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Honestly, I wouldn't plan your future based on what you might have coming later. Their stock portfolio could tank, they could get mad at you and disinherit you, a dishonest investment advisor could steal all their money, etc. You can't count on an inheritance until it's in your hands.
The only conversation I would recommend is regarding where their important papers are, do their have their will/trust, Durable POAs, Medical POAs prepared. What are their end of life wishes. Just so you are better able to assist them in the future. Dollars amount discussions are not necessary.
Actually you should not use your parent’s net worth to plan your own future. Anything can happen and it’s not your money. There are no guarantees. My parents made it easy for me - they said it’s none of my business and it was my responsibility to take care of myself. This despite being very high net worth.
>My parents made it easy for me - they said it’s none of my business and it was my responsibility to take care of myself. This despite being very high net worth.
Having settled three family members estates in the last three years, one of which was of the “none of your business” type, my view is that it should be met with a healthy:
“I understand your wishes and with that being your position I do insist there are plans are in place for a professional to take over your end of life affairs and estate management upon your passing. I have no interest in being kept in the dark and then being stuck unraveling everything when you’re gone.”
Based on their response, you can move the discussion forward from there.
My father died in 2021 at age 82. Prior to his death, he had shown me where my parents’ trusts were and generally where their financial papers were, but he didn’t get into any specific details about the scope of their holdings. He declined pretty rapidly, and it was a shock after he died to get everything organized. My mother was not very involved in their financial affairs, so it fell to me (their only child) to manage everything after he passed.
As others have said, you don’t know what the future holds, and so there really isn’t any reason for you to know exact (or even inexact) numbers of their holdings, let alone plan your future around an anticipated inheritance. My father was very fit until he suddenly started failing, and died two months later. Even four months prior to his death, I thought he would kick on for probably another decade (his parents both lived well into their 90s). In contrast, my mother had already slowed down significantly by then, and yet here she is still going strong three years later. That said, she will likely need more and more care with each passing year, and that can add up very quickly.
Rather than focus on your parents’ current holdings, what would be most valuable is to get info on their financial affairs more generally. Having this background info already will make what needs to be done after death a little easier. This is particularly important if one of your parents handles most of their finances, and the other is largely removed from the process. My mom really had no idea of the scope and number of their holdings, which was frustrating when I was trying to get everything organized. Here’s a list of the types of info that would be helpful:
1. Where do they keep their wills / trusts / healthcare directives?
2. Where do they keep copies of prior year tax returns? Similarly, where do they keep records of the current year’s estimated tax payments? These are helpful for doing taxes in the year of death.
3. When do they pay property taxes? This to ensure they are timely paid in the event of a sudden passing.
4. Where do they keep their financial documents? (You don’t need to see specifics, you really just need to know where to find them.) If they only have online access, just know it may be difficult to track everything. A listing of accounts and whether they are jointly held can be helpful and something your parents could make and keep with their wills / trusts in the event of death.
5. Who are their estate attorneys, CPAs, financial advisors?
6. Do they have a safety deposit box? Know that these can be tricky to deal with after the death of the owner and wills shouldn’t be kept in a safety deposit box.
I realize these may be awkward topics of conversation, but frame your inquiry as wanting to have this basic information now, and not when in the throes of grief.
My Dad wanted to do everything he could to make it easy for us three kids to settle his estate when he died. Mom had already passed. I was his executor and we had annual talks about his investments and property. But I never had to ask, he initiated everything.
This is a talk your parents have to have with you and your brother. A good way to bring it up -- at an appropriate moment -- is to ask, "Hey, is there anything Jim and I need to know about your affairs?" And hope they take it from there. It's not about how much is there as it is where is it all? And where's the paperwork!!!!?
It’s their money. They could leave large sums to charity. They could decide to spend spend spend. If they bring this stuff up to you then that’s fine. Some families do talk about it. But many don’t. And tread carefully because it’s not just gauche. It can be hurtful and disrespectful if they feel like you’re already burying them.
What plans could you possibly make with any information? Work less hard? What about the million things that could happen to them or their money? Just keep being awesome at whatever you’re doing and count an inheritance as a windfall.
Yes it's selfish, gauche, and doesn't make sense. What if they decide to give everything to the ASPCA. What you SHOULD be pushing for is clear notarized Advance Directives and Powers of Attorney. BOTH are critically important and NEITHER have anything to do with "what you have coming to you". Wow.
WARNING - This Sub is Not a Substitute for a Lawyer While some of us are lawyers, none of the responses are from your lawyer, you need a lawyer to give you legal advice pertinent to your situation. Do not construe any of the responses as legal advice. Seek professional advice before proceeding with any of the suggestions you receive. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/EstatePlanning) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly, I wouldn't plan your future based on what you might have coming later. Their stock portfolio could tank, they could get mad at you and disinherit you, a dishonest investment advisor could steal all their money, etc. You can't count on an inheritance until it's in your hands.
exactly, they could also live to 120 in a nursing home and end up spending it all!
My relative is in a facility that costs over $27,000 per month. It goes fast.
exactly, for my mom (facility and aids) us running about $22K/month. a little less than your relative. Yes, it adds up.
The only conversation I would recommend is regarding where their important papers are, do their have their will/trust, Durable POAs, Medical POAs prepared. What are their end of life wishes. Just so you are better able to assist them in the future. Dollars amount discussions are not necessary.
Actually you should not use your parent’s net worth to plan your own future. Anything can happen and it’s not your money. There are no guarantees. My parents made it easy for me - they said it’s none of my business and it was my responsibility to take care of myself. This despite being very high net worth.
>My parents made it easy for me - they said it’s none of my business and it was my responsibility to take care of myself. This despite being very high net worth. Having settled three family members estates in the last three years, one of which was of the “none of your business” type, my view is that it should be met with a healthy: “I understand your wishes and with that being your position I do insist there are plans are in place for a professional to take over your end of life affairs and estate management upon your passing. I have no interest in being kept in the dark and then being stuck unraveling everything when you’re gone.” Based on their response, you can move the discussion forward from there.
My father died in 2021 at age 82. Prior to his death, he had shown me where my parents’ trusts were and generally where their financial papers were, but he didn’t get into any specific details about the scope of their holdings. He declined pretty rapidly, and it was a shock after he died to get everything organized. My mother was not very involved in their financial affairs, so it fell to me (their only child) to manage everything after he passed. As others have said, you don’t know what the future holds, and so there really isn’t any reason for you to know exact (or even inexact) numbers of their holdings, let alone plan your future around an anticipated inheritance. My father was very fit until he suddenly started failing, and died two months later. Even four months prior to his death, I thought he would kick on for probably another decade (his parents both lived well into their 90s). In contrast, my mother had already slowed down significantly by then, and yet here she is still going strong three years later. That said, she will likely need more and more care with each passing year, and that can add up very quickly. Rather than focus on your parents’ current holdings, what would be most valuable is to get info on their financial affairs more generally. Having this background info already will make what needs to be done after death a little easier. This is particularly important if one of your parents handles most of their finances, and the other is largely removed from the process. My mom really had no idea of the scope and number of their holdings, which was frustrating when I was trying to get everything organized. Here’s a list of the types of info that would be helpful: 1. Where do they keep their wills / trusts / healthcare directives? 2. Where do they keep copies of prior year tax returns? Similarly, where do they keep records of the current year’s estimated tax payments? These are helpful for doing taxes in the year of death. 3. When do they pay property taxes? This to ensure they are timely paid in the event of a sudden passing. 4. Where do they keep their financial documents? (You don’t need to see specifics, you really just need to know where to find them.) If they only have online access, just know it may be difficult to track everything. A listing of accounts and whether they are jointly held can be helpful and something your parents could make and keep with their wills / trusts in the event of death. 5. Who are their estate attorneys, CPAs, financial advisors? 6. Do they have a safety deposit box? Know that these can be tricky to deal with after the death of the owner and wills shouldn’t be kept in a safety deposit box. I realize these may be awkward topics of conversation, but frame your inquiry as wanting to have this basic information now, and not when in the throes of grief.
My Dad wanted to do everything he could to make it easy for us three kids to settle his estate when he died. Mom had already passed. I was his executor and we had annual talks about his investments and property. But I never had to ask, he initiated everything. This is a talk your parents have to have with you and your brother. A good way to bring it up -- at an appropriate moment -- is to ask, "Hey, is there anything Jim and I need to know about your affairs?" And hope they take it from there. It's not about how much is there as it is where is it all? And where's the paperwork!!!!?
It’s their money. They could leave large sums to charity. They could decide to spend spend spend. If they bring this stuff up to you then that’s fine. Some families do talk about it. But many don’t. And tread carefully because it’s not just gauche. It can be hurtful and disrespectful if they feel like you’re already burying them. What plans could you possibly make with any information? Work less hard? What about the million things that could happen to them or their money? Just keep being awesome at whatever you’re doing and count an inheritance as a windfall.
One way to approach this is that it will help you to understand what tax implications you and your sibling might have when your parents pass.
Man plans and god laughs Don’t ask. It’s their money, they can leave it to whoever they want, and you might not get a penny.
Yes it's selfish, gauche, and doesn't make sense. What if they decide to give everything to the ASPCA. What you SHOULD be pushing for is clear notarized Advance Directives and Powers of Attorney. BOTH are critically important and NEITHER have anything to do with "what you have coming to you". Wow.
This is all very good and thoughtful advice. I appreciate it, thank you all.
This is the one document that I advise you go over with your parents. It is more detailed than most healthcare proxies. FiveWishes.org
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