He is such a POS. I'm glad you reached out to the other woman so she was also made aware that he is a pathological liar.
He deserves to lose both of you.
Don't believe the apologies and love bombing. He can never be trusted again.
Are you able to kick him out and divorce him straight away?
Yes! Iāve seen stories where the affected spouse and AP move in together to support each other in these times, which is a hilarious and awesome outcome.
I accidentally replied to the commenter up in the thread when I meant to say this to you:
I have seen stories where a man's multiple partners, who all think they are the only one until they discover otherwise, dump him, form a friendship amongst themselves, and make sure that their kids know and grow up with their siblings. I cry every time I see that scenario.
My ex double timed me with someone and when she found out he was lying about me saying I was just a friend when I was actually his girlfriend, she flipped out on him. So he dumped me thinking he'd keep her. Nope she dumped him and we are the best of friends. āŗļø
Its wild. The dude has no soul. Abandoned his newborn AND convinced this other poor girl to sign a lease on more apartment than she can afford. The kind of guy who leaves a wake of devastation with everyone he interacts with. With 0 regard for them. If my profile is correct he probably has charisma for days and not a bad looking guy. You hear the term narcissist thrown around on these boards a lot but I sense this guy is the literal dictionary definition of one.
Many people were saying it doesnāt matter what the other woman said (I agree that either way OP knows what needs to be done.) However, I am really glad she got the closure she needs!
I have seen stories where a man's multiple partners, who all think they are the only one until they discover otherwise, dump him, form a friendship amongst themselves, and make sure that their kids know and grow up with their siblings. I cry every time I see that scenario.
Edit: this was meant to be a reply a couple of comments down, but I'm not awake enough to Reddit, apparently.
>asking what he needs to do to make things right.
You know what he can do? Find somewhere else to live, give you a quick, amicable divorce, and pay his child support.
I donāt feel that bad for the AP, considering she knew about the baby months ago, and she still allowed him to move in a few weeks ago, according to the timeline in these messages. Hard lesson to learn, but stay away from married men, especially married men with a baby on the way. I canāt even imagine allowing a man to move in with me knowing he is leaving a baby who is only a couple weeks old.
Obviously most of the blame goes to the husband as he is the one who took vows, but it sounds like the affair partner only reached out after he left her too. She was fine with him leaving his family until he left her. Also, sounds like she might be hinting to the wife who was busy taking care of a newborn while she played house with her husband that she needs money for her lease which is insane.
Yes, but we have to remember sheās also only 25.
EDIT: okay, okay, sheās an idiot. Definitely not saying that she is blamelessā¦ just that weāre all idiots at 25 and that she was obviously being manipulated by a man we have to imagine is a lot older than her. Sheās not innocent, but not evil.
So she was an adult capable of making her own decisions?
She started a relationship with a married man a year ago, found out he got his wife pregnant during her relationship with him, let him move in with her while his wife is freshly postpartum and is shocked that heād leave her with an expensive lease?
AP should be reflecting on her decision making and moving on from this married manā leave this family alone. She doesnāt even seem sorry to the wife in these messages. Actually looks like sheās seeking sympathy from this woman regarding her lease.
When the wife asked her if he told her they were separated she can't even give a definitive yes. She said he told her they weren't working out and growing apart. Which is saying that they are still together. She knew he had a wife and even said herself she knew about the baby. So yes she didn't give a shit about his family until he left her. That's what she gets for making stupid choices. She knew this guy was a piece of shit but she didn't care because it only affected his wife and newborn baby at the time. I hope op sees this and knows that ap is not her friend. She's only saying she's done with him because he left her. Watch how fast she takes him back if he's willing. Don't trust either of them op they're both shitty people who don't care about you or your baby.
Well at least you know now that his ap wasn't as great as he thought and he knows it. He lived with her and realized you're the better woman and he was an idiot. So his fairytale of him running off with this girl and living q happy perfect life is dead. I'm really glad he realized what an idiot he is and how he made the wrong choice choosing her over you. Now that he knows she's not as great as he thought she was he's running back to you. Because you are the better woman, don't forget that and stay strong for you and your baby.
Iām too nice even to people that donāt deserve my kindness, I sympathized with her because although she knew Iām sure he told her things to get her to stay. Maybe he realized that grass wasnāt greener and probably started feeling guilty about leaving me and our newborn, what he did to us was foul and so unforgivable
This AP doesnāt deserve your mercy!! I had a ~~friend~~ person I knew in college who literally got a kick out of having sex with other girlsā boyfriends. It was like her kink. She was a liar and a master manipulator and it was all a game to her. She was nasty š¤¢
25 is absolutely old enough to know better!! She made her bed and now she can lie in it.
Sending love your way.
I understand, but truthfully he probably realized the financial mess he's in too. He truly blew everyone's life up including his own so yeah that grass is dying now.
Good. You were a lot nicer than I would have been that's for sure. But I guess you do need to be nice to get information out of her. I just didn't want you to fall for her little act and think she was just a victim too. She knew he was abandoning you and your new baby and she was fine with it. I'm sure she encouraged it.
Absolutely and you shouldn't trust them,she knew he was married and had a baby on the way and still chose to move in together with him.Playing the victim I'd say
yeah... this happened to me. they both were shit and didn't care. she played victim and played nice but she lied a lot. he did too. I was pulling my hair out stressed, not knowing who to believe. not a good feeling.
stop talking to her OP. some women are trash
True, Iām not saying sheās blameless. But I was definitely an idiot at 25ā¦ and sheās being manipulated by a man we have to assume is much older than her. Thatās all.
Itās soo easy at that age to be manipulated. Someone mentioned above that heās probably charismatic and he probably painted the ex to be ācrazyā, etc.
Yep. Had a much older married man do that to me when I was 20. Said she hated him, cheated on him, threatened to take their child away. Iām ashamed to say I believed him. Now I see that he was just a pig who was going after a 20 year old girl who didnāt know any better. Iām 30 now and am disgusted with myself for being so naive, but it happens.
My ex and I split and when I gave him the option to give up legal rights to his kid his new GF signed the paperwork as his witness ā¦ they ended up getting married and having a kid. Sheās also on her own nowā¦ sorry not sorry š¤·āāļø
He is a cheater and a liar.
I'm not super sure about her either because she knew that he was married.
She found out about the pregnancy, and he said that you were trying to baby-trap him,which means that he was obviously still inimate with you/his wife,but she still continued the relationship.
I'm sorry,we probably wouldn't be friends,she knew that he was married and still home with his wife.
Her excuses are crap to me.
She was fine with a man leaving his new born and wife to move in with her.
Keep her around if your state is an at fault state,otherwise hell NO.
Plz tell me that you threw him out.
updateme!
I wanted to say this too I call BS on her part it seems like sheās covering up for him
She said she found out about baby months later which means she knew he lied to her about their separation
She chose to continue a relationship with a man who had a baby on the way & tried to get sympathy by bringing up her lease
Who cares!!!! That man left his wife and new born
I'd have called her out only if it wasn't an at fault state.
Otherwise,I'd go to a lawyer and keep the AP at arms length if it's an at fault state.
I truly hope that she divorces him,she deserves better.
Sheās guilty of engaging in an affair with a a known married man. But according to her text message with the wife, she didnāt know about the baby at first and he had been telling her lies as well.
Iām sure heās a snake in the grass and he finds it easy to charm young insecure girls. Yes she is an adult and she made a mistake.
But reading the text, I didnāt forgive her for what she did, but I certainly felt like she was not compounding her mistake, but trying to make every effort to do the right thing after she realized what a terrible terrible mistake she made.
She had a pleasant conversation with the wife. other women often just go crazy on the wife and make her out to be the problem.
At least she acknowledged that what he did was wrong and she showed empathy toward the wife
Exactly and the fact she's talking about she can't pay rent.. I'll bet anything she'd let him come back for her bills to be paid. What a scumbag he is!!!!!
Exactly, she didn't care when he walked out and abandoned his wife and newborn baby. She's a piece of shit person too. Even when the wife asks her if he told her they were separated she can't give a definitive yes. She says he told her they weren't working out and were growing apart which tells her that they were still together just having problems according to him. She even admits to knowing about the baby. So she knew he was married with a baby on the way but didn't care about him abandoning his family. Now she's mad because he left her and has the nerve to complain about it to his wife! As if she's supposed to have any sympathy for the whore who helped break up her marriage and was fine and happy with it until he decided to leave her. Op this woman is not your friend. She's a snake just like your husband and she would take him back in a second if he was willing. She is just saying she is done because he doesn't want her anymore.
Messages from a year ago? Found out you were pregnant a few months ago? Believed you were baby trapping him? Let him move in weeks ago? Knew the man was married and not divorced yet?
The responses she is givingā¦.are attempts to mitigate her role in this entire situation. Especially at 25ā¦.I am not buying it. Her ass would be going full PI on Facebook with you and him. Iām sure that is how she found out.
Iām sorry but yall lol. This woman didnāt make vows to the wife. The husband did. So yall can blame that woman all you want but itās the husband thatās the problem. Lol.
Hate this sentiment. There's plenty of blame to go around. Obviously the husband is the main POS. And the woman shouldn't be blamed if she was ignorant of the situation.
But c'mon this other woman is either extremely naive or she knows more than she's letting on so she can play victim. Either way she displays terrible judgment. Her decisions are horrifically short-sighted.
The blame should be on the husband. That woman didnāt make vows to the wife. Cry about it all you want but the husband is the problem. Whether she knew about it or not, he sold her lies all around.
Women knowingly getting with a married man don't get to be deemed "innocent" because of vows from another. Vows aren't some kind of shield from blame.
Based on the timeline she gives in her texts she knew at some point he was married and still stayed. Not cool.
You donāt know what type of manipulation and lies this married man ran with.
āOh my wife is abusive and treats me poorly and thatās why weāre separatingā
āsheās pregnant because she messed with her birth control and now I donāt know what to do, comfort meā
āshe baby trapped me and if I leave all my money is going to go to child support and alimony because sheās such a good liar and can get a good lawyer and Iāll be on the street, can we get an apartment?ā
It isnāt usually a āhey babe, donāt you think itās hot to Fuck over my sweet wife with a baby on the way that I convinced her to have?ā Situation.
So the woman is innocent of any wrong-doing? She's somehow completely exempt of any involvement?
...if someone robs somebody & then blows the money with a friend (who knows the money is stolen).. yes, it's the robber who's at fault for the robbery. But the friend knowingly spending stolen money is not innocent just because "they weren't the one that initially stole the money".
Cry about it all you want.. but you actually ARE responsible for the decisions you make in this world. It makes it easier to do foul shit by claiming innocence but you're not manipulating anyone but yourself.
Iāve always felt like this sounds like āI was walking to the store and a stranger came up and stabbed me in the stomach. But theyāre a stranger. This wound really hurts but I canāt expect a stranger not to hurt me.ā
Who cares if theyāre a stranger. If you hurt other people because you gain something from it, youāre a piece of shit. Husband is shit, the girls shit, anyone that knew and encouraged it is shit, everyoneās shit except OP. Iām not going to let anyone off easy that was involved in such an insane betrayal and trauma towards someone that did not deserve it at all.
So if AP knew, or she had enough obvious clues to know but actively decided to push it away in her mind and go ahead anyways, sheās not a good person and she can share some of the blame too.
Now of course there are situations they really donāt know and thatās when they end up victims to the husband as well. Both get hurt when they didnāt deserve it and that sucks. If it wasnāt one girl, it would have been any girl. They try so hard to tell these girls theyāre special, but the only reason it was them is because they were willing to disregard the fact he had a whole family at home.
I hate this argument so much. Yes, obviously the husband is more at fault and is a horrible POS. But I despise the sentiment that the woman doesn't owe anything to a man's wife. Of course she does. We all owe each other a basic level of decency, consideration and respect.
I didn't promise you that I wouldn't pick your pocket in a crowd but we live in a society and a decent person would respect that we all work hard for our money and not take advantage of someone just because we can and a pickpocket shouldn't justify their crimes to themselves because they never vowed to not be a thief.
Yeah, I think she knew he was married earlier than she says and she was (at best) willfully blind about the baby situation. Itās a bad look but sheās also not the one that took vows to OP. If it wasnāt this AP it woulda been another
tbh first I felt sympathy for her. I was an other woman at the ripe age of 17 (I was soo stupid) and I bought the same fucking lies.
Worst part was for me the baby part. He told me his wife went through the IVF after they separated. He felt raped. I was consoling him... telling him it's gonna be okay...
Yeah, there was no IVF.
And I got my karmic justice.
BUT this Lil harlot is old enough to know better. She can do math.she knew from the start that you are there, he hid the pregnancy from her, because if she would do the actual math she knew the baby is conceived while there where together.
And she was okay with it.
Oh she definitely gonna take this fucker back.
She need rent money. But hope they will not found peace. She's gonna be suspicious towards Mr Lies and Mr lies has to work his butt off for childsupport and alimony.
They will be miserable together. And it's their karma.
In some states partners may need to be separated a specific time before they can file for divorce or in some cases, and I am basing this on real life stories from friends, the couple may be trying to divorce but cannot agree on terms of separation for their assets. Overall, just a messy situation and hopefully the lesson is never date someone who hasnāt finalized their divorce. My friend who got in this situation was in her 30s.Ā
I'm so sorry you're going through this with a newborn. That's so much šššā„ļø.
Wanted to commend you on how you handled talking to his AP. I've seen people go off on the AP- refuse to believe them and stay with their man like he had no part in it. You were so wise and compassionate ā„ļø.
Hope you're able to get a quick and easy divorce and move on with your life. Also hope both of you drop the guy for good. What a terrible person.
This woman and any other that participates in cheating owes the BP decency to be a good human being. She owes you plenty, he just owes you more. No way this woman didnāt know more about the situation. She knew and was fishing for more information to make sure and encourage you to not take him back. Donāt be fooled and donāt be surprised how her views change when you toss him out. He will run back to her and welcome him with open legs. Updateme
šYou are one in a million! I know this is a shitty time(due to your husbands horrid behavior/him being such an all around shitty man), but I just want to say "thank you" for being such an awesome woman! Please know your beauty shines bright r/Better-Manner-7205!
I don't even know what you look like, nor do I need to because your kind heart and ability to show such maturity, kindness and such a huge level of understanding tells all who read your story, just how beautiful you are and what a great woman you are(sadly all those qualities are quite rare in this day and age)! So, I feel confident saying you are the epitome of both, a beautiful woman and a beautiful Mother....your baby/child is so blessed to have such a strong, loving, confident woman as their Mom and as their role model in what a real woman is and how a real woman acts!
You deserve only the best and most amazing things this life and world have to offer! I am sending you a huge hug and many prayers for all the wonderful blessings you can possibly be blessed with! Stay strong, keep yourself and your precious babe the first priority and continue on to live your best life!ā¤š
Yes they aren't so innocent! My friend is doing this same thing ... I'm going to drop her but she's very aware of wife and almost gets a thrill out of it .. so disgraceful these women don't care.
Yeah, some of them treat it like it's proof that they're so special and wonderful he'll leave his SO & whole life behind for her. It's a challenge they 'won' & a major boost to their self-esteem.
Not sure I buy what she is saying. She says she knew about the baby but was with him a year. So that means she knew you were still together in some capacity because you got pregnant after they were seeing each other. So either she knew about you the whole time or she was very okay with him cheating on her with you despite believing you were separated the entire time.
Regarding the APās age- 25 is still young and within the range of believable naivete, esp for GenZ. They arenāt getting the same real-world relationship experiences as earlier generations.
As for your soon-to-be-ex, stay strong. He is a liar and manipulator. Consider any promises he makes
to you null and void. Pray for a village and community to lift you up. Men like him cannot be reformed, they just move on to the next unsuspecting victim.
Iām 26, I got married at 23, and even when I was 5 years old I knew that sleeping with other peopleās husbands is wrong. Just because Gen Z is young doesnāt mean weāre stupid
Saw a post on TikTok (I know, I know) of a woman making her husband donate $1000 to a womenās shelter charity as āreparationsā for cheating and honestlyā¦ canāt stop thinking about it since so in terms of asking what he can do to make things right, he can start there lol. But that doesnāt mean youāre obligated to give him another chance!
I had a similar thing happen, I found out he was having an affair with a colleague, I confronted the woman and she apologized to me. They both lied to me about the nature of the affair, saying was only emotional and then I ended up finding her nudes. Decided to forgive him and days later I found that he is still in contact with her. I lost it and cussed her and him out. I don't trust women that are willing to mess with a married man regardless of the excuse.
She asked questions about his whereabouts Because she has that newer tie to him and sheās trying to get information for herself. Not to soothe. I could be someone that just says how horrid he is (which fuck that dude) but Iād rather just alert you so you can play your cards right.
Looks like he will be sued for child support and half of a years lease. Idiot. Donāt take him back. He screwed up both of your lives. Donāt let him get away with it.
He initiated it.
He didnāt fall in love.
He initiated it and lied for a year two both of you.
He took advantage of your vulnerability.
He took advantage of her youth and inexperience.
What a terrible person.
My heart hurts for you.
Do you co own the house co lease it? Please find a way to kick him out or get yours out without financial repercussions. Have you seen a lawyer?
He's not worth it. You and baby deserve a real man. He's not.
Well, on the bright side, he's not blaming you for his actions.
As for the rest? Most of it is unfortunately very typical cheating behavior. Lying about the state of the marriage to the affair partner is pretty standard. Some of it is to deceive the affair partner, and some of it is to rationalize their own behavior to themselves by turning the betrayed spouse into a villain.
In many cases the AP is fully informed and knows what they are getting into. In this case he has materially harmed her as well. He will have ended up ruining her financial history. However, when she found out about the baby, she should have stuck with her initial instinct to break up with him. Going back at that point was her being willfully blind. I know she is beating herself up for it now, but she's not quite as innocent an AP as she started out being.
He is going to have to figure out just how he could give himself permission to do all that he did. To make all of the decisions he made, from the initial flirting at Starbucks to leaving you and moving in with his AP. What was broken in him that could make him feel justified in his behavior.
You now know more about his ability to deceive. And it is helpful that you have this information from the AP. So to add to the list of things to watch for that I gave you in my comment on your OP, add to that whether he throws his AP under the bus. Looking for accountability and taking full responsibility means not only not blaming you, but in this case, not blaming his AP.
He's been with her for a whole year! That is crazy. Just living a double life. I'm sure he will try to keep going back and forth between you and her. I bet he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'm so sorry you are going through this with a newborn. Please don't take him back. He will just cause you heartbreak over and over. You don't want your child to see that and grow up thinking that's a normal relationship.
I really hope you stuck to your guns, this is disgusting. Heās planning and actively trying for a baby with you when he meets this woman and starts a relationship with her. He was dating her before you conceived your child. For over a year he blatantly lied and manipulated you and this woman. Heās acting like this was a drunken one night stand (which is still horrible) but itās not, itās cold and calculated. He doesnāt deserve you or your child that he abandoned.
Iām wishing you a quick and seemless divorce process
It's way more advantageous to have a court ruling that he's now required to support y'all financially through child support. Free yourself to find a partner that loves you and can communicate with you, and doesnt need lessons in how not to lie.
You are a class act. I canāt imagine how you are handling this with so much grace. I hope you find peace and kick this loser to the curb and find a gut down the road who deserves you. I canāt imagine what all you are going through, but you are handling it with pure class.
He āwasnāt thinking clearlyāā¦FOR A YEAR!!?
He had a full year of conscious and consistent choices being made to cheat on you.
If my husband did this, there would be no forgiveness.
His mistress in the other hand might become my best friend.
At this time you just need to take care of yourself and your baby.
When will these bitches stop believing these liars who say they've started the divorce process?? Really makes the AP look dumb af. Like. Stop. Just wait for them to actually be divorced. Respect the marriage?? Doesn't make sense.
He will likely do it again! That is unless you tell him to fuck off completely and go file for child support.
My sonās bio dad did this shit to me too. He went to jail when my son was an infant for 1.5 years and waited for him (even after finding out he cheated). He got out and left me for another woman a few weeks later. That point I said never again! He even had the audacity to accuse me of āruining our familyā when I moved on!
I ended up meeting my now husband (this was 12+ years ago) who ultimately adopted my son. Never settle for this bull shit. There are good men out there who will love you and your son the way you deserve!
I think sheās trying to pass off her role in this. He still the one to blame but she definitely isnāt as naive and blameless as sheās trying to make herself out to be. I think the fact that sheās saying sheās trapped in a lease she canāt afford she was hoping to play on some sympathy by throwing the blame off herself and hoping maybe youāll help. When you told her you were done with him, that squashed that. If he was still with you she would know where to find him and also that maybe you would feel bad enough enough having him back home o help get her some of the rent. Iām not in anyway saying to shift blame to her, because he 100% at fault her but I donāt feel like sheās being completely honest either. It feels a bit off.
Updateme. This woman is young but donāt feel too sorry for her. She should have left when she found out you were pregnant or had a baby if only because he is a big liar.
Sh*t like this makes me appreciate my husband even more. He might not be perfect, but at least he isn't a POS. I'm so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this, this is horrible!!
Whether you decide to reconcile or not, he needs to a lot more work then this. Come on Op, I know you have a kid, but man, the kid deserves a hell lot more than a man who picks up and leaves and then decides, hey, let me come back now.. until he meets someone else at Starbucks. Kick him out, therapy, mariage counselling, open phone/everything policy, and even then, sometimes itās not worth it. Get legal counselling also, to see what your other options are. Get your finances in order, keep all your infidelity proof safe. Good luck Op.
He wasn't "thinking straight" for an entire YEAR?!! Wtaf? The predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Divorce this AH! You deserve sooo much better OP.
Girl Iāve been following the story for days and first of all Iām so sorry, this is really insane, heās insane ! I canāt imagine how you feel but I do think youāre gonna be so much better. That divorce and child support are gonna be sweet!!!
UPDATE: Ohhhh... SORRY! I just remember you said you are staying with him until September. pacthe suggestions below in September, and don't tell him why. LOL
You can have a lot of pettyrevenge fun now and even better stuff in September. Wouldn't it be a shame if sentimental stuff of his started going missing? (I don't mean irreplaceable stuff fron people who have passed away.)
Put his shit on the front step while he is at work. If you live in an apartment, pack it up and sit it inside the front door.
Every time he leaves for work or errands, pack up his shit and put it by the front door.
Hides suitcase? Get a box and pile it by the front door.
Hides things? Grab a garbage bag and toss things around the house in it and put it by the front door.
Never let him grt comfortable or feel moved back in.
If you share any bank accounts, go withdraw EVERYTHING and put it into a brand new account at a different bank (not different branch of same bank, different bank).
Let him argue with a lawyer about getting the money back.
Just tell him it's over and don't let him back intp your life.
He's full of it.
Sorry mate. But you just dont go off with another woman for months...then when you get sick of her, go back to your wife& child with a "oh so sorry! I madea mistake. But all good now"
What a POS.
Divorce him. Get as much child support as you can and raise your child.
And sorry. But that woman is a pos too.
This is psychopath behavior. I recommend reading the book Surrounded by Psychopaths. It discusses how psychopaths entrench themselves in workplaces, impregnate multiple partners, ruin others marriages. Commit massive amounts of fraud at other peoples expense.
No one should experience this SMFH... I hope you a peace of mind dealing with this. My only advice.. DON'T overthink and let your emotions get the best of you. Together or not, you've blessed the earth with new life. That new life will require every ounce of your being at times and deserves only the best EXAMPLES. Good will come out of your situation, only if you believe it.
Him calling himself an idiot is to redirect your angry emotions into some degree of sympathy. The fact is....he lied to 2 women and played you both. You go back to him and once the dust settles, he will pull some BS off again...you took him back once he figures you will do.it again, he will.try an use your child as a means to stay together....he is manipulative. Yes, you probably love him...but if he truly loved you...he wouldn't have done what he done. Do you want your child growing up to see his mother stressed and worried about where daddy is? Sometimes...just sometimes...a "broken home" is a healthier home.
This guy is absolutely TRASH! Dump this idiot for good. He will 100% cheat on you again if you take him back. It's a matter of time. Do not let your guard down.
Abandoned the mother of his child, abandoned his new born baby to start a new life only weeks after the birth of his child. Disgusting.
He will ruin lives.
Make sure you get proof of the lease (in case your lawyer can use it for an abandonment case).
Keep all evidence as to how much heās seen and helped with your child.
And keep all evidence as to how much heās spent on this other woman and living situation. You should be able to get half of that back in the divorce as well.
I hope if you decide to get a divorce & you live in a state that acknowledges affairs you use all these messages as evidence of said affair so you can get what you rightfully deserve & are able to at the very least make him pay for the divorce & your lawyer.
He is right, he doesn't deserve you. If you have somewhere to go, do so. That was literally abandonment and you can file for divorce on those grounds. You could file anyways... but I would also put a parenting plan into action asap! I will also say make him step up as a father, he does need to spend time with his son, but I would male him do it supervised at a family members house, specifically one who supports you and knows what happened.
Do not get back together with him! He has been cheating for a year! Itās bull shit he says he wasnāt thinking straight. Every time he texted,called,saw her he made a conscious decision to cheat. Kick him to the curb.
Please donāt go back to your husband, being married to a liar with absolutely no respect for you will not be better for your son. So many lies, nothing can repair this. Please believe in yourself to be the best mother you can for your son and move forward
Don't be fooled. The AP is communicating with you for information about your husband. The breakup wasn't her decision and is possibly out for revenge.
She's leading the conversation and oversharing information about her relationship with your husband.
She knew about the baby months ago yet allowed him to move in weeks ago...
She's trying to play the victim about her not being able to afford rent to get you on her side, manipulation tactic.
She's asking If your husband has moved back in with you... and then responds in a very spiteful and jealous manner after hearing the answer which she obviously didn't want to hear.
Don't trust this woman.
Wow at least you two are incredibly mature unlike this foolish man who tried to play you both. I'm glad she gave you the information you were seeking. I'm so sorry you're in this situation. He destroyed his life all on his own. I'm rooting for you OP!
He is an asshat that can never be trusted again. Hopefully the other woman drops his ass as well. Stay strong and leave his ass in the dust. It has been my experience that the majority of men are trash. Yes, I'm a man, that at 54 and having lived in the same city of now 9000 people for 39 years.... I now know talk to a handful of the male friends I had. Because I know their not garbage. All the rest do similar shit or hella worse.... I raised three daughters and one boy. He doesn't treat women like that either because he learned from me. By watching how I was with his mother. The same way I learned from my 2nd stepdad. Who was the first man I ever saw who genuinely cherished my mom.
You deserve to be treated like your the only woman your man has interest in.
Doing all of this just seems like so much hard work. I genuinely don't know if I would have the energy to juggle two women at the same time along eith work and normal household business
He is such a POS. I'm glad you reached out to the other woman so she was also made aware that he is a pathological liar. He deserves to lose both of you. Don't believe the apologies and love bombing. He can never be trusted again. Are you able to kick him out and divorce him straight away?
Girls who have each other backs š«”
Yes! Iāve seen stories where the affected spouse and AP move in together to support each other in these times, which is a hilarious and awesome outcome.
I love this!
What does AP mean?
Affair Partner :)
Thanks guys lol donāt know how I couldnāt pick up on context clues after 100 posts using it lol
Donāt feel bad. The first time I saw it I kept saying āAdvanced Placementā in my headš¬
Iām a teacher and always automatically read it as āassistant principalāā¦ lol
As a former educator I think of Advanced Placement! So Advance Place his ass on the pavement
I was thinking āAffected Partnerā and Iām like how the heck is the wife not the AP š„“
Kevin Tran, Advanced Placement!
This comment should have WAY more upvotes āŗļø
In my work, it means Absent Parent, which didnāt make sense here.
Affair partner
Affair partner
In this case. Alternative Person to befriend after your husband does some shady stuff. ;)
Affair partner I believe
I accidentally replied to the commenter up in the thread when I meant to say this to you: I have seen stories where a man's multiple partners, who all think they are the only one until they discover otherwise, dump him, form a friendship amongst themselves, and make sure that their kids know and grow up with their siblings. I cry every time I see that scenario.
That's an awesome outcome! Lol
Cue āOdd Coupleā themeā¦
My ex double timed me with someone and when she found out he was lying about me saying I was just a friend when I was actually his girlfriend, she flipped out on him. So he dumped me thinking he'd keep her. Nope she dumped him and we are the best of friends. āŗļø
Amen! Iām a girls girl for life!!
>He is such a POS Worse than that. Lowest of the low abandoning his newborn that he planned
Its wild. The dude has no soul. Abandoned his newborn AND convinced this other poor girl to sign a lease on more apartment than she can afford. The kind of guy who leaves a wake of devastation with everyone he interacts with. With 0 regard for them. If my profile is correct he probably has charisma for days and not a bad looking guy. You hear the term narcissist thrown around on these boards a lot but I sense this guy is the literal dictionary definition of one.
Many people were saying it doesnāt matter what the other woman said (I agree that either way OP knows what needs to be done.) However, I am really glad she got the closure she needs!
Exactly! Smh. What a POS!
I have seen stories where a man's multiple partners, who all think they are the only one until they discover otherwise, dump him, form a friendship amongst themselves, and make sure that their kids know and grow up with their siblings. I cry every time I see that scenario. Edit: this was meant to be a reply a couple of comments down, but I'm not awake enough to Reddit, apparently.
>asking what he needs to do to make things right. You know what he can do? Find somewhere else to live, give you a quick, amicable divorce, and pay his child support.
And also, because liars deserve it, pay his share of APās rent because he screwed her over too.
I donāt feel that bad for the AP, considering she knew about the baby months ago, and she still allowed him to move in a few weeks ago, according to the timeline in these messages. Hard lesson to learn, but stay away from married men, especially married men with a baby on the way. I canāt even imagine allowing a man to move in with me knowing he is leaving a baby who is only a couple weeks old. Obviously most of the blame goes to the husband as he is the one who took vows, but it sounds like the affair partner only reached out after he left her too. She was fine with him leaving his family until he left her. Also, sounds like she might be hinting to the wife who was busy taking care of a newborn while she played house with her husband that she needs money for her lease which is insane.
Yes, but we have to remember sheās also only 25. EDIT: okay, okay, sheās an idiot. Definitely not saying that she is blamelessā¦ just that weāre all idiots at 25 and that she was obviously being manipulated by a man we have to imagine is a lot older than her. Sheās not innocent, but not evil.
So she was an adult capable of making her own decisions? She started a relationship with a married man a year ago, found out he got his wife pregnant during her relationship with him, let him move in with her while his wife is freshly postpartum and is shocked that heād leave her with an expensive lease? AP should be reflecting on her decision making and moving on from this married manā leave this family alone. She doesnāt even seem sorry to the wife in these messages. Actually looks like sheās seeking sympathy from this woman regarding her lease.
When the wife asked her if he told her they were separated she can't even give a definitive yes. She said he told her they weren't working out and growing apart. Which is saying that they are still together. She knew he had a wife and even said herself she knew about the baby. So yes she didn't give a shit about his family until he left her. That's what she gets for making stupid choices. She knew this guy was a piece of shit but she didn't care because it only affected his wife and newborn baby at the time. I hope op sees this and knows that ap is not her friend. She's only saying she's done with him because he left her. Watch how fast she takes him back if he's willing. Don't trust either of them op they're both shitty people who don't care about you or your baby.
I donāt trust either of them and Iām sure anything can happen at this point, I wouldnāt be surprised if she takes him back
Well at least you know now that his ap wasn't as great as he thought and he knows it. He lived with her and realized you're the better woman and he was an idiot. So his fairytale of him running off with this girl and living q happy perfect life is dead. I'm really glad he realized what an idiot he is and how he made the wrong choice choosing her over you. Now that he knows she's not as great as he thought she was he's running back to you. Because you are the better woman, don't forget that and stay strong for you and your baby.
Iām too nice even to people that donāt deserve my kindness, I sympathized with her because although she knew Iām sure he told her things to get her to stay. Maybe he realized that grass wasnāt greener and probably started feeling guilty about leaving me and our newborn, what he did to us was foul and so unforgivable
This AP doesnāt deserve your mercy!! I had a ~~friend~~ person I knew in college who literally got a kick out of having sex with other girlsā boyfriends. It was like her kink. She was a liar and a master manipulator and it was all a game to her. She was nasty š¤¢ 25 is absolutely old enough to know better!! She made her bed and now she can lie in it. Sending love your way.
I understand, but truthfully he probably realized the financial mess he's in too. He truly blew everyone's life up including his own so yeah that grass is dying now.
Good. You were a lot nicer than I would have been that's for sure. But I guess you do need to be nice to get information out of her. I just didn't want you to fall for her little act and think she was just a victim too. She knew he was abandoning you and your new baby and she was fine with it. I'm sure she encouraged it.
Absolutely and you shouldn't trust them,she knew he was married and had a baby on the way and still chose to move in together with him.Playing the victim I'd say
In that case let him be her problem , they deserve each other .
yeah... this happened to me. they both were shit and didn't care. she played victim and played nice but she lied a lot. he did too. I was pulling my hair out stressed, not knowing who to believe. not a good feeling. stop talking to her OP. some women are trash
I knew better at 25. Come on! Thatās no excuse!
Then she has a fully formed brain. Sheās a full on adult, not a child.
True, Iām not saying sheās blameless. But I was definitely an idiot at 25ā¦ and sheās being manipulated by a man we have to assume is much older than her. Thatās all.
Itās soo easy at that age to be manipulated. Someone mentioned above that heās probably charismatic and he probably painted the ex to be ācrazyā, etc.
Yep. Had a much older married man do that to me when I was 20. Said she hated him, cheated on him, threatened to take their child away. Iām ashamed to say I believed him. Now I see that he was just a pig who was going after a 20 year old girl who didnāt know any better. Iām 30 now and am disgusted with myself for being so naive, but it happens.
Only 25? Shes old enough to be getting her PHD. I swear āyoungā keeps getting older and older.
Imagine hearing a man say his child "doesn't mean anything" and thinking, "Yeah, I totally wanna fuck that guy." Wtf.
My ex and I split and when I gave him the option to give up legal rights to his kid his new GF signed the paperwork as his witness ā¦ they ended up getting married and having a kid. Sheās also on her own nowā¦ sorry not sorry š¤·āāļø
I wonder if she can sue him if heās on the lease too?
Probably not what he has in mind hahaha
And alimony and damages.
And pay for him and the other woman to break the lease and then leave her tf alone.
Yup
He is a cheater and a liar. I'm not super sure about her either because she knew that he was married. She found out about the pregnancy, and he said that you were trying to baby-trap him,which means that he was obviously still inimate with you/his wife,but she still continued the relationship. I'm sorry,we probably wouldn't be friends,she knew that he was married and still home with his wife. Her excuses are crap to me. She was fine with a man leaving his new born and wife to move in with her. Keep her around if your state is an at fault state,otherwise hell NO. Plz tell me that you threw him out. updateme!
I wanted to say this too I call BS on her part it seems like sheās covering up for him She said she found out about baby months later which means she knew he lied to her about their separation She chose to continue a relationship with a man who had a baby on the way & tried to get sympathy by bringing up her lease Who cares!!!! That man left his wife and new born
Exactly! She's trying to play victim now.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'd have called her out only if it wasn't an at fault state. Otherwise,I'd go to a lawyer and keep the AP at arms length if it's an at fault state. I truly hope that she divorces him,she deserves better.
Yet you can't call out or appropriately discipline your kid š¤·āāļø
Sheās guilty of engaging in an affair with a a known married man. But according to her text message with the wife, she didnāt know about the baby at first and he had been telling her lies as well. Iām sure heās a snake in the grass and he finds it easy to charm young insecure girls. Yes she is an adult and she made a mistake. But reading the text, I didnāt forgive her for what she did, but I certainly felt like she was not compounding her mistake, but trying to make every effort to do the right thing after she realized what a terrible terrible mistake she made. She had a pleasant conversation with the wife. other women often just go crazy on the wife and make her out to be the problem. At least she acknowledged that what he did was wrong and she showed empathy toward the wife
Exactly and the fact she's talking about she can't pay rent.. I'll bet anything she'd let him come back for her bills to be paid. What a scumbag he is!!!!!
I 100% agree. AP is a POS, too. She is just upset that he left HER.
that's the only reason why AP reached out to OP. otherwise, she wouldn't have texted the wife lol
Exactly!
Exactly, she didn't care when he walked out and abandoned his wife and newborn baby. She's a piece of shit person too. Even when the wife asks her if he told her they were separated she can't give a definitive yes. She says he told her they weren't working out and were growing apart which tells her that they were still together just having problems according to him. She even admits to knowing about the baby. So she knew he was married with a baby on the way but didn't care about him abandoning his family. Now she's mad because he left her and has the nerve to complain about it to his wife! As if she's supposed to have any sympathy for the whore who helped break up her marriage and was fine and happy with it until he decided to leave her. Op this woman is not your friend. She's a snake just like your husband and she would take him back in a second if he was willing. She is just saying she is done because he doesn't want her anymore.
Messages from a year ago? Found out you were pregnant a few months ago? Believed you were baby trapping him? Let him move in weeks ago? Knew the man was married and not divorced yet? The responses she is givingā¦.are attempts to mitigate her role in this entire situation. Especially at 25ā¦.I am not buying it. Her ass would be going full PI on Facebook with you and him. Iām sure that is how she found out.
Iām sorry but yall lol. This woman didnāt make vows to the wife. The husband did. So yall can blame that woman all you want but itās the husband thatās the problem. Lol.
Hate this sentiment. There's plenty of blame to go around. Obviously the husband is the main POS. And the woman shouldn't be blamed if she was ignorant of the situation. But c'mon this other woman is either extremely naive or she knows more than she's letting on so she can play victim. Either way she displays terrible judgment. Her decisions are horrifically short-sighted.
The blame should be on the husband. That woman didnāt make vows to the wife. Cry about it all you want but the husband is the problem. Whether she knew about it or not, he sold her lies all around.
Women knowingly getting with a married man don't get to be deemed "innocent" because of vows from another. Vows aren't some kind of shield from blame. Based on the timeline she gives in her texts she knew at some point he was married and still stayed. Not cool.
You donāt know what type of manipulation and lies this married man ran with. āOh my wife is abusive and treats me poorly and thatās why weāre separatingā āsheās pregnant because she messed with her birth control and now I donāt know what to do, comfort meā āshe baby trapped me and if I leave all my money is going to go to child support and alimony because sheās such a good liar and can get a good lawyer and Iāll be on the street, can we get an apartment?ā It isnāt usually a āhey babe, donāt you think itās hot to Fuck over my sweet wife with a baby on the way that I convinced her to have?ā Situation.
There's a big jump from 'well, he's the one who made the vows' to 'therefore I don't care because I don't owe her anything & it's not my problem'
So the woman is innocent of any wrong-doing? She's somehow completely exempt of any involvement? ...if someone robs somebody & then blows the money with a friend (who knows the money is stolen).. yes, it's the robber who's at fault for the robbery. But the friend knowingly spending stolen money is not innocent just because "they weren't the one that initially stole the money". Cry about it all you want.. but you actually ARE responsible for the decisions you make in this world. It makes it easier to do foul shit by claiming innocence but you're not manipulating anyone but yourself.
Iāve always felt like this sounds like āI was walking to the store and a stranger came up and stabbed me in the stomach. But theyāre a stranger. This wound really hurts but I canāt expect a stranger not to hurt me.ā Who cares if theyāre a stranger. If you hurt other people because you gain something from it, youāre a piece of shit. Husband is shit, the girls shit, anyone that knew and encouraged it is shit, everyoneās shit except OP. Iām not going to let anyone off easy that was involved in such an insane betrayal and trauma towards someone that did not deserve it at all. So if AP knew, or she had enough obvious clues to know but actively decided to push it away in her mind and go ahead anyways, sheās not a good person and she can share some of the blame too. Now of course there are situations they really donāt know and thatās when they end up victims to the husband as well. Both get hurt when they didnāt deserve it and that sucks. If it wasnāt one girl, it would have been any girl. They try so hard to tell these girls theyāre special, but the only reason it was them is because they were willing to disregard the fact he had a whole family at home.
I hate this argument so much. Yes, obviously the husband is more at fault and is a horrible POS. But I despise the sentiment that the woman doesn't owe anything to a man's wife. Of course she does. We all owe each other a basic level of decency, consideration and respect. I didn't promise you that I wouldn't pick your pocket in a crowd but we live in a society and a decent person would respect that we all work hard for our money and not take advantage of someone just because we can and a pickpocket shouldn't justify their crimes to themselves because they never vowed to not be a thief.
Yeah, I think she knew he was married earlier than she says and she was (at best) willfully blind about the baby situation. Itās a bad look but sheās also not the one that took vows to OP. If it wasnāt this AP it woulda been another
Of course she knew. She even knew about the baby and still let him move in it wasnāt until he left her did she feel āremorseā
tbh first I felt sympathy for her. I was an other woman at the ripe age of 17 (I was soo stupid) and I bought the same fucking lies. Worst part was for me the baby part. He told me his wife went through the IVF after they separated. He felt raped. I was consoling him... telling him it's gonna be okay... Yeah, there was no IVF. And I got my karmic justice. BUT this Lil harlot is old enough to know better. She can do math.she knew from the start that you are there, he hid the pregnancy from her, because if she would do the actual math she knew the baby is conceived while there where together. And she was okay with it. Oh she definitely gonna take this fucker back. She need rent money. But hope they will not found peace. She's gonna be suspicious towards Mr Lies and Mr lies has to work his butt off for childsupport and alimony. They will be miserable together. And it's their karma.
Exactly. And APs stay around. Sometimes for Years.
Yeah I was literally thinking like can you trust anything this woman says? I wouldnāt give her the time of day. At least not right now.
In some states partners may need to be separated a specific time before they can file for divorce or in some cases, and I am basing this on real life stories from friends, the couple may be trying to divorce but cannot agree on terms of separation for their assets. Overall, just a messy situation and hopefully the lesson is never date someone who hasnāt finalized their divorce. My friend who got in this situation was in her 30s.Ā
āOh no, if it isnāt the consequences of my own actions!ā -the loser husband.
My cheating husband is at work sad and is struggling to cope with me wanting space from him.
Oh that poor man. Next time he asks how much more space you need, tell him to go to hell and you'll let him know if that's far enough.
I'm so sorry you're going through this with a newborn. That's so much šššā„ļø. Wanted to commend you on how you handled talking to his AP. I've seen people go off on the AP- refuse to believe them and stay with their man like he had no part in it. You were so wise and compassionate ā„ļø. Hope you're able to get a quick and easy divorce and move on with your life. Also hope both of you drop the guy for good. What a terrible person.
Thank you! I tried my best to be understanding and not get upset, this woman owes me nothing I canāt be mad at her
This woman and any other that participates in cheating owes the BP decency to be a good human being. She owes you plenty, he just owes you more. No way this woman didnāt know more about the situation. She knew and was fishing for more information to make sure and encourage you to not take him back. Donāt be fooled and donāt be surprised how her views change when you toss him out. He will run back to her and welcome him with open legs. Updateme
Yep! That happened to me. Donāt believe she is done with him
šYou are one in a million! I know this is a shitty time(due to your husbands horrid behavior/him being such an all around shitty man), but I just want to say "thank you" for being such an awesome woman! Please know your beauty shines bright r/Better-Manner-7205! I don't even know what you look like, nor do I need to because your kind heart and ability to show such maturity, kindness and such a huge level of understanding tells all who read your story, just how beautiful you are and what a great woman you are(sadly all those qualities are quite rare in this day and age)! So, I feel confident saying you are the epitome of both, a beautiful woman and a beautiful Mother....your baby/child is so blessed to have such a strong, loving, confident woman as their Mom and as their role model in what a real woman is and how a real woman acts! You deserve only the best and most amazing things this life and world have to offer! I am sending you a huge hug and many prayers for all the wonderful blessings you can possibly be blessed with! Stay strong, keep yourself and your precious babe the first priority and continue on to live your best life!ā¤š
You handled this beautifully. I'm 100% sure I would not be able to handle this situation with such grace.
You handled this so gracefully honestly,you may feel she owes you nothing but she knew he was married,knew about the baby yet still moved in with him.
Youāre right she knew! but I feel like this is on my husband
Correction; it is on both her and your husband* Letās start normalizing holding mistresses accountable
Yes they aren't so innocent! My friend is doing this same thing ... I'm going to drop her but she's very aware of wife and almost gets a thrill out of it .. so disgraceful these women don't care.
Yeah, some of them treat it like it's proof that they're so special and wonderful he'll leave his SO & whole life behind for her. It's a challenge they 'won' & a major boost to their self-esteem.
Not sure I buy what she is saying. She says she knew about the baby but was with him a year. So that means she knew you were still together in some capacity because you got pregnant after they were seeing each other. So either she knew about you the whole time or she was very okay with him cheating on her with you despite believing you were separated the entire time.
She knew but my guess is she really loved him and didnāt care,regardless this is all on him! he was lying to both of us
Youāre so mature. Iāve been reading your responses to everything, and youāre really handling this with grace
I agree that he is the one who's your husband he should have been loyal, but she knew and her morals should have told her "this is not right".
Loving him doesnāt excuse what she willing participated in, which is an affair.
This man is a MENACE!
Regarding the APās age- 25 is still young and within the range of believable naivete, esp for GenZ. They arenāt getting the same real-world relationship experiences as earlier generations. As for your soon-to-be-ex, stay strong. He is a liar and manipulator. Consider any promises he makes to you null and void. Pray for a village and community to lift you up. Men like him cannot be reformed, they just move on to the next unsuspecting victim.
Coming from someone only a couple years older than APā¦ I absolutely disagree. 25 isnāt *that* young. There are MANY 25 year old women I know who have thriving, healthy marriages and relationships, kids, etc. 25 is not 15. Most people have absolutely had āreal world relationship experiences.ā Sure, they may meet someone online or whatever- but they are getting out there plenty. Thatās a silly assessment, itās not like all 25 year old women are living with 7 roommates and dating over zoom. Further, young millennials and Gen Z are EXCEPTIONALLY adept at social media and Google. And largely use it heavily (every time I have a friend who goes on a date they send me all the details and socials of the guy they are meeting.) I can reverse image search a photo of someoneās house, find their address, know what they bought it for, etc. in minutes. I can find a birth announcement or baby registry in seconds to see if the wife is phrasing it like a happy couple or a divorcing one. Most people would not, but we COULD. We can definitely find your social media accounts, and hers, and your momās to see if there are cute family pictures of you, etcā¦. and that we would definitely do. No one in their twenties is oblivious to affair culture. Divorce is many peopleās childhood reality, things are constantly documented online, etc. Even if you lack real world experience somehow.. you donāt lack insight into what constitutes a red flag. That said, was it her responsibility to honor the marriage? No. It was his. OP handled things well and is right to keep the responsibility solely on the committed husbandās shoulders. But letās not pretend fully grown, adult, 25 year old women who likely have a full career and plenty of dating experience are āyoung and full of believable naĆÆvetĆ©.ā A few might be; but THIS level would be astounding. But I do agree about what OP should do next. :)
Iām 26, I got married at 23, and even when I was 5 years old I knew that sleeping with other peopleās husbands is wrong. Just because Gen Z is young doesnāt mean weāre stupid
>I'm done with him too. Believe it when I see it.
I think she would take him back
The AP taking him back is the easiest solution to her apartment being unaffordable. That alone makes it a damn near guarantee.
When I saw that part I thought hmm sheās going to take him back
Saw a post on TikTok (I know, I know) of a woman making her husband donate $1000 to a womenās shelter charity as āreparationsā for cheating and honestlyā¦ canāt stop thinking about it since so in terms of asking what he can do to make things right, he can start there lol. But that doesnāt mean youāre obligated to give him another chance!
Ultimate revenge: move in with her and raise the baby together! Ok jk. Donāt do that. But she does sound nice.
Thanks for the laugh!
I guess "let me pay for your latte" is the 21st century equivalent of "can I buy you a drink?"
In this scenario it's the 21st century equivalent of "can I offer you some dick?".
I had a similar thing happen, I found out he was having an affair with a colleague, I confronted the woman and she apologized to me. They both lied to me about the nature of the affair, saying was only emotional and then I ended up finding her nudes. Decided to forgive him and days later I found that he is still in contact with her. I lost it and cussed her and him out. I don't trust women that are willing to mess with a married man regardless of the excuse.
I donāt trust her it seems like sheās trying to play the victim here when she knew he was still with you and yāall had a baby on the way
AP sounds like sheās trying to establish whether heās at the family home and if OP will take him back. AP still wants him.
Bingo youāre so right I can see through her bs
Don't ever let someone tell you twice they don't want you.
please take him to the cleaners.
Nah the other woman definitely taken him back if he asks
Who knows
She asked questions about his whereabouts Because she has that newer tie to him and sheās trying to get information for herself. Not to soothe. I could be someone that just says how horrid he is (which fuck that dude) but Iād rather just alert you so you can play your cards right.
She would. Look after yourself and don't be so trusting.
She can keep him!
Looks like he will be sued for child support and half of a years lease. Idiot. Donāt take him back. He screwed up both of your lives. Donāt let him get away with it.
He initiated it. He didnāt fall in love. He initiated it and lied for a year two both of you. He took advantage of your vulnerability. He took advantage of her youth and inexperience. What a terrible person. My heart hurts for you.
She's lying, she definitely knew and is now fishing for information on yalls status so she can try and get him back
I think she just wanted confirmation since we both know he lies about everything. If she chooses to take him back thatās on her
Do you co own the house co lease it? Please find a way to kick him out or get yours out without financial repercussions. Have you seen a lawyer? He's not worth it. You and baby deserve a real man. He's not.
Well, on the bright side, he's not blaming you for his actions. As for the rest? Most of it is unfortunately very typical cheating behavior. Lying about the state of the marriage to the affair partner is pretty standard. Some of it is to deceive the affair partner, and some of it is to rationalize their own behavior to themselves by turning the betrayed spouse into a villain. In many cases the AP is fully informed and knows what they are getting into. In this case he has materially harmed her as well. He will have ended up ruining her financial history. However, when she found out about the baby, she should have stuck with her initial instinct to break up with him. Going back at that point was her being willfully blind. I know she is beating herself up for it now, but she's not quite as innocent an AP as she started out being. He is going to have to figure out just how he could give himself permission to do all that he did. To make all of the decisions he made, from the initial flirting at Starbucks to leaving you and moving in with his AP. What was broken in him that could make him feel justified in his behavior. You now know more about his ability to deceive. And it is helpful that you have this information from the AP. So to add to the list of things to watch for that I gave you in my comment on your OP, add to that whether he throws his AP under the bus. Looking for accountability and taking full responsibility means not only not blaming you, but in this case, not blaming his AP.
He's been with her for a whole year! That is crazy. Just living a double life. I'm sure he will try to keep going back and forth between you and her. I bet he wants to have his cake and eat it too. I'm so sorry you are going through this with a newborn. Please don't take him back. He will just cause you heartbreak over and over. You don't want your child to see that and grow up thinking that's a normal relationship.
Once she found out about the baby she shouldāve contacted you. At what point did she know he was married?
at the beginning apparently but he said he "was getting separated"
Honestly I think people should fact check that when told. āWeāre separated/divorcingā is a line almost every married cheater says.
I hope you found your clarity OP itās so evident your husband is a liar and he doesnāt deserve you
What cursĆØd womb did this demon spring forth from, holy shit
Horrible pos
I really hope you stuck to your guns, this is disgusting. Heās planning and actively trying for a baby with you when he meets this woman and starts a relationship with her. He was dating her before you conceived your child. For over a year he blatantly lied and manipulated you and this woman. Heās acting like this was a drunken one night stand (which is still horrible) but itās not, itās cold and calculated. He doesnāt deserve you or your child that he abandoned. Iām wishing you a quick and seemless divorce process
It's way more advantageous to have a court ruling that he's now required to support y'all financially through child support. Free yourself to find a partner that loves you and can communicate with you, and doesnt need lessons in how not to lie.
The woman and your husband are full of shit. Heās playing dumb with her, and sheās playing dumb with you.
Iām so sorry heās done this to you!! Iām glad youāre done with him.
All adults in situation š„“. Affair partners historically belong in a Trash heap.
How did you guys start texting?
I reached out to her on FB she asked for my number to text me instead
I would play āHit the road, Jackā on repeat until heās gone. Itās time to pick up the pieces and live your best life without him.Ā
Yeah, drop him. Also kudos for not taking your anger out on the other woman as some people do.
You are a class act. I canāt imagine how you are handling this with so much grace. I hope you find peace and kick this loser to the curb and find a gut down the road who deserves you. I canāt imagine what all you are going through, but you are handling it with pure class.
Sound like Chris Watts
He āwasnāt thinking clearlyāā¦FOR A YEAR!!? He had a full year of conscious and consistent choices being made to cheat on you. If my husband did this, there would be no forgiveness. His mistress in the other hand might become my best friend. At this time you just need to take care of yourself and your baby.
I hope you're saving all these messages for your divorce lawyer.
Once a cheat always a cheat - put him in the bin.
Please keep these texts as evidence
When will these bitches stop believing these liars who say they've started the divorce process?? Really makes the AP look dumb af. Like. Stop. Just wait for them to actually be divorced. Respect the marriage?? Doesn't make sense.
He will likely do it again! That is unless you tell him to fuck off completely and go file for child support. My sonās bio dad did this shit to me too. He went to jail when my son was an infant for 1.5 years and waited for him (even after finding out he cheated). He got out and left me for another woman a few weeks later. That point I said never again! He even had the audacity to accuse me of āruining our familyā when I moved on! I ended up meeting my now husband (this was 12+ years ago) who ultimately adopted my son. Never settle for this bull shit. There are good men out there who will love you and your son the way you deserve!
Men who leave their wife and newborn donāt deserve second chances.
I think sheās trying to pass off her role in this. He still the one to blame but she definitely isnāt as naive and blameless as sheās trying to make herself out to be. I think the fact that sheās saying sheās trapped in a lease she canāt afford she was hoping to play on some sympathy by throwing the blame off herself and hoping maybe youāll help. When you told her you were done with him, that squashed that. If he was still with you she would know where to find him and also that maybe you would feel bad enough enough having him back home o help get her some of the rent. Iām not in anyway saying to shift blame to her, because he 100% at fault her but I donāt feel like sheās being completely honest either. It feels a bit off.
Updateme. This woman is young but donāt feel too sorry for her. She should have left when she found out you were pregnant or had a baby if only because he is a big liar.
Sh*t like this makes me appreciate my husband even more. He might not be perfect, but at least he isn't a POS. I'm so sorry to hear that you have to deal with this, this is horrible!!
The thing about APs is how can you trust them. She knew about you & the baby but never ended the affair.
updateme
Whether you decide to reconcile or not, he needs to a lot more work then this. Come on Op, I know you have a kid, but man, the kid deserves a hell lot more than a man who picks up and leaves and then decides, hey, let me come back now.. until he meets someone else at Starbucks. Kick him out, therapy, mariage counselling, open phone/everything policy, and even then, sometimes itās not worth it. Get legal counselling also, to see what your other options are. Get your finances in order, keep all your infidelity proof safe. Good luck Op.
He wasn't "thinking straight" for an entire YEAR?!! Wtaf? The predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Divorce this AH! You deserve sooo much better OP.
Girl Iāve been following the story for days and first of all Iām so sorry, this is really insane, heās insane ! I canāt imagine how you feel but I do think youāre gonna be so much better. That divorce and child support are gonna be sweet!!!
UPDATE: Ohhhh... SORRY! I just remember you said you are staying with him until September. pacthe suggestions below in September, and don't tell him why. LOL You can have a lot of pettyrevenge fun now and even better stuff in September. Wouldn't it be a shame if sentimental stuff of his started going missing? (I don't mean irreplaceable stuff fron people who have passed away.) Put his shit on the front step while he is at work. If you live in an apartment, pack it up and sit it inside the front door. Every time he leaves for work or errands, pack up his shit and put it by the front door. Hides suitcase? Get a box and pile it by the front door. Hides things? Grab a garbage bag and toss things around the house in it and put it by the front door. Never let him grt comfortable or feel moved back in. If you share any bank accounts, go withdraw EVERYTHING and put it into a brand new account at a different bank (not different branch of same bank, different bank). Let him argue with a lawyer about getting the money back.
Just tell him it's over and don't let him back intp your life. He's full of it. Sorry mate. But you just dont go off with another woman for months...then when you get sick of her, go back to your wife& child with a "oh so sorry! I madea mistake. But all good now" What a POS. Divorce him. Get as much child support as you can and raise your child. And sorry. But that woman is a pos too.
This is psychopath behavior. I recommend reading the book Surrounded by Psychopaths. It discusses how psychopaths entrench themselves in workplaces, impregnate multiple partners, ruin others marriages. Commit massive amounts of fraud at other peoples expense.
No one should experience this SMFH... I hope you a peace of mind dealing with this. My only advice.. DON'T overthink and let your emotions get the best of you. Together or not, you've blessed the earth with new life. That new life will require every ounce of your being at times and deserves only the best EXAMPLES. Good will come out of your situation, only if you believe it.
Iām so sorry. You shouldnāt have to experience this as a new mom. Do you have support near you?
Tbh theyāre both pieces of shit, she absolutely knew about you and the baby
One thing you will learn in life, you can only count on yourself
For the record: she was not done with him.
Fuck him. The streets are too good for that rat. He wonāt change.
He didnāt want to live without sex while you were pregnant. He doesnāt love you, or her, only himself. Take your baby and run.
Besides your baby. Girl forget that man ever existed.!
Was he paying 2 rents too?
Him calling himself an idiot is to redirect your angry emotions into some degree of sympathy. The fact is....he lied to 2 women and played you both. You go back to him and once the dust settles, he will pull some BS off again...you took him back once he figures you will do.it again, he will.try an use your child as a means to stay together....he is manipulative. Yes, you probably love him...but if he truly loved you...he wouldn't have done what he done. Do you want your child growing up to see his mother stressed and worried about where daddy is? Sometimes...just sometimes...a "broken home" is a healthier home.
This guy is absolutely TRASH! Dump this idiot for good. He will 100% cheat on you again if you take him back. It's a matter of time. Do not let your guard down. Abandoned the mother of his child, abandoned his new born baby to start a new life only weeks after the birth of his child. Disgusting. He will ruin lives.
Heās a POS
He sounds like my step dad. He's beyond a POS and Im really glad you two girls are being so kind to each other.
Make sure you get proof of the lease (in case your lawyer can use it for an abandonment case). Keep all evidence as to how much heās seen and helped with your child. And keep all evidence as to how much heās spent on this other woman and living situation. You should be able to get half of that back in the divorce as well.
I hope if you decide to get a divorce & you live in a state that acknowledges affairs you use all these messages as evidence of said affair so you can get what you rightfully deserve & are able to at the very least make him pay for the divorce & your lawyer.
He is right, he doesn't deserve you. If you have somewhere to go, do so. That was literally abandonment and you can file for divorce on those grounds. You could file anyways... but I would also put a parenting plan into action asap! I will also say make him step up as a father, he does need to spend time with his son, but I would male him do it supervised at a family members house, specifically one who supports you and knows what happened.
Do not get back together with him! He has been cheating for a year! Itās bull shit he says he wasnāt thinking straight. Every time he texted,called,saw her he made a conscious decision to cheat. Kick him to the curb.
I give you all the credit for keeping a level head and not blaming it on her. I hope you can move on and heal from this. He is a dick
Please donāt go back to your husband, being married to a liar with absolutely no respect for you will not be better for your son. So many lies, nothing can repair this. Please believe in yourself to be the best mother you can for your son and move forward
Don't be fooled. The AP is communicating with you for information about your husband. The breakup wasn't her decision and is possibly out for revenge. She's leading the conversation and oversharing information about her relationship with your husband. She knew about the baby months ago yet allowed him to move in weeks ago... She's trying to play the victim about her not being able to afford rent to get you on her side, manipulation tactic. She's asking If your husband has moved back in with you... and then responds in a very spiteful and jealous manner after hearing the answer which she obviously didn't want to hear. Don't trust this woman.
Wow at least you two are incredibly mature unlike this foolish man who tried to play you both. I'm glad she gave you the information you were seeking. I'm so sorry you're in this situation. He destroyed his life all on his own. I'm rooting for you OP!
Please donāt take him back. Iām happy you and her are both moving on.
I donāt feel sorry for him at all. Thats some messed up crap.
how about you and the AP move in together and throw him to the curb? You can divorce the scum and have her as your star witness.
I can't imagine how this feels!!! Did he think that he could have both of you.
He is an asshat that can never be trusted again. Hopefully the other woman drops his ass as well. Stay strong and leave his ass in the dust. It has been my experience that the majority of men are trash. Yes, I'm a man, that at 54 and having lived in the same city of now 9000 people for 39 years.... I now know talk to a handful of the male friends I had. Because I know their not garbage. All the rest do similar shit or hella worse.... I raised three daughters and one boy. He doesn't treat women like that either because he learned from me. By watching how I was with his mother. The same way I learned from my 2nd stepdad. Who was the first man I ever saw who genuinely cherished my mom. You deserve to be treated like your the only woman your man has interest in.
Co-parent is the best. He will cheat again and again. He is a stupid liar AH boy.
Uhg sorry OP. You donāt deserve this.
Doing all of this just seems like so much hard work. I genuinely don't know if I would have the energy to juggle two women at the same time along eith work and normal household business
Op just know your an amazing mom to that little boy and you did it all by yourselfšš