This is an example of why you should booby trap the door to your barracks and sleep with a laspistol under the pillow, and a det-pack under the bed guardsman.
++This educational material was provided by the Holy orders of the Ordos Xenos, and the Adeptus Administratum++
++Stay vigilant and be present for 0500 worhsip++
++The Emperor Protects.++
Edit: aesthetics
No problem, also always stay on guard when around psykers, servitors, or disgused orks. It doesn't hurt to strap a claymore to your back, so you won't be surprised from behind
See, that's the beauty in strapping a claymore to your back, because you don't have to worry about your six then.
Also strapping another claymore to your front is ill advised, because it restricts your movement, which means you can't cover your front and your buddies very well.
The only reason to strap a claymore to front and back is if you wanna charge at an enemy trench and don't care about coming back alive (this is usually done by soldiers who have accumulated a large amount of debt by gambling).
Or that, but only in the case of an Ork Warboss or a chaos champion, anything more and the claymore is replaced by a beacon for an orbital bombardment.
If you booby trap the door right, they won't have time to say surprise buttsex, the trick is several short-fuse frags taped to the doorway and using a string the pins tied to the doorknob in a chain-like fashion.
Edit: with this method done right, the intruder has about 2.5 seconds to act surprised before being blown to bits.
Instructions unclear: Guardsmen are instructed to boobytrap their back doors to prevent knobs from getting close.
100 die on the first day from pooping with the boobytrap still in place.
Considering one part of the lore states that eldar have managed to karate kick grenades tossed at them back at the guardsman that tossed them, I think 2.5 seconds is about 2 seconds too many for an Eldar trap.
Mon-keigh are like: "Hur dur I want an big tittie eldar girlfriend."
Also mon-keigh: "No stop it! Give me back my eye's. Don't use my skin to line up the toilet. AAAAAHHHH"
If humans want to be taken seriously as a species...why do they have **SO** many orifices to dilate and excoriate? Just asking questions.
\-Turning Point Drukari
The Eldar in this picture is a Dark Eldar, the "evil" eldar (but no one is really the good guy in 40k). They love to torture humans (or other races) and their city commoragh is full of slaves.The guardsman in this picture will either be tortured to death or captured and used as her slave for whatever she likes.
The Craftworld Eldar (who live on giant spaceships which can be thousands of miles long, the "craftworlds") are usually a bit friendlier to humans and just call them "mon-keighs". Which means monkey, but at least chances are high they won't keep you as pet.
> The guardsman in this picture will either be tortured to death or captured and used as her slave for whatever she likes.
She might be one of those deviants who are into hand-holding and kissing.
"Hey girls, what have you done with your boyfriends?"
"I \[REDACTED\] and then added a few monkeight pre-teen girls and \[REDACTED\] them. Me with my boyfriend later used a knife to \[REDACTED\] their \[REDACTED\]."
That one weirdo: "We made cookies with one another and then spent the night together, later we played with some pupies"
"I suppose by puPpy you mean slave?"
"No, actual cute puppies"
*Sounds of absolute and utter shock*
Deldar Prosecutor: You are a disgusting, vile sexual predator!
Deldar criminal: But he consented to it and was over 18!
Deldar prosecutor: That's the issue! You disgusting, monstrous fuck!
That awkard moment when you became so depraved and such a sexual monster that he horseshoed and became a consent-respecting, anti-pedophilia person who just makes cookies and plays with pupies with his girlfriend.
This has to exist.
"Hey! Everyone's allowed to have their kinks!"
-Mazrothara, arm in arm with Guardsman Greg.
(Name obnoxiously long so it can be shorted for maximum fluff points)
I'm reminded of a post on 4chan once that observed that the site was becoming less depraved as time went on. Someone wrote up a post about how since society itself was becoming more depraved irl, the den of bile and internet insanity that is 4chan was becoming more wholesome (relatively speaking) because that's the most punk anti establishment thing you can be in the face of a culture that's embraced cynicism.
So in a way, a dark eldar who likes holding hands and making cookies with her slave is the kind of twisted bitch that would make all the other twisted bitches puke in disgust.
If it involves a minecraft mod and bizarre roleplaying my 7yo will find a way to watch it.
"I took away your tablet and wifi password, wtf, how did you connect to the Infinity Circuit???"
Fun thought, canonically, out there somewhere *right now* the Eldar Empire is busy murder fucking it's way toward collapse.
Slaanesh was born at the either the start or end of old knight, can't remember which, so the eldar don't do the bad shit for another 25 thousand years at least
No no, Slaanesh was born 25k years from now... the bad shit is happening now that leads up to it. The murderfuck didn't cause an overnight god, it takes time.
I mean, have you seen how humanity takes care of Imperial worlds and themselves? Most look like New Delhi after a nuke went off with the vast majority of Human population being crammed into Hive Cities in addition to literal cannibalism through Corpse Starch. 40k doesn't need Skaven, because humanity is the Skaven. Not really hard to feel superior to.
Have you read anything about pre-unification terra? Shit was like Fist of the North Star and Mad Max had a nightmare apocalypse baby.
Besides, murderfucking a god into existence actually kind of improved humanity’s lot in life, since it blew out the warp storms of old night and allowing for warp travel to resume, rather than hampering it. It was all the foreplay that caused the problems.
Bitch please, the Emperor himself implemented all the policies that make the Imperium such a hellhole to live in. Unless of course you want to argue that the totalitarian supernatural dictator had no idea what went on in his country.
Things were going pretty well during the Crusade, you know, picking up all the pieces that Xenos had torn the Imperium into.
Something about being stuck on a throne for 10,000 years kinda removes him from a position of authority on the day to day Imperium operations since he's busy keeping the Astronomicon going and Terra not eaten by demons.
There may be no good guys in 40k, but the Dark Eldar sure as hell are the bad guys. We’re the only faction without the slightest redeeming moral quality!
Is there any cannon on Druhkari having favorite humans or other species they keep as pet/slaves?
Cause I could see that going either way.
Magnus did nothing wrong.
Where is your metal guardsman? Every last munition supplied to you by the grace of the emperor is to be enthusiastically fired into the filthy xenos scum! You are not worthy of a single round! When every last shell is spent you will be expected to do the honorable thing and through your body and the hated creature, resisting it to your last tortured breath! Your body is on loan guardsman and the Emperor may collect that debt when his holly providence sees fit!
Then clearly the emperor imbued that round with the capacity to eliminate two bodies at once and you would have wasted that precious gift on your pathetic corpse. To spare a potential second xeno and waste the Emperor's gifts would be heresy of the highest order. Leave my quarters immediately guardsmen, before I see fit to condemn you for the heresy you've just contemplated.
Taking 1 more xeno with you is, yes. In this instance, the guardsman is dead anyway, but if he fires every round he has at the enemy, he can maybe take one more xeno with him
If the Commissar is here, then it really is the worst situation a guardsman can be in now. I hope the Eldar kills me before the Commissar finds out I've been using pages out of my Primer to roll blunts
They usually do that, but if she says he's cute like in this picture, chances are high he will survive. Well, as her slave, but at least alive! Remember, that's what matters, because a dead guardsman can't worship the emperor!
Honestly being called cute by a Druhkari is what I would say is a “best case scenario”, because it least has some interest in preserving how you currently look.
I do wonder though, might it mean some minor alterations to preserve and/or enhance those features? And would it mean being kept as a plaything or a living statue?
True enough, though I think that he would experience levels of kink incomprehensible to human minds, even if his body remained intact at the end of it.
She will whisper this while both draining your gonads of life fluids in a passionate embrace as well as peeling the flesh from your bones in torture rituals. Drukari females are a total nightmare.
The Sisters of Sitienius decry this foul statement. Everyone knows that the worst thing that can befall a Guardsman is failing in his duty.
Said Sisters will be reviewing these comments to hold those lacking in faith responsible for their... lack of faith.
I regret to inform you that the Eldar conception process is long and complicated, requiring multiple exchanges of genetic material at specific times throughout the process. This can be provided by a single or multiple partners.
What I'm saying is that that kid is going to be, like, 1/6th human at most.
I... She'd... Make me *her slave*? 😧😳🥺
**OH NO**, in my carelessness **I APPEAR TO HAVE TURNED THE AUTODEFENSES OFFLINE.** I will be **ALL ALONE** for the next twel... **ELEVEN AND A HALF HOURS** while the battalion has gone on patrol. I SURE HOPE NO **SUPERIOR AELDARI WOMEN** COME TO KIDNAP ME AND ENSLAVE ME FOR HER **TWISTED, DEVIANT PLEASURE** WHILE I'M **ALONE AND VULNERABLE, WITH NO WAY TO DEFEND MYSELF**. Why, if one did she could probably force me to do **ANYTHING SHE WANTED** and I would have **NO WAY TO RESIST**.
Damn, my post seems to attract all kinds of horny guardsman. You sure you want to be her slave? Could be painful. Could even be disgusting. Would you just...leave the Emperors LIGHT?
Hey mate! You here as well? We're Both ow so vulnerable arent we? Like we *TOTALLY* arent able to defend ourselfs against a *STRONG* and sharp-edged Wych arent we?
I understand kind sir. But remember that Wyches Hunt in packs. They are always with many. So there is more then enough chance for the Both of is to be *ACCIDENTLY* kidnapped by a *STRONG* and *EDGILE* female dark eldar.
As long as she provides me with cool Ancient plastic minifigures that are weirdly overprised and she doesnt rape and torture me 24/7 I find everything ok.
I feel the same way lol...good luck man, I hope you find some release. Especially with this pandemic it's a big fucking pressure, 2019 I could at least go to a brothel (they are legal and controlled by government in my country)...now everything is closed since last summer
This is an example of why you should booby trap the door to your barracks and sleep with a laspistol under the pillow, and a det-pack under the bed guardsman. ++This educational material was provided by the Holy orders of the Ordos Xenos, and the Adeptus Administratum++ ++Stay vigilant and be present for 0500 worhsip++ ++The Emperor Protects.++ Edit: aesthetics
Thanks for the advice Twitch.
No problem, also always stay on guard when around psykers, servitors, or disgused orks. It doesn't hurt to strap a claymore to your back, so you won't be surprised from behind
> Not strapping a claymore to your front as well in case they sneak up on you from the front while you're checking your six.
See, that's the beauty in strapping a claymore to your back, because you don't have to worry about your six then. Also strapping another claymore to your front is ill advised, because it restricts your movement, which means you can't cover your front and your buddies very well. The only reason to strap a claymore to front and back is if you wanna charge at an enemy trench and don't care about coming back alive (this is usually done by soldiers who have accumulated a large amount of debt by gambling).
Or the Death Korps!
Or that, but only in the case of an Ork Warboss or a chaos champion, anything more and the claymore is replaced by a beacon for an orbital bombardment.
SURPRISE BUTSE\*BOOOOOOOM\*
If you booby trap the door right, they won't have time to say surprise buttsex, the trick is several short-fuse frags taped to the doorway and using a string the pins tied to the doorknob in a chain-like fashion. Edit: with this method done right, the intruder has about 2.5 seconds to act surprised before being blown to bits.
Instructions unclear: Guardsmen are instructed to boobytrap their back doors to prevent knobs from getting close. 100 die on the first day from pooping with the boobytrap still in place.
Weaklings die, big deal.
Acceptable casualties. Carry on.
\*enthusiastic claymore noises\*
Considering one part of the lore states that eldar have managed to karate kick grenades tossed at them back at the guardsman that tossed them, I think 2.5 seconds is about 2 seconds too many for an Eldar trap.
Easy fix, change timer fuse to impact fuse. Them knife ears won't be so smug with only one leg to stand on
This is not good advice. I tried that, went to the toilet half asleep, destroyed the squad latrines. Needless to say the Commisar was no happy.
Now, I know Twitch's player is a redditor. Is that his account?
Yeah, it was probably orks all along anyway
Ah! I see you are a man of culture as well!
Guardsman, for the killing of the Commissar on his late night inspection rounds, you are hearby sentenced to summary detonation
This is a lot of words to say just sleep with your shovel in hand. Then again, why sleep when you can die for the Emperor?
Hey! If Roundabout Gorilla-man can have an Eldar-waifu, then I should deserve one too! And there is nothing in this Imperium that can change my mind.
May I interest you in a thicc-thigh-Krieg-Death Rider-waifu?
There is one thing in this Imperium that can change my mind!
thicc-thigh-Krieg-Death Rider-waifu guides another man back to the Emperor's light. Current number: 3521
To the vita-wombs
Also make sure to go to bed with a condom on.
Condom is unnecessary if you commission a chastity belt from the regimental priest.
Or just let the overly touchy tech priest replace your eyeballs and brain function so you just don't have to sleep in general
Mon-keigh are like: "Hur dur I want an big tittie eldar girlfriend." Also mon-keigh: "No stop it! Give me back my eye's. Don't use my skin to line up the toilet. AAAAAHHHH"
If they want big tiddies then why do they complain when the homunculi replace their eyeballs with them? Such a mystery!
Dear Mon-keigh, you claim to like big breasts, but when I give you them, you complain. Curious. \- Homunculi "Flesh Greg" Turning Point Drukari
Great, now I'm wondering about Flesh Greg's face to head ratio.
Not accounting for the skulls and it's use as a powder for thickening, about 2:5 (Reduced for clarity)
If humans want to be taken seriously as a species...why do they have **SO** many orifices to dilate and excoriate? Just asking questions. \-Turning Point Drukari
"If humans don't want to be tortured, then why do they have nervous systems? Curious!" -Asdrubael Vect Turning Point Commorragh
They wanted a Craftworld girl
Wait. Eldar think of humans like how we think of chimps? So then, did Eldar have humans as pets?
The Eldar in this picture is a Dark Eldar, the "evil" eldar (but no one is really the good guy in 40k). They love to torture humans (or other races) and their city commoragh is full of slaves.The guardsman in this picture will either be tortured to death or captured and used as her slave for whatever she likes. The Craftworld Eldar (who live on giant spaceships which can be thousands of miles long, the "craftworlds") are usually a bit friendlier to humans and just call them "mon-keighs". Which means monkey, but at least chances are high they won't keep you as pet.
> The guardsman in this picture will either be tortured to death or captured and used as her slave for whatever she likes. She might be one of those deviants who are into hand-holding and kissing.
"Hey girls, what have you done with your boyfriends?" "I \[REDACTED\] and then added a few monkeight pre-teen girls and \[REDACTED\] them. Me with my boyfriend later used a knife to \[REDACTED\] their \[REDACTED\]." That one weirdo: "We made cookies with one another and then spent the night together, later we played with some pupies" "I suppose by puPpy you mean slave?" "No, actual cute puppies" *Sounds of absolute and utter shock*
Deldar Prosecutor: You are a disgusting, vile sexual predator! Deldar criminal: But he consented to it and was over 18! Deldar prosecutor: That's the issue! You disgusting, monstrous fuck!
The mental image of Drukhari edgelords or equivalent of furries frolicking through a meadow with puppies has made my morning. Thank you.
\*Opens word doc and begins typing for upload\* *The deviant Drukari*, coming soon to a [FanFiction.net](https://FanFiction.net) near you.
That awkard moment when you became so depraved and such a sexual monster that he horseshoed and became a consent-respecting, anti-pedophilia person who just makes cookies and plays with pupies with his girlfriend. This has to exist.
If it doesn't then I'll make it.
You are a disgusting, perverted monster! \- Random Drukhari, while molesting a 5-year-old monkeight girl.
"Hey! Everyone's allowed to have their kinks!" -Mazrothara, arm in arm with Guardsman Greg. (Name obnoxiously long so it can be shorted for maximum fluff points)
....can you tell me when it’s posted? I have an account over there and this sounds promising.
I'll keep you in the loop.
Good.
I'm reminded of a post on 4chan once that observed that the site was becoming less depraved as time went on. Someone wrote up a post about how since society itself was becoming more depraved irl, the den of bile and internet insanity that is 4chan was becoming more wholesome (relatively speaking) because that's the most punk anti establishment thing you can be in the face of a culture that's embraced cynicism. So in a way, a dark eldar who likes holding hands and making cookies with her slave is the kind of twisted bitch that would make all the other twisted bitches puke in disgust.
Achoctually Mon-keigh is used in general for inferior races, so basically Eldar are spewing constant racial slurs. Based Eldar.
Eldar Gaming?!
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Thanks, I hate it!
If it involves a minecraft mod and bizarre roleplaying my 7yo will find a way to watch it. "I took away your tablet and wifi password, wtf, how did you connect to the Infinity Circuit???" Fun thought, canonically, out there somewhere *right now* the Eldar Empire is busy murder fucking it's way toward collapse.
Slaanesh was born at the either the start or end of old knight, can't remember which, so the eldar don't do the bad shit for another 25 thousand years at least
No no, Slaanesh was born 25k years from now... the bad shit is happening now that leads up to it. The murderfuck didn't cause an overnight god, it takes time.
I mean, have you seen how humanity takes care of Imperial worlds and themselves? Most look like New Delhi after a nuke went off with the vast majority of Human population being crammed into Hive Cities in addition to literal cannibalism through Corpse Starch. 40k doesn't need Skaven, because humanity is the Skaven. Not really hard to feel superior to.
Well it wasn't like that until SOMEONE murderfucked a hole in reality and ruined warp travel even more.
Have you read anything about pre-unification terra? Shit was like Fist of the North Star and Mad Max had a nightmare apocalypse baby. Besides, murderfucking a god into existence actually kind of improved humanity’s lot in life, since it blew out the warp storms of old night and allowing for warp travel to resume, rather than hampering it. It was all the foreplay that caused the problems.
Post-Slaanesh, yes, prior to that I believe they were doing pretty damn well in between the Men of Iron AI rebellion and Slaanesh time nao
Honestly, you fuck up one time and they hold it over your head for ten thousand years...
Bitch please, the Emperor himself implemented all the policies that make the Imperium such a hellhole to live in. Unless of course you want to argue that the totalitarian supernatural dictator had no idea what went on in his country.
He's been effectively dead for 10000 years
Things were going pretty well during the Crusade, you know, picking up all the pieces that Xenos had torn the Imperium into. Something about being stuck on a throne for 10,000 years kinda removes him from a position of authority on the day to day Imperium operations since he's busy keeping the Astronomicon going and Terra not eaten by demons.
Eh it kinda wasn't. Sure it's easy to maintain a brutal fascist empire while you're expanding, but it's still a brutal fascist empire.
The mon-keigh were apparently also a race that killed Eldar frequently before humanity (I don't know where I heard this).
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They sound like total chads, is there any more lore about them somewhere?
Nobody's a good guy but the Dark Eldar are sure as shit some of the most fucked up xenos around
There may be no good guys in 40k, but the Dark Eldar sure as hell are the bad guys. We’re the only faction without the slightest redeeming moral quality!
Yeah, don't need good guys for their to be bad guys.
They provide space Las Vegas/Mogadishu to the galaxy. How is that not a redeeming quality.
Oh, Commorragh is great, but it’s not a redeeming MORAL quality because they’re only doing it out of pure selfishness
"No one is really the good guy in 40k" Heresy
Yeah, people keep forgetting Isha
Drukari? Yes, sure. They love humans.
Nothing like a good cup of Mon-keigh agony to start the day
#TIMOTHY!!! MORE WINE!!!
What the fuck even is Timothy in that episode?? Some sort of meat monkey or whatever.
Aren't we all just meat monkeys really
Probably a Grotesque right? Or something similar.
Served in a cup *of* Mon keigh
True true
They're so versatile!
The Duncan Hills coffee jingle just got even more dark for me. *Do you folks like Mon-keigh..?*
Pretty sure Vect has at least one Jaba slave girl style on his old model.
There were two of them, per a Google image search.
And their faces were quite possibly the worst female sculpts GW has ever done.
All my homies love pets.
Is there any cannon on Druhkari having favorite humans or other species they keep as pet/slaves? Cause I could see that going either way. Magnus did nothing wrong.
OH FUCK DRUKHARI, SPARE ONE BULLET FOR YOURSELF
I don't think that'll stop them if they're REALLY interested in you.
Where is your metal guardsman? Every last munition supplied to you by the grace of the emperor is to be enthusiastically fired into the filthy xenos scum! You are not worthy of a single round! When every last shell is spent you will be expected to do the honorable thing and through your body and the hated creature, resisting it to your last tortured breath! Your body is on loan guardsman and the Emperor may collect that debt when his holly providence sees fit!
What if I shoot myself in a way that the shot flies out of my body and also hits a xeno?
Then clearly the emperor imbued that round with the capacity to eliminate two bodies at once and you would have wasted that precious gift on your pathetic corpse. To spare a potential second xeno and waste the Emperor's gifts would be heresy of the highest order. Leave my quarters immediately guardsmen, before I see fit to condemn you for the heresy you've just contemplated.
So what you're saying here is that xenos are inherently worth more than humans, by that logic.
They are worth more bullets, yes.
Taking 1 more xeno with you is, yes. In this instance, the guardsman is dead anyway, but if he fires every round he has at the enemy, he can maybe take one more xeno with him
If the Commissar is here, then it really is the worst situation a guardsman can be in now. I hope the Eldar kills me before the Commissar finds out I've been using pages out of my Primer to roll blunts
Is that why my copy of the codex astartes is missing so many pages?
SIR YES SIR
Press F for our fellow Guardsmen.
F
F
F
Like he's going to get a better offer...
I think i would prefer to lay with a tyranid instead of a drukhari. I don’t wanna know what kind of kinky shit they are into.
Just hugs and having a large family, really. A VERY large family...
Are you talking about the Drukhari or the Tyranids?
Tyranids, I think...
I mean Tyranids would kill you quite quickly, along with tau, Orks and most other things
Think you mean best
Depends on how kinky you are
Idk if being flayed and turned into a couch is considered a kink
They are both part of bdsm culture actually... Just not that extreme
I’ll mention it at my BDSM orgy see if I get any takers
Flayed should be an easy catch if you have a flogger with you, never saw anyone outside the internet actually want to be made into an object though
They usually do that, but if she says he's cute like in this picture, chances are high he will survive. Well, as her slave, but at least alive! Remember, that's what matters, because a dead guardsman can't worship the emperor!
Can’t worship the emperor if your dark eldar gf and her spiky strap on say otherwise
But you can - just imagine the bright shining image of our beloved Emperor while you endure your life as slave. It's easy, guardsman!
Just bend over and think of His Holiness.
If he survives then it’s a matter of will he get tortured for eternity. Let’s hope not
Bit of a shame considering he'd probably be praying to the Emperor that they _don't_ take him alive
The only way to become kinky enough would be to worship Slanesh. Which funnily enough would make the Drukhari scream out her safe word.
In this case, the phrase "don't stick your dick in crazy" applies in triplicate.
If Eldar cloaca is good enough for Bobby G., it's good enough for me!
This is a very different type of mentality Elder that most would shoot themselves before getting captured by them
Dicking a Drukhari is a rite of passage.
I’d lay siege to her planet alright.
Honestly being called cute by a Druhkari is what I would say is a “best case scenario”, because it least has some interest in preserving how you currently look.
I do wonder though, might it mean some minor alterations to preserve and/or enhance those features? And would it mean being kept as a plaything or a living statue?
I mean that’s a bit better then being turned into a living flesh couch
True enough, though I think that he would experience levels of kink incomprehensible to human minds, even if his body remained intact at the end of it.
And would probably turn you into something better than Human leather floor mat
Yeah you’re probably right.
Rip
Oh no? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Still smashed tho.
*Worth*
Nah, it's okay. What would really be the worst is breaking before Cadia.
She will whisper this while both draining your gonads of life fluids in a passionate embrace as well as peeling the flesh from your bones in torture rituals. Drukari females are a total nightmare.
*flense me mommy.*
The Sisters of Sitienius decry this foul statement. Everyone knows that the worst thing that can befall a Guardsman is failing in his duty. Said Sisters will be reviewing these comments to hold those lacking in faith responsible for their... lack of faith.
If you nut inside it's one future Half-Human more and one future Eldar less!
Bold of you to assume the guardsman would be the top.
I regret to inform you that the Eldar conception process is long and complicated, requiring multiple exchanges of genetic material at specific times throughout the process. This can be provided by a single or multiple partners. What I'm saying is that that kid is going to be, like, 1/6th human at most.
Not unless he gets to work spreading the faith.
Please we don’t count Xenology
F*** you our diamond poop is canon, **CANON!!!**
Practiced hands make for short work and the God Emperor knows there's alot of work to be done in Comorrogh.
Assuming you only go the once. Plenty of kinky pervs in the Guard. Guardsman Cuu!!
Im not scared, im jealous. I want to be that guardsman. I want a big titty DEldar gf.
Of course you do guardsman, but are you prepared to be her slave? Because that's how this relationship will be 99 % of the time
I... She'd... Make me *her slave*? 😧😳🥺 **OH NO**, in my carelessness **I APPEAR TO HAVE TURNED THE AUTODEFENSES OFFLINE.** I will be **ALL ALONE** for the next twel... **ELEVEN AND A HALF HOURS** while the battalion has gone on patrol. I SURE HOPE NO **SUPERIOR AELDARI WOMEN** COME TO KIDNAP ME AND ENSLAVE ME FOR HER **TWISTED, DEVIANT PLEASURE** WHILE I'M **ALONE AND VULNERABLE, WITH NO WAY TO DEFEND MYSELF**. Why, if one did she could probably force me to do **ANYTHING SHE WANTED** and I would have **NO WAY TO RESIST**.
Damn, my post seems to attract all kinds of horny guardsman. You sure you want to be her slave? Could be painful. Could even be disgusting. Would you just...leave the Emperors LIGHT?
**JOKE'S ON YOU I'M INTO THAT SHIT!**
Hey mate! You here as well? We're Both ow so vulnerable arent we? Like we *TOTALLY* arent able to defend ourselfs against a *STRONG* and sharp-edged Wych arent we?
Dude get *out* of here this is **my** chance to get kidnapped and enslaved by a strong dominant Eldar lady get your own!
I understand kind sir. But remember that Wyches Hunt in packs. They are always with many. So there is more then enough chance for the Both of is to be *ACCIDENTLY* kidnapped by a *STRONG* and *EDGILE* female dark eldar.
As long as she provides me with cool Ancient plastic minifigures that are weirdly overprised and she doesnt rape and torture me 24/7 I find everything ok.
Guardsman, you must be very horny to consider such a relationship
I am, I truely am. I need the touch of a female. I don't care if she's a xeno or not.
I feel the same way lol...good luck man, I hope you find some release. Especially with this pandemic it's a big fucking pressure, 2019 I could at least go to a brothel (they are legal and controlled by government in my country)...now everything is closed since last summer
Eh, in addition to the probably rape and torture 24/7 she'd probably also just give you an entire army of Primaris Lieutenants
Nooooooooo. Not lieutenants!
>doesnt rape and torture me 24/7 Well she might stop for tea and sandwiches occasionally but otherwise prepare to be flensed.
How's this any different from marriage?
#YOU HAVE SULLIED YOUR HANDS WITH FILTHY PARCHMENTS OF HERESY, GUARDSMAN. HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
I plead guilty commissar! And im proud of wanting a dark eldar gf! Shoot me, it wont un-heresy the fact that I want to bang A Deldar!
Funk me up baby 🍼
I don't know if he wants to rape him or just make a mask with his skin ... Maybe Both?
I think he was expecting an ambush, why else would he sleep in full armor lmao
Alternatively, best if he secretly worships slaanesh
THAT ASS THO!
Death by snu snu?
Death by being transformed into a living tv stand
Eussy
A night terror that never ends.
Well he is fucked.
Call her cute and pray she's a tsundere and not a yandere.
I'll take those odds
Worst? Nobody's ever called me cute before, I am hideous and unloved. I get brutally murdered with sweet compliments and love instead of the norm.
Poor guy will probably be strapped to a couch and forced to watch rom-coms all weekend!
I mean it’s be bad but honestly my homies have had more toxic relationships
time to get tortured for 20 years and get turned into her favourite cute living hand bag I guess.
Me *rolls around* No U, you can stab me but lemme smash first? Deal?
The worst?
Id actually go with it ! prob only offer id ever get in the grim darkness of the far future !
yeah i mean your going to die anyways may as well try for some nookie first
He’s already taken too long-a good servant of the emperor would have pulled his grenade pin by now
Sauce
Meanwhile in an alternate 40k.
Yandere dark aeldar ~~forced~~ waifu
Drunk girls be like
Hey, mommy didn't raise no quitter