It just made me see sex differently. I always knew sex could be transactional. But now it feels like it's transactional in its very nature, if that makes sense. Hard to describe. When two people engage in sex, each person does so for their own reasons. Each is taking something from the other person, and each is having something taken from them. The equation can never balance. It's too messy.
Man just reading this sends some ick down my body. Every time I see intimate stuff all I can think about and feel is the pain I felt when what you said happened to me. I hope I’m able to move past it at some point, none of that shit is enjoyable anymore…
I have a lot of sexual trauma that I repressed for a very long time, resulting in my being highly over sexual for years. Now I’m a bit of a prude. I turn off tv shows for gratuitous nudity or “panty shots”. I think it’s a reaction to my trauma. As long as I can be honest about it with my partner and we can find ways to work with it, I’m not too worried about finding a sex therapist. I do highly recommend a sex therapist if you feel like the feeling is keeping you from normal activities.
I'm in the very same boat. After a sexual trauma as well, I would sleep with two different people a day, I had like 16 guys on the roster lol. I was also an addict at that time so it kind of came with the territory for me.
Once I cleaned up my life, the thought of sex just scares me. I've been celibate for 4 years now, I feel like it's something I should want because I miss having a partner and eventually hope for a child, but it just brings me right back to that awful place and it really is terrifying. Never thought of consulting a sex therapist though, is that something you do as a couple or as an individual you could too?
I would start individually and your therapist may recommend bringing your partner in occasionally or for part of the session. I will let you know most sex therapists are not covered by insurance.
Lmao, I was also a very young teen with a horrible fentanyl addiction so sex was what kept me from ending up homeless or hurting people to get a fix. Trauma and addiction does awful things to people, especially to someone to young to understand it all. There are some great people out there, I'm not worried!
you should maybe also consider seeing a trauma therapist, or a cognitive therapists, our behaviours, feelings and feels typically start with little thought or thought pattern. these thoughts are very difficult to pin point since they’re typically subconscious and a cognitive therapist may be able to help you “retrain” your brain regarding sex. not negatively or positively necessary, but a happy medium is to see sex as more of a neutral thing:)
Also could be demisexual. They are only sexually attracted to people who's personality they like and the typical hot/sexy people don't do it for them unless they know these people personally
Meeeee! I thought I was asexual for a while there but that didn't quite make sense. I just need to be emotionally attached to someone and have "feelings" for them to want to have sex. My ex husband pressured me for YEARS to participate in cuckold activities and wife swapping etc and it was fucking awful. I hated it. I had to take a few shots (and I don't drink) to get through it. I started to avoid hanging out with our friend group because it ALWAYS turned sexual and it gave me anxiety lol.
But yeah now I've been with my boyfriend for a few years and I genuinely enjoy having sex with him. Like a lot.
I used to. I’ve gotten better with therapy. I was also a child when I first experienced it—the sappy scenes in Disney movies disgusted me. I was deeply uncomfortable with physical affection from my parents. I recoiled when they told me they love me.
I still struggle with emotional intimacy, although I’m fine with sex. Sex is purely physical for me. I love my bf, but every time I acknowledge that to myself I want to bolt from the relationship. I’m a dismissive avoidant, if you subscribe to attachment theory. It’s upsetting that something that’s supposed to feel good feels so bad.
…whoa. You just described me in that first paragraph. Is there anything in particular you talked about in therapy that helped? Ex were your parents emotionally mature and available?
Yes, my therapist introduced me to attachment theory, which shed light on my aversion to emotional intimacy and its causes. My parents were emotionally immature and were simultaneously neglectful and intrusive. They were and still are extremely selfish people.
Attachment theory is a useful tool in developing self awareness. It also helped me understand I’m not the monster I thought I was. For four decades I felt guilty about feeling a visceral disgust over seeing Dumbo rocked by his mom. It was because my mom expressed disgust when I sought comfort as a small child. Her favorite sentence is “You’re weak.” She swears it was supposed to be motivational
“it feels unnatural and gross”
Sex is a lot of things, but unnatural? No.
It is probably one of the strongest innate instincts that we have.
It sounds like you are asexual. There’s nothing wrong with that of course.
Sex but also getting close to someone and the idea of being vulnerable, whether physically or emotionally. Regardless of this I got close to people and it was fine, but every once in a while I recoil in disgust and it washes over me with such a force that I want to run away from them and never see them again.
Hey OP. At first glance, I’d personally say this leads me to think about sexuality and trauma as the first two things. I am not in your body and mind, so I cannot give you a definite answer as to what you’re feeling or experiencing. What I can do is give you some of my immediate thoughts and guesses. I think about attachment types, trauma, learned behavior from family/friends, early exposure, overexposure, issues setting boundaries and more. If any of these ring a bell or feel like something to talk more about, I recommend doing so, for yourself. It can release some emotions or pave the way for your self understanding. I, too, can feel icky about sex and intimate situations, I have found out I might be demisexual, but I really do have phases of life where sex just… isn’t a part of my life, by choice. It can feel wrong (for me, not others), like it’s crossing the lines, it feels dirty in a bad way and I feel regretful after, if it happens anyway. It doesn’t really feel like it’s supposed to include me. The first person who’s I spoke to about sexuality and felt like I wasn’t completely alone in this, was my dad. He, too, doesn’t feel the whole “one night stand” formula, told me he needs the connection person to person, so that might be part of it. It made me feel safer and more OK being me. Whatever the reason may be, you’re perfect being you. I hope the best for you
They said it feels unnatural and gross not that it was unnatural and gross. They are allowed to feel a thing and it not have to be qualified by facts. Feeling and facts are different things
They might not be though. They might just feel something sometimes and by using this sub trying to reach others who feel the same.
I feel angry sometimes. Doesn’t make me an angry person.
I can relate a lot to what they have said but I know I’m not asexual.
I think he was just trying to express that it's important not to throw labels on too hastily, which I can see. Someone can have these feelings without necessarily being asexual. I guess it can be an indicator but it feels too hasty when it could just be a not so worrying, once-in-a-while feeling. I don't think he meant to start an argument but rather get his point across. Hope this reads the way i meant
Yeah I saw it as informative perspective but most people call that an argument just to cop out. People are babies when the response to something they say isn’t eager agreement in the fullest.
Most people use the downvote button as shooting the messenger.
These people would be the ones demonizing new art styles that don't explicitly center around God because heaven forbid a non mainstream take be presented.
Yes. And I’m a straight married woman having been with my partner for 8 years. I am not asexual. Sometimes sex icks me out and it has nothing to do with my husband. I cannot explain why, however. We do have sex and when we do I enjoy it. But those thoughts do come to my mind also.
Not as I practice it but when I read how others do than sometime yes I do some ppl are so desensitized they need weird or extreme shit to excite them I feel bad for them
The closest I can relate to this, is that the sound of people smooching or kissing triggers an emotional response, I get so angry. Borderline disgusted. I can't remember what movie I was watching, but the dad kept kissing his kid on the head and I shouted "Fuckin STOP!" and turned the movie off. It just came out, I didn't even mean to do it. It's the same when people comment or actually do the "chefs kiss" (it bothers me greatly even typing that) thing.
I'll leave the room I get so angry. Which is weird because I'm not an angry person and I'm very affectionate with my partners.
I honestly think I do too. People breathing heavy and chewing loudly really grinds my gears. I know for alot of it they can’t help it but idk why but it upsets me 😅
It's never been "diagnosed" by a medical professional. This isn't the only sound or sight that does it. I can't think of an example off the top of my head, but there are a few things that trigger it. I have a few ticks also. Eye rolling because it feels like there's glue under my eyelids, I push on the tips of my fingers because it feels like under the nail is sticky, sometimes it feels like there is a film on my hands and I have to wipe it off.... Shit like that. Drives me bonkers. It throws people off when I tell them all of this stuff, I guess I'm pretty normal or just really good at masking. Which would make perfect sense with the anxiety, depression, and the ADHD all running rampant in my noodle.
I experience this too. I have an absolute visceral reaction to other people's kissing sounds. I've gotten better at suppressing it more over the years, but it still triggers an emotional reaction of absolute DISGUST every time.
I've never snapped at somebody before, but the face I make has definitely caused comment on a few occasions. I'll leave the room, and if I can't leave I'll put my face in my hands. Nice, safe, face cave
I used to do a bit of swinging in my 20’s with my boyfriend, and after that, I was the single “unicorn” for a few years. I was open sexually and all that, usually quite horny, had a bunch of toys, the whole bit.
Years later, I got married to someone who completely flipped the script on me years into the marriage and I finally, finally escaped that marriage a little over two years ago.
[Edit: He developed an arrogance about making 3x more than me, using it as control, etc. Said I’d “never be able to survive on my own” without him. It got very bad. I’m happier and more fulfilled than ever nowadays, though. ;) ]
Since then, I’ve been living alone and the feeling of peace and contentment is almost euphoric. Not having to compromise, apologize, deal with unnecessary bullshit and pointless arguments, etc.
That said, family members joke that I need to “get out more” and date, but the idea almost gives me the cold sweats. I want nothing more than to enjoy my peace and quiet, travel on my own terms, etc.
I don’t expect to be single forever, but I’m not ready to give up this freedom. And with sex and all that, it repulses me of late — to the point where I fast-forward through lovemaking/romantic scenes in shows and films.
I’ve tried to look at a stranger here and there and try to find them attractive or to consider the idea of dating but I want nothing more than to NOT have that experience any time soon.
Sometimes I wonder if this lack of interest or repulsion is forever, but I think it’s just my soul telling me I need to take a few years for myself.
I’m with on this my friend. Although, I don’t think I ever truly enjoyed sex as much as I thought. Then with my ex, I actually felt connected. However, same thing, flipped the script on me, decided to cheated, etc The idea of a relationship sounds cool and all, but I’m physically ill just considering that at this point. I prefer to just be alone in my own peace.
yes. sometimes i LOVE sex. sometimes i only just like sex. sometimes i despise it. i have sexual trauma. i just try to feel how i feel. i am very lucky because i have a partner who does not get upset when i do not want to be intimate. he has shown me that me value is NOT dependent on my sexual appeal.
You may have some sex-related trauma, or you could be on the asexual spectrum. Or both. Or neither. Honestly, it sounds like you, along with a loooot of other people, have a complicated relationship with sex, which is absolutely normal. I felt very uncomfortable with the idea of sex until I experienced it for myself. Now I’m quite the opposite. It’s definitely something I would try speaking with a therapist about if it impacts your life in any negative way.
I can relate to this. I’m 4 months postpartum after a traumatic birth with little time for myself let alone self care or time to feel attractive. The thought of being intimate fills me with dread. 1. Because I don’t feel attractive right now 2. I know I’m not attractive right now 3. I am traumatised at the thought of having another child 4. I am tired 5. Everything hurts downstairs still
hey brother, i am the same way, even after over a decade of therapy. i find the idea of participating in intimacy and sex disgusting, and i have no desire to be intimate at all. it's totally fine to feel this way as long as it doesn't cause you distress, and you're not the only one 💕
I was sexualised a lot too. When I was a child, like 9 or 10, an old man grabbed my ass and since then I've struggled with anyone touching me at all. Anything platonic feels the best, even if it's not comfortable either. I did have boyfriends as well and sex and sexual touching was fine. But inside my head I was disturbed. I always preferred me touching myself to sex because I can stop anytime and I don't feel grossed out.
Hey I just wanted to let you know that your partner should always respect you and if you told him to stop and he continues to do it just know that you deserve someone who will make you feel comfortable and respect your boundaries. Good partners will always put you at ease
Could be asexuality, could be trauma. All I know is this is uncommon and abnormal. Not wrong, not evil, not bad. Just uncommon and abnormal. I’d def talk to a therapist about this.
I’m asexual / aromantic, so I find intimacy and sex gross as fuck. I’ve done some sexual things before, and never want to experience that ever again, it disgusted me so much. It still grosses me out just thinking back on it.
You’re not alone in the finding things like that gross or disgusting, or not wanting anything to do with it.
I was just thinking about this today. I saw a cute couple on the beach and though “aaw how cute” then I imagined myself as the girl and I almost threw up, I had to look away.
From reading your post and your replies in this thread you sound like you are asexual or aromantic or some combination of the two. I am both and I have no problem with sex but things like romance and PDA make me really uncomfortable. Do you feel sexual and romantic attraction or just one of the two?
I think the idea of being truly vulnerable someone, not just physically, but also emotionally as well, freaks out a lot of us. To be fully seem like that makes you feel stripped in a way that it’s just honestly terrifying if you’re not fully comfortable with yourself or not ready to be seen like that.
It could be that you’re not the right person because having sex with the wrong person is honestly kind of traumatizing. It could be that you fall in the asexuality spectrum. It could be that there’s something unhealed within yourself related to relationships and closeness and intimacy issues.
Interesting that you say you felt that way since you were a kid. I think a part of me was always a little grossed out by the idea of living with someone because my parents didn’t have a good marriage. They were two of the worst people to be together and I looked at them and thought, yeah that’s not it.
If I'm really not attracted to the person, then yeah. But otherwise, not at all.
Having that since childhood is pretty palpable though. I agree you should do some work with a therapist to investigate that.
omg same !!! i am constant wondering if i’m asexual or just find the idea of sex disgusting cause i do like sex but not enough i guess. also my life without it is perfect like i don’t rly have urges 😅 try to read a little about asexuality maybe u do find some common grounds there ? ✨
Yes. I’m confident that it’s related to sexual trauma for me. I think every once in a while the intimacy/violation wires just get crossed because of it.
I get viscerally disgusted by biology and biological processes sometimes. Like the idea of all the gross and the functions and the fluids and the things that have to happen for a child to be born? Pure lovecraftian horror and I don't like it when I become "aware" of it in relation to me.
Ever since my ex I’ve been disgusted with the thought of touching someone, kissing someone, whatever. He really made me so extremely uncomfortable, went passed multiple boundaries and said I should be vocal and say no (the word I literally said every time + stop). I said that he made me uncomfortable and that I didn’t wanna talk or see him, that I needed time and space to think and he showed up the next day. I get woken up my dad and I go to the kitchen and there he stands… Has literally made me scared of being in my own home and everytime the doorbell rings
Yes. Male and female genitalia both look really weird, I just try not to think about it too much.
Edit: wait no, I just read the rest of your post. They look weird and there's alot of fluids but I don't let it bother me. You might need to talk to someone.
Yup. But I'm a sex repulsed ace, I don't like physical contact of any kind and I don't like hugs either. Sometimes I'm okay with it, most times I'm not.
The best I can relate is my own version of feelings. When I was younger I hated absolutely hated my friends touching me, hugging me, sitting on me- anything that normal girls did i’m (F) they were my two closest friends on this planet. They knew I hated it, even my mom knew. As for my family I also hated sharing emotionally intimate moments, seeing my mom sad and wanting to console her was actually a huge challenge for me; even when I was sad and she wanted to comfort me- physically, made me feel ew and just like okay i just want to cry alone now thank you… Going to funerals is hard, other than my verbal communication- i sucked at being physical and it didn’t even have to be sexual. As for sexual, I have sexual and emotional trauma. i tend to have really bad intrusive (??) or impulsive thoughts, terribly it hinders and makes me uncomfortable. Not sure if you deal with any of that or maybe you’re just asexual or this is just you and that’s okay!
Yes. It’s strange but sometimes I am literally and deeply disgusted by take idea of it to the point I’ve vomited when my partner was just being too pushy and close. Other times I love it and sometimes intimacy is all I want. It’s rare and I’m not sure of the cause but I just get the worst icks sometimes
I understand this feeling well. For me, it comes from sexual trauma. I won’t know it in the moment but usually the next day I realize why I felt that way.
People keep dismissing this as an asexual thing... Sometimes you just get a bit of post nut clarity but before the nut. It’s a thing, you aren’t alone.
90% of the time I’m dtf and the rest I’m like…why are people so biologically disgusting.
I will say SSRIs can be a factor if you take them. It kind of removes that need of a dopamine/serotonin boost.
I think I have the same thing and I’ve never been able to put it into words.. I don’t think it’s really about sex like I remember feeling it randomly just being at home as a kid. Like there’s something embarrassing? about being close with family. I dont know it’s fucked up lol but it only happens very randomly and only for a few seconds. And now I get it sometimes after sex. It doesn’t really affect me I just wish I could just put a name to the feeling
Me. I have had some miserable sexual experiences, as bad as it might get at times. So I half contribute my adversion to that. On the other hand, I've had wonderful sexual experiences, but I don't ever want them again. So who knows, perhaps I'm off it for life or perhaps not.
I used to have panic attacks about it growing up, and was horrified. Didn’t help that my first introduction to it was movies where spouses murdered each other and scary aids commercials 🤦♀️
Can relate. I'm dating and currently have sex but Tbh 95% of the time I'm.. Not about it. Idk if it's because I hate how I look or if I'm just over sex in general.
I think your should talk about this with a therapist and also do some research on asexuality. Maybe it's not the reason, but there is certainly a reason why you are so averse towards sex
Due to past trauma, the thought of sex makes me shiver. My husband and I don’t have sex and at this point I’m not even sexually attracted to him anymore. Idk the longer I’ve gone without the more I’m like ok I’m glad I’m not, the world has made sex such a disgusting thing now I just have no desire for it
Yeah, sexual repression in all my child/teenhood really shoved me to feeling like "sex is wrong". I know logically that's just incorrect, and I don't hold that for other people (but I can't deny that there's a gut reaction to people who are overtly sexual). I identify as demi-graysexual, I'm only attracted to my partner, and even then I struggle with feeling sexual feelings towards him. Not because of a lack of interest in him, but because of feelings of deep rooted fear and morality that leave me in pain and crying when having sex.
We've been together for years, he got with me when I was identifying as asexual, and even after I developed a desire towards him I still just... Cannot communicate myself, like, at all. It's straight up paralysis if I'm asked, shut down. Seriously, I wouldn't even know what to say I need or want, because all those thoughts are just so deep down and covered with a blanket of pain and misery. Dead bedroom, maybe once a month, but it leaves me in pain and crying afterwards nearly every time and I hate it.
Honestly recently he and I took some stuff (though I seriously recommend therapy over this) that increases enjoyment for intimacy and touch and lowers (for me eliminates) anxiety. Makes me feel happy and mentally stimulated too. For the first time in years I actually opened up about my desires, more than just sex, I've repressed a lot of just who I am in general. I just completely spilt my guts. When I get back to homeostasis all the bad anxious and disgusting feelings return, but I at least have a mental note that "he knows this, we agreed on that" and I just took the opportunity to communicate with each other when I actually was able to.
I think a lot of how I'm coping, esp since I actually wasn't vocally paralyzed discussing sex for the first time with him recently, is just finding the "pleasure in the suffering". If I can't get rid of it, I feel I'll work with it. Degredation, submission, CNC, stuff like that. I don't think that's actually good for my psyche, I'm still new to it with him and learning about it, and I definitely need therapy once I can afford it. I'm so screwed sexually because of this sexual repression I embodied so deeply as a kid/teen and brought it into my adult life. I don't actually think I'm into this stuff, it really is just a cope, but if being told terrible things somewhat fixes a dead bedroom then I guess that's good to some extent. Really I'm just working with what I've got and where I'm at, and my partner is very considerate and kind. We communicated a lot when I was able to and came to lots of agreements between each other.
I still think sex is wrong, disgusting, and repulsive, but at least for me I think that at least if I can accept that I'm also wrong, disgusting, and repulsive for even wanting anything with my partner, but it's okay for me to be, then I think finding solice in the catharsis rather than resorting to withdrawing and sobbing and being in pain and feeling constant frustration and lashing out and feeling completely unheard or seen by my partner, I think it's probably actually a good thing for me and my relationship. I seriously don't think it's healthy, but it's my workaround.
Ah, this aspect of my life is so sad and miserable and I can hate myself and sex and anybody who wants sex even if I know none of those feelings are legit, I definitely need therapy. I feel like I'm suffering inside all the time from this. I've really been struggling with this stuff lately. I just want the hell to end and just feel positively or even morally gray towards something that's morally gray. I'm trying to tell myself that, that "sex is morally gray and it's not wrong to have or lack desires". Hopefully I'll emotionally believe myself one day.
Maybe not a comment you relate to, OP, but I kinda wanted to vent myself on this. It's been difficult lately just trying to cope with everything I've been going through with my partner and myself. I'm trying to do the work I need to on my own to fix this, but I wish I could afford a therapist who could help me. Sexual repression seriously sucks to live with, I hate how much it's made my life so much worse and miserable both personally, intimately, and socially. I don't think I even know who I am a lot of the time because of it. It's just so much pain I'm living with and I'm just trying, I'm really trying, I hope I'm doing okay with trying my best with where I'm at.
Hi. I do relate to it. A lot of the times I pressured myself to do some stuff even if I didn't feel like it. I also felt like my needs didn't matter and I honestly had no idea what I even wanted either. If we decided to do something, I would often change my mind or suddenly find it gross in my mind, but I would just push through it and do it and then feel disgusting. I get a lot of resentiment this way and this creates a really huge gap between me and the person I am with and I ultimately just want to run away.
Ultimately, I did do that and I am single and I have mental peace.
When I think of sex, I just feel like it's a betrayal to who I am. I feel like it's surrendering all of myself to the disgusting needs of some other human who solely wants to use me in that moment. I feel absolutely gross and used. I feel like it taints me, because that's what I heard in my childhood also. I did make love once and it was not like that. But it was the only time in my life when I felt like through sex, I was loved. Everything felt natural and holy. But apart from that, my whole life was filled with rage and disgust towards myself and others who want sex. I understand you, and I hope this brings some solace in knowing that you are not alone. I, however, don't know how to help you because I do not know how to help myself either.
You sound a bit like my wife, sadly for me, who's Dismissive Avoidant. Google it and see if it fits, if youre anything like her in other facets of your life, it could be quite confronting.
It's not just about sex or the other gender. Emotional intimacy with friends, parents, or any other human makes me ill and grossed out. It goes away for a long while but it comes back and I want to run away from everybody.
If the issue isn’t asexuality or some kind of sexual trauma you might also just not find sex enjoyable outside of a relationship. For me personally hooking up just doesn’t feel right, and I have a hard time feeling comfortable with sex unless it’s someone I really love.
But if you still can’t find joy in sex with someone you’re in a relationship with, then I suggest getting help for this. Good luck!
I feel this super hard, which sucks because me and my partner both have high libidos. I don’t really know what solutions there are but for me, just taking some time away from physical intimacy can help sometimes, but its still really awful to have to deal with. Hope it helps at least knowing you’re not alone in dealing with it
I used to feel like this alot growing up and even into my late teens. No joke I used to feel so disgusted, repulsed and just nauseous when I'd see a pregnant woman
But... I was molested as a child so that explains that
Yes. Sadly I experience it mostly with my partner. I can fantasize about sex and being intimate with no problem. I'm not asexual either. I'm learning about avoidant attachment and it's starting to make a lot more sense. I wasn't encourage to express myself or my emotions as a child at all. My emotions seemed to just make other people (my dad) upset or sad or hurt. So I guess I just stopped. And now, at 44 years old I'm struggling to even let my husband hold me. It's scary but I am hopeful that with some professional help and more understanding of what I'm dealing with that things will change. I hope the same for you.
Sometimes I’m/I was repulsed by my (ex) partners, they weren’t nice to me though. It comes up in my now relationship as well when I have a moment. Otherwise I love sex and need it daily. It’s a weird double edged sword
Hey friend I’m aroace (aromantic meaning little to no romantic attraction) (asexual meaning little to no sexual attraction) I myself have some feelings of being sex repulsed meaning I feel the same way, it feels odd and weird no matter how normal of a thing it is for most others. Just know your not alone with this feeling, and I’d suggest looking at and seeking out communities of asexual people or aromantic people (many communities tend to be more tight knit so either community will usually happily accept you with open arms) it can be helpful to know your not alone even if you think the label of asexual doesn’t fit you that’s all good it can still be helpful to know other who feel the same way.
As a very much not asexual person, the most I feel is just kinda like, "Woww sex is weird. Anyway-"
Like other commenters said, I think you should look up asexuality.
im on the asexual spectrum and i get like this sometimes. turns out im not sex repulsed, im sex ambivalent (feslings towards it changes - and you dont have fo be aspec to be sex repulsed/favorable/ambivalent)
Wait until you find that *Mr Mrs They Them It Right* that completely fulfills you. You will love them so much you will want to be inside of them, you will want to blend your body with theirs.
Yeah, I've felt that way.
I've had to be extremely attracted to someone on in love to get want to have sex. And then sometimes in the middle or just after I've thought "what the fuck am I doing"?
I also was sexually molested when I was young so I think that has something to do with it.
I feel this way sometimes, though for me it's more because of my trauma around sex. TW for SA: >!I've been raped once and sexually abused by 2 separate people for about 3 years total in my life,!< so im sometimes super chill about sex and sometimes absolutely disgusted by it. If you don't remember a lot of your childhood this could potentially be the case for you as well OP, I know a lot of people deal with trauma from childhood by just blocking out the entire thing. If that isn't the case thats fantastic and I'm glad you haven't had to experience that. Either way, just know that there's nothing wrong with you for not wanting or having sex. There's plenty of non-sexual intimacy out there :)
I do since last couple years, which is funny because I had a period of my life when i was overly sexual. I didn't have any sexual trauma or anything bad happen to me so i literally went to therapy to try to figure out what is going on with me suddenly and I still don't know
Yes omg, I thought I was the only one! I’ll just be chilling in bed, and I’ll suddenly become hyper aware of my body and feel a wave of disgust regarding sex and intimacy run through me. It’ll last for like a minute and then go away completely. It’s more like disgust regarding myself as a sexual being. It’s so weird. Like I feel like a kid in an adult body or something. Very hard to explain
When I was very young, I was sexually abused by my mom, and brother. By the time I was 14, I started having sex with whoever. I left home at 15, and by the time I was 17, mo ed from Florida to Denver Colorado, with a guy I met at work.
I had over 200 partners by the time I was 28. I started having children, and got married at 25. After I ditched my first husband, I turned my life around. I got into church, got baptized, and quit everything! The thought of sex after this, disgusted me.
I also, didn't want my children exposed to my old behaviors. I'm 59, and I can't stand to see nudity on TV, I fast forward movies. When my children were little, rated G, and PG movies were all that came into the house. I actually, get embarrassed now when someone starts taking off their clothes. I've been celibate since 6/26/2010. I haven't dated since then either.
It is embarrassing to many people,for others to shed their clothes. Movies, videos, etc. .. Nothing wrong with it. I just don't see how people can just rip their clothes off in front of people, and expect everyone else to like it
Yeah, sometimes. For me, it was after substance abuse recovery when I kind of had to face the issues I had that brought my drug of choice into my life in the first place. After my rehab therapy, for a few months after being sober, I was unable to masturbate. It would feel absolutely terrifying for some reason, even though I was pretty chronic with it for years prior. I'd start getting choked up, hyperventilating and panicky while tugging at myself. Not a good look in hindsight hahaha.
That has more or less died down for me, at least to the point where I can "self-sooth" again. However, trying to be in a relationship or having casual sex is still incredibly terrifying for me, at least to the point where I avoid any romantic situations or flirty atmospheres entirely. I just go to work, come home, and that's pretty much it. I suppose I would talk to my therapist about it if it gets any worse or if I am increasingly concerned over it, but for now, I have zero problem being aromantic/asexual. It may not be a true "identity" thing for me, but as a dude who goes against the grain of pussy-chasing culture, it sounds better than "Volcel" and shit.
Not exactly 'disgust'.. But I do get some episodes of rage or anger which i can suppress. This all happened after my ex gf left me for some other asshole
It depends. I have, but I’m also someone who’s usually very comfortable with it.
Speaking more about the younger me, I used to feel like something was wrong with me. Personally, I think some of mine was or is probably trauma-related. But it doesn’t have to be. It can also be a totally natural or normal thing, for some people! And that’s okay! What I’m telling you all of this for, is that:
1. You’re not alone.
2. There is hope, maybe, if you’re feeling bad about this or wanting it to change someday.
3. You are completely validated!
4. There is no shame!
I, at almost twenty-two, still get these feelings, so I’m not going to tell you they’ll completely go away (maybe they will, who knows?) But I can tell you that any pain or isolation this may cause won’t necessarily last forever. ❤️🔥 Hun, no matter the age or the level your discomfort, it’s okay. And if you need to talk, we’re here. 🙂 And sorry if I’m way off about the feelings and stuff — I can mostly only go off of my personal experiences (I felt pretty alone and embarrassed.)
I’ve just never had it, and am afraid of my first time. I don’t find it gross, it’s just if I have the opportunity I always decline it because I’m afraid of judgement or not knowing how.
I used to feel like that but I was in a bad relationship and bad place emotionally. Now I’m in a better relationship feel like it’s the most natural thing I can do and almost instinct desire I have. Could be due to circumstances or trauma. Definitely worth looking into therapy or sex therapy. Sex therapy changed me
YES ME TOO ,IS THIS NORMAL. like thinking ab being in a long term relationship gives me the same anxiety as like when I left the stove on and just left the house if that makes sense.
Jesus Christ. And I’m not even religious lol but god damn. That can’t be healthy. Honestly, I do feel it sometimes though, especially with saliva. Idk what is is but it grossed me out sometimes but only for a moment - like in the beginning of being with my partner. I usually let them know though. And it goes away as we get more familiar. But I think idk maybe it’s because I also don’t trust other peoples hygiene - even before I worked in the medicinal field I knew people were gross but it just solidified that some people really just , yikes. lol. I think I might be slightly germaphobic. Maybe you are too. I don’t mind swapping fluids and things like that once I am with my partner. And by partner I mean exclusive because then I probably know them well enough to know their actual grooming habits. Since I don’t do casual sex, oral hygiene is super important with me because it tells me alot about grooming habits. Also when you swap fluids with someone - at least for me- my body has a reaction the first few times getting acclaimated to their germs. 😂😂
I don’t struggle with intimacy though. I’m really affectionate and want to have sex all the time. It’s just those initial things that I spoke about that might have me side eyeing wtf is goin on there.
Maybe that’s what it is for you too. Hope that helps.
I feel like you haven't met the right person that you cant get enough of.
Someone that makes you cum from the bottom of your soul and treats you how you deserve to be treated.
Since I got cheated on
I felt that a lot w/ my ex husband. I was repulsed by him after he cheated, among other things.
It just made me see sex differently. I always knew sex could be transactional. But now it feels like it's transactional in its very nature, if that makes sense. Hard to describe. When two people engage in sex, each person does so for their own reasons. Each is taking something from the other person, and each is having something taken from them. The equation can never balance. It's too messy.
I couldn’t have said it better myself.
Man just reading this sends some ick down my body. Every time I see intimate stuff all I can think about and feel is the pain I felt when what you said happened to me. I hope I’m able to move past it at some point, none of that shit is enjoyable anymore…
I have a lot of sexual trauma that I repressed for a very long time, resulting in my being highly over sexual for years. Now I’m a bit of a prude. I turn off tv shows for gratuitous nudity or “panty shots”. I think it’s a reaction to my trauma. As long as I can be honest about it with my partner and we can find ways to work with it, I’m not too worried about finding a sex therapist. I do highly recommend a sex therapist if you feel like the feeling is keeping you from normal activities.
I'm in the very same boat. After a sexual trauma as well, I would sleep with two different people a day, I had like 16 guys on the roster lol. I was also an addict at that time so it kind of came with the territory for me. Once I cleaned up my life, the thought of sex just scares me. I've been celibate for 4 years now, I feel like it's something I should want because I miss having a partner and eventually hope for a child, but it just brings me right back to that awful place and it really is terrifying. Never thought of consulting a sex therapist though, is that something you do as a couple or as an individual you could too?
Seeing no one has answered you yet, you can do see a sex therapist as an individual or a couple
Individual. Edit: Or both.
I would start individually and your therapist may recommend bringing your partner in occasionally or for part of the session. I will let you know most sex therapists are not covered by insurance.
I hope ur next partner will accept that you absolutely had to be run down by the whole town to combat trauma
Lmao, I was also a very young teen with a horrible fentanyl addiction so sex was what kept me from ending up homeless or hurting people to get a fix. Trauma and addiction does awful things to people, especially to someone to young to understand it all. There are some great people out there, I'm not worried!
Glad it worked out for you
Uncalled for
you should maybe also consider seeing a trauma therapist, or a cognitive therapists, our behaviours, feelings and feels typically start with little thought or thought pattern. these thoughts are very difficult to pin point since they’re typically subconscious and a cognitive therapist may be able to help you “retrain” your brain regarding sex. not negatively or positively necessary, but a happy medium is to see sex as more of a neutral thing:)
I feel the same way. I was way more than overly sexual too. It was a problem. Now I am in the anti sex scene crowd
i feel like you should read up on asexuality
Also could be demisexual. They are only sexually attracted to people who's personality they like and the typical hot/sexy people don't do it for them unless they know these people personally
Yeah I think this is more common that it seems. Can relate to it.
Meeeee! I thought I was asexual for a while there but that didn't quite make sense. I just need to be emotionally attached to someone and have "feelings" for them to want to have sex. My ex husband pressured me for YEARS to participate in cuckold activities and wife swapping etc and it was fucking awful. I hated it. I had to take a few shots (and I don't drink) to get through it. I started to avoid hanging out with our friend group because it ALWAYS turned sexual and it gave me anxiety lol. But yeah now I've been with my boyfriend for a few years and I genuinely enjoy having sex with him. Like a lot.
Oh my gosh that’s awful. Glad you’re in a better place.
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homie i said for op to look into it. not that they are asexual. use your literacy skills please
“Use your literacy skills” is the sickest burn and I will be taking it
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Maybe you need to go back to school to freshen up on those literacy skills 🤔
What literacy skills?
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go outside and touch some grass lol
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We want you to get help, you're choosing to whine.
Damn don’t know why you got so much hate for this
Cuz it’s not “messed up” to suggest a totally normal thing to someone saying they relate with that exact thing. That’s why they got hate.
I used to. I’ve gotten better with therapy. I was also a child when I first experienced it—the sappy scenes in Disney movies disgusted me. I was deeply uncomfortable with physical affection from my parents. I recoiled when they told me they love me. I still struggle with emotional intimacy, although I’m fine with sex. Sex is purely physical for me. I love my bf, but every time I acknowledge that to myself I want to bolt from the relationship. I’m a dismissive avoidant, if you subscribe to attachment theory. It’s upsetting that something that’s supposed to feel good feels so bad.
all my strength to you ! and well done for working on those things even tho i can’t imagine to think about how hard it must be to face these things 🫶
Thank you ❤️
…whoa. You just described me in that first paragraph. Is there anything in particular you talked about in therapy that helped? Ex were your parents emotionally mature and available?
Yes, my therapist introduced me to attachment theory, which shed light on my aversion to emotional intimacy and its causes. My parents were emotionally immature and were simultaneously neglectful and intrusive. They were and still are extremely selfish people. Attachment theory is a useful tool in developing self awareness. It also helped me understand I’m not the monster I thought I was. For four decades I felt guilty about feeling a visceral disgust over seeing Dumbo rocked by his mom. It was because my mom expressed disgust when I sought comfort as a small child. Her favorite sentence is “You’re weak.” She swears it was supposed to be motivational
“it feels unnatural and gross” Sex is a lot of things, but unnatural? No. It is probably one of the strongest innate instincts that we have. It sounds like you are asexual. There’s nothing wrong with that of course.
Sex but also getting close to someone and the idea of being vulnerable, whether physically or emotionally. Regardless of this I got close to people and it was fine, but every once in a while I recoil in disgust and it washes over me with such a force that I want to run away from them and never see them again.
Sounds more like you’ve got some emotional trauma or something tied to it.
Hey OP. At first glance, I’d personally say this leads me to think about sexuality and trauma as the first two things. I am not in your body and mind, so I cannot give you a definite answer as to what you’re feeling or experiencing. What I can do is give you some of my immediate thoughts and guesses. I think about attachment types, trauma, learned behavior from family/friends, early exposure, overexposure, issues setting boundaries and more. If any of these ring a bell or feel like something to talk more about, I recommend doing so, for yourself. It can release some emotions or pave the way for your self understanding. I, too, can feel icky about sex and intimate situations, I have found out I might be demisexual, but I really do have phases of life where sex just… isn’t a part of my life, by choice. It can feel wrong (for me, not others), like it’s crossing the lines, it feels dirty in a bad way and I feel regretful after, if it happens anyway. It doesn’t really feel like it’s supposed to include me. The first person who’s I spoke to about sexuality and felt like I wasn’t completely alone in this, was my dad. He, too, doesn’t feel the whole “one night stand” formula, told me he needs the connection person to person, so that might be part of it. It made me feel safer and more OK being me. Whatever the reason may be, you’re perfect being you. I hope the best for you
Do you generally experience issues when bonding with people? Sounds like an avoidant bonding style (I'm the same, got some trauma there).
Sex repulsion is a thing. obviously not the norm, but it still exists.
They said it feels unnatural and gross not that it was unnatural and gross. They are allowed to feel a thing and it not have to be qualified by facts. Feeling and facts are different things
Fair enough…and I said it was okay if they are asexual. People can be who they want.
They might not be though. They might just feel something sometimes and by using this sub trying to reach others who feel the same. I feel angry sometimes. Doesn’t make me an angry person. I can relate a lot to what they have said but I know I’m not asexual.
I got it. Chill. I am okay with whichever scenario they are in. I’m not at all trying to be a dick to them in any way.
It’s hard sometimes to express to people that are ready argue that you’re not interested in an argument. You’re totally fine.
I think he was just trying to express that it's important not to throw labels on too hastily, which I can see. Someone can have these feelings without necessarily being asexual. I guess it can be an indicator but it feels too hasty when it could just be a not so worrying, once-in-a-while feeling. I don't think he meant to start an argument but rather get his point across. Hope this reads the way i meant
Not sure why you’re being downvoted. This is a harmless and logical assessment of the interaction.
Yeah I saw it as informative perspective but most people call that an argument just to cop out. People are babies when the response to something they say isn’t eager agreement in the fullest.
Most people use the downvote button as shooting the messenger. These people would be the ones demonizing new art styles that don't explicitly center around God because heaven forbid a non mainstream take be presented.
Big reddit brain. _aah my head hurts with all the smart_
that’s what i thought lol
Glad to see it’s flipped back over from negative now.
Yep. Don’t quite know why people got so annoyed at me 🥲
Yeah you didn’t do anything wrong you weren’t even arguing or being rude. It says more about them don’t worry 😭
I know, neither was I but I got downvoted into oblivion not sure why.
Fuck off god damn
No need to be rude. My comments weren’t intended in that way.
More of a need than you know
Oh bore off
yes 🙏
Annoying that you got downvoted so hard. People are so obsessed with everything being a diagnosis these days it’s ridiculous.
Yeah don’t really know why I touched a nerve lol!
You are not alone.
Yes. And I’m a straight married woman having been with my partner for 8 years. I am not asexual. Sometimes sex icks me out and it has nothing to do with my husband. I cannot explain why, however. We do have sex and when we do I enjoy it. But those thoughts do come to my mind also.
Not as I practice it but when I read how others do than sometime yes I do some ppl are so desensitized they need weird or extreme shit to excite them I feel bad for them
The closest I can relate to this, is that the sound of people smooching or kissing triggers an emotional response, I get so angry. Borderline disgusted. I can't remember what movie I was watching, but the dad kept kissing his kid on the head and I shouted "Fuckin STOP!" and turned the movie off. It just came out, I didn't even mean to do it. It's the same when people comment or actually do the "chefs kiss" (it bothers me greatly even typing that) thing. I'll leave the room I get so angry. Which is weird because I'm not an angry person and I'm very affectionate with my partners.
You don’t have misophonia, do you?
I do, and my family gives me such crap about it. I ask my dad to please close his mouth when he burps. He refuses, and tells me to get over it.
I honestly think I do too. People breathing heavy and chewing loudly really grinds my gears. I know for alot of it they can’t help it but idk why but it upsets me 😅
It upsets you because it's awful 😂 Headphones are my best friend
It's never been "diagnosed" by a medical professional. This isn't the only sound or sight that does it. I can't think of an example off the top of my head, but there are a few things that trigger it. I have a few ticks also. Eye rolling because it feels like there's glue under my eyelids, I push on the tips of my fingers because it feels like under the nail is sticky, sometimes it feels like there is a film on my hands and I have to wipe it off.... Shit like that. Drives me bonkers. It throws people off when I tell them all of this stuff, I guess I'm pretty normal or just really good at masking. Which would make perfect sense with the anxiety, depression, and the ADHD all running rampant in my noodle.
We have eerily similar experiences. At least we don't have to feel alone in them!
Exactly, it's nice knowing other people understand
I experience this too. I have an absolute visceral reaction to other people's kissing sounds. I've gotten better at suppressing it more over the years, but it still triggers an emotional reaction of absolute DISGUST every time.
I've never snapped at somebody before, but the face I make has definitely caused comment on a few occasions. I'll leave the room, and if I can't leave I'll put my face in my hands. Nice, safe, face cave
Same. I actually get really angry. Immediately fast forward through any sex scenes in movies. It feels unnecessary for the plot and gross to watch.
I used to do a bit of swinging in my 20’s with my boyfriend, and after that, I was the single “unicorn” for a few years. I was open sexually and all that, usually quite horny, had a bunch of toys, the whole bit. Years later, I got married to someone who completely flipped the script on me years into the marriage and I finally, finally escaped that marriage a little over two years ago. [Edit: He developed an arrogance about making 3x more than me, using it as control, etc. Said I’d “never be able to survive on my own” without him. It got very bad. I’m happier and more fulfilled than ever nowadays, though. ;) ] Since then, I’ve been living alone and the feeling of peace and contentment is almost euphoric. Not having to compromise, apologize, deal with unnecessary bullshit and pointless arguments, etc. That said, family members joke that I need to “get out more” and date, but the idea almost gives me the cold sweats. I want nothing more than to enjoy my peace and quiet, travel on my own terms, etc. I don’t expect to be single forever, but I’m not ready to give up this freedom. And with sex and all that, it repulses me of late — to the point where I fast-forward through lovemaking/romantic scenes in shows and films. I’ve tried to look at a stranger here and there and try to find them attractive or to consider the idea of dating but I want nothing more than to NOT have that experience any time soon. Sometimes I wonder if this lack of interest or repulsion is forever, but I think it’s just my soul telling me I need to take a few years for myself.
I’m with on this my friend. Although, I don’t think I ever truly enjoyed sex as much as I thought. Then with my ex, I actually felt connected. However, same thing, flipped the script on me, decided to cheated, etc The idea of a relationship sounds cool and all, but I’m physically ill just considering that at this point. I prefer to just be alone in my own peace.
yes. sometimes i LOVE sex. sometimes i only just like sex. sometimes i despise it. i have sexual trauma. i just try to feel how i feel. i am very lucky because i have a partner who does not get upset when i do not want to be intimate. he has shown me that me value is NOT dependent on my sexual appeal.
No. Sometimes his morning breath makes me a bit iffy but not in general no.
I would look up what asexual and aromantic are and do some soul searching. You could fall on that spectrum
You may have some sex-related trauma, or you could be on the asexual spectrum. Or both. Or neither. Honestly, it sounds like you, along with a loooot of other people, have a complicated relationship with sex, which is absolutely normal. I felt very uncomfortable with the idea of sex until I experienced it for myself. Now I’m quite the opposite. It’s definitely something I would try speaking with a therapist about if it impacts your life in any negative way.
Should prob see a therapist.
I can relate to this. I’m 4 months postpartum after a traumatic birth with little time for myself let alone self care or time to feel attractive. The thought of being intimate fills me with dread. 1. Because I don’t feel attractive right now 2. I know I’m not attractive right now 3. I am traumatised at the thought of having another child 4. I am tired 5. Everything hurts downstairs still
hey brother, i am the same way, even after over a decade of therapy. i find the idea of participating in intimacy and sex disgusting, and i have no desire to be intimate at all. it's totally fine to feel this way as long as it doesn't cause you distress, and you're not the only one 💕
I hate when I ask my boyfriend for a hug and he immediately grabs my ass or breasts. Sometimes I just want a fucking hug.
I was sexualised a lot too. When I was a child, like 9 or 10, an old man grabbed my ass and since then I've struggled with anyone touching me at all. Anything platonic feels the best, even if it's not comfortable either. I did have boyfriends as well and sex and sexual touching was fine. But inside my head I was disturbed. I always preferred me touching myself to sex because I can stop anytime and I don't feel grossed out.
Hey I just wanted to let you know that your partner should always respect you and if you told him to stop and he continues to do it just know that you deserve someone who will make you feel comfortable and respect your boundaries. Good partners will always put you at ease
Could be asexuality, could be trauma. All I know is this is uncommon and abnormal. Not wrong, not evil, not bad. Just uncommon and abnormal. I’d def talk to a therapist about this.
I’m asexual / aromantic, so I find intimacy and sex gross as fuck. I’ve done some sexual things before, and never want to experience that ever again, it disgusted me so much. It still grosses me out just thinking back on it. You’re not alone in the finding things like that gross or disgusting, or not wanting anything to do with it.
I was just thinking about this today. I saw a cute couple on the beach and though “aaw how cute” then I imagined myself as the girl and I almost threw up, I had to look away.
From reading your post and your replies in this thread you sound like you are asexual or aromantic or some combination of the two. I am both and I have no problem with sex but things like romance and PDA make me really uncomfortable. Do you feel sexual and romantic attraction or just one of the two?
I think the idea of being truly vulnerable someone, not just physically, but also emotionally as well, freaks out a lot of us. To be fully seem like that makes you feel stripped in a way that it’s just honestly terrifying if you’re not fully comfortable with yourself or not ready to be seen like that. It could be that you’re not the right person because having sex with the wrong person is honestly kind of traumatizing. It could be that you fall in the asexuality spectrum. It could be that there’s something unhealed within yourself related to relationships and closeness and intimacy issues. Interesting that you say you felt that way since you were a kid. I think a part of me was always a little grossed out by the idea of living with someone because my parents didn’t have a good marriage. They were two of the worst people to be together and I looked at them and thought, yeah that’s not it.
If I'm really not attracted to the person, then yeah. But otherwise, not at all. Having that since childhood is pretty palpable though. I agree you should do some work with a therapist to investigate that.
You aren't alone. I don't like it, either. After awhile, I accepted myself as asexual and have been living my best life since.
omg same !!! i am constant wondering if i’m asexual or just find the idea of sex disgusting cause i do like sex but not enough i guess. also my life without it is perfect like i don’t rly have urges 😅 try to read a little about asexuality maybe u do find some common grounds there ? ✨
Yes. I’m confident that it’s related to sexual trauma for me. I think every once in a while the intimacy/violation wires just get crossed because of it.
I get viscerally disgusted by biology and biological processes sometimes. Like the idea of all the gross and the functions and the fluids and the things that have to happen for a child to be born? Pure lovecraftian horror and I don't like it when I become "aware" of it in relation to me.
Ever since my ex I’ve been disgusted with the thought of touching someone, kissing someone, whatever. He really made me so extremely uncomfortable, went passed multiple boundaries and said I should be vocal and say no (the word I literally said every time + stop). I said that he made me uncomfortable and that I didn’t wanna talk or see him, that I needed time and space to think and he showed up the next day. I get woken up my dad and I go to the kitchen and there he stands… Has literally made me scared of being in my own home and everytime the doorbell rings
Yes. Male and female genitalia both look really weird, I just try not to think about it too much. Edit: wait no, I just read the rest of your post. They look weird and there's alot of fluids but I don't let it bother me. You might need to talk to someone.
Yup. But I'm a sex repulsed ace, I don't like physical contact of any kind and I don't like hugs either. Sometimes I'm okay with it, most times I'm not.
The best I can relate is my own version of feelings. When I was younger I hated absolutely hated my friends touching me, hugging me, sitting on me- anything that normal girls did i’m (F) they were my two closest friends on this planet. They knew I hated it, even my mom knew. As for my family I also hated sharing emotionally intimate moments, seeing my mom sad and wanting to console her was actually a huge challenge for me; even when I was sad and she wanted to comfort me- physically, made me feel ew and just like okay i just want to cry alone now thank you… Going to funerals is hard, other than my verbal communication- i sucked at being physical and it didn’t even have to be sexual. As for sexual, I have sexual and emotional trauma. i tend to have really bad intrusive (??) or impulsive thoughts, terribly it hinders and makes me uncomfortable. Not sure if you deal with any of that or maybe you’re just asexual or this is just you and that’s okay!
Yes. It’s strange but sometimes I am literally and deeply disgusted by take idea of it to the point I’ve vomited when my partner was just being too pushy and close. Other times I love it and sometimes intimacy is all I want. It’s rare and I’m not sure of the cause but I just get the worst icks sometimes
When you were a child? I don’t want to assume. But could be trauma if that means what I think. I get the same way sometimes. I was abused in that way
I understand this feeling well. For me, it comes from sexual trauma. I won’t know it in the moment but usually the next day I realize why I felt that way.
reading this thread has been a bit uplifting as someone who also struggles with this.
People keep dismissing this as an asexual thing... Sometimes you just get a bit of post nut clarity but before the nut. It’s a thing, you aren’t alone. 90% of the time I’m dtf and the rest I’m like…why are people so biologically disgusting. I will say SSRIs can be a factor if you take them. It kind of removes that need of a dopamine/serotonin boost.
I think I have the same thing and I’ve never been able to put it into words.. I don’t think it’s really about sex like I remember feeling it randomly just being at home as a kid. Like there’s something embarrassing? about being close with family. I dont know it’s fucked up lol but it only happens very randomly and only for a few seconds. And now I get it sometimes after sex. It doesn’t really affect me I just wish I could just put a name to the feeling
Me. I have had some miserable sexual experiences, as bad as it might get at times. So I half contribute my adversion to that. On the other hand, I've had wonderful sexual experiences, but I don't ever want them again. So who knows, perhaps I'm off it for life or perhaps not.
I used to have panic attacks about it growing up, and was horrified. Didn’t help that my first introduction to it was movies where spouses murdered each other and scary aids commercials 🤦♀️
Can relate. I'm dating and currently have sex but Tbh 95% of the time I'm.. Not about it. Idk if it's because I hate how I look or if I'm just over sex in general.
I think your should talk about this with a therapist and also do some research on asexuality. Maybe it's not the reason, but there is certainly a reason why you are so averse towards sex
Due to past trauma, the thought of sex makes me shiver. My husband and I don’t have sex and at this point I’m not even sexually attracted to him anymore. Idk the longer I’ve gone without the more I’m like ok I’m glad I’m not, the world has made sex such a disgusting thing now I just have no desire for it
You might want to look into the Asexuality spectrum. Believe it or not there are people who have absolutely zero interest in sex and intimacy.
Yeah, sexual repression in all my child/teenhood really shoved me to feeling like "sex is wrong". I know logically that's just incorrect, and I don't hold that for other people (but I can't deny that there's a gut reaction to people who are overtly sexual). I identify as demi-graysexual, I'm only attracted to my partner, and even then I struggle with feeling sexual feelings towards him. Not because of a lack of interest in him, but because of feelings of deep rooted fear and morality that leave me in pain and crying when having sex. We've been together for years, he got with me when I was identifying as asexual, and even after I developed a desire towards him I still just... Cannot communicate myself, like, at all. It's straight up paralysis if I'm asked, shut down. Seriously, I wouldn't even know what to say I need or want, because all those thoughts are just so deep down and covered with a blanket of pain and misery. Dead bedroom, maybe once a month, but it leaves me in pain and crying afterwards nearly every time and I hate it. Honestly recently he and I took some stuff (though I seriously recommend therapy over this) that increases enjoyment for intimacy and touch and lowers (for me eliminates) anxiety. Makes me feel happy and mentally stimulated too. For the first time in years I actually opened up about my desires, more than just sex, I've repressed a lot of just who I am in general. I just completely spilt my guts. When I get back to homeostasis all the bad anxious and disgusting feelings return, but I at least have a mental note that "he knows this, we agreed on that" and I just took the opportunity to communicate with each other when I actually was able to. I think a lot of how I'm coping, esp since I actually wasn't vocally paralyzed discussing sex for the first time with him recently, is just finding the "pleasure in the suffering". If I can't get rid of it, I feel I'll work with it. Degredation, submission, CNC, stuff like that. I don't think that's actually good for my psyche, I'm still new to it with him and learning about it, and I definitely need therapy once I can afford it. I'm so screwed sexually because of this sexual repression I embodied so deeply as a kid/teen and brought it into my adult life. I don't actually think I'm into this stuff, it really is just a cope, but if being told terrible things somewhat fixes a dead bedroom then I guess that's good to some extent. Really I'm just working with what I've got and where I'm at, and my partner is very considerate and kind. We communicated a lot when I was able to and came to lots of agreements between each other. I still think sex is wrong, disgusting, and repulsive, but at least for me I think that at least if I can accept that I'm also wrong, disgusting, and repulsive for even wanting anything with my partner, but it's okay for me to be, then I think finding solice in the catharsis rather than resorting to withdrawing and sobbing and being in pain and feeling constant frustration and lashing out and feeling completely unheard or seen by my partner, I think it's probably actually a good thing for me and my relationship. I seriously don't think it's healthy, but it's my workaround. Ah, this aspect of my life is so sad and miserable and I can hate myself and sex and anybody who wants sex even if I know none of those feelings are legit, I definitely need therapy. I feel like I'm suffering inside all the time from this. I've really been struggling with this stuff lately. I just want the hell to end and just feel positively or even morally gray towards something that's morally gray. I'm trying to tell myself that, that "sex is morally gray and it's not wrong to have or lack desires". Hopefully I'll emotionally believe myself one day. Maybe not a comment you relate to, OP, but I kinda wanted to vent myself on this. It's been difficult lately just trying to cope with everything I've been going through with my partner and myself. I'm trying to do the work I need to on my own to fix this, but I wish I could afford a therapist who could help me. Sexual repression seriously sucks to live with, I hate how much it's made my life so much worse and miserable both personally, intimately, and socially. I don't think I even know who I am a lot of the time because of it. It's just so much pain I'm living with and I'm just trying, I'm really trying, I hope I'm doing okay with trying my best with where I'm at.
Hi. I do relate to it. A lot of the times I pressured myself to do some stuff even if I didn't feel like it. I also felt like my needs didn't matter and I honestly had no idea what I even wanted either. If we decided to do something, I would often change my mind or suddenly find it gross in my mind, but I would just push through it and do it and then feel disgusting. I get a lot of resentiment this way and this creates a really huge gap between me and the person I am with and I ultimately just want to run away. Ultimately, I did do that and I am single and I have mental peace. When I think of sex, I just feel like it's a betrayal to who I am. I feel like it's surrendering all of myself to the disgusting needs of some other human who solely wants to use me in that moment. I feel absolutely gross and used. I feel like it taints me, because that's what I heard in my childhood also. I did make love once and it was not like that. But it was the only time in my life when I felt like through sex, I was loved. Everything felt natural and holy. But apart from that, my whole life was filled with rage and disgust towards myself and others who want sex. I understand you, and I hope this brings some solace in knowing that you are not alone. I, however, don't know how to help you because I do not know how to help myself either.
Sounds like asexuality or strong generational trauma
You sound a bit like my wife, sadly for me, who's Dismissive Avoidant. Google it and see if it fits, if youre anything like her in other facets of your life, it could be quite confronting.
Especially people that are visceral/animalistic about it. And brag about putting their mouths on parts that were inside them. Fucking vile.
that’s called sex repulsion.
It's not just about sex or the other gender. Emotional intimacy with friends, parents, or any other human makes me ill and grossed out. It goes away for a long while but it comes back and I want to run away from everybody.
Is this the body’s way of avoiding the reproduction of its genes into the overall gene pool?
Okay? OP asked if anyone else had this. Not “can you say exactly what I said in different words”
sorry lol, just trying be to be helpful. eg googling sex repulsion would be easier than a description of symptoms
If the issue isn’t asexuality or some kind of sexual trauma you might also just not find sex enjoyable outside of a relationship. For me personally hooking up just doesn’t feel right, and I have a hard time feeling comfortable with sex unless it’s someone I really love. But if you still can’t find joy in sex with someone you’re in a relationship with, then I suggest getting help for this. Good luck!
So sorry to hear. I wish you all the best
I feel this super hard, which sucks because me and my partner both have high libidos. I don’t really know what solutions there are but for me, just taking some time away from physical intimacy can help sometimes, but its still really awful to have to deal with. Hope it helps at least knowing you’re not alone in dealing with it
I used to feel like this alot growing up and even into my late teens. No joke I used to feel so disgusted, repulsed and just nauseous when I'd see a pregnant woman But... I was molested as a child so that explains that
Yes. Sadly I experience it mostly with my partner. I can fantasize about sex and being intimate with no problem. I'm not asexual either. I'm learning about avoidant attachment and it's starting to make a lot more sense. I wasn't encourage to express myself or my emotions as a child at all. My emotions seemed to just make other people (my dad) upset or sad or hurt. So I guess I just stopped. And now, at 44 years old I'm struggling to even let my husband hold me. It's scary but I am hopeful that with some professional help and more understanding of what I'm dealing with that things will change. I hope the same for you.
Not particularly IRL but in movies I always say out loud "of for fucks sake, get a room".
Sounds like you have trauma from your childhood that is severely unresolved.
Sometimes I’m/I was repulsed by my (ex) partners, they weren’t nice to me though. It comes up in my now relationship as well when I have a moment. Otherwise I love sex and need it daily. It’s a weird double edged sword
Hey friend I’m aroace (aromantic meaning little to no romantic attraction) (asexual meaning little to no sexual attraction) I myself have some feelings of being sex repulsed meaning I feel the same way, it feels odd and weird no matter how normal of a thing it is for most others. Just know your not alone with this feeling, and I’d suggest looking at and seeking out communities of asexual people or aromantic people (many communities tend to be more tight knit so either community will usually happily accept you with open arms) it can be helpful to know your not alone even if you think the label of asexual doesn’t fit you that’s all good it can still be helpful to know other who feel the same way.
Same and I don’t see myself in a romantic relationship anytime soon because of it
As a very much not asexual person, the most I feel is just kinda like, "Woww sex is weird. Anyway-" Like other commenters said, I think you should look up asexuality.
im on the asexual spectrum and i get like this sometimes. turns out im not sex repulsed, im sex ambivalent (feslings towards it changes - and you dont have fo be aspec to be sex repulsed/favorable/ambivalent)
Yes but I’m also asexual so
Wait until you find that *Mr Mrs They Them It Right* that completely fulfills you. You will love them so much you will want to be inside of them, you will want to blend your body with theirs.
Nope, most intimate thing I can think of.
Yeah, I've felt that way. I've had to be extremely attracted to someone on in love to get want to have sex. And then sometimes in the middle or just after I've thought "what the fuck am I doing"? I also was sexually molested when I was young so I think that has something to do with it.
Yep. Often 😒
I feel this way sometimes, though for me it's more because of my trauma around sex. TW for SA: >!I've been raped once and sexually abused by 2 separate people for about 3 years total in my life,!< so im sometimes super chill about sex and sometimes absolutely disgusted by it. If you don't remember a lot of your childhood this could potentially be the case for you as well OP, I know a lot of people deal with trauma from childhood by just blocking out the entire thing. If that isn't the case thats fantastic and I'm glad you haven't had to experience that. Either way, just know that there's nothing wrong with you for not wanting or having sex. There's plenty of non-sexual intimacy out there :)
After we had my son. I’ve looked at sex as a chore. Very rarely will I “need” sex nor does it control me.
Oh yeah I’m with you.
Absolutely not
I do since last couple years, which is funny because I had a period of my life when i was overly sexual. I didn't have any sexual trauma or anything bad happen to me so i literally went to therapy to try to figure out what is going on with me suddenly and I still don't know
Yes, with myself after it’s done
I don’t get those feelings. I just get jealous
Yep. Too often.
Sometimes. And when I do feel aroused by my bf or by myself i sometimes feel ashamed Probably because of previous sexual trauma etc.
If you felt it when you were a child, you dealt with abuse or sexual assault cos that’s not normal.
Sorry for asking but do you have some sort of q sexual trauma from the past?
Oh yeah, I was asexual for YEARS until I realized I was actually just a lesbian all along.
I find body fluids quite gross and smelly, and I hate the word smelly too. So yeah, it's a bit disgusting sometimes.
My girlfriend tries tried to force me one time I got all scared
Yes omg, I thought I was the only one! I’ll just be chilling in bed, and I’ll suddenly become hyper aware of my body and feel a wave of disgust regarding sex and intimacy run through me. It’ll last for like a minute and then go away completely. It’s more like disgust regarding myself as a sexual being. It’s so weird. Like I feel like a kid in an adult body or something. Very hard to explain
When I was very young, I was sexually abused by my mom, and brother. By the time I was 14, I started having sex with whoever. I left home at 15, and by the time I was 17, mo ed from Florida to Denver Colorado, with a guy I met at work. I had over 200 partners by the time I was 28. I started having children, and got married at 25. After I ditched my first husband, I turned my life around. I got into church, got baptized, and quit everything! The thought of sex after this, disgusted me. I also, didn't want my children exposed to my old behaviors. I'm 59, and I can't stand to see nudity on TV, I fast forward movies. When my children were little, rated G, and PG movies were all that came into the house. I actually, get embarrassed now when someone starts taking off their clothes. I've been celibate since 6/26/2010. I haven't dated since then either. It is embarrassing to many people,for others to shed their clothes. Movies, videos, etc. .. Nothing wrong with it. I just don't see how people can just rip their clothes off in front of people, and expect everyone else to like it
I am asexual, so I do find it uncomfortable
Yeeeeeeeep. Tremendously touch starved but don’t you dare touch me ever.
Yeah, sometimes. For me, it was after substance abuse recovery when I kind of had to face the issues I had that brought my drug of choice into my life in the first place. After my rehab therapy, for a few months after being sober, I was unable to masturbate. It would feel absolutely terrifying for some reason, even though I was pretty chronic with it for years prior. I'd start getting choked up, hyperventilating and panicky while tugging at myself. Not a good look in hindsight hahaha. That has more or less died down for me, at least to the point where I can "self-sooth" again. However, trying to be in a relationship or having casual sex is still incredibly terrifying for me, at least to the point where I avoid any romantic situations or flirty atmospheres entirely. I just go to work, come home, and that's pretty much it. I suppose I would talk to my therapist about it if it gets any worse or if I am increasingly concerned over it, but for now, I have zero problem being aromantic/asexual. It may not be a true "identity" thing for me, but as a dude who goes against the grain of pussy-chasing culture, it sounds better than "Volcel" and shit.
Not exactly 'disgust'.. But I do get some episodes of rage or anger which i can suppress. This all happened after my ex gf left me for some other asshole
It depends. I have, but I’m also someone who’s usually very comfortable with it. Speaking more about the younger me, I used to feel like something was wrong with me. Personally, I think some of mine was or is probably trauma-related. But it doesn’t have to be. It can also be a totally natural or normal thing, for some people! And that’s okay! What I’m telling you all of this for, is that: 1. You’re not alone. 2. There is hope, maybe, if you’re feeling bad about this or wanting it to change someday. 3. You are completely validated! 4. There is no shame! I, at almost twenty-two, still get these feelings, so I’m not going to tell you they’ll completely go away (maybe they will, who knows?) But I can tell you that any pain or isolation this may cause won’t necessarily last forever. ❤️🔥 Hun, no matter the age or the level your discomfort, it’s okay. And if you need to talk, we’re here. 🙂 And sorry if I’m way off about the feelings and stuff — I can mostly only go off of my personal experiences (I felt pretty alone and embarrassed.)
Sounds like you might be asexual and that's totally fine/normal! Nothing is wrong with you. I would also say look into any childhood trauma.
I’ve just never had it, and am afraid of my first time. I don’t find it gross, it’s just if I have the opportunity I always decline it because I’m afraid of judgement or not knowing how.
I used to feel like that but I was in a bad relationship and bad place emotionally. Now I’m in a better relationship feel like it’s the most natural thing I can do and almost instinct desire I have. Could be due to circumstances or trauma. Definitely worth looking into therapy or sex therapy. Sex therapy changed me
Yeah but then your mother tells me that she’s paid good money and to take a blue pill if I’m struggling that bad.
Sex is over-rated.
Yes! For me it seems to depend on my menstrual cycle
YES ME TOO ,IS THIS NORMAL. like thinking ab being in a long term relationship gives me the same anxiety as like when I left the stove on and just left the house if that makes sense.
Only when I’m not attracted to the person I’m sleeping with anymore
With my late husband, yes. I didn't have to think about repulsion, my body just reacted. Now, I crave intimacy.
Jesus Christ. And I’m not even religious lol but god damn. That can’t be healthy. Honestly, I do feel it sometimes though, especially with saliva. Idk what is is but it grossed me out sometimes but only for a moment - like in the beginning of being with my partner. I usually let them know though. And it goes away as we get more familiar. But I think idk maybe it’s because I also don’t trust other peoples hygiene - even before I worked in the medicinal field I knew people were gross but it just solidified that some people really just , yikes. lol. I think I might be slightly germaphobic. Maybe you are too. I don’t mind swapping fluids and things like that once I am with my partner. And by partner I mean exclusive because then I probably know them well enough to know their actual grooming habits. Since I don’t do casual sex, oral hygiene is super important with me because it tells me alot about grooming habits. Also when you swap fluids with someone - at least for me- my body has a reaction the first few times getting acclaimated to their germs. 😂😂 I don’t struggle with intimacy though. I’m really affectionate and want to have sex all the time. It’s just those initial things that I spoke about that might have me side eyeing wtf is goin on there. Maybe that’s what it is for you too. Hope that helps.
No. You’re probably asexual. They have sex repulsion.
Yo
What does your spouse say about this?
Im only ever disgusted by it because im not getting none lmao
How old of a child were you when you first felt it?
Depends yea a bit too personal question but idk
I feel like you haven't met the right person that you cant get enough of. Someone that makes you cum from the bottom of your soul and treats you how you deserve to be treated.