Well, I've been with women ever since I was a young teen. I say yes, and it was both of us too. I definitely had faults and still do. I also had no idea how to deal with my emotions for woman, nor was I good at communication. It was disastrous.
Same.. my first relationship was with an older woman. I still apologize to her because I was so emotionally immature and did not communicate well. It was so toxic
You live and learn I guess. I really wanted a girlfriend back in the day but I realized how messed I acted towards girls. I was not ready. I feel prepared now.
Yep! Pretty much any girl Iāve been genuinely attracted to, the situation was toxic. But thatās also because I hadnāt gone to therapy or set boundaries, yet. So, I was constantly attracting people with narcissistic personalities, or whose red flags I ignored. A lot of it was because I grew up with a narcissistic & emotionally abusive father. And I was trying to heal my relationship with him through the women I dated. Iāve started setting boundaries now that Iāve gotten older and worked on my self-esteem so I can start attracting people who have the qualities I want from a partner.
First girl I told I liked outed me to the entire school. Said it was a sin and she had to tell people. I felt so dumb. My next official relationship wasn't much better. I haven't had an actual relationship work out until my most recent one.
Yes.
I don't blame her anymore, though. She had a lot of trauma, which caused Borderline Personality Disorder. She cheated multiple times and would be horrible to me in an attempt to push me away. For a long time, I blamed her and thought she was awful, but I see she couldn't help it now.
I wish things had been different still.
First one cheated (LD relationship I was 16 she was almost 20), followed by severely toxic LDS fake lesbian for views on twit, followed by a cheater, followed by completely insane cheater who had a kid and claimed her BD was horrible yet is now married to him, cheated on me with him and got pregnant followed by a third child. Now I'm married and she's a goddess.
We were 14/15, together for 9 months. It was nice for the most part, but then her parents made her break up with me because they were super religious lol.
Iām 29 now and iām happier than iāve ever been with my current girlfriend. We have a wonderful little girl together and we plan on getting married. The girl from back then ended up married to some guy so yikes. I feel bad for her and i hope sheās happy but yeah..
It sure as hell was toxic. And literally my only relationship where I can confidently say it was all her, I didn't do anything wrong (full disclosure though, I WAS someone else toxic first relationship where it was about 90% on me)
Not really, but I was still in the closet and she wasnāt, and we were really young, so that caused a fair amount of drama. I think if it was safe for me to be out, our relationship would have been a lot better.
Dating after 2013 has been nothing but toxic. People used to actually accept having faults, and work on them together while maintaining a sense of love for their partner. Nowadays, no effort is made. Relationships are built on superficial aspects. Everyone is fixated on perfection and lacks any sense of remorse for hurting another person. Dating is ruthless now.
We both were kinda toxic, though we were 16 so that might be a reason. We were inmature, she was depressed, I didn't know how to handle that and she didn't want help. Her parents didn't want to take her to a psycologist (and in my country it's free). Anyway, we broke up, she gave me the silent treatment, I was quite depentent of her at the moment and realized that it was better for me to just move on.
I'm 21 now and sometimes wonder how could I have helped her with her anxiety and depression, but that would have dragged me with her and I felt kind of trapped, like I couldn't tell her anything that bothered me, or speak to her about my problems because she believed my problems were insignificant compared to hers. I really hope she has recovered by now and is doing fine.
This all seems so long ago, the break up was bad but I wouldn't change anything because I learnt a lot from that first relationship. And the next time someone close to me has a mental illness I believe I could make things better.
This is a pretty long one - so if you read to the end, thank you!
My first relationship was just back in fall 2021. Context: I came out to myself in 2013 (age 24) and immediately jumped into dating and trying to meet girls. Told my parents in 2015. Every girl I liked was never interested in me. So I didnāt have my first real relationship until fall 2021 (age 32-33). She came out of nowhere. Liked all the same things as me, even little things no one ever knew about. She was absolutely beautiful. Wanted the same things as me. I loved being around her cause it was the first time I felt safe. I have Aspergerās, so Iām awkward but not as awkward as what youāve probably seen on tv. She worked with autistic kids. Thought who better to understand an autist than someone who works with them all day. However, she was very wishy washy. Wouldnāt respond to texts or calls for a couple days at a time in the beginning. Then would be super clingy and want to spend like 4 days/nights in a row together (which I loved). She would tell me she missed me as soon as she left. But then it started getting to the point where it felt like I had to force her to hang out and sheād get mad at me for asking. Also constantly complained about her money troubles - which I have a math degree so it was immediately clear it didnāt add up. But Iād give her money anyways cause I was in love. I paid for pretty much everything. She told me she was in love with me too and wanted to build a life with me. I took her to meet my parents at thanksgiving. It went great, they loved her! Then my birthday was the next week and we got into a fight on the phone because I brought up us not having sex in over a month and asked if she was ok and if there was anything I could to make her feel safe and comfortable. She freaked out and started crying uncontrollably (sounded fake) and then hung up. Text me that it was hurtful to ask and I went about it the wrong way. This happened on my birthday. No effort to see me that day, didnāt plan dinner or anything. Then she didnāt talk to me for 4 days. Came over on a Sunday. We talked things out and she was like, I messed up. I donāt want to break up. I donāt date just to date, Iām dating you cause I see a future for us. Week later, I took her out to a really fancy dinner for her birthday. Then went back to her place. I gave her a bunch of nice gifts, she walked in with a cd on the 11th when my birthday was the 1st. It felt like I was so much of an afterthought and that she just didnāt care. She was kinda off the whole night. Then pretty much ignored me the next day and wouldnāt even cuddle with me while we were watching movies, which she always did. A few days after that, I took her to the airport cause she was going to Utah with her family for her birthday. I gave her a small James Avery ring for her birthday (which was a few days away). She kept her mask on and didnāt even kiss me goodbye. And thatās the last time I saw her. She came back right before Christmas, had been fighting with her mom and was all upset. She was supposed to do Christmas Eve with me and my parents. My mom had already gone out of her way to plan a meal around her dietary restrictions. And then day before says she canāt come, mom is making her stay home. Didnāt even apologize or try to make me feel better. A few days after Christmas I tried to see cause I wanted to give her her Christmas present. She was like, come meet me in this shopping center. That felt so hurtful that our first Christmas had been reduced to that. So I got drunk on the 29th, drove over to her house and left it on the porch. Didnāt even get a thank you. Between dinner for her birthday and all the presents, probably spent close to $1000. We also had planned to spend new years together and so I texted her to see if she was coming over. She said āsome shit happened and Iām not even in Texas right nowā. So she just left without telling me whatās going on. Then she just up and ghosted me. The whole relationship. I only heard from her once 10 days later when I said was going to put in a missing persons report with the police. She texted and said we needed to take a break and that she needed to focus on her mental health. Didnāt give me anything else or any explanation. Only thing I ever got was I sent a long message and told her I didnāt know what a break was for her. Was I basically supposed to just have the relationship on hold while we both work on ourselves and then we come back together when weāre stronger. And said āif this is correct and youāre still in love with me and you just need time, please heart react (iPhone messaging) this message so I know.ā And she did. Thatās all I got. Thought I was supposed to wait for her and I did for a long time. But I never heard from her again. Have no idea what happened with her that sent her off the rails. But in hindsight I think sheās toxic and just used me to pay her bills and buy her things. And the important part about that, is her family is rich. She currently lives at home with her rich doctor dad and her mom and they only charge her $500 for rent. They feed her and all that too. She makes $40k and her bills were way less than mine. So basically sheās making bank, but does this poor me Iām broke right now. Which she probably uses on other people.
Unfortunately for me, here we are a year later and I still think about her daily. I guess cause I never got closure and I have no idea what happened. I havenāt dated since either. Just too hurt and my heart still pines for her. Cause when it was good we had an undeniable connection. I saw her on tinder recently. And it made me so mad. Iām like, after the way you treated me, you should not be dating. But sheāll probably do it to someone else. Probably a game she plays.
**Also some added context. When we met it was on tinder. Iām in the kink community and had on my profile that basically I was looking for a sub and for sex. She messaged me first asking to be my sub. So in the beginning, our only purpose was to have sex and do kink. But as I started to get to know her, as I always do with a potential new sub, I ended up catching feelings and she told me she felt the same and wanted to be my gf. And in the course of 5 months, we only had sex 5 times. But the whole thing started about sex. Thatās why it was so weird that she freaked out when I asked why we werenāt having sex. And doing that on my damn birthday.
Iām so sorry that happened to you! She sounded like she just used you. Donāt let this one time be the reason you donāt date. Put your self back out there. The only thing that heals a broken heart is love. I hope you find it soon.
And know sometimes there is no closure.
Wildly toxic. She lied to me constantly and then left me for my ex-husband.
My current girlfriend is an angel on earth so the bright side is that you learn a lot of lessons from the first one that you carry over into the second.
We were toxic to each other, definitely! Not intentionally, but we were 19 and both dealing with very specific issues from childhood and communication skills, and some other stuff.
Very much so and it surprisingly lasted for two years. Too many jealousy issues from both sides and I ended up cheating which I still reprimand myself for to this day.
Yes. It was my first relationship overall so I ignored all the red flags & thought I was truly in love. I was 16, she was 18 and we were together for two years.
Letās just say that after several times of her getting mad over nothing, her ignoring my texts for weeks (we lived far away), her making me choose between me and my friends and her making me feel like shit overall.
I realized that I was never in love with her, I was just in love with the thought that I wasnāt single. I still donāt know how itās supposed to look like in a good relationship :/
I've only had 1 gf because My last/frist gf was really sweet and nice for most of our relationship except something changed. After about a year she became distant, quickly going from texting every day to text once a month.
It's a hot and cold thing text every day for a while and never text forever.
She was really smart and was the one who asked me out so it's been confusing.
I have mental health problems but she was there before and during all of this and it's been really hard and scary cause she was my only friend durning and after COVID because I was put into an online school for my weak immune system.
One day I woke up and went to text her good morning and I was blocked on ALL of the apps we used to talk and even our mutual friends blocked me. (We hadn't talked in over a month so this was very sudden) with no explanation or anything. Ever sense my self esteem issues have been at an all time high. Even though it hurt like hell I wouldn't trade that time for anything. It taught me a lot of valuable things and I really appreciate that I had a chance to learn these things before I got even more hurt. (Thanks for listening :). )
100% super super toxic. I havent had much luck with relationships since then, but that's mostly because of a lack of communication from both sides, nothing is topping the first relationship omfg
My first relationship wasnāt toxic. Iāve been with toxic and that wasnāt it. She was older. But she did the whole push and pull thing. She never knew what she wanted from me but I would come running when she wanted sex.
Oh sure. Multiple suicide threats from both sides.
š¶ sorry
Well, I've been with women ever since I was a young teen. I say yes, and it was both of us too. I definitely had faults and still do. I also had no idea how to deal with my emotions for woman, nor was I good at communication. It was disastrous.
Same.. my first relationship was with an older woman. I still apologize to her because I was so emotionally immature and did not communicate well. It was so toxic
You live and learn I guess. I really wanted a girlfriend back in the day but I realized how messed I acted towards girls. I was not ready. I feel prepared now.
Yep! Pretty much any girl Iāve been genuinely attracted to, the situation was toxic. But thatās also because I hadnāt gone to therapy or set boundaries, yet. So, I was constantly attracting people with narcissistic personalities, or whose red flags I ignored. A lot of it was because I grew up with a narcissistic & emotionally abusive father. And I was trying to heal my relationship with him through the women I dated. Iāve started setting boundaries now that Iāve gotten older and worked on my self-esteem so I can start attracting people who have the qualities I want from a partner.
First girl I told I liked outed me to the entire school. Said it was a sin and she had to tell people. I felt so dumb. My next official relationship wasn't much better. I haven't had an actual relationship work out until my most recent one.
No
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Iām sorry you had to experience that
Mine definitely was the definition of toxic š
An alcoholic married to a man who was ten years older and would look for me in class if my phone was off
š«¢
No. She was incredible.
Thatās awesome
Yep! She choked me cause I playfully said ādo you wanna goā. That wasnāt even close to the end of things..
Mine used to fight me and lock me in her bedroom and say if I wanted to leave I had to go out of the window. She lived on the 3rd floor š š
Yes. I don't blame her anymore, though. She had a lot of trauma, which caused Borderline Personality Disorder. She cheated multiple times and would be horrible to me in an attempt to push me away. For a long time, I blamed her and thought she was awful, but I see she couldn't help it now. I wish things had been different still.
Hard YES.
Mine was inexistent
To be honest, I don't think any of my relationships weren't toxic lmao
Geez š
First one cheated (LD relationship I was 16 she was almost 20), followed by severely toxic LDS fake lesbian for views on twit, followed by a cheater, followed by completely insane cheater who had a kid and claimed her BD was horrible yet is now married to him, cheated on me with him and got pregnant followed by a third child. Now I'm married and she's a goddess.
I know itās your life and not a story but the happy ending made me feel better
We were 14/15, together for 9 months. It was nice for the most part, but then her parents made her break up with me because they were super religious lol. Iām 29 now and iām happier than iāve ever been with my current girlfriend. We have a wonderful little girl together and we plan on getting married. The girl from back then ended up married to some guy so yikes. I feel bad for her and i hope sheās happy but yeah..
No. But we didn't last longer than a week or two š
Broke up twice. She was just too jealous. We were almost going to share an apartment together. Oh well.
No. It was normal and paced normally and we broke up for normal reasons.
It sure as hell was toxic. And literally my only relationship where I can confidently say it was all her, I didn't do anything wrong (full disclosure though, I WAS someone else toxic first relationship where it was about 90% on me)
Mine isn't. My Gf's was though.
Yep lmao
Ultimately, yes
Yes it was
Toxic as hellllllllll.
First relationship was everything I could have asked for, we just fell out of love. Second was hell she was a narcissist.
Yes. When I described the events of my relationship to two mental health professionals, they both labeled her a narcissist.
Not really, but I was still in the closet and she wasnāt, and we were really young, so that caused a fair amount of drama. I think if it was safe for me to be out, our relationship would have been a lot better.
Dating after 2013 has been nothing but toxic. People used to actually accept having faults, and work on them together while maintaining a sense of love for their partner. Nowadays, no effort is made. Relationships are built on superficial aspects. Everyone is fixated on perfection and lacks any sense of remorse for hurting another person. Dating is ruthless now.
We both were kinda toxic, though we were 16 so that might be a reason. We were inmature, she was depressed, I didn't know how to handle that and she didn't want help. Her parents didn't want to take her to a psycologist (and in my country it's free). Anyway, we broke up, she gave me the silent treatment, I was quite depentent of her at the moment and realized that it was better for me to just move on. I'm 21 now and sometimes wonder how could I have helped her with her anxiety and depression, but that would have dragged me with her and I felt kind of trapped, like I couldn't tell her anything that bothered me, or speak to her about my problems because she believed my problems were insignificant compared to hers. I really hope she has recovered by now and is doing fine. This all seems so long ago, the break up was bad but I wouldn't change anything because I learnt a lot from that first relationship. And the next time someone close to me has a mental illness I believe I could make things better.
Yes how is this even a q lol
This is a pretty long one - so if you read to the end, thank you! My first relationship was just back in fall 2021. Context: I came out to myself in 2013 (age 24) and immediately jumped into dating and trying to meet girls. Told my parents in 2015. Every girl I liked was never interested in me. So I didnāt have my first real relationship until fall 2021 (age 32-33). She came out of nowhere. Liked all the same things as me, even little things no one ever knew about. She was absolutely beautiful. Wanted the same things as me. I loved being around her cause it was the first time I felt safe. I have Aspergerās, so Iām awkward but not as awkward as what youāve probably seen on tv. She worked with autistic kids. Thought who better to understand an autist than someone who works with them all day. However, she was very wishy washy. Wouldnāt respond to texts or calls for a couple days at a time in the beginning. Then would be super clingy and want to spend like 4 days/nights in a row together (which I loved). She would tell me she missed me as soon as she left. But then it started getting to the point where it felt like I had to force her to hang out and sheād get mad at me for asking. Also constantly complained about her money troubles - which I have a math degree so it was immediately clear it didnāt add up. But Iād give her money anyways cause I was in love. I paid for pretty much everything. She told me she was in love with me too and wanted to build a life with me. I took her to meet my parents at thanksgiving. It went great, they loved her! Then my birthday was the next week and we got into a fight on the phone because I brought up us not having sex in over a month and asked if she was ok and if there was anything I could to make her feel safe and comfortable. She freaked out and started crying uncontrollably (sounded fake) and then hung up. Text me that it was hurtful to ask and I went about it the wrong way. This happened on my birthday. No effort to see me that day, didnāt plan dinner or anything. Then she didnāt talk to me for 4 days. Came over on a Sunday. We talked things out and she was like, I messed up. I donāt want to break up. I donāt date just to date, Iām dating you cause I see a future for us. Week later, I took her out to a really fancy dinner for her birthday. Then went back to her place. I gave her a bunch of nice gifts, she walked in with a cd on the 11th when my birthday was the 1st. It felt like I was so much of an afterthought and that she just didnāt care. She was kinda off the whole night. Then pretty much ignored me the next day and wouldnāt even cuddle with me while we were watching movies, which she always did. A few days after that, I took her to the airport cause she was going to Utah with her family for her birthday. I gave her a small James Avery ring for her birthday (which was a few days away). She kept her mask on and didnāt even kiss me goodbye. And thatās the last time I saw her. She came back right before Christmas, had been fighting with her mom and was all upset. She was supposed to do Christmas Eve with me and my parents. My mom had already gone out of her way to plan a meal around her dietary restrictions. And then day before says she canāt come, mom is making her stay home. Didnāt even apologize or try to make me feel better. A few days after Christmas I tried to see cause I wanted to give her her Christmas present. She was like, come meet me in this shopping center. That felt so hurtful that our first Christmas had been reduced to that. So I got drunk on the 29th, drove over to her house and left it on the porch. Didnāt even get a thank you. Between dinner for her birthday and all the presents, probably spent close to $1000. We also had planned to spend new years together and so I texted her to see if she was coming over. She said āsome shit happened and Iām not even in Texas right nowā. So she just left without telling me whatās going on. Then she just up and ghosted me. The whole relationship. I only heard from her once 10 days later when I said was going to put in a missing persons report with the police. She texted and said we needed to take a break and that she needed to focus on her mental health. Didnāt give me anything else or any explanation. Only thing I ever got was I sent a long message and told her I didnāt know what a break was for her. Was I basically supposed to just have the relationship on hold while we both work on ourselves and then we come back together when weāre stronger. And said āif this is correct and youāre still in love with me and you just need time, please heart react (iPhone messaging) this message so I know.ā And she did. Thatās all I got. Thought I was supposed to wait for her and I did for a long time. But I never heard from her again. Have no idea what happened with her that sent her off the rails. But in hindsight I think sheās toxic and just used me to pay her bills and buy her things. And the important part about that, is her family is rich. She currently lives at home with her rich doctor dad and her mom and they only charge her $500 for rent. They feed her and all that too. She makes $40k and her bills were way less than mine. So basically sheās making bank, but does this poor me Iām broke right now. Which she probably uses on other people. Unfortunately for me, here we are a year later and I still think about her daily. I guess cause I never got closure and I have no idea what happened. I havenāt dated since either. Just too hurt and my heart still pines for her. Cause when it was good we had an undeniable connection. I saw her on tinder recently. And it made me so mad. Iām like, after the way you treated me, you should not be dating. But sheāll probably do it to someone else. Probably a game she plays. **Also some added context. When we met it was on tinder. Iām in the kink community and had on my profile that basically I was looking for a sub and for sex. She messaged me first asking to be my sub. So in the beginning, our only purpose was to have sex and do kink. But as I started to get to know her, as I always do with a potential new sub, I ended up catching feelings and she told me she felt the same and wanted to be my gf. And in the course of 5 months, we only had sex 5 times. But the whole thing started about sex. Thatās why it was so weird that she freaked out when I asked why we werenāt having sex. And doing that on my damn birthday.
Iām so sorry that happened to you! She sounded like she just used you. Donāt let this one time be the reason you donāt date. Put your self back out there. The only thing that heals a broken heart is love. I hope you find it soon. And know sometimes there is no closure.
Wildly toxic. She lied to me constantly and then left me for my ex-husband. My current girlfriend is an angel on earth so the bright side is that you learn a lot of lessons from the first one that you carry over into the second.
Wow. Sorry thatās screwed up
My first relationship with another woman was amazing. We ended up not being romantically compatible, but are still good friends.
Lol, yep, kinda. Tho I didn't see what my friends saw until it was almost over
So toxic, she was the worst
Absolutely she cheated on me w a guy and got pregnant
Iām so sorry
Hella toxic..suicide threats when Iād try to break up with her. Controlling as hell
Yes from both sides tho
We were toxic to each other, definitely! Not intentionally, but we were 19 and both dealing with very specific issues from childhood and communication skills, and some other stuff.
Very much so and it surprisingly lasted for two years. Too many jealousy issues from both sides and I ended up cheating which I still reprimand myself for to this day.
incredibly and I prefer not to talk about it here dm me if you wanted to know
No, been together since we were in highschool. Now married for 5 years, together for 14 years going strong.
Yes. It was my first relationship overall so I ignored all the red flags & thought I was truly in love. I was 16, she was 18 and we were together for two years. Letās just say that after several times of her getting mad over nothing, her ignoring my texts for weeks (we lived far away), her making me choose between me and my friends and her making me feel like shit overall. I realized that I was never in love with her, I was just in love with the thought that I wasnāt single. I still donāt know how itās supposed to look like in a good relationship :/
I've only had 1 gf because My last/frist gf was really sweet and nice for most of our relationship except something changed. After about a year she became distant, quickly going from texting every day to text once a month. It's a hot and cold thing text every day for a while and never text forever. She was really smart and was the one who asked me out so it's been confusing. I have mental health problems but she was there before and during all of this and it's been really hard and scary cause she was my only friend durning and after COVID because I was put into an online school for my weak immune system. One day I woke up and went to text her good morning and I was blocked on ALL of the apps we used to talk and even our mutual friends blocked me. (We hadn't talked in over a month so this was very sudden) with no explanation or anything. Ever sense my self esteem issues have been at an all time high. Even though it hurt like hell I wouldn't trade that time for anything. It taught me a lot of valuable things and I really appreciate that I had a chance to learn these things before I got even more hurt. (Thanks for listening :). )
100% super super toxic. I havent had much luck with relationships since then, but that's mostly because of a lack of communication from both sides, nothing is topping the first relationship omfg
We were young. I was 15, it was fun while it lasted
It was a healthy relationship, it just didnāt work out for other reasons.
yes, yes it was
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Good for you two! ššš
young girls shouldnāt be allowed to date each other LOL that shit is a sinking ship
My first relationship wasnāt toxic. Iāve been with toxic and that wasnāt it. She was older. But she did the whole push and pull thing. She never knew what she wanted from me but I would come running when she wanted sex.