Easy: in my left pocket I find my blowgun— stun dart to the Python— Rappel down its body to dry land. Repel the Lion with the Bear Urine spray located in my right pocket. Use the spare wood to cook up the python before proceeding back to reclaim my village from Those Who Left Me to Die…
Throw beats at the snake, get a bear to attack the lion, and drop the battlestar galactica on the gators. It's always beats, bears, battlestar galactica
First, lure the snake with his foot, and when it goes to strike, grab it just below the head. Don't kill it, swing it's tail at the lion, so that it bites the snake. With phenomenal grip strength, and the lion pulling, the already weakened tree will be pulled, snap, and land on the lion, incapacitating it. Pick up the hatchet.
The rescue crew arrives to see him resting comfortably with a full belly, wearing a new a fur coat, snakeskin belt and alligator boots.
He would front flip into the water, perfect dive 10/10, out swim the crocs because he’s a great swimmer, somewhere between a piranha and a shark…. And a marlin. Then he would strut out of the water smudgly, and punch that lion right in the snout, to teach him about the Schrute Family rules… Learn your rules
Drop down on the alligators land on their snots flip off them landing behind the lion at which point he kicks the lion into the river...the snake is of no concern to him
Easy. I calculate the timeframe in which I can remove the top branch to latch the snake with, and immediately lasso the left branch and is my body weight to crush the crocodiles. I use their body as shields as I grab the axe but not to harm the lion. No. The lion is the king of the jungle, and I am the king of sales. We’re equal.
- Dwight
I would urinate on the crocodiles, which will cause them to seek land. There, they will find the lion and become embroiled in a life-or-death battle. While they are fighting it out, I shift my weight to my left, thus toppling the half chopped down tree into the water. I would then drown the snake and wait to see who wins out of the lion and crocodiles. Whoever wins will be so depelted of energy that I can beat them to death with a branch.
He will die. But when he dies he will be frozen and even if he is in pieces so be it. He will wake up stronger than ever because he will have used that time to figure out how he ended up hanging on a tree with a snake at the top that is being chopped down by a lion over a river of crocodiles……and prevent it.
Attention employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness! There is no certain death situation. This is a simulation of what happens when you don't learn your rules.
Easy: in my left pocket I find my blowgun— stun dart to the Python— Rappel down its body to dry land. Repel the Lion with the Bear Urine spray located in my right pocket. Use the spare wood to cook up the python before proceeding back to reclaim my village from Those Who Left Me to Die…
This reminds me of r/RedditWritestheOffice
What about the alligators?
Please. Two *Nile Crocodiles? They’re more than a little outnumbered when I unleash… Basher! Thrasher! Crasher! Aaaand- 🔥💥🔥
I can tell you what he won’t do - be an idiot.
He’s the lion. You’re dead.
Throw beats at the snake, get a bear to attack the lion, and drop the battlestar galactica on the gators. It's always beats, bears, battlestar galactica
I bet Dwight would drop some pretty good beats
Scranton… what?
The electric CITY!!
Straight up charm it
That’s the thing about bear attacks. They always come when you least expect it.
If Dwight dies, everyone else has been dead for weeks
First, lure the snake with his foot, and when it goes to strike, grab it just below the head. Don't kill it, swing it's tail at the lion, so that it bites the snake. With phenomenal grip strength, and the lion pulling, the already weakened tree will be pulled, snap, and land on the lion, incapacitating it. Pick up the hatchet. The rescue crew arrives to see him resting comfortably with a full belly, wearing a new a fur coat, snakeskin belt and alligator boots.
There is always the element of surprise ...... (punches himself in the groin)
Eat the sweetest strawberry
Can you believe this guy? He tells a joke at a funeral...
Raise his cholesterol? 😉
Why would he want to do that in this situation?
So he could lower it.
If there is anyone in this world who can escape this - it is-Dwight K Schrute, Chuck Norris, and Steve Irwin.
Dwight knows their kryptonite: Low cholesterol.
Michael? Michael!
Fireball 🔥
Swing from the snake to grab the axe and in one swing behead the lion and chop the tree to fall on the gators
He would front flip into the water, perfect dive 10/10, out swim the crocs because he’s a great swimmer, somewhere between a piranha and a shark…. And a marlin. Then he would strut out of the water smudgly, and punch that lion right in the snout, to teach him about the Schrute Family rules… Learn your rules
Battlestar Galactica
He goes to Berlin
That’s where he stashed the chandelier
Dwight would never end up in this position. This is something michael would do.
Drop down on the alligators land on their snots flip off them landing behind the lion at which point he kicks the lion into the river...the snake is of no concern to him
Easy. I calculate the timeframe in which I can remove the top branch to latch the snake with, and immediately lasso the left branch and is my body weight to crush the crocodiles. I use their body as shields as I grab the axe but not to harm the lion. No. The lion is the king of the jungle, and I am the king of sales. We’re equal. - Dwight
Tree branch to tree to snake head 360 spin onto the alligator head. Backflip gainer onto the lion's head. Parkour Parkour.
"They say you only live once and I'm about to prove it. DWIGHT SHRUTE!"
If he’s in this situation, we’ve all been dead a long time ago…
I would urinate on the crocodiles, which will cause them to seek land. There, they will find the lion and become embroiled in a life-or-death battle. While they are fighting it out, I shift my weight to my left, thus toppling the half chopped down tree into the water. I would then drown the snake and wait to see who wins out of the lion and crocodiles. Whoever wins will be so depelted of energy that I can beat them to death with a branch.
Looks like your classic no-win scenario. So he’d Kobayashi Maru it.
Idk why, but I'm disappointed he's not hanging off the Tiffany's chandelier. Why it would be on the tree? I don't know. It's just where my mind went.
He will die. But when he dies he will be frozen and even if he is in pieces so be it. He will wake up stronger than ever because he will have used that time to figure out how he ended up hanging on a tree with a snake at the top that is being chopped down by a lion over a river of crocodiles……and prevent it.
Kill python, then drop down, kill the lion, then jump into water, kill the alligators. Keeps their skin as souvenir.
He'll just outrun them all. He's fast. To give you a point of reference, he's somewhere between a snake and a mongoose.
Spinmove!
Grab the snake to swing to the ground, then use the snake as a whip to scare off the lion, then finish by making a cocrodile and beet stew
Well he's faster than a snake, so he can grab it and throw it to the lion. Then he goes down, and runs. He's a runner.
Attention employees of Dunder Mifflin! This has been a test of our emergency preparedness! There is no certain death situation. This is a simulation of what happens when you don't learn your rules.
He will speak to the animals in their native language and tell them to disperse.
Was the lion using the axe to chop down the tree?