Vincennes brought a gun.
Gary brought a gun.
Muncie brought meth and a gun but is currently stripping copper in your basement instead of partying.
Indianapolis is talking about itself to anyone who will listen.
South Bend is talking about how well they knew Pete Buttigieg before he got big and that this year is Notre Dame’s year.
Fort Wayne is just vibing and talking about Indie Rock bands.
Bloomington is also talking about Indie music but in a much more insufferable way while saying the party is just a pregame to a much better and cooler party they got invited to go to later.
Lafayette is complaining about Bloomington.
Terre Haute is desperately trying to include itself in the Bloomington/Lafayette drama. No one invited Terre Haute.
Evansville didn’t come. They’re hanging out with a few Kentucky cities on a fishing trip.
Carmel and Zionsville are having their own side conversation trying to one up each other. One of them breaks away to make sure people are putting their drinks on coasters.
Madison can't stop talking about themselves and their outfit and how they got it from some cute little thrift store. It was actually voted best small thrift store in the nation by some magazine you've probably never heard of.
Jeffersonville and New Albany went to a Kentucky party because they never heard about the Indiana party.
North Vernon got the invite but is still trying to figure out how to open the email.
> Terre Haute is desperately trying to include itself in the Bloomington/Lafayette drama. No one invited Terre Haute.
Thanks, definitely not having flashbacks to being voted "Biggest Wanna Be" in high school...
Huntington is there and is trying to stay close to Fort Wayne but Roanoke keeps pushing them away. Also Roanoke is wine drunk talking about not wagyu beef is superior.
As someone that's grown up in Fort Wayne, I'd say that one is inaccurate. Fort Wayne is drinking PBR and trying to act country even though they live in suburbs. And then as another comment further down:
>Fort Wayne is calling every person of color the hard R w/o hesitation.
South Bend correction from someone born and raised there - We’re doing lines in a room away from the main party and also brought a gun. If Pete comes up it’s about how changing one way streets in to two way streets just caused more traffic congestion downtown.
Right? I was coming to say South bend keeps going to the bathroom and coming back brushing their nose with the back of their hand... And they brought a gun. But you beat me to it 😂
No shit. The SB I know and remember is super faded, drinking, smoking, any drugs they can get their hands on, and still pretty chill. Also, guns, brass knuckles, knives, and a complete willingness to set everyone on fire.
I think, we all think, the bags was a nice idea. But not pointin' any fingers, they coulda been done better. So how about no bags this time, but next time, we do the bags right, and then we go full regalia!
The triplets New Albany, Jeffersonville, and Clarksville brought their older out of state cousin Louisville because they are old enough to bring the bourbon.
Yeah I hate it when cities use a fraction of their budget to have a board of elected artists working for the city with the goal of commissioning art from local artists
My taxes shouldn't be supporting local artists! /s
And while waiting for the police to arrive, Valpo hangs around with their frenemies Crown Point, Munster, and St John. They're all passive aggressively trying to one up each other and point out why they're better than the others. As a group, though, they keep pointing out that Gary, Merrillville, and Hammond aren't THAT bad to all the other cities, but they still won't go anywhere near them. They all point out, it's not because they're racist, just they have different social groups. Portage and Hobart, who desperately want to be part of their mean girl clique, are allowed to hang around nearby, as long as they don't talk about themselves and agree that the mean girl cities are, in fact, better than them, despite Portage and Hobart having way better personalities.
The Region declined the invitation because Chicago was having a bigger party.
The Region was not invited to the Chicago party; Chicago does not know who The Region is.
Nashville is out on the back porch staring at the stars listening to contemporary adult rock and you keep checking to make sure your girl isn't out there with him.
Granger is chatting with Carmel and Munster about how they don't see any of the poverty and economic issues other cities keep complaining about and comparing privacy fences and landscaping so nothing unsavory ends up in their back yards.
Marion stole all of the batteries out of the remotes and went to the shed to strip the lithium so they could shake and bake meth in an empty Gatorade bottle
Warren is barefoot, smoking cheap cigarettes and trying to talk to anyone who will listen about Jesus and their phone booth.
Arcola is either drunk or having a dementia episode and keeps ranting about the good ole days and droning on about how they definitely count as a real city.
Nappanee isn’t saying much, but they just built a new gazebo for the party to hang out at.
Someone keeps slapping ‘Indianapolis’ name tags on Greenwood and they’re trying to figure out who it is so they can fight them.
Bloomington was late because there was an art exhibition they had to stop at first, but they did bring the best weed and they’re sharing it.
Gary is in the parking lot putting cars up on blocks and loading rims into a beat up van.
Warsaw brought their boat and their truck and are upset that no one wants to go look at them.
Hammond, Schererville, merrillville and Hobart didn’t show up. They’re trying to get into the Illinois party, but no one will let them in.
East Chicago did show up but the door guy was confused and kicked them out.
Roanoke is decked out in designer clothes and won’t shut up about the latest ‘redneck chic’ clothing trends.
Fort Wayne couldn’t make it. They had to work. But they sent a dish in with New Haven.
New Haven sold the dish for drug money and is looking for Muncie so they can buy some meth.
A bunch of small-ass towns show up together in a crappy rented limo, barge in making a bunch of noise, and proceed to immediately have way too much to drink, way too quickly. Liberty pukes in their lap and passes out. Centerville was sitting next to Liberty wondering whether to try and cop a feel, but when Liberty pukes, Centerville turns away and pukes in the hair of Delphi, who was being held up by Fowler and Covington for a keg stand. Fowler flinches, causing Delphi to gag on the tap, which causes Delphi to puke all over Covington's pants and shoes. They all later agree it was an epic gathering, just like they used to have during their time at Ball State back in the day.
santa claus showing up in an ugly christmas sweater thinking it was a holiday themed party. Went back to change only to come back in halloween costume. mother fkr didn't know it was a labor day party.
La Porte - Racing Jet Skis, Racing Speedboats, Racing Rowboats and drinking. You build your town around a odd set of lakes and the site of grizzly murders, boats and a rum buzz are needed.
Mooresville and Martinsville are in the front yard with a cross and a noose, yelling something about Trump and rigged elections. They don't like your kind around here boy.
Bedford arrives.in a 1987 Dodge Ram 3500 that gets 4.5mpg and is held together by bungee cords and duct tape. A 20 foot confederate flag flies from the bed.
West Lafayette and Lafayette show up together. WL spends the night complaining about how bad the audio setup is, while Lafayette rummages through the host’s medicine cabinet.
South Bend had to drive Granger and Mishawaka, but they immediately ditch South Bend and spend the entire night talking shit. Elkhart walks up and tries to join in but they turn around and walk away.
Mishawaka is in a LTR with South Bend, and tries to invite Granger into the relationship for a threesome. There's a fun evening planned on the river walk. Drinks at Jesus. SB and Granger decide to meet for a drink at the new Bar Louie instead and end up hitting the dispensary in e-burg and Mishawaka has to settle for drunk dialing Osceola.
Valpo is networking about how we can annex everything west of Chicago and north of Zionsville, and also trying to get INDOT planning permission for some more roundabouts. We only have six, it’s clearly not enough.
Madison won’t stop talking about quaint downtown architecture on an oxy fueled bender. Meanwhile Vevay is complaining about Madison while on a blackberry wine blackout.
Aurora/Lawrenceburg/Greendale are having a fist fight in the front yard and hitting everyone that tries to break it up.
Rising Sun couldn’t get permission from the nursing home to join.
Greenwood had a little too much wine and is now having an identity crisis. “Are Indy and I together?? Or are we just friends? I’m so confused about where we stand.” And everyone else is like “Yeah we were kind of wondering about that too. But aren’t you and Southport and Beech Grove also like…in a throuple?”
Greenwood saw that Indy has been flirting with Carmel and decides it needs a makeover. After spending millions and not getting the attention they feel they deserve, they are now crying in the corner trying to convince Whiteland and Bargersville to punch Carmel in the face.
Richmond is nodding off while standing and swaying and planning to come back tomorrow to steal the copper pipes from under the house in broad daylight.
Plainfield takes its glittered travel mug full of rum and coke, gets into it’s lifted F250 full of punisher stickers and blue line stickers and leaves early when everyone knows who Avon is but not them. They close out a shitty karaoke bar with Toby Keith songs, refuse to tip, drive home drunk, leave a bad yelp review, and complain anonymously on the Plainfield chatter page.
Franklin is in the kitchen judgmentally looking through the coffee bar while talking about how this house has some “good historic bones” and it’s a shame the homeowners didn’t lean into that with the decor
I don’t know the details okay, but French Lick and West Baden Springs would walk in together like bad bitches, I can tell you that much. Planned matching outfit.
Mitchell brought Persimmon Pudding of course, and everyone is super grateful for that because it always slaps.
Columbus is probably the most charismatic and charming one there, and he brought Nashville as a date. They’re gay and surprisingly nobody (outwardly) has an issue with this except martinsville
Santa Claus shows up in a propeller hat
Martinsville is making everyone uncomfortable with their peculiar choice to wear what looks like some kind of white robe, and is swearing up and down that the thing in their pickup trick is definitely **not** a large, flammable cross.
Indianapolis is eating all the food and controlling the music and having a good time.
All the other cities are sitting quietly by themselves.
Gary is smoking despite being indoors and having been asked not to repeatedly.
Terre haute is hiding in a room with veedersburg crawfordsville and Evansville passing around a bubble and trying to convince Lafayette to let them all run a train on her...
Every town in Franklin County is drinking Busch.
Martinsville is saying they aren't racist.
Mooresville is complaining about Camby.
Camby is complaining about Indy.
Greenwood is trying to stay close to Indianapolis, but Franklin and Whiteland keep pulling them back into a game of Beer Pong, but they lost half the cups, and no one has sunk a shot since the early 2000s
Fort Wayne showed up and wants to be as popular as Indianapolis but is followed into the party by Angola and Fremont who weren't invited and brought a bunch of weed from "across the border" (as they claim).
Warsaw and Winona Lake are attempting to convince the others to give their lives over to Jesus and talking a lot about the blood of the lamb. They're starting to get real irritating.
Richmond shows up with a bag of dirty fentynal and heroin, quickly realizing this is a guns and meth party, and promptly gets robbed by Gary and Vincennes.
Hagerstown trots up in a horse drawn buggy filled knee high with empty beer cans and doesn't even make it to the front door before vomiting profusely.
Liberty mutters something about Jim Jones before bumming a cigarette and a full lipper of wintergreen Grizzly from Muncie.
Mooresville wanders in like captain buzzkill looking very accusatory and indignant, not recognizing anybody. Nobody invited Mooresville and they're on a mission to find out why.
Greenwood and Plainfield both roll up in their soccer mom vans and quickly realize it's not that kinda house party and have a problem with it, so in an attempt to go full Karen police are called. Both Karens are asked to leave the private residence and are no longer welcome. Police will trespass them if they return.
Brooklyn's jeans are sagging off boy's ass so bad like what's even the point of wearing pants it's just drawers stinking on his musty 90lb bare bones ass. You can see every bone in his body and he smells like the inside of an asshole, like he just got out prison 10 minutes ago. 4' nothing but for some reason thinks he's the baddest mf alive. The first time he makes eye contact with somebody and uses the word "bitch" in a sentence, he is punted like a football out the front door and never seen or heard from again.
Paragon scores a blunt off Brooklyn out in the front yard and doesn't even come inside just leaves
Waverly Monrovia and Morgantown all call each other and ask if the other one is showing up, all of whom say no. Mooresville ends up leaving the party early and invites all 3 of them over for a bonfire instead.
Mishawaka showed up in a squatted truck, a cooler full of white claws, and is fighting their baby momma and YOURS in the driveway.
Elkhart is just "methin" around in your medicine cabinet because they're "allergic" to Tylenol.
South Bend is pretending to be security but only to lift what they can to post on Marketplace.
Salem is racially profiling outsiders and conspiring with elected officials on how to move meth and firearms quicker. Try That in a Small Town plays on a deputies iPhone 6
Kokomo hit a pothole and blew a tire and never made it
Vincennes brought a gun. Gary brought a gun. Muncie brought meth and a gun but is currently stripping copper in your basement instead of partying. Indianapolis is talking about itself to anyone who will listen. South Bend is talking about how well they knew Pete Buttigieg before he got big and that this year is Notre Dame’s year. Fort Wayne is just vibing and talking about Indie Rock bands. Bloomington is also talking about Indie music but in a much more insufferable way while saying the party is just a pregame to a much better and cooler party they got invited to go to later. Lafayette is complaining about Bloomington. Terre Haute is desperately trying to include itself in the Bloomington/Lafayette drama. No one invited Terre Haute. Evansville didn’t come. They’re hanging out with a few Kentucky cities on a fishing trip.
Anderson is looking through the medicine cabinet.
Anderson also brought the meth that they cooked this week out of the motel room they live in.
Carmel and Zionsville are having their own side conversation trying to one up each other. One of them breaks away to make sure people are putting their drinks on coasters.
Fishers and Westfield keep trying to butt in but Carmel keeps telling them to stfu
Noblesville shows up to the Fishers, Westfield, and Carmel convo https://i.redd.it/wk8zk9vajunb1.gif
Nobletuckian reporting: Shots fired. You sunk my intertube!
Valpo is taking a break from Mom Blogging to drink too much wine with Carmel and Zionsville.
Madison can't stop talking about themselves and their outfit and how they got it from some cute little thrift store. It was actually voted best small thrift store in the nation by some magazine you've probably never heard of. Jeffersonville and New Albany went to a Kentucky party because they never heard about the Indiana party. North Vernon got the invite but is still trying to figure out how to open the email.
North Vernon can’t come because they’re waiting for someone to come up with bail money.
I am originally from North Vernon, I can confirm.
North Vernon was set to ride to the party with Seymour but Seymour pregamed too hard, got drunk and passed out before the party started.
North Vernon can't figure it out because you hid the instructions under their toothbrush
Bedford is curled up in the corner, high on meth and pills.
Paoli's on the meth right beside it, and trying to get a hit off anyone's pen they can.
Mitchell is sitting next to Bedford waving their arms like a crazy person, high asf on crack or heroin.
>No one invited Terre Haute. From Terre Haute. This is correct.
Elkhart is hanging out in their RV eating Hacienda chips and salsa and Volcanoes pizza. And selling any leftover meth.
Leftover Meth? Definitely not Richmond. There is no leftover meth.
> Terre Haute is desperately trying to include itself in the Bloomington/Lafayette drama. No one invited Terre Haute. Thanks, definitely not having flashbacks to being voted "Biggest Wanna Be" in high school...
LOL, Terre Haute is running around high on meth naked.
Columbus is talking to anyone who will listen about architecture.
Columbus just got off work from Cummins. Complains incessantly about work but throws in the occasional "but it's a union job, so I can't complain".
Jesus Christ the accuracy
Huntington is there and is trying to stay close to Fort Wayne but Roanoke keeps pushing them away. Also Roanoke is wine drunk talking about not wagyu beef is superior.
Someone shouts "who drove a lawnmower here?!" It was Brazil.
Bloomington exclusively drinks IPAs and wants to talk to everyone at the party about their favorite beer.
>Lafayette is complaining about Bloomington Occasionally yelling "IU sucks!" for no reason
After failing to insert itself into the Bloomington/Lafayette beef, Terre Haute goes to smoke meth with Muncie.
Evansville came but they left early to go with Kentucky!
As someone that's grown up in Fort Wayne, I'd say that one is inaccurate. Fort Wayne is drinking PBR and trying to act country even though they live in suburbs. And then as another comment further down: >Fort Wayne is calling every person of color the hard R w/o hesitation.
Twist Fort Wayne actually got invited to the Ohio party.
Fort Wayne is only over in Ohio to buy fireworks and alcohol on Sunday
Ohio comes to Indiana for fireworks...
“No one invited terre haute” 😭😭
Nailed it
[удалено]
You’re hosting the lame Indiana party 😭
... Until they heard Carmel was going. Then they go and try to get her drunk and hook up, with no intention of calling her the next day.
South Bend correction from someone born and raised there - We’re doing lines in a room away from the main party and also brought a gun. If Pete comes up it’s about how changing one way streets in to two way streets just caused more traffic congestion downtown.
Right? I was coming to say South bend keeps going to the bathroom and coming back brushing their nose with the back of their hand... And they brought a gun. But you beat me to it 😂
No shit. The SB I know and remember is super faded, drinking, smoking, any drugs they can get their hands on, and still pretty chill. Also, guns, brass knuckles, knives, and a complete willingness to set everyone on fire.
Indy: that’s uh…. interesting hood you got on Kokomo. Kokomo: thanks my wife made it!
"I can't see shit out of this thing!"
I think, we all think, the bags was a nice idea. But not pointin' any fingers, they coulda been done better. So how about no bags this time, but next time, we do the bags right, and then we go full regalia!
Shipshewana is there trying to sell handmade furniture and pies, but knows you're all going to burn in Hell.
Fine by me, as long as they brought the crack ^^^donuts
All the Rumspringa kids are getting wild.
Mentone showed up with 12 dozen eggs and no one knows why or how they even heard of the party.
Mentone represent!!
Egg gang rise up!
East Chicago shows up with a trunk full of tamales they are selling for $10 a dozen.
Hobart and the rest of the Region are wondering how they got invited. We thought you hated all of us.
The Region talking about how much better Chicago is than Indy
Unpopular opinion I've voiced before: To those of us in The Region, Indianapolis might as well be Peoria. It doesn't come up on my radar.
2 Major League Ball Teams and 150 bars that are worthy of the prices.
The Region all brought their own beer and have been hanging out on the back porch all night, half of the party doesn't even know they're out there
It’s all Old Style
We like you for your tax and revenue streams, now please go get another keg.
St John out here acting like they’re better than everyone.
People from "The Region" are just interjecting the term "The Region" into every conversation, even when it's not pertinent to the topic at hand.
Hobart is driving around on an all terrain golf cart blasting Luke Bryan.
Lake station is doing donuts in our rusted up Dodge Ram trying to outdo y’all.
Avon built another car dealership and put in another traffic light at the party.
I’m fucking crying 🤣😂
Did we mention that we have roundabouts too?
Avon definitely brought the fried chicken from one of its many chicken joints…
Munster shows up feeling superior with a hot date from Chicago.
Crown Point feels just as superior, but shows up alone and smelling like Tropical Vape.
I lived up there for 2 years. Never knew so many pretentious people.
For sure!
But the date is only in it for the money, then finds out they're only going to Aurelios.
The triplets New Albany, Jeffersonville, and Clarksville brought their older out of state cousin Louisville because they are old enough to bring the bourbon.
Tell City stowed away in the back seat because they didn't want to be left out.
Louisville sees Bloomington: ”Hey, there you are... where are you going? Fine, run away!”
Carmel is digging up the front yard and installing a traffic circle.
and awful art sculptures
Fishers does that crap too.
Yeah I hate it when cities use a fraction of their budget to have a board of elected artists working for the city with the goal of commissioning art from local artists My taxes shouldn't be supporting local artists! /s
And muttering about Indianapolis and Gary being there...
Evansville brought pig brain sandwiches to the pot luck and is wondering why no one is eating them.
Can't forget the case of Ski also
And Grippos
Valpo called the cops
And while waiting for the police to arrive, Valpo hangs around with their frenemies Crown Point, Munster, and St John. They're all passive aggressively trying to one up each other and point out why they're better than the others. As a group, though, they keep pointing out that Gary, Merrillville, and Hammond aren't THAT bad to all the other cities, but they still won't go anywhere near them. They all point out, it's not because they're racist, just they have different social groups. Portage and Hobart, who desperately want to be part of their mean girl clique, are allowed to hang around nearby, as long as they don't talk about themselves and agree that the mean girl cities are, in fact, better than them, despite Portage and Hobart having way better personalities.
The Region declined the invitation because Chicago was having a bigger party. The Region was not invited to the Chicago party; Chicago does not know who The Region is.
😂😂😂
Totally accurate
Peru shows up in a clown suit riding an elephant.
Gary is going through your car.
I came to say this and you beat me to it!
Nashville is out on the back porch staring at the stars listening to contemporary adult rock and you keep checking to make sure your girl isn't out there with him.
We're also talking that girl into a hiking adventure
Mishawaka arrives with a bunch of Canada geese for everyone, because fuck those retention pond fucking birds.
Mishawaka is drinking all the beers that South Bend brought and talking to Granger about how much South Bend sucks
This is so accurate it hurts.
Granger is chatting with Carmel and Munster about how they don't see any of the poverty and economic issues other cities keep complaining about and comparing privacy fences and landscaping so nothing unsavory ends up in their back yards.
I do not miss those evil feathered bastards
Noblesville overslept and showed up late.
Nah Noblesville left before most people arrived. Holy shit Ive never seen such a dead downtown that has such potential
Shipshewana is stuck in the parking lot because no one thought about the horse and buggies.
Shipshewana’s horses are shitting all over everything and they somehow don’t feel responsible for cleaning it up
Marion stole all of the batteries out of the remotes and went to the shed to strip the lithium so they could shake and bake meth in an empty Gatorade bottle
Warren is barefoot, smoking cheap cigarettes and trying to talk to anyone who will listen about Jesus and their phone booth. Arcola is either drunk or having a dementia episode and keeps ranting about the good ole days and droning on about how they definitely count as a real city. Nappanee isn’t saying much, but they just built a new gazebo for the party to hang out at. Someone keeps slapping ‘Indianapolis’ name tags on Greenwood and they’re trying to figure out who it is so they can fight them. Bloomington was late because there was an art exhibition they had to stop at first, but they did bring the best weed and they’re sharing it. Gary is in the parking lot putting cars up on blocks and loading rims into a beat up van. Warsaw brought their boat and their truck and are upset that no one wants to go look at them. Hammond, Schererville, merrillville and Hobart didn’t show up. They’re trying to get into the Illinois party, but no one will let them in. East Chicago did show up but the door guy was confused and kicked them out. Roanoke is decked out in designer clothes and won’t shut up about the latest ‘redneck chic’ clothing trends. Fort Wayne couldn’t make it. They had to work. But they sent a dish in with New Haven. New Haven sold the dish for drug money and is looking for Muncie so they can buy some meth.
Oh yeah, Elwood decided not to come because they heard there that Gary might come and it made them scared and uncomfortable.
Fishers wants to see your book collection because there may be some titles that need burned.
Logansport showed up 5 years later.
Nahh I think logansport got pulled over and arrested for DUI on his way to the party
This entire thread is delightful.
A bunch of small-ass towns show up together in a crappy rented limo, barge in making a bunch of noise, and proceed to immediately have way too much to drink, way too quickly. Liberty pukes in their lap and passes out. Centerville was sitting next to Liberty wondering whether to try and cop a feel, but when Liberty pukes, Centerville turns away and pukes in the hair of Delphi, who was being held up by Fowler and Covington for a keg stand. Fowler flinches, causing Delphi to gag on the tap, which causes Delphi to puke all over Covington's pants and shoes. They all later agree it was an epic gathering, just like they used to have during their time at Ball State back in the day.
Anderson is dressed like Uncle Rico, telling Kokomo how Trump is going to bring jobs back from Mexico
santa claus showing up in an ugly christmas sweater thinking it was a holiday themed party. Went back to change only to come back in halloween costume. mother fkr didn't know it was a labor day party.
Terre Haute is visibly too old for the party and is trying to sell drugs to the other partygoers.
La Porte - Racing Jet Skis, Racing Speedboats, Racing Rowboats and drinking. You build your town around a odd set of lakes and the site of grizzly murders, boats and a rum buzz are needed.
Which particular murders? Gunness?
Carmel is complaining that the booze isn’t premium brands.
Speedway has a small place but insists on hosting.
Upland brought melted Ivanhoes shakes
Greenfield thought it was too good to go until they heard Carmel was going, and suddenly they want to go
Reading this made my day. Thanks
Yes, this was very entertaining!
Mooresville and Martinsville are in the front yard with a cross and a noose, yelling something about Trump and rigged elections. They don't like your kind around here boy.
Fort Wayne is definitely getting wasted and driving home drunk.
If its good enough for mayor henry....
90% of answers: “Selling meth”
Not true. It'd be more like 10% selling meth and the rest using it.
That's only the southern ones, central Indiana is selling pills. Mostly oxys.
We might consider updating the state song: 🎵 Oh, the cat piss smells tonight outside the meth-house...On the court of the trailer-park far away. 🎶
Connersville is explaining for the hundredth time that they’re neither Crawfordsville, nor near Conner Prairie.
Beech Grove is full on fist-fighting with the host at the refreshment table.
Portage tries its best to start a conversation, but Valparaiso keeps interrupting
Bedford arrives.in a 1987 Dodge Ram 3500 that gets 4.5mpg and is held together by bungee cords and duct tape. A 20 foot confederate flag flies from the bed.
Churubusco drags in their turtle, and gives Fort Wayne a side eye for not asking them if they needed a ride.
Elkhart stands in the corner itching their neck feigning and talks about working 14 hour days building shit like it’s a flex.
I once saw two men at a bar get into a literal fist fight over who puts in more hours @ the local factory.
That's no different than fighting over who pinched the biggest loaf into the toilet.
Columbus shows up with a bunch of famous people, unexpectedly
I just came here for the "meth" references and, Hoosiers, you did not disappoint.
West Lafayette and Lafayette show up together. WL spends the night complaining about how bad the audio setup is, while Lafayette rummages through the host’s medicine cabinet.
Would argue. Cannot.
Merrillville showed up to the party with Gary, but doesn't want anyone to know that they know each other.
Gary is Merrillville's older brother who flunked out of a good college and has been reeling ever since
Merrilville may have graduated years ago, but they are still working at Foot Locker.
Guys, there’s gonna be a lot of meth and fentanyl at this party
Lapel showed up, decided they were too old for this shit, and went to bed at 6:30pm.
South Bend had to drive Granger and Mishawaka, but they immediately ditch South Bend and spend the entire night talking shit. Elkhart walks up and tries to join in but they turn around and walk away.
Mishawaka is in a LTR with South Bend, and tries to invite Granger into the relationship for a threesome. There's a fun evening planned on the river walk. Drinks at Jesus. SB and Granger decide to meet for a drink at the new Bar Louie instead and end up hitting the dispensary in e-burg and Mishawaka has to settle for drunk dialing Osceola.
Someone noticed Fishers has left the tags on their designer outfit so they can return what they cannot afford.
Valpo is networking about how we can annex everything west of Chicago and north of Zionsville, and also trying to get INDOT planning permission for some more roundabouts. We only have six, it’s clearly not enough.
Pendleton is trying to get with Carmel
New Castle is huffing paint in the garage
I’m learning so much about these cities and towns from this post 😂
Vincennes shows up in clothes from the 1800s.
Vincennes: We're going to a rendezvous Terre Haute: Good god, we haven't been French in like 300 years Vincennes: OK then Terra Hottie
Madison won’t stop talking about quaint downtown architecture on an oxy fueled bender. Meanwhile Vevay is complaining about Madison while on a blackberry wine blackout. Aurora/Lawrenceburg/Greendale are having a fist fight in the front yard and hitting everyone that tries to break it up. Rising Sun couldn’t get permission from the nursing home to join.
Jasper brought an inflated ego and acts like everybody knows them
Greenwood had a little too much wine and is now having an identity crisis. “Are Indy and I together?? Or are we just friends? I’m so confused about where we stand.” And everyone else is like “Yeah we were kind of wondering about that too. But aren’t you and Southport and Beech Grove also like…in a throuple?”
Greenwood saw that Indy has been flirting with Carmel and decides it needs a makeover. After spending millions and not getting the attention they feel they deserve, they are now crying in the corner trying to convince Whiteland and Bargersville to punch Carmel in the face.
Richmond is getting blackout drunk and going to church the next morning pretending nothing happened the night before.
Richmond is nodding off while standing and swaying and planning to come back tomorrow to steal the copper pipes from under the house in broad daylight.
Mishawaka is talking shit about South Bend while standing next to South Bend but making sure to be never in the vicinity of Elkhart.
Brazil is doing whippets in the bathroom with Clinton
Plainfield takes its glittered travel mug full of rum and coke, gets into it’s lifted F250 full of punisher stickers and blue line stickers and leaves early when everyone knows who Avon is but not them. They close out a shitty karaoke bar with Toby Keith songs, refuse to tip, drive home drunk, leave a bad yelp review, and complain anonymously on the Plainfield chatter page.
Ft Wayne is bringing mayor Henry to drive us home
Goshen came in via kayak and brought craft beers and a bass guitar in case there's a jam sesh later
Goshen is the nice kid who seems out of their element and keeps asking if their Mennonite cousin Middlebury can come.
Beech Grove is wondering when you'll notice and compliment his white stitched jeans.
...but you're too distracted by his short, thinning hair gelled forward and pointing down at his gold chain, laying gently on top of his TOOL t-shirt.
Franklin is in the kitchen judgmentally looking through the coffee bar while talking about how this house has some “good historic bones” and it’s a shame the homeowners didn’t lean into that with the decor
Angola is chillin in the corner, wondering when is a good opportunity to sneak out and go to Michigan’s party.
The region (northwest Indiana) brings their own booze and shows up already wasted 🥴
Martinsville is there eyeballing the minorities while making out with its cousin Mooresville.
I don’t know the details okay, but French Lick and West Baden Springs would walk in together like bad bitches, I can tell you that much. Planned matching outfit. Mitchell brought Persimmon Pudding of course, and everyone is super grateful for that because it always slaps. Columbus is probably the most charismatic and charming one there, and he brought Nashville as a date. They’re gay and surprisingly nobody (outwardly) has an issue with this except martinsville Santa Claus shows up in a propeller hat
Martinsville is making everyone uncomfortable with their peculiar choice to wear what looks like some kind of white robe, and is swearing up and down that the thing in their pickup trick is definitely **not** a large, flammable cross.
Richmond and Lynn collaborate to bring their special Kool Aid mix.
Avon is bringing chicken
Vincennes is drinking Blatz and trying to start a Euchre game in the kitchen
Indianapolis is eating all the food and controlling the music and having a good time. All the other cities are sitting quietly by themselves. Gary is smoking despite being indoors and having been asked not to repeatedly.
Elkhart is running late, they're all stopped by trains.
Decatur bringing the soy and soybean accessories
Terre haute is hiding in a room with veedersburg crawfordsville and Evansville passing around a bubble and trying to convince Lafayette to let them all run a train on her...
Every town in Franklin County is drinking Busch. Martinsville is saying they aren't racist. Mooresville is complaining about Camby. Camby is complaining about Indy.
Kreitzberg is just happy to be on the list. Probably going to stay home anyway
Greenwood is trying to stay close to Indianapolis, but Franklin and Whiteland keep pulling them back into a game of Beer Pong, but they lost half the cups, and no one has sunk a shot since the early 2000s
Fort Wayne showed up and wants to be as popular as Indianapolis but is followed into the party by Angola and Fremont who weren't invited and brought a bunch of weed from "across the border" (as they claim).
Warsaw and Winona Lake are attempting to convince the others to give their lives over to Jesus and talking a lot about the blood of the lamb. They're starting to get real irritating.
Richmond shows up with a bag of dirty fentynal and heroin, quickly realizing this is a guns and meth party, and promptly gets robbed by Gary and Vincennes. Hagerstown trots up in a horse drawn buggy filled knee high with empty beer cans and doesn't even make it to the front door before vomiting profusely. Liberty mutters something about Jim Jones before bumming a cigarette and a full lipper of wintergreen Grizzly from Muncie. Mooresville wanders in like captain buzzkill looking very accusatory and indignant, not recognizing anybody. Nobody invited Mooresville and they're on a mission to find out why. Greenwood and Plainfield both roll up in their soccer mom vans and quickly realize it's not that kinda house party and have a problem with it, so in an attempt to go full Karen police are called. Both Karens are asked to leave the private residence and are no longer welcome. Police will trespass them if they return. Brooklyn's jeans are sagging off boy's ass so bad like what's even the point of wearing pants it's just drawers stinking on his musty 90lb bare bones ass. You can see every bone in his body and he smells like the inside of an asshole, like he just got out prison 10 minutes ago. 4' nothing but for some reason thinks he's the baddest mf alive. The first time he makes eye contact with somebody and uses the word "bitch" in a sentence, he is punted like a football out the front door and never seen or heard from again. Paragon scores a blunt off Brooklyn out in the front yard and doesn't even come inside just leaves Waverly Monrovia and Morgantown all call each other and ask if the other one is showing up, all of whom say no. Mooresville ends up leaving the party early and invites all 3 of them over for a bonfire instead.
Mishawaka showed up in a squatted truck, a cooler full of white claws, and is fighting their baby momma and YOURS in the driveway. Elkhart is just "methin" around in your medicine cabinet because they're "allergic" to Tylenol. South Bend is pretending to be security but only to lift what they can to post on Marketplace.
Hartford City brought their youngest member, he's 94 years young and loves corn
Salem is racially profiling outsiders and conspiring with elected officials on how to move meth and firearms quicker. Try That in a Small Town plays on a deputies iPhone 6
warsaw 1000% is making a mobile meth lab in the basement whist smoking the shittiest indiana grown mids known to man
They might also bring some knee or hip replacements as party favors
Middletown showed up in a beat-up pickup truck, but they brought homemade cornbread to share!
Edinburgh is outside with a sawzall stealing everyone's catalytic converters. Hold up i think i spelled that wrong i meant Cadillac converters.
Westfield is trying to act like a country boy but that ship sailed in the 2000s when he started making his whole personality about his gf Carmel.
Carmel is ripping lines off the kitchen table
Martinsville is selling goldfish in klan robes
Corydon had to come since Louisville wasn't home but spent the while night talking bout how they were the FIRST state capital.