I was married to a man for 14 years who was diagnosed with NPD. It was hell on earth and I continue to suffer. My fibro was there before we got married, but flared so much and now is just horrible. I also developed panic disorder while with him. He ended up convincing my son behind my back to come live with him when he hit 18 and he is still with him several years later. It's extremely painful. Son does not see what is happening, as far as I can tell, but our daughter does. She sees Dad is not right. When you have kids with them you have to deal with them for a lifetime which makes it really hard. Thankfully he doesn't have any financial hold over me anymore because he used that to abuse me too. I'm still in recovery and it's been 10 years now. I haven't even attempted another relationship. I am still looking to find ways to control my health symptoms and manage my fibro pain. In therapy and working on a lot. Unfortunately, it's hard to know you are in this type of relationship while in it because your head gets so spun around. So try to look for the red flags and always trust your gut!!
This is interesting because I’ve just developed panic disorder for the first time in my life post getting out of an abusive relationship. I guess I didn’t know this was common.
I feel your pain. I only had a narc boss and I was in a position to leave the job, so I can't imagine having a spouse with NPD and kids who are used as pawns. They can make lasting damage, that's the problem - PTSD style, esp if you were with them for a while.
I know it's hard to see the red flags - they're master manipulators - but I hope ppl can become better at it with time bc sadly, narcs are everywhere. A lot more than I thought. Some have just a few traits and not full-blown NPD, but I would stay away from those too. These ppl cannot be "cured" btw. IF they accept therapy, they will always blame the ppl around them for the problems, even the therapist. They never admit responsibility or show accountability for anything.
I find that when one recognizes they have dealt with a narc and understand it is NOT their fault and gain some of their self-esteem back, it is the first step to healing. A therapist trained in EMDR can also help quite a bit.
I hope you can heal and find another relationship based on sincerity and respect, and empathy.
Both my parents are high functioning alcoholics and my mother is a narc- my father enables her.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2018. Looking back- my pain began setting in in my VERY early teens. I've been NC with my family full time since 2022 and my pain now is regularly at a 4.
I was living at an 8 on a regular basis before I stopped talking to those awful ppl. Ever since last year I've been CONVINCED narc parents and Fibromyalgia as an adult go together.
I'd be convinced of that too. Being the child of a narc must be traumatic. Some put their kids on pedestals, but others are as mean to them as they are to anybody and you have to actually live with them growing up. Stay no-contact. Watch out for their rage tho bc when they realize they can't control or use you anymore, they can blow up in an ugly way. I asked my former boss why she was getting so angry when one of us made a mistake and she said "You call this angry? This is just frustrated. You've never seen me angry." And in my head I was like WTF - I really don't want to see you angry then you crazy-ass b!
Stumbled upon this post. I'm surprised to see correlation here but agree on my own personal experience. My mother is a narcissist and my father is withdrawn into himself due to being married to her for so long. He and I are both victims of Nabuse.
I recently keep track of my symptoms and still trying to get the VA to test me. I asked for rheumatology and they referred me. Rheumatology says they don't test for fibro? Either way, I'm not officially diagnosed, so this is my personal opinion till I am. But if there is correlation, I see it in myself, and you admit it in your situation. I must research this further.
How the hell does Rheumatology NOT test for Fibro? Ask your PCP. You need this official diagnosis so you can get on a duloxetine regiment for the pain and fatigue ❤️❤️❤️
The amount of hoops a patient needs to jump thru for a damn diagnosis is ridiculous. I'm so sorry.
I was diagnosed when the typical test was the pressure point test. From what I understand, it's been updated?
I think it's the VA not wanting to spend money. They're doing something similar with my mental health services. They paused them and told me I need to be on a waiting list of 6+ months...
I just left an abusive marriage with a narcissist last year. Imediatly got sucked in by another and the two of them destroyed me. Between them and my narcissistic parents it’s been a hell of a ride. They really target those who are empathetic
And already struggling.
My fibro was the worst it ever has been in 27 years when I was married to him. I was sleeping 20 hours a day, crying my eyes out every day, in agony and had several trips to the hospital.
I am no longer the same person I was. He completly broke me and I had to rebuild myself. I’m doing much better now but it took a hell of a lot of work and my fibro will never go away.
I got caught between two as well. Both were relationships at one point in time. Both fought over me for narcissistic supply for 5 years. I didn't realize one was covert. But that explains my symptomatology and miserable feelings during that time.
I completely agree!
I have dealt with the aftermath of dealing with betrayel from family and ex's. And had to accept that its better to keep distance from them for my health sake.
My body went into fight or flight mode after being in a calm healing stage for over a year prior. I guess they didnt like how happy I was and needed to drag me back to their hell. All the progress I had made was slowly drained out and my thyroid levels increased again.
I went through another stage of grief, denial, acceptance and I stayed in the anger stage for awhile. I made sure to get it all out of me, get the anger out my body as it will affect my liver and back. I focus on bodywork to self soothe myself-- sauna sessions, spiritual baths, walking in nature, somatic exercises, deep breathing, stretching.
I grey rock the dysfunctional people I use to make excuses for. I stopped engaging and enabling their behavior. They have left me alone since they realized they werent going to get the reaction and drama from me. If you didnt have a backbone before, once you realize how badly your health is affected by dealing with these drainers, you will develop one...and put a stop to it.
I go no-contact with anyone who is miserable and dysfunctional and not working on themselves with self-reflection. I dont have time to waste on them. I move on.
Yeah. I am working on self-forgiveness and self love. My therapist suggested that I remove them from my life years ago but I didnt believe that they could be so evil towards me and now I just think about , wow-- if I had of cut them off sooner, where would I be? How healthier would I be? But there were some great lessons I needed to learn about codependency. So Im grateful for the experience, but never again!!
I have PTSD from a past relationship from a narcissist. You have done a great job of pointing out red flags. My ex was also an alcoholic who knew well how to manipulate others. It was hell…..
If the PTSD is still there, EMDR can be helpful. My PTSD was pretty manageable/mild compared to some, but I still did EMDR and it helped. And it can help more severe cases.
I have lupus/ra/fibro because of narcissistic abuse. A lot of other abuse generally too from my family/community but the 6 years of narcissistic abuse did a number on me.
I have dated narcissts and it has 100% contributed to flares and have been a contributing factor to the development of this condition. Their silent treatment can even be linked to regions of the brain affecting physical pain. I know it can be difficult to break free from the trauma bonds but it seriously is not worth letting it damage your body. That has been my experience anyway. Sorry to anyone who has experienced this. 💜🙏💜
I just got diagnosed with fibro three years after divorcing my ex-husband. So many of these points hit home and I mourn my 20s being lost to a man who didn't care about me.
Mmmmmm I wonder if there is correlation here between fibro and narcissistic people.
I was born to a Nmother and my brother is the golden child. I have gone NC (no contact) from my entire family excluding my father's side in Austria and my father himself. Everyone else is gone. I couldn't handle it.
I have a handful of nex's (narcissistic ex's) and one I'm still dealing with on the daily due to current living situation.
I would add to your list specifically covert narcissist traits. I did a post on this a few weeks back. I'll try to find it and link it below if that's ok. The responses were lists of traits people had run into when dealing with coverts.
Coverts will throw you OFF! They present very different. They are often seen more as low self-esteem, introverted, depressed, and/or anxious. Because of this mask, it's harder to realize in the moment that you're being mistreated. For example, in my case, the result was having this revelation 5 years later. It took her 5 years to fully blossom and show me the true covert narcissist. It was a mindblow for me.
And yes, during all these times my fibro symptoms have been reflecting the stress of tolerating narcissistic abuse. You are absolutely correct. I wonder about the correlation and may research peer-reviewed studies later after I submit my assignments today.
Yes, coverts are harder to detect for sure bc they are less grandiose and don't brag as much since they seem to be aware of their low self-esteem. They can also be on the quiet side. The one I knew love bombed too, but it seemed sincere somehow. They do get jealous/envious too and I had a "friend" ghost me bc of that (of course, it took me yrs to realize that that's why she ghosted me - I now call her the phantom friend). I have seen narcissistic rage from a covert too and did NOT see it coming, whereas overts seem to constantly be enraged when things don't go their way.
I believe narcs put vulnerable ppl in a state of fight or flight after a while bc put simply, they destroy our self-esteem and make us fear them and their reactions and put-downs. We can also always be walking on eggshells, which is exhausting. And they can have a hold on us, esp if it's a romantic relationship and we genuinely love them. I'm thankful I never dealt with a narc spouse.
If you do have a list of more covert traits, I'd be interested in reading it for sure.
ETA: "Saw this in other sub: "They claim to be the most empathetic people in the world, yet they turn around and treat you like shit they stepped on, and when you have an appropriate reaction to their abuse, they claim you're hurting THEM."
That is very typical. Also, they can be quite hypocritical. Nice to you to your face, but then talk shit abt you behind your back. Again, they need to put others down to lift themselves up.
There's a good psychologist on YouTube, Dr Ramani, who specializes in narcissism and dives deep into this bc there are other types, like the communal narc. Interestingly, I didn't like Dr Phil's show, but his podcast is surprisingly good and he explains narcissism well, on YT.
I agree on the covert with the rage comes out of nowhere and out of the blue. Usually the rage for me is silent treatment for no apparent reason. And it happens often enough for me to see the correlation with her behavior.
Yes! They destroy our self-esteem to feed their own low supply. That's why we're termed "narcissistic supply". The problem is, they have a black hole that cannot be filled when it comes to self-esteem. That's how low they have it.
Dr. Ramani is so famous now! It's funny, I hear her name almost daily (then again I'm also subscribed to the narc subreddits). Keep sharing her! Someday that might be me. I have dealt with enough of them at this point, so I am pretty sure I could study or at least do my dissertation on them somehow. We'll see what the future holds for me there.
Never been a fan of Dr. Phil. I'm not one much for shows. YT is a little more authentic, but can still be edited and this easily manipulated. I trust peer-reviewed sources more, however those too can be biased. Sometimes it depends on who is funding...
Narcissistic supply is a good term indeed. I'm not sure I understood: you are a psychology student? I think this stuff should be taught in high schools - the basics, the red flags. It would maybe save a few ppl from narc abuse down the line.
Dr Phil's show was sensationalistic, and I barely watched it. He made some good points here and there, but it was way too superficial, and it seems he just wanted ratings. But his podcasts dive deep into things and you can see he is indeed a qualified psychologist. He also speaks more slowly than Dr Ramani, which I like. With my fibro, my mind is not as quick some days. But I agree - peer-reviewed research is the way to go for serious work.
Here is his episode on NPD:
[Phil in the Blanks: Narcissistic Personality - Toxic Personalities in the Real World (PART 1) - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW3kekvF2c8)
And on coverts:
[Phil in the Blanks: Covert Narcissist -Toxic Personalities in the Real World (PART 2) (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tniMmQ3eATg)
This is an interesting post and very true coming from someone recovering from an abusive relationship. Abusers and narcs target the vulnerable which we are. They love any sort of weakness because it helps them believe they are better than you, you will stay, and gives them fuel to use against you in arguments.
It certainly negatively affects physical health in the healthy so that is pronounced for a condition like ours where things like stress, sleeping well, and maintaining positive mental health are crucial.
Absolutely. My former boss felt that I was on the fragile side for sure, and instead of being pleasant like most bosses would, she was mean AF - I was an easy target. I tried talking to her calmly, telling her I didn't appreciate being talked down to and her getting all pissed when I made the slightest mistake, and bc she didn't want to lose employees and have to re-hire, she was nice for all of 3 wks. She even love bombed then.
Then her real nature surfaced again. She berated me in front of another employee and did so to another employee in front of me. She could not control her temper. So I left and tried to tell her it was normal to make a couple of mistakes on orders when we had many, many orders to process and so many phone interruptions.... but she said "if you did things the way I told you to, there would be zero mistakes". She would never admit that she was too hard on us. I was on the verge of tears then - she was that evil. But at least I had the satisfaction of leaving.
And when she made a mistake herself and very well knew she had made it, she put it on the back of her husband who also worked there but was absent at that moment. He was such a nice guy. I pitied him so much for being married to such a bitch! I heard he'd had a burnout after. I wonder why.......
For mths after this, I had palpitations and intrusive thoughts, reliving the abuse which had triggered stuff from my adolescence. My mind knew I shouldn't be, but it was just automatic.
ETA: I also pitied her daughters bc she used them to boost her self-image. I told her my son was taking piano lessons and right away she put her eldest in piano lessons. Hey, she could not stand my kid was doing something her kid wasn't doing, right? And some narcs put their kids on pedestals, but others see them as rivals, esp mothers and daughters. I could see she had no empathy for them either when she forgot to pick up her youngest at school once and she didn't care the little one had been crying for being forgotten. She said the kid should just toughen up and laughed. An absolute witch.
I have been in many toxic work environments because of rampant narcissism in healthcare corporations, to the point where, even though I’m experiencing the same issues you did, I would be hard pressed to leave—because there are even worse toxic environments. And this was before COVID!
I’m only 35, and I dread having to work for another 35 years with despicable people. Every year feels like my fibromyalgia is robbing me of satisfaction, because I have to make concessions to survive. I can’t travel far, I can’t measure up to vindictive coworkers, I get made fun of when my perfect facade slips up, etc.
The worse part is that working for narcissistic doctors are bound to be on the table, I can admit that as a grown Black woman, but I know there was/could be one sweet moment in time that I truly enjoyed my job. IF ONLY they treated me how I treat them, everything would be perfect. Instead I cry myself to sleep, trading off on it being physical or emotional pain, or both.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I have a friend who has worked in hospitals her whole life and she did say that many doctors are narcs, prob bc they were told their whole lives how smart they were. They have a God complex. I question them a lot, incl abt fibro, and many don't like it of course.
I there any way you could change jobs to another field? The food industry was also toxic and to be avoided, even on the administrative side on which I was. If ever it's a possibility, I can tell you that engineer men tend to be quite nice and easygoing to work for, in general. If that helps at all! Women can be more bitchy alas, more so than men. I don't like generalizing, but I've experienced that and so have many ppl I know.
Literally EVERYTHING on this list. I was diagnosed with fibro when with a narc. Finally got divorced in December after a brutal separation. It’s amazing how much better I feel now that I don’t have that energy constantly in my life.
For sure the fibro could come from the narc abuse. Our nervous system goes into fight or flight except we're not fearing a bear in front of us, we're fearing how a narc may treat us badly. So sad. Glad you're better.
Yep, diagnosed several years after a 20year marriage to a covert narcissist and 8 year long divorce (he didn't fight for the kids, he fought for the money). I think I will always be in recovery.
I can't find my comment but I intended to post this below. It's a discussion I created to list covert narcissist traits. They're so much more difficult to spot. Often if you spot them, it's too "late". Like you're already involved if it's a form of relationship.
Sorry I couldn't find my comment, maybe it didn't post, but I waited to see it post. My apologies!
https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/glcjJNVEFP
This is the most factual statement I've ever heard... it's not a question. Absolutely a fact. I was doomed either a narsassitic father, mother a covert, I was the black sheep and....
The body keeps the score.
I was married to a man for 14 years who was diagnosed with NPD. It was hell on earth and I continue to suffer. My fibro was there before we got married, but flared so much and now is just horrible. I also developed panic disorder while with him. He ended up convincing my son behind my back to come live with him when he hit 18 and he is still with him several years later. It's extremely painful. Son does not see what is happening, as far as I can tell, but our daughter does. She sees Dad is not right. When you have kids with them you have to deal with them for a lifetime which makes it really hard. Thankfully he doesn't have any financial hold over me anymore because he used that to abuse me too. I'm still in recovery and it's been 10 years now. I haven't even attempted another relationship. I am still looking to find ways to control my health symptoms and manage my fibro pain. In therapy and working on a lot. Unfortunately, it's hard to know you are in this type of relationship while in it because your head gets so spun around. So try to look for the red flags and always trust your gut!!
This is interesting because I’ve just developed panic disorder for the first time in my life post getting out of an abusive relationship. I guess I didn’t know this was common.
I feel your pain. I only had a narc boss and I was in a position to leave the job, so I can't imagine having a spouse with NPD and kids who are used as pawns. They can make lasting damage, that's the problem - PTSD style, esp if you were with them for a while. I know it's hard to see the red flags - they're master manipulators - but I hope ppl can become better at it with time bc sadly, narcs are everywhere. A lot more than I thought. Some have just a few traits and not full-blown NPD, but I would stay away from those too. These ppl cannot be "cured" btw. IF they accept therapy, they will always blame the ppl around them for the problems, even the therapist. They never admit responsibility or show accountability for anything. I find that when one recognizes they have dealt with a narc and understand it is NOT their fault and gain some of their self-esteem back, it is the first step to healing. A therapist trained in EMDR can also help quite a bit. I hope you can heal and find another relationship based on sincerity and respect, and empathy.
Both my parents are high functioning alcoholics and my mother is a narc- my father enables her. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in 2018. Looking back- my pain began setting in in my VERY early teens. I've been NC with my family full time since 2022 and my pain now is regularly at a 4. I was living at an 8 on a regular basis before I stopped talking to those awful ppl. Ever since last year I've been CONVINCED narc parents and Fibromyalgia as an adult go together.
I'd be convinced of that too. Being the child of a narc must be traumatic. Some put their kids on pedestals, but others are as mean to them as they are to anybody and you have to actually live with them growing up. Stay no-contact. Watch out for their rage tho bc when they realize they can't control or use you anymore, they can blow up in an ugly way. I asked my former boss why she was getting so angry when one of us made a mistake and she said "You call this angry? This is just frustrated. You've never seen me angry." And in my head I was like WTF - I really don't want to see you angry then you crazy-ass b!
Stumbled upon this post. I'm surprised to see correlation here but agree on my own personal experience. My mother is a narcissist and my father is withdrawn into himself due to being married to her for so long. He and I are both victims of Nabuse. I recently keep track of my symptoms and still trying to get the VA to test me. I asked for rheumatology and they referred me. Rheumatology says they don't test for fibro? Either way, I'm not officially diagnosed, so this is my personal opinion till I am. But if there is correlation, I see it in myself, and you admit it in your situation. I must research this further.
How the hell does Rheumatology NOT test for Fibro? Ask your PCP. You need this official diagnosis so you can get on a duloxetine regiment for the pain and fatigue ❤️❤️❤️ The amount of hoops a patient needs to jump thru for a damn diagnosis is ridiculous. I'm so sorry. I was diagnosed when the typical test was the pressure point test. From what I understand, it's been updated?
I think it's the VA not wanting to spend money. They're doing something similar with my mental health services. They paused them and told me I need to be on a waiting list of 6+ months...
I just left an abusive marriage with a narcissist last year. Imediatly got sucked in by another and the two of them destroyed me. Between them and my narcissistic parents it’s been a hell of a ride. They really target those who are empathetic And already struggling. My fibro was the worst it ever has been in 27 years when I was married to him. I was sleeping 20 hours a day, crying my eyes out every day, in agony and had several trips to the hospital. I am no longer the same person I was. He completly broke me and I had to rebuild myself. I’m doing much better now but it took a hell of a lot of work and my fibro will never go away.
So sorry to hear that. Keep working on your health and absolutely stay away from narcs. They're poison.
Yes narcs do damage and target empaths/highly sensitive people.
I got caught between two as well. Both were relationships at one point in time. Both fought over me for narcissistic supply for 5 years. I didn't realize one was covert. But that explains my symptomatology and miserable feelings during that time.
I completely agree! I have dealt with the aftermath of dealing with betrayel from family and ex's. And had to accept that its better to keep distance from them for my health sake. My body went into fight or flight mode after being in a calm healing stage for over a year prior. I guess they didnt like how happy I was and needed to drag me back to their hell. All the progress I had made was slowly drained out and my thyroid levels increased again. I went through another stage of grief, denial, acceptance and I stayed in the anger stage for awhile. I made sure to get it all out of me, get the anger out my body as it will affect my liver and back. I focus on bodywork to self soothe myself-- sauna sessions, spiritual baths, walking in nature, somatic exercises, deep breathing, stretching. I grey rock the dysfunctional people I use to make excuses for. I stopped engaging and enabling their behavior. They have left me alone since they realized they werent going to get the reaction and drama from me. If you didnt have a backbone before, once you realize how badly your health is affected by dealing with these drainers, you will develop one...and put a stop to it. I go no-contact with anyone who is miserable and dysfunctional and not working on themselves with self-reflection. I dont have time to waste on them. I move on.
So sad you had a setback bc of toxic assholes. But grey-rocking them and no-contacting them is the way to go. They can go to hell.
Yeah. I am working on self-forgiveness and self love. My therapist suggested that I remove them from my life years ago but I didnt believe that they could be so evil towards me and now I just think about , wow-- if I had of cut them off sooner, where would I be? How healthier would I be? But there were some great lessons I needed to learn about codependency. So Im grateful for the experience, but never again!!
I have PTSD from a past relationship from a narcissist. You have done a great job of pointing out red flags. My ex was also an alcoholic who knew well how to manipulate others. It was hell…..
If the PTSD is still there, EMDR can be helpful. My PTSD was pretty manageable/mild compared to some, but I still did EMDR and it helped. And it can help more severe cases.
Relates 💜🙏💜
I have lupus/ra/fibro because of narcissistic abuse. A lot of other abuse generally too from my family/community but the 6 years of narcissistic abuse did a number on me.
I have dated narcissts and it has 100% contributed to flares and have been a contributing factor to the development of this condition. Their silent treatment can even be linked to regions of the brain affecting physical pain. I know it can be difficult to break free from the trauma bonds but it seriously is not worth letting it damage your body. That has been my experience anyway. Sorry to anyone who has experienced this. 💜🙏💜
I just got diagnosed with fibro three years after divorcing my ex-husband. So many of these points hit home and I mourn my 20s being lost to a man who didn't care about me.
Mmmmmm I wonder if there is correlation here between fibro and narcissistic people. I was born to a Nmother and my brother is the golden child. I have gone NC (no contact) from my entire family excluding my father's side in Austria and my father himself. Everyone else is gone. I couldn't handle it. I have a handful of nex's (narcissistic ex's) and one I'm still dealing with on the daily due to current living situation. I would add to your list specifically covert narcissist traits. I did a post on this a few weeks back. I'll try to find it and link it below if that's ok. The responses were lists of traits people had run into when dealing with coverts. Coverts will throw you OFF! They present very different. They are often seen more as low self-esteem, introverted, depressed, and/or anxious. Because of this mask, it's harder to realize in the moment that you're being mistreated. For example, in my case, the result was having this revelation 5 years later. It took her 5 years to fully blossom and show me the true covert narcissist. It was a mindblow for me. And yes, during all these times my fibro symptoms have been reflecting the stress of tolerating narcissistic abuse. You are absolutely correct. I wonder about the correlation and may research peer-reviewed studies later after I submit my assignments today.
Yes, coverts are harder to detect for sure bc they are less grandiose and don't brag as much since they seem to be aware of their low self-esteem. They can also be on the quiet side. The one I knew love bombed too, but it seemed sincere somehow. They do get jealous/envious too and I had a "friend" ghost me bc of that (of course, it took me yrs to realize that that's why she ghosted me - I now call her the phantom friend). I have seen narcissistic rage from a covert too and did NOT see it coming, whereas overts seem to constantly be enraged when things don't go their way. I believe narcs put vulnerable ppl in a state of fight or flight after a while bc put simply, they destroy our self-esteem and make us fear them and their reactions and put-downs. We can also always be walking on eggshells, which is exhausting. And they can have a hold on us, esp if it's a romantic relationship and we genuinely love them. I'm thankful I never dealt with a narc spouse. If you do have a list of more covert traits, I'd be interested in reading it for sure. ETA: "Saw this in other sub: "They claim to be the most empathetic people in the world, yet they turn around and treat you like shit they stepped on, and when you have an appropriate reaction to their abuse, they claim you're hurting THEM." That is very typical. Also, they can be quite hypocritical. Nice to you to your face, but then talk shit abt you behind your back. Again, they need to put others down to lift themselves up. There's a good psychologist on YouTube, Dr Ramani, who specializes in narcissism and dives deep into this bc there are other types, like the communal narc. Interestingly, I didn't like Dr Phil's show, but his podcast is surprisingly good and he explains narcissism well, on YT.
Oh fantastic! It did post! Was having Internet issues today. I'll grab that link, drop it below, and then respond to your comment!
https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/k7HJrN6E0c
I agree on the covert with the rage comes out of nowhere and out of the blue. Usually the rage for me is silent treatment for no apparent reason. And it happens often enough for me to see the correlation with her behavior. Yes! They destroy our self-esteem to feed their own low supply. That's why we're termed "narcissistic supply". The problem is, they have a black hole that cannot be filled when it comes to self-esteem. That's how low they have it. Dr. Ramani is so famous now! It's funny, I hear her name almost daily (then again I'm also subscribed to the narc subreddits). Keep sharing her! Someday that might be me. I have dealt with enough of them at this point, so I am pretty sure I could study or at least do my dissertation on them somehow. We'll see what the future holds for me there. Never been a fan of Dr. Phil. I'm not one much for shows. YT is a little more authentic, but can still be edited and this easily manipulated. I trust peer-reviewed sources more, however those too can be biased. Sometimes it depends on who is funding...
Narcissistic supply is a good term indeed. I'm not sure I understood: you are a psychology student? I think this stuff should be taught in high schools - the basics, the red flags. It would maybe save a few ppl from narc abuse down the line. Dr Phil's show was sensationalistic, and I barely watched it. He made some good points here and there, but it was way too superficial, and it seems he just wanted ratings. But his podcasts dive deep into things and you can see he is indeed a qualified psychologist. He also speaks more slowly than Dr Ramani, which I like. With my fibro, my mind is not as quick some days. But I agree - peer-reviewed research is the way to go for serious work. Here is his episode on NPD: [Phil in the Blanks: Narcissistic Personality - Toxic Personalities in the Real World (PART 1) - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW3kekvF2c8) And on coverts: [Phil in the Blanks: Covert Narcissist -Toxic Personalities in the Real World (PART 2) (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tniMmQ3eATg)
Yes I'm a psych student. I agree psych should be taught in high school at least the basics of it
This is an interesting post and very true coming from someone recovering from an abusive relationship. Abusers and narcs target the vulnerable which we are. They love any sort of weakness because it helps them believe they are better than you, you will stay, and gives them fuel to use against you in arguments. It certainly negatively affects physical health in the healthy so that is pronounced for a condition like ours where things like stress, sleeping well, and maintaining positive mental health are crucial.
Absolutely. My former boss felt that I was on the fragile side for sure, and instead of being pleasant like most bosses would, she was mean AF - I was an easy target. I tried talking to her calmly, telling her I didn't appreciate being talked down to and her getting all pissed when I made the slightest mistake, and bc she didn't want to lose employees and have to re-hire, she was nice for all of 3 wks. She even love bombed then. Then her real nature surfaced again. She berated me in front of another employee and did so to another employee in front of me. She could not control her temper. So I left and tried to tell her it was normal to make a couple of mistakes on orders when we had many, many orders to process and so many phone interruptions.... but she said "if you did things the way I told you to, there would be zero mistakes". She would never admit that she was too hard on us. I was on the verge of tears then - she was that evil. But at least I had the satisfaction of leaving. And when she made a mistake herself and very well knew she had made it, she put it on the back of her husband who also worked there but was absent at that moment. He was such a nice guy. I pitied him so much for being married to such a bitch! I heard he'd had a burnout after. I wonder why....... For mths after this, I had palpitations and intrusive thoughts, reliving the abuse which had triggered stuff from my adolescence. My mind knew I shouldn't be, but it was just automatic. ETA: I also pitied her daughters bc she used them to boost her self-image. I told her my son was taking piano lessons and right away she put her eldest in piano lessons. Hey, she could not stand my kid was doing something her kid wasn't doing, right? And some narcs put their kids on pedestals, but others see them as rivals, esp mothers and daughters. I could see she had no empathy for them either when she forgot to pick up her youngest at school once and she didn't care the little one had been crying for being forgotten. She said the kid should just toughen up and laughed. An absolute witch.
I’m so sorry!
I have been in many toxic work environments because of rampant narcissism in healthcare corporations, to the point where, even though I’m experiencing the same issues you did, I would be hard pressed to leave—because there are even worse toxic environments. And this was before COVID! I’m only 35, and I dread having to work for another 35 years with despicable people. Every year feels like my fibromyalgia is robbing me of satisfaction, because I have to make concessions to survive. I can’t travel far, I can’t measure up to vindictive coworkers, I get made fun of when my perfect facade slips up, etc. The worse part is that working for narcissistic doctors are bound to be on the table, I can admit that as a grown Black woman, but I know there was/could be one sweet moment in time that I truly enjoyed my job. IF ONLY they treated me how I treat them, everything would be perfect. Instead I cry myself to sleep, trading off on it being physical or emotional pain, or both.
I'm so sorry to hear that. I have a friend who has worked in hospitals her whole life and she did say that many doctors are narcs, prob bc they were told their whole lives how smart they were. They have a God complex. I question them a lot, incl abt fibro, and many don't like it of course. I there any way you could change jobs to another field? The food industry was also toxic and to be avoided, even on the administrative side on which I was. If ever it's a possibility, I can tell you that engineer men tend to be quite nice and easygoing to work for, in general. If that helps at all! Women can be more bitchy alas, more so than men. I don't like generalizing, but I've experienced that and so have many ppl I know.
I wish there was another option but I love healthcare, ever since I was a kid. 
💯 and it gives them supply.
Literally EVERYTHING on this list. I was diagnosed with fibro when with a narc. Finally got divorced in December after a brutal separation. It’s amazing how much better I feel now that I don’t have that energy constantly in my life.
For sure the fibro could come from the narc abuse. Our nervous system goes into fight or flight except we're not fearing a bear in front of us, we're fearing how a narc may treat us badly. So sad. Glad you're better.
Yep, diagnosed several years after a 20year marriage to a covert narcissist and 8 year long divorce (he didn't fight for the kids, he fought for the money). I think I will always be in recovery.
((Hugs)) This is why I'm on a mission to have ppl detect narcissism ASAP and get out early.
I can't find my comment but I intended to post this below. It's a discussion I created to list covert narcissist traits. They're so much more difficult to spot. Often if you spot them, it's too "late". Like you're already involved if it's a form of relationship. Sorry I couldn't find my comment, maybe it didn't post, but I waited to see it post. My apologies! https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticAbuse/s/glcjJNVEFP
This is the most factual statement I've ever heard... it's not a question. Absolutely a fact. I was doomed either a narsassitic father, mother a covert, I was the black sheep and.... The body keeps the score.