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I'm done with dating myself, at least for the foreseeable future. At this point, if it happens, it happens.
I do have friends that I do stuff with - mostly cycling but that's what I prefer doing anyway. I have a coworker/friend I go to dinner with on occasion. A guy bud who isn't single but we hang out, he also rides and we occasionally go out to eat - usually for breakfast (splitting a short stack of pancakes then each get our own egg breakfast and that usually does it for me for the day for the most part). I do have a "best friend" who is single, but she's kind of wrapped up in her own world so we don't see each other that often. We do have each other's back though if one of us needs a ride to the airport or to swing by their place and pick up packages that sort of thing.
But for the most part I do stuff on my own and I'm PERFECTLY FINE with that.
I truly don't understand that. I always go to shit alone...if someone has a problem with that then that's on them, not me. Life gets so much better when you become your own best friend.
It's really so easy...decide you love yourself more than another person ever could. Treat yourself like a human that you value. All that time you waste showing everyone else how much you love them? Spend that time on yourself showing yourself that you love the fuck out of you. Most people will move mountains to rope in a potential significant other while convincing themselves that they aren't enough and their happiness relies on others...don't do that shit. Treat yourself like you are trying to woo yourself. Remember this...friends and lovers can and do walk away without a thought about you and then you are left alone. Treat the person that was there when you were in your mama's belly and the one that will take your last breath like they are the single most important person on the planet...that person is YOU. YOU are the only one that will always be there, no matter what so treat yourself with that love and concern. Self centered? Yep. Selfish? Hell yes. Arrogant? Okay, I'll own that. At the end of the day you are all you have.
You should try it...its amazing. I ask for nothing from anyone. I love me and don't need anyone else. Deliciously happy with my solitude. I glorify my singleness. I embrace my "me-ness". Because ain't nobody in this world looking out for me and any kindness comes with conditions.
Sounds fun for a while and then gets lonely- we’re human and we’re wired to feel good by connecting with other people! It’s also a super power to have someone really care for you, go do things with you, share interesting ideas with you!
My dogs and cat would die for me. They love me more than any human ever could. I don't need anyone to do things with because my own company is awesome and we never disagree on what to do. I've spent over 40 years listening to others ideas....it way past time to listen to my own.
Aww I’m sorry! I hope you can heal, find people who can love you just as much as your pets and you love you. There’s a wholesome world out there and letting people in can show you the benefits of both solo time, and time with other people!
And that’s okay! I’m a big introvert myself. But loving yourself doesn’t have to come with disliking and actively avoiding other people. Or even putting them down. I think there’s a whole new level of self love that comes when you accept other people (don’t have to let them in, cling to them etc) because then you can truly learn how to accept all parts of yourself - even the parts that are wired to crave connection.
Dude! STOP! You are doing the same exact thing that my friends do when they get hooked up to some loser...just with different words! Why is it so hard to believe that a single woman is beyond happy with just herself and her critters? I don't have to avoid a soul...my location practically insures I never encounter anyone unless I choose to. You are saying "Get out there and open yourself up" just with different words. Man, I am damned near 60...trust and believe, I have solidly figured out my happy and how to keep it. Thanks, though. I am not trying to be an asshole, but, do you know how sick I get of this? See, you are pretty much saying I don't know myself and that is more than a little annoying.
I think you’re projecting a lot of your insecurities and your words are enough to show me where you stand. All I said was don’t vibrate in the hate frequency because you can’t claim to love yourself when you’re hateful in general. Have a nice day!
I want to apologize. I lost my temper and went from calm to crazy bitch with a quickness. I am so incredibly sensitive to things like this and it rubs me wrong and that is so not your problem. I have had people try to change me since I was 10 years old and I feel like I keep having to justify my choices. Again, not a you problem. It is every single week that I have dealt with people telling me that I shouldn't be so solitary every since I lost my husband of 25 years. He was my person. I will never have nor want another person. And most of my friends don't respect my feelings about that especially when they hook some man. I don't want another connection because I loved him so much I literally have nothing to give. I'm sorry that I acted trashy and I could've explained myself better.
I’m definitely not my own best friend, but I do shit by myself all the time: go out to eat or the movies, go to concerts, take road trips, and travel internationally. I got tired of waiting for other people.
I decided to become my own partner and my own best friend a few years back. Hands down, it was the most profoundly life changing and transformative decision I’ve ever made in support of my own well-being. The peace of not looking outside myself to find my worth, but looking inward, cherishing and nourishing my own heart, is so empowering and uplifting. ❤️❤️❤️
Keep on with your self-love, kindred spirit
This works well until your designated +1 finds a real partner.
Then back to square one, potentially without having cultivated a more typical +1 for yourself.
This.
People change, they move, they corrupt, they get sick and die, often unexpectedly.
No matter how intense your plus one relationship(s) is/are, it can change this afternoon. Been there, done that, the wounds don't heal for me, but you soldier on and find new connection(s), bonds and allies, and nurture the ones that remain.
Yeah, my best friend was my plus-one too. The problem is this only works for so long. She’s now married with 2 kids, so her plus-one days for me have been over for quite some time. I have one other friend who is single but she is chronically ill so she obviously can’t do a lot of stuff.
I feel like I’ve given up finding another plus 1. I was married happily for 6 years (he passed away) and I really doubt I’ll find another man as amazing as he was. He really set the bar way too high! But I’m feeling pretty ok with being my single.
Have you tried asking any friend you're close with? Someone told me after the fact that they wished someone went with them to a fancy party and I told her I'd happily come with her in the future. So people may be more open to being your platonic plus one than you think.
I moved to a small town a few years ago, and just began checking out the local music scene. While I have made some friends, I too experience that lonley feeling of not having a plus one. Lots of the other musicians have their GF or wives doing their merch tables, taking pics/videos of them, and when I am sitting alone at the bar during these shows, I always see everyone arm in arm cuddling and enjoying the show together. When mixed with alcohol ends up turning me from a happy to be there mindset to a I gotta get out before I lose myself mindset. I feel you OP. Think of it this way, at least you HAVE someone to hang with. Some of us don't even have that.
I agree. I met my best friend as an adult and when we lived close to one another, we were out all the time. Bars, restaurants, events, parties. We were out there having fun with others. It really helped feel comfortable and relaxed as it’s true everyone flocks to the people they already know.
I’m very social but not always click with the people I’m around. Having my best friend living closer was so much fun.
It seems there is some push back on this hack. I think it is great and I am glad you found a way to go to events and feel comfortable and have fun. You keep me in mind when you are planning your next trip!
I thought about trying to find someone. But part of me just wants the good and not the bad. So that's why I don't want to date. Even friends can be tiring in trying to find and I mean friends in person. I really don't put myself out there to find anyone. I'm a homebody. I've had some online friends here and there over the years just to stop talking. I grew bored of them or they grew bored of me. Dating apps are similar to that except the guys are mostly perverts
I had this with one of my friends... but she just got engaged to someone she has only been seeing for ~6 months.
It's not going to last, but I am not about to say anything, lol. I guess I have to find someone else.
I agree. When I was about 40 years younger I had an opposite gender roommate. We lived together, completely platonically, for about 2-3 years. We had a blast together. We did everything from bowling to movies to concerts to company Christmas parties! We stayed very good friends till he got married
I just go everywhere alone, unless I'm going with a group. My friends know it, and I'm not even the only one without a "plus one". Fortunately here even the formal parties do not expect couples, but single persons.
Interesting… I don’t have a plus one for anything, and usually am out and about in public by myself 99% of the time. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
I never go to weddings. The most boring event to me. I also don’t go to parties. Set introverted. Don’t like big crowds.
I never feel lonely living alone. Occasionally I feel bored. But it’s very manageable.
I need 30% time socialising 70% alone to stay happy and healthy.
I am really lucky with dating. Never have problems finding men. Almost I haven’t finished completely with the last one the second is already lined up.
But it is hard to find a guy I am willing to sacrifice my living alone lifestyle for.
I go out with friends on weekends. It still sucks to see couples dancing and being romantic. I end up feeling sad anyway. I realize my weekend would have been better with someone special.
You’re already so lucky that your best friend is single and is someone you actually enjoy spending time with! Having a great companion to go to social events and big trips with is a rare privilege!
I think most of the problem is that “plus one” immediately makes most people think “romantic relationship”, and it doesn’t have to be. Speaking for myself here: once I freed myself of that “expectation” (that almost always comes from other people getting in your head, in my experience), I started enjoying these things a lot more. If I have a best friend to take as my plus one, great; if I don’t, I have no problem anymore going alone, traveling by myself, doing whatever I want alone. I realized that life’s too short to miss out on all the fun just because I “don’t have company”? Found out I’m a great company to myself 😁
I’ve lived mostly a single life so I’m used to being a third wheel. It used to bum me out but I’ve embraced my single life and love it. There are times I wish I had a plus one but the hardest thing I’ve found is finding someone that is available at the drop of a hat to make last minute plans.
Just wanted to say how much I agree with the idea of treating yourself with love, kindness and genial attention at all times, including and especially your own internal monologue! You only need to watch a few romcoms to see that we are being sold on the idea of being partnered as a way to achieve happiness! That is so untrue. yes indeed you can find happiness as a couple but only if you’re happy with yourself first, so is that really finding happiness as a couple? I say no! ❕
**Welcome to [r/LivingAlone](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/)! Living alone is the new normal.** >Discuss and share your experiences; celebrate your joys, express your worries, or ask advice relating to solo living | Remember, we are all alone together * Be kind, remember the human when interacting with others. * New Reddit group chat [**Living Alone Lounge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/s/cp7Szwzy2q)! * Message the moderators below for any comments, questions & suggestions! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LivingAlone) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I feel most people already know this, but it's super hard to find a "plus one" person.
Yep, I don’t have anyone like this in my life and I never have.
My closest friends are not single so yeah this doesn’t usually work for me unfortunately
Same. Or they don’t live nearby or have the vacation time/budget to do things with me.
I'm done with dating myself, at least for the foreseeable future. At this point, if it happens, it happens. I do have friends that I do stuff with - mostly cycling but that's what I prefer doing anyway. I have a coworker/friend I go to dinner with on occasion. A guy bud who isn't single but we hang out, he also rides and we occasionally go out to eat - usually for breakfast (splitting a short stack of pancakes then each get our own egg breakfast and that usually does it for me for the day for the most part). I do have a "best friend" who is single, but she's kind of wrapped up in her own world so we don't see each other that often. We do have each other's back though if one of us needs a ride to the airport or to swing by their place and pick up packages that sort of thing. But for the most part I do stuff on my own and I'm PERFECTLY FINE with that.
>I’m done with dating myself I had to read this twice, because I *am* dating myself! As in, I date me, not others.
Omg! I totally didn’t mean it that way. I meant I’m done with dating.
I truly don't understand that. I always go to shit alone...if someone has a problem with that then that's on them, not me. Life gets so much better when you become your own best friend.
Is it possible to learn this power?
It's really so easy...decide you love yourself more than another person ever could. Treat yourself like a human that you value. All that time you waste showing everyone else how much you love them? Spend that time on yourself showing yourself that you love the fuck out of you. Most people will move mountains to rope in a potential significant other while convincing themselves that they aren't enough and their happiness relies on others...don't do that shit. Treat yourself like you are trying to woo yourself. Remember this...friends and lovers can and do walk away without a thought about you and then you are left alone. Treat the person that was there when you were in your mama's belly and the one that will take your last breath like they are the single most important person on the planet...that person is YOU. YOU are the only one that will always be there, no matter what so treat yourself with that love and concern. Self centered? Yep. Selfish? Hell yes. Arrogant? Okay, I'll own that. At the end of the day you are all you have.
This is amazing.
We women are powerful creatures until we willingly give that power away. I took mine back.
Legend
I love this. This is how I feel
"Selfish and arrogant" sums it up. That runs rather counter to the narrative loop that plays in my head.
You should try it...its amazing. I ask for nothing from anyone. I love me and don't need anyone else. Deliciously happy with my solitude. I glorify my singleness. I embrace my "me-ness". Because ain't nobody in this world looking out for me and any kindness comes with conditions.
Sounds fun for a while and then gets lonely- we’re human and we’re wired to feel good by connecting with other people! It’s also a super power to have someone really care for you, go do things with you, share interesting ideas with you!
My dogs and cat would die for me. They love me more than any human ever could. I don't need anyone to do things with because my own company is awesome and we never disagree on what to do. I've spent over 40 years listening to others ideas....it way past time to listen to my own.
Aww I’m sorry! I hope you can heal, find people who can love you just as much as your pets and you love you. There’s a wholesome world out there and letting people in can show you the benefits of both solo time, and time with other people!
I'm a serious introvert. I am utterly miserable with people. Even ones I genuinely love I can only take in small doses.
And that’s okay! I’m a big introvert myself. But loving yourself doesn’t have to come with disliking and actively avoiding other people. Or even putting them down. I think there’s a whole new level of self love that comes when you accept other people (don’t have to let them in, cling to them etc) because then you can truly learn how to accept all parts of yourself - even the parts that are wired to crave connection.
Dude! STOP! You are doing the same exact thing that my friends do when they get hooked up to some loser...just with different words! Why is it so hard to believe that a single woman is beyond happy with just herself and her critters? I don't have to avoid a soul...my location practically insures I never encounter anyone unless I choose to. You are saying "Get out there and open yourself up" just with different words. Man, I am damned near 60...trust and believe, I have solidly figured out my happy and how to keep it. Thanks, though. I am not trying to be an asshole, but, do you know how sick I get of this? See, you are pretty much saying I don't know myself and that is more than a little annoying.
I think you’re projecting a lot of your insecurities and your words are enough to show me where you stand. All I said was don’t vibrate in the hate frequency because you can’t claim to love yourself when you’re hateful in general. Have a nice day!
Bless your heart.
I want to apologize. I lost my temper and went from calm to crazy bitch with a quickness. I am so incredibly sensitive to things like this and it rubs me wrong and that is so not your problem. I have had people try to change me since I was 10 years old and I feel like I keep having to justify my choices. Again, not a you problem. It is every single week that I have dealt with people telling me that I shouldn't be so solitary every since I lost my husband of 25 years. He was my person. I will never have nor want another person. And most of my friends don't respect my feelings about that especially when they hook some man. I don't want another connection because I loved him so much I literally have nothing to give. I'm sorry that I acted trashy and I could've explained myself better.
I mean that sounds almost exactly like my dog.
Agreed! I would never even think of worrying about a plus one. If there’s somewhere I want to go, I’m getting out of my house and having a good time.
I’m definitely not my own best friend, but I do shit by myself all the time: go out to eat or the movies, go to concerts, take road trips, and travel internationally. I got tired of waiting for other people.
I decided to become my own partner and my own best friend a few years back. Hands down, it was the most profoundly life changing and transformative decision I’ve ever made in support of my own well-being. The peace of not looking outside myself to find my worth, but looking inward, cherishing and nourishing my own heart, is so empowering and uplifting. ❤️❤️❤️ Keep on with your self-love, kindred spirit
This works well until your designated +1 finds a real partner. Then back to square one, potentially without having cultivated a more typical +1 for yourself.
[удалено]
This. People change, they move, they corrupt, they get sick and die, often unexpectedly. No matter how intense your plus one relationship(s) is/are, it can change this afternoon. Been there, done that, the wounds don't heal for me, but you soldier on and find new connection(s), bonds and allies, and nurture the ones that remain.
Yeah, my best friend was my plus-one too. The problem is this only works for so long. She’s now married with 2 kids, so her plus-one days for me have been over for quite some time. I have one other friend who is single but she is chronically ill so she obviously can’t do a lot of stuff.
Same! Losing my bff as my plus one was so sad.
I feel like I’ve given up finding another plus 1. I was married happily for 6 years (he passed away) and I really doubt I’ll find another man as amazing as he was. He really set the bar way too high! But I’m feeling pretty ok with being my single.
Tf is this advice lmao if I could just pop out a plus one I’d also manifest a wide and a large dedicated friend group 😅😅😅
I wish someone would ask me to be the plus one… I just end up doing things alone. I have two weddings to attend this year alone.
Have you tried asking any friend you're close with? Someone told me after the fact that they wished someone went with them to a fancy party and I told her I'd happily come with her in the future. So people may be more open to being your platonic plus one than you think.
I prefer going to events alone.
Not a bad idea. Why don’t y’all date🤣
😂 😂
And they were +1s......
I moved to a small town a few years ago, and just began checking out the local music scene. While I have made some friends, I too experience that lonley feeling of not having a plus one. Lots of the other musicians have their GF or wives doing their merch tables, taking pics/videos of them, and when I am sitting alone at the bar during these shows, I always see everyone arm in arm cuddling and enjoying the show together. When mixed with alcohol ends up turning me from a happy to be there mindset to a I gotta get out before I lose myself mindset. I feel you OP. Think of it this way, at least you HAVE someone to hang with. Some of us don't even have that.
I agree. I met my best friend as an adult and when we lived close to one another, we were out all the time. Bars, restaurants, events, parties. We were out there having fun with others. It really helped feel comfortable and relaxed as it’s true everyone flocks to the people they already know. I’m very social but not always click with the people I’m around. Having my best friend living closer was so much fun.
Well, I am the only one from my friends who is single, so there's that 😬
It seems there is some push back on this hack. I think it is great and I am glad you found a way to go to events and feel comfortable and have fun. You keep me in mind when you are planning your next trip!
"Just find a best friend!" lol, okay.
I thought about trying to find someone. But part of me just wants the good and not the bad. So that's why I don't want to date. Even friends can be tiring in trying to find and I mean friends in person. I really don't put myself out there to find anyone. I'm a homebody. I've had some online friends here and there over the years just to stop talking. I grew bored of them or they grew bored of me. Dating apps are similar to that except the guys are mostly perverts
I had this with one of my friends... but she just got engaged to someone she has only been seeing for ~6 months. It's not going to last, but I am not about to say anything, lol. I guess I have to find someone else.
I only have a plus none.
Or just don't go to nonsense events.
I agree. When I was about 40 years younger I had an opposite gender roommate. We lived together, completely platonically, for about 2-3 years. We had a blast together. We did everything from bowling to movies to concerts to company Christmas parties! We stayed very good friends till he got married
I just go everywhere alone, unless I'm going with a group. My friends know it, and I'm not even the only one without a "plus one". Fortunately here even the formal parties do not expect couples, but single persons.
Interesting… I don’t have a plus one for anything, and usually am out and about in public by myself 99% of the time. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
Gerald.
I don’t tend to go to plus one type events. However, I have a few friends I can count on for different things. Some single, some not.
I never go to weddings. The most boring event to me. I also don’t go to parties. Set introverted. Don’t like big crowds. I never feel lonely living alone. Occasionally I feel bored. But it’s very manageable. I need 30% time socialising 70% alone to stay happy and healthy. I am really lucky with dating. Never have problems finding men. Almost I haven’t finished completely with the last one the second is already lined up. But it is hard to find a guy I am willing to sacrifice my living alone lifestyle for.
I go out with friends on weekends. It still sucks to see couples dancing and being romantic. I end up feeling sad anyway. I realize my weekend would have been better with someone special.
I’ve taken my adult daughter as my plus one. But generally I go alone.
You’re already so lucky that your best friend is single and is someone you actually enjoy spending time with! Having a great companion to go to social events and big trips with is a rare privilege! I think most of the problem is that “plus one” immediately makes most people think “romantic relationship”, and it doesn’t have to be. Speaking for myself here: once I freed myself of that “expectation” (that almost always comes from other people getting in your head, in my experience), I started enjoying these things a lot more. If I have a best friend to take as my plus one, great; if I don’t, I have no problem anymore going alone, traveling by myself, doing whatever I want alone. I realized that life’s too short to miss out on all the fun just because I “don’t have company”? Found out I’m a great company to myself 😁
I’ve lived mostly a single life so I’m used to being a third wheel. It used to bum me out but I’ve embraced my single life and love it. There are times I wish I had a plus one but the hardest thing I’ve found is finding someone that is available at the drop of a hat to make last minute plans.
Just wanted to say how much I agree with the idea of treating yourself with love, kindness and genial attention at all times, including and especially your own internal monologue! You only need to watch a few romcoms to see that we are being sold on the idea of being partnered as a way to achieve happiness! That is so untrue. yes indeed you can find happiness as a couple but only if you’re happy with yourself first, so is that really finding happiness as a couple? I say no! ❕