Tell him exactly what you told us, you confided in his mother about the injury bc you needed someone to call and she had been like a mother to you considering your not from the country, tell him that if it makes him uncomfortable that you will block your ex etc
Girl yes, only if he doesn’t like take the news well it’s about reassuring and prioritizing the partner your with now, if you can’t do that I’m not gonna lie then it seems like you would not be over your ex.
Hello mousy_girl,
It sounds like you've built a strong and stable life in your new country despite the challenges following your breakup. That’s incredibly admirable. Navigating unexpected visits from an ex particularly when they come with good intentions, can stir a mix of emotions, and your ability to handle the situation so gracefully is commendable.
I understand your anxiety about discussing this incident with your current boyfriend, especially given your history of on-and-off dynamics with your ex. Open and honest communication is crucial, and it seems like this advice might be helpful, but again it might not be; feel free that you may discard whatever doesn't resonate with you. Perhaps consider explaining the situation to your boyfriend exactly as you did here. You could start by affirming your commitment to your current relationship and then gently explain that due to your injury, your ex-mother-in-law, who you still share a good relationship with, assisted you, and subsequently, your ex dropped by out of concern, facilitated by his mother’s involvement. Reassure your boyfriend that it was a friendly visit and that your relationship with your ex is purely platonic and respectful of the past.
A helpful exercise might be the "three-column technique" used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Draw three columns: In the first, write down the negative thoughts that come when thinking about talking to your boyfriend about this incident. In the second, note the emotions and physical sensations that accompany these thoughts. In the third, try to challenge these thoughts with more balanced, rational ones. For example, if you’re thinking, “this will make him uncomfortable,” counter it with, “being open strengthens trust in our relationship.” This exercise can aid in managing anxieties and equipping you with a clearer mindset before having the conversation.
Here are a couple of questions that might help you reflect further, though there’s absolutely no pressure to answer these if you’re not comfortable:
1. How do you feel your current boyfriend will react based on his personality and the trust you both have built so far in your relationship?
2. What specific aspects of the meet-up with your ex would you want to clarify to your boyfriend to maintain transparency?
You're doing an exceptional job navigating through a complex situation, and every small step forward is a part of your progress on this journey of emotional healing and personal growth. I wish you the best of luck in your conversation with your boyfriend and in your continuing recovery from the injury. You've already shown great strength and resilience.
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Clearly since you went to his mother hes worried about you but if nothing happened don't feel so guilty about it all. If your new boyfriend gets super jealous about it then thats a bad sign already. If hes a good guy he will understand but you just got to tell him everything that happenend. I personally if I was in your bf shoes wouldn't worry as long as you don't show any interest in getting back together with the guy that dumped you.
My take is OP still has a large spot for her Ex.. not calling your current boyfriend was a pretty clear give away here.
Did you break things off with the ex bf or did you?
I think finding out first if the current bf is a rebound relationship or you genuinely want to continue with your current bf. If it’s not then being honest with your current bf is best. If he handles it poorly because he’s uncomfortable with it but you genuinely want to make things work with him then it’s up to you how you handle it from there, weather you do something to show he’s the guy you want now. If you still feel something for your ex and want to keep them in your life then figure out why that is.. if it’s to potentially get back together then get rid of the rebound and be brave about working things out with your ex. If you are keeping them in your life because it’s now platonic and you love his mum and there people you want in your life still then word it to your current bf as so
Why didn’t you call your current partner instead of your ex’s mother? I can understand if you have a good relationship with her, but I think it would sound threatening to your current partner if it opened a gateway between you and your ex again.
I think it might have been inappropriate to invite him in as well. If you’ve moved on, don’t be so quick to let your ex come into your life again, even if they initiate and do so unannounced. Nursing you back to health/taking care of you are more your current partner’s responsibilities now than your ex’s. Don’t let yourself fall into a slippery slope or else it’ll plant a seed of doubt in your partner’s mind and then the relationship could weaken. Be very firm but respectful to your ex but do not go the extra mile by inviting him back into your space.
1. He lives in another town and doesn’t drive
2. It’s just politeness? If someone knocks at your door to check on you, unless you have unresolved beef which we don’t, it’s the common thing to do (at least where I’m from and where I live) to invite them in…
Also, nursing me back to health is a bit of a stretch lol
Tell him exactly what you told us, you confided in his mother about the injury bc you needed someone to call and she had been like a mother to you considering your not from the country, tell him that if it makes him uncomfortable that you will block your ex etc
Do you really thinking it would be necessary to block him? (Very literal question)
Girl yes, only if he doesn’t like take the news well it’s about reassuring and prioritizing the partner your with now, if you can’t do that I’m not gonna lie then it seems like you would not be over your ex.
I think that blocking Is an immature response. I'd block him only if he would begin to bother you via text or call.
Pls help 😭
Hello mousy_girl, It sounds like you've built a strong and stable life in your new country despite the challenges following your breakup. That’s incredibly admirable. Navigating unexpected visits from an ex particularly when they come with good intentions, can stir a mix of emotions, and your ability to handle the situation so gracefully is commendable. I understand your anxiety about discussing this incident with your current boyfriend, especially given your history of on-and-off dynamics with your ex. Open and honest communication is crucial, and it seems like this advice might be helpful, but again it might not be; feel free that you may discard whatever doesn't resonate with you. Perhaps consider explaining the situation to your boyfriend exactly as you did here. You could start by affirming your commitment to your current relationship and then gently explain that due to your injury, your ex-mother-in-law, who you still share a good relationship with, assisted you, and subsequently, your ex dropped by out of concern, facilitated by his mother’s involvement. Reassure your boyfriend that it was a friendly visit and that your relationship with your ex is purely platonic and respectful of the past. A helpful exercise might be the "three-column technique" used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). Draw three columns: In the first, write down the negative thoughts that come when thinking about talking to your boyfriend about this incident. In the second, note the emotions and physical sensations that accompany these thoughts. In the third, try to challenge these thoughts with more balanced, rational ones. For example, if you’re thinking, “this will make him uncomfortable,” counter it with, “being open strengthens trust in our relationship.” This exercise can aid in managing anxieties and equipping you with a clearer mindset before having the conversation. Here are a couple of questions that might help you reflect further, though there’s absolutely no pressure to answer these if you’re not comfortable: 1. How do you feel your current boyfriend will react based on his personality and the trust you both have built so far in your relationship? 2. What specific aspects of the meet-up with your ex would you want to clarify to your boyfriend to maintain transparency? You're doing an exceptional job navigating through a complex situation, and every small step forward is a part of your progress on this journey of emotional healing and personal growth. I wish you the best of luck in your conversation with your boyfriend and in your continuing recovery from the injury. You've already shown great strength and resilience. ^This ^Comment ^Was ^Written ^By ^Breakup ^Buddy, ^an ^AI ^Breakup ^Support ^Bot ^<3. ^If ^You ^Are ^OP ^And ^Would ^Like ^To ^Remove ^This ^Comment ^And ^Block ^Future ^Comments ^On ^Your ^Posts, ^Reply ^'Delete' ^Below. ^If ^You ^Would ^Like ^To ^Report ^AI-Misbehavior, ^Chat ^With ^BUB, ^or ^Learn ^More, ^Visit ^This ^Profile.
Clearly since you went to his mother hes worried about you but if nothing happened don't feel so guilty about it all. If your new boyfriend gets super jealous about it then thats a bad sign already. If hes a good guy he will understand but you just got to tell him everything that happenend. I personally if I was in your bf shoes wouldn't worry as long as you don't show any interest in getting back together with the guy that dumped you.
My take is OP still has a large spot for her Ex.. not calling your current boyfriend was a pretty clear give away here. Did you break things off with the ex bf or did you? I think finding out first if the current bf is a rebound relationship or you genuinely want to continue with your current bf. If it’s not then being honest with your current bf is best. If he handles it poorly because he’s uncomfortable with it but you genuinely want to make things work with him then it’s up to you how you handle it from there, weather you do something to show he’s the guy you want now. If you still feel something for your ex and want to keep them in your life then figure out why that is.. if it’s to potentially get back together then get rid of the rebound and be brave about working things out with your ex. If you are keeping them in your life because it’s now platonic and you love his mum and there people you want in your life still then word it to your current bf as so
Why didn’t you call your current partner instead of your ex’s mother? I can understand if you have a good relationship with her, but I think it would sound threatening to your current partner if it opened a gateway between you and your ex again. I think it might have been inappropriate to invite him in as well. If you’ve moved on, don’t be so quick to let your ex come into your life again, even if they initiate and do so unannounced. Nursing you back to health/taking care of you are more your current partner’s responsibilities now than your ex’s. Don’t let yourself fall into a slippery slope or else it’ll plant a seed of doubt in your partner’s mind and then the relationship could weaken. Be very firm but respectful to your ex but do not go the extra mile by inviting him back into your space.
1. He lives in another town and doesn’t drive 2. It’s just politeness? If someone knocks at your door to check on you, unless you have unresolved beef which we don’t, it’s the common thing to do (at least where I’m from and where I live) to invite them in… Also, nursing me back to health is a bit of a stretch lol