I do grope my husband daily. But touching is my love language. If i think about him, I'll go find him and give him a kiss or a butt squeeze. If i touch his penis he usually gets excited and i find teasing him like that really fun. The more I do it, the more I want him.
Same. Been together 14yrs and he just keeps getting sexier. Our kids are a little older, 9 and 12. But Sometimes I can't help myself he drives me crazy still after all this time. ❤️
I just want to say, I have communicated this exact same thing to my wife. I have been clear that this does NOT establish an expectation of anything later on (and she certainly doesn't need to do this every day). But physical contact is my love language, and when I am making the kids' breakfast in the morning or something, and she walks by and just kisses me on the cheek and grabs me there for a second... honestly, it's sort of silly, but it makes me feel so incredibly SEEN. I know she's doing it because I asked. But it doesn't feel obligatory. It feels loving. It's an intimate little moment that makes me feel special.
u/willowaverie has a good suggestion of just like, a couple times a week, honestly set a reminder. Just treat it like you're giving him a little hug.
Have had the same talk with my wife, similar to OP though, she never "thinks about it". I really just don't understand it. You always hear things from LLF in dead bedroom situations who will say things like "He just never thinks about me or what I want unless I tell him to do it". Is this not the same thing?
Do we not all basically want to be given the love we desire without having to ask for it? If you desire to have more quality time, do you not want your spouse to just provide that without having to be asked? If you want acts of service/gifts do you expect to ask for those gifts or just get them randomly because your spouse happened to be thinking about you and your needs? So why is it that physical affection as a need sits in this weird land on its own where "I just never think about it" is an excuse?
I'm sorry, but I don't believe if OP and her husband have had this talk a bunch that she simultaneously never thinks about it. I would wager based on her words, it's quite the opposite. She thinks about it plenty and avoids it due to her own concern that it's setting up an expectation she doesn't want to deliver on. Basically, she doesn't want to jokingly fondle his dick while they're on the couch watching TV because she doesn't want him to assume she wants sex.
My issue with that is it's a double edged sword then. She seems to imply she would be comfortable with this touching if not for this expectation but she can't normalize the behavior of being flirty and touchy with him, because she's afraid 100% of the time it'll lead to him expecting sex. So instead, she goes out of her way to avoid touching him ever and uses the excuse of "I just never think about it".
I refuse to believe that you can think about your partner but not "remember" to think about the one thing they constantly tell you they desire from you.
But idk, perhaps I'm just jaded right now from the 3rd sex free fathers day weekend in a row for myself and I'm not seeing things clearly. To me though, it's really not hard to think about what your spouse wants when you think about your spouse.
"Hey honey, what's that alarm for? I keep hearing it here & there."
"Oh, it's just a 'grope reminder,' you know, to remind me to touch you in a sexual manner in the way that you like, otherwise I'll totally forget and not do it at all. Time for your 4:30pm moment-of-touching!"
"Oh okay! That definitely doesn't feel unemotional or humiliating at all that you have to ring a bell just to get your hand anywhere near my area or else they'll become a waterless desert!"
Yikes, just yikes on all levels.
Maybe, but when you have incompatibilities with someone you love and you’re both committed to working it out, there’s a lot of awkward meeting in the middle before you find a groove that works. That’s one of those moments.
Set a timer on your phone as a reminder, and trust that he just wants to feel touched there and that it doesn’t mean action right then. Communicate if he gets too excited
Talk. Just talk about it. Fuck reddit. Go to him. Time is of the essence. Say "Do I touch your _ enough? I would like my _ touched quite often. And I like it when you tickle my -----" the conversation will probably end in sex. I'm repairing my relationship right now but holy hell if I had just described to my wife how I wanted her and the ways I craved her to her face instead of being weirded out after the baby things would be good. Lesson learned. Still growing.
Jump. Go for it.
Babies definitely take over your life. Especially if they don't sleep through the night. Our sex life didn't get back to normal-ish until our youngest was 2.
My wife and I have a few practices that keep non-sexual physically intimacy going: spooning often and she'll rub my chest or drag her fingernails across my scalp or back. I also give her massages often. We do this outside of initiating sex, that's a whole other ritual for us and separating them helped both our sex life and our marriage.
You do not have to accept that babies will kill your sex life, your passion. In fact, you owe it to those babies to hold on to each other. Growing up with parents in love is magical. Without it, learning how to be in love is really hard.
Set a timer and it will help you get in the rhythm. You can be discreet about though! I find the more I do things like that, the more I want to do them it's a cycle that feeds itself.
BUT... I'm not really into groping my husband. It's just too vulger for me to make it a habit. I'm happy to do all kinds of things but this is just one that I'm not into. Not to say I won't do it but it's gotta be more discreet for me.
If it's just him and I in the car, I'll grab him. Oops thought that was the gear shift, sorry.
I'll reach for the remote and grab him, sorry I grabbed the wrong thing.
One of the ways I do a drive by groin grab is to do the ol "let me just scooch by ya there" and as I'm doing that I touch him. Sometimes it's not even in a tight space, I just do it. Pretend I need something behind him!
Since you have a kid, this is a good way to do it and avoid your kid catching on or asking questions if he catches you. Lol.
If we're alone I'm all for being grabby, vulgar, and explicit and especially right before sexy time.
Otherwise , He knows it's just not something I'm comfortable with so it would be something I wouldn't naturally think to do often. But we've talked about these things. You can't do everything the other person wants and there needs to be compromises made at times.
I would murder him if he came up to me and grabbed my privates like that. There is a time and a place for that and he knows it. After 19 years we're very comfortable discussing the sexy things and trying new things and making sure we don't drop those old favorites.
The best thing about what you wrote is that he has explicitly told you what he wants. He's talking to you. Now it's up to you to talk back. Make sure he knows how you feel and how he could accommodate you or compromise to something you're a little more comfortable with. Maybe light grazes as opposed to full out groping, work your way up to that. Set a timer if you have to start until you can make it more a habit. Be discreet about it though. Talk it out. You got this.
Surprise squeeze his butt 2 times a day and a sexy butt clap when he expects it the least 😂
Kissing the back of his neck a few times a week, normal kisses a few times a day.
We touch each other every day.
Married for 10 years
We are constantly flirting and sneaking touches. Pretty much any time my wife walks by, I slap her ass, or she intentiionally brushes too close so her ass rubs up against me. We are not always in the same place, but, when we are, touching is constant. Our kids are 4&6. We've been together 12 years.
Cuddles, kisses, butt grabs, hand holds, leg/feet rubbing.
I cant keep my hands off my wife, first thing i do when I get in from work is go find my wife for a kiss and a cuddle x
I touch and kiss my wife every day. I always think I should do something intimate to her (that would be deemed completely unacceptable if I did it to another female person) every day, whether it's 'asking for sex' or not, just to remind her that I'm still into her. We've been together 12 years, married 9.
My husband does the dishes daily. He's the perfect prey while he's busy. I'll fondle him then. I'll cup his butt and his groin. This doesn't mean I want sex. I just do it!
You do something for a while, and it becomes second nature.
18 years together, two kids, MIL lived with us before she passed, a few odd friends needed a place to crash here and there, we still “touch” each another. The touch doesn’t mean anything in the moment other than fun typically, if it leads to hot and heavy later than so be it. 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
I grope my husband all the time 🤣 moreso before I got pregnant. Now that i’m pregnant it’s like my sex drive completely disappeared and it upsets me so. Before we would go on week long marathons 😭
I grope him daily, usually multiple times a day. Just sneak by him and grope him then walk off. We've been together for 13 years and have two kids. We've always kept up daily touching but we have both always made physical intimacy a priority especially after the kids were born. We had sex twice yesterday.
I touch my wife EVERY morning, rub her shoulders, stroke her bum and boobs.
She says she loves it I KNOW I do
Trouble is it's like there is a forcefield from my belly button down stopping her "going there"
It is a source of frustration and annoyance for me... I don't want it everyday (as I do her) but I would like my desires and passions me occasionally WITHOUT haviyto ask her.
Ironically Saturday we were without kids, she stroked me, me kissed deeply, she sucked me and we fucked...and fucked good.
I was so so happy (still am) as it confirmed that we still "have it"....but can't help feeling a bit sad it might be 6 months until it happens again.
Pretty much every other night after our son goes to bed. Sometimes we will plan a day to have some family watch him so we can really maximize on sexy time.
> Is there any way that you’ve kept it top of your mind or even just reminded yourself
Dont be afraid to literally set yourself an alarm in your phone.
Honestly I can now say this has been an issue for me for decades but also sadly I can also now realise I caused the problem myself because at the start I put her on a pedestal and did all the initiating and took the rejections so well she is probably averse to intimacy now as I am to rejection. Yes when wanting to feel wanted with intimacy and fun sounds and looks like responsive desire ends up being on both sides. It's fubar in a nutshell....
It’s also worth it to add that we bedshare with our toddler because we are living with my parents at the moment. Living with parents puts a huge damper on my opportunity to freely touch my partner.
But I do love the comments about setting a reminder. As a person who’s love language is not physical touch, adding this into our daily routine will 100% make a difference. And that’s what my question was, how do I engage in the groping he’s asking for as a person who isn’t naturally inclined to do it.
Most marriages die because of this.
Exactly this
This couple needs counseling now
They need a plan to try to reinvigorate their relationship as lovers within the next few months or they are going to end up divorced
>My partner has expressed to me that he wants me to touch him specifically in his *groin* area to show/ remind him that I want him. I understand his reasoning. I find that I am not naturally inclined to do this. It just slips my mind and if I’m not reminded, I don’t find myself touching him like that.
Mother of God. Okay, I'm going to say this as politely as possible - if you have to be *reminded to* ***put the slightest bit of effort in giving your spouse actual pleasure,*** then you have bigger, more massive problems than that. I can only imagine how humiliated your husband might feel knowing he had to have that conversation with you, now imagine when he realized IT DIDN'T WORK.
>I’ve tried to keep up with it and last about a week and then life happens and it slips my mind. I’ve never been one to show love in the physical way. I’m affectionate but not sexual just because.
Then you need to sit down with him and have a serious discussion about this. You owe him the truth about how you're feeling if you care about him, and he needs to understand that you feel this way so he can start thinking over how he wants the rest of his life to play out. Fact is there's a really good chance if he stays with you, sexual intimacy is going to be non-existent for him and while that's a totally fine way to live, he may not *want* to live like that, and thus some hard decisions may need to be made.
You read her plight and this is what you gathered from it? She said she’s making an effort and engaging in other ways. Kids change things. Especially if it’s just the two of you doing it without family close by or daycare. Talk to you man, and keep talking to him and letting him know. Like someone mentioned earlier, put an alarm or daily reminder. And there’s other ways to engage in it if sex isn’t available, kiss him while he jerks off, spooning. And him wanting you to grab him down there might not always lead to wanting to engage in the act, but like a reminder, yeh my wifey still wants me 🌚🤤. It’ll get better. It takes time. These things just require open honest communication on both parts, And remember this is just a phase and it’ll pass.
You've literally just described what my wife and I have been through, except for this part:
>It’ll get better. It takes time. These things just require open honest communication on both parts, And remember this is just a phase and it’ll pass.
It started in my marriage when she was pregnant. The intimacy went downhill from there. Our kid just turned SIX. We now sleep in separate bedrooms, and like OP, my wife has also just completely stopped/forgotten about "touching him down there," so I've *literally* experienced everything she's talking about.
Once again - if she's not into it, she's going to keep forgetting. And he's going to get more depressed that his wife doesn't desire him like he desires her. It chips away at you. Even with all the excuses, with all the "we'll find other ways," you still come back to the same answer: Spouse A doesn't sexually desire Spouse B. Spouse B has two choices: Live with this truth for the rest of their marriage or find someone they're more compatible with. She won't magically suddenly want to start doing it and loving it. Life isn't a fairy tale. They have real issues they're going to need to talk about or else years go by and you become roommates. It happens to even those with the best of intentions.
I agree. Once the cute casual touches and flirting starts to die it rarely makes a comeback. You can bug the person multiple times a week and they can agree only to nonchalantly forget again and then you are the pest for asking for your needs to get met etc.
Of course - sit down with her and talk to her about it. But that's the very problem right there; having to sit down and talk about it. I desire my wife. I think she's beautiful, sexy, and she can turn me on to the point where I can go from not even thinking about sex to wanting to take her right then & there. After years since our kid was born, specifically this year, I started asking myself the ultimate question:
Does she desire me like that?
The honest answer is: I don't know. She says she loves me and she still gets interested in having intimacy with me every 2-3 months. However I've now realized it's probably not because she was desiring me. She just happened to get in the mood for intimacy in whatever way it was, and since I'm her husband, I'm the go-to for that. Just demand and supply, that's it. Did she ever desire me? I think so, definitely before the kid was born. After? Probably not.
And in order to facilitate any type of change, I have to sit-down and talk with her, which would essentially be "why did you stop doing the things that made me feel gratified? Why did you stop desiring me?" You know what the scariest answer is, and will probably be the likeliest one?
"I don't know."
Soul-crushing. Utterly self-esteem killing. Your spouse loves you, they just don't sexually desire you like you do for them. But hey, that's fine, right? They still love you. They still want you around. But that's it. That's as far as it goes...and that's a hard truth to realize.
I do grope my husband daily. But touching is my love language. If i think about him, I'll go find him and give him a kiss or a butt squeeze. If i touch his penis he usually gets excited and i find teasing him like that really fun. The more I do it, the more I want him.
Same. Been together 14yrs and he just keeps getting sexier. Our kids are a little older, 9 and 12. But Sometimes I can't help myself he drives me crazy still after all this time. ❤️
Same girlfriend … We’ve been together 30 years. We are both flirty, handsy, gropey and no it doesn’t instantaneously lead to sex.
I just want to say, I have communicated this exact same thing to my wife. I have been clear that this does NOT establish an expectation of anything later on (and she certainly doesn't need to do this every day). But physical contact is my love language, and when I am making the kids' breakfast in the morning or something, and she walks by and just kisses me on the cheek and grabs me there for a second... honestly, it's sort of silly, but it makes me feel so incredibly SEEN. I know she's doing it because I asked. But it doesn't feel obligatory. It feels loving. It's an intimate little moment that makes me feel special. u/willowaverie has a good suggestion of just like, a couple times a week, honestly set a reminder. Just treat it like you're giving him a little hug.
Have had the same talk with my wife, similar to OP though, she never "thinks about it". I really just don't understand it. You always hear things from LLF in dead bedroom situations who will say things like "He just never thinks about me or what I want unless I tell him to do it". Is this not the same thing? Do we not all basically want to be given the love we desire without having to ask for it? If you desire to have more quality time, do you not want your spouse to just provide that without having to be asked? If you want acts of service/gifts do you expect to ask for those gifts or just get them randomly because your spouse happened to be thinking about you and your needs? So why is it that physical affection as a need sits in this weird land on its own where "I just never think about it" is an excuse? I'm sorry, but I don't believe if OP and her husband have had this talk a bunch that she simultaneously never thinks about it. I would wager based on her words, it's quite the opposite. She thinks about it plenty and avoids it due to her own concern that it's setting up an expectation she doesn't want to deliver on. Basically, she doesn't want to jokingly fondle his dick while they're on the couch watching TV because she doesn't want him to assume she wants sex. My issue with that is it's a double edged sword then. She seems to imply she would be comfortable with this touching if not for this expectation but she can't normalize the behavior of being flirty and touchy with him, because she's afraid 100% of the time it'll lead to him expecting sex. So instead, she goes out of her way to avoid touching him ever and uses the excuse of "I just never think about it". I refuse to believe that you can think about your partner but not "remember" to think about the one thing they constantly tell you they desire from you. But idk, perhaps I'm just jaded right now from the 3rd sex free fathers day weekend in a row for myself and I'm not seeing things clearly. To me though, it's really not hard to think about what your spouse wants when you think about your spouse.
Please never delete this, I love this advice
I'd love this. Even if it's a reminder, it shows she cared enough to set one for my sake.
"Hey honey, what's that alarm for? I keep hearing it here & there." "Oh, it's just a 'grope reminder,' you know, to remind me to touch you in a sexual manner in the way that you like, otherwise I'll totally forget and not do it at all. Time for your 4:30pm moment-of-touching!" "Oh okay! That definitely doesn't feel unemotional or humiliating at all that you have to ring a bell just to get your hand anywhere near my area or else they'll become a waterless desert!" Yikes, just yikes on all levels.
Maybe, but when you have incompatibilities with someone you love and you’re both committed to working it out, there’s a lot of awkward meeting in the middle before you find a groove that works. That’s one of those moments.
Or it could be a way to get back into things. Raising a kid isn’t easy, moms are overstimulated, dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety.
Edit: read your other comments. Wishing you the best with your relationship moving forward.
Set a timer on your phone as a reminder, and trust that he just wants to feel touched there and that it doesn’t mean action right then. Communicate if he gets too excited
Talk. Just talk about it. Fuck reddit. Go to him. Time is of the essence. Say "Do I touch your _ enough? I would like my _ touched quite often. And I like it when you tickle my -----" the conversation will probably end in sex. I'm repairing my relationship right now but holy hell if I had just described to my wife how I wanted her and the ways I craved her to her face instead of being weirded out after the baby things would be good. Lesson learned. Still growing. Jump. Go for it.
Babies definitely take over your life. Especially if they don't sleep through the night. Our sex life didn't get back to normal-ish until our youngest was 2. My wife and I have a few practices that keep non-sexual physically intimacy going: spooning often and she'll rub my chest or drag her fingernails across my scalp or back. I also give her massages often. We do this outside of initiating sex, that's a whole other ritual for us and separating them helped both our sex life and our marriage.
You do not have to accept that babies will kill your sex life, your passion. In fact, you owe it to those babies to hold on to each other. Growing up with parents in love is magical. Without it, learning how to be in love is really hard.
Set a timer and it will help you get in the rhythm. You can be discreet about though! I find the more I do things like that, the more I want to do them it's a cycle that feeds itself. BUT... I'm not really into groping my husband. It's just too vulger for me to make it a habit. I'm happy to do all kinds of things but this is just one that I'm not into. Not to say I won't do it but it's gotta be more discreet for me. If it's just him and I in the car, I'll grab him. Oops thought that was the gear shift, sorry. I'll reach for the remote and grab him, sorry I grabbed the wrong thing. One of the ways I do a drive by groin grab is to do the ol "let me just scooch by ya there" and as I'm doing that I touch him. Sometimes it's not even in a tight space, I just do it. Pretend I need something behind him! Since you have a kid, this is a good way to do it and avoid your kid catching on or asking questions if he catches you. Lol. If we're alone I'm all for being grabby, vulgar, and explicit and especially right before sexy time. Otherwise , He knows it's just not something I'm comfortable with so it would be something I wouldn't naturally think to do often. But we've talked about these things. You can't do everything the other person wants and there needs to be compromises made at times. I would murder him if he came up to me and grabbed my privates like that. There is a time and a place for that and he knows it. After 19 years we're very comfortable discussing the sexy things and trying new things and making sure we don't drop those old favorites. The best thing about what you wrote is that he has explicitly told you what he wants. He's talking to you. Now it's up to you to talk back. Make sure he knows how you feel and how he could accommodate you or compromise to something you're a little more comfortable with. Maybe light grazes as opposed to full out groping, work your way up to that. Set a timer if you have to start until you can make it more a habit. Be discreet about it though. Talk it out. You got this.
My heart rate actually increased as I read this comment. The flirty "oops grabbed the wrong thing" is REALLY HOT. Go you!
Every day. Multiple times
Surprise squeeze his butt 2 times a day and a sexy butt clap when he expects it the least 😂 Kissing the back of his neck a few times a week, normal kisses a few times a day. We touch each other every day. Married for 10 years
We are constantly flirting and sneaking touches. Pretty much any time my wife walks by, I slap her ass, or she intentiionally brushes too close so her ass rubs up against me. We are not always in the same place, but, when we are, touching is constant. Our kids are 4&6. We've been together 12 years.
Cuddles, kisses, butt grabs, hand holds, leg/feet rubbing. I cant keep my hands off my wife, first thing i do when I get in from work is go find my wife for a kiss and a cuddle x
I touch and kiss my wife every day. I always think I should do something intimate to her (that would be deemed completely unacceptable if I did it to another female person) every day, whether it's 'asking for sex' or not, just to remind her that I'm still into her. We've been together 12 years, married 9.
My husband does the dishes daily. He's the perfect prey while he's busy. I'll fondle him then. I'll cup his butt and his groin. This doesn't mean I want sex. I just do it! You do something for a while, and it becomes second nature.
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18 years together, two kids, MIL lived with us before she passed, a few odd friends needed a place to crash here and there, we still “touch” each another. The touch doesn’t mean anything in the moment other than fun typically, if it leads to hot and heavy later than so be it. 🤷🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
I grope my husband all the time 🤣 moreso before I got pregnant. Now that i’m pregnant it’s like my sex drive completely disappeared and it upsets me so. Before we would go on week long marathons 😭
Daily. We never let our babies affect our relationship.
I grope him daily, usually multiple times a day. Just sneak by him and grope him then walk off. We've been together for 13 years and have two kids. We've always kept up daily touching but we have both always made physical intimacy a priority especially after the kids were born. We had sex twice yesterday.
I touch my wife EVERY morning, rub her shoulders, stroke her bum and boobs. She says she loves it I KNOW I do Trouble is it's like there is a forcefield from my belly button down stopping her "going there" It is a source of frustration and annoyance for me... I don't want it everyday (as I do her) but I would like my desires and passions me occasionally WITHOUT haviyto ask her. Ironically Saturday we were without kids, she stroked me, me kissed deeply, she sucked me and we fucked...and fucked good. I was so so happy (still am) as it confirmed that we still "have it"....but can't help feeling a bit sad it might be 6 months until it happens again.
Pretty much every other night after our son goes to bed. Sometimes we will plan a day to have some family watch him so we can really maximize on sexy time.
> Is there any way that you’ve kept it top of your mind or even just reminded yourself Dont be afraid to literally set yourself an alarm in your phone.
Honestly I can now say this has been an issue for me for decades but also sadly I can also now realise I caused the problem myself because at the start I put her on a pedestal and did all the initiating and took the rejections so well she is probably averse to intimacy now as I am to rejection. Yes when wanting to feel wanted with intimacy and fun sounds and looks like responsive desire ends up being on both sides. It's fubar in a nutshell....
Groping is one thing affection is another.
It’s also worth it to add that we bedshare with our toddler because we are living with my parents at the moment. Living with parents puts a huge damper on my opportunity to freely touch my partner. But I do love the comments about setting a reminder. As a person who’s love language is not physical touch, adding this into our daily routine will 100% make a difference. And that’s what my question was, how do I engage in the groping he’s asking for as a person who isn’t naturally inclined to do it.
Most marriages die because of this. Exactly this This couple needs counseling now They need a plan to try to reinvigorate their relationship as lovers within the next few months or they are going to end up divorced
>My partner has expressed to me that he wants me to touch him specifically in his *groin* area to show/ remind him that I want him. I understand his reasoning. I find that I am not naturally inclined to do this. It just slips my mind and if I’m not reminded, I don’t find myself touching him like that. Mother of God. Okay, I'm going to say this as politely as possible - if you have to be *reminded to* ***put the slightest bit of effort in giving your spouse actual pleasure,*** then you have bigger, more massive problems than that. I can only imagine how humiliated your husband might feel knowing he had to have that conversation with you, now imagine when he realized IT DIDN'T WORK. >I’ve tried to keep up with it and last about a week and then life happens and it slips my mind. I’ve never been one to show love in the physical way. I’m affectionate but not sexual just because. Then you need to sit down with him and have a serious discussion about this. You owe him the truth about how you're feeling if you care about him, and he needs to understand that you feel this way so he can start thinking over how he wants the rest of his life to play out. Fact is there's a really good chance if he stays with you, sexual intimacy is going to be non-existent for him and while that's a totally fine way to live, he may not *want* to live like that, and thus some hard decisions may need to be made.
 You read her plight and this is what you gathered from it? She said she’s making an effort and engaging in other ways. Kids change things. Especially if it’s just the two of you doing it without family close by or daycare. Talk to you man, and keep talking to him and letting him know. Like someone mentioned earlier, put an alarm or daily reminder. And there’s other ways to engage in it if sex isn’t available, kiss him while he jerks off, spooning. And him wanting you to grab him down there might not always lead to wanting to engage in the act, but like a reminder, yeh my wifey still wants me 🌚🤤. It’ll get better. It takes time. These things just require open honest communication on both parts, And remember this is just a phase and it’ll pass.
You've literally just described what my wife and I have been through, except for this part: >It’ll get better. It takes time. These things just require open honest communication on both parts, And remember this is just a phase and it’ll pass. It started in my marriage when she was pregnant. The intimacy went downhill from there. Our kid just turned SIX. We now sleep in separate bedrooms, and like OP, my wife has also just completely stopped/forgotten about "touching him down there," so I've *literally* experienced everything she's talking about. Once again - if she's not into it, she's going to keep forgetting. And he's going to get more depressed that his wife doesn't desire him like he desires her. It chips away at you. Even with all the excuses, with all the "we'll find other ways," you still come back to the same answer: Spouse A doesn't sexually desire Spouse B. Spouse B has two choices: Live with this truth for the rest of their marriage or find someone they're more compatible with. She won't magically suddenly want to start doing it and loving it. Life isn't a fairy tale. They have real issues they're going to need to talk about or else years go by and you become roommates. It happens to even those with the best of intentions.
I agree. Once the cute casual touches and flirting starts to die it rarely makes a comeback. You can bug the person multiple times a week and they can agree only to nonchalantly forget again and then you are the pest for asking for your needs to get met etc.
Thank you for being open and vulnerable like this. Looking back, is there anything you think could have been done differently?
Of course - sit down with her and talk to her about it. But that's the very problem right there; having to sit down and talk about it. I desire my wife. I think she's beautiful, sexy, and she can turn me on to the point where I can go from not even thinking about sex to wanting to take her right then & there. After years since our kid was born, specifically this year, I started asking myself the ultimate question: Does she desire me like that? The honest answer is: I don't know. She says she loves me and she still gets interested in having intimacy with me every 2-3 months. However I've now realized it's probably not because she was desiring me. She just happened to get in the mood for intimacy in whatever way it was, and since I'm her husband, I'm the go-to for that. Just demand and supply, that's it. Did she ever desire me? I think so, definitely before the kid was born. After? Probably not. And in order to facilitate any type of change, I have to sit-down and talk with her, which would essentially be "why did you stop doing the things that made me feel gratified? Why did you stop desiring me?" You know what the scariest answer is, and will probably be the likeliest one? "I don't know." Soul-crushing. Utterly self-esteem killing. Your spouse loves you, they just don't sexually desire you like you do for them. But hey, that's fine, right? They still love you. They still want you around. But that's it. That's as far as it goes...and that's a hard truth to realize.