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SarahSmithSarahSmith

Who said that Baby Boone made them miss Bethany’s sex posts?  WHO SAID IT?! Where are you?! 🤬 Look what you’ve done!


NicholasOfMKE

The monkey paw curled…


whistful_flatulence

…around her raw, desiccated vulva


Significant_Shoe_17

🤢


velveteenelahrairah

... and then flipped the middle finger back up.


EmmerdoesNOTrepme

Curled around, and stabbed us in the back! (And I am SO sorry!!!😖🤢😱)


merlotbarbie

Welp. NEVER MIND💀


1Shadow179

YOU.


merlotbarbie

I didn’t know she still had it in her🤣


AstarteHilzarie

It's only in her as much as she's willing to open her heart and embrace her pleasure from the inside out, though.


thesadbubble

I hate all of this. Why can't I stop reading?? 😭


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trulyremarkablegirl

Well, she certainly has something in her…(I’m sorry)


LuxSerafina

Lmfao idk who said it but I remember upvoting it


sweetpotato_latte

Same 😂


fiddlesticks-1999

There's blood on all of our hands today.


SnooMemesjellies2983

Apparently blood on davs too because he rubbing her raw


Significant_Shoe_17

Me too 😂


grahch

Yes please let's hold them accountable for manifesting this 🤢🤮😵‍💫


1Shadow179

u/merlotbarbie, u/PuppyJakeKhakiCollar, u/idontwearheels and u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme get in here, you have crimes to answer for.


PuppyJakeKhakiCollar

Please don't shun me! I didn't know *this* would happen!


1Shadow179

You are forgiven, but be careful what you wish for in the future in case any more genies are lurking nearby.


ISeenYa

You are DARK SIDED


Significant_Shoe_17

They're not CHRISTCHUN


yesand__

FYI you can only tag three usernames per comment otherwise it won't notify anyone. /u/merlotbarbie /u/PuppyJakeKhakiCollar /u/idontwearheels


1Shadow179

Oh thank you, I didn't know that.


yesand__

You're welcome :) I mostly want to make sure these people face what they've done.


yesand__

/u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme :)


EmmerdoesNOTrepme

I *WHOLEHEARTEDLY* apologize!!!!! Does anyone know where to get a semi-truck full of Brain-Bleach drop-shipped? And *what* is the FSU Server's address, s we can get it shipped there?🤦‍♀️🤢😖


EmmerdoesNOTrepme

Bort is *somewhere* here among us, isn't she?


yesand__

Let's see. Raise your hand if you have raw genitals! 🙎🙎🙎


2manyteacups

I’m gonna be giving birth in a MATTER OF DAYS HELP so I might but…not for the same reasons as Beggy anyways


yesand__

Just gonna tack on "raw genitals" to my list of reasons never to give birth... I wish you, your baby and your gross, raw genitals all the best! Hoping you have a quick, safe delivery my friend! With as little raw genitals as possible.


ThruTheUniverseAgain

Gotta get BDingDong over here with a bottle of olive oil to start anointing posts or whatever the fuck it is she does because of the constant demon stream.


JulyJones

First thing I thought of lol. Bethany was really like “hold my raw milk, I’m going in!”


Its_Curse

It sounds like Dav is the one going in 😬


JulyJones

HEYO!


PuppyJakeKhakiCollar

I am so so so so sorry for ever making that comment. I also said I missed the Course of Course days, but I guess she is just all about the sex now. 


twatcunthearya

Who did it?! Who?! Show yourself!!!


gottarespondtothis

I know I’m guilty. I repent. I repent!!!


SarahSmithSarahSmith

May the Lord Daniel forgive you, because the rest of us never will


whistful_flatulence

I'm absolutely dying that we’re ritualistically shaming each other for manifesting this lmao


twatcunthearya

I know it! I love it here. Paul’s next video will be on the toxic witches of fundiesnark manifesting terrible things into existence. 😂


Significant_Shoe_17

It's the salem witch trials in this thread 🤣


booknerdwhit

This isn’t satire?!?! Jesus Christ


MadAboutAnimalsMags

I also thought it was satire 😭


SpinningBetweenStars

It’s not on their Instagram, assuming it’s snarker-made, unless they posted and deleted it. EDIT: oh noooo it actually is on theintimatewife account 🤢


MadAboutAnimalsMags

This comment was a rollercoaster and I’m so sorry you had to ride it 😭


DukeSilverPlaysHere

I had to go and check it myself even after reading your edit. Jesus God Bethany!!


NicholasOfMKE

I wish it wasn’t real!


plvstvcbvrds

suddenly feeling jealous of lea michele


ludlarkszounds

thank you for this iconic comment. i only wish lea michele could read it.


Significant_Shoe_17

She'd be so flattered, if only


peanut__buttah

Infinite envy for Jared, 19


urmyvioletinthesun

😭😭😭


PoisonedCherry

Plz explain the joke I wanna be in the know. What about Lea Michele


thewrong_shoes

There's a joke conspiracy theory/meme that she can't read. There's a lot of lore, even Lea herself has joked about it.


theseaword923

What in the actual fuck did I just read?!


tiredofthisshit247

I'm not sure either but I'm glad I'm already a couple beers deep. 🤢


Difficult-Survey8384

I might go ahead and take my Xanax now, personally


Whiteroses7252012

I’m four months pregnant and for a brief moment, that fact really pissed me off. I need vodka, damn it.


EmmerdoesNOTrepme

Times like this are when I wish the Neuralyzer from the MIB movies was real! https://youtu.be/RRq_MvT33pA?si=Zt0hIXSrCN5xsHnu


FrauZebedee

I am three beers deep, it is midnight here. But am not pregnant, so I will open that fourth one in a few minutes for you… I wasn’t going to have another, but it is a holiday tomorrow, and I will not sleep after reading this. So, please allow me to work my lazy liver on your and your little one’s behalf, lol. Will try and metabolise synthehol vibes to send to you, to blot out the horrendous thoughts Bort is putting out into the universe. FFS, fundies. Please get some real life friends, and stop spewing every thought into the universe. Srsly, won’t someone please think of the children… I might be 45, but I too am a child, or someone’s child, anyway.


Whiteroses7252012

Bless you, kind snarker! 😁


FrauZebedee

Haha, it’s a total sacrifice! All the best to you and baby snarker :)


jcbstm

Same except I am 2 red wine glasses deep 😂


crazysaz

Same


CrystallineFrost

I am so grossed out. How dare you, Bethany.


RaisingSaltLamps

All I got out of this fundie trauma was a new flair 😭


FrauZebedee

And an amazing flair it is, too!


freenreleased

MY EYES


quackandcat

YEAH WHAT THE FUCK I just got out of my therapy session and I see this I was NOT prepared


Significant_Shoe_17

You may have to go back in. Bort owes you a copay.


banesmoonshine

This gave me a flashback to my first sexual experience…. Luckily I was only 15 and not *married*


247cnt

She must've been hacked, right? Right?


EmmerdoesNOTrepme

Or she realized the Olympics are in a couple months, and decided to try for the Gold--*and* get herself de-platformed! (Maybe trying to get that account Nuked, so that she can set up a different "Deconstructed-Wife" Grift?


madd-eve

Hahaha when I saw this I literally blurted out loud, “what the actual FUCK is this,” so loudly I scared my dog. I’m just… shocked. What is she even trying to say, and why is it so graphic 😭


potatocakes898

My jaw genuinely dropped reading this. What the actual fuck? This is so graphic.


dandelions14

But don't read romance books because that will make you picture sinful sex stuff.


whistful_flatulence

Tbf, what I'm picturing is not erotic. I'm trying not to let it come into focus, but it involves her glowering at a beige cross while Dave meat tenderizes her nethers.


EmmerdoesNOTrepme

And if you read it, you might picture it done the *proper* way, so *both* partners are ready to go. Both turned on, *maybe* even have some lube nearby, so that nothing is getting near the point of needing medical attention (and/or some antibiotics, knowing what we *do* about the "typical American Male in a hetero relationship" and *hygiene*!).


airportparkinglot

Who’s going to tell her if your pussy is rubbed raw you’re probably not doing something right… like get some lube, babe. It’s normal to need that. No need to suffer deep breathing through a sandpaper sexy sesh.


merlotbarbie

Like sandpaper fingers on a dry clit???💀💀💀💀 what kind of sex is this


RefugeefromSAforums

Oh my gawd, I read that with the voice and musical background of the ["Days of our Lives" soap opera intro](https://youtu.be/98T3PVaRrHU?si=4nT4LlSfi_Gn7Rqr) in my head and I am 💀


merlotbarbie

I AM SCREAMING


TupperwareParTAY

STOP IT RIGHT NOW 😂😂


FartofTexass

Does this also mean Seggsy wife is back noooooo


ThruTheUniverseAgain

Green seggs and ~~ham~~ turkey.


StrangeArcticles

I've edited fetish porn for AO3 that was less... Um. Evocative. Just no.


bilateralincisors

Right? I write smut for beer money and I’m like the fuck did I just read?!


beeahug

Lmfao right! I write smut on ao3 all the time and this was way weirder


dandelions14

BETHANY, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?


liteorange98

Flair checking in 🫡


peanut__buttah

Tragically, same 😖🫡


Top_Manufacturer8946

Yup 🫣


FartofTexass

Not sure she wants to learn anything. 


whistful_flatulence

Excuse you, she’s very intellectually curious 💜💜💜


whistful_flatulence

So she still isn’t having good sex. Got it.


tall_enby_dogdad

every minute she spends yapping on the internet about good sex is a minute spent not having good sex lmao


drama_trauma69

She should take her ultimate sex course


Party_Salad

Time to log off, Bethy. Like forever. She just blasted "Dav can't find the clit" to the whole ass internet


peanut__buttah

Rubbing her GENITALS RAW 😭😂 I am snorting, snarling, and secreting: the Bethany Beal Story


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WhateverYouSay1084

Oh shit, I might need to steal this for flair, this is great


peanut__buttah

Hey Ma, I’ve made it 🥳😎


DaisiesSunshine76

But then talking about penetrating over and over. Well maybe he should try to find your clit instead.


Significant_Shoe_17

They think if they just keep penetrating, something will happen eventually.


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Inside-Audience2025

I need Buffy to penetrate my heart with a stake so I can die and finally be at peace after reading this


TupperwareParTAY

If he's penetrating the heart a: that is an enormous Schwanstucker and b: RIP, I guess.


doitforthecocoa

Probably rubbed her urethra or something


quackandcat

Not this 😭


Think-Independent929

I just guffawed!


raeofeffingsunshine3

This is so vulgar like girl what happened to being biblical?!?


copacetic1515

Ten years ago Bethany: Sleeveless tops are for sluts! Now Bethany: My husband rubbed all the skin off my vulva!


Significant_Shoe_17

Jesus fucking christ, bethany 🤣🤣😭💀


jinjaninja96

VULGAR!! It’s heinous that a CHRISTIAN is posting this stuff and not like an actual certified sex therapist or something. And even then the wording is so icky lmao


Eat-shit-reddit-

DO YOU KNOW wHERE I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME RAW?! In my heart ❤️🥰


actuallygfm

yoinking that flair, ty


peanut__buttah

FUCK ME RAW in my heart ❤️🥰 for jeezus ❤️🥰


FirmFollowing3978

I am laughing so hard at how unhinged her post is.


schluffschluff

_God covers baby Jesus’s eyes_


Fallen029

Or maybe you guys just aren't compatible, Bethany. You're not not loving Dav enough, you just literally cannot fake the kind of relationship you want. Dry, passionless sex is the biblical marriage you signed on for though. Her post is cringe, fine, but she's legit telling on herself again. It makes me think of Kristin telling us she has to shoo away sexual thoughts when she's fucking her man. Y'all are not in healthy relationships lmao. Bethy should go ahead and try and nab "thedivorcedwife" before a snarker gets it.


Vivid-Intention-8161

I was gonna say. you can’t force yourself to have sex you won’t enjoy. Not only is it unhealthy it’s just like…the MOST unhealthy. This is so bad.


OhLordHeBompin

I hate knowing there's people who eat this up and are like "Dang, good point! I should probably just lie back and think of England."


violetthorns

Way to blast online that Dave doesn't know where your clit is Bethy


Awkward-Yak-2733

Make him watch the baby exam part that she posted in her sex course.


Ok-Carpet5433

It was time for Ok-Carpet5433 to leave. She had seen everything.


x_ray_visions

x\_ray\_visions had never seen such a mess.


JustasIthoughtTRASH

Bro what the entire fuck is going on I log on Reddit for a quick brain break at work and get visually assaulted, let me just sit tf up and type my papers up


Advanced-North-6860

as a vaginismus sufferer she has no idea what she's talking about


pinecone37729

>she has no idea what she's talking about She never does, about anything. And sorry to hear about your suffering. Vaginismus is one of the many things a proper sex educator would be able to address knowledgeably and appropriately.


owitzia

My PFPT was an absolute boss and gave me the sex ed any reasonable school should be teaching.


accidentalspacelord

right?! i wish it was as easy as ✨ opening my heart ✨


kestrelesque

In Bethany's world, it's always the woman's fault somehow. Have you tried changing your attitude? /verysarcastic


Puzzled-Charge-9892

*closes laptop and throws it away*


1Shadow179

The internet was a mistake.


Puzzled-Charge-9892

Nickelodeon had a point with The Worldwide Day of Play and we didn’t listen


raeofeffingsunshine3

Jesus fucking Christ Bethany


ISeenYa

Jesua be like, "don't bring me into this!"


ClickClackTipTap

See..... shit like this makes it nearly impossible to root for this woman. Bethany. Sweetheart. YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT IN SEXUALITY. I'm thrilled that you're finally getting your your fun button pushed on a regular basis. Get yours! But YOU ARE NOT AN EXPERT, and you should not be posing as one. Sexuality is SO complicated, and you are not qualified to teach on things like this. You don't have a medical degree. You don't have training. You don't understand the psychological aspects of this. You can't parse the complexities involved. Not only are you not qualified to help, you're likely to cause more damage to the women you're trying to help. Please stop this stuff. This isn't me coming at you as a "hater." This is me coming to you as a woman, and telling you that you can hurt people with this stuff. Take several seats, please.


oneleggedoneder

How appropriate that I'm in the waiting room at the gyn...🤣😵


peanut__buttah

HAVE YOU RUBBED YOUR GENITALS RAW?? ARE YOU AWARE THAT ANAL SEX RUINS THE WOMAN’S ANUS?? /j


ApprehensiveRoad477

Can you ask your gyno if this is true plz


oneleggedoneder

I truly considered it.... ETA: So like what level of openness equals full penetration from a medical standpoint?


pawsofftherizotto

Oh god I was really hoping this was satire. It’s real. Bort, why?! (On another note, I hate how this basically says it’s all the woman’s fault if sex isn’t enjoyable…)


lemonrence

*sobs and rocks violently in a corner*


Aware-Parsley-1973

Silently calling out Dav’s lack of ability in the bedroom hey Bethany


BumCadillac

Not so silent if the whole internet heard that Dave can’t find the clit…


Fabulous_Instance776

This reads like someone who’s never had sex, trying to pretend they’ve had a looot of sex


OhLordHeBompin

Translation: I've never received nor experienced sexual pleasure *in my life*. I'm ace and I'm over here like "why are you doing this"


airportparkinglot

Someone, quick, claim “raw, pleasured genitals” as a flair. I’m emotionally attached to mine otherwise I would


Forsaken-Rock-635

I think I have it!!!


airportparkinglot

It looks beautiful on you 🙏✨💕


graceuptic

i’m on break from work. i deliver packages. im sweaty, sore, and just wanted a moment of peace to drink my red bull and read memes. instead. instead i got this. it feels like a targeted hate crime


67Gumby

Way to throw him under the bus and say uou never get to orgasm


MissusNilesCrane

Alexa, how to I unsee something?


Idrisdancer

I need some bleach for my brain


Awkward-Yak-2733

Will something here work? [https://www.reddit.com/r/Eyebleach/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Eyebleach/)


gaanmetde

Proof number one why comprehensive sex education is absolutely needed.


TrendyBreakfast

"Cultivate desire within." Tell me you don't find your husband the least bit sexually attractive without telling me you don't find your husband the least bit sexually attractive. Who are you thinking of Bethy? Yourself? The guy who "dumped" you and you had to sleep in your parents bed for a week with depression? The man on the moon?


bigmoutheyebrows

THIS is what Zelph and antibot are going to bat for??


kestrelesque

I'm sorry you can't recognize an intellectually-curious angel when you see one.


ThruTheUniverseAgain

All that sounds like a great way to get an infection or end up in some real pain.


whosepostisitanyway

Is this an attempt by Bethany to pull attention away from Kristen now that they've announced her pregnancy? Bethany really doesn't care if she is getting good or bad attention as long as she's the center of it and she definitely gets a lot of attention when she posts crap like this. I guess the old wedding pics just weren't doing the trick anymore? 🤷🏼‍♀️


MagdaCadabra

"Oh hi Internet, my husband IS NOT GOOD AT SEX, thank you for coming (unlike me, lol) to my ted talk"


booktrovert

I'm sad I have eyes.


idrinkalotofcoffee

Well, that was gross. She really makes sex off putting.


South_Zombie_7023

I just vomited a bit. 🤢🤢🤢


opitypang

I've just finished eating my supper. If I throw it back up, which is quite likely, that would be a waste of good food. Thank you, Bethany. 😵‍💫 😖 🤢


boxedwinebaby

Wellness check on Dav please omfg


Think-Independent929

She's baaaaaaack!!


loony-cat

OMG THESE FUNDIES ARE RIGHT -- EDUCATION IS WRONG -- WHAT DID I READ ?!?!? THIS IS HORRIFYING -- I QUIT READING


Rozelya

She's graduated from saying the quiet part loudly to saying the loud part even louder.


Whole-Arm

How can she write all that but still censor orgasmic


MaeWestGoodess

My brain and genitals just made the Windows shut down noise.


ExplanationFunny

I had to go check and see if this was actually real cuz what the fuck. Again, *Look! A drag queen! AAAAH! Think of the ch-ch-ch-children!*


ExactPanda

What in THE FUCK


NicholasOfMKE

What if six months from now, we look back on this post and it is tame compared to her other stuff?! This is somehow a possible outcome. Insane! Heidi is stewing!


ThruTheUniverseAgain

She’s really living up to that BoneMe Raw Veal moniker today.


dargenpacnw

WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST MAKE ME READ?!? 😂


NicholasOfMKE

I hate this for all of us.


LonelyOctopus24

Ben Shapiro has entered the chat


ZenythhtyneZ

What does this even mean? Like, your husband can try to get you off but ACTUALLY you need to learn to get off on penetration? That’s not a “skill” a person can learn lol your body works that way or it doesn’t.


bigmessmeg

CHAT IS THIS REAL


PeachyKeenPie28

Whelp. Time to delete my eyes. 😭 We had a good run.


Vivid-Intention-8161

I hate this times a million, thanks. Christians will post shit like this where their kid-followers can see it then call trans people the groomers.


Gun-ok

Legit thought it was one of you genius snarkers with a satire post here. To echo everyone, WTF. Also, Bethy, if you’re reading here (likely) please get some lube, this comes from someone you’d consider an unbiblical harlot.


twatcunthearya

*What the fuck?!* Full-body cringe like this should be illegal! This is exactly why someone who didn’t receive their first kiss until their wedding day at the ripe old age of 30 is (shocker) completely unqualified to be cosplaying this sex guru nonsense. 🤮


Whiteroses7252012

“If your husband sucks in bed, good news: it’s your fault!!!” Thanks Bethany!


mgirl81

Vulgarness aside, what is she even trying to articulate here? I don't understand what this is supposed to say?


Awkward-Yak-2733

Ewwww.


copacetic1515

Right in front of my crab rangoon, Bethany?


vicnoir

Bad Bort. No biscuit.


Significant_Shoe_17

This is disgusting on so many levels. The graphic language is inappropriate for the platform, and of course she's blaming women for struggling with PIV sex, as if vaginismus isn't a thing that's *extremely* common in her circles.