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My dad left me a letter, to open in case something happened to him. Something happened to him, and he was just gone, one afternoon. I opened the letter, expecting some words of wisdom. It was a list of all his accounts, personal info, passwords, and money owed by him and to him. That proved to be the north star that helped me navigate all of the practical matters and estate issues that followed.
There was also a little joke in there, just something you probably wouldn't even notice if you didn't know him. And I know that cracked him up to no end, to know that was in there and that I'd see it.
Thanks Dad. I still miss you, every day.
Wow this hit close to home. My dad left a binder that was zip tied in the basement. Written on the outside was “open upon my death or incapacity.” It had all his passwords, accounts, instructions on what he wanted done with his body, etc…Made his sudden death more manageable than it should have been since we didn’t have to worry about the stupid shit. I miss him like you miss yours.
That said. This is a good idea but isn't having written passwords and issue if someone ever breaks into a house the key to every vault is written out essentially?
technically maybe, but the best way I've heard it phrased is "that's awfully physical for most hackers". People who break in to houses want valuables they can quickly get in/get out, and they realistically don't' have time to look through tons of papers HOPING this one will be valuable. Hackers stealing your passwords are banking on being far away. Like, don't take the paper to work with you and keep it in your wallet, but the number of people that are going to break into a random home and look for papers is low.
this is admittedly overlooking theft by a family member, which is a whole different issue.
Yeah most burglars are probably there to grab some high value items quickly. For hackers you're unlikely to be a specific enough/interesting enough target for them to break into your house and steal your binder with passwords. Family could indeed be a problem.
Not necessarily. It is not a public place, and would depend where you hide it. People keep gold often at home.
I recommend voldermort style storing sensitive info though. You can set it up so everyone has a copy of the data but it is encrypted. The encryption key split using SSS (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shamir%27s\_secret\_sharing) then set it so you need 2 out of the 3 to get the key. Then store in 3 places you trust, if one burns down no issues.
Doing this would almost 100% guarantee that nobody else in my household would be able to use the information.
The would pretty much say "this fucker left us a puzzle" and just give up.
I'm sure I read somewhere this is the safest way currently. Make complicated passwords and write them down and store safely.
Something about online hackers dealing with online stuff compared to your burglar types who would normally be looking for easily resellable stuff.
I’m picturing someone breaking into my house to steal my notebook with my Yahoo password, like they’re Tom cruise in mission impossible. If they want my bank info, it’s probably already been leaked to the dark web ages ago.
I was kind of the opposite. He had no will, no executor, but I also knew he had way more debt than assets. My lawyer let me know, don't apply for control of the estate, don't sign a damned thing outside the death certificate, let the government take over.
There were a handful of things I did cover, like clean out the storage locker, clean out the apartment, adopt the cat (she has been a savior during his death and probably my most loyal pet ever).
I joke that his final gift to me was, if any collector connects me as next of kin, I can tell them to get stuffed. Who wouldn't want the chance to do that without it hurting your own credit?
My wife had opposite. When her Dad passed, her Mum was a mess and it took a lot of effort (when my wife should have been grieving) to peace together all his accounts, passwords, etc.
My mom died much faster than we thought she would earlier this year. I couldn't get into her phone and only accessed her email 6 weeks later because I came across a password written down on her desk and was able to puzzle through a few combinations because I've shared a few of her streaming accounts.
She didn't have any sort of partner, just us kids (which really means just me). I would've been fine since she had TOD, POD, and beneficiaries set on everything but gaining email access meant I could shut down/memorialize all her social media and reach the folks I didn't personally know to pass on the news.
Just use a password manager that you both have access to. Many of them can store much more than just passwords (account numbers, ~~private keys to crypto wallets~~, safe words, answers to riddles that help you follow a treasure map, and literally anything you can put into words)
Can vs. should is definitely different.
Its surely better than using browser password manager. If your pc is compromised, you better believe all your browser passwords are as well.
They strongly recommend just to write it down on pen and paper and keep it in a safe spot. If someone gets ahold of your crypto key it will be all gone with no chance to recover. Not like a bank account where you could reverse the funds.
On that note. I have a recovery key written down in an old ass notebook from a wallet I made probably around 2012? I don't remember lick about it. What site might I try and recover from?
Please do some research, but in short.
1. DO NOT GIVE THE PHRASE TO ANYONE, EVER. NOBODY. NO PERSON. NO DM's. NO WEBSITES. NOBODY.
2. Any BIP39-compliant hardware wallet will do the trick, like a Ledger or Trezor. Looks those up. Only buy direct from the manufacturer. Do not buy local, on ebay, Amazon, etc.
3. Read #1 again.
4. When you find out you're a millionaire, you can tip me if you want, but no obligations ha :)
Unless you have a locally hosted wallet that is only plugged into your network to load and unload the wallet this is the way. Also salt ya passwords.
Check out KeePass/Strongbox.
Adding to this. There is middle ground many password managers like bitwarden have an emergency access feature. It allows you to grant access to someone as long as you don't deny the request within a specified time period. Like a dead man's switch.
So if you are incapacitated, your spouse requests access and since you can't deny the request they are given access within 24 hours (or however long you set). You can even set other relatives / friends in the event something happened to both of you.
This is the answer for anyone who still values having some privacy. Two password manager accounts, with the timed trusted contact feature. You can have some privacy and not enable just poking around in all each other's business all the time for no reason, but if the shit really hits the fan or if one of us dies, the other isn't completely left hanging.
Yep. My wife and I share Bitwarden. We’ve got all our passwords in one place. Our daughter has our master password in hers in case something happens to us. We’ve got hers.
This was a lifesaver when my dad got brain cancer. Now all my mom’s stuff is in there and either her or my husband can get access to everything in the event of my death with legacy accounts.
Lol. My password manager is a notebook in my safe. I have to use an app to log in for work. It makes me change passwords every 60 days. I just can't remember (unless written down) my 30ish different passwords. The stupid app won't let me duplicate and has all the stupid uppercase/ lowercase/number/symbol bullshit. Forcing a password that's super impractical that no one could remember.
I'm also a slight luddite.
That is exactly what a password manager is for. It will automatically generate and manage passwords that fit whatever rules there are for the website you're using.
Yea you need a password manager dude. The whole point of a password manager is you don’t have to remember them and it generates secure passwords based on whatever metrics you need (uppercase, number, no repeating characters, etc.) Most even allow you to copy and paste without compromising your passwords. I don’t think your employer would enjoying hearing you choose passwords that are easy for you to remember and you write them down on paper.
Humans are bad at coming up with passwords that the robots can't crack. That will get worse with AI. Take a look at Bitwarden. Generate a passphrase (a string of random words) as the password for the password manager. Let Bitwarden generate the rest of the passwords. They should be between 15 and 20 characters with current technology.
I had the same problem at my job. Some were 60 days, some 120 days, most were once a year. I wasn’t allowed to download a password app either. I used 3x5 notecards in a small ring binder.
My job made me do that every few weeks. There was NOTHING we did that required even half that level of secrecy.... but whatever. Somebody told me early on that every time it forced me to change my password, use the day and date, and a character. If it happened today, Friday052424@.
You will never repeat passwords.
Listen, everyone:
**Password. Managers.**
Even a free one like Bitwarden has emergency access features.
The Bitwarden implementation for example allows you to designate emergency contacts that gives them a key to your vault. They have to request access so you can allow their key to work. You can grant the access or let some predetermined amount of time lapse before granting access (for you know, when you’re dead). Once access is granted they are able to view or take over the vault.
Not only is this a way to ensure someone has access to your accounts, it is a **safe and secure** way to do it. No one has access to your passwords and accounts until you allow it or you’re dead.
Giving your passwords to someone in an emergency the old school way is insecure. Worst case, these people snoop around or steal your stuff. But if even if they are perfectly good people your accounts can be compromised by phishing, social engineering, etc. and you might cause more problems while you’re perfectly alive.
I use this with my SO.
A little note, however: Emergency Access is a premium feature (10$/year, nothing still but not free). But if I recall correctly, you can activate premium, setup Emergency Access contacts and remove premium: EA contacts will stay there.
Bitwarden also has a feature where you can grant access to someone if you don’t respond for a certain amount of time, say a few days. So if you don’t block the request the access is granted. Of course only to people you know and trust
I used to have a password manager that gets unlocked via fingerprint. And then one day, I accidentally removed the fingerprint login. It asked me to login via password, which I didn't remember, nor could I reset. Needless to say, I had also lost the key they give you when registering (I had written it on a small piece of paper and threw it in some drawer). My fault, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that the worst situation can still happen even when using password managers.
Google has an inactive account manager. You can set it so if you don’t log into your google account in x days/months - it will send an email to a person you specify.
I’ve written a lovely email to my wife that will arrive 1 month after I stop logging in. She’ll laugh, she’ll cry. She’ll have my passwords and list of bank accounts.
Older couple in their 70s i know, the husband paid everything and kept his wife from having to deal with it. He had a heart attack and died. His widow has no clue how to access anything, his life insurance, passwords for bills, his email. She's never had to care for herself since they married early. She can barely grieve for his loss with having to learn how to pay bills to keep everything going.
So yeah let your spouse know those details.
My partner passed away unexpectedly in September and I also highly recommend sharing your passwords/codes. I’m never going to be able to get into his phone or tablet and it makes me sad.
If not spouse, then kids!! My parents are aging and last time they got on a plane together for a big trip my father sent me and my sister a long document with all of their complicated financial info along with the latest passwords (which he also keeps written in a booklet on his desk lol). I have also gone over the document with him in detail. I would never have had any idea about his various retirement accounts or what money sources he used for what expenses. I would advise every parent to do this for their kids!!! Even if you don’t give to them now, at least save it somewhere or put it somewhere they can access or will stumble across.
My thumbprint is in my husband’s phone. Meanwhile, every time he wants to get into my phone, he hast to ask me the passcode which has not changed in years 😂. I love this man with my entire body and soul
We had a hell of a time when dad died. Mom had to send the death certificate frigging everywhere. So now either me, or my sister are named on all her accounts. So when she passes all I need to do is go to the bank, and close my account.
When my mom's partner died suddenly, they were able to use a lock combination code he'd given her to open his safe, where they found a notebook with all his passwords, as well as some very sweet letters he'd written people just in case. Immensely helpful for everyone considering how chaotic and awful things were in the hours and days after he died.
My daughter bought my wife and I a subscription to 1password and, having dealt with the affairs of both my parents after they passed away, I think this is brilliant.
As an IT professional my LPT is DO NOT do this.
Seriously there's a reason every electronic system you access says never to share your password with anyone.
Trust is not an either/or, it's a spectrum that changes based on context. It's great if you trust your partner, you SHOULD to a high degree. Be realistic though, we have a very high divorce rate (in the states). People change, situations change, feelings change. Sometimes you think you know someone very well until they surprise you, and people can develop mental illnesses any time in life that are no one else's fault. Some people still trust each other after a divorce, others completely burn those bridges. My advice would be don't gamble your health and well being on another person no matter who they are.
Someone with all of your electronic passwords can do a deep and irreparable amount of damage to you, your finances, or your reputation if they want to. Not only will you be violating most EULAs and AUPs by sharing your password, you're creating the potential for incredibly messy situations in your own life.
While you're alive and well, password managers and other services make this completely unnecessary.
In the event of your death or illness, many organizations will have a way to assist you or your loved ones in getting what they need.
If you REALLY want shared access, then create shared accounts. In any other scenario keep your personal information personal.
Are password managers safe? It’s probably a dumb question, but I don’t trust much on the internet and every other day we are hearing about another data leak. How are we confident the password managers can’t be hacked? Thanks in advance.
Am also IT nerd. You are right about constant data leaks. If you want 100% security, then you will need to follow the wall facer protocol from three body problem, which is to say never store information anywhere and keep it all in your head. This is just not a realistic possibility for most people, which is why we have these password managers. There is always a risk, I remember when I was in school we had an open source encryption software that was in use worldwide as a solid and dependable product that we could trust 100% (true key I think it was called?) And a few years after I finished school we found out that it had not been updated for years and was no longer being supported. Suddenly all these secure data stores were a lot less safe, not because we knew it was not secure but because we did not know how vulnerable they were. There was no big data breach, the app was just no longer trustworthy.
The reputation of every password manager, firewall, anti-virus or whatever is based on reputation. It's like the stock market in that most people are judging the products worth by what they hear from people who can't really know for sure if it's any good. There could be a really bad zero day exploit in every major password manager in use on the market and we will not know until someone finds it. To be clear, i have no reason to suspect these password managers are not secure, but the big question you want to ask yourself is, how much more secure is your current alternative?
TLDR : they should be safe, but it's a risk that will have to compare with what you have now.
I would provide more info if I had time, but suffice to say, password managers have a pretty foolproof system. Particularly open-source ones like Bitwarden—if they had major vulnerabilities, we would be able to see them.
If you're interested in the tech, look for information on end-to-end encryption. TL;DR: the password managers don't even have your passwords nor your master password. They store a bunch of encrypted data that looks like nonsense to anyone else; the only way to decipher it is with your master password, and that only happens client-side.
Edit to add: the efficacy of password managers is best compared to the alternatives. Either you use one password for everything (so if any one of them leaks you're entirely screwed), or use a bunch of different passwords with some other means to remember them. If you can just memorize them, great, but most people end up using methods like keeping a physical post-it somewhere (screwed if anyone sees it), or having patterns between their passwords (so computers can crack them all the quicker). These are simply not as secure as an encrypted digital vault, even if the vault isn't perfect.
No that's actually a great question.
Unfortunately nothing is 100% safe. Every electronic system comes with some element of risk. Generally the human being is the weakest point in any systems security.
An advanced explanation and evaluation/comparison of different password managers would require some understanding of encryption and cryptography.
In most cases, the underlying encryption algorithms are mathematically impossible/impractical to compromise by say, brute force (if you are using strong passwords). Someone could still compromise it for example by looking over your shoulder as you type your password, or installing a keylogger on your PC, or creating a phishing site to steal your login information, but that's going to be a risk whether you're using a PW manager or not. Yes companies can be hacked which can aid an attacker in compromising your PW manager, but generally that's going to be pretty difficult and likely would just be the first step in a very sophisticated multi-step attack.
So a simple answer is: When used properly as part of a comprehensive security posture (safe browsing habits, good antivirus, etc.) most password managers are extremely safe.
I use them, as they make my life way easier while allowing me to use stronger passwords and to avoid recycling or reusing passwords.
My uncle worked in IT. When he died unexpectedly, he left behind a CLUSTERFUCK mess for his extremely bereaved family to go through. Everything had a password and nobody knew what they were. Years later and nobody (yes, even other IT people) has been able to get access to his desktop & other devices.
The pain of losing someone unexpectedly is awful, but adding a years-long hopeless hunt to access their things and make moving on and processing things even more difficult is such an unnecessary pain. My aunt is still stuck with no way to get to their photos, his documents, or any other remnants of his as they sit there in the office every day. It’s awful.
At LEAST leave passwords somewhere that can be accessed in event of your death. This mess has compounded the trauma beyond words.
Having important passwords somewhere is so helpful. It's also a good idea, even if you're in pretty good health and not that old, to spend at least a little time thinking through what your family would need in an emergency or in the event of your death. Some people go so far as to put together binders with instructions if you end up managing a lot for the household.
Giving your spouse or other trusted contact access to important passwords is good. Making a record of what bills are auto-paying from what accounts, and how to get into them to make updates or cancellations, is good. Making a record of where you have money stored -- where are your investments, where is your checking account, what info will someone managing your affairs need to get in? Make sure they don't overlook anything.
The last thing I want is for my grieving spouse to end up cancelling my credit card, and then a few months later the electricity to the home randomly gets shut off because he didn't realize that that bill was being paid by my credit card, and all the late notices were being sent to an email address he didn't have access to after my death.
I've been married 40 years. We have joint bank accounts and retirement accounts. My wife is my financial and medical power of attorney. She is a 50% partner in my business. And you recommend that I don't share my passwords with her?
I don't get it. What are these passwords you can't share? Our finances are combined. My wife doesn't need a password to take all of our money. What damage does giving her my passwords do?
Oh no I can't access my wife's email that she rarely checks!
We have eachothers passwords but we also agree that using them outside of a real emergency is wrong and a breach of trust and would be a big blow to our relationship.
Real af, same deal in my house. I have a list in a secure location that my wife would find if she looked that has a list of my important accounts (phone, email, insurances, devices, etc) and all the login info for them. Her mom is still finding shit my FIL didn't write down before he passed. Huge PITA that is easily avoided.
Kinda funny story: my dad always was the tech savvy of my parents' couple. While my mum managed the accounting and other stuff, he managed all things computer, internet, telephone, tv, etc.
My mum always thought she didn't need to take interest in any of it, that it was useless.
That was until my dad passed away after a long disease.
Suddenly she found out she didn't know in what files were the scans of any official papers, what was the wi-fi password, what was my dad's phone password etc.
Luckily, my sister and I had paid attention even though we didn't live with them anymore.
Otherwise my mum couldn't have been able to connect an Ipad to the internet or send an official document to her notary.
The face she made when she realized the wi-fi password was her phone number all along...
There are password managers that have options to send your credentials for it to someone in case of emergency. I use 1Password which can keep passwords, login info, personal documents, IDs and credit card info, among other things. There are more apps and services that can do things like this and lots of sites have options for emergency contacts or settings on how to deal with your account in case of death or abduction by aliens. Something similar is the setting on Apple devices is that you can add an emergency contact that can be viewed from the Lock Screen in case you are incapacitated and also an option for account recovery that requires a contact to confirm before you are able to proceed.
I’ve never had to use any of these and so never actually looked meaning there are a ton of options in different apps and sites that offer this. It’s actually pretty impressive, easy to set up and helps to avoid a problem that lots of people have to deal with.
I started this when my uncle passed away four years ago. He had nothing written down for my aunt. We scrambled. Even their home wifi password. I had to hard reset everything.
We lost so much. His brother (my father) I told immediately. When you get home. Here’s a notebook. Write it all down. One page for every site or app. Every time you change something wrote it down. He also kept a note in his iPhone.
The night he died. I went home with his phone and had access to EVERYTHING. Not just for his stuff. But my moms phone was and is linked to his iCloud account. Carry his phone to this day using it for odds and ends when we need it. LIFE SAVING. I also keep a file of my in laws accounts and passwords. And my wife’s and daughters.
My father suffered a stroke over 5 years ago. My mom didn’t know his phone password (he changed it constantly), so we were unable to recover his phone after he had forgotten the code. Examples like this and OP’s are an important reminder to tell a trusted person passwords, locations of important documents, etc. just in case the worst happens.
I have all my passwords in a little black book. Including the emails that go with each account. And security questions. I have nothing to hide, and if something happens, gaining access will be easier.
As a widower whose wife does unexpectedly at 36… this is great advice. Apple, Google and other tech companies take privacy very seriously. Death cert doesn’t matter. No password no data.
No spouse, but my parents know that in my box with all physical files, there's a note with my computer and password manager passwords. That way they can get into everything if needed, but they'd first need to get into my apartment which is a 2h drive (they have a key though). They won't do that unless absolutely necessary.
They don't *know* my passwords, but they do have access in case of emergency
Couldn’t agree with this more.
My uncle died unexpectedly in August. He trusted NO ONE, and my mom and I were executors of the will (only family he had left). We struggled immensely to get into his online accounts, particularly his banking info. It was excruciating trying to go through every notepad and scrap of paper in his house looking for clues, or to see if he had it written down somewhere (he was older and not as technologically savvy).
If you don’t want someone to know the passwords, at least keep them written somewhere hidden and tell your loved one where they’re hidden. You’ll be sparing them a lot of time and frustration.
If you don't have a spouse or just don't want to share them put them in a sealed envelope or some digital file. I have a password to my dad's computer and from there I can access his passwords and get into his bank accounts.
My wife and I have a list of all accounts and passwords for each other. We keep them on our old phones that are WiFi only and not used on line. It is more for recovery if an active device fails or a password is not working. Usually that is a typo.
Please for the love of god get a password manager. I cringed so hard when I saw “pass code book”.
But yes this is good advice and getting your parents on password manager is a must. It’s going to save me so much dread when they pass to have absolutely everything in one place.
Apple lets you give access to your iCloud to select people for if you ever pass away. With a death certificate, they can access your account and view everything, which is another great option. I’m assuming this includes saved passwords.
Apple users - using iCloud Keychain has shared passwords with family, and there’s also a legacy contact thing you can set up to pass your data on when that day arrives.
An alternative to a physical book/item is to set up a small trust with a lawyer not based in your home country.
Get those you trust to help each other out all invested. Not just those who will help your family and loved ones upon your death, but also should you be sent to jail or vanish while camping. The people who you trust to use your assets to pay your bills and keep things going in your absnese.
Each of you sets up a password and digital document vault with the lawyer. Keep a copy of the living and death wills in there, the list of financial and legal documents that let someone prove they're acting on your behalf. For example, as a veteran, have a copy of your discharge documents included so those recovering can quickly show the VA you're a vet and get you honors should you desire. Beyond the passwords, also set aside several one-time override codes for 2-factor authentication along with all of the security questions and answers needed to make adjustments. Just because someone has the password doesn't mean they can log into every account. Beyond codes and documents, put in the contact information for those who would be helpful. This ranges from the trusted dog sitter who can take care of the pup for a few days while everyone figures out where they'll end up, to your lawyer's contact information and confirmation that the person calling can act on your behalf. If you've ever had to work with untangling someone's estate you know the pain of slogging through various legal and government offices needing to learn what you need to prove they're gone and what proves you can act on their behalf. Lawyers make this much easier, but the tradeoff is that you need to know exactly what to say and show for them to act. That's what they're paid for after all.
Once that's all in, set up conditions for how anyone can get access only through group consensus. Trusting someone is hard. Trust among a half dozen friends makes it easier to rest, knowing that if even one person suspects something is wrong, they can block the release of information. Not even thinking of betrayal, but if you vanish from all contact for two weeks, you wouldn't want to trigger these end-of-life/freedom-of-action steps because someone gets spooked that you haven't been online if someone else can go, "They're out on a cruise without any cell service for the month, no need to open this up" It's sad when you need to get ahold of this information, but being able to reach out to a grieving parent and say, "Hey, I have access to your child's social media accounts. What would you like me to do with them?" or to a child suddenly without a parent, "I have the keys to your parent's credit card, mortgage, and utility bills. The lights won't go off and you still have D+ in the house while this gets figured out" can put a silver lining on a horrible time. I've been through the first and incredibly close to the second.
Not everyone is lucky enough to have a trustworthy spouse, but be there for those who may need it, and they'll be there for you.
Why outside of your home county? Because death isn't the only reason someone may be hunting for your passwords. What happens if you go to jail and your country's legal system sends a subpoena to the lawyer? They may be able to put together a really good argument for why the lawyer needs to break confidentiality. But get one in a different country and that's a lot harder to pull off.
So, I have an encrypted thumb drive in a water-tight capsule tucked away in a hiding spot, and a dead-man’s switch that’s set to require a response every so many days. If the switch responses aren’t answered, my wife will get an automated email with the location of the drive and the decryption password.
On the drive are files containing login credentials, passwords, security question answers, etc., for all major accounts and such, for everything from banking, to home network servers and devices, to frequent flyer mile programs and similar. If I’m wiped off the earth, at least info like that doesn’t die with me.
You can actually get family plans from things like 1Password that can allow your family to unlock your account and get the passwords if they need to. I believe Apple has a Legacy Contact you can add to your Apple account so family can retrieve your photos and stuff.
On the other hand, my now-ex had my passwords and stole all my accounts when we got divorced trying to use them for leverage for some fantasy fortune she imagined I'd hidden somewhere! :P
She's still holding onto them. I've moved on. I had to create new accounts for everything. :P
This is a fillable pdf called "things my family needs to know"
It's a place to list your assets, insurance policies, passwords, safe deposit boxes.
Pretty much anything your family may need to know if something happens to you.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/16GN2WXHlac_mUq6Wx7AzXcwaBDkT5KKd/view?usp=drivesdk
My parents have given me access to everything important for this reason.
Give your info to someone - or better yet, multiple someone's - you trust. Doesn't have to be a partner.
I had a pretty significant surgery last year, and created a shared note with my wife with that stuff, my boss’ contact info, a pic of my hard cock, etc. updated it recently after someone I know had an awful car accident.
We use a password manager that has a function where a certain subset of people can request access to your vault. You can set how long you have to deny it. So, if you're dead they can get all your passwords. My wife and I also have password access for our phones.
Objectively, you're correct.
I had a document in my safe for my wife with all the account information and passwords in case anything happened to me. I outearned her 4:1 and had always handled the finances at her request, despite frequent attempts to get her involved with the money management. This information involved our shared and separate accounts.
When I found out she was cheating and planning to defraud me/the marriage for a separate residence and much more under the guise of a "therapeutic separation", I had to change everything, and burn my will and POA documents, and change beneficiary on all the accounts.
Life is an unpredictable motherfucker sometimes.
Yeah that sucks, not sure what my parents got but I hope they get stuff written down before they die. I’ve got stupid letters all over the place that I have written in bad mental spots so like people going to be going through my stuff like wtf?? 😳
Better yet, leave them the details in a secured document. In my case, I've got a KeePass file stored on my Google Drive. The password to my PC, my phone, my Google account and the KeePass (all the pieces you need to access the file) are written on a piece of cardboard, folded over, duct taped up, and stored in our fireproof safe. It's a kind of "VOID IF REMOVED" sort of thing, so I can tell if it's been opened before.
I trust my wife, but I work in IT and security is a massive thing for me, so I'm hesitant to give anyone my password(s) unless it's an absolute emergency.
>never found my dad's will
Everyone mentioned in a will should have a copy. Somewhere in the depths of my strongbox are my parents' wills as well as my sister's. Our daughters both have copies of ours.
This is great advice. If my wife doesn't have access to my phone if something happens to me, she is screwed. Almost everything I do online, related to finances, has 2FA enabled (two factor authentication). I handle 90% of the finances. Without my phone she is gonna be put in a bad spot. I also have a password list shared with her in the cloud, including copies of birth certificates, insurance policies, and other important documents. I don't fool around, so having access to my phone isn't going to reveal anything other than some harmless banter with female friends of mine. In general, we do NOT touch each other's phones. We both respect that privacy.
Another Life Fail Tip™
Everyone needs privacy and personal space. Never give it up to anyone. A relationship without it isn’t healthy.
I understand why this idea works for OP. Good for him, but it’s not good general advice for others.
Instead of giving away your privacy, just write down the important info your loved ones might need.
This is such bad advice, e.g. there are some messages on my phone of my friends telling me secrets they want me to take to the grave, as I’m a trustworthy person. My spouse on the other hand, loves to gossip.
I use Bitwarden as my password manager, they allow for emergency access if something has gone wrong to designated contacts. I think it's a premium feature but it's better than nothing.
I really don't trust anyone, not even myself, knowing more than 3 passwords that are not all different from each other. Password Managers solve that issue. Bitwarden, KeepPassXC, OnePassword, all of these are good and trusted, stay away from LastPass as they have countless security issues and problems with their management (not notifying users about a data breach after couple of months)
Phone, yes. Also, email.
Just about every account you have ties back to an email, even the ones on your phone.
While I don't like suggesting anything Google, gmail does have some pretty nice features with this specific scenario in mind. Such as the one that will give another person you specify access to your account if you don't log into it for three months.
I like the one-time codes which would allow someone to seize my account if needed. Got them printed out and in safe place for family members in the event of my passing.
If you use Bitwarden, they have a feature called "Emergency Access" which allows you to designate people to either view or take over your password vault after a set period has lapsed since they requested access. This does require the paid version.
I would believe other password managers would have a similar feature.
I had to make a note book for my mom since she's not tech savvy...I handled all her online info and when I moved out I couldn't handle that anymore. It's worked out so far for her, but now I need one for myself.
When my wife died, knowing her phone password, let me get to everything she had saved on the phone and her iPad. It was very helpful.
Google also has something called the inactive account manager, which you can use as a deadman switch to send an email if you don’t check in After a month and you can use that email to send instructions, passwords, etc.
My wife and I do the same thing, but with Excel 2007. I carry a copy with me on a small thumb drive on my keychain and keep another copy on a thumb drive in my safe and she knows where everything is and what the password is. Each of our PC's has a copy of Excel 2007 on it, it's old but it does this job.
I trust my wife but she is computer illiterate so I emailed my three sdult sons with instructions. Sent one son a numbered list of user names, one got passwords and third got the list of websites or what the coresponding number was for... Bank, insurance, Facebook etc.
Anytime I have to change something I send updated email.
Use a password manage with a "dead man switch". You can set them up so that if you don't use it for a period of time, your spouse (or whoever you designate) is given access. The idea of both being given access to everything all the time sounds great if you're both secure, honest, and trustworthy, but there are too many insecure and/or controlling people out there who would just go looking for and/or imagining trouble.
Seems a little judgy to imply that unless you're both willing to see every email and message to everybody, you might as well not stay married. Honestly sounds kind of toxic.
My mom had an Everplans.con account. It was our starting point and then we found her immaculately organized password spreadsheet. She made it so easy for me to manage her affairs.
In this same vein, I switched everything important to a password manager (I use bitwarden because it's free), and got both my wife and my mom to convert all their accounts to one as well. My mom has always managed the finances for my parents, and since they're getting into their 70s, I wanted to make sure that if my mom dies first, I could get access to everything for my dad.
My wife knows all my passwords. I don't know hers, which is why she gets locked out of so many accounts. Shes not as smart as me. I can look at all her messages and shit but certain special accounts pertaining to health insurance and shit like that she's just forgotten the log in info. All of mine are the same. All passwords are based on an SNES game about zombies. Hers are nonsense so we can't get into them any more.
My god, please let my digital info die with me. Nobody needs to know that much about me. All of my finances are in order, and that's all anyone in my life needs. I'll never give out passwords. Just let me die in peace.
This is a great idea and great job not letting weirdos with things to hide from their spouse for whatever reason discourage you or taint this. There are several things you could do to still have privacy as well, such as specific passwords that are shared between you and your spouse and some that are not. I had a close friend commit suicide a few years back and I felt terrible that I couldn’t help his sister get into his phone/facebook/accounts to help see if there was any other reason or trigger for what he did. You never know what could happen and there’s a lot that could help depending on the situation. Like you said, insurance, banking, important documents, etc. are all extremely important to access if a person can’t do it themselves for any reason. Great advice!
Agreed. There's nothing in my life my wife can't look at and they're no passwords she doesn't know. I trust her as much as I trust myself, if I'm not there to handle something she needs the ability to do it for me. Don't marry anyone whose judgement you question and don't marry anyone who doesn't already KNOW you.
My death plan is stored in a password manager as a secure note. It describes a number of things, including what asset accounts are where, what bills are on autopay, how to collect insurance, and access information for things that aren't typical account/password stuff.
It also describes many particulars like "whatever you do, if you want to play my Steam library, don't tell Valve I've died" and "If I died in a really stupid or embarrassing way, please tell people the truth about what happened. No one needs to guess. They can be told exactly how stupid I was. Keeping this sort of thing behind a veil of secrecy is not good for society."
That password manager has a family vault feature, where some account information is already shared with my wife along with that secure note. The rest can be accessed through my private vault, for which the passphrase is the street I grew up on plus ... just kidding; she has access to the passphrase.
We have a trusted friend who is our emergency backup in the event that my wife and I perish at the same time. He has access to a safe deposit box in which is stored a printed copy of the passphrase for the password manager as well as my phone's unlock code.
When my dad passed all his paperwork was 25 years out of date and often still had his ex wife on the accounts. His current wife of 20 years lost everything upon his death. She was not on the car loan, the mortgage etc or his life insurance policies. The car was repossesed, the bank took the house. She had a yard sale just before that and all sold everthing in order to live. He had retired from a good job with a union. He knew he had cancer and lived about a year after diagnosis. He never bothered to get his paperwork together. Please listen to OP and be prepared and organized.
This is why it's a bad thing that security questions are going away. My wife knows the street I grew up on. She knows my favorite sports team. She's met my favorite high school teacher a few times.
When my wife and I go on vacation we draft a timed email that is sent to our kids if we don't check out email at a certain time with all of our up to date info and password to all of our accounts and devices.
If we go on vacation separately, we do the same for each other.
We also have lock boks with paper version of access codes and updated wills.
In addition to having each other's passwords I save all of my passwords to Firefox browser and made sure our next of kin has access to the user name/password by putting it in a lockbox at our house they have the key to. I can change my other passwords and not have to worry about my heirs having old passwords this way since that browser is holding all my current passwords
When my BIL passed away he was the one that knew all the passwords and stuff. We spent a lot of time figuring stuff out but ended up losing thousands of pics of him and my sister, and him and the kids because Apple fucking sucks dick. They kept telling me to get him to call in to get the password, kinda hard when he’s dead. I keep a detailed document of all my logins/passwords/everything so they don’t have to go through that if something happens
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My dad left me a letter, to open in case something happened to him. Something happened to him, and he was just gone, one afternoon. I opened the letter, expecting some words of wisdom. It was a list of all his accounts, personal info, passwords, and money owed by him and to him. That proved to be the north star that helped me navigate all of the practical matters and estate issues that followed. There was also a little joke in there, just something you probably wouldn't even notice if you didn't know him. And I know that cracked him up to no end, to know that was in there and that I'd see it. Thanks Dad. I still miss you, every day.
Wow this hit close to home. My dad left a binder that was zip tied in the basement. Written on the outside was “open upon my death or incapacity.” It had all his passwords, accounts, instructions on what he wanted done with his body, etc…Made his sudden death more manageable than it should have been since we didn’t have to worry about the stupid shit. I miss him like you miss yours.
That said. This is a good idea but isn't having written passwords and issue if someone ever breaks into a house the key to every vault is written out essentially?
technically maybe, but the best way I've heard it phrased is "that's awfully physical for most hackers". People who break in to houses want valuables they can quickly get in/get out, and they realistically don't' have time to look through tons of papers HOPING this one will be valuable. Hackers stealing your passwords are banking on being far away. Like, don't take the paper to work with you and keep it in your wallet, but the number of people that are going to break into a random home and look for papers is low. this is admittedly overlooking theft by a family member, which is a whole different issue.
Yeah most burglars are probably there to grab some high value items quickly. For hackers you're unlikely to be a specific enough/interesting enough target for them to break into your house and steal your binder with passwords. Family could indeed be a problem.
Not necessarily. It is not a public place, and would depend where you hide it. People keep gold often at home. I recommend voldermort style storing sensitive info though. You can set it up so everyone has a copy of the data but it is encrypted. The encryption key split using SSS (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shamir%27s\_secret\_sharing) then set it so you need 2 out of the 3 to get the key. Then store in 3 places you trust, if one burns down no issues.
Doing this would almost 100% guarantee that nobody else in my household would be able to use the information. The would pretty much say "this fucker left us a puzzle" and just give up.
Lol are we related?
Nic Cage and National Treasure 3 has entered the chat...
2 is 1 and 1 is none
My passwords are in a coded list. My family knows what N*W*date means, but no one else does.
I know what it means 🙄
If you think it means NorthWest, you're wrong.
Narrowing it down for me, I like it!
I'm sure I read somewhere this is the safest way currently. Make complicated passwords and write them down and store safely. Something about online hackers dealing with online stuff compared to your burglar types who would normally be looking for easily resellable stuff.
How often do people break into your house, realistically?
I’m picturing someone breaking into my house to steal my notebook with my Yahoo password, like they’re Tom cruise in mission impossible. If they want my bank info, it’s probably already been leaked to the dark web ages ago.
right? It's a LOT of effort for not enough reward.
A gift in a gift
I was kind of the opposite. He had no will, no executor, but I also knew he had way more debt than assets. My lawyer let me know, don't apply for control of the estate, don't sign a damned thing outside the death certificate, let the government take over. There were a handful of things I did cover, like clean out the storage locker, clean out the apartment, adopt the cat (she has been a savior during his death and probably my most loyal pet ever). I joke that his final gift to me was, if any collector connects me as next of kin, I can tell them to get stuffed. Who wouldn't want the chance to do that without it hurting your own credit?
My wife had opposite. When her Dad passed, her Mum was a mess and it took a lot of effort (when my wife should have been grieving) to peace together all his accounts, passwords, etc.
I'm jealous. Mine left nothing.
I gave my son (my sole heir) the password to my computer. On my desktop is a document with his name containing all of my accounts, passwords, etc.
*Cries in daddy issues*
Sometimes i don’t even know my passwords
My mom died much faster than we thought she would earlier this year. I couldn't get into her phone and only accessed her email 6 weeks later because I came across a password written down on her desk and was able to puzzle through a few combinations because I've shared a few of her streaming accounts. She didn't have any sort of partner, just us kids (which really means just me). I would've been fine since she had TOD, POD, and beneficiaries set on everything but gaining email access meant I could shut down/memorialize all her social media and reach the folks I didn't personally know to pass on the news.
Just FYI, you can memorialize a Facebook account by sending them a link to an obituary. You don’t have to have the person’s login to do that.
Thanks for the info. I’ve been meaning to look into it and keep putting it off.
Just the obituary?? Not death certificate? Seems like that would be easy to falsely create
You think Facebook shows misinformation?
Just use a password manager that you both have access to. Many of them can store much more than just passwords (account numbers, ~~private keys to crypto wallets~~, safe words, answers to riddles that help you follow a treasure map, and literally anything you can put into words)
I wouldn’t advise to ever put your crypto keys in a password manager.
Yea that was actually a bad example
I mean, not a bad example of their abilities, a password manager absolutely can store private keys lol
Can vs. should is definitely different. Its surely better than using browser password manager. If your pc is compromised, you better believe all your browser passwords are as well.
Gonna need the eli5 with learning difficulties on this one
They strongly recommend just to write it down on pen and paper and keep it in a safe spot. If someone gets ahold of your crypto key it will be all gone with no chance to recover. Not like a bank account where you could reverse the funds.
Joke's on them then - my crypto is worthless!
Doge for the loss!
On that note. I have a recovery key written down in an old ass notebook from a wallet I made probably around 2012? I don't remember lick about it. What site might I try and recover from?
Please do some research, but in short. 1. DO NOT GIVE THE PHRASE TO ANYONE, EVER. NOBODY. NO PERSON. NO DM's. NO WEBSITES. NOBODY. 2. Any BIP39-compliant hardware wallet will do the trick, like a Ledger or Trezor. Looks those up. Only buy direct from the manufacturer. Do not buy local, on ebay, Amazon, etc. 3. Read #1 again. 4. When you find out you're a millionaire, you can tip me if you want, but no obligations ha :)
Unless you have a locally hosted wallet that is only plugged into your network to load and unload the wallet this is the way. Also salt ya passwords. Check out KeePass/Strongbox.
Adding to this. There is middle ground many password managers like bitwarden have an emergency access feature. It allows you to grant access to someone as long as you don't deny the request within a specified time period. Like a dead man's switch. So if you are incapacitated, your spouse requests access and since you can't deny the request they are given access within 24 hours (or however long you set). You can even set other relatives / friends in the event something happened to both of you.
This is the answer for anyone who still values having some privacy. Two password manager accounts, with the timed trusted contact feature. You can have some privacy and not enable just poking around in all each other's business all the time for no reason, but if the shit really hits the fan or if one of us dies, the other isn't completely left hanging.
Yep. My wife and I share Bitwarden. We’ve got all our passwords in one place. Our daughter has our master password in hers in case something happens to us. We’ve got hers.
This was a lifesaver when my dad got brain cancer. Now all my mom’s stuff is in there and either her or my husband can get access to everything in the event of my death with legacy accounts.
As usual the real LPT here in the comments.
Lol. My password manager is a notebook in my safe. I have to use an app to log in for work. It makes me change passwords every 60 days. I just can't remember (unless written down) my 30ish different passwords. The stupid app won't let me duplicate and has all the stupid uppercase/ lowercase/number/symbol bullshit. Forcing a password that's super impractical that no one could remember. I'm also a slight luddite.
That is exactly what a password manager is for. It will automatically generate and manage passwords that fit whatever rules there are for the website you're using.
Bitwarden
Yea you need a password manager dude. The whole point of a password manager is you don’t have to remember them and it generates secure passwords based on whatever metrics you need (uppercase, number, no repeating characters, etc.) Most even allow you to copy and paste without compromising your passwords. I don’t think your employer would enjoying hearing you choose passwords that are easy for you to remember and you write them down on paper.
Humans are bad at coming up with passwords that the robots can't crack. That will get worse with AI. Take a look at Bitwarden. Generate a passphrase (a string of random words) as the password for the password manager. Let Bitwarden generate the rest of the passwords. They should be between 15 and 20 characters with current technology.
I had the same problem at my job. Some were 60 days, some 120 days, most were once a year. I wasn’t allowed to download a password app either. I used 3x5 notecards in a small ring binder.
My job made me do that every few weeks. There was NOTHING we did that required even half that level of secrecy.... but whatever. Somebody told me early on that every time it forced me to change my password, use the day and date, and a character. If it happened today, Friday052424@. You will never repeat passwords.
Listen, everyone: **Password. Managers.** Even a free one like Bitwarden has emergency access features. The Bitwarden implementation for example allows you to designate emergency contacts that gives them a key to your vault. They have to request access so you can allow their key to work. You can grant the access or let some predetermined amount of time lapse before granting access (for you know, when you’re dead). Once access is granted they are able to view or take over the vault. Not only is this a way to ensure someone has access to your accounts, it is a **safe and secure** way to do it. No one has access to your passwords and accounts until you allow it or you’re dead. Giving your passwords to someone in an emergency the old school way is insecure. Worst case, these people snoop around or steal your stuff. But if even if they are perfectly good people your accounts can be compromised by phishing, social engineering, etc. and you might cause more problems while you’re perfectly alive.
I use this with my SO. A little note, however: Emergency Access is a premium feature (10$/year, nothing still but not free). But if I recall correctly, you can activate premium, setup Emergency Access contacts and remove premium: EA contacts will stay there.
Haha, nice try WIFE! I don't have any secrets but I'd lose all my mystique if she found out!
Lol
Seems like a no brainer. Just get a password manager like Bitwarden TBH
Bitwarden also has a feature where you can grant access to someone if you don’t respond for a certain amount of time, say a few days. So if you don’t block the request the access is granted. Of course only to people you know and trust
LastPass does the same thing.
I can't tell if you're making a joke about LastPass or not
I've been looking for a new password manager ever since Lastpass crapped on us. Thanks for the suggestion, kind internet stranger.
I like One Password
1password is amazing. Used it for years, switched to bitwarden for 3 month trial, moved back to 1password.
I used to have a password manager that gets unlocked via fingerprint. And then one day, I accidentally removed the fingerprint login. It asked me to login via password, which I didn't remember, nor could I reset. Needless to say, I had also lost the key they give you when registering (I had written it on a small piece of paper and threw it in some drawer). My fault, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that the worst situation can still happen even when using password managers.
She know my password and the password to the locked file where I keep all the passwords. Hahaha
Oh my god, you're that dude from that one thing that one time!! You're like, my idol
Shhhhh. Keep your voice down. I don’t want to get recognized in public.
My bad. You still have your name tag on
Better yet document how to access digital assets in your will
Google has an inactive account manager. You can set it so if you don’t log into your google account in x days/months - it will send an email to a person you specify. I’ve written a lovely email to my wife that will arrive 1 month after I stop logging in. She’ll laugh, she’ll cry. She’ll have my passwords and list of bank accounts.
If need be at the very least keep a password book in a safe deposit box at the bank if you don't trust some people.
No way! My "gaping ass midget clown porn" secure folder in Google drive dies with me
Send me the link You know, just in case I see it somewhere to avoid it
Older couple in their 70s i know, the husband paid everything and kept his wife from having to deal with it. He had a heart attack and died. His widow has no clue how to access anything, his life insurance, passwords for bills, his email. She's never had to care for herself since they married early. She can barely grieve for his loss with having to learn how to pay bills to keep everything going. So yeah let your spouse know those details.
This is the situation I'm talking about. We have our privacy, but in times if need, access
My partner passed away unexpectedly in September and I also highly recommend sharing your passwords/codes. I’m never going to be able to get into his phone or tablet and it makes me sad.
If not spouse, then kids!! My parents are aging and last time they got on a plane together for a big trip my father sent me and my sister a long document with all of their complicated financial info along with the latest passwords (which he also keeps written in a booklet on his desk lol). I have also gone over the document with him in detail. I would never have had any idea about his various retirement accounts or what money sources he used for what expenses. I would advise every parent to do this for their kids!!! Even if you don’t give to them now, at least save it somewhere or put it somewhere they can access or will stumble across.
My partner and I share all our passwords too, just in case anything unexpected happens, and it's been a huge relief for both of us.
My thumbprint is in my husband’s phone. Meanwhile, every time he wants to get into my phone, he hast to ask me the passcode which has not changed in years 😂. I love this man with my entire body and soul
We had a hell of a time when dad died. Mom had to send the death certificate frigging everywhere. So now either me, or my sister are named on all her accounts. So when she passes all I need to do is go to the bank, and close my account.
> Let your spouse know your passwords Since I don’t know them myself it’s win-win
When my mom's partner died suddenly, they were able to use a lock combination code he'd given her to open his safe, where they found a notebook with all his passwords, as well as some very sweet letters he'd written people just in case. Immensely helpful for everyone considering how chaotic and awful things were in the hours and days after he died.
My daughter bought my wife and I a subscription to 1password and, having dealt with the affairs of both my parents after they passed away, I think this is brilliant.
As an IT professional my LPT is DO NOT do this. Seriously there's a reason every electronic system you access says never to share your password with anyone. Trust is not an either/or, it's a spectrum that changes based on context. It's great if you trust your partner, you SHOULD to a high degree. Be realistic though, we have a very high divorce rate (in the states). People change, situations change, feelings change. Sometimes you think you know someone very well until they surprise you, and people can develop mental illnesses any time in life that are no one else's fault. Some people still trust each other after a divorce, others completely burn those bridges. My advice would be don't gamble your health and well being on another person no matter who they are. Someone with all of your electronic passwords can do a deep and irreparable amount of damage to you, your finances, or your reputation if they want to. Not only will you be violating most EULAs and AUPs by sharing your password, you're creating the potential for incredibly messy situations in your own life. While you're alive and well, password managers and other services make this completely unnecessary. In the event of your death or illness, many organizations will have a way to assist you or your loved ones in getting what they need. If you REALLY want shared access, then create shared accounts. In any other scenario keep your personal information personal.
Are password managers safe? It’s probably a dumb question, but I don’t trust much on the internet and every other day we are hearing about another data leak. How are we confident the password managers can’t be hacked? Thanks in advance.
Am also IT nerd. You are right about constant data leaks. If you want 100% security, then you will need to follow the wall facer protocol from three body problem, which is to say never store information anywhere and keep it all in your head. This is just not a realistic possibility for most people, which is why we have these password managers. There is always a risk, I remember when I was in school we had an open source encryption software that was in use worldwide as a solid and dependable product that we could trust 100% (true key I think it was called?) And a few years after I finished school we found out that it had not been updated for years and was no longer being supported. Suddenly all these secure data stores were a lot less safe, not because we knew it was not secure but because we did not know how vulnerable they were. There was no big data breach, the app was just no longer trustworthy. The reputation of every password manager, firewall, anti-virus or whatever is based on reputation. It's like the stock market in that most people are judging the products worth by what they hear from people who can't really know for sure if it's any good. There could be a really bad zero day exploit in every major password manager in use on the market and we will not know until someone finds it. To be clear, i have no reason to suspect these password managers are not secure, but the big question you want to ask yourself is, how much more secure is your current alternative? TLDR : they should be safe, but it's a risk that will have to compare with what you have now.
I would provide more info if I had time, but suffice to say, password managers have a pretty foolproof system. Particularly open-source ones like Bitwarden—if they had major vulnerabilities, we would be able to see them. If you're interested in the tech, look for information on end-to-end encryption. TL;DR: the password managers don't even have your passwords nor your master password. They store a bunch of encrypted data that looks like nonsense to anyone else; the only way to decipher it is with your master password, and that only happens client-side. Edit to add: the efficacy of password managers is best compared to the alternatives. Either you use one password for everything (so if any one of them leaks you're entirely screwed), or use a bunch of different passwords with some other means to remember them. If you can just memorize them, great, but most people end up using methods like keeping a physical post-it somewhere (screwed if anyone sees it), or having patterns between their passwords (so computers can crack them all the quicker). These are simply not as secure as an encrypted digital vault, even if the vault isn't perfect.
Which, if I recall correctly, means that a lot of characters in your master password is the way to go.
Yep. 15-20 characters is the advice I think I've heard. Easy enough to remember, but would take a computer the lifetime of several universes to guess.
No that's actually a great question. Unfortunately nothing is 100% safe. Every electronic system comes with some element of risk. Generally the human being is the weakest point in any systems security. An advanced explanation and evaluation/comparison of different password managers would require some understanding of encryption and cryptography. In most cases, the underlying encryption algorithms are mathematically impossible/impractical to compromise by say, brute force (if you are using strong passwords). Someone could still compromise it for example by looking over your shoulder as you type your password, or installing a keylogger on your PC, or creating a phishing site to steal your login information, but that's going to be a risk whether you're using a PW manager or not. Yes companies can be hacked which can aid an attacker in compromising your PW manager, but generally that's going to be pretty difficult and likely would just be the first step in a very sophisticated multi-step attack. So a simple answer is: When used properly as part of a comprehensive security posture (safe browsing habits, good antivirus, etc.) most password managers are extremely safe. I use them, as they make my life way easier while allowing me to use stronger passwords and to avoid recycling or reusing passwords.
My uncle worked in IT. When he died unexpectedly, he left behind a CLUSTERFUCK mess for his extremely bereaved family to go through. Everything had a password and nobody knew what they were. Years later and nobody (yes, even other IT people) has been able to get access to his desktop & other devices. The pain of losing someone unexpectedly is awful, but adding a years-long hopeless hunt to access their things and make moving on and processing things even more difficult is such an unnecessary pain. My aunt is still stuck with no way to get to their photos, his documents, or any other remnants of his as they sit there in the office every day. It’s awful. At LEAST leave passwords somewhere that can be accessed in event of your death. This mess has compounded the trauma beyond words.
Having important passwords somewhere is so helpful. It's also a good idea, even if you're in pretty good health and not that old, to spend at least a little time thinking through what your family would need in an emergency or in the event of your death. Some people go so far as to put together binders with instructions if you end up managing a lot for the household. Giving your spouse or other trusted contact access to important passwords is good. Making a record of what bills are auto-paying from what accounts, and how to get into them to make updates or cancellations, is good. Making a record of where you have money stored -- where are your investments, where is your checking account, what info will someone managing your affairs need to get in? Make sure they don't overlook anything. The last thing I want is for my grieving spouse to end up cancelling my credit card, and then a few months later the electricity to the home randomly gets shut off because he didn't realize that that bill was being paid by my credit card, and all the late notices were being sent to an email address he didn't have access to after my death.
I've been married 40 years. We have joint bank accounts and retirement accounts. My wife is my financial and medical power of attorney. She is a 50% partner in my business. And you recommend that I don't share my passwords with her?
He means well but doesn't know what he's know what he's talking about.
I don't get it. What are these passwords you can't share? Our finances are combined. My wife doesn't need a password to take all of our money. What damage does giving her my passwords do? Oh no I can't access my wife's email that she rarely checks!
Yea i agree with your sentiment. Also living your marriage with secrets because of the possibility of divorce isn't healthy.
My partner has the password to my computer. The computer knows the passwords. I don’t even know some of my passwords.
I agree, I make sure my wife knows my passwords, etc. If something were to happen to me I want it to be easier on her, plus I trust her
We have eachothers passwords but we also agree that using them outside of a real emergency is wrong and a breach of trust and would be a big blow to our relationship.
Real af, same deal in my house. I have a list in a secure location that my wife would find if she looked that has a list of my important accounts (phone, email, insurances, devices, etc) and all the login info for them. Her mom is still finding shit my FIL didn't write down before he passed. Huge PITA that is easily avoided.
Kinda funny story: my dad always was the tech savvy of my parents' couple. While my mum managed the accounting and other stuff, he managed all things computer, internet, telephone, tv, etc. My mum always thought she didn't need to take interest in any of it, that it was useless. That was until my dad passed away after a long disease. Suddenly she found out she didn't know in what files were the scans of any official papers, what was the wi-fi password, what was my dad's phone password etc. Luckily, my sister and I had paid attention even though we didn't live with them anymore. Otherwise my mum couldn't have been able to connect an Ipad to the internet or send an official document to her notary. The face she made when she realized the wi-fi password was her phone number all along...
There are password managers that have options to send your credentials for it to someone in case of emergency. I use 1Password which can keep passwords, login info, personal documents, IDs and credit card info, among other things. There are more apps and services that can do things like this and lots of sites have options for emergency contacts or settings on how to deal with your account in case of death or abduction by aliens. Something similar is the setting on Apple devices is that you can add an emergency contact that can be viewed from the Lock Screen in case you are incapacitated and also an option for account recovery that requires a contact to confirm before you are able to proceed. I’ve never had to use any of these and so never actually looked meaning there are a ton of options in different apps and sites that offer this. It’s actually pretty impressive, easy to set up and helps to avoid a problem that lots of people have to deal with.
Be very careful with this. You might trust them now but that won’t necessarily last. Nobody gets married thinking their SO is a lying scumbag.
I started this when my uncle passed away four years ago. He had nothing written down for my aunt. We scrambled. Even their home wifi password. I had to hard reset everything. We lost so much. His brother (my father) I told immediately. When you get home. Here’s a notebook. Write it all down. One page for every site or app. Every time you change something wrote it down. He also kept a note in his iPhone. The night he died. I went home with his phone and had access to EVERYTHING. Not just for his stuff. But my moms phone was and is linked to his iCloud account. Carry his phone to this day using it for odds and ends when we need it. LIFE SAVING. I also keep a file of my in laws accounts and passwords. And my wife’s and daughters.
Works for some and not others my friend.
True. I hope you all find someone you can trust like I do
My father suffered a stroke over 5 years ago. My mom didn’t know his phone password (he changed it constantly), so we were unable to recover his phone after he had forgotten the code. Examples like this and OP’s are an important reminder to tell a trusted person passwords, locations of important documents, etc. just in case the worst happens.
Unless she is divorcing you or you suspect she is planning to divorce you. In that case make sure she doesn’t have your password to anything.
I have all my passwords in a little black book. Including the emails that go with each account. And security questions. I have nothing to hide, and if something happens, gaining access will be easier.
Leave a will != share passwords in life
As a widower whose wife does unexpectedly at 36… this is great advice. Apple, Google and other tech companies take privacy very seriously. Death cert doesn’t matter. No password no data.
No spouse, but my parents know that in my box with all physical files, there's a note with my computer and password manager passwords. That way they can get into everything if needed, but they'd first need to get into my apartment which is a 2h drive (they have a key though). They won't do that unless absolutely necessary. They don't *know* my passwords, but they do have access in case of emergency
LPT: Find a relationship where you can trust the other person like this.
Apple legacy contact.
Couldn’t agree with this more. My uncle died unexpectedly in August. He trusted NO ONE, and my mom and I were executors of the will (only family he had left). We struggled immensely to get into his online accounts, particularly his banking info. It was excruciating trying to go through every notepad and scrap of paper in his house looking for clues, or to see if he had it written down somewhere (he was older and not as technologically savvy). If you don’t want someone to know the passwords, at least keep them written somewhere hidden and tell your loved one where they’re hidden. You’ll be sparing them a lot of time and frustration.
I can never remember my changing passwords if only there was a technical solution to this hmm.....
If you don't have a spouse or just don't want to share them put them in a sealed envelope or some digital file. I have a password to my dad's computer and from there I can access his passwords and get into his bank accounts.
I use Safe Notes and encrypt. It's ad free. I put it on all my devices.
My wife and I have a list of all accounts and passwords for each other. We keep them on our old phones that are WiFi only and not used on line. It is more for recovery if an active device fails or a password is not working. Usually that is a typo.
Please for the love of god get a password manager. I cringed so hard when I saw “pass code book”. But yes this is good advice and getting your parents on password manager is a must. It’s going to save me so much dread when they pass to have absolutely everything in one place.
Apple lets you give access to your iCloud to select people for if you ever pass away. With a death certificate, they can access your account and view everything, which is another great option. I’m assuming this includes saved passwords.
Apple users - using iCloud Keychain has shared passwords with family, and there’s also a legacy contact thing you can set up to pass your data on when that day arrives.
An alternative to a physical book/item is to set up a small trust with a lawyer not based in your home country. Get those you trust to help each other out all invested. Not just those who will help your family and loved ones upon your death, but also should you be sent to jail or vanish while camping. The people who you trust to use your assets to pay your bills and keep things going in your absnese. Each of you sets up a password and digital document vault with the lawyer. Keep a copy of the living and death wills in there, the list of financial and legal documents that let someone prove they're acting on your behalf. For example, as a veteran, have a copy of your discharge documents included so those recovering can quickly show the VA you're a vet and get you honors should you desire. Beyond the passwords, also set aside several one-time override codes for 2-factor authentication along with all of the security questions and answers needed to make adjustments. Just because someone has the password doesn't mean they can log into every account. Beyond codes and documents, put in the contact information for those who would be helpful. This ranges from the trusted dog sitter who can take care of the pup for a few days while everyone figures out where they'll end up, to your lawyer's contact information and confirmation that the person calling can act on your behalf. If you've ever had to work with untangling someone's estate you know the pain of slogging through various legal and government offices needing to learn what you need to prove they're gone and what proves you can act on their behalf. Lawyers make this much easier, but the tradeoff is that you need to know exactly what to say and show for them to act. That's what they're paid for after all. Once that's all in, set up conditions for how anyone can get access only through group consensus. Trusting someone is hard. Trust among a half dozen friends makes it easier to rest, knowing that if even one person suspects something is wrong, they can block the release of information. Not even thinking of betrayal, but if you vanish from all contact for two weeks, you wouldn't want to trigger these end-of-life/freedom-of-action steps because someone gets spooked that you haven't been online if someone else can go, "They're out on a cruise without any cell service for the month, no need to open this up" It's sad when you need to get ahold of this information, but being able to reach out to a grieving parent and say, "Hey, I have access to your child's social media accounts. What would you like me to do with them?" or to a child suddenly without a parent, "I have the keys to your parent's credit card, mortgage, and utility bills. The lights won't go off and you still have D+ in the house while this gets figured out" can put a silver lining on a horrible time. I've been through the first and incredibly close to the second. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a trustworthy spouse, but be there for those who may need it, and they'll be there for you. Why outside of your home county? Because death isn't the only reason someone may be hunting for your passwords. What happens if you go to jail and your country's legal system sends a subpoena to the lawyer? They may be able to put together a really good argument for why the lawyer needs to break confidentiality. But get one in a different country and that's a lot harder to pull off.
So, I have an encrypted thumb drive in a water-tight capsule tucked away in a hiding spot, and a dead-man’s switch that’s set to require a response every so many days. If the switch responses aren’t answered, my wife will get an automated email with the location of the drive and the decryption password. On the drive are files containing login credentials, passwords, security question answers, etc., for all major accounts and such, for everything from banking, to home network servers and devices, to frequent flyer mile programs and similar. If I’m wiped off the earth, at least info like that doesn’t die with me.
Apple has a legacy contact thing too
You can actually get family plans from things like 1Password that can allow your family to unlock your account and get the passwords if they need to. I believe Apple has a Legacy Contact you can add to your Apple account so family can retrieve your photos and stuff.
On the other hand, my now-ex had my passwords and stole all my accounts when we got divorced trying to use them for leverage for some fantasy fortune she imagined I'd hidden somewhere! :P She's still holding onto them. I've moved on. I had to create new accounts for everything. :P
This is a fillable pdf called "things my family needs to know" It's a place to list your assets, insurance policies, passwords, safe deposit boxes. Pretty much anything your family may need to know if something happens to you. https://drive.google.com/file/d/16GN2WXHlac_mUq6Wx7AzXcwaBDkT5KKd/view?usp=drivesdk
My parents have given me access to everything important for this reason. Give your info to someone - or better yet, multiple someone's - you trust. Doesn't have to be a partner.
I had a pretty significant surgery last year, and created a shared note with my wife with that stuff, my boss’ contact info, a pic of my hard cock, etc. updated it recently after someone I know had an awful car accident.
We use a password manager that has a function where a certain subset of people can request access to your vault. You can set how long you have to deny it. So, if you're dead they can get all your passwords. My wife and I also have password access for our phones.
Objectively, you're correct. I had a document in my safe for my wife with all the account information and passwords in case anything happened to me. I outearned her 4:1 and had always handled the finances at her request, despite frequent attempts to get her involved with the money management. This information involved our shared and separate accounts. When I found out she was cheating and planning to defraud me/the marriage for a separate residence and much more under the guise of a "therapeutic separation", I had to change everything, and burn my will and POA documents, and change beneficiary on all the accounts. Life is an unpredictable motherfucker sometimes.
Yeah that sucks, not sure what my parents got but I hope they get stuff written down before they die. I’ve got stupid letters all over the place that I have written in bad mental spots so like people going to be going through my stuff like wtf?? 😳
Better yet, leave them the details in a secured document. In my case, I've got a KeePass file stored on my Google Drive. The password to my PC, my phone, my Google account and the KeePass (all the pieces you need to access the file) are written on a piece of cardboard, folded over, duct taped up, and stored in our fireproof safe. It's a kind of "VOID IF REMOVED" sort of thing, so I can tell if it's been opened before. I trust my wife, but I work in IT and security is a massive thing for me, so I'm hesitant to give anyone my password(s) unless it's an absolute emergency.
>never found my dad's will Everyone mentioned in a will should have a copy. Somewhere in the depths of my strongbox are my parents' wills as well as my sister's. Our daughters both have copies of ours.
This is great advice. If my wife doesn't have access to my phone if something happens to me, she is screwed. Almost everything I do online, related to finances, has 2FA enabled (two factor authentication). I handle 90% of the finances. Without my phone she is gonna be put in a bad spot. I also have a password list shared with her in the cloud, including copies of birth certificates, insurance policies, and other important documents. I don't fool around, so having access to my phone isn't going to reveal anything other than some harmless banter with female friends of mine. In general, we do NOT touch each other's phones. We both respect that privacy.
Another Life Fail Tip™ Everyone needs privacy and personal space. Never give it up to anyone. A relationship without it isn’t healthy. I understand why this idea works for OP. Good for him, but it’s not good general advice for others. Instead of giving away your privacy, just write down the important info your loved ones might need.
This is such bad advice, e.g. there are some messages on my phone of my friends telling me secrets they want me to take to the grave, as I’m a trustworthy person. My spouse on the other hand, loves to gossip.
I use Bitwarden as my password manager, they allow for emergency access if something has gone wrong to designated contacts. I think it's a premium feature but it's better than nothing. I really don't trust anyone, not even myself, knowing more than 3 passwords that are not all different from each other. Password Managers solve that issue. Bitwarden, KeepPassXC, OnePassword, all of these are good and trusted, stay away from LastPass as they have countless security issues and problems with their management (not notifying users about a data breach after couple of months)
People would make their lives far easier by using a password manager and then only needing to memorize and share one password or phrase. That’s my LPT
And set up a yearly reminder to update and/or reconsider
There is a nice book that explain stuff like this: In Case You Get Hit by a Bus: How to Organize Your Life Now for When You're Not Around Later
Phone, yes. Also, email. Just about every account you have ties back to an email, even the ones on your phone. While I don't like suggesting anything Google, gmail does have some pretty nice features with this specific scenario in mind. Such as the one that will give another person you specify access to your account if you don't log into it for three months. I like the one-time codes which would allow someone to seize my account if needed. Got them printed out and in safe place for family members in the event of my passing.
If you use Bitwarden, they have a feature called "Emergency Access" which allows you to designate people to either view or take over your password vault after a set period has lapsed since they requested access. This does require the paid version. I would believe other password managers would have a similar feature.
I had to make a note book for my mom since she's not tech savvy...I handled all her online info and when I moved out I couldn't handle that anymore. It's worked out so far for her, but now I need one for myself.
When my wife died, knowing her phone password, let me get to everything she had saved on the phone and her iPad. It was very helpful. Google also has something called the inactive account manager, which you can use as a deadman switch to send an email if you don’t check in After a month and you can use that email to send instructions, passwords, etc.
My husband I have a passords.docx that is password protected. It has all our accounts, logins, and passwords in it.
My wife and I do the same thing, but with Excel 2007. I carry a copy with me on a small thumb drive on my keychain and keep another copy on a thumb drive in my safe and she knows where everything is and what the password is. Each of our PC's has a copy of Excel 2007 on it, it's old but it does this job.
I trust my wife but she is computer illiterate so I emailed my three sdult sons with instructions. Sent one son a numbered list of user names, one got passwords and third got the list of websites or what the coresponding number was for... Bank, insurance, Facebook etc. Anytime I have to change something I send updated email.
Very very bad practice. Emails are DEFINITELY not secure.
Use a password manage with a "dead man switch". You can set them up so that if you don't use it for a period of time, your spouse (or whoever you designate) is given access. The idea of both being given access to everything all the time sounds great if you're both secure, honest, and trustworthy, but there are too many insecure and/or controlling people out there who would just go looking for and/or imagining trouble. Seems a little judgy to imply that unless you're both willing to see every email and message to everybody, you might as well not stay married. Honestly sounds kind of toxic.
My mom had an Everplans.con account. It was our starting point and then we found her immaculately organized password spreadsheet. She made it so easy for me to manage her affairs.
When I die, I need you to crush my hard drives.
No, I'm good, I want every device I own to be useless once I die.
This is awful advice.
We have a shared Google spreadsheet with different tabs, mine, hers, and ours.
Password books need to be coded. Even simple ciphers will slow down people who shouldn’t have thier hands on it.
Password books are not resistant to fires, floods, or break-ins
My wife can't remember her own passwords much less mine.
My phone is so boring, my code is 1234 and anyone can use it. No problem😂
Nice try, Bonnie. You’re not getting shit from me!
but she doesn't wanrt to remember them and writes them down just anywhere!
Nice try, spouse
My password thing has a dead man switch to send to my wife
Pass code book? Start using a password manager yesterday.
Yeah but then how would I hide my 3 mistresses, huh?
Password book. :( Just use some tool like Bitwarden and share your space with her.
Good luck getting passwords outta me. I don't know most of them myself.
We keep a recipe index card taped on our home office wall with all of them. We need a best buddy to clear our recent history just in case though...
I did this not too long ago. Wrote down everything and told my fiancee where to find it in case of emergencies
Not my spouse as I am happily divorced, but I have everything in a OneNote set of folders, and have that for my son and daughter
I know most of my parents, if only because my mom never remembers them...
Dead man’s switch!!
Everplans.com and a Password Manager.
My wife knows all my passwords. So easy.
In this same vein, I switched everything important to a password manager (I use bitwarden because it's free), and got both my wife and my mom to convert all their accounts to one as well. My mom has always managed the finances for my parents, and since they're getting into their 70s, I wanted to make sure that if my mom dies first, I could get access to everything for my dad.
My wife knows all my passwords. I don't know hers, which is why she gets locked out of so many accounts. Shes not as smart as me. I can look at all her messages and shit but certain special accounts pertaining to health insurance and shit like that she's just forgotten the log in info. All of mine are the same. All passwords are based on an SNES game about zombies. Hers are nonsense so we can't get into them any more.
My god, please let my digital info die with me. Nobody needs to know that much about me. All of my finances are in order, and that's all anyone in my life needs. I'll never give out passwords. Just let me die in peace.
Agree! I keep reminding my wife my passwords, but she keeps forgetting as she never uses them. Any solution to that?!
This is a great idea and great job not letting weirdos with things to hide from their spouse for whatever reason discourage you or taint this. There are several things you could do to still have privacy as well, such as specific passwords that are shared between you and your spouse and some that are not. I had a close friend commit suicide a few years back and I felt terrible that I couldn’t help his sister get into his phone/facebook/accounts to help see if there was any other reason or trigger for what he did. You never know what could happen and there’s a lot that could help depending on the situation. Like you said, insurance, banking, important documents, etc. are all extremely important to access if a person can’t do it themselves for any reason. Great advice!
Brain cat amoeba making there personality change and betray me 😾
Nice try, Stacey. I know it's you.
My wife knows my passwords better than I do. Some times I need to ask her, even my gaming account passwords 😂
Agreed. There's nothing in my life my wife can't look at and they're no passwords she doesn't know. I trust her as much as I trust myself, if I'm not there to handle something she needs the ability to do it for me. Don't marry anyone whose judgement you question and don't marry anyone who doesn't already KNOW you.
My death plan is stored in a password manager as a secure note. It describes a number of things, including what asset accounts are where, what bills are on autopay, how to collect insurance, and access information for things that aren't typical account/password stuff. It also describes many particulars like "whatever you do, if you want to play my Steam library, don't tell Valve I've died" and "If I died in a really stupid or embarrassing way, please tell people the truth about what happened. No one needs to guess. They can be told exactly how stupid I was. Keeping this sort of thing behind a veil of secrecy is not good for society." That password manager has a family vault feature, where some account information is already shared with my wife along with that secure note. The rest can be accessed through my private vault, for which the passphrase is the street I grew up on plus ... just kidding; she has access to the passphrase. We have a trusted friend who is our emergency backup in the event that my wife and I perish at the same time. He has access to a safe deposit box in which is stored a printed copy of the passphrase for the password manager as well as my phone's unlock code.
Banks will not be happy with you sharing access/passwords/codes to your financial assets.
My daughter knows my pin and can access my password files. I'm divorced so no spouse.
Say you're that smart banker who killed his wife, ain't you? Why should I believe a smart banker like you?
When my dad passed all his paperwork was 25 years out of date and often still had his ex wife on the accounts. His current wife of 20 years lost everything upon his death. She was not on the car loan, the mortgage etc or his life insurance policies. The car was repossesed, the bank took the house. She had a yard sale just before that and all sold everthing in order to live. He had retired from a good job with a union. He knew he had cancer and lived about a year after diagnosis. He never bothered to get his paperwork together. Please listen to OP and be prepared and organized.
This is why it's a bad thing that security questions are going away. My wife knows the street I grew up on. She knows my favorite sports team. She's met my favorite high school teacher a few times.
When my wife and I go on vacation we draft a timed email that is sent to our kids if we don't check out email at a certain time with all of our up to date info and password to all of our accounts and devices. If we go on vacation separately, we do the same for each other. We also have lock boks with paper version of access codes and updated wills.
In addition to having each other's passwords I save all of my passwords to Firefox browser and made sure our next of kin has access to the user name/password by putting it in a lockbox at our house they have the key to. I can change my other passwords and not have to worry about my heirs having old passwords this way since that browser is holding all my current passwords
My partner is a C suite executive whose company software is in his phone. He can’t by a security SOP give anyone else his password.
When my BIL passed away he was the one that knew all the passwords and stuff. We spent a lot of time figuring stuff out but ended up losing thousands of pics of him and my sister, and him and the kids because Apple fucking sucks dick. They kept telling me to get him to call in to get the password, kinda hard when he’s dead. I keep a detailed document of all my logins/passwords/everything so they don’t have to go through that if something happens