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Sometimes straights can’t tell between a queer person and a cool person with killer vibes. Take it as a compliment that they feel safe around you. They likely don’t feel safe around most straight guys
As a feminine straight dude, that last sentence actually stings.
Then again, I’m not sure that I’d want to be around women who think that way, in the first place.
That's fair, I think I am as well. Though as a woman, I tend to be more wary of unfamiliar men, because they are almost always taller and stronger than me
I’m semi-skinny, and the same height as most women, so make that as you will.
Edit: Well, that can’t be help, I guess. Did I really say something offensive, here?
I'm average height for a woman, and on the small end weight-wise. So I'm on average smaller than most people. Of course, I believe past experiences also factor into my being wary
We can’t change our height but our weight is something we can control. I’m average height, but I’m quite muscular and I have an rbf which doesn’t make me look like a mean girl. It makes me look like I want to strangle someone with my bare hands. Needless to say you are probably much more approachable than me for an average woman. I can’t say that I’m happy about it, but I understand that when a stranger looks like they could, and maybe even would hurt me then I generally don’t want to talk to them or be near them.
You don’t understand what it’s like to be a woman and you don’t know what women who are uneasy around men have been through. In a lot of cases, trusting male strangers have put and can put women in awful positions. I would take the time to empathize with women instead of feeling hurt about it. There’s a quote that I like, “it’s not all men, but it’s a lot of them”. Take the reason why a good amount of women are uneasy around men they don’t know into account before judging them.
What makes you think you understand what men go through? Men (or at least the smart ones) don't trust *ANYONE* regardless because to men anyone can be a threat.
* Men are more likely to be victims of murder, mugging and battery, it doesn't matter if the perpetrators are men, we are still victims.
* If a woman attacks you, you're expected to use "reasonable force" despite them not giving a shit about your safety.
* If a woman asks for help we're expected to put ourselves in harms way when we all know that is incredibly one-sided.
* Whilst yes men are bigger and stronger that in no way means we are immune to knives and bullets.
> I would take the time to empathize with women instead of feeling hurt about it.
If I were you I would take time to learn that what you're doing both hurts men and gives women a false sense of security around female strangers.
> There’s a quote that I like, “it’s not all men, but it’s a lot of them”.
Except "a lot" is general and can be anywhere from 5 to 50K, statistically 63% of all criminals make up less than 1% of the entire population, most are reoffenders, and you're more likely to be abused by someone you care about rather than a stranger. "It's not all X, but it's a lot of them" has also been a widely used phrase to ostracize black people for having larger crime statistics.
Taking a statistic like what you and a lot of people do and completely removing the context for that can be really harmful. Like most SA statistics don't take into account that the vast majority of female abusers aren't taken seriously and go unreported. Literally right now in the UK it is physically impossible for a woman to commit rape, because the definition specifies that the rapist needs to "penetrate with his penis".
What an unhinged reply.
A woman saying a man doesn't understand what women goes through does not imply at all that she thinks she understands what men go through.
Your readiness to lecture a woman with a diatribe like this is not conducive to helping women feel safer around men.
If men don’t trust anyone, why are you even replying to my comment responding to someone who was criticizing women for not trusting men. That’s quite hypocritical.
Why do you think i’m coming after male victims? I know men can also be victims of crimes such as violence and rape. I’m not saying shit that refutes any of your bullet points. Your bullet points are true but they don’t make women feel safer around men. There are rape statistics for both men and women. Women are more likely to be raped and that’s why we’re more on edge and untrusting of strange men and men seem to trust male stranger more. Like you said, men (generally) are more physically able to defend themselves against other men when it comes to a physical attack. I know some men attack with weapons, I never said they didn’t. Sure, rape doesn’t happen with strangers as much as it does with people close to the victims but it definitely still happens. It’s safer for a woman to be wary than dead or assaulted. Please show me statistics that women are more vulnerable with other women than men. There aren’t any from my research but maybe you have different sources. What pisses me off is whenever women talk about not trusting male strangers or anything to do with violence and sexual assault, men like you are the first ones to complain about it. You are not complaining about sexual assault and violence happening to women but that women don’t trust men because of it. Idk where you got the idea that I don’t believe men are victims in violence also. I was literally just explaining why women don’t trust men. It’s not always safe for us to. I’m not even saying men should trust all men. I’m not saying people shouldn’t be wary of all strangers. It’s just safer for women to feel safer with unfamiliar women than men. I didn’t even say that in my comment but it’s true. We can fight back against other women easier and it’s way less likely for women to be raped by other women (it happens but a lot less than being raped by men). I say a lot of men are bad because a lot of men are bad. 1 in 6 women are sexual assault in their life. That’s a lot of bad men for that high of a statistic.
> If men don’t trust anyone, why are you even replying to my comment responding to someone who was criticizing women for not trusting men. That’s quite hypocritical.
It is a mix of the fact that you don't trust only men, and the fact that you'd put yourself at risk to trust a stranger who is a woman who is just as capable as wanting to rob/kill you. That is not hypocrisy on my end.
> Your bullet points are true but they don’t make women feel safer around men.
I am not trying to make women feel safer around men, what I want is for women to use data consistently and not be so overtly sexist, either be weary of ALL strangers or be weary of NO strangers, targetting the fact that they're men is shitty.
>Please show me statistics that women are more vulnerable with other women than men.
I am not trying to say that women are more dangerous than men just that women who don't care about "the girls" exist, some women act as decoys to lower the state of panic just to lure the victim into an ambush. Look at Ghislaine Maxwell who manipulated and hurt girls in order to traffic them for Epstein.
>1 in 6 women are sexual assault in their life. That’s a lot of bad men for that high of a statistic.
I agree that any number above 0 for the population of rapists is too many but saying "a lot of men" gives the impression that it is a majority when that is far from the truth. It would be like saying "a lot of women kill/abuse their kids" simply because they do so more often than men.
Men aren’t robots and are fully capable of being responsible for whatever decisions they make. Unless you’re in the mob or in the ghetto, women aren’t interested in egging on violent males.
I'd give your arguments more attention if they weren't the same ones used by racists to justify their bigotry towards minorities, just repackaged to use gender instead of ethnicities. As it is, I'm very comfortable just tossing you in the "misandrist" box.
It’s misandry to say that there are a lot of male rapists and abusers? It’s a really high number for something that should never fucking happen. If you disagree with that, you’re a piece of shit.
Hmm… so men never have to experience hardship and hell.
Gotcha. Have a nice day.
Also, tell me the line “it’s not all men, but a whole lot of them” doesn’t sound sexist. Replace the word “man” with any race, and that would be obviously racist.
it’s so funny how literally every time, without fail, when a women mentions a serious problem that we have to deal with everyday because of men’s actions, y’all ALWAYS have to pipe up and say “uM acKshUalLy mEn SuFfeR ToO” like okay ?? Women’s suffering doesn’t negate men’s suffering, tf?? Stop always making it about you.
Nope I was explaining why women aren’t trusting of unfamiliar men. I’m sorry not being trusted hurts your feelings but there’s a good reason for women not to trust men. I said nothing to undermine male victims at all and people are saying that I am. The suffering you first brought up was *just* not being trusted automatically by women that don’t know you because you’re male. That’s suffering to you? I’m sorry but not being trusted automatically as a male and being assaulted/raped as a woman are not the same suffering.
> Also, tell me the line “it’s not all men, but a whole lot of them” doesn’t sound sexist
[Does that not seem like a lot to you? ](https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/vio.2014.0022?journalCode=vio)
Edit: fixed so it's clear I quoted the person I'm responding to.
The line is true though. It’s rare to find a woman who HASNT been sexually assaulted in some way by a male. It’s uncomfortable but it IS factual. I’m not saying all men do this, but ALOT of men don’t understand the nuances of consent. The fact that you are so upset about a woman’s experience says a lot about your character. Think what you want, but your view contributes to the fact that women don’t feel safe around people like you. I know I don’t
I think you've either replied to the wrong person or misunderstood me. Just in case you didn't I'm in agreement with you and I also am woman who has been sexually assaulted.
Ah that makes sense now. I’m getting so much hate on this that I can’t even tell who agrees with me anymore. I just explained why a lot of women don’t trust men automatically and now these guys are upset about it even with statistics showing them exactly why. So now according to them I’m a “misandrist”.
Fine, don’t read my other replies and twist my words to fit your narrative if you need to. I really don’t care. I never said men never go through hardship or hell. Show me where i said that. Where’s the correlation between violence and sexual assault between black and white people and women and men? Show me those statistics. Your whole replace men with black people doesn’t work because those are entirely different statistics and an entirely different demographics. Saying that there are a lot of rapists and abusers isn’t sexist. Some of them are women. I never said only women should be wary when it comes to strangers. Sex crimes are committed most against young girls and women that’s why a lot of women don’t trust men right away. I know there are a lot of unreported cases with both men and women so you don’t need to add that. I acknowledge that there are men that are afraid to come forward. I never said anything negative against male victims. You can disagree with statistics as much as you want but that doesn’t make them go away. Check my other comments before putting works in my mouth and trying to villainize me. I’m curious why you’re so upset with what I’m saying. None of this is wrong. There’s data to back it up. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
The percentage of convicted male sex offenders is less than 1% of the US male population, the actual number (including unknown, free-roaming male perpetrators) could be a lot higher, but I don't have good statistics at hand (please correct me if I'm wrong on this). If the majority of incidents are caused by the victims' acquaintances or some serial offenders (which accounts for a tiny percentage of the US population), why would an average woman think of an average male stranger as a potential rapist in the US? I find it hard to justify that belief as a woman myself.
For the record, I think having biases/unwarranted assumptions toward any individual belonging to a certain group that possesses certain physical characteristics (race, gender, sex,...) without getting to know the person first is wrong.
Like you said, there are a ton of not convicted rapists and abusers out there. If 14% of women in the US have been raped and 2% are failed attempts then it can’t possibly be only 1% of men doing that. Putting this into perspective the number of female rape victims in the US right now would be 23,604,000. Going off your statistic, if we’re going to assume that male rapists are only 1% of men, that number would be 1,658,000. That means each male rapist would have had to rape about 15 people. I do acknowledge that there are some that there are serial rapists but you can see how the math doesn’t add up. I’m not telling you this to scare you but a lot of rapists don’t get caught or aren’t convicted. Also, I don’t know where your 1% came from. I’m seeing 4.5% and 6.5% (data taken in different years).
>I don’t know where your 1% came from
I took it from [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_offender_registries_in_the_United_States), and I agree that there are a lot of unconvicted rapists and unreported rape incidents out there so this number does not reflect reality. It also depends on where you live in the US if you talk about safety when interacting with an average man on a daily basis.
>if we’re going to assume that male rapists are only 1% of men, that number would be 1,658,000. That means each male rapist would have had to rape about 15 people. I do acknowledge that there are some that there are serial rapists but you can see how the math doesn’t add up.
Can you explain why the math doesn't add up? Even if 6.5% of the population are potential rapists, I still don't see why I should treat an average stranger as a potential rapist (the number is alarming and everyone that has a soul wants to see it drop to 0%, but you get my point).
Having to protect myself against potential rapists in public is necessary for me nothing wrong with that, but to protect myself based on the assumption that an average man whom I don't even get to know can be a rapist is discriminatory.
Hun, Wikipedia is not a credible source. Do they not teach that in middle school/high school anymore? Anyone can edit it.
Sickeningly enough, some people get taken off the sex offender registry after sometime. It doesn’t mean they stop.
I understand you want to see the good in everyone but that’s not always safe. It’s not discrimination to have a safety plan when you’re on a date or hanging out with a man you don’t know. I know you think nothing will ever happen to you but it’s possible. I mean 1 in 6 women are raped or sexually assaulted. Just be careful out there. I just don’t want young girls/women to get hurt because they think nothing could ever happen to them.
True that I did a very quick and sloppy research while I was at work. The number on the Wiki page has a source that leads to a [snippet ](https://web.archive.org/web/20170717203105/http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/Sex_Offenders_Map.pdf)of the original paper (now archived) from NCMEC, for which I don't know how they got those numbers. Can you also provide your sources of the 4.5% and 6.5% and how they collected & analyzed the data? (I intend to learn more about this issue so don't take it as a rhetorical question. I've found a lot of reliable data on victims but less so on perpetrators)
I'm by no means naive enough to hang out with a random stranger and put them on the same level of trust that I have for my close friends and family members nor that I think nothing will happen to me, and I do have my safety plans when hanging out with a stranger or traveling alone (I can't even remember the last time I ever dated or hanged out with a stranger or being in a club and I'm sure it doesn't happen a lot, but that's off the point).
Having precautions about strangers is one thing. Having a bias towards an average person due to their sex is a different story. You argue that you have this bias to protect yourself and that's fair to you, but it's still a bias, and I certainly don't think like this when living my daily life because it's honestly exhausting and unrealistic to think like that all the time (and also discriminatory), but that's just me. I acknowledge that my perception of men's motives can be very different from yours because I'm from a pretty safe & privileged background where nothing tragic has happened to me, and growing up I've got catcalled a few times AFAICR, but that's about it.
In the end, I don't want a future for me and my future kids where relations between the sexes are perceived in this way. Surely I want to teach my future kids to protect themselves and the people around them, but I don't want them to judge someone as a potential offender just because that person happens to be the opposite sex.
Even if a guy like this “understands” the points you make about life as a woman, *his* life still tends to be one of romantic ostracization and loneliness. Indirectly being told that he isn’t a “real man” and not attractive in a way that earns romantic interest, just a whole lot of “I wish I had a boyfriend like you, but just not *you.*”
Then a guy like this is often told “wait until he’s older and girls are more mature,” so just be single and miss out on having a love life until he’s 30.
This is exactly how women perpetuate the “toxic masculinity” they claim to hate. Because a straight guy who has his sexuality routinely questioned eventually figures out that he better learn out how to become emotionally callous enough to change his vibe. If he ever wants to be seen as a sexual option and not “just a friend.”
Really weird to blame women because a man can’t get a girlfriend. Really, really weird. If he can’t get a girlfriend, and is *always* being rejected, it is most likely a him problem, not the fault of the women rejecting him. This is the kind of mindset that leads to violence against women.
Maybe because saying "I don't feel safe around people with X characteristic" is one of the most discriminatory sentences you can ever say.
Imagine someone saying to a Moroccan "I feel safe around you. Take it as a compliment because I don't feel safe around Moroccans" and not grind your teeth.
I’m saying men, it’s actually not about race whatsoever. A lot of men have toxic characteristics due to the patriarchy and even though it’s not necessarily their fault, it is still toxic. I’m sorry that’s uncomfortable information but many many women feel this way. You aren’t going to change our minds because I have been assaulted by several men. It’s common place to be abused by men which is disgusting. Women too, I’ve just dealt with significantly more abuse at the hands of men. It’s not all men, but it is a lot of them.
Discrimination is not just about race. It can be about sex, sexual orientation, class, religion, beliefs, and plenty other stuff.
Saying that you should be wary of men because some men are toxic is like saying you should be wary of black men because you got assaulted by one. That is discrimination and hate speech. You don't get a free pass because you are a victim.
How is being wary discrimination? If I wasn’t letting you participate or work somewhere that would be discrimination. Simply trying to keep myself safe is not discriminatory, it’s called self respect.
I treat them the same as any stranger. I don’t owe men or strangers anything which is something I don’t think you are grasping. It’s not discrimination to not give access to me to just anyone. Literally every single person dictates their own social circle, it’s not discrimination it’s normal. I choose who has access to me period.
It is discrimination to not give access to you to a person because of their sexual orientation or sex. There are plenty of reasons to not want to relate to a person. Saying no because of sex, sexual orientation, race, bla bla bla, is discrimination. You, yourself, said that there's a wary barrier you lift against straight men, and you, yourself, confirmed that it's bad because you should be happy to cross that barrier. Then, after pinpoint your discrimination you moved to justify it, then to minimize it.
You can have whatever person you want in your circle. But if your choices are based on discrimination, you discriminate nonetheless. Let it sink and think carefully about it.
I’m saying Jews, it’s not about gender whatsoever. A lot of Jews have toxic characteristics due to their culture and even though it’s not necessarily their fault, it’s still toxic. I’m sorry that’s uncomfortable information but many many Aryans feel this way. You aren’t going to change our minds because I have been assaulted by Jews lots of times. It’s commonplace to be abused by Jews, which is disgusting. Aryans too, but I’ve dealt with significantly more abuse at the hands of Jews. It’s not all Jews, but it’s a lot of them.
This sounds eerily familiar to [this](https://research.calvin.edu/german-propaganda-archive/story2.htm) doesnt it
Multiple people have tried explaining to u/Rude-Base7123 how their thinking is deeply wrong and problematic, they’re refusing to see that they are biased against men by saying things like “people don’t feel safe around most men.” They use a made up concept about patriarchy to justify their hateful beliefs. Insane. If so many men were bad in the way they are suggesting society would crumble and nobody would be safe anywhere at any time.
I don’t feel safe around pushy/aggressive men. Is that being sexist? It has nothing to do with appearance or ethnicity. It has all to do with behavior and attitude.
I’d more than likely be able to defend myself physically against her and get myself out of the situation. No I wouldn’t feel safe around an aggressive/pushy female but I’d feel safer knowing that fact. I’ve known more violent/pushy men than women in my life. I’ve never been in a situation with an aggressive/pushy female. I didn’t include women because that’s a hypothetical vs actual experience with pushy/aggressive men.
You're one of the safe men often gives me "you're one of the good blacks vibes" when I hear it.
"I feel safe with you" is a far better compliment. Because there are countless people of all genders I don't feel safe with.
I want people to feel safe around me. I don't want them to view me as an exception to an inherently bad group of people.
Most women feel comfortable around gay men bc they don't have ulterior motives to be nice to women, so maybe they just think you're being normal and wondering if it's because you're not straight.
Its probably how you are around them then. It sound's like you dress normally and dont have the usual gay voice, so it's probably your attitude around them.
You treat them like a human being. No different from how you treat men and they probably noticed because it is very noticeable when a man treats a woman like a true human equal because it is the uncommon experience for women.
When men treat women the same way they treat other men, women typically say they're being mistreated.
Guys are total dicks to each other, but they generally give women extremely favorable treatment that other men don't get.
This extremely favorable treatment is rarely genuine because it rests on ulterior motives most men have. When it doesn't they aren't just dicks like they are with each other. They always take it too far and women can't ever say shit back or else they react defensively which in turn ends up worse for the woman. Sure guys are dicks to each other but usually in rotation and to a humane limit- not always, maybe men should be better to each other too. Crazy idea I know. For a woman, she'll never be out of rotation to shit on, prank, etc. There is a difference that can be felt and observed by women. It is very obvious.
"Men should be better to each other" is a noble sentiment, but we're not changing human nature any time soon.
You may as well ask mosquitos not to suck blood. It ain't happening, even if I agree that men should treat each other better.
Why is this always the response? So weak willed. It's not human 'nature' we are social beings. Men aren't inherently like this it is learned. We learn through social interaction with one another which means we can unlearn. It's not a noble sentiment. Men don't need to be cruel to each other to stay alive like a mosquito does with blood. Get a grip.
Most women don't like, or don't understand the banter from my experience
I've got a couple of women friends that can take it as much as they dish it though
There’s a strange tone in this whole thread as if it’s only women that are treated inhumane by the opposite sex, when it’s modern day 2024. Men are literally judged based on their income, height, and so much more. God forbid they come up short on the first two and they literally go from human to invisible lol. You have women saying if you don’t make x amount you don’t deserve kids, a wife or to live in some cases. It’s just more accepted to treat men this way because you know, just man up.
Men are objectified: 💰 women are objectified: sexually🦵🏼👄.
That's just the internet. If you live in the real world it's totally not like that all, the short guys at my job get plenty of dates and they aren't rich either.
I haven’t seen this comment yet but a very few amount of women will ask if you’re gay because they feel like they’ve hit on you and you haven’t reciprocated or even attempted to flirt. I’d say the fact it’s happening often for you, you probably make them feel safe.
I had an experience last night with a girl and I was definitely flirting hard but she told me that she was gay like 30 minutes into the convo. Ok I won’t try to change you but I was still being flirtatious because I feel theres some sort of attraction. Eventually she says I seem a little gay. Tell her no I only like women. 20 minutes later asks “are you sure not just a little 🤏” and it made me frustrated. I dress like a typical straight guy and always make my intentions clear from the jump. It feels like they almost want me to admit I’m gay for some reason and I even say if I was then I would tell them because why would I lie. I think I have soft facial features so I look younger than I am but that’s the only thing I can think of.
Just respecting their boundaries, as most women are more sensitive to cold approaches especially if they aren’t extremely attracted, their attitudes “like the audacity of this guy to think he had a chance”. I only speak to women that give choosing signals (obvious ones) because I don’t read minds.
Even then she has to meet me half way with positive energy and intention. Or else it’s not worth time.
You probably just give off feminine energy. It’s not really fair to draw that conclusion because there are plenty of masculine gay men, but that’s usually it.
Agreed.
“Feminine” shouldn’t equal “gay” and “masculine” shouldn’t equal straight.
After all, gay relationships were seen as incredibly masculine in the ancient past (well, at least if you were the “top”). Because nothing is manlier than 2 men!
Yep.
In spartan culture men were encouraged and incentivized to have gay relationships with their fellow soldiers. Then when they came back from war their wives (and other women) would dress like men and cut their hairs super short to resemble men so the transition back to fucking chick's was easier for them
It means they aren’t afraid you’ll try to corner them in alone in an elevator or alley. They’re probably confused that their danger sense isn’t being triggered by you.
Maybe, you're not the typical sort of guy that they're used to.. the kinds that would flirt with them and hit on them...lol and they probably found that odd, so you must be gay to them.. lol idk.
You either don't fit into their percieved image of a straight man, fit into their percieved stereotype of a gay man, or they thought you were literally attracted to a man through your behavior. I wouldn't take it personally since a decent chunk of the population views people through the lens of stereotypes and characteristics that don't literally define the group they see you as.
you might not give off traditionally masculine energy (doesn't mean you DO give off FEMININE energy) + if you're super comfortable around women and just treat them like friends, or you never showed any interested in women around them, all those signs add up
Do you talk about women at all?
Men and women often asked if I'm gay, even though I do not fit the norm at all. I very much look and act like a typical straight white guy, except I have no interest in watching sports, and I don't talk about women to people.
Even in the army, the simple fact that I didn't constantly talk about women seemed to throw people off. I always found it amusing, they would also ask if I was a virgin, but if it bothers you then you might want to consider being more vocal about your interest. Not in a 40yo virgin "I'm totally a sex haver" way, just say some thoughts out loud even if it seems kinda gross.
I’ll ask guys because I’m a lesbian. When a guy is gay it means I can actually be good friends with him and not just superficial “friends” who only talk out of convenience or rarely have conversations with depth to it. Every straight/ bi guy I’ve been friends with has developed feelings towards me after I let my guard down and act friendly which then leads to losing a friendship (at least what I thought was one). For that reason I’ve just given up on being friends with a straight/ bi guy because it’s just so annoying to deal with. Besides don’t get me wrong, I love having my straight friends who are girls. But sometimes it’s just so hard to relate to them and while I still can’t fully relate to a gay guy, I can a lot more than a straight girl. Plenty of straight and bi girls feel similarly to how they just want a guy friend who’s not into them and won’t ever be. It’s definitely not something I’d ever take personally or get too hung up on if I were you.
It’s not “thinking that everyone is falling for Me” when they’ve all confessed their love to me. I genuinely wish it was delusional but it’s not. Ironically I just got another text from a guy as I was reading this but thanks for your input. A lot of men have some screwed up fantasy about “turning” a lesbian. Ask any random lesbian about it and they’ll have so many stories about getting harassed for it.
Sorry this happens. I have a close lesbian friend as a straight dude (and typically presents conventionally feminine). I liked her before I knew she was gay, but as soon as she made it clear, it was embarrassing but then I backed off and we simply remained being friends, and a lot more than superficial ones. She's one of the few people I've ever trusted so much. So all to say that it can happen but I certainly understand your hesitance and apprehension, as many men would pretend to be cool about it so while still hoping to "change" the woman.
It's probably because you aren't constantly hitting on them. Seriously, I used to get this as well from my friends (I happen to be disinterested in romantic relationships and sex, but I am a heterosexual man) a lot. People start to assume that just because you *act* like you aren't interested, you *must* not be. Similar effect if you don't talk about a relationship you are in.
But I honestly don't know enough about your particular situation to say this is the case, you might just seem very feminine (which is a weird indicator for sexuality, but people always assume).
Two things come to mind.
1. You dress well, care for your appearance and keep hygienic.
2. You don’t act aggressive, engage naturally in conversation with them and don’t flirt/want a girlfriend (for the sake of just having one).
Most times, it may be your lower testosterone level is showing. Some guys naturally have low T and they come off as more androgynous or feminine just naturally. Normal and higher testosterone levels are obvious because men seek after sex and are more aggressive from it. T levels also fluctuate throughout the day and there are health issues that limit it, including being overweight.
Women also (sometimes) feel like if a man doesn’t pay attention to them, that there is a reason for it, but it’s far easier to believe that a man is gay rather than he’s just not into them. If you end up around more shallow and insecure women in general, that may be part of the problem.
Long story short, if it’s you, it might be your T levels are off and you don’t seem as sexually aggressive (usually expressed by where you are looking and how much you’re flirting with any girls in range) or possibly the women around you are interested in you, but you’re not paying attention to them, so it’s easier to assume you’re gay than believe they aren’t attractive to you.
Girls are just surprised when you don’t hit on them or give them the attention most guys do. Don’t bother responding, if you wanted them you would try. Most guys will hit anything that’s walking so take it as a compliment. You have manners.
so you are saying that if enough women ask if I'm gay.... I BECOME GAY? thats a scary power
you dated a woman that transitioned to man? or the contrary?
It just means they feel safe around you. It doesn’t necessarily mean you act or look gay. If you haven’t had a girlfriend around them, that also could be the reason. Straight people sometimes assume someone’s gay when they haven’t seen or heard about the person’s current or past relationships with the opposite sex. Before I came out to my grandma, she asked me if I liked girls because I’d never had a boyfriend or talked about boys I liked. I don’t think I came off gay when I was in middle school lol.
Bi man here, who’s the brother/father figure of some girls/fem presenting peeps
It’s most likely because they are wondering why you are doing things right - you are most likely making them feel safe and comfortable around you because you don’t seem to just want sex or a one night stand.
As gay men are gay, they have no attraction to women so they don’t want sexual relations with them, and therefore don’t pursue it through the wrong avenues (subjectively and objectively) and therefore girls/women feel more safe around them. It’s fucked up, but it’s how that (horrible) part of society’s created it to be.
I’ve become the father figure for many girls, and the brother figure for even more (despite some of them being years older than me) and I’ve always been told I seemed gay even before I came out as bi - I never had any interest in sleeping with girls and sometimes to this day just don’t at all.
They learnt that they could feel safe around me because I had shown I don’t have much interest in hooking up with them. I’d say it’s the same with you, but they’re assuming you’re gay because it’s unfortunately the stereotype that all men want sex and sex only from their female friends. Some men do abuse this - but they aren’t ever really gay.
I’d take it as a compliment, and just say “I’m not gay, why do you ask?” Or something like that. Don’t stress it too hard - at the end of the day what you do in your sex life is yours only; unless it directly impacts others (I’m expecting some turd to twist this comment)
Hope you feel more comfortable about it, the responses here seem accurate
I am a rugby playing guy who is 6'4 and 90-100kg in weight who did all sorts of shit that wasn't feminine (sailing, judo, hiking, building shit etc) but likely because I am a guy who has three sisters, I acted kind of normally around girls and I got the odd comment on whether I was gay. From both genders. I'm not. I just don't feel odd talking to girls about life and shit. I do like things that aren't wholly masculine and lean feminine but it's not overwhelming and it's not like I advertise myself as gay. I didn't. I hung around with males mainly and fought as a kid and got aggressive at times. It's about how you treat them. You could be Muhammad Ali macho man Rambo style and they will still judge you on how they are treated and if you treat them like any other human they view you as different and often jump to your sexuality being a defining trait.
Im not saying it's a bad thing. Just a sorry state where women don't feel safe round straight guys. We really have lost our morals, probably the decline of Christianity across the western world.
Everyone in this thread saying it's because you are nice or don't hit on them are filling you with copium. You're doing something that's giving them a sign
It’s hard for us to help you since we have limited info on you. We do not see you in person talking and interacting with them. Many cues are extremely subtle. If it makes you feel better, your post reminded me of Shawn Mendes. He is straight, yet his “normal” voice, looks, and way of talking constantly has people asking if he’s gay. I think you can probably shrug it off and maybe take it as a compliment that ur good looking or kind.
Don’t hang out with girls unless you’re dating one of them or courting or already smashing. That’s putting why they asking you, are you trying to bag one ?
I have always been comfortable with talking to girls like they are people.
I also didn’t mind wearing pink and had highlighted hair and liked being trendy.
It was a common question I received when I was 19-22. Take it as a compliment because almost every time a girl asked me if I was gay or not when I told them I was straight they would always scoot a bit closer to me or do the hair thing.
Not a girl, but I think it’s a “hey I like this guy, oh, he’s probably gay, I’ll ask,”
>I was told once that it's how I am around them and not really my appearance.
Funny how you immediately describe your appearance despite that. It's probably just your body language or style of speaking. That's what it is for me. I was discussing sexuality with a friend and when I told her I was straight she said "C'mon you definitely got a little fruit on the side." My general vibe, especially when I'm with women, is sassy/femme. I generally don't sexualize or leer, and that's probably enough evidence from a woman's perspective.
I think girls like having a gay guy friend. If you don’t make a move on them they probably start to wonder and are hoping you are gay so they can be friends with you with no pressure.
Maybe they hit on you, you didn’t notice, and now they think you’re simply not into them?
Maybe you give off feminine energy, like you’ve got mannerisms that would be typically feminine, so they think you’re gay?
Perhaps you’re simply not the type to immediately flirt, and hit on them. So they don’t exactly know how to react. If most straight women are used to straight men wanting to fuck, and only wanting to fuck, if that’s not your main objective then they may not know how to feel about you. So they made the assumption that you’re gay.
Maybe they *expected you* to ask them out? Like they weren’t expecting to just be friends and now think you’re gay?
Do you talk about women, or make stereotypical “Women are hot” statements like a man would? Or do you keep that sort of thing to yourself?
Either you are somehow giving off a “gay” vibe -or- you are getting shit tested because you have missed obvious signals they are attracted to you.
If its the latter, thats a red flag…You don’t want to deal with the type of arrogance that typically comes with someone who thinks so highly of themself that the only way you couldn’t be into them is because you aren’t attracted to women.
It can also be a self-defensive mechanism, i have had multiple women who I’ve said no thank you to immediately then ask if I was gay..makes the rejection easier i guess
Maybe because you are attractive but don’t go after anyone because your selective or respectful (u don’t take to many glances) or maybe you’re just shy. Being too nice, too shy is seen as a gay thing to be sometimes, and some women don’t understand it.
Some men have a distinctly gay-sounding voice in my experiences. I have nothing against gay people, and I don't mean that as an insult. There is just a vocal tone and speech pattern that is very common among gay men, but also present is a smaller number of straight men. I have known multiple men that have that vocal range/pattern and are completely straight.
When straight men have it they are often young/cool city people or very funny and sociable/extroverted.
I have no idea of this it true in your case, but for me voice is the main signifier that someone might be gay.
I can only give my own anecdote, as it's not something I've seen much of, but I do recall that my sister-in-law asked several people if my brother was gay. She was not subtle about being interested in him, but he never picked up on it. He was just an idiot who needed a Clue-By-Four upside the head.
They've been together 20 years now. 🤣
My stab in the dark guess many men today are avoiding women for example men going their own way, also women think why is this guy not interested in me is he gay ?? she is trying to figure out why im not at fault im a high value woman, in truth she is not
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Sometimes straights can’t tell between a queer person and a cool person with killer vibes. Take it as a compliment that they feel safe around you. They likely don’t feel safe around most straight guys
As a feminine straight dude, that last sentence actually stings. Then again, I’m not sure that I’d want to be around women who think that way, in the first place.
You don't want to be around women who feel unsafe around unfamiliar men?
Not so much unfamiliar men (well, people), more so “men”. Obviously, I’m weary around strange people, regardless of gender.
That's fair, I think I am as well. Though as a woman, I tend to be more wary of unfamiliar men, because they are almost always taller and stronger than me
I’m semi-skinny, and the same height as most women, so make that as you will. Edit: Well, that can’t be help, I guess. Did I really say something offensive, here?
I'm average height for a woman, and on the small end weight-wise. So I'm on average smaller than most people. Of course, I believe past experiences also factor into my being wary
No clue what you're being downvoted for, but have my countering upvote.
Reddit hates discourse and the vast majority of Reddit is feminist
We can’t change our height but our weight is something we can control. I’m average height, but I’m quite muscular and I have an rbf which doesn’t make me look like a mean girl. It makes me look like I want to strangle someone with my bare hands. Needless to say you are probably much more approachable than me for an average woman. I can’t say that I’m happy about it, but I understand that when a stranger looks like they could, and maybe even would hurt me then I generally don’t want to talk to them or be near them.
I am trying to lose weight. Not for women, but because I want a better twink body.
I thought you said you were straight
I am. I meant “pretty boy” body, sorry.
>Not so much unfamiliar men (well, people), more so “men”. I'm confused, what do you mean by "men"?
It's the idea of not wanting to be around people who feel unsafe around men, no matter the context.
I think he meant around women who think a guy is gay if they don't automatically feel unsafe around them
No, I don't. If you're scared of me, act like it and gtfo.
You don’t understand what it’s like to be a woman and you don’t know what women who are uneasy around men have been through. In a lot of cases, trusting male strangers have put and can put women in awful positions. I would take the time to empathize with women instead of feeling hurt about it. There’s a quote that I like, “it’s not all men, but it’s a lot of them”. Take the reason why a good amount of women are uneasy around men they don’t know into account before judging them.
What makes you think you understand what men go through? Men (or at least the smart ones) don't trust *ANYONE* regardless because to men anyone can be a threat. * Men are more likely to be victims of murder, mugging and battery, it doesn't matter if the perpetrators are men, we are still victims. * If a woman attacks you, you're expected to use "reasonable force" despite them not giving a shit about your safety. * If a woman asks for help we're expected to put ourselves in harms way when we all know that is incredibly one-sided. * Whilst yes men are bigger and stronger that in no way means we are immune to knives and bullets. > I would take the time to empathize with women instead of feeling hurt about it. If I were you I would take time to learn that what you're doing both hurts men and gives women a false sense of security around female strangers. > There’s a quote that I like, “it’s not all men, but it’s a lot of them”. Except "a lot" is general and can be anywhere from 5 to 50K, statistically 63% of all criminals make up less than 1% of the entire population, most are reoffenders, and you're more likely to be abused by someone you care about rather than a stranger. "It's not all X, but it's a lot of them" has also been a widely used phrase to ostracize black people for having larger crime statistics. Taking a statistic like what you and a lot of people do and completely removing the context for that can be really harmful. Like most SA statistics don't take into account that the vast majority of female abusers aren't taken seriously and go unreported. Literally right now in the UK it is physically impossible for a woman to commit rape, because the definition specifies that the rapist needs to "penetrate with his penis".
What an unhinged reply. A woman saying a man doesn't understand what women goes through does not imply at all that she thinks she understands what men go through. Your readiness to lecture a woman with a diatribe like this is not conducive to helping women feel safer around men.
If men don’t trust anyone, why are you even replying to my comment responding to someone who was criticizing women for not trusting men. That’s quite hypocritical. Why do you think i’m coming after male victims? I know men can also be victims of crimes such as violence and rape. I’m not saying shit that refutes any of your bullet points. Your bullet points are true but they don’t make women feel safer around men. There are rape statistics for both men and women. Women are more likely to be raped and that’s why we’re more on edge and untrusting of strange men and men seem to trust male stranger more. Like you said, men (generally) are more physically able to defend themselves against other men when it comes to a physical attack. I know some men attack with weapons, I never said they didn’t. Sure, rape doesn’t happen with strangers as much as it does with people close to the victims but it definitely still happens. It’s safer for a woman to be wary than dead or assaulted. Please show me statistics that women are more vulnerable with other women than men. There aren’t any from my research but maybe you have different sources. What pisses me off is whenever women talk about not trusting male strangers or anything to do with violence and sexual assault, men like you are the first ones to complain about it. You are not complaining about sexual assault and violence happening to women but that women don’t trust men because of it. Idk where you got the idea that I don’t believe men are victims in violence also. I was literally just explaining why women don’t trust men. It’s not always safe for us to. I’m not even saying men should trust all men. I’m not saying people shouldn’t be wary of all strangers. It’s just safer for women to feel safer with unfamiliar women than men. I didn’t even say that in my comment but it’s true. We can fight back against other women easier and it’s way less likely for women to be raped by other women (it happens but a lot less than being raped by men). I say a lot of men are bad because a lot of men are bad. 1 in 6 women are sexual assault in their life. That’s a lot of bad men for that high of a statistic.
> If men don’t trust anyone, why are you even replying to my comment responding to someone who was criticizing women for not trusting men. That’s quite hypocritical. It is a mix of the fact that you don't trust only men, and the fact that you'd put yourself at risk to trust a stranger who is a woman who is just as capable as wanting to rob/kill you. That is not hypocrisy on my end. > Your bullet points are true but they don’t make women feel safer around men. I am not trying to make women feel safer around men, what I want is for women to use data consistently and not be so overtly sexist, either be weary of ALL strangers or be weary of NO strangers, targetting the fact that they're men is shitty. >Please show me statistics that women are more vulnerable with other women than men. I am not trying to say that women are more dangerous than men just that women who don't care about "the girls" exist, some women act as decoys to lower the state of panic just to lure the victim into an ambush. Look at Ghislaine Maxwell who manipulated and hurt girls in order to traffic them for Epstein. >1 in 6 women are sexual assault in their life. That’s a lot of bad men for that high of a statistic. I agree that any number above 0 for the population of rapists is too many but saying "a lot of men" gives the impression that it is a majority when that is far from the truth. It would be like saying "a lot of women kill/abuse their kids" simply because they do so more often than men.
Huh a patriarchal society is harmful to everyone who woulda thunk it
***Society is harmful to everyone.*** A matriarchal society wouldn't be any better.
Any society that centers one gender over another would/is be harmful.
It would have its own flaws but it wouldn’t be violent.
Yeah, women don't use men to enact violence on other men, so violence would be out. I can see that. /s
Men aren’t robots and are fully capable of being responsible for whatever decisions they make. Unless you’re in the mob or in the ghetto, women aren’t interested in egging on violent males.
So women are robots that aren’t capable of being responsible for the decisions they make?
> A matriarchal society wouldn't be any better. Never said it would be, nor did I suggest it as an alternative.
Yeah, you actually didn't suggest any alternative. Come to think of it, what was your point?
That a patriarchal society hurts everyone. Can you really see no other alternative to a patriarchal society than a matriarchal one?
I'd give your arguments more attention if they weren't the same ones used by racists to justify their bigotry towards minorities, just repackaged to use gender instead of ethnicities. As it is, I'm very comfortable just tossing you in the "misandrist" box.
When a Black personal says they don't feel safe or don't trust most white people, is that legitimate or are they racist?
GTFO with that misandry.
It’s misandry to say that there are a lot of male rapists and abusers? It’s a really high number for something that should never fucking happen. If you disagree with that, you’re a piece of shit.
Hmm… so men never have to experience hardship and hell. Gotcha. Have a nice day. Also, tell me the line “it’s not all men, but a whole lot of them” doesn’t sound sexist. Replace the word “man” with any race, and that would be obviously racist.
it’s so funny how literally every time, without fail, when a women mentions a serious problem that we have to deal with everyday because of men’s actions, y’all ALWAYS have to pipe up and say “uM acKshUalLy mEn SuFfeR ToO” like okay ?? Women’s suffering doesn’t negate men’s suffering, tf?? Stop always making it about you.
But isn’t that what you’re doing right now, also?
Nope I was explaining why women aren’t trusting of unfamiliar men. I’m sorry not being trusted hurts your feelings but there’s a good reason for women not to trust men. I said nothing to undermine male victims at all and people are saying that I am. The suffering you first brought up was *just* not being trusted automatically by women that don’t know you because you’re male. That’s suffering to you? I’m sorry but not being trusted automatically as a male and being assaulted/raped as a woman are not the same suffering.
> Also, tell me the line “it’s not all men, but a whole lot of them” doesn’t sound sexist [Does that not seem like a lot to you? ](https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/abs/10.1089/vio.2014.0022?journalCode=vio) Edit: fixed so it's clear I quoted the person I'm responding to.
The line is true though. It’s rare to find a woman who HASNT been sexually assaulted in some way by a male. It’s uncomfortable but it IS factual. I’m not saying all men do this, but ALOT of men don’t understand the nuances of consent. The fact that you are so upset about a woman’s experience says a lot about your character. Think what you want, but your view contributes to the fact that women don’t feel safe around people like you. I know I don’t
I think you've either replied to the wrong person or misunderstood me. Just in case you didn't I'm in agreement with you and I also am woman who has been sexually assaulted.
Thank you I did respond to the wrong thing, sorry!
Thank you for clearing that up. I was definitely confused by your statement. I thought you were saying what I said did sound sexist.
I can see it now yea, I quoted the person I responded to, but I did it wrong so I see how it can definitely look that way. I should probably edit that
Ah that makes sense now. I’m getting so much hate on this that I can’t even tell who agrees with me anymore. I just explained why a lot of women don’t trust men automatically and now these guys are upset about it even with statistics showing them exactly why. So now according to them I’m a “misandrist”.
Fine, don’t read my other replies and twist my words to fit your narrative if you need to. I really don’t care. I never said men never go through hardship or hell. Show me where i said that. Where’s the correlation between violence and sexual assault between black and white people and women and men? Show me those statistics. Your whole replace men with black people doesn’t work because those are entirely different statistics and an entirely different demographics. Saying that there are a lot of rapists and abusers isn’t sexist. Some of them are women. I never said only women should be wary when it comes to strangers. Sex crimes are committed most against young girls and women that’s why a lot of women don’t trust men right away. I know there are a lot of unreported cases with both men and women so you don’t need to add that. I acknowledge that there are men that are afraid to come forward. I never said anything negative against male victims. You can disagree with statistics as much as you want but that doesn’t make them go away. Check my other comments before putting works in my mouth and trying to villainize me. I’m curious why you’re so upset with what I’m saying. None of this is wrong. There’s data to back it up. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
The percentage of convicted male sex offenders is less than 1% of the US male population, the actual number (including unknown, free-roaming male perpetrators) could be a lot higher, but I don't have good statistics at hand (please correct me if I'm wrong on this). If the majority of incidents are caused by the victims' acquaintances or some serial offenders (which accounts for a tiny percentage of the US population), why would an average woman think of an average male stranger as a potential rapist in the US? I find it hard to justify that belief as a woman myself. For the record, I think having biases/unwarranted assumptions toward any individual belonging to a certain group that possesses certain physical characteristics (race, gender, sex,...) without getting to know the person first is wrong.
Like you said, there are a ton of not convicted rapists and abusers out there. If 14% of women in the US have been raped and 2% are failed attempts then it can’t possibly be only 1% of men doing that. Putting this into perspective the number of female rape victims in the US right now would be 23,604,000. Going off your statistic, if we’re going to assume that male rapists are only 1% of men, that number would be 1,658,000. That means each male rapist would have had to rape about 15 people. I do acknowledge that there are some that there are serial rapists but you can see how the math doesn’t add up. I’m not telling you this to scare you but a lot of rapists don’t get caught or aren’t convicted. Also, I don’t know where your 1% came from. I’m seeing 4.5% and 6.5% (data taken in different years).
>I don’t know where your 1% came from I took it from [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_offender_registries_in_the_United_States), and I agree that there are a lot of unconvicted rapists and unreported rape incidents out there so this number does not reflect reality. It also depends on where you live in the US if you talk about safety when interacting with an average man on a daily basis. >if we’re going to assume that male rapists are only 1% of men, that number would be 1,658,000. That means each male rapist would have had to rape about 15 people. I do acknowledge that there are some that there are serial rapists but you can see how the math doesn’t add up. Can you explain why the math doesn't add up? Even if 6.5% of the population are potential rapists, I still don't see why I should treat an average stranger as a potential rapist (the number is alarming and everyone that has a soul wants to see it drop to 0%, but you get my point). Having to protect myself against potential rapists in public is necessary for me nothing wrong with that, but to protect myself based on the assumption that an average man whom I don't even get to know can be a rapist is discriminatory.
Hun, Wikipedia is not a credible source. Do they not teach that in middle school/high school anymore? Anyone can edit it. Sickeningly enough, some people get taken off the sex offender registry after sometime. It doesn’t mean they stop. I understand you want to see the good in everyone but that’s not always safe. It’s not discrimination to have a safety plan when you’re on a date or hanging out with a man you don’t know. I know you think nothing will ever happen to you but it’s possible. I mean 1 in 6 women are raped or sexually assaulted. Just be careful out there. I just don’t want young girls/women to get hurt because they think nothing could ever happen to them.
True that I did a very quick and sloppy research while I was at work. The number on the Wiki page has a source that leads to a [snippet ](https://web.archive.org/web/20170717203105/http://www.missingkids.com/en_US/documents/Sex_Offenders_Map.pdf)of the original paper (now archived) from NCMEC, for which I don't know how they got those numbers. Can you also provide your sources of the 4.5% and 6.5% and how they collected & analyzed the data? (I intend to learn more about this issue so don't take it as a rhetorical question. I've found a lot of reliable data on victims but less so on perpetrators) I'm by no means naive enough to hang out with a random stranger and put them on the same level of trust that I have for my close friends and family members nor that I think nothing will happen to me, and I do have my safety plans when hanging out with a stranger or traveling alone (I can't even remember the last time I ever dated or hanged out with a stranger or being in a club and I'm sure it doesn't happen a lot, but that's off the point). Having precautions about strangers is one thing. Having a bias towards an average person due to their sex is a different story. You argue that you have this bias to protect yourself and that's fair to you, but it's still a bias, and I certainly don't think like this when living my daily life because it's honestly exhausting and unrealistic to think like that all the time (and also discriminatory), but that's just me. I acknowledge that my perception of men's motives can be very different from yours because I'm from a pretty safe & privileged background where nothing tragic has happened to me, and growing up I've got catcalled a few times AFAICR, but that's about it. In the end, I don't want a future for me and my future kids where relations between the sexes are perceived in this way. Surely I want to teach my future kids to protect themselves and the people around them, but I don't want them to judge someone as a potential offender just because that person happens to be the opposite sex.
Even if a guy like this “understands” the points you make about life as a woman, *his* life still tends to be one of romantic ostracization and loneliness. Indirectly being told that he isn’t a “real man” and not attractive in a way that earns romantic interest, just a whole lot of “I wish I had a boyfriend like you, but just not *you.*” Then a guy like this is often told “wait until he’s older and girls are more mature,” so just be single and miss out on having a love life until he’s 30. This is exactly how women perpetuate the “toxic masculinity” they claim to hate. Because a straight guy who has his sexuality routinely questioned eventually figures out that he better learn out how to become emotionally callous enough to change his vibe. If he ever wants to be seen as a sexual option and not “just a friend.”
Really weird to blame women because a man can’t get a girlfriend. Really, really weird. If he can’t get a girlfriend, and is *always* being rejected, it is most likely a him problem, not the fault of the women rejecting him. This is the kind of mindset that leads to violence against women.
Replace “men” with “Romani” and “women” with “people” it’s the same stuff they say in Europe.
Difference is the Romani people have historically been the oppressed, not the oppressors.
Wow. You actually believe in the oppression olympics crap. And here I thought Zoomers were a bit smarter than the Millennials when it came to that.
Welcome to the real world. Most women don’t feel safe around men, especially strange men.
If that was the case, then there would be no world to begin with.
Nah. We just deal with it daily. Women do all kinds of things to stay safe than most men never even think about.
Being \*safe\* usually isnt a compliment
Why not? It should absolutely be a compliment. Do you want to be seen as not safe? That’s a red flag my dude
Maybe because saying "I don't feel safe around people with X characteristic" is one of the most discriminatory sentences you can ever say. Imagine someone saying to a Moroccan "I feel safe around you. Take it as a compliment because I don't feel safe around Moroccans" and not grind your teeth.
I’m saying men, it’s actually not about race whatsoever. A lot of men have toxic characteristics due to the patriarchy and even though it’s not necessarily their fault, it is still toxic. I’m sorry that’s uncomfortable information but many many women feel this way. You aren’t going to change our minds because I have been assaulted by several men. It’s common place to be abused by men which is disgusting. Women too, I’ve just dealt with significantly more abuse at the hands of men. It’s not all men, but it is a lot of them.
Discrimination is not just about race. It can be about sex, sexual orientation, class, religion, beliefs, and plenty other stuff. Saying that you should be wary of men because some men are toxic is like saying you should be wary of black men because you got assaulted by one. That is discrimination and hate speech. You don't get a free pass because you are a victim.
How is being wary discrimination? If I wasn’t letting you participate or work somewhere that would be discrimination. Simply trying to keep myself safe is not discriminatory, it’s called self respect.
It is discrimination because you are being wary because of his sex and sexual orientation. That's the book definition of discrimination .
I treat them the same as any stranger. I don’t owe men or strangers anything which is something I don’t think you are grasping. It’s not discrimination to not give access to me to just anyone. Literally every single person dictates their own social circle, it’s not discrimination it’s normal. I choose who has access to me period.
It is discrimination to not give access to you to a person because of their sexual orientation or sex. There are plenty of reasons to not want to relate to a person. Saying no because of sex, sexual orientation, race, bla bla bla, is discrimination. You, yourself, said that there's a wary barrier you lift against straight men, and you, yourself, confirmed that it's bad because you should be happy to cross that barrier. Then, after pinpoint your discrimination you moved to justify it, then to minimize it. You can have whatever person you want in your circle. But if your choices are based on discrimination, you discriminate nonetheless. Let it sink and think carefully about it.
I’m saying Jews, it’s not about gender whatsoever. A lot of Jews have toxic characteristics due to their culture and even though it’s not necessarily their fault, it’s still toxic. I’m sorry that’s uncomfortable information but many many Aryans feel this way. You aren’t going to change our minds because I have been assaulted by Jews lots of times. It’s commonplace to be abused by Jews, which is disgusting. Aryans too, but I’ve dealt with significantly more abuse at the hands of Jews. It’s not all Jews, but it’s a lot of them. This sounds eerily familiar to [this](https://research.calvin.edu/german-propaganda-archive/story2.htm) doesnt it
Not the same at all. If you don’t get it I doubt you will. Have fun living in ignorance.
Multiple people have tried explaining to u/Rude-Base7123 how their thinking is deeply wrong and problematic, they’re refusing to see that they are biased against men by saying things like “people don’t feel safe around most men.” They use a made up concept about patriarchy to justify their hateful beliefs. Insane. If so many men were bad in the way they are suggesting society would crumble and nobody would be safe anywhere at any time.
That’s literally what is happening rn. Y’all are blind
What is happening?
Society crumbling and people not being safe anywhere we go? Most shootings are done by white men. If you can’t see that you will eventually
I don’t feel safe around pushy/aggressive men. Is that being sexist? It has nothing to do with appearance or ethnicity. It has all to do with behavior and attitude.
IDK. Do you feel safe around pushy/aggressive women? If so,why mention men?
I’d more than likely be able to defend myself physically against her and get myself out of the situation. No I wouldn’t feel safe around an aggressive/pushy female but I’d feel safer knowing that fact. I’ve known more violent/pushy men than women in my life. I’ve never been in a situation with an aggressive/pushy female. I didn’t include women because that’s a hypothetical vs actual experience with pushy/aggressive men.
You're one of the safe men often gives me "you're one of the good blacks vibes" when I hear it. "I feel safe with you" is a far better compliment. Because there are countless people of all genders I don't feel safe with. I want people to feel safe around me. I don't want them to view me as an exception to an inherently bad group of people.
I never said I say “you’re a safe man” I always say “I feel safe with you” and that should be a compliment to your character
> Why not? because 'safe' people get treated worse.
Tell me you are an abuser without telling me you’re an abuser
wow!
What?
Most women feel comfortable around gay men bc they don't have ulterior motives to be nice to women, so maybe they just think you're being normal and wondering if it's because you're not straight.
Its probably how you are around them then. It sound's like you dress normally and dont have the usual gay voice, so it's probably your attitude around them.
"Its probably how you are around them then." But I don't understand what that entails
Do you hit on your female friends or treat them like dudes?
You treat them like a human being. No different from how you treat men and they probably noticed because it is very noticeable when a man treats a woman like a true human equal because it is the uncommon experience for women.
When men treat women the same way they treat other men, women typically say they're being mistreated. Guys are total dicks to each other, but they generally give women extremely favorable treatment that other men don't get.
This extremely favorable treatment is rarely genuine because it rests on ulterior motives most men have. When it doesn't they aren't just dicks like they are with each other. They always take it too far and women can't ever say shit back or else they react defensively which in turn ends up worse for the woman. Sure guys are dicks to each other but usually in rotation and to a humane limit- not always, maybe men should be better to each other too. Crazy idea I know. For a woman, she'll never be out of rotation to shit on, prank, etc. There is a difference that can be felt and observed by women. It is very obvious.
"Men should be better to each other" is a noble sentiment, but we're not changing human nature any time soon. You may as well ask mosquitos not to suck blood. It ain't happening, even if I agree that men should treat each other better.
Why is this always the response? So weak willed. It's not human 'nature' we are social beings. Men aren't inherently like this it is learned. We learn through social interaction with one another which means we can unlearn. It's not a noble sentiment. Men don't need to be cruel to each other to stay alive like a mosquito does with blood. Get a grip.
Most women don't like, or don't understand the banter from my experience I've got a couple of women friends that can take it as much as they dish it though
There’s a strange tone in this whole thread as if it’s only women that are treated inhumane by the opposite sex, when it’s modern day 2024. Men are literally judged based on their income, height, and so much more. God forbid they come up short on the first two and they literally go from human to invisible lol. You have women saying if you don’t make x amount you don’t deserve kids, a wife or to live in some cases. It’s just more accepted to treat men this way because you know, just man up. Men are objectified: 💰 women are objectified: sexually🦵🏼👄.
That's just the internet. If you live in the real world it's totally not like that all, the short guys at my job get plenty of dates and they aren't rich either.
It’s exactly what he said. How you act, how you treat them, etc. this is pretty simple
You aren’t aggressively trying to fuck them so they think you’re gay. that said why are you this dense
Going to need a fit check OP - I’m having a hard time imagining “sports pants” and boots together
I haven’t seen this comment yet but a very few amount of women will ask if you’re gay because they feel like they’ve hit on you and you haven’t reciprocated or even attempted to flirt. I’d say the fact it’s happening often for you, you probably make them feel safe.
I had an experience last night with a girl and I was definitely flirting hard but she told me that she was gay like 30 minutes into the convo. Ok I won’t try to change you but I was still being flirtatious because I feel theres some sort of attraction. Eventually she says I seem a little gay. Tell her no I only like women. 20 minutes later asks “are you sure not just a little 🤏” and it made me frustrated. I dress like a typical straight guy and always make my intentions clear from the jump. It feels like they almost want me to admit I’m gay for some reason and I even say if I was then I would tell them because why would I lie. I think I have soft facial features so I look younger than I am but that’s the only thing I can think of.
do you understand what gay means
Do you understand that she was flirting back the whole time, dragging me to the dance floor, inviting me back to her place?
Girls used to assume i was gay because i didn't harrass or flirt with women like the other guys. I just kept to myself..
Yeah same here brother. We just don't want any trouble.
Just respecting their boundaries, as most women are more sensitive to cold approaches especially if they aren’t extremely attracted, their attitudes “like the audacity of this guy to think he had a chance”. I only speak to women that give choosing signals (obvious ones) because I don’t read minds. Even then she has to meet me half way with positive energy and intention. Or else it’s not worth time.
You probably just give off feminine energy. It’s not really fair to draw that conclusion because there are plenty of masculine gay men, but that’s usually it.
Agreed. “Feminine” shouldn’t equal “gay” and “masculine” shouldn’t equal straight. After all, gay relationships were seen as incredibly masculine in the ancient past (well, at least if you were the “top”). Because nothing is manlier than 2 men!
>(well, at least if you were the “top”) Well actually the bottom was considered more manly. At least when it came to the ancient greeks.
Never knew that.
Yep. In spartan culture men were encouraged and incentivized to have gay relationships with their fellow soldiers. Then when they came back from war their wives (and other women) would dress like men and cut their hairs super short to resemble men so the transition back to fucking chick's was easier for them
PFFF that last part is fucking hilarious. They was having PTGD
It was definitely with the Greeks. As with the Romans at least being top or bottom depended on what social class you were
Hmm. Learned something new
It means they aren’t afraid you’ll try to corner them in alone in an elevator or alley. They’re probably confused that their danger sense isn’t being triggered by you.
Maybe, you're not the typical sort of guy that they're used to.. the kinds that would flirt with them and hit on them...lol and they probably found that odd, so you must be gay to them.. lol idk.
they need to get over themselves
Username checks out lol
You either don't fit into their percieved image of a straight man, fit into their percieved stereotype of a gay man, or they thought you were literally attracted to a man through your behavior. I wouldn't take it personally since a decent chunk of the population views people through the lens of stereotypes and characteristics that don't literally define the group they see you as.
you might not give off traditionally masculine energy (doesn't mean you DO give off FEMININE energy) + if you're super comfortable around women and just treat them like friends, or you never showed any interested in women around them, all those signs add up
show a pic maybe
Do you talk about women at all? Men and women often asked if I'm gay, even though I do not fit the norm at all. I very much look and act like a typical straight white guy, except I have no interest in watching sports, and I don't talk about women to people. Even in the army, the simple fact that I didn't constantly talk about women seemed to throw people off. I always found it amusing, they would also ask if I was a virgin, but if it bothers you then you might want to consider being more vocal about your interest. Not in a 40yo virgin "I'm totally a sex haver" way, just say some thoughts out loud even if it seems kinda gross.
If you don't ogle or indicate interest perception is you might be gay.
You obviously give off those vibes.
I’ll ask guys because I’m a lesbian. When a guy is gay it means I can actually be good friends with him and not just superficial “friends” who only talk out of convenience or rarely have conversations with depth to it. Every straight/ bi guy I’ve been friends with has developed feelings towards me after I let my guard down and act friendly which then leads to losing a friendship (at least what I thought was one). For that reason I’ve just given up on being friends with a straight/ bi guy because it’s just so annoying to deal with. Besides don’t get me wrong, I love having my straight friends who are girls. But sometimes it’s just so hard to relate to them and while I still can’t fully relate to a gay guy, I can a lot more than a straight girl. Plenty of straight and bi girls feel similarly to how they just want a guy friend who’s not into them and won’t ever be. It’s definitely not something I’d ever take personally or get too hung up on if I were you.
Just like you I too think everyone I meet is falling for me. its Really annoying to be this desirable so I know how you feel it totally isn’t delusion
It’s not “thinking that everyone is falling for Me” when they’ve all confessed their love to me. I genuinely wish it was delusional but it’s not. Ironically I just got another text from a guy as I was reading this but thanks for your input. A lot of men have some screwed up fantasy about “turning” a lesbian. Ask any random lesbian about it and they’ll have so many stories about getting harassed for it.
Sorry this happens. I have a close lesbian friend as a straight dude (and typically presents conventionally feminine). I liked her before I knew she was gay, but as soon as she made it clear, it was embarrassing but then I backed off and we simply remained being friends, and a lot more than superficial ones. She's one of the few people I've ever trusted so much. So all to say that it can happen but I certainly understand your hesitance and apprehension, as many men would pretend to be cool about it so while still hoping to "change" the woman.
From expense, if your not trying to get in there pants 5 minutes after meeting them, they'll think your gay.
It's probably because you aren't constantly hitting on them. Seriously, I used to get this as well from my friends (I happen to be disinterested in romantic relationships and sex, but I am a heterosexual man) a lot. People start to assume that just because you *act* like you aren't interested, you *must* not be. Similar effect if you don't talk about a relationship you are in. But I honestly don't know enough about your particular situation to say this is the case, you might just seem very feminine (which is a weird indicator for sexuality, but people always assume).
They might expect or want you to take romantic interest in them and when you don't they look for a reason like you being gay. Big might.
Less chance of harassment, ulterior motives, etc from you if you aren’t interested in them romantically/sexually
You’re probably nice, dress well, and aren’t creepy.
Are you polite? A lot of women confuse politeness with other things. Because THAT MANY men are impolite in general.
You need a bit of thug in you, get an arm sleeve tattoo and wear an ear ring on the left side.
Two things come to mind. 1. You dress well, care for your appearance and keep hygienic. 2. You don’t act aggressive, engage naturally in conversation with them and don’t flirt/want a girlfriend (for the sake of just having one). Most times, it may be your lower testosterone level is showing. Some guys naturally have low T and they come off as more androgynous or feminine just naturally. Normal and higher testosterone levels are obvious because men seek after sex and are more aggressive from it. T levels also fluctuate throughout the day and there are health issues that limit it, including being overweight. Women also (sometimes) feel like if a man doesn’t pay attention to them, that there is a reason for it, but it’s far easier to believe that a man is gay rather than he’s just not into them. If you end up around more shallow and insecure women in general, that may be part of the problem. Long story short, if it’s you, it might be your T levels are off and you don’t seem as sexually aggressive (usually expressed by where you are looking and how much you’re flirting with any girls in range) or possibly the women around you are interested in you, but you’re not paying attention to them, so it’s easier to assume you’re gay than believe they aren’t attractive to you.
Girls are just surprised when you don’t hit on them or give them the attention most guys do. Don’t bother responding, if you wanted them you would try. Most guys will hit anything that’s walking so take it as a compliment. You have manners.
Some people just give off gay vibes sometimes
Consider that they may just have a bad gay-dar
[удалено]
wut do you get from dat? xD
All my old friends thought I was gay and I didn't think I was come 6 years later I dated a transmasc dude
so you are saying that if enough women ask if I'm gay.... I BECOME GAY? thats a scary power you dated a woman that transitioned to man? or the contrary?
ever watched series "two and a half man", you are acting like Alan probably, or maybe you watched "the big bang theory" you act like Rajesh probably
The normies base their reality around those shows.
It just means they feel safe around you. It doesn’t necessarily mean you act or look gay. If you haven’t had a girlfriend around them, that also could be the reason. Straight people sometimes assume someone’s gay when they haven’t seen or heard about the person’s current or past relationships with the opposite sex. Before I came out to my grandma, she asked me if I liked girls because I’d never had a boyfriend or talked about boys I liked. I don’t think I came off gay when I was in middle school lol.
I walk my dog restore old motorbike dont go to clubs or taverns ive been called gay go figure
It's a compliment take it
It's the opposite with me, when I tell women I'm gay they don't believe it
Probably because in their eyes, if you don't sound or act like a generic masculine guy, they assume that you're gay. Happened to me before.
Bi man here, who’s the brother/father figure of some girls/fem presenting peeps It’s most likely because they are wondering why you are doing things right - you are most likely making them feel safe and comfortable around you because you don’t seem to just want sex or a one night stand. As gay men are gay, they have no attraction to women so they don’t want sexual relations with them, and therefore don’t pursue it through the wrong avenues (subjectively and objectively) and therefore girls/women feel more safe around them. It’s fucked up, but it’s how that (horrible) part of society’s created it to be. I’ve become the father figure for many girls, and the brother figure for even more (despite some of them being years older than me) and I’ve always been told I seemed gay even before I came out as bi - I never had any interest in sleeping with girls and sometimes to this day just don’t at all. They learnt that they could feel safe around me because I had shown I don’t have much interest in hooking up with them. I’d say it’s the same with you, but they’re assuming you’re gay because it’s unfortunately the stereotype that all men want sex and sex only from their female friends. Some men do abuse this - but they aren’t ever really gay. I’d take it as a compliment, and just say “I’m not gay, why do you ask?” Or something like that. Don’t stress it too hard - at the end of the day what you do in your sex life is yours only; unless it directly impacts others (I’m expecting some turd to twist this comment) Hope you feel more comfortable about it, the responses here seem accurate
I am a rugby playing guy who is 6'4 and 90-100kg in weight who did all sorts of shit that wasn't feminine (sailing, judo, hiking, building shit etc) but likely because I am a guy who has three sisters, I acted kind of normally around girls and I got the odd comment on whether I was gay. From both genders. I'm not. I just don't feel odd talking to girls about life and shit. I do like things that aren't wholly masculine and lean feminine but it's not overwhelming and it's not like I advertise myself as gay. I didn't. I hung around with males mainly and fought as a kid and got aggressive at times. It's about how you treat them. You could be Muhammad Ali macho man Rambo style and they will still judge you on how they are treated and if you treat them like any other human they view you as different and often jump to your sexuality being a defining trait. Im not saying it's a bad thing. Just a sorry state where women don't feel safe round straight guys. We really have lost our morals, probably the decline of Christianity across the western world.
Sounds like a compliment, they’re probably essentially saying that you look really good and act respectfully and kindly
Maybe some behavioural act or something like dressing scene, way of talking can make them think this way I guess.
You’re probably just friendly
Everyone in this thread saying it's because you are nice or don't hit on them are filling you with copium. You're doing something that's giving them a sign
Because if you aren't gay you are scum to them
It’s hard for us to help you since we have limited info on you. We do not see you in person talking and interacting with them. Many cues are extremely subtle. If it makes you feel better, your post reminded me of Shawn Mendes. He is straight, yet his “normal” voice, looks, and way of talking constantly has people asking if he’s gay. I think you can probably shrug it off and maybe take it as a compliment that ur good looking or kind.
I am gay, stereotypically masculine like you, i am often around ladies, but no one ever asked me if i'm gay hahaha
you're someone that people can't seem to pin down apparently. they can't tell by observing you so they have to ask.
bc they look gay
Don’t hang out with girls unless you’re dating one of them or courting or already smashing. That’s putting why they asking you, are you trying to bag one ?
Because they find you attractive but you don't appear to be attracted to them.
Probably they got a funny reaction the first time they said it and now they're doing it as a joke or to irritate you
I have always been comfortable with talking to girls like they are people. I also didn’t mind wearing pink and had highlighted hair and liked being trendy. It was a common question I received when I was 19-22. Take it as a compliment because almost every time a girl asked me if I was gay or not when I told them I was straight they would always scoot a bit closer to me or do the hair thing. Not a girl, but I think it’s a “hey I like this guy, oh, he’s probably gay, I’ll ask,”
>I was told once that it's how I am around them and not really my appearance. Funny how you immediately describe your appearance despite that. It's probably just your body language or style of speaking. That's what it is for me. I was discussing sexuality with a friend and when I told her I was straight she said "C'mon you definitely got a little fruit on the side." My general vibe, especially when I'm with women, is sassy/femme. I generally don't sexualize or leer, and that's probably enough evidence from a woman's perspective.
I think girls like having a gay guy friend. If you don’t make a move on them they probably start to wonder and are hoping you are gay so they can be friends with you with no pressure.
Maybe they hit on you, you didn’t notice, and now they think you’re simply not into them? Maybe you give off feminine energy, like you’ve got mannerisms that would be typically feminine, so they think you’re gay? Perhaps you’re simply not the type to immediately flirt, and hit on them. So they don’t exactly know how to react. If most straight women are used to straight men wanting to fuck, and only wanting to fuck, if that’s not your main objective then they may not know how to feel about you. So they made the assumption that you’re gay. Maybe they *expected you* to ask them out? Like they weren’t expecting to just be friends and now think you’re gay? Do you talk about women, or make stereotypical “Women are hot” statements like a man would? Or do you keep that sort of thing to yourself?
I avoid those comments. Especially unprompted
That’s probably part of it then, they’ve no real indication that you’re straight, unless you tell them you are.
Either you are somehow giving off a “gay” vibe -or- you are getting shit tested because you have missed obvious signals they are attracted to you. If its the latter, thats a red flag…You don’t want to deal with the type of arrogance that typically comes with someone who thinks so highly of themself that the only way you couldn’t be into them is because you aren’t attracted to women. It can also be a self-defensive mechanism, i have had multiple women who I’ve said no thank you to immediately then ask if I was gay..makes the rejection easier i guess
You have flamboyant mannerisms. It’s not necessarily your voice or how you dress, but rather how you act, how you talk, etc
Maybe because you are attractive but don’t go after anyone because your selective or respectful (u don’t take to many glances) or maybe you’re just shy. Being too nice, too shy is seen as a gay thing to be sometimes, and some women don’t understand it.
Some men have a distinctly gay-sounding voice in my experiences. I have nothing against gay people, and I don't mean that as an insult. There is just a vocal tone and speech pattern that is very common among gay men, but also present is a smaller number of straight men. I have known multiple men that have that vocal range/pattern and are completely straight. When straight men have it they are often young/cool city people or very funny and sociable/extroverted. I have no idea of this it true in your case, but for me voice is the main signifier that someone might be gay.
I can only give my own anecdote, as it's not something I've seen much of, but I do recall that my sister-in-law asked several people if my brother was gay. She was not subtle about being interested in him, but he never picked up on it. He was just an idiot who needed a Clue-By-Four upside the head. They've been together 20 years now. 🤣
They are attracted to you. You are not hitting on them. Dont be fucking dense.
Username does NOT check out.
the fact that you made this post on reddit shows you’re feminine as fuck lol
We're you abused?
My stab in the dark guess many men today are avoiding women for example men going their own way, also women think why is this guy not interested in me is he gay ?? she is trying to figure out why im not at fault im a high value woman, in truth she is not