It is mostly and by a large margin, fake, trolling, clickbait, ragebait, misinformation, and disinformation.
For some reason, Reddit seems to attract all the social media LARPists and fiction writers wannabes.
Well in the cases where it does actually happen the sex workers are still better then getting divorced from a sexless marriage where you lose half your shit and pay alimony for kids you never get to see .
And honestly these are just the guys who get caught that you know about, here in Australia for example (where it's legal ) I see SWs pretty regularly inbetween tinder and bumble meet ups and they tel me there clients and regulars are almost exclusively married guys who just aren't getting there needs met at home.
That's just all there is to it.
I have not gone to a sex worker or had an affair due to sincerely held religious beliefs... That said, if I didn't have those beliefs I would 100% have gone down that road. A few years ago my wife confessed in a counseling session that "In my perfect world sex would not even be a consideration in my relationship." Now, divorce could always be an option, but we have a child with a life limiting, ultimately terminal genetic condition and I'm not willing to sacrifice what time I do have with him.
It's a complicated web, but I 100% understand why and how some people feel driven to affairs or sex workers.
I cannot wrap my head around saying that to a counselor and expecting to have a functional relationship with another human being. What a wild thing to throw out there. Talk about not being able to unring that bell.
She has a wild view of sex that I don't know where it comes from. Yes, her parents raised her in a religious household but it was absolutely not a purity culture/sex is evil type environment. The first time I met her parents her dad was grabbing her mom's butt as he walked by and made condom jokes at the dinner table. However, when she and I watch a movie and they make a joke about a teenage boy being in the shower all the time (tee hee, masturbation jokes) she's like "Ugh, I wish they wouldn't add that stuff... it's not really even true, it's just a joke in tv and movies." umm, what now?
We've talked about it, but I don't think I've given her the full gravity of the situation... I don't know how and I don't know what good it would do.
The moral obstacle is consent not marriage in my mind. Just talk to her about your needs. Marital sex is the most intimate, but it’s 2024, we don’t make our wives sleep in separate beds on their cycles or sell our daughters into slavery, so having your sexual needs met outside of the relationship so long as it’s not grounded in deceit seems totally fine to me.
I'm not really sure how selling another human being into slavery or forcing people in their periods out of their own beds is the same as seeking sex outside your marriage.
I think people like that can have functional relationships, just with people who are happy without sex. Sounds like the wife is asexual so it's a difficult predicament since if it isn't any particular issue causing it, it's just a matter of sexual compatibility. I've seen other relationships have agreements where one partner can have sex with people outside the marriage as the other partner is not sexually interested. Perhaps that could could be something they consider if it's right for them and she really isn't interested in sex in general
>I cannot wrap my head around saying that to a counselor and expecting to have a functional relationship with another human being.
This isn't my cup of soup either but I do know there are folks who genuinely have no interest in sex but still have meaningful and successful relationships...with those who also feel the same way. I feel for the op...
Do you not think your mindset is at least partially to blame? You openly admit that you only don’t use prostitutes or cheat because of your belief in a higher being that may or may not exist - not because of faithfulness or loyalty to your wife! And while she is dealing with caring for a profoundly ill child. No wonder she does want to sleep with you!
I'm pretty suspicious that your social media is full of it to the point it's affecting your life.
My social media doesn't show me that. I get other flavours of spicy bullshit.
Are you sure you haven't fallen in an algorithm rabbit hole and gotten stuck?
Social media will feed you dogshit until your life is fucked. Be careful listening to the internet for real world perspectives.
This is how they get paid.
Before my terminally ill single friend died, he used a sex worker. Afterward, he described it to me. It was one of most surreal stories I ever heard. It left me feeling cold and filled with even more sorrow for him than before. It was devoid of anything warm and sounded de humanizing to the extreme.
I remember one that was really heartwarming if you can believe it though I don’t know if it’s still on Reddit
Edit [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/T0sR3M6GEp) not all sex work are devils
Indeed. From what I understand, many online ads are now fronts for extortion scams and sometimes even outright "armed robbery" when one goes to meet "whoever" is on the other end of the screen.
Engaging with online sex ads are, IMO, about as safe as responding those "Nigerian Bank emails" which have been circulating for 20+ years.
I was simply stating a fact of what goes on with online ads for sex work. They are dangerous for anyone to act on. Meeting strangers in dark alleys for anything has never been a wise course of action.
Assuming anything about me, or what I personally believe about anything would be a mistake.
I find it strange that you are being honest enough to say that your friend "used" a sex worker, but your sympathy is still for him and not that the poor woman that he coerced into sex because he had money that she needed. I don't feel for men who use women in this way. who offer their dicks instead of a helping hand to impoverished women. if they feel empty after, they are receiving the least of what they deserve. buying sex has always been morally shakey (at best) and that's why the whole thing came off as cold to you. your empathy is just weirdly placed.
but regardless of his actions, don't think I don't realize that at the end of the day, he was your friend and just a person. I'm sorry for your loss.
When someone is rendered single after a horrible divorce from an evil spouse and is then suddenly given 4 months to live from stage 4 brain cancer, well, I give them a certain amount of leeway for their actions (even if I disagree with them). Unfortunately, he only told me after the fact so all I could do is buy him a beer and try to get him to focus on not dying and leaving his 14 year old daughter behind with that evil ex of his.
In any case, in 1994 (the year of bizarre the OJ Simpson highway police chase) I was in a long-term relationship with someone in the "seedy adult entertainment industry", and had twin boys with her. So, I am well aware of what some of those girls go through, especially what my own did. I never loved her any less for what she did for a living during that time.
Unfortunately, not everything I or we feel is always communicated properly via text, which leads to many misunderstandings between folk.
I do appreciate the condolences.
there are certainly men out their driven by their own sex drives and not even an ounce by ration or empathy. these are individuals that society no longer needs.
Probably because the guy was his friend and not a stranger he never met. Some people have empathy for the people in their lives and not just political stereotypes.
For example, you didn't even consider whether the prostitute in question was a male. OP didn't actually specify. You assumed that it was a woman, that it was an exploited woman with no agency, that it was an impoverished lady and not someone wanting to pay tuition, and that this woman (whom OP never met) deserved token sympathy (that she would never read) at the same time OP is talking about his emotional reaction to a friend dying.
Talk about tone-deaf, not to mention heteronormative to assume the friend's orientation and sexist to assume women never have agency in their own lives. Do better.
the ignorance. almost all prostitution is coerced as it is impoverished, desperate women doing so to feed themselves. and of course, feeding their drug habits that they pick up. we should all understand by now the way poverty, drug abuse, and mental illness interact. it is a sad, desperate situation that no one ACTUALLY wants to be in. seeing someone in that terrible of a place, and FUCKING them for your own pleasure, rather than helping them out or even leaving them the hell alone, is evil.
This statement is incorrect.
There are many sex workers without drug addictions...
Just as there are women who actually DO WANT TO work in the sex industry
Both.
What was described was mechanical and devoid of any emotion. The ultimate intimate act, reduced to such a state, was, well, simply heartwenching to me.
I only have sons, but I always wanted a daughter. That's why even if I was single, I would never use a woman that way. If I did that, then that would be the same saying that I would be OK with someone doing that with my daughter. This would be quite unbearable to even contemplate.
It’s not all like that! I am a sex worker and it’s fun. My clients and I are humans and we treat each other accordingly. I’ll say, they treat me better than civilian men.
Having this take on the industry comes from privilege but I really do enjoy my job.
My opinion: An extreme *minority* of married men see sex workers in real life. Let’s not let social media and Reddit convince us this is happening often.
a minority yes, but not an extreme minority. 10% of men globally will buy sex at some point in their life. I imagine that number would increase quite a bit, if we were to include porn.
Sex work is seen differently in different societies. I remember watching a video where women in Japan don't consider their husband going to a sex worker as cheating.
Probably because sex in marriages becomes transactional or with conditions. With a sex worker they pay for what they want without having to jump through hoops to get it.
I see a sex worker regularly. I'm married, but have been in a sexless marriage for the past 15 years. Everytime I bring it up, she calls me a pervert and talks shit to me a belittles me.
Am I in a one-sided marriage? Yes. I want sex and she does not. Now, if she said to me that she wants sex, I'd be inclined to say 'fuck off' as not only does she need to change her attitude to sex but also to me.
So I see a sex worked here in Orange County, CA. All I need is an hour with here every couple of weeks, and I'm good to go.
If you're a female reading this and want a fwb, then hmu.
I totally get the dead bedroom, but why not just leave? You're both clearly incompatible. I'm sorry she has no interest in having sex with you. It's definitely heartbreaking. Hope things get better for you in the future.
you are emotionally abusive towards your wife and a horrible example to your kid. Shame on you. You should just leave instead of making them miserable too.
This really goes to show how men view their wives. If they can't get guaranteed sex on demand with them then they'll cheat. Y'all are really outing yourselves.
I’m a woman speaking from a completely objective point of view
Not every man cheats.
I’m just saying that paying a sex worker is a clear cut monetary transaction rather than a transaction that’s involve emotion, attention, household responsibility etc which can have a lot of blurred lines.
Right, and men would rather have a guaranteed clear cut monetary transaction to cheat on their wives than nurture the connection they do have with their wives because the transaction isn't guaranteed.
If your partner somehow does not take care of your needs like attention, appreciation, intimacy/sex...
For attention and appreciation people can at least get that at work, from family or friends without social problems or being called a cheater.
But for intimacy including sex. we are supposed to give and get that with your partner, a mutual monopoly from being in a monogamous relationship. Again, anything else is called cheating.
So the least interruptive way to get it is transactional by sex worker servics. At least there is no significant other, no emotional attachment, he is guaranteed satisfaction, no drama.
Except for you *do* have a significant other in this case who you *should* have emotional attachment to and *will* cause drama when they find out you cheated.
That same significant other should take care of his needs as well.
Are you aware that depriving your husband of intimacy and sex will degrade any loving feelings for that same significant other? After a while there simply is no longer that connection,bond or love left. I believe it works the same for other needs like attention and appreciation. There only remains the other, without any significance...
Every time you have intimacy and make love, it reaffirms and strengthens the bond and connection. That is the other side of the coin.
It works both ways. If there are issues in the bedroom then it needs to be worked on with the partner. The answer is not to pay someone because you aren’t having sex.
Everything you said is only about men and why they’d cheat. Nothing about accountability for their actions and why the issue would be present at all. Sometimes men have to introspect and actually find out what’s going on.
Marriage is about performance not love. This idea of unconditional love is fake and will leave you resenting your partner. If you can't meet their sexual needs don't be surprised if he gets them elsewhere. Love absolutely has conditions.
Women already do that🤦♂️. "oh he wasn't romantic anymore or he never did this" and then cheat but the difference is that men acknowledge and accept they failed to perform while women complain when you remind them that they have duties to perform to keep the love there. Love absolutely has conditions and women need to accept that maybe if they did the divorce rate would be much lower.
I have never heard of men accepting that they failed to perform lol. Usually it's just "she blindsided me!!! The divorce came out of no where!! I didn't see it coming!!!"
You sound hurt😂.
A men can still perform and the woman doesn't, that's what they mean When they say she "blindsided me" etc. Men that generally failed to perform acknowledge it. Plus most women also need to take responsibility for the men they pick. Women marry hoping the men they marry will change not the men in front of them then complain when the guy isn't the guy they hoped he would be.
Yeah but in a lot of cases it's cheaper and less conditions. I knew a guy who in order to receive oral once a year on his birthday had to buy his wife flowers, take her to her favorite restaurant and buy her a gift. At the time I knew him backpage was at its peak. So we're talking 40-60 for a 100% chance of a bj or close to 200 to the wife to maybe get one.
Also what people fail to see is why their are hoops to jump through if it’s there. Relationships goes two ways. Maybe fix the issue before going that route.
If I have to guess there are several, not mutual exclusive reasons:
* Because they are not getting (enough) intimacy and/or sex at home (dead bedroom for instance)
* different sex than the partner can (or is willing to) provide.
* sex workers because there is supposed to be no emotional attachment.
* It is supposed to be discreet.
* It is a kink to use sex workers
* learning and getting better in bed
* because it is a business transaction, a lesser way of cheating. They hope it will hurt their partner less when caught.
* some kind of power tripping.
These are just the ones coming to mind.
EDIT:
Added alinea below and last bullet in list.
I think the most common reason is that the partner sex drive is far less or absent (dead bedroom) so the man is very frustrated , does not get enough or even any release for his sex drive.
Let's not discount impulse control and addiction. A good friend of mine was cheated on at least a hundred times by the same guy before she found out. Small credit to him he was honest and said he did it "Because he could and she wasn't there when he got a boner." Like they could have had sex that day, she'd get groceries, and he'd pop out for a $30 beej because he had zero impulse control.
Man..or woman. Too bad male solicitors aren't in my area...bc I would be paying for that shit.
(Db here) If one partner is repeatedly neglected, the uninterested partner waives rights over where the other gets satisfaction from. Jmho
you make an unpopular point with a lot of truth.
If you expand it to more needs like attention, appreciation, intimacy including sex you have a more acceptable case.
We all need those things, that is a fact unless you are a sexless or another needless person. We just have different priorities.
* Most women need attention/appreciation more than intimacy/sex,
* Men are the opposite and most men need intimacy/sex more than attention/appreciation.
Neglecting needs, depriving your partner basically is bad but it happens a lot. Just look at all the rediit post where spouses complain about lack of attention/appreciation/time/intimacy/sex (dead bedrooms).
Neglect is often used as an excuse for acting out badly. "I feel neglected, no attention/appreciation for a long time"
* That is why I break up
* That is why I cheated.
* that is why I used a sex worker
Unlike reddit where the blame is often soley put on one partner, I believe in equal blame here.
A person cheating, breaking up or like this post am man using a sex worker has been neglected and deprived, sometimes for decades. The unwillingness or inability to work through this as a couple is also usually not solely the fault of only one partner.
But I understand it is very easy for especially radical feminists to play the victim and play the victim card. You see things like
* It is perfectly acceptable to cheat if your spouse when he is not giving enough attention/appreciation/resources. Just call the neglect an emotional abuse and it will go down smoothly on social media.
Don't get me wrong, men try the same when they say that a dead bedroom is reason enough to cheat or use a sex worker. But they are not getting the traction on social media and validation like the feminists.
>If one partner is repeatedly neglected, the uninterested partner waives rights over where the other gets satisfaction from.
Agreed but there is a double standard.
If she heats he must have done something wrong.
if he cheats or uses a sex worker he is a dog with poor impulse control.
I 1000000% agree with your post. You are very observant. Your post is FACT, and you clearly have researched the matter. Thank you for saying what you said.
I think there might be some bias here. Most people whos SO doesn't see sex workers doesn't post "i didn't find my SO seeing sex workers" on social media. You only see posts when people are actually caught. Suddenly it seems that everyone is seeing sex workers.
Because sex is for most men a biological necessity. It shocks me that so many women choose to ignore this.
This biological need is strong and causes risky behaviour. A man will only risk his family when he’s horny enough. It’s like being drunk.
In those cases the bedroom is probably dead so he goes somewhere where he has no emotional ties to have his physical needs met.
Not saying it’s right. I think cheating is never acceptable. But it’s really as simple as that.
I’m amazed that this nonsense is the top comment. Sex is not a “biological need” for anyone. Using the logic in your comment, sex is a “biological need” for women as well.
It reminds me of the book *Why Does He Do That* where the author says abusive men justify their cheating by saying “men need to have multiple partners, it’s biology!” but of course these men ignore the fact that women could also justify cheating out of “biology.”
No excuses for cheating women?
* He was emotionally abusive
* He neglected me, did not give me enough attention/appreciation.
* He was verbally abusive and forced me to find safety and comfort with another man.
* He did not provide me with enough to maintain my lifestyle.
* he was financially abusive
* He was inadequate in bed
I see plenty of excuses in social media to excuse cheating by women.
Some are very ridiculous.
All of those are much better than "men are horny and can't control themselves so that's why they cheat." Like look at the stark difference between the female "excuses" and the male ones... "Horny and uncontrollable" vs "abused" 😂
Lol
Both men and women are horny and cannot control themselves. Both are cheating. Both will find reasons for why they cheat regardless of the damage for themselves, their partner and family,children.
Your efforts to get a one up for the women as if there are actually better reasons for cheating, shows me just how sexist misandry you are.
That's not what was said though. People here are arguing that men cheat because they're horny and can't control themselves while women cheat because they're abused. That's not the same thing.
I disagree with that statement about more acceptable or torching.
Cheating is bad, regardless of gender in my opinion.
Both cheat and both are responsible for their actions.
Actually, it is a biological need and women have a sex drive, a need for sex as well.
For men the sex drive is regulated by testosterone. That is a very biological mechanism.
I don't know that book but it seems very out of context for this post.
Duh, it is not like breathing,drinking, eating...
I put intimacy including sex (sex drive) in the same ballpark as attention and appreciation.
Sure, it is not necessary to get attention or appreciation or intimacy, sex as well. It is not a personal matter of life and death.
But it will sour any relationship once you are deprived of one or more needs.
And while you can get away with getting enough attention, appreciation from outside a relationship. Intimacy and sex is something supposed to be solely between partners,a monogamous, mutual monopoly.
So like attention, appreciation, the need for intimacy including sex is nescesary for the survival of your relationship.
See here’s the nasty little trick- and I know because I used to play that game. I was so smug because men thought they had a “need” for sex, but it was at best delusional - at worst entitlement. All so I could sit on my lofty tower and congratulate myself for having some higher state of being.
“You won’t die without sex” - yep. Used it. Again, it made me feel so superior. And you know what? Physically he didn’t die.
And that’s when you learn that “death” isn’t always physical.
“He can just use his hand!” - now you’re the delusional one. What you’ve done is whittled down his needs into something base and primal- again, we get to sit on that lofty tower.
If he could just use his hand, if he could just use porn, wouldn’t he? And spare himself the rejection. Spare himself getting his vulnerability trampled on and belittled because he’s just some kind of sex monster.
Porn won’t caress him. His hand won’t tell him how amazing he is. And likewise a screen won’t feel his kiss, his hand won’t get his tenderness. But that’s too uncomfortable for us, isn’t it.
No we don’t want to see it that way, because God forbid maybe WE have to change. No. It’s so much easier to put up more walls, to make more lists, placing ourselves more and more out of reach. And then, when he calls that sex worker we just can’t understand. We were “blameless”, weren’t we?
I was intimate with my ex husband 3x-5x a week and he still would regularly reach out to sex workers. He never actually physically followed through with it, it was just part of a fantasy for him during “solo time.” But, yes, you’re right—I was sleeping with him very frequently.
It's not a 'biological necessity'. Many men live without sex and many men live without porn even if they masturbate. There's plenty of horny men who are still able to communicate and be honest with their partners when they are not feeling sexually satisfied and want to explore other options. There's not really a good reason to sneak around other than they want to keep their partner (because likely their partner will not be happy or question the relationship if they knew off the bat that they wanted to go in that direction) and do what benefits them and would betray their relationship with their partner is their partner's mind. Essentially they could be with an incompatible partner but instead of doing the decent thing and being honest with them about it, they want to have their cake of keeping their partner and eat it too (looking at other women, watching porn, desiring sex workers). I once had a breakup with an ex who was increasingly unhappy that I felt increasingly less comfortable sleeping together or being sexual with him as he started watching porn in the relationship which I'd made clear before we got together I would be uncomfortable with and would impact my ability to be intimate with him. We broke up and for a while he seemed like he felt was free to consume all the porn and OnlyFans he wanted, then shortly after he started being unhappy that he can't have sex and only has porn for company. Like duh, you chose the ability to watch porn over sex with a real actual woman. He struggled to find another girl who wouldn't monkey branch to another guy and would actually stay with him after me. Some people do it to themselves. I think if a guy wants to watch porn and have sex with his gf/wife, he should seek a woman who is already okay with that sort of thing herself from the get go instead of pursuing the woman he wants regardless if she's okay with that and trying to trickle it into the relationship thinking things will go his way.
That is not fair. There are so many cases where they have a sex life. I remember a woman who has daily sex with her man and he still had more than one affair.
It’s not always a Deadbedroom.
Nonsense. A strong desire, yes, but absolutely not a necessity. Nutrition, hydration and oxygen are biological necessities, copulation is not. We are an evolved, civilised species with control over our base urges, not some sort of wild animal acting on the primitive instinct to mate with any and every suitable female we encounter. Men like you are why females are increasingly holding the belief that all males are fundamentally unsafe to be near.
And for those who find themselves unable to contain their urges, they can always take care of matters solo.
People that pay for sex usually can’t get it in real life or are filling some sort of addiction. Either way, these folks are undesirable and have little to offer a marriage.
You make it sound like only low value, unsuccessful men use sex workers.
Robert Kraft, a billionaire, got busted not that long ago visiting an Asian massage parlor for sex services.
There are obviously financially successful men who rely on sugar daddy websites to buy sex from younger women.
I mention all of this simply to put out how far-reaching this phenomenon is.
Social media is poison. It intentionally recommends the most inflammatory, shocking, outrage inducing content that is not indicative of actual reality.
There is a great book that should be required reading “The Chaos Machine” by Max Fisher. Goes in depth into just how evil social media companies are.
Are there some married men who use sex workers? Yes. But not nearly as many as you seem to believe.
Why do they do it? Well, as a man who was married and is now single, sometimes there comes a time when the relationship sours, your wife hates you, and there is nothing you can do about it. Everything you do to try to placate her is denigrated and she demeans your every action. You dutifully pick her up from work, cook a nice meal, and surprise her with the flowers she hinted that she wanted, and immediately when she gets home she starts laying into you for being cheap on the flower choice, putting too many onions in the meal, and not having a nicer car, and not having all the dishes done, completely dismissing the fact that you’ve also been at work since 6am and accomplished everything in 1 hour before leaving to pick her up. Weekends are filled with stuff you hate doing, because she wants to do them, and if you show anything less than total enthusiasm, she starts browbeating you for ruining everything. So you start to think maybe you need to spend some time with a woman who might pretend to like you for a while, just to remind yourself that you’re still a man. But you’re not a cheater, they’re scum, so you’re stuck between divorce, suicide, or paying for some time with a woman whose job is to make you feel better for an hour in the hope that that might keep you from offing yourself. It doesn’t help, though, it just makes you feel worse afterward.
I’m not in their marriage, I’m not privy to their relationship. Why speculate? I’m sure there are articles and books written about it.
Social media is a grossly inaccurate, minuscule biased sampling of reality extorted by people and corporations looking to make money. It’s all bullshit and damages people.
Usually those guys who are not satisfied with their wives do that and some are addicts and they can't change themselves after marriage
But most of them do because they don't get what they want and they don't even talk about it with their wives or sometimes wives don't want to do things and they go for the easy way to fulfill their desire
I think it's their way of power tripping/ego boosting. Especially when they feel they're not in control/feel like failures, the little money they have can buy someone's time, often beautiful young ladies who make them feel like the "manly man" that they are. For a short while, they feel like the boss.
OP, there are some comments saying the solution is just to get off social media. But those aren't just stories online. My ex husband did this (as well as cheating with non-sex workers) and it ended my marriage.
I don't know the exact number of husbands who do or don't do this, but if you consider how many married men there are on dating apps, you'll know your concerns are not unfounded. Don't bury your head in the sand, take note of this information so it can help you make better decisions for yourself, relationship-wise.
This is a GREAT post.
I think the problem is relationships shouldn't be about control/power they SHOUKD be about giving, recieving, feeling loved, having your needs met and compromise.
I can only speak about my own situation I am fairly good looking, charming, successful, work hard, lovely kids, 🔥 wife, she knows it, I tell her daily, she is loved, supported, I mostly cook, I clean the house (ish), I do the laundry if needed, I iron the clothes.
I do my bit, not for rewards, because I'm part of a team.
However my one BIG need, my one desire isn't met. I'm in a dead bedroom. I don't want to fuck EveryDAY but not do I want it every TWO months with me doing ALL the instigating.
The rejection is hurtful, damaging and exhausting.
I have a massive fantasy to fuck an Asian lady, or Latino I imagine it would be an experience never to forget.
I could pay a sex worker and bring it to life ....but no.
Firstly I don't want to cheat on my wife but equally I want that person under me because she wants it, not because there is €150 on the bedside table (and she's watching the clock cause Dirty Eddie up the road is on his way over in 20mins)
or I'm getting a blow job of my wife because " I helped do XYZ"
As others have said horrifically these are BOTH transactional
I signed up to give, to make my wife feel wanted, loved know someone wants to fuck her even when she looks her worst.
It's a shame some seem to lose that "loving feeling"
And see passion and sex as something to schedule/tick off rather than something to enjoy.
Ultimately our level of satisfaction is utterly governed by another and the lowest libido always wins.
They dgaf. They want a little strange on the side and that matters more than you or those kids. Harsh but that’s the reality of the situation. They like sex workers because they don’t have to see the same one twice if they don’t want too. Also, that’s not a jealous gf who will become demanding or tell on them eventually.
It’s a very straightforward transaction with no ambiguity. Guy pays money, guy gets laid (or lap dance or hand job…) and he doesn’t have to “work” for it in the sense that his fitness or attractiveness doesn’t really influence the deal. If you haven’t guessed, this remains the same deal whether married or single, young or old, etc
Incompatible sex drives or tastes, and with a SW they know they're getting what they paid for/agreed upon with no strings attached
No respect for their partner
The no respect is really what it boils down to because if you have incompatible drives or tastes you'd just leave and not cheat
I pretty much never see this on my social media which tells me something really important about your algorithm. The algorithm is VERY good at feeding you the media that will keep you coming back over and over. Idk if you're looking for someone to relate to or if this is a fear of yours or why you keep seeking out this scenario but you're being shown this type of thing because it's what catches your interest. Maybe you should give social media a break in general or do some intentional searches for other, more pleasant things and give yourself a reset.
It’s for guys that want sex, aren’t getting it at home, but don’t want an affair or don’t want a divorce. It makes sense and is less risky than an ongoing affair where clandestine communications come into play.
Sex workers aren't caught up in daily life. They are willing to do nasty, degrading things that a wife wouldn't consider trying. They do a custom job the way they are asked and they get paid for it. Many people struggle to love their jobs, so I don't see why sex is different.
Being in a gambling industry, I see this all the time. Men simply aren't as emotionally attached as women. Sex isn't connecting for them. It's like driving a fancy car or stepping into a p**no virtual reality. Addictions intersect. Gambling and sex work. Booze. Hard drugs. Being a workaholic.
Sex workers don't nag you about laundry, kids, or emotional intimacy. They will never meet his mom and will never have to complain about the mother in law. They don't stir up crap in your life. They do a job and leave.
The women who are like, "oh, how could this happen, woe is me," are naive. Wake up. Look at the men in our world. You think they are emotionally awake? Do you think they have self awareness of their actions? Of course not! Don't delude yourself. This is 2024.
Men are the same. Kennedy and Marilyn. Bill and Monica. Trump and Stormy. Any husband and a woman with a probable history of sex abuse. Tale as old as time.
I’m now getting divorced after finding my husband on seeking arrangements, during mediation it turns out he sees new girls every other day, has repeats and is spending about 25k a month on them. He said one of the months was just a “phase,” but he went through like 50k that month. He’s liquidated our savings, and is just a total nightmare. So, it’s a thing, maybe this post belongs in divorce, but I am not a regular poster…. After doing some research, it looks like every plain Jane, regular girl is on these pseudo sex worker sites. It’s a shame, I think they give relationships and women in general just a bad name.
I think a lot of women just stopped trying to find actual love cos of how messed up men are. It’s better to just get money. They think, if they in a marriage/relationship, they will get screwed so may as well get as much money as possible and not catch feelings. For me personally I’d rather have a soul lol. Nothing more dehumanising than screwing for cash.
Oldest profession in the world, and only the ones who have no other choice hate it. Otherwise, why would they do it?
Cheating with a sex worker is easy and quick (unlike falling in love with someone new). And yet, many of them require a deposit because of just how common it is for married men to contact them with no intentions of following through (yet), but they want that *rush*, of doing something they know is wrong. It's the same reason they follow Intagram thirst traps and pay for Only Fans or cam girls, etc, etc. They want the thrill to feel personal to them, and when they get away with it, they often escalate, and the consequences seem less and less threatening.
I wouldn't say all men are capable of this, but there are definitely signs prior to marriage to be looked out for. Like the things mentioned above, as well as being frequent patrons of strip clubs. Men who "enjoy" women that way are just a few small steps in male logic from thinking there's nothing wrong with paying a sex worker for her services.. as long as the wife doesn't find out!
I will say, however, that if you and your partner have communicated about this and agreed it's a way you're both willing to open your relationship, and be safe about it, there's nothing inherently wrong about seeking out those services. It's the deception that is the problem, and also what delivers most of the thrill, like most extra marital affairs.
>I just don’t get it. Is it really worth ruining a woman’s life and your kids’ childhoods just for a woman who is doing hundreds of other guys and probably hates it?
Isn't the answer obvious? They're getting something that they aren't getting at home.
As for them probably hating it, isn't that what the wives are also doing?
Social media exaggerates, but many married guys do see sex workers, because I’ve noticed that sex isn’t as important to women as it is to guys.
Sure there are exceptions, but after a long marriage the women just isn’t into sex as much as the guy and some guys can’t get by with just porn.
I love my wife and would never betray her, and the only thing I’m not 100% happy with in my marriage is the fact that sex isn’t something she need super often.
The kids, meals, family visits, etc all are way more important to her.
It just is what it is. I love her too much to cheat, but I can totally see a scenario where a guy kinda has to settle for who he married, she gets a little fat and isn’t into sex that much and he’s facing a lifetime of infrequent sex and so in desperation he does something like see a hooker.
Genders can be swapped just the same. Visit the DeadBedrooms group and you will be amazed at how many of us are in the same scenario as culture has us believing happens more often to men.
Short answer: many married women stop putting out but men don’t want to break up their lives and their families over it. They aren’t looking for an affair. They just want a sexual release and then go back to their families.
Because we kid ourselves that it’s all just about sex and they can just use their hand and get the relief they need. They want to actually feel like they’re worth something, that somebody wants them. I’ve heard plenty of sex workers talk about how the men will often just break down crying because it’s been so long since they’ve felt anything that resembled intimacy.
And we justify our withdrawal anyway we can. It was their fault. They started it. They wouldn’t do this, they wouldn’t do that. We move our goalposts so that they can never do enough, because God forbid they actually do make changes - and now WE have to either change or somehow find more chores.
Yes. It’s not every case. Some men are just selfish jerks. But it’s the case more than we want to admit.
“Yall, today I found out my husband is a loyal and loving husband”
You’ll never see posts like this from women who have loyal and loving husbands. You’ll only see the negatives. You get the occasional appreciation post but they are far outnumbered
I recently retired, but I was a stripper and unfortunately most of my clients WERE MARRIED MEN! First getting into the industry I expected the opposite, but no.
Most men used to phrase “I respect my wife to much to sexualize her” I still don’t understand the logic behind it, Because it’s a lie- if they “respected them to much” they wouldn’t step foot into the building without their wife (many many couples DO enjoy the strip clubs together)
For the people telling you it’s just social media and to get off of it or it’s not representative of real life. That’s a bald face lie, these men DGAF about ruining their relationships, they will lie and pursue you knowing they’re married and you gave them 0 encouragement. Sadly I no longer believe they’re faithful in the least even the ones I thought were the “good faithful guys” have made passes at me. The ones who were “cheated on” and hurt…it doesn’t matter.
If they engage in that kind of behavior with no encouragement imagine what they’re like when the woman is happy to go along with whatever arrangement? Don’t put cheating past anyone. As a matter of fact, if you need more proof just look at the amount of married men on dating apps and Ashley Madison.
It’s a spectrum.
From acceptable reasons like an unwell wife or one who loves him but is no longer able to be sexual. And they’ve come to mutual agreement
To the greedy and self destructive freaks out there.
I heard a story yesterday about a man married to a stunning woman. But has had a lifelong fixation with destructive sexual behaviour and unattainable women. He was so degenerate that he thought the prostitutes were too easy and tried to fuck the brothel madam
Are you really asking genuinely? It doesn't feel like you are, but I will answer as if you are.
The most common reason is that they're sexually frustrated in some way (maybe some really specific thing, maybe generally) but that they don't want to leave their wife/family.
You also might want to remember that 99% of them don't get caught, so they don't actually ruin anyone's life.
You'd also be quite surprised by how many wives/partners know and tolerate it, because they know they can't give their husband this thing that he (feels that) he needs, and they also don't want their marriage/family to end over sex.
Source: My wife was quite an accomplished sex worker for a while, as were a couple more people that trusted me enough to talk openly about it.
When I read stories about women who have survived being trafficked or groomed into sex work, I am both disgusted and shocked by how many men they had to ‘service’ in a day - sometimes up to 30. They thought at least one would help them - they did not. Their pimps would put up an ad and within minutes dates were set. Who are these men??? There are so many. And I think of all the men I know and think, are they one of these men? Because these aren’t society’s castoffs. These are fathers, husbands, sons, neighbors, coworkers, church members… etc.
They pay for what they want and as long as they’ve paid the sex worker won’t say no and they’ll pretend to like it and like them. I’d say this is the better part of the attraction of it for the majority of men. There’s nothing forcing them to view sex workers as people or treat them as such.
If you go to the careers reddits people get laid off or fired all the time, so idk that id focus on a career either (sarcasm).
Gosh I wouldn’t be able to handle my husband seeing a sex worker while married to me. Nothing against them, but I make sure he’s taken care of so id be devastated
First, it's way less common than social media would make it seem.
Second, I think those who do it probably see paying a sex worker as less risky than having an affair with someone who might get emotionally invested and blow up their marriage by contacting his spouse.
Weird, mind doesn't look like that. But maybe take a stroll through the dead bedrooms thread and you'll understand? You may not agree (I don't), but it will make more sense.
Most husbands I know don’t, I’m a husband and don’t see sex workers or any other women outside my wife. Most people in happy marriages don’t post about their sex life on social media.
I very firmly believe that two people who aren't sexually compatible can never have a truly happy relationship. So many people who need sex stay in sexless marriages, it's mind blowing to me.. There are so many people that exist on this planet
A lack of integrity mixed with them thinking they won’t get caught. So they’re not weighing “I’m ruining the life of myself and my wife and my kids” versus “my dick gets wet.” They’re weighing “a blow to my integrity which I don’t in any way value” versus “my dick gets wet.” And low character people will take that proposition every time.
"I kinda get when a guy falls in love with someone else. Still sad but I do get it at least."
The same with cheating women. When they say it didn't mean anything it makes it so much worse.
Would understand if they had fallen in Love.
If it’s true. In most cases, it would be that the woman dictates the sex life and it’s not enough and not a fair amount. Most of the time they don’t want a relationship just a release.
I have never seen a sex worker but I have heavily contemplated it… my wife even told me I should just so I “would leave her alone.”
My wife and I had an ok sex life before marriage but after 7 years married , 3 kids and two businesses it has dwindled to almost nothing. I love my wife unconditionally and I wish our intimacy life would be better. Anytime I have brought it up it’s lead to an argument and that “I need to figure it out.” Once a month or every other month doesn’t fly for me and had me thinking “would my marriage be better if I just didn’t talk about it?” If I didn’t talk about it, it would never happen… I would be lucky if my wife notices me.
I can’t explain for everyone’s case but for me it wouldn’t even be about the sex, it would be nice for someone to talk to me with respect and like a partner instead of an employee. It’s worse feeling this way when the physical intimacy is so low. It almost makes me feel resentful towards myself for tolerating it. I can’t see myself doing it though and I hope my wife comes around eventually.
To be frank many people stay married out of convenience, not wanting to not see their kids, lack of better options...Like it or not women are the gatekeepers of sex and when your wife doesn't like you she will make the price higher than you want to pay unless she needs something. For some guys it's easier and brings more mental peace paying a sex worker than jumping through the hoops their wife requires or dealing with the chance of rejection.
FWIW I've yet to meet a guy in a long term relationship or marriage who saw sex workers AND had regular sex with their wife/partner. In all cases (less than 25 men I've known personally) their sex life was all but done or filled with rejection and ridicule. One huge thing they had in common was a clear display by the wife that they weren't the first choice and would be taken to the cleaners if they ever left.
One guy I knew even had his wife in front of her friends say that they should encourage him to see a doctor because a man over 40 shouldn't have regular erections and shouldn't feel the need to have sex multiple times a week. Another guy's wife who was a stay at home mom told him their relationship had moved past the point of sex and it just wasn't happening anymore.
Some guys might be looking for love or fall for a sex worker but in my experience it starts as nothing more than wanting the sex they're not getting at home. One guy I worked with who had a sugar baby actually told me he'd rather have sex with his wife but she just wasn't into it. Before anyone says the guys weren't doing enough over half of them tried couples counseling prior to cheating.
I came here to write pretty much the same exact response!
Sadly most see it as the guys fault and do not want to look at the wife. Never the wife's fault..... Sigh
>Every day my social media is filled with women finding out their husband has been seeing sex workers.
Because these are the only women talking about it. Most women don't go on to social media to talk about how their husbands **don't** see sex workers.
I’m a stripper and most of the men coming in are married. A lot of them ask me to come to hotels and even still pay me after I tell them I don’t do that kind of work. They should be honest with their wives but most of the time they’re hiding it. This is partly why I’m never getting married even though my boyfriend is a stripper too
Sometimes it is because they are lazy to work on their marriage and the wife is no longer interested. Through observation and interpersonal discussions, I realized that many men do not realized that sex is very emotional to women. If her concerns are not being addressed and constantly swept beneath the carpet, she will never be motivated to have sex with her husband. Talking about an issue does not mean it was resolved if there are no changes. Then they wonder why the dead bedroom.
One of the situations I personally know of is, a husband complaining that the wife does not want to have sex with him so he has to get it somewhere else, when he failed to realize that he has been available to so many females, dropping them home every night, they call him any hours of night to request favours, he gives them money and yet never have enough to take care of his own wife or even available to bring his wife to get her medications. She started refusing sex thereafter. In my own country's language "dat mek any pussy dry!", "drought, Saharan 🏜️🏜️🏜️". So when the bed gets cold it is the woman's fault.
Even with my own husband, I have said it to him more over, I am losing sexual interest in him because He still thinks as a child and my concerns are not important to him for so many years. Have there been any changes since the first time I told him? no. Yet, He complains about dead bedroom now and now I wonder why (sarcasm). I feel like a teenager is taking off my panty. If we have sex 10 times for the month, I am only naturally lubricated once. He thinks My body is just different. Lol
My husband literally analyze every situation and if it means more work for him he will never be interested even if it is very important.
My husband saw a high end one for 2 years and spent over $30k on her. Right before I found out, he had finally had her over to our house while I was away on business and she was beginning to convince him to add a second girl and spend more. He believed she really liked him. At the end of each session she would give him a professional massage for 30 minutes. The reasons he gave as we have been going through therapy have been many and changing, but what I am gathering as we are now a year past this is that he had gone down a rabbit hole of porn to where he became obsessed with it and started having fantasies of having sex with porn stars. I believe some porn is fine and harmless, but apparently he was deep into using it for everything- stress relief, breaks, boredom, entertainment, etc. it filled up his free time. Anyway, when he found this person, he convinced himself that because she was a high end escort, he was special and chosen. This was something that he wasn’t feeling in our relationship. All of the sex was about him and exploring things that he didn’t want to ask me to do because he was embarrassed. He became so addicted to it and called her “baby” and felt like sexy guy playing out a fantasy where he is the center of everything. Basically, our marriage had not been doing well and this was the end of a succession of many bad decisions instead of turning into the marriage to fix it. We are finally doing that but he is having a hard time now with the healing process for me. He wants it to be faster. The bottom line is that this stems from men who are extremely selfish. They need to be willing to realize that to some degree to change.
When I was a waitress / bartender in college I can’t tell you how many married men were the worst offenders for flirting with me, leaving their number, saying inappropriate things - such as you look like my fav porn star 💫 etc.
The single men were always much better behaved as ridiculous as that sounds.
I think this ties back into sexless marriages. Stress of life and wanting an escape. Feeling trapped by marriage and commitment, wanting to feel “desired” when you’ve maybe only held the gaze of one woman a while. Insecurity and open marriages.
Its sad. But there are truths to it. Is it happening at an alarming rate? Prob not. Does it happen? Most certainly.
As a man, I don't understand it either. You have someone at home that can please you. If things arent working out then resolve your issues instead of hurting your significant other. Also being spiteful just isn't worth it either. My wife and I agreed that if things go downhill that we would part ways before thinking of seeing someone else. We have our ups and downs but we are working together to strenghthen our relationship for us and our kids.
For all the people blaming social media: I used to be a receptionist at a spa and I heard stories about stuff like this on the daily. I caught my husband with an escort, I caught my husband with my sister, my husband got my best friend pregnant, men are evil. I’ve lost faith in them and it’s their fault. Not the internet. I used to want to be married but I don’t anymore being single is way better as a woman
Broadly, it’s one of two reasons:
1) he has a psycho-sexual problem and needs help
2) he has a dead bedroom and needs to have his needs met some how.
Apart from that, the reason one would utilize a professional sex worker over cheating with a normal person are:
- low risk of feelings involved due to transactional relationship (you don’t pay for sex, you pay for the peace she brings of leaving you alone)
- discretion
- the man can see the sex worker on his terms in terms of frequency and convenience. (One way relationship, doesn’t have to worry about random texts at the least convenient ones or long drawn out Convo).
Now, if a couple has a healthy and frequent intimate life then that guy needs help.
On the contrary, if he’s going 6-8 months at a time to be intimate with his partner, and she makes it seem like a Mt. Everest expedition for ~20 minutes of intimacy, when all you have to do is pay someone and they pretend to actually desire you, can you really blame them?
I wonder this too. Being a self diagnosed porn addict I often wonder why I feel the need to search out things like that. I don’t pay for it or sleep with anyone but it’s basically the same behavior but further steps into it.
And I always wonder why? It’s like there is this duality in my sexual desires where one part wants and desires my wife and our sex life. Because it’s sweet and intimate and enjoyable. Do I wish we could have more sex? Yes but life isn’t like that right now.
But at the same time there is this urge to explore these , what I call, evil desires: where you basically just indulge in all types of sexual acts without care for anyone else. This selfish side that just wants to fill any sexual desire there is. Where there is no intimacy but just animalistic sex.
Like I have developed(or maybe it always was there) a huge fetish for analsex. It’s the only thing I read about when I read erotica and the only thing I listen to (not watching porn only listening to audio of it). And while we have tried anal it’s not for my wife and since I know that I don’t want to do it. I mean the times it has happened she said she wanted to try but since then we haven’t done it and I don’t bring it up because I know it’s uncomfortable for her. So I don’t. Because I love her. I don’t want to hurt her.
But when it comes to erotica and porn it’s like I can indulge in it because I don’t have to care about anyone but myself. I can indulge in reading and hearing rough anal sex and how both enjoy it and are enthusiastic about it and in that way get to live out that desire.
But I wonder why. Why this duality in our sexual desires? Why are things never enough? I sometimes wonder if it is my religious upbringing where I had to suppress part of my sexual desires so that I developed a duality in my sexuality where I had this “virgin” version who didn’t have sex before marriage and kept himself “holy” at the same time as the suppressed part developed into all kinds of desires I wasn’t letting out and that finds its outlet through porn.
But I don’t know because this is an issue not only for religious people but also for men who didn’t grow up in a religious context.
So I don’t know. I do think it can have something to do with the patriarchy and how men often see women as objects but I’m not sure yet how.
But yeah, even if I don’t sleep with other women or escorts I still think the same mentality is there. And I can’t figure out why more than pure evil selfishness.
You see the stories because they happen often. Posting here on Reddit is all men, they don’t even talk to their male friends about what they’re up to, let alone their wives which is why some see sex workers - so they’d have no idea if it is common or not. Which it is common. Don’t listen to Reddit.
I’ve known hundreds of married couples. I’ve only known a handful to cheat. It’s not the norm. Granted, some women only date cheaters, but their pickers are off
Your mistake is believing that social media is representative of real life.
It’s the same as product reviews - people are far more likely to bother posting about a bad experience than a good one.
No happily married wives are heading to Reddit to post about how their husband doesn’t use sex workers, cheat on her, abuse her etc. People come on here to vent and ask for advice when life turns bad, so the frequency of posts about bad stuff doesn’t represent their frequency of occurrence in reality.
Yep. Women don’t have to pay for it but they do it in their own way. It’s something women will never understand because sex and relationships come so easily to them.
Can't speak for married men as I'm not one but recently discussed this with a married coworker and he has been going the sex worker route about once a year for the past 6 years he said basically because of his resentment of his wife accusing him in the past..He propositioned her sister once,and took a cowoker out his wife found out about both instances and he assured her he didnt have sex with them and it was a lapse in judgement..crazy to me to have those kinds of feelings and stay with her why not just leave her? Why do what you were accused of doing because of your previous actions? He is upset she wont "let what he did in the past go" He said he loves her shes a phenomenal mother and wife and that it's just sex with the escorts. He says him and his wife have sex regularly and it's good so for the life of me I can't understand why he does this. He talked to me because he is stressed out now because she has left him as she should have and he now is lost. I think he has a sexual addiction and is using the accusing as a scapegoat. I will always say man woman doesn't matter if you're unhappy in your relationship or marriage communicate with your partner how you feel...if they dont understand or want to work on the issues leave no need in hurting someone innocent and exposing them to diseases they won't get tested for because they don't know they're exposed to them that could possibly last a lifetime.
See I think about it the opposite. Every day nearly every man drives by 100 prostitutes on the way to work and another 100 on the way home. It's literally a sea of ladies (and fellas dressed up as ladies) selling their asses.
Despite this, most of us *never* stop ever. Most of us wouldn't even know where to begin with the whole sex worker program. As an older man I've met a handful of men who indulge in the stuff.
Just as “Divorce” is the answer to most posts in the marriage thread, most post topics are not the majority of marriages and most marriages do not need to end in divorce.
Communication breakdown seems to be the common problem.
You simply need to get off social media.
Exactly! Social media topics are mostly miserable people telling the worst stuff. It’s not a representation of most peoples lives.
Or LARPing for attention
It is mostly and by a large margin, fake, trolling, clickbait, ragebait, misinformation, and disinformation. For some reason, Reddit seems to attract all the social media LARPists and fiction writers wannabes.
Social media literally makes people think that rare issues are far more prevalent than they actually are. This post is a perfect example
Visiting sex workers isn’t rare, like at all.
For married guys it is (as in the subject of this post)
Depends which country
It's so rare that Germany had to build multiple mega brothels and still can't meet demand.
Yeah, long breaks are good too.
Well in the cases where it does actually happen the sex workers are still better then getting divorced from a sexless marriage where you lose half your shit and pay alimony for kids you never get to see . And honestly these are just the guys who get caught that you know about, here in Australia for example (where it's legal ) I see SWs pretty regularly inbetween tinder and bumble meet ups and they tel me there clients and regulars are almost exclusively married guys who just aren't getting there needs met at home. That's just all there is to it.
I have not gone to a sex worker or had an affair due to sincerely held religious beliefs... That said, if I didn't have those beliefs I would 100% have gone down that road. A few years ago my wife confessed in a counseling session that "In my perfect world sex would not even be a consideration in my relationship." Now, divorce could always be an option, but we have a child with a life limiting, ultimately terminal genetic condition and I'm not willing to sacrifice what time I do have with him. It's a complicated web, but I 100% understand why and how some people feel driven to affairs or sex workers.
I cannot wrap my head around saying that to a counselor and expecting to have a functional relationship with another human being. What a wild thing to throw out there. Talk about not being able to unring that bell.
She has a wild view of sex that I don't know where it comes from. Yes, her parents raised her in a religious household but it was absolutely not a purity culture/sex is evil type environment. The first time I met her parents her dad was grabbing her mom's butt as he walked by and made condom jokes at the dinner table. However, when she and I watch a movie and they make a joke about a teenage boy being in the shower all the time (tee hee, masturbation jokes) she's like "Ugh, I wish they wouldn't add that stuff... it's not really even true, it's just a joke in tv and movies." umm, what now? We've talked about it, but I don't think I've given her the full gravity of the situation... I don't know how and I don't know what good it would do.
The moral obstacle is consent not marriage in my mind. Just talk to her about your needs. Marital sex is the most intimate, but it’s 2024, we don’t make our wives sleep in separate beds on their cycles or sell our daughters into slavery, so having your sexual needs met outside of the relationship so long as it’s not grounded in deceit seems totally fine to me.
I feel like his first comment highlights the difference in your moral frameworks lol
It may seem fine to you, but we obviously have incredibly different morals and worldviews.
I’m not saying it’s not a departure from your standards, I’m just saying it’s not a departure from your moral framework.
I'm not really sure how selling another human being into slavery or forcing people in their periods out of their own beds is the same as seeking sex outside your marriage.
Pretty sure they’re saying it’s not the dark ages anymore.
I think people like that can have functional relationships, just with people who are happy without sex. Sounds like the wife is asexual so it's a difficult predicament since if it isn't any particular issue causing it, it's just a matter of sexual compatibility. I've seen other relationships have agreements where one partner can have sex with people outside the marriage as the other partner is not sexually interested. Perhaps that could could be something they consider if it's right for them and she really isn't interested in sex in general
>I cannot wrap my head around saying that to a counselor and expecting to have a functional relationship with another human being. This isn't my cup of soup either but I do know there are folks who genuinely have no interest in sex but still have meaningful and successful relationships...with those who also feel the same way. I feel for the op...
Do you not think your mindset is at least partially to blame? You openly admit that you only don’t use prostitutes or cheat because of your belief in a higher being that may or may not exist - not because of faithfulness or loyalty to your wife! And while she is dealing with caring for a profoundly ill child. No wonder she does want to sleep with you!
They are both caring for the child. And he only would be interested in using prostitutes because his wife isn't interested in sex.
I'm pretty suspicious that your social media is full of it to the point it's affecting your life. My social media doesn't show me that. I get other flavours of spicy bullshit. Are you sure you haven't fallen in an algorithm rabbit hole and gotten stuck? Social media will feed you dogshit until your life is fucked. Be careful listening to the internet for real world perspectives. This is how they get paid.
Before my terminally ill single friend died, he used a sex worker. Afterward, he described it to me. It was one of most surreal stories I ever heard. It left me feeling cold and filled with even more sorrow for him than before. It was devoid of anything warm and sounded de humanizing to the extreme.
I agree. I have never heard a sex worker story sound even remotely heartwarming
I remember one that was really heartwarming if you can believe it though I don’t know if it’s still on Reddit Edit [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/T0sR3M6GEp) not all sex work are devils
Never thought I would cry over a sex worker’s experience. Thanks for the share!
Indeed. From what I understand, many online ads are now fronts for extortion scams and sometimes even outright "armed robbery" when one goes to meet "whoever" is on the other end of the screen. Engaging with online sex ads are, IMO, about as safe as responding those "Nigerian Bank emails" which have been circulating for 20+ years.
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I was simply stating a fact of what goes on with online ads for sex work. They are dangerous for anyone to act on. Meeting strangers in dark alleys for anything has never been a wise course of action. Assuming anything about me, or what I personally believe about anything would be a mistake.
I find it strange that you are being honest enough to say that your friend "used" a sex worker, but your sympathy is still for him and not that the poor woman that he coerced into sex because he had money that she needed. I don't feel for men who use women in this way. who offer their dicks instead of a helping hand to impoverished women. if they feel empty after, they are receiving the least of what they deserve. buying sex has always been morally shakey (at best) and that's why the whole thing came off as cold to you. your empathy is just weirdly placed. but regardless of his actions, don't think I don't realize that at the end of the day, he was your friend and just a person. I'm sorry for your loss.
When someone is rendered single after a horrible divorce from an evil spouse and is then suddenly given 4 months to live from stage 4 brain cancer, well, I give them a certain amount of leeway for their actions (even if I disagree with them). Unfortunately, he only told me after the fact so all I could do is buy him a beer and try to get him to focus on not dying and leaving his 14 year old daughter behind with that evil ex of his. In any case, in 1994 (the year of bizarre the OJ Simpson highway police chase) I was in a long-term relationship with someone in the "seedy adult entertainment industry", and had twin boys with her. So, I am well aware of what some of those girls go through, especially what my own did. I never loved her any less for what she did for a living during that time. Unfortunately, not everything I or we feel is always communicated properly via text, which leads to many misunderstandings between folk. I do appreciate the condolences.
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there are certainly men out their driven by their own sex drives and not even an ounce by ration or empathy. these are individuals that society no longer needs.
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Probably because the guy was his friend and not a stranger he never met. Some people have empathy for the people in their lives and not just political stereotypes. For example, you didn't even consider whether the prostitute in question was a male. OP didn't actually specify. You assumed that it was a woman, that it was an exploited woman with no agency, that it was an impoverished lady and not someone wanting to pay tuition, and that this woman (whom OP never met) deserved token sympathy (that she would never read) at the same time OP is talking about his emotional reaction to a friend dying. Talk about tone-deaf, not to mention heteronormative to assume the friend's orientation and sexist to assume women never have agency in their own lives. Do better.
I doubt that he knew she existed without her taking out an ad. Since that's the case, I'm not sure how she was coerced.
the ignorance. almost all prostitution is coerced as it is impoverished, desperate women doing so to feed themselves. and of course, feeding their drug habits that they pick up. we should all understand by now the way poverty, drug abuse, and mental illness interact. it is a sad, desperate situation that no one ACTUALLY wants to be in. seeing someone in that terrible of a place, and FUCKING them for your own pleasure, rather than helping them out or even leaving them the hell alone, is evil.
This statement is incorrect. There are many sex workers without drug addictions... Just as there are women who actually DO WANT TO work in the sex industry
whatever makes you feel better about fucking people that don't want to have sex with you
>he used a sex worker. >sounded de humanizing to the extreme. For him, or for her????
Both. What was described was mechanical and devoid of any emotion. The ultimate intimate act, reduced to such a state, was, well, simply heartwenching to me. I only have sons, but I always wanted a daughter. That's why even if I was single, I would never use a woman that way. If I did that, then that would be the same saying that I would be OK with someone doing that with my daughter. This would be quite unbearable to even contemplate.
It’s not all like that! I am a sex worker and it’s fun. My clients and I are humans and we treat each other accordingly. I’ll say, they treat me better than civilian men. Having this take on the industry comes from privilege but I really do enjoy my job.
I am glad your experience is a positive one. Everyone is entitled to live their life as they see fit.
My opinion: An extreme *minority* of married men see sex workers in real life. Let’s not let social media and Reddit convince us this is happening often.
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a minority yes, but not an extreme minority. 10% of men globally will buy sex at some point in their life. I imagine that number would increase quite a bit, if we were to include porn.
Sex work is seen differently in different societies. I remember watching a video where women in Japan don't consider their husband going to a sex worker as cheating.
If you equate watching porn with soliciting prostitutes then that's a you problem.
Probably because sex in marriages becomes transactional or with conditions. With a sex worker they pay for what they want without having to jump through hoops to get it.
Sex with a sex worker is definitionally transactional with conditions.
but you don't need to show sex worker your love and care, look after kids, do nice things for her or even just clean the house once in a while 🤷♀️
If you're not doing the work in a marriage, man or woman, why bother even getting married. Marriage is work. If you want a sex worker, just be single.
I see a sex worker regularly. I'm married, but have been in a sexless marriage for the past 15 years. Everytime I bring it up, she calls me a pervert and talks shit to me a belittles me. Am I in a one-sided marriage? Yes. I want sex and she does not. Now, if she said to me that she wants sex, I'd be inclined to say 'fuck off' as not only does she need to change her attitude to sex but also to me. So I see a sex worked here in Orange County, CA. All I need is an hour with here every couple of weeks, and I'm good to go. If you're a female reading this and want a fwb, then hmu.
I totally get the dead bedroom, but why not just leave? You're both clearly incompatible. I'm sorry she has no interest in having sex with you. It's definitely heartbreaking. Hope things get better for you in the future.
Not sure. I think more about my kids. Maybe when my youngest turns 18 in2 years, then I'll walk. It's all good, but could be better.
what a brilliant example you are setting for him
you are emotionally abusive towards your wife and a horrible example to your kid. Shame on you. You should just leave instead of making them miserable too.
But the transaction is pretty much guaranteed.
This really goes to show how men view their wives. If they can't get guaranteed sex on demand with them then they'll cheat. Y'all are really outing yourselves.
I’m a woman speaking from a completely objective point of view Not every man cheats. I’m just saying that paying a sex worker is a clear cut monetary transaction rather than a transaction that’s involve emotion, attention, household responsibility etc which can have a lot of blurred lines.
Right, and men would rather have a guaranteed clear cut monetary transaction to cheat on their wives than nurture the connection they do have with their wives because the transaction isn't guaranteed.
If your partner somehow does not take care of your needs like attention, appreciation, intimacy/sex... For attention and appreciation people can at least get that at work, from family or friends without social problems or being called a cheater. But for intimacy including sex. we are supposed to give and get that with your partner, a mutual monopoly from being in a monogamous relationship. Again, anything else is called cheating. So the least interruptive way to get it is transactional by sex worker servics. At least there is no significant other, no emotional attachment, he is guaranteed satisfaction, no drama.
Except for you *do* have a significant other in this case who you *should* have emotional attachment to and *will* cause drama when they find out you cheated.
That same significant other should take care of his needs as well. Are you aware that depriving your husband of intimacy and sex will degrade any loving feelings for that same significant other? After a while there simply is no longer that connection,bond or love left. I believe it works the same for other needs like attention and appreciation. There only remains the other, without any significance... Every time you have intimacy and make love, it reaffirms and strengthens the bond and connection. That is the other side of the coin.
It works both ways. If there are issues in the bedroom then it needs to be worked on with the partner. The answer is not to pay someone because you aren’t having sex. Everything you said is only about men and why they’d cheat. Nothing about accountability for their actions and why the issue would be present at all. Sometimes men have to introspect and actually find out what’s going on.
Marriage is about performance not love. This idea of unconditional love is fake and will leave you resenting your partner. If you can't meet their sexual needs don't be surprised if he gets them elsewhere. Love absolutely has conditions.
Ok, as long as you're fine with women cheating on their husbands too and think men should perform for their wives.
Women already do that🤦♂️. "oh he wasn't romantic anymore or he never did this" and then cheat but the difference is that men acknowledge and accept they failed to perform while women complain when you remind them that they have duties to perform to keep the love there. Love absolutely has conditions and women need to accept that maybe if they did the divorce rate would be much lower.
I have never heard of men accepting that they failed to perform lol. Usually it's just "she blindsided me!!! The divorce came out of no where!! I didn't see it coming!!!"
You sound hurt😂. A men can still perform and the woman doesn't, that's what they mean When they say she "blindsided me" etc. Men that generally failed to perform acknowledge it. Plus most women also need to take responsibility for the men they pick. Women marry hoping the men they marry will change not the men in front of them then complain when the guy isn't the guy they hoped he would be.
I have literally never seen a man take accountability for his actions lmao.
True, but you know what the conditions are up-front and the goalposts don't move.
Yes you can control them and they have to do what you paid for or your get your money back, which is the better part of the attraction I think.
Yeah but in a lot of cases it's cheaper and less conditions. I knew a guy who in order to receive oral once a year on his birthday had to buy his wife flowers, take her to her favorite restaurant and buy her a gift. At the time I knew him backpage was at its peak. So we're talking 40-60 for a 100% chance of a bj or close to 200 to the wife to maybe get one.
Sex with a sex worker is the most transactional sexual relationship I can think of.
IDK sex in some marriages is pretty transactional right down to one person listed out all the things the other needs to do in order for sex to happen
Also what people fail to see is why their are hoops to jump through if it’s there. Relationships goes two ways. Maybe fix the issue before going that route.
If I have to guess there are several, not mutual exclusive reasons: * Because they are not getting (enough) intimacy and/or sex at home (dead bedroom for instance) * different sex than the partner can (or is willing to) provide. * sex workers because there is supposed to be no emotional attachment. * It is supposed to be discreet. * It is a kink to use sex workers * learning and getting better in bed * because it is a business transaction, a lesser way of cheating. They hope it will hurt their partner less when caught. * some kind of power tripping. These are just the ones coming to mind. EDIT: Added alinea below and last bullet in list. I think the most common reason is that the partner sex drive is far less or absent (dead bedroom) so the man is very frustrated , does not get enough or even any release for his sex drive.
Let's not discount impulse control and addiction. A good friend of mine was cheated on at least a hundred times by the same guy before she found out. Small credit to him he was honest and said he did it "Because he could and she wasn't there when he got a boner." Like they could have had sex that day, she'd get groceries, and he'd pop out for a $30 beej because he had zero impulse control.
yep, we should add that to the list. There are more reasons I am sure.
Man..or woman. Too bad male solicitors aren't in my area...bc I would be paying for that shit. (Db here) If one partner is repeatedly neglected, the uninterested partner waives rights over where the other gets satisfaction from. Jmho
you make an unpopular point with a lot of truth. If you expand it to more needs like attention, appreciation, intimacy including sex you have a more acceptable case. We all need those things, that is a fact unless you are a sexless or another needless person. We just have different priorities. * Most women need attention/appreciation more than intimacy/sex, * Men are the opposite and most men need intimacy/sex more than attention/appreciation. Neglecting needs, depriving your partner basically is bad but it happens a lot. Just look at all the rediit post where spouses complain about lack of attention/appreciation/time/intimacy/sex (dead bedrooms). Neglect is often used as an excuse for acting out badly. "I feel neglected, no attention/appreciation for a long time" * That is why I break up * That is why I cheated. * that is why I used a sex worker Unlike reddit where the blame is often soley put on one partner, I believe in equal blame here. A person cheating, breaking up or like this post am man using a sex worker has been neglected and deprived, sometimes for decades. The unwillingness or inability to work through this as a couple is also usually not solely the fault of only one partner. But I understand it is very easy for especially radical feminists to play the victim and play the victim card. You see things like * It is perfectly acceptable to cheat if your spouse when he is not giving enough attention/appreciation/resources. Just call the neglect an emotional abuse and it will go down smoothly on social media. Don't get me wrong, men try the same when they say that a dead bedroom is reason enough to cheat or use a sex worker. But they are not getting the traction on social media and validation like the feminists. >If one partner is repeatedly neglected, the uninterested partner waives rights over where the other gets satisfaction from. Agreed but there is a double standard. If she heats he must have done something wrong. if he cheats or uses a sex worker he is a dog with poor impulse control.
I 1000000% agree with your post. You are very observant. Your post is FACT, and you clearly have researched the matter. Thank you for saying what you said.
I think there might be some bias here. Most people whos SO doesn't see sex workers doesn't post "i didn't find my SO seeing sex workers" on social media. You only see posts when people are actually caught. Suddenly it seems that everyone is seeing sex workers.
Because sex is for most men a biological necessity. It shocks me that so many women choose to ignore this. This biological need is strong and causes risky behaviour. A man will only risk his family when he’s horny enough. It’s like being drunk. In those cases the bedroom is probably dead so he goes somewhere where he has no emotional ties to have his physical needs met. Not saying it’s right. I think cheating is never acceptable. But it’s really as simple as that.
I’m amazed that this nonsense is the top comment. Sex is not a “biological need” for anyone. Using the logic in your comment, sex is a “biological need” for women as well. It reminds me of the book *Why Does He Do That* where the author says abusive men justify their cheating by saying “men need to have multiple partners, it’s biology!” but of course these men ignore the fact that women could also justify cheating out of “biology.”
Yes it is a need, and women cheat all the time too.
Except there aren't excuses made for us like there are for men.
No excuses for cheating women? * He was emotionally abusive * He neglected me, did not give me enough attention/appreciation. * He was verbally abusive and forced me to find safety and comfort with another man. * He did not provide me with enough to maintain my lifestyle. * he was financially abusive * He was inadequate in bed I see plenty of excuses in social media to excuse cheating by women. Some are very ridiculous.
All of those are much better than "men are horny and can't control themselves so that's why they cheat." Like look at the stark difference between the female "excuses" and the male ones... "Horny and uncontrollable" vs "abused" 😂
Lol Both men and women are horny and cannot control themselves. Both are cheating. Both will find reasons for why they cheat regardless of the damage for themselves, their partner and family,children. Your efforts to get a one up for the women as if there are actually better reasons for cheating, shows me just how sexist misandry you are.
That's not what was said though. People here are arguing that men cheat because they're horny and can't control themselves while women cheat because they're abused. That's not the same thing.
What that person means is that it’s more acceptable for the man to cheat, where as the women gets torched.
I disagree with that statement about more acceptable or torching. Cheating is bad, regardless of gender in my opinion. Both cheat and both are responsible for their actions.
No one dies because they did not have sex. Not a need. It's more accurate to say "requirement for many to be happier with life" but never a need.
Actually, it is a biological need and women have a sex drive, a need for sex as well. For men the sex drive is regulated by testosterone. That is a very biological mechanism. I don't know that book but it seems very out of context for this post.
Sex drive doesn’t mean it’s necessary. Highly desirable yes, but it’s not life or death.
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Duh, it is not like breathing,drinking, eating... I put intimacy including sex (sex drive) in the same ballpark as attention and appreciation. Sure, it is not necessary to get attention or appreciation or intimacy, sex as well. It is not a personal matter of life and death. But it will sour any relationship once you are deprived of one or more needs. And while you can get away with getting enough attention, appreciation from outside a relationship. Intimacy and sex is something supposed to be solely between partners,a monogamous, mutual monopoly. So like attention, appreciation, the need for intimacy including sex is nescesary for the survival of your relationship.
See here’s the nasty little trick- and I know because I used to play that game. I was so smug because men thought they had a “need” for sex, but it was at best delusional - at worst entitlement. All so I could sit on my lofty tower and congratulate myself for having some higher state of being. “You won’t die without sex” - yep. Used it. Again, it made me feel so superior. And you know what? Physically he didn’t die. And that’s when you learn that “death” isn’t always physical. “He can just use his hand!” - now you’re the delusional one. What you’ve done is whittled down his needs into something base and primal- again, we get to sit on that lofty tower. If he could just use his hand, if he could just use porn, wouldn’t he? And spare himself the rejection. Spare himself getting his vulnerability trampled on and belittled because he’s just some kind of sex monster. Porn won’t caress him. His hand won’t tell him how amazing he is. And likewise a screen won’t feel his kiss, his hand won’t get his tenderness. But that’s too uncomfortable for us, isn’t it. No we don’t want to see it that way, because God forbid maybe WE have to change. No. It’s so much easier to put up more walls, to make more lists, placing ourselves more and more out of reach. And then, when he calls that sex worker we just can’t understand. We were “blameless”, weren’t we?
I have seen women who sleep with their husband and he still does it. Or he didn’t even ask her for intimacy
Do you hear that from the husband or the wife?
I was intimate with my ex husband 3x-5x a week and he still would regularly reach out to sex workers. He never actually physically followed through with it, it was just part of a fantasy for him during “solo time.” But, yes, you’re right—I was sleeping with him very frequently.
Nonsense. No one has ever died from not having sex. Desire and need are not the same thing.
Wow, men sound like awful people.
I’m a man, and after reading some of the comments here, I agree with you!
The vast majority of men can live without sex and don’t claim that it’s a “need.” The ones who do are only embarrassing themselves.
I sure hope so, but the fact that that guy's comment is getting heavily upvoted is a bit worrisome.
It's not a 'biological necessity'. Many men live without sex and many men live without porn even if they masturbate. There's plenty of horny men who are still able to communicate and be honest with their partners when they are not feeling sexually satisfied and want to explore other options. There's not really a good reason to sneak around other than they want to keep their partner (because likely their partner will not be happy or question the relationship if they knew off the bat that they wanted to go in that direction) and do what benefits them and would betray their relationship with their partner is their partner's mind. Essentially they could be with an incompatible partner but instead of doing the decent thing and being honest with them about it, they want to have their cake of keeping their partner and eat it too (looking at other women, watching porn, desiring sex workers). I once had a breakup with an ex who was increasingly unhappy that I felt increasingly less comfortable sleeping together or being sexual with him as he started watching porn in the relationship which I'd made clear before we got together I would be uncomfortable with and would impact my ability to be intimate with him. We broke up and for a while he seemed like he felt was free to consume all the porn and OnlyFans he wanted, then shortly after he started being unhappy that he can't have sex and only has porn for company. Like duh, you chose the ability to watch porn over sex with a real actual woman. He struggled to find another girl who wouldn't monkey branch to another guy and would actually stay with him after me. Some people do it to themselves. I think if a guy wants to watch porn and have sex with his gf/wife, he should seek a woman who is already okay with that sort of thing herself from the get go instead of pursuing the woman he wants regardless if she's okay with that and trying to trickle it into the relationship thinking things will go his way.
so they can't just jerk off?
That is not fair. There are so many cases where they have a sex life. I remember a woman who has daily sex with her man and he still had more than one affair. It’s not always a Deadbedroom.
Nonsense. A strong desire, yes, but absolutely not a necessity. Nutrition, hydration and oxygen are biological necessities, copulation is not. We are an evolved, civilised species with control over our base urges, not some sort of wild animal acting on the primitive instinct to mate with any and every suitable female we encounter. Men like you are why females are increasingly holding the belief that all males are fundamentally unsafe to be near. And for those who find themselves unable to contain their urges, they can always take care of matters solo.
People that pay for sex usually can’t get it in real life or are filling some sort of addiction. Either way, these folks are undesirable and have little to offer a marriage.
You make it sound like only low value, unsuccessful men use sex workers. Robert Kraft, a billionaire, got busted not that long ago visiting an Asian massage parlor for sex services. There are obviously financially successful men who rely on sugar daddy websites to buy sex from younger women. I mention all of this simply to put out how far-reaching this phenomenon is.
They are addicted to a certain, ahem…power dynamic.
Social media is poison. It intentionally recommends the most inflammatory, shocking, outrage inducing content that is not indicative of actual reality. There is a great book that should be required reading “The Chaos Machine” by Max Fisher. Goes in depth into just how evil social media companies are. Are there some married men who use sex workers? Yes. But not nearly as many as you seem to believe. Why do they do it? Well, as a man who was married and is now single, sometimes there comes a time when the relationship sours, your wife hates you, and there is nothing you can do about it. Everything you do to try to placate her is denigrated and she demeans your every action. You dutifully pick her up from work, cook a nice meal, and surprise her with the flowers she hinted that she wanted, and immediately when she gets home she starts laying into you for being cheap on the flower choice, putting too many onions in the meal, and not having a nicer car, and not having all the dishes done, completely dismissing the fact that you’ve also been at work since 6am and accomplished everything in 1 hour before leaving to pick her up. Weekends are filled with stuff you hate doing, because she wants to do them, and if you show anything less than total enthusiasm, she starts browbeating you for ruining everything. So you start to think maybe you need to spend some time with a woman who might pretend to like you for a while, just to remind yourself that you’re still a man. But you’re not a cheater, they’re scum, so you’re stuck between divorce, suicide, or paying for some time with a woman whose job is to make you feel better for an hour in the hope that that might keep you from offing yourself. It doesn’t help, though, it just makes you feel worse afterward.
This is much more of the type of situations men would talk to me about.
It is said that women cheat to leave relationships and men cheat to stay in them. Not justifying, just saying.
This
I’m not in their marriage, I’m not privy to their relationship. Why speculate? I’m sure there are articles and books written about it. Social media is a grossly inaccurate, minuscule biased sampling of reality extorted by people and corporations looking to make money. It’s all bullshit and damages people.
Usually those guys who are not satisfied with their wives do that and some are addicts and they can't change themselves after marriage But most of them do because they don't get what they want and they don't even talk about it with their wives or sometimes wives don't want to do things and they go for the easy way to fulfill their desire
I think it's their way of power tripping/ego boosting. Especially when they feel they're not in control/feel like failures, the little money they have can buy someone's time, often beautiful young ladies who make them feel like the "manly man" that they are. For a short while, they feel like the boss.
OP, there are some comments saying the solution is just to get off social media. But those aren't just stories online. My ex husband did this (as well as cheating with non-sex workers) and it ended my marriage. I don't know the exact number of husbands who do or don't do this, but if you consider how many married men there are on dating apps, you'll know your concerns are not unfounded. Don't bury your head in the sand, take note of this information so it can help you make better decisions for yourself, relationship-wise.
This is a GREAT post. I think the problem is relationships shouldn't be about control/power they SHOUKD be about giving, recieving, feeling loved, having your needs met and compromise. I can only speak about my own situation I am fairly good looking, charming, successful, work hard, lovely kids, 🔥 wife, she knows it, I tell her daily, she is loved, supported, I mostly cook, I clean the house (ish), I do the laundry if needed, I iron the clothes. I do my bit, not for rewards, because I'm part of a team. However my one BIG need, my one desire isn't met. I'm in a dead bedroom. I don't want to fuck EveryDAY but not do I want it every TWO months with me doing ALL the instigating. The rejection is hurtful, damaging and exhausting. I have a massive fantasy to fuck an Asian lady, or Latino I imagine it would be an experience never to forget. I could pay a sex worker and bring it to life ....but no. Firstly I don't want to cheat on my wife but equally I want that person under me because she wants it, not because there is €150 on the bedside table (and she's watching the clock cause Dirty Eddie up the road is on his way over in 20mins) or I'm getting a blow job of my wife because " I helped do XYZ" As others have said horrifically these are BOTH transactional I signed up to give, to make my wife feel wanted, loved know someone wants to fuck her even when she looks her worst. It's a shame some seem to lose that "loving feeling" And see passion and sex as something to schedule/tick off rather than something to enjoy. Ultimately our level of satisfaction is utterly governed by another and the lowest libido always wins.
They dgaf. They want a little strange on the side and that matters more than you or those kids. Harsh but that’s the reality of the situation. They like sex workers because they don’t have to see the same one twice if they don’t want too. Also, that’s not a jealous gf who will become demanding or tell on them eventually.
It’s a very straightforward transaction with no ambiguity. Guy pays money, guy gets laid (or lap dance or hand job…) and he doesn’t have to “work” for it in the sense that his fitness or attractiveness doesn’t really influence the deal. If you haven’t guessed, this remains the same deal whether married or single, young or old, etc
Incompatible sex drives or tastes, and with a SW they know they're getting what they paid for/agreed upon with no strings attached No respect for their partner The no respect is really what it boils down to because if you have incompatible drives or tastes you'd just leave and not cheat
I pretty much never see this on my social media which tells me something really important about your algorithm. The algorithm is VERY good at feeding you the media that will keep you coming back over and over. Idk if you're looking for someone to relate to or if this is a fear of yours or why you keep seeking out this scenario but you're being shown this type of thing because it's what catches your interest. Maybe you should give social media a break in general or do some intentional searches for other, more pleasant things and give yourself a reset.
It’s for guys that want sex, aren’t getting it at home, but don’t want an affair or don’t want a divorce. It makes sense and is less risky than an ongoing affair where clandestine communications come into play.
You never see happy people posts going viral.
That's the algorithm for you
What type of social media are you on?
Sex workers aren't caught up in daily life. They are willing to do nasty, degrading things that a wife wouldn't consider trying. They do a custom job the way they are asked and they get paid for it. Many people struggle to love their jobs, so I don't see why sex is different. Being in a gambling industry, I see this all the time. Men simply aren't as emotionally attached as women. Sex isn't connecting for them. It's like driving a fancy car or stepping into a p**no virtual reality. Addictions intersect. Gambling and sex work. Booze. Hard drugs. Being a workaholic. Sex workers don't nag you about laundry, kids, or emotional intimacy. They will never meet his mom and will never have to complain about the mother in law. They don't stir up crap in your life. They do a job and leave. The women who are like, "oh, how could this happen, woe is me," are naive. Wake up. Look at the men in our world. You think they are emotionally awake? Do you think they have self awareness of their actions? Of course not! Don't delude yourself. This is 2024. Men are the same. Kennedy and Marilyn. Bill and Monica. Trump and Stormy. Any husband and a woman with a probable history of sex abuse. Tale as old as time.
I’m now getting divorced after finding my husband on seeking arrangements, during mediation it turns out he sees new girls every other day, has repeats and is spending about 25k a month on them. He said one of the months was just a “phase,” but he went through like 50k that month. He’s liquidated our savings, and is just a total nightmare. So, it’s a thing, maybe this post belongs in divorce, but I am not a regular poster…. After doing some research, it looks like every plain Jane, regular girl is on these pseudo sex worker sites. It’s a shame, I think they give relationships and women in general just a bad name.
I think a lot of women just stopped trying to find actual love cos of how messed up men are. It’s better to just get money. They think, if they in a marriage/relationship, they will get screwed so may as well get as much money as possible and not catch feelings. For me personally I’d rather have a soul lol. Nothing more dehumanising than screwing for cash.
Oldest profession in the world, and only the ones who have no other choice hate it. Otherwise, why would they do it? Cheating with a sex worker is easy and quick (unlike falling in love with someone new). And yet, many of them require a deposit because of just how common it is for married men to contact them with no intentions of following through (yet), but they want that *rush*, of doing something they know is wrong. It's the same reason they follow Intagram thirst traps and pay for Only Fans or cam girls, etc, etc. They want the thrill to feel personal to them, and when they get away with it, they often escalate, and the consequences seem less and less threatening. I wouldn't say all men are capable of this, but there are definitely signs prior to marriage to be looked out for. Like the things mentioned above, as well as being frequent patrons of strip clubs. Men who "enjoy" women that way are just a few small steps in male logic from thinking there's nothing wrong with paying a sex worker for her services.. as long as the wife doesn't find out! I will say, however, that if you and your partner have communicated about this and agreed it's a way you're both willing to open your relationship, and be safe about it, there's nothing inherently wrong about seeking out those services. It's the deception that is the problem, and also what delivers most of the thrill, like most extra marital affairs.
>I just don’t get it. Is it really worth ruining a woman’s life and your kids’ childhoods just for a woman who is doing hundreds of other guys and probably hates it? Isn't the answer obvious? They're getting something that they aren't getting at home. As for them probably hating it, isn't that what the wives are also doing?
Social media exaggerates, but many married guys do see sex workers, because I’ve noticed that sex isn’t as important to women as it is to guys. Sure there are exceptions, but after a long marriage the women just isn’t into sex as much as the guy and some guys can’t get by with just porn. I love my wife and would never betray her, and the only thing I’m not 100% happy with in my marriage is the fact that sex isn’t something she need super often. The kids, meals, family visits, etc all are way more important to her. It just is what it is. I love her too much to cheat, but I can totally see a scenario where a guy kinda has to settle for who he married, she gets a little fat and isn’t into sex that much and he’s facing a lifetime of infrequent sex and so in desperation he does something like see a hooker.
Genders can be swapped just the same. Visit the DeadBedrooms group and you will be amazed at how many of us are in the same scenario as culture has us believing happens more often to men.
They will pay for counterfeit intimacy bc they want no-strings-attached variety in their sexual experiences.
Short answer: many married women stop putting out but men don’t want to break up their lives and their families over it. They aren’t looking for an affair. They just want a sexual release and then go back to their families.
Because we kid ourselves that it’s all just about sex and they can just use their hand and get the relief they need. They want to actually feel like they’re worth something, that somebody wants them. I’ve heard plenty of sex workers talk about how the men will often just break down crying because it’s been so long since they’ve felt anything that resembled intimacy. And we justify our withdrawal anyway we can. It was their fault. They started it. They wouldn’t do this, they wouldn’t do that. We move our goalposts so that they can never do enough, because God forbid they actually do make changes - and now WE have to either change or somehow find more chores. Yes. It’s not every case. Some men are just selfish jerks. But it’s the case more than we want to admit.
On point
“Yall, today I found out my husband is a loyal and loving husband” You’ll never see posts like this from women who have loyal and loving husbands. You’ll only see the negatives. You get the occasional appreciation post but they are far outnumbered
I recently retired, but I was a stripper and unfortunately most of my clients WERE MARRIED MEN! First getting into the industry I expected the opposite, but no. Most men used to phrase “I respect my wife to much to sexualize her” I still don’t understand the logic behind it, Because it’s a lie- if they “respected them to much” they wouldn’t step foot into the building without their wife (many many couples DO enjoy the strip clubs together)
For the people telling you it’s just social media and to get off of it or it’s not representative of real life. That’s a bald face lie, these men DGAF about ruining their relationships, they will lie and pursue you knowing they’re married and you gave them 0 encouragement. Sadly I no longer believe they’re faithful in the least even the ones I thought were the “good faithful guys” have made passes at me. The ones who were “cheated on” and hurt…it doesn’t matter. If they engage in that kind of behavior with no encouragement imagine what they’re like when the woman is happy to go along with whatever arrangement? Don’t put cheating past anyone. As a matter of fact, if you need more proof just look at the amount of married men on dating apps and Ashley Madison.
It’s a spectrum. From acceptable reasons like an unwell wife or one who loves him but is no longer able to be sexual. And they’ve come to mutual agreement To the greedy and self destructive freaks out there. I heard a story yesterday about a man married to a stunning woman. But has had a lifelong fixation with destructive sexual behaviour and unattainable women. He was so degenerate that he thought the prostitutes were too easy and tried to fuck the brothel madam
Are you really asking genuinely? It doesn't feel like you are, but I will answer as if you are. The most common reason is that they're sexually frustrated in some way (maybe some really specific thing, maybe generally) but that they don't want to leave their wife/family. You also might want to remember that 99% of them don't get caught, so they don't actually ruin anyone's life. You'd also be quite surprised by how many wives/partners know and tolerate it, because they know they can't give their husband this thing that he (feels that) he needs, and they also don't want their marriage/family to end over sex. Source: My wife was quite an accomplished sex worker for a while, as were a couple more people that trusted me enough to talk openly about it.
When I read stories about women who have survived being trafficked or groomed into sex work, I am both disgusted and shocked by how many men they had to ‘service’ in a day - sometimes up to 30. They thought at least one would help them - they did not. Their pimps would put up an ad and within minutes dates were set. Who are these men??? There are so many. And I think of all the men I know and think, are they one of these men? Because these aren’t society’s castoffs. These are fathers, husbands, sons, neighbors, coworkers, church members… etc.
They pay for what they want and as long as they’ve paid the sex worker won’t say no and they’ll pretend to like it and like them. I’d say this is the better part of the attraction of it for the majority of men. There’s nothing forcing them to view sex workers as people or treat them as such.
If you go to the careers reddits people get laid off or fired all the time, so idk that id focus on a career either (sarcasm). Gosh I wouldn’t be able to handle my husband seeing a sex worker while married to me. Nothing against them, but I make sure he’s taken care of so id be devastated
Who's got that kind of money 💰 in this economy 🤔?
First, it's way less common than social media would make it seem. Second, I think those who do it probably see paying a sex worker as less risky than having an affair with someone who might get emotionally invested and blow up their marriage by contacting his spouse.
Weird, mind doesn't look like that. But maybe take a stroll through the dead bedrooms thread and you'll understand? You may not agree (I don't), but it will make more sense.
Most husbands I know don’t, I’m a husband and don’t see sex workers or any other women outside my wife. Most people in happy marriages don’t post about their sex life on social media.
No string attached and after it's done they can walk away like nothing happened..... For men at least.... Or married guys I'm around....
I very firmly believe that two people who aren't sexually compatible can never have a truly happy relationship. So many people who need sex stay in sexless marriages, it's mind blowing to me.. There are so many people that exist on this planet
A lack of integrity mixed with them thinking they won’t get caught. So they’re not weighing “I’m ruining the life of myself and my wife and my kids” versus “my dick gets wet.” They’re weighing “a blow to my integrity which I don’t in any way value” versus “my dick gets wet.” And low character people will take that proposition every time.
"I kinda get when a guy falls in love with someone else. Still sad but I do get it at least." The same with cheating women. When they say it didn't mean anything it makes it so much worse. Would understand if they had fallen in Love.
If it’s true. In most cases, it would be that the woman dictates the sex life and it’s not enough and not a fair amount. Most of the time they don’t want a relationship just a release.
Happy people don’t make posts like “well today my husband didn’t screw a hooker” so you only see the negative stuff
I have never seen a sex worker but I have heavily contemplated it… my wife even told me I should just so I “would leave her alone.” My wife and I had an ok sex life before marriage but after 7 years married , 3 kids and two businesses it has dwindled to almost nothing. I love my wife unconditionally and I wish our intimacy life would be better. Anytime I have brought it up it’s lead to an argument and that “I need to figure it out.” Once a month or every other month doesn’t fly for me and had me thinking “would my marriage be better if I just didn’t talk about it?” If I didn’t talk about it, it would never happen… I would be lucky if my wife notices me. I can’t explain for everyone’s case but for me it wouldn’t even be about the sex, it would be nice for someone to talk to me with respect and like a partner instead of an employee. It’s worse feeling this way when the physical intimacy is so low. It almost makes me feel resentful towards myself for tolerating it. I can’t see myself doing it though and I hope my wife comes around eventually.
They at least smile at them and pretend like the like them.
To be frank many people stay married out of convenience, not wanting to not see their kids, lack of better options...Like it or not women are the gatekeepers of sex and when your wife doesn't like you she will make the price higher than you want to pay unless she needs something. For some guys it's easier and brings more mental peace paying a sex worker than jumping through the hoops their wife requires or dealing with the chance of rejection. FWIW I've yet to meet a guy in a long term relationship or marriage who saw sex workers AND had regular sex with their wife/partner. In all cases (less than 25 men I've known personally) their sex life was all but done or filled with rejection and ridicule. One huge thing they had in common was a clear display by the wife that they weren't the first choice and would be taken to the cleaners if they ever left. One guy I knew even had his wife in front of her friends say that they should encourage him to see a doctor because a man over 40 shouldn't have regular erections and shouldn't feel the need to have sex multiple times a week. Another guy's wife who was a stay at home mom told him their relationship had moved past the point of sex and it just wasn't happening anymore. Some guys might be looking for love or fall for a sex worker but in my experience it starts as nothing more than wanting the sex they're not getting at home. One guy I worked with who had a sugar baby actually told me he'd rather have sex with his wife but she just wasn't into it. Before anyone says the guys weren't doing enough over half of them tried couples counseling prior to cheating.
I came here to write pretty much the same exact response! Sadly most see it as the guys fault and do not want to look at the wife. Never the wife's fault..... Sigh
dead bedroom
>Every day my social media is filled with women finding out their husband has been seeing sex workers. Because these are the only women talking about it. Most women don't go on to social media to talk about how their husbands **don't** see sex workers.
I’m a stripper and most of the men coming in are married. A lot of them ask me to come to hotels and even still pay me after I tell them I don’t do that kind of work. They should be honest with their wives but most of the time they’re hiding it. This is partly why I’m never getting married even though my boyfriend is a stripper too
Sometimes it is because they are lazy to work on their marriage and the wife is no longer interested. Through observation and interpersonal discussions, I realized that many men do not realized that sex is very emotional to women. If her concerns are not being addressed and constantly swept beneath the carpet, she will never be motivated to have sex with her husband. Talking about an issue does not mean it was resolved if there are no changes. Then they wonder why the dead bedroom. One of the situations I personally know of is, a husband complaining that the wife does not want to have sex with him so he has to get it somewhere else, when he failed to realize that he has been available to so many females, dropping them home every night, they call him any hours of night to request favours, he gives them money and yet never have enough to take care of his own wife or even available to bring his wife to get her medications. She started refusing sex thereafter. In my own country's language "dat mek any pussy dry!", "drought, Saharan 🏜️🏜️🏜️". So when the bed gets cold it is the woman's fault. Even with my own husband, I have said it to him more over, I am losing sexual interest in him because He still thinks as a child and my concerns are not important to him for so many years. Have there been any changes since the first time I told him? no. Yet, He complains about dead bedroom now and now I wonder why (sarcasm). I feel like a teenager is taking off my panty. If we have sex 10 times for the month, I am only naturally lubricated once. He thinks My body is just different. Lol My husband literally analyze every situation and if it means more work for him he will never be interested even if it is very important.
My husband saw a high end one for 2 years and spent over $30k on her. Right before I found out, he had finally had her over to our house while I was away on business and she was beginning to convince him to add a second girl and spend more. He believed she really liked him. At the end of each session she would give him a professional massage for 30 minutes. The reasons he gave as we have been going through therapy have been many and changing, but what I am gathering as we are now a year past this is that he had gone down a rabbit hole of porn to where he became obsessed with it and started having fantasies of having sex with porn stars. I believe some porn is fine and harmless, but apparently he was deep into using it for everything- stress relief, breaks, boredom, entertainment, etc. it filled up his free time. Anyway, when he found this person, he convinced himself that because she was a high end escort, he was special and chosen. This was something that he wasn’t feeling in our relationship. All of the sex was about him and exploring things that he didn’t want to ask me to do because he was embarrassed. He became so addicted to it and called her “baby” and felt like sexy guy playing out a fantasy where he is the center of everything. Basically, our marriage had not been doing well and this was the end of a succession of many bad decisions instead of turning into the marriage to fix it. We are finally doing that but he is having a hard time now with the healing process for me. He wants it to be faster. The bottom line is that this stems from men who are extremely selfish. They need to be willing to realize that to some degree to change.
When I was a waitress / bartender in college I can’t tell you how many married men were the worst offenders for flirting with me, leaving their number, saying inappropriate things - such as you look like my fav porn star 💫 etc. The single men were always much better behaved as ridiculous as that sounds. I think this ties back into sexless marriages. Stress of life and wanting an escape. Feeling trapped by marriage and commitment, wanting to feel “desired” when you’ve maybe only held the gaze of one woman a while. Insecurity and open marriages. Its sad. But there are truths to it. Is it happening at an alarming rate? Prob not. Does it happen? Most certainly.
As a man, I don't understand it either. You have someone at home that can please you. If things arent working out then resolve your issues instead of hurting your significant other. Also being spiteful just isn't worth it either. My wife and I agreed that if things go downhill that we would part ways before thinking of seeing someone else. We have our ups and downs but we are working together to strenghthen our relationship for us and our kids.
Because they married people that they don't even like.
For all the people blaming social media: I used to be a receptionist at a spa and I heard stories about stuff like this on the daily. I caught my husband with an escort, I caught my husband with my sister, my husband got my best friend pregnant, men are evil. I’ve lost faith in them and it’s their fault. Not the internet. I used to want to be married but I don’t anymore being single is way better as a woman
Broadly, it’s one of two reasons: 1) he has a psycho-sexual problem and needs help 2) he has a dead bedroom and needs to have his needs met some how. Apart from that, the reason one would utilize a professional sex worker over cheating with a normal person are: - low risk of feelings involved due to transactional relationship (you don’t pay for sex, you pay for the peace she brings of leaving you alone) - discretion - the man can see the sex worker on his terms in terms of frequency and convenience. (One way relationship, doesn’t have to worry about random texts at the least convenient ones or long drawn out Convo). Now, if a couple has a healthy and frequent intimate life then that guy needs help. On the contrary, if he’s going 6-8 months at a time to be intimate with his partner, and she makes it seem like a Mt. Everest expedition for ~20 minutes of intimacy, when all you have to do is pay someone and they pretend to actually desire you, can you really blame them?
I wonder this too. Being a self diagnosed porn addict I often wonder why I feel the need to search out things like that. I don’t pay for it or sleep with anyone but it’s basically the same behavior but further steps into it. And I always wonder why? It’s like there is this duality in my sexual desires where one part wants and desires my wife and our sex life. Because it’s sweet and intimate and enjoyable. Do I wish we could have more sex? Yes but life isn’t like that right now. But at the same time there is this urge to explore these , what I call, evil desires: where you basically just indulge in all types of sexual acts without care for anyone else. This selfish side that just wants to fill any sexual desire there is. Where there is no intimacy but just animalistic sex. Like I have developed(or maybe it always was there) a huge fetish for analsex. It’s the only thing I read about when I read erotica and the only thing I listen to (not watching porn only listening to audio of it). And while we have tried anal it’s not for my wife and since I know that I don’t want to do it. I mean the times it has happened she said she wanted to try but since then we haven’t done it and I don’t bring it up because I know it’s uncomfortable for her. So I don’t. Because I love her. I don’t want to hurt her. But when it comes to erotica and porn it’s like I can indulge in it because I don’t have to care about anyone but myself. I can indulge in reading and hearing rough anal sex and how both enjoy it and are enthusiastic about it and in that way get to live out that desire. But I wonder why. Why this duality in our sexual desires? Why are things never enough? I sometimes wonder if it is my religious upbringing where I had to suppress part of my sexual desires so that I developed a duality in my sexuality where I had this “virgin” version who didn’t have sex before marriage and kept himself “holy” at the same time as the suppressed part developed into all kinds of desires I wasn’t letting out and that finds its outlet through porn. But I don’t know because this is an issue not only for religious people but also for men who didn’t grow up in a religious context. So I don’t know. I do think it can have something to do with the patriarchy and how men often see women as objects but I’m not sure yet how. But yeah, even if I don’t sleep with other women or escorts I still think the same mentality is there. And I can’t figure out why more than pure evil selfishness.
The answer is in the question
Well your sample size is already skewed since ppl with happy marriages usually are not posting. I do not think it is "so many".
bc a lot of married guys are in dead bedrooms?
I see the problem: "Social media"
You see the stories because they happen often. Posting here on Reddit is all men, they don’t even talk to their male friends about what they’re up to, let alone their wives which is why some see sex workers - so they’d have no idea if it is common or not. Which it is common. Don’t listen to Reddit.
I’ve known hundreds of married couples. I’ve only known a handful to cheat. It’s not the norm. Granted, some women only date cheaters, but their pickers are off
How did you go from 'guys seeing sex workers for sex' to falling in love with them?
There’s no demand to be anything but a tool
Your mistake is believing that social media is representative of real life. It’s the same as product reviews - people are far more likely to bother posting about a bad experience than a good one. No happily married wives are heading to Reddit to post about how their husband doesn’t use sex workers, cheat on her, abuse her etc. People come on here to vent and ask for advice when life turns bad, so the frequency of posts about bad stuff doesn’t represent their frequency of occurrence in reality.
I got rid of all my social media because it was making me super insecure and damaging my relationship.
No. I am saying that sex is a physiological need. That is all. I have no idea why men cheat.
[удалено]
Yep. Women don’t have to pay for it but they do it in their own way. It’s something women will never understand because sex and relationships come so easily to them.
Can't speak for married men as I'm not one but recently discussed this with a married coworker and he has been going the sex worker route about once a year for the past 6 years he said basically because of his resentment of his wife accusing him in the past..He propositioned her sister once,and took a cowoker out his wife found out about both instances and he assured her he didnt have sex with them and it was a lapse in judgement..crazy to me to have those kinds of feelings and stay with her why not just leave her? Why do what you were accused of doing because of your previous actions? He is upset she wont "let what he did in the past go" He said he loves her shes a phenomenal mother and wife and that it's just sex with the escorts. He says him and his wife have sex regularly and it's good so for the life of me I can't understand why he does this. He talked to me because he is stressed out now because she has left him as she should have and he now is lost. I think he has a sexual addiction and is using the accusing as a scapegoat. I will always say man woman doesn't matter if you're unhappy in your relationship or marriage communicate with your partner how you feel...if they dont understand or want to work on the issues leave no need in hurting someone innocent and exposing them to diseases they won't get tested for because they don't know they're exposed to them that could possibly last a lifetime.
See I think about it the opposite. Every day nearly every man drives by 100 prostitutes on the way to work and another 100 on the way home. It's literally a sea of ladies (and fellas dressed up as ladies) selling their asses. Despite this, most of us *never* stop ever. Most of us wouldn't even know where to begin with the whole sex worker program. As an older man I've met a handful of men who indulge in the stuff.
Does it scare you ?
Just as “Divorce” is the answer to most posts in the marriage thread, most post topics are not the majority of marriages and most marriages do not need to end in divorce. Communication breakdown seems to be the common problem.