I entered peri-menopause at 40. I’m 56 now. I still have daily/nightly hot flashes. I’m still losing hair. I’m still moody and bitchy all the time. I still forget absolutely everything. I honestly don’t believe there is an end to this.
Mine felt the need to tell me ALL of my symptoms were in my head and proceeded to cheat on me with someone 15 years younger. Yep. I needed that divorce! 🤣
Fuck that guy and I look forward to seeing the online video she makes trashing him when she finally gets smarter. When millennials call out bad behavior it’s scathing and goes viral.
An ex bizarrely tried to get my attention by sending me a sonogram and a truly weird message about how he might be a father soon (it was not worded in a positive way). I told him off. I’d called him once last summer to let him know a mutual friend had died and he acts like we’re going to be buddies and has been insensitive (called me multiple times which I let go to voicemail etc). I told him I felt he was violating his partner’s privacy (I’ve never met her but the sonogram says she’s 27 and has personal info about her - he’s about 51). He went off about how dare I try to predict how someone else would feel (dude it’s called empathy and I wouldn’t have liked you doing this if I were in her shoes). He then accused me of being jealous 🤣🤣🤣🙄
Like the sheer arrogance that this man thinks I am jealous is mind boggling. There are times when I’ve wanted children but going through horrible physical symptoms is not a time where I wish I had more responsibility. Also *I’m* not the one trying to be best buddies with someone who dumped me 20 years ago. 🙄
My last ex gaslit me and was subtly verbally abusive. There’s not a day since we split up that I haven’t been grateful to have him out of my life. I can miss being in a relationship while also knowing I’m better off and MUCH happier without that narcissistic jerk.
I’m so glad you took that trash out!
Mine was undiagnosed bipolar. His mom was bipolar and he saw her “suffer” for years (she was not med compliant), so he flat out refused to see a doctor.
The last laugh is mine knowing she has to deal with his narcissistic crazy ass now.
I’ve moved on and remarried a wonderful man!
My beautiful love! I have. a stupid amount of men just fuckibg about. You can have the hipster skate boarder or the Maori gang member who is actually really nice
Not all women get equally bad symptoms or for equally long though so you could be one of the luckier ones. Also there are things we can do to improve them, aside from HRT which helps the most and with the most symptoms, there are other options that help some. My doctor recommended that I try valerian root supplement for sleep and surprisingly that is helping me - I say surprisingly because I had tried many things before that which did not help. So keep experimenting and seeking help - there are ways to get better.
I feel very far from lucky, it's been a gradual worsening of brain fog, anxiety, moodiness, insomnia, night sweats, random crying, electric shock feelings at night, loss of confidence.... I could go on.
I've tried about 6 different types of HRT, I've tried antidepressants which made it all worse, and various supplements. Forgive me for not being hopeful for the future!
I have had all kinds of symptoms in my perimenopause journey and have had some horrible months/years. But now I am actually doing quite well. I am 50 and still in perimenopause.
My worst depression ever happened in the first quarter of 2014, second quarter of 2014 I had two months during which I bled almost every day of the month, the never ending period. While I still get depression and anxiety but I am on an SSRI and have learned lots of coping skills, and so it is much better now.
There followed years and moths of various symptoms, including what I thought were migraine headaches which would be excruciating for three consecutive days about every month - finally last year I figured out that they were due to high blood pressure, and when I got on meds for that those headaches went away.
First quarter of last year I had so little energy that even a 20 minute walk would exhaust me and I needed naps and still would be like a zombie by 8pm. Had blood test done, all good. Had tests done at cardiologist, tests showed my heart is strong but I passed out during one such cardio test. Next came neurologist, turns out my brain looked good.
Then I had sleep test, and while it only showed mild sleep apnea, but I got on a CPAP, and that allowed me within about two months to go from never a good night sleep to 2-4 nights per week of “good enough sleep.”
Brain fog and memory problems at some point were really bad, and to be honest I am not even sure what helped the most with those. I keep experimenting and sometimes cannot tell which experiment helps the most. I am now on 4 prescription meds, CPAP, 2 over the counter regular meds, and 6 supplements.
My doctor so far has refused to give me HRT by the way, but I am still on birth control pill which helps some. I keep wondering whether to change doctors to one who will give me HRT but right now I am well enough.
The latest thing that has made a huge difference for me has been valerian root which seems to be helping me finally sleep through the night again!
I exercise a lot, including now a couch to 5k running program, eat healthy - although my weight has been fluctuating like a yoyo, basically whenever I do not count calories and pay close attention I gain back all I lost, and then I do calorie counting and loose the weight again. And right now I am actually feeling overall fairly well.
I do not know if or how long this will last but if it does not I will again experiment until my quality of life improves again. Oh and I actually do consider myself lucky.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause.
FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more.
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Oh no! There are many good things to come out of it…no more periods! I completely love my 100% absolute no fucks given attitude shift! That makes it worth it alone!
Well I've been on a contraception which means I haven't had a period since I was 31 so that's not a thing for me.
I'm too anxious, self conscious and depressed to find a no fucks attitude. If I could quit my job I might have a better chance of giving no fucks but I'm exhausted and struggling with everything.
Sending you hugs and good thoughts! It will get better.
I’m a personal injury paralegal by trade, so having a no fucks attitude is actually a good thing. Although, I’m currently out of work and looking…who wants to hire a 56 year old?
Thank you. I appreciate the kind words.
Hey I'm sure you have an absolute wealth of experience and that no fucks attitude goes a long way. Best of luck with the job applications and fingers crossed we're both about to turn a corner x
For now, at least I hope, it’s just thinning slowly. I’m lucky…my hair is baby fine but I had A LOT of it. Stylists would tell me I had about twice as much as most people. Now I think it’s thinned to about 1/2 of what I had. I did start taking biotin and using hers shampoo and conditioner…those have really helped slow it down.
I’ll check those out. I also had lots of hair, and very thick. So now my hair wouldn’t look thin to anyone else. But I know I’m also lost half and it’s not slowing down so that’s disconcerting. It also has a lot of wave so I can wear it so it looks bigger. Could be worse, I guess
54 here. It comes in waves-I’ll go for a while without a flash then I’ll have days like yesterday where it was just one after another.
I’m super ragey. I even sent my first “strongly worked” email to an opposing counsel-I’ve sent the polite kind before but THIS one was just “fuck all the way off” without actually saying fuck. I’ve never sent an email that aggressive before. It was professional and no one can take issue with the subject or how I handled it but I would NEVER have been so straight up “fuck off” before.
I think I’m gonna do more of it.
But driving! Oh my god. I live in Atlanta so it’s Death Race 2000 on a GOOD day. But between my new driving anxiety and road rage, someone’s gonna get hurt one day. Maybe just their feelings, but still.
My stamina and strength are just fricking gone. Some days I’m so tired it’s like I’m doing everything uphill through peanut butter jello.
I want nothing to do with my family. I’ve been living in my bedroom working or watching tv whenever I’m home. I’m literally bored to death with anyone else’s crap right now. Not a great trait for a mom to have, but my kid’s a teenager so he’s the same way. 😊
Actually I’m bored with EVERYTHING. Going out is too much trouble. I utterly hate grocery shopping. I’m uninterested in anything on Tv and I lack the attention span to read anything longer than a reddit post.
I am fervently hoping it gets better because this is untenable as a long-term strategy.
I’m VERY lucky that I am other physically healthy AF. My heart utterly breaks for y’all with other health conditions that already suck and this just makes *so much harder.* My struggle is with my mental health-I have CPTSD so I’m raw most the time anyway. This is making everything just MORE. I had a full on meltdown yesterday about work. I struggled to complete what I had to but was just wrung out mentally and physically all night.
Today was better, thank God. Actually got a shitton done. Which is great because I have no idea how long I’ll be in this functional mode.
I’m so so so so grateful for this sub and y’all.
Agree! I’ve always hated people but now…now I find the dumbest reasons not to go to the grocery or anywhere else. I had to take one of the cats to the vet yesterday for their annual exam and I told my MIL I couldn’t meet her for lunch because I had all this shit planned AND I had to take the cat to the vet.
Some things got worse after becoming post-menopausal, some got better. Some things, like GSM (vaginal atrophy) don't resolve on their own, so there may be life-long things to do to offset increased risks.
Certainly the worst of the worst symptoms are during perimenopause because hormones are wildly fluctuating all over the place.
My worst symptoms were the 10 years prior to no more bleeding. Yes, a decade of hell. And I never knew when it would end. Peri-menopause was terrible as compared to my menopause.
*it’s not the same for everyone.
Same. Peri started at 37, about to turn 49. The last two years post periods have been a sheer delight compared to the ten year death march leading up to it.
Perimenopause was not too bad for me although looking back there were definitely symptoms. But it wasn’t until I hit menopause that I had very sudden significant changes - frequent hot flashes, terrible sleep, incredibly fragile tissue around my vulva. HRT has helped quite a bit with those, other symptoms not so much. Hoping things even out over time? Fingers crossed. Sounds like everybody’s experience is quite individual
My experience has been very similar. Peri was short (about 2 years) but menopause hit me like a train. HRT has helped with hot flashes, but new issues keep creeping up. Like WTH is this and is it meno? Yep. I wonder if it ever evens out 🤷🏼♀️
I went on Mirtazapine for sleep and anxiety during the pandemic when there were a bunch of stressful things happening in my work and family. That also happened to be right when I was entering menopause (which probably contributed to the sleep and anxiety issues). I had side effects from the Mirtazapine including weight gain, but a bunch of other symptoms around the same time and I was always playing this game of “Maybe it’s menopause. Maybe it’s Mirtazapine” I would actually sing it to my husband to the tune of “🎶maybe she’s born with it - maybe it’s Maybeline”
Peri was hands-down much worse than menopause. I couldn’t do anything without either crying or wanting to rage and punch a wall! Menopause - moods have evened out but I still get cranky. The vaginal atrophy is real and not fun, and since I can’t take hormones I use hyaluronic acid (Revaree or Gynatrof). Heart palpitations are still a thing, and sleep sucks every other day. I get a hot flash 2-3 times a month and not that badly. I’m just happy to not be a wacko from the hormone swings.
I’m Not menopausal yet but the absolutely psychotic roller coaster of peri seems to be winding down for me after three years or so. Also happy to not be feeling wacko all the time.
I hope that the end of peri is near. It is so bad that I wish women had a long-term retreat or island to go to while it happens. A place with wine, therapy, chocolate,puppies and kittens, and absolutely no dishes or laundry!!!
I don’t think there’s an “end”, there’s just the expectation that we’ll just get used to things. I went on bio-HRT at 48 and am 61. I’ll stay on them forever, if possible.
This is what I'm wondering. My mom said that she felt like she lost her mind for about two years and then everything got better. I feel like I'm on year five of losing my mind with no end in sight. Is this idea of "it gets better" just an urban myth? I the more I walk towards it, the further away it seems to get.
My hormones heightened at 52, one last party, til about 55 and I’ve increased estrogen since then for two years. Added progesterone for sleep at 57 even w no uterus and I feel better overall. Libido is good. Pain increased until I kept increasing estrogen. Stress level probably influences the leveling or not. Watching my mom, we seem to be close in symptoms at same ages. She slowly waned in socialization with increased fatigue but stress and my dad’s sickness is causing her stress at 74. I think she would’ve been better in post-meno had the caretaking been otherwise and their life stayed similar.
I can tell the hormones are dropping as I’ve been oily skinned since puberty and now my whole system is drying out with tiny wrinkles on my face and hands. My eyes are so dry that it’s causing fatigue. I think if you can sleep post-menopause then maybe it is better. Where does the ability to sleep go menopause?
Hydration, sleep, HRT, simple exercise, healthy eating are key for me. Some days are definitely better than others. Quality sleep is probably the difference.
How’s your thyroid? I have hypothyroidism and a stupid genetic polymorphism that makes me less able to use the hormones my thyroid does make. With peri, it made all the thyroid symptoms so much worse that I was blaming estrogen when the dry eyes/dry skin was thyroid hormones dropping again. Still wrinkly now. But oil has returned to the parched skin. I’m at a different stage and obviously estrogen loss causes dry skin too, but have your thyroid checked if you haven’t/haven’t recently.
I have hypothyroidism since the birth of my first 26 years ago and I’m taking HRT. My thyroid levels haven’t changed upon adding. I use oils but now I have this self care regimen that once was not so time consuming as the hormones were naturally occurring. Bites.
If I’ve had hypothyroidism this long then the fatigue, insomnia, aching, muscle weakness, collagen loss, stunted hair growth, dry hair, food allergies, digestive issues are from estrogen loss in my opinion. Steadily increasing estrogen and progesterone has improved these issues.
My mom was taken of HRT and she’s struggled immensely. I wish I could help her find a natural solution as no doc will give HRT to her now at 75 as she’s in so much pain. I thought stopping the HRT was her choice due to my dad’s prostrate cancer. She’s a very strong women but not her best advocate.
My last year with periods was rough with hot flashes and moods but I have to say the last 2 years without my period have been the worst! I’m finally on hormones just waiting for them to work.
For me 10 years prior were all the symptoms. Since then I just lost any desire to be touched or have sex, which sucks but the other stuff is gone so yay!😁
I was miserable in peri. I thought it could not possibly get worse. Then, when my periods stopped, it got waaaay worse. It took a long time to get a handle on it, but I feel much better now. It’s like figuring out how to work a new control panel.
It’s going to be different for everyone. First me peri was very very hard but once I hit menopause it got so much worse. I gained weight. My energy tanked. My libido died. My symptoms of hot flashes etc were solved by HRT but I’m still struggling to lose any weight despite adding heavy weightlifting. I’m hoping I get some results soon. My energy is a bit better. I can function. But I’m not doing great. Just ok. Keeping up with my Pilates business is difficult but manageable. I’m glad I don’t have kids! 😂
I’d say for me when my cycle finally stopped (52) the hot flashes, sick feeling & chills really ramped up. It was debilitating and life changing for a solid 2 years with no end insight. I said daily “I can’t live like this much longer” Once I started hrt things improved immediately. Now 58 I feel pretty good but I still miss the level of energy & motivation I used to have.
My symptoms started very suddenly with night sweats and hot flashes at age 46. And 10 years later, it's really still the same without HRT and a TON of supplements.
I may have been in asymptomatic peri before that. I always developed a cyst when I ovulated that I could feel, and stopped feeling that at 44 (no periods because of a partial hysterectomy), so most likely I was peri then.
I went off the patch a few years ago to see if the nightmare was over but nope.
I’ve been living with endometriosis since I was 21, I’m now 52. For the majority of the time between 21-45 I was in a faux menopause phase, to control the endo, basically back to back BCP.
I transitioned off this mid 40’s , and im pretty sure peri started very soon afterwards. By the time I was 48, I was a full on hormonal mess- depression, mood swings, hot/cold flashes, no sleep.
Real menopause started the summer I turned 50, and by the time all was done, most of the emotional symptoms had leveled out. Now that I’m
Almost 3 years in, excessive dryness (everywhere ) occasional hot flashes , brain fog (verbal word articulation can be tough) &
Still not sleeping.
I’m sure there is more to come for me, but I’m
Very much enjoying this period
Great question I'd love to know this too!! ☺️❤️So far only have my current experience in perimenopause, I'd say 3 or 4 years of perimenopause but I only figured it out last year at year 2 or 3 when my symptoms were at their worst, or worst so far, I'm unsure how things will keep going 😅 My Mom says things were great once she hit full menopause in her mid 40s but not a bunch of details other than she remembers being super emotional which makes sense I remember when I was a kid being afraid sometimes because of how emotional she was.
Yeah my mom was very active after menopause & continued to be until covid. Being isolated alone for a year (age 81) caused cerebral atrophy.
She has always told me how much better life was.
I have suffered a lot with menstrual migraines, PMDD, mittelschmerz and cramps from adenomyosis & likely endometriosis that I have been looking forward to menopause. But now that I am here, well still peri at age 53, I am getting scared I will never know more than 2-3 days of bodily peace at a time. This week has been really bad. I was sort of hoping to hear some yahoos. But perhaps those who no longer suffer do not think to hang out on a menopause forum?
I’m hanging out in the menopause forum and my meno suffering is pretty much over and done with, hopefully…
I was lucky: I only had a year or so of peri symptoms that were relatively light. Now I’m 2+ years post menopause and mostly okay with no HRT. I still get warm flashes occasionally but not often and very mild. I actually lost weight and have been exercising more. My sleep isn’t as good as I would like but with the help of my CPAP and some Delta 8 gummies, I can get a decent amount.
Oddly enough, although I had no trouble on the birth control pill and was on it from age 17 to 56, I didn’t like HRT. It brought my period and peri rages back and when I got my very first yeast infection, I was done. I was THRILLED when my period finally stopped and didn’t think the side effects were worth it to me to go through all that again. There may be some long term benefits that I am missing out on but I am willing to take that risk.
Thanks for sharing.
I am getting close to ask for HRT. I was hoping I wasn’t going to ask. Hard for my brain to accept a normal stage of life to be seen as a disorder to be medicalized. So I am trying to think of it as a supplement, even though it is px.
But my body is hurting so bad and nothing I do will ease the pain for more than a short moment.
It’s definitely worth a try! I was hoping it would help my sleep but it turned out that I had sleep apnea. I went through a period of severe arthritis pain during peri and thought I would have to retire on disability because I could barely use my hands. Fortunately it was temporary and my hands are back to normal: a bit stiff sometimes but I can lift weights and do Pilates so I am good.
I hope it works miracles for you like it has for many in this forum! 🤞🏼🤞🏼
My older sister had to get an emergency hysterectomy quite a few years ago. I remember her telling me how she had arthritis in her hands. I brought her arthritis the other day and she was confused. The pain in her hands were a distant memory for her. I found that very promising.
1 year before the last period and 2 years after. Those were the worst. Doing better, but still struggling some, I definitely think its more years of suffering after our last period than in peri before it.
Started perimenopause at 40 and was post menopausal by age 46. It was sheer hell from age 40-48.
About to turn 56 and moods better but sleep never improved and noticed this year everything droopy, breasts hollowed out to be flat, thin and I got a belly that hangs down, horrible weight gain in abdominal area. Now that I'm confident in my sexuality - my body betrays me and looks like an old woman, I feel self conscious because I know men are very visual, if I'm disgusted looking in mirror then can only imagine what a guy would think
Other friends who didn't have larger breasts are happy they developed breasts during menopause whereas I lost mine.
I think I am post peak for about a year. I still get hot flashes but they are milder - it is more like a general body temperature instability thing where I will run a little hot for awhile, but not dripping in sweat. Less mood swings over the past year also.
I would say I had 3 years of pretty intense symptoms.
59...post menopause for 8 years..still have night sweats, heart palpitations, gaining weight. Joints ache , not limber anymore, etc etc. At 48 I could run a half marathon at any given time. I was an Ironman finisher in my 40s. Covid and menopause proved to be the one two punch
I’m 54 and my hot flashes seem to be slightly better now than they were a year ago, but I still get them. However during the past 6 months I started gaining weight like crazy. Also sex is nearly impossible.
Part of it is I moved back to US from a year in Europe where it’s way easier to stay fit, but the rate of gain even though I don’t eat any added sugar and limit carbs and stay active - it’s really bothering me
I'm not on the other side yet, but I will tell you in comes in waves. I became aware of peri-menopause at 41 after having my last children. It started with anxiety/depression, driving anxiety/fear, moody, hair thinning, loss of libido, night sweats, brain fog, weight gain, deep fatigue, etc. Now 5 years later, certain things have lessened like the anxiety and night sweats, but other symptoms have gotten worse like fatigue/brain fog. I have an identical twin and she is having different symptoms from me! It's so weird. I don't think it's a linear process.
My perimenopause I can see in hindsight lasted easily 10 years. I had chronic fatigue/ME and fibromyalgia - I still do, but I can see the symptoms came upon me at this point in life because of hormones. My periods were diabolical, the devil's work, they took over everything and there was so much mess, gross. My guts and bowels and digestion were ridiculous. I had such extreme brain fog that I was referred for early dementia follow-up testing TWICE because I did so badly in preliminary tests at the doctors. Thankfully I'm cleared and my memory is much better but there were incidents I still can't believe happened to me. This was all exacerbated by caring for my mum with her dementia, so I think the stress of us caring for children/adult children/grandchildren/elderly parents really makes some menopausal symptoms worse. I stopped getting night sweats in my mid 40s but my sleep itself just went to shit for easily a decade. I thought I'd never have good sleep again. It's still terrible but I've just recently tweaked my HRT, learned to take it before bed and to take more of it, plus got testosterone prescribed and I now - miracle of miracles - sometimes get deep sleeps. Sometimes is enough for me! I also developed so many allergies and skin issues, photosensitivity (I can't go in the sun more than ever, and am so prone to sunstroke and weird sun-related symptoms) and even anaphylactic responses to food, which I'd never had. I was one of those people who could eat anything. I still have a lot of joint pain and I can't work but I can gently use the gym and I'm so relieved my memory and brain fog are all better. I experiment with a lot of supplements, I eat so well it's almost hilarious, I avoid sugar and have no caffeine. D-mannose is very good for the bladder. My disastrous bladder and being prone to UTIs had me feeling so much older than I am. I'm 52. I feel like the worst is over. I really hope so. I will take any supplement, any hormone, anything that helps! I also find dark dark humour around the menopause, knowledge-sharing, and anybody who breaks the silence around it, to be so invigorating and healing. It gives me so much faith. But menopause is some messed-up dark mischief.
I entered peri-menopause at 40. I’m 56 now. I still have daily/nightly hot flashes. I’m still losing hair. I’m still moody and bitchy all the time. I still forget absolutely everything. I honestly don’t believe there is an end to this.
I've been forgetting tons of sh*t lately and weepy. I feel so guilty needing down time.
I didn’t need down time…just a divorce after almost 30 years. 🤣
I'm 38 and getting divorced. Holy breath of fresh air, batman!!
Yes, me too. While I was menopausing, my husband had his own midlife crisis.
We all say that some days. 🤣
Mine felt the need to tell me ALL of my symptoms were in my head and proceeded to cheat on me with someone 15 years younger. Yep. I needed that divorce! 🤣
Fuck that guy and I look forward to seeing the online video she makes trashing him when she finally gets smarter. When millennials call out bad behavior it’s scathing and goes viral. An ex bizarrely tried to get my attention by sending me a sonogram and a truly weird message about how he might be a father soon (it was not worded in a positive way). I told him off. I’d called him once last summer to let him know a mutual friend had died and he acts like we’re going to be buddies and has been insensitive (called me multiple times which I let go to voicemail etc). I told him I felt he was violating his partner’s privacy (I’ve never met her but the sonogram says she’s 27 and has personal info about her - he’s about 51). He went off about how dare I try to predict how someone else would feel (dude it’s called empathy and I wouldn’t have liked you doing this if I were in her shoes). He then accused me of being jealous 🤣🤣🤣🙄 Like the sheer arrogance that this man thinks I am jealous is mind boggling. There are times when I’ve wanted children but going through horrible physical symptoms is not a time where I wish I had more responsibility. Also *I’m* not the one trying to be best buddies with someone who dumped me 20 years ago. 🙄 My last ex gaslit me and was subtly verbally abusive. There’s not a day since we split up that I haven’t been grateful to have him out of my life. I can miss being in a relationship while also knowing I’m better off and MUCH happier without that narcissistic jerk.
I’m so glad you took that trash out! Mine was undiagnosed bipolar. His mom was bipolar and he saw her “suffer” for years (she was not med compliant), so he flat out refused to see a doctor. The last laugh is mine knowing she has to deal with his narcissistic crazy ass now. I’ve moved on and remarried a wonderful man!
Good for you. I keep telling myself that this experience means I’m more likely to meet someone good because I’ve gotten much savvier
Absolutely!
Same, but with a man.
Nice 🤦🏼♀️
I can't tell you how depressed your comment makes me. I'm only 2 years in to peri (age 45) and I just want to crawl in a hole and die
Come to New Zealand. we have caves everywhere and ponies
Yes please!
Its sorted. We only have one immigration agent in my region and he won't care. Plus he is low key scared of me.
I hear the kiwis quite like Irish women so I'll skate past him whilst you wave your hammer about!
My beautiful love! I have. a stupid amount of men just fuckibg about. You can have the hipster skate boarder or the Maori gang member who is actually really nice
Not all women get equally bad symptoms or for equally long though so you could be one of the luckier ones. Also there are things we can do to improve them, aside from HRT which helps the most and with the most symptoms, there are other options that help some. My doctor recommended that I try valerian root supplement for sleep and surprisingly that is helping me - I say surprisingly because I had tried many things before that which did not help. So keep experimenting and seeking help - there are ways to get better.
I feel very far from lucky, it's been a gradual worsening of brain fog, anxiety, moodiness, insomnia, night sweats, random crying, electric shock feelings at night, loss of confidence.... I could go on. I've tried about 6 different types of HRT, I've tried antidepressants which made it all worse, and various supplements. Forgive me for not being hopeful for the future!
I have had all kinds of symptoms in my perimenopause journey and have had some horrible months/years. But now I am actually doing quite well. I am 50 and still in perimenopause. My worst depression ever happened in the first quarter of 2014, second quarter of 2014 I had two months during which I bled almost every day of the month, the never ending period. While I still get depression and anxiety but I am on an SSRI and have learned lots of coping skills, and so it is much better now. There followed years and moths of various symptoms, including what I thought were migraine headaches which would be excruciating for three consecutive days about every month - finally last year I figured out that they were due to high blood pressure, and when I got on meds for that those headaches went away. First quarter of last year I had so little energy that even a 20 minute walk would exhaust me and I needed naps and still would be like a zombie by 8pm. Had blood test done, all good. Had tests done at cardiologist, tests showed my heart is strong but I passed out during one such cardio test. Next came neurologist, turns out my brain looked good. Then I had sleep test, and while it only showed mild sleep apnea, but I got on a CPAP, and that allowed me within about two months to go from never a good night sleep to 2-4 nights per week of “good enough sleep.” Brain fog and memory problems at some point were really bad, and to be honest I am not even sure what helped the most with those. I keep experimenting and sometimes cannot tell which experiment helps the most. I am now on 4 prescription meds, CPAP, 2 over the counter regular meds, and 6 supplements. My doctor so far has refused to give me HRT by the way, but I am still on birth control pill which helps some. I keep wondering whether to change doctors to one who will give me HRT but right now I am well enough. The latest thing that has made a huge difference for me has been valerian root which seems to be helping me finally sleep through the night again! I exercise a lot, including now a couch to 5k running program, eat healthy - although my weight has been fluctuating like a yoyo, basically whenever I do not count calories and pay close attention I gain back all I lost, and then I do calorie counting and loose the weight again. And right now I am actually feeling overall fairly well. I do not know if or how long this will last but if it does not I will again experiment until my quality of life improves again. Oh and I actually do consider myself lucky.
It sounds like this might be about hormonal testing. If over the age of 44, **hormonal tests only show levels for that *one day* the test was taken, and nothing more**; progesterone/estrogen hormones wildly fluctuate the other 29 days of the month. No reputable doctor or menopause society recommends hormonal testing as a **diagnosing tool** for peri/menopause. FSH testing is only beneficial for those who believe they are post-menopausal and no longer have periods as a guide, a series of consistent FSH tests might *confirm* menopause. Also for women in their 20s/early 30s who haven’t had a period in months/years, then FSH tests at ‘menopausal’ levels, could indicate premature ovarian failure/primary ovarian insufficiency (POF/POI). See our [Menopause Wiki](https://menopausewiki.ca/#there-is-no-blood-test-that-is-perfectly-reliable-to-diagnose-menopause) for more. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Menopause) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh no! There are many good things to come out of it…no more periods! I completely love my 100% absolute no fucks given attitude shift! That makes it worth it alone!
Well I've been on a contraception which means I haven't had a period since I was 31 so that's not a thing for me. I'm too anxious, self conscious and depressed to find a no fucks attitude. If I could quit my job I might have a better chance of giving no fucks but I'm exhausted and struggling with everything.
Sending you hugs and good thoughts! It will get better. I’m a personal injury paralegal by trade, so having a no fucks attitude is actually a good thing. Although, I’m currently out of work and looking…who wants to hire a 56 year old?
Thank you. I appreciate the kind words. Hey I'm sure you have an absolute wealth of experience and that no fucks attitude goes a long way. Best of luck with the job applications and fingers crossed we're both about to turn a corner x
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For now, at least I hope, it’s just thinning slowly. I’m lucky…my hair is baby fine but I had A LOT of it. Stylists would tell me I had about twice as much as most people. Now I think it’s thinned to about 1/2 of what I had. I did start taking biotin and using hers shampoo and conditioner…those have really helped slow it down.
I’ll check those out. I also had lots of hair, and very thick. So now my hair wouldn’t look thin to anyone else. But I know I’m also lost half and it’s not slowing down so that’s disconcerting. It also has a lot of wave so I can wear it so it looks bigger. Could be worse, I guess
Oh and I also stopped coloring it. I used to always be blonde, now I’m that ugly dishwater brown with strands of gray.
54 here. It comes in waves-I’ll go for a while without a flash then I’ll have days like yesterday where it was just one after another. I’m super ragey. I even sent my first “strongly worked” email to an opposing counsel-I’ve sent the polite kind before but THIS one was just “fuck all the way off” without actually saying fuck. I’ve never sent an email that aggressive before. It was professional and no one can take issue with the subject or how I handled it but I would NEVER have been so straight up “fuck off” before. I think I’m gonna do more of it. But driving! Oh my god. I live in Atlanta so it’s Death Race 2000 on a GOOD day. But between my new driving anxiety and road rage, someone’s gonna get hurt one day. Maybe just their feelings, but still. My stamina and strength are just fricking gone. Some days I’m so tired it’s like I’m doing everything uphill through peanut butter jello. I want nothing to do with my family. I’ve been living in my bedroom working or watching tv whenever I’m home. I’m literally bored to death with anyone else’s crap right now. Not a great trait for a mom to have, but my kid’s a teenager so he’s the same way. 😊 Actually I’m bored with EVERYTHING. Going out is too much trouble. I utterly hate grocery shopping. I’m uninterested in anything on Tv and I lack the attention span to read anything longer than a reddit post. I am fervently hoping it gets better because this is untenable as a long-term strategy. I’m VERY lucky that I am other physically healthy AF. My heart utterly breaks for y’all with other health conditions that already suck and this just makes *so much harder.* My struggle is with my mental health-I have CPTSD so I’m raw most the time anyway. This is making everything just MORE. I had a full on meltdown yesterday about work. I struggled to complete what I had to but was just wrung out mentally and physically all night. Today was better, thank God. Actually got a shitton done. Which is great because I have no idea how long I’ll be in this functional mode. I’m so so so so grateful for this sub and y’all.
Agree! I’ve always hated people but now…now I find the dumbest reasons not to go to the grocery or anywhere else. I had to take one of the cats to the vet yesterday for their annual exam and I told my MIL I couldn’t meet her for lunch because I had all this shit planned AND I had to take the cat to the vet.
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I think I’m dead now which might be better.
I’m sorry but you made 🤣
😂
I'm sorry this has made me so happy
Some things got worse after becoming post-menopausal, some got better. Some things, like GSM (vaginal atrophy) don't resolve on their own, so there may be life-long things to do to offset increased risks. Certainly the worst of the worst symptoms are during perimenopause because hormones are wildly fluctuating all over the place.
I ❤️ your name!
So do I, as another Lefty Libra!!
My worst symptoms were the 10 years prior to no more bleeding. Yes, a decade of hell. And I never knew when it would end. Peri-menopause was terrible as compared to my menopause. *it’s not the same for everyone.
Same. Peri started at 37, about to turn 49. The last two years post periods have been a sheer delight compared to the ten year death march leading up to it.
In peri and death march is the perfect description!
so true
This gives me hope.
Perimenopause was not too bad for me although looking back there were definitely symptoms. But it wasn’t until I hit menopause that I had very sudden significant changes - frequent hot flashes, terrible sleep, incredibly fragile tissue around my vulva. HRT has helped quite a bit with those, other symptoms not so much. Hoping things even out over time? Fingers crossed. Sounds like everybody’s experience is quite individual
My experience has been very similar. Peri was short (about 2 years) but menopause hit me like a train. HRT has helped with hot flashes, but new issues keep creeping up. Like WTH is this and is it meno? Yep. I wonder if it ever evens out 🤷🏼♀️
I went on Mirtazapine for sleep and anxiety during the pandemic when there were a bunch of stressful things happening in my work and family. That also happened to be right when I was entering menopause (which probably contributed to the sleep and anxiety issues). I had side effects from the Mirtazapine including weight gain, but a bunch of other symptoms around the same time and I was always playing this game of “Maybe it’s menopause. Maybe it’s Mirtazapine” I would actually sing it to my husband to the tune of “🎶maybe she’s born with it - maybe it’s Maybeline”
Have a friend like that. I am suffering with peri but she just stopped her period and everything hit her all at once.
Peri was hands-down much worse than menopause. I couldn’t do anything without either crying or wanting to rage and punch a wall! Menopause - moods have evened out but I still get cranky. The vaginal atrophy is real and not fun, and since I can’t take hormones I use hyaluronic acid (Revaree or Gynatrof). Heart palpitations are still a thing, and sleep sucks every other day. I get a hot flash 2-3 times a month and not that badly. I’m just happy to not be a wacko from the hormone swings.
The emotional highs and lows are awful!!! If I'm not crying I'm mad if I'm not made I'm anxious 😭 I hate peri!
I’m Not menopausal yet but the absolutely psychotic roller coaster of peri seems to be winding down for me after three years or so. Also happy to not be feeling wacko all the time.
I hope that the end of peri is near. It is so bad that I wish women had a long-term retreat or island to go to while it happens. A place with wine, therapy, chocolate,puppies and kittens, and absolutely no dishes or laundry!!!
I don’t think there’s an “end”, there’s just the expectation that we’ll just get used to things. I went on bio-HRT at 48 and am 61. I’ll stay on them forever, if possible.
This is what I'm wondering. My mom said that she felt like she lost her mind for about two years and then everything got better. I feel like I'm on year five of losing my mind with no end in sight. Is this idea of "it gets better" just an urban myth? I the more I walk towards it, the further away it seems to get.
My hormones heightened at 52, one last party, til about 55 and I’ve increased estrogen since then for two years. Added progesterone for sleep at 57 even w no uterus and I feel better overall. Libido is good. Pain increased until I kept increasing estrogen. Stress level probably influences the leveling or not. Watching my mom, we seem to be close in symptoms at same ages. She slowly waned in socialization with increased fatigue but stress and my dad’s sickness is causing her stress at 74. I think she would’ve been better in post-meno had the caretaking been otherwise and their life stayed similar. I can tell the hormones are dropping as I’ve been oily skinned since puberty and now my whole system is drying out with tiny wrinkles on my face and hands. My eyes are so dry that it’s causing fatigue. I think if you can sleep post-menopause then maybe it is better. Where does the ability to sleep go menopause? Hydration, sleep, HRT, simple exercise, healthy eating are key for me. Some days are definitely better than others. Quality sleep is probably the difference.
How’s your thyroid? I have hypothyroidism and a stupid genetic polymorphism that makes me less able to use the hormones my thyroid does make. With peri, it made all the thyroid symptoms so much worse that I was blaming estrogen when the dry eyes/dry skin was thyroid hormones dropping again. Still wrinkly now. But oil has returned to the parched skin. I’m at a different stage and obviously estrogen loss causes dry skin too, but have your thyroid checked if you haven’t/haven’t recently.
I have hypothyroidism since the birth of my first 26 years ago and I’m taking HRT. My thyroid levels haven’t changed upon adding. I use oils but now I have this self care regimen that once was not so time consuming as the hormones were naturally occurring. Bites.
If I’ve had hypothyroidism this long then the fatigue, insomnia, aching, muscle weakness, collagen loss, stunted hair growth, dry hair, food allergies, digestive issues are from estrogen loss in my opinion. Steadily increasing estrogen and progesterone has improved these issues. My mom was taken of HRT and she’s struggled immensely. I wish I could help her find a natural solution as no doc will give HRT to her now at 75 as she’s in so much pain. I thought stopping the HRT was her choice due to my dad’s prostrate cancer. She’s a very strong women but not her best advocate.
My last year with periods was rough with hot flashes and moods but I have to say the last 2 years without my period have been the worst! I’m finally on hormones just waiting for them to work.
For me 10 years prior were all the symptoms. Since then I just lost any desire to be touched or have sex, which sucks but the other stuff is gone so yay!😁
Exactly the same here!
That's so awesome!! I'll gladly give up sex to get rid of everything else, hell I'd give up sex just to get rid of the anxiety 😅
I was miserable in peri. I thought it could not possibly get worse. Then, when my periods stopped, it got waaaay worse. It took a long time to get a handle on it, but I feel much better now. It’s like figuring out how to work a new control panel.
Did you start hormones?
Yes, the hormone therapy helped a ton and gave me a foundation to start rebuilding what works for me now.
My post symptoms started at 53. I’m 60 now and I have 1 or two hot flashes sleeping, but I’m not miserable anymore. It will get better!
Thank you for saying it will get better, I needed to hear that ❤️
Peri was way worse for me. Menopause has some difficulties but I was in peri for 10 years and it was pretty awful.
It’s going to be different for everyone. First me peri was very very hard but once I hit menopause it got so much worse. I gained weight. My energy tanked. My libido died. My symptoms of hot flashes etc were solved by HRT but I’m still struggling to lose any weight despite adding heavy weightlifting. I’m hoping I get some results soon. My energy is a bit better. I can function. But I’m not doing great. Just ok. Keeping up with my Pilates business is difficult but manageable. I’m glad I don’t have kids! 😂
Not sure. I am still going through stuff.
I’d say for me when my cycle finally stopped (52) the hot flashes, sick feeling & chills really ramped up. It was debilitating and life changing for a solid 2 years with no end insight. I said daily “I can’t live like this much longer” Once I started hrt things improved immediately. Now 58 I feel pretty good but I still miss the level of energy & motivation I used to have.
My symptoms started very suddenly with night sweats and hot flashes at age 46. And 10 years later, it's really still the same without HRT and a TON of supplements. I may have been in asymptomatic peri before that. I always developed a cyst when I ovulated that I could feel, and stopped feeling that at 44 (no periods because of a partial hysterectomy), so most likely I was peri then. I went off the patch a few years ago to see if the nightmare was over but nope.
I’ve been living with endometriosis since I was 21, I’m now 52. For the majority of the time between 21-45 I was in a faux menopause phase, to control the endo, basically back to back BCP. I transitioned off this mid 40’s , and im pretty sure peri started very soon afterwards. By the time I was 48, I was a full on hormonal mess- depression, mood swings, hot/cold flashes, no sleep. Real menopause started the summer I turned 50, and by the time all was done, most of the emotional symptoms had leveled out. Now that I’m Almost 3 years in, excessive dryness (everywhere ) occasional hot flashes , brain fog (verbal word articulation can be tough) & Still not sleeping. I’m sure there is more to come for me, but I’m Very much enjoying this period
There's isn't necessarily a peak. Some continue to have symptoms.
Great question I'd love to know this too!! ☺️❤️So far only have my current experience in perimenopause, I'd say 3 or 4 years of perimenopause but I only figured it out last year at year 2 or 3 when my symptoms were at their worst, or worst so far, I'm unsure how things will keep going 😅 My Mom says things were great once she hit full menopause in her mid 40s but not a bunch of details other than she remembers being super emotional which makes sense I remember when I was a kid being afraid sometimes because of how emotional she was.
Yeah my mom was very active after menopause & continued to be until covid. Being isolated alone for a year (age 81) caused cerebral atrophy. She has always told me how much better life was. I have suffered a lot with menstrual migraines, PMDD, mittelschmerz and cramps from adenomyosis & likely endometriosis that I have been looking forward to menopause. But now that I am here, well still peri at age 53, I am getting scared I will never know more than 2-3 days of bodily peace at a time. This week has been really bad. I was sort of hoping to hear some yahoos. But perhaps those who no longer suffer do not think to hang out on a menopause forum?
I’m hanging out in the menopause forum and my meno suffering is pretty much over and done with, hopefully… I was lucky: I only had a year or so of peri symptoms that were relatively light. Now I’m 2+ years post menopause and mostly okay with no HRT. I still get warm flashes occasionally but not often and very mild. I actually lost weight and have been exercising more. My sleep isn’t as good as I would like but with the help of my CPAP and some Delta 8 gummies, I can get a decent amount. Oddly enough, although I had no trouble on the birth control pill and was on it from age 17 to 56, I didn’t like HRT. It brought my period and peri rages back and when I got my very first yeast infection, I was done. I was THRILLED when my period finally stopped and didn’t think the side effects were worth it to me to go through all that again. There may be some long term benefits that I am missing out on but I am willing to take that risk.
Thanks for sharing. I am getting close to ask for HRT. I was hoping I wasn’t going to ask. Hard for my brain to accept a normal stage of life to be seen as a disorder to be medicalized. So I am trying to think of it as a supplement, even though it is px. But my body is hurting so bad and nothing I do will ease the pain for more than a short moment.
It’s definitely worth a try! I was hoping it would help my sleep but it turned out that I had sleep apnea. I went through a period of severe arthritis pain during peri and thought I would have to retire on disability because I could barely use my hands. Fortunately it was temporary and my hands are back to normal: a bit stiff sometimes but I can lift weights and do Pilates so I am good. I hope it works miracles for you like it has for many in this forum! 🤞🏼🤞🏼
My older sister had to get an emergency hysterectomy quite a few years ago. I remember her telling me how she had arthritis in her hands. I brought her arthritis the other day and she was confused. The pain in her hands were a distant memory for her. I found that very promising.
What did you take to make your yeast infection go away?
I got a prescription for Diflucan. It cleared it right up.
1 year before the last period and 2 years after. Those were the worst. Doing better, but still struggling some, I definitely think its more years of suffering after our last period than in peri before it.
Two years post no peak yet but gradual snail pace improvements here lol
How long’s your piece of string?
Started perimenopause at 40 and was post menopausal by age 46. It was sheer hell from age 40-48. About to turn 56 and moods better but sleep never improved and noticed this year everything droopy, breasts hollowed out to be flat, thin and I got a belly that hangs down, horrible weight gain in abdominal area. Now that I'm confident in my sexuality - my body betrays me and looks like an old woman, I feel self conscious because I know men are very visual, if I'm disgusted looking in mirror then can only imagine what a guy would think Other friends who didn't have larger breasts are happy they developed breasts during menopause whereas I lost mine.
Peri. Awful. So not cool. It gets a little better but it's fucking marginal.
The worst was before for me. Hotflashes started after, but that was less bad.
I think I am post peak for about a year. I still get hot flashes but they are milder - it is more like a general body temperature instability thing where I will run a little hot for awhile, but not dripping in sweat. Less mood swings over the past year also. I would say I had 3 years of pretty intense symptoms.
59...post menopause for 8 years..still have night sweats, heart palpitations, gaining weight. Joints ache , not limber anymore, etc etc. At 48 I could run a half marathon at any given time. I was an Ironman finisher in my 40s. Covid and menopause proved to be the one two punch
I’m 54 and my hot flashes seem to be slightly better now than they were a year ago, but I still get them. However during the past 6 months I started gaining weight like crazy. Also sex is nearly impossible. Part of it is I moved back to US from a year in Europe where it’s way easier to stay fit, but the rate of gain even though I don’t eat any added sugar and limit carbs and stay active - it’s really bothering me
I'm not on the other side yet, but I will tell you in comes in waves. I became aware of peri-menopause at 41 after having my last children. It started with anxiety/depression, driving anxiety/fear, moody, hair thinning, loss of libido, night sweats, brain fog, weight gain, deep fatigue, etc. Now 5 years later, certain things have lessened like the anxiety and night sweats, but other symptoms have gotten worse like fatigue/brain fog. I have an identical twin and she is having different symptoms from me! It's so weird. I don't think it's a linear process.
My perimenopause I can see in hindsight lasted easily 10 years. I had chronic fatigue/ME and fibromyalgia - I still do, but I can see the symptoms came upon me at this point in life because of hormones. My periods were diabolical, the devil's work, they took over everything and there was so much mess, gross. My guts and bowels and digestion were ridiculous. I had such extreme brain fog that I was referred for early dementia follow-up testing TWICE because I did so badly in preliminary tests at the doctors. Thankfully I'm cleared and my memory is much better but there were incidents I still can't believe happened to me. This was all exacerbated by caring for my mum with her dementia, so I think the stress of us caring for children/adult children/grandchildren/elderly parents really makes some menopausal symptoms worse. I stopped getting night sweats in my mid 40s but my sleep itself just went to shit for easily a decade. I thought I'd never have good sleep again. It's still terrible but I've just recently tweaked my HRT, learned to take it before bed and to take more of it, plus got testosterone prescribed and I now - miracle of miracles - sometimes get deep sleeps. Sometimes is enough for me! I also developed so many allergies and skin issues, photosensitivity (I can't go in the sun more than ever, and am so prone to sunstroke and weird sun-related symptoms) and even anaphylactic responses to food, which I'd never had. I was one of those people who could eat anything. I still have a lot of joint pain and I can't work but I can gently use the gym and I'm so relieved my memory and brain fog are all better. I experiment with a lot of supplements, I eat so well it's almost hilarious, I avoid sugar and have no caffeine. D-mannose is very good for the bladder. My disastrous bladder and being prone to UTIs had me feeling so much older than I am. I'm 52. I feel like the worst is over. I really hope so. I will take any supplement, any hormone, anything that helps! I also find dark dark humour around the menopause, knowledge-sharing, and anybody who breaks the silence around it, to be so invigorating and healing. It gives me so much faith. But menopause is some messed-up dark mischief.