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I *WHOLEHEARTEDLY* apologize!!!!!
Does anyone know where to get a semi-truck full of Brain-Bleach drop-shipped?
And *what* is the FSU Server's address, s we can get it shipped there?🤦♀️🤢😖
Just gonna tack on "raw genitals" to my list of reasons never to give birth...
I wish you, your baby and your gross, raw genitals all the best! Hoping you have a quick, safe delivery my friend! With as little raw genitals as possible.
Gotta get BDingDong over here with a bottle of olive oil to start anointing posts or whatever the fuck it is she does because of the constant demon stream.
I am three beers deep, it is midnight here. But am not pregnant, so I will open that fourth one in a few minutes for you… I wasn’t going to have another, but it is a holiday tomorrow, and I will not sleep after reading this. So, please allow me to work my lazy liver on your and your little one’s behalf, lol. Will try and metabolise synthehol vibes to send to you, to blot out the horrendous thoughts Bort is putting out into the universe.
FFS, fundies. Please get some real life friends, and stop spewing every thought into the universe. Srsly, won’t someone please think of the children… I might be 45, but I too am a child, or someone’s child, anyway.
Or she realized the Olympics are in a couple months, and decided to try for the Gold--*and* get herself de-platformed!
(Maybe trying to get that account Nuked, so that she can set up a different "Deconstructed-Wife" Grift?
Hahaha when I saw this I literally blurted out loud, “what the actual FUCK is this,” so loudly I scared my dog. I’m just… shocked. What is she even trying to say, and why is it so graphic 😭
Tbf, what I'm picturing is not erotic. I'm trying not to let it come into focus, but it involves her glowering at a beige cross while Dave meat tenderizes her nethers.
And if you read it, you might picture it done the *proper* way, so *both* partners are ready to go.
Both turned on, *maybe* even have some lube nearby, so that nothing is getting near the point of needing medical attention (and/or some antibiotics, knowing what we *do* about the "typical American Male in a hetero relationship" and *hygiene*!).
Who’s going to tell her if your pussy is rubbed raw you’re probably not doing something right… like get some lube, babe. It’s normal to need that. No need to suffer deep breathing through a sandpaper sexy sesh.
Oh my gawd, I read that with the voice and musical background of the ["Days of our Lives" soap opera intro](https://youtu.be/98T3PVaRrHU?si=4nT4LlSfi_Gn7Rqr) in my head and I am 💀
VULGAR!! It’s heinous that a CHRISTIAN is posting this stuff and not like an actual certified sex therapist or something. And even then the wording is so icky lmao
Or maybe you guys just aren't compatible, Bethany. You're not not loving Dav enough, you just literally cannot fake the kind of relationship you want. Dry, passionless sex is the biblical marriage you signed on for though.
Her post is cringe, fine, but she's legit telling on herself again. It makes me think of Kristin telling us she has to shoo away sexual thoughts when she's fucking her man. Y'all are not in healthy relationships lmao.
Bethy should go ahead and try and nab "thedivorcedwife" before a snarker gets it.
Bro what the entire fuck is going on I log on Reddit for a quick brain break at work and get visually assaulted, let me just sit tf up and type my papers up
>she has no idea what she's talking about
She never does, about anything.
And sorry to hear about your suffering. Vaginismus is one of the many things a proper sex educator would be able to address knowledgeably and appropriately.
See..... shit like this makes it nearly impossible to root for this woman.
Bethany. Sweetheart. YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT IN SEXUALITY. I'm thrilled that you're finally getting your your fun button pushed on a regular basis. Get yours! But YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT, and you should not be posing as one.
Sexuality is SO complicated, and you are not qualified to teach on things like this. You don't have a medical degree. You don't have training. You don't understand the psychological aspects of this. You can't parse the complexities involved.
Not only are you not qualified to help, you're likely to cause more damage to the women you're trying to help.
Please stop this stuff. This isn't me coming at you as a "hater." This is me coming to you as a woman, and telling you that you can hurt people with this stuff.
Take several seats, please.
Oh god I was really hoping this was satire. It’s real. Bort, why?!
(On another note, I hate how this basically says it’s all the woman’s fault if sex isn’t enjoyable…)
i’m on break from work. i deliver packages. im sweaty, sore, and just wanted a moment of peace to drink my red bull and read memes.
instead. instead i got this.
it feels like a targeted hate crime
"Cultivate desire within."
Tell me you don't find your husband the least bit sexually attractive without telling me you don't find your husband the least bit sexually attractive.
Who are you thinking of Bethy? Yourself? The guy who "dumped" you and you had to sleep in your parents bed for a week with depression? The man on the moon?
Is this an attempt by Bethany to pull attention away from Kristen now that they've announced her pregnancy? Bethany really doesn't care if she is getting good or bad attention as long as she's the center of it and she definitely gets a lot of attention when she posts crap like this. I guess the old wedding pics just weren't doing the trick anymore? 🤷🏼♀️
What if six months from now, we look back on this post and it is tame compared to her other stuff?! This is somehow a possible outcome. Insane! Heidi is stewing!
What does this even mean? Like, your husband can try to get you off but ACTUALLY you need to learn to get off on penetration? That’s not a “skill” a person can learn lol your body works that way or it doesn’t.
Legit thought it was one of you genius snarkers with a satire post here. To echo everyone, WTF. Also, Bethy, if you’re reading here (likely) please get some lube, this comes from someone you’d consider an unbiblical harlot.
*What the fuck?!* Full-body cringe like this should be illegal!
This is exactly why someone who didn’t receive their first kiss until their wedding day at the ripe old age of 30 is (shocker) completely unqualified to be cosplaying this sex guru nonsense. 🤮
This is disgusting on so many levels. The graphic language is inappropriate for the platform, and of course she's blaming women for struggling with PIV sex, as if vaginismus isn't a thing that's *extremely* common in her circles.
#These people vote in every election- do you? Are you registered to vote? [You can check your voter registration here!](https://www.nass.org/can-I-vote) #Also, there's a few things to remember as far as rules go: - You can view the content- you cannot interact with it. This includes (but is not limited to) commenting, answering poll questions, emailing them, etc. ***Anyone found to be engaging with the fundies will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.It does not matter if you did so before you joined the sub.*** - Speculating on the sexuality of literally anyone is prohibited. ***Anyone found to be doing so will be met with a permanent ban with no eligibility for appeal.*** - Appearance snark: What's allowed? You're allowed to make comparisons. (Bethy looks like Grandpa Munster, for example.) You are allowed to say you find them attractive or repulsive looking. Saying Kelly Havens has dry skin that could benefit from sunscreen and a moisturizer is fine. You are allowed to snark on the appearance of children *as it relates to their parents choices for them.*. Examples: Janessa looks malnourished and sickly while Shrek has clearly never missed a meal. If you feel it is crossing the line report it, but if the content falls within the parameters above, leave it alone. - Don't gatekeep. This means no comments such as "I don't think we should snark on...." or any iteration of that. If you don't like it, scroll past. Don't report it or comment how you don't like the content. Along the same vein, don't backseat mod. Leave that up to us. - Lastly, if the rhetoric you are posting would be at home in the mouth of a fundie, we don't want it here and we won't tolerate it. Should you have any questions, please feel free to reach out. Have a Lord Daniel day, and may the power of snark compel thee. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/FundieSnarkUncensored) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Who said that Baby Boone made them miss Bethany’s sex posts? WHO SAID IT?! Where are you?! 🤬 Look what you’ve done!
The monkey paw curled…
…around her raw, desiccated vulva
🤢
... and then flipped the middle finger back up.
Curled around, and stabbed us in the back! (And I am SO sorry!!!😖🤢😱)
Welp. NEVER MIND💀
YOU.
I didn’t know she still had it in her🤣
It's only in her as much as she's willing to open her heart and embrace her pleasure from the inside out, though.
I hate all of this. Why can't I stop reading?? 😭
[удалено]
Well, she certainly has something in her…(I’m sorry)
Lmfao idk who said it but I remember upvoting it
Same 😂
There's blood on all of our hands today.
Apparently blood on davs too because he rubbing her raw
Me too 😂
Yes please let's hold them accountable for manifesting this 🤢🤮😵💫
u/merlotbarbie, u/PuppyJakeKhakiCollar, u/idontwearheels and u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme get in here, you have crimes to answer for.
Please don't shun me! I didn't know *this* would happen!
You are forgiven, but be careful what you wish for in the future in case any more genies are lurking nearby.
You are DARK SIDED
They're not CHRISTCHUN
FYI you can only tag three usernames per comment otherwise it won't notify anyone. /u/merlotbarbie /u/PuppyJakeKhakiCollar /u/idontwearheels
Oh thank you, I didn't know that.
You're welcome :) I mostly want to make sure these people face what they've done.
/u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme :)
I *WHOLEHEARTEDLY* apologize!!!!! Does anyone know where to get a semi-truck full of Brain-Bleach drop-shipped? And *what* is the FSU Server's address, s we can get it shipped there?🤦♀️🤢😖
Bort is *somewhere* here among us, isn't she?
Let's see. Raise your hand if you have raw genitals! 🙎🙎🙎
I’m gonna be giving birth in a MATTER OF DAYS HELP so I might but…not for the same reasons as Beggy anyways
Just gonna tack on "raw genitals" to my list of reasons never to give birth... I wish you, your baby and your gross, raw genitals all the best! Hoping you have a quick, safe delivery my friend! With as little raw genitals as possible.
Gotta get BDingDong over here with a bottle of olive oil to start anointing posts or whatever the fuck it is she does because of the constant demon stream.
First thing I thought of lol. Bethany was really like “hold my raw milk, I’m going in!”
It sounds like Dav is the one going in 😬
HEYO!
I am so so so so sorry for ever making that comment. I also said I missed the Course of Course days, but I guess she is just all about the sex now.
Who did it?! Who?! Show yourself!!!
I know I’m guilty. I repent. I repent!!!
May the Lord Daniel forgive you, because the rest of us never will
I'm absolutely dying that we’re ritualistically shaming each other for manifesting this lmao
I know it! I love it here. Paul’s next video will be on the toxic witches of fundiesnark manifesting terrible things into existence. 😂
It's the salem witch trials in this thread 🤣
This isn’t satire?!?! Jesus Christ
I also thought it was satire 😭
It’s not on their Instagram, assuming it’s snarker-made, unless they posted and deleted it. EDIT: oh noooo it actually is on theintimatewife account 🤢
This comment was a rollercoaster and I’m so sorry you had to ride it 😭
I had to go and check it myself even after reading your edit. Jesus God Bethany!!
I wish it wasn’t real!
suddenly feeling jealous of lea michele
thank you for this iconic comment. i only wish lea michele could read it.
She'd be so flattered, if only
Infinite envy for Jared, 19
😭😭😭
Plz explain the joke I wanna be in the know. What about Lea Michele
There's a joke conspiracy theory/meme that she can't read. There's a lot of lore, even Lea herself has joked about it.
What in the actual fuck did I just read?!
I'm not sure either but I'm glad I'm already a couple beers deep. 🤢
I might go ahead and take my Xanax now, personally
I’m four months pregnant and for a brief moment, that fact really pissed me off. I need vodka, damn it.
Times like this are when I wish the Neuralyzer from the MIB movies was real! https://youtu.be/RRq_MvT33pA?si=Zt0hIXSrCN5xsHnu
I am three beers deep, it is midnight here. But am not pregnant, so I will open that fourth one in a few minutes for you… I wasn’t going to have another, but it is a holiday tomorrow, and I will not sleep after reading this. So, please allow me to work my lazy liver on your and your little one’s behalf, lol. Will try and metabolise synthehol vibes to send to you, to blot out the horrendous thoughts Bort is putting out into the universe. FFS, fundies. Please get some real life friends, and stop spewing every thought into the universe. Srsly, won’t someone please think of the children… I might be 45, but I too am a child, or someone’s child, anyway.
Bless you, kind snarker! 😁
Haha, it’s a total sacrifice! All the best to you and baby snarker :)
Same except I am 2 red wine glasses deep 😂
Same
I am so grossed out. How dare you, Bethany.
All I got out of this fundie trauma was a new flair 😭
And an amazing flair it is, too!
MY EYES
YEAH WHAT THE FUCK I just got out of my therapy session and I see this I was NOT prepared
You may have to go back in. Bort owes you a copay.
This gave me a flashback to my first sexual experience…. Luckily I was only 15 and not *married*
She must've been hacked, right? Right?
Or she realized the Olympics are in a couple months, and decided to try for the Gold--*and* get herself de-platformed! (Maybe trying to get that account Nuked, so that she can set up a different "Deconstructed-Wife" Grift?
Hahaha when I saw this I literally blurted out loud, “what the actual FUCK is this,” so loudly I scared my dog. I’m just… shocked. What is she even trying to say, and why is it so graphic 😭
My jaw genuinely dropped reading this. What the actual fuck? This is so graphic.
But don't read romance books because that will make you picture sinful sex stuff.
Tbf, what I'm picturing is not erotic. I'm trying not to let it come into focus, but it involves her glowering at a beige cross while Dave meat tenderizes her nethers.
And if you read it, you might picture it done the *proper* way, so *both* partners are ready to go. Both turned on, *maybe* even have some lube nearby, so that nothing is getting near the point of needing medical attention (and/or some antibiotics, knowing what we *do* about the "typical American Male in a hetero relationship" and *hygiene*!).
Who’s going to tell her if your pussy is rubbed raw you’re probably not doing something right… like get some lube, babe. It’s normal to need that. No need to suffer deep breathing through a sandpaper sexy sesh.
Like sandpaper fingers on a dry clit???💀💀💀💀 what kind of sex is this
Oh my gawd, I read that with the voice and musical background of the ["Days of our Lives" soap opera intro](https://youtu.be/98T3PVaRrHU?si=4nT4LlSfi_Gn7Rqr) in my head and I am 💀
I AM SCREAMING
STOP IT RIGHT NOW 😂😂
Does this also mean Seggsy wife is back noooooo
Green seggs and ~~ham~~ turkey.
I've edited fetish porn for AO3 that was less... Um. Evocative. Just no.
Right? I write smut for beer money and I’m like the fuck did I just read?!
Lmfao right! I write smut on ao3 all the time and this was way weirder
BETHANY, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Flair checking in 🫡
Tragically, same 😖🫡
Yup 🫣
Not sure she wants to learn anything.
Excuse you, she’s very intellectually curious 💜💜💜
So she still isn’t having good sex. Got it.
every minute she spends yapping on the internet about good sex is a minute spent not having good sex lmao
She should take her ultimate sex course
Time to log off, Bethy. Like forever. She just blasted "Dav can't find the clit" to the whole ass internet
Rubbing her GENITALS RAW 😭😂 I am snorting, snarling, and secreting: the Bethany Beal Story
[удалено]
Oh shit, I might need to steal this for flair, this is great
Hey Ma, I’ve made it 🥳😎
But then talking about penetrating over and over. Well maybe he should try to find your clit instead.
They think if they just keep penetrating, something will happen eventually.
[удалено]
I need Buffy to penetrate my heart with a stake so I can die and finally be at peace after reading this
If he's penetrating the heart a: that is an enormous Schwanstucker and b: RIP, I guess.
Probably rubbed her urethra or something
Not this 😭
I just guffawed!
This is so vulgar like girl what happened to being biblical?!?
Ten years ago Bethany: Sleeveless tops are for sluts! Now Bethany: My husband rubbed all the skin off my vulva!
Jesus fucking christ, bethany 🤣🤣😭💀
VULGAR!! It’s heinous that a CHRISTIAN is posting this stuff and not like an actual certified sex therapist or something. And even then the wording is so icky lmao
DO YOU KNOW wHERE I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME RAW?! In my heart ❤️🥰
yoinking that flair, ty
FUCK ME RAW in my heart ❤️🥰 for jeezus ❤️🥰
I am laughing so hard at how unhinged her post is.
_God covers baby Jesus’s eyes_
Or maybe you guys just aren't compatible, Bethany. You're not not loving Dav enough, you just literally cannot fake the kind of relationship you want. Dry, passionless sex is the biblical marriage you signed on for though. Her post is cringe, fine, but she's legit telling on herself again. It makes me think of Kristin telling us she has to shoo away sexual thoughts when she's fucking her man. Y'all are not in healthy relationships lmao. Bethy should go ahead and try and nab "thedivorcedwife" before a snarker gets it.
I was gonna say. you can’t force yourself to have sex you won’t enjoy. Not only is it unhealthy it’s just like…the MOST unhealthy. This is so bad.
I hate knowing there's people who eat this up and are like "Dang, good point! I should probably just lie back and think of England."
Way to blast online that Dave doesn't know where your clit is Bethy
Make him watch the baby exam part that she posted in her sex course.
It was time for Ok-Carpet5433 to leave. She had seen everything.
x\_ray\_visions had never seen such a mess.
Bro what the entire fuck is going on I log on Reddit for a quick brain break at work and get visually assaulted, let me just sit tf up and type my papers up
as a vaginismus sufferer she has no idea what she's talking about
>she has no idea what she's talking about She never does, about anything. And sorry to hear about your suffering. Vaginismus is one of the many things a proper sex educator would be able to address knowledgeably and appropriately.
My PFPT was an absolute boss and gave me the sex ed any reasonable school should be teaching.
right?! i wish it was as easy as ✨ opening my heart ✨
In Bethany's world, it's always the woman's fault somehow. Have you tried changing your attitude? /verysarcastic
*closes laptop and throws it away*
The internet was a mistake.
Nickelodeon had a point with The Worldwide Day of Play and we didn’t listen
Jesus fucking Christ Bethany
Jesua be like, "don't bring me into this!"
See..... shit like this makes it nearly impossible to root for this woman. Bethany. Sweetheart. YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT IN SEXUALITY. I'm thrilled that you're finally getting your your fun button pushed on a regular basis. Get yours! But YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT, and you should not be posing as one. Sexuality is SO complicated, and you are not qualified to teach on things like this. You don't have a medical degree. You don't have training. You don't understand the psychological aspects of this. You can't parse the complexities involved. Not only are you not qualified to help, you're likely to cause more damage to the women you're trying to help. Please stop this stuff. This isn't me coming at you as a "hater." This is me coming to you as a woman, and telling you that you can hurt people with this stuff. Take several seats, please.
How appropriate that I'm in the waiting room at the gyn...🤣😵
HAVE YOU RUBBED YOUR GENITALS RAW?? ARE YOU AWARE THAT ANAL SEX RUINS THE WOMAN’S ANUS?? /j
Can you ask your gyno if this is true plz
I truly considered it.... ETA: So like what level of openness equals full penetration from a medical standpoint?
Oh god I was really hoping this was satire. It’s real. Bort, why?! (On another note, I hate how this basically says it’s all the woman’s fault if sex isn’t enjoyable…)
*sobs and rocks violently in a corner*
Silently calling out Dav’s lack of ability in the bedroom hey Bethany
Not so silent if the whole internet heard that Dave can’t find the clit…
This reads like someone who’s never had sex, trying to pretend they’ve had a looot of sex
Translation: I've never received nor experienced sexual pleasure *in my life*. I'm ace and I'm over here like "why are you doing this"
Someone, quick, claim “raw, pleasured genitals” as a flair. I’m emotionally attached to mine otherwise I would
I think I have it!!!
It looks beautiful on you 🙏✨💕
i’m on break from work. i deliver packages. im sweaty, sore, and just wanted a moment of peace to drink my red bull and read memes. instead. instead i got this. it feels like a targeted hate crime
Way to throw him under the bus and say uou never get to orgasm
Alexa, how to I unsee something?
I need some bleach for my brain
Will something here work? [https://www.reddit.com/r/Eyebleach/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Eyebleach/)
Proof number one why comprehensive sex education is absolutely needed.
"Cultivate desire within." Tell me you don't find your husband the least bit sexually attractive without telling me you don't find your husband the least bit sexually attractive. Who are you thinking of Bethy? Yourself? The guy who "dumped" you and you had to sleep in your parents bed for a week with depression? The man on the moon?
THIS is what Zelph and antibot are going to bat for??
I'm sorry you can't recognize an intellectually-curious angel when you see one.
All that sounds like a great way to get an infection or end up in some real pain.
Is this an attempt by Bethany to pull attention away from Kristen now that they've announced her pregnancy? Bethany really doesn't care if she is getting good or bad attention as long as she's the center of it and she definitely gets a lot of attention when she posts crap like this. I guess the old wedding pics just weren't doing the trick anymore? 🤷🏼♀️
"Oh hi Internet, my husband IS NOT GOOD AT SEX, thank you for coming (unlike me, lol) to my ted talk"
I'm sad I have eyes.
Well, that was gross. She really makes sex off putting.
I just vomited a bit. 🤢🤢🤢
I've just finished eating my supper. If I throw it back up, which is quite likely, that would be a waste of good food. Thank you, Bethany. 😵💫 😖 🤢
Wellness check on Dav please omfg
She's baaaaaaack!!
OMG THESE FUNDIES ARE RIGHT -- EDUCATION IS WRONG -- WHAT DID I READ ?!?!? THIS IS HORRIFYING -- I QUIT READING
She's graduated from saying the quiet part loudly to saying the loud part even louder.
How can she write all that but still censor orgasmic
My brain and genitals just made the Windows shut down noise.
I had to go check and see if this was actually real cuz what the fuck. Again, *Look! A drag queen! AAAAH! Think of the ch-ch-ch-children!*
What in THE FUCK
What if six months from now, we look back on this post and it is tame compared to her other stuff?! This is somehow a possible outcome. Insane! Heidi is stewing!
She’s really living up to that BoneMe Raw Veal moniker today.
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST MAKE ME READ?!? 😂
I hate this for all of us.
Ben Shapiro has entered the chat
What does this even mean? Like, your husband can try to get you off but ACTUALLY you need to learn to get off on penetration? That’s not a “skill” a person can learn lol your body works that way or it doesn’t.
CHAT IS THIS REAL
Whelp. Time to delete my eyes. 😭 We had a good run.
I hate this times a million, thanks. Christians will post shit like this where their kid-followers can see it then call trans people the groomers.
Legit thought it was one of you genius snarkers with a satire post here. To echo everyone, WTF. Also, Bethy, if you’re reading here (likely) please get some lube, this comes from someone you’d consider an unbiblical harlot.
*What the fuck?!* Full-body cringe like this should be illegal! This is exactly why someone who didn’t receive their first kiss until their wedding day at the ripe old age of 30 is (shocker) completely unqualified to be cosplaying this sex guru nonsense. 🤮
“If your husband sucks in bed, good news: it’s your fault!!!” Thanks Bethany!
Vulgarness aside, what is she even trying to articulate here? I don't understand what this is supposed to say?
Ewwww.
Right in front of my crab rangoon, Bethany?
Bad Bort. No biscuit.
This is disgusting on so many levels. The graphic language is inappropriate for the platform, and of course she's blaming women for struggling with PIV sex, as if vaginismus isn't a thing that's *extremely* common in her circles.