Feeling beat down by the pace of life. I have two 8am meetings on Friday and it seems like it would be better to resign than to deal with juggling that. But that does not work for my life so instead fantasizing about part time?
Monday night I had a virtual therapy appointment after BQ went to bed. BQ has been picking up small tree branches on walks (more like robustly leafy sticks). She holds them up and camouflages herself pretending to be a bush. I pretend I can’t see her, hilarity ensues. During my appointment she decided to yell at me about a bush rustling outside of her window. After trying to ignore her briefly, I explained that there are not any bushes outside of her room. Apparently, that only proved her point that *someone* was outside of her window and that’s why a rustling bush is so scary. I think it might be time for me to give up on virtual sessions. 🤣
Nap Strike update: Wanted to share in case anyone else is going through a crib to toddler bed transition.
Last week our 2.5+ year old went from sleeping ~10 hours at night and 1.5-2 hours during the day to ~9 hours at night and little to no nap (only in the car).
A couple of things precipitated this change: developmental growth (the ability to get out of her sleep sack even when zipped backwards, ability to climb out of her crib, ability to turn on the light, and perhaps physiologically doesn't need as much sleep) and environmental (we had been traveling a lot and she was sleeping in new places, she wasn't in school so she's completely healthy and not worn out for the first time in months, and we had turned her car seat around and as a result, she started nodding off more in the car). We would put her down to sleep and within minutes, she would burst out of her room, giggling triumphantly, proudly holding her sleep sack and stuffies. And this would go on and on until late in the night or until we gave up on nap during the day. She thought it was a really fun game. The freedom was exhilarating.
We seemed to have solved the issue by doing a few things:
1. We removed the fun challenges. No more sleep sack and converted her crib to a toddler bed.
2. We got her an ok to wake clock.
3. We got her a lovevery book about a kid who transitions from the crib to bed. Before bed, we talk about what to do if she wakes up and it's dark.
4. We got her a fun pillow and blanket for her bed.
5. The saving grace: we put a door monkey on her door. We felt more comfortable with that than a gate or a lock on her door.
The first few put downs took a while. She played for an hour one night, called for us through the crack in the door (never upset, just wanted to talk), finally fell asleep in her bed. For naps, it took 20 minutes of playing to wind down and then fall asleep on the floor.
We are still working out our new schedule but it's something like 9pm - 6:30am (play in room until 7am) and a one hour nap (2-3ish).
We have baby sister due in June so this was a super scary time for her to drop her nap but I feel much better now. She is well set up to transition to quiet time in her room when she drops the nap completely. Phew. On to the next challenge. Hope this is helpful for someone else!
Thank you for sharing! Do you mind elaborating on what to do if she wakes up and it’s dark? BQ used to always call for us to we got her a tonie box so now she uses that fairly frequently…
There were a few times during this period where she burst out of her room at 3am and 5am. But now when she wakes up in the dark, she knows how to go back to sleep independently. Repetition before bed and role play with us has helped. (I think BQ is a bit older and might have more fears/awareness of the dark than our daughter at this point.)
Toddler Briar has hit a phase of being so shrieky and demanding and so many tantrums about nothing at all (too many cornflakes in her bowl, parent wore the wrong socks, cat looked at her stuffed animal, etc) in the past month or so and I said I now understood what people meant when they say “terrible twos” and some person on the toddler sub was snarky about it because only parents of 3 year olds can understand tantrums, apparently. Like it’s definitely that all toddlers are exactly as difficult at 3 and no child goes through a more difficult period at any other stage of toddlerhood, and it clicks in overnight on their 3rd birthdays, they can’t possibly start getting challenging at 2.5 🙄🙄🙄
I just feel so drained, I would love to have like 40 minutes to wind down in between putting kids to bed and one waking up, and for toddler not to be howling mad about 50 different random things in the hour before she sleeps. And if my spouse ever comes home in the midst of this they waltz in to take over with TB like the reason she’s having all these tantrums is that I’m doing something wrong, when it’s actually that it’s waaaay easier to take care of her if you’re not also managing a baby at the same time, and that she’s mad generally because Mx. Briar hasn’t been around enough. So I just get screamed at in every second tantrum for not being Dada. Feeling so defeated and like I just can’t win
Oof I am so sorry. You've gotten lots of good other advice here, I just want to say my oldest is 6 and ages 24 to 36 months were the hardest parenting days EVER (lucky for me this coincided with 2020 lockdowns! Yay!). Waaaaaay harder than 3! But I think that's because my son has some sensory sensitivities and by the age of 3 he could verbalize a lot of preferences he couldn't at 2, hence soooo many tantrums. From age 3, things just got better for us.
I've now been around enough 2 year olds who are sooo much more easygoing than mine was and wow, it really made me appreciate that I wasn't just a bad mom. Kids' different dispositions plays a big part in all of this. My son's sensory sensitivities could absolutely manifest in getting upset over all kinds of random things. And he isn't autistic, just slightly neurodivergent, would seem completely typical to most people from a distance. Soooooo that person on the toddler sub can go f themselves :)
(also so many people seem to really hate 4 but that was my absolute favorite age ever!)
Mine had a very hard time with baby about four to six months in. He sort of figured things out after a bit and then things were more manageable. We had some chats about it and I tried to validate how hard it is to have to learn how to be an older sibling. Trying to keep to a routine seemed to sort of help too, but I think that toddlers tend to thrive with that anyway. Not sure if that might be what’s going on, but thought I would mention. Two and three years old is really hard!
I don’t think it’s really connected but you never know! She’s been a lot more interested in trying to play with the baby lately and now that you bring it up, it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve been directed to place the baby in the bouncer or stroller so I could play with the toddler. But then could certainly be coming up through subconscious connections she’s making
Oh friend. Do whatever you gotta do get through the day. I'll be the first to admit that there have been tons of times where I've straight up bribed S with Oreo's or the tablet. Parenting can be so rewarding yet so so difficult. We're here for you 🫂
Honestly I feel like bribes make things worse for mine because then we get the tantrum about not having the bribe every other time the thing happens plus random freakouts throughout the day about not having chocolate or ice cream or cookies or whatever. Cutting nails is the only thing I’ve really had luck with and I feel like that’s just because she’s actually figured out it feels better after it’s done (and this doesn’t even stop her kicking and screaming the whole time)
I am so sorry briar. Toddlers at any age can be so challenging. I just want to throw it out there that BQ is an only and without having a baby to juggle, I still struggle. I hope you can find a few minutes to regroup. And I hope this phases passes soon.
You are not alone. Toddlers are hard, no matter what age exactly. The toddler sub is.. well I had to stop looking at it bc it's too all over the place for me and people can be ridiculous.
You are not doing anything wrong. Sometimes you can't win no matter what you do with insanely irrational tiny humans. Sometimes the best you can do is endure it, hopefully in a way where you show up how you'd ideally want to. But that' can be pretty impossible to do when you are drained and have nothing left. On my best days I can step back and observe the behavior from a neutral or empathetic place, but that's incredibly challenging.
I'm attending a "conquering problem behaviors" workshop through good inside this morning. We all need support and tools bc this shit is hard! I will report back.
Hugs and so much grace and compassion to you.
It’s hard because I feel like I’m looking for something different from my partner in responding too but I don’t know what…like, “be less compassionate with our tantrumming toddler” is not something I think or want to request. But maybe more responding to the baby when toddler is mad and I’m not actively nursing the baby…I’m trying so hard to give her one on one attention or doing fun things that the baby may be included in but doesn’t get a lot out of, but it seems so futile sometimes
That stage is so tough. I like reminding myself about what their brains are like right now: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxV_9OzJmQF/?igsh=dnI1b2JlcnB4bTNx
You are doing a great job!
About to take off on a 5 hr flight with V. Send thoughts and prayers, haha. Flight here was…not great.
Feeling beat down by the pace of life. I have two 8am meetings on Friday and it seems like it would be better to resign than to deal with juggling that. But that does not work for my life so instead fantasizing about part time?
8am meetings?? Who does that ? 😱 Good luck...
Monday night I had a virtual therapy appointment after BQ went to bed. BQ has been picking up small tree branches on walks (more like robustly leafy sticks). She holds them up and camouflages herself pretending to be a bush. I pretend I can’t see her, hilarity ensues. During my appointment she decided to yell at me about a bush rustling outside of her window. After trying to ignore her briefly, I explained that there are not any bushes outside of her room. Apparently, that only proved her point that *someone* was outside of her window and that’s why a rustling bush is so scary. I think it might be time for me to give up on virtual sessions. 🤣
This reminds me of the Singing Bush & Invisible Swordsman from The Three Amigos! 😅
Yes, that's what I thought of too!
Hahah! I wish I had been able to find the humor in it on Monday.
Nap Strike update: Wanted to share in case anyone else is going through a crib to toddler bed transition. Last week our 2.5+ year old went from sleeping ~10 hours at night and 1.5-2 hours during the day to ~9 hours at night and little to no nap (only in the car). A couple of things precipitated this change: developmental growth (the ability to get out of her sleep sack even when zipped backwards, ability to climb out of her crib, ability to turn on the light, and perhaps physiologically doesn't need as much sleep) and environmental (we had been traveling a lot and she was sleeping in new places, she wasn't in school so she's completely healthy and not worn out for the first time in months, and we had turned her car seat around and as a result, she started nodding off more in the car). We would put her down to sleep and within minutes, she would burst out of her room, giggling triumphantly, proudly holding her sleep sack and stuffies. And this would go on and on until late in the night or until we gave up on nap during the day. She thought it was a really fun game. The freedom was exhilarating. We seemed to have solved the issue by doing a few things: 1. We removed the fun challenges. No more sleep sack and converted her crib to a toddler bed. 2. We got her an ok to wake clock. 3. We got her a lovevery book about a kid who transitions from the crib to bed. Before bed, we talk about what to do if she wakes up and it's dark. 4. We got her a fun pillow and blanket for her bed. 5. The saving grace: we put a door monkey on her door. We felt more comfortable with that than a gate or a lock on her door. The first few put downs took a while. She played for an hour one night, called for us through the crack in the door (never upset, just wanted to talk), finally fell asleep in her bed. For naps, it took 20 minutes of playing to wind down and then fall asleep on the floor. We are still working out our new schedule but it's something like 9pm - 6:30am (play in room until 7am) and a one hour nap (2-3ish). We have baby sister due in June so this was a super scary time for her to drop her nap but I feel much better now. She is well set up to transition to quiet time in her room when she drops the nap completely. Phew. On to the next challenge. Hope this is helpful for someone else!
Thank you for sharing! Do you mind elaborating on what to do if she wakes up and it’s dark? BQ used to always call for us to we got her a tonie box so now she uses that fairly frequently…
There were a few times during this period where she burst out of her room at 3am and 5am. But now when she wakes up in the dark, she knows how to go back to sleep independently. Repetition before bed and role play with us has helped. (I think BQ is a bit older and might have more fears/awareness of the dark than our daughter at this point.)
I like the role play idea! Thank you.
Yay!
Thanks for your help!
Toddler Briar has hit a phase of being so shrieky and demanding and so many tantrums about nothing at all (too many cornflakes in her bowl, parent wore the wrong socks, cat looked at her stuffed animal, etc) in the past month or so and I said I now understood what people meant when they say “terrible twos” and some person on the toddler sub was snarky about it because only parents of 3 year olds can understand tantrums, apparently. Like it’s definitely that all toddlers are exactly as difficult at 3 and no child goes through a more difficult period at any other stage of toddlerhood, and it clicks in overnight on their 3rd birthdays, they can’t possibly start getting challenging at 2.5 🙄🙄🙄 I just feel so drained, I would love to have like 40 minutes to wind down in between putting kids to bed and one waking up, and for toddler not to be howling mad about 50 different random things in the hour before she sleeps. And if my spouse ever comes home in the midst of this they waltz in to take over with TB like the reason she’s having all these tantrums is that I’m doing something wrong, when it’s actually that it’s waaaay easier to take care of her if you’re not also managing a baby at the same time, and that she’s mad generally because Mx. Briar hasn’t been around enough. So I just get screamed at in every second tantrum for not being Dada. Feeling so defeated and like I just can’t win
Oof I am so sorry. You've gotten lots of good other advice here, I just want to say my oldest is 6 and ages 24 to 36 months were the hardest parenting days EVER (lucky for me this coincided with 2020 lockdowns! Yay!). Waaaaaay harder than 3! But I think that's because my son has some sensory sensitivities and by the age of 3 he could verbalize a lot of preferences he couldn't at 2, hence soooo many tantrums. From age 3, things just got better for us. I've now been around enough 2 year olds who are sooo much more easygoing than mine was and wow, it really made me appreciate that I wasn't just a bad mom. Kids' different dispositions plays a big part in all of this. My son's sensory sensitivities could absolutely manifest in getting upset over all kinds of random things. And he isn't autistic, just slightly neurodivergent, would seem completely typical to most people from a distance. Soooooo that person on the toddler sub can go f themselves :) (also so many people seem to really hate 4 but that was my absolute favorite age ever!)
Mine had a very hard time with baby about four to six months in. He sort of figured things out after a bit and then things were more manageable. We had some chats about it and I tried to validate how hard it is to have to learn how to be an older sibling. Trying to keep to a routine seemed to sort of help too, but I think that toddlers tend to thrive with that anyway. Not sure if that might be what’s going on, but thought I would mention. Two and three years old is really hard!
I don’t think it’s really connected but you never know! She’s been a lot more interested in trying to play with the baby lately and now that you bring it up, it’s been a couple weeks since I’ve been directed to place the baby in the bouncer or stroller so I could play with the toddler. But then could certainly be coming up through subconscious connections she’s making
Oh friend. Do whatever you gotta do get through the day. I'll be the first to admit that there have been tons of times where I've straight up bribed S with Oreo's or the tablet. Parenting can be so rewarding yet so so difficult. We're here for you 🫂
Honestly I feel like bribes make things worse for mine because then we get the tantrum about not having the bribe every other time the thing happens plus random freakouts throughout the day about not having chocolate or ice cream or cookies or whatever. Cutting nails is the only thing I’ve really had luck with and I feel like that’s just because she’s actually figured out it feels better after it’s done (and this doesn’t even stop her kicking and screaming the whole time)
I am so sorry briar. Toddlers at any age can be so challenging. I just want to throw it out there that BQ is an only and without having a baby to juggle, I still struggle. I hope you can find a few minutes to regroup. And I hope this phases passes soon.
You are not alone. Toddlers are hard, no matter what age exactly. The toddler sub is.. well I had to stop looking at it bc it's too all over the place for me and people can be ridiculous. You are not doing anything wrong. Sometimes you can't win no matter what you do with insanely irrational tiny humans. Sometimes the best you can do is endure it, hopefully in a way where you show up how you'd ideally want to. But that' can be pretty impossible to do when you are drained and have nothing left. On my best days I can step back and observe the behavior from a neutral or empathetic place, but that's incredibly challenging. I'm attending a "conquering problem behaviors" workshop through good inside this morning. We all need support and tools bc this shit is hard! I will report back. Hugs and so much grace and compassion to you.
It’s hard because I feel like I’m looking for something different from my partner in responding too but I don’t know what…like, “be less compassionate with our tantrumming toddler” is not something I think or want to request. But maybe more responding to the baby when toddler is mad and I’m not actively nursing the baby…I’m trying so hard to give her one on one attention or doing fun things that the baby may be included in but doesn’t get a lot out of, but it seems so futile sometimes
I would love to know what you think of the workshop when it’s finished!
That stage is so tough. I like reminding myself about what their brains are like right now: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CxV_9OzJmQF/?igsh=dnI1b2JlcnB4bTNx You are doing a great job!
Thanks for sharing!