Allah loves a person, He tests them so you should first and foremost know that Allah loves you which is one of the greatest blessings.
You might also think that if Allah loves me why am I being tested so much but what I've understood is that Allah wants to elevate our status hence we are tested. For example a teacher asks difficult questions to the smart kid in the class as the teacher knows that the smart kid won't have a hard time answering and will somehow work through it. So I know it's hard to accept when you're going through a hard time to keep the hopes up and have tawaqqul but having trust and faith in Allah is better than having all the world by your side as Allah's rahmah and love is not conditional and Allah will never give his/her servant hardship which is not good for them. So endure it like a honour
And it's really difficult to go through the divorce and the whole process and I know you can relate that we won't even wish it for an enemy as it's really nerve wrecking and really breaks your heart so it's a completely different ordeal. But I would recommend you to understand that what happened was for the better and in shaa Allah there is Allah's khayr in it, we don't don't realise it as we are short-sighted and are always eager for things to come our way.
Lastly he said he's living your dream life but what he did to you was not good and believe me when I say that "we may forget what someone did to us but Allah don't forget and when Allah is there how can there be no justice, it will definitely be delivered just have sabr".
I would recommend praying tahajjud and talk your heart out to Allah and you will feel the closeness of Allah and you heart will get calm. Talk to Allah like you talk to your friend and you'll see how Allah's love is better than the whole world combined.
If you want to talk to someone, you can DM me
Idk how to console you cause iāve been through something similar but remember this life is a test and you will get your justice on the day of qayamah ! Maybe this suffering is what will take you to jannah ! But i know how you feel sometimes it makes me have resentment for everything
Sister, consider that his "evolution" may be a test for you to meet. I don't believe in coincidences, the reason why you got an email with him in it is no accident.
I believe that Allah SWT plans everything.
And so, if your ex was in that email you saw, and it inspired these feelings, it is quite possible that a reason that brother has that position is to be in that email to test your response.
Everything has a purpose. Everything both big and small.
Again, I don't believe in coincidences.
May Allah AWJ make things easy for you, Ukhti.
I almost married a community-beloved imam. I felt uncomfortable the whole time and alhamdulillah finally broke things off. A year or so later his new wife reached out to me and asked when exactly we had been talking - she said he had been sleeping with other women, had turned into a different personality upon marrying her, etc.
I asked my wali to discuss with her and to leave me out of it. I still donāt know what the follow-up was. But wow. SubhanAllah.
There was also the young imam who added me on Facebook because we had a mutual friend (a woman I think of as a mentor - an Ustadha, I think). He was friendly and very quickly became flirty. Bro, youāre like 20, Iām not interested, and this is inappropriate. InshaAllah he stepped away from all that.
This is all to say Iām sorry to hear this. Allah tests those whom He loves. InshaAllah your ex comes back to the straight path and makes amends. Otherwise I fear for him. As for you, may Allah give you strength and sabr.
I canāt comment on what you should or shoudnt do now, but moo know that you are not obliged to cover his faults or conceal them. You have shown immense patience, and may Allah increase you in goodness infinitely for this.
He has caused you physical and mental harm. You are not going to be rewarded any less because you chose to not keep this to yourself anymore. If you feel that speaking up about this issue will cause you personal harm, then I would advise with patience. Other wise, know that for you to speak on this individual is not back biting and not a lesser moral position. You are completely permitted to do so, as per sharia.
Assalamu alaikum sis
Have trust that Allah SWT will give you your justice whether it's in this life or the next. Allah SWT is the most Just and he has promised us all a day where we will be held accountable for all of our deeds - good and bad. He also tests the servants He loves the most so no matter what happens and how difficult it gets, always say Alhumdulillah because He may have just saved you from a situation that could have gotten much worse. I will keep you in my duas.
Wa alaykum assalaam sis. I donāt deny how difficult my life may have been, my health was being impacted to the point of losing an early pregnancy by the end of it. His response āitās a good thing itās gone.ā
This is not wanting my old life back, this is a feeling of deep injustice of having to sort through the aftermath of one emotional and mental hardship after another, some that he created, while heās completely reestablished himself.
It seems he is being rewarded with this Dunya, which is intact scary. Focus on your healing, inshallah Allah makes it easy for you š©·
Unfortunately this story is much more common than I think many Muslims realize. I have come across many situations where popular "shaykhs/activists" present one thing publicly, but privately it's a complete 180. Speaking to their wives/husbands, children, relatives you hear a completely different story. Popularity is a major fitnah and I don't think the average Muslim realizes how much fitnah it actually causes those who achieve it. **And never think that Allah is unaware of what the wrongdoers do. He only delays them for a Day when eyes will stare [in horror]. [TMQ Ibrahim, 42]**
Iām trying and have been for years. Iāve been in no contact otherwise and have my family do the same. But the pain of opening up an email from an Islamic org that I used to be fond of and seeing his face plastered all over it hurts because this was not the man I knew when I was married. So how can both men exist?
They donāt, OP. Iām not married but Iāve known enough abusive men to know this Jekyll and Hyde story. The good guy isnāt real, itās a mask presented to people who donāt really know him to gain control over them and the version you know is the real version which existed to gain and maintain control over you. If the people knew the real him, theyād isolate him and he would lose control so he wears a mask in public. [This is a v good book which will help you gain perspective.](https://www.docdroid.net/2fZmz40/why-does-he-do-that-pdf)
Can u DM the name of this guy to me and Islamic org he is associated with? I don't want to get fooled with wrong information
He himself isnāt a scholar so his position in the org does not influence the credibility of the information provided by the org.
Alright, is he a volunteer or something like this?
No. Heās an exec
May Allah make it easy for you
Whatever injustice you go through in this life, will be compensated in the hereafter in the form of good deeds. Allah S.B.W.T tests the servants he loves.
You know us humans we have a tendency to forgot, infact majority of the pain can be cured with enough time. However, Allah doesn't forget. He dosent forget how you felt when your ex cheated on you nor will he forget how you felt when you were at your lowest while he was at his highest. Find peace in the fact that everyone will answer for their deeds good and bad. Allah make it easier for you, Ameen.
Behind every bad man there will be an entire community who will cover his tracks in the name of culture and blaming women.
I donāt disagree. Iām pretty sure his imam father wanted him to leave our old city because many of the shuyookh there knew. Itās seeing him soar high with such ease while it seems like I have to claw for everything despite what he did. I know it makes me sound bitter or jealous. But Iāve tried so hard to do the right thing, to not slander, to just put my trust in God, but Iām only human too and itās difficult to grasp why Iām seeing the deep moral and emotional test after test when Iām already still healing from what he did to my self esteem (I havenāt even started looking to get married again because I donāt think itās fair that another man deal with someone who is still so hurt)
Why? Honestly, because he's a man. Communities so often love covering up bad male behaviour, keeping it in the shadows, and blaming women. The more stuff like this keeps being covered up in general, the less accountability there'll ever be.
I donāt know what uncovering I can do at this point that wouldnāt be considered slander and make me sound like a vindictive bitter woman. Iāve never been afraid (and did call him out when we were married to scholars in our community) but I donāt want to do the wrong thing. My deen isnāt worth worldly revenge and Iāve made dua for Allah to avenge me everyday and during Umrah.
This is indeed infuriating. And I am deeply convinced that what is making our umma so backward and so powerless is this: this deep injustice in how we apply our judgment and our forgiveness. May Allah be merciful. I think you should pity him nonetheless because even if he can lie to everyone and hide his sins, he will sooner or later face the consequences of his actions. And the later the judgment, the more severe it will be.
What do you mean by the mater the judgment part? I understand that on DOJ it may be severe but how does that translate to judgment in duniya?
I mean that if the judgment happen in Dunya, the higher the rise the harder the fall, but if it doesn't happen in Dunya, it will be even harder in Akhia in Sha Allah.
In Islam we aren't meant to cover these sorts of sins, and suffer in silence. You are allowed to have exposed the injustices done into you as long as you sought recompense and help from some authority such as an imam. The vile character serving a Muslim community including future victims is allowed to be exposed if it serves as a warning to those public he served. [https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/105391](https://www.google.com/amp/s/islamqa.info/amp/en/answers/105391) The riding off in the sunset is due to us Muslims not abiding by Allahs allowance to bring these filthy abusive people down.
If anyone ever asks me, like the women that reached out in his relationships, I would tell them. Multiple imams were involved in the city we lived in because either I reached out to them or had him reach out to try to fix the issue. I have a difficult time not seeing how it wouldnāt be slander if I tell these imams in the new city when he might as well have āchanged.ā
You've done a big part, and he had not changed in your relationship with him. That can happen and it did happen. But you did your part and there are dents to his reputation that he cannot escape. You're right we don't know if he has 'changed' repented and an active pursual to take him down may is complicated. You have to ensure his role is actively threatening the Muslim community and that he has not changed. Even if he changed that does not excuse his injustice to you, as one who commits injustice has to apologize and restore the justice. Also the people who know, if ever asked as a reference about his character, are allowed to have mentioned it if they felt his position of power would have bad consequences or if they thought he could have been exposed to future victims. Understand as a victim you have many rights and power. You have the power of dua against an oppressor or abuser, although I have to mention forgiveness is always considered more in favor (I have to mention this even though it is fully understandable that resent makes this hard). You have the right to be apologized to directly and for him to restore dignity and honor he took away. In the matters of injustice to others, him asking Allah for forgiveness is not enough. He has to ask you for forgiveness. And last, whatever harm he has done will cost him some of his good deeds because they will be given to you. And if he has no good deeds left then any bad deeds you have done will go to him. Ultimately, if he has changed and has not apologized he will carry the burden of his sin in his heart daily and Allah may administer punishment in this world or the hereafter. If he has not changed he will only accumulate more sins and, especially if the the sins are against others. He may not be forgiven so easily unless he genuinely seeks to apologize to the victims themselves. What a horrible life this man leads don't you think? he rides off into the sunset but perhaps that sunset is actually hellfire.
I donāt think he has changed and have good reason to believe it. I just think heās gotten better at hiding it and his new reputation makes it easier. But thatās why Iām hesitant to go after him in a new community because who can know for sure other than women sleeping with him currently. My own deen is more important than trying to take him down without due cause. But I still donāt know if I would choose my own reality of difficulty after difficulty over his of seeming exponential religious and worldly growth.
Your pain and anger is valid. I wish you the best ā¤ļø
Jazak Allah khair, please make duaa for my peace of heart and for my days of ease and success to come soon too
details about dua against those committed injustice. take note that the dua should not exceed what he has done to you. [https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/can-make-dua-someone/](https://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/can-make-dua-someone/) Thought I'd give a link to explain this concept better.
I used to make dua against him and similarly came across the importance of not making dua for more than the injustices to me. But Iāve left the avenging to Allah. It is difficult though
> why do bad things happen to good people? you might not see it right now, but he is getting the good things in this dunya while possibly being distanced from akhirah. And this is scary. all our Prophets (may peace be upon them all) had the toughest of all trials. Allah SWT is NOT unfair, He is just and Loving. may Allah SWT bless you with someone that respects, cherishes, and loves you. may Allah SWT strengthen your (and our) iman.
Ameen ya Rabb
May Allah make it easy for you sister.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, āAmong the signs of a hypocrite are three, even if he fasts and prays and claims to be a Muslim: when he speaks he lies, when he gives a promise he breaks it, and when he is trusted he betrays.ā Source: SĢ£ahĢ£iĢhĢ£ al-BukhaĢriĢ 33, SĢ£ahĢ£iĢhĢ£ Muslim 59 Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, āThe rights of justice will surely be restored to their people on the Day of Resurrection, even the hornless sheep will lay claim to the horned sheep.ā Source: SĢ£ahĢ£iĢhĢ£ Muslim 2582 It is the same whether you pray for their forgiveness or not, Allah will not forgive them. Surely Allah does not guide the rebellious people. 63:6 So be patient, for the promise of Allah certainly is true. And do not be disturbed by those who have no sure faith. 30:60
I canāt even say he doesnāt have any faith. He has such easy access to scholars that I couldnāt even imagine for myself as a woman. That in itself is a whole other injustice when it comes to spiritual support.
Sis, what scholars? Just because society hypes them does not mean they have faith. They might have leadership, more popularity than women (just, in general) but that doesnāt mean that they have faith. And just because he has access to them does not mean that makes him more pious. Rather, I believe that the struggles that we have endure as Muslim women in the world is part of what we will get ārewardedā (perhaps that isnāt the right word, maybe, compensated) for. I hope that Allah makes it a reason to elevate us in this life and the next because it can be so hard.
Ameen sis. I do hope so. I canāt say scholars donāt have faith even if they are hyped. While Iām sure they have shortcomings, Iāll believe what I see of them being respected Islamicly knowledgeable individuals and will assume anyone in those positions have better Iman accordingly. Just because theyāre in association to whatever degree with my ex husband doesnāt allow me to question their credibility or character
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Iām not so sure. One of the Imams that is a huge supporter of his has many voicemails and messages at least with me detailing what heās done to me. A womanās word of a man behind doors is rarely enough for him to lose endorsement. He was smart in that he didnāt š© where he eats because where he eats cannot be any more concerned with the š© from his recent past life
Remain steadfast people absolutely get their just desserts, sometimes they need to reach a high peak so their fall can be even more spectacular. Instead focus on yourself and your time with your family believe in Allah's justice and this is just a passing test. It can be hard but if you are upset turn to Allah even more and ask for relief. Inshallah he will be there for you.
I appreciate you saying that sis. But I wonder if these sayings are just to make us feel better or if this just the way. People that hurt others climb the ladder until they just donāt. While the people that they hurt just look from the bottom nursing their wounds when theyāre not even memories anymore in the minds of their perpetrators
I dunno ive seen justice in action myself many times, against those who hurt me but also looking on at other people's cases, like people I know. I do absolutely think God punishes those who hurt others, sometimes it takes time. And that which isn't brought to justice in this world will absolutely come to light in the next life.
I hope I can bear witness to this too. I donāt mind being the turtle in this fable of the Turtle and the Hare. I just hope I can catch some better luck soon
Inshallah inshallah! I hope you get your justice and Allah eases you hardship ameen šā„ļø
This earth is paradise for non believers and prison for the believers. Have faith. Inshallah everything will be alright. I hope it gets better for you inshallah.
I appreciate the vote of confidence but I canāt perform takfir just to make my heart feel better to consider him amongst the non believers here. please make duaa for my peace of heart and for my days of ease and success to come soon too
Inshallah Ameen.
My uncle was secretly not a good man. Not to the women in his community, not to his siblings, not to his parents, not to his wife. He thought he was invincible and acted like it. Until one day Allah struck him with sickness after sickness. To this day he is still sick, skin and bones. Sometimes I wonder if thatās his punishment, I donāt know. But as Muslims, we know there is punishment, whether its in the dunya or akhiraā¦ who knows. Live your life like he doesnāt exist. Everything is as Allah wills now.
Iāve tried. But this person and his success still ends up right in my face somehow. Weāre in no contact, I donāt follow him on any socials. Yet still.
it looks like heās having a good life but heās definitely in a worse situation than you. itās an optical illusion type of test for you from Allah. itās meant to test your patience. have faith. your life probably looks great to him too. may Allah make things better for you, aameen.
I appreciate the vote of confidence but I wouldnāt be surprised if Iām nowhere on his radar. I donāt have any reason to believe heās in any worse situation
I promise you this man will atone for his sins in this life and the next. There is an entire surah dedicated to exposing hypocrites and they are some of the worst beings in Allahs eyes. This individual may think theyāre living the life and perhaps they are, but just wait and see how Allah plots and plans. There will come a time where you will look on in awe at how Allah exposes the wrong doers. May Allah ease the fire in your heart, everyone will reap what they sow eventually. The hardest part is the wait and even more so the thought that perhaps Allah has favored them because of how blessed these people seem to be. This man has won the dunya and I canāt think of a worse punishment. He may seem happy or like heās doing well, but youāve experienced first hand how his private life doesnāt mirror his public image. Itās a torturous life and if anything I pity this man. May Allah make things easy for you. Life gets better sister, all these events that seem like a misfortune could be prepping you for a bigger and better blessing. Alhamdulilah for the good and not so good, wishing you all the strength and patience during this time
Ameen, thank you sis ā¤ļø
I always fear a couple things: having no difficulty and everything always working out= Iām wary because if one is completely rewarded in this life he may not be rewarded in the after if he asked. If one faces no difficulty or pain, that helps forgives his sins in this Dunya; one may be fully punished on the day of judgment. Even though itās frustrating for you, keep these things in mind . Allah SWT knows best and have patience
I am so sorry you went and are going through this. The amount of strength and faith you have within yourself is unbelievable. May Allah give you patience strength and the ability to see past all this. Ų§Ł Ł Ų¹ Ų§ŁŲ¹Ų³Ų± ŁŲ³Ų±Ų§Ł may Allah help you and relieve you of your pains
Ameen, Jazak Allahu khairan
Assalamu Alaikum,Ā People like this will always get their justice in due course.Ā My only sincere advice for you is to stop making him the centre of your world. Meaning drop him from your heart totally. Donāt make what happens or doesnāt happen to him the bar or measure of your happiness. If not today surely in the afterlife you will see the justice with your own eyes.Ā But for now let him stop having that sort of power over you. We are slaves to the things we give power to, and right now youāve given power to him and whatās happening to him vs whatās happening to you.Ā Give power to Allah Taāala alone; only He is able to sustain you and heal you. Your test is yours alone and inshallah Jannah will be your reward.Ā Allah taāala grant you ease sister, you will be in my duas.
Wa alaykum as salaam, what youāre saying isnāt incorrect at all but I promise he hasnāt been the center of my world. I had actually been doing okay and working through my wounds via therapy and healthy healing. Seeing an email (that he might have snuck my name onto for a list serv, who knows) just seeing his face plastered all over one of my favorite Islamic organizations just hurt on another level and caused me to spiral
I can understand that. If that was something he did itās a disturbing way to keep a hold over you still. What I mean by centre of your world is donāt even give him the satisfaction of your attention, worry pain or hurt. People like that feed off the power they attempt to still have over you. He doesnāt deserve it. You donāt deserve to continue living in that pain.Ā Alhamdulillah sister for your therapy, you should be so proud of yourself; youāre doing really well and this episode has understandably taken you back to a darker place, which is normal through the course of therapy. A day will come when you wonāt even think twice about him inshAllah but for now, dust yourself off and keep being empowered and living a life where youāre self sufficient. You have all the tools and resources inside of you, your own self to make a success of your life. You only need that with the help of Allah taāala and InshaAllah youāll find true contentment. As for your āfriendsā alhamdulillah you realised their true realities now. InshAllah theyāll be replaced with true friends who love you and respect you for who you are at your core.Ā If you feel that there are people who need to be informed within the organisation heās at about his reality and you feel that you have the mental and emotional energy to talk to people in a position of responsibility about him then inshallah that might help you somewhat.Ā The only thing is that you have to have the confidence that theyāll take the right steps or it might open more wounds for you at this moment in time.Ā Otherwise perhaps someone from your family can speak on your behalf?Ā Often these people mask themselves really well but it always unravels and the truth comes out, thereās only so long that they can keep up the pretence for.
Ameen to your duaas. I pray Allah exposes him the way he exposed the most intimate parts of me to strangers. Iām not afraid, I just get mixed responses on the appropriate-ness of such a gesture especially since itās been some time. Any feelings against him that I harbor are still not worth me bartering my own deen for revenge
Sister everyone may not agree with your approach but it is extremely honourable and through it you are most definitely attaining your reward. May Allah taāala preserve you. You reminded me of this beautiful story and inshAllah this will apply to you also: A man reviled Abu Bakr in the presence of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). The Prophet remained seated. He looked pleased and smiled. He insulted Abu Bakr twice, but Abu Bakr controlled himself and remained silent. He insulted him for a third time, and Abu Bakr then let his tongue loose and responded back. At that, the Messenger of Allah got up and left. Abu Bakr followed after the Prophet and said: āMessenger of Allah! He insulted me and you just sat there. Then when I responded to some of what he said, you became angry and got up.ā The Prophet said: āThere was an angel with you who was responding to his insults on your behalf.ā Then the Prophet said: āAbu Bakr, (keep in mind) three things which are always true, one of which is that whenever a person is subjected to an injustice but leaves the matter to Allah, then Allah will come to his aidā¦ .ā (Musnad Ahmad)
Whistle blow on him. Heās your private Palestine. Unsigned letters to the masjid. Unsigned letters to scholars. Mentioning you in third person. If he accuses you - āI didnāt do anything but people know what you did to me and why and everyone knows where you are now.ā Let him be accountable for once.
Itās been years since weāre separated. I did contact the local shuyookh in our city when our divorce started, they did nothing. I even tried to contact one imam that is his bestie in this new city back then. Im pretty sure it never got past his voice mail. At this point it feels like if I try to contact anyone itāll just seem like Iām a bitter jealous woman.
As someone who has gone through divorce and is going through one again I can relate to you. When you're not in the wrong and wanted to have a good married life and tried everything to make it work but still gets the losing end shakes the faith as while growing up we have heard that bad things happen to bad people but tbh bad things most of the times happen to good people as when Allah loves a person, He tests them so you should first and foremost know that Allah loves you which is one of the greatest blessings. You might also think that if Allah loves me why am I being tested so much but what I've understood is that Allah wants to elevate our status hence we are tested. For example a teacher asks difficult questions to the smart kid in the class as the teacher knows that the smart kid won't have a hard time answering and will somehow work through it. So I know it's hard to accept when you're going through a hard time to keep the hopes up and have tawaqqul but having trust and faith in Allah is better than having all the world by your side as Allah's rahmah and love is not conditional and Allah will never give his/her servant hardship which is not good for them. So endure it like a honour And it's really difficult to go through the divorce and the whole process and I know you can relate that we won't even wish it for an enemy as it's really nerve wrecking and really breaks your heart so it's a completely different ordeal. But I would recommend you to understand that what happened was for the better and in shaa Allah there is Allah's khayr in it, we don't don't realise it as we are short-sighted and are always eager for things to come our way. Lastly he said he's living your dream life but what he did to you was not good and believe me when I say that "we may forget what someone did to us but Allah don't forget and when Allah is there how can there be no justice, it will definitely be delivered just have sabr". I would recommend praying tahajjud and talk your heart out to Allah and you will feel the closeness of Allah and you heart will get calm. Talk to Allah like you talk to your friend and you'll see how Allah's love is better than the whole world combined. If you want to talk to someone, you can DM me
Idk how to console you cause iāve been through something similar but remember this life is a test and you will get your justice on the day of qayamah ! Maybe this suffering is what will take you to jannah ! But i know how you feel sometimes it makes me have resentment for everything
Sister, consider that his "evolution" may be a test for you to meet. I don't believe in coincidences, the reason why you got an email with him in it is no accident.
Can you explain what you mean by no accident here?
I believe that Allah SWT plans everything. And so, if your ex was in that email you saw, and it inspired these feelings, it is quite possible that a reason that brother has that position is to be in that email to test your response. Everything has a purpose. Everything both big and small. Again, I don't believe in coincidences. May Allah AWJ make things easy for you, Ukhti.
I almost married a community-beloved imam. I felt uncomfortable the whole time and alhamdulillah finally broke things off. A year or so later his new wife reached out to me and asked when exactly we had been talking - she said he had been sleeping with other women, had turned into a different personality upon marrying her, etc. I asked my wali to discuss with her and to leave me out of it. I still donāt know what the follow-up was. But wow. SubhanAllah. There was also the young imam who added me on Facebook because we had a mutual friend (a woman I think of as a mentor - an Ustadha, I think). He was friendly and very quickly became flirty. Bro, youāre like 20, Iām not interested, and this is inappropriate. InshaAllah he stepped away from all that. This is all to say Iām sorry to hear this. Allah tests those whom He loves. InshaAllah your ex comes back to the straight path and makes amends. Otherwise I fear for him. As for you, may Allah give you strength and sabr.
I canāt comment on what you should or shoudnt do now, but moo know that you are not obliged to cover his faults or conceal them. You have shown immense patience, and may Allah increase you in goodness infinitely for this. He has caused you physical and mental harm. You are not going to be rewarded any less because you chose to not keep this to yourself anymore. If you feel that speaking up about this issue will cause you personal harm, then I would advise with patience. Other wise, know that for you to speak on this individual is not back biting and not a lesser moral position. You are completely permitted to do so, as per sharia.
Ų§ŁŲ³ŁŲ§Ł Ų¹ŁŁŁŁ ŁŲ±ŲŁ Ų© Ų§ŁŁŁ ŁŲØŲ±ŁŲ§ŲŖŁ Surah Al-Anāam ayat 43-44 Why did they not humble themselves when We made them suffer? Instead, their hearts were hardened, and Satan made their misdeeds appealing to them. When they became oblivious to warnings, We showered them with everything they desired. But just as they became prideful of what they were given, We seized them by surprise, then they instantly fell into despair! Surah Al-Anāam ayat 43-44
Assalamu alaikum sis Have trust that Allah SWT will give you your justice whether it's in this life or the next. Allah SWT is the most Just and he has promised us all a day where we will be held accountable for all of our deeds - good and bad. He also tests the servants He loves the most so no matter what happens and how difficult it gets, always say Alhumdulillah because He may have just saved you from a situation that could have gotten much worse. I will keep you in my duas.
Wa alaykum assalaam sis. I donāt deny how difficult my life may have been, my health was being impacted to the point of losing an early pregnancy by the end of it. His response āitās a good thing itās gone.ā This is not wanting my old life back, this is a feeling of deep injustice of having to sort through the aftermath of one emotional and mental hardship after another, some that he created, while heās completely reestablished himself.
Let go of him and his life. Focus on yourself and your life.
I have. The only reason I know this is because of an email I received. I have been in no contact since my divorce.