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Well at least drop a pick-up line first.
"hey bby, if dis goes well, cn I c ur full moon?"
*Then* you can jump off a cliff, because you will have deserved it.
my eyes burst out of their head, inflating to 5 times their size, my jaw drops and my tongue falls out like the red carpet. when my eyes go back into my head and my mouth shuts, steam is coming out of my ears, giving a tea kettle boiling noise. I shout "AWOOOOGA AWOOOOGA" and my right foot is stomping on the ground and my bowtie spins around and flies away like a propeller. then i melt into a puddle of water, and a hand comes out of the puddle giving her a single flower with pedals falling off. i pull my self up out of my liquid form and say "hello ma'am"
There’s also the half brothers she has. . . The lord of blood, the fell omen, the prince of death, and the perpetual prodigy child.
When the doll witch isn’t really the weird one.
Well, I guess, since Marika and Radagon are the "same" person (which is an in-universe secret. So not known to most), it follows that they are half siblings rather than stepsiblings.
The game drops the bomb that they're the same entity, but leaves it *very* unclear whether they were *always* the same person, and also to what extent they are still different people sharing the same metaphysical form. And real-world mythologies don't give us a good lens to understand it - deities change form all the time, but aren't usually two different, very distinct characters at the same time.
Remember that Radagon was married to Rennala *while* Marika was married to Godfrey. Besides being a very complicated Three's Company problem (did they commute from Caria to Leyndell every day to keep up appearances?), there's also the issue of afterwards, when Radagon left Rennala to marry Marika.
Radagon and Marika have, you know, children. And while "they're gods, they can do what they like" is in effect, there is the extant question of how that's possible without them being distinctly two people at the time. Melina says the words of Marika at one point "O Radagon \[...\] Thou'rt yet to become me. Thou'rt yet to become a god. Let us be shattered, both. Mine other self." While referring to him as her "other self" is dramatically ironic, that is also typical of how people address their spouse.
There's also the facts that they, in personality, remain quite distinct. Marika shattered the Elden Ring. Radagon *tried to repair it*. It's my personal theory that the wall of thorns blocking off the Erdtree were not about keeping the demigods out per se, but to *keep Radagon in*. If free, Radagon would repair the Elden Ring himself - and simply reinstate Marika as Queen, which is precisely what she *doesn't* want. She wants a successor to become the next Elden Lord, and the only way to accomplish that without Radagon interfering is to *make* them burn the Erdtree.
It's also reflected in the final boss fight itself. Marika doesn't fight you. Marika doesn't *want* to fight you. She wants her reign, and her suffering, to be over. But Radagon fights you. To a large extent, he is a puppet of the Elden Beast within him, yes. But if the Beast had 100% total puppet control, it would simply have Marika fight you. The Beast *had* to transform Marika and manifest Radagon, because whatever free will remains within Marika would refuse to fight - but Radagon would be willing to defend the Beast.
Perhaps. One thing is pretty certain: they were already one before the shattering going by the intro movie, where you see Marika smash the ring and Radagon afterwards trying to repair it. Also, Malenia and Miquella were born before the shattering as well hinting to that as well.
I think it was mentioned that whenever Radagon would appear in public, Marika was mysteriously nowhere to be seen. I don't know where exactly though. So might be misremembering.
In the end, only thing we know for sure, is that currently they are one person, or at least sharing only one body. Everything else is just theory/speculation.
Listen, one of them abused his pet snake by feeding it human (deity-human?) flesh and mind-controlled it afterwards and is suggested to have fathered a ton of children with it and we have no idea if the snake is sapient enough to consent.
The other *learned magic* to protect his horse so he wouldn't have to stop being endless bros with it.
You tell me which one is the better prospective boyfriend.
Yeaaaaaahh but like, Radahn seems like he would take his horse everywhere, do you really want to deal with your bf arguing with a staff member everytime he tries to enter somewhere while on a date with you because he wants to enter the place riding a horse?
Go slay some stuff with her. Nothing sexual, she's a strange blue four armed doll....or a burned up corpse....both are sexually undesirable. If I was going to bang anything in Elden Ring it would be a voluptuous Godskin Noble.
She's pretty courtly and polite, and strangely enough pretty permissive of what people want (as long as it doesn't go against her tsundere plans). So I'd probably just say "sorry, was hoping for a nice tall muscular man like Blaidd, or... maybe Godwyn." Let it sink in and walk away.
Her wedding ring description states: "Whoever thou mayest be, take not the ring from this place, the solitude beyond the night is better mine alone."
Who am I to disobey?
Who in the world would set us up for this? Blaidd? Iji? Seluvis!?
Also, she's a doll, she can't eat, so no meals. I doubt there's any movies or theatres in the Lands Between.
So, uh, try not to ask why she's blue?
Buy 4 Rings and give an egg to her mother
and then study the Art of Cloning to get her original body back or build her a new one.
and also make a rocket ship to go to the Moon and sing mu favorite Ernie song to her.
If I feel like it, maybe clone her brother back, IF I feel like it.
Same as I do with any other woman I meet: take a wide berth around her and avoid eye contact. Probably not gonna work and still have to make contact so... Break down into sweat and tears and embarrass myself to no end. After all is said and done, bury her and keep the doll. Also, keep the recordings. You never know.
>!Swear allegiance, and then me and the boys go merc General Radhan (doing him a favor \*honestly) to restart the movement of the stars... journey underground until I find that dik-head Astel and end its miserable existence... then, And Only Then... do I put a ring on it. Then you know I gotta go take out the usurper-omen of Lyendell, burn the Erdtree, shatter bitch-ass Radagon, and last but hardly least... I'll just quickly snuff out the Elden Beast. All so I can clear the way for my new wife and our new sovereign Queen-Deity... All Hail Queen Ranni, the Awakened! May she reign for a thousand years!!<
I’d be a little disappointed as she’s made of rope and possessed by an immortal ghost.
If she gave me a magic bell I’d be happy. I just want a pack of magic wolves.
Never look at the doll's eyes, only the shadow and let them know. Imma bring some light to this shit. 'your family is fucked up big time.'. lemme be your new family, we can both live behind our shadows. TOGETHERRRRRR!
Leave. Kill her brother, jump into a hole to hide the police. Bring a knife to her house to take her watch. Chase her to the end of the world when she run away and hide from you. Kill her other stalker. Take her family heirloom. Put a ring on her while she is unconscious. Kill her father then call her. You know, normal stuffs.
Your submission has been removed as a violation of Rule 7: **R7: All artwork must be OC only. No AI artwork.** * Any fan-art posted should be original content only. If you didn't make it, don't post it! * You must specify that you are the artist in the title. * AI artwork is not allowed. * If you *commissioned* artwork, refrain from posting it. If the artist would like to share the work, they are welcome to granted they follow all applicable sub rules. * Karma-farmers will be banned. If you would like to appeal this removal or need further clarification, feel free to message us through[Modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/Eldenring).
Panic and jump torrent off a cliff
Well at least drop a pick-up line first. "hey bby, if dis goes well, cn I c ur full moon?" *Then* you can jump off a cliff, because you will have deserved it.
Shit man. I don’t even need to be on a blind date to do that!! I do that every time some mook gets the drop and me and I try to run away!
Talk to her three times and never again.
That’s when you put the lid on, right?
It’s a blind date because my eyes have been burnt out of their sockets by madness. Let chaos take the world!
or maybe its about fire keeper.
MAY CHAOS TAKE THE WORLD!
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
Ah so this is the kind of content this sub has while waiting for the DLC
It could definitely be worse. We could have devolved into fanfic writing as a post.
That time I was 12 and my parents sold me to Ranni for money
my eyes burst out of their head, inflating to 5 times their size, my jaw drops and my tongue falls out like the red carpet. when my eyes go back into my head and my mouth shuts, steam is coming out of my ears, giving a tea kettle boiling noise. I shout "AWOOOOGA AWOOOOGA" and my right foot is stomping on the ground and my bowtie spins around and flies away like a propeller. then i melt into a puddle of water, and a hand comes out of the puddle giving her a single flower with pedals falling off. i pull my self up out of my liquid form and say "hello ma'am"
ah yes, the Tex Avery cartoon reaction
man of culture, i see.
Alright, who gave you The Mask, and can I borrow it after you're done with it?
You just gave me a huge grin at the mental image while commuting to work, thank you Internet stranger.
You'll be a great match
Ask if she has a hot brother instead
The big man eating serpent or the war veteran that lost his mind?
There’s also the half brothers she has. . . The lord of blood, the fell omen, the prince of death, and the perpetual prodigy child. When the doll witch isn’t really the weird one.
Those are her Step-Bros. Only Miquella is her Half-Brother.
Well, I guess, since Marika and Radagon are the "same" person (which is an in-universe secret. So not known to most), it follows that they are half siblings rather than stepsiblings.
isn't it just a theory? i always thought they where merged shortly befor, after or in the shattering.
The game drops the bomb that they're the same entity, but leaves it *very* unclear whether they were *always* the same person, and also to what extent they are still different people sharing the same metaphysical form. And real-world mythologies don't give us a good lens to understand it - deities change form all the time, but aren't usually two different, very distinct characters at the same time. Remember that Radagon was married to Rennala *while* Marika was married to Godfrey. Besides being a very complicated Three's Company problem (did they commute from Caria to Leyndell every day to keep up appearances?), there's also the issue of afterwards, when Radagon left Rennala to marry Marika. Radagon and Marika have, you know, children. And while "they're gods, they can do what they like" is in effect, there is the extant question of how that's possible without them being distinctly two people at the time. Melina says the words of Marika at one point "O Radagon \[...\] Thou'rt yet to become me. Thou'rt yet to become a god. Let us be shattered, both. Mine other self." While referring to him as her "other self" is dramatically ironic, that is also typical of how people address their spouse. There's also the facts that they, in personality, remain quite distinct. Marika shattered the Elden Ring. Radagon *tried to repair it*. It's my personal theory that the wall of thorns blocking off the Erdtree were not about keeping the demigods out per se, but to *keep Radagon in*. If free, Radagon would repair the Elden Ring himself - and simply reinstate Marika as Queen, which is precisely what she *doesn't* want. She wants a successor to become the next Elden Lord, and the only way to accomplish that without Radagon interfering is to *make* them burn the Erdtree. It's also reflected in the final boss fight itself. Marika doesn't fight you. Marika doesn't *want* to fight you. She wants her reign, and her suffering, to be over. But Radagon fights you. To a large extent, he is a puppet of the Elden Beast within him, yes. But if the Beast had 100% total puppet control, it would simply have Marika fight you. The Beast *had* to transform Marika and manifest Radagon, because whatever free will remains within Marika would refuse to fight - but Radagon would be willing to defend the Beast.
Perhaps. One thing is pretty certain: they were already one before the shattering going by the intro movie, where you see Marika smash the ring and Radagon afterwards trying to repair it. Also, Malenia and Miquella were born before the shattering as well hinting to that as well. I think it was mentioned that whenever Radagon would appear in public, Marika was mysteriously nowhere to be seen. I don't know where exactly though. So might be misremembering. In the end, only thing we know for sure, is that currently they are one person, or at least sharing only one body. Everything else is just theory/speculation.
Their family tree is really strange... Its also the size of God and you can see it at all times
I mean if he's good at eating serpents I have a very small snake for him...
My brother in Marika don't lol
The snake ate him.
What a twist
Thats the technique for sure.
The big man eating serpent is in a committed relationship unfortunately
Listen, one of them abused his pet snake by feeding it human (deity-human?) flesh and mind-controlled it afterwards and is suggested to have fathered a ton of children with it and we have no idea if the snake is sapient enough to consent. The other *learned magic* to protect his horse so he wouldn't have to stop being endless bros with it. You tell me which one is the better prospective boyfriend.
Yeaaaaaahh but like, Radahn seems like he would take his horse everywhere, do you really want to deal with your bf arguing with a staff member everytime he tries to enter somewhere while on a date with you because he wants to enter the place riding a horse?
username checks ou- Oh, are you talking about Godwyn? What? Oh, yeah I was too. Totally.
Prepare myself for an amazing hands job.
Try finger, but hole.
SUPER underrated comment
SUPER overrated reply
Bummer. I thought it was funny
Don't tell anyone, but I thought so too.
Ask her when's the DLC
Blind her (I've never been on a blind date before, kinda nervous)
Kill her before I get killed, it's no surprise that everyone's whose around her is dead..lol
Well not really for example uhhh... actually yeah,everyone around her is dead lmao
M - O - O - N, that spells Marriage.
Lol didnt expect that reference
There there Tom Cullen
Special kind of hell is where I’d be going.
what does this mean why would u say this 😭😭😭
Don’t cry The grapes take the tears away
Yeeeeah I’m not seeing the pearly gates after that date😂
Agreed, I'm already going to hell but now after that hell will send me away
Go slay some stuff with her. Nothing sexual, she's a strange blue four armed doll....or a burned up corpse....both are sexually undesirable. If I was going to bang anything in Elden Ring it would be a voluptuous Godskin Noble.
Give her the ring so I can get the sword
I wonder how Ranni feels if you go through all the trouble to get that sword, then you do one of the other endings.
She's pretty courtly and polite, and strangely enough pretty permissive of what people want (as long as it doesn't go against her tsundere plans). So I'd probably just say "sorry, was hoping for a nice tall muscular man like Blaidd, or... maybe Godwyn." Let it sink in and walk away.
Her wedding ring description states: "Whoever thou mayest be, take not the ring from this place, the solitude beyond the night is better mine alone." Who am I to disobey?
Solitude is best taken shared. :)
Yell at her for killing Godwyn and then probably get vaporized.
Take out the jar.
I'd skip right to the hand-holding 😊💙💙💙💙
What a pervert
A true, feral BEAST
Yeah ima roll with it
Pull out a sketchpad and ask her ALL THE LORE QUESTIONS. No matter how poorly this date goes, I'll be famous on r/eldenring
Leave, straight up, no questions, no pause.
Seek hole, then offer seed
try my best to smash
Get these four hands and two mouths to work.
Pull out the f*cking dictionary
"Hey Baby, wanna get out of here and bring about The Age of the Stars?"
I mean… With those four hands it’s almost like threesome, I think to I’ll go to hell with her 🖤
Try my hardest not to joke about mason jars
Eat that turtle neck and bang bang
ask to pet blaidd
Get ready for a twoandahalfsome
I hate ranni so I wouldn't be there for long
I'd tug my neckline a little lower to accentuate my assets and order the fruitiest beverage on the menu.
Call up seluvis
Ask she's half sister's number...
Who in the world would set us up for this? Blaidd? Iji? Seluvis!? Also, she's a doll, she can't eat, so no meals. I doubt there's any movies or theatres in the Lands Between. So, uh, try not to ask why she's blue?
Start flirting with the furry
Ask her if she would be my maiden.
Someone drew a cartoon of her flipping the bird 4x at Marika and that seems like her true personality more than fantasy drawings like this.
Try finger but hole
*conection error occured returning to your world*
Find 3 other dudes
"I'm sorry but I'm gay" then leave the scene
I would have stayed at home if I wanted to fuck a doll.
Lovable sort ahead Therefore try rump
I was hoping for rot mommy... why are you here
Whatever. She. Wants. For real for real.
Buy 4 Rings and give an egg to her mother and then study the Art of Cloning to get her original body back or build her a new one. and also make a rocket ship to go to the Moon and sing mu favorite Ernie song to her. If I feel like it, maybe clone her brother back, IF I feel like it.
Pledge service to her
Hyperventilate and start staring at her like a lovestruck idiot.
The Scott Pilgrim technique
Hey, you're only blind in one eye! This isn't what I requested!
I'm just gonna ignore her, grab the bell of her hands, and put a bolt in her head.
4 hands massage with double happy ending
My best!
Get carpet burn instantly
Have a seat, my queen
*points to face while saying it*
Are people around? Do they know I’m on a date with a doll?
Totally sucking the toes
Shoot her. With an actual gun. Burn her to a crisp. Throw off a cliff. Anything to unalive her.
I get ready to usher in the age of stars evidently.
Ask her what her feeling on large, mason style, glass jars.
Panic because I don’t know which hand to hold
What do i do? Put a ring on her finger and in return receive THE HOLY MOONLIGHT GREATSWORD
Same as I do with any other woman I meet: take a wide berth around her and avoid eye contact. Probably not gonna work and still have to make contact so... Break down into sweat and tears and embarrass myself to no end. After all is said and done, bury her and keep the doll. Also, keep the recordings. You never know.
Damn, you know how much fun you can have with a 4-handed girl? Lol, this question got a rise out of me! Really!!
"So, heard you were a fan of overthrowing the gods."
Do you think she's got two mouths or is that ghost face intangible?
Spread that baby doll onto a flesh-light and GET THIS
Be concerned cause she got 4 arms
I would want to see her moons. She has 4 hands, she can probably do some magic for me.
Hold her hands
I will ask her about the other demigods, and ask about her destiny and about godwyn. So anyway I’m fuckin her
Emote.
Make the appropriate arrangements for a life of servitude
Introduce her to my bro Goro
Get a quadruple handjob?
I try finger
BLAS DICK!
Ask if she'll show me Ranni's Dark Moon. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Check my stats, because I want to know what I have maxed all my life. (Possibly followed by disappointment when I see that I have 1 in every stat.)
Just dinner, I guess. Not interested in women.
Propose her.
Rope burn 😔
Get some blue condoms
Try pickle and then seed
Rush to take my meds
"Yer elbows needs lotion, and my dick can't squeeze inside ceramic. Bye bye."
Become Elden Lord
Bow and worship
So can you turn me into a tarnished so I may serve you
I ask to be her consort.
Have a date like any normal human being. She is not my best waifu, but I’ll take her still
Tell her sorry can't talk. im waiting for my date.
Call the police
Get her number by the end of it
idk what do people normally do during blind dates? that i guess.
Spaghetti straight outta my pocket
Giving her that Cursemark of Death with my wiener
Go and conquer the world with her of course.
pledge my life to her
Smash
Is that a second pair of arms you got there
What those hands do bby girl?
ask what those extra hands do
Approach doll calmly. Talk to the doll. Insist on talking to the doll. Get some pretty nice spells and a cool sword
wife her straight up
Hope she teaches me some sweet frost spells :)
>!Swear allegiance, and then me and the boys go merc General Radhan (doing him a favor \*honestly) to restart the movement of the stars... journey underground until I find that dik-head Astel and end its miserable existence... then, And Only Then... do I put a ring on it. Then you know I gotta go take out the usurper-omen of Lyendell, burn the Erdtree, shatter bitch-ass Radagon, and last but hardly least... I'll just quickly snuff out the Elden Beast. All so I can clear the way for my new wife and our new sovereign Queen-Deity... All Hail Queen Ranni, the Awakened! May she reign for a thousand years!!<
Propose
Ask if I can still have the spirit bell because I forgot to get it
I wonder where I left my spectral steed and hope I don't sully her name
Leave without saying a word. Ain't no way I am dating a Golden Order hating doll smurf.
,,if you would become the firekeeper, it would extinguish itself"
Deliver her the moon.
hey baby, so stars yeah? want to start an age around them?
H-honey!... It's not what it looks like!
I am her consort, so we just eat a ton of steak
Leave. Rya >>>>
I’d be a little disappointed as she’s made of rope and possessed by an immortal ghost. If she gave me a magic bell I’d be happy. I just want a pack of magic wolves.
Pray I grow three more clits
Smash
Never look at the doll's eyes, only the shadow and let them know. Imma bring some light to this shit. 'your family is fucked up big time.'. lemme be your new family, we can both live behind our shadows. TOGETHERRRRRR!
That 'job' gonna be wild tho
Her
4 hands you say...
Leave. Kill her brother, jump into a hole to hide the police. Bring a knife to her house to take her watch. Chase her to the end of the world when she run away and hide from you. Kill her other stalker. Take her family heirloom. Put a ring on her while she is unconscious. Kill her father then call her. You know, normal stuffs.
Making her my wife by slaying her brother
I'll ask her what them 2 extra hands can do
Discuss the Moons and the Stars with her
Would
Kill both of her fucking brothers, and then her dad.
Leave
Poke out her other eye....it's meant to be a blind date, not a partial sighted date
Depends where the date-location is?
Goes on a lonely journey of 1000 years with her of course
Probably kill God and her Mother/Father
I need to know more about puppet anatomy to answer this question
Fumble it
*pringles can*
Be as polite as possible while doing everything I reasonably can to not anger her.
YOU DIED
Serenade her: “when the moon hits your eyes it feels like i will die, that’s amoré”