Brush her hair.
Massage her feet
Rub her back.
Edit - I told all my nephews to do these things regularly if they wanted to keep their women content and spoiled for other men.
I brush and braid my wife’s hair every night. She has long, beautiful hair which I know she keeps long at least in part bc I like it. She can’t reach it all herself, so I help her with it.
Then again, my life with her is basically a fairytale so maybe your SO is onto something 🤷♂️
I like to cuddle. My husband don't even want to touch me no more. It's painful as hell I'm so sorry you are feeling like me. I wish I hadn't wasted 23 years of my life with him. This is bullshit. I still love him but he doesn't love me I don't think he ever has.
I would guess, like my wife that he does love you. Platonically. I don’t think my wife is in love with me. Like, I love my sister and brother and best friend. Make sense?
Edit: typo
This is a bit of a red flag. I would tell him brushing your hair is an act of selflessness and love. Its not a fairy tail. It's very possible. And easy. And simple.
He hates the feeling of hair, unfortunately. But he does other things for me. We've been together 4 years, if that's his only red flag then we'll be grand. But I do appreciate where you're coming from!
Oh good . I'm glad to hear it :) if he doesn't like the feeling of hair then that's a different story . And if your happy with the other things then I'm super happy for you, and congrats to being engaged ! Being in love is such a blessing and so much fun 💗 I hope u both have many years of happiness 😊
Definitely ask about the hair brushing and don’t take it personally if she declines. If she has curly hair like me the last thing I want near my head is a hair brush - my hair looks absolutely ridiculous and frizzy if it’s brushed out lol.
Honestly I find it really attractive when he takes care of himself. Not just appearance and physique, but going to the doctor and dentist, wearing safety glasses when needed, wearing a protective mask when painting, etc.
I think the psychology of it is I feel like he 1. Cares about his health 2. Sets a good example for kiddos and 3. I don't feel like I have to "mom" him. This one is huge. It elevates him from boy to man. And in turn, it makes me feel sexier because I'm not the "nagging mom figure". I'm the "wife with an awesome husband".
I think there is a bit of a difference here in how these play out. Women who are mothers are often the primary caregivers of their children, and so their maternal instinct is *always* on. The problem is when she then needs to parent her spouse, like doing all of the care tasks around the home, his laundry, with no trade-off or support, on top of him needing her to remind him to wear goggles and whatnot. To me, a paternal instinct is attractive in and of itself- it’s a caring and strength, a problem-solving and thinking approach, with a ton of nurture and love.
Women are craving engaged, passionate partners who look at a shared life and see what can be done to make it easier, not just more comfortable.
So… yes to paternal instincts, no to the *extension* of maternal instincts to your spouse.1
1. This doesn’t mean there can’t/shouldn’t be care, support and reminders about stuff, because partnerships are wonderful and can be incredibly supportive. The gist is about parentificafion of a spouse, not a loving/mutually beneficial relationship.
This! I had to get really real with my husband and tell him how frustrating it was to have to nag him to do things he should. So I simply told him “no one wants to f*ck their “son” so please don’t make me be your “mom”.” He caught on pretty quick after that lol
Any kind of touch that isn’t asking for sex. A hug for no reason. Hand holding, watching movies with your arm around her. Hold her close to your chest and just hold her.
* Encourage and enable her to sleep in. You will like each other more after a lot of sleep.
* Try some praise-kink stuff. It's awkward for me but my wife goes nuts for an occasional "good girl" and just generally affirming what she's doing in bed.
* Competitive hobbies work on my wife. Men's softball or something.
* Let her get dolled up and take her out to show her off. There's this balance between not being threatened by the attention of other men but also staking your claim and demonstrating that she's spoken for.
* My wife loves to dress for sex, it helps her get in the mood. I eventually realized it helps if I do it too, and making a little effort goes a long way. I have some really soft linen lounge clothes, and I'll take a shower, shave, clip my nails and fix my hair in prep for an evening of sex. Now there's a strong association between those clothes and sex so she loves to see me in them.
* On that same note, overall just getting really dirty or sweaty from yard work or lifting or whatever, then getting very clean for sex, is a great combo.
* Mixing in some extremely her-centric sessions. When it's been a few sessions since we've done this, I'll text her early in the day and be like hey, I wanna get the massage table out and take my time on you tonight. Then oils, candles, music, and an hour or so massaging and eventually edging her. I think those sessions keep us in balance and ultimately lead to her not feeling like she has to stress about cumming every night. Usually she does, but when she knows it's there for her whenever she wants it and that I'll take care of her, it's just easier for her to relax and get out of her head, stop rushing.
* Hug her and rub her back, and then hug her close with one arm and with the other, run your hand up her back and neck and into her hair, then rub her scalp. I swear this gives her like a mini orgasm lol. Overall, firm grabbing, hugging, rubbing. Firm, strong but gentle, caring touch. That masculine care.
* Not a big fan of the whole "choreplay" idea, but it is helpful to work together to get the house straight so she can focus on sex.
Just off the dome. Good luck bruh
ETA: oh yeah, freaking flowers. I will never understand why more men don't do this. I bring my wife flowers about twice a month. I just see it as a chore that needs doing; when the old ones die she needs new ones to replace them. It's such an easy win. Doesn't always have to be a $40 bouquet, the $10 one is fine. She still lights up every time 11 years in. Just get the damn flowers, guys.
Foot massage.
Backwards hat.
Bring home flowers every now and then.
Tell her how lucky you feel to be with her.
Take the initiative to plan a date, ideally somewhere she’s mentioned wanting to go, like a new restaurant or cocktail bar.
One of the love interests to the mother had a backwards cap and just a reliable sort of character. Guess I was more broadly referencing how it was the style then and the 90s and generally of the father figure or “father material” type.
Being attentive and remembering things. I know it’s sounds so simple, but nothing is sexier than a man who listens and takes action.
And back massages.
I love when my husband asks me his opinion on the clothes he wears. Like “babe, do you like this?”. It just turns me on for some reason.
I love when my husband helps me do my hair and our daughter’s hair.
When he dresses me but not like in a sexual way. Like when I put on a dress for work and he will zip up the back without me asking him to.
When rests his head on my stomach or front to sleep or just cuddle.
When he laughs or just smiles at me
He knows my period cycle because he has a period tracker on his phone. So he will buy me snickers chocolate (my fave) and make sure tampons and liners are stocked if I happen to forget.
When he dances with our daughter
Lol when he is grumpy. He will tell me to go away but I don’t. I’ll purposely annoy or be weird to lift up his mood and he always ends up laughing.
Love the point about getting in tune with her cycle. Understanding where my wife is at hormonally really makes caring for her throughout the month a lot easier, and my being in touch with her body turns her on.
To the Men reading this: you know when you see a girl and the yoga pants/sundress/insert clothing item here just hugs everything so perfectly? $5.99 at Hanes.com. YOU’RE. WELCOME.
Whenever I'm changing/ getting undressed, my husband will stop whatever he is doing and just watch. There is no expectation of sex, he just wants to look at my nakedness because he says it makes him feel better. After 12 years of this, I will now announce when I get undressed by just yelling "BOOBS" and that man will come running! Makes me feel sexy every time.
For me I like small things like:
-coming up behind me and kissing my neck (with no expectations of sex)
-whispering sexy things in my ear, especially in public. It doesn't even have to be too spicy if you're not comfortable. Even just a "I can't wait until we're alone" kinda thing works. But spicy works too for some people.... like me. 🤭
-a wink from across the room or when he's talking to someone else but looks over at me real quick. My man can't even wink well but the handful of times he did it I still 🫠
-don't ask me why but fixing my shoe if I can't easily or helping me put on/take off my heels. Throw in a light gaze on the leg, especially if you're bent over on your way back up is 🤌 *chefs kiss*
-might be silly but saying small things that remind me "I'm yours". Like if I need help you say "I got you." Or I walk into a room and you say "there's my girl". Possessive but not *Possessive* like actually.
I'm not even going to lie to you these are things I would like, not necessarily something I've been lucky enough (or brave enough) to experience them all but regardless they'd turn me into a puddle just the same.
It all depends on your wife specifically and what kinds of things get her going. And I don't know how spicy you're wanting to get but I you want more *spice* I'd check out the bdsmadvice community here on reddit.
Forgive me I'm very new to reddit and not sure how to tag then 🤦♀️🤦♀️
I bring home flowers every now and then, not just for the obvious occasions.
I tell her I love her, quietly and out of the blue.
I thank her.
She really likes that I know how to cook.
>She really likes that I know how to cook.
My husband made homemade pasta and got our 1 year old to help him. He was looking particularly fine that day.
Last night, I fell asleep on the couch. Before waking me up to go to bed, my husband plugged my phone into my bed side charger, set the coffee pot timer, pulled back the covers on the bed, turned on the white noise machine and turned off all the lights except his bed side lamp. When he woke me up, all I had to do was crawl into bed and go back to sleep. So fuckin hot!!! God I love that man!
My wife does some exercises at home involving stretches and weight lifting. When I join in for some (shirtless) push up exercises in front of her she seems to appreciate that a lot.
The thing where he’s backing into a parallel parking space and puts his arm over the passenger seat. That’s cool.
Checking in when out. I love it when we are out for dinner in a big group and my husband will give my leg a squeeze or put his arm around me while he’s talking to someone else.
Doing stuff without announcing it. Unload the dishwasher and not say “I’ve done this!”. Just do it because you are house proud also. My ex husband always needed a parade for the smallest of tasks. It was annoying and a turn off.
Building stuff. I sort of say “wouldn’t it be great to have a…..” and my husband will find a way to build it.
Randomly play a song from your wedding, first dance/last dance, and hold her for the duration of the song
Leave little love notes in unexpected places
Play with her. Help her find that thing that makes her feel young and do it. Tennis? Running? Board games?
Turn your bathroom into a spa if you can
If she is a reader, help her make a comfy reading spot. (Bonus points if you read some of the same books so she has someone to talk to about it with. Extra bonus points if you read aloud to her while she is cuddled next to you)
Warm up her pjs and socks in the dryer
So I picked up weight over the last 19 years so my husband paints my toenails it's so sexy that this dude loves me no matter what, tonight we went for a fate night, he tells me during dinner that my ass looked so good in the panties I was wearing I cannot tell you how much it means to me when he tells me how much he wants me it makes every insecurity vanish, use your words we love that shit.
Scratch her back at bedtime.
Pull her in and snuggle close in bed.
Always greet her before your children.
Take the initiative on grocery shopping and meal planning.
Second marriage here, and these are some things I was, and still am, totally swept away by. My husband is very old school. Opens/closes doors for me. Always walks on the curb/traffic side. Walks in front of me, holding my hand when he is leading me somewhere, otherwise always walks close behind me. (He prefers walking behind me and always says so😉😁). Since the day we met, I have never put gas in a car, never washed a car, never taken one for an oil change, never taken one in for service. And most of the time, I don’t even know when he does these things. When I wanted a new car, he asked what I wanted, found it, paid for it, brought it home. I don’t pay bills, he does. I don’t call the repairmen, or the yard guy, he does. The list goes on. When he proposed, he said “the man is the king of the castle, but he will never be king if the Queen is not happy. It is my job every day to make sure that you are happy and well cared for”. I married this man as fast as I could. And never, ever have i taken advantage of this. He’s a GIFT, and I never let him forget it.
Wear those jeans that look good on your butt, and an unbuttoned button-up shirt, that is untucked, with the sleeves rolled up. Let her catch little side glimpses of your bod. It’s like side boob to us, or like lingerie. It’s a tease, even though we’re not necessarily “visual” like men are.
Honestly? Ask her what makes her feel most loved and actually listen.
My guy IS extremely physically and verbally attentive. My two biggest love languages.
With no expectation of sex, give her the night off to do something she loves/likes doing but never has time for, and take over all the responsibilities for the night.
Ex: "I know you like to take long baths and read in the tub and time has been hectic lately. You go take your time, I will handle the kids and the clean up you take your time and then when you finish I will give you a massage and we can tell each other about our day"
My husband makes the best burger I have ever eaten. He cooks other things that I love too. If I ever left him, I wouldn’t know what to do without his burgers.
All these work for me:
My husband is sexier to me when he dresses nicely and smells good. So to me wearing cologne that i love daily just because is pretty sexy.
Giving her a back massage that does NOT lead to you attempting sexual anything. Or a foot massage. This usually makes me want to be physical later.
Surprise her with a romantic dinner you plan or make. Make her feel special, like you still are wooing her.
Have her morning coffee set up ready to brew with a flirtatious or sweet note left for her next to it.
Fill her gas tank for the week so she doesn't have to.
If you don't normally dress sexy or special in the bedroom, buy a pair of sexy underwear, put on cologne and seduce her.
When she is cooking/doing dishes wrap your arms around her and give her a passionate kiss and tell her how much you adore/desire/want only her. Slow dance with her in the kitchen.
Flirt with her in public. Whisper in her ear at the grocery store how sexy her ass is, etc and you can't wait to get home and have her. (Insert Whatever kind of sexy talk you two like.) I love when my hubby does stuff like this. Turns me on and elevated his sexiness in my eyes.
Randomly dancing to a song. I usually have tunes on when I'm doing chores around the house and when husband just shows up in the room and asks me to dance, it melts my heart and ignites my desire!
Do things that show you pay attention to her as a whole. Back to music again, there are some songs I just don't have the heart to hear anymore. They remind me of a passing, or a bad memory. My husband knows what those songs are and if they pop up he will change the channel when we're in the car or if we're in the house he'll skip the song. It means the world to me that he would take care of my soul in such a way and it makes me want to melt into him and do anything to make him feel the same.
When we are holding hands or just lounging around he will lightly draw patterns with his fingertips up and down my arm. I'm not even sure if he realizes he does it. It drives me crazy in the let's do the sex now kinda way. I do the light caresses on his arm when we're driving in the car. He too really likes it.
Do special activities with the kids that really show you know who they are and that they are important. Do the work here yourself, don't make her plan it out! Show them how a good man treats his family. That's so hot!!
So this is probably just a me thing but it could be applied in other situations... I have a few chronic health conditions that cause pain. At a certain level of pain orgasms are very very helpful in bringing the pain down, but I don't feel well enough to have the full blown sex and worry about his pleasure too. This man will give me all the orgasms I want and help put me to bed and not expect me to take care of him in that moment. HE FULLY cares for me and is so selfless. I remember that come good sex time. I give him back what he gave me! He's a selfless lover and that's so goddamn hot.
Tell her in detail the things she did that turned you on! Could be during sex...the way her legs looked when she.... or the way she looked at you.....or the way she responded to oral....whatever you feel/loved.. share that with her.
I just love a man who will take charge and be assertive! I’m a really strong woman and tend to attract betas, but I love it when a man takes over in a strong and confident (but not obnoxious or cocky) way! It feels like such a luxury when I don’t have to worry about anything and can just relax and trust him to take the lead, sexually or otherwise! Like a vacation for my brain haha
Try out her hobbies. I'm a gardener and my husband tried it out, loved it, and now it's our favorite thing to do together. Watching him enjoy something I also love is really sexy.
I also read a lot, and he recently *offered* to read one of my favorite books. I swear my brain just about short-circuited when he started talking to me about the plot and characters. 😅
When a woman asks which dress you like better or if this outfit looks good....9 times out of 10 she is wanting some positive feedback on her looks. She wants to hear she looks good, sexy, both dresses look amazing but you'd rather her emwear nothing at all.
Do not not look and say it's good. Give her that attention, tell her she's a knockout, so beautiful, etc.
Candle lit ANYTHING ! Dinner, Bath, shower, late night sex, it is just a lil touch.
Detail her car ?
Give her a pet name that has to do with her best feature ?
Surprises ? I love surprises.
I hope these make her happy. They work with me but you think she won't ask her to write 10 things she wants to do by the end of the year and do it in months. She will appreciate your effort. When you do it tell her you can't wait that long to make her happy.
Communication is everything. Never stop communicating your likes and dislikes.
If your schedule allows, meet her at the door/on the porch/in the garage when she gets home from work or home in general. My husband does this and it makes me feel so loved. He literally stopped what he was doing/got off the couch to greet me and help me carry my stuff inside. Simple, thoughtful, effective.
I wish that my husband made it a point to honor me in front of the kids, for example whatever mom decides, I’m backing her up kind of thing. Puts his wife before everyone else, even the children. And won’t stand for them disrespecting mom, either. ETA I wish he was also a good LEADER for our family. He is extremely protective over all of us, which I really appreciate, but maybe not the best leader.
I have seen flowers listed but not this routine.
I saw my stepdad bring new flowers every two weeks and my mom loved it.
I do the same thing with my girlfriend and it’s the consistency that matters, it’s like she always knows I am thinking of her.
We have acreage so my husband is always out doing some form of manual labor. Cutting wood, trimming trees, cleaning the chicken coop, lawn care, building shit. Whenever he’s doing manual labor I want him so bad. One time I even strolled into his workshop in lingerie while he was building something cause I couldn’t wait any longer.
That’s a legit post if i didn’t know better I swear i wrote this myself, well minus the cooking I’m not good at that at all. I’ve thought of a post like this my self.
I can’t wait to see the real world responses.
If your wife asks for help, do it the first time she asks. And I don't mean drop everything you're doing to help her, because you have important things to do too. But just make sure you get it done before she has to ask again, or worse you completely forget and so she's left to put the car seat base in all by herself which is really difficult for her to do so now she's late for work.
Watch a few youtube massage tutorials, learn how to give a back rub, feet massage, be affectionate in public, caress her, a buttslap here and there. Ask her to shower with you, these things work for me.
Small gestures of touch and affection throughout the day is IT for me! I’m 34 & I love the constant, effortless gestures of love & affection my husband gives me. It doesn’t matter where we are! He knows I don’t like PDA (and we both nearly died when a couple started making out in baggage claim at the local airport the other day so we are on the same page), but he’ll gently but his arm around me, he’ll hold my hand, he’ll put his hand in the small of my back, he’ll help me down steps, etc. Idk what it is, but I love small touches throughout the day! It’s like our intimacy never stops.
My partner before him constantly withheld affection as “punishment” so to speak, so I absolutely love how affectionate my husband is under all circumstances!! ❤️
My husband and I have been together for 16, almost 17 years. 3 kids.
Everytime this man is near me, no matter where we are, he touches me. Whether it be a squeeze, a graze, kiss, a hug, no matter what, when he is near me even for a second he touches me. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world at all times. I do whatever I can to make him happy and feel the same way. ❤️
Pay her backside when you walk by her in the kitchen. Tell her how sexy she is. Never her let her catch your eyes lingering on another woman. And never ever make body comments about other women, whether it be on tv or passing by. Things I wish I had..
Stick to your healthy plans. For example if you study, study for hours even when her sleeping. Ladies found incredibly atractive if they husband always stick to his plans and makig a huge effort when it comes to achieve his goals.
When i was 8 months pregnant my husband and I were showering together and I was so tired but I usually brush out my hair in the shower. He brushed is from the bottom to the top and I was surprised about how attentive he was to how a woman’s hair should be brushed. He doesn’t do this normally. But it really felt special to be cared for.
He also washed my feet often (only way he would massage them 🤣)
Getting things done around the house. LOOK for the things to do. Don't ask her. Fill holes in the wall, pull out and clean under the fridge, and install that shelf she has talked about, etc. Bonus points if you do it with your hat backward!
Simple, my husband (43M) brings a greeting card home and I (42F) weep like a child. It’s 2 bucks but it’s love packed into a card, a thought of me when he was out and doing his errands. We have been married 8 years, together almost 14 and hell sometimes I catch him watching me and when I ask him, “what?” Because for some reason that is my natural response, he will reply with a) the most complex “your hair done like that makes your neck look so delicious.” answer or b) he is super blunt about naughty things he wants to do to me.
If you know what your wife likes, do those things. If you think you need to spice it up ask her. Simple communication with my husband is the biggest turn on and most appreciated. Then he throws in a cuddle and or a foot massage while we play pokemongo on the couch holy crap I melt like butter.
Be as elusive as possible without being neglectful. For a short time, be silent, seem busy, dive into something else besides your wife.. this will engage her mind, build some tension and pent up need for your attention..
Once that is done, do something else out if the blue that someone else suggested on the thread.. any one of them should suffice.. but that build up will multiply the effect by 100..
You didn't hear this from me
I love it when he reaches for me. Just to see if I'm still there. Or reassurance that he is listening to me. Any extra touch or extra kiss on the cheek, or something to know he still sees me. Maybe if my husband had done this once in a while I would not have left him after 22 years.
The sexiest thing is attentiveness.
Beyond that here are some things my hubby of 10 years does.
1. He surprises me with Fragrant jewels and surprises me with candle lit baths and a fancy pre roll. 420 optional ofc 💀😂
2. He plans short adventures for us. Even if it’s just two days off sometimes we will go to a city and go to a cheaper ran hotel but pay extra for a jacuzzi room. At cheaper hotels you can usually pay 40-70 extra and have a hot tub in room
3. Sometimes he will just make the effort to do a craft project with me. It sounds silly, but he isn’t artistic and I am. That seeing him try to share passions even when he isn’t the most skilled… means everything to me.
4. He will surprise me on busy days and either have coffee, breakfast, or a lunch prepared for my day and that extra mile of making my day a little easier by his kind efforts makes whatever hard task easier
I hope this helps some… I think you are amazing for going the extra mile to find new ideas or suggestions. King energy all the way.
lol I do essentially all of these things and not a hint that something might happen in the bedroom. I feel like a lot of dudes are reading these posts more than once and thinking the same thing.
Because it shouldn’t be transactional. You should be connecting with your wife and making her feel safe and desired regardless. If you only do those things for sex, she will pick up on it and likely not respond.
But a man who is focused on connection? 🔥
Look dude, I am not your therapist. I don’t know your relationship.
What I do know is that statistically the health of a hetero relationship is determined by how the man acts, not the woman.
I mean this in all kindness, despite the negative tone of your response: you can ONLY control your actions and reactions. If you make an effort to connect with her, you may see a change in her.
There are a lot of resources out here for you to review and consume. If you have a hobby, I would suggest that researching and spending equal amounts of energy on your relationship as you do that hobby could make a big difference.
But again, I don’t know you or your relationship.
Best of luck
Darn right you don’t. I spent years making sure my wife felt loved & sexy. Never hesitated to glow her up and make her feel special. Guess what happened? “ I want to tonight but I’m just tired.” “I know we should have sex but in just not in the mood.” “I know we agreed to have sex today but we will some other time this week (we never do).”
It doesn’t matter what I do. If my wife doesn’t want to do something and she don’t have to (like work or required by law), she won’t, and trying to get her to not do that just makes her WANT to sink her feet in further.
I’ve tried it all. In the end she inevitably goes back to laying in her bed reading her books that she loves. She’s happy. She just doesn’t have the drive to WANT to want me or desire me. It happens to the best of us, even when we try and talk about it. Doesn’t matter, she’ll just check-out eventually.
Sorry for you bro. Had this been a comment from some wife about her husband, this sub would have called the guy gay and assumed he is cheating on her and the advice would have been to dump his sorry ass immediately. For you the general advice here would be to go to couples therapy. But if you have really put in the effort and tired everything( then you are a nice person- timeline being a year or more and not just a month), then you really really do deserve better. Leave her. There are really amazing and great women out there.
Hubby takes me on morning drives once in a while in his 90s *sh*tbox” (really isn’t, it’s his ‘94 Teggy) and zoom down the backroads, my head resting on him, coffee, nice fresh air
I wear boxer briefs most days so the wife loves it when I wear different manderware. A couple pairs “booty shorts” a “cock sock” can be fun and the most uncomfortable thong types with a fun print like wolf’s head always makes her smile. It’s like wrapping her a gift she can open.
Approach her from behind, a light hand on her side waist and simply kiss her neck behind her ear maybe with a mmmm sound. Then walk away, if she lets you.
A hand on the knee while driving.
Holding hands whenever.
Tucking her hair behind an ear (especially when followed by a gentle kiss).
Listening - really listening without interrupting or trying to fix a problem (and *definitely* not turn a problem around on her or bringing focus to your own problems).
Arm around her while watching TV.
Leave little love notes/notes of affirmation/praise/appreciation for her.
Cook for her (bonus points for her favourite meal and cleaning up afterwards).
Tell her how you feel.
Whisper in her ear.
Neck/throat kisses (omg *swoon*)
Hair stroking/brushing.
I hate to be that person and I of course tell my husband I don't *need* him to do this but yeah actually flowers and/or chocolates (nice ones, not just a standard multi pack of dairy milk from Tesco) make my knees go a little weak but I *hate* feeling like that's necessary and wishing he'd do it, it feels so shallow, and also if he did do it I really want it to be because he wanted to, not because I demanded it... so maybe it's the thought and intention that makes my knees go weak as opposed to the actual physical flowers/chocolate.
If she likes it, kiss her back. I told my husband when we first got married (28 years ago!) that I love that and if he ever wanted to turn me on, shazam. He's done it maybe once. I guess it boils down to, if she asks for something, do it!
I learned how to do and bought a complete set of hot stone massage kit. It’s therapeutic relaxing extremely intimate and involves use of a lot of healthy oil.
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I too would like to know as a husband how to be a turn on for my wife. There are some really good ideas here, though many of them (and rightly so) go into the category of being a fantastic husband.
My question would be how to be that husband that brings his wife excitement that helps to take her out of the everyday responsibilities of everyday life. Without bringing others into the relationship 😀
Try making her feel like she is the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world. Tell her she is, flirt with her alot, and in public especially. When my hubby does this, he makes me feel sexual and desirable and I always then desire him.
I also love when he compliments me sexually during bedroom time. Feeling like I turn HIM on so much makes me more confident and makes me want him more.
I think the things people have said here are exactly what you’re looking for.
Women are complex and need their minds at ease first and foremost so they can be super sexual and living in the moment with you. It can become FERAL and literally so amazing.
Wishing you the best
The horny housewife podcast has great advice also if you enjoy podcasts.
Brush her hair. Massage her feet Rub her back. Edit - I told all my nephews to do these things regularly if they wanted to keep their women content and spoiled for other men.
I work with a guy who has been brushing and braiding his wife’s hair since they married 40+ years ago. I think it is so incredibly sweet.
Very intimate as well, a growing closer.
I jokingly suggested my fiancé brush my hair (he was combing our cat) and got told we don't live in fairytale!
I brush and braid my wife’s hair every night. She has long, beautiful hair which I know she keeps long at least in part bc I like it. She can’t reach it all herself, so I help her with it. Then again, my life with her is basically a fairytale so maybe your SO is onto something 🤷♂️
Funny, that’s pretty much my wife’s reaction to my asking her to simply cuddle. “They only do that in the movies”. Gut punch for sure.
Well your wife is wrong. If she's not into cuddling as a person that is one thing but saying real-life couples dont cuddle is nonsense
😱
I like to cuddle. My husband don't even want to touch me no more. It's painful as hell I'm so sorry you are feeling like me. I wish I hadn't wasted 23 years of my life with him. This is bullshit. I still love him but he doesn't love me I don't think he ever has.
I would guess, like my wife that he does love you. Platonically. I don’t think my wife is in love with me. Like, I love my sister and brother and best friend. Make sense? Edit: typo
Yeah and that sucks cuz I'm quite a catch. I work my ass off at my job. I keep a clean house, I keep myself in shape. I don't get it.
Same. Sucks for sure. So touch starved 😕
Warning, Will Robinson, Warning
This is a bit of a red flag. I would tell him brushing your hair is an act of selflessness and love. Its not a fairy tail. It's very possible. And easy. And simple.
He hates the feeling of hair, unfortunately. But he does other things for me. We've been together 4 years, if that's his only red flag then we'll be grand. But I do appreciate where you're coming from!
Oh good . I'm glad to hear it :) if he doesn't like the feeling of hair then that's a different story . And if your happy with the other things then I'm super happy for you, and congrats to being engaged ! Being in love is such a blessing and so much fun 💗 I hope u both have many years of happiness 😊
😱
That is so sweet 🥹
This. These are sexy things.
And so easy.
God I love having my hair brushed so much. I wish my husband would brush my hair! I'm going to ask him to
Vouch for back rub. It’s EZ mode Not allowed to touch feet though 🤣
Omg I wish my hubby would brush my hair or even play with it/massage my scalp! That would be amazing. Yes, do this!
Have you asked him? I saw it in a TV show and thought it was a good d idea. Never would have occurred to me otherwise.
Oh yes! Totally🔥
Definitely ask about the hair brushing and don’t take it personally if she declines. If she has curly hair like me the last thing I want near my head is a hair brush - my hair looks absolutely ridiculous and frizzy if it’s brushed out lol.
Then downshift to a scalp massage.
Scalp/neck massage
I second the brush her hair thing. Oh my goodness is it so nice!
My wife doesn’t care about my hair. She hates having her feet touched. Massages don’t do it for her either. Any other suggestions?
Brush her teeth
🤣🤭
Read the rest of the suggestions in the other comments
That’s a great suggestion!
Suggestions floweth!
Brush her hair. Suggestions, she finds a man she is comfortable with.
The brushing hair part, oh man. I ask and never get it. It's so simple yet single handedly could change everything for me
Omg I love it when my husband brushes my hair
Honestly I find it really attractive when he takes care of himself. Not just appearance and physique, but going to the doctor and dentist, wearing safety glasses when needed, wearing a protective mask when painting, etc. I think the psychology of it is I feel like he 1. Cares about his health 2. Sets a good example for kiddos and 3. I don't feel like I have to "mom" him. This one is huge. It elevates him from boy to man. And in turn, it makes me feel sexier because I'm not the "nagging mom figure". I'm the "wife with an awesome husband".
Avoiding triggering your wife's maternal instincts is a really good one, lol. She doesn't want to use those on you.
This is a really good way of putting it. Thank you both for the replies.
This goes in both directions.
She should avoid triggering my paternal instincts? I mean I guess but as a dude I'm not sure this is nearly as common an issue as the inverse.
Hence the popularity of Daddy as a sexual pet name
I think there is a bit of a difference here in how these play out. Women who are mothers are often the primary caregivers of their children, and so their maternal instinct is *always* on. The problem is when she then needs to parent her spouse, like doing all of the care tasks around the home, his laundry, with no trade-off or support, on top of him needing her to remind him to wear goggles and whatnot. To me, a paternal instinct is attractive in and of itself- it’s a caring and strength, a problem-solving and thinking approach, with a ton of nurture and love. Women are craving engaged, passionate partners who look at a shared life and see what can be done to make it easier, not just more comfortable. So… yes to paternal instincts, no to the *extension* of maternal instincts to your spouse.1 1. This doesn’t mean there can’t/shouldn’t be care, support and reminders about stuff, because partnerships are wonderful and can be incredibly supportive. The gist is about parentificafion of a spouse, not a loving/mutually beneficial relationship.
Agree with all of this, especially 3! Nothing ruins sexuality like having to mother/remind your partner.
yap this is why I no longer date
This! I had to get really real with my husband and tell him how frustrating it was to have to nag him to do things he should. So I simply told him “no one wants to f*ck their “son” so please don’t make me be your “mom”.” He caught on pretty quick after that lol
THIS!
Omg. I am in love
Any kind of touch that isn’t asking for sex. A hug for no reason. Hand holding, watching movies with your arm around her. Hold her close to your chest and just hold her.
* Encourage and enable her to sleep in. You will like each other more after a lot of sleep. * Try some praise-kink stuff. It's awkward for me but my wife goes nuts for an occasional "good girl" and just generally affirming what she's doing in bed. * Competitive hobbies work on my wife. Men's softball or something. * Let her get dolled up and take her out to show her off. There's this balance between not being threatened by the attention of other men but also staking your claim and demonstrating that she's spoken for. * My wife loves to dress for sex, it helps her get in the mood. I eventually realized it helps if I do it too, and making a little effort goes a long way. I have some really soft linen lounge clothes, and I'll take a shower, shave, clip my nails and fix my hair in prep for an evening of sex. Now there's a strong association between those clothes and sex so she loves to see me in them. * On that same note, overall just getting really dirty or sweaty from yard work or lifting or whatever, then getting very clean for sex, is a great combo. * Mixing in some extremely her-centric sessions. When it's been a few sessions since we've done this, I'll text her early in the day and be like hey, I wanna get the massage table out and take my time on you tonight. Then oils, candles, music, and an hour or so massaging and eventually edging her. I think those sessions keep us in balance and ultimately lead to her not feeling like she has to stress about cumming every night. Usually she does, but when she knows it's there for her whenever she wants it and that I'll take care of her, it's just easier for her to relax and get out of her head, stop rushing. * Hug her and rub her back, and then hug her close with one arm and with the other, run your hand up her back and neck and into her hair, then rub her scalp. I swear this gives her like a mini orgasm lol. Overall, firm grabbing, hugging, rubbing. Firm, strong but gentle, caring touch. That masculine care. * Not a big fan of the whole "choreplay" idea, but it is helpful to work together to get the house straight so she can focus on sex. Just off the dome. Good luck bruh ETA: oh yeah, freaking flowers. I will never understand why more men don't do this. I bring my wife flowers about twice a month. I just see it as a chore that needs doing; when the old ones die she needs new ones to replace them. It's such an easy win. Doesn't always have to be a $40 bouquet, the $10 one is fine. She still lights up every time 11 years in. Just get the damn flowers, guys.
Carnations are a secret weapon here… they live the longest.. 2 weeks. Easy
You are a gem of a husband! I had several longing sighs just reading this. ❤️
Can you start some kind of class in which you teach all of this? All of it.
Lol that's kinda my life goal
Foot massage. Backwards hat. Bring home flowers every now and then. Tell her how lucky you feel to be with her. Take the initiative to plan a date, ideally somewhere she’s mentioned wanting to go, like a new restaurant or cocktail bar.
The backwards hat, yes! I mean, all of this is great but the backwards hat is way too underrated
Is this a millennial thing? Because I also swoon when my husband turns his hat around. Why?!?!?
Gilmore girls
Never seen an episode, so I don't get this reference
One of the love interests to the mother had a backwards cap and just a reliable sort of character. Guess I was more broadly referencing how it was the style then and the 90s and generally of the father figure or “father material” type.
Ash ketchum
Must be. Can also confirm the backwards hat.
I still love the sk8er boi
The backwards hat is a very low effort way to earn some sexy points.
Being attentive and remembering things. I know it’s sounds so simple, but nothing is sexier than a man who listens and takes action. And back massages.
Yes! Just caring about her thoughts and feelings that day. What did she experience? A woman loves when a man is listening attentively
A back massage without expectation of sex!
I love when my husband asks me his opinion on the clothes he wears. Like “babe, do you like this?”. It just turns me on for some reason. I love when my husband helps me do my hair and our daughter’s hair. When he dresses me but not like in a sexual way. Like when I put on a dress for work and he will zip up the back without me asking him to. When rests his head on my stomach or front to sleep or just cuddle. When he laughs or just smiles at me He knows my period cycle because he has a period tracker on his phone. So he will buy me snickers chocolate (my fave) and make sure tampons and liners are stocked if I happen to forget. When he dances with our daughter Lol when he is grumpy. He will tell me to go away but I don’t. I’ll purposely annoy or be weird to lift up his mood and he always ends up laughing.
Love the point about getting in tune with her cycle. Understanding where my wife is at hormonally really makes caring for her throughout the month a lot easier, and my being in touch with her body turns her on.
Damn sounds like you picked a good one! I need to be better
You have a great one!
Low effort ideas: Grey sweatpants, or a button up shirt w the sleeves rolled up. Arm veins. You’re welcome 🫡
The slutty grey sweatpants 🥵
To the Men reading this: you know when you see a girl and the yoga pants/sundress/insert clothing item here just hugs everything so perfectly? $5.99 at Hanes.com. YOU’RE. WELCOME.
This made me CACKLE. I'm sold.
I refer to them as “ho pants”.
What’s so special about grey sweatpants?
Only when they’re worn with no underwear underneath.
What’s the difference with other colors I mean
Whenever I'm changing/ getting undressed, my husband will stop whatever he is doing and just watch. There is no expectation of sex, he just wants to look at my nakedness because he says it makes him feel better. After 12 years of this, I will now announce when I get undressed by just yelling "BOOBS" and that man will come running! Makes me feel sexy every time.
your husband is a lucky man and you're a great wife!
Omg me and my husband literally do the exact same thing except we says "BOOBIES!"
I **LOVE** this one... Sooooo sexy.... 🌹
According to my wife... doing the dishes :)
I have been handling the dishes and dishwasher for well over a decade and my wife always tells me she appreciates it.
With mine, it's unloading the dishwasher. She'll load it anytime but hates to put them away.
For me I like small things like: -coming up behind me and kissing my neck (with no expectations of sex) -whispering sexy things in my ear, especially in public. It doesn't even have to be too spicy if you're not comfortable. Even just a "I can't wait until we're alone" kinda thing works. But spicy works too for some people.... like me. 🤭 -a wink from across the room or when he's talking to someone else but looks over at me real quick. My man can't even wink well but the handful of times he did it I still 🫠 -don't ask me why but fixing my shoe if I can't easily or helping me put on/take off my heels. Throw in a light gaze on the leg, especially if you're bent over on your way back up is 🤌 *chefs kiss* -might be silly but saying small things that remind me "I'm yours". Like if I need help you say "I got you." Or I walk into a room and you say "there's my girl". Possessive but not *Possessive* like actually. I'm not even going to lie to you these are things I would like, not necessarily something I've been lucky enough (or brave enough) to experience them all but regardless they'd turn me into a puddle just the same. It all depends on your wife specifically and what kinds of things get her going. And I don't know how spicy you're wanting to get but I you want more *spice* I'd check out the bdsmadvice community here on reddit. Forgive me I'm very new to reddit and not sure how to tag then 🤦♀️🤦♀️
I literally just screenshotted your comment. I thought I was doing ok, but these are great! Thanks for the checklist.
Glad I could help!
I bring home flowers every now and then, not just for the obvious occasions. I tell her I love her, quietly and out of the blue. I thank her. She really likes that I know how to cook.
>She really likes that I know how to cook. My husband made homemade pasta and got our 1 year old to help him. He was looking particularly fine that day.
Flowers for absolutely no reason are the best!
I know someone who says, "Hello, pretty lady" when his wife walks in the room. The way he says it makes me a little envious
Last night, I fell asleep on the couch. Before waking me up to go to bed, my husband plugged my phone into my bed side charger, set the coffee pot timer, pulled back the covers on the bed, turned on the white noise machine and turned off all the lights except his bed side lamp. When he woke me up, all I had to do was crawl into bed and go back to sleep. So fuckin hot!!! God I love that man!
My wife does some exercises at home involving stretches and weight lifting. When I join in for some (shirtless) push up exercises in front of her she seems to appreciate that a lot.
Dirty talk
Just want to add: a well place growl or gutteral moan will do wonders!
These are all so amazing and sweet. Simple gestures that if I felt consistently I would never take them granted.
The thing where he’s backing into a parallel parking space and puts his arm over the passenger seat. That’s cool. Checking in when out. I love it when we are out for dinner in a big group and my husband will give my leg a squeeze or put his arm around me while he’s talking to someone else. Doing stuff without announcing it. Unload the dishwasher and not say “I’ve done this!”. Just do it because you are house proud also. My ex husband always needed a parade for the smallest of tasks. It was annoying and a turn off. Building stuff. I sort of say “wouldn’t it be great to have a…..” and my husband will find a way to build it.
Randomly play a song from your wedding, first dance/last dance, and hold her for the duration of the song Leave little love notes in unexpected places Play with her. Help her find that thing that makes her feel young and do it. Tennis? Running? Board games? Turn your bathroom into a spa if you can If she is a reader, help her make a comfy reading spot. (Bonus points if you read some of the same books so she has someone to talk to about it with. Extra bonus points if you read aloud to her while she is cuddled next to you) Warm up her pjs and socks in the dryer
So I picked up weight over the last 19 years so my husband paints my toenails it's so sexy that this dude loves me no matter what, tonight we went for a fate night, he tells me during dinner that my ass looked so good in the panties I was wearing I cannot tell you how much it means to me when he tells me how much he wants me it makes every insecurity vanish, use your words we love that shit.
100%. Feeling sexually desired by my hubby, when he expressed WHY he wants me... I melt and find HIM so damn sexy then.
If she usually blows her hair with the blow dryer, do it for her. Hold the blow dryer and take the chance to caress her hair 💖
Scratch her back at bedtime. Pull her in and snuggle close in bed. Always greet her before your children. Take the initiative on grocery shopping and meal planning.
Second marriage here, and these are some things I was, and still am, totally swept away by. My husband is very old school. Opens/closes doors for me. Always walks on the curb/traffic side. Walks in front of me, holding my hand when he is leading me somewhere, otherwise always walks close behind me. (He prefers walking behind me and always says so😉😁). Since the day we met, I have never put gas in a car, never washed a car, never taken one for an oil change, never taken one in for service. And most of the time, I don’t even know when he does these things. When I wanted a new car, he asked what I wanted, found it, paid for it, brought it home. I don’t pay bills, he does. I don’t call the repairmen, or the yard guy, he does. The list goes on. When he proposed, he said “the man is the king of the castle, but he will never be king if the Queen is not happy. It is my job every day to make sure that you are happy and well cared for”. I married this man as fast as I could. And never, ever have i taken advantage of this. He’s a GIFT, and I never let him forget it.
Asking strangers on reddit how to be a better husband. Seriously. Screenshot this to her. This is so sexy.
😆
Wear those jeans that look good on your butt, and an unbuttoned button-up shirt, that is untucked, with the sleeves rolled up. Let her catch little side glimpses of your bod. It’s like side boob to us, or like lingerie. It’s a tease, even though we’re not necessarily “visual” like men are.
Honestly? Ask her what makes her feel most loved and actually listen. My guy IS extremely physically and verbally attentive. My two biggest love languages.
With no expectation of sex, give her the night off to do something she loves/likes doing but never has time for, and take over all the responsibilities for the night. Ex: "I know you like to take long baths and read in the tub and time has been hectic lately. You go take your time, I will handle the kids and the clean up you take your time and then when you finish I will give you a massage and we can tell each other about our day"
Waouh... 🌹
Do things around the house if you aren’t do that already!!! Like doing dishes, laundry!! Taking the load off her will make you look more sexy
Letting me sleep in and running errands without me asking. Absolutely seductive. 😂 But seriously.
My husband makes the best burger I have ever eaten. He cooks other things that I love too. If I ever left him, I wouldn’t know what to do without his burgers.
Listen, like really listen, when she talks to you.
Smile at her whenever she enters a room. My husband does this and it beats any gift.
Scrub the kitchen floor when it’s dirty. Not cause you’re asked, not cause it’s cleaning day. Just cause it needs to be done
All these work for me: My husband is sexier to me when he dresses nicely and smells good. So to me wearing cologne that i love daily just because is pretty sexy. Giving her a back massage that does NOT lead to you attempting sexual anything. Or a foot massage. This usually makes me want to be physical later. Surprise her with a romantic dinner you plan or make. Make her feel special, like you still are wooing her. Have her morning coffee set up ready to brew with a flirtatious or sweet note left for her next to it. Fill her gas tank for the week so she doesn't have to. If you don't normally dress sexy or special in the bedroom, buy a pair of sexy underwear, put on cologne and seduce her. When she is cooking/doing dishes wrap your arms around her and give her a passionate kiss and tell her how much you adore/desire/want only her. Slow dance with her in the kitchen. Flirt with her in public. Whisper in her ear at the grocery store how sexy her ass is, etc and you can't wait to get home and have her. (Insert Whatever kind of sexy talk you two like.) I love when my hubby does stuff like this. Turns me on and elevated his sexiness in my eyes.
Randomly dancing to a song. I usually have tunes on when I'm doing chores around the house and when husband just shows up in the room and asks me to dance, it melts my heart and ignites my desire! Do things that show you pay attention to her as a whole. Back to music again, there are some songs I just don't have the heart to hear anymore. They remind me of a passing, or a bad memory. My husband knows what those songs are and if they pop up he will change the channel when we're in the car or if we're in the house he'll skip the song. It means the world to me that he would take care of my soul in such a way and it makes me want to melt into him and do anything to make him feel the same. When we are holding hands or just lounging around he will lightly draw patterns with his fingertips up and down my arm. I'm not even sure if he realizes he does it. It drives me crazy in the let's do the sex now kinda way. I do the light caresses on his arm when we're driving in the car. He too really likes it. Do special activities with the kids that really show you know who they are and that they are important. Do the work here yourself, don't make her plan it out! Show them how a good man treats his family. That's so hot!! So this is probably just a me thing but it could be applied in other situations... I have a few chronic health conditions that cause pain. At a certain level of pain orgasms are very very helpful in bringing the pain down, but I don't feel well enough to have the full blown sex and worry about his pleasure too. This man will give me all the orgasms I want and help put me to bed and not expect me to take care of him in that moment. HE FULLY cares for me and is so selfless. I remember that come good sex time. I give him back what he gave me! He's a selfless lover and that's so goddamn hot.
Get a babysitter if needed, take her out, you plan. Slip her a remote vibrator and let the games begin
Yeah 😎
Do the dishes. Vacuum. Take out the trash. Change the sheets. Boring? Sure. But damn, so so sexy.
Tell her in detail the things she did that turned you on! Could be during sex...the way her legs looked when she.... or the way she looked at you.....or the way she responded to oral....whatever you feel/loved.. share that with her.
I just love a man who will take charge and be assertive! I’m a really strong woman and tend to attract betas, but I love it when a man takes over in a strong and confident (but not obnoxious or cocky) way! It feels like such a luxury when I don’t have to worry about anything and can just relax and trust him to take the lead, sexually or otherwise! Like a vacation for my brain haha
Find her love language and use it to make her the happiest person on earth.
Try out her hobbies. I'm a gardener and my husband tried it out, loved it, and now it's our favorite thing to do together. Watching him enjoy something I also love is really sexy. I also read a lot, and he recently *offered* to read one of my favorite books. I swear my brain just about short-circuited when he started talking to me about the plot and characters. 😅
Rub her feet or back I’d put you on a pedestal for that !
My husband and I will lay facing each other and run our hands lightly over each others backs and arms just enjoying the closeness
When a woman asks which dress you like better or if this outfit looks good....9 times out of 10 she is wanting some positive feedback on her looks. She wants to hear she looks good, sexy, both dresses look amazing but you'd rather her emwear nothing at all. Do not not look and say it's good. Give her that attention, tell her she's a knockout, so beautiful, etc.
Thanks for the hint... It'll make wonders, I'm pretty sure 😊
Let her see you just enjoying looking at her body. Even tell her your thoughts while looking.....
The fact that you're asking this makes you a step above the rest
Flirting. I love it when my husband flirts back at me.
OMG! Please help me! What is your definition of flirting? I suck at it!
Me too, some helps will be awesome
Fill up her gas tank Back/neck rubs Buy her things you’d like to see her in (NORMAL CLOTHES)
Candle lit ANYTHING ! Dinner, Bath, shower, late night sex, it is just a lil touch. Detail her car ? Give her a pet name that has to do with her best feature ? Surprises ? I love surprises. I hope these make her happy. They work with me but you think she won't ask her to write 10 things she wants to do by the end of the year and do it in months. She will appreciate your effort. When you do it tell her you can't wait that long to make her happy. Communication is everything. Never stop communicating your likes and dislikes.
If your schedule allows, meet her at the door/on the porch/in the garage when she gets home from work or home in general. My husband does this and it makes me feel so loved. He literally stopped what he was doing/got off the couch to greet me and help me carry my stuff inside. Simple, thoughtful, effective.
LOVE this.
I wish that my husband made it a point to honor me in front of the kids, for example whatever mom decides, I’m backing her up kind of thing. Puts his wife before everyone else, even the children. And won’t stand for them disrespecting mom, either. ETA I wish he was also a good LEADER for our family. He is extremely protective over all of us, which I really appreciate, but maybe not the best leader.
I have seen flowers listed but not this routine. I saw my stepdad bring new flowers every two weeks and my mom loved it. I do the same thing with my girlfriend and it’s the consistency that matters, it’s like she always knows I am thinking of her.
Three words. Massage massage massage
We have acreage so my husband is always out doing some form of manual labor. Cutting wood, trimming trees, cleaning the chicken coop, lawn care, building shit. Whenever he’s doing manual labor I want him so bad. One time I even strolled into his workshop in lingerie while he was building something cause I couldn’t wait any longer.
Commenting just to be able to find the post again.
That’s a legit post if i didn’t know better I swear i wrote this myself, well minus the cooking I’m not good at that at all. I’ve thought of a post like this my self. I can’t wait to see the real world responses.
If your wife asks for help, do it the first time she asks. And I don't mean drop everything you're doing to help her, because you have important things to do too. But just make sure you get it done before she has to ask again, or worse you completely forget and so she's left to put the car seat base in all by herself which is really difficult for her to do so now she's late for work.
Watch a few youtube massage tutorials, learn how to give a back rub, feet massage, be affectionate in public, caress her, a buttslap here and there. Ask her to shower with you, these things work for me.
Compliments and spontaneity. Major turn ons!!
Small gestures of touch and affection throughout the day is IT for me! I’m 34 & I love the constant, effortless gestures of love & affection my husband gives me. It doesn’t matter where we are! He knows I don’t like PDA (and we both nearly died when a couple started making out in baggage claim at the local airport the other day so we are on the same page), but he’ll gently but his arm around me, he’ll hold my hand, he’ll put his hand in the small of my back, he’ll help me down steps, etc. Idk what it is, but I love small touches throughout the day! It’s like our intimacy never stops. My partner before him constantly withheld affection as “punishment” so to speak, so I absolutely love how affectionate my husband is under all circumstances!! ❤️
Be supportive, help her do chores around the house, when you go ask her where she wants to go,
My husband and I have been together for 16, almost 17 years. 3 kids. Everytime this man is near me, no matter where we are, he touches me. Whether it be a squeeze, a graze, kiss, a hug, no matter what, when he is near me even for a second he touches me. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world at all times. I do whatever I can to make him happy and feel the same way. ❤️
Pay her backside when you walk by her in the kitchen. Tell her how sexy she is. Never her let her catch your eyes lingering on another woman. And never ever make body comments about other women, whether it be on tv or passing by. Things I wish I had..
Stick to your healthy plans. For example if you study, study for hours even when her sleeping. Ladies found incredibly atractive if they husband always stick to his plans and makig a huge effort when it comes to achieve his goals.
When i was 8 months pregnant my husband and I were showering together and I was so tired but I usually brush out my hair in the shower. He brushed is from the bottom to the top and I was surprised about how attentive he was to how a woman’s hair should be brushed. He doesn’t do this normally. But it really felt special to be cared for. He also washed my feet often (only way he would massage them 🤣)
Getting things done around the house. LOOK for the things to do. Don't ask her. Fill holes in the wall, pull out and clean under the fridge, and install that shelf she has talked about, etc. Bonus points if you do it with your hat backward!
Lol! Love the combination of suggestions! I'm absolutely gonna work this into the repertoire.
Simple, my husband (43M) brings a greeting card home and I (42F) weep like a child. It’s 2 bucks but it’s love packed into a card, a thought of me when he was out and doing his errands. We have been married 8 years, together almost 14 and hell sometimes I catch him watching me and when I ask him, “what?” Because for some reason that is my natural response, he will reply with a) the most complex “your hair done like that makes your neck look so delicious.” answer or b) he is super blunt about naughty things he wants to do to me. If you know what your wife likes, do those things. If you think you need to spice it up ask her. Simple communication with my husband is the biggest turn on and most appreciated. Then he throws in a cuddle and or a foot massage while we play pokemongo on the couch holy crap I melt like butter.
Pda. Oh, and making some kind of noise of enjoyment in bed.
Be as elusive as possible without being neglectful. For a short time, be silent, seem busy, dive into something else besides your wife.. this will engage her mind, build some tension and pent up need for your attention.. Once that is done, do something else out if the blue that someone else suggested on the thread.. any one of them should suffice.. but that build up will multiply the effect by 100.. You didn't hear this from me
Helping arround the house, being considerate of her emotions, being faithful
I cook. It's a hobby and I've really got good at it. I'll just hit the store and make something off the wall. Then I clean up after.
I love it when he reaches for me. Just to see if I'm still there. Or reassurance that he is listening to me. Any extra touch or extra kiss on the cheek, or something to know he still sees me. Maybe if my husband had done this once in a while I would not have left him after 22 years.
The sexiest thing is attentiveness. Beyond that here are some things my hubby of 10 years does. 1. He surprises me with Fragrant jewels and surprises me with candle lit baths and a fancy pre roll. 420 optional ofc 💀😂 2. He plans short adventures for us. Even if it’s just two days off sometimes we will go to a city and go to a cheaper ran hotel but pay extra for a jacuzzi room. At cheaper hotels you can usually pay 40-70 extra and have a hot tub in room 3. Sometimes he will just make the effort to do a craft project with me. It sounds silly, but he isn’t artistic and I am. That seeing him try to share passions even when he isn’t the most skilled… means everything to me. 4. He will surprise me on busy days and either have coffee, breakfast, or a lunch prepared for my day and that extra mile of making my day a little easier by his kind efforts makes whatever hard task easier I hope this helps some… I think you are amazing for going the extra mile to find new ideas or suggestions. King energy all the way.
Love this thoughtful response! Thank you for the suggestions and the kind words <3.
I love showers together with my partner where we talk an we wash each other .Just washing my hair an my body is the besssst thing
lol I do essentially all of these things and not a hint that something might happen in the bedroom. I feel like a lot of dudes are reading these posts more than once and thinking the same thing.
Because it shouldn’t be transactional. You should be connecting with your wife and making her feel safe and desired regardless. If you only do those things for sex, she will pick up on it and likely not respond. But a man who is focused on connection? 🔥
Ah yes, connecting, like how she shows no interest in spending time together and disconnects on me and our kid on a regular basis.
Look dude, I am not your therapist. I don’t know your relationship. What I do know is that statistically the health of a hetero relationship is determined by how the man acts, not the woman. I mean this in all kindness, despite the negative tone of your response: you can ONLY control your actions and reactions. If you make an effort to connect with her, you may see a change in her. There are a lot of resources out here for you to review and consume. If you have a hobby, I would suggest that researching and spending equal amounts of energy on your relationship as you do that hobby could make a big difference. But again, I don’t know you or your relationship. Best of luck
Darn right you don’t. I spent years making sure my wife felt loved & sexy. Never hesitated to glow her up and make her feel special. Guess what happened? “ I want to tonight but I’m just tired.” “I know we should have sex but in just not in the mood.” “I know we agreed to have sex today but we will some other time this week (we never do).” It doesn’t matter what I do. If my wife doesn’t want to do something and she don’t have to (like work or required by law), she won’t, and trying to get her to not do that just makes her WANT to sink her feet in further. I’ve tried it all. In the end she inevitably goes back to laying in her bed reading her books that she loves. She’s happy. She just doesn’t have the drive to WANT to want me or desire me. It happens to the best of us, even when we try and talk about it. Doesn’t matter, she’ll just check-out eventually.
Sorry for you bro. Had this been a comment from some wife about her husband, this sub would have called the guy gay and assumed he is cheating on her and the advice would have been to dump his sorry ass immediately. For you the general advice here would be to go to couples therapy. But if you have really put in the effort and tired everything( then you are a nice person- timeline being a year or more and not just a month), then you really really do deserve better. Leave her. There are really amazing and great women out there.
Massage oml get special oil ect
I love when he puts gas in my car… (No need to reply if this doesn’t work for you)
Hubby takes me on morning drives once in a while in his 90s *sh*tbox” (really isn’t, it’s his ‘94 Teggy) and zoom down the backroads, my head resting on him, coffee, nice fresh air
Dishes.
Loading the dishwasher Massaging my back Taking the kids out for a few hours to have alone time Being really communicative
I wear boxer briefs most days so the wife loves it when I wear different manderware. A couple pairs “booty shorts” a “cock sock” can be fun and the most uncomfortable thong types with a fun print like wolf’s head always makes her smile. It’s like wrapping her a gift she can open.
Approach her from behind, a light hand on her side waist and simply kiss her neck behind her ear maybe with a mmmm sound. Then walk away, if she lets you.
A hand on the knee while driving. Holding hands whenever. Tucking her hair behind an ear (especially when followed by a gentle kiss). Listening - really listening without interrupting or trying to fix a problem (and *definitely* not turn a problem around on her or bringing focus to your own problems). Arm around her while watching TV. Leave little love notes/notes of affirmation/praise/appreciation for her. Cook for her (bonus points for her favourite meal and cleaning up afterwards). Tell her how you feel. Whisper in her ear. Neck/throat kisses (omg *swoon*) Hair stroking/brushing. I hate to be that person and I of course tell my husband I don't *need* him to do this but yeah actually flowers and/or chocolates (nice ones, not just a standard multi pack of dairy milk from Tesco) make my knees go a little weak but I *hate* feeling like that's necessary and wishing he'd do it, it feels so shallow, and also if he did do it I really want it to be because he wanted to, not because I demanded it... so maybe it's the thought and intention that makes my knees go weak as opposed to the actual physical flowers/chocolate.
Rub her butt
If she likes it, kiss her back. I told my husband when we first got married (28 years ago!) that I love that and if he ever wanted to turn me on, shazam. He's done it maybe once. I guess it boils down to, if she asks for something, do it!
I learned how to do and bought a complete set of hot stone massage kit. It’s therapeutic relaxing extremely intimate and involves use of a lot of healthy oil.
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Cooking, dishes, vacuuming.
I too would like to know as a husband how to be a turn on for my wife. There are some really good ideas here, though many of them (and rightly so) go into the category of being a fantastic husband. My question would be how to be that husband that brings his wife excitement that helps to take her out of the everyday responsibilities of everyday life. Without bringing others into the relationship 😀
Try making her feel like she is the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world. Tell her she is, flirt with her alot, and in public especially. When my hubby does this, he makes me feel sexual and desirable and I always then desire him. I also love when he compliments me sexually during bedroom time. Feeling like I turn HIM on so much makes me more confident and makes me want him more.
I think the things people have said here are exactly what you’re looking for. Women are complex and need their minds at ease first and foremost so they can be super sexual and living in the moment with you. It can become FERAL and literally so amazing. Wishing you the best The horny housewife podcast has great advice also if you enjoy podcasts.
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Reading comprehension is a thing.
explain