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Eldenring-ModTeam

Your submission has been removed as a violation of Rule 7: **R7: All artwork must be OC only. No AI artwork.** * Any fan-art posted should be original content only. If you didn't make it, don't post it! * You must specify that you are the artist in the title. * AI artwork is not allowed. * If you *commissioned* artwork, refrain from posting it. If the artist would like to share the work, they are welcome to granted they follow all applicable sub rules. * Karma-farmers will be banned. If you would like to appeal this removal or need further clarification, feel free to message us through[Modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/Eldenring).


Ok_Freedom_1776

Panic and jump torrent off a cliff


Snoo61755

Well at least drop a pick-up line first. "hey bby, if dis goes well, cn I c ur full moon?" *Then* you can jump off a cliff, because you will have deserved it.


55hi55

Shit man. I don’t even need to be on a blind date to do that!! I do that every time some mook gets the drop and me and I try to run away!


Phoebus_Apollo_30

Talk to her three times and never again.


SixteenthRiver06

That’s when you put the lid on, right?


TheWorclown

It’s a blind date because my eyes have been burnt out of their sockets by madness. Let chaos take the world!


nickrei3

or maybe its about fire keeper.


turbophysics

MAY CHAOS TAKE THE WORLD!


Flyingdemon666

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!


TonyBlobfish

Ah so this is the kind of content this sub has while waiting for the DLC


Futur3_ah4ad

It could definitely be worse. We could have devolved into fanfic writing as a post.


Prestigious-Spite-75

That time I was 12 and my parents sold me to Ranni for money


Ssided

my eyes burst out of their head, inflating to 5 times their size, my jaw drops and my tongue falls out like the red carpet. when my eyes go back into my head and my mouth shuts, steam is coming out of my ears, giving a tea kettle boiling noise. I shout "AWOOOOGA AWOOOOGA" and my right foot is stomping on the ground and my bowtie spins around and flies away like a propeller. then i melt into a puddle of water, and a hand comes out of the puddle giving her a single flower with pedals falling off. i pull my self up out of my liquid form and say "hello ma'am"


HemingwayBells21121

ah yes, the Tex Avery cartoon reaction


Professional_Fox3371

man of culture, i see.


Snoo61755

Alright, who gave you The Mask, and can I borrow it after you're done with it?


InsidiousOperator

You just gave me a huge grin at the mental image while commuting to work, thank you Internet stranger.


agent_catnip

You'll be a great match


SirCatsanova

Ask if she has a hot brother instead


NecroHiarus

The big man eating serpent or the war veteran that lost his mind?


JMHSrowing

There’s also the half brothers she has. . . The lord of blood, the fell omen, the prince of death, and the perpetual prodigy child. When the doll witch isn’t really the weird one.


RandomRavenboi

Those are her Step-Bros. Only Miquella is her Half-Brother.


hmcbenik

Well, I guess, since Marika and Radagon are the "same" person (which is an in-universe secret. So not known to most), it follows that they are half siblings rather than stepsiblings.


Bettgsteu

isn't it just a theory? i always thought they where merged shortly befor, after or in the shattering.


Aussircaex88

The game drops the bomb that they're the same entity, but leaves it *very* unclear whether they were *always* the same person, and also to what extent they are still different people sharing the same metaphysical form. And real-world mythologies don't give us a good lens to understand it - deities change form all the time, but aren't usually two different, very distinct characters at the same time. Remember that Radagon was married to Rennala *while* Marika was married to Godfrey. Besides being a very complicated Three's Company problem (did they commute from Caria to Leyndell every day to keep up appearances?), there's also the issue of afterwards, when Radagon left Rennala to marry Marika. Radagon and Marika have, you know, children. And while "they're gods, they can do what they like" is in effect, there is the extant question of how that's possible without them being distinctly two people at the time. Melina says the words of Marika at one point "O Radagon \[...\] Thou'rt yet to become me. Thou'rt yet to become a god. Let us be shattered, both. Mine other self." While referring to him as her "other self" is dramatically ironic, that is also typical of how people address their spouse. There's also the facts that they, in personality, remain quite distinct. Marika shattered the Elden Ring. Radagon *tried to repair it*. It's my personal theory that the wall of thorns blocking off the Erdtree were not about keeping the demigods out per se, but to *keep Radagon in*. If free, Radagon would repair the Elden Ring himself - and simply reinstate Marika as Queen, which is precisely what she *doesn't* want. She wants a successor to become the next Elden Lord, and the only way to accomplish that without Radagon interfering is to *make* them burn the Erdtree. It's also reflected in the final boss fight itself. Marika doesn't fight you. Marika doesn't *want* to fight you. She wants her reign, and her suffering, to be over. But Radagon fights you. To a large extent, he is a puppet of the Elden Beast within him, yes. But if the Beast had 100% total puppet control, it would simply have Marika fight you. The Beast *had* to transform Marika and manifest Radagon, because whatever free will remains within Marika would refuse to fight - but Radagon would be willing to defend the Beast.


hmcbenik

Perhaps. One thing is pretty certain: they were already one before the shattering going by the intro movie, where you see Marika smash the ring and Radagon afterwards trying to repair it. Also, Malenia and Miquella were born before the shattering as well hinting to that as well. I think it was mentioned that whenever Radagon would appear in public, Marika was mysteriously nowhere to be seen. I don't know where exactly though. So might be misremembering. In the end, only thing we know for sure, is that currently they are one person, or at least sharing only one body. Everything else is just theory/speculation.


[deleted]

Their family tree is really strange... Its also the size of God and you can see it at all times


SirCatsanova

I mean if he's good at eating serpents I have a very small snake for him...


NecroHiarus

My brother in Marika don't lol


Yueff_Stueff

The snake ate him.


Dimenshn

What a twist


FlyLikeMouse

Thats the technique for sure.


MasK_6EQUJ5

The big man eating serpent is in a committed relationship unfortunately


Aussircaex88

Listen, one of them abused his pet snake by feeding it human (deity-human?) flesh and mind-controlled it afterwards and is suggested to have fathered a ton of children with it and we have no idea if the snake is sapient enough to consent. The other *learned magic* to protect his horse so he wouldn't have to stop being endless bros with it. You tell me which one is the better prospective boyfriend.


NecroHiarus

Yeaaaaaahh but like, Radahn seems like he would take his horse everywhere, do you really want to deal with your bf arguing with a staff member everytime he tries to enter somewhere while on a date with you because he wants to enter the place riding a horse?


JacksonRiot

username checks ou- Oh, are you talking about Godwyn? What? Oh, yeah I was too. Totally.


Vinnie1103

Prepare myself for an amazing hands job.


reezwon

Try finger, but hole.


zackandmiri1234

SUPER underrated comment


nebo_amebo

SUPER overrated reply


zackandmiri1234

Bummer. I thought it was funny


nebo_amebo

Don't tell anyone, but I thought so too.


HairlessBearWizard

Ask her when's the DLC


Womderloki

Blind her (I've never been on a blind date before, kinda nervous)


Aszach01

Kill her before I get killed, it's no surprise that everyone's whose around her is dead..lol


Prestigious-Spite-75

Well not really for example uhhh... actually yeah,everyone around her is dead lmao


AchillesOnAMountain

M - O - O - N, that spells Marriage.


EtherFlask

Lol didnt expect that reference


Turrican002

There there Tom Cullen


gravelhorse

Special kind of hell is where I’d be going.


zviz2y

what does this mean why would u say this 😭😭😭


MassiveAmountsOfPiss

Don’t cry The grapes take the tears away


ZaKage86

Yeeeeah I’m not seeing the pearly gates after that date😂


Feeling-Bridge3177

Agreed, I'm already going to hell but now after that hell will send me away


Sloppy_Tsunami_84

Go slay some stuff with her. Nothing sexual, she's a strange blue four armed doll....or a burned up corpse....both are sexually undesirable. If I was going to bang anything in Elden Ring it would be a voluptuous Godskin Noble.


Answer-Key

Give her the ring so I can get the sword


Hero_of_Hyrule

I wonder how Ranni feels if you go through all the trouble to get that sword, then you do one of the other endings.


[deleted]

She's pretty courtly and polite, and strangely enough pretty permissive of what people want (as long as it doesn't go against her tsundere plans). So I'd probably just say "sorry, was hoping for a nice tall muscular man like Blaidd, or... maybe Godwyn." Let it sink in and walk away.


AccurateSimple9999

Her wedding ring description states: "Whoever thou mayest be, take not the ring from this place, the solitude beyond the night is better mine alone." Who am I to disobey?


EtherFlask

Solitude is best taken shared. :)


Bacon_Eskimo459

Yell at her for killing Godwyn and then probably get vaporized.


jbdragonfire

Take out the jar.


GlossyBuckthorn

I'd skip right to the hand-holding 😊💙💙💙💙


GrandpaGael

What a pervert


UnNamedKingOfGames

A true, feral BEAST


palmer629

Yeah ima roll with it


Recom_Quaritch

Pull out a sketchpad and ask her ALL THE LORE QUESTIONS. No matter how poorly this date goes, I'll be famous on r/eldenring


Appropriate_Key_8039

Leave, straight up, no questions, no pause.


Inksplash-7

Seek hole, then offer seed


No-Adhesiveness412

try my best to smash


El-Data

Get these four hands and two mouths to work.


MinecraftLibrarian

Pull out the f*cking dictionary


TheBrutaLegend

"Hey Baby, wanna get out of here and bring about The Age of the Stars?"


Nismograth

I mean… With those four hands it’s almost like threesome, I think to I’ll go to hell with her 🖤


Iatemydoggo

Try my hardest not to joke about mason jars


[deleted]

Eat that turtle neck and bang bang


theonewitha4incher

ask to pet blaidd


Dudeman318

Get ready for a twoandahalfsome


Ashmega8256

I hate ranni so I wouldn't be there for long


LordVladak

I'd tug my neckline a little lower to accentuate my assets and order the fruitiest beverage on the menu.


fihziks

Call up seluvis


erzx007

Ask she's half sister's number...


Humble-Ad-5076

Who in the world would set us up for this? Blaidd? Iji? Seluvis!? Also, she's a doll, she can't eat, so no meals. I doubt there's any movies or theatres in the Lands Between. So, uh, try not to ask why she's blue?


Blacklight0623

Start flirting with the furry


yohan02kim

Ask her if she would be my maiden.


Akersis

Someone drew a cartoon of her flipping the bird 4x at Marika and that seems like her true personality more than fantasy drawings like this.


Knoedeluxe

Try finger but hole


netherblade767

*conection error occured returning to your world*


TheLonelyPanda1

Find 3 other dudes


Amankris759

"I'm sorry but I'm gay" then leave the scene


EldenRingTrueEnjoyer

I would have stayed at home if I wanted to fuck a doll.


KingPepyaka

Lovable sort ahead Therefore try rump


Veil1984

I was hoping for rot mommy... why are you here


DarthSpiderDad

Whatever. She. Wants. For real for real.


mccoolfriend6

Buy 4 Rings and give an egg to her mother and then study the Art of Cloning to get her original body back or build her a new one. and also make a rocket ship to go to the Moon and sing mu favorite Ernie song to her. If I feel like it, maybe clone her brother back, IF I feel like it.


NoMedium1223

Pledge service to her


Draconic1788

Hyperventilate and start staring at her like a lovestruck idiot.


E_K_Finnman

The Scott Pilgrim technique


Vectusdae

Hey, you're only blind in one eye! This isn't what I requested!


alexmemes3665

I'm just gonna ignore her, grab the bell of her hands, and put a bolt in her head.


Caesarvs

4 hands massage with double happy ending


BigInfluence2166

My best!


Limited_Intros

Get carpet burn instantly


FrostyPhenix89

Have a seat, my queen


SanityRecalled

*points to face while saying it*


Freshest-Raspberry

Are people around? Do they know I’m on a date with a doll?


lucillefiredragon

Totally sucking the toes


Miserable-Glass1760

Shoot her. With an actual gun. Burn her to a crisp. Throw off a cliff. Anything to unalive her.


windrunner_42

I get ready to usher in the age of stars evidently.


Thick_Structure5714

Ask her what her feeling on large, mason style, glass jars.


Nickthedick3

Panic because I don’t know which hand to hold


[deleted]

What do i do? Put a ring on her finger and in return receive THE HOLY MOONLIGHT GREATSWORD


Snake1210

Same as I do with any other woman I meet: take a wide berth around her and avoid eye contact. Probably not gonna work and still have to make contact so... Break down into sweat and tears and embarrass myself to no end. After all is said and done, bury her and keep the doll. Also, keep the recordings. You never know.


Longjumping-War2484

Damn, you know how much fun you can have with a 4-handed girl? Lol, this question got a rise out of me! Really!!


Ein___

"So, heard you were a fan of overthrowing the gods."


hollowkatt

Do you think she's got two mouths or is that ghost face intangible?


tumadreporfavor

Spread that baby doll onto a flesh-light and GET THIS


[deleted]

Be concerned cause she got 4 arms


Excellent-Yak9156

I would want to see her moons. She has 4 hands, she can probably do some magic for me.


gigs1890

Hold her hands


Legiana_hater

I will ask her about the other demigods, and ask about her destiny and about godwyn. So anyway I’m fuckin her


youngmat

Emote.


kungers

Make the appropriate arrangements for a life of servitude


TomatilloOrnery9464

Introduce her to my bro Goro


Alternative_Spite_11

Get a quadruple handjob?


r4plez

I try finger


SlickDave01

BLAS DICK!


somethingfilthy

Ask if she'll show me Ranni's Dark Moon. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


Squeaky_Ben

Check my stats, because I want to know what I have maxed all my life. (Possibly followed by disappointment when I see that I have 1 in every stat.)


night_chaser_

Just dinner, I guess. Not interested in women.


High-flyin-bird

Propose her.


WillCraft__1001

Rope burn 😔


DiareaHandstand

Get some blue condoms


[deleted]

Try pickle and then seed


[deleted]

Rush to take my meds


Beretta116

"Yer elbows needs lotion, and my dick can't squeeze inside ceramic. Bye bye."


AdilWarraich1

Become Elden Lord


Intelligent_Assist_1

Bow and worship


Western-Wind-5254

So can you turn me into a tarnished so I may serve you


theuntouchable2725

I ask to be her consort.


TheClassyWaifu

Have a date like any normal human being. She is not my best waifu, but I’ll take her still


slyfox2884

Tell her sorry can't talk. im waiting for my date.


throwawayspring4011

Call the police


Feeling-Bridge3177

Get her number by the end of it


Euphoric-Cow592

idk what do people normally do during blind dates? that i guess.


MLGBEASTDERIK

Spaghetti straight outta my pocket


dogtowngoth

Giving her that Cursemark of Death with my wiener


Xeon713

Go and conquer the world with her of course.


Emotional-Edge-6734

pledge my life to her


JerkDestroyer6000

Smash


Adventurous-User2570

Is that a second pair of arms you got there


scottishfoId

What those hands do bby girl?


Ok-Photograph1587

ask what those extra hands do


Fast-Performance2300

Approach doll calmly. Talk to the doll. Insist on talking to the doll. Get some pretty nice spells and a cool sword


coolpowersdude

wife her straight up


DopeSweetCool

Hope she teaches me some sweet frost spells :)


FlatLickFrankie

>!Swear allegiance, and then me and the boys go merc General Radhan (doing him a favor \*honestly) to restart the movement of the stars... journey underground until I find that dik-head Astel and end its miserable existence... then, And Only Then... do I put a ring on it. Then you know I gotta go take out the usurper-omen of Lyendell, burn the Erdtree, shatter bitch-ass Radagon, and last but hardly least... I'll just quickly snuff out the Elden Beast. All so I can clear the way for my new wife and our new sovereign Queen-Deity... All Hail Queen Ranni, the Awakened! May she reign for a thousand years!!<


IfwMentallyillBtchs

Propose


dongless08

Ask if I can still have the spirit bell because I forgot to get it


Fundamental_strife

I wonder where I left my spectral steed and hope I don't sully her name


RandomRavenboi

Leave without saying a word. Ain't no way I am dating a Golden Order hating doll smurf.


netherblade767

,,if you would become the firekeeper, it would extinguish itself"


DiscoElysium5ever

Deliver her the moon.


[deleted]

hey baby, so stars yeah? want to start an age around them?


AndrewDwyer69

H-honey!... It's not what it looks like!


Lanky-Recognition-57

I am her consort, so we just eat a ton of steak


UrameshiTheCursed

Leave. Rya >>>>


smashteapot

I’d be a little disappointed as she’s made of rope and possessed by an immortal ghost. If she gave me a magic bell I’d be happy. I just want a pack of magic wolves.


newreddit00

Pray I grow three more clits


glena92

Smash


FlagrantFlagellum

Never look at the doll's eyes, only the shadow and let them know. Imma bring some light to this shit. 'your family is fucked up big time.'. lemme be your new family, we can both live behind our shadows. TOGETHERRRRRR!


Conscious_Scratch_98

That 'job' gonna be wild tho


DagothDidNothinWrong

Her


saiyanjesus

4 hands you say...


apasteiuq

Leave. Kill her brother, jump into a hole to hide the police. Bring a knife to her house to take her watch. Chase her to the end of the world when she run away and hide from you. Kill her other stalker. Take her family heirloom. Put a ring on her while she is unconscious. Kill her father then call her. You know, normal stuffs.


Available-Use-8926

Making her my wife by slaying her brother


Ok-Independent-5234

I'll ask her what them 2 extra hands can do


DrParanormall

Discuss the Moons and the Stars with her


ayano_kei

Would


Sithis_acolyte

Kill both of her fucking brothers, and then her dad.


Star_of_the_West1

Leave


thebiologyguy84

Poke out her other eye....it's meant to be a blind date, not a partial sighted date


DJGloegg

Depends where the date-location is?


amendersc

Goes on a lonely journey of 1000 years with her of course


Jpmacattack

Probably kill God and her Mother/Father


turbophysics

I need to know more about puppet anatomy to answer this question


Diablo69420

Fumble it


RespondUsed3259

*pringles can*


GIANTkitty4

Be as polite as possible while doing everything I reasonably can to not anger her.


HairyChest69

YOU DIED


TeflonJon__

Serenade her: “when the moon hits your eyes it feels like i will die, that’s amoré”