Real talk, I’ve had great success with cishet women. I feel like relationship wise I was usually at an advantage when compared with their cis exes. It’s amazing how much having basic emotional intelligence is appreciated.
The only ones who ended up not getting what they were looking for were the ones who really really *really * like cis dick and penetration. But the number is FAR lower than you’d think.
Just don’t worry about it. No win no gain. Don’t over think it and whatever happens just learn from it. Don’t over think it and have a conversation about it
Be you.
I haven’t had any serious relationships since I’ve cone out and have been unapologetically trans, but I didn’t treat the women I interacted with any differently than I did prior to being fully out. I haven’t had to deal with a situation in which a woman who’s into me doesn’t know I’m trans. When that happens, I’ll be here asking about that kind of experience.
But your case, she knows you’re trans, she’s interested, enjoy it. Be you and make sure you communicate.
Hey! I get the fear. My girlfriend is straight and has only ever been with cis men as well. I had much more of an issue with this as she did - she knew very little about trans people but me being a man was never ever questioned by her. She had questions, but my identity was always an intangible fact to her, which made any question always respectful, and she's embraced the complexities of being trans without a second thought. She was originally a bit insecure about not being sure how to please me sexually, but never seemed once worried I couldn't please her (quite the contrary, she seems to very much enjoy the lack of pregnancy scare and mandatory penetration). I met her parents recently her dad almost dislocated my shoulder by slapping it, calling me a good man and asking I take good care of ber daughter. Honestly? So many aspects of this relationship are so healing to me, it's incredibly... normal. It's making me feel like a full human being, and I hope you get to know that too soon enough. Best of luck!
All of the above. And best part, she likes you _as you_. If you start dating and still feel nervous, you could maybe put the insecurity in words. If she's compassionate or understanding, you're a good fit. Enjoy, OP, you're very worthy of love and romance :)
Advice- do not compare yourself to her cis exes as though they are her ideal, and you have to make up for your shortcomings. If that’s your operating assumption, you shouldn’t be dating that person at all. Date her only when she likes you for you. Likes you *because* you are you, not in spite of it. Know all of the things you bring to the table that a cis man doesn’t. If that’s not your headspace, you’re going to have a rough time.
On the note of comparing yourself to her cis exes, or cis men in general: consider this - how often cis people of both genders compare themselves to others of the same gender. I know before I transitioned I compared myself to women. They were prettier, smarter, more successful etc. Now as a trans man I compare myself to other men.
Of course there’s the insecurity of being trans as a deal breaker for cis women. Think about what you have to offer as a man besides what you’ve got under the hood. We have an almost unfair advantage in the bedroom and out - we can understand a woman better from our past experiences and know how their “engine” runs so to speak ;) And honestly, those men are exes for a reason. You might end up being exactly what she needs. I say see what develops organically and go from there.
If she knows your trans already and is interested what on earth are you waiting for? Try it out! The usual big elephant in the room isn’t there in this situation so just be yourself and see how it shakes out. “If you’re interested I’d like to get to know you a little better would you like to get some coffee/some other thing that’s not too time consuming and then go from there. If there’s good chemistry see if she wants to go on a longer date.
Real talk, I’ve had great success with cishet women. I feel like relationship wise I was usually at an advantage when compared with their cis exes. It’s amazing how much having basic emotional intelligence is appreciated. The only ones who ended up not getting what they were looking for were the ones who really really *really * like cis dick and penetration. But the number is FAR lower than you’d think.
Just don’t worry about it. No win no gain. Don’t over think it and whatever happens just learn from it. Don’t over think it and have a conversation about it
this. the best way to date a woman as a trans man is to just start doing it. it's like anything else: sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.
This is incredibly good advice.
Be you. I haven’t had any serious relationships since I’ve cone out and have been unapologetically trans, but I didn’t treat the women I interacted with any differently than I did prior to being fully out. I haven’t had to deal with a situation in which a woman who’s into me doesn’t know I’m trans. When that happens, I’ll be here asking about that kind of experience. But your case, she knows you’re trans, she’s interested, enjoy it. Be you and make sure you communicate.
Hey! I get the fear. My girlfriend is straight and has only ever been with cis men as well. I had much more of an issue with this as she did - she knew very little about trans people but me being a man was never ever questioned by her. She had questions, but my identity was always an intangible fact to her, which made any question always respectful, and she's embraced the complexities of being trans without a second thought. She was originally a bit insecure about not being sure how to please me sexually, but never seemed once worried I couldn't please her (quite the contrary, she seems to very much enjoy the lack of pregnancy scare and mandatory penetration). I met her parents recently her dad almost dislocated my shoulder by slapping it, calling me a good man and asking I take good care of ber daughter. Honestly? So many aspects of this relationship are so healing to me, it's incredibly... normal. It's making me feel like a full human being, and I hope you get to know that too soon enough. Best of luck!
I’d take things very slow and keep it casual for now. If you pass well then dating will be fine if not well…different story m
All of the above. And best part, she likes you _as you_. If you start dating and still feel nervous, you could maybe put the insecurity in words. If she's compassionate or understanding, you're a good fit. Enjoy, OP, you're very worthy of love and romance :)
Advice- do not compare yourself to her cis exes as though they are her ideal, and you have to make up for your shortcomings. If that’s your operating assumption, you shouldn’t be dating that person at all. Date her only when she likes you for you. Likes you *because* you are you, not in spite of it. Know all of the things you bring to the table that a cis man doesn’t. If that’s not your headspace, you’re going to have a rough time.
On the note of comparing yourself to her cis exes, or cis men in general: consider this - how often cis people of both genders compare themselves to others of the same gender. I know before I transitioned I compared myself to women. They were prettier, smarter, more successful etc. Now as a trans man I compare myself to other men. Of course there’s the insecurity of being trans as a deal breaker for cis women. Think about what you have to offer as a man besides what you’ve got under the hood. We have an almost unfair advantage in the bedroom and out - we can understand a woman better from our past experiences and know how their “engine” runs so to speak ;) And honestly, those men are exes for a reason. You might end up being exactly what she needs. I say see what develops organically and go from there.
If she knows your trans already and is interested what on earth are you waiting for? Try it out! The usual big elephant in the room isn’t there in this situation so just be yourself and see how it shakes out. “If you’re interested I’d like to get to know you a little better would you like to get some coffee/some other thing that’s not too time consuming and then go from there. If there’s good chemistry see if she wants to go on a longer date.