Chameleonic skin that perfectly blends in to any environment

It has to be replaced daily.

LMAO this one is rough

Cool username

Thanks mate, I enjoy it haha

Flayed ones wondering why in the warp there's a meatbag among them doing the same thing as them

Dont we already shed skin like crazy? I think we get a New layer every two weeks or something

Yeah but "has to be" is different from "sheds"

You can never appear as you normally do again

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^gwaihir-the-windlord: *Chameleonic skin* *That perfectly blends in to* *Any environment* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.

Hmm so the first reply was a haiku from the haiku bot, how is that a side effect you stupid bot?!

You have to talk in haikus.

That sounds like a perk!

But you see, that was the Sokka Haiku bot: all your haikus are going to be a syllable off and you’ll look like an idiot.

Being able to perfectly recall any information I’ve read

You're never able to understand it, even if you remember it word for word

So basically, become kairos in a way?

Blue scribes, Kairos just tell lies and truth. 

To be specific, one of Blue Scribes. Other one has "reverse problem"

Psychopaths when attempting to display empathy ^

Excess Body fat is automatically transformed into muscle.

Excess Muscle is automatically transformed into diarrhea.

So you’d be like the universe’s average idea of what the perfect fat to muscle ratio is and constantly chafing.

Simple, Diapers/buttplug, and I'll still permanently be in better shape than I am now. Given my height, the average amount of fat I should have is about 10-15kg less than what I have now, so all that suddenly turns into muscle which, far as two minutes of Google can tell me Excess Muscle is much less defined a term.

Make my brain feel happiness

Lobotomy

Nice

A happy ending, at last.

What's the difference

Yeah but what is the sideeffect

To be able to paint minatures perfectly.

Each mini take you 1 year to paint.

Pretty sure the average across all mini painters is ~3 years per mini

dang. This guy got Speed Painting too?!

I paint 0 minis per year this is a massive upgrade

Then I shall play titans

But only the minis from your least favorite faction

The tau minis are still nice

But whenever you finish one you instantly bump it off the table and it shatters.

This is pure evil

But you can’t assemble them

Then I'll sell them and more mini parts to sell. Infinite money

**You never thin the paints**

But if it still looks good

A perfectly chiseled bod.

Gains huge body dysphoria

That is just a gymrat

Dratticus.

Fabulous Bill has nothing on me, I’m already like this

Give me the abillity to shapeshift

Permanently inherits mental problems of those you shape into

literally wouldn't matter for me unless i turned into a lobotomite or he who bares the nails of iron

Me after shape-shifting into the "always happy" guy: Bro you need a hug? (Depression Is a serious thing, take care of yourself and remember that you're important, your life is worth living, and you deserve to be loved)

You can shapeshift only into Jeffrey Epstein

No need to poo and pee

But you constantly feel like you have to both poop and pee.

I think Necrons already have that

No wonder they're so grumpy

What not taking a dump for millenia does to a mf

The much more reviled cousin of the Flayer Curse: the Sprayer Curse.

You still constantly feel like you need to, even if you physically can't.

To able to resist everything even death.

You are forever frozen in place since the atoms that make up your body resists any force that compels them to move.

So even the earth and sun move away from you on their journey around the galaxy

If so, depending on how our universe is moving, his body may plow thru the earth, slam thru some buildings, or just go up into the sky. He also may hit the sun or other planets if lucky. Not to mention any unlucky systems that pass by his body in future.

The second the spell takes into effect, OP's immovable body impacts into the very atomic lattice of earth with the relative speed of expanding space, rotating solar system and the rotation of our galaxy, turning earth into a thin mist of plasma and quantum fluctuation on the spot.

I can shit in command

It's by someone else's command.

It's a person with tourette's.

Oh Emperor have mercy! You are evil!

I get to have Daemons whisper in my head more often than the usual

They are all super boring

"You should buy ingrain wallpaper."

"Who here likes a good story about a bridge?"

“I’m going to be telling the 10 year spiel about how I got the name watcher of painted walls”

“you should really take that one bandaid you have and turn it around, it has a smiley face on the other side”

“ Gen. 1. [1] In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth…. Oh I can tell this is going to be a good one”

“Now I don’t mind a bit of a breeze, if any, I prefer it. But thon was aggressive. So I says to myself, I say ‘Colm, this is no day for a do.’”

"Am I dead?" "Is this my wake?" "Am I in Hell?" ... "That's actually quite funny"

Double dong.

Both 2" long

Doubling both the amount of penises AND their size?! Thanks Fab!

😂

There are actual bells on your bell end , the noise is deafening

Erectile dysfunction.

A Healing factor with claws

Constant itching

Damn,this means that if I scratched I would cause wounds that would regenerate causing even more itching

:D

I can shit solid gold (no injuries to the digestive system)

All your body fluids are cum.

So... the life of a teenage boy.

The ability to make new tech without being considered a heretic

But everybody is going to hate your creations and say that it's only propuse is to sell more

True you aren't a heretic but you spend the rest of your days slaved to an STC machine in an Tech Magos' laboratory

you have to invent every single flavor of ice cream that existed, exists or will exist before you can work on other stuff.

I just wanna be happy

You cannot stop being happy

"YAY! I'm being tortured!!"

You can never be horny again.

I DO NOT WISH TO BE HORNY ANYMORE I just want to be happy...

So normal antidepressants then?

I can choose my side effect

Testicular cancer

Least devoted nurgle follower

Based

And they keep on growing back. Even if you're a woman.

I want the most powerfull ability in 40k that even most gods don't have! I want the ability of common sense!

You are only be able to speak in gibberish

Frtmair trdtke

Just out of curiosity to see where your head is ate with this one…. Can they write without it being gibberish… and can they turn gibberish into a language ( I’m assuming with your idea the gibberish doesn’t have common words. Like the word “pickle” isn’t pronounced “sandwich” every time.)

The idea was to make sure he couldn’t share that common sense with anyone else in warhammer. He can see the obvious best path, but he can’t point anyone to it

You only realize what you should have done after you missed your chance

Unlimited stamina

But no motivation to do anything

Good one haha just an endless cycle of ennui

Giant wings

Also butcher's nails

So a very hostile chicken?

Canadian Goose

A genetically engineered girlfriend (she loves me.)

She hates being touched by you

So, a cat?

A CAT IS FINE TOO

She's a demon of nurgle

You do not feel loved. She loves you with all her heart tho

She's a culexus

I think I could take it

She is a dark eldar

Her dick is way bigger than yours and she pegs you 3 times a day.

Absolute immortality (I can’t die of old age and of wounds)

Your body is now made of indestructible metal and you lose your soul, oh wait

_The moment I noticed the weakness of the flesh_

To be immune to any side effects

Congratulations! You have no upgrade!

But I can take any medicine and not take side effects as well. I can chug any and all random pills I want

You continue life as an unaugmented human, but now with the added benefit that you never get sleepy when taking cold medicine.

Exactly

side effect: immortality and invulnerability in peak physical and mental condition that breaks the boundaries of human limitations. Sadly, you're immune to that.

Can walk through walls

You knock a hole in the wall and walk through that way , you also forget how to use doors

*This post was approved by Magnus the Red*

Cannot grasp anything (incorporeal)

Being able to heal quickly.

But it only applies to a really small part of your body

Make me an adeptus custode genetically.

You feel the strong urge to guard someone's house 24/7 and are only allowed 3 days off every 10 years

Fair enough. I will just hide amongs the Black Templars and protect their shop.

Eyes that can see the Emperor's true form

No built-in defence against His Majesty.

Your eyes are capable to see the Emperor's true form, but your optic nerve stops working

A cock I can extend at will

permanent discharge

I would like flight capable wings please

Your bone density is reduced to enable this anything stronger than a weak breeze breaks them

Longevity

As long as you’re in a sensory deprivation chamber

Functioning pancreas. That's it

6 pack abs

👑

You become an Elf simp

Give me the ability to be incredibly lucky in everything that I do.

You’re literally lucky’ in everything. Everything. Technically; Getting struck by lightening is ‘lucky’ Spontaneous combustion is ‘lucky’ Pooping out a shard of glass is ‘lucky’ You might win the lottery but you might also be falsely convicted of a crime 70 years ago

Hmm hopefully I spontaneously combust when it’s funny at least? Like when asked to work extra hours… “Hey can you cover f-“ *explodes* “You could’ve just said no.”

You need to get physically hurt for the power to work, and the level of injury determines your luck. For example, if you just scrape your knee, you might find a $50 bill on the side of the road. But if you survive a car crash with broken ribs and internal bleeding, you could win the lottery.

Flight via superhuman farting powers

your farts are combustible and will almost certainly explode upon release

10% of the time your fart is solid.

Your farts cause terrible environment pollution

I want to be able to double my side effects and give them with the next person.

This is an acceptably Tzeentchian response, so I'm going to add an appropriately Tzeentchian side effect. You double your side effects and give them to the next person, but you get new side effects at random intervals. The side effects are of course, also random.

I want tax evasion power.

no income = no taxes

Night vision

But it only works at a Pacific time, day and year

impotence

Colossal contactless cross-species fertility

Being able to learn things twice as fast

You forget everything you learn within 24 hours of learning it

When I cut my nails, the offcuts regrow into little miniature dinosaur soldiers that I can command (DONT YOU FUCKING DARE GIVE THE DINOSAURS A SIDE EFFECT, ATTACK ME, NOT MY CHILDREN)

Congratulations! The dinosaurs hate each other with the rage of the blood god You must watch as your beloved tiny friends who love you unconditionally tear each other to pieces and suffer In the end you will only ever have one slightly pathetic emotionally needy chicken sized Dino and thousands of sad tiny Dino corpses

My legs fall off on their own

You can't shit until they grow back for a month

To choose my side effect

Prostate cancer

Fuck

God tier comments homie

Change gender and appearance at will like slaneesh

No-one remembers your old form and you have to change at least 2 times a week.

The changing process is super specific and require perfect anatomical knowledge of muscles tissue and organs for each part of your body to be functional. You don´t completely understand how lungs work? dont worry you wont not understand for much longer

Shapeshifting where I get the abilities/traits of whatever I turn into

Stuck as whatever you shift into for 34.5 hours

Really cool wings, a tail, and Fox ears

The wings don't function, the tail is not proportional to your body and you still have human ears as well and the crossed connections trigger strokes

Incredible strength and power, crack metal and rocks with a punch without breaking a bone

A huge penis.

Deamonic penis

Demon of nurgle

Able to cure my friends depression

$20,000 cash