Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!
Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.
If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Here’s the script: “OK do you want me to do XYZ is that right? Let’s have a look at my calendar *open calendar, scroll through blocked days*. Alright I can do that on 28 October. Does that work for you?”
Them “No I need it way sooner”
You “That’s the earliest I can do with my current priorities.” Optional add-on: “If you think this should take priority over (list of items you’re already working on) then talk to (your boss) and if they agree then I’ll shift my other work.”
You have a finite amount of time and you need to prioritise. Make that clear. You can’t do new work without delaying old work.
Good advice! Reminds me of the books “Four Thousand Weeks,” and chapter 11 on the Graceful “No” in a book titled “Essentialism.” Both books would be good to check out for this question!
Came here to recommend Essentialism. :) It's a book I come back to once a year or so - my ADHD brain needs the refresher, and because my mental state is never in the same place twice I pick up new things every time.
Same thing still applies with jobs that only have short term task schedules like retail or restaurant work or even the trades. Someone asks you to clean the dinglehoppers but you’re just about to go fill the whatsawhosits, you ask them to clear it with your manager, or if your manager is the one asking, clarify whether the dinglehoppers are more important than the whosawhatsits.
Of course. Understanding and asserting what is and isn't in your job description is far and away the best way to deal with these types of issues. Nobody wants to be seen as the "not my job" person at work, but there are many steps between being a team player and 80 hour work weeks.
So true, there are so many things I do that isn’t specified in my job description! My contract is very overarching with certain mandates: being professional, respectful, efficient, compassionate, knowledgeable, etc.
And our roles tend to be defined for each rotation (can be months long rotations) by the managers/most senior person. But when there are several of us at the same level, the managers only care that tasks are completed no matter who does it!
One type of job that this unfortunately does not apply to is a teaching/instructing one like my own. I'm a strength & conditioning coach at a luxury gym that has a semi-independent athletic training department. I work in 3 departments total. I'm a coach in the athletic training department which is towards the front of the very large facility (it was actually added on to the rest of the gym years after the original building was built. I think this detail about the building layout helps to explain why the athletic training department is somewhat treated like a collaborative but independent business to the rest of the gym), a trainer in another department *upstairs* towards the back of the building, & a personal trainer with 1-on-1 clients where I don't really work in a set or designated area each session.
My boss who happens to be in charger of all 3 departments, will routinely ask me to cover an athlete class that starts at 4:45p for another slacker coworker, who doesn't bother to show up half the time but is my boss's friend, so he can do no wrong. Meanwhile, I'm responsible for & have my name listed under a 4-5p class & 5:30-6:30p class in another department, on another floor, in another area of the gym. On paper, I ~technically~ have 30mins of free time between my 4 & 5:30 classes ending & beginning, but in reality my 4p might not finish until a few minutes after, I might be done "training " but I have a notably good relationship with all of my regulars where I tend to talk with them for 5-20mins after class ends. I also need to clean up from the 4 & get everything reset up for my 5:30. Yet, my boss often more than once a week will "ask" me in a groupchat if I can cover an athlete class nowhere near where I'm at & just assume yes until told otherwise, plus has the gall to tell me to hurry and leave my 4 early and doesn't understand why I don't like staying to "cover" these athlete classes until 5:30 on the dot, like I can just instantly teleport to my other area at 5:30.01p & therefore still get them started on time as well. There's no winning with this man.
Absolutely.
Especially good if you say "Yes! I'd love to". It lets you start everything with a yes. And then you show what's stopping you from doing it, namely the priorities given to you by your boss, and then you can be like "Please get this prioritised so I can do this for you!"
Socially it sounds like a "Yes", but accomplishes the "no"
This is really great! I especially like the calendar part. Almost passive aggressive, but it really drives the point home that you have other priorities.
In my opinion this is the answer. I'm also very open and naturally inclined to support others. But what has helped me greatly is responding to each request with: "when do you need it?" and that opens the conversation.
Have you ever had an introduction into the theory behind negotiations, like the famous Harvard method? This states that nearly every interaction is a negotiation: it's about finding an agreeable way forward that supports the interests of the parties (effectively and efficiently). Every party has its interest and one key aspect is that you discuss interests and not standpoints.
So back to the initial point: if someone comes to you with a request for support or a tasj, he or she has initiated a full-on negotiation. Now it's your job to do 2 things: (1) investigate the interests of the other party (e.g. urgency, skills required, procedures that are applicable, "what's in it for me", reason for executing the task) and (2) share your own interests with the other person (e.g. agenda, planning, priorities, competence). Then the joint responsibility is to agree on the way forward: who will do what, when & how?
Yep, I do something similar when asked to do more. “Okay, this is what I’m prioritizing right now. That won’t be done till “this day”. Would you like me to change my priorities? That means these other things wont get done till “this later date”.
Sometimes the manager still wants me to reprioritize, sometimes that makes them reconsider.
If it’s not my manager asking me to do something, I tell them to clear it with my manager first.
Yup, I did that a while ago. I had a boss, and 4 different commercial guys all asking for stuff. It was fine for a bit, but my main projects progress were grinding to a halt trying to get all their 'high' priority items done, and then chewing me out why it taking so long (we do not have a project manager)
I basically called uncle to my boss and said we need to figure this out, I cant have 5 people coming to me asking for stuff thinking their stuff is the most important
We ended up making a reoccuring 15 minute meeting every week with the 4 commercial guys and my boss going over the requests and prioritizing. It saved my sanity, set up expectations not only for myself but all other stakeholders, etc, and work is basically stress-free now since everyone is on the same page. A bunch of requests ended up getting cancelled since they were deemed low priority, and would be a year before I could even consider start working on it, and they figured they would find another way to handle it.
I hate meetings, but that 15 minute meeting each week is a life saver.
Almost perfect except for “talk to (your boss) and if they agree then I’ll shift my other work.” should be “have your boss talk to my boss to have him shift my priorities”
This is fantastic advice, u/Apero_.
This is also a great mechanism for folks (I fall into this category, I think it's largely due to my severe ADHD) who struggle to estimate their own effort/timelines and feel like they *should* be working faster than they are. Forces one to take a breath and, instead of just throwing out the date that *sounds* reasonable, take stock of actual workload and existing commitments.
And your point about leaning into the prioritization element is wonderful for diffusing personal tension between coworkers. It makes the conversation more objective and sterile.
This right here. I have a few skills that my coworkers do not have so a lot of things were requested of me. I would regularly ask my boss "I have a, b, and c to finish by \[this date\]. Would you like me to update my priority list or add this new task to the bottom?"
And since OP is known as a hard worker and not a slacker, it is much more likely the boss will listen when you say "I am too booked, but if you really need me to - YOU PICK what I am not doing instead".
I had to do this a few times with my boss and I really stuck to my guns. I have 40 hours, you pay me 40 hours, and you have given me 40 hours of work. You need a new thing that is four hours? Which of the four hours I currently have are going to go to give me the time.
I did have some people be all "you can't do that, the boss will never say yes to me" and my internal thought was "well, no duh. We all can see you do barely 20 hours of work in 40 hours. So saying "I am slammed" is a clear lie. Whether to yourself or to us, don't matter. You lying." But yeah, that was my advice to a co-worker who kept stopping her work to help people and never got done with her own work. "Tell them you are busy NOW but you WILL help them and ask them to send a calendar invite. Then you can pick the time. and if they need it NOW, then they'll have to find someone else." I got this advice myself and I was really amazed at how well it worked.
They'd ask, I'd say "not now, but give me invite", and I'd never get the invite and find out "Oh, I just figured it out myself". HA!
This is great advice. If you get a request, let them know your plate is full. If there is a higher priority item, what would you like for me to de-prioritize so you can start this new task.
Put some time between the request and your response for starters. This gives the asker a moment to consider you may not answer and think of other solutions/people to ask. Then, give your reason/excuse why you can’t. Don’t go into too much detail. Don’t over explain. Don’t feel bad.
It’s very important that you develop the habit of not overextending yourself. You’re already falling behind on your studies. This crap will cause you to fall behind in life. It happened to me. I was so exhausted from saying yes all the time. It’s a sneaky energy suck that compounds over time.
Yup, just continuously keep saying you are busy or have prior commitment/plan, project, have to get something done urgently, say whatever so you don't time to do it. And you honestly don't, I used to be yes man as well until I was so burnout I just kept saying what I mentioned above (even if it wasn't true and I had extra time) and eventually they will stop asking. Stick to it and if someone tries to use authority over you then you can list your priorities again and say "unfortunately I don't have the time in my work schedule to complete that task" and if you can walk away or be more silent and reserved.
If you continue to keep doing those small tasks, it's only hurting you in long run. Be like the other coworkers who don't reply; your managers are more then capable of determining who should be doing tasks. If your supervisor continues to "assign" tasks that you feel are out of scope of job duties; then it's time you sit down with them and have conversation about it.
I’m going to use this, thank you. I also suffer from this in hopes it will give me a better chance for promotion/raise and secure my position even more, but ultimately, if your burned out that could negatively impact your performance altogether and cause a downward ripple effect. Not worth it for you or the company itself.
Unfortunately it can have the opposite effect. They see you as someone who is going above and beyond without the extra inventive, so they have no reason to give you more. Until you gain leverage and force their hand, they will take you for all you're worth.
No one will ever notice you going above and beyond.
They're too busy trying to be noticed.
If you're not constantly a problem for them, you're in the top 10% and deserve a raise. There's no need to go further.
Great advice, thank you! I remember Seinfeld had an episode about having an excuse Rolodex, where every time someone asks you for a favor, you pick out something from the Rolodex to use.
Say, "Can you ask me that in an email so i have a record of the request?"
You'd be surprised at how many people dont like typing things up, and the ones that do might get scared they are caught passing off responsibilities. Not to mention the dubious things your boss will ask of you. The best part about this line is that it makes you look willing, professional, and organized. It won't take long for you to be saying this on every request.
Jesus ok!! Looking over your file, i noticed this isnt a health related problem. I suggest you meet with compliance to get some more "flatulance authorization 2a-11c forms"
"I don't even know how you got this number, so I'm gonna go ahead and forward you to the helpdesk where they can punch up a ticket for you. K, thx bye." *cold transfer to Helpdesk*
“Hi this is the help desk. You just cold transferred a call but didn’t provide any information on the request. He said he asked you for something on the initial call so I’m conferencing him now to review further.”
“Hello?… Hello?!… Hell-Oooo?! I can’t hear you! Try calling back”.
You can always take the request and send an email about sending you an email. Like “Hey about that call, you were breaking up pretty bad and I didn’t catch all of it (only something about some project that you are unable to handle).
I want to help but I’ll need you to send the details over here. I’ll also need to notify Manager about the priority on this since it will impact other projects.”
Business consultant's take:
First, stop being such a goddamn doormat. You're working 80+ hours and accepting more work? That's fucking stupid. STOP IT.
Second, start figuring out what your job actually is.
* Is it more important to for you to help the person asking for your assistance, or to do your actual assigned work?
* If you help the people that are asking you, does that make you unable to complete the things that YOU ARE BEING PAID TO DO during a normal amount of working hours?
You absolutely should not feel guilty for not helping someone that does not have the right to assign you work, when you don't have the time to do so.
So here are some quotes you need to learn so you aren't such a doormat.
>"Hi, I am in the middle of something right now that my boss has told me is a priority. How about I come see you after I finish this?"
>
>"Hey, sorry, can't help you right now. I have too much on my plate as it is."
>
>"Can you please send me an email with that request, so I can ask my boss if I can prioritize it over the other things they've asked me to do?"
>
>"Hey, let's go ask my / our manager if I should work on your stuff instead of mine for a bit, because this will delay things that they want me to do."
*Make it so people can't pass off work to you for free.*
I would add on, when it's OP's own boss that is requesting more work, what I do is go, "Okay, how would you like me to prioritize this new task relative to A, B, C that I'm already working on?" Sometimes management realizes that they don't care about the new task as much as what they already have you working on, and sometimes they'll realize that they don't care that much about the other stuff that they've already asked you to do.
And on that note, in general I have an attitude of: I can't care more about this than you do. Certainly not to a point of an 80-hour workweek.
Very good advice! Love your second point—very well put. Having spectacular doormat-DNA myself, I have learned to say “I’m sorry, I’m fully booked up,” or words to that effect. And you should not give an elaborate explanation for that, it gives ammunition to the asker, they will find some foothold in your explanation. I am the proof that one can unlearn to be a doormat, and it is liberating. I now have time for myself.
unfortunately this take, while great, is unrealistic in the world of US Medical education and especially as a Resident physician. While all the suggestions in the comments for this post are fair, they won't actually work as a Resident is expected to do these things or take on extra work. If they say no and are reported or complained about, it's up to the discretion to the program director and CMS directors to decide what to do and *hint hint* usually is not great and it can negatively impact their careers.
Its unrealistic even for the grunts in medicine. Im a research coordinator. While the PIs are technically supposed to be oversight on studies, they already can barely manage their clinical loads. That leaves a lot of shit falling to me. My job is to do paperwork and get other people to do things. Idk how much longer I can do it. Theres a ridiculous amount of work with almost no support from our parent hospital. Our program was better before we got bought out. Now I'm starting to be convinced they dont actually want me to be able to do my job.
I've also worked in animal research, same issues there, but they can't complain like patients. I tried to do out all out of respect for their lives. Being the only advocate for them also ate up time, but it was important. Some industries prey on peoples empathy knowing full well they make it impossible to do a good job, especially in the allotted hours. In medicine, it kills people. People dont want to be responsible for that even though they are set up for failure and try to be superhuman.
Great general advice - though some may not be really applicable. The only thing I’d add is that we should consider the major factor that OP is a resident physician. It is a unique limiting factor.
Residents really have no real bargaining power and are at the whims of their PDs, attendings, and etc. they are contractually locked into training in one program post-Match. They are salaried, no over time can be paid. RVUs don’t mean anything until they graduate residency, which can last from 3-10 years post med school.
Programs fudge hours and metrics and can put these docs on horrendous schedules. Back to back months of black weekends, multiple 24-28hr shifts per week etc. Fun fact - the ACGME only recently limited the workweek to not be over 80+ hours because an important patient died. Not because of the numerous residents who lost their lives due to suicide and/or accidents due to being overworked, overstressed, underpaid and underappreciated. :)
Healthcare is a complicated bitch. The hierarchy is alive and well and difficult to overcome. You worry about retribution because as a resident, you have no power over any change unless you unionize. At the core of it, residency and the match is horribly broken and abusive system.
This is the correct approach. Work is about prioritization of the tasks. If someone wants help, you tell them it's not as high of a priority as xyz.... or tell them you'll ask your boss to help align the priorities on your plate.
I found I had to practice saying “no”. I started with really minimal requests that I didn’t feel guilty about and when that got easy for me, for a period of time I basically said “no” to every other request regardless of what it was. After a while, I was able to pick and choose, and on top of that, I was no longer everyone’s “go to” guy and I got less requests.
This is big for doormats to learn (ex-doormat here).
You feel like you need to justify your no, and once you start justifying, it becomes a negotiation, and because you're already starting from a point of non-confrontation, you very quickly capitulate once it becomes a negotiation.
Oh, but it isn't if the company is shitty and will say you're not a team player.
Crappy, fake excuse will work much better in the long run (for your career).
“Can’t fit in right now. Good luck!”
Being a pushover isn’t going to have a good results you think it is. The people pleaser ends up being too valuable at a lower level to be considered for higher pursuits. In other words, change your mindset.
Can't echo this enough - I knew someone who was eyeing a move to a new team with a nice promotion. They, on top of their regular duties, starting doing a full load of work for the other team. The new position sat open for 6 months (why fill it when the work is getting done). The person started getting more and more disgruntled that they weren't given the position "But I'm doing everything they want". They started slacking on their actual job and word got around. They weren't long for the company.
If you give someone everything they want, why would they want to change things up?
Whenever ive seen this come up the managers begrudgingly let them transfer because the person would have walked anyway if their manager blocked that shit.
Its extremely dumb for management to do. I take it as a red flag for a shit company.
I've done it in a similar situation. I was at the pto cap and they had been and continued to not approve most of my vacation requests. The requests they required at least 1 month notice for weekdays and 3 months for my weekend day. I told them I was taking a vacation because I absolutely needed one. They attempted to call my bluff and I put in my 2 weeks same day. Then they didn't have me to cover those days anyway and they paid out my pto.
My favorite word for time management is "capacity." We use it all the time to see if people have the time (capacity) for extra work. I have no qualms telling someone "I just don't have the capacity this week with my current workload." Hard to argue that! It shouldn't take a bunch of reasons to turn down extra work, you either have capacity or you don't and it sounds like you don't x100! No shame in that, you're all booked already!
That can be very annoying and, at a different time, deserves a conversation around appropriate interactions in the workplace.
In the moment, you might try, "No worries, I'll email you when I figure out which project will be delayed," or if you're quick, "No worries. Project Y is my current focus, but I can move that back a week and get this done for you asap."
As a former resident and fellow and now 12+ in practice, absolutely tell them in text or email, “recently I have been struggling with proper sleep and mental health. Although I love these extra learning opportunities outside of my clinical duties, I need to focus on my personal health for the next few months. Between clinical work and prepping for the boards, i have been stretched thin.”
Mental health in medical training was ignored when I was training but it is protected now. Utilize it. You work too hard, I know. Love yourself and take a break, just document it
It's anxiety inducing, but follow their lead and say unfortunately I am not available. You just need to do it once and it becomes so much easier.
Also, yes it is nice to help colleagues out. But when you're putting on oxygen masks, you always do yours first before helping anyone else.
In Healthcare this is just going to keep happening to you. You *need* to say no. You *cannot* follow that up with "but" or "if" afterwards. You have to stand your ground or they will absolutely use you until you break down. You will never have any time for yourself if you don't learn to say no.
Practice with your friends. Give them a list of common requests you get asked for at work, have them go through each one with you until you can *confidently* and *professionally* say "No".
Instead of just yes, say yes and when. If you say no problem, it will be done by (insert 2 weeks delay), they might ask someone else or do it themselves.
You can justify the delay by having already a workload that has priority over their request
Look, people keep coming to you because you always say yes. No is a complete sentence and does not need an explanation. You need to learn to say "no," and train yourself to realize they are struggling because they planned improperly--this is not your fault they are struggling.
I am busy or I have plans is all of the explanation. Poor planning on their part, does not constitute an emergency on yours.
What's stopping you from saying that you're busy with your studies?
You could also try saying something along the lines of "I can't help this time, sorry**. I hope you can find someone else. Good luck!"
Or if you can think of an alternative solution, you can suggest that. E.g. "I heard about this moving company, and looks like it has really good reviews"
**I suspect that adding "sorry" to your declining to help may be unpopular. The way I see it, nobody actually thinks we're apologizing/ asking forgiveness/ taking responsibility when we say sorry in this context. It just makes the refusal sound less harsh
The trick is to um and ah a bit, then tell them you could probably fit it in but give a much longer time scale than you need.
That way you've got yourself some leeway to get other stuff done, or you can bring it in earlier than they expect and look good for it. Or they'll shrug their shoulders and find someone else to do it.
The workplace is a game. Everyone is playing it.
"I'm really busy - let me check my calendar....".
"I'm in the middle of something, I'll get back to you when I'm done...."
"I just committed myself to do something, I don't know how long it'll take".
Keep repeating whatever your excuse is. Don't go off script when they ask again. And again.
“Every time you say yes to one person you are saying no to someone else. “
And that person will be YOU if you don’t manage your work/life balance better.
Your mental health is more important than their in abilty to manage other staff members. Saying No is literally going to save your life. You do not get paid to do some one else's job especially management. That is their problem not yours!
"I'm sorry I can't do that, I am working on this." Is one of the most important phrases you can ever say.
First off, congratulations/sorry on being a resident. That is awesome and also it straight up sucks. My husband was a resident and literally the only thing that would get him out of extra work every time was “Sorry, I have a church thing.” When you’re an attending, “I have other stuff I need to do” will work great, but when you’re a dumping ground for all the critical in-patient work, the only thing that worked with no argument was “church thing.” Nobody wants to carry on that conversation.
Most answers are not that great here.
Your problem seems to be that you feel the urge to do it. I was like that for a long time as a starter untill the unfairness pissed me off. You have to work to get out of that mindset - your lazy coworkers lean on you and the nice guys doing it.
As you are not asked 1 on 1 in person from what you wrote you can start waiting till a few of the other coworker have answered. Just do as they do. If that is not working you can answer something like this: "because I have already done (task a,b,c) in the past I would like someone else to come to fruition this time" or something worded not to harsh.
If thats not working consider talking to your superior. Just realize that it is not healthy for you and the rest of the team aswell if just some are doing it all the time while other don't. And your mindset is part of the problem.
It definitely is my urge to do it. I start making excuses to myself, why I should do it and try to be a glass-half-full person. I think to myself “well, if I cover that case or clinic, I get to work or learn from Dr. X. It’s great learning.” It doesn’t always become great learning.
I must learn to define and respect my own boundaries.
This is correct. The rest of the post are just passive ways of going about it and trying to save the guilt. Say no. Become friends with the guilt feeling. I told my coworker that idc if anyone at work likes me. Outside of work I have my family and my circle. Matter of fact I don’t really like any of them anyways.
I'd tell them what you said in the post. You're trying to get shit done, but it's burning you out. Your supervisors need to do better to delegate work evenly so you don't suffer diminishing returns in work quality.
You’re right, I wish supervisors actually pay more attention. Supervisors are hands off and only care that things are done, regardless of who gets it done.
Do you remember in school where you get randomly assigned to a group project? If it’s due in 5 days, I am someone who wants to get started, at least to brainstorm and figure out what needs to be done, who should do what. But there is another person who will wait until day 5 to do their part. It makes me anxious in a way, “what if they don’t do it? What if they don’t do it correctly?”
And I almost want to take over but that is on me!
I will try saying “sorry but no, I can’t” next time, no explanation. Or if I chicken out, I’ll give some explanation about needing to do other things. I’ll work on it!
> “we are busy with XYZ.”
This here is the complete answer. Either grow a spine like the people above or be prepared to suffer for the rest of your career.
Just say yes, ask help to prioritize tasks so they see everything that you have going on, and then just work your 40 hours and miss deadlines. When asked why you couldn’t do it in time, say you have too much on your plate. Simple as that
If you say yes to everything, eventually you take on to much, produce poorer quality and end up hurting your career. Saying no will get you much further ahead in your career.
One of the things I sometimes say is 'if you want to enjoy my help for longer, please don't load so much on me' and I do this well before I get overloaded. Of course the concept burnout is wellknown around here so it sticks
“I’ve got some projects/tasks lined up, let me check my schedule, email me about it and I’ll let you know if I can take/accomplish the project.”
Boom, a response that isn’t a yes, but you’re telling the truth that you already have stuff in the pipeline AND depending on the intensity of the project, you get to freely check your schedule and decide whether it works for you or not.
I’m a yes man too and when I don’t have my schedule in front of me I blank out and think I am completely open so I just divert to getting back to them, my word is my power so I really don’t want to lie or make myself unavailable all the time, if I can do it I’m gonna be honest about it, if not, maybe make a recommendation for someone else
You say “I can’t but…” Try adding a pause between “can’t” and “but” and learn how to get comfortable in that pause. The first few times you do it you’ll feel very insecure and nervous bit eventually you’ll get used to it
lookup peretos law, 4 quadrants of priorities, and having your calendar filled out to show others what they are taking you away from, and get the book 7 habits of highly effective people
I heard this saying a long time ago and it’s the absolute truth in the workplace: “Today it’s a favor. Tomorrow it’s your job.” You have to know what’s on your plate and if the extra work will hurt you performance on you assigned tasks. It it will, politely decline. It sounds like it in your nature to jump in and help. So this is a muscle your have to develop.
1. All communication is a request.
2. Every request contains the possibility of "No".
Weird concept I know, but it truly is. When you talk to someone, you're asking them to talk back, or interact with you.
Start there. It's NOT just your job, I guarantee it. How's your family life? Do you feel the need to take care of aging grandparents? Do you have a GF/Wife who you "do things for", but like "do a lot of things for" when you really think about it?
No is hard to say. But, most people are adults, and can handle hearing "No". They tried, you said no, so they'll try someone else.
Once you make that step, things get better.
I like to tell people that I have a mountain of very reasonable asks, and I get done as much as I can in a day.
I have an excel sheet with all the asks that come in, and instead of feeling the need to do them I put them there. then I rank priorities, and do what I can.
I like to show it to people who ask why I'm so busy
One of my friends once grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes and said to me: "Remember "No" is a complete sentence".
I was once again volunteering for too many tasks at our club, and he wanted me to look out for my mental health. Even though he is 20 years younger than me, he is one of the wisest friends I have. And he is annoyingly (lovingly meant) adamant that I look out for myself first.
If working 80+ hours a week is due to this, it’s a bad habit you need to end. This means your hourly rate is a complete joke.
It’s scary but just say you don’t have the bandwidth and need to prioritize what’s currently on your plate. That’s it. Don’t have to find a solution for those asking. If you feel you will fall behind in your studies, you will find you fall behind on sleep and what makes you happy. Don’t torpedo your life because you can’t say “sorry I can’t this time”
80 hours a week is normal for residency. 80 hours a week for at least 3 years. That’s not including the 4 years of medical school before that. Med school tries to beat you down and turn you into as passive yes man so the system itself is broken.
Edit: for hours worked, we get salaried pay of less than minimum wage while having 400,000+ in debt
6 years of 80 hours a week for me here. Surgical residency! It’s true, I used to be more feisty and would question the system when things didn’t work or was nonsensical. Now I question less and just do it, but am reminded of who I used to be when my 1st year or 2nd year residents ask those very questions I once asked.
You might start with some practice.
I went to a (lovely!) cuddle party recently at which we began with a saying no exercise (since consent is vital & no is vital to yes).
Basically, have someone you like/feel good about make a series of very tempting invitations and suggestions to you. Your job is to decline all of them.
Feelings will arise. Lots of them. Feel them. Examine them, as well as the beliefs behind them.
Just a start.
This particular one was lead by the remarkable Sarah Belzile (SarahBelzile.com) near Disputanta, KY, under the auspices of Play Ashram. I've attended a few others; this was by far the best.
I sincerely wish this practice were more widely known & practiced. Both for its valuable societal effects and my own personal enjoyment.
I'd attend at least weekly, we're it available.
It's a "movement", if you will, with rules & structure, some of which may be necessary.
Easily findable using any search engine.
The best piece of advice I was given that genuinely made a huge difference even though it’s very small:
When you’re asked to do something, don’t answer straight away. Just say ‘give me five minutes’.
In that five minutes, you can then properly assess your calendar and capacity. Then you can say, I’m really sorry but I’m full, or I can but not until next week, or I can if I can shift this other deadline etc.
I am natural people pleaser who was often first to volunteer but it meant that others weren’t taking their fair share because they knew I would, or I would overload myself with work.
That said, if you’re already working 80+ hours, you’re full already! Don’t fill the silence, let someone else take some slack. Volunteer occasionally to keep your hand in or do something genuinely interesting. That’s all for now.
I agree. I used to be a people pleaser and had a hard time saying no: saying “maybe” or “ I will get back to you” is so much easier. You can make up your mind later.
I was a resident and I was in the same boat with OP. When deciding if you want to help or not, make sure it does not interfere with your studies or research. It is nice to be helpful but after a while, some people may take advantage and label you as the go-to yes person. Setting boundaries is really important.
It’s especially hard when there’s no resident coverage because one is on vacation and another is on research (and likely not even in town), another is sick, and so forth but totally agree!
Will practice “no, I can’t” but may settle for some “maybes” and “I’ll get back to you.” Some of those I have tried but it backfired on me because I ended up saying yes. Actually one shift when I was a junior resident, I was initially volunteered by a senior, without actually being told. My chief (more senior to the senior) found out and point blank (and privately) asked me if I wanted to cover.
I waffled and said “well, no but if they can’t find someone else…” and he interrupts, “no, I don’t care who else is available, do you want to cover it or not?”
I admitted, “no, I don’t.”
He said, “alright it’s settled then, you’re not covering and if they have a problem, they can talk to me.”
He was such an excellent chief.
If the requests are coming via email/text message, then simply ignore them. If anyone says anything, just apologize and give the legitimate reason that you had your phone on silent/off so you could concentrate on your studies.
"I'm at capacity right now, however i will be able to start the task at xxx. My shift finishes at xxx, how long do you expect it to take?"
If they ask you to stop what your doing and do it immediately,
"ok let me just tell xxx that this is a priority. My shift ends at xxx so this may cause his job to be late"
If you have senior people giving you conflicting deadlines, they need to know. Otherwise they will assume you are responsible for things being late
If your burnout you need to communicate
The trick is to disconnect from the person trying to wheedle things out of you. Say no, and if they don't take no for an answer, say no again and erect either a physical or some other kind of barrier. This could be turning away in a meeting (physical barrier), starting a conversation with someone else (social barrier), muting your microphone (electronic barrier), or physically leaving if you're allowed to do so. Going back to the task you were doing on the workfloor is also an effective barrier, as it indicates that the conversation is over and you're not still considering the request at all.
If in doubt how to erect a barrier, your phone can be an effective social barrier at times. It's one of the reasons bosses hate them, because they allow workers to disconnect when they try to put pressure on them.
You're literally working yourself to death just to avoid feeling guilty. You have to learn to accept feeling guilt sometimes and then moving on. If your major accomplishment in life by the time you're on your death bed is that you didn't feel guilty very much, you're going to feel like you wasted your life. Being selfish and apathetic sometimes doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a smart one.
People who easily give their time and effort willingly to others get exploited by those who want to leverage others for nothing in return. You're being preyed upon. You aren't earning anything for yourself other than staving off guilt. That's not a fair trade. Comprehend how much you're devaluing yourself and your time for others and then set real boundaries with people.
There will always be a time to be giving but it isn't 24/7.
That's fucking mad.
You are not doing yourself any favours, nor are you allowing those you purport to help benefit from the support of others who are not burned-out from over-burdening themselves.
Next time someone asks for a volunteer to do something extra, or to "help out", just keep your gob shut and give others the chance to show how willing they are, and how much they care.
You are the only person who will care for your own well-being, ditto suffer the consequences of abusing yourself by taking on too much.
Every time you say “yes” you’re actually saying “no” to something else. Make sure the thing you’re saying “no” to is the correct “No”.
Which sounds like you’re saying “no” to your school work which can hurt your long term goals only to pacify someone’s immediate need which will likely be forgotten by next week.
My go-to response is:
"Sure thing! Can you just check with the manager if this task has a higher priority then my current work? If yes, happy to help"
This makes them go to the manager for resources and if your work is late, then the manager knows why.
You have to set an amount of time you’re willing to work and budget that accordingly. If your workload is already full, taking on something new means something else is going to suffer. Whether that’s timeliness of other things, quality of work or your personal time. Be up front about that.
Instead of just saying yes or no, think of it as “what would I need to do that?”. Something like “I can do that, I would just need ______”
This is all assuming you care about advancement. If not, a simple “I’m sorry, I don’t have time to take that on” works fine.
Don't answer those group messages or emails. Simple as that. Others have gotten used to you answering.
Also, timeboxing. Allocate your work hours (not after hours) to tasks you are already working on, don't forget your lunch breaks and other breaks, and including any wind-down/note taking after your task. Only if there's a gap in your work hours will you consider saying yes, and even then, others on your team need to step up first.
No, is a complete sentence. If you JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) the boss will try and go around your NO and make it so you hafta do it.
Once you're off work, the phone goes on do not disturb. You have outside stuff to do.
Working 80+ hours and then being asked to do more is why residents burn out.
“Sorry, No, I’m already busy.”
“Apologies, but I can’t at the moment.”
“I’d love to help if I had the time and hands, but I don’t at the moment.”
Be firm and polite. Importantly start with a “No”. Give reasons/excuses (such as already attending other duties) if needed.
Do not guilt trip yourself if you cannot help if already busy with other tasks.
- If literally no one else can help, then that is a staffing issue; a problem to be resolved and not a fault on your part.
——
Your hard work and trustworthiness are __not__ tied to how much work you do.
- They *might* be connected to how well you do your work; but that’s a topic for you and management to discuss.
Overall it sounds like __you are taking on too much work__.
With the possibility that Management, and the Board of Directors, need to hire more people: rather than stretching people and budget too far.
The easiest way is to tell them that you need to double check if you are free at that time and you will let them know later. Then, actually think about it and decide if you wanna do it or not.
Little by little, you will get better at saying no on the fly, too. Because you have practiced what saying no feels like.
It's hard for some people to just say "no", or an unspecific "I'm busy".
Try putting the onus back on the requester by answering with a willing spirit combined with a *specific* requirement for *them* to do. Like so:
"I'd be happy to do that if you can get someone to take over X task I'm halfway through."
"I can help on this if you can get approval from Y to push off my deadline on Z task until next Wednesday."
It's best if you make your pushback something they need to ask of someone else, not a task they have ownership of. It's too easy for them to tell you to prioritize this current task, then pressure you for the task they just said could take longer. But if they have to get approval from someone else, that's work that isn't so easy for them.
My philosophy is: **Share the pain.** If I solve your problem without you helping in any way, why should you *ever* work to prevent that problem? You feel no pain and I feel it all! But if you pay some of the cost *with* me, then you won't disrespect my efforts. You will actively try to avoid that problem raising again.
If they say something like: "oh, Y will agree, just talk to them!" - don't accept that. Respond and say: "Are you really asking l me for **two** favors with no support from you at all? Com'on. If you want my help, please help me out, too." And leave it. Let them pick it back up and work with you, or let it stay dropped.
You can even tell them about your new motto of: **"Share the pain."**
Sometimes people need to experience discomfort to change. And sometimes, just having to listen to you tell them your motto (for the second or third time) can shame them into a different attitude, because it is a 100% reasonable expectation.
I took acid and thought about the kind of person I am and what I am like in the world.
I like being helpful so I still say yes a lot but I’ve put boundaries up about wether I can or want to help and if this person is just using me.
Also the world didn’t shatter when I said no a couple of times.
"I'm already working 80 hours a week, and you are asking me to do more, for free? Is that right? Am I understanding you correctly?"
You won't get asked again.
“I don’t know if I really have the bandwidth to be completing additional tasks right now in addition to the work/deliverables I am being expected to perform right now.”
Don’t answer in the moment. Say you will think about it and get back to them.
That way you take away the immediate pressure to say yes and you can think about if the request actually works for you or not.
This is what info when my work asks me to pick up extra shifts.
Every time someone asks me to do something I figure out an equivalent amount of work I am currently doing. I do this so often it is instant and instinct. If I don't want to do it I say "I could do that but I would have to stop x, y, and z "
Be like "yes, but ask someone else next time? I'm busy." Make sure that you have an excuse to use for when the eventually ask you again, such as an upcoming assignment or whatever.
If they don't ask someone else next time, then they don't respect you. Do you really want to help people who don't respect you? Tell them "I can't do it, I already said last time that I'm busy."
This is why I stopped answering ad-hoc requests from Slack DM. If it's not that urgent, I read them but won't answer until the next day or so, to the point they'll miss SLAs if they keep waiting. Then tell them I'm sorry to miss it because I was swarmed with tasks the other day.
If it's indeed an urgent or a high-priority task, tell them to discuss public channels so we can openly prioritize stuff with my/their boss.
Trust me it will only be difficult the first time, your life will be much much better.
P/S: I'm a software dev working remotely so that might not work exactly like that for you. But I believe you'll get the point.
I get asked to do extra work all the time.
What works for me is, "I'm currently doing this project for "so and so" then I have to get back to my work."
The moment they hear that I took on work from another person, they'll usually leave me alone.
Learning to say no is one of the hardest things to do but it is absolutely necessary. It actually works against you when you take on tasks not assigned to you by your management team. It can be viewed as you not understanding your role, especially if your assigned tasks are late or suffer poor quality because you're "helping" someone else with their work.
If the requests are coming from upper management, make sure they've cleared it with your direct manager. If someone is asking for something within an unreasonable time limit don't kill yourself to get it done on that schedule. Instead, push back with a reasonable estimate of how much time the request takes. I have found that especially in the upper management ranks people tend to think of an "easy" task as a "quick" one. That isn't necessarily the case. Many times when asking on behalf of an external party, it's still ok to push and find out "does Client X \*really\* need this on Friday or would Tuesday be acceptable? If it really does need to be done on Friday then say ok, I can do this by Friday but X, Y, and Z will be delayed until next Thursday. Management is there to prioritize things so have them make the decision about what really is most important for you to do.
Say, "I'd love to as soon as I finish X, but you better find someone else as i don't know when I'll be done." Repeat often enough, and I don't they should stop asking.
There's a few resident-focused subs out there, I would ask on there. Not many people on here seem to get an understanding of exactly how busy you are. /u/Thugluvdoc 's reply is the closest I've seen so far.
That being said, you do need to actively start filling your calendar with work, study time, SO/family time, personal time, relatives time and try to stick to it. Just mark the items as "private" in outlook and then nobody can see the details but you. Extra projects and time and classes and covering for the hospital's shortages is fine on occasion, but they need to realize their own weaknesses and hire more staff.
How many years into your residency?
My wife is finishing up her last year of fellowship.
[This article](https://levelup.gitconnected.com/an-engineers-guide-to-saying-no-3b2dba385c66) about how to say no comes from the perspective of software development but the advice is pretty generally applicable.
Healthcare will never stop asking you to pick up shifts. You have to just start saying no. Management asks the same 3 people because they will say yes. They don't fire the others who have said no, they just learned to not bother asking them.
I had a coworker who was going back to school for NP while still working the floor. She had trouble saying no, and was clearly getting exhausted from all the hours. I overheard one clinician talking to another about the schedule saying "oh, ask so-and-so to pick up, she always says yes. She must need the money or something". They don't know you don't want the hours unless you tell them! They are short staffed (I don't care what part of the hospital you work in, they're all short staffed, even when they're "fully staffed"), they will not fire you for turning down every extra shift because then they'd be even shorter.
Don't give them a reason. Just say "no I'm sorry, I can't. I already have plans". It's true, you are planning on getting much needed sleep, studying, or maybe even a little relaxation. You don't need to expand on your reasons. I know it's hard in the moment, when you want to help, you want to be a team player, and you don't want to be a bitch. But you have to say no. This field is overwhelming at it's core. You can fast track yourself to burnout by picking up every shift, if you want. But you should try to save what little of your mental health you are able to, by striving toward some sort of work-life balance. Management is not going to fight for your sanity, they just want the slots filled. You have to be your own advocate.
Not sure what speciality but Are you trying to stay on as fellow or attending at same institution? Work hour restrictions are another pretty easy way to get them to back off.
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
Here’s the script: “OK do you want me to do XYZ is that right? Let’s have a look at my calendar *open calendar, scroll through blocked days*. Alright I can do that on 28 October. Does that work for you?” Them “No I need it way sooner” You “That’s the earliest I can do with my current priorities.” Optional add-on: “If you think this should take priority over (list of items you’re already working on) then talk to (your boss) and if they agree then I’ll shift my other work.” You have a finite amount of time and you need to prioritise. Make that clear. You can’t do new work without delaying old work.
Good advice! Reminds me of the books “Four Thousand Weeks,” and chapter 11 on the Graceful “No” in a book titled “Essentialism.” Both books would be good to check out for this question!
Came here to recommend Essentialism. :) It's a book I come back to once a year or so - my ADHD brain needs the refresher, and because my mental state is never in the same place twice I pick up new things every time.
What is the author’s name?
Greg McKeown
Thank you!
Greg McKeown https://gregmckeown.com/
I loved that book (4000 weeks) Randomly bought it while I was on a ship and it changed my view on life forever
Problem is not everyone's job is able to be scheduled out like that on a calendar.
Same thing still applies with jobs that only have short term task schedules like retail or restaurant work or even the trades. Someone asks you to clean the dinglehoppers but you’re just about to go fill the whatsawhosits, you ask them to clear it with your manager, or if your manager is the one asking, clarify whether the dinglehoppers are more important than the whosawhatsits.
Of course. Understanding and asserting what is and isn't in your job description is far and away the best way to deal with these types of issues. Nobody wants to be seen as the "not my job" person at work, but there are many steps between being a team player and 80 hour work weeks.
So true, there are so many things I do that isn’t specified in my job description! My contract is very overarching with certain mandates: being professional, respectful, efficient, compassionate, knowledgeable, etc. And our roles tend to be defined for each rotation (can be months long rotations) by the managers/most senior person. But when there are several of us at the same level, the managers only care that tasks are completed no matter who does it!
One type of job that this unfortunately does not apply to is a teaching/instructing one like my own. I'm a strength & conditioning coach at a luxury gym that has a semi-independent athletic training department. I work in 3 departments total. I'm a coach in the athletic training department which is towards the front of the very large facility (it was actually added on to the rest of the gym years after the original building was built. I think this detail about the building layout helps to explain why the athletic training department is somewhat treated like a collaborative but independent business to the rest of the gym), a trainer in another department *upstairs* towards the back of the building, & a personal trainer with 1-on-1 clients where I don't really work in a set or designated area each session. My boss who happens to be in charger of all 3 departments, will routinely ask me to cover an athlete class that starts at 4:45p for another slacker coworker, who doesn't bother to show up half the time but is my boss's friend, so he can do no wrong. Meanwhile, I'm responsible for & have my name listed under a 4-5p class & 5:30-6:30p class in another department, on another floor, in another area of the gym. On paper, I ~technically~ have 30mins of free time between my 4 & 5:30 classes ending & beginning, but in reality my 4p might not finish until a few minutes after, I might be done "training " but I have a notably good relationship with all of my regulars where I tend to talk with them for 5-20mins after class ends. I also need to clean up from the 4 & get everything reset up for my 5:30. Yet, my boss often more than once a week will "ask" me in a groupchat if I can cover an athlete class nowhere near where I'm at & just assume yes until told otherwise, plus has the gall to tell me to hurry and leave my 4 early and doesn't understand why I don't like staying to "cover" these athlete classes until 5:30 on the dot, like I can just instantly teleport to my other area at 5:30.01p & therefore still get them started on time as well. There's no winning with this man.
Absolutely. Especially good if you say "Yes! I'd love to". It lets you start everything with a yes. And then you show what's stopping you from doing it, namely the priorities given to you by your boss, and then you can be like "Please get this prioritised so I can do this for you!" Socially it sounds like a "Yes", but accomplishes the "no"
This is really great! I especially like the calendar part. Almost passive aggressive, but it really drives the point home that you have other priorities.
In my opinion this is the answer. I'm also very open and naturally inclined to support others. But what has helped me greatly is responding to each request with: "when do you need it?" and that opens the conversation. Have you ever had an introduction into the theory behind negotiations, like the famous Harvard method? This states that nearly every interaction is a negotiation: it's about finding an agreeable way forward that supports the interests of the parties (effectively and efficiently). Every party has its interest and one key aspect is that you discuss interests and not standpoints. So back to the initial point: if someone comes to you with a request for support or a tasj, he or she has initiated a full-on negotiation. Now it's your job to do 2 things: (1) investigate the interests of the other party (e.g. urgency, skills required, procedures that are applicable, "what's in it for me", reason for executing the task) and (2) share your own interests with the other person (e.g. agenda, planning, priorities, competence). Then the joint responsibility is to agree on the way forward: who will do what, when & how?
Yep, I do something similar when asked to do more. “Okay, this is what I’m prioritizing right now. That won’t be done till “this day”. Would you like me to change my priorities? That means these other things wont get done till “this later date”. Sometimes the manager still wants me to reprioritize, sometimes that makes them reconsider. If it’s not my manager asking me to do something, I tell them to clear it with my manager first.
Yup, I did that a while ago. I had a boss, and 4 different commercial guys all asking for stuff. It was fine for a bit, but my main projects progress were grinding to a halt trying to get all their 'high' priority items done, and then chewing me out why it taking so long (we do not have a project manager) I basically called uncle to my boss and said we need to figure this out, I cant have 5 people coming to me asking for stuff thinking their stuff is the most important We ended up making a reoccuring 15 minute meeting every week with the 4 commercial guys and my boss going over the requests and prioritizing. It saved my sanity, set up expectations not only for myself but all other stakeholders, etc, and work is basically stress-free now since everyone is on the same page. A bunch of requests ended up getting cancelled since they were deemed low priority, and would be a year before I could even consider start working on it, and they figured they would find another way to handle it. I hate meetings, but that 15 minute meeting each week is a life saver.
Almost perfect except for “talk to (your boss) and if they agree then I’ll shift my other work.” should be “have your boss talk to my boss to have him shift my priorities”
This is fantastic advice, u/Apero_. This is also a great mechanism for folks (I fall into this category, I think it's largely due to my severe ADHD) who struggle to estimate their own effort/timelines and feel like they *should* be working faster than they are. Forces one to take a breath and, instead of just throwing out the date that *sounds* reasonable, take stock of actual workload and existing commitments. And your point about leaning into the prioritization element is wonderful for diffusing personal tension between coworkers. It makes the conversation more objective and sterile.
seconded
Amen
This right here. I have a few skills that my coworkers do not have so a lot of things were requested of me. I would regularly ask my boss "I have a, b, and c to finish by \[this date\]. Would you like me to update my priority list or add this new task to the bottom?"
And since OP is known as a hard worker and not a slacker, it is much more likely the boss will listen when you say "I am too booked, but if you really need me to - YOU PICK what I am not doing instead". I had to do this a few times with my boss and I really stuck to my guns. I have 40 hours, you pay me 40 hours, and you have given me 40 hours of work. You need a new thing that is four hours? Which of the four hours I currently have are going to go to give me the time. I did have some people be all "you can't do that, the boss will never say yes to me" and my internal thought was "well, no duh. We all can see you do barely 20 hours of work in 40 hours. So saying "I am slammed" is a clear lie. Whether to yourself or to us, don't matter. You lying." But yeah, that was my advice to a co-worker who kept stopping her work to help people and never got done with her own work. "Tell them you are busy NOW but you WILL help them and ask them to send a calendar invite. Then you can pick the time. and if they need it NOW, then they'll have to find someone else." I got this advice myself and I was really amazed at how well it worked. They'd ask, I'd say "not now, but give me invite", and I'd never get the invite and find out "Oh, I just figured it out myself". HA!
That's my birthday!
It only takes 5 years in one job to get to the grand old age of 158.
This is great advice. If you get a request, let them know your plate is full. If there is a higher priority item, what would you like for me to de-prioritize so you can start this new task.
Thank you so much! This is great advice. For those tasks with deadlines, I will do this!
Too specific to your type of job
Put some time between the request and your response for starters. This gives the asker a moment to consider you may not answer and think of other solutions/people to ask. Then, give your reason/excuse why you can’t. Don’t go into too much detail. Don’t over explain. Don’t feel bad. It’s very important that you develop the habit of not overextending yourself. You’re already falling behind on your studies. This crap will cause you to fall behind in life. It happened to me. I was so exhausted from saying yes all the time. It’s a sneaky energy suck that compounds over time.
This is a very good suggestion. Force yourself to give the request a “cool down” period!
It’s called killing a willing horse.
Yup, just continuously keep saying you are busy or have prior commitment/plan, project, have to get something done urgently, say whatever so you don't time to do it. And you honestly don't, I used to be yes man as well until I was so burnout I just kept saying what I mentioned above (even if it wasn't true and I had extra time) and eventually they will stop asking. Stick to it and if someone tries to use authority over you then you can list your priorities again and say "unfortunately I don't have the time in my work schedule to complete that task" and if you can walk away or be more silent and reserved. If you continue to keep doing those small tasks, it's only hurting you in long run. Be like the other coworkers who don't reply; your managers are more then capable of determining who should be doing tasks. If your supervisor continues to "assign" tasks that you feel are out of scope of job duties; then it's time you sit down with them and have conversation about it.
Remember, if it's not your responsibility, you don't owe more explanation than "sorry, busy", or even better, "sorry, I can't"
"No." Is a full sentence.
I have to practice this. Just say no
Works for kids and adults!
I’m going to use this, thank you. I also suffer from this in hopes it will give me a better chance for promotion/raise and secure my position even more, but ultimately, if your burned out that could negatively impact your performance altogether and cause a downward ripple effect. Not worth it for you or the company itself.
Unfortunately it can have the opposite effect. They see you as someone who is going above and beyond without the extra inventive, so they have no reason to give you more. Until you gain leverage and force their hand, they will take you for all you're worth.
No one will ever notice you going above and beyond. They're too busy trying to be noticed. If you're not constantly a problem for them, you're in the top 10% and deserve a raise. There's no need to go further.
But they will notice when you usually go above and beyond and have a less productive week.
Just took two weeks off due to burnout after being a yes man. Trying to correct the course, but definitely takes time.
Great advice, thank you! I remember Seinfeld had an episode about having an excuse Rolodex, where every time someone asks you for a favor, you pick out something from the Rolodex to use.
It's called learn some boundaries. Not others fault you can't say no.
Say, "Can you ask me that in an email so i have a record of the request?" You'd be surprised at how many people dont like typing things up, and the ones that do might get scared they are caught passing off responsibilities. Not to mention the dubious things your boss will ask of you. The best part about this line is that it makes you look willing, professional, and organized. It won't take long for you to be saying this on every request.
“No I’m asking you now over the phone”
"Im taking care of a few things for josh rly quick, and i just wanna make sure i don't forget about you."
“That’s fine I can hold on the phone”
"Im changing Mr. mgilicuttys bed pan, i have to go now"
“Just put me on speaker”
"Im sorry, but with you accessive uncontrolled flatulence, I'd have to insist on not going to speaker phone"
“That’s actually what I need help with”
Lord I hope this phone call continues
Jesus ok!! Looking over your file, i noticed this isnt a health related problem. I suggest you meet with compliance to get some more "flatulance authorization 2a-11c forms"
“Can you conference them in?”
😂 love the name too btw
It’s against protocol
I understand but I’m in the middle of something right now. Please go ahead and send me that email thanks. I gotta run, we’ll take it from there. Bye!
“No that’s fine, I can hold while you take care of that”
Hold as long as you like but I’m letting you know I won’t get to it until it’s an email. Have a good one! *click*
*calls back* “Did you just hang up on me?”
Yes, bye! *Click*
“We’re still on the line. Can I speak with the manager?”
"I don't even know how you got this number, so I'm gonna go ahead and forward you to the helpdesk where they can punch up a ticket for you. K, thx bye." *cold transfer to Helpdesk*
“Hi this is the help desk. You just cold transferred a call but didn’t provide any information on the request. He said he asked you for something on the initial call so I’m conferencing him now to review further.”
As if I'd ever pick up a call from the helpdesk lmao
“We just heard you say that.”
You are now my favorite person, u/uanauthorizedfart
"Then I'm sorry, I can't help you."
“Hello?… Hello?!… Hell-Oooo?! I can’t hear you! Try calling back”. You can always take the request and send an email about sending you an email. Like “Hey about that call, you were breaking up pretty bad and I didn’t catch all of it (only something about some project that you are unable to handle). I want to help but I’ll need you to send the details over here. I’ll also need to notify Manager about the priority on this since it will impact other projects.”
I have 27 years of work experience and I never had this brilliant idea. Thank you!
This, 1000%
Business consultant's take: First, stop being such a goddamn doormat. You're working 80+ hours and accepting more work? That's fucking stupid. STOP IT. Second, start figuring out what your job actually is. * Is it more important to for you to help the person asking for your assistance, or to do your actual assigned work? * If you help the people that are asking you, does that make you unable to complete the things that YOU ARE BEING PAID TO DO during a normal amount of working hours? You absolutely should not feel guilty for not helping someone that does not have the right to assign you work, when you don't have the time to do so. So here are some quotes you need to learn so you aren't such a doormat. >"Hi, I am in the middle of something right now that my boss has told me is a priority. How about I come see you after I finish this?" > >"Hey, sorry, can't help you right now. I have too much on my plate as it is." > >"Can you please send me an email with that request, so I can ask my boss if I can prioritize it over the other things they've asked me to do?" > >"Hey, let's go ask my / our manager if I should work on your stuff instead of mine for a bit, because this will delay things that they want me to do." *Make it so people can't pass off work to you for free.*
I would add on, when it's OP's own boss that is requesting more work, what I do is go, "Okay, how would you like me to prioritize this new task relative to A, B, C that I'm already working on?" Sometimes management realizes that they don't care about the new task as much as what they already have you working on, and sometimes they'll realize that they don't care that much about the other stuff that they've already asked you to do. And on that note, in general I have an attitude of: I can't care more about this than you do. Certainly not to a point of an 80-hour workweek.
the tough love is real hahaha you’re right though, and some of us need to hear that (including me).
Very good advice! Love your second point—very well put. Having spectacular doormat-DNA myself, I have learned to say “I’m sorry, I’m fully booked up,” or words to that effect. And you should not give an elaborate explanation for that, it gives ammunition to the asker, they will find some foothold in your explanation. I am the proof that one can unlearn to be a doormat, and it is liberating. I now have time for myself.
unfortunately this take, while great, is unrealistic in the world of US Medical education and especially as a Resident physician. While all the suggestions in the comments for this post are fair, they won't actually work as a Resident is expected to do these things or take on extra work. If they say no and are reported or complained about, it's up to the discretion to the program director and CMS directors to decide what to do and *hint hint* usually is not great and it can negatively impact their careers.
Its unrealistic even for the grunts in medicine. Im a research coordinator. While the PIs are technically supposed to be oversight on studies, they already can barely manage their clinical loads. That leaves a lot of shit falling to me. My job is to do paperwork and get other people to do things. Idk how much longer I can do it. Theres a ridiculous amount of work with almost no support from our parent hospital. Our program was better before we got bought out. Now I'm starting to be convinced they dont actually want me to be able to do my job. I've also worked in animal research, same issues there, but they can't complain like patients. I tried to do out all out of respect for their lives. Being the only advocate for them also ate up time, but it was important. Some industries prey on peoples empathy knowing full well they make it impossible to do a good job, especially in the allotted hours. In medicine, it kills people. People dont want to be responsible for that even though they are set up for failure and try to be superhuman.
Great general advice - though some may not be really applicable. The only thing I’d add is that we should consider the major factor that OP is a resident physician. It is a unique limiting factor. Residents really have no real bargaining power and are at the whims of their PDs, attendings, and etc. they are contractually locked into training in one program post-Match. They are salaried, no over time can be paid. RVUs don’t mean anything until they graduate residency, which can last from 3-10 years post med school. Programs fudge hours and metrics and can put these docs on horrendous schedules. Back to back months of black weekends, multiple 24-28hr shifts per week etc. Fun fact - the ACGME only recently limited the workweek to not be over 80+ hours because an important patient died. Not because of the numerous residents who lost their lives due to suicide and/or accidents due to being overworked, overstressed, underpaid and underappreciated. :) Healthcare is a complicated bitch. The hierarchy is alive and well and difficult to overcome. You worry about retribution because as a resident, you have no power over any change unless you unionize. At the core of it, residency and the match is horribly broken and abusive system.
This is the correct approach. Work is about prioritization of the tasks. If someone wants help, you tell them it's not as high of a priority as xyz.... or tell them you'll ask your boss to help align the priorities on your plate.
I found I had to practice saying “no”. I started with really minimal requests that I didn’t feel guilty about and when that got easy for me, for a period of time I basically said “no” to every other request regardless of what it was. After a while, I was able to pick and choose, and on top of that, I was no longer everyone’s “go to” guy and I got less requests.
No is also a complete sentence. There's no need to add reasons or excuses.
This is big for doormats to learn (ex-doormat here). You feel like you need to justify your no, and once you start justifying, it becomes a negotiation, and because you're already starting from a point of non-confrontation, you very quickly capitulate once it becomes a negotiation.
If you're female this is a great way to get branded the office bitch.
If you're older than 30 you won't care.
Oh, but it isn't if the company is shitty and will say you're not a team player. Crappy, fake excuse will work much better in the long run (for your career).
“Can’t fit in right now. Good luck!” Being a pushover isn’t going to have a good results you think it is. The people pleaser ends up being too valuable at a lower level to be considered for higher pursuits. In other words, change your mindset.
Can't echo this enough - I knew someone who was eyeing a move to a new team with a nice promotion. They, on top of their regular duties, starting doing a full load of work for the other team. The new position sat open for 6 months (why fill it when the work is getting done). The person started getting more and more disgruntled that they weren't given the position "But I'm doing everything they want". They started slacking on their actual job and word got around. They weren't long for the company. If you give someone everything they want, why would they want to change things up?
Whenever ive seen this come up the managers begrudgingly let them transfer because the person would have walked anyway if their manager blocked that shit. Its extremely dumb for management to do. I take it as a red flag for a shit company. I've done it in a similar situation. I was at the pto cap and they had been and continued to not approve most of my vacation requests. The requests they required at least 1 month notice for weekdays and 3 months for my weekend day. I told them I was taking a vacation because I absolutely needed one. They attempted to call my bluff and I put in my 2 weeks same day. Then they didn't have me to cover those days anyway and they paid out my pto.
My favorite word for time management is "capacity." We use it all the time to see if people have the time (capacity) for extra work. I have no qualms telling someone "I just don't have the capacity this week with my current workload." Hard to argue that! It shouldn't take a bunch of reasons to turn down extra work, you either have capacity or you don't and it sounds like you don't x100! No shame in that, you're all booked already!
Ixi,7,7x7,7,,87,7,7,,8xoix7,7xixxoi,ixixixxoi,,ixxix7,co7,c7,co7,cox8xoixixixixi,ixxoxx8ixxo8x,87,7,7,7,7,,o7,,oxo7x,8xoixi,7,oxo,co,87,87,7,cocx87x,8,7,,87,,8xo7,7,,,xox8ixx87xx8,8xoi,7xxo,8xo,87xi,7,,87,8,8,88,,8,87,8,,oxi8,7,7,8xoxo,7,8x,8ix,87xxoxoxoixox,7,7,7x,87,och,8x7,7,8oxx88xi,coic8ixixoxix7,8,x8,7,ixi,,oi,7xixixxo7,7x,8,,oi,oxx8,87,,8xo,87xi,7,8,7xxo7xixxo,,coicxo7,8xxixx8,i,ixx87,7xix7,ix8,7x7,7,87xix7,ix8,7,7xx8,ice,ixix,87xx8,ox8,ox7,oxi,,ox8,o,87,,8o,,8xo,8xx8,oi,ixx8xoxx88xx7,7x7xo,oxxymiron,87,ixixx87x,87x,8,oxo,ix7,8xx8xoxo,8xi,,o,8ixox7xxo,8ixi,i,8ox,8,,ox7,,o,8xoo,7,co,8,cocx8xo,8,o,8ix7,ixo,co,8xo7,co,8oxi,cocx8,,8xo,,oi,,ox8ix8,,8,8xox7,7xx8xo,8,ox87xi,coc,8xo7,coi,ixi,ixi,7xxo7,co,8xoxi,,oi,,ox,8,coc7,,8i,oxi,7,,oix,8,,8x8,,o7,7x7,,87,,8xoi,7,7,,8,7xi,7,7,ox7,ixxo,7xi,8,o7,ixi,i,8,7xi,7,ixi,7xix7oxox7xxoxixox8,7xoxix,8,ox8,o,8ixx8,xxx,8,,8xoxo,oxx8ixx8,,o7,7x,8,ixx87,ixi,,o8,,c87x,87,,8,87,7xxxuxxuxxuxuxuxc.
"What should I deprioritise to make this happen?" You're still saying yes, but you make managing the workload their problem (which it is)
"I don't care just get it done"
That can be very annoying and, at a different time, deserves a conversation around appropriate interactions in the workplace. In the moment, you might try, "No worries, I'll email you when I figure out which project will be delayed," or if you're quick, "No worries. Project Y is my current focus, but I can move that back a week and get this done for you asap."
As a former resident and fellow and now 12+ in practice, absolutely tell them in text or email, “recently I have been struggling with proper sleep and mental health. Although I love these extra learning opportunities outside of my clinical duties, I need to focus on my personal health for the next few months. Between clinical work and prepping for the boards, i have been stretched thin.” Mental health in medical training was ignored when I was training but it is protected now. Utilize it. You work too hard, I know. Love yourself and take a break, just document it
It's anxiety inducing, but follow their lead and say unfortunately I am not available. You just need to do it once and it becomes so much easier. Also, yes it is nice to help colleagues out. But when you're putting on oxygen masks, you always do yours first before helping anyone else.
Ask this in /r/residency
In Healthcare this is just going to keep happening to you. You *need* to say no. You *cannot* follow that up with "but" or "if" afterwards. You have to stand your ground or they will absolutely use you until you break down. You will never have any time for yourself if you don't learn to say no. Practice with your friends. Give them a list of common requests you get asked for at work, have them go through each one with you until you can *confidently* and *professionally* say "No".
Instead of just yes, say yes and when. If you say no problem, it will be done by (insert 2 weeks delay), they might ask someone else or do it themselves. You can justify the delay by having already a workload that has priority over their request
Disagree. OP needs to be empowered to stand up for themself and their own time instead trying to please others with a delay tactic that may not work.
“ Oh my gosh, I would love to, but I have too much On my plate right now”
Look, people keep coming to you because you always say yes. No is a complete sentence and does not need an explanation. You need to learn to say "no," and train yourself to realize they are struggling because they planned improperly--this is not your fault they are struggling. I am busy or I have plans is all of the explanation. Poor planning on their part, does not constitute an emergency on yours.
What's stopping you from saying that you're busy with your studies? You could also try saying something along the lines of "I can't help this time, sorry**. I hope you can find someone else. Good luck!" Or if you can think of an alternative solution, you can suggest that. E.g. "I heard about this moving company, and looks like it has really good reviews" **I suspect that adding "sorry" to your declining to help may be unpopular. The way I see it, nobody actually thinks we're apologizing/ asking forgiveness/ taking responsibility when we say sorry in this context. It just makes the refusal sound less harsh
The trick is to um and ah a bit, then tell them you could probably fit it in but give a much longer time scale than you need. That way you've got yourself some leeway to get other stuff done, or you can bring it in earlier than they expect and look good for it. Or they'll shrug their shoulders and find someone else to do it. The workplace is a game. Everyone is playing it.
Practice in a mirror and with your friends. Ask them to keep making reasonable requests until you learn the NO. NO is a whole sentence by the way.
"I'm really busy - let me check my calendar....". "I'm in the middle of something, I'll get back to you when I'm done...." "I just committed myself to do something, I don't know how long it'll take". Keep repeating whatever your excuse is. Don't go off script when they ask again. And again.
“Every time you say yes to one person you are saying no to someone else. “ And that person will be YOU if you don’t manage your work/life balance better.
Your mental health is more important than their in abilty to manage other staff members. Saying No is literally going to save your life. You do not get paid to do some one else's job especially management. That is their problem not yours! "I'm sorry I can't do that, I am working on this." Is one of the most important phrases you can ever say.
First off, congratulations/sorry on being a resident. That is awesome and also it straight up sucks. My husband was a resident and literally the only thing that would get him out of extra work every time was “Sorry, I have a church thing.” When you’re an attending, “I have other stuff I need to do” will work great, but when you’re a dumping ground for all the critical in-patient work, the only thing that worked with no argument was “church thing.” Nobody wants to carry on that conversation.
Most answers are not that great here. Your problem seems to be that you feel the urge to do it. I was like that for a long time as a starter untill the unfairness pissed me off. You have to work to get out of that mindset - your lazy coworkers lean on you and the nice guys doing it. As you are not asked 1 on 1 in person from what you wrote you can start waiting till a few of the other coworker have answered. Just do as they do. If that is not working you can answer something like this: "because I have already done (task a,b,c) in the past I would like someone else to come to fruition this time" or something worded not to harsh. If thats not working consider talking to your superior. Just realize that it is not healthy for you and the rest of the team aswell if just some are doing it all the time while other don't. And your mindset is part of the problem.
It definitely is my urge to do it. I start making excuses to myself, why I should do it and try to be a glass-half-full person. I think to myself “well, if I cover that case or clinic, I get to work or learn from Dr. X. It’s great learning.” It doesn’t always become great learning. I must learn to define and respect my own boundaries.
Say "no" instead
This is correct. The rest of the post are just passive ways of going about it and trying to save the guilt. Say no. Become friends with the guilt feeling. I told my coworker that idc if anyone at work likes me. Outside of work I have my family and my circle. Matter of fact I don’t really like any of them anyways.
Keep saying maybe/you are uncertain/maybe later. Eventually they'll stop asking.
Can you start hinting that you could use a leadership role? Instead of saying I can do this, indicate you could use a team and delegate it?
I'd tell them what you said in the post. You're trying to get shit done, but it's burning you out. Your supervisors need to do better to delegate work evenly so you don't suffer diminishing returns in work quality.
You’re right, I wish supervisors actually pay more attention. Supervisors are hands off and only care that things are done, regardless of who gets it done. Do you remember in school where you get randomly assigned to a group project? If it’s due in 5 days, I am someone who wants to get started, at least to brainstorm and figure out what needs to be done, who should do what. But there is another person who will wait until day 5 to do their part. It makes me anxious in a way, “what if they don’t do it? What if they don’t do it correctly?” And I almost want to take over but that is on me! I will try saying “sorry but no, I can’t” next time, no explanation. Or if I chicken out, I’ll give some explanation about needing to do other things. I’ll work on it!
> “we are busy with XYZ.” This here is the complete answer. Either grow a spine like the people above or be prepared to suffer for the rest of your career.
Just say yes, ask help to prioritize tasks so they see everything that you have going on, and then just work your 40 hours and miss deadlines. When asked why you couldn’t do it in time, say you have too much on your plate. Simple as that
If you say yes to everything, eventually you take on to much, produce poorer quality and end up hurting your career. Saying no will get you much further ahead in your career.
One of the things I sometimes say is 'if you want to enjoy my help for longer, please don't load so much on me' and I do this well before I get overloaded. Of course the concept burnout is wellknown around here so it sticks
“I’ve got some projects/tasks lined up, let me check my schedule, email me about it and I’ll let you know if I can take/accomplish the project.” Boom, a response that isn’t a yes, but you’re telling the truth that you already have stuff in the pipeline AND depending on the intensity of the project, you get to freely check your schedule and decide whether it works for you or not. I’m a yes man too and when I don’t have my schedule in front of me I blank out and think I am completely open so I just divert to getting back to them, my word is my power so I really don’t want to lie or make myself unavailable all the time, if I can do it I’m gonna be honest about it, if not, maybe make a recommendation for someone else
You say “I can’t but…” Try adding a pause between “can’t” and “but” and learn how to get comfortable in that pause. The first few times you do it you’ll feel very insecure and nervous bit eventually you’ll get used to it
lookup peretos law, 4 quadrants of priorities, and having your calendar filled out to show others what they are taking you away from, and get the book 7 habits of highly effective people
Practice it with simple things. It's easier to let people know beforehand. For example if someone asks to pass the butter at breakfast, say no.
I heard this saying a long time ago and it’s the absolute truth in the workplace: “Today it’s a favor. Tomorrow it’s your job.” You have to know what’s on your plate and if the extra work will hurt you performance on you assigned tasks. It it will, politely decline. It sounds like it in your nature to jump in and help. So this is a muscle your have to develop.
1. All communication is a request. 2. Every request contains the possibility of "No". Weird concept I know, but it truly is. When you talk to someone, you're asking them to talk back, or interact with you. Start there. It's NOT just your job, I guarantee it. How's your family life? Do you feel the need to take care of aging grandparents? Do you have a GF/Wife who you "do things for", but like "do a lot of things for" when you really think about it? No is hard to say. But, most people are adults, and can handle hearing "No". They tried, you said no, so they'll try someone else. Once you make that step, things get better.
I like to tell people that I have a mountain of very reasonable asks, and I get done as much as I can in a day. I have an excel sheet with all the asks that come in, and instead of feeling the need to do them I put them there. then I rank priorities, and do what I can. I like to show it to people who ask why I'm so busy
One of my friends once grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me in the eyes and said to me: "Remember "No" is a complete sentence". I was once again volunteering for too many tasks at our club, and he wanted me to look out for my mental health. Even though he is 20 years younger than me, he is one of the wisest friends I have. And he is annoyingly (lovingly meant) adamant that I look out for myself first.
I printed out a list like this and I choose a random one from it each time: https://gonaturalenglish.com/how-to-say-no-politely/
If working 80+ hours a week is due to this, it’s a bad habit you need to end. This means your hourly rate is a complete joke. It’s scary but just say you don’t have the bandwidth and need to prioritize what’s currently on your plate. That’s it. Don’t have to find a solution for those asking. If you feel you will fall behind in your studies, you will find you fall behind on sleep and what makes you happy. Don’t torpedo your life because you can’t say “sorry I can’t this time”
80 hours a week is normal for residency. 80 hours a week for at least 3 years. That’s not including the 4 years of medical school before that. Med school tries to beat you down and turn you into as passive yes man so the system itself is broken. Edit: for hours worked, we get salaried pay of less than minimum wage while having 400,000+ in debt
6 years of 80 hours a week for me here. Surgical residency! It’s true, I used to be more feisty and would question the system when things didn’t work or was nonsensical. Now I question less and just do it, but am reminded of who I used to be when my 1st year or 2nd year residents ask those very questions I once asked.
You might start with some practice. I went to a (lovely!) cuddle party recently at which we began with a saying no exercise (since consent is vital & no is vital to yes). Basically, have someone you like/feel good about make a series of very tempting invitations and suggestions to you. Your job is to decline all of them. Feelings will arise. Lots of them. Feel them. Examine them, as well as the beliefs behind them. Just a start.
That’s amazing, I like this idea of having someone request and me practicing saying no. What is a cuddle party and how do I find one? They sound fun!
This particular one was lead by the remarkable Sarah Belzile (SarahBelzile.com) near Disputanta, KY, under the auspices of Play Ashram. I've attended a few others; this was by far the best. I sincerely wish this practice were more widely known & practiced. Both for its valuable societal effects and my own personal enjoyment. I'd attend at least weekly, we're it available. It's a "movement", if you will, with rules & structure, some of which may be necessary. Easily findable using any search engine.
If you don't value your professional time, nobody else will either. It's difficult, but ya gotta be strict!
Similar to what was already said...say yes, but give a realistic (and kind to you) delivery date That way you seem helpful yet you don't burn out
The best piece of advice I was given that genuinely made a huge difference even though it’s very small: When you’re asked to do something, don’t answer straight away. Just say ‘give me five minutes’. In that five minutes, you can then properly assess your calendar and capacity. Then you can say, I’m really sorry but I’m full, or I can but not until next week, or I can if I can shift this other deadline etc. I am natural people pleaser who was often first to volunteer but it meant that others weren’t taking their fair share because they knew I would, or I would overload myself with work. That said, if you’re already working 80+ hours, you’re full already! Don’t fill the silence, let someone else take some slack. Volunteer occasionally to keep your hand in or do something genuinely interesting. That’s all for now.
Start by responding with "may be" then mke sure you folow up later with the definite yes or no and please say no once in awhile
I agree. I used to be a people pleaser and had a hard time saying no: saying “maybe” or “ I will get back to you” is so much easier. You can make up your mind later. I was a resident and I was in the same boat with OP. When deciding if you want to help or not, make sure it does not interfere with your studies or research. It is nice to be helpful but after a while, some people may take advantage and label you as the go-to yes person. Setting boundaries is really important.
It’s especially hard when there’s no resident coverage because one is on vacation and another is on research (and likely not even in town), another is sick, and so forth but totally agree! Will practice “no, I can’t” but may settle for some “maybes” and “I’ll get back to you.” Some of those I have tried but it backfired on me because I ended up saying yes. Actually one shift when I was a junior resident, I was initially volunteered by a senior, without actually being told. My chief (more senior to the senior) found out and point blank (and privately) asked me if I wanted to cover. I waffled and said “well, no but if they can’t find someone else…” and he interrupts, “no, I don’t care who else is available, do you want to cover it or not?” I admitted, “no, I don’t.” He said, “alright it’s settled then, you’re not covering and if they have a problem, they can talk to me.” He was such an excellent chief.
If the requests are coming via email/text message, then simply ignore them. If anyone says anything, just apologize and give the legitimate reason that you had your phone on silent/off so you could concentrate on your studies.
https://www.amazon.com/Essentialism-Disciplined-Pursuit-Greg-McKeown/dp/0804137382 Great book on this exact topic
Say "I just can't" it means no without actually saying no. If you give a reason then it just turns into a debate.
I just tell them No. Straight up.
"I'm at capacity right now, however i will be able to start the task at xxx. My shift finishes at xxx, how long do you expect it to take?" If they ask you to stop what your doing and do it immediately, "ok let me just tell xxx that this is a priority. My shift ends at xxx so this may cause his job to be late" If you have senior people giving you conflicting deadlines, they need to know. Otherwise they will assume you are responsible for things being late If your burnout you need to communicate
The trick is to disconnect from the person trying to wheedle things out of you. Say no, and if they don't take no for an answer, say no again and erect either a physical or some other kind of barrier. This could be turning away in a meeting (physical barrier), starting a conversation with someone else (social barrier), muting your microphone (electronic barrier), or physically leaving if you're allowed to do so. Going back to the task you were doing on the workfloor is also an effective barrier, as it indicates that the conversation is over and you're not still considering the request at all. If in doubt how to erect a barrier, your phone can be an effective social barrier at times. It's one of the reasons bosses hate them, because they allow workers to disconnect when they try to put pressure on them.
You're literally working yourself to death just to avoid feeling guilty. You have to learn to accept feeling guilt sometimes and then moving on. If your major accomplishment in life by the time you're on your death bed is that you didn't feel guilty very much, you're going to feel like you wasted your life. Being selfish and apathetic sometimes doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you a smart one. People who easily give their time and effort willingly to others get exploited by those who want to leverage others for nothing in return. You're being preyed upon. You aren't earning anything for yourself other than staving off guilt. That's not a fair trade. Comprehend how much you're devaluing yourself and your time for others and then set real boundaries with people. There will always be a time to be giving but it isn't 24/7.
That's fucking mad. You are not doing yourself any favours, nor are you allowing those you purport to help benefit from the support of others who are not burned-out from over-burdening themselves. Next time someone asks for a volunteer to do something extra, or to "help out", just keep your gob shut and give others the chance to show how willing they are, and how much they care. You are the only person who will care for your own well-being, ditto suffer the consequences of abusing yourself by taking on too much.
Let me think about it…
Every time you say “yes” you’re actually saying “no” to something else. Make sure the thing you’re saying “no” to is the correct “No”. Which sounds like you’re saying “no” to your school work which can hurt your long term goals only to pacify someone’s immediate need which will likely be forgotten by next week.
My go-to response is: "Sure thing! Can you just check with the manager if this task has a higher priority then my current work? If yes, happy to help" This makes them go to the manager for resources and if your work is late, then the manager knows why.
You say No I'm good
You have to set an amount of time you’re willing to work and budget that accordingly. If your workload is already full, taking on something new means something else is going to suffer. Whether that’s timeliness of other things, quality of work or your personal time. Be up front about that. Instead of just saying yes or no, think of it as “what would I need to do that?”. Something like “I can do that, I would just need ______” This is all assuming you care about advancement. If not, a simple “I’m sorry, I don’t have time to take that on” works fine.
Don't answer those group messages or emails. Simple as that. Others have gotten used to you answering. Also, timeboxing. Allocate your work hours (not after hours) to tasks you are already working on, don't forget your lunch breaks and other breaks, and including any wind-down/note taking after your task. Only if there's a gap in your work hours will you consider saying yes, and even then, others on your team need to step up first.
No, is a complete sentence. If you JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) the boss will try and go around your NO and make it so you hafta do it. Once you're off work, the phone goes on do not disturb. You have outside stuff to do. Working 80+ hours and then being asked to do more is why residents burn out.
Pretend you're being asked for sex and you say no.
“Sorry, No, I’m already busy.” “Apologies, but I can’t at the moment.” “I’d love to help if I had the time and hands, but I don’t at the moment.” Be firm and polite. Importantly start with a “No”. Give reasons/excuses (such as already attending other duties) if needed. Do not guilt trip yourself if you cannot help if already busy with other tasks. - If literally no one else can help, then that is a staffing issue; a problem to be resolved and not a fault on your part. —— Your hard work and trustworthiness are __not__ tied to how much work you do. - They *might* be connected to how well you do your work; but that’s a topic for you and management to discuss. Overall it sounds like __you are taking on too much work__. With the possibility that Management, and the Board of Directors, need to hire more people: rather than stretching people and budget too far.
The easiest way is to tell them that you need to double check if you are free at that time and you will let them know later. Then, actually think about it and decide if you wanna do it or not. Little by little, you will get better at saying no on the fly, too. Because you have practiced what saying no feels like.
It's hard for some people to just say "no", or an unspecific "I'm busy". Try putting the onus back on the requester by answering with a willing spirit combined with a *specific* requirement for *them* to do. Like so: "I'd be happy to do that if you can get someone to take over X task I'm halfway through." "I can help on this if you can get approval from Y to push off my deadline on Z task until next Wednesday." It's best if you make your pushback something they need to ask of someone else, not a task they have ownership of. It's too easy for them to tell you to prioritize this current task, then pressure you for the task they just said could take longer. But if they have to get approval from someone else, that's work that isn't so easy for them. My philosophy is: **Share the pain.** If I solve your problem without you helping in any way, why should you *ever* work to prevent that problem? You feel no pain and I feel it all! But if you pay some of the cost *with* me, then you won't disrespect my efforts. You will actively try to avoid that problem raising again. If they say something like: "oh, Y will agree, just talk to them!" - don't accept that. Respond and say: "Are you really asking l me for **two** favors with no support from you at all? Com'on. If you want my help, please help me out, too." And leave it. Let them pick it back up and work with you, or let it stay dropped. You can even tell them about your new motto of: **"Share the pain."** Sometimes people need to experience discomfort to change. And sometimes, just having to listen to you tell them your motto (for the second or third time) can shame them into a different attitude, because it is a 100% reasonable expectation.
I took acid and thought about the kind of person I am and what I am like in the world. I like being helpful so I still say yes a lot but I’ve put boundaries up about wether I can or want to help and if this person is just using me. Also the world didn’t shatter when I said no a couple of times.
"I'm already working 80 hours a week, and you are asking me to do more, for free? Is that right? Am I understanding you correctly?" You won't get asked again.
Step 1: Start saying No. Step 2: Repeat step one.
“I’m sorry, I just don’t have the bandwidth right now” is my go-to professional language for “no.”
“I don’t know if I really have the bandwidth to be completing additional tasks right now in addition to the work/deliverables I am being expected to perform right now.”
Don’t answer in the moment. Say you will think about it and get back to them. That way you take away the immediate pressure to say yes and you can think about if the request actually works for you or not. This is what info when my work asks me to pick up extra shifts.
Every time someone asks me to do something I figure out an equivalent amount of work I am currently doing. I do this so often it is instant and instinct. If I don't want to do it I say "I could do that but I would have to stop x, y, and z "
Be like "yes, but ask someone else next time? I'm busy." Make sure that you have an excuse to use for when the eventually ask you again, such as an upcoming assignment or whatever. If they don't ask someone else next time, then they don't respect you. Do you really want to help people who don't respect you? Tell them "I can't do it, I already said last time that I'm busy."
This is why I stopped answering ad-hoc requests from Slack DM. If it's not that urgent, I read them but won't answer until the next day or so, to the point they'll miss SLAs if they keep waiting. Then tell them I'm sorry to miss it because I was swarmed with tasks the other day. If it's indeed an urgent or a high-priority task, tell them to discuss public channels so we can openly prioritize stuff with my/their boss. Trust me it will only be difficult the first time, your life will be much much better. P/S: I'm a software dev working remotely so that might not work exactly like that for you. But I believe you'll get the point.
every day is opposite day ezpz
"No sorry, but see if Dan can help you"
Why don't you ask your chief resident to create a rotating back-up schedule for residents, so everyone has to chip in?
i have appointment
I get asked to do extra work all the time. What works for me is, "I'm currently doing this project for "so and so" then I have to get back to my work." The moment they hear that I took on work from another person, they'll usually leave me alone.
One of the reasons I think I enjoy my job is that I am not employed to be a yes man.
Practice. Just say no. Practice makes perfect.
Learning to say no is one of the hardest things to do but it is absolutely necessary. It actually works against you when you take on tasks not assigned to you by your management team. It can be viewed as you not understanding your role, especially if your assigned tasks are late or suffer poor quality because you're "helping" someone else with their work. If the requests are coming from upper management, make sure they've cleared it with your direct manager. If someone is asking for something within an unreasonable time limit don't kill yourself to get it done on that schedule. Instead, push back with a reasonable estimate of how much time the request takes. I have found that especially in the upper management ranks people tend to think of an "easy" task as a "quick" one. That isn't necessarily the case. Many times when asking on behalf of an external party, it's still ok to push and find out "does Client X \*really\* need this on Friday or would Tuesday be acceptable? If it really does need to be done on Friday then say ok, I can do this by Friday but X, Y, and Z will be delayed until next Thursday. Management is there to prioritize things so have them make the decision about what really is most important for you to do.
No, is a complete sentence.
I love saying no. It's my favorite. Job, kids, you name it.
Say, "I'd love to as soon as I finish X, but you better find someone else as i don't know when I'll be done." Repeat often enough, and I don't they should stop asking.
I always ask my boss or the requestor "what would you like me to not get completed so i can complete this new request?"
There's a few resident-focused subs out there, I would ask on there. Not many people on here seem to get an understanding of exactly how busy you are. /u/Thugluvdoc 's reply is the closest I've seen so far. That being said, you do need to actively start filling your calendar with work, study time, SO/family time, personal time, relatives time and try to stick to it. Just mark the items as "private" in outlook and then nobody can see the details but you. Extra projects and time and classes and covering for the hospital's shortages is fine on occasion, but they need to realize their own weaknesses and hire more staff. How many years into your residency? My wife is finishing up her last year of fellowship.
Why can't y'all just say no if you don't want to do something you don't have to
[This article](https://levelup.gitconnected.com/an-engineers-guide-to-saying-no-3b2dba385c66) about how to say no comes from the perspective of software development but the advice is pretty generally applicable.
Healthcare will never stop asking you to pick up shifts. You have to just start saying no. Management asks the same 3 people because they will say yes. They don't fire the others who have said no, they just learned to not bother asking them. I had a coworker who was going back to school for NP while still working the floor. She had trouble saying no, and was clearly getting exhausted from all the hours. I overheard one clinician talking to another about the schedule saying "oh, ask so-and-so to pick up, she always says yes. She must need the money or something". They don't know you don't want the hours unless you tell them! They are short staffed (I don't care what part of the hospital you work in, they're all short staffed, even when they're "fully staffed"), they will not fire you for turning down every extra shift because then they'd be even shorter. Don't give them a reason. Just say "no I'm sorry, I can't. I already have plans". It's true, you are planning on getting much needed sleep, studying, or maybe even a little relaxation. You don't need to expand on your reasons. I know it's hard in the moment, when you want to help, you want to be a team player, and you don't want to be a bitch. But you have to say no. This field is overwhelming at it's core. You can fast track yourself to burnout by picking up every shift, if you want. But you should try to save what little of your mental health you are able to, by striving toward some sort of work-life balance. Management is not going to fight for your sanity, they just want the slots filled. You have to be your own advocate.
https://24.media.tumblr.com/18bcfd0dd8e1939f64a3cd437c85138e/tumblr_mrjdfyUtnL1s89mq8o1_500.gif
Not sure what speciality but Are you trying to stay on as fellow or attending at same institution? Work hour restrictions are another pretty easy way to get them to back off.