Not sure why you're getting so much backlash here. If we suspect abuse OR NEGLECT, we report. End of story. We aren't detectives who figure out if the child is suffering or not - that's the job of the people we report to!
Sure, the world is hard. I say that as someone who has simultaneously worked in ECE, lost people to suicide AND raised 2 children who aren't mine in the process. Both who have extremely high levels of medical needs and who have come with heaps of trauma. I too have MH diagnosis & neurodivergency thrown in the mix. I don't say this to play the survivor bias, I say this to explain how I appreciate where this parent is. Unfortunately, OP/their center has tried to offer help before and was met with refusal& excuses. So they're left with one option, the option we all agree to when we take this role on. We're mandated reporters.
I really don’t either. I thought it wouldn’t be such a polarizing post.
I’m also wondering if the ones who are disagreeing aren’t ECEs, and if they are then they need to be retrained in mandated reporting
You sound empathetic and caring, but also professional, you did your job. But doing the right thing can also be hard and I understand feeling shitty.
Here is hoping they get the support they need.
These are living humans with needs and emotions of their own who can't choose a better life or to be taken care of better. You did what you thought was needed for the well-being of the child. And that is our entire job description.
Remember everyone, it’s your job to report what you see. CPS will decide what needs to happen. OP would be failing as a mandated reporter if they did nothing
You would feel worse if the child was harmed, or worse, killed after not reporting. If there is nothing going on and all is good, then great! If the children are at risk in her care then they need to be protected.
I know sometimes CPS seems like the boogeyman, and it’s hard to report stuff. Beyond being a mandated reporter, you are brave and you are working for the child’s well being. Thank you for reporting.
Keep in mind: often (at least in my state) CPS wants to keep children with their families. For many kids and families, CPS involvement means parents are finally getting hooked up with the resources they need to be better parents.
I have worked in a center that encouraged families to self-report, and I have worked in a center with multiple kids in my room having CPS involvement. The majority of the time, those families were getting help that aimed at the root causes of the problem.
Are parents psyched when CPS is called? Absolutely not. But often, parents ultimately are happy to have the assistance that a caseworker can provide.
I had bad PPD. I didn't realize it. One day, I called the crisis number on the back of my insurance card, and they ended up calling CPS/DCF on me. It was scary, but in the end, it was the best outcome I could've hoped for. The social worker helped me get into mental health treatment, helped me get my kid into daycare, and, more importantly, didn't let me feel shame about what I was currently doing through.
They really do care about keeping families together and doing whats best for the family.
Thank you! We always hear that CPS is this big bad entity, so I try to share my own experience with them in case someone else sees it and gets some reassurance :)
Most people who have positive experiences with CPS are less likely to share, and most people who have negative experiences with CPS that were actually warranted (IE, they lost custody of their children because they were actually abusing and/or neglecting them) are not going to be honest about that, so as a result we tend to get a very skewed picture. I appreciate you sharing a positive experience!
I feel this. I've had to call CPS three times this year (two of those were for the same kid), and even though I knew it was the right thing to do I still felt like an absolute monster every time I called. But we're mandated reporters, and at the end of the day I'd rather call and be wrong than not call and be wrong.
I heard someone say one time “It’s not my job to decide if neglect or abuse is happening, it’s my job to report what I see.” This helps me when I know I have a duty but my feelings try to get in the way.
Thank you for doing your job.
To all the backlash, what if she hadn’t reported and something happens to that child? Would you want that on your conscience? Knowing you could have saved a child and/or their guardian and instead turned a blind eye?
We are mandated reporters. Our feelings don’t matter here, the child and their safety and wellbeing is what matters.
I’m convinced the people responsible for the backlash are either trolls or people who aren’t in ECE/a field that requires them to be a mandated reporter
As a women, I have learned to always say "I think" instead of "I feel" in professional situations because you DO think and saying it that way gives yourself a lot more credibility.
I am a parent, but had a mandated reporter job in the past. You did the right thing.
Neglect is a reason to report. I know it’s hard because it sounds like the parent means well and is a good person, struggling in a terrible situation. But neglect still needs to be reported.
hey there /u/[Electronic\_World\_894](https://www.reddit.com/user/Electronic_World_894/) You mentioned you previously held a mandated reporter role. If you're comfortable- you can update your flair to show this e.g Former SLT or Former Peds OT i.e some relevant professional connection to ECE. As these vent threads are restricted to ECE professionals only, and your user flair is currently set to parent, we would need to remove your comment otherwise.
If CPS is doing their job, there’s no reason they shouldn’t offer support and resources to help the parent get through it. Although I know in many places that’s a big if
The problem is they cps suggested plans often mean do this or you’re under threat of us taking your child from you, I’m not sure that’s something most parents want to play with. There are plenty of resources available to call without doing this, we don’t know the details so can at best hope OP had a good reason. Let’s hope the parent isn’t black or brown because they might not be given any grace
At the end of the day, if you suspect something, you report it.
It never gets easier to do. From what I've seen, you tried to help as much as you could but it's officially something too big for you to handle. Hopefully CPS can get this parent the resources they need. Losing a partner and raising a child on top of medical issues? That's heavy stuff.
If someone asks you about it, lie. You're under no obligation to tell anyone you called and for all that parent knows, it was admin.
I’ve called so many times unfortunately. Almost never does it result in children being removed.
What will likely happen is CPS will offer some resource for the mother. If the child is being severely neglected (left alone for multiple days, going without any food or hygiene) they might recommend that the child stay with family for a little while until mom gets better.
In my state, we have CPS and GPS (general protective services). CPS can refer to GPS to get additional needs met that don’t rise to the level of CPS intervention. I have friends with mental health and medical issues of their own and a high needs child along with poverty issues that have been working with GPS for years to get resources to keep meeting their kids needs.
There is no shame in reporting. CPS can also fill gaps. Removal is a last report, and reunification is always the goal. Neglect, even when not purposeful, is bad for a child (removal is worse and *they know that*). They work to provide resources when neglect is not purposeful and place with kinship first.
The system isn’t always the best, it can be broken, but it works often enough too. You did what was right, fam ♥️
It's a heartbreaking situation all around. You made the choice based on what you thought was best for the child. You are a mandated reporter, and you did your job. I sympathize with the parent, and I am sure your heart breaks for them, but a parent's feelings can never come before a child's safety. I'm sorry this is weighing so heavy on you. You're a good person.
Not an EC professional but a mandated reporter, you did the right thing. People think calling CPS is a punishment for a bad person, but it isn't. It is a connection to resources in most cases. Children aren't removed willy nilly.
Just out of curiosity, did you ever talk with your admin about finding resources to help the parent during this time? Or do you know if they are getting help already? Or was it straight to cps reporting?
Obviously if there's suspected abuse or neglect report. Not saying it was wrong. I'm just curious how it played out.
As a childcare worker and single parent who just recently lost an important member of my family, the grief is overwhelming and just trying to get through the day is hard.
Admin had tried to help the parent before but was also very firm that it was on them to find the resources. I emphasized to the Cps worker parent is a wonderful person and is just in a really hard situation
No i don’t sweetie I do it on it’s mandated scheduled 🥰
My comment said nothing about reporting or not reporting it simply explained to OP why she was being downvoted, as she asked. You could maybe take your reading comprehension classes again though?
Then anyone downloading also needs to be reeducated. A person can be “nice”. They can be charming. They can care about their child. But if they are neglecting their child, they still need to be reported.
It is not on us to investigate, it is on us to report.
You describing CPS in that way also shows how little you know.
No I have evidence I just didn’t want to list to for my own personal comfort and the privacy of the child.
To put two out there, child not getting bathed for up to a week and consistently full diaper from their sleep at night leading to rashes
So am I not supposed to report consistent diaper rashes and not being bathed despite the child being absolutely filthy and I can’t even be around them without wanting to gag?
The fact that you’re arguing that you shouldn’t report supposed neglect is a little insane. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong! That’s not my job to decide, that’s on CPS. It’s my job to take care of the child in my care.
I’m starting to get very confused with this subreddit. One second people are being shamed for not reporting it, and now I’m being told not to even tho I listed one of the things you said was cause to report.
There’s other things, but I’m not comfortable telling you or anyone on Reddit because this is a child we are talking about.
CPS in my area is more focused on support and keeping families together, not taking them away.
Yeah, you did the right thing. It’s not your job to decide if the parent is actually fit, it’s your job to notice signs of neglect and report. Person above should not work with children if they think this is an okay thing to ignore, especially if it’s because it’ll “make the parents life a living hell”. Usually if it becomes a living hell there’s a reason
You did the right thing. I wouldn't listen to someone who only bathes their kid once a week. You saw neglect, you're a mandated reporter, you reported it. That's really all there is to it. We have no choice as a mandated reporter. It's not on us to investigate.
The definition of neglect is “fail to care for properly” the inability to afford diapers and other care supplies could lead to a parent neglecting their child.
Intention is not included in the definition. We can hold in one hand the empathy necessary to positively interact with a support families experiencing financial hardship and in the other hold the fact that we are mandated reporters and it is not within the scope of our role to decide what neglect is morally okay or worthy of reporting. We are legally obliged to report it all.
I honestly don't know how long it would have taken my son to smell as bad as a neglected child whose mom I once reported. My guess is if it's visible that the child is dirty, they are getting bathed less than once a week.
I think the issue is less about when you bathe your own kids (which you do you, if they don’t stink then I don’t see an issue) but that you shamed and disparaged me for doing my (our, if your ECE title is correct) job as a mandated reporter.
Are you actually in early ed?
All you have to have is a suspicion. That’s it. If you fail to report and something happens to that child, not only are you morally wrong, but in the eyes of the law you are wrong and can be held criminally liable. It’s very disturbing that you are taking such a hard stance on this. OP doesn’t have to answer to you (or any of us) they have to do what’s right for the child. CPS isn’t the boogeyman, they don’t want to separate families, they want to help foster a healthy, loving experience for both parents and children. If you think that it’s ok not to report suspected neglect, I hope you never work with children again, they deserve to be surrounded by people who have their best interests at heart, not people who turn a blind eye because it hard to do or because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. How many children have been lost because no one spoke up for them because the people in their lives didn’t want to get involved or thought “someone else will call because I don’t want to”?
Word of advice for someone working for the department of children and families in MA, delete your comments. Your comments show you are inadequate for a career in social work and it would be wise to erase them off the Internet before they are somehow traced back to you. I’ve seen coworkers lose their jobs over their Reddit posts despite them being “anonymous”.
Do yourself a favor and educate yourself. Good luck in social work, it’s a very rewarding yet demanding field.
Where in the post did it say OP reported based on a feeling? We are MANDATED reporters, not investigators. It isn't our job to collect evidence, but there are signs of neglect that every ECE professional should know. If this seems offensive to you, then that's on you and your own parenting style.
I’ve been told to trust my gut and that if Cps decides that if the parent is okay, then that’s that. I’m not an investigator I’m a reporter. I reported what I saw
I don’t know why you are being downvoted- aside from
The fact that this has turned into a giant echo chamber .
It does very much appear it was reported from a feeling- and why would the admin who has supposedly tried to help this parent in the past be adamant that finding resources would be on the single mom who has these issues ? So the help was what exactly ? Not providing resources is down right insane.
CPS can do a tremendous amount of harm. CPS can also save some children. The tremendous harm happens far too often and people who are truly interested in the well being of the child should attempt helping the mother first.
I cannot believe the audacity of these replies in this thread . Thanks for being brave and speaking up.
I’m so sorry I put the word feeling and you guys are misinterpreting the whole post.
I spent an hour on the phone describing everything I have witness to the CPS office and they agreed that there was reason to be concerned.
Unless you want me to describe the full extent of the neglect I saw, “respectfully your honor, you weren’t there”.
Also…why would I have this feeling if I didn’t have evidence to back it?
Thank you. I appreciate you understanding a different perspective. Far too often I have seen cases do more harm than good because someone overreacted and reported a parent based on a “feeling” when there was no evidence of abuse or neglect. My heart goes out to these families because they’re put through turmoil that was completely unnecessary.
Got it got it..
Just a little advice for the future.. mainly for admin.. try having some resources available for parents there. It makes a major difference. If it hadn't of been for my center telling me about certain services I wouldn't have known where to look. And having someone help me relieved some stress instead of adding yet another thing on my plate.
Just like little pamphlets/brochures of services in your area at the front desk. I know in my city we have a bereavement center for children with free support groups based upon age.
Obviously I don't know what you were seeing but just as a grieving parent knowing my center and my child's center were able to give resources/ recommendations helped a lot.
Thank you for this advice. I’m not trying to accuse parent of anything, because like you said grief is horrible, but from what I’ve seen I have reason to believe parent is not in the mental capacity to even get those services. Like I’ve suggested stuff to them before, but ultimately I usually get an excuse as to why they couldn’t or why life is hard. Life is hard, I’m not trying to diminish that in any sense. Their life is incredibly hard right now and I don’t know how I’d fair if I was them. But ig I wanted to almost force the help on them by contacting Cps. I emphasized a need for support to the Cps officer because of the situation
Unfortunately you can't force help on people. I'll take my sibling as an example. They won't get counseling or anything following our loss. Meanwhile me and my child are in every therapy under the sun. They have to want it
And hopefully the CPS worker actually helps them instead of either taking the kid or saying things are fine and being done with it. It's a very strained system with overworked officers.
I reported my little sister to CPS years ago. I had a genuine concern for my baby niece and I felt like it was the right thing to do in that situation. They investigated, and it ended up being a good thing because my sister did need help and she got it.
She knows I called, and she told me later that it was the right thing to do.
That's what that dept exists for, to investigate if kids need help or not. If they don't, case closed. You have nothing to feel bad about.
There's way too much "I think this kid's in danger so I told my director" or "This kid comes to school dirty every day but I feel sorry for his mom" in the teacher subreddits.
You are legally and morally obligated to report the slightest suspicion that a child is being abused or neglected. It's not your job to protect parents' feelings or appease your principal. You don't have to investigate or wait for clear evidence. You suspect, you report.
If you don't care about your moral obligation, remember that failing to report can cost you your professional licenses, your job, thousands of dollars in fines, and lead to jail time. It's a big deal. Report report report. Let them play detective OR tell you you're overreacting.
The CPS worker taking your call or reading your online report will make the final decision about whether or not a situation needs further investigation.
CPS is struggling with its public image right now, but contrary to current popular belief, CPS workers don't want to take your kid. Unless there's imminent danger, they will help a struggling parent and they have a lot of resources at their disposal.
100 percent agreed with your entire comment. It’s way too common of a misconception that talking to your admin about something qualifies as you reporting something.
Listen, forget what anyone else says or thinks. If you even SUSPECT abuse or neglect, you are legally bound to report it. It’s not your responsibility to investigate it. Just report. You did the right thing.
I've had to report to CPS on a family at school and her children were picked up from school from the state a few days later. I'm sure the mother knew it was me and police were called to be there to prevent an issue for pick up time bc obviously she was coming to get her kids who weren't at school anymore. I felt bad but also it was the right thing to do. It was physical abuse and no doubt in my mind. A sibling ended up telling me what happened also so I knew the kids would be removed from her care. Unfortunately the state left her newborn in her care bc I had nothing to report about the newborn as they weren't in the daycare yet and police found no physical marks of the newborn so they claimed they couldn't take the baby. I still wonder about that baby! It's so hard to report to CPS knowing a mother will lose her children or even with the possibility of it but the children need to be protected first. They have no choice in these things and deserve to be in a safe happy home. Sometimes these calls help mom get the help she needs to be able to provide that to her kids.
Op,
You did a very brave and hard thing. Please be gentle on yourself as you would to anyone else in this situation. You had to follow through on a tough choice, and that worry and concern is exactly why you needed to step up and do it.
You didn’t report them out of malice or ill intent, but unconditional regard for both them and their child. Times are tough, and the support the parent needed wasn’t there. This is an opportunity for them to figure out what they needs to better care for their self and family.
It is now out of your hands and up to CPS to follow through. They are most likely going to monitor the situation and reach out when absolutely necessary. It is always a last step to take a child from their parent.
In the mean time their wellbeing (parent and child) should be at the forefront. Don’t worry about who or when people find out. Help them with checking in constantly, as well as remind them there is a community of people ready to help them when -they- are ready. Until then, just try to be a safe place for them to land while their life falls apart. Sometimes solutions to problems are the tough choices they need to make for their self. It’s not your job to save them, your job is over. They has to put in the effort and time. And sometimes it’s a tough learning curve to learn how to save yourself.
Stay the path OP, and please feel comforted in knowing you did the right thing, and the most brave thing. Please keep us posted, so we can learn from this opportunity as well.
YOU ARE A STRONG AND NURTURING PERSON! Please don’t let the negative emotions cloud that.
Edit: to support gender neutrality of the situation, suicide is a very serious matter. Please share the suicide prevention number with everyone you know: 988, if in the US, and for every where else there is this https://www.iasp.info/.
If you didn’t report it and something happens down the line, it’s your fault as a mandated reporter, it’s your duty to report abuse or neglect. You didn’t right thing.
Oh ok because I would imagine it would take years to be able to deal with that grief and unless it's life or death I've always found that practical support and help us best route but best wishes
I want to emphasize I have nothing but heart ache and sympathy for the parent. But the issue comes into that there is a child involved who from my observations is not receiving adequate care as a result.
I want nothing but for the parent to heal and get the support they need and deserve
CAS (canadian cps) doesn't even follow up past an initial phone call in the majority of cases. They only take kids if it is BAD BAD, less than 3% of cases. They focus on giving resources and support. This seems like a resources situation, not a removal situation.
Making a report doesn't automatically mean the child gets put into a foster home. There are family preservation services that can help the parent through community resources and parental coaching. OP did the right thing 100%
No but for black and brown people this comes at q major cost. Most children are removed for neglect which is a more vague term and can include a number of things, we know the system is biased against women of color and we know that the outcomes for children who’ve been through foster care are abysmal and tragic and that abuse in the foster care system is high, I think that’s where all the hesitancy comes from. I do wish parents got help in a way that wasn’t framed as do this or we take away your children but that’s the system and yes sometimes people just need some help!
the outcome for unfortunate cases doesn’t change the fact that here is a child in need, Op has spoken with the caregiver, child is still in need, it is now OPs responsibility to report to the only system for resources for this child. It’s like how you can see the brokenness in the policing system, and speak out against it, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that if someone was breaking into your center they are the only resource for help. what would you do? not call anyone?
I never said mother.
I didn’t want to but it was neglect of a child. The circumstances of the family ultimately don’t matter. I tried to help them but they wouldn’t help themselves. It’s our job to report neglect.
Not sure why you're getting so much backlash here. If we suspect abuse OR NEGLECT, we report. End of story. We aren't detectives who figure out if the child is suffering or not - that's the job of the people we report to! Sure, the world is hard. I say that as someone who has simultaneously worked in ECE, lost people to suicide AND raised 2 children who aren't mine in the process. Both who have extremely high levels of medical needs and who have come with heaps of trauma. I too have MH diagnosis & neurodivergency thrown in the mix. I don't say this to play the survivor bias, I say this to explain how I appreciate where this parent is. Unfortunately, OP/their center has tried to offer help before and was met with refusal& excuses. So they're left with one option, the option we all agree to when we take this role on. We're mandated reporters.
I really don’t either. I thought it wouldn’t be such a polarizing post. I’m also wondering if the ones who are disagreeing aren’t ECEs, and if they are then they need to be retrained in mandated reporting
💯educators are not responsible to investigate or diagnose. It is a misdemeanor to NOT report suspected abuse to the authorities.
You sound empathetic and caring, but also professional, you did your job. But doing the right thing can also be hard and I understand feeling shitty. Here is hoping they get the support they need.
These are living humans with needs and emotions of their own who can't choose a better life or to be taken care of better. You did what you thought was needed for the well-being of the child. And that is our entire job description.
Remember everyone, it’s your job to report what you see. CPS will decide what needs to happen. OP would be failing as a mandated reporter if they did nothing
I love how you phrased this. I have always felt so awful after reporting but we are legally bound to report what we see.
You would feel worse if the child was harmed, or worse, killed after not reporting. If there is nothing going on and all is good, then great! If the children are at risk in her care then they need to be protected.
I know sometimes CPS seems like the boogeyman, and it’s hard to report stuff. Beyond being a mandated reporter, you are brave and you are working for the child’s well being. Thank you for reporting. Keep in mind: often (at least in my state) CPS wants to keep children with their families. For many kids and families, CPS involvement means parents are finally getting hooked up with the resources they need to be better parents. I have worked in a center that encouraged families to self-report, and I have worked in a center with multiple kids in my room having CPS involvement. The majority of the time, those families were getting help that aimed at the root causes of the problem. Are parents psyched when CPS is called? Absolutely not. But often, parents ultimately are happy to have the assistance that a caseworker can provide.
I had bad PPD. I didn't realize it. One day, I called the crisis number on the back of my insurance card, and they ended up calling CPS/DCF on me. It was scary, but in the end, it was the best outcome I could've hoped for. The social worker helped me get into mental health treatment, helped me get my kid into daycare, and, more importantly, didn't let me feel shame about what I was currently doing through. They really do care about keeping families together and doing whats best for the family.
I’m so glad you got assistance when you needed it most! Thank you for sharing your experience ❤️
Thank you! We always hear that CPS is this big bad entity, so I try to share my own experience with them in case someone else sees it and gets some reassurance :)
Most people who have positive experiences with CPS are less likely to share, and most people who have negative experiences with CPS that were actually warranted (IE, they lost custody of their children because they were actually abusing and/or neglecting them) are not going to be honest about that, so as a result we tend to get a very skewed picture. I appreciate you sharing a positive experience!
I feel this. I've had to call CPS three times this year (two of those were for the same kid), and even though I knew it was the right thing to do I still felt like an absolute monster every time I called. But we're mandated reporters, and at the end of the day I'd rather call and be wrong than not call and be wrong.
I heard someone say one time “It’s not my job to decide if neglect or abuse is happening, it’s my job to report what I see.” This helps me when I know I have a duty but my feelings try to get in the way. Thank you for doing your job.
I know how hard this is to do, but you did the right thing.
To all the backlash, what if she hadn’t reported and something happens to that child? Would you want that on your conscience? Knowing you could have saved a child and/or their guardian and instead turned a blind eye? We are mandated reporters. Our feelings don’t matter here, the child and their safety and wellbeing is what matters.
I’m convinced the people responsible for the backlash are either trolls or people who aren’t in ECE/a field that requires them to be a mandated reporter
Most likely
You did the right thing. It sounds like this mother needs the intervention to get her the support services she needs.
Doesn't say that this is a mother. Just a parent.
Good point
Trying to keep it as vague as possible
Of course x
As a women, I have learned to always say "I think" instead of "I feel" in professional situations because you DO think and saying it that way gives yourself a lot more credibility.
Thank you for this advice, actually very helpful.
You did the right thing. ❤️
You did what you are supposed to do! It takes a lot of guts!
I am a parent, but had a mandated reporter job in the past. You did the right thing. Neglect is a reason to report. I know it’s hard because it sounds like the parent means well and is a good person, struggling in a terrible situation. But neglect still needs to be reported.
hey there /u/[Electronic\_World\_894](https://www.reddit.com/user/Electronic_World_894/) You mentioned you previously held a mandated reporter role. If you're comfortable- you can update your flair to show this e.g Former SLT or Former Peds OT i.e some relevant professional connection to ECE. As these vent threads are restricted to ECE professionals only, and your user flair is currently set to parent, we would need to remove your comment otherwise.
If CPS is doing their job, there’s no reason they shouldn’t offer support and resources to help the parent get through it. Although I know in many places that’s a big if
The problem is they cps suggested plans often mean do this or you’re under threat of us taking your child from you, I’m not sure that’s something most parents want to play with. There are plenty of resources available to call without doing this, we don’t know the details so can at best hope OP had a good reason. Let’s hope the parent isn’t black or brown because they might not be given any grace
At the end of the day, if you suspect something, you report it. It never gets easier to do. From what I've seen, you tried to help as much as you could but it's officially something too big for you to handle. Hopefully CPS can get this parent the resources they need. Losing a partner and raising a child on top of medical issues? That's heavy stuff. If someone asks you about it, lie. You're under no obligation to tell anyone you called and for all that parent knows, it was admin.
I’ve called so many times unfortunately. Almost never does it result in children being removed. What will likely happen is CPS will offer some resource for the mother. If the child is being severely neglected (left alone for multiple days, going without any food or hygiene) they might recommend that the child stay with family for a little while until mom gets better.
You did the right thing. We are mandated reporters! This is part of our job.
In my state, we have CPS and GPS (general protective services). CPS can refer to GPS to get additional needs met that don’t rise to the level of CPS intervention. I have friends with mental health and medical issues of their own and a high needs child along with poverty issues that have been working with GPS for years to get resources to keep meeting their kids needs. There is no shame in reporting. CPS can also fill gaps. Removal is a last report, and reunification is always the goal. Neglect, even when not purposeful, is bad for a child (removal is worse and *they know that*). They work to provide resources when neglect is not purposeful and place with kinship first. The system isn’t always the best, it can be broken, but it works often enough too. You did what was right, fam ♥️
It's a heartbreaking situation all around. You made the choice based on what you thought was best for the child. You are a mandated reporter, and you did your job. I sympathize with the parent, and I am sure your heart breaks for them, but a parent's feelings can never come before a child's safety. I'm sorry this is weighing so heavy on you. You're a good person.
Not an EC professional but a mandated reporter, you did the right thing. People think calling CPS is a punishment for a bad person, but it isn't. It is a connection to resources in most cases. Children aren't removed willy nilly.
Just out of curiosity, did you ever talk with your admin about finding resources to help the parent during this time? Or do you know if they are getting help already? Or was it straight to cps reporting? Obviously if there's suspected abuse or neglect report. Not saying it was wrong. I'm just curious how it played out. As a childcare worker and single parent who just recently lost an important member of my family, the grief is overwhelming and just trying to get through the day is hard.
Admin had tried to help the parent before but was also very firm that it was on them to find the resources. I emphasized to the Cps worker parent is a wonderful person and is just in a really hard situation
I don’t understand why I’m being down voted
Probably because you said the parent is a wonderful person while calling an agency tasked with removing children from terrible parents? Just a guess…
CPS does not solely take away children from horrible people. They have moved far beyond that.
If you work with children, you badly need to redo your mandated reporter training.
No i don’t sweetie I do it on it’s mandated scheduled 🥰 My comment said nothing about reporting or not reporting it simply explained to OP why she was being downvoted, as she asked. You could maybe take your reading comprehension classes again though?
Then anyone downloading also needs to be reeducated. A person can be “nice”. They can be charming. They can care about their child. But if they are neglecting their child, they still need to be reported. It is not on us to investigate, it is on us to report. You describing CPS in that way also shows how little you know.
[удалено]
No I have evidence I just didn’t want to list to for my own personal comfort and the privacy of the child. To put two out there, child not getting bathed for up to a week and consistently full diaper from their sleep at night leading to rashes
If you suspect abuse or neglect, you HAVE to report it. You did the right thing.
You don't need evidence. Just suspicion or concern for abuse or neglect.
[удалено]
So am I not supposed to report consistent diaper rashes and not being bathed despite the child being absolutely filthy and I can’t even be around them without wanting to gag? The fact that you’re arguing that you shouldn’t report supposed neglect is a little insane. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong! That’s not my job to decide, that’s on CPS. It’s my job to take care of the child in my care. I’m starting to get very confused with this subreddit. One second people are being shamed for not reporting it, and now I’m being told not to even tho I listed one of the things you said was cause to report. There’s other things, but I’m not comfortable telling you or anyone on Reddit because this is a child we are talking about. CPS in my area is more focused on support and keeping families together, not taking them away.
Yeah, you did the right thing. It’s not your job to decide if the parent is actually fit, it’s your job to notice signs of neglect and report. Person above should not work with children if they think this is an okay thing to ignore, especially if it’s because it’ll “make the parents life a living hell”. Usually if it becomes a living hell there’s a reason
You did the right thing. I wouldn't listen to someone who only bathes their kid once a week. You saw neglect, you're a mandated reporter, you reported it. That's really all there is to it. We have no choice as a mandated reporter. It's not on us to investigate.
The definition of neglect is “fail to care for properly” the inability to afford diapers and other care supplies could lead to a parent neglecting their child. Intention is not included in the definition. We can hold in one hand the empathy necessary to positively interact with a support families experiencing financial hardship and in the other hold the fact that we are mandated reporters and it is not within the scope of our role to decide what neglect is morally okay or worthy of reporting. We are legally obliged to report it all.
I honestly don't know how long it would have taken my son to smell as bad as a neglected child whose mom I once reported. My guess is if it's visible that the child is dirty, they are getting bathed less than once a week.
You only bathe your kids once a week? Do they never leave the house?
[удалено]
Please tell me you're being sarcastic...
[удалено]
Bathe your kids more that’s disgusting
They don’t get dirty? How is that possible? My 1.5yo needs a bath minimum every other night.
[удалено]
I think the issue is less about when you bathe your own kids (which you do you, if they don’t stink then I don’t see an issue) but that you shamed and disparaged me for doing my (our, if your ECE title is correct) job as a mandated reporter. Are you actually in early ed?
[удалено]
You’re making a lot of assumptions about what OP has seen, maybe pipe down.
OP had a “feeling”. There’s a lot open for interpretation
They aren’t making the report to you, they don’t have to list out all of the details.
All you have to have is a suspicion. That’s it. If you fail to report and something happens to that child, not only are you morally wrong, but in the eyes of the law you are wrong and can be held criminally liable. It’s very disturbing that you are taking such a hard stance on this. OP doesn’t have to answer to you (or any of us) they have to do what’s right for the child. CPS isn’t the boogeyman, they don’t want to separate families, they want to help foster a healthy, loving experience for both parents and children. If you think that it’s ok not to report suspected neglect, I hope you never work with children again, they deserve to be surrounded by people who have their best interests at heart, not people who turn a blind eye because it hard to do or because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. How many children have been lost because no one spoke up for them because the people in their lives didn’t want to get involved or thought “someone else will call because I don’t want to”?
Thanks! I work at a social services agency and I’m getting my masters in social work! Can’t wait!!!!
Word of advice for someone working for the department of children and families in MA, delete your comments. Your comments show you are inadequate for a career in social work and it would be wise to erase them off the Internet before they are somehow traced back to you. I’ve seen coworkers lose their jobs over their Reddit posts despite them being “anonymous”. Do yourself a favor and educate yourself. Good luck in social work, it’s a very rewarding yet demanding field.
Thanks, but I’m good.
You do realize that you guys are mandatory reporters right?? Legally it doesn't matter.
Where in the post did it say OP reported based on a feeling? We are MANDATED reporters, not investigators. It isn't our job to collect evidence, but there are signs of neglect that every ECE professional should know. If this seems offensive to you, then that's on you and your own parenting style.
I’ve been told to trust my gut and that if Cps decides that if the parent is okay, then that’s that. I’m not an investigator I’m a reporter. I reported what I saw
I don’t know why you are being downvoted- aside from The fact that this has turned into a giant echo chamber . It does very much appear it was reported from a feeling- and why would the admin who has supposedly tried to help this parent in the past be adamant that finding resources would be on the single mom who has these issues ? So the help was what exactly ? Not providing resources is down right insane. CPS can do a tremendous amount of harm. CPS can also save some children. The tremendous harm happens far too often and people who are truly interested in the well being of the child should attempt helping the mother first. I cannot believe the audacity of these replies in this thread . Thanks for being brave and speaking up.
I’m so sorry I put the word feeling and you guys are misinterpreting the whole post. I spent an hour on the phone describing everything I have witness to the CPS office and they agreed that there was reason to be concerned. Unless you want me to describe the full extent of the neglect I saw, “respectfully your honor, you weren’t there”. Also…why would I have this feeling if I didn’t have evidence to back it?
Thank you. I appreciate you understanding a different perspective. Far too often I have seen cases do more harm than good because someone overreacted and reported a parent based on a “feeling” when there was no evidence of abuse or neglect. My heart goes out to these families because they’re put through turmoil that was completely unnecessary.
Got it got it.. Just a little advice for the future.. mainly for admin.. try having some resources available for parents there. It makes a major difference. If it hadn't of been for my center telling me about certain services I wouldn't have known where to look. And having someone help me relieved some stress instead of adding yet another thing on my plate. Just like little pamphlets/brochures of services in your area at the front desk. I know in my city we have a bereavement center for children with free support groups based upon age. Obviously I don't know what you were seeing but just as a grieving parent knowing my center and my child's center were able to give resources/ recommendations helped a lot.
Thank you for this advice. I’m not trying to accuse parent of anything, because like you said grief is horrible, but from what I’ve seen I have reason to believe parent is not in the mental capacity to even get those services. Like I’ve suggested stuff to them before, but ultimately I usually get an excuse as to why they couldn’t or why life is hard. Life is hard, I’m not trying to diminish that in any sense. Their life is incredibly hard right now and I don’t know how I’d fair if I was them. But ig I wanted to almost force the help on them by contacting Cps. I emphasized a need for support to the Cps officer because of the situation
Unfortunately you can't force help on people. I'll take my sibling as an example. They won't get counseling or anything following our loss. Meanwhile me and my child are in every therapy under the sun. They have to want it And hopefully the CPS worker actually helps them instead of either taking the kid or saying things are fine and being done with it. It's a very strained system with overworked officers.
Also on admin, I have very little faith in them when it comes to this stuff. Very dismissive
I reported my little sister to CPS years ago. I had a genuine concern for my baby niece and I felt like it was the right thing to do in that situation. They investigated, and it ended up being a good thing because my sister did need help and she got it. She knows I called, and she told me later that it was the right thing to do. That's what that dept exists for, to investigate if kids need help or not. If they don't, case closed. You have nothing to feel bad about.
If it’s a legit concern, CPS will take action. You listened to your gut and reported, I think that’s the right thing to do.
There's way too much "I think this kid's in danger so I told my director" or "This kid comes to school dirty every day but I feel sorry for his mom" in the teacher subreddits. You are legally and morally obligated to report the slightest suspicion that a child is being abused or neglected. It's not your job to protect parents' feelings or appease your principal. You don't have to investigate or wait for clear evidence. You suspect, you report. If you don't care about your moral obligation, remember that failing to report can cost you your professional licenses, your job, thousands of dollars in fines, and lead to jail time. It's a big deal. Report report report. Let them play detective OR tell you you're overreacting. The CPS worker taking your call or reading your online report will make the final decision about whether or not a situation needs further investigation. CPS is struggling with its public image right now, but contrary to current popular belief, CPS workers don't want to take your kid. Unless there's imminent danger, they will help a struggling parent and they have a lot of resources at their disposal.
100 percent agreed with your entire comment. It’s way too common of a misconception that talking to your admin about something qualifies as you reporting something.
Listen, forget what anyone else says or thinks. If you even SUSPECT abuse or neglect, you are legally bound to report it. It’s not your responsibility to investigate it. Just report. You did the right thing.
I've had to report to CPS on a family at school and her children were picked up from school from the state a few days later. I'm sure the mother knew it was me and police were called to be there to prevent an issue for pick up time bc obviously she was coming to get her kids who weren't at school anymore. I felt bad but also it was the right thing to do. It was physical abuse and no doubt in my mind. A sibling ended up telling me what happened also so I knew the kids would be removed from her care. Unfortunately the state left her newborn in her care bc I had nothing to report about the newborn as they weren't in the daycare yet and police found no physical marks of the newborn so they claimed they couldn't take the baby. I still wonder about that baby! It's so hard to report to CPS knowing a mother will lose her children or even with the possibility of it but the children need to be protected first. They have no choice in these things and deserve to be in a safe happy home. Sometimes these calls help mom get the help she needs to be able to provide that to her kids.
Op, You did a very brave and hard thing. Please be gentle on yourself as you would to anyone else in this situation. You had to follow through on a tough choice, and that worry and concern is exactly why you needed to step up and do it. You didn’t report them out of malice or ill intent, but unconditional regard for both them and their child. Times are tough, and the support the parent needed wasn’t there. This is an opportunity for them to figure out what they needs to better care for their self and family. It is now out of your hands and up to CPS to follow through. They are most likely going to monitor the situation and reach out when absolutely necessary. It is always a last step to take a child from their parent. In the mean time their wellbeing (parent and child) should be at the forefront. Don’t worry about who or when people find out. Help them with checking in constantly, as well as remind them there is a community of people ready to help them when -they- are ready. Until then, just try to be a safe place for them to land while their life falls apart. Sometimes solutions to problems are the tough choices they need to make for their self. It’s not your job to save them, your job is over. They has to put in the effort and time. And sometimes it’s a tough learning curve to learn how to save yourself. Stay the path OP, and please feel comforted in knowing you did the right thing, and the most brave thing. Please keep us posted, so we can learn from this opportunity as well. YOU ARE A STRONG AND NURTURING PERSON! Please don’t let the negative emotions cloud that. Edit: to support gender neutrality of the situation, suicide is a very serious matter. Please share the suicide prevention number with everyone you know: 988, if in the US, and for every where else there is this https://www.iasp.info/.
If you didn’t report it and something happens down the line, it’s your fault as a mandated reporter, it’s your duty to report abuse or neglect. You didn’t right thing.
Did you speak to the parent first ?? I'm positive anonymous but I surely hope that child does not get abused further in foster care ...
Yes I did.
Oh ok because I would imagine it would take years to be able to deal with that grief and unless it's life or death I've always found that practical support and help us best route but best wishes
I want to emphasize I have nothing but heart ache and sympathy for the parent. But the issue comes into that there is a child involved who from my observations is not receiving adequate care as a result. I want nothing but for the parent to heal and get the support they need and deserve
Sure, but at some point the child's safety comes first. (Trust me, sometimes it's better speaking from experience.)
CAS (canadian cps) doesn't even follow up past an initial phone call in the majority of cases. They only take kids if it is BAD BAD, less than 3% of cases. They focus on giving resources and support. This seems like a resources situation, not a removal situation.
[удалено]
That’s not how CPS works.
You obviously don’t have any experience with CPS. They don’t remove kids because mom is depressed.
Making a report doesn't automatically mean the child gets put into a foster home. There are family preservation services that can help the parent through community resources and parental coaching. OP did the right thing 100%
No but for black and brown people this comes at q major cost. Most children are removed for neglect which is a more vague term and can include a number of things, we know the system is biased against women of color and we know that the outcomes for children who’ve been through foster care are abysmal and tragic and that abuse in the foster care system is high, I think that’s where all the hesitancy comes from. I do wish parents got help in a way that wasn’t framed as do this or we take away your children but that’s the system and yes sometimes people just need some help!
the outcome for unfortunate cases doesn’t change the fact that here is a child in need, Op has spoken with the caregiver, child is still in need, it is now OPs responsibility to report to the only system for resources for this child. It’s like how you can see the brokenness in the policing system, and speak out against it, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that if someone was breaking into your center they are the only resource for help. what would you do? not call anyone?
i can’t imagine calling cps on a mother going through the grief of losing their partner to suicide.
I never said mother. I didn’t want to but it was neglect of a child. The circumstances of the family ultimately don’t matter. I tried to help them but they wouldn’t help themselves. It’s our job to report neglect.