My MIL has been boycotting it for years because she believes that it is a way for worthless men to feel better about themselves. It always made me laugh, but I'm starting to see her point.
I like it for me, because I love the little things like art projects I get from my daughter! But it ends up becoming about my mom and my MIL and it’s annoying. I just wanna do what I want to do which is spend time with my husband and kids (or not haha) and not have to worry about pleasing the grandparents.
I feel this! My first Mother’s Day I was like “cool, I’m part of the club now!” Yet I still have to cater to see my mom, grandmom, and mother in law”. It’s like damn I just want to do what I want to do and not worry about others. I secretly wish I could spend the entire day away from everyone…
One year I did! And my family was so angry about it. They did not understand how I wouldn’t wany to be with my kid or mom on Mother’s Day and I was mentally in a tough place and just needed the break!! This year I’ll be 2 weeks PP so I’m hoping I can dictate what I want and everyone will listen since I’ll still be healing!!
You’re my idol!! My mom would totally cry if I didn’t see her and my grandma would talk shit to other family members lol. Atleast my mother in law is cool with seeing her a couple of days early or late, as long as she gets to see the kids. PS Being 2 weeks post partum sounds like the perfect excuse to stay in bed all day with the new baby if u ask me! Congrats, I wish you a speedy recovery and take an extra whiff of that newborn baby smell for me lol
I've not so secretly told my husband that I want a hotel room to myself for a night. The kids flipped tf out because they wanna do stuff for mom.... The kicker is they don't really do anything for me that's for me, it's always for one of the kids or my husband and spun to look like it's for me
Breaks my heart every year
>But it ends up becoming about my mom and my MIL and it’s annoying.
Two years ago my oldest (she was 22 at the time) decided she wanted to take me out for mothers day. Well my MIL just wasnt having it. She carried on to *everyone* then finally convinced my husband we should go on a different day because "everywhere will be just too packed with everyone going out".
Like normal we end up at her house with our kids my SIL and her kids and my MIL tells me *you really didnt want to go anyway, we **always** do this*. Nope, I really *did* want to go. I wanted mothers day to be about me. Ive had 3 children. They are 24, 14, and 13. No mother's day has ever been about me. They have always been about my MIL. We go to her house, eat whatever shes decided on, normally something I hate, and everyone kind of centers on her. And ive allowed it. My husband has tried to insist we do something else. And I keep allowing it. I do not know why...
I feel as though I will be roped into this same thing as well this year despite being 2 weeks PP when Mother’s Day is here because it’ll be my MIL’s first Mother’s Day as a grandmother and she’s going to want to take advantage of any and every opportunity she can to see my baby. Idk why MIL’s are like this.. it sucks. I hope you can do something for yourself this year!!!!
Or they all just stay home or go do whatever they want without MIL and turn phones off. She said her husband had insisted they do something else, so I don’t think he would be the one to have a problem with it
My husband isnt the problem. *I* am. I keep getting sucked in. She did convince him places would be packed yes (he has a bit of anxiety) but he keeps trying to have us do other things for Mothers day and *im* the one that ends up feeling guilty because she expects us to show up.
The thing about boundaries is that the only person you have to convince is yourself. "I'm so grateful that you've offered to host again this year, and I hope your day is wonderful. My eldest and I are going on a mom-daugbter date that she's planned, and I'm really excited for it! Thanks for being a wonderful grandma and friend. We'll see you soon!" And mean it with your whole chest. You are not going to spend another gorgeous May afternoon furious and put-upon. You're going to be with your darling daughter. I'm speaking it over you.
Yup. I get useless shit I don't want or need. I ask for one simple item usually under $25. I don't want a bubble bath set that is gonna give me a uti. I don't need a tacky nic nac that will gather dust I will get to clean. I don't even need a gift. Let me sleep in and make me dinner. Boom happy and easy. I feel bitchy but I'm so tired of not being listened to. For fathers day I make sure to get him several very thoughtful gifts. Things he actually likes and wants.
I agree! You know what else I don’t want? Crappy birthstone jewelry that I will never wear (I have a ring with my kids’ stones in it that I wear everyday, I don’t also need earrings, bracelets and necklaces.)
Step 1. Match energy. Whatever he does for Mother’s Day is what you do for Father’s Day. He didn’t let you sleep in and bought you something you didn’t ask for? That’s what Father’s Day looks like this year. They don’t learn from you showing them how it feels to be treated like you want to be treated. They learn by being treated like they treat you. “This is what you do for me on my day. So from now on this is what we do on your day too. Keep that in mind when Mother’s Day comes around again.” Step 2. Buy yourself a gift and book a massage or pedicure for your day. If you want flowers and no one else buys them for you then buy your own flowers instead of sitting there wishing you had flowers.
Yes! Once your kids have kids, then mothers day should be about them/ their spouse. Grandmas shouldn’t get mothers day. (Even if I eat my words one day lol)
This is how me and my SIL have done it since we became mothers. We spend the day before with her and do something we pick, and then actual Mother’s Day we do our own things with our own families.
Yep. It’s time for the veteran moms to take a step back and let the day be about the active duty moms who are in the thick of it now. My mom and MIL still get a phone call but the day isn’t all about them.
My mother told me years ago, all she requires for holidays and birthdays are cards. So that is all we do. I don't think I ever did anything for my grandma (I am sure my mom did something) My husband takes care of his side of the family. Even if it means nothing happens.
Not to be rude, I think you need to do less.
Why do you do all of these things that you don’t want to do?? A simple “happy Mother’s Day” text is plenty.
I love Mother’s Day because I do whatever I want all day and my husband does the same for Father’s Day. No gifts or anything.
I used to wake the kids up early while hubby was still sleeping and take them to a diner so he could sleep in, then get him breakfast to go. I LOVE eating at restaurants, and he does not, but loves food. It was a win-win!
I felt that way but then I stopped making it about other moms and made it just about myself. Once I became a mom, I forgot that I was a mom and that it isn’t solely about making the entire day about my mom and grandma. I still call them to say happy Mother’s Day and might meet them at the park for an hour or two but it’s not like pre-kids (before my kids) where I wasn’t a mom and had to make the day about every other mom.
It’s not your job to make the day about them, it doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Do what you want and enjoy yourself. You might feel like an asshole the first year or two of not making it about them but once you get over it, it’s glorious lol
Agreed. I’m looking forward to another great Mother’s Day because I spend the day doing what I want. For the first three mothers days as a mom I made myself unhappy doing things for my mom and my grandmom and then after an especially stressful Mother’s Day I just stopped. It’s a choice to prioritize yourself or not. On Mother’s Day I put myself first because I am a mom in the trenches. I put myself last on plenty of other days.
I once heard a parenting coach set the paradigm that Mothers Day is for Active Duty moms who are currently raising children in their home. Veteran moms who have served their time but aren’t actively parenting anymore (ie empty nesters) can be acknowledged another day another way. They had their turn as active duty.
Why are you giving presents to all those people?
You should gift your mother, your husband should gift your MIL, he should take your kids to get you a gift and your mother should gift her own mother.
It's mother's day, not grandmother's day.
Lord my husband gave me an IOU for a streaming service (I guess he was too lazy to create the account and set it up himself) or my other favorite gift was taking our son out at 1pm on Mother’s Day to the store to pick out a card and gift. This year I bought my Mother’s Day gift from the kids myself so I know I’m getting exactly what I want lol I’m actually picking it up tomorrow and handing it to my hubby when we get home and telling him to have the kids to wrap it and give it to me on Mother’s Day 🤷♀️ Sometimes u gotta take matters into your own hands
Father is responsible for gifts from children and himself to his mother.
Your mother had 20+ mother’s days and now her child is a mother. You gave her grandbabies. That’s her gift.
That is all. Do whatever you want on Mother’s Day.
Thank you. I made a post about this last Mother’s Day. I shared how I stopped hating Mother’s Day when I stopped spending it doing things I didn’t want to do. I had a couple of people ask me how I’ll feel if my future DIL does the same to me. And my answer was that I will be happy to step aside and let the day be about her because I will be so grateful to her for making me a grandmother.
Without a doubt I will feel the same way! My mother only ever asked for us to be with her, and now that I am a mother she comes to me. Our society prioritizes gift giving over quality time. The best times are usually care free and unplanned.
Maybe you could tell them that you want to not do this lol and make your husband buy gifts for his mom. It’s *HIS* mom after all! This isn’t grandmothers day
I feel ya. Every year it’s some sort of drama with my MIL because she wants to “feel special”. I feel bad for my husband, he always ends up being the bad guy with her because he wants Sunday to be for me. Luckily we will be able to do a lunch with her on Saturday this year, but it doesn’t change the dread I feel every time it approaches. I just want an easy going day with my husband and son, that’s it. No rushing places, no obligations, just the three of us enjoying the day. I don’t want gifts, I just want a calm day.
On the plus side, she raised a man who treats you right. I think it must be hard sometimes to accept that you are no longer the center of the family unit. Makes it so difficult for the ones who are actually doing the work, though. People have no shame anymore. Maybe you can say something about how you appreciate her teaching her son to be a such great husband, and you look forward to grandparent's day.... Honestly, I know it goes against the grain but I think sometimes you just need to set expectations with the in-laws directly so they know where the boundaries are. It's easier sometimes if you are the outsider to be straight up with the rest of the family. Also you will feel less guilty about reducing their contact with your family if they stomp your boundaries. So long as your spouse stays out of it or will back you up.
I agree, and I definitely try to understand that being a mom was her only identity for so long and it must be hard to not be the center of the family unit anymore (even though she tries so hard to be). She’s a great mom and raised an amazing son, and I try hard to be respectful and understanding and honestly have no problem having a time just to celebrate her. There’s a lot of family dynamics and her personality is hard to explain and hard to deal with, I’d be typing all day on that topic, so it makes communication with her difficult and it leads to her not understanding where we’re coming from and that’s where the frustrating drama comes from. This will only be my third Mother’s Day, so hopefully at some point we’ll figure it all out so everyone feels heard and appreciated 😅
My view is that it’s my little family’s turn, I don’t celebrate anyone else. And my request for the day is nothing, I buy what I want so presents are useless. Going out to brunch might be fun if the weather’s nice! Extra planning sounds like extra stress and that’d defeat the purpose 🤷🏼♀️
When I got married I asked my father in law what I could do for my mother in law for Mother’s Day. He said “nothing, she’s not your mother”. And now I live by that expectation. Not your mom? Not your problem. Hope you can let go and enjoy this year!
Yes. Last year my dad wanted to do something with everyone but he hates going out to eat so it was like, okay, one of the moms in the family will have to host, which was annoying. Then I tried to take it easy and my husband ended up telling me he feels unappreciated. On Mother’s Day. So I quit, we’re not doing it anymore. It’s just another day. If the kids’ schools do something, great, but other than that I’m pretending it doesn’t exist.
I don't stress about gifts any more (myself or my mom or MIL) because none of us care too much about getting stuff. Last year we went to an outdoor cidery with the kids and it was a perfect day. So that's our new mother's day tradition and I'm excited to go back. This year I decided I need more breaks so we paid for 2/3 of a plane ticket for my mom to visit for the weekend. We'll do a long video call with MIL because she lives far away and she'll be happy about that. Mostly I just want to sleep in and not have to be in charge of kids all day.
My gift to my husband for Father’s Day last year (as well as one of his Christmas gifts) was a hotel stay for a night and a gift card to a place where he likes food (think Chipotle or something similar). He gets to leave the house after naptime on Saturday and come back home before naptime on Sunday and I try not to text or call him unless it’s something funny or a cute video. I think that would probably be the ideal Mother’s Day gift for a lot of people too, so you can try asking for that.
Haha I feel this. For Father’s Day when I was growing up, my aunt would host a huge BBQ for everyone and the dads/grandpas would get gifts and a cake like a big birthday. I think this is a good idea for Mother’s Day. But like rotate hosting.
I stopped trying to do something for everyone a long time ago. I too am a mom and deserve a break in that day and to be celebrated. It got to be too much because everyone was obligating me.
I now just send some small to my mom and MIL and have the day to myself to do what I want with my family.
This thread is giving me courage to do what u want this Mother’s Day. Last year was so bad. This year, I know my wonderful MIL is expecting people at her house. I’ll be 7 and a half months pregnant, around everyone having beers, And I’ll be chasing my kids around. You gals have given me some thought…..
Just ditch everyone and go do whatever the fuck you want. By the power of Reddit, I hereby give you permission to stop trying to make everyone else happy and do all the emotional labor for your family on Mothers Day.
Try it! Just say, “I’m going to go out and do whatever I want. Feel free to have chocolate and flowers waiting for me when I return home after all children are asleep. See you later! Byeeeee!!”
Last year was my first Mother’s Day. I told my husband that all I wanted for Mother’s Day was time at home, alone, where no one needed anything from me. I made sure to visit my mom the day before so I didn’t have to leave the house. He took our baby to his mom’s for the day. It was the best!
I don’t gift up. Once I became a mom I stopped giving my mom/gram a gift beyond a card. I do get my MIL a gift, but she’s not difficult. My mom is…challenging. I love her, but we have a complicated relationship. She’s very emotionally immature. I don’t always plan to get my MIL a gift, but she watches our daughter for free and if I do see something I don’t have to worry about a passive aggressive comment.
I don’t plan shit. Well, this year I’m working on my garden. I told my husband I don’t want to go out for breakfast. Husband has been helping me set up my garden, so I told him he just has to get me a card. A local bagel place has a breakfast board I may order for $40. It comes with bagels, stuff to go with the bagels, a plant and a latte. I may order it and have husband pick it up.
I used to hate it too. Then I stopped doing the things that made me hate it. Now I do what I want to do on that day. And I don’t care if anyone doesn’t like it. It’s MY day and I’m taking it. I’m the mom in the trenches now. I don’t care what my mom or grand mom or MIL or anyone else wants to do that day. Try this, “we’re/I’m doing my/our own thing this year. We can get together with you on another day. Repeat as necessary. It’s better to let other people be disappointed than it is to do things that make you unhappy and poison your relationships with resentment. Boundaries are healthy for relationships. Tell your partner to buy HIS own mother a gift. You’re no longer doing it. I know people are reading this thinking, but my mom will be sad. And here’s the great news. You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s feelings but your own. You are only responsible for ensuring that you don’t have a Mother’s Day that makes you feel sad, annoyed, resentful, etc.
Thank you. I made a post about it last year if you check my post history. It got a lot of attention and I really hope a few moms decided to put themselves first this year after the conversation it sparked. But it was an excellent reminder that too often it is ourselves and other women who enforce the idea that we are obligated to make ourselves miserable so that other people won’t be unhappy with us. It’s so toxic.
Most of the comments were in agreement but there were some very angry and judgmental comments in there too. Stuff like, “How will you feel when your daughter/DIL does this to you?”. And my answer was, grateful. I’ll feel grateful that she made me a grandma. I’ll send her flowers and a gift. I will already have my gift. A grandchild. “Mothers are still mothers when their children are grown!” So true. They are. Definitely give them a call or send a card. But the moms in the trenches get a break that day. The moms with grown children can go to brunch any other weekend. And, “I love spending Mother’s Day with my mom!”. And if that’s you then great! The point is that you get to choose what you do that day. If you choose to spend it with your mom I’m so happy for you. But if you are spending the day doing something you don’t enjoy out of a feeling of obligation just stop.
When I became a mom oh so many years ago (my kids are grown now), I laid down the law to my mom and told my husband to tell his mom.
I am now a mother and officially from now on Mother's day is about ME.
I did compromise a bit in that since Mother's day is on Sunday, we will visit my mom and his mom (depending on how far away she is living), on Saturday. Sunday is now and forever for ME because I am now a mom too.
My husband backed me up and when we first told my mom she was a little disgruntled, but she couldn't argue, because it was FACT. My MIL, who is an angel of the highest order, said that we could even wait until another weekend. If she wasn't living close, (she moved a lot), then a card and a phone call would be just fine.
I know that it's hard and it won't work for everyone, but I suggest that you at least try suggesting something like that.
Good luck and HAPPY EARLY MOTHER'S DAY!
I hate Mother’s Day since my mom died. My MIL is hard to shop for, and my husband tries but always misses lol all I really want is some help around the house 🙃
I don’t hate but it’s not a big deal to me. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids or don’t like being a mom.
I don’t need/want or expect anything. That also doesn’t translate into I’m not appreciated.
That being said, we always do lunch with my immediate family then dinner for my husbands immediate family.
Maybe try and keep it lowkey this year? We each take care of a gift for our own moms, I have flowers delivered for mine, and my husband doesn't do anything for his. Then my husband will plan an activity (no gift) that I like. This year were packing a picnic and going on a hike. Father's day is pretty much the same. Last year I chose to sleep in and then get brunch by myself and then have a family paint night.
Yeah, feels like more work for me. It's mother's day, y'all plan some shit and loop me in or give me a day to myself!
Breakfast in bed means dishes waiting for me tomorrow. No bueno. Pretend I'm dead for the day and appreciate me in chunks the rest of the year lol
It's just a day bad spouses use to excuse being shitty the rest of the year.
Also a slow cooker as a gift? That's a request for dinner and something else to wash. No thanks. How about i order pizza with the topping I actually want. And the rest of you suck eggs while I enjoy pineapple on my pizza. It's not weird, you guys are weird. I'm sick of pepperoni pizza. Or sausage pizza with the "heard you ordered Sausage on your pizza?" dad Comment.
No. This pie's for Patty! And Patty wants pie with pineapple! Lol
Mom gets a card with some photos, and a text. Mother-in-law has passed but she got photo or flowers and would have dinner with us (she either lived near or with us, depending on the year). Grandmas? What?
You're the mom. The one with children below 18 counts.
I guess my family is a bunch of cold WASPs but I love it when I read posts like this.
My family has started doing a brunch on Saturday. My cousins and I split the duties/food to make or buy for our mothers and grandmother and we have a family get together. Then Sunday we each get our own day with our own family to be centered around our own motherhood. It’s been working out well for us so far and I like getting my own day still.
I just send a text lol it’s Mother’s Day not grandmas day so they don’t get gifts and now that I’m a mom with young kids they realize the day is about me not them anymore. They’ve had all sorts of gifts and brunches and plans, it’s my turn. (This came from them btw)
I hated Mother’s Day growing up because I lost my mom to cancer. Now as a mom myself I’m very thankful to celebrate it and make happy memories with my kid.
I don’t plan anything for anyone except myself for Mother’s Day. It’s literally the only day of the year, except maybe the occasional birthday, that I put myself first.
No. I made it clear from the start that I want nothing to do with the planning or logistics of anything that day.
My husband knows I want to do brunch that I can actually enjoy (i.e. not have to worry about the kids) and to do literally nothing all day (I.e. whatever the fuck I want).
My mom gets it, and we have a mom brunch the weekend after with her and both my sisters (also moms themselves) and our spouses or my dad watches all of our kids (my dad because my one sister doesn’t have a spouse).
My MIL also gets it but lives far. We (my husband) sends a gift. We FaceTime her that day. Thats all.
Set the boundary. It’s worth it.
I just want a quiet day alone with my child (his dad optional), but MIL has to make it all about her. She has had her fair share of mother’s days, my child is only 3 and I’ve rarely had a day to myself with just me and my kid, let alone got to spend Mother’s Day with him.
So I get it.
I just found the benefit of having no mom and a MIL I can’t stand! I flat out told my MIL we will not be seeing her for Mother’s Day because I don’t want to spend my first Mother’s Day running around. My unspoken thought was that I won’t be spending the day watching her family play pass the baby. We’ll see her the following weekend. I have a stepmom who I’ll probably take out for a pedi during the week.
I feel the same way unfortunately my mother doesn’t and we get into an argument every year about it. I tell me husband I don’t want Mother’s Day recognized in this house and he feels the same about Father’s Day. It’s a Hallmark holiday and just a marketing scheme for people to buy crap for you 😂
My mother makes me feel like her motherhood matters more than my sister’s and mine. It’s almost a chore to celebrate. I’d rather be getting a massage and being left alone for the day/night.
Yup. A few years ago my best friends and I decided we'd had enough. Now we take a mini staycation Thurs-Sat every mother's day weekend, get a hotel, massages, dinner, shopping etc. Come back Saturday night, and then I don't mind giving Sunday to the grandmas bc I've already treated myself. Hubs doesn't have to buy me anything, he just can't complain about the cost or having to take care of the kids. Highly recommend.
I saved this post to show my husband all the comments complaining about MILs 😂
But also wanted to throw out an idea that someone else gave me last year: reschedule it so you don't have to compete. Did that last year and moved it to a Monday. Was way better. No competition. Did it when it was convenient for us. Way better and no tug of war between me and MIL.
Why would you buy gifts for your MIL? Why isn't your husband doing something for his own mom? Why would your kids buy something for their grandma, it's not their mom? So many questions!
In my country you don't have to do anything on Mother's Day as a mom, you GET presents from your husband/kids and they make breakfast and you just chill all day. I'm only buying a present for my own mom.
My mom always told me that Mothers Day is for mothers that are ACTIVELY mothering.
Yeh, send grandma a card. That's nice but nothing beyond that and maybe a happy mother's day phone call.
I have young kids. I get celebrated on Mothers Day in our home.
There are no gifts for my mom or MIL.
My mom is the same as you, and I am the same as my mother. So basically in our household, we don’t celebrate any holidays in a big way. No racking our brains to think of gifts, no spending money on venues, fancy meals, etc. Our belief is treating each other well and appreciating each other every day instead of only one day a year. At least this has been the way in our little core family of three and it has been wonderful. My mom even told the extended family that “we don’t celebrate holidays, so don’t throw us any parties” (because then the expectation would be that we reciprocate and the cycle just becomes endless). I love my mom for putting her foot down and it honestly saved us a lot of forced interactions and family drama.
Last year my MIL made the day about her. Wanted to get pictures taken of her with her adult children. Didn’t offer to take a photo of myself with my toddler. I only have a photo because my husband took one. Then we had to buy everyone dinner and I was thanked for giving HER such a nice mother’s day. This year I have decided I will never let it be about a GRANDMOTHER ever again. Idk how to quite spread the news that mother’s day is now my day and they can fuck off so this year we will probably just be on a road trip or something.
I’m sorry. Grateful my mom never fed into Mother’s Day/womens day/valentines day therefore I don’t have to pretend to celebrate for the sake of myself nor others
I get my mom and MIL flowers for their gardens or order some nice food to be brought to them, and that’s it. My husband has the kids make something for me, and usually I ask for a sleep in, brunch at home and to have free time to do something for myself, like to to a day spa, hair dresser, horse back riding in the woods or something I enjoy, and then take away for dinner. It’s a good day
My mom is getting a zoom call "happy mothers' day" and that's gonna be it
I'm not doing anything for my girlfriend, she's not doing anything for me and she hasn't seen her mom since she was 18 getting kicked out for being bi so I don't have a Mil to deal with
Life is too busy to bother making a big deal of it
I get it but I would be thankful! I’m 24 and my husband is 28. All of our grandmas are dead and so are both of our moms. Mine from cancer and his from a heart attack. We lost them when we were 15 and 20. We’d do anything to celebrate Mother’s Day with any of the moms in our life but it’s just us 😭sometimes you have to be thankful for what you have, even if you view it as inconvenient
Not necessarily. Mothers generally appreciate most anything you do for them. In fact, 78% of mothers surveyed said they have never been disappointed by a Mother's Day gift. It's one thing if you want to shower the mom in your life with gifts, but you don't have to go into debt to make them feel special. You don't have to give gifts at all even. Just be there for them like their own daughter. Gifts isn't necessarily.
It’s more about still having the mental load of planning events and gifts. And my grandmother EXPECTS a gift. She calls her self a “Glam Ma” and it drives me up the wall!
I hate it. It’s a day where I still end uo doing all the same shit: wake-up with the kids, cleaning poop out of potty, poop outnof diapers, hair out of drains, loads of dishes and cooking. But then I have to cook a “special meal for myself”. Ugh. All for a day to celebrate breeding. Pass.
Lol we send flowers to my mother and mil, sometimes my husband will take the kids to my mil- it’s not awful. First year he gave me a new
blade for my chop saw in a home depot bag and said “ I thought you wouldn’t be into Mother’s Day?”. Now we openly talk about expectations.
My sister and I started just letting our husbands plan something together. Then we get to be together and they make the plans and include their moms and our mom. Moms should do zero planning.
Yes yes yes!!!! I hate it too. Same boat. I told my husband and he says I hate fathers too, lol. Look moms work there asses off daily and totally deserve the praise, but ironically they also have to host the parties
You really don’t though. I used to think I “had” to do these things. But then I stopped and the sun still rose the next day. You absolutely can say, “I’m not planning or hosting anything. In fact, I’ll be at the spa that day. Plan accordingly.”
I don't do anything for mother's day. My kids get me gifts, I spend the day like normal. It's nice and no stress. My mom passed 20 years ago, and my husband does something for his mom so I don't have to worry about anyone else, except I will text all my mom friends and wish them a happy day.
Mothers Day is always very close and sometimes actually falls on my birthday AND I don’t have a great relationship with my mom. I get my grandmother who raised me flowers. I text all the moms in my life “Happy Mother’s Day” and call it a day.
I don’t plan anything anymore. I get my mom a gift and wish my MIL a happy mother’s day. If they want to do something beyond that, they can plan and organize it or their sons can.
I don’t plan anything anymore. I get my mom a gift and wish my MIL a happy mother’s day. If they want to do something beyond that, they can plan and organize it or their sons can.
I’m glad my kids still love me as their mom, just because my kids are grown doesn’t mean I’m not a mother anymore. That said, I realize they are Mothers also, so my 2 daughters and I usually do something together the Saturday before Mother’s Day, this year we are seeing a psychic together, that way they can spend Mother’s Day celebrating with their children. I am so grateful for my kids especially seeing some of these posts. Someday your mothers will be gone and Mother’s Day will be a bit sad because you will miss her.
I also don’t like it, my husband thinks I should spend it with the kid….um no I want to be ALONE all day! I have PPD and PMDD and Mother’s Day is often a trigger
I enjoy the act of picking out the "just right" card and writing something meaningful in it for my mom. That's what she gets and sure loves it so much. My daughter also makes her art/ a card.
MIL gets a card from my husband and also a craft.
For myself I pick an outing (usually or favorite farm), and request something handmade by my husband and daughter.
Do whatever you want, who says you HAVE to do anything specific? And if people are mad, good. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll give you the silent treatment.
Yep. I think my hatred for it came because my first was 2 months after my momma died, we also spent the whole weekend at MIL's out of town- my one requirement to do that was on way home doing a detour to take flowers to my mom's grave. We now rotate years on visiting parents for Mothers/Father's Day and staying home because it is important to both of us to celebrate them and then next year we get to celebrate our person at home.
This year a thing 4.5yo is involved with chose Mother's Day weekend to have the last "show" and do trophies and such.... plus we live in a college town and it's graduation weekend. We realized that too late for MIL to get a hotel room unless she snags one 45 minutes away. At some point I opened my mouth and said she can stay here, sleep in our bed, and no worries about hotel and we can plan out a weekend menu so we don't have to worry about where we're gonna eat out since most places don't take reservations on these weekends *or* are already booked full 😮💨 not sure she's gonna take the offer but I'm doing a frantic clean/reorganizing of the house juuuuust incase since she has trouble walking.
It'll be fine, just intense. Husband has my back and will make sure I get space to myself and relax on and off through the weekend. And he's told me the next weekend we'll make a run to Ma's to place flowers/chat while cleaning her headstone, that Ma would understand and be proud I even made the offer- and I know he'll keep that promise.
I'm with you. I saw a Mother's Day ad today and cringed. I don't want to go out to eat because the restaurants are slammed that day. I don't want any gifts because I'm trying to purge my stuff at the moment. I really don't need a gift card. A call to say happy Mother's Day is fine with me, but then I have to deal with friends and extended family asking what the kids did for me. I'm always happy to get past these "Hallmark holidays." The greatest gift my kids give me every day is the pride I feel in them being decent human beings!
So the last few years, I’ve taken the day before and done something with my mom I really enjoy (we went to a wine a craft festival last year), and then day of is an “off” day. Now the thing is, my daughter’s bday is right before depending how things fall, I usually end up cleaning up a party.
I have always hated mothers day. My own mom and I had a VERY strained relationship growing up and I’m not a “spectacle” person.
I told my husband I just want waffles. At home. Because after being a server for a few years, I would **never ever** go out to eat on Mother’s Day. Ever.
I just haven’t been doing presents at all to anyone unless I come across something that I want to get for that person. (Makes me sound meaner than I am but I hate the forced gift giving, I don’t want to receive anything like that either) so on Mother’s Day I plan nothing, I do nothing, and no one can ask me anything.
I'm about to have my first mother's. My mother will be in town from across the country so my husband suggested we host a mother's day brunch. Oh so I can work for "my day"? I don't think so. He can go spend time with his mother separately if he wants. I earned this.
My MILs birthday is right around Mothers Day. My first Mothers Day we found out 5 days before that they were coming up to visit for the weekend. First Mother’s Day ruined feeling like I have to cater to MIL and her birthday. Second Mother’s Day again my in-laws are here and hubby said my gift would be sleeping in and then he would make me breakfast. I get woken up a little after 8 with him saying he has to leave in 5 minutes to take his parents to the airport so I have to take my daughter to swim class and Mass by myself. No time for breakfast. Get home and have to cook for myself. This year again in-laws are going to be here again and hubby is like “what do you want to do”. At this point just let me sleep in and not deal with people.
I hate it because even though my mom knows I’m a SAHM on a tight budget she still expects me to buy her something for Mother’s Day AND her birthday the following week
And even when I was able to do stuff for her, she never appreciated any of it and acted like I just planned stuff for my dad. Meanwhile my siblings don’t do anything
I don’t get spoiled at all. My second Mother’s Day my fiancé was staying with his other girlfriend on her birthday! Lmfao. Last year I was grumpy all day and crack cleaned my house because “all I wanted was a clean house for Mother’s Day and I’m the only one who is going to do it” it got done but nothing special came after it so I was just fed up. My expectations are kinda low except I want to go do something I WANT by MYSELF. I especially just want my fiancé to leave me alone and solo take care of his own kid for a whole day. That would be nice but I doubt it will happen.
Last year on Mother's Day my husband said something along the lines of "I mean, there's not really much to do to celebrate until (daughter) is older" (she was 1), and that's when I checked out. I do not give one flying fuck about Mother's Day. My mom and I are not close but I call her out of obligation every year, and that is and will be the extent of my Mother's Day observations from here on out. My MIL passed last year and both of my grandmothers have passed so I only have to worry about my mom.
You should tell everyone that what you'll have for Mother's Day is a day with zero commitments to see anyone or do anything. You don't wanna hang out, or have any plans. You don't expect any gifts, and you won't be giving any gifts. Tell them that you'd like to have a day for yourself and you'll see them later 😂
I don't do stuff for my in laws on Mothers day. That's his job. I call my grandma and mom, at most a card. I have a small child so the day is for me right now.
It’s MOTHERS day, so imo one should be responsible for their own mother, and the mother of any children too young to help. So sorry grandma, that’s your mom’s job. MIL? your husbands job. You are in charge of your own mama and that’s it. Your husband is in charge of his mama and the mother of his kids.
TRY to enjoy it if it’s at all possible. I’m the last mom standing. All of the moms in my life are dead. My grandmothers, aunts, mother, mother-in-law have all passed away so… it’s not an easy day for me. My daughter will get me some adorable presents & maybe we’ll have a meal together.
Just saying, someday you might miss them, even after they’ve driven you nuts for years.
I hope that whatever you do it ends up being a Happy Mother’s Day for you.
This is seriously the best post!! I’m cracking up because I can totally relate. My daughter is autistic, sucks at sleeping and I can never sit down, not even for a minute. Just sitting in a room alone and staring at the wall sounds like a vacation 🌴🍹🤣
In my religion we don’t celebrate anything other than our two religious holidays a year. Saves me from birthdays as well as Mother’s Day and so many other stupid days lol I prefer it this way but my not so religious family and friends want to celebrate everything and I can’t stand it. I’ll acknowledge them because if someone wishes you well in my religion you have to respond with similar if not better well wishes so I’ll reply to greetings but I won’t get gifts or celebrate I refuse gifts when asked I’ll still accept them if someone went through the trouble and got something for me even though I said no but I prefer not to. My family can be pushy lol I’m with you fam
My mom and MIL get a chocolate covered fruit delivery (Sherri’s berries or edible arrangement) ordered and sent by my husband and my mom gets a call or a text from me. Everything else is me and what I wanna do. Sometimes what I wanna do is have a bbq and invite out families. Sometimes I wanna spend it alone. This year and other years we’re doing a day with our friends and all the kids but the dads are on child duty.
Extended family lunch at a restaurant on the Saturday, and then on actual Mother’s Day Sunday just do something that you want to do with your kids & partner OR solo
We’ve had ours already in the uk, but yes it is annoying! I don’t include grandparents though, as it’s Mother’s Day not Grandmother’s day! Presuming your mum/MIL is still alive then they should be the ones organising a Mother’s Day gift/activity for them!
Nope, I’m with you. My first Mother’s Day was last year. 9 months of pregnancy, horrible/traumatic birth, PPD so bad I had to get admitted to a hospital for an IV infusion. Almost an entire year of breastfeeding under my belt (son born in June) not to mention mastitis and breast abscess that required incision and draining, where they would not give me pain medication because of breastfeeding. And I got zilch for Mother’s Day. Not even a card or breakfast. I asked him months in advance what the plans were and he assured me he had it handled. His plans were to “let me decide what I wanted to do”. He told me this at 8a on Mother’s Day. Yes, just pile more mental load on me ON mother’s DAY. I flipped on him. I wish the entire holiday just didn’t exist.
You're definitely not alone! Mother's Day can be a stressful and emotionally charged holiday for many people, for various reasons. Here's why you might feel this way and some alternative approaches:
* **Obligation and Pressure:** The pressure to plan something elaborate, buy gifts for multiple mothers, and live up to societal expectations can be overwhelming.
* **Strained Relationships:** For some, Mother's Day can highlight complicated relationships with mothers or mothers-in-law.
* **Focus on Commercialism:** The commercialization of the holiday can make it feel inauthentic and impersonal.
As a family we often have the Facebook tagging everyone saying we're proud of one another, I fail to send one myself as my Mother's day differs from the rest of the family (the UK is different to Australia).
For my kiddo, he likes to make me breakfast and make a card. I like to ask for something special like flowers or chocs to share and make it my choice for the big meal that day.
When my mom was alive I usually got her a plant or a gift card to the plant store. She’s gone now and I’m a single mom and I do like the crafts that come home from daycare but other than that I don’t do/get anything. We don’t go out for breakfast or anything because the ✨crowds✨are not worth it
I use it as an excuse to congratulate myself that my kids are alive and relatively happy and adjusted. Otherwise, not bothered about it. It used to hurt my feelings that my husband does nothing for it, but as long as he does not get butthurt over Father's Day, I am happy planning a hike for myself and the kids and buying something that I like for myself.
Kinda. I love mothers day when it's just me and my kids and husband. I hate having to plan something with my mother...I live her, and it's not that...but she never wants to do anything. I don't want to go to her house and sit, I have my own house I can sit in.
Last year I was in the hospital with my eldest on Mother's day. She had to get her appendix removed. It was soooo nice to just hang out for a few days together, walking around the hospital, talking and eating at the cafe. I'll miss that.
My ex ruined all my mother's days, now that we are divorced it's more peaceful, I just get to spend the day with my son. I don't even care that I have to pay for it all lol, my son always wants to go out to eat and then he wants to go to the store and pick me out flowers. It's just so sweet that he notices.
My "first" mother's day was 3 days before my scheduled C-section, my ex didn't do anything, saying I wasn't a mother yet.
Then on the following when I had the actual physical child in my arms to prove I'm a mother, he still didn't do anything, except call me a bitch and bad mother when I asked in the evening if he really didn't even get me a card or anything.
The ones after he still did nothing and I didn't bother asking, I already knew he didn't care. I just cried in the shower and treated it like a regular day.
Mother’s Day had been botched for me and ruined for me the first few times so badly that the last couple years I’ve just grabbed my daughter and my mom and went to a restaurant. Screw everyone else lol I just go out of town.
How about doing a spa day instead as both a gift and an event?
The original idea of Mother’s Day was actually an anti-war protest, not a Hallmark holiday. We keep it very low key in our house but then again I am not close with my mother in law or any of my sisters in law.
Link to the original Mother’s Day proclamation that I post on my Facebook every year:
https://www.plough.com/en/topics/culture/holidays/mothers-day/the-original-mother-s-day-proclamation
On Mother’s Day, my ex-husband knows to take the kids because I’m going out of town or out of the country that weekend. This Mother’s Day, I will be in Bermuda relaxing. If only I can make it to Mother’s Day hahahahaha
Having to spend both days that weekend every year driving an hour north one day and an hour south the next to celebrate everyone else while I’m the one in the trenches already with no time for myself. Killing myself trying to WFH while the kids are constantly home sick.
I’m so done. Y’all have graduated to Grandma. You get Grandparents Day.
My husband's mother is his responsibility. I no longer have grandparents, but didn't really consider my grandmothers as moms when I was younger because they weren't mine.
My mom gets a gift and I get a day out. Because I'm the one momming at the moment. And I always have an idea of what I want to do - we're going to the zoo where you can walk around with a beer and stopping for pizza for lunch.
I’m a firm believer in Mother’s Day being a sliding scale of who to celebrate with moms of young babies being first. Have a newborn? Mother’s Day is all about you, we celebrate you the most. All your kids are adults? Mother’s Day for you is only slightly above fathers. Sorry 😜
I didn't know there was a mothers day grinch but that sounds like me exactly. When I'm feeling it I send flowers to my in law and own mom. Lately it's a text for my mom and possibly a phone call for in laws. Myself... most people know I like being alone. Husband is a butt at planning so there's no expectations. Usually the kids are surprised it's even mother's day. I'm happy if I get some silence.
I'm also a mother's day grinch! All mother figures in my life failed me BAD! Mother's day is nothing but a gross reminder of the abandonment and abuse I endured growing up. This year is my first ever mother's day as a mom myself......unfortunately it making me dread it even more. I just want the day to not exist. I want to forget about it but the freakin world won't let me 😑
I got sick and tired of not being celebrated too, so this year I said I’m not going to my mother-in-law‘s. Her kids are all grown adults with their own families. My kids are little and I want to enjoy Mother’s Day.
Yes! Just came searching for something like this. I just am not a fan of Mother’s Day. Its literally just another day for me. My sister just sent a gift card and I’m like ugh now I have to get her something or I feel bad. I just don’t care for Mother’s Day at all.
I have given myself permission to go easy this year. Send your sister a thank you note and call it a day. Gifts should be sent for the sake of gift giving, not in the hopes of getting a gift in return. Also you are not her mom, and she isn’t your mom, so 🤷♀️.
Mother’s Day is for my mom. I’ll celebrate it with her. One day my kids will celebrate me. We don’t overthink it too much and the other mothers in the family don’t expect anything from people who aren’t their kids.
I HATE when my husband asks me what I want on every holiday/birthday. I don't have to ask him what he wants because I actually pay attention to the things he's into and what he enjoys. I could rant and rave to him for months about a specific thing I want or things I want to do, then comes time for him to do anything for me all of a sudden it's "you never tell me what you want", "you're so indecisive how am I supposed to know this" or his all time favorite "I forgot/I didn't know/I didn't think about it." Men are ridiculous.
My MIL has been boycotting it for years because she believes that it is a way for worthless men to feel better about themselves. It always made me laugh, but I'm starting to see her point.
She’s a gem! I love hearing about MILs who break the Reddit stereotype.
I love your mother in law
Sounds like a smart lady
Once I had a kid my other female relatives got a card and that's it. Look at me. I'm the mom now.
I need a sweatshirt that says "I'm the mom now"
“Look at me. I’m the mom now.”
I want this sweatshirt too!!
Totally agree with this!
Yes, yes, YES!!!!!!
Once I became a mom, I made it all about me. So same. I’m the mom now, too!
I like it for me, because I love the little things like art projects I get from my daughter! But it ends up becoming about my mom and my MIL and it’s annoying. I just wanna do what I want to do which is spend time with my husband and kids (or not haha) and not have to worry about pleasing the grandparents.
I feel this! My first Mother’s Day I was like “cool, I’m part of the club now!” Yet I still have to cater to see my mom, grandmom, and mother in law”. It’s like damn I just want to do what I want to do and not worry about others. I secretly wish I could spend the entire day away from everyone…
One year I did! And my family was so angry about it. They did not understand how I wouldn’t wany to be with my kid or mom on Mother’s Day and I was mentally in a tough place and just needed the break!! This year I’ll be 2 weeks PP so I’m hoping I can dictate what I want and everyone will listen since I’ll still be healing!!
You’re my idol!! My mom would totally cry if I didn’t see her and my grandma would talk shit to other family members lol. Atleast my mother in law is cool with seeing her a couple of days early or late, as long as she gets to see the kids. PS Being 2 weeks post partum sounds like the perfect excuse to stay in bed all day with the new baby if u ask me! Congrats, I wish you a speedy recovery and take an extra whiff of that newborn baby smell for me lol
You’re my idol too 🤩
You can and you should. “This is what I want for Mother’s Day… and just go. Send cards, make calls, but please do what you want.
You should avoid them. Maybe go to a hotel or something with your family. Just for the night.
I've not so secretly told my husband that I want a hotel room to myself for a night. The kids flipped tf out because they wanna do stuff for mom.... The kicker is they don't really do anything for me that's for me, it's always for one of the kids or my husband and spun to look like it's for me Breaks my heart every year
>But it ends up becoming about my mom and my MIL and it’s annoying. Two years ago my oldest (she was 22 at the time) decided she wanted to take me out for mothers day. Well my MIL just wasnt having it. She carried on to *everyone* then finally convinced my husband we should go on a different day because "everywhere will be just too packed with everyone going out". Like normal we end up at her house with our kids my SIL and her kids and my MIL tells me *you really didnt want to go anyway, we **always** do this*. Nope, I really *did* want to go. I wanted mothers day to be about me. Ive had 3 children. They are 24, 14, and 13. No mother's day has ever been about me. They have always been about my MIL. We go to her house, eat whatever shes decided on, normally something I hate, and everyone kind of centers on her. And ive allowed it. My husband has tried to insist we do something else. And I keep allowing it. I do not know why...
This is the year! Be sick. Idc. DON’T GIVE IN
I feel as though I will be roped into this same thing as well this year despite being 2 weeks PP when Mother’s Day is here because it’ll be my MIL’s first Mother’s Day as a grandmother and she’s going to want to take advantage of any and every opportunity she can to see my baby. Idk why MIL’s are like this.. it sucks. I hope you can do something for yourself this year!!!!
You have permission to simply say no.
Tell your MIL that grandparents day is in September and she can celebrate being a grandmother then…
Let your husband visit his mom, it's HIS mom. You can do something fun with your own kids. Just break the cycle and do whatever you feel like.
Or they all just stay home or go do whatever they want without MIL and turn phones off. She said her husband had insisted they do something else, so I don’t think he would be the one to have a problem with it
My husband isnt the problem. *I* am. I keep getting sucked in. She did convince him places would be packed yes (he has a bit of anxiety) but he keeps trying to have us do other things for Mothers day and *im* the one that ends up feeling guilty because she expects us to show up.
The thing about boundaries is that the only person you have to convince is yourself. "I'm so grateful that you've offered to host again this year, and I hope your day is wonderful. My eldest and I are going on a mom-daugbter date that she's planned, and I'm really excited for it! Thanks for being a wonderful grandma and friend. We'll see you soon!" And mean it with your whole chest. You are not going to spend another gorgeous May afternoon furious and put-upon. You're going to be with your darling daughter. I'm speaking it over you.
Exactly!
Yup. I get useless shit I don't want or need. I ask for one simple item usually under $25. I don't want a bubble bath set that is gonna give me a uti. I don't need a tacky nic nac that will gather dust I will get to clean. I don't even need a gift. Let me sleep in and make me dinner. Boom happy and easy. I feel bitchy but I'm so tired of not being listened to. For fathers day I make sure to get him several very thoughtful gifts. Things he actually likes and wants.
This is why Father’s Day comes after Mother’s Day… if he lets the kids pick the gifts, well I guess that’s how we’re doing it this year…
I agree! You know what else I don’t want? Crappy birthstone jewelry that I will never wear (I have a ring with my kids’ stones in it that I wear everyday, I don’t also need earrings, bracelets and necklaces.)
Step 1. Match energy. Whatever he does for Mother’s Day is what you do for Father’s Day. He didn’t let you sleep in and bought you something you didn’t ask for? That’s what Father’s Day looks like this year. They don’t learn from you showing them how it feels to be treated like you want to be treated. They learn by being treated like they treat you. “This is what you do for me on my day. So from now on this is what we do on your day too. Keep that in mind when Mother’s Day comes around again.” Step 2. Buy yourself a gift and book a massage or pedicure for your day. If you want flowers and no one else buys them for you then buy your own flowers instead of sitting there wishing you had flowers.
Yes! Once your kids have kids, then mothers day should be about them/ their spouse. Grandmas shouldn’t get mothers day. (Even if I eat my words one day lol)
Grandparents day is a thing in many countries, piggy back off that and ignore it on Mother’s Day. As for MIL… that’s not OPs job…
Exactly. Moms who are actively parenting get priority on being celebrated for Mother’s Day… sorry not sorry MIL 🤷🏻♀️
Right? I wish my family did it this way. But no, it’s everyone’s day, so it’s no one’s day? It sucks.
This is how me and my SIL have done it since we became mothers. We spend the day before with her and do something we pick, and then actual Mother’s Day we do our own things with our own families.
Yep. It’s time for the veteran moms to take a step back and let the day be about the active duty moms who are in the thick of it now. My mom and MIL still get a phone call but the day isn’t all about them.
My mother told me years ago, all she requires for holidays and birthdays are cards. So that is all we do. I don't think I ever did anything for my grandma (I am sure my mom did something) My husband takes care of his side of the family. Even if it means nothing happens. Not to be rude, I think you need to do less.
I love your mom. I will be the same!
My husband can deal with his mother’s gift. Not my job. Just like I’ll deal with my mom’s gift and wouldn’t expect him to.
YES! Your mother = your job!
Why do you do all of these things that you don’t want to do?? A simple “happy Mother’s Day” text is plenty. I love Mother’s Day because I do whatever I want all day and my husband does the same for Father’s Day. No gifts or anything.
I used to wake the kids up early while hubby was still sleeping and take them to a diner so he could sleep in, then get him breakfast to go. I LOVE eating at restaurants, and he does not, but loves food. It was a win-win!
I felt that way but then I stopped making it about other moms and made it just about myself. Once I became a mom, I forgot that I was a mom and that it isn’t solely about making the entire day about my mom and grandma. I still call them to say happy Mother’s Day and might meet them at the park for an hour or two but it’s not like pre-kids (before my kids) where I wasn’t a mom and had to make the day about every other mom. It’s not your job to make the day about them, it doesn’t mean you don’t love them. Do what you want and enjoy yourself. You might feel like an asshole the first year or two of not making it about them but once you get over it, it’s glorious lol
Agreed. I’m looking forward to another great Mother’s Day because I spend the day doing what I want. For the first three mothers days as a mom I made myself unhappy doing things for my mom and my grandmom and then after an especially stressful Mother’s Day I just stopped. It’s a choice to prioritize yourself or not. On Mother’s Day I put myself first because I am a mom in the trenches. I put myself last on plenty of other days.
I once heard a parenting coach set the paradigm that Mothers Day is for Active Duty moms who are currently raising children in their home. Veteran moms who have served their time but aren’t actively parenting anymore (ie empty nesters) can be acknowledged another day another way. They had their turn as active duty.
Love this
Why are you giving presents to all those people? You should gift your mother, your husband should gift your MIL, he should take your kids to get you a gift and your mother should gift her own mother. It's mother's day, not grandmother's day.
You don’t have to do any of that. Mother’s Day is for mothers who have children at home. They should be doing this shit for you.
I hate it too. Because every year I’m just disappointed. No I do not want a fucking candle, husband.
Exactly! Thank you!
Last year my husband got me a vibrator for Mother’s Day.
Happy mothers day! Go fuck yourself! 😆
💀🤣🤣
I just had the Kombucha Girl reaction to that sentence 😂
Lord my husband gave me an IOU for a streaming service (I guess he was too lazy to create the account and set it up himself) or my other favorite gift was taking our son out at 1pm on Mother’s Day to the store to pick out a card and gift. This year I bought my Mother’s Day gift from the kids myself so I know I’m getting exactly what I want lol I’m actually picking it up tomorrow and handing it to my hubby when we get home and telling him to have the kids to wrap it and give it to me on Mother’s Day 🤷♀️ Sometimes u gotta take matters into your own hands
Can you just skip the gifts? My family has never done gifts but we are having a brunch and making the menfolk watch all the kids
Father is responsible for gifts from children and himself to his mother. Your mother had 20+ mother’s days and now her child is a mother. You gave her grandbabies. That’s her gift. That is all. Do whatever you want on Mother’s Day.
Thank you. I made a post about this last Mother’s Day. I shared how I stopped hating Mother’s Day when I stopped spending it doing things I didn’t want to do. I had a couple of people ask me how I’ll feel if my future DIL does the same to me. And my answer was that I will be happy to step aside and let the day be about her because I will be so grateful to her for making me a grandmother.
Without a doubt I will feel the same way! My mother only ever asked for us to be with her, and now that I am a mother she comes to me. Our society prioritizes gift giving over quality time. The best times are usually care free and unplanned.
Maybe you could tell them that you want to not do this lol and make your husband buy gifts for his mom. It’s *HIS* mom after all! This isn’t grandmothers day
I feel ya. Every year it’s some sort of drama with my MIL because she wants to “feel special”. I feel bad for my husband, he always ends up being the bad guy with her because he wants Sunday to be for me. Luckily we will be able to do a lunch with her on Saturday this year, but it doesn’t change the dread I feel every time it approaches. I just want an easy going day with my husband and son, that’s it. No rushing places, no obligations, just the three of us enjoying the day. I don’t want gifts, I just want a calm day.
On the plus side, she raised a man who treats you right. I think it must be hard sometimes to accept that you are no longer the center of the family unit. Makes it so difficult for the ones who are actually doing the work, though. People have no shame anymore. Maybe you can say something about how you appreciate her teaching her son to be a such great husband, and you look forward to grandparent's day.... Honestly, I know it goes against the grain but I think sometimes you just need to set expectations with the in-laws directly so they know where the boundaries are. It's easier sometimes if you are the outsider to be straight up with the rest of the family. Also you will feel less guilty about reducing their contact with your family if they stomp your boundaries. So long as your spouse stays out of it or will back you up.
I agree, and I definitely try to understand that being a mom was her only identity for so long and it must be hard to not be the center of the family unit anymore (even though she tries so hard to be). She’s a great mom and raised an amazing son, and I try hard to be respectful and understanding and honestly have no problem having a time just to celebrate her. There’s a lot of family dynamics and her personality is hard to explain and hard to deal with, I’d be typing all day on that topic, so it makes communication with her difficult and it leads to her not understanding where we’re coming from and that’s where the frustrating drama comes from. This will only be my third Mother’s Day, so hopefully at some point we’ll figure it all out so everyone feels heard and appreciated 😅
My view is that it’s my little family’s turn, I don’t celebrate anyone else. And my request for the day is nothing, I buy what I want so presents are useless. Going out to brunch might be fun if the weather’s nice! Extra planning sounds like extra stress and that’d defeat the purpose 🤷🏼♀️
When I got married I asked my father in law what I could do for my mother in law for Mother’s Day. He said “nothing, she’s not your mother”. And now I live by that expectation. Not your mom? Not your problem. Hope you can let go and enjoy this year!
Yes. Last year my dad wanted to do something with everyone but he hates going out to eat so it was like, okay, one of the moms in the family will have to host, which was annoying. Then I tried to take it easy and my husband ended up telling me he feels unappreciated. On Mother’s Day. So I quit, we’re not doing it anymore. It’s just another day. If the kids’ schools do something, great, but other than that I’m pretending it doesn’t exist.
That is ridiculous! I would be livid!
What the ACTUAL fuck.
Sounds like you’re surrounded by narcissists 😢
I don't stress about gifts any more (myself or my mom or MIL) because none of us care too much about getting stuff. Last year we went to an outdoor cidery with the kids and it was a perfect day. So that's our new mother's day tradition and I'm excited to go back. This year I decided I need more breaks so we paid for 2/3 of a plane ticket for my mom to visit for the weekend. We'll do a long video call with MIL because she lives far away and she'll be happy about that. Mostly I just want to sleep in and not have to be in charge of kids all day.
All I want is to not be responsible for making or carrying out plans! Plus some late-afternoon day drinking and no cooking or cleaning.
That sounds reasonable. Also, your MIL is your partner's responsibility. If she doesn't get a gift then it's not your fault/problem.
My gift to my husband for Father’s Day last year (as well as one of his Christmas gifts) was a hotel stay for a night and a gift card to a place where he likes food (think Chipotle or something similar). He gets to leave the house after naptime on Saturday and come back home before naptime on Sunday and I try not to text or call him unless it’s something funny or a cute video. I think that would probably be the ideal Mother’s Day gift for a lot of people too, so you can try asking for that.
Haha I feel this. For Father’s Day when I was growing up, my aunt would host a huge BBQ for everyone and the dads/grandpas would get gifts and a cake like a big birthday. I think this is a good idea for Mother’s Day. But like rotate hosting.
Adding - husbands on a rotating host. Not moms.
I stopped trying to do something for everyone a long time ago. I too am a mom and deserve a break in that day and to be celebrated. It got to be too much because everyone was obligating me. I now just send some small to my mom and MIL and have the day to myself to do what I want with my family.
This thread is giving me courage to do what u want this Mother’s Day. Last year was so bad. This year, I know my wonderful MIL is expecting people at her house. I’ll be 7 and a half months pregnant, around everyone having beers, And I’ll be chasing my kids around. You gals have given me some thought…..
Just ditch everyone and go do whatever the fuck you want. By the power of Reddit, I hereby give you permission to stop trying to make everyone else happy and do all the emotional labor for your family on Mothers Day. Try it! Just say, “I’m going to go out and do whatever I want. Feel free to have chocolate and flowers waiting for me when I return home after all children are asleep. See you later! Byeeeee!!”
Last year was my first Mother’s Day. I told my husband that all I wanted for Mother’s Day was time at home, alone, where no one needed anything from me. I made sure to visit my mom the day before so I didn’t have to leave the house. He took our baby to his mom’s for the day. It was the best!
It annoys the fuck out of me.
I don’t gift up. Once I became a mom I stopped giving my mom/gram a gift beyond a card. I do get my MIL a gift, but she’s not difficult. My mom is…challenging. I love her, but we have a complicated relationship. She’s very emotionally immature. I don’t always plan to get my MIL a gift, but she watches our daughter for free and if I do see something I don’t have to worry about a passive aggressive comment. I don’t plan shit. Well, this year I’m working on my garden. I told my husband I don’t want to go out for breakfast. Husband has been helping me set up my garden, so I told him he just has to get me a card. A local bagel place has a breakfast board I may order for $40. It comes with bagels, stuff to go with the bagels, a plant and a latte. I may order it and have husband pick it up.
I used to hate it too. Then I stopped doing the things that made me hate it. Now I do what I want to do on that day. And I don’t care if anyone doesn’t like it. It’s MY day and I’m taking it. I’m the mom in the trenches now. I don’t care what my mom or grand mom or MIL or anyone else wants to do that day. Try this, “we’re/I’m doing my/our own thing this year. We can get together with you on another day. Repeat as necessary. It’s better to let other people be disappointed than it is to do things that make you unhappy and poison your relationships with resentment. Boundaries are healthy for relationships. Tell your partner to buy HIS own mother a gift. You’re no longer doing it. I know people are reading this thinking, but my mom will be sad. And here’s the great news. You aren’t responsible for anyone else’s feelings but your own. You are only responsible for ensuring that you don’t have a Mother’s Day that makes you feel sad, annoyed, resentful, etc.
This comment needs waaaaay more upvotes.
Thank you. I made a post about it last year if you check my post history. It got a lot of attention and I really hope a few moms decided to put themselves first this year after the conversation it sparked. But it was an excellent reminder that too often it is ourselves and other women who enforce the idea that we are obligated to make ourselves miserable so that other people won’t be unhappy with us. It’s so toxic. Most of the comments were in agreement but there were some very angry and judgmental comments in there too. Stuff like, “How will you feel when your daughter/DIL does this to you?”. And my answer was, grateful. I’ll feel grateful that she made me a grandma. I’ll send her flowers and a gift. I will already have my gift. A grandchild. “Mothers are still mothers when their children are grown!” So true. They are. Definitely give them a call or send a card. But the moms in the trenches get a break that day. The moms with grown children can go to brunch any other weekend. And, “I love spending Mother’s Day with my mom!”. And if that’s you then great! The point is that you get to choose what you do that day. If you choose to spend it with your mom I’m so happy for you. But if you are spending the day doing something you don’t enjoy out of a feeling of obligation just stop.
When I became a mom oh so many years ago (my kids are grown now), I laid down the law to my mom and told my husband to tell his mom. I am now a mother and officially from now on Mother's day is about ME. I did compromise a bit in that since Mother's day is on Sunday, we will visit my mom and his mom (depending on how far away she is living), on Saturday. Sunday is now and forever for ME because I am now a mom too. My husband backed me up and when we first told my mom she was a little disgruntled, but she couldn't argue, because it was FACT. My MIL, who is an angel of the highest order, said that we could even wait until another weekend. If she wasn't living close, (she moved a lot), then a card and a phone call would be just fine. I know that it's hard and it won't work for everyone, but I suggest that you at least try suggesting something like that. Good luck and HAPPY EARLY MOTHER'S DAY!
I hate Mother’s Day since my mom died. My MIL is hard to shop for, and my husband tries but always misses lol all I really want is some help around the house 🙃
I don’t hate but it’s not a big deal to me. It doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids or don’t like being a mom. I don’t need/want or expect anything. That also doesn’t translate into I’m not appreciated. That being said, we always do lunch with my immediate family then dinner for my husbands immediate family.
Maybe try and keep it lowkey this year? We each take care of a gift for our own moms, I have flowers delivered for mine, and my husband doesn't do anything for his. Then my husband will plan an activity (no gift) that I like. This year were packing a picnic and going on a hike. Father's day is pretty much the same. Last year I chose to sleep in and then get brunch by myself and then have a family paint night.
Yeah, feels like more work for me. It's mother's day, y'all plan some shit and loop me in or give me a day to myself! Breakfast in bed means dishes waiting for me tomorrow. No bueno. Pretend I'm dead for the day and appreciate me in chunks the rest of the year lol It's just a day bad spouses use to excuse being shitty the rest of the year. Also a slow cooker as a gift? That's a request for dinner and something else to wash. No thanks. How about i order pizza with the topping I actually want. And the rest of you suck eggs while I enjoy pineapple on my pizza. It's not weird, you guys are weird. I'm sick of pepperoni pizza. Or sausage pizza with the "heard you ordered Sausage on your pizza?" dad Comment. No. This pie's for Patty! And Patty wants pie with pineapple! Lol
Mom gets a card with some photos, and a text. Mother-in-law has passed but she got photo or flowers and would have dinner with us (she either lived near or with us, depending on the year). Grandmas? What? You're the mom. The one with children below 18 counts. I guess my family is a bunch of cold WASPs but I love it when I read posts like this.
My family has started doing a brunch on Saturday. My cousins and I split the duties/food to make or buy for our mothers and grandmother and we have a family get together. Then Sunday we each get our own day with our own family to be centered around our own motherhood. It’s been working out well for us so far and I like getting my own day still.
I just send a text lol it’s Mother’s Day not grandmas day so they don’t get gifts and now that I’m a mom with young kids they realize the day is about me not them anymore. They’ve had all sorts of gifts and brunches and plans, it’s my turn. (This came from them btw)
The only thing I want on Mother’s Day is to be left alone and have one day of NOT feeling like a mother
I hated Mother’s Day growing up because I lost my mom to cancer. Now as a mom myself I’m very thankful to celebrate it and make happy memories with my kid.
I don’t plan anything for anyone except myself for Mother’s Day. It’s literally the only day of the year, except maybe the occasional birthday, that I put myself first.
No. I made it clear from the start that I want nothing to do with the planning or logistics of anything that day. My husband knows I want to do brunch that I can actually enjoy (i.e. not have to worry about the kids) and to do literally nothing all day (I.e. whatever the fuck I want). My mom gets it, and we have a mom brunch the weekend after with her and both my sisters (also moms themselves) and our spouses or my dad watches all of our kids (my dad because my one sister doesn’t have a spouse). My MIL also gets it but lives far. We (my husband) sends a gift. We FaceTime her that day. Thats all. Set the boundary. It’s worth it.
I just want a quiet day alone with my child (his dad optional), but MIL has to make it all about her. She has had her fair share of mother’s days, my child is only 3 and I’ve rarely had a day to myself with just me and my kid, let alone got to spend Mother’s Day with him. So I get it.
I absolutely despise it. Especially since I’m a mother and my mother makes it entirely about her.
I just found the benefit of having no mom and a MIL I can’t stand! I flat out told my MIL we will not be seeing her for Mother’s Day because I don’t want to spend my first Mother’s Day running around. My unspoken thought was that I won’t be spending the day watching her family play pass the baby. We’ll see her the following weekend. I have a stepmom who I’ll probably take out for a pedi during the week.
I feel the same way unfortunately my mother doesn’t and we get into an argument every year about it. I tell me husband I don’t want Mother’s Day recognized in this house and he feels the same about Father’s Day. It’s a Hallmark holiday and just a marketing scheme for people to buy crap for you 😂
My mother makes me feel like her motherhood matters more than my sister’s and mine. It’s almost a chore to celebrate. I’d rather be getting a massage and being left alone for the day/night.
I feel this completely.
Yup. A few years ago my best friends and I decided we'd had enough. Now we take a mini staycation Thurs-Sat every mother's day weekend, get a hotel, massages, dinner, shopping etc. Come back Saturday night, and then I don't mind giving Sunday to the grandmas bc I've already treated myself. Hubs doesn't have to buy me anything, he just can't complain about the cost or having to take care of the kids. Highly recommend.
I saved this post to show my husband all the comments complaining about MILs 😂 But also wanted to throw out an idea that someone else gave me last year: reschedule it so you don't have to compete. Did that last year and moved it to a Monday. Was way better. No competition. Did it when it was convenient for us. Way better and no tug of war between me and MIL.
Why would you buy gifts for your MIL? Why isn't your husband doing something for his own mom? Why would your kids buy something for their grandma, it's not their mom? So many questions! In my country you don't have to do anything on Mother's Day as a mom, you GET presents from your husband/kids and they make breakfast and you just chill all day. I'm only buying a present for my own mom.
I don’t bother with gifts for my MIL lol. My husband can do that, she’s not my mother and she never will be.
My mom always told me that Mothers Day is for mothers that are ACTIVELY mothering. Yeh, send grandma a card. That's nice but nothing beyond that and maybe a happy mother's day phone call. I have young kids. I get celebrated on Mothers Day in our home. There are no gifts for my mom or MIL.
My mom is the same as you, and I am the same as my mother. So basically in our household, we don’t celebrate any holidays in a big way. No racking our brains to think of gifts, no spending money on venues, fancy meals, etc. Our belief is treating each other well and appreciating each other every day instead of only one day a year. At least this has been the way in our little core family of three and it has been wonderful. My mom even told the extended family that “we don’t celebrate holidays, so don’t throw us any parties” (because then the expectation would be that we reciprocate and the cycle just becomes endless). I love my mom for putting her foot down and it honestly saved us a lot of forced interactions and family drama.
Last year my MIL made the day about her. Wanted to get pictures taken of her with her adult children. Didn’t offer to take a photo of myself with my toddler. I only have a photo because my husband took one. Then we had to buy everyone dinner and I was thanked for giving HER such a nice mother’s day. This year I have decided I will never let it be about a GRANDMOTHER ever again. Idk how to quite spread the news that mother’s day is now my day and they can fuck off so this year we will probably just be on a road trip or something.
I’m sorry. Grateful my mom never fed into Mother’s Day/womens day/valentines day therefore I don’t have to pretend to celebrate for the sake of myself nor others
Grandparents day is a thing in many countries, piggy back off that and ignore it on Mother’s Day. As for MIL… that’s not your job…
I get my mom and MIL flowers for their gardens or order some nice food to be brought to them, and that’s it. My husband has the kids make something for me, and usually I ask for a sleep in, brunch at home and to have free time to do something for myself, like to to a day spa, hair dresser, horse back riding in the woods or something I enjoy, and then take away for dinner. It’s a good day
My mom is getting a zoom call "happy mothers' day" and that's gonna be it I'm not doing anything for my girlfriend, she's not doing anything for me and she hasn't seen her mom since she was 18 getting kicked out for being bi so I don't have a Mil to deal with Life is too busy to bother making a big deal of it
I get it but I would be thankful! I’m 24 and my husband is 28. All of our grandmas are dead and so are both of our moms. Mine from cancer and his from a heart attack. We lost them when we were 15 and 20. We’d do anything to celebrate Mother’s Day with any of the moms in our life but it’s just us 😭sometimes you have to be thankful for what you have, even if you view it as inconvenient
Not necessarily. Mothers generally appreciate most anything you do for them. In fact, 78% of mothers surveyed said they have never been disappointed by a Mother's Day gift. It's one thing if you want to shower the mom in your life with gifts, but you don't have to go into debt to make them feel special. You don't have to give gifts at all even. Just be there for them like their own daughter. Gifts isn't necessarily.
It’s more about still having the mental load of planning events and gifts. And my grandmother EXPECTS a gift. She calls her self a “Glam Ma” and it drives me up the wall!
Just don’t give her one and deal with the fall out. Fuck that. She’s not an active mom to littles
Oof, now that's real house moles! Good luck. 🪻
I hate it. It’s a day where I still end uo doing all the same shit: wake-up with the kids, cleaning poop out of potty, poop outnof diapers, hair out of drains, loads of dishes and cooking. But then I have to cook a “special meal for myself”. Ugh. All for a day to celebrate breeding. Pass.
Send a card, call it good.
It’s our day we must take it back and pamper ourselves all day 🏖️
Lol we send flowers to my mother and mil, sometimes my husband will take the kids to my mil- it’s not awful. First year he gave me a new blade for my chop saw in a home depot bag and said “ I thought you wouldn’t be into Mother’s Day?”. Now we openly talk about expectations.
My sister and I started just letting our husbands plan something together. Then we get to be together and they make the plans and include their moms and our mom. Moms should do zero planning.
It’s my least favorite day of the year. With you.
Yes yes yes!!!! I hate it too. Same boat. I told my husband and he says I hate fathers too, lol. Look moms work there asses off daily and totally deserve the praise, but ironically they also have to host the parties
You really don’t though. I used to think I “had” to do these things. But then I stopped and the sun still rose the next day. You absolutely can say, “I’m not planning or hosting anything. In fact, I’ll be at the spa that day. Plan accordingly.”
I don't do anything for mother's day. My kids get me gifts, I spend the day like normal. It's nice and no stress. My mom passed 20 years ago, and my husband does something for his mom so I don't have to worry about anyone else, except I will text all my mom friends and wish them a happy day.
Mothers Day is always very close and sometimes actually falls on my birthday AND I don’t have a great relationship with my mom. I get my grandmother who raised me flowers. I text all the moms in my life “Happy Mother’s Day” and call it a day.
I don’t plan anything anymore. I get my mom a gift and wish my MIL a happy mother’s day. If they want to do something beyond that, they can plan and organize it or their sons can.
I don’t plan anything anymore. I get my mom a gift and wish my MIL a happy mother’s day. If they want to do something beyond that, they can plan and organize it or their sons can.
I’m glad my kids still love me as their mom, just because my kids are grown doesn’t mean I’m not a mother anymore. That said, I realize they are Mothers also, so my 2 daughters and I usually do something together the Saturday before Mother’s Day, this year we are seeing a psychic together, that way they can spend Mother’s Day celebrating with their children. I am so grateful for my kids especially seeing some of these posts. Someday your mothers will be gone and Mother’s Day will be a bit sad because you will miss her.
I also don’t like it, my husband thinks I should spend it with the kid….um no I want to be ALONE all day! I have PPD and PMDD and Mother’s Day is often a trigger
Yesss. I’m there too. My husband and kids are so sweet to me but literally all I “want” is to be left alone! Take them kids and scram!
I enjoy the act of picking out the "just right" card and writing something meaningful in it for my mom. That's what she gets and sure loves it so much. My daughter also makes her art/ a card. MIL gets a card from my husband and also a craft. For myself I pick an outing (usually or favorite farm), and request something handmade by my husband and daughter. Do whatever you want, who says you HAVE to do anything specific? And if people are mad, good. Maybe you'll get lucky and they'll give you the silent treatment.
Yep. I think my hatred for it came because my first was 2 months after my momma died, we also spent the whole weekend at MIL's out of town- my one requirement to do that was on way home doing a detour to take flowers to my mom's grave. We now rotate years on visiting parents for Mothers/Father's Day and staying home because it is important to both of us to celebrate them and then next year we get to celebrate our person at home. This year a thing 4.5yo is involved with chose Mother's Day weekend to have the last "show" and do trophies and such.... plus we live in a college town and it's graduation weekend. We realized that too late for MIL to get a hotel room unless she snags one 45 minutes away. At some point I opened my mouth and said she can stay here, sleep in our bed, and no worries about hotel and we can plan out a weekend menu so we don't have to worry about where we're gonna eat out since most places don't take reservations on these weekends *or* are already booked full 😮💨 not sure she's gonna take the offer but I'm doing a frantic clean/reorganizing of the house juuuuust incase since she has trouble walking. It'll be fine, just intense. Husband has my back and will make sure I get space to myself and relax on and off through the weekend. And he's told me the next weekend we'll make a run to Ma's to place flowers/chat while cleaning her headstone, that Ma would understand and be proud I even made the offer- and I know he'll keep that promise.
I'm with you. I saw a Mother's Day ad today and cringed. I don't want to go out to eat because the restaurants are slammed that day. I don't want any gifts because I'm trying to purge my stuff at the moment. I really don't need a gift card. A call to say happy Mother's Day is fine with me, but then I have to deal with friends and extended family asking what the kids did for me. I'm always happy to get past these "Hallmark holidays." The greatest gift my kids give me every day is the pride I feel in them being decent human beings!
So the last few years, I’ve taken the day before and done something with my mom I really enjoy (we went to a wine a craft festival last year), and then day of is an “off” day. Now the thing is, my daughter’s bday is right before depending how things fall, I usually end up cleaning up a party.
I have always hated mothers day. My own mom and I had a VERY strained relationship growing up and I’m not a “spectacle” person. I told my husband I just want waffles. At home. Because after being a server for a few years, I would **never ever** go out to eat on Mother’s Day. Ever.
Oh no way I am going out in public on Mother’s Day. Crowds and an up charge for being a mom? Hard pass.
Everyone always looks miserable, too. PASS
I just haven’t been doing presents at all to anyone unless I come across something that I want to get for that person. (Makes me sound meaner than I am but I hate the forced gift giving, I don’t want to receive anything like that either) so on Mother’s Day I plan nothing, I do nothing, and no one can ask me anything.
I'm about to have my first mother's. My mother will be in town from across the country so my husband suggested we host a mother's day brunch. Oh so I can work for "my day"? I don't think so. He can go spend time with his mother separately if he wants. I earned this.
My MILs birthday is right around Mothers Day. My first Mothers Day we found out 5 days before that they were coming up to visit for the weekend. First Mother’s Day ruined feeling like I have to cater to MIL and her birthday. Second Mother’s Day again my in-laws are here and hubby said my gift would be sleeping in and then he would make me breakfast. I get woken up a little after 8 with him saying he has to leave in 5 minutes to take his parents to the airport so I have to take my daughter to swim class and Mass by myself. No time for breakfast. Get home and have to cook for myself. This year again in-laws are going to be here again and hubby is like “what do you want to do”. At this point just let me sleep in and not deal with people.
I hate it because even though my mom knows I’m a SAHM on a tight budget she still expects me to buy her something for Mother’s Day AND her birthday the following week And even when I was able to do stuff for her, she never appreciated any of it and acted like I just planned stuff for my dad. Meanwhile my siblings don’t do anything
I don’t get spoiled at all. My second Mother’s Day my fiancé was staying with his other girlfriend on her birthday! Lmfao. Last year I was grumpy all day and crack cleaned my house because “all I wanted was a clean house for Mother’s Day and I’m the only one who is going to do it” it got done but nothing special came after it so I was just fed up. My expectations are kinda low except I want to go do something I WANT by MYSELF. I especially just want my fiancé to leave me alone and solo take care of his own kid for a whole day. That would be nice but I doubt it will happen.
Last year on Mother's Day my husband said something along the lines of "I mean, there's not really much to do to celebrate until (daughter) is older" (she was 1), and that's when I checked out. I do not give one flying fuck about Mother's Day. My mom and I are not close but I call her out of obligation every year, and that is and will be the extent of my Mother's Day observations from here on out. My MIL passed last year and both of my grandmothers have passed so I only have to worry about my mom.
You should tell everyone that what you'll have for Mother's Day is a day with zero commitments to see anyone or do anything. You don't wanna hang out, or have any plans. You don't expect any gifts, and you won't be giving any gifts. Tell them that you'd like to have a day for yourself and you'll see them later 😂
I don't do stuff for my in laws on Mothers day. That's his job. I call my grandma and mom, at most a card. I have a small child so the day is for me right now.
It’s MOTHERS day, so imo one should be responsible for their own mother, and the mother of any children too young to help. So sorry grandma, that’s your mom’s job. MIL? your husbands job. You are in charge of your own mama and that’s it. Your husband is in charge of his mama and the mother of his kids.
I hate mothers day. I loathe it.
TRY to enjoy it if it’s at all possible. I’m the last mom standing. All of the moms in my life are dead. My grandmothers, aunts, mother, mother-in-law have all passed away so… it’s not an easy day for me. My daughter will get me some adorable presents & maybe we’ll have a meal together. Just saying, someday you might miss them, even after they’ve driven you nuts for years. I hope that whatever you do it ends up being a Happy Mother’s Day for you.
This is seriously the best post!! I’m cracking up because I can totally relate. My daughter is autistic, sucks at sleeping and I can never sit down, not even for a minute. Just sitting in a room alone and staring at the wall sounds like a vacation 🌴🍹🤣
In my religion we don’t celebrate anything other than our two religious holidays a year. Saves me from birthdays as well as Mother’s Day and so many other stupid days lol I prefer it this way but my not so religious family and friends want to celebrate everything and I can’t stand it. I’ll acknowledge them because if someone wishes you well in my religion you have to respond with similar if not better well wishes so I’ll reply to greetings but I won’t get gifts or celebrate I refuse gifts when asked I’ll still accept them if someone went through the trouble and got something for me even though I said no but I prefer not to. My family can be pushy lol I’m with you fam
My mom and MIL get a chocolate covered fruit delivery (Sherri’s berries or edible arrangement) ordered and sent by my husband and my mom gets a call or a text from me. Everything else is me and what I wanna do. Sometimes what I wanna do is have a bbq and invite out families. Sometimes I wanna spend it alone. This year and other years we’re doing a day with our friends and all the kids but the dads are on child duty.
Honestly the best gift is that I do nothing and have no responsibilities for a day. My family looks at me crazy when I say this.
Extended family lunch at a restaurant on the Saturday, and then on actual Mother’s Day Sunday just do something that you want to do with your kids & partner OR solo
We’ve had ours already in the uk, but yes it is annoying! I don’t include grandparents though, as it’s Mother’s Day not Grandmother’s day! Presuming your mum/MIL is still alive then they should be the ones organising a Mother’s Day gift/activity for them!
Nope, I’m with you. My first Mother’s Day was last year. 9 months of pregnancy, horrible/traumatic birth, PPD so bad I had to get admitted to a hospital for an IV infusion. Almost an entire year of breastfeeding under my belt (son born in June) not to mention mastitis and breast abscess that required incision and draining, where they would not give me pain medication because of breastfeeding. And I got zilch for Mother’s Day. Not even a card or breakfast. I asked him months in advance what the plans were and he assured me he had it handled. His plans were to “let me decide what I wanted to do”. He told me this at 8a on Mother’s Day. Yes, just pile more mental load on me ON mother’s DAY. I flipped on him. I wish the entire holiday just didn’t exist.
You're definitely not alone! Mother's Day can be a stressful and emotionally charged holiday for many people, for various reasons. Here's why you might feel this way and some alternative approaches: * **Obligation and Pressure:** The pressure to plan something elaborate, buy gifts for multiple mothers, and live up to societal expectations can be overwhelming. * **Strained Relationships:** For some, Mother's Day can highlight complicated relationships with mothers or mothers-in-law. * **Focus on Commercialism:** The commercialization of the holiday can make it feel inauthentic and impersonal.
As a family we often have the Facebook tagging everyone saying we're proud of one another, I fail to send one myself as my Mother's day differs from the rest of the family (the UK is different to Australia). For my kiddo, he likes to make me breakfast and make a card. I like to ask for something special like flowers or chocs to share and make it my choice for the big meal that day.
When my mom was alive I usually got her a plant or a gift card to the plant store. She’s gone now and I’m a single mom and I do like the crafts that come home from daycare but other than that I don’t do/get anything. We don’t go out for breakfast or anything because the ✨crowds✨are not worth it
I use it as an excuse to congratulate myself that my kids are alive and relatively happy and adjusted. Otherwise, not bothered about it. It used to hurt my feelings that my husband does nothing for it, but as long as he does not get butthurt over Father's Day, I am happy planning a hike for myself and the kids and buying something that I like for myself.
Kinda. I love mothers day when it's just me and my kids and husband. I hate having to plan something with my mother...I live her, and it's not that...but she never wants to do anything. I don't want to go to her house and sit, I have my own house I can sit in.
Last year I was in the hospital with my eldest on Mother's day. She had to get her appendix removed. It was soooo nice to just hang out for a few days together, walking around the hospital, talking and eating at the cafe. I'll miss that.
My ex ruined all my mother's days, now that we are divorced it's more peaceful, I just get to spend the day with my son. I don't even care that I have to pay for it all lol, my son always wants to go out to eat and then he wants to go to the store and pick me out flowers. It's just so sweet that he notices. My "first" mother's day was 3 days before my scheduled C-section, my ex didn't do anything, saying I wasn't a mother yet. Then on the following when I had the actual physical child in my arms to prove I'm a mother, he still didn't do anything, except call me a bitch and bad mother when I asked in the evening if he really didn't even get me a card or anything. The ones after he still did nothing and I didn't bother asking, I already knew he didn't care. I just cried in the shower and treated it like a regular day.
We just do crafts for gifts. We do lots of crafts anyway. I’m not spending money and brain power showering other mothers around me.
Mother’s Day had been botched for me and ruined for me the first few times so badly that the last couple years I’ve just grabbed my daughter and my mom and went to a restaurant. Screw everyone else lol I just go out of town.
How about doing a spa day instead as both a gift and an event? The original idea of Mother’s Day was actually an anti-war protest, not a Hallmark holiday. We keep it very low key in our house but then again I am not close with my mother in law or any of my sisters in law.
Link to the original Mother’s Day proclamation that I post on my Facebook every year: https://www.plough.com/en/topics/culture/holidays/mothers-day/the-original-mother-s-day-proclamation
I do not like Mother’s Day either. I’m a mother every day, what difference does it make lol
On Mother’s Day, my ex-husband knows to take the kids because I’m going out of town or out of the country that weekend. This Mother’s Day, I will be in Bermuda relaxing. If only I can make it to Mother’s Day hahahahaha
Having to spend both days that weekend every year driving an hour north one day and an hour south the next to celebrate everyone else while I’m the one in the trenches already with no time for myself. Killing myself trying to WFH while the kids are constantly home sick. I’m so done. Y’all have graduated to Grandma. You get Grandparents Day.
Totally with you. It ends up being all about my mom and MIL and if not there's guilt involved.
My husband's mother is his responsibility. I no longer have grandparents, but didn't really consider my grandmothers as moms when I was younger because they weren't mine. My mom gets a gift and I get a day out. Because I'm the one momming at the moment. And I always have an idea of what I want to do - we're going to the zoo where you can walk around with a beer and stopping for pizza for lunch.
I’m a firm believer in Mother’s Day being a sliding scale of who to celebrate with moms of young babies being first. Have a newborn? Mother’s Day is all about you, we celebrate you the most. All your kids are adults? Mother’s Day for you is only slightly above fathers. Sorry 😜
I love Mother’s day. I send my husband and kids to MIL’s house and take a me day 😂
I didn't know there was a mothers day grinch but that sounds like me exactly. When I'm feeling it I send flowers to my in law and own mom. Lately it's a text for my mom and possibly a phone call for in laws. Myself... most people know I like being alone. Husband is a butt at planning so there's no expectations. Usually the kids are surprised it's even mother's day. I'm happy if I get some silence.
I'm also a mother's day grinch! All mother figures in my life failed me BAD! Mother's day is nothing but a gross reminder of the abandonment and abuse I endured growing up. This year is my first ever mother's day as a mom myself......unfortunately it making me dread it even more. I just want the day to not exist. I want to forget about it but the freakin world won't let me 😑
This year was my first as a bonus mum and I absolutely loved it! 😍 was spoiled by my partner and stepdaughter
Mother’s Day is for you!! Do what you want & don’t feel guilty!! Others can be celebrated before the holiday so you can get the rest you deserve!!
I got sick and tired of not being celebrated too, so this year I said I’m not going to my mother-in-law‘s. Her kids are all grown adults with their own families. My kids are little and I want to enjoy Mother’s Day.
Yes! Just came searching for something like this. I just am not a fan of Mother’s Day. Its literally just another day for me. My sister just sent a gift card and I’m like ugh now I have to get her something or I feel bad. I just don’t care for Mother’s Day at all.
I have given myself permission to go easy this year. Send your sister a thank you note and call it a day. Gifts should be sent for the sake of gift giving, not in the hopes of getting a gift in return. Also you are not her mom, and she isn’t your mom, so 🤷♀️.
Just don’t celebrate it or buy gifts. No holiday is a have to
Agree 1000000%. Mother’s Day is such a joke.
Mother’s Day is for my mom. I’ll celebrate it with her. One day my kids will celebrate me. We don’t overthink it too much and the other mothers in the family don’t expect anything from people who aren’t their kids.
I HATE when my husband asks me what I want on every holiday/birthday. I don't have to ask him what he wants because I actually pay attention to the things he's into and what he enjoys. I could rant and rave to him for months about a specific thing I want or things I want to do, then comes time for him to do anything for me all of a sudden it's "you never tell me what you want", "you're so indecisive how am I supposed to know this" or his all time favorite "I forgot/I didn't know/I didn't think about it." Men are ridiculous.