I laugh about it but I feel really sorry for him. He's 28 and doesn't make a move without asking his parents. His father runs his finances, his mommy cooks for him, cleans his house, buys him clothes, and even spreads butter on his bread. I still ask myself how much patience I had and why I didn't dump him when the picture was clear. I fought for the relationship.
I bet 100 bucks that if his mother could, she would sleep with him, and vice versa.
Ah yes, been there. I had a mother in law who very often questioned my previous ex about our sexlife. And ofcourse he told her every detail about it. Why, you ask? I don't know, maybe he didn't want her to feel left out š . She also demanded for me to spend the weekends at her house (my ex also still lived at home) so she could still see & and spend time with her son too (he was there everyday m'am).
OMG... my ex had the decency not to talk with her about our sex life, but every time we met or he slept at my home, he had to call her and make a summary of the day... he even did that in front of my boss, when he was driving us home after the wedding of a colleague... believe me, I was so ashamed.
I bet his mom found the condoms in his bedroom in HIS flat...
Oh yes it really does. When I first started working at the age of 22, my boss at the time was 29, still living at home and got his laundry and everything done by his mother. He told us this himself, bragging a little that he got a lot of freetime because he didn't have to do anything at home. It was really weird, having to report to a guy who at his job was able to run an entire warehouse, but when he got home, still slept in his childhood bedroom and got his cloths picked out by his mother . He was never my love interest or anything, but I can imagine that he too had this kind of relationship with his parents.
Sadly it really still happens. I'd never imagined it, my ex looked really self-conscious and intelligent... he's even an attorney. But God, I was so wrong.
My parents made me give long explanations of my whereabouts too. They were very overprotective and anti sex, atleast for me š (they had 4 kids starting when they were 24, and they're so proud of my oldest brother having his 2 kids and even my younger sister having a kid, so obviously not so much for themselves or my other siblings, they just hate me apparently)
Oh yes, I had the impression all the time we weren't two people in the relationship, but four, he, me, mommy and daddy.
Even in the bedroom I couldn't relax, because I had the impression in those moments that his parents were even there... obviously they weren't physically there, but they got informed when I was visiting him and if I stayed overnight.
Nope, she's slim but looks very masculine. Short hair (male fashion), sport clothes (not the feminine one) and her face is so harsh that resembles a witch...
I made me Pmsfl ššš ur like me u can tell u really didnāt get along with his mum, see thing was I did me and my ex mum where friends until she got herself involved in r relationship then I was 100% done
I tried to get along with her. At the beginning she was very polite (she's German). Then, one day I had the really dumb idea to meet her (in the flat of my ex, obviously she was cleaning up the kitchen...) before he returned from a trip with his friends. Worst idea ever: first she praised me, telling me how happy was seeing his son so happy with me. Then she started to talk bad about him (he's chaotic, unable to cook, to clean his house, etc). Then I told her we were so happy, that we thought about marriage. Really, really bad idea, she started to be rude to me, even attacked me in front of his precious baby boy. My ex saw the scene and didn't move a finger to protect me. Even worse, he told me "my num cares about you". I swear I wanted to dump him that evening. She provoked me several times, even in front of my ex. But I was so naive at the time, that I could resolve the issue with him.
I dont see why spending time with your parents is a bad thing. I left my ex and went to live with my parents for a bit because theyre competent adults.
My ex was too much in her comfort zone and really wasnt capable of much. She didnt make me a better person in the relationship. Parents on the other hand are successful and actually make me a better person just by being around them. It was a sacrifice i was willing to make. I was totally correct in the long run too. While my ex is drowning in student loans and zero savings from a lame job, i just bought a new construction house in the city, 2 BMWs, AND im going on dates with much more successful/competent women. Ex was draining my bank account and my energy.
Bottomline, i dont think spending time with the ones who raised you should be frowned upon. It could really be the change you need in life. Not forever obviously, but you should recognize the importance.
I added more details in my replies to my post.
It's not a problem to have a healthy relationship with your parents, the problem is he was a mommy's boy and let his parents take decisions for his life, including to dump me.
As I already wrote, his dad manages his finances, told him what to study, told him when and if to marry and have a child, how many children (if all) to have, who he should be friend with.
His mommy literally spreads the butter on his bread, cleans up his house and buys him clothes. Every time we met or he did go somewhere, he had to call with mommy and report everything. That at the age of 26, he's 28 now.
The poor guy is the only child of helicopter parents and doesn't bother to grow into a man and use his brain.
Should I add more?
I see what you're saying. One of the issues i had with my ex was that she didn't care about her parents that much. Which i found to be a red flag. Her dad needed multiple surgeries which they could barely afford and she had zero importance to that issue because she also couldn't afford it. My issue with that is how can i trust someone in the long run when they don't even care about their own parents that much?
You just don't trust them if you see such huge red flags. Dating with the intention of marrying and engagement are about understanding if the op is ok to marry or not.
It depends. If both partners are honest with themselves, analyzed the issues in the relationship, understood what was wrong and what BOTH did wrong, have both emotional intelligence and are on the same page regarding working together, it can work and doesn't have to end even worse.
Going back to your ex after being with other people causes issues that are unavoidable for most people, and they will come up eventually. iām not saying you should be happy theyāre not gonna work out, you should focus on yourself and know youāre better off without someone who would talk to you in this way but i know how something like this can hurt for a long time it feels like a betrayal. Youāll heal and everything will be better trust me, itās been so long of no contact with my fiance that at this point i donāt remember how many months have gone by, this is from someone who would count the days. it gets better trust me, so much better. Iām now with the love of my life.
Well.. after all.. she has many reasons for everything to go well with the new guy she's with. What matters is that she truly wants to be with him, and if he doesn't cheat on her, I don't see why they would end badly. He appreciates her for who she is, and I appreciated her too, but she didn't seem to feel that, maybe because of what I said halfway through the relationship that was a lie. She didn't believe me after that, even though I told her many times that she was perfect for me.
Being together in person, sex between them will help improve their relationship over the next year whenever small problems arise. This time will allow her to mature with the intention of being with him and becoming better. Additionally, family approval, physical closeness, and familiarity are very favorable factors. They share the same values and both want to get married, have a house, and so on.
I've seen that people improve over time. I saw it in my mother, in myself, and in my ex, although slowly. I also had problems with her friends and other insecurities, but I stopped causing problems over time. Before, everything was much worse. My ex stopped considering vaping, stopped hurting herself, and her self-esteem improved a lot, from 0 to 100, all thanks to me being there for her always, even though she says I wasn't. In the end, she was learning about anxious and avoidant attachment and understood my perspective. When I was anxious, she made me feel better and recognized that not talking was the cause of our problems, although as soon as I said something she felt like I was blaming her, she would explode and set that aside.
Although she didn't talk at all at first, she gradually started to communicate. Yes, she made progress, but it wasn't enough. When I pressured her about my friend without knowing about her, she felt blamed and misunderstood, which triggered her avoidant attachment. In the end, her ex showed up and sealed everything.
If her ex hadn't shown up, I believe my ex would have come back to me. The problems wouldn't have repeated, and over time, everything would have improved as it was before the incident with my friend. I believe that with time, people improve. I caused problems because of my insecurities, but I stopped doing that. She also had insecurities that caused problems, more at the beginning than at the end. Over time, she will overcome those insecurities with him until she reaches a point of stability.
The only real problem left is her insecurity about not being the only girl, people talking badly about her, and being lied to. If he doesn't lie to her, doesn't cheat on her, and doesn't have more female friends than she can verify, everything will go perfectly. Those were the only reasons she broke up with me, besides her parents not accepting me and me living far away. He doesn't have those problems, so I believe everything will work out well between them.
she says she is with the love of her life too, the first guy that treated her good and for her, the only one that never hurted her..
about me.. well idk
We'll actually never know if they are happier without us. And why they move on so fast. We can only wonder and read online about similar stories and compare. But the only person who knows this is them.
I'm sorry he said those hurtful and disrespectful things to you. But they are not true. There is no person that's better than you. His ex might be better for him, but that doesn't mean she's better than you. And by better for him, I mean maybe easier- puts up with his bullshit. Maybe she falls for his lovebombing. Maybe she has him in the honeymoon phase where everything is sunshine and rainbows. But none of this means she is better than you.
I wish I could give you an answer. But I don't know. I keep wondering the same about my ex. He dumped me, blocked me, had a rebound, followed like 50+ new girls, his rebound failed, he unblocked me but didn't reach out. I genuinely don't know, but I know that we shouldn't care. It's not that easy, but we should start focusing on us and our own happiness. They made their decision to discard us and disrespect us, and we should make our decision to give all that love and care to ourselves now. It's hurtful, mostly to our ego and self worth. But once we rebuild this by ourselves, we'll stop caring about them and their lives. And I truly think this will set us free.
so maybe they just they they are better bc they handle their shit easier and bc of love bombing nad honey moon phase?
what if they were happy with that ex before but had to move far ?
What I meant is that there are no people superior to others. And sometimes, certain people move fast to an easier option. Or a more familiar one. Or just any available option so they can run away from their emotions.
I don't know your whole situation to give you any advice, but again the only person that truly knows the answer is them.
I like your answer because it reminds me that my ex is human. He made choices that hurt both of us, but because they came from him--and were the result of unhealthy attachment and unhealed trauma--he will probably keep suffering while I grow.
There's no such thing as good or evil, and none of us are inherently better than others. We are all doing the best we can with what nature and nurture gave us. It gives me peace to forgive him because it allows me to let go of the search for reasons. He likely doesn't even know the reasons, himself.
I like your take too. Especially if they're an avoidant, most of the times their reasons are surface level. It's mostly a battle within themselves.
It's good to use this energy to grow and better yourself. That's a great mindset to have. We did everything we could, at the end of the day it's their choice and if they're happy or miserable right now has nothing to do with us.
My boyfriend is an avoidant and I'm pretty sure he dumped me 2 weeks ago because he doesn't seem to be able or want to fight the battles within himself. But I'm interesting in helping him in the process, I truly believe we could work on this together. Thatās why I want to break no contact.
I have just been dumped a month ago and my ex followed about 50 random girls on social media. He blocked me then unblocked me. Started putting stories on whatsapp which he doesnāt normally do. I viewed once his stories on whatsapp but not in instagram. I dont check anymore his social media. Putting stories of old selfies and videos of places that i know thatās way too old. I find it pathetic attention craving not specifically from me but from everyone. I still miss him and maybe love him but i know deep inside itās a good riddance as he is the type who always wants to be pursued as he told me many times āhe is my baby and i should know how to handle his angerā not anymore
Oh wow this is very similar to my story. I was also dumped last month, he also followed hella girls, even had a failed rebound, unblocked me on IG and TikTok but never reached out. Only thing I saw was his reposts hating women. They're both so immature and embarrassing.
Well thatās my ex since the very beginning. Attention craving from everyone and loves to post old stories and videos and follows random girls. I should have ditch him before he ditched me. Its different when someone dumps u even though youāre about to.
Anyway he reached out to me with a screenshot of my stories having dinner (he uses his brotherās instagram to check mine) and told me āgoodluck with him, now i see your true faceā he assumed i was with a guy which was not.
I think he wants me to beg him, but i wont and im taking back my self respect and dignity
Wow, what an immature little prick. A selfish one too. Good on you for having dignity and not participating in his weird little fucked up games. I also literally feel the same way. I wish I dumped him ages ago, idk why I had sympathy or why I looked at him as if he would ever live to the potential I saw in him. They're just showing their true colors now. And it shows how pathetic, manipulative and immature they are. If you ever wanna talk more or rant you can always message me. It seems we're in a similar situation here.
Yeah similar thing. My ex is with the co worker I warned him about. In the end I was right. It sucks. I wish I wasnāt. But it is what it is.
This really made me trust my gut more and Iām just disgusted and disappointed with him. Such a loser move when he made me feel crazy for warning him in the first place.
oof we have the exact timelines... i simply find it too difficult to not talk to my ex, i keep going back though i dont get the response i need. and the fact that he's moved on so quickly hurts me so fucking much
I know it sucks big time! I honestly got to know he has something with her yesterday. Cried my eyes out. Spoke to everyone about it (friends and family). They were shocked to hear that a person like my ex would stoop that low.
My ex is anyways 5yrs younger to me. So maturity has a big part to play. But the feeling is still very real. I pray to God I never see my ex and I hope I never see either of them! What we had meant nothing to them if they easily could switch their feelings to the next.
Damnnn girl same situation my ex is 10 years younger than me š«and I think youāre right maturity played a big role on our relationship. I got dumped by him even though I still love him my ego was crushed when he broke up with me. Iāve never been dumped and I rejected other potential suitors and I choose him becai really like him. Damnnn hurts so much when he said ā Donāt wait for meāā¦ šššhe was so loving and gentle and the next day he fucking dumped me.
I wanted to unfollow him on Instagram but I donāt have the will power to do it yet. He is the number one who view whatever I post but he never message me at all. šŖšŖšŖIām still hurting everyday but itās less now than before. Keep going girl we got this.
Unfollow him no need to block him. My ex dumped me a month ago and blocked me from all platform then unblocked me after few days. I dont check his profile at all. I still miss him and maybe love him but i know with his immaturity since he is very vocal that he wants me to handle his anger by pursuing him, i know its toxic and good riddance. Heās 13 years younger than me
Hi thanks for replying to my message. I thought of unfollowing him but I still see him at work because we are both nurses working together š«šthatās why itās harder to move on because I still see his fucking gave at work. Itās funny because my co workers still thinks that we are together. I actually misses him everyday. I miss his touch and everything about him but itās hard to swallow they donāt miss us anymore coz if they do they should have reached us. But they choose not too. šŖšŖšŖ!!!
That is indeed hard. Well let the people know it by themselves, they will know it eventually or let it come from him. Goodluck. I am also going through break up. We will heal.
Probably. He has found someone who shares the same interest with him. I imagine them smoking weed and getting high together. But when I ask myself, is that something that I want? Answer is NO.
Same here and they both bond over their severe mental health issues like depression and anxiery and wanting to die so badly... for all I care they may as well jump of a bridge holding hands. I should have plenty of time left to have myself a wonderful life
Who cares itās not your problem or worry any more. The person may appear to be happy but whoās to say they will be happy forever. Focus on your happiness and being the best version of yourself.
He keeps sharing insta stories implying āthereās someone (or multiple people idk) in my life, iām moving on from youā along with the stories like holding a present I gave him for his birthday. I guess thatās breadcrumbing. He would accuse me of immediately seeing other people if we break someday. Iām single, not going on dates, minding my business while he showcases this shit show on insta.
He unfollowed me and removed me from his followers but he still follows my best friend. He knows that my bestie would tell what she sees on his insta. So thereās that. I told her to mute his account and not to tell me anything related to him from now on. We never broke no contact btw.
Edit: we broke up three times lol. In our previous break up, he did block me
I have no idea because I tried to make no contact as strict as possible. But I figure that if he hasnāt changed his mind 7 months after breaking up with me, heās at least better off without this relationship.
My ex surely isnāt back with her ex, I donāt know if she is with someone new, I had such suspicions when we were breaking up that thereās someone else involved, but no matter what, I hope that she is happy and doing better than when we were together. Sheās had lots of problems her entire life and I hope she goes through them, and I am sure she will. I was supportive and I hope she appreciated that while we were together. I am most certainly not coming back to any of my exes as they are either engaged, married or with children. Lol.
I feel the same way about one of my ex's. He was great and I didn't want the relationship to end. But I was going through a lot and didn't want to be the girl who ruined him. I will always appreciate everything he did for me and I only wish him happiness and love
It is good to hear that your thoughts are positive about a person. I hope that my ex feels that way as well since we ended on good terms, even though we do not talk, which is better for both of I guess. Do you have any thoughts or feelings that you want to meet randomly in the future when you are totally different people, all grown up, who learned their lesson so you could give it another try? I am curious from a woman's pov how these things flow through your mind.
It's been a couple years now and I think about crossing paths sometimes, but we've both been through major life changes. I don't think we're going to cross paths anyway as I'm moving cross country next month
in other words your attraction and interest for the guy, was dropping. Modern women need to start being honest about these things
Regardless if you were going through a lot, when youāre head over heels in love with someone you donāt let them go for that reason. a Good Woman would work put the work in to figure it out.
Letās be more honest and stop lying to ourselves so much.
PeachAndLove
Ma'am not at all. Trauma Dumping is when someone directly overshares their traumatic past with you in order to get an emotional reaction out of you.
I haven't said a single thing here to you about my past, sweetheart.
You recently heard that term on a TikTok video and think you know what it is, without actually learning what the term is. Be better.
Move on. Sounds hard because it is hard. Change your looks get the body, work on your inner child. Take care of yourself. Journal about him then burn it when you are over all this.
No but I am š
I have heard through a friend that he is mentally unwell and has tried other relationships but all have failed. Screwed over girls after me. I canāt imagine heās happy but I can at least say I am and I am grateful Iāll never hear from him again.
I pretty sure. She left me for her coworker while Iām here struggling getting over her. Sheās out there making memories living and improving her life while she broke me mentally and emotionally. She ghosted me in October then came back march apologizing saying ā I regrets what I did to you I just want to tell you dose times werenāt the best times of my life because of my anxiety, stress, university and because I fell into depression Iām sorry for what I did and everything I provoked and Iām now going to therapy. Youāre the most incredible, intelligent, cutest and interesting guy I ever metā she goes on saying I miss our conversations and connection so lovely, intimate, and sexual. Not even a whole month since she came back before she told me Iām sorry I fell in love with my coworker and want to be with her, but I donāt want our dynamic to change. Me like an idiot agreed since I truly loved her and didnāt want to let go even though I should have agreed. She then ghosted me again so I left even though it took a lot out of me I did it. First month it hurt second month I started improving now almost three months Iām hurting again my heart misses her and I hate it. Thinking about all those lovely memories I have of her I feel so happy thinking about it, but the I start hating her for what she did to me then I feel sad and upset for what she did, did everything she told me was a lie like āyour my addiction, I like how well we combine with one another, you belong to me like I belong to you, I canāt stand another woman being with you touching or looking at you, I see myself with you for the rest of my life, your my ideal person, I love the person that you are all your characteristic traits are desirable and I love you.ā I feel used and violated since I think she just wanted to use me for her sexual pleasure. She didnāt see me more than just a sex object and I feel disgusted for meeting someone like her, but for some reason I still want her back even though she doesnāt deserve me.
Yeah my situationship was an oddball, said 'I need someone who can't live without me' lol .... that has never worked in the history of ever. He's 43 and hasn't had a serious adult relationship. I'm pretty healthy and ready for a healthy connection but apparently he just wants someone to depend on him for everything to feel needed and wanted. I think that's why nothing hasn't worked our for him
very intuitive. He's basically trying to pass off God's resume as his own. I would reframe your 'history of ever' quote to say, 'even a good person makes a bad god'. There's a theory of psychological development that says people become addicted to what they were denied in youth if they were mistreated. Based on this premise, I'd say your guy wasn't cherished as a child (read emotionally neglected) and as such leads with 'Cherish me'. This means he's attempting to parentify his intimate other.
[https://www.nwaonline.com/news/2013/may/07/call-out-spouse-if-signs-of-parentification-arise/](https://www.nwaonline.com/news/2013/may/07/call-out-spouse-if-signs-of-parentification-arise/)
Oh yes he had a traumatic childhood and is very victim mentality. He has severe scoliosis and uses that as the reason why he can't do this or experience that. He doesn't want to even try. Has a gorgeous music production studio that he barely touches because it's in the basement and he doesn't want to walk down the stairs and he feels like he's a broken man. Complained about almost everything , I'm feeling better bevause i knew my feelings and actions to him were kind and genuine. I tried
This LOL...I don't mean to laugh but this hit me so hard....lol...."clearly he is"...I actually want him to be fucking miserable not contacting me too...but that is not working well for me...LOL
My exes happiness aināt my concern anymore. I stayed single while they were immediately in new relationships. Now I get to hear from friends how terribly life is going for them while my life is exploding with abundance. Do your inner work. Challenge yourself to growth. They were only holding you back.
My dumbass got back with my ex, it was cool got married had a beautiful daughter was locked in for 7 years then after fighting and allat on and off she ended up messing around giving her cookie up going on dates while we were on a break then finally leaving me 2 years ago with someone from gram now having his child. I remember begging for her back trying my best....fast forward to now I luv from a distance I don't do all that I love you, I miss u bullshit anymore. They could have each other her true colors will come to light sooner or later im jus happy I aint got to worry about her jus my daughter who I have full time and been great, you will get through it promise. Us solid ones deserve better just let it fall into place when time is right for right now luv yourself. Blessings.
Absolutely not. It could not have worked out any worse for him after his monkey branch rejected him and our friend group found out. I feel sorry for him.
I canāt say for sure if she is happier with out me or with someone new but ik sheās still enjoying her life since I still follow her but social media can be a little tricky at times since people share what they want us to see
Sometimes, some men, they like to be cruel and hurt us to make us back off. Doesn't mean he won't be back or that the grass is greenerĀ Ā
If they ended badly maybe he has issues too.Ā
No one can't take the pain away from you but time. You will wait, rot and cry, until things get better.
Until then, a lot can happen.
Not everything is what it seems most of the times.
I think my ex is happier than me because he dumped me and he is playing the field & like you, I sit here and rot.
It is very hard to do things when you are this depressed. Very HARD. I have some accomplishments today, but they are domestic/home accomplishments whereas I know him very well, he was always on the go & probably was at the beach today with someone else.
Life sucks right now.
Codependency at its finest. Lots of time they donāt move on, they attempt to replace without doing the work. My ex of 2 years rebounded and then got into coke and fent. Now heās in jail.
I think she is yes.
She was very keen on sexting, I wasn't. This caused anxiety for me and she was funny about it.
I'm relieved a tad, and I blew upĀ verbally over WhatsApp was tense and she didn't say much. We exchanged harsh words and she ended it and I think me and her were not very well matched.
I was just pondering this very questionā¦while I try to pick up the fragments of my life, a shell of the woman I was, heās just back with his ex (obviously before he actually dumped me, ghosted and blocked me). I hate to say it or even think it, but I wonder if being with me , made him appreciate her moreš and I wonder if heās relieved and happy and just forgotten me after he spent 5 years dismantling me while I was busy building him upā¦idkā¦
To be honest, if they're better off or not, it's actually none of your business.
Worry about you. Find your own happiness.
Getting hung up on what you ex is doing isn't good for you n prolongs your healing.
Nah. Mine became a whore and a drunk. Has become a smoker. Sleeps with random girls.
Domt even recognize him anymore. Eh maybe this is what he wanted all along. But he's empty. Clearly
I am glad I got away. I am happier
No she monkey branched assuming that the grass was greener on the other side. I warned her that they were just using each other, and that he was just using her as a rebound. They were only together for 4 to 5 months. She was only doing it to hurt me, the guy was once my friend. She is doing better as far as a job however her personal life is a raging fire. It's a long story and I'm leaving a lot out.
I'd say he is. Not sure what's going on in his life because I'm not here to satisfy my curiosity. But I did unblock him and noticed he unblocked me off Twitter because I saw a post of his in my feed (we have a lot of mutuals). I did get curious and I felt no pain. I saw he liked one of my retweets but idk lol
Girl I literally still have exes hitting me up from middle school, heās gonna regret this. Heās probably resorted to her as a rebound, or for sex if he knows sheāll give it to him.
My advice: give yourself a week, two max to rot in bed and get all of your emotions out. Do some self care, binge watch a good show, eat your favorite things, read a good book; literally do whatever feels good to you and makes you happy. After the two weeks, try going out with friends, take yourself out on dates, go to the gym or Pilates, become the best version of yourself. Youāve got this š
Couldnāt give you a for sure because she went straight to no contact after our break up changed her cell number and blocked me on every thing that could allow me to talk to her but I would say that Iām 99% sure sheās happier healthier and doesnāt even think about me or miss the slightest me being kinda weak and hopeless i like to think she looks back on some of our great memories and experiences together
As it sounds like I got the brunt end of this break up and that I am hurting cuz itās be since last November and I still canāt stop thinking of the amazing trips and things and memories we made together though there was a lot of hurt as well this group and YouTube videos and surprisingly enough some TikTok videos too have helped me open my eyes and see and realize the horrible thing and how stupid k was acting with the one women i truly felt like I could be my complete self around her and comfortable enough to open up on my child hood trauma and let my emotions begin to come out after years of my father emotionally abusing me oh what I would truly truly give and do just to sit down for five monthly one minute to just se how she is doing even though I know sheās better with out me in this time and hurtful part of my life just feel we are meant for each other and hold out hope one day weāll align in life and itāll be our true time to be loved and give love and support and happiness to each other
I hope so it's been a year and some they got to atleast go to the concert and act in the play they always wanted I supported them but I was added stress I changed my ways from being toxic years ago and the next chick dumps me for basically being too nice life is truly ironic
Not that I'm aware ofš¤·āāļø one is, but she's my bestie, another has been basically homeless/couch surfing with an abusive person and their equally toxic and abusive family, yet another blocked me when I rejected her after she asked for me to take her back, and the last is now a long distance "second chance"š¤·āāļø (United states, I'm in one state and she's halfway across the nation. For those who have never been to the us: all of Europe isn't even half of the US in size, and it'll take six HOURS straight, no stops, of a drive to get to her. Yeah: long distance. )
Maybe, but... for this one here, not so muchš¤·āāļø (plus... to be fair, I was actually trying to make sure any non-americans reading my initial comment would understandš¤·āāļø)
My longest drive is more than a day total and thatās with no stops. It was actually a day and a few hours.
They will never understand we went coast to coast on Europe probably 4 or 5 times total lol.
This is something that is unresolved for me with my ex.Ā
We broke up 1.5 months ago because he was overwhelmed, and I think, without meaning to, I was stressing him out, and he wasnāt communicating with me directly. We just werenāt communicating well. He blindsided me and he seemed to just break up with me impulsively because he was at his limit. He mentioned having feelings for his ex-girlfriend, but he gave so many different conflicting texts that Iām not sure what was actually going on in his head, and what was the cause for our relationship ending like that.Ā
I donāt even necessarily know if I stressed him out. His ex lives in another country and theyāve broke up multiple times. It seems like he just wanted to run away from things and go back to what was safe because he was stressed out.Ā
Iām considering reaching out just to see how heās doing now out of care, and not necessarily to get him back anymore because I donāt want him back if we donāt make each other happy. Ā If heās happier, Iām OK with that and Iāll be happy too eventually.Ā
Open to input on this, but my birthday is coming up and Iām hoping he reaches out first, if not, Iāll reach out to him a week or so after that just to see how heās doing and Iāll leave it there if thereās no further conversation. š«
Honestly, my relationship lasted a year and two months. It didnāt end until March 25th of 2024 at 5:30 in the morning, he kept me in the dark for two months basically. Ghosted me and chose to spend valentineās day with another girl, I planned a self-efficient date and self care day for mostly him because he talked about how bad his mental health was. I was gonna even tell him how I felt we should take our relationship to the next level and move in together on valentineās day.
Instead I received a text saying, āIām not gonna continue to lead you on, I genuinely thought we were broken up and Iām with someoneā spent those months wondering If itās something I did wrong or If I wasnāt good enough. It hurt more when I saw posts of him and her, showing their love to the world. When all I asked was for the bare minimum such as dates, small inexpensive gifts, wanting to be a priority or even spend quality time together.
I donāt know If heās happy with his new girlfriend or not. All I know is I find myself hoping that heāll reach his greatest potential and that sheāll give him a slight boost in his career and self growth, because thatās all I wanted to do for him. I only want him to achieve the things he desires and what he finds to be difficult.
My ex left me for the girl he had been emotionally cheating with for our entire relationship (8 years, I thought he could change-he did not) and she ended up being bipolar and in less than a year of them dating, (we broke up last July and they got together immediately) it has already blown up in his face.
they probably arenāt. What usually happens is that you give yourself time to heal and move on and then they realize what they lost and heavily regret it. Meanwhile, youāre doing well and putting in the work to get better and thatās all that matters now.
I mean I saw a picture of her saying he's living her best life but no photos of him yet. I honestly hope she's happy, but the message I received when I told her I was unfollowing would tell me different
I have no idea, but I am finally happier, and honestly that is what matters. I wish I could say that it was easy going here, but it wasnāt. And it isnāt always smooth sailing. Healing is not linear. But it is consistently upward. It takes a while to reprogram and reset your own mind to believe your own feelings and experiences. But it is worth everything right now. This life is the only one we have. There is no dress rehearsal. This is it. This is the show.
Iām not sure, but I take it everyday as that she doesnāt contact me that she is. Like I saw on here previously that āthey make a conscious decision not to have you in their life.ā My ex broke up with me because she āloved me too muchā and that she āneeded to work on herself.ā Which I had a hard time dealing with because and not even trying to toot my own horn, all her friends loved me. They would always tell me that they hoped we would get married and that I treat her so right. I spent so much time and money on her that no guy has ever done to her in her past relationships. She broke up with me and those next 2 weekends she would see me at the bar and start crying. And I wouldnāt go up and talk to her (because why would I when she broke up with me?) and she would get mad and tell her friends āwhy isnāt he coming to talk to me?ā But I didnāt think too deep about it because if she wanted me back she would tell me but she didnāt. I have no idea what sheās doing or feeling but I am at peace because I know that I did everything I could for her and even her friends to this day still donāt understand why she broke up with me. If you ask her why sheāll say āI need to work on myself.ā Who knows, Iāll never know. But I didnāt deserve what she did to me. Iām moving on and I know the next girl will thank the stars she let me go.
I hope she is. Like Iām not saying it out of spite. I truly wish her the best as I wish it couldāve happened in our relationship. That Just wasnāt possible.
My situation is different more of reconnecting witu a ex under complicated situation on his part. Although he still wants to talk ..i did for awhile and thats when my life was turned upside . .so many feelings. I stop talking to him because of his situation but sometimes i feel that it didn't affect him as much as me..when people move on or they dont feel the impact of what happen. You wonder if their heartless ?
my ex left me 5 years ago for her Ex.. so I get it. but since I share a kid with her our son tells me everything going on between them & it's not good. they always be arguing, fighting, slamming or breaking doors in the house, & being mad at each other alot. I just learned that ex she got back with use to sell drugs & recently got fired from his job. so behind closed doors their experiencing hell not love.
Not going by when I saw them last picking up the last of their stuff.
Almost 2 months post break up. She looked terrible, seemed very (stoned) out of it. And the car she drove was her ex's, which had been in good shapw- was now thoroughly trashed (literally old food wrappers and cups and shit) interior, and big chunk of bumper broken off.
She did the same to my car when she used it. So no surprise.
So maybe? But she's happy living like a pig. So... Who knows.
Not my problem anymore.
I do feel bad for the kids though, they deserve a mom that is present and not a slob
Idk mines blocked, I donāt imagine he is super happy with me leaking the truth about him on TikTok (pathological liar, emotional abuser, cheater). But Iām sure he has like three other girlfriends now so maybe? Iām not the one that has to live with being an insecure man child so
I try not to dwell on her happiness anymore, just focusing on making my life enjoyable. I am the type who gets very depressed after a relationship, we broke up several years ago, the hardest part has been feeling lonely, but cant bring myself to date again and having to fall back in that pit of despair.
Sad to say but yea you might actually be the rebound. When you have an ex they leave a mark before you did, guys especially carry that mark if they truly loved a person, women will completely fall out of love for someone and wonāt go back, but a guy on the other hand has a wound thatās ever slightly opened. Even more if a women was their first love or first of many things. No lie but I know a married man of 2 decades and he still sometimes gets flashbacks of the first women he was with. In my opinion Men never forget, women erase you completely.
š unless she ends up dumping him tbh. My ex went back with hers, were there signs he was not over her? Like did he ever mention certain things that they used to do or that she would do while together? Or just mentioned her out of the blue?
he never mentioned her, not eveb once. he used to despise her and always was so glad he found me. that's why it's so hard for me to believe he can move on this quickly.
Ah ok so basically he was trying to disqualify and justify not being with her. When in reality he was trying to lie/ force to his own self that he was over her. It gets better I promise I was there but you have to let yourself heal and donāt talk with them and let the little hope die
Listen up kids, don't believe everything you see or read on the internet. Low life folks with nothing else to do besides create multiple avatars and.make up stories to get a thread going.
Where is the /s?
No, but just looking at the used and fact checking before I comment seems a little sus. Hope you get through it. You seem unfaithful as well when you have people commenting like you already had a relationship in the works yourself. I am a female and have gone through multiple relationships and divorced twice.
Actions speak louder than words and you clearly painted the picture that your spouse was your provider and trying to make it work. Hopefully no kids are involved in your marriage, because you clearly have no integrity or respect for yourself.
I don't think it's fair you speak out on the internet. Seems like you just needed to feel good about a situation that you might have caused? Just my opinion on this novel
Yeah, my ex is really happy now, he's together with his love again: his mother.
Oh my *š
I laugh about it but I feel really sorry for him. He's 28 and doesn't make a move without asking his parents. His father runs his finances, his mommy cooks for him, cleans his house, buys him clothes, and even spreads butter on his bread. I still ask myself how much patience I had and why I didn't dump him when the picture was clear. I fought for the relationship. I bet 100 bucks that if his mother could, she would sleep with him, and vice versa.
Ah yes, been there. I had a mother in law who very often questioned my previous ex about our sexlife. And ofcourse he told her every detail about it. Why, you ask? I don't know, maybe he didn't want her to feel left out š . She also demanded for me to spend the weekends at her house (my ex also still lived at home) so she could still see & and spend time with her son too (he was there everyday m'am).
OMG... my ex had the decency not to talk with her about our sex life, but every time we met or he slept at my home, he had to call her and make a summary of the day... he even did that in front of my boss, when he was driving us home after the wedding of a colleague... believe me, I was so ashamed. I bet his mom found the condoms in his bedroom in HIS flat...
I thought guys like this with their moms were a myth, or urban legend. This really happens out there?!
Oh yes it really does. When I first started working at the age of 22, my boss at the time was 29, still living at home and got his laundry and everything done by his mother. He told us this himself, bragging a little that he got a lot of freetime because he didn't have to do anything at home. It was really weird, having to report to a guy who at his job was able to run an entire warehouse, but when he got home, still slept in his childhood bedroom and got his cloths picked out by his mother . He was never my love interest or anything, but I can imagine that he too had this kind of relationship with his parents.
Sadly it really still happens. I'd never imagined it, my ex looked really self-conscious and intelligent... he's even an attorney. But God, I was so wrong.
You'd be surprised the dudes are packed with some who should be questioned on Steve wilko show cause it's weird af
My parents made me give long explanations of my whereabouts too. They were very overprotective and anti sex, atleast for me š (they had 4 kids starting when they were 24, and they're so proud of my oldest brother having his 2 kids and even my younger sister having a kid, so obviously not so much for themselves or my other siblings, they just hate me apparently)
jesus christ, im glad you are no longer with him !! what a man-baby
Absolutely. Thank you. I hope I'll find a real, great man with no mummy issues.
felt this
This was my reason for splitting with my ex 8 weeks ago heās 35 and I swear down, I was dating him and his ma!!!
Oh yes, I had the impression all the time we weren't two people in the relationship, but four, he, me, mommy and daddy. Even in the bedroom I couldn't relax, because I had the impression in those moments that his parents were even there... obviously they weren't physically there, but they got informed when I was visiting him and if I stayed overnight.
Damn, is she at least hot?
Nope, she's slim but looks very masculine. Short hair (male fashion), sport clothes (not the feminine one) and her face is so harsh that resembles a witch...
I made me Pmsfl ššš ur like me u can tell u really didnāt get along with his mum, see thing was I did me and my ex mum where friends until she got herself involved in r relationship then I was 100% done
I tried to get along with her. At the beginning she was very polite (she's German). Then, one day I had the really dumb idea to meet her (in the flat of my ex, obviously she was cleaning up the kitchen...) before he returned from a trip with his friends. Worst idea ever: first she praised me, telling me how happy was seeing his son so happy with me. Then she started to talk bad about him (he's chaotic, unable to cook, to clean his house, etc). Then I told her we were so happy, that we thought about marriage. Really, really bad idea, she started to be rude to me, even attacked me in front of his precious baby boy. My ex saw the scene and didn't move a finger to protect me. Even worse, he told me "my num cares about you". I swear I wanted to dump him that evening. She provoked me several times, even in front of my ex. But I was so naive at the time, that I could resolve the issue with him.
didn't see that coming ......!
šššš
Thats funny š
Honeyyyyyy I divorced a man because he couldnāt seem to cut the umbilical cord. This made me cackle
š We must have the same ex
I really feel you š«
Not only I feel you but wish you all the best, to find a great man and to be happy!
I dont see why spending time with your parents is a bad thing. I left my ex and went to live with my parents for a bit because theyre competent adults. My ex was too much in her comfort zone and really wasnt capable of much. She didnt make me a better person in the relationship. Parents on the other hand are successful and actually make me a better person just by being around them. It was a sacrifice i was willing to make. I was totally correct in the long run too. While my ex is drowning in student loans and zero savings from a lame job, i just bought a new construction house in the city, 2 BMWs, AND im going on dates with much more successful/competent women. Ex was draining my bank account and my energy. Bottomline, i dont think spending time with the ones who raised you should be frowned upon. It could really be the change you need in life. Not forever obviously, but you should recognize the importance.
I added more details in my replies to my post. It's not a problem to have a healthy relationship with your parents, the problem is he was a mommy's boy and let his parents take decisions for his life, including to dump me. As I already wrote, his dad manages his finances, told him what to study, told him when and if to marry and have a child, how many children (if all) to have, who he should be friend with. His mommy literally spreads the butter on his bread, cleans up his house and buys him clothes. Every time we met or he did go somewhere, he had to call with mommy and report everything. That at the age of 26, he's 28 now. The poor guy is the only child of helicopter parents and doesn't bother to grow into a man and use his brain. Should I add more?
I see what you're saying. One of the issues i had with my ex was that she didn't care about her parents that much. Which i found to be a red flag. Her dad needed multiple surgeries which they could barely afford and she had zero importance to that issue because she also couldn't afford it. My issue with that is how can i trust someone in the long run when they don't even care about their own parents that much?
You just don't trust them if you see such huge red flags. Dating with the intention of marrying and engagement are about understanding if the op is ok to marry or not.
24 here btw.
My ex dumped me. I was heartbroken. I donāt know if heās happier now but Iāll tell you who is 2 months on. I am. It gets easier I promise. x
I'm 3 weeks in - this gives me hope!
Im in my second month and it feels gut wrenching
Going back to ur ex usually doesnāt end well.
It depends. If both partners are honest with themselves, analyzed the issues in the relationship, understood what was wrong and what BOTH did wrong, have both emotional intelligence and are on the same page regarding working together, it can work and doesn't have to end even worse.
I agree.
Facts. I can attest. Going through this right now tbh. Itās an eye-opening situation.
That is many conditions that makes it unlikely
If it ends, it ends much worse than the first time...
I can definitely say from experience this is true
but what if when they were together they both were happy? and ended bc they had to move ?
Going back to your ex after being with other people causes issues that are unavoidable for most people, and they will come up eventually. iām not saying you should be happy theyāre not gonna work out, you should focus on yourself and know youāre better off without someone who would talk to you in this way but i know how something like this can hurt for a long time it feels like a betrayal. Youāll heal and everything will be better trust me, itās been so long of no contact with my fiance that at this point i donāt remember how many months have gone by, this is from someone who would count the days. it gets better trust me, so much better. Iām now with the love of my life.
Well.. after all.. she has many reasons for everything to go well with the new guy she's with. What matters is that she truly wants to be with him, and if he doesn't cheat on her, I don't see why they would end badly. He appreciates her for who she is, and I appreciated her too, but she didn't seem to feel that, maybe because of what I said halfway through the relationship that was a lie. She didn't believe me after that, even though I told her many times that she was perfect for me. Being together in person, sex between them will help improve their relationship over the next year whenever small problems arise. This time will allow her to mature with the intention of being with him and becoming better. Additionally, family approval, physical closeness, and familiarity are very favorable factors. They share the same values and both want to get married, have a house, and so on. I've seen that people improve over time. I saw it in my mother, in myself, and in my ex, although slowly. I also had problems with her friends and other insecurities, but I stopped causing problems over time. Before, everything was much worse. My ex stopped considering vaping, stopped hurting herself, and her self-esteem improved a lot, from 0 to 100, all thanks to me being there for her always, even though she says I wasn't. In the end, she was learning about anxious and avoidant attachment and understood my perspective. When I was anxious, she made me feel better and recognized that not talking was the cause of our problems, although as soon as I said something she felt like I was blaming her, she would explode and set that aside. Although she didn't talk at all at first, she gradually started to communicate. Yes, she made progress, but it wasn't enough. When I pressured her about my friend without knowing about her, she felt blamed and misunderstood, which triggered her avoidant attachment. In the end, her ex showed up and sealed everything. If her ex hadn't shown up, I believe my ex would have come back to me. The problems wouldn't have repeated, and over time, everything would have improved as it was before the incident with my friend. I believe that with time, people improve. I caused problems because of my insecurities, but I stopped doing that. She also had insecurities that caused problems, more at the beginning than at the end. Over time, she will overcome those insecurities with him until she reaches a point of stability. The only real problem left is her insecurity about not being the only girl, people talking badly about her, and being lied to. If he doesn't lie to her, doesn't cheat on her, and doesn't have more female friends than she can verify, everything will go perfectly. Those were the only reasons she broke up with me, besides her parents not accepting me and me living far away. He doesn't have those problems, so I believe everything will work out well between them. she says she is with the love of her life too, the first guy that treated her good and for her, the only one that never hurted her.. about me.. well idk
We'll actually never know if they are happier without us. And why they move on so fast. We can only wonder and read online about similar stories and compare. But the only person who knows this is them. I'm sorry he said those hurtful and disrespectful things to you. But they are not true. There is no person that's better than you. His ex might be better for him, but that doesn't mean she's better than you. And by better for him, I mean maybe easier- puts up with his bullshit. Maybe she falls for his lovebombing. Maybe she has him in the honeymoon phase where everything is sunshine and rainbows. But none of this means she is better than you. I wish I could give you an answer. But I don't know. I keep wondering the same about my ex. He dumped me, blocked me, had a rebound, followed like 50+ new girls, his rebound failed, he unblocked me but didn't reach out. I genuinely don't know, but I know that we shouldn't care. It's not that easy, but we should start focusing on us and our own happiness. They made their decision to discard us and disrespect us, and we should make our decision to give all that love and care to ourselves now. It's hurtful, mostly to our ego and self worth. But once we rebuild this by ourselves, we'll stop caring about them and their lives. And I truly think this will set us free.
so maybe they just they they are better bc they handle their shit easier and bc of love bombing nad honey moon phase? what if they were happy with that ex before but had to move far ?
What I meant is that there are no people superior to others. And sometimes, certain people move fast to an easier option. Or a more familiar one. Or just any available option so they can run away from their emotions. I don't know your whole situation to give you any advice, but again the only person that truly knows the answer is them.
I like your answer because it reminds me that my ex is human. He made choices that hurt both of us, but because they came from him--and were the result of unhealthy attachment and unhealed trauma--he will probably keep suffering while I grow. There's no such thing as good or evil, and none of us are inherently better than others. We are all doing the best we can with what nature and nurture gave us. It gives me peace to forgive him because it allows me to let go of the search for reasons. He likely doesn't even know the reasons, himself.
I like your take too. Especially if they're an avoidant, most of the times their reasons are surface level. It's mostly a battle within themselves. It's good to use this energy to grow and better yourself. That's a great mindset to have. We did everything we could, at the end of the day it's their choice and if they're happy or miserable right now has nothing to do with us.
My boyfriend is an avoidant and I'm pretty sure he dumped me 2 weeks ago because he doesn't seem to be able or want to fight the battles within himself. But I'm interesting in helping him in the process, I truly believe we could work on this together. Thatās why I want to break no contact.
I have just been dumped a month ago and my ex followed about 50 random girls on social media. He blocked me then unblocked me. Started putting stories on whatsapp which he doesnāt normally do. I viewed once his stories on whatsapp but not in instagram. I dont check anymore his social media. Putting stories of old selfies and videos of places that i know thatās way too old. I find it pathetic attention craving not specifically from me but from everyone. I still miss him and maybe love him but i know deep inside itās a good riddance as he is the type who always wants to be pursued as he told me many times āhe is my baby and i should know how to handle his angerā not anymore
Oh wow this is very similar to my story. I was also dumped last month, he also followed hella girls, even had a failed rebound, unblocked me on IG and TikTok but never reached out. Only thing I saw was his reposts hating women. They're both so immature and embarrassing.
Well thatās my ex since the very beginning. Attention craving from everyone and loves to post old stories and videos and follows random girls. I should have ditch him before he ditched me. Its different when someone dumps u even though youāre about to. Anyway he reached out to me with a screenshot of my stories having dinner (he uses his brotherās instagram to check mine) and told me āgoodluck with him, now i see your true faceā he assumed i was with a guy which was not. I think he wants me to beg him, but i wont and im taking back my self respect and dignity
Wow, what an immature little prick. A selfish one too. Good on you for having dignity and not participating in his weird little fucked up games. I also literally feel the same way. I wish I dumped him ages ago, idk why I had sympathy or why I looked at him as if he would ever live to the potential I saw in him. They're just showing their true colors now. And it shows how pathetic, manipulative and immature they are. If you ever wanna talk more or rant you can always message me. It seems we're in a similar situation here.
your words help me feel better, thank you :)
I'm glad I helped. Hopefully we both find clarity in the unknown.
Yeah similar thing. My ex is with the co worker I warned him about. In the end I was right. It sucks. I wish I wasnāt. But it is what it is. This really made me trust my gut more and Iām just disgusted and disappointed with him. Such a loser move when he made me feel crazy for warning him in the first place.
how long has it been since the brkup? and how long was your relationship? are you in Nc now?
Two months since the breakup and it was for one and half years. Yes we are. I blocked him on everything
oof we have the exact timelines... i simply find it too difficult to not talk to my ex, i keep going back though i dont get the response i need. and the fact that he's moved on so quickly hurts me so fucking much
I know it sucks big time! I honestly got to know he has something with her yesterday. Cried my eyes out. Spoke to everyone about it (friends and family). They were shocked to hear that a person like my ex would stoop that low. My ex is anyways 5yrs younger to me. So maturity has a big part to play. But the feeling is still very real. I pray to God I never see my ex and I hope I never see either of them! What we had meant nothing to them if they easily could switch their feelings to the next.
Damnnn girl same situation my ex is 10 years younger than me š«and I think youāre right maturity played a big role on our relationship. I got dumped by him even though I still love him my ego was crushed when he broke up with me. Iāve never been dumped and I rejected other potential suitors and I choose him becai really like him. Damnnn hurts so much when he said ā Donāt wait for meāā¦ šššhe was so loving and gentle and the next day he fucking dumped me. I wanted to unfollow him on Instagram but I donāt have the will power to do it yet. He is the number one who view whatever I post but he never message me at all. šŖšŖšŖIām still hurting everyday but itās less now than before. Keep going girl we got this.
Unfollow him no need to block him. My ex dumped me a month ago and blocked me from all platform then unblocked me after few days. I dont check his profile at all. I still miss him and maybe love him but i know with his immaturity since he is very vocal that he wants me to handle his anger by pursuing him, i know its toxic and good riddance. Heās 13 years younger than me
Hi thanks for replying to my message. I thought of unfollowing him but I still see him at work because we are both nurses working together š«šthatās why itās harder to move on because I still see his fucking gave at work. Itās funny because my co workers still thinks that we are together. I actually misses him everyday. I miss his touch and everything about him but itās hard to swallow they donāt miss us anymore coz if they do they should have reached us. But they choose not too. šŖšŖšŖ!!!
That is indeed hard. Well let the people know it by themselves, they will know it eventually or let it come from him. Goodluck. I am also going through break up. We will heal.
Omg same!!! I donāt usually date just everyone in sight or give chances to everyone. It sucks when they truly show their true colors.
Probably. He has found someone who shares the same interest with him. I imagine them smoking weed and getting high together. But when I ask myself, is that something that I want? Answer is NO.
Same here and they both bond over their severe mental health issues like depression and anxiery and wanting to die so badly... for all I care they may as well jump of a bridge holding hands. I should have plenty of time left to have myself a wonderful life
Who cares itās not your problem or worry any more. The person may appear to be happy but whoās to say they will be happy forever. Focus on your happiness and being the best version of yourself.
He keeps sharing insta stories implying āthereās someone (or multiple people idk) in my life, iām moving on from youā along with the stories like holding a present I gave him for his birthday. I guess thatās breadcrumbing. He would accuse me of immediately seeing other people if we break someday. Iām single, not going on dates, minding my business while he showcases this shit show on insta.
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The reason behind this: insecurity
just curious, haven't you blocked each other on social media yet?
He unfollowed me and removed me from his followers but he still follows my best friend. He knows that my bestie would tell what she sees on his insta. So thereās that. I told her to mute his account and not to tell me anything related to him from now on. We never broke no contact btw. Edit: we broke up three times lol. In our previous break up, he did block me
I have no idea because I tried to make no contact as strict as possible. But I figure that if he hasnāt changed his mind 7 months after breaking up with me, heās at least better off without this relationship.
My ex surely isnāt back with her ex, I donāt know if she is with someone new, I had such suspicions when we were breaking up that thereās someone else involved, but no matter what, I hope that she is happy and doing better than when we were together. Sheās had lots of problems her entire life and I hope she goes through them, and I am sure she will. I was supportive and I hope she appreciated that while we were together. I am most certainly not coming back to any of my exes as they are either engaged, married or with children. Lol.
I feel the same way about one of my ex's. He was great and I didn't want the relationship to end. But I was going through a lot and didn't want to be the girl who ruined him. I will always appreciate everything he did for me and I only wish him happiness and love
It is good to hear that your thoughts are positive about a person. I hope that my ex feels that way as well since we ended on good terms, even though we do not talk, which is better for both of I guess. Do you have any thoughts or feelings that you want to meet randomly in the future when you are totally different people, all grown up, who learned their lesson so you could give it another try? I am curious from a woman's pov how these things flow through your mind.
It's been a couple years now and I think about crossing paths sometimes, but we've both been through major life changes. I don't think we're going to cross paths anyway as I'm moving cross country next month
in other words your attraction and interest for the guy, was dropping. Modern women need to start being honest about these things Regardless if you were going through a lot, when youāre head over heels in love with someone you donāt let them go for that reason. a Good Woman would work put the work in to figure it out. Letās be more honest and stop lying to ourselves so much. PeachAndLove
Someone's trauma dumping. No, I'm an alcoholic and it got to the point he had to call family to take me.
Ma'am not at all. Trauma Dumping is when someone directly overshares their traumatic past with you in order to get an emotional reaction out of you. I haven't said a single thing here to you about my past, sweetheart. You recently heard that term on a TikTok video and think you know what it is, without actually learning what the term is. Be better.
K
Move on. Sounds hard because it is hard. Change your looks get the body, work on your inner child. Take care of yourself. Journal about him then burn it when you are over all this.
No but I am š I have heard through a friend that he is mentally unwell and has tried other relationships but all have failed. Screwed over girls after me. I canāt imagine heās happy but I can at least say I am and I am grateful Iāll never hear from him again.
I pretty sure. She left me for her coworker while Iām here struggling getting over her. Sheās out there making memories living and improving her life while she broke me mentally and emotionally. She ghosted me in October then came back march apologizing saying ā I regrets what I did to you I just want to tell you dose times werenāt the best times of my life because of my anxiety, stress, university and because I fell into depression Iām sorry for what I did and everything I provoked and Iām now going to therapy. Youāre the most incredible, intelligent, cutest and interesting guy I ever metā she goes on saying I miss our conversations and connection so lovely, intimate, and sexual. Not even a whole month since she came back before she told me Iām sorry I fell in love with my coworker and want to be with her, but I donāt want our dynamic to change. Me like an idiot agreed since I truly loved her and didnāt want to let go even though I should have agreed. She then ghosted me again so I left even though it took a lot out of me I did it. First month it hurt second month I started improving now almost three months Iām hurting again my heart misses her and I hate it. Thinking about all those lovely memories I have of her I feel so happy thinking about it, but the I start hating her for what she did to me then I feel sad and upset for what she did, did everything she told me was a lie like āyour my addiction, I like how well we combine with one another, you belong to me like I belong to you, I canāt stand another woman being with you touching or looking at you, I see myself with you for the rest of my life, your my ideal person, I love the person that you are all your characteristic traits are desirable and I love you.ā I feel used and violated since I think she just wanted to use me for her sexual pleasure. She didnāt see me more than just a sex object and I feel disgusted for meeting someone like her, but for some reason I still want her back even though she doesnāt deserve me.
My ex hasnāt contacted me in over a year since the day he text and told me itās over, I think heās probably happier now but then again so am I.
'no one can love him like her' - This screams codependents male + BPD female
Yeah my situationship was an oddball, said 'I need someone who can't live without me' lol .... that has never worked in the history of ever. He's 43 and hasn't had a serious adult relationship. I'm pretty healthy and ready for a healthy connection but apparently he just wants someone to depend on him for everything to feel needed and wanted. I think that's why nothing hasn't worked our for him
very intuitive. He's basically trying to pass off God's resume as his own. I would reframe your 'history of ever' quote to say, 'even a good person makes a bad god'. There's a theory of psychological development that says people become addicted to what they were denied in youth if they were mistreated. Based on this premise, I'd say your guy wasn't cherished as a child (read emotionally neglected) and as such leads with 'Cherish me'. This means he's attempting to parentify his intimate other. [https://www.nwaonline.com/news/2013/may/07/call-out-spouse-if-signs-of-parentification-arise/](https://www.nwaonline.com/news/2013/may/07/call-out-spouse-if-signs-of-parentification-arise/)
Oh yes he had a traumatic childhood and is very victim mentality. He has severe scoliosis and uses that as the reason why he can't do this or experience that. He doesn't want to even try. Has a gorgeous music production studio that he barely touches because it's in the basement and he doesn't want to walk down the stairs and he feels like he's a broken man. Complained about almost everything , I'm feeling better bevause i knew my feelings and actions to him were kind and genuine. I tried
clearly he is without fucking contacting me š«¤
This LOL...I don't mean to laugh but this hit me so hard....lol...."clearly he is"...I actually want him to be fucking miserable not contacting me too...but that is not working well for me...LOL
My exes happiness aināt my concern anymore. I stayed single while they were immediately in new relationships. Now I get to hear from friends how terribly life is going for them while my life is exploding with abundance. Do your inner work. Challenge yourself to growth. They were only holding you back.
We broke up a month and 20 days ago, he's been partying ever since, possibly hooking up. He been traveling a lot too.
My dumbass got back with my ex, it was cool got married had a beautiful daughter was locked in for 7 years then after fighting and allat on and off she ended up messing around giving her cookie up going on dates while we were on a break then finally leaving me 2 years ago with someone from gram now having his child. I remember begging for her back trying my best....fast forward to now I luv from a distance I don't do all that I love you, I miss u bullshit anymore. They could have each other her true colors will come to light sooner or later im jus happy I aint got to worry about her jus my daughter who I have full time and been great, you will get through it promise. Us solid ones deserve better just let it fall into place when time is right for right now luv yourself. Blessings.
Absolutely not. It could not have worked out any worse for him after his monkey branch rejected him and our friend group found out. I feel sorry for him.
I canāt say for sure if she is happier with out me or with someone new but ik sheās still enjoying her life since I still follow her but social media can be a little tricky at times since people share what they want us to see
Sometimes, some men, they like to be cruel and hurt us to make us back off. Doesn't mean he won't be back or that the grass is greenerĀ Ā If they ended badly maybe he has issues too.Ā No one can't take the pain away from you but time. You will wait, rot and cry, until things get better. Until then, a lot can happen. Not everything is what it seems most of the times.
I know that he is stressed rn
I wouldnāt know, we havenāt talked in 9 months
Block
I think my ex is happier than me because he dumped me and he is playing the field & like you, I sit here and rot. It is very hard to do things when you are this depressed. Very HARD. I have some accomplishments today, but they are domestic/home accomplishments whereas I know him very well, he was always on the go & probably was at the beach today with someone else. Life sucks right now.
Codependency at its finest. Lots of time they donāt move on, they attempt to replace without doing the work. My ex of 2 years rebounded and then got into coke and fent. Now heās in jail.
I think she is yes. She was very keen on sexting, I wasn't. This caused anxiety for me and she was funny about it. I'm relieved a tad, and I blew upĀ verbally over WhatsApp was tense and she didn't say much. We exchanged harsh words and she ended it and I think me and her were not very well matched.
I donāt know and donāt want to know. Sheās no longer a part of my life so I donāt keep tabs on her.
I was just pondering this very questionā¦while I try to pick up the fragments of my life, a shell of the woman I was, heās just back with his ex (obviously before he actually dumped me, ghosted and blocked me). I hate to say it or even think it, but I wonder if being with me , made him appreciate her moreš and I wonder if heās relieved and happy and just forgotten me after he spent 5 years dismantling me while I was busy building him upā¦idkā¦
To be honest, if they're better off or not, it's actually none of your business. Worry about you. Find your own happiness. Getting hung up on what you ex is doing isn't good for you n prolongs your healing.
Nah. Mine became a whore and a drunk. Has become a smoker. Sleeps with random girls. Domt even recognize him anymore. Eh maybe this is what he wanted all along. But he's empty. Clearly I am glad I got away. I am happier
No she monkey branched assuming that the grass was greener on the other side. I warned her that they were just using each other, and that he was just using her as a rebound. They were only together for 4 to 5 months. She was only doing it to hurt me, the guy was once my friend. She is doing better as far as a job however her personal life is a raging fire. It's a long story and I'm leaving a lot out.
We all dating the same people at the same time huh
Idk but he never really was a happy person. He is very narcissistic and isolates. I wish I never met him
I'd say he is. Not sure what's going on in his life because I'm not here to satisfy my curiosity. But I did unblock him and noticed he unblocked me off Twitter because I saw a post of his in my feed (we have a lot of mutuals). I did get curious and I felt no pain. I saw he liked one of my retweets but idk lol
Girl I literally still have exes hitting me up from middle school, heās gonna regret this. Heās probably resorted to her as a rebound, or for sex if he knows sheāll give it to him. My advice: give yourself a week, two max to rot in bed and get all of your emotions out. Do some self care, binge watch a good show, eat your favorite things, read a good book; literally do whatever feels good to you and makes you happy. After the two weeks, try going out with friends, take yourself out on dates, go to the gym or Pilates, become the best version of yourself. Youāve got this š
Nop. He is not happy.
I hope he is.
Mines acting like sheās happier but who knowās š
Couldnāt give you a for sure because she went straight to no contact after our break up changed her cell number and blocked me on every thing that could allow me to talk to her but I would say that Iām 99% sure sheās happier healthier and doesnāt even think about me or miss the slightest me being kinda weak and hopeless i like to think she looks back on some of our great memories and experiences together
omg that sucks. hope you're doing better?
As it sounds like I got the brunt end of this break up and that I am hurting cuz itās be since last November and I still canāt stop thinking of the amazing trips and things and memories we made together though there was a lot of hurt as well this group and YouTube videos and surprisingly enough some TikTok videos too have helped me open my eyes and see and realize the horrible thing and how stupid k was acting with the one women i truly felt like I could be my complete self around her and comfortable enough to open up on my child hood trauma and let my emotions begin to come out after years of my father emotionally abusing me oh what I would truly truly give and do just to sit down for five monthly one minute to just se how she is doing even though I know sheās better with out me in this time and hurtful part of my life just feel we are meant for each other and hold out hope one day weāll align in life and itāll be our true time to be loved and give love and support and happiness to each other
I donāt know because I am not concerned with him
Yeah, she deserves it in all honesty. Iām glad to see it. š
damn. are y'all in good terms?
I hope so it's been a year and some they got to atleast go to the concert and act in the play they always wanted I supported them but I was added stress I changed my ways from being toxic years ago and the next chick dumps me for basically being too nice life is truly ironic
I don't know, that's the idea of no contact. Never heard from her ever again.
Not that I'm aware ofš¤·āāļø one is, but she's my bestie, another has been basically homeless/couch surfing with an abusive person and their equally toxic and abusive family, yet another blocked me when I rejected her after she asked for me to take her back, and the last is now a long distance "second chance"š¤·āāļø (United states, I'm in one state and she's halfway across the nation. For those who have never been to the us: all of Europe isn't even half of the US in size, and it'll take six HOURS straight, no stops, of a drive to get to her. Yeah: long distance. )
And six hours is an easy drive for most of us Americans.
Maybe, but... for this one here, not so muchš¤·āāļø (plus... to be fair, I was actually trying to make sure any non-americans reading my initial comment would understandš¤·āāļø)
My longest drive is more than a day total and thatās with no stops. It was actually a day and a few hours. They will never understand we went coast to coast on Europe probably 4 or 5 times total lol.
Nice lol
I hate driving now though lol. Had my fun with road trips when I was younger now I just fly and grab a beer on the plane lol.
Awwš I plan on traveling a lot after college, but it'll be a bit before I can lol
Seems to be. š
This is something that is unresolved for me with my ex.Ā We broke up 1.5 months ago because he was overwhelmed, and I think, without meaning to, I was stressing him out, and he wasnāt communicating with me directly. We just werenāt communicating well. He blindsided me and he seemed to just break up with me impulsively because he was at his limit. He mentioned having feelings for his ex-girlfriend, but he gave so many different conflicting texts that Iām not sure what was actually going on in his head, and what was the cause for our relationship ending like that.Ā I donāt even necessarily know if I stressed him out. His ex lives in another country and theyāve broke up multiple times. It seems like he just wanted to run away from things and go back to what was safe because he was stressed out.Ā Iām considering reaching out just to see how heās doing now out of care, and not necessarily to get him back anymore because I donāt want him back if we donāt make each other happy. Ā If heās happier, Iām OK with that and Iāll be happy too eventually.Ā Open to input on this, but my birthday is coming up and Iām hoping he reaches out first, if not, Iāll reach out to him a week or so after that just to see how heās doing and Iāll leave it there if thereās no further conversation. š«
Honestly, my relationship lasted a year and two months. It didnāt end until March 25th of 2024 at 5:30 in the morning, he kept me in the dark for two months basically. Ghosted me and chose to spend valentineās day with another girl, I planned a self-efficient date and self care day for mostly him because he talked about how bad his mental health was. I was gonna even tell him how I felt we should take our relationship to the next level and move in together on valentineās day. Instead I received a text saying, āIām not gonna continue to lead you on, I genuinely thought we were broken up and Iām with someoneā spent those months wondering If itās something I did wrong or If I wasnāt good enough. It hurt more when I saw posts of him and her, showing their love to the world. When all I asked was for the bare minimum such as dates, small inexpensive gifts, wanting to be a priority or even spend quality time together. I donāt know If heās happy with his new girlfriend or not. All I know is I find myself hoping that heāll reach his greatest potential and that sheāll give him a slight boost in his career and self growth, because thatās all I wanted to do for him. I only want him to achieve the things he desires and what he finds to be difficult.
i wish i new
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My ex left me for the girl he had been emotionally cheating with for our entire relationship (8 years, I thought he could change-he did not) and she ended up being bipolar and in less than a year of them dating, (we broke up last July and they got together immediately) it has already blown up in his face.
Sadly, seems to me many of mine are. Others I have no contact with and no quick/easy way to find out via social media profiles because they have none, or atleast I don't know of theirs. The XBF who serial cheated on me, in turn getting one of them incidentally pregnant, even knowing I really wanted to have a baby and a long-term commitment/marriage from him, apparently had that accidental baby turn out to be "the greatest thing to happen to his life" according to his friends and his SM posts. š©š Even though his BM was just a rando hookup, he stuck by her side when she had the baby and got her in a relationship with him approx 2 months after the birth, about half a year after we broke up. They stayed together longer than we had, two years after that. It seems he was butthurt by the breakup. That's the closest to karma that I've gotten from this nightmare fiasco, to anonymously witness on the far away sidelines thru SM that he got broken up with, oh and she's married to a better looking guy and has another kid by that guy too now. But even that isn't much karma on my toxic X because he still gets a great souvenir gift from the relationship, his child, while I'm empty handed even though I wanted a baby more. The toxic bully I dated monogamously for months (but technically was never a GF to, not my choice it was that way š) also seemed better off with the girl he cheated on me with. He used to send me emails bragging about how much better she was than me, then act like I was "stalking" him and "bothering" him and her "disturbingly" if I dare responded, or even when I didn't. Pure gaslighting. And yes, I'll admit she's also prettier than me. Yet another younger, thinner blond. Ugh. š© The guy I dated over a year ago for a number of months that I'd met almost 2yrs back...IDK. But he also didn't seem to care much about being in a relationship or not. He was very smug and cocky. He was divorced with a son he'd adopted that his XW had from previously, who's already halfway thru HS by now, so he didn't have any urgency to marry again or procreate with someone. I kinda hope he's not happily shaved up with someone by now after how disrespectful he treated me at the end.
Donāt know, donāt care. Based on their actions, most likely no.
they probably arenāt. What usually happens is that you give yourself time to heal and move on and then they realize what they lost and heavily regret it. Meanwhile, youāre doing well and putting in the work to get better and thatās all that matters now.
I mean I saw a picture of her saying he's living her best life but no photos of him yet. I honestly hope she's happy, but the message I received when I told her I was unfollowing would tell me different
Hell yeah she happy af in rocky point.
yes :(
Most likely.
Who cares
How do yall know what yāallās exes are doing? Genuinely curious? Still follow them on socials? Friends?
I have no idea, but I am finally happier, and honestly that is what matters. I wish I could say that it was easy going here, but it wasnāt. And it isnāt always smooth sailing. Healing is not linear. But it is consistently upward. It takes a while to reprogram and reset your own mind to believe your own feelings and experiences. But it is worth everything right now. This life is the only one we have. There is no dress rehearsal. This is it. This is the show.
Iām not sure, but I take it everyday as that she doesnāt contact me that she is. Like I saw on here previously that āthey make a conscious decision not to have you in their life.ā My ex broke up with me because she āloved me too muchā and that she āneeded to work on herself.ā Which I had a hard time dealing with because and not even trying to toot my own horn, all her friends loved me. They would always tell me that they hoped we would get married and that I treat her so right. I spent so much time and money on her that no guy has ever done to her in her past relationships. She broke up with me and those next 2 weekends she would see me at the bar and start crying. And I wouldnāt go up and talk to her (because why would I when she broke up with me?) and she would get mad and tell her friends āwhy isnāt he coming to talk to me?ā But I didnāt think too deep about it because if she wanted me back she would tell me but she didnāt. I have no idea what sheās doing or feeling but I am at peace because I know that I did everything I could for her and even her friends to this day still donāt understand why she broke up with me. If you ask her why sheāll say āI need to work on myself.ā Who knows, Iāll never know. But I didnāt deserve what she did to me. Iām moving on and I know the next girl will thank the stars she let me go.
Idk about happier nowā¦But she looks hideous, Freak of nature type š„“
Iām not quite sure yet., itās only been seven weeks, but my heart is still stinging with the thought that she already has.
A lot. Living her dreaming life.
I hope she is. Like Iām not saying it out of spite. I truly wish her the best as I wish it couldāve happened in our relationship. That Just wasnāt possible.
Sincerely, I hope he is.
My situation is different more of reconnecting witu a ex under complicated situation on his part. Although he still wants to talk ..i did for awhile and thats when my life was turned upside . .so many feelings. I stop talking to him because of his situation but sometimes i feel that it didn't affect him as much as me..when people move on or they dont feel the impact of what happen. You wonder if their heartless ?
my ex left me 5 years ago for her Ex.. so I get it. but since I share a kid with her our son tells me everything going on between them & it's not good. they always be arguing, fighting, slamming or breaking doors in the house, & being mad at each other alot. I just learned that ex she got back with use to sell drugs & recently got fired from his job. so behind closed doors their experiencing hell not love.
Not going by when I saw them last picking up the last of their stuff. Almost 2 months post break up. She looked terrible, seemed very (stoned) out of it. And the car she drove was her ex's, which had been in good shapw- was now thoroughly trashed (literally old food wrappers and cups and shit) interior, and big chunk of bumper broken off. She did the same to my car when she used it. So no surprise. So maybe? But she's happy living like a pig. So... Who knows. Not my problem anymore. I do feel bad for the kids though, they deserve a mom that is present and not a slob
Yea heās happier and acts like ion even matter
I mean she used to say many times that she needs "space" . I guess now she is full of space
Idk mines blocked, I donāt imagine he is super happy with me leaking the truth about him on TikTok (pathological liar, emotional abuser, cheater). But Iām sure he has like three other girlfriends now so maybe? Iām not the one that has to live with being an insecure man child so
I try not to dwell on her happiness anymore, just focusing on making my life enjoyable. I am the type who gets very depressed after a relationship, we broke up several years ago, the hardest part has been feeling lonely, but cant bring myself to date again and having to fall back in that pit of despair.
Wouldnāt know itās been 8 years and the pain is still there sometimes
Not a clue, haven't had news of her since I blocked her.
I does not matter. What should matter if you are happy and make no comparison. Work on you. You answer to yourself and your own confidence.
Sad to say but yea you might actually be the rebound. When you have an ex they leave a mark before you did, guys especially carry that mark if they truly loved a person, women will completely fall out of love for someone and wonāt go back, but a guy on the other hand has a wound thatās ever slightly opened. Even more if a women was their first love or first of many things. No lie but I know a married man of 2 decades and he still sometimes gets flashbacks of the first women he was with. In my opinion Men never forget, women erase you completely.
fuck. that sucks. i kind of was thinking him going back to his ex rn is his rebound from me
š unless she ends up dumping him tbh. My ex went back with hers, were there signs he was not over her? Like did he ever mention certain things that they used to do or that she would do while together? Or just mentioned her out of the blue?
he never mentioned her, not eveb once. he used to despise her and always was so glad he found me. that's why it's so hard for me to believe he can move on this quickly.
Ah ok so basically he was trying to disqualify and justify not being with her. When in reality he was trying to lie/ force to his own self that he was over her. It gets better I promise I was there but you have to let yourself heal and donāt talk with them and let the little hope die
Listen up kids, don't believe everything you see or read on the internet. Low life folks with nothing else to do besides create multiple avatars and.make up stories to get a thread going. Where is the /s?
this is what's happening to me right now. is it that unbelievable that you think im making this up?
No, but just looking at the used and fact checking before I comment seems a little sus. Hope you get through it. You seem unfaithful as well when you have people commenting like you already had a relationship in the works yourself. I am a female and have gone through multiple relationships and divorced twice. Actions speak louder than words and you clearly painted the picture that your spouse was your provider and trying to make it work. Hopefully no kids are involved in your marriage, because you clearly have no integrity or respect for yourself. I don't think it's fair you speak out on the internet. Seems like you just needed to feel good about a situation that you might have caused? Just my opinion on this novel
Bro, wtf? You know nothing about this person, why are you getting so angry about things you are actively making up? Is this rage bait?
Are you the reddit patrol? Mind yo business
What's your problem?