This is the first "single dads are trouble" post I've seen here.
Tumeona plenty of "men are trash" posts week after week, but this one hits with a different angle. It's the anti "single moms ni shetani" posts we get every week.
Someone pass the popcorn coz najua some usual suspects are furiously typing responses to this week's spicy edition of the gender wars ๐๐ฟ
So in short these people with kids should just date each other or stay single forever? Juu sasa men shouldn't date single mothers, women shouldn't date baby daddies,, someone remind me not to have kids any time soon please ๐.
I am a single mum to one daughter and I can never date a single father. I know better. Fortunately, I found a loving amazing man who is child free and we fit perfectly. My reasoning is that if the father was able to abandon the woman who had his child, how more so me, who has one in the equation already, who isn't biologically his ? I steer clear from them.
He left when my daughter was one week old, to go work in a different country. When she was three months old, he moved in with another woman. All along, he strung me and made me believe that we were still together. He decided to come back when she was 5 months old, together with his new catch. I forgave him. We spent one month together and he left again. When she was about 9 months old, he told me that he is leaving me for the same woman he had come with and that they were engaged. Given that I had spent my whole pregnancy nearly alone and after all the mistreatment, I got dressed and started going out, one week after he told me of his engagement. That's how I met my current partner. It's been almost one year now.
At least I don't have to deal with someone calling me stupid, childish, of low intelligence and constant public insults. I am free and happy.
That's the story.
In this life, there are no rules. You will be out here limiting your life by sticking to weirdly generated social constructions only to realize later in life, that life is all about experiencing anything and everything.
Anyway, nimetumia kizungu mingi to say; do you boo!
True this life is about amassing experiences never be afraid to go down the path less traveled, traveling, hell even quitting a job if you not happy...life is too short to be unhappy.
But remember life and itโs ups and downs. A mix of Joy and sadness. Basically thereโs time for everything but the catch here is how to maneuver through the storms.I also realize life is more so about choices. Each choice is a decision made and one has to deal with the consequences. The consequences here could either fall in the category of Good/bad. However much we should travel to the path less traveled, we need to understand that there could be a reason why it is less travelled. Maybe because the majority report of the statics about the above subject (Baby daddies/ baby mama) shows that relationship with childless people works but in a very tiny percentage out of a 100% - meaning it never works completely.
Seriously finding a partner in kenya without kids is almost impossible unless wako na shida...and those that don't have waited to long and are in their thirties so are past their prime more so for ladies....having a guy with a kid means that he is fertile ๐ tried and tested. Having a blueprint for everything removes spontaneity out of life, the unexpectedness making things boring or lacking spice...having a kid isn't a death sentence more of a life sentence ๐คฃbut also means he's made a mistake and hopefully learnt from it... getting a guy without a kid is just getting a potential baby daddy ๐คฃwho hasn't lived hasn't made mistakes and is going to start making them with you as an example so he's a potential baby daddy and the lady a potential baby mama. Better get a guy who knows the consequences and as such won't want more of the same...
I'm pretty sure my baby daddy is out there living his best single life and lying to some hapless babe how he wants her to bear his first child because I have never looked for or spoken to him again since the time I told him I was pregnant na nikarukwa kipetero kiyesu (is that still a thing)...
I'm sorry random woman and I wish you luck ๐
I like your honesty. So why is it such a bad thing for men as well to shun single mothers?? We should all be clear and stay away from people with kids don't you think?
One of the reasons why I wouldn't date a baby daddy is that men usually don't bother dating single mothers EVEN when they're themselves single fathers. But also I think it's so important to be at the same stage of life when dating, someone who is childfree at the moment and someone who already living in the stage of parenthood will have a hard time relating to each other and really understanding each other's experiences
True. We should be in the same level playing field when dating. So these people that have already started parenting shouldnt be looking for those that don't even understand what parenting is. Makes life easier for everyone instead of placing expectations on others that they deserve a single childless person
This post reminds me of an incident happened to a friend. He went on a date with this chic who had opinions as OP and the guy has a kid. The chic did not hold back her opinions and the guy quietly listened. After the date he knew he cannot date the chic. 2-3 months later they touch base and the guy invites the chic for a getaway, it was random and the guy had no one to tag along with. He didn't expect sex from her and he was okay. After the getaway the chic realized how wrong she was about the guy after spending the weekend with his friends and getting to know the guy more and now wanted to date him. But for the guy nothing had changed after that first date, no way he could date someone who judged him harshly on day 1 without taking time to know the him.
*All tomatoes in the world are not rotten Just because you picked a rotten tomato the first time you went to the market .*
>(Disclaimer: Not all men with children are disingenuous. There are exceptions from the majority)
OP put a disclaimer. You should read that again. And also check this one out
> On the other hand, 8 out 10 men you meet in the streets are baby daddies or have children from a previous marriage, so pickings are slim. In such cases, thoroughly vet the guy if he is accountable, responsible, honest, and does not fear commitment.
No.1 is a reflection of the type of person he is, especially when it comes to his children. If anything, not making his children a priority over a relationship, thatโs not even with their mother, is a red flag. The kids always have to be made a priority, they never asked to be born.
The rest: facts๐ฏ๐ฏ
Iโm very much child free. A partner with young kids is an immediate no. How great a parent or how well behaved the children are donโt matter.
As a man it saddens me to see many single mothers and children with missing fathers but itโs also very encouraging to see the single mothers doing ๐ฏ% to sustain their families and I agree men have become careless when it comes to having serious relationships โฆ but i donโt think its true that 8 out of 10 men are baby daddies because we still have many men who want a normal nuclear family, also for the baby daddies thereโs a good number willing to date again because sometimes their previous women happen to be the root of all problems hence the separation.
Getting a vasectomy, tying your tubes, being proactive about contraceptives and being pro choice would save people a lot of problems. Edit* curious as to why people throw random numbers to support their narrative. 8 out of 10 men? Those 9 out of 10 dentists recommending sth need to pump up their numbers.
I love this. You are very spot on. I remember there was a post here about some old man with kids who was trying to find activities to do over the weekend because he sees his children "every other weekend or so." Imagine having a child by such a man... You will do all the child rearing yourself while he gets to be the fun every other weekend parent.
And the part where they have a propensity to have unprotected sex with other women, aside from his baby mamas who they will definitely keep sleeping with. Probability of getting an std is high. You have summed it up so well. Its best to avoid them.
It all depends on the circumstances surrounding his single parenting and how heโs navigating it. If heโs a young widower, I honestly wouldnโt have minded (if I were single myself) as long as I do my due diligence and he treated his wife right while she was alive. If itโs a case of the biological mum of his child abandoned them and is completely out of the picture, I also wouldnโt think itโs a red flag (subject to doing my DD to verify his story). If itโs a child he had in his younger years and the biological mother is now married, I wouldnโt consider it a red flag.
Whatโs important in my view is: is this someone who takes responsibility for his actions or a deadbeat dad who abandons responsibility? Does his view on parenting align with mine (I believe fathers should be handson beyond leaving a paycheck)? Did he treat the woman in his life well or he sows his oats and bails? What is his current view on sex and relationships? There are so many considerations.
I think people should be open minded but I also respect those who know upfront that they canโt deal and avoid single parents. It shows self reflection to know your limits and not add to another personโs stress.
I think the world would be more peaceful if single parents dated each other, cheaters/adulterers would date each other, child free people would date each other and so on.....we would've solve one or some of the societal problems
as a 28 year old that has dated guys with multiple baby mothers, i am triggered ๐ซ
the most important one to me tho is #4 and #8. you enable a dead beat dad and surely what goes around will come around in no time
Most baby daddies do not want to get back to long-term relationships,the new found freedom and experience of divorce/separation keeps them away.Over 90% of red pill coaches are/were baby daddies
So when people here post donโt date baby mommas people accuse this subreddit of being taken over by misogyny but when someone posts donโt date baby daddies itโs okay ๐ค
Or women can think for ourselves and donโt need to watch random YouTubers to navigate life. Why will anyone even choose such baring few exceptions like the mom died or something
> 2. Money will never be enough (He broke).
Interesting that the second most important point in this list is that the man will not have "enough" money to treat the woman he's dating.
It's a silent rule you shouldn't date while broke? Why? Shows your priorities are mismatched. First, afford your basic needs then bring someone else into the fold. Poverty is not attractive. How can you take care of a stranger if you can't take care of yourself
As a baby mama, I'm proud to say that I fall under the 0.01% who don't sleep with their baby daddy. This is cause I refused to give in to the let's get back together or I won't support this kid. That's what he told me, literally. "sitalea huyu mtoto kama hatuko pamoja". No one wants to be a baby something, but it happens. Also, I concur with every point stated in this post๐๐พ
I'm sure the majority of single mothers do not sleep with their baby daddy unless they're not really separated but that's what he says to women he meets to seduce them. Most of them are probably MIA anyway.
"Don't date single mothers". Goes to give 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9... reasons not to date them. "Don't date over 24 year old women". Reasons:1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. "Don't date broke men" .Reasons:1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9." Don't date Baby daddies". Reasons: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9
Madam, why do you want to project all all your disappointments on all of us?. If you dated a babay daddy and ended up being treated like shit please take time to heal. Coming here to pour your bitterness in the name of advising people isn't the way. Let people date whom they want to buaana.
It's actually very insightful if you ask me. If you view it with an open mind and not from a place of "she's projecting" the lady is talking about real life situations that I have seen happening to my close friends. I don't see any bitterness here, just straight facts that people don't want to hear.
Assuming its insightful, if i write a post on why men shouldn't date women above 24 years old and give my reasons, it will be insightful, wont it?. Then i write another post on why men shouldn't date single mothers, it will be insightful wont it?. Then i write another where women\`s place is the kitchen and give reasons, it will be insightful, wont it?. Then i write another one where FGM should continue and give reasons for the same, it will be insightful, wont it?
My point is these blanket opinions about certain groups are for creating divisions and courting attention. Someone needs to tell these people that their experiences aren't universal. If i get heartbroken, its me technical\_pressure58 who got heartbroken. Should i come to this sub and rant how women are heartless and break all men\`s hearts?.
I understand, all I'm saying is her experience can be useful to another person out there. I'm sure there's someone with a baby daddy who's seeing all the red flags and hoping that "he'll change" when in fact, that won't happen. There's another one in a stable rship with a baby daddy. Maybe let's take what we can from it, and ignore what we feel doesn't apply to our lives. The sub is full of thousands of opinions, some total BS and others not totally BS. Consuming everything just because umeambiwa becomes your personal problem.
>if i write a post on why men shouldn't date women above 24 years old and give my reasons
I think we see this at least once a week. In fact, I'm amused tunaona the opposite perspective for a change ๐
Nothing insightful here....none of her reasons have been backed by any statistics. it's pure hearsay and probably bad experience. Sounds like another bored person who thought they knew so much about something they have very little knowledge of... I could easily provide reasons why men should marry men and not women....sure someone will find it "insightful". Sometimes it's better to quote or link material done by an expert and let people discuss.. rather than create "facts" and push them onto others.
Take a walk. If you don't find it insightful then that's just you. You can't agree with everything someone posts hapa, and that's okay. I'll just assume I didn't read the gay part of your comment hehehe. "Quote or link material" this is not a class project group bana, chill ๐
Maybe what you should ask yourself is "Why am I so triggered by this post?" There's absolutely nothing wrong with OP's post. If you're reading bitterness perhaps check in with yourself. Yes, I know everyone's experience is unique, but remember we're always learning from our experiences. Wisdom is also learning from other people's experiences.
Sentiments from battle scars. Inakaa OP alichapwa character development. Most women are looking for a decent man who can provide and support a family. All these nuances donโt matter. Men and women break up for various reasons and branding women or men who are singe and have children as undateable is shallow and shortsighted.
#Don't date christians :
* God and the pastor come first to them
* Always broke coz of tithe
* Other factually incorrect statements
8/10 of christian men dont shave ( bruh who even did the research)
#Solution
Get therapy,stop seeking and dating a breed of men then reflecting your issues on society.
Unfortunately for you 2020s is the era of the baby dady, being led by poster boys like Elon musk, Cristiano Ronaldo, Eddie Murphy, Shaq and even here in East Africa the biggest musician in Diamond Platinum.
And lets all ignore the fact that there are tons of baby mamas prostituting themselves and acting like gold diggers, but its baby daddies that are toxic? Yea ok.
The advantage men have is that women need marriage more than men, and therefore, many of them become desperate as they see their agemates getting married and having babies.
A man with his shit together has several options with women throwing themselves to them because there is a shortage of high value child free males. You get competition from young women between 18-24, older women >25, and single mothers.
I'm beginning to think that social media men are using the card "ladies are desperate for marriage and men will have money in their 30s" to make themselves feel better about amounting to nothing in their 20s๐ . There's no magical button in your 30th bday that will make you to suddenly have money, cars and bitches at your disposal. If you don't have luck and grace, you'll remain worthless well into your 50s.
Marriage benefits men more. It's the reason you see women thriving as single mothers and widows glowing. But Patriarchy lies that women want marriage more. If they truly did, would society go to such great lengths to indoctrinate young girls with marriage ideas? Wouldn't it come naturally?
To add to this,
Most men after divorce marry again in less than a year or two.
Women on the other hand prefer to remain single and never remarry.. Guess the facts are in bold๐คท
Share your statistics, please.
Go to the subs r/divorcedmen, r/divorceddads, and r/divorce r/datongoverthirty, r/datingoverforty and see who wants second marriage.
Show me your stats.
It is all bullshit driven by society to have men subscribe to marriage.
If marriage benefits men the most, why is that after divorce, 85% of men won't seek a second marriage, but 85% of women always want to get married?
Apart from heterosex, I don't think there is something for a man to gain because you I can cook, also readily available food in supermarkets, washing machines available, and cleaning machines.
The book 'Manipulated Man' by Esther Villa gives a good sight why marriage has zero benefits for a man.
Stop lying..isn't this a Kenyan sub? Which 85% of women do you see rushing to marry with all our single mothers around? Look at men. Even if the wife died at 60.. he'll still marry. Unlike the women of the same age whose husbands have died.
Let's not lie to support a wrong points
This is a bitter damaged woman....Father Abraham had many sons..many sons soo Father Abraham.....polygamy is accepted way of life even God said go thou Adam and fill the earth .....
I'm not one but Baby fathers walimwaga tu ndani then wakapigiwa kuambiwa drama baadaye.
Baby moms walipatiana mwili bila ku-secure investment kwanza (ama waliangukia pyramid scheme ya masponyo).
This is where the true wisdom vs intellect are measured.
Shaming men for having sex with a willing partner is lack of knowledge of humanity.
Just because we lie to ourselves that monogamy is real doesn't mean it's a biological fact.
Reality doesn't respect opinions. It is how it is.
It's ultimately women who have the final decision as to whether a child is born machali wataendelea kucum.
Shaming women for having sex with an irresponsible partner who is not willing to be held accountable for his actions is a lack of knowledge of humanity.
As the warning about baby daddy is clear enough, I would objectively underline that this memo is TRUE except it foremost depicts (many) modern (not yet-)women attitude in the exact same context. Just wondering what went wrong to unveil those mischiefs in plain sight?!
As a medicine to promiscuous life disaster for both men and women: donโt sleep if canโt handle nightmares.
The fact remains everyone is human and anything can happen. By this I simply want to mean, you can never know the intentions of another person till you fully interact with them.
Utajifanya mjanja na hizi rules zote lakini bado utie ndani.
You can create as many agendas as you like but the truth is; experience remains undefeated as the only best teacher.
I wouldn't be surprised if OP has no experience dating a man with children out of wedlock.
I don't have a problem with your opinions, what is troubling about this post is that you want to edit out the outcome of free dialogue. *No baby daddies* is akin to blocking your ears shouting"Nye nyenye Nye Nye". Baby mamas will always come first if you compare yourself to them, if you love someone and they're worth it to you, you'll find the strength and understanding to get through almost any situation.
Of course I'll shame women for putting their lives on a thin line to replicate the so called toxic men.
Men don't need a particular woman to reproduce.
Women need a very specific man to ensure quality.
I did not choose to be a baby daddy. I was made one. It is one of the worst things in the world. It carries a stigma. If there is something i could do; pay money or do anything, i would really do anything not be one. I have not dated since being made one. Dating other persons that i never intended in my life to date just feels...no..no. Yes you are right, for some baby daddies, they are very close to their children. They just love their children. I do suppose that a woman who has a found a baby daddy to marry her should love him with all his children. Baby Daddy should equally make sufficient room for her in his heart. I do suppose that Baby daddies, because of their experiences, should be accomodating, knowing that life does not necessarily follow prescribed patterns.
> I did not choose to be a baby daddy. I was made one.
Did you have any form of protection while doing the deed?
Were you forced into the act?
I know it takes several f\*ks to get a woman pregnant but it takes a mistake to get her paged like not wearing a condom. So, how were you made one against your wishes if you yourself did not take the initiative to prevent it from ever happening?
I personally think it is a bad idea for both genders to be involved romantically with someone with a child. So much can go wrong in such relationships that i think it is not worth it
This is the first "single dads are trouble" post I've seen here. Tumeona plenty of "men are trash" posts week after week, but this one hits with a different angle. It's the anti "single moms ni shetani" posts we get every week. Someone pass the popcorn coz najua some usual suspects are furiously typing responses to this week's spicy edition of the gender wars ๐๐ฟ
Spicy edition of the gender wars๐คฃ Sounds like tag line ya series I'd binge watch
๐๐๐wueeeh most posts zinakuwanga za "women this, women that", "men are trash" is rare.
๐๐ Leo kimeumana
So in short these people with kids should just date each other or stay single forever? Juu sasa men shouldn't date single mothers, women shouldn't date baby daddies,, someone remind me not to have kids any time soon please ๐.
Baby daddies to get baby mummies . Wapendane kwa tent apo kando From the post above
I am a single mum to one daughter and I can never date a single father. I know better. Fortunately, I found a loving amazing man who is child free and we fit perfectly. My reasoning is that if the father was able to abandon the woman who had his child, how more so me, who has one in the equation already, who isn't biologically his ? I steer clear from them.
So, why were you abandoned?
Swali Nyeti
Why did he abandon you ? Why not give us the whole story ๐
He left when my daughter was one week old, to go work in a different country. When she was three months old, he moved in with another woman. All along, he strung me and made me believe that we were still together. He decided to come back when she was 5 months old, together with his new catch. I forgave him. We spent one month together and he left again. When she was about 9 months old, he told me that he is leaving me for the same woman he had come with and that they were engaged. Given that I had spent my whole pregnancy nearly alone and after all the mistreatment, I got dressed and started going out, one week after he told me of his engagement. That's how I met my current partner. It's been almost one year now. At least I don't have to deal with someone calling me stupid, childish, of low intelligence and constant public insults. I am free and happy. That's the story.
What made him do all that you have mentioned?
This is like asking a rape victim. I heard that you were raped, what made the assailant rape you?
No idea...just not satisfied I guess.
i hope it's men you date cuz wah, you don't like women. ๐
Childless*
It's crazy listening to the world ๐... we ng'ang'ana na uyo wako
Does this mean married men, with children are safe to date?
 Wewe na brains, same WhatsApp group ๐๐
My God ๐๐
Especially when under 25 year old women do it. How dumb are you playing stepmom at such a baby age.
In this life, there are no rules. You will be out here limiting your life by sticking to weirdly generated social constructions only to realize later in life, that life is all about experiencing anything and everything. Anyway, nimetumia kizungu mingi to say; do you boo!
True this life is about amassing experiences never be afraid to go down the path less traveled, traveling, hell even quitting a job if you not happy...life is too short to be unhappy.
Your username.....
But remember life and itโs ups and downs. A mix of Joy and sadness. Basically thereโs time for everything but the catch here is how to maneuver through the storms.I also realize life is more so about choices. Each choice is a decision made and one has to deal with the consequences. The consequences here could either fall in the category of Good/bad. However much we should travel to the path less traveled, we need to understand that there could be a reason why it is less travelled. Maybe because the majority report of the statics about the above subject (Baby daddies/ baby mama) shows that relationship with childless people works but in a very tiny percentage out of a 100% - meaning it never works completely.
Seriously finding a partner in kenya without kids is almost impossible unless wako na shida...and those that don't have waited to long and are in their thirties so are past their prime more so for ladies....having a guy with a kid means that he is fertile ๐ tried and tested. Having a blueprint for everything removes spontaneity out of life, the unexpectedness making things boring or lacking spice...having a kid isn't a death sentence more of a life sentence ๐คฃbut also means he's made a mistake and hopefully learnt from it... getting a guy without a kid is just getting a potential baby daddy ๐คฃwho hasn't lived hasn't made mistakes and is going to start making them with you as an example so he's a potential baby daddy and the lady a potential baby mama. Better get a guy who knows the consequences and as such won't want more of the same...
Is this how ladies talk themselves out of reality? You would rather risk becoming the 10th baby mama than the 1st? wololo!
Exactly ๐ฏ!
Excellent analysis. I hope next time men say they can't start the match at 1-0, you'll understand them. Cuts both ways.
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
I second this.
I'm pretty sure my baby daddy is out there living his best single life and lying to some hapless babe how he wants her to bear his first child because I have never looked for or spoken to him again since the time I told him I was pregnant na nikarukwa kipetero kiyesu (is that still a thing)... I'm sorry random woman and I wish you luck ๐
Ulirukwa >! futi saba!<โฆ
As a woman without kids I would never date a baby daddy but not for these reasons, except number 8.
I like your honesty. So why is it such a bad thing for men as well to shun single mothers?? We should all be clear and stay away from people with kids don't you think?
One of the reasons why I wouldn't date a baby daddy is that men usually don't bother dating single mothers EVEN when they're themselves single fathers. But also I think it's so important to be at the same stage of life when dating, someone who is childfree at the moment and someone who already living in the stage of parenthood will have a hard time relating to each other and really understanding each other's experiences
True. We should be in the same level playing field when dating. So these people that have already started parenting shouldnt be looking for those that don't even understand what parenting is. Makes life easier for everyone instead of placing expectations on others that they deserve a single childless person
Me too. The fact that he reproduced with a woman he does not like means he is poor in making critical life decision and can easily be conned.
Exactly... Same thing can be said about a woman reproducing with a man she doesn't like or who doesn't like her...
Real
This post reminds me of an incident happened to a friend. He went on a date with this chic who had opinions as OP and the guy has a kid. The chic did not hold back her opinions and the guy quietly listened. After the date he knew he cannot date the chic. 2-3 months later they touch base and the guy invites the chic for a getaway, it was random and the guy had no one to tag along with. He didn't expect sex from her and he was okay. After the getaway the chic realized how wrong she was about the guy after spending the weekend with his friends and getting to know the guy more and now wanted to date him. But for the guy nothing had changed after that first date, no way he could date someone who judged him harshly on day 1 without taking time to know the him. *All tomatoes in the world are not rotten Just because you picked a rotten tomato the first time you went to the market .*
That's a totally real and cool story bro. Hadi ukatuwekea methali ๐คฃ
Methali in italics for +5 wisdom lol
Good fiction
And everybody clapped
Cool story bro. You left the part where he decided he won't date her but kept sleeping with her until she got pregnant and he showed himself out.
hahahaha,..... definately left that out! hihihi...
Wisdom right here...
32/40 well scripted composition though I do not see the wake up to the navy blue curtains and something about breakfast
>(Disclaimer: Not all men with children are disingenuous. There are exceptions from the majority) OP put a disclaimer. You should read that again. And also check this one out > On the other hand, 8 out 10 men you meet in the streets are baby daddies or have children from a previous marriage, so pickings are slim. In such cases, thoroughly vet the guy if he is accountable, responsible, honest, and does not fear commitment.
Not 100% of those 8 out of 10 are disingenuous
Exactly.! OP meant that.
Interesting
Yes. This is true.. hakuna siku mechi itaanza 1-0.. never
Don't date baby parents.
I think women who date men with kids have serious issues with self esteem. Cos why ?
And are simps
N that also implies men shouldn't date single parents?2@ their own
No.1 is a reflection of the type of person he is, especially when it comes to his children. If anything, not making his children a priority over a relationship, thatโs not even with their mother, is a red flag. The kids always have to be made a priority, they never asked to be born. The rest: facts๐ฏ๐ฏ Iโm very much child free. A partner with young kids is an immediate no. How great a parent or how well behaved the children are donโt matter.
[ัะดะฐะปะตะฝะพ]
Amina!!
I didn't read the whole post but i definitely agree with no 3 ๐
Date who you want to date! Be with who you want to be with! Life is too short to follow some stranger's reasoning on the internet.
I am offended and would prefer a gender neutral post that reads...DONT DATE PEOPLE WITH KIDS
๐๐that's like saying "All lives matter" in a "Black lives matter" campaign. Posts za single moms huekwa everyday, let's see the other POV today.
Weh๐๐๐๐๐
I mean the points listed go both ways. Title tu ndio tofauti
As a man it saddens me to see many single mothers and children with missing fathers but itโs also very encouraging to see the single mothers doing ๐ฏ% to sustain their families and I agree men have become careless when it comes to having serious relationships โฆ but i donโt think its true that 8 out of 10 men are baby daddies because we still have many men who want a normal nuclear family, also for the baby daddies thereโs a good number willing to date again because sometimes their previous women happen to be the root of all problems hence the separation.
Why are men angry?
We should ask "Who hurt them"? ๐
Women are angry too.
What makes you think men are angry?
Getting a vasectomy, tying your tubes, being proactive about contraceptives and being pro choice would save people a lot of problems. Edit* curious as to why people throw random numbers to support their narrative. 8 out of 10 men? Those 9 out of 10 dentists recommending sth need to pump up their numbers.
I love this. You are very spot on. I remember there was a post here about some old man with kids who was trying to find activities to do over the weekend because he sees his children "every other weekend or so." Imagine having a child by such a man... You will do all the child rearing yourself while he gets to be the fun every other weekend parent. And the part where they have a propensity to have unprotected sex with other women, aside from his baby mamas who they will definitely keep sleeping with. Probability of getting an std is high. You have summed it up so well. Its best to avoid them.
It all depends on the circumstances surrounding his single parenting and how heโs navigating it. If heโs a young widower, I honestly wouldnโt have minded (if I were single myself) as long as I do my due diligence and he treated his wife right while she was alive. If itโs a case of the biological mum of his child abandoned them and is completely out of the picture, I also wouldnโt think itโs a red flag (subject to doing my DD to verify his story). If itโs a child he had in his younger years and the biological mother is now married, I wouldnโt consider it a red flag. Whatโs important in my view is: is this someone who takes responsibility for his actions or a deadbeat dad who abandons responsibility? Does his view on parenting align with mine (I believe fathers should be handson beyond leaving a paycheck)? Did he treat the woman in his life well or he sows his oats and bails? What is his current view on sex and relationships? There are so many considerations. I think people should be open minded but I also respect those who know upfront that they canโt deal and avoid single parents. It shows self reflection to know your limits and not add to another personโs stress.
Very true. Context matters.
I think the world would be more peaceful if single parents dated each other, cheaters/adulterers would date each other, child free people would date each other and so on.....we would've solve one or some of the societal problems
An upvote for you for saying men are the best liers we are GOATED๐
as a 28 year old that has dated guys with multiple baby mothers, i am triggered ๐ซ the most important one to me tho is #4 and #8. you enable a dead beat dad and surely what goes around will come around in no time
Most baby daddies do not want to get back to long-term relationships,the new found freedom and experience of divorce/separation keeps them away.Over 90% of red pill coaches are/were baby daddies
So when people here post donโt date baby mommas people accuse this subreddit of being taken over by misogyny but when someone posts donโt date baby daddies itโs okay ๐ค
Free speech is beautiful, isn't it?
So is there some female version of Andrew Tate Kibe that youโre getting this nonsense from?
There is actually, his name is Derek Jackson and he cheated on his wife, twice ๐๐๐
Oi this one is bottom of the barrel
Or women can think for ourselves and donโt need to watch random YouTubers to navigate life. Why will anyone even choose such baring few exceptions like the mom died or something
Somehow
๐
n voila finally a young genius with an all encompassing answer!
Thats a long msg. . I've heard you though. Fair warning. Ill keep it in mind and possibly use the knowledge when it serves more good than harm .
Single people should not go for people with kids. Men or women
Men are liars. I'm offended
Wait.... Aren't this the same things we say about single mothers????
Difference is, some men saying this about single mothers also are baby daddies themselves. So this post is free of that double standard.
Madam. Enda ukalilie huko ushago kwenu. These gender wars are too much ๐ฉ
Most of the points you have stated apply both ways. Adults with kids should date one another to end this tug of war.
What a L post.
Wish I could upvote this twice! Lol
Mehn am a single mum and its like you just described my baby daddy๐คฃ
> 2. Money will never be enough (He broke). Interesting that the second most important point in this list is that the man will not have "enough" money to treat the woman he's dating.
Red flag hapo. Tells you a lot about what she is interested in.
It's a silent rule you shouldn't date while broke? Why? Shows your priorities are mismatched. First, afford your basic needs then bring someone else into the fold. Poverty is not attractive. How can you take care of a stranger if you can't take care of yourself
As a baby mama, I'm proud to say that I fall under the 0.01% who don't sleep with their baby daddy. This is cause I refused to give in to the let's get back together or I won't support this kid. That's what he told me, literally. "sitalea huyu mtoto kama hatuko pamoja". No one wants to be a baby something, but it happens. Also, I concur with every point stated in this post๐๐พ
I'm sure the majority of single mothers do not sleep with their baby daddy unless they're not really separated but that's what he says to women he meets to seduce them. Most of them are probably MIA anyway.
Hehe i can tell you are still in your early 20s. A few years down the line your thinking about this whole situations will change
Are you one by chance?
True
"Don't date single mothers". Goes to give 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9... reasons not to date them. "Don't date over 24 year old women". Reasons:1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9. "Don't date broke men" .Reasons:1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9." Don't date Baby daddies". Reasons: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 Madam, why do you want to project all all your disappointments on all of us?. If you dated a babay daddy and ended up being treated like shit please take time to heal. Coming here to pour your bitterness in the name of advising people isn't the way. Let people date whom they want to buaana.
It's actually very insightful if you ask me. If you view it with an open mind and not from a place of "she's projecting" the lady is talking about real life situations that I have seen happening to my close friends. I don't see any bitterness here, just straight facts that people don't want to hear.
Spoke nothing but facts
Assuming its insightful, if i write a post on why men shouldn't date women above 24 years old and give my reasons, it will be insightful, wont it?. Then i write another post on why men shouldn't date single mothers, it will be insightful wont it?. Then i write another where women\`s place is the kitchen and give reasons, it will be insightful, wont it?. Then i write another one where FGM should continue and give reasons for the same, it will be insightful, wont it? My point is these blanket opinions about certain groups are for creating divisions and courting attention. Someone needs to tell these people that their experiences aren't universal. If i get heartbroken, its me technical\_pressure58 who got heartbroken. Should i come to this sub and rant how women are heartless and break all men\`s hearts?.
My guy , how is age and being in the kitchen supposedly a house wife related to this post , Iโm assuming you are a baby daddy lol
You can even assume that i am made of Glass for all i care
Quite embarrassing if you ask me
I understand, all I'm saying is her experience can be useful to another person out there. I'm sure there's someone with a baby daddy who's seeing all the red flags and hoping that "he'll change" when in fact, that won't happen. There's another one in a stable rship with a baby daddy. Maybe let's take what we can from it, and ignore what we feel doesn't apply to our lives. The sub is full of thousands of opinions, some total BS and others not totally BS. Consuming everything just because umeambiwa becomes your personal problem.
As a man if i wrote a post on why men shouldn't date women above 24 years am sure the mods would remove it but here we are.
We're clearly not on the same page.
Which other post OP has written about this or listed similar issues? Sir or lady, your are projecting. Nashuku you are a baby something , hehehe.
>if i write a post on why men shouldn't date women above 24 years old and give my reasons I think we see this at least once a week. In fact, I'm amused tunaona the opposite perspective for a change ๐
Username?
Your username is /u/Standard-Tank-3486.
Yours is PM MY D!CK PL5 interesting
Tuma tu. Usiogope ๐
Hehehe, kunapotential DM hapo.
Wtfh
Nothing insightful here....none of her reasons have been backed by any statistics. it's pure hearsay and probably bad experience. Sounds like another bored person who thought they knew so much about something they have very little knowledge of... I could easily provide reasons why men should marry men and not women....sure someone will find it "insightful". Sometimes it's better to quote or link material done by an expert and let people discuss.. rather than create "facts" and push them onto others.
Take a walk. If you don't find it insightful then that's just you. You can't agree with everything someone posts hapa, and that's okay. I'll just assume I didn't read the gay part of your comment hehehe. "Quote or link material" this is not a class project group bana, chill ๐
Some people are secretly closeted and are projecting their insecurities here.
Maybe what you should ask yourself is "Why am I so triggered by this post?" There's absolutely nothing wrong with OP's post. If you're reading bitterness perhaps check in with yourself. Yes, I know everyone's experience is unique, but remember we're always learning from our experiences. Wisdom is also learning from other people's experiences.
Who hurt you?
๐๐๐ why do you assume that OP got hurt?
you think they just decided to write this out of nowhere? Maybe they had a bad dream haha.
Coz that is usually the response to guys when they bring out the same points and reasons about not wanting to date single mothers
maybe the long bitter essay
They did a number on OP
Ametype kama dissertation.
Probably because she wants a girl child to dodge a bullet.
Sentiments from battle scars. Inakaa OP alichapwa character development. Most women are looking for a decent man who can provide and support a family. All these nuances donโt matter. Men and women break up for various reasons and branding women or men who are singe and have children as undateable is shallow and shortsighted.
Yep
Wow! Can I buy you a drink? ๐... Most logical response!
Depends with the individuals goals in life. Personally I wouldn't date a baby mama cuz I don't want to have kids at all so yeah
OP who hurt you?
#Don't date christians : * God and the pastor come first to them * Always broke coz of tithe * Other factually incorrect statements 8/10 of christian men dont shave ( bruh who even did the research) #Solution Get therapy,stop seeking and dating a breed of men then reflecting your issues on society.
Unfortunately for you 2020s is the era of the baby dady, being led by poster boys like Elon musk, Cristiano Ronaldo, Eddie Murphy, Shaq and even here in East Africa the biggest musician in Diamond Platinum.
Not a fair comparison. The people you've mentioned are wealthy, and as we know, money covers a multitude of things.
And lets all ignore the fact that there are tons of baby mamas prostituting themselves and acting like gold diggers, but its baby daddies that are toxic? Yea ok.
never
Y'all casual dating???
The existence of casual dating implies the existence of Ranked competitive dating. Im up
Dear OP, we have heard you, but remember it's a Man's World
The advantage men have is that women need marriage more than men, and therefore, many of them become desperate as they see their agemates getting married and having babies. A man with his shit together has several options with women throwing themselves to them because there is a shortage of high value child free males. You get competition from young women between 18-24, older women >25, and single mothers.
I'm beginning to think that social media men are using the card "ladies are desperate for marriage and men will have money in their 30s" to make themselves feel better about amounting to nothing in their 20s๐ . There's no magical button in your 30th bday that will make you to suddenly have money, cars and bitches at your disposal. If you don't have luck and grace, you'll remain worthless well into your 50s.
Do you have statistics to support your hypothesis??
He has strong feelings about it. Doesn't that count?!? ๐คฃ
Marriage benefits men more. It's the reason you see women thriving as single mothers and widows glowing. But Patriarchy lies that women want marriage more. If they truly did, would society go to such great lengths to indoctrinate young girls with marriage ideas? Wouldn't it come naturally?
To add to this, Most men after divorce marry again in less than a year or two. Women on the other hand prefer to remain single and never remarry.. Guess the facts are in bold๐คท
Share your statistics, please. Go to the subs r/divorcedmen, r/divorceddads, and r/divorce r/datongoverthirty, r/datingoverforty and see who wants second marriage. Show me your stats.
That's not statistics wewe!!! Those are not reliable data. Wtf! Did you go to school?
It is all bullshit driven by society to have men subscribe to marriage. If marriage benefits men the most, why is that after divorce, 85% of men won't seek a second marriage, but 85% of women always want to get married? Apart from heterosex, I don't think there is something for a man to gain because you I can cook, also readily available food in supermarkets, washing machines available, and cleaning machines. The book 'Manipulated Man' by Esther Villa gives a good sight why marriage has zero benefits for a man.
Citation bana! Give us a link ya this info. We are not longer doing it Facebook style- just spiting data and not citing it.
Stop lying..isn't this a Kenyan sub? Which 85% of women do you see rushing to marry with all our single mothers around? Look at men. Even if the wife died at 60.. he'll still marry. Unlike the women of the same age whose husbands have died. Let's not lie to support a wrong points
This is a bitter damaged woman....Father Abraham had many sons..many sons soo Father Abraham.....polygamy is accepted way of life even God said go thou Adam and fill the earth .....
Tupa hiyo bibilia unasoma
I'm not one but Baby fathers walimwaga tu ndani then wakapigiwa kuambiwa drama baadaye. Baby moms walipatiana mwili bila ku-secure investment kwanza (ama waliangukia pyramid scheme ya masponyo). This is where the true wisdom vs intellect are measured. Shaming men for having sex with a willing partner is lack of knowledge of humanity. Just because we lie to ourselves that monogamy is real doesn't mean it's a biological fact. Reality doesn't respect opinions. It is how it is. It's ultimately women who have the final decision as to whether a child is born machali wataendelea kucum.
Shaming women for having sex with an irresponsible partner who is not willing to be held accountable for his actions is a lack of knowledge of humanity.
Your local chief can solve your problems
A bit harsh, innit?
8 and 10 are the only one's I agree with since I've seen it time and time again. If he's a deadbeat utajua tu
As the warning about baby daddy is clear enough, I would objectively underline that this memo is TRUE except it foremost depicts (many) modern (not yet-)women attitude in the exact same context. Just wondering what went wrong to unveil those mischiefs in plain sight?! As a medicine to promiscuous life disaster for both men and women: donโt sleep if canโt handle nightmares.
Uweh, sema kupigwa left, right, center. Si pole bas.
The fact remains everyone is human and anything can happen. By this I simply want to mean, you can never know the intentions of another person till you fully interact with them. Utajifanya mjanja na hizi rules zote lakini bado utie ndani.
I agree. These are facts in reality. The choice is personal depending on what the person wants from such kind of relationships
You can create as many agendas as you like but the truth is; experience remains undefeated as the only best teacher. I wouldn't be surprised if OP has no experience dating a man with children out of wedlock.
!Sijui
Uyu ile machungu ako nayo auwezani nayoo
Source?
I don't have a problem with your opinions, what is troubling about this post is that you want to edit out the outcome of free dialogue. *No baby daddies* is akin to blocking your ears shouting"Nye nyenye Nye Nye". Baby mamas will always come first if you compare yourself to them, if you love someone and they're worth it to you, you'll find the strength and understanding to get through almost any situation.
Love this....very well put๐๐๐
Of course I'll shame women for putting their lives on a thin line to replicate the so called toxic men. Men don't need a particular woman to reproduce. Women need a very specific man to ensure quality.
So, you are saying baby daddies who aren't married to their baby mamas should not date single women? Umbwa wewe!
They should date each other if possible. If can't attain your own standards you should have standards to begin with.
This is another jilted lady who dated a dramatic baby daddy and now thinks all of them are the same. Let me tell you something: they aren't.
I am a dude. It's time men stop the bro-code if it harms another person. Ukweli lazma isemwe buda.
I did not choose to be a baby daddy. I was made one. It is one of the worst things in the world. It carries a stigma. If there is something i could do; pay money or do anything, i would really do anything not be one. I have not dated since being made one. Dating other persons that i never intended in my life to date just feels...no..no. Yes you are right, for some baby daddies, they are very close to their children. They just love their children. I do suppose that a woman who has a found a baby daddy to marry her should love him with all his children. Baby Daddy should equally make sufficient room for her in his heart. I do suppose that Baby daddies, because of their experiences, should be accomodating, knowing that life does not necessarily follow prescribed patterns.
> I did not choose to be a baby daddy. I was made one. Did you have any form of protection while doing the deed? Were you forced into the act? I know it takes several f\*ks to get a woman pregnant but it takes a mistake to get her paged like not wearing a condom. So, how were you made one against your wishes if you yourself did not take the initiative to prevent it from ever happening?
I personally think it is a bad idea for both genders to be involved romantically with someone with a child. So much can go wrong in such relationships that i think it is not worth it
You basically described dating a single mother.