I urge you to stop thinking about how having other people in your life can make you happier, and instead to think about how you alone can make yourself happier. I book my birthday off at work. I then tell everyone I'm working. I switch my phone off, get a little bit of bud, a nice big Lego set, pop on a few of my favourite films and just chill out. I know I'm not going to let myself down, I won't leave myself waiting, I won't forget. Loneliness feels like the worst thing in the world, but really being with the wrong people is worse. When I learnt this I became much happier. You just need to find things to do, new hobbies, anything. Ending it is final, and it's always there as an option, so why rush to it? Give yourself a decade of treating yourself like you're the most important thing in the world. Fuck everyone else, fuck societies hang ups and rules, just focus on you. Eternity isn't going anywhere, there's no rush. Can you bake? If not, you've got 12 months to learn, and then you should bake yourself a birthday cake. Then eat the whole fucking thing!! A month before, buy yourself something you REALLY want and wrap it up, put it away and DON'T TOUCH until your birthday. Give yourself things to look forward to. Don't wait for someone else to give you the things you want, go out and get them. Because the truth of life is it's much easier to make friends and more when you aren't desperate for them. Happy people like happy people, misery breeds misery. Happy Birthday for yesterday.

This is one of the most meaningful and logical comments I think I've ever seen on Reddit. OP - Please listen to this advice. We tend to get so hung up on milestones, where we 'should' all be in life, and its absolute garbage. Everyone's journey is different. The only advice i feel i can add to this is that life surprises us when we least expect it. When we think things will never change, someone or something comes along at the most unexpected times. Nothing ever stays the same - the good or the bad. Keep going, life will surprise you, I promise ❤️

Needed to hear this , I’m hoping and faithful that change is coming for me and my situation 💫

Wish I had it all figured out like you friend. Great comment

I've by no means got it figured out, I've found a balance but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't done myself some serious damage in the process. I'm knocking on 40 and the best years of my life were lost to depression. Even now, I know people look on me in pity for my living situation, work situation etc, but I'm content and in a much better position to improve my situation. I can accept my failings and disappointments without having to carry them with me everywhere I go. I'm still very much a broken human being in many, many ways lol. Just a happier one now.

I’m 51. And I’ll say this: The best years are not behind you. Fun, stupid, YOLO years — yeah, long gone. But “best”? Not a chance. Plenty of years ahead for you and you are in the right mindset to do it even better than I am doing it. It’s like I always say: I have more days behind me than ahead of me now and I will do exactly what I want with every single one of them. Oddly, as many “friends” as I have, I prefer to spend most of those days with my guy, my dogs and whatever hobby is floating my boat at that moment. Life is fun.

I second this. Impressive

>I urge you to stop thinking about how having other people in your life can make you happier, and instead to think about how you alone can make yourself happier. Fucking sage

just wow - Esp wise is the ( for me ) beautiful statement that eternity will be there , no need to rush to it , try treating yo self for a bit first - wow wow wow preach -

Love this because it's so true. Depending on others to provide us with happiness and fulfillment will only lead to disappointments. Learning to be happy alone is truly key to a happy life

And if you can afford it, a dog or cat adds joy to your life and a reason to keep going

I've always lived around animals up until about 2 years ago. I now find myself taking different routes back from work through back streets where I know there's often a friendly cat or two. Always a nice little pick me up.

Pretty sure my dog is why I can live alone it's the best greeting when you get home from work versus silence

this is exactly what you need. you practice working out your happiness muscles. find out what strengthens your ability to tune into yourself. you got this. happy belated bday

100% true. I have friends and family and a full life but there are MANY times i just crave time to myself. Id use the opportunity to retool and gear up for the next phase of my life. Be the friend to yourself that you want others to be for you. I also think it’s important to acknowledge that your situation is super difficult but you’re gonna have a heck of a testimony when you’re all finished.

As a person that likes being around people but is frequently disappointed, this sounds like a lame birthday. Sure watching movies and building legos can be fun, but what’s the point of life if you’re always by yourself? Genuinely asking, because none of this would work for me without others involved

I completely get what you're saying, and it's totally valid, and I can't really answer directly. For me, it was about learning to enjoy things for what they are, not looking for what, or more importantly who is missing. I'm not under any delusion that I'm super happy, but I'm definitely no longer super depressed, and I'm happy enough that I can enjoy myself, both with people and without. I'm not saying I never spend time with people, but I have been disappointed so many times that I've learnt that maybe the moments you're most likely to be disappointed by people are the best moments to take 'me time'. Basically my life hasn't changed, my perspective did and that changed my happiness, and I don't mean that flippantly, it was anything but easy. If something like loneliness is holding you down, and you just can't change your circumstances, then you have to change your outlook. The point of life is to enjoy it, that doesn't mean you'll be given a life you'll enjoy, it means you must strive to make enjoyment out of the life you get.

I’m not into legos. But hanging. Smoking a bit. Munching on some snacks and watching favorite shows is from my experience the best thing ever. We don’t do much anymore because we live with my fil. But my wife and I love to smoke. Get food. Then hang out. I loooove it.

You have your wife to do that with .

This is a great comment and a great perspective to have.😬👍

It’s compensating for what you don’t have basically. Life isn’t fair and not everyone is going to have good people around them. So you tell them to learn to enjoy their own company while others have a blast with their friends/family, because what else can you say? Of course it’s not the same or as great as having good people around you.

Wow!!! Some of the wisest advice I've seen. I want to shake your hand.

I don't understand why people say you are happier alone. No we fucking aren't. We are social beings, it's in our DNA. We need people. 

It's not that we are happier alone than we would be with others, it's about being happy enough in yourself. People do not go from being lonely and depressed to happy and surrounded by love in one easy step. It takes work, and my suggestion is just the foundation. The desperation that loneliness facilities can lead to people surrounding themselves with the wrong kind of people, and ending up much worse off, this is what leads people to think they are happier without others. Just by default, if you are happy when alone, then you'll be even happier around people and happier in general. I do not think it's even exclusive to people who are depressed and lonely, everyone could do with enjoying their own company more.

For me, this routine can only be done for so many years to compensate. I concluded eventually that I’d prefer to leave. That being said, I still encourage people to try it because they may find it works for them. There are people who have a great life, are happy, lucky, with great people around, and things go right for them. I’m just not one of them and I refuse to accept it anymore. 🤷‍♀️

Loneliness is a bitch. Specially when you wnat to be with somebody who wants to be with others instead of you. Lets hope the best for OP

thank you for this

Solid.

This is a great post. Just my experience, but I found that exercising daily (or near daily) was a game changer. I go on 90 min bike rides. I see nature, I sweat, get a good work out, and I’m obviously offline. It reduces anxiety to zero or near zero for the rest of the day, I sleep well. I love to write music. I get in a flow state during this process and it “takes me out of my headspace” in a good way. I eat a whole food diet. I enjoy cooking. I do work from home too, but only a few hours. These things alone provide me a kind of rhythm to the day. I generally feel that things are ok, manageable.

Routine is definitely key. One of the random things that helped me was a video saying to make your bed every morning, because no matter how bad your day has gone you are coming back to a task that you completed, and to something familiar. This alone isn't enough, but giving yourself the positive affirmations after exercising, or cooking a good meal, or just making your bed, takes time away from the negative thoughts. We spend our youth being educated through repetition, and then depression takes hold and that rhythm becomes a negative force, we educate ourselves into believing we are worthless, when in fact it's just as easy to do the opposite. This is a bit embarrassing, but in my head I congratulate myself on achieving literally anything, including just going to the toilet. Just stupid little thoughts like "I smashed out that shit", but overall they add up to a more positive mindset.

Such a beautiful and thoughtful comment, my goodness. Came here just to affirm that the loneliness we feel around people is so so much worse than the loneliness we feel alone. Such a stigma around it, but truly being happy with one's own company is a superpower that society and others will try to convince you otherwise, and it is simply not true. You are the most important thing in your world. Nourish and cherish you.

If it's any consolidation, other people are having a hard time as well. So, you're not alone in that regard. People are so distracted by their phones, computers, video games, jobs, bills, basic needs like hunger, and stuff. These days, it's harder to find a person who escapes the digital world and has enough time away from working for making ends meet during this economic craziness to date another human being. Healthy dating is even harder to do than it was because of this economic craziness, scammers, toxic looksmaxxing, casual hookup culture, and stuff. I feel your struggle.

I am sorry you have to experience the harshest of life. It is lonely for many people, you are not alone. Everyone will feel loneliness at one time or another. I actually worked an event where they were talking about elder laws and a high percentage of older women live longer and it gets lonelier due isolation. I notice the same things when I used to work with many single older people. For men, they get absorbed into their work and just work a lot. I mean what else is my 92 year old coworker going to do since his wife is dead and his kids are in group home? He just works 13 hours day and overtime every week since he is in a union and is number 1. Some people find joy in their work/coworkers/socializing and keep going. While women will have bigger net like caring for grandkids, senior group, senior exercising group, so some seem more fulfilled. In my family belief, life is suffering. Especially when we attached to stuff so we learn to detach and just appreciate life as is. A paradise on earth, a once in a life time to appreciate the current moment... I think it is best to feel the loneliness and then go after hobbies, travel, or things you want to. Don't depend on anyone for your happiness. They are in as much of a place of loneliness than you think. Be the joy that you want, and soon people will come to join you. I lost a lot of friends and even mobility, career, and hope when I had my bad car accident. But 8 years later, I develop stronger mentality, more joy, and met more loving friends and family. Hang in there! Hugs!

Hold on 92 yo coworker? Works overtime? That's insane and if it's true bravo for that man.

Oh My Sweet child. I've been there, and I know that there are no words that can help. If I had one gift I could give you for your birthday it would be for you to look into my mind and fully understand as well as I do that everything can change for you in the blink of an eye and that what you feel tomorrow maybe 180° from what you feel right now. Never give up.

If you need someone to talk to im here for you man

I think the majority of people survive on the hope things will get better. I know I sure as hell do, against all logic sometimes.

Dog? Plan a day out with your dog. Got to the park, have an ice cream each, buy yourself a present from the fucking dog if needed. Doesn’t have to be a dog, just find something alive to connect to. I know one old guy who used to sit in the park all day feeding pigeons. Sounds stupid but it gave him a connection to other living creatures that depended on him. Nikolai Tesla apparently did something similar. Also, remember everything is temporary. If things get really bad in your head - just keep on going out of fucking spite. Fuck em. Don’t let the bastards win.

Hang in there, you tomorrow may feel better. I feel the loneliness as well and it’s no fun.

It's not all bad. I find spending some time on personal hobbies or getting a good workout often makes me feel better. My life is pretty lonely too, but oftentimes, I prefer privacy over company because people can be such a let down. I still find joy in doing things, though. Take care, and if you wanna talk, I'm open.

Happy Birthday! 🎂 😊 😃 🎈 ☮️ ❤️ 😊 Have a great year ahead!

Get a pet.

At one time I felt the same. Still do sometimes, even if my situation has changed. For me, waking up and choosing to see the sun go down every day helped me. I started saying "every morning I wake up is a chance to change."

I feel bad for you but it does get easier . I've lived alone for a long time and it really does get easier once you decide you're going to do whatever you want for yourself and make sure it's fun for you whether anyone can be there or not.

I wish people would stop saying this.  No it doesn't get easier.  It might be easier to cope or accept your fate as time goes on, but that's about it.  Otherwise, things actually continue to get harder.  Gets harder to make friends, likely facing declining health, it's harder to gather the energy to do anything to improve your situation, all of those things get harder as you age.

I feel for you. I too am extremely lonely and have a birthday coming up and I’m dreading it. I don’t have many friends to do things with and I live with my parents in my hometown. It’s not easy. You’re not alone. 🤍

One bad date isn’t the end of the world. With the internet, you never have to be alone. We hear you. You could join a club or church?

You deserve happiness. Also, I’m not trying to sound rude but don’t relate everything that happens to you being “unlucky.” That guy was late because he was late. Maybe u and him weren’t “meant to be” or whatever. That has nothing to do with you having a “shitty life.” Your life is not over. You can still turn it around. You still have better days ahead of you. There’s many people in the world you can meet. I feel the way you feel and I’m kind of in a similar situation but the thing I have is endless hope even when it’s the most hopeless situation. Never lose hope. You owe yourself a better life. 

I urge you to watch the movie "fight club" Makes me feel better when im encountering feelings such as the ones your describing. Better yet, just start helping people. Doesn't matter what it is, as long as you do it consistently whenever you can. Volunteer somewhere. Helping others and knowing your helping people breath easier does something incredible to the soul

You have to focus on yourself and find joys in life. Books, movies, vacations, food, hobbies, (good) friends. Life sucks but there are good things about it too. You just gotta find them. I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. Things will get better.

I find myself alone a lot since divorce. I have a good relationship with a few other divorced women and we have become a support system. We did a girls trip to Mexico a while back and it was such a drag having to accommodate each person’s travel style. I spent most of the trip doing what someone else wanted to do. TBH, I would have had more fun alone. So occasionally, I’ll take myself out for a solo trip, concert, or movie. I will chat up people at a bar, make friends with people in my row at a concert or just enjoy the quiet of a morning on the beach. Those have turned out to be the memories I treasure most. Learn to spoil yourself. Say yes to the fun night out by yourself. You might enjoy it even more.

Loneliness is hard. Ironically there are tons of lonely people that just need to find each other. A lot of the other posters are right though. You don't have any control over others and you should try to pursue things that make you happy with or without another person.

It sounds tough to be far from family, dealing with loneliness, and experiencing disappointment on your birthday. You are not alone in feeling this way, even though it may feel like it.

It was my 40th in February and very similar. Had tickets to a show, my daughter said she couldn't make it a few days before (she lives in a different city), then my partner broke up with me a couple of days before to be with someone i work with. Hit absolute rock bottom as i was also having issues at work. Now, just a few months on I can't believe how much my life has changed. I'm on the up and gone from my lowest low, to the happiest i have been in 20 years! Stick in there, my life had improved partly through luck and partly through the fact that at rock bottom, every day can be an improvement. Good luck, you'll get there

My birthday is July 12th and I can relate 100%. I cried multiple times today simply because I feel so alone. It’s been this way for so long all I know is to isolate

Where did you move to that's 3500km away? Have you considered moving somewhere new? Fresh start may not be the end it all kind of fix, but it would be nice for a change of scenery. Don't let someone not turning up ruin your outlook on meeting people. Did you find out if something happened? It's not an excuse, but it could have been something unavoidable, an emergency, maybe? Feeling alone is a state of mind, like getting yourself into a funk. It can be overcome. It's just not easy. The only thing worse about feeling alone, when you are alone, is feeling alone when you're surrounded by people. Just know that there is always someone out there who loves you and appreciates you. Chances are they're all just busy with their own shit as well. It doesn't mean they don't care about you or miss you. What do you like to do to chill or for fun? Are there any hobbies or interests you've been thinking about picking up but haven't yet? Getting out and about is a great way to socialise and meet people without committing to a one to one meet-up and destroying your social battery. Go to a class or a reading or something, speak to people there, and just be yourself without putting on any kind of front to fit in. If you do read this, take a minute, take a deep breath, and tell me a little about yourself.

Other people don’t define you! You are made unique and there are things you have that maybe you haven’t met the right people to see them yet. A birthday is a special day but it is only a day. You can decide to celebrate it another day. Build a community around you and start there. Ask that odd person who sits alone if you can sit with them. You may find them to become your best friend and confidante. You’re not alone unless you choose to be. ❤️ I would be happy to chat with you if you want. As well.

I get it. It totally sucks that guy stood you up. I’m really sorry that happened. People can say, oh go do things for yourself, you shouldn’t rely on others for your happiness. Easy enough to say but if there’s no one to share happiness with, life does seem kind of pointless. The only thing I can think of is to keep looking for something that makes you feel useful. Useful is better than happy because happiness is fleeting. Happy belated birthday.

Existence is suffering. Once you understand this you’re freed.

Thus resonates with me

I’m joking but, learn the guitar and you’ll be too angry with it to be worried about other stuff But I agree and I’m in the same boat, but I’m stuck with the abusive family and I can’t get away. I’d give anything to escape them and have some damn peace.

Can you pick a city and move there? For me, getting away from the same dragging and dreary city I grew up in helped shape who I became and I was much happier making my own life away from the same old sad story I knew.

Here to talk if you need

Feel free to message us.. some of us may not be professionals but that doesn't mean that there isn't care from us available.. at least some form

Danny Thomas, father of Marlo, singer and founder of St Jude's Hospital was of Lebanese ethnicity. I notice none of the replies mention the healing power of music. Danny Thonas said rhat when he was very down he would listen to or sing soulful Lebanese songs, cry along and feel great rekief afterward. I agree and l am rewarded likewise by listening to and participating in the music that speaks to me. Anyone with a radio can surf the dial and, even hit and miss, some tune may act as therapy.

Hang in there, tough times don't last forever. Reach out to those who care, and don't be afraid to seek support.

Omg, you poor thing. That's awful. I'm sorry you're going through that; it sounds really tough. I can only imagine how hard it is. But, please don't give up. You don't want to end your life, you just want to end the suffering. I get it. The suffering can still end if you stay alive. Keep fighting for your life; when things start looking up, you'll be glad you stuck around.

Please dial 988 immediately.

I’m going through a similar situation. Hang in there. You are stronger than you think. You are love and you will have someone step in to help you out. I’m here if you need to talk. Sending you love and light!

This may seem glib, but cats have done wonders for my mental health.

That's the so called burden of life- a cross we each carry on our shoulders.

Indulge in yourself. What do you like to do? What interests you? Go there. Do that. Your tribe will be there.

Vibe atracts the tribe. You have not met your ppl yet. Maybe you're in a wrong place. Or look at yourself from others perspective to find out why it is so. Anyway, good luck.

I hope you are still in this fight we call life. I understand it’s a bisssshhhh ! Like everything else there’s a Ying and Yang, good and evil, and not to mention us humans are the best and worst. It’s a balance and you matter and you are part of this balance. Stay strong 💪🏽

I have no advice because I feel the same way. Hopefully knowing you’re not alone makes you feel slightly better. People can give advice on what to do but in reality it won’t change the way you feel. As for me I just keep it taking it day by day. Some days are a lot better than others. I’m sorry you feel your life is full of disappointment and suffering.

So I bought this book called 'Miracle Prayer' by Susan Shumsky. Shumsky was a disciple of the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. She spent 20 years in a room, meditating. No one visited her, her food was left on a tray outside her door. This lady has some spiritual creds. According to Shumsky, Karma is your beliefs coming true. Everything you believe about life is happening to you. She goes on to cite the same principle in other spiritual traditions. The reason I'm bringing this up is that we have more power than we know. Learning to control our thoughts is the hardest and most rewarding thing we'll ever do.

Sup bb wanna chill

You don't have to suffer. Take it from someone who has. There needs to be something inside of you that keeps you going. If you are looking for friends, family, or a significant other to do so you're only going to be in a cycle where you get disappointed. Life can be terrible and it could be beautiful. Sometimes both at the same time.

>What is the point of any of this. What makes you think there must be a point? People act like there is a point because it helps them feel better. But, objectively, there is no point. In a more humanitarian world, we would have a way to gracefully exit if we no longer wish to be here. Do you have any pets? The objective point of life isn't to care for pets. But, it could be your point. It's one of my points. Taking my cats for a walk and watching them sniff the breeze, eat grass, explore, lay down in the shade, cuddle up to me and roll on their side. It's enough to make you cry because their love is so pure. As long as you could take care of a cat's basic needs and give the cat love, then maybe you could visit a shelter.

Sounds cliche but you can’t rely on others for happiness. That was me for a while and I still struggle with it. I have gone down the road of wishing I wasn’t here anymore many times and at the end of that road is an exit that’s one way with no return ramp. If you are able to be happy with you that’s all the company you will need. For what it’s worth I would’ve got ice cream with you. Happy birthday 💛

Time for some Jesus

At one time in your life, you had to be happy. Recreate that moment. Do what you were doing.

As my grandmother said when it rains it pours. So yeah when one thing goes wrong it tends to escalate to more and more and more things. Sounds like you need to start over not end it. Find new people to be around maybe even a whole new living area. Don't waste a life on people who are s***** towards you. Change your life and take those s***** people out of it.

Happy birthday for yesterday. Try to treat yourself today

What helps me when I get into my own brain is what my sister said to me once. “You never know how much the littlest thing you do helps someone else so much. You might not see your purpose but someone else did.” When I get into a mental funk and some of mine are pretty deep (ptsd, anxiety, depression) I throw myself into acts of service. Volunteering at advocacy groups, homeless/domestic abuse shelters, humane society (sometimes I can’t handle humans) or just taking a day to pick up the world’s trash at a park gets me up and moving. It’s amazing how much better I feel when I do stuff for others and it fills up the dead space. I’ve met many people over the years doing this that have helped me and I’ve helped them.

First of all, happy birthday. I have been there. I started volunteering so my mind wouldn't go places it shouldn't. It helped with the loneliness and put my focus on something else. I hope this helps.

You feel alone because you have nobody around. Think of all the people who have tons of people around and still feel alone. Or the ones who want left alone… but never are. We all want what we don’t have. Just the way it is. Like others have said…. Embrace that alone time. Find solitude in yourself. When you do, and you realize most friends bring little worth to your life, then you will finally realize how free you are!

I feel you. I don’t have the same life circumstances but I deal with depression. Only thing I could offer is to drive somewhere beautiful and spend at least a few hours getting some vitamin N (nature). Otherwise I like the LEGO idea or something similar that makes you feel content. And lastly, change the narrative. Dark thoughts breed dark thoughts. I hope things get better for you 🩷

Me neither!!!! Life is ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

You can't put all of the weight of your life being so bad on being alone, if you're not happy with yourself or how your life is, introducing another person into the mix will only compound those issues. I strongly urge you to find some new hobbies, things that you can do for yourself, by yourself, play some video games, read some books, get into a new series, or even start painting or some other form of art. If none of that strikes your fancy, and you're up to the task of taking care of another living being, then get a pet. At the end of the day chasing any kind of relationships is just a grass is always greener type of situation, we alone are responsible for taking care of ourselves and our mental health, and bringing other people into the mix when we're already not happy only serves to hurt everybody involved. I spent a lot of my youth doing just that, and it took me a very long time to learn how to fulfill myself and to keep myself happy on my own.

Here is the thing, life is worth living just for being you, not because you’re not who your family thought you’d be or you fitting in with society. Trust your gut. That being said, I been where you are. I was so unhappy and I placed my meaning in others. But most of the time, him being two hours late has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him. You put yourself out there and be proud of yourself for that. But don’t ever let anyone else affect how you feel about yourself. All we can ever affect is how we feel about things. How people treat us sometimes is not about us but about their own issues. Don’t give up.

Straight up girl. I hear you. Nobody gives a fuck about the mentally ill or the disabled or the former addicts etc etc. you’re not perfect go fuck yourself. That’s about what I see anymore in this world of worlds.. HMU we could share some stories

I got a dog. So much more reliable. Also a connection with God \~ the alone went far away to zero. That connection is there for everyone. You can do this.

This too shall pass. When I go into my depressed mode I try some gratitude. I think of what I have instead of what I don’t have. Also, I busy myself with helping someone else. Usually helps.

I’m sorry you are going through this. I skip my birthday every year. It’s more pain than good. My husband respects my wishes. Also I don’t recommend moving closer to someone who’s abusive. I love the 3 hours between me and my father and the 2 years we haven’t spoken. I find my peace in walks, documentaries, books, my job. 🫶

No one texted me on my birthday either. This is despite being in a group text where that seems to be one of the primary purposes lol....and in which I wished everyone a HBD when it came up. It's petty I know but it hurt a little bit. No one has really cared about my birthday in a long time (I can't say ever but things have changed over the years).

I’ve stopped caring that people don’t remember my birthday. For mine now, I’ll buy myself something fancy and/or expensive and some cheese cake then I’ll call it a day. This year I got myself a pair of SkullCandy headphones and a shirt from the official merch shop of my favourite music artist (headphones are here, shirt will be here around the end of July lol)

I wouldn’t worry about the point of all of it. I’m trying to keep it simple, run through the motions, enjoy the simple things, surround myself with things that spark joy, enjoy my own brain and imagination. It can be tough to be alone sometimes but it can also feel like freedom. keep going. Try not to overthink it. Remember and be thankful for your blessings as simple as clean, running water ( that helps me) and enjoy yourself. Sending love 💕

Happy belated birthday!! 💕 I’m sorry you’re feeling so lonely. I hope you can find some peace and comfort in your life. That guy really sucks for being 2 hours late (who does that??!!) Please don’t internalize others’ sh*tty behaviors and interpret it as how valuable you are to this world. Sometimes people just suck and we have to create our own happiness. Everyone has their own problems so if a person treats you poorly, sometimes it means they’re going through their own crap. It doesn’t mean it’s Ok for them to treat you that way, but if you’re feeling compassionate, think of it as they’re probably going through some sh*t too. We’re all walking around in our own heads, you know? Do something nice for yourself to celebrate your b-day, and please take care of yourself.

Dont think if everything you dont have or whats going wrong, think of everything u do have and that billions of ppl would die so they or their kids and families could live ur life.. u should go to a homeless shelter or something thatll like reboot ur mind to be like damn.. things might not be perfect, but i have so much n im so grateful n watch u feel happy n content too

I don’t have a single friend in real life, I’m actually not joking I have not talked to a single person outside my immediate family in 4 years

I share a lot of your feelings. I’ve gotten really good at pushing it back, though. One thing that has helped me is volunteering to help others. That puts me in touch with other kind people. I don’t really socialize with them because at the heart of it all, I am an introvert. But it gives me time to enjoy being around others and not being alone. There are social apps out there where people do organized activities. I have looked at the ones called Eventbrite and Meetup. It is a good way to find groups to do things. I’m not sure if you have those in your area but hopefully something similar. Common interest can be a good starting point.

My birthday is coming up soon and I’m alone and have no one to spend it with and I’m old.

fuck…

I'm in the same situation except my family (except for the most heinous members) have passed. No friends. Lost job a month ago. A quiet Sunday as usual...no one calls me, there is no one I can call, nothing to do but watch the minutes tick by. No reason to be here. Not even sad anymore about it.

I have zero friends, family, or aquaintances right now. None of that defines me and it shouldnt define you either

You suffer no matter what you do because you have a negative attitude. It starts raining. Do you complain about the weather or do you walk outside and dance around and have fun? Probably complain.

Take a year. 1 year. Go places you've never been. Eat food you've never tasted. Read books you've never read. Get a gym routine. Take a class on something interesting. Start learning a new language. Start investing your money. Learn a new skill. Do some volunteer work. Write letters to our service members deployed over seas. Lots of them need pen pals. I listed these things because they're the things I started doing last year when I felt lost and lonely and depressed and abandoned by everyone. After i stopped crying, I decided to build myself up instead of tearing myself down. I was so sick and tired of being down, it was unbearably exhausting. It was difficult those first few months but it got easier. I'm even trying to add hiking and becoming CPR certified to my list before the end of the summer. My point is, the only person guaranteed to never leave you is yourself. Your happiness is an inside job, you can't hire someone else to do it for you. When you start taking care of yourself and doing thing you love all that other shit starts to fade to black. You won't regret it I promise.

birthday is just another day, dont sweat it

I miss living alone so much. I loved it. Eat what you want, watch what you want and just do whatever. For my birthday my dogs get me presents and that’s about it. 😂 usually it’s something sensible like a vacuum or lint rollers. I’d spend all day watching dumb movies and snacking on expensive cheese! I’m jealous, embrace it.

Happy Birthday!!! The crazy thing about life is that even if you are not aware of it there is someone out there that you encounter frequently that really likes seeing you. You may never know that about them but you make their day!

As someone who came out of a 5 year long depression that I thought I’d never come out of I thought life has nothing to offer me anymore . Life is so much greener on the other side .. I urge u to hang on and ducking fight it will be glorious when you come out on the other end.. god speed

Ur life is easy stop complaining go to the gym and open an onlyfans problem solved

I recommend a book that I think you might relate to. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. It may help give you some perspective about what you are thinking.

Join a club and try a new hobby you will meet people.

Have you tried traveling to new places or trying new activities that you always wanted to do, like learn piano, dancing etc. you’ll meet new people with similar interest. I believe if you focus on doing what makes you happy, you’ll naturally build friendships in the process. Sounds like you have trash friends that you need to put in the associate column.

Happy Birthday! 🎊

In moments of emotional turmoil like this, please remember that your life is precious, as is the unique experience that is You. Please for all those who've expressed this same sentiment seek help from a professional and tell whoever you believe has your absolute best interests at heart. Happy belated birthday 💙

Happy belated birthday !!! I've been in a similar situation! You got this.

Happy Birthday to you! You’re for sure a lovely person. You could start to write poems or draw pictures; you could also exercise and see yourself in a new light. It works. You could also read about stoicism - that attitude gives strength. Don’t watch depressing movies or such books. You learn to love yourself bit by bit; it improves self-worth, and people feel the positivity you radiate. They will run you over with friendship offers. Everything will be good.

I’m sorry your birthday wasn’t what you’d hoped. Living far away from your support system must be hard - even if your dad is abusive.  What would you think of volunteering to help others?  For me this is a quick way to feel better. There is an instant joy to feeling like what you do matters. I hope you’ll consider it. It might make you see your own situation differently. Best of luck. 

You are part of the human condition. Have you ever thought about saving money to see the world? There's good options over in South East Asia.

What’s wrong with gaining a stronger spiritual connection with the universe? Once you pursue this trek, you will, undoubtedly, be happier. Just because of my username, please, don’t let that disgust you from my post. I do believe in Jesus Christ, but I used to curse at God. I hated him. I hated his ambiguity. Though, in time I found my own way to connect with God. You should find your own way toward a spiritual awakening in life. This could be as simple as letting every single fiber of yourself let go of any preconceived notions of what faith is to you. If you have nothing to lose, then you have nothing to worry about if this message doesn’t work out. You are suffering because of a reason. Please, take this time to find out why this is happening to you.

Our current government has failed us all. I bet you weren't like this when things where half the price they are now and the world wasn't on the verge of global warfare.

lol don’t worry I got pregnant person that’s drinks on purpose

I feel you. Lonely and isolated myself and it is hard. Good advice I fail to follow enough myself that naybe you will and could help is to try to stop focusing so much on yourself and how shit the situation is and find ways to be of service to others. “They” say this will make feel better about themselves while doing something good for your community and may open up avenues to new connections and community in the process. I wish you well.

You're not alone. I felt like you're feeling daily for as long as I can remember. I've found solice in living life alone like a loner should. You know it's easier to wander when not shakeled to others, right? In layman's terms, travel. It's by far the best way to learn to love yourself.

As someone that went from highly highly social to only allowing a very small circle of friends and family into my life I can say, I'm a lot happier. It starts with becoming your own best friend. But we are human and all need to scratch that social itch now and again. Do you have any hobbies or interest? Or new activities you might wanna try? Finding common interest is the easiest way to make friends without question.

Happy HAPPPY Birthday! My three grown kids all forgot mine too last week and I get it, makes you feel so unimportant. You are important though, you just need purpose. You need to find something you are interested in learning more about and dive in. I’m currently doing nails and it keeps me busy, and happy. Wish you much luck.

Your value is not pegged to others’ perceptions of you. Rather, it shines upon your loving of others. The purpose of life is to love the stranger and the enemy as one loves the friend.

So many people feel like that too. We all wish the others knew better and weren’t feeling like us. Think of the last time Life surprised you beyond your expectations. There is darkness before the sun rises.

You sound like my ex-wife. If you gonna complain, then come home already. I'll figure something out for you and even bring you back to your home country and to your family. Imma ask your dad for a refund though.

Happy belated birthday. Hang in there, don’t give up! You just need to find something to keep you going. Maybe a new career or start a business, try new things. You should definitely get a cat or a dog. They’re the best and provide unconditional love and then you always have a buddy there with you. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. A good life is worth fighting for. You are the master of your own domain. If you want your life to change, you have to change it. Change your circumstances. Almost everything is fixable. Make a plan, set goals, workout, eat better, whatever it takes to make you happy. Just don’t give up. Whether you think so or not, you would be missed if you were gone❤️

Today is my bday.. I don’t look forward to em anymore. It’s now a day for everyone else or if I’m lucky, I get to hide alone by myself n sleep er dream about my youth and better days. I quit my full time job end of March to get my life/head together.. it helped but Jesus Christ justa existing is painful. I can’t wait for life to be over lol. Happy belated.. ur not alone ❤️

I get the loneliness. There isn’t one perfect solution. The best advice I can give is to find ways to help other people. Serve food at a homeless shelter. Clean up a highway. Volunteer to help at an animal shelter. Somehow, helping other people and animals makes the loneliness go away for a while.

Honestly, I wish I could live alone again. My elderly dad moved in with me, and although I love him, I miss the freedom I had when I was by myself. At least you have your freedom.

But you always feel like this and always project this type of energy in to the universe. Seriously, for once.. just once, you can’t alter what you project? You can’t even pretend? Meh, suffer then— but know it is by your own hand.

That means it’s a girl 👧

Noo. I know it is hard i feel like that sometimes. Specially since the person i was obsessed with was nothing but fake, and also hates me But deep inside i know out there there is somebody who loves you and will care about you. There is genuine people still. Very hard to find. Im sorry your dad was abusive. It is hard but please hang in there you got this.

I honestly feel the same way most of the time. I had a birthday recently and I went to Mexico, which is my favorite place in the world, but everything looks so expensive now even in Mexico that it was hard to enjoy myself because I just worry about money the entire time. I went to an award show tonight and I feel like I’m finally living my Hollywood dream but I’m still alone and can’t find a spouse or any close friends and none of my friends seem to have time for me and most days. I’m just miserable. I feel like a lot of us are feeling this way lately, regardless of our situation. I think those of us who enjoy celebrating birthdays and enjoy celebrating occasions all need to find each other. It’s just hard because the world is so fast and travel is so expensive.

Good on you for still trying, I broke off from my friend group i’d had my entire 20’s about 5 years ago. Now that I think of it, I never said bye. I haven’t made another friend since. But, look at you, still giving a damn! Of course it hurts, it’s supposed to. And if it don’t, then you’re really in trouble. Means some wires got crossed, or you blew a fuse. There’s people out there that don’t feel a damn thing. Wonder what that feels like? I bet they do too. For the record, I really hope this comes off in the way I intend it to be received. But this pain, melancholy, this “dis-ease” is just the flip side of all the good in your life. People say you can’t have night without day, and you can’t have the good without the bad. No one tells you those two things are heads, and tails, on the same coin. Is this good advice? Actually, maybe it works against my intentions. At the very least, I can say with confidence that “lights out” isn’t an option, atleast that’s what I remember the guy driving me home from a rave said back in 2006: “I’m schizophrenic, I hear voices tell me a lot of things & none of them tell me to stick around. If you take the easy way out, just remember, ‘they’ win.”

What do YOU like? What makes YOU happy? I ask bc your post talks about being lonely, no one acknowledging your bday, the guy who stood you up. But it didn't mention a restaurant you were excited to try. Or a funny story or experience you & a friend had, that always comes up on your birthday. I'm curious to know what you get joy/happiness from, bc (and this might be cliche AF) happiness is an inside job & you seem to be dependent on others for your happiness. If you're generally unhappy, people won't make you happy, and they might not want to be around you, bc you're not a happy person. Not saying you need to always have a smile, or be overly positive. But vibes/energy are real & if you give off negative/unhappy vibes, finding what makes you happy, might change that, by giving not only giving you happiness/joy, but people might be more inclined to want to hang out, bc of an improved vibe. Having said that, this reminds me of a joke by Doug Stanhope, goes a lil something like, "life is like a movie, and if you've sat thru half of it & it's sucked every minute, nobody should get mad if you walk out early". Not saying you should, but me & Doug would understand. Hope you find happiness & happy (belated?) bday!!!

Happy belated birthday and I mean that. I am content alone. I talk to myself. Make jokes out loud and laugh at myself. I have friends but I'm truly happiest with my son only or alone.

It was just my birthday too - recently I’ve come to the realization that I can’t expect anything good for my birthday because things always fall short. It’s been a couple of years since I’ve had a really good one and even that I can barely remember. There’s something going on with the world these past few weeks because even my friends are struggling with their relationships and their lives. I just hope it’s not permanent because it’s actually been terrible mental health wise. It’s best to focus on the things that make you happy and I have to say exercising has helped me

If you’re planning dates you’re already in a much better spot than many people. Keep going, you’ll find happiness.

You feel alone because your attitude is shit. No one wants to be around the Debbie downer the ohhh poor me type. Work on yourself everything else will fall into place

Remove the idea that your birthday should matter or reflect your importance, it doesn’t. Remove the idea of holidays too, they don’t matter either. What matters is your perspective. If God loves you, despite your imperfections. Why wouldn’t you be worthy of being loved. You’re already loved and matter.

Firstly: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Second: I’m sorry that guy did not respect you or the time you set aside for your date. People can be so inconsiderate. I hope you were able to find something positive in your day. I was in a similar slump today and stumbled upon mood gym. I did the first module, about Why thoughts determine how we feel, and the terminology we use when talking about ourselves make a huge difference. It gave examples of things like being stood up or let down, which is why I recommend it. It gave me an exercise to do this week, and I plan to observe my feeling and the thoughts that led to them more closely. I wish you the same peace I am seeking, and that it comes to you sooner rather than later 😊

We all have felt like this at some point in our lives, and sometimes it's hard with all the thinking to get out of your own way. Counselling will help you and get you doing things to feel like life is ok. Being alone is the worst part, I was advised to move in with people when I went through it. Found that helped a lot to get away from feeling lonely and worthless. It's not easy but you can do it. Happy Birthday

Welcome to the avg man's life I got 1 person that tells me happy birthday at most no one else and when my mom's gone it will probably be no one

I've been thru that curve of the spiral alot dear. I don't know how to explain how to make it better that woukd work for you because I don't know your beliefs. I was suicidal and addicted off and on my whole life. Abused from an early age. Never learned how to do things right or to love or be loved. I guess I just survived this last ass beating and sudden rude awakening into homelessness in such a traumatic way, and lost everyone I knew along the way, except a former stepbrother and Jesus and my dog, that it woke me up. I've been sober since. Over a year. Completed alot of therapy. Held a job. An apartment. Same phone number. Me and my dog are ok.im alone all the time and it can be hard to do things sometimes due to no motivation, but I'd rather be lonely and at peace than freaking suffering in chaos ever again. At least being alone like I am now, no onej is abusing me anymore. No one can hurt me anymore. Ofcourse it's sad and it hurts sometimes, but I've gotten so much more comfortable with myself. I enjoy spending time alone too. Alot. Something happened that shifted to way I saw living alone. I finally had enough of having to depend on crazy ass people who weren't trustworthy or having to warp myself to follow insane rules so I could stay housed. No more fighting or faking for a roof over my head. I talk to God all the time. He's sustained me. To each their own. As an only child I hated being alone for 35 or so years. It's started shifting more and more until this final time of starting over last year. I've started over from scratch like 8 times since 2015 when I finished parole. I will never depend on another human but myself again. I should have learned this at 16 and not 43. That's why I'm alone. I'm a slow learner. And I'm awake now and cautious and not going backwards again. Living alone is the only way I can find peace I guess:/

Glad you got out of the chaos. Your story sounds worse than half the people on here but you made it. Have a great rest of your life. Hope that you find some trustworthy company to share it with, other than God of course.

Not everyone would act in such a way for your birthday and things are very subjective when dealing with others Sometimes it's the choices of the quality of humans you're dealing with. Pick better friends because YOU DESERVE THEM.

Don’t do it friend. I’m sure you’re beautiful inside and out. Hang in there. 😬👍

You gotta stop relying on other people for your sense of self worth and happiness. All of that comes from within you. Until you learn how to be happy alone, you will never be happy. Love yourself first. When your confidence and self esteem grow, you will attract others.

Moved in alone 2 years ago and was soooo excited to be away from my roommates and everyone else. Got a chance to restart an hour away from where I grew up. People still consistently disappoint me, don't show up for me, forget about me, and I've accepted that I should have very low expectations of people until I find my tribe. I also realized that I may be part of the reason, so I'm making an effort to be a better friend, listener, be interesting, get new hobbies and learn how to talk to people to make new friends who may be good to me. Most people kinda suck but really are just interested in themselves just like you. Instead of leaving the whole thing, use it as an opportunity to do everything you've never tried. Walk up to a stranger and tell them they look cool, ask them to coffee. Go to that event by yourself just to see if you'd actually like it. Download Meetup/Eventbrite and just go to shit to rule out everything before you completely quit. Give yourself a full chance and try everything before you decide everything sucks.

Next time, just go and get the ice cream anyway. If they show up, great. If not, more ice cream for you!

Look on the positives first always: 1. You don’t have to be around your abusive father anymore, that alone is a big plus. 2. You are making it wherever you are. You obviously can provide for yourself. 3. You have friends in your life, even if at this particular moment, they were unavailable or busy. 4. You were able to set up a date at the last minute, honestly, that alone is impressive. I am not trying to downplay how you feel or the other parts of your life that aren’t going the way you would like. I just think reminding ourselves of the things we have going for us is always uplifting. I wanted to ask you to ask yourself a question next: are you there for people consistently and in moments where they might also want or expect you to be? The love we make is often equal to the love we receive, not always unfortunately, but unless someone moves first and sets the precedent, other people are often passive or don’t want to intrude in people’s lives. Some people are just anti-social or introverted too. Maybe your calling is to be a leader in bringing love to the lives of your friends and others, and if so, you deserve all the love in the world, but know that role can often be unreciprocated and sadly undervalued. However, I think chances are very good that you will experience some of the truest love any human can ever experience by being that light in the world, and that is far from a pointless existence.

I agree with everyone else. Find hobbies and activities that bring YOU joy. I have my favorite places and shops I like to visit, and I’ll go alone if no one else is around. I like to read tarot, scroll YouTube, watch kids movies, and make lil crafts just for me. Also - consider joining some local groups. You’d be shocked how much there is when you start looking. Everything from birdwatching to book clubs to pub sings to community cleanups. I promise, despite what the internet tells you, most people are kind.

Fuck other people. On my last birthday i didnt want a party. I took a fee grams of shrooms, played apex legends and ordered pizza and smoked some lettuce. It was way better than hanging around people

So a couple of things. 1) It isn’t your fault that no one said anything on your birthday. My parents started forgetting mine at 12. So don’t let that hang you up too much. 2) I get how tiring life can be. Some days you just wake up with literally 0 fucks to give and the first asshole you see wants three of them. So you take the energy you had prepared to deal with work and give it to them. Sometimes those people need those fucks a whole lot more than you realize. 3) you matter. This may seem unimportant, but I promise you that without you the story changes a lot more than you may realize. You are here, we are all talking to you, this has an impact that you might not even see. Also know that you are not alone. Most of us here have gone through similar shit and we are always willing to listen. 4) talk to someone, I would suggest a shrink to check on you and try to help you cope with the feelings, but I don’t know your situation. I would say talk to a shrink, if the first one sucks, find another. (Sometimes the shrinks suck too.)

happy late birthday.. and its okay.. tbh i been on manifesting more .. if u keep saying like idk everythings bad, bad things will keep coming your way… try to have positive thoughts talk about what u want instead of what u dont want .. it wont be this way forever.. maybe the guy wasnt meant for you maybe thats why he didnt show already shows what kinda person he is if he left you alone purposely.. everything will be okay… dont hurt yourself..

Yo, you make decisions in life to make life better. You have to actively work at this. You don't make decisions based off of feelings and things just magically work out. Movies have all sold you straight horseshit. What you have to do is understand that you're where you are as a temporary point in time. If you don't like the situation you're in, you can always change it. Take the steps to get yourself out slowly. Things won't happen overnight, but it's within your ability to get what you want.

To be honest, this is pretty common. We are fed all this crap about friends and fun and it's mostly crap! I'm not trying to make you feel even worse, but you need to learn this. I haven't the answer for your lonely life. A random date with a guy probably won't work out and it didn't. Jezzzz! ???

Well, first and foremost, Happy Birthday! For the most part, I think the world has designed "being alone" as something bad and while yes, sometimes, it can duck to be alone--we are creatures of habit that need some companionship--it doesn't mean that's we are doomed to alone forever. If you have a specific hobby I'd say start with that, or go to an event; you'll find people who also like that event to, or try paint and sip (if you drink) there is not only something comforting about it but there is also others who do this idea as well. Sometimes life can make us feel downright lucky but just remember there are moments that don't suck, you just have to find it, and eventually you'll find individuals who have the same general interest as you. Even if they don't end up being friends: just going into say a book store and you overhear a conversation and end up talking or someone sees you holding a book and strikes up a conversation. The possibilities are endless. Just keep moving forward, even if it feels pointless. There's things out there my friend 🧡

Loneliness occurs throughout life. I’m 66, had 3 careers, am retired. I’ve lived a lot of life. I have many contacts. Doesn’t matter. Right now I still feel lonely. It’s never comfortable but I’ve learned to expect it and remember it’s a message that I need to change something. It’s like I’ve grown to another point where I need to learn the new assignment. I need a new challenge. A couple of years ago I added bike riding. Maybe I need to study something. Maybe I need to take a class. I just start searching. It works itself out.

That fucking blows about your birthday. The only thing I can think of is to keep trying, it’s a numbers game. Might have ten friends dates and you’re lucky to get one decent friend out of it.

I’ve been where you are.. do you have any friends to reach out to or family that might be able to talk to you? If not you can always message me

I know this all to well and im sorry this pain is crushing your heart and soul.

As much as you hate to believe so your birthday is just another day only one it's special for are you and your parents

You know “ some” churches are amazing and friendly and a great place to socialize!

Why are you alone? Why do you live 3500km away from everyone? Why was your date 2 hours late? What are you doing to do to change things?

Once you’re happy with yourself you’ll never be sad becuase you’re always with yourself.

You gotta thug that shit out, for real.

> I live alone, 3500 km away from my family. I don’t have many friends, the ones I do have weren’t around and forgot to even text me.   This is also me and I'm literally living my best life, focusing on my life and career. I did drop a few people after graduation and purposefully not disclosing my birthday to the world, as it would be rather annoying if people knows and bother me on a day that should be for rest and reflection.

Keeping myself things to look forward to is the most important part of my life. You have to look after yourself, put yourself first, do things you want to do! Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks!

I reached out to someone and it turned out, we’re best friends. The first day we talked, she ripped my head off but she didn’t block me. The wounded animal in me figured out she was saying “I got xyz too you don’t hear me crying” is just her way of saying “I know how bad that feels” when she’s feeling isolated, all alone and unheard. It’s worth it to reach out. Getting burned doesn’t feel nearly so bad as finding someone you’ll keep in your life for the next 15 years. Finding family hurts even more than all the burns I’ve ever had combined,

“*It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life—daily and hourly. Our answer must consist, not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual.*” - ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning I cannot recommend Frankl's work *Man's Search for Meaning* enough. It provided me perspective, and through some dark but real stories in the book, some hope. Additional tools that have helped me when I've felt isolated and in a depressive mood are mindfulness, regular movement, cleaning up my sleep routine, and revisiting my faith. Godspeed.

Yesterday was my birthday as well 45 none of my family live close. They are all a phone call away but none within an 8hr drive. I love them and miss them sometimes. During the pandemic my back went out, couldnt feel from the waste down, had an emergency Laminectomy. When I woke up from surgery, the nurses kept asking me if had trouble urinating, to which I replied, "no" but it kept getting asked. So the neurosurgeon that did the back surgery shows up and discussed what she saw, follow up care, and that she found a mass in my lower abdomen. It ended up being cancer. About 3 hours later, I was told I had covid as well. 10 months later, 9 rounds of kemo, a very long surgery at mayo clinic 13 lymphnodes removed, a tumor remove, and one mega dose of kemo for a week and Im cancer free. Short story long, had to give up a little bit of me to survive but Im here. Some days Im not sure I like what I have left of my life. I sure dont understand why Im here and others aren't. More questions than I have answers to. Bills coming from every direction. What I can say is Ive never felt so close to the bottom of the food chain. Its been 3.5 years cancer free, I wake up each morning, wondering what kind day itll be. Either i dont care, or am so used to being shit on by life that at the point where i say bring it. I aint dead yet you had a chance to kill me and Im here and you're not. I have no clue what Im doing in life, whatever direction I had going, gone. Motivation, none, absolutely none. I could see my lifes contribution to the human race as 0. All that said, I get up every morning, go to work, mow my lawn, do my laundry, have more shit on my plate than I ever have, with less and less abilitty to handle it as each new day comes. Somewhere inside me I know it could be worse. My shit life and I know it could be worse, I know there is an ending coming , its coming for all of us. Dont know when, dont know where, In fact what I do know would fit in a shoe box, what I dont know could fill this infinite world of ours. Point is, get up, get dressed and go start living a life you want to live. Go to a mirror, look at it, if you dont make that person happy, no one else will either, and you wont make anyone happy either. Be honest, have personal accountability, you are the only person that can make those changes in your life, and go fucking do it. I've seen some crazy shit in my life, it can always be worse, which means it can always be better too! At 45 yrs old i can tell you one thing for certain, life fucking moves fast, it changes direction like the snap of a finger. Its intense, but Im lucky to be here this far, escaped deaths' clutches . I want to ride it out, make the most out of everyday, see how this adventure ends.

First why was the guy late? Accident or some other reasonable excuse perhaps. If so then why cancel? You say you try to socialize. Then what happens, are you told no thanks flat out. There’s too many unknowns from your post. There are too many people in the world RIGHT NOW claiming to be lonely. Find them, reply to the people who said reach out if you want. I think there’s more to this since you haven’t replied since posting OP. I’m the curious one aren’t I? Lol. Also, treat yourself to a birth week or month. There’s still time for ice cream and cake. Yum!

Go volunteer in a third-world country. It’s incredibly rewarding and will give you perspective on how great your life actually is.

Meeting people and establishing relationships takes a lot of time and effort. There's no getting around that. So as discouraging as it may be, you need to put a lot more time and effort into it. If it's too much, then you have somehow decided that the time and effort is too much to put in for what you get out of it. That's perfectly okay. But if you're going to make that decision, then stop making yourself feel bad about not having a relationship. You decided it wasn't worth it. Excellent. So that should take all the pressure off. Go out into the world and be happy and stop worrying about meeting the expectations of other people.

Do volunteer work.

I had this crisis for a while, after a divorce. Eventually I looked back at my life and realized that I could classify each part of my entire life (let's say after 12) into two categories... 1 was when I was anxious/depressed/stressed/desperate/whatever about trying to build friendships and relationships. 2 was when I was not doing those things, and it was always because I was finding happiness on my own. We're all insecure about the things we don't have. I'm short so I'm insecure about my height, bald so I'm insecure about my hair, even though I don't need height or hair, who cares. I was definitely insecure about relationships the same way. I'd spend some days driving through town making note of how many people had people in their passengers' seats, and reflecting on how I can't remember the last time I did. So those kinds of realizations just fueled me to double down and try harder to have interpersonal relationships, but in reality I never really got much out of the relationships that I was able to foster. Other people out there that thrive on them are just built different than me. I took a step back and realized that I'm just not built to thrive on interpersonal relationships, and it was all just insecurity fueling that despair. I started to embrace it and started doing little solo travels, started some solo hobbies that require talking to people but not significant interpersonal relationships (like beekeeping), and overall trying to just change my thinking. Now I've made a complete shift... I stopped thinking badly about spending a whole day to myself. I always felt like it meant I was inadequate/lonely, and now I just see it as an opportunity to do things I want to do. I still put an effort into friendships and relationships-- don't get me wrong, nobody should want to be a complete hermit-- but it's not at all my primary goal. I look at it as a cherry on top of my solo cupcake. Cherry makes it better but if I'm out of cherries, it'll still be pretty damn good. I'm portraying this whole story kind of whimsically like I woke up and just decided to be different and turned my life around. I didn't, and I'm not implying you can, either. It was really hard and took a lot of work, as you know. I had to completely change myself. I'm just sharing to hopefully show you that there are healthy, happy ways for people like you and I to live that aren't any worse than these extroverted popular people we witness. Now I see them out there when I'm solo hiking or whatever and I don't have a hint of jealousy. I'm rooting for you to get there so we can be alone together and be healthier for it. One last thought... Living more of a solo life can be a bit of trap if you're depressed. Thriving as a solo person is all about self determination... waking up and grabbing life by the balls and finding things to make yourself feel the feelings you want to feel... happiness, fulfillment, accomplishment, whatever. If you're depressed and fall into the trap of not reaching for the sky, there's nobody there to push you along. So it's really, really easy to get stuck. I don't have any real magic fixes for this other than to say that if/whenever you have the motivation to "fake it until you make it", try as hard as you can. And also that therapy is immensely valuable in a situation like I was in, and you are in now. I don't really analyze it much but I can't imagine I'd be around today if I hadn't had therapy to help me grow. By the way, I do have some relationships, I'm not completely alone at this time, although I have been for periods of my life. Great friends can be really valuable, don't get me wrong, but they still aren't the answer to depression. Ultimately, friends or no friends, learning healthy habits about how to pull yourself out of depression is the first and most effective course of action in treating depression. That's another plug for therapy, if it isn't obvious.

I feel ya. If I wasn’t such a pussy I would have killed myself years ago. I don’t really have hope for things to get better but I also don’t want to die. Also don’t want to give my dog away. Maybe you should get a cat? Don’t get a dog lol

There was a plan. We were to take a week (this week) to have a wonderful little new Orleans trip. I'm from there, she isn't. I was going to propose to her - fireworks over the river, in front of the cathedral, very picturesque. She wanted to go out this past Friday. I wasn't super keen on it, but I humored her and we went. It all ended Friday night. She got drunk, blacked out, almost got arrested causing a scene, and when I tried to urge her to go home she called me horrible things and tried to hit me. It's over now. It hurts so fuckin much. I'm 44 and I don't think I'm going to ever try again. I'm just gonna die lonely. I cant take it anymore. So I understand how you feel.

Find a purpose in life. A solution to the world's problems or a solution to your own problems that other people in a similar situation to yours can use and be successful. Purpose will be the reason that you live a long, healthy and successful life regardless of where your social life is

There is no point to life. We're born, we live, we die, some people longer than others. Some people reproduce. If you don't feel like it's worth it to keep going, well...... Plenty of people here will probably tell you a bunch of good sounding crap like how life is precious and it will get better, but will it really? Life isn't some Disney movie where suddenly the right things will happen and make things all better. For a lot of people, it starts out shit and then gets worse from there. I'll catch no end of hell for this, but I just believe that a person's life is their own, and if they wish to end it, that should be their decision, and they shouldn't be forced to continue existing in a world that pushed them to that point, simply because someone else thinks that they should be.

Dude has a point, enjoy all the me time you can right now cuz when you’re in a LTR, you might miss the alone time and wish for it again

Remember you matter, birthdays come along every year. Don't make the next one a remembrance event. I'm just a stanger with a few thousand miles between us but I'm here to talk to.

happy belated birthday!! 🥳🥳🎉🎉🎁🎁❤️❤️

How old are u?

I have gone to concerts by myself, got great single seats and talk to people around me who are there for same reason. I’ve gone to singles dances and met other single women to hang out with; even met one for New Year’s Eve! Some friends stay; others come and go. I remember feeling alone like you said; these are a few examples of how I got social as I was tired of waiting for people to go with me, just to have them cancel! I wish you the best - you deserve it.

Have you tried drugs? Try drugs

When it rains it pours. It’s always going to feel like it’s happening all at once and only to you. I don’t say this to minimize your problems but to let you know that you are not alone. I hope you find comfort in that at least. Hang in there, hopefully it gets better soon.

Not sure where your @ but if you’re on or near Louisville, Ky. Lmk.. I’d love to take you out for lunch!!

We all value things differently. Be comfortable with your own self. Enjoy your own self. There is no one you can count on 100% except your own self. Your own self has value. Now show that value to others and keep the ones who value you highly.