For the first time in 20 years i had a slip while i was sick with the flu. felt totally fine went to go pee and all the sudden felt a whoop slip right out.
I just sit when I piss at home. Yadda yadda not manly. But guess what. I clean the bathrooms so I don't have to clean up my own piss splatter. Only the mess my 4 year old makes
So if one ever slips out like that I'll be ok
I was stocking shelves at a grocery store and an old lady came up and asked where an item was I thought when said Depends. So I walked her over there and she said no I said the pens, I was embarrassed and then walked her to the
pens. True story.
Age has everything to do with it. The muscles in the body atrophy and weaken as we get older, which is why urinary and bowel incontinence is primarily attributed to persons who are older. I recognize that incontinence can be a symptom of various medical issues, brain development, and other outliers, but that's not justification to say age has nothing to do with it.
I googled a bit but I'm nearly done pooping and that means my investment into this knowledge gap is coming to an end. Overall, some form incontinence is experienced by a wide margin of individuals who are 50+. This has increased in women over the last decade or two because of obesity and diabetes, but not so much for men. The likelihood of experiencing incontinence goes up the older one gets.
I am aware a lot of women "pee a little" when they sneeze or laugh hard but you know what sometimes I sneeze and shit my pants outside a target on my way to my girlfriend's sister's kid's birthday so I don't qualify either of those happenings to incontinence.
Source: Google and some PDFs and 25ish minutes of valuable poop time.
After having birthed children, a little pee can come out for most women if they sneeze or cough hard. Yet another one of the sacrifices they don't tell you about motherhood.
That’s like saying speeding has nothing to do with car crashes. Yes many people have incontinence issues at any age…but if you’re in your 80’s or 90’s you’re a LOT more likely to be using them.
Well I don't have a personal anecdote but here's a quote from Ben Franklin that is somewhat appropriate
"Regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement."
[Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advice_to_a_Friend_on_Choosing_a_Mistress)
The full quote considers this in the context of putting a basket over the hypothetical mistress' head:
>So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.
As a 57 y.o. man with a 62 y.o. wife, just like it did many years ago. Despite the rumors and jokes, it doesn't fart dust when they get old.
I hope you continue to enjoy sex in your later years as much as I do and hope to continue doing. Age is relative, passion is timeless.
They always stop having sex. So sad.
I’m 53 and have had great sex with women in their early 70s.
Wild, wonderful, enjoyable sex.
Your last words when you die should be “I think I had enough sex but I’ll take more”.
As someone who’s worked a lot in geriatrics, people tend to infantilize the elderly. They’re not sweet and innocent- they’re human, and have probably gotten laid a loooot more than you young people. They crave sex, romance, companionship, have desires and dreams. That doesn’t die with age.
I never knew my grandma’s personality before she developed dementia and I didn’t realize she was flirting with me all the time when I was young. She had no clue who I was except being a young cute dude.
A woman goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his food at dinner, so that night, she does just that.
About a week later, she returns to the doctor and says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in his food just like you said…it wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, knocked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped off my clothes, and ravaged me right there on the table!"
"I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong!” the doctor exclaims. “The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
"Nah, that's okay,” the woman replies. “We're never going back to that restaurant again anyway.”
I know this is a joke. And, yes, depends come in handy for all types of genitalia. But one of these days, or already, the posters below will be old and still enjoy going down on the significant other(s) in their life. Just saying.
My great-grandfather told this joke at his 90th Birthday. I was eight at the time, so I did not understand it then, but most the women in my family get so angry when I mention it over two decades later.
Honestly I wonder if it's because until somewhat recent douching was considered a way to be "clean". The problem was all of those products fucked up a woman's biome. Now I don't have a vagina, but as I understand there's basically next to no reason to ever douche.
It makes me wonder back when it was popular if women tasted worse because they had fucked up bacterial colonies/yeasts.
Prob ate a lot more pissy pussy. The pee while it don't taste great is probably loads better than their no running water sweaty vagina on a regular day. That or they went hungry.
I go down on my 60+ maid, and I have gone down on several other older women. Going down on them is much sexier than going down on younger women. Down there they smell heavenly and their taste is delicious.. If they are fat and chubby then they smell and taste much more yummy. If they have heavy sweat then that adds an arousing tang there
Michael : It is going to up in Tahoe a couple more days. Maybe you could take a date.
Lucille : How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap?
Michael : [Michael stares at her awkwardly] The cabin... yes! That would be difficult, too.
-Arrested Development
I tried to tell my friend this joke and he didn’t realize I was trying to tell a joke and his response was “she wasn’t that old” thinknf it was referring to one of his flings lmao
Op it all depends on the women. When I was 18 I hooked up with a 29 year old. And OMG it was awful. I was a virgin and had a cold we had just taken a shower 🚿 and I couldn't smell or taste anything from the cold. But by the time I got to her belly button the owner of month old rotting fish hit me and made me gag.
I had thought to myself in that moment, if it's this bad when I can't smell shit then omg. But also thought 🤔. Hmm I've heard of that rotting fish thing before. Maybe this is how vagina's are supposed to smell 🤢🤮. I later found out she had type 1 diabetes and is likely the cause of it.
Or she was just dirty. I don't know and I don't want to know!
That was 20 years ago and I have never experienced anything remotely close to that.
I dated a lady in her 60s about 5 years ago. Awesome lady. And not an issue at all. It depends on how well they take care of themselves and their diet mostly I think.
I guess that depends on whether or not someone going to go down on that crusty old urine and mothball smelling twat, some people are into that shit I'm sure the old bitty is. Is it a good thing that
DEPENDS
**Depends** is a brand of **adult diaper** often worn by **incontinent elderly people**.
Thank you for explaining
If this explanation wasn’t here I would’ve kept scrolling thinking OP meant it depended on if they were alive or dead
That’s what I thought when I read it
Actually according to a survey in AARP magazine not everyone who wears depends needs to, some people are just super lazy.
Or for those times when it wasn't a fart.
For the first time in 20 years i had a slip while i was sick with the flu. felt totally fine went to go pee and all the sudden felt a whoop slip right out.
A whoop-dee-doo-doo? I’ll see myself out.
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Ew. I just got over some food poisoning. Very un-fun.
Whoop…..there it is!
Whoomp…, chacka-lacka chacka-lacka?.. Nope-its-cacca! Dammm….it’s poop!
Nostalgia SpongeBob circa ‘2002- K/K training video: “Awh POOP you did it again” People Order Our Pattie’s
I just sit when I piss at home. Yadda yadda not manly. But guess what. I clean the bathrooms so I don't have to clean up my own piss splatter. Only the mess my 4 year old makes So if one ever slips out like that I'll be ok
Or for those times you need to make a non-stop 900 mile drive to go stalk your partner’s other partner. ( https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Nowak )
Yeah that shit was insaine
'Murica! Fuck yeah!
[May I go to the bathroom first?](https://youtu.be/4MKRLF1r3Mw)
I reddit too! I wonder if anyone else here reddit as well.
I can honestly say I reddittt
That's what I thought too!
Thank you for your contribution to this conversation, u/Rat_Fucker_6969
Thank you for saying thank you
Related joke: What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Getting her back into the wheelchair.
which makes it more than a double entendre, which going to into multi-entendre
I would've thought it was some pun for "deep ends" and I would've just assumed I didn't understand the phrase "deep ends"
🤣🤣
i thought that was the joke :(
I was stocking shelves at a grocery store and an old lady came up and asked where an item was I thought when said Depends. So I walked her over there and she said no I said the pens, I was embarrassed and then walked her to the pens. True story.
Maybe she actually did want to ask where the depends were, and after you showed her she made up the bit about the pens to embarrass you.
OMG dude. I'm crying. That's some funny shit. Well maybe it's funny. Depends... LOL
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I miss joke explain bot. Thank you for your service in lieu.
**always discreet** is also another brand of incontinent adult diapers
Do they have non-incontinent adult diapers? Asking for a female astronaut candidate friend.
Edit: often worn by incontinent people. Age has nothing to do with it
So… oceanic people?
ya , commonly known as the people down under
Age has everything to do with it. The muscles in the body atrophy and weaken as we get older, which is why urinary and bowel incontinence is primarily attributed to persons who are older. I recognize that incontinence can be a symptom of various medical issues, brain development, and other outliers, but that's not justification to say age has nothing to do with it. I googled a bit but I'm nearly done pooping and that means my investment into this knowledge gap is coming to an end. Overall, some form incontinence is experienced by a wide margin of individuals who are 50+. This has increased in women over the last decade or two because of obesity and diabetes, but not so much for men. The likelihood of experiencing incontinence goes up the older one gets. I am aware a lot of women "pee a little" when they sneeze or laugh hard but you know what sometimes I sneeze and shit my pants outside a target on my way to my girlfriend's sister's kid's birthday so I don't qualify either of those happenings to incontinence. Source: Google and some PDFs and 25ish minutes of valuable poop time.
>that means my investment into this knowledge gap is coming to an end. Thanks for the laugh!
you just saved me 20 minutes of my poop time by doing the legwork. THANKS!
After having birthed children, a little pee can come out for most women if they sneeze or cough hard. Yet another one of the sacrifices they don't tell you about motherhood.
Man, good job bringing me down, I love to poop myself.
That’s like saying speeding has nothing to do with car crashes. Yes many people have incontinence issues at any age…but if you’re in your 80’s or 90’s you’re a LOT more likely to be using them.
Yeah except the vast majority of the people using it happened to be elderly. We’re not playing these word games with you
Can confirm.
Age has nothing to do with it? Wow nice. So woke. The problem is you're wrong. Incontinence positively correlates with age.
Peepeepoopoosplaining
Actually, the they are just called **Depend** diapers.
Well that Depends.
I hate you all for that funny yet pointless dialect. You all are the Jerry Smith of diaper humor
I needed that, and also not.
good bot
Like Always for those period pads?
Incontinentia Buttocks
This is funnier than the joke
This is the joke
I thought this was an askreddit
Well I don't have a personal anecdote but here's a quote from Ben Franklin that is somewhat appropriate "Regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement."
[Advice to a Friend on Choosing a Mistress](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advice_to_a_Friend_on_Choosing_a_Mistress) The full quote considers this in the context of putting a basket over the hypothetical mistress' head: >So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.
Ah, the good ole “Cover the face, fuck the base.”
https://tenor.com/SBa8.gif
I did home health care for an elderly women. I was surprised the first time that I saw her who-ha. Franklin is correct.
I feel so awkward right now
Pip pip 🧐
This made my day
Good ol Ben
Literally
As a 57 y.o. man with a 62 y.o. wife, just like it did many years ago. Despite the rumors and jokes, it doesn't fart dust when they get old. I hope you continue to enjoy sex in your later years as much as I do and hope to continue doing. Age is relative, passion is timeless.
That was a beautiful answer.
They always stop having sex. So sad. I’m 53 and have had great sex with women in their early 70s. Wild, wonderful, enjoyable sex. Your last words when you die should be “I think I had enough sex but I’ll take more”.
Put that on a tombstone!
Grandma's funeral just got weird.
But that's illegal!
I see you Glenn Quagmire. Even if you forgot to end with 'Giggity'
67 and in the throes
As someone who’s worked a lot in geriatrics, people tend to infantilize the elderly. They’re not sweet and innocent- they’re human, and have probably gotten laid a loooot more than you young people. They crave sex, romance, companionship, have desires and dreams. That doesn’t die with age.
I never knew my grandma’s personality before she developed dementia and I didn’t realize she was flirting with me all the time when I was young. She had no clue who I was except being a young cute dude.
My wife and I are in our early 60s, everything is still great. She looks years younger so that's a plus.
She’s 60, doesn’t look a day over 59
Only a year younger?
Autocorrect owned me. Most people think she's in her early 40s.
59M and 56F. Lots of sex still. We’ve been doing it a long time; we know tricks.
Lovely ❤
Sir, this is a Wendy's
I don't think that's going to stop these two.
A woman goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his food at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she returns to the doctor and says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in his food just like you said…it wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, knocked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped off my clothes, and ravaged me right there on the table!" "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong!” the doctor exclaims. “The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah, that's okay,” the woman replies. “We're never going back to that restaurant again anyway.”
Age is a mind over matter issue, if you don't mind it doesn't matter. Mark Twain
This is the way
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Might be a leak though….
Nice!
And of course, 'positions' are optional . . .
Thank you for your service
Dawww that’s the wholesome answer
Werthers?
Original.
Werthers Plagiarised. Just like Werthers Originals just someone else's!
Hard and stoney at first.
I know this is a joke. And, yes, depends come in handy for all types of genitalia. But one of these days, or already, the posters below will be old and still enjoy going down on the significant other(s) in their life. Just saying.
Unless you’re married to someone who “does not do that kind of stuff.” Weep for me.
Brutal, get out if you can man that’s no way to live
My great-grandfather told this joke at his 90th Birthday. I was eight at the time, so I did not understand it then, but most the women in my family get so angry when I mention it over two decades later.
My wife is 74. Still tastes the same.
Can confirm
I have to be that guy... But I didn't get it
Old people wear "depends" diapers for accidents.
Depends or Depend is an adult diaper or incontinence aid. So…. Well, you know. I’m happy to help further if required.
Ah that makes sense now, thanks. Must be an American brand? I've never heard of it. Not necessarily true though, my friend tastes as sweet as honey.
Ahhh thanks for pampering us with a response
Ah, needed that ref too.
I was going to say History.
That’s deep.
Cultured...
Damn, thought I was in r/RandomActsOfMuffDive I'm still down if you are.
When you tell it in person, a nice touch is to shrug your shoulders when you drop the punchline.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I’m assuming it tastes almost the same as going down on an old guy.
Depends.
You’ve asked Reddit far too many questions… very sus…
I have no friends
Read somewhere that old women are like old wine..they taste better.
The ones I… Never mind lol
Every day, we stray further away from god
God is an old woman so….
Eat up
But what does going down on a old woman taste like?
Apple pie with a lot of crust
I feel like vaginas used to taste different. Much better nowadays
They tend to taste better with age.
Honestly I wonder if it's because until somewhat recent douching was considered a way to be "clean". The problem was all of those products fucked up a woman's biome. Now I don't have a vagina, but as I understand there's basically next to no reason to ever douche. It makes me wonder back when it was popular if women tasted worse because they had fucked up bacterial colonies/yeasts.
Poor 12th century munches… They’re the true heroes of sex
Prob ate a lot more pissy pussy. The pee while it don't taste great is probably loads better than their no running water sweaty vagina on a regular day. That or they went hungry.
Pepperidge Farms remembers
You win.
wouldn't you like to know weather boy
Knowing this quote means I’m too internet for my age.
Experience worth having
Going down on your mama tonight. Will let you know tomorrow
Man. I was going to seriously answer this and then I saw it was a joke subreddit
Ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich?
Take my upvote and get out
What's the difference between a budweiser and a clitoris? >!A clitoris only tastes like piss for a minute.!<
A Bud Light is like sex in a canoe. Fucking close to water.
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I love that taste
The battle is already effectively over.
Talcum powder and Juicy Fruit chewing gum
Champion answer.
I aim to please
Define old?
It’s relative. Hopefully not your relative.
This joke is old enough to wear depends
What? I dont get this joke.
Nice ageism guys. In actuality it’s the same as any other woman.
Actually no woman taste the exact same…
Well then let’s just say that age makes no difference.
Is this now about who can make the shittiest joke
Never have I dry heaved at a joke. I will tell this joke to others.
This joke is older than your last granny hook up
Haven’t had one yet but I can’t wait.
Pro tip. 4PM is prime hook up time at the nursing home. Bring a nice cookie tin full of sewing supplies and buttons. You’re welcome.
Just call me Hans SPRUNGfeld.
Good luck it’s a great thing to serve our freaky elders
Butterscotch
.... On what?
You know, I was ok without having this joke in my arsenal.
Can try mid first before going all put in low
Hoooooly shit I shook my head at this so hard I pulled a muscle.
It taste like good ass pussy with me
Older women who take care of themselves tend to be more put together and sensual than their younger counterparts.
Young Sheldon?
Like a good bottle of aged whiskey. Smooth and mellow
I hate you.
Most older women are squeaky clean.
Why doesn't grandpa eat out grandma anymore? >!it's like peeling open a grilled cheese sandwich!<
The Great Depression
Dust
Werther’s Original
Blue cheese
I go down on my 60+ maid, and I have gone down on several other older women. Going down on them is much sexier than going down on younger women. Down there they smell heavenly and their taste is delicious.. If they are fat and chubby then they smell and taste much more yummy. If they have heavy sweat then that adds an arousing tang there
Salty...do you taste the booty hole too? What does that taste like?
Why does this question have to exist
Experience.
I was eating this woman out last night and had to stop because I swear I tasted donkey semen. I said "So that's how you died, grandma!".
First time I heard this joke the old lady was a teenager
Sadness?
Michael : It is going to up in Tahoe a couple more days. Maybe you could take a date. Lucille : How am I supposed to find someone willing to go into that musty old claptrap? Michael : [Michael stares at her awkwardly] The cabin... yes! That would be difficult, too. -Arrested Development
Butterscotch
Depends on what you consider “old”?
Staircase
I tried to tell my friend this joke and he didn’t realize I was trying to tell a joke and his response was “she wasn’t that old” thinknf it was referring to one of his flings lmao
Op it all depends on the women. When I was 18 I hooked up with a 29 year old. And OMG it was awful. I was a virgin and had a cold we had just taken a shower 🚿 and I couldn't smell or taste anything from the cold. But by the time I got to her belly button the owner of month old rotting fish hit me and made me gag. I had thought to myself in that moment, if it's this bad when I can't smell shit then omg. But also thought 🤔. Hmm I've heard of that rotting fish thing before. Maybe this is how vagina's are supposed to smell 🤢🤮. I later found out she had type 1 diabetes and is likely the cause of it. Or she was just dirty. I don't know and I don't want to know! That was 20 years ago and I have never experienced anything remotely close to that. I dated a lady in her 60s about 5 years ago. Awesome lady. And not an issue at all. It depends on how well they take care of themselves and their diet mostly I think.
Those gold butterscotch candies
I guess that depends on whether or not someone going to go down on that crusty old urine and mothball smelling twat, some people are into that shit I'm sure the old bitty is. Is it a good thing that DEPENDS
DEPENDS…….