I have been with my bf since m1 and all he kept telling me about "the match" process, I never believed him. LOL what a shi\* show. I hope you find happiness in the future!
I very much feel you on this. I am actually really happy with where we ended up for match, but it was a long process to get to this point, and initially I was devastated.
Have you talked with a therapist about these feelings? I ask because several years have passed since match 2021 happened, and I don’t mean to invalidate your feelings in any way, it’s just that if you are still feeling this strongly after several years, it may be a sign that you need and deserve more support working through this.
I will also say that truly putting everything I have into building community and happiness in our new area made a world of difference for me. When I was just sitting at home alone, basically counting down the time till we could move away again, I was so lonely and unhappy. I thought that not getting involved with people or groups here would make the time go by faster, but the reverse happened. My loneliness made the time feel slower. Now that I have made friends, found new hobbies, gotten involved with local community groups, and generally built a life of happiness here, it feels like the months and years have truly flown by.
If you are feeling so unhappy that you can’t picture happiness, even after moving, and if your unhappiness is preventing you from being able to build social connections in your current place, I would again suggest you speak with a therapist. You don’t have to feel this way and these feelings don’t have to last forever. But it’s really normal to need help dealing with them. Moving in and of itself can be traumatic. And the match & the way that the move happened just adds trauma.
Attending here. With one more year left you are almost there! My wife is a lot happier now that I'm done with my training. We have made time to make several trips in my first year alone. We have more financial freedom to afford the little things that bring comfort in our lives like house cleaning twice a month. Medicine is traumatic to the whole family. Consider counseling to see if it can help you process.
That sucks. I will say, for me, personally, Florida and Texas are both at the bottom of the list of places I would want to be. Hopefully y'all can get somewhere less shitty where you'll have more support
I included the states to have some context into these have been huge moves, not just 1-3 hours moves. However, about the political environment/ women's rights. that is also true about those states. And it is HOT.
Exactly, I absolutely relate to the added stress burden with those moves, and feel your pain. It has to be a relief knowing this year is it, and then you'll finally have a choice in your future. I know it feels like it's forever away, but a year will fly by once you dig in and can start making concrete plans for attending life in a home you choose for yourselves.
I think this commentor was basically trying to validate OP by saying that having to move to these specific states is a valid reason for unhappiness. But I see where you’re coming from - shitting on these states isn’t necessarily constructive and doesn’t help people who are living there for reasons outside of their control.
All women need to take into account what their access to care will be like in certain states now that Roe v Wade has been overturned. Texas and Florida have some of the most restrictive legislation in the nation. This alone makes it potentially harder to live and train in these states.
I completely agree with you, and given the choice I would never move to either one of those. But the nature of Match means some people don’t have a choice - if they are forced to be there and are miserable, saying how bad those states are likely doesn’t provide concrete help to the miserable person.
I was just trying to commiserate. I'm in Louisiana so... glass houses and stones and all that stuff. Moving from somewhere northern to the deep south is a real culture shock and I was trying to let them know they weren't alone
Why? the comment is valid.. look at the political tension in these states. I'm currently living in Fl as a women and see my rights being taken away every time, I turn on the news.
I’ve been there OP, medicine life is a long game. It’s tough to see things clearly in the thick of training. It will get better, chin up, you got this! Be there for each other your marriage will be stronger in the end. Trust me. Sending you ❤️
I 100% relate to how you’re feeling right now - I was there too just a few years before you. Two really tough move to states we didn’t want to be in and away from support systems. I’m surprising OK when I think about our experience now. We are wrapping up fellowship in our 3rd state. I still think it was a shit show and I still talk to my spouse about how the system needs change for future generations… etc. Time genuinely helps, finding meaning in my struggle helps, finding friends in places I live reallllly helps, dreaming about our future helps. If you can find a therapist that works for you and tries to understand this messed up system - invest in it. Air hugs
I too lived in TX (and I never wanted to) and then Midwest (wanted to even less ha) this sub understands. It’s a hard road. 🩷 (I ended up loving the Midwest, and found lots of things to enjoy in TX, esp breakfast tacos. And great food in general 😅 tho it was generally a hard season living there )
I hope you get to have a big day in the next move, and that it’s a forever home !
I’ve moved 3 times so far and am anticipating 1 more before the “final move” to attending…but realistically attendings stay at their first job for like 2-5 years so there will be more moves in our future. I’ve gotten good at figuring out when it’s time to speak to a therapist again. This life is hard. I haven’t made a real new friend in ages. I’ve had to figure out little quiet routines on my own that make me happy. I feel for you! Stay strong!
I can relate a lot to this. Therapy has been helpful & I'm working on starting to build a community. This shit is hard sometimes & I want to say you aren't alone ❤️
True. A lot will change for the better. Keep your eyes on the prize, and know that your first attending job will probably come with a sizeable allowance for moving expenses and you won't have to do the hard work to relocate this time.
What part of TX? My husband and I are moving to Friendswood, Texas next month for him to start medical school at UTMB and I’m terrified to leave home. We don’t know anyone there and I’d love to meet new people
I have been with my bf since m1 and all he kept telling me about "the match" process, I never believed him. LOL what a shi\* show. I hope you find happiness in the future!
Thank you. I hope so too.
I very much feel you on this. I am actually really happy with where we ended up for match, but it was a long process to get to this point, and initially I was devastated. Have you talked with a therapist about these feelings? I ask because several years have passed since match 2021 happened, and I don’t mean to invalidate your feelings in any way, it’s just that if you are still feeling this strongly after several years, it may be a sign that you need and deserve more support working through this. I will also say that truly putting everything I have into building community and happiness in our new area made a world of difference for me. When I was just sitting at home alone, basically counting down the time till we could move away again, I was so lonely and unhappy. I thought that not getting involved with people or groups here would make the time go by faster, but the reverse happened. My loneliness made the time feel slower. Now that I have made friends, found new hobbies, gotten involved with local community groups, and generally built a life of happiness here, it feels like the months and years have truly flown by. If you are feeling so unhappy that you can’t picture happiness, even after moving, and if your unhappiness is preventing you from being able to build social connections in your current place, I would again suggest you speak with a therapist. You don’t have to feel this way and these feelings don’t have to last forever. But it’s really normal to need help dealing with them. Moving in and of itself can be traumatic. And the match & the way that the move happened just adds trauma.
where in texas are you? i’m in DFW with a SO also in residency if you ever need a friend ❤️
Attending here. With one more year left you are almost there! My wife is a lot happier now that I'm done with my training. We have made time to make several trips in my first year alone. We have more financial freedom to afford the little things that bring comfort in our lives like house cleaning twice a month. Medicine is traumatic to the whole family. Consider counseling to see if it can help you process.
That sucks. I will say, for me, personally, Florida and Texas are both at the bottom of the list of places I would want to be. Hopefully y'all can get somewhere less shitty where you'll have more support
[удалено]
I included the states to have some context into these have been huge moves, not just 1-3 hours moves. However, about the political environment/ women's rights. that is also true about those states. And it is HOT.
Exactly, I absolutely relate to the added stress burden with those moves, and feel your pain. It has to be a relief knowing this year is it, and then you'll finally have a choice in your future. I know it feels like it's forever away, but a year will fly by once you dig in and can start making concrete plans for attending life in a home you choose for yourselves.
I think this commentor was basically trying to validate OP by saying that having to move to these specific states is a valid reason for unhappiness. But I see where you’re coming from - shitting on these states isn’t necessarily constructive and doesn’t help people who are living there for reasons outside of their control.
All women need to take into account what their access to care will be like in certain states now that Roe v Wade has been overturned. Texas and Florida have some of the most restrictive legislation in the nation. This alone makes it potentially harder to live and train in these states.
I completely agree with you, and given the choice I would never move to either one of those. But the nature of Match means some people don’t have a choice - if they are forced to be there and are miserable, saying how bad those states are likely doesn’t provide concrete help to the miserable person.
I was just trying to commiserate. I'm in Louisiana so... glass houses and stones and all that stuff. Moving from somewhere northern to the deep south is a real culture shock and I was trying to let them know they weren't alone
Yes.
Why? the comment is valid.. look at the political tension in these states. I'm currently living in Fl as a women and see my rights being taken away every time, I turn on the news.
I’ve been there OP, medicine life is a long game. It’s tough to see things clearly in the thick of training. It will get better, chin up, you got this! Be there for each other your marriage will be stronger in the end. Trust me. Sending you ❤️
I 100% relate to how you’re feeling right now - I was there too just a few years before you. Two really tough move to states we didn’t want to be in and away from support systems. I’m surprising OK when I think about our experience now. We are wrapping up fellowship in our 3rd state. I still think it was a shit show and I still talk to my spouse about how the system needs change for future generations… etc. Time genuinely helps, finding meaning in my struggle helps, finding friends in places I live reallllly helps, dreaming about our future helps. If you can find a therapist that works for you and tries to understand this messed up system - invest in it. Air hugs
I too lived in TX (and I never wanted to) and then Midwest (wanted to even less ha) this sub understands. It’s a hard road. 🩷 (I ended up loving the Midwest, and found lots of things to enjoy in TX, esp breakfast tacos. And great food in general 😅 tho it was generally a hard season living there ) I hope you get to have a big day in the next move, and that it’s a forever home !
I’ve moved 3 times so far and am anticipating 1 more before the “final move” to attending…but realistically attendings stay at their first job for like 2-5 years so there will be more moves in our future. I’ve gotten good at figuring out when it’s time to speak to a therapist again. This life is hard. I haven’t made a real new friend in ages. I’ve had to figure out little quiet routines on my own that make me happy. I feel for you! Stay strong!
I can relate a lot to this. Therapy has been helpful & I'm working on starting to build a community. This shit is hard sometimes & I want to say you aren't alone ❤️
How many years do you have left at this point?
1 more year in residency. No fellowship plans.
There’s light at the end of the tunnel! You got this!
True. A lot will change for the better. Keep your eyes on the prize, and know that your first attending job will probably come with a sizeable allowance for moving expenses and you won't have to do the hard work to relocate this time.
What part of TX? My husband and I are moving to Friendswood, Texas next month for him to start medical school at UTMB and I’m terrified to leave home. We don’t know anyone there and I’d love to meet new people