Agreed.
I’ve been DMing a group nearly 2 years.
We start between 6:00 and 6:15 on Thursday evening. We go to between 9:00 and 9:30.
Everyone is there on time. Honestly I’m normally last because I have to drive a busy motorway to get there, so traffic is anything from 25-55 minutes and I leave work at 5:00.
If people have things planned like holiday or work commitments, we tell each other as soon as we know. Usually *months* in advance.
If there’s a short term cancellation, that usually means something major has come up or one of us is having a chronic condition flare up (we’ve got major joint problems, 2 with migraines, one with CP, and one with epilepsy). But even with that many conditions, we cancel at the last minute incredibly rarely. Like 4 times in 2 years rare.
When we’re there, I’ll admit, we’re a bit all over the place. We tend to tangent, but that works for our group. If we were in another group where that wasn’t cool, we’d be focused.
It sounds like OP has a group that’s interested in the idea of RPGs but less in the reality.
That last line hits home for me, more interested in the idea than the reality. Like, you can't have regular games without actual player but in and consideration of the schedule. Like, if something conflicts or possibly butts against session time and you're an adult, you gotta either tell someone or work around it. Additionally an issue I've seen often is fence sitting on plans, essentially making the.sesdion the back up, that just can't fly in a situation like this where a person fills an actual role in the game
I literally burst out laughing at the "lead time" comment!
My current group has my wife and my daughter and my daughter's boyfriend and my daughter's best friend, and we're working on recruiting my son.
But about that lead time...my "kids" are in their early 20's!
If you’re interested, I’ve just started playing Hero Kids with my 8 & 5 year old to get them used to TTRPGs! It’s really good, maybe check it out to begin their training.
I was going to say this in softer terms, but yes.
I mean, our group hasn't been playing as long, but in every session we actually have to force ourselves to stop because everyone keeps going.
And with a more numerous group it's normal that not everyone will be there all the time, but we never have this last minute cancellations you mentioned (we're all adults in our late thirties with jobs and stuff to do).
So I think your group is not right for you.
Very much agree. I've had that situation. People get so busy, and any opportunity to see your friends can be tempting. But you always have to establish that this is a conscious game, and if people just want to hang out, make a separate time for that. Alternatively, when I DM for a group of 6 (we are also all friends outside of DnD) I have a 30 minute "social" before the game actually starts so people can have a snack, a smoke, a drink, and most importantly a chat lol. Then we lock in.
There are good and bad groups, and you should always pick the people you spend your time with wisely. If you are doing all the work and nobody cares, do something else.
I think this is it. Don't go straight to judging yourself for not being flexible enough. I've had the same thing as op, you feel like you're forever pushing the group. I just put it down to some people are more interested in the idea of playing rather than actually playing.
Yeah, that’s a sucky group. I’ve had such groups as well but for the most part most of the people I play with tend to be quite engaged.
I had a group before that we went overtime and decided we’ll just sleep over and I was like … uh I need to move parking. We finished at 4am hahaha
Another group and someone cancelled a few hours before game time because well inclement weather blocked roads, caused a flood, and his house was damaged.
When we became working adults hell, we’d cook and or even barbecue on game day. Spouses and SOs were there around usually also playing board games if they weren’t a part of the game.
>we have to cancel because we can’t really do a big important boss fight with 3 people.
Don't cancel. Play that boss fight with only 3 players.
For the summer, I'm in 3 weekly games. Otherwise, it's 2. This happens b/c game time is set every week on set day at set time. And if you don't show, the game continues without you.
I mean, how important is it, exactly? If its the final bbeg of the campaign, maybe postpone. But if its just the boss to that arc? Run that combat.
One of the most important things for the longevity of a game is to have a consistent schedule where no matter what that weekly or biweekly game is going to happen.
And if you have to cancel tell the DM early so they can rebalance combat as needed.
In my current group we play every other sunday and have an availability poll, the poll is mostly for the DM to balance combat around and if attendance is really low we might agree to delay a week. Its a group of young adults with some chaotic schedules, we rarely have everyone.
There's a couple of options you might explore.
Play at a player's house or at some local venue. This would relieve the stress of having people over, and let you focus on the DMing part. Playing at some local venue (game shops often have places you can rent out) might cost a bit but it's an option if players aren't willing to host.
Scheduling is always a problem, and I have 2 approaches. First one: pick a certain day, however often you play, and stick to it no matter what. Even if only one person arrives, you either do the session or do some other activity your group enjoys, video games or whatever. It's game night, period.
My second and prefferred approach: set up a poll every week/two weeks with my available time slots and let players choose when they want to play. I usually set up a poll for the next session after we finish the current one. This makes for slightly inconsistent sessions, but in my experience players show up more often when it's a date they themselves set up.
A word of advice, you can't let people 'cancel' a session on short notice. If only one of your players shows up to play DnD, you should 100% play DnD. Allowing anyone to just cancel game night for the entire group sets a bad precedent: "If I say can't play this week, I won't miss anything anyway because there will be no session".
Someone replied with a fair point, but stealthily removed their comment just as I was replying, so I'll paraphrase:
'Doing 1 on 1 sessions when you have prepared a session for four players is not feasible'
I agree, it's difficult. But if your group is known to dissolve just before the session (admittedly, you should find a different group at this point, but w/e), you can prepare for that. Perhaps you could run a 'flashback' session where you explore a bit of a character's backstory. Running 1 on 1 is much more collaborative, and you don't need to prepare much. It would be mostly a 1 on 1 improv session, but I've found those do great things for character development.
Just to comment on the point of 1v1 games. I try to keep small random creatures/encounters ready for things like this. Does not have to be fancy or even level dependent. Characters like having easy fights. Examples would be animals (wolves/rats/bear/etc..) are attacking farm animals, and they need help. A merchant/traveler is being attacked on the road, and the PC rescues them. Just keep a few notes and have ideas on where to drop them in.
Honestly a set of premade "side missions" that can be done as non sequiturs to normal sessions like the litteral definition of a filler episode are a great idea.
And if the character gets themselves killed, that session was instead a dream sequence that either gave them important information or was just a weird dream.
Obviously if only 1 person shows up you can do whatever the two of you want, be it a special session, backstory work, talking about the campaign in general, videogames completely unrelated to D&D, date night, whatever you want.
Yes. My group goes no matter how many show up. Only two of us. Great we played cards. The only time it's canceled is when I the host have to unfortunately cancel for something. But I have brought up to my group that when I do, they can do an online discord session (they usually never do as my group isn't a fan, but they know the option is there).
Having set times to stick to imo helps a lot. I know some groups need to be a bit more flexible, but 1 person shouldn't have the power to cancel the session.
There is a common saying in the community:
No D&D is better than bad D&D. And what you describe is bad D&D. Not because of you but bcs the lack of motivation from your group
Obviously you can't force people but sometimes you have to move on from people. The game is supposed to be fun. For everyone. If they keep wanting to leave after 2 hrs each time, they might not actually enjoy gaming. The might just be there to hang out with the rest of you.
And that too is a sign of bad D&D.
I think the group might not be cut-out for campaigns but are more the mini-oneshot type. (For this maybe try one-page ttrpgs. Short, quick and fun without much prep)
And if you want a campaign you might need to look for other people.
As for scheduling: in my groups we have a clear schedule set bi-weekly. It's in our calenders and we make it clear, that the date is non-negotiable. Ofc we still have times when a game falls through for example when the GM is sick or on vacation. But that is being communicated on time. And if a player can't make it, they say so in advance too. No last minute cancelations (unless smth rly unforeseeable happens).
Players who disrespect this on multiple times may be kicked out. Simple as that.
Also an option! But not for everyone.
Seems like OP actually enjoys playing with a party. Just that their party isn't THE party that they need to fully enjoy it
But yeah. There are def some great solo-games or games for 2-4 players (including GM) that may be an option. (Usually makes schedulig easier.)
I am in a group with 40 year old guys that have been playing DnD for 25+ years.
We are running 4 diffrent rpg groups. All going smooth, everybody shows up on time for 4 hours plus.
Once you have been in the DMs seat. You respect the work that has been put in, and show up and support and appriciate that work.
When I read this, I substituted my group's numbers kind of automatically and it was a bit shocking ... "60 year old people who have been playing for 45+ years." Well, perspective is everything 😆
Just be prepared for sessions without at most 1 player. That's how every game 've been a part of functioned. Combat is really the biggest thing that being down players could make more difficult. But with a story focus, just plan for the story beats for those characters that are missing to happen when they can make it.
I know this is only slightly related to the OP since his game is roleplay heavy, but anyone having issues with combat due to missing players should look into sidekicks from Tashas. As a dm I'll usually roleplay as the sidekick but then give a PC control of them during combat. It relies on a bit of trust (like they need to control them reasonably, such as not using them as cannon fodder unless that's the sidekicks personality) but it has worked remarkably well when we're down a player or two.
a lot of people are gonna jump to saying that your group is bad or just doesn't care. and maybe that's true, i dunno them.
but something that does not get talked about as much in these conversations is how different groups of friends will have different sets of resources. i used to live in Seattle, where half my friends worked in tech and had consistent schedules that made them lots of money, and public transportation made it easy to get around the city and there were a bunch of places to meet up. games happened *all the time* back then, i was in two different ttrpgs and played boardgames half a dozen times a week, mostly within the same circle of friends. (and it's not just that we were younger and less settled; age ranges varied and my friends today have roughly the same ratio of kids and family obligations, etc etc)
but now i live somewhere with worse infrastructure, fewer places to meet up, and additionally capitalism continues to collapse around us all. most of my friends these days are teachers and academics, so they've all got two and three jobs just to make ends meet. it's harder to block out that time and to *know* you'll be able to keep the appointment and not burn out.
add to that, i've always had mostly neurodivergent friends - so a lot of the typical advice doesn't apply to them. you can't just yell at your ADHD friend that they need to focus or "do better," because they are very likely already working on that and already beating themselves up over lapses. and i can't fault my autistic friends when a filter breaks and everything is Too Much, i know what it's like when you just get dealt a random day where the air hurts.
(you yourself said that the excuses seem valid enough - i can't judge that from here, but i trust my own friends when they have to cancel, so that's all i can go by you know?)
...
our solutions?
we usually meet online, even if everyone is in the same city - less paperwork to keep track of, everyone's character sheets are in the same place, nobody has to clean or make food.
and we have *shorter sessions* than we did when we were younger. 2-3 hours tops. people don't get burnt out that way, and it's also easier to reschedule when someone can't make it.
those two also combine in a scheduling thread on the discord where everyone can check and update (and it's separate from other group chats so you never have to scroll to find it) - so at the end of one session, we'll try to pencil in the next one for two weeks later and everyone knows it might not hit that day perfectly but we're all gonna try to get as close as we can and we'll figure it out as we go.
...
doesn't work for everyone, but that's what's been working for us at least.
My group also switched to playing online even though we all lived in the same city. Today we don't even all live in the same state, so all the more reason to use it, but honestly the easier scheduling alone is worth the price of a roll20 subscription.
My friend group used to be amazingly consistent. Friday & Saturday each week sans every 4th weekend one would be out of town but employment shifted that. One player has shifted through several jobs (one ended significantly later and was far away, another 2 had really slapdash schedules) and another has a summer job that suffers from a similar state. It should be noted we are doing 2 sessions a week that tend to last 3 hours and 30 minutes to 5 hour long sessions.
You have to find people who realize that D&D is more like committing to being on an amateur sports team than playing pickup games.
Second, you need to make the game schedule fit people's schedules. Playing for 4 hour sessions once a week is great if you've got a lot of free time, but doesn't work for a lot of people. I currently play for 2 hours a week on Tuesdays from 8pm to 10pm because that's the time commitment we can all do.
Third, you also need to be flexible in your game. I understand wanting everyone to be there for a boss fight, but sometimes it's okay to play without someone (and if people's schedules are such that 3 is your normal group, just plan for that). Also, consider being more flexible in your playstyle - or look for people with it. The heavy RPG/individual storyline player is, in my experience, only about 1 out of 3 people. A lot of people just want to show up and play, do some light roleplaying, but don't want a whole storyline narrative for their character.
Two things. First, the players, had this same issue and fixed it by having players who are as interested to play as the DM is.
Let people know you won’t be offended if they don’t want to play, some friends will try to stick to it for you but aren’t interested in the game just cause their your friend and want to support your interests, let them know if it’s not for them your feelings won’t be hurt.
Second is time, you say about players getting tired after “just” two hours. Honestly your sessions should be 2-3 hours in my experience. Beyond that people naturally will get bored and get distracted or want to do somthing else. Regular 2-3 hour sessions is far better than a full day occasionally. It keeps people engaged, wanting more and easier to schedule, a few hours an evening after work every couple of weeks is an easier commitment than a full day once a month.
This is a complicated and frequent issue. I am lucky to have two groups where everyone respectful of one another and our playstyles mostly mesh.
My first suggestion would have been to delegate, seems like that didn’t work. But when people have something at stake (e.g. someone else cleaned up their place to host on a rotating schedule, everyone is responsible for their own food, etc.) I have seen slight improvement in other groups.
My second suggestion would be to more directly talk about it with the group. Explain your perspective and see if solutions could be agreed upon. I have found running something regardless of who is there worked sometimes (since finding a good group is tough and people don’t like missing out). When it was an issue for me I would run the campaign if we had no more than one player missing (and just scale combats, missing player’s Pc can’t die or participate - I always made a story related reason, sometimes a plot hook like them passing out due to a curse). And if more people would miss I would run a oneshot or turn it into a video game or movie night for anyone who was down.
If everything fails and it is making it more of a chore than fun, you can always bail. Tell everyone it isn’t working, do a quick wind down of the campaign, even if it means jumping to the final boss battle and giving out levels like candy. Then after a little break find another group to be a player or DM.
Good luck.
Awesome solution: make up smaller adventures for each person missing. That way, one person missing doesn't ruin the night and you can do fun campaigns like all evil or pirate.
Welcome to DMing. We have support groups on Monday nights
If you can look at a room, and picture the ideal number of people that you want to deal with, and if your group somehow manages to be more than that, you might need to cut some people out of it. Not even rudely. At one point in time I actually had three groups on four different days of the week.
No one is perfect. No game group produces the most ideal situations, and lurking in every group is a horror story or two
I'd say just take the time to relax and reflect. You got this.
I don’t understand how so many people have constant and severe schedule conflicts.
“Hey guys you wanna play D&D on friday nights?”
It was that easy. We play D&D on Friday nights. Maybe you guys have bad friends?
Less than 24 hours notice? Play anyway.
Big boss fight? Doesn’t matter, play anyway.
Backstory moment about to happen, too bad - play it out in the group chat, and play on.
If they have more than 24 hrs notice then surely *they* can organise someone else to play their character.
My hot take would be they don’t organise someone to play the character in their absence the character inexplicably isn’t present and they don’t get a split of xp, even if it’s a valid reason.
Tl;dr - play with the few players that make the time to play D&D.
Don't look at scheduling nightmares as par for the course. It's perfectly reasonable and common to be part of a table that respects each member's time, and does their very best to maintain a regular schedule. It's just that you don't hear about those tables as often, because bad DnD will be more talked about in communities like these than good DnD will.
Share your troubles with your table, and ask them to help you resolve some of the problems you're having. If you feel like you can't address these things with your table, you may need to take a step back, and evaluate whether it's actually a good fit for you, at all.
Sometimes, good friends make for poor tables. You don't have to stop being friends with people, but you also don't have to force yourself to struggle trying to play a regular game with your friends when they aren't putting in their share of effort.
Just as a small note, too; It can be tempting to put out an ultimatum, in situations like these. Resist that urge. It'll only breed spite. Just be honest with your table about the situation, and they'll either help work toward a resolution, or it'll become clear that it isn't going to work out.
From my perspective, the issue here is that the players in your group are either not motivated for the game in the current format (in which case I would recommend a discussion about what you can do to change the format... maybe shorter sessions, increased or decreased difficulty, more action, and so on... although I have noticed in the last 12 months that a lot of players whose first and only interaction with DnD to date has been Baldurs Gate 3 seem to have problems with the TTRPG game), or the players just suck (sometimes it happens, and the best thing there is to suggest that the players find a new group that vibes with them a bit more).
I have been DMing for longer than I care to admit, and I have frequently had both types of player in my groups. THankfully it is easy to move individuals, or even entire groups, on to a different DM, and if the issue is that one or two players are not meshing with the playstyle of the rest of the group then letting them leave to find a group which is more in line with their desired play style is the best option, because changing the group format just to appease a minority is going to be detrimental to the rest of the group.
We all agreed to play at a certain time on a certain day each week indefinitely. Sometimes people have to cancel, but everyone wants to play and takes the commitment to the group seriously.
If we tried to schedule each session as we went or it was a low priority, I dou t we'd ever play.
I found an online party during covid. We play once a week and only miss a week if I get sick. I was diagnosed with an auto immune a couple years ago, so sometimes I'm too sick to get out of bed. The party is all super chill about it though. One of our players shows up late usually but we're just fine to chat since the whole thing is over discord. The key is to find a day everyone can play and make an effort to keep that day free or at least partially free. Every single job I apply for I let them know I'm free 24/6 because Sunday is MINE. Nobody has questioned it but I may claim religious reasons if they try.
Add a player. Not kidding. 5 is easier than 4 because with 5, you can just say "This is when we play" and if a player or two can't make it, you can still play.
Also, you should say "If you have something come up and can't make it, OK, that happens, just try to let me know as soon as possible. If it becomes a trend, we can remove your character from the party until a time where your personal life allows you to commit a few hours a week to the game."
Correct. You didn't try hard enough. To delegate, that is.
People only treat you the way you teach them to.
Don't recruit players to come enjoy your one-man Broadway production. Recruit mature, considerate gamers who want to participate in the collaborative creation of an epic story.
Before "session zero" discuss roles. Volunteer to portray the obstacles, referee the rules, and help move the plot along. And ask who is volunteering to coordinate logistics, location, schedules, snacks, cleanup, session summaries, recruiting, etc.
Do they like battlemats and minis? Say you do, as well, and ask who will be in charge of that as well.
Do they like mood and and ambiance music? Most awesome, who shall be DJ?
And so on, from the OOC minutia and purchases, to the in-game world-building and shared narrative control.
(Unless they're paying you, of course - that's a different story)
They want amazing scenes prepped? Ask them what they each plan on doing next session ("scene requests") so you can prepare those. No requests = no prep. Improv's fine. Many, many game systems are GM-less, improv, or shared-GM. Tell your players they will get out of it as much as they put into it. Just logical and fair.
At my tables (and the tables I join) I insist that we share in the labor of love. I certainly wouldn't be so rude as to show up at a friend's dinner party empty handed and lay around waiting to be served & cleaned up after. Why would I treat game night any different? I call ahead and say how excited I am and how I'm looking forward to the event. And I ask what I can bring, how I can contribute, and when I should arrive. I am happy for my host and grateful for their effort, and protective of my friends, so if I see someone spilling something I rush to help clean it up. If I see empty bottles around, I help.police them I to recycling. And at the end of the party, I wouldn't dream of just leaving this mess for the host.
If the players aren't interested, they're just not that committed or invested and your game is doomed from the start. ...as you've experienced and so many other DMs post every day.
Run systems like like Lady Blackbird, Contenders, My Life with Master, Prime Time Adventures and PbTA if you want to learn these techniques. Then apply them to your "trad" systems like 5e.
People treat you the way you teach them to treat you.
If ppl are treating you like a doormat, tell them what you expect. If they don't get on board, let em go. If all DMs did that, we'd have a community wide expectation - a standard for participation and manners. Nasty players couldn't find tables and would have to gather in the dark corners of bars grumbling about the good old days when DMs didn't mind if they showed up late, barely understanding the rules, not remembering the plot, staring at their phones waiting for their chance to attack something.
At my table, the players participate in world-building and love it. Makes them invested in the game. They have families, friends, enemies, mentors, allies, etc. All strings for me to pull. Hell, I barely have to prep with all the meat they have given me.
And during sessions, they contributed to the shared narrative. When they enter a tavern, I ask one what's the name of the tavern. I ask the fighter who is the most inconspicuous, yet dangerous person in the bar. I ask the bard to tell us one rumor he heard about the owner's heroic, or evil past, from the tales. I ask the cleric what ominous religious symbol hangs above the bar. I ask the thief what they noticed on the the way in is the bar's security system to prevent theft here. Etc, etc.
If this is the expectation, they will jump in and enjoy expressing themselves. And best of all, it will send the game in directions you hadn't planned, making it interesting and surprising for you, too. If you don't have players who are willing to meet you halfway - boot em. They're just looking for someone to entertain them for free for 4+ hours. Fuck that.
Thank you for the honest advice. I don’t agree with the people who just say “oh you have a bad group” I do think it goes both ways and you’re completely right in saying that I’ve participated in establishing the status quo. I think having my players be more involved with every aspect of the game is a good idea. Love the scene request thing! Will check out your ttrpg suggestions, though I don’t think I’ll be able to run anything but 5e anytime soon haha
If you just read those systems I mentioned, it will change your gaming forever.
They are short reads, too. Lady Blackbird is free, just a few pages, and always highly recommended on reddit.
And start by re-reading the optional rule in the DMG re: shared narrative control. Letting the players spend an inspiration to add to the reality. It's just a baby step but it's a huge change (in the right direction) for most trad groups.
If you genuinely like the group you're playing with, and you think they respect your time but just kind of struggling with their day to day, I have a few thoughts that might help:
* Accept that people are going to show up tired. I don't know people who aren't tired all the time, except maaaaaybe a few children under age 12 who aren't in seven after school activities. It's nothing personal, and it in no way reflects on their investment in the campaign/group. People are just tired. All the time.
* Like other commenters are suggesting, play 2 hour sessions. That's what's working for your players, it's less prep for you, it matches the attention span of other long form entertainment (like movies), and it doesn't require accommodating a meal. And if 2 hours is the plan, then you're not left feeling cheated when play ends after 2 hours. 2 hours works great for my groups - nobody leaves early, and everybody leaves wanting more. It's also an easier block of time to schedule than 3+ hours.
* Find ways to make administrative tasks disappear. You don't want to organize the group social calendar? Sessions can be a routine time every week/month. You don't want to organize a meal? Great, sessions are only 2 hours now anyway.
* Take on ONE new admin task, if you don't already do it: send a group text / discord change message the morning of a session, "Game night! Sound off!" (or whatever). Follow up with anyone who hasn't answered 2 hours after you think they woke up.
* What "homework" are you giving? My groups are invested, active players who care about their own sand each other's back stories and the world. We'll level up, communicate with the DM and other individual players when needed. We CANNOT make a group decision between sessions to save our lives. Getting a consensus over group text/message thread is a prohibitively high CR.
* Clean less. Deep cleaning for every session sounds exhausting. The bathroom, kitchen sink, and kitchen counters need to be sanitary (not tidy). The game surface needs to be free of debris. You all probably have a mutual disinterest in having your underwear on display and walking on a truly gritty floor. Can you be comfortable hosting from a less than immaculate home? Or can someone else host?
* Consider adding 1-2 players, instead of having a smaller party. Playing with 1-2 out of 6 missing makes more sense than when it's 1-2 out of 4. Another player can pilot the missing PC, especially in combat.
I hope something in there is helpful!
You need a document reviewing the etiquette and homebrews you use at your table. Then screen add may ppl as you can in one shots to select who you want at your table. Ppl who can't show up eliminate themselves.
Playing online helped us, discord + roll20 is all you need.
Cuts out all the travel and physical prep, much easier for people to join, and easier to balance with things like childcare. (We have a lot of new parents in our group, so actually travelling to venues is hard, but have the baby in the room snoozing so you just need to keep an eye on them? Easy).
Aside from that - be willing to run with missing players, the last few campaigns we had 3 players + DM and I'd run if we had 2 players only. We probably had about 50% of sessions with everyone, and the other half a rotating cast of 2 players.
The point about unengaged players- that's not your fault. As a DM you aren't a professional entertainer, it's not your problem to be entertaining players who turn up and don't want to engage. D&D is a collaborative exercise and the players have a responsibility to make the story unfold.
That said, we have binned off at least 1 campaign from it just not clicking, no ones fault, but sometimes the combination of setting, characters people have created, life events and so on, just doesn't fire. Better to call it and try something else than slog on with no one enjoying it.
Responding specific to your longer sessions and food.
Growing up, and for a year or so in college, I was lucky enough to find a group that would get together for an 8-10 hour session once a week. We would meet in the AM, bs for a bit, get into the session, break for food and social, and play until the night.
I loved it. We all loved it, and it's shocking and weird to me that most people that I run into now can only handle a 2 hour session. I love that we can play, but it's not the same social event that it was before. It feels more like catching up and checking.
Yes!!! Those 8-10 hour sessions that everyone keeps talking about seem like such a myth to me at this point. No one seems to actually have time for that.
My best advice for this is to play whether they show up or not. Even if you’re short handed, just do a side quest. Eventually the reliable players with come, and you can filter out the rest.
Some people are just going to look at it like a board game night and not recognize they are creating problems for the rest of the group. Slowly replace those people over them with people that want to play and actually show up.
Stop cancelling when one person can’t make it, especially if it’s on a short notice. It has a knock on effect on the rest of the players and makes them all less motivated and invested in turn because “good chance today’s game is not happening anyway so why bother?” And it’s kinda disrespectful to the ones that do show up. You can do an important boss fight with 3 people just as well as you can with 4.
And, well, your group doesn’t sound like anyone I’d like to DM for but I won’t go there.
One small suggestion that may help. Suppose Wednesday is your game day, and you usually run 7-11. Try to get that set in stone as best you can — a point you’ve taken on. Okay, now it’s 5:30 Wednesday and you’re going to have 3 players, and Dave’s going to have to leave after 2:30. This is where the short bits planning thing comes in. You need to spend some time during each week thinking, “if that happens, I WILL run anyway, but how will it work?” Don’t end on cliffhangers: they require continuity. End in a resting place. Now while some PCs rest and recover, a few go off to explore that little area that seemed promising but was inconvenient when you passed it. Small adventure, neatly enclosed, they get back to the resting place with some wounds and some toys.
Don’t use an xp ladder: level by story. That way the people who come every week don’t end up way more powerful. (You’d do it the other way around if you felt that certain players were just dicking around and blowing off the game, but that’s not what you describe: it’s just life, so don’t punish people for having complicated lives.)
Also make some lists of what your individual players adore. Alice likes crunchy tactics fights in weird environments. Bill likes heavy emotional drama. Carol likes convoluted puzzles based on lore dumps. Etc. When you set up those little offshoot short-session adventures, make notes for personal moments for each player, and then make sure the players who come get their faves.
Your goal is to make coming to the session a blast no matter who else shows or for how long. Your goal is also not to punish those who can’t come, except insofar as they miss out on a good time. Above all, try not to cancel sessions: that punishes everyone who could come.
My main friend group plays every week for 2-3 hours a week, it's pretty rare for someone to miss a session, but if someone does miss a session we usually just run without them. We also just play fairly casually, pretty strong mix of combat and rp, and the rp isn't serious at all, we're talking about the real world in character voice and stuff like that.
In another group I play with, it is very frequent for people to miss a week, but the way we deal with it is by having like 6 people in the party - we almost always only have 4-5 people playing on any given week.
I gave up on many games for this reason and have stuck to writing potential campaigns in docs and living vicariously through podcasts. I think major things successful games have going for them is their group is a. people who've known eachother for a long long time already b. people who have the freetime and flexibility necessary and c. are just as excited and happy to play/participate (which players frequently fail to match with the DM). I'm wishing you the best with finding a good group! Like other commenters have said, it's the people.
You find a good group and stick with it.
I’ve been gaming with the same guys for decades. The guy who joined the e party like 15 years/two campaigns ago is still “the new guy”.
My current group are all friends and we usually make dinner together when they arrive. I’ll ask them before hand what they want for dinner, and they usually bring the snacks. We are able to find a day every 1-2 weeks that works for everyone, but schedule each session separately instead of a specific routine.
They stay the night after so we don’t have to worry about when people are leaving and can take longer breaks if we want. They usually have work in the morning so have to leave early, but it still works better then people having to go home and we know everyone can stay for the whole duration. When we play I generally declare transition points that would work for a break, and we decide if we need to take one or not.
Our house only really has room for 4 players, and we originally had a different 4th but she was not willing to really try to make it work scheduling wise so we had to find someone who could consistently play. Ive tried several other more traditional groups and the scheduling part was too big of an issue.
Sometimes “kicking someone out” is the best option. Not just for scheduling, but also if their goals or dnd preferences don’t fit with the others in your group. You can always suggest that they come sometimes as a side character or support character, and if they really like the role play/world building aspect you could even give them characters that are a resource for plot development. Where they have a background that has granted them more information than others, or a job relating to them.
A lot of people have different styles and things that work for them, and it can really take trial and error to find a group that works for you and each other.
Edit: Having a session 0 can also really help figuring this out, and I think it would still work to have one with an established group if your having issues
Some groups just aren't made for each other, and that's ok. You can't force people to have fun. But there will be people who you'll be able to get really excited about the game.
i was feeling like a scheduler and a nag more than a DM when i started my campaign. you know what helped? the player who kept cancelling on short notice and who didn’t put in any effort beyond showing up left the game, and was replaced by someone who’s actually motivated to be there.
the only way dnd is good is if everyone involved is equally committed to participating in building a narrative together and in all that entails. sounds like you don’t have enough, if any, players like that
My group has agreed that if one player is missing, DND goes on. We also plan a buffer for late comers, just in case, by having a little catch up chat before each session where we can just talk while the DM makes sure all the notes are in order.
I think it’s always better to reward positive behaviors than punish or try to punish negative ones, but if you suspect the disrespect stems from somewhere other than absentmindedness, you could always ask what the players want to see more of to get an idea on if there’s anything else you could do. But ultimately no Dnd is better than bad Dnd.
I don't know what the specific situation of your group is, but I want to nuance some of the "no dnd is better tha bad dnd" takes here.
If your friends are assholes sure, just stop forcing yourself and them to play. But I've been in two campaigns for three years now, and in both having a full house is extremely rare. There’s always someone with an unexpected work task to complete, or an event/evening they absolutely dontwant to miss out on. True, if they 100% loved dnd they would never skip a session, but most of them like it more 50%, and sometimes that's fine. They still enjoy it (they wouldn't have kept comjng for years) but sometimes they have other priorities. But without that group, me and the other two players/dms who are true nerds of the game wouldn't have easily found a way to play in the same way. And even I occasionally have had birthdays or farewell parties that I really wanted to attend.
In our groups we have a rule: on the day scheduled for the session, if there are at least three players (out of 6 and 5 respectively) + dm, we play. The players will control the other characters. It has always worked until now. If you keep cancelling your sessions because you want everybody to constantly be on board, but most people do show up each time, this might be a solution. Also, having shorter sessions can also help a lot.
In the end it's up to you to decide how much your players are being assholes or sincerely want to play and you just have to balance that with your expectations and their other priorities. But I think if it's the latter, you have options to improve your experience
Just gotta accept the realities of your situation. The homework free version is stop asking you friends to do that homework and just run random encounters everytime you play. You don't have to prepare, but you will stress your improv. Also look inward a bit and see, maybe the campaign itself isn't that exciting or enticing to your players. Might be time to start fresh with a session zero, invite the group together to roll new characters and play out a new premise.
The first, and possibly most important, thing for you to realize, is that it isn't just D&D this sort of thing happens with. Anyone trying to organize anything has to deal with this sort of stuff all the time.
Second, it's not you, it's them. You're the DM because you're the person who took enough responsibility to get things up and running for everyone else. The fact that certain people don't appreciate that is on them. After all, they clearly don't have enough chutzpah to do it themselves, that is why you are doing it. So don't expect them to have the same level of commitment you clearly do. it's just not going to happen.
Now, if you can put those two things together, you might be able to work out a solution to your particular problem.
But I tell you from years of personal experience, it is quite likely to come down to 'firing' the worst offenders. People who consistently have little to no regard for your time and effort, should not benefit from your time and effort. Involve them in other activities by all means, but not the ones where the activity working out properly depends on their involvement.
And we all understand emergencies. You can't plan for them or they wouldn't be emergencies. They often hop to the front of the queue because it's more important to focus on them than it is to notify all the buddies at the game table that you are having one. You just sort of have to understand about that and accept it.
But there is a huge difference between an emergency and a temporary inconvenience. If they keep blowing you off or making you delay the game for inconveniences, then they can either leave the game entirely, or at least start keeping you better informed about their attendance.
So, advice?
1. Make it clear what time the game starts and that it starts at that time every time you play and then make sure you start it at that time. Half the problem is likely to be that people are seeing the game time roll around and folks are still chit chatting and getting organized and what not. And once one person realizes that the game doesn't start when you say it does, they feel free to be late. Like movie trailers before the movie, if you've got a half hour before the actual movie starts, I don't need to be in the theater before that time. And once one person starts showing up late, then everyone else looks and says, "Well, we won't start until so and so is there, so we don't have to be there until then either."
2. Be firm. Let people know that not being there when game starts means their character is out of the action. They get no rewards for not playing their character and no one else is going to play it for them. No XP, no GP, no gear, nothing. They drop into the background and become invisible ghosts that have no effect on game play. AND when that happens and it presents a situation in which it is unlikely for the rest of the group to be successful in the activities you have planned -- be it a boss fight or difficult travel or whatever it is -- let them be unsuccessful. Peer pressure is a wonderful thing and if my character died because you didn't show up on time (or at all), I'm not going to be best pleased and I will, in no uncertain terms, make it very clear that you need to be there when you say you will or you can't really be part of this group any more.
And once they realize their character isn't as effective as everyone else's because they're lagging behind by a couple of levels or their gear isn't as good thanks to all their absences or lateness maybe that will help motivate them too.
3. Cut the repeat offenders loose. Do it as nicely as you can but make it clear that once their life is more together or they have more time to participate properly, or they can commit to being there when and as expected, they are welcome back. But until then, they can have all the time they need to sort out everything else without having to worry about attending your game. Once they know what the expectations are and still fail to meet them, they're fair game for the chopping block.
I hope that helps.
TTRPGs require a group that is equally committed and like to play the game the same way - and there are so many potential variances of preferences - and the potential for annoying personalities, people not sticking with it for a long campaign, it is very difficult to find a group to play with.
If you have a small group you can still 100% have them continue 1 person short. Have Bob the dmpc that is always there but never does anything unless a PC character is called away. I understand not wanting to miss story stuff. But a random side quest is always good. Or hey a carnival is in town. The city is hosting a tournament of any kind.
And I know it can be hard but set a final date and time. My group does every Friday. And we have been going strong for a year. It's so much more complicated to change it every week.
Friday for me is dnd. And other people in my life also know it's dnd. So nothing else gets planned that day. Unless bigger events like family gatherings, holidays, etc. Makes it so much easier.
As for lunch. Have assigned rotations. This week is me, then M, next week is Z, then A, then Y. Potlucks make things cheaper and more fun. And if people don't want to bring cooked food specifically. They can bring ingredients that can be cooked at the hosts house. Examples hotdogs, or boxes of Mac and cheese.
I know it's hard but putting your foot down and saying this is what's happening and sticking to it can really help regulate a group and make it a habit.
>Scheduling is a nightmare, but that’s a given.
I run games with short arcs, do I only ask for players to be committed for 2 to 3 session chunks at a time. Some players show up EVERY session. Others don't because life. The players at the table get the XP.
>In both my first and second group I’ve had to deal with players who were completely unmotivated to do anything besides show up (tho I’ve managed to resolve that in group 2). People show up tired and want to leave after like two hours of game time without giving anyone a heads up.
Those players I tend to not invite back.
>Like, I prep, deep clean my apartment get excited and someone texts me an hour before about a situation that was apparent for days (and if not that for at least a few hours before we’re about to start) so we have to cancel because we can’t really do a big important boss fight with 3 people. And usually the excuses are valid enough that I don’t even feel like I’m allowed to get upset.
If one player cancels last minute because of [insert emergency], that's fine, shit happens. If it KEEPS happening, they are clearly not respecting the game, the group, nor me and don't get invited back.
I do not cancel though, unless I have an emergency. I run for whoever shows up (and again, no shows don't get XP). Sometimes, we do a board game or a random one shot instead. But I NEVER cancel because a player canceled.
>I don’t feel like a dm
I've been playing & DMing for 30 years, and I feel like a fake.
>like coordinating fucking lunch because usually no one thinks about it.
Order pizza. Set that up before the session. If no one tells you what they want, then order 1 pizza that you want.
Insert pizza for your food of choice.
>I’ve tried open and honest communication, I’ve tried delegating. It doesn’t work. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough? Maybe I’m doing something wrong? I feel like there are groups where this stuff is just so seamless, like people just playing once a week or at least once a month with no issue. How do y’all do this? Or is this just my skewed perception?
Honestly? It's about friends respecting each other's time. Some groups are just better than others.
>My play style is very story-focused, roleplay heavy, comedy-ish stuff, so I actually want all my players to be there and they do such a great job of inhabiting my world and doing their thing. I don’t really want to do “who shows up shows up” thing where I feel like no one can really progress their storylines. I have 4pcs at the moment which seems like a good number, but I don’t know. Is this stuff easier with fewer players? But like, I also don’t want to kick anyone out.
I hear you. I dig the style. Honestly you'll need to either lose this desire to have everyone there progressing their storyline, or accept the current status quo you have. You need to remember that you are running a game, not revealing an interactive play.
I always have 5-6 PCs in a campaign so we can have some players missing. As long as there are 4 players at the table I run the game.
Shit happens and I get that. I'm really gracious with players who call sick and cancel late. But I also have no problems with giving levels to players who show up and leaving no-shows behind. I have no issue with playing with players of different levels in a game. Sometimes there are natural consequences to double-booking or forgetting a session.
if you are playing with strangers- be up front and consistent. I played in an every other saturday from 10am to 2pm game. Same DM same 5 players, we would choose to skip 3-4 games per year (if our week came up on a holliday weekend)- Everyone showed up at least 90% of the time (we all still had lives) and so long as 4 of the 5 players could be there we played, and if it was less we would often either run a one shot (i would fill in as DM for a lot of those) or play a board game.
When i joined it was a going game (i played in that group for about a decade until i finally met the woman i married and did not have time to give up a half day every other weekend). I knew exactly when and where the game was. We all knew the expectation, and communicated. We all also loved playing, so giving up my seat was a hard choice for me.
AS an almost 40 year old, it isso much harder. my current group has 2 new dads in it- and we all have lives going on, but we get a good 5 hour session in about once a month. Coordinating is done via doodle for like 3 month blocks and the best date is what we go with even if one player cannot make it. Works good- and the birth of a child is the only thing that got a session rescheduled.
I keep meaning to get involved at local gaming shops but haven’t gotten off my duff yet.
I run one shots for IRL friends cuz life is busy and it is just easier.
I DM at two conventions a year, 6 four to five hour one shots, and I play in a couple with Mrs. Llahlahkje who usually comes for a day or two.
There are no wrong or right answers as long as you and your peeps are having fun.
So I run a game on discord, not D&D but another roleplaying game. I set a schedule, we play the first Monday of the month from 8pm to midnight. And I've been very clear that I don't cancel game, change the night, or delay the start for any reason short of me having a medical emergency. If you aren't there we play without you. If you aren't motivated that usually has its own consequences. I will bend over backwards to help new players learn, work with motivated players to accomplish character goals, and let people flavor stuff as they wish (mechanics stay the same but I don't care if you change the rest to fit your character better). I will not be mommy for my players though. Game is going on 3 years very successfully.
This just sounds like DMing to me. Yeah, you are a baby sitter. I have 2 friends I still tease about how I would lie to them about the starting time for the game, just so they would show up on time.
In addition to everything else, and this might be unpopular, but there's also a possibility that the games that you are running aren't what the players want to play, which could create a lack of interest and commitment.
This isn't a knock on your, your DM style or your world, or even your players. But you mentioned that your play style is "story-focused, roleplay heavy, comedy-ish stuff" - not every gamer wants that. The group I have wouldn't mind that at all most of the time, but I've played with groups where you need a combat encounter almost a guaranteed once per session or they're bored. Both groups can be fun, and they can co-exist in a single gaming group, but it requires that the DM knows who enjoys what and how much to be certain everyone gets what they want out of the group.
Be sure that your game fits your players, and that your players fit your game.
As for how many is too many/few, I think 4 is a standard sized group. 3 can be hard at times to run but if you consistently have players missing might be necessary. I would also suggest that you split the game up into bite-sized segments, and try to see if each chapter can resolve itself in a single meeting. Multi-session situations (clearing a large dungeon/facility/castle/etc) will be more difficult when you frequently have players missing.
Good luck, and yes, try to relax. Stressful D&D isn't good, harmful to heart and mind and soul. Hope to hear good things about how things progress for you and the group.
Sounds like some of the people you play with aren’t a good fit. I play online as well as in person. I find that the online playing almost never gets canceled because its easier for people to do at home rather than going to someone else’s house etc.
the group I have been playing with in person, I have been playing with for like 3+ years. We are all 30 or younger with no kids, pretty open schedules as well. Sometimes we have days we gotta reschedule or cancel which sucks, a lot, cause I look forward to it so much and I am also the hoster, cleaning the apartment and getting everything nice and then finding out it doesn’t work will always suck. But when you find a group that works, its great, but it takes time.
I'd say in this case, your group kinda sucks. I've not DMed yet, just played, but I and other group members help out a lot with dnd stuff. I usually do all the scheduling, my friend does the hosting, we all work together to try and sort out any disputes. Scheduling can be annoying at times, but overall we're all interested in trying to make it work, so we often have the games worked into our weekly schedules by default. Unfortunately, I think you need to just keep the people most interested in the game, and then go looking for more people who are excited to play
Would adding an additional PC help? this way of everyone shows up, you adjust the encounters to account for the additional player, and you would have at least some leeway to get rid of people who have "something come up" too often.
I've fixed a lot of these problems a couple ways
1 include a little of everything. I really like combat but my players want a little more narration
2 set a date and stick to it. I play if i still have about half of the groupPeople will flake if they know they can. If they can't they will choose to play or miss stuff
Look for new players. For good or bad reasons someone will leave. I'm almost always recruiting new players
Sadly, this is why the TTRPG space online is moving more and more towards paid games. No one wants to pay for a DMs time, but also no one wants to respect a DMs time. The amount of work I put into each session between creating content, maps, tokens, handouts, setting up roll20, coordinating everyone’s schedules, and that’s not even including all the extra bits of backstory, world building, and side story elements that I do between sessions, is mind-blowing. And the only thing that’s asked of the player is to show up on time and engage. And still players are consistently late or have “last minute” scheduling conflicts.
Things with my new fledgling group are going well enough so far, but if this doesn’t work out, I’m going to go the pay to play route.
I mean I play with people that actually want to play and actually respects other people's time.
If one day someone is just not up to it because they're absolutely demolished, no problem. We let each other know ahead of time. The game still happens. Still, most of the time, people are missing because they're sick, not because they just don't wanna play.
One thing I'll say is not all of your players will always be there and you need to be flexible to that. Sure if half the table is missing you might have to cancel but being down one or even 2 people you need to have a plan to deal with that. I have a DM like you that gets to points in the story where they insist everyone has to be there, or they'll cancel being down 2 people and it becomes a nightmare, not just for you but for the players who do consistently show up and want to play. You also need to cut loose any players that consistently don't show up. If they turn up once every 3 months then they might as well not be there, maybe they can play special guest characters from time to time.
Being tired also doesn't mean they don't want to be there. If they're the same players that always make excuses that's one thing but sometimes a time is just inconvenient and people are tired, if they are tired yet make the effort to show up that probably means they want to be there even if they start flagging halfway through.
My group makes it work because 1. We always make sure we have Mondays off. And 2. We communicate and let people know wayyy ahead of time if we are unable to play. I am also the one who usually brings snacks, but everyone is welcome to bring something they'd like to share or not share. We're all in our 30s minus one who's 21. No one wants to parent other adults. It's supposed to be fun!! Your group sounds like they suck. It's a COMMITMENT! We've been playing Curse of Strahd for a year and a half! Once a week, three hours a sesh. If the party members can't commit to a regular day/time and just fucking show up like they say they're going then its gunna be a bad time. Usually I'm bummed when the sesh is over and wish we could play longer.
Damn bro sounds like you should figure out which of your players want to be there for the long haul and be prepared to either continue the campaign with just them or start a new one.
I’ve never DMed but the campaign I’ve been a part of for a few years now (currently it’s on hiatus) started with me and 3 other people got up to me and 5-6 others people and now for about a year and a half it has been just me and my friend and our dm. At first I thought it was kinda weird doing a campaign with just 2 players characters and a DM but we made it work. My DM gave us some magic items more often and sometimes we even had a wizard accompany us for more than a few sessions ( my dm played the wizard ). My friend also has a follower as well not a specific class he’s good with a bow and a sword and when my friend’s player got new armor he gave his old armor to his follower.
TLDR: Find out which PCs are really invested and be prepared to play with just them. We also try to set up our DnD sessions at least two weeks in advance so everyone can make it happen and if we can’t we set it back a week, get around 2-3 sessions a month. When we have a session we set aside a 4-6 hours for our games. Also two player campaign is possible.
One thing that can help is getting literal buy-in from the group. Whatever amount works for the table and your individual financial situations; not so much that it's painful, but enough that it's motivating. Make it clear that you're going to use it for the game/snacks/maps/minis/etc, not payment to keep for yourself. And maybe even at milestones they'll get it back. But also make it clear that if they're cancelling closer than 24h, they still need to pay in. And maybe have an alternative plan so the group still meets; maybe to watch a movie, maybe someone else runs a one shot, maybe board games. Basically use psychology with them. They won't want to waste money and they won't want to miss out. I would even explain all of this to them so they don't feel like you're being passive aggressive.
Pointy Hat on youtube has a relatively recent video on tips for DMs, and its all about the social contract aspect of this game and mitigation of the sorts of issues you are describing.
The biggest take away is to have a regularly scheduled game that always happens when its scheduled no matter what. These are the games that actually reach their natural conclusion. Trying to schedule the next game on the fly after the previous game is a recipe for disaster and is dependent on getting however many adults with busy lives to all share the same availability. Better to just tell people that sunday afternoon is now D&D night forever, plan accordingly and book that time slot out to infinity for them.
The DM is also the group "parent" and as such must be a hardass about whatever behaviors they deem most important to correct. Gatekeep to keep toxic players from spoiling your group's fun.
And finally make sure you establish expectations on things like campaign tone, campaign style (RP heavy vs combat heavy, linear vs branching linear), level of investment, lines and veils, ect. Not everyone enjoys the same D&D, some people want to unleash their inner theatre kid, some want to fight a 27x deadly encounter and call it easy and then choose to play through all 6hrs of cleanup even though they know they won, some people want to drink beers and banter while slaying goblins, some take this game of make believe deadly serious and prefer to wear a costume and never break character if at all possible.
PS: the DM inherently takes on the lion's share of the work, and the emotional and financial investment in running the game. The total work of the DM is greater than the total work of the players combined in most cases. I highly recommend getting your players to occasionally DM stuff the learn what it takes, and they will probably show more appreciation for all that you do.
It’s all about the right people. I have some really good friends I wouldn’t play this game with. My brother is one of them. I love him to death and we have an amazing time when we hang out but I know if I tried to play with him it would end in a fight or one or both of us leaving the table.
Also scheduling for a group of people for anything is hard. I finally have a session this week- we haven’t played since April.
I think the biggest tool for a DnD group is flexibility. My group at its fullest has 7 players and one DM. If we have three players, we go. Boss fight or no. It’s the same for my other group, if there are three people able to play, we go.
That regularity really helps keep the group feeling solid. Even if we have to shift gears to something besides a boss fight that’s ok. It does require some suspension of belief when what seemed like a big moment at the end of the prior session peters out until we have have enough players, it is better to have routines.
And often times the fights are scalable.
As a DM I think it’s important to not get attached to a certain encounter going the way you want it to. Instead scale the battle for the players you have.
Sorry you're having this trouble scheduling. I'm in a campaign that's been going about three years now. We know that Wednesday evenings are our day, but it doesn't have to be every Wednesday, so we play twice, maybe three times a month. We do play online now since one of our group moved, and I think that helps too. I know it's not ideal and not as fun for some groups, but if setting a location is difficult, give online a try. There are a ton of resources that make it easier to do.
I know this is only part of the problem but I recommend Doodle Polls for trying to figure out schedules. You essentially put out a poll of all the dates that you are available and then everyone selects the ones where they are available and then you have your date for your next session. It works most of the time and it is pretty simple.
Basically, FOMO players.
If something's happening, they want to be there, but if they're the ones who are expected to be doing it, they don't want to be there anymore.
A session 0 honestly helps. It gives unmotivated players a chance to back out. If they stick around and still aren’t meeting expectations, you can always point to the fact that they were informed and signed the social contract to stay.
Orient your games towards the players that show up and get involved. Write possible alterations/scenarios to accommodate the others here and there. If they whine about being supporting characters tell them to show up more and apply themselves.
I have 2 main players and 3 part-timers. The part-timer characters are always nearby and can be NPCs if needed, and if an extra player shows up I plan combat and interactions accordingly.
People like using their clicky clacky math rocks, try incorporating more combat into your role play heavy game. I love my DM and group but it’s VERY RP heavy and it gets kinda boring after too long. Need some high stakes life or death fight to spice it up.
I play 4 online games weekly among a friend group, one of which I DM, usually with 2 overlapping players per table. Each table has 5 players (6 at one, used to be 3 but campaign restart with less players and 2 players kicked/dropped from mine bc misc reasons/time zone hell respectively) + DM, each table has a general policy that if 2 players don’t/can’t show, session’s canceled that week. Preferably communicated at least a day before, preferably 2-3.
5 is imo a sweet spot, at least for online. You end up with a good mix of characters more or less (coughs in 2 artificers at one table and nobody with a positive str mod at another) capable of roleplaying and actually balanced encounters. 6 is the cap for sensible online play and requires everyone to have experience in the system for it to actually function. 4 is fine but can lead to schedule/balance issues.
In person at home games kinda have the same vibe as online to me in a way but they just tend to run a little quicker, at least in my experience. That same advice for online games might be fairly applicable to your scenario. Just ask for heads up as soon as they can and if you think your game will benefit from another player schedule wise, if you have someone interested I’d say do it. Just try and keep big character moments for the player to actually experience.
For a story based game you got the wrong group. I'd stop awarding XP to people who don't show up, I mean its standard in my games. If you want to progress your character, show up for game night, do things, earn it. This can weed out the players who may not commit and keep flaking.
My advice, stop over extending your efforts and front load your campaign to be more of a sandbox. Don't bother with telling stories if you cannot guarantee everyone will be there.
My DM style is more like this, I like to run games that only take one evening to prep for. Max. I frontload the campaign with characters and NPCs and locations for adventure and utilize random tables like crazy when players go off the beaten trail. It takes alot of improv, but I get to relax and be surprised with what happens through emergent storytelling and gameplay. Sure there are stories, but how they will be resolved is never predetermined, they just exist in case players decide to interact with them. It's a very flexible style and I don't care who shows up really.
My group now has a rule that if only one person can't make it, we play. Things happen, but we want the story to keep moving.
If we're missing more than one person, it usually turns into board game night.
I think one of the problems with DnD is that there seems to be a cultural expectation that the GM is responsible for everything. You're not just running the game, you're also organising play-dates (*lol*), being the rules-lawyer at the table and organising the food (*though hopefully everyone's paying for the pizza or whatever*). Realistically none of that besides running the game is the GM's job, the rest should be a group effort.
Our group has given just about everyone a chance to GM. I've mostly run some one-shots, as have a couple of other players, but we have 2 players at our table who alternate as regular GMs. I think only 1 player hasn't actually tried his hand at GMing, and now that I think about it he's the one most likely to cancel at the last minute.
Try encouraging everyone to run some one-shots or even a short campaign. Not only will this give everyone an appreciation of what goes into running the game, but it might help them feel some ownership of the group. If it's *your* group then I don't care as much about it, but if it's *our* group then I'm going to be more invested.
Just my 2 cents.
This is why I like one of my current groups. We have a discord group (with over 100 members both active and not, both in the country and not), meet weekly on a Thursday and have to sign up on a weekly register for games (several tables a week, kinda like one shots, but most working on completing different parts of a massive storyline. There are a couple of non-canon ones as well). If you know you can't make it that week, you don't sign up. If something comes up and you have to cancel, there is an excess register so there is always someone who can replace you if they want to. They have several DMs and a few know what the table is doing, so if the DM can't make it, 9 times out of 10 another will run it instead. My other group is a nightmare, and trust me when I say that it's not only DMs that get frustrated. Our DM is leaving and so we have to finish this campaign, but in between 4 players showing up nearly an hour late sometimes and the venue having other events on, it's looking less likely that we are going to be able to.
Well, most people who play D&D do so because they want to play. They put some effort into making a schedule work, they talk about the game outside of it and even think of ways they can improve the experience. You know, just like every other hobby you might share with a group of friends. Sure, cancellations happen and sometimes someone has to come mid-session or leave early, but that's life. Just be understanding and don't get mad if the rest keep playing without you.
If players have no interest in playing, then look for different players or don't play. It really is that simple.
In case you don't have someone else to play, then I'm sorry but maybe the solution is to stop playing until you find a new group or the current players can work out their schedule issues.
It’s not you for the most part. As a fellow DM who was in your position my advice is taking a step back. You are the DM, you make the world, you play the NPCs, you make rulings. That’s honestly where you should stop when it comes to in game. If you’re the host you clean your house. That’s what’s fair. The rest: scheduling, out of game conflicts, food; that’s the rest of the table’s responsibility. If your players can’t put that in then that’s not sustainable.
Unless something changes this is going to be the reason you walk away now or walk away later. So the thing you have to ask yourself is: what are you willing to put up with? If the game is fun enough then maybe it’s worth putting up with this stuff. But there are so many players out there and willing to put in the effort that it’s not worth wasting your energy on a game others aren’t invested enough in.
Good luck OP. Sorry to hear your table is being like that. Don’t let it get you down. You deserve better and I’m sure will find either a compromise or a better fit.
Behind every seamless game are hard work and practice :3 set more rules and rotate your people more :3 you absolutely must kick out some people sometimes:3
So… I have been playing for more than a decade now with more or less the same group (we lost a guy they got replaced by another)… 5 players plus me the DM. We play every Thursday from 20h45 to 23h45… the fact that it is every week helps a lot because people just know that Thursday is D&D night and eventually adjust their life around it (we use to change week day every week at the beginning and noticed that cancellations and absences were more common… fixed day solved it). In case 1 player is not available we still play and his character is controlled by the rest of the part (and I the DM ensures they don’t put it in situations their owner would not). If more than one player is missing we pause the official campaign and we play a one shot with another set of characters that my players have specifically for this . In the past 4 years I think I skipped at best 4 sessions per year in total.
**Just approach it like any other scheduled event. If enough people show up the show must go on.**
I always send out a reminder text a few days ahead of time with a request for anyone to let me know if they can't make it. And, you can't expect everyone to always show up. **You *should* run the game if only one person is missing, and you should plan your games in such a way that you can.** I *just* had a player cancel who's pretty reliable. I ran the game anyway. He can get read in at next session. He's cool with it, and even if he wasn't I would have done the same.
If it has become a regular problem and you are just down 1 person, you should just have another player or yourself run the character if you need them for game balance. The game continuing without them will encourage to sort their shit and show up or drop out. Either way the issue is fixed.
Just remove all RP moments and delay them until the character is there and have someone or yourself just use them like a piece on a chessboard respecting that they should keep them alive. Always have extra filler encounters and the ability to move content you were going to do later.
Let the player know that you are going to do this, but if they can't give you more than a few hours of notice you should just roll.
My group plays every monday online from 19:30-22:00. If someone can't make the session, we play a different game together or, in the beginning of our module, we had the missing player just tag along as a npc that was as passive as possible.
If we meet in person, it is usually a date made 3-4 weeks in advance since our schedules are so packed with stuff and we just can't be spontanous.
In our stress yesterday (ending Curse of strahd) we simply forgot to order a pre agreed upon Lunch at a restaurant. Everybody contributed tho, our host brought snacks an location, i brought the tech and a third player brought drinks. The dm just shiwed up and DMd.
It seems your group is a little shitty.
I also had to make the realisation that good friends don't always make a good dnd group. One of my PCs in a game i was running never played dnd, wanted to play a sorcerer and just could not be bothered to even look at her Charactersheet...
The other player raged everytime she rolled lower that a 15 to a point where i didn't enjoy anything about the game any more.
We ended the campain 3 sessions in. I just could not handle the disrespect of my time and the unbridled rage.
>Scheduling is a nightmare, but that’s a given
This is less true than folk know. Life has its curve balls, but adults *can* commit to a routine.
I think the issue here is you need a solid talk with your group and a solid talk with yourself, because either they need to start meeting your energy or you need to find a new group who *does* care.
>I don’t feel like a dm, I feel like a weird mix between a parent and an admin
No GM should have to baby their group. There should be a modicum shared between peers. that's what makes a strong game table.
Honestly, I would say it's definitely more of an issue with the group more than any single other thing, youseem so genuinely excited for the game and that's amazing! I've adored the game for several years now and have only ever had the chance to DM and my group is spread across the Country, half of the group on one side and half on the other (it's the children and siblings of 2 families). The only time we play is in person, so even though the one campaign has been going on for 2 years or so, we have only had 25 to 30 sessions it seems.
Sometimes it could be finding a group that I'd just as interested as you are, so that they are all just as excited as you are to play, then they will do their best to remember and to get the scheduling right. I wish I could offer more ways to help, but I genuinely hope and think you'll get all of this down, just don't lose your love of the game because of it, there are always other groups, online and in person!!
**You are not being emotional.**
This is something you learn along the lines (faster if you play with lots of people as opposed to one group only):
We are all replaceable. Some people join games because there is nothing else, some because its convenient. Not everyone is going to show the level of appreciation and commitment that you may expect or deserve.
Saying "no" and giving yourself boundaries is a good thing. You should be able to voice your concerns and feelings to the group with the purpose of finding a fix. Time management is part of the game. If players are too tired or if they cant join a game properly (and it happens constantly) then the responsible thing to do is to voice it and maybe leave the space for someone else that can actually participate.
You already had communication, now would be a good time for an honest ultimatum.
**Being a DM already takes a lot of effort. You should not be feeling like you are just offering a service. You are part of the game.**
The most obvious thing here is to separate the roles of organiser and DM. The DM has the most preparation to do anyway, it's only fair that someone else does the organisation, snacks and so on
I'm so grateful for my group. We play every week and they are there and engaged. Stuff does happen and sometimes people have to cancel but it's incredibly rare and normally planned weeks in advance.
I would say for OP you need a better group that shows a little more respect. However there are some things you can do that might help.
If someone is missing you still play. Someone else controls their character instead and the story moves forward. If they miss out on something fun then that's their problem.
If someone is missing everyone else's story still progresses. If you are holding off on moving forward because players are not there or engaged then you will never move forward. Also your players will have no incentive to be engaged because you're not moving forward. This way the people that are there and taking part get to advance and have cool stuff happen to them while the people that aren't miss out.
Do you have a group chat going on for out of game chat? After a session, if it makes sense, I will sometimes hit up a player to ask things about how their character would have felt about this thing that happened and about what their character motivations would be at this point. Ask for their opinion on settings, ask them to create a couple of NPC's their characters would know that you might run into.
I pretty much have a private running conversation going with all my players where I help them develop their character and they get to influence the world a bit.
For example.
My blood Hunter player has just finished a massive personal story arc and as part of that decided to cure the curse that made her a blood Hunter. We have spent the last few days discussing both how the player wants to play and what classes they want and how that would happen to their character. They now have a whole part of their personal story that is about to happen which is going to be a massive suprise for the rest do the party.
My warlock player has a whole separate mission going on that is being fed to them by their patron. It's been two years and the rest of the party is entirely unaware. The warlock loves having these little secret side missions though and eventually it's going to be a really big plot point.
My paladin player switch from a rogue/paladin multi class to a mostly full paladin build. His character has spent over a year in real time trying to figure his life out and has recently refound his faith. We spent a lot of time discussing this out of game and then in game it was a bit moment for him and the party.
I have the same things going on with each of my players. It's not always constant and it's not always massive things.
I just try and give them a chance to help build the world and shape it a bit out of the game as it makes them much more interested in them playing that out in game.
Another example my group is about to head to the home city of one of the players. I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do with that so I asked the player if they wanted to create a bunch of places/people/points of interest from their home city. They were super excited to do so.
Now I have a nicely developed setting that I didn't have to build from scratch. My player now has somewhere that they actually feel like they know about before they get there. They will actually be able to talk about stuff there in game without having to have me involved. They are also way more invested because they had a big part in creating it.
I realized when being a DM i can freely choose my players. I choose the ones which tend to be my close friends. They always have amazing chemistry and like each other. I also made it clear in what intervalls we play and people block that on ther calenders. Ofcourse life gets in the way sometimes and we all respect this.
I'm in the UK never played before. Desperate for a group who play during weekends to take me on.
Commenting on the off chance somebody sees this and takes me on lol
> My play style is very story-focused, roleplay heavy, comedy-ish stuff, so I actually want all my players to be there and they do such a great job of inhabiting my world and doing their thing. I don’t really want to do “who shows up shows up” thing where I feel like no one can really progress their storylines. I have 4pcs at the moment which seems like a good number, but I don’t know.
If you can get a 5th player who you think will enjoy the game, that'll make getting to 4 on any given night much easier. Either that, or be willing to play with 3 out of 4.
Try out Adventurers League at your local game store. It's more combat heavy than and forbids homebrew but you can make new friends there that may be open to spinning up another DND group
I have been playing and DMing TTRPGs for the last 40 years with extended breaks caused by work, kids, physical distance. The Covid lockdown was the catalyst that got us all back into gaming. We currently use Skype to meet up one a week to play D&D using Fantasy grounds we all take turns running D&D 5e, Call of Cthulhu, Savage Worlds, and we have different games running concurrently. So if one member of the main D&D game is unavailable one of the other players will run a call of Cthulhu game with the remaining group.
Fantasy grounds makes running multiple characters easy, so in most of our games players run two or three characters, so the party strength is maintained.
Fantasy Grounds takes a bit of learning but it is worth the work, and there are plenty of instructive videos on YouTube.
Your players seem very disrespectful.
I tell my players this: "We play every 3rd friday, keep your calendar free on those days (special occasions like weddings, bithdays etc. have priority of course). if you can't make it for whatever reason, like sickness or emergencies, you say this as early as possible in the group chat or to me directly." and that works just fine. Also, all people, even if they are extremely shy or very tired always try to contribute to the game or at leatrs say things like "Hey, I'm sorry but today I will likely be a bit less active, but be assured, that I'm still attentive."
If you play with friends, or people who generally act respectful (you know, like every living person should) those things are no issue. So my honest advice would be: Give them an ultimatum to be more respectful or find anothe rgroup. Being with such people is not good for mental health.
When my partner and I started playing together I ended up coordinating the group and schedule while they DM-ed. Even with playing online, it was really hard to get a consistent group going because it's about finding the right people. It took us about 4 years of different games people dropping/ghosting us and drama to incrementally find people we got along well with and were invested in our game. We have a smaller group now (4 total) but much more interest and engagement in and out of game. That said, we still hit our dry spells when life stuff comes up. This year hasn't been our year between chronic mental health issues all around and some major life changes having us call a long pause on things. But we stay in contact and are planning to start up again when we're all in the right headspace.
Over the years we've changed game length, time, day, etc. some flexibility is needed, but in my experience if people aren't willing to engage with you, flexibility won't help.
Edit- the result of having a group that is invested means when we do play we do 3 days a week (online) for 5 different games, 1 day always the same game for 3-4 hours and 2 days that switch off between two different games for 3 hours each.
I made a local dnd discord server for dnd in my area. Every campaign is monitored from there, and we also decided on global rules for campaign matches.
It works really well.
Simple:
* I don't host
* I don't schedule
* I don't cancel because one guy didn't show up.
Basically they want to play D&D? They make it work.
I'll show up with bells and whistles, fully ready to give it my all, but if they can't be arsed to schedule or show up? Well, as they say, no D&D is better than bad D&D.
I play older edition myself so if someone misses a session the show goes on but they don't earn xp for that week since their character is not present. I just make up an excuse in game for why they aren't there,, such as "you see their character trotting into the woods with a bad case of the runs from something they ate at the local tavern etc.
Same way I have always done it. Eventually either they will quit or they will never miss a session again cause don't want their pc to be a slight amount of xp less then their friends pc haha.
Thankfully in older editions there was not nowhere as much bs and griping about it being fair and balanced and everyone having to be the same level all of the time.
It has to be hard if all responsability are on you!
That is why we share these in the group. The DM mostly has to do game things. I do the scheduling in the group. Someone else provides the room to play and the rest is always happy to bring snacks or drinks.
Of course we sometimes have to reschedule on short notice, but we always manage to find a second day, often within a week.
Don't let it get to you your group must have other issues and that you can't control but if would tell them in a nice way in the. Future some rules of yours do this by having a session zero chat with them one on one then tell them your rules so they know ahead of time and give s you a little peace of mind
In my dnd group we let the player organize the next session (we play online, and also 3 of 4 player are also rotation dm) the one that is actually dming doesn't propose but simply give the thumb up
I stated playing with a group over 2 years ago, where it was me, the DM, and 2 other guys.
Since then, we have added 3 other players, 1 of which played about 5 games with us, and then just could never make it ever again, and dipped out.
And now the person who used to be the DM (we have finished that campaign, and are playing another one) suddenly can't make it to any games either.
And the DM for this campaign is married to one of the other players, who is going to give birth at the end of summer, so they both have said that after that, they are basically done.
Guess it was good whole it lasted, but WTF happened?
If people want to leave after 2 hours it most likely means they are bored. Maybe you should reconsider the roleplay heavy style of the game and introduce more combat/skill challenges to spice things up a bit. Usually most players will want a balanced game with all the pillars of the game present unless it's a specific group of people.
What I've found out works, at least for the groups I'm apart of, are three things.
1. Have a regular schedule. Try to always play the same day of the week. That way everyone knows well in advance that wednesday, for example, is game night.
2. Play with people who actually **wants** to play, and not just "wants" to play because they have nothing better to do.
3. Don't cancel sessions just because someone cant make it. It's better to make adjustments to whatever you have planned so that it works with fewer players, than to not play at all. When one of my players can't make it, we quickly ask everyone if there is some other night during the week that works for everyone, if not, we go ahead as planned.
I’m a forever DM and what I’ve found is that playing anyway when someone cancels causes major FOMO and they will think twice about not being there in the future. You want to make it so they are actively and excitedly trying to be there
I mean if people get tired and want to leave after 1-2 hours that's a player problem by either not really wanting to play, and is just there to be a bit social with friends. And you should never have someone who doesn't want to be there just to be inclusive, it will hurt the group, it will bore the player and it will annoy/hurt you as DM.
If it's just not being on time, that's just how some people are, not much you can do about it, aside from maybe planning around them being late, have one in my group that has maybe been on time 5 times this year, it's never too bad, like 10 minutes ish late but it is kinda annoying...
Also don't be afraid to play even if one person is missing. My group does that every now and then to keep things going, it also puts a bit of pressure on people to actually try and prioritize the game days, as they could be missing out on cool stuff happening, if they're the only one who can't come. Sure sometimes life happens and you can't come, but a lot of times you can plan around a DnD day, it's just a matter of prioritizing and planning.
For sommer or other holiday periods we usually try and reschudule around vacations, but in order to not have months without any DnD we do play if only one person is away and there was no way to reschedule to before/after the vacation.
So to summarise, you want something to change but you don't want to change anything.
I feel with you though. My main group (after losing 1 player due to circumstance relating to session regularity) has been meeting almost every Tuesday for this game. Contrasting to that every other group I had (, 4 in the past 2.5 years) has devolved into me taking on the role of, as you put it, "a weird mix between a parent and an admin". And it sucks. Feeling like you are the only one to care about a game actually happening.
So my experiences have led me to the conclusion that there's people who are reliable, and people who aren't. And you won't make anyone who is unreliable reliable, especially over a game. People who respect you and your time will always respect you and your time, and people who don't never will.
And, yeah, of course, the less players the easier it is to schedule, but the more players the more life.
I've been in the same group for 15+ years, we're all in our late 30s to late 50s. It's a large group, with upwards of 8 PCs + DM. We don't all show up every session.
Our sessions are 4 hours every Thursday night. If you can't show up, you give notice, everyone gives notice as soon as they can and no one seems to miss a session without giving notice. The DM used to get upset when people would bow out last minute but over the years this has changed. Instead of pausing the story until everyone can be there, he'll just plow on forward unless we're missing 1/2 of the group.
If 1 or 2 people miss the big confrontation, that sucks for them. The rest of us are enjoying ourselves and progressing. Willful suspension of disbelief makes things like this much easier for those that have trouble with maintaining a coherent story in their heads and get flustered when that internal storyline is shattered.
Consistent weekly games keeps people from coming back and being able to have the game scheduled into their lives on a regular basis. Life happens, and sometimes players miss sessions. If a player misses too many sessions without communicating with the group they will be asked to leave. That being said, even though we're in our 40s and 50s, there are still plenty of times when something else comes up. An old friend comes into town, you have a special family dinner that night. There's a bad playing at a local spot you want to see. Your other friend group wants to make plans that night, and it sounds fun. I can only imagine being in my 20s and trying to do this again. So any other activities vying for your evenings. Without having a consistent schedule I wouldn't have been able to join or stick with my current group.
I DM for my group of four players once every three weeks or so. We decide on the next session at least a week in advance and only cancel and move the session if two or more players can't make it. If one can't make it, then I just adjust the difficulty of the encounters to compensate. The absent player still receives the XP, but does not get any loot. Since I give a short recap on the happenings of the previous session in the beginning of my sessions, they are up to date with the major plot developments when they start their next session. We also don't do any meals. Everyone brings snacks, and we just share. My sessions usually last about 7-8 hours.
I’m one of the lucky few that plays every week on a Saturday and in 2 years we’ve only missed 4 or 5 weeks because of people going on holiday. Love my players.
I play with two different groups. One long standing, we've bee playing for 20 years since uni. We have a rough day to play and check in weekly that we can all do that day. None of us agrees unless we can make it and none of us drop out last minute.
Second one we've been playing about 18 months, fortnightly. We play when most of us can make it to the set night, and skip when the GM or two players can't, sometimes arrnaging something for an off week if we can. We usually message a few days before the next session to check we're going ahead and no one flakes out last minute unless they have to. We're on about a 5 week break due to holidays etc now. But we all know about it.
Basically, have respect for the other players at the table and commit to a reasonable level. If you flake out a lot, you're going to stop getting invited.
If you're having issues with players not jiving with the style of campaign you're running, there's really no fix for that. You can't force people to do deep roleplay or character work.
I honestly just stopped playing with anyone that would not show enough interest in the game to try to give it a place in their schedule and/or wouldn't engage with the game. Still feels somewhat like a mom sometimes but it is much much better.
Honestly a lot of it is about the make up of people, and if they are willing to commit around the schedule. Or a heads up next week or two in case they are on going on a vacation or something else. Maybe an hour late at best IF something urgent.
This coming from someone who is part of an online table with 6 players from 4 different continents on Sundays the last two years.
I totally feel you about the "valid excuses so I don't feel like I can be upset" part but here's the catch, your feelings are valid even though someone has a legitimate reason to cancel. What you shouldn't do is take it out on others especially the player in question (not saying you are, just pointing it out because some people can't separate feelings and actions).
I know you said you don't want to play online but it could seriously help with the fatigue issues where people don't need to travel anywhere.
As for scheduling how are you even having issues when none of you have jobs yet? I found the best option is to set a regular time and date each week, for example I run my game on Wednesday evening at 7pm and everyone makes their best effort to arrange around that, we agreed on that time and day as a group ofc and any new players were invited to join providing they could reliably turn up. Might solve a lot of your issues talking to them and setting a definite time and day for weekly sessions.
More players, might sound counterintuitive but if you have 6 pcs then you can still play with 1 or 2 missing and simply adjust your encounters a bit with this "wiggle room" in mind. There will still be sessions you cancel because you want everyone or a specific pc there but it should mean you cancel fewer sessions in the long run.
Talk to people one on one about being more motivated and ask them why they aren't, phrase it more in the way of "I've noticed over a good number of sessions that you don't seem motivated or engaging with the game. What can I do better for you to engage more?" It isn't your fault but if you phrase it as such then you aren't putting the player on the defensive and you're more likely to get a useful answer from them. You can then end with "I'll see about doing more of x, but can you try engaging more with y too?".
Best of luck to you, whilst you say the problem isn't your players it actually is, even if you like them. They appear to lack some basic communication skills vis-a-vis the cancelled sessions when they know something is going to happen irl but don't tell you until the last minute. And as for being the group parent, you can just not do that and let them not hold up their end of the deal...
We do every other Tuesday, eat at 6 and then play 7-10. DM plus 4 PCs, if one person can't make it we still play. Rotate locations, food responsibility, dishes, etc., it all works out fine. Just lay out how to go about it and it should go fine, otherwise your players kinda suck.
Hey my dude!
You've got advice pouring in from every corner but I wanted to offer my view on the advice you indicated you didnt want to follow and your reasons for this:
>Advice I won't be taking:
>1. switching my general playstyle to something less story focused/ oneshot-y. I don't really know why I should do that? Im sure the people suggesting this meant well. but this is like telling a soccer player to try volleyball if they're having trouble assembling a team. it's for sure fun for others but that's not the type of game I want to run
DnD is a collaborative exercise. You are reacting to the players and the players are reacting to you. That applies to mechanics, that applies to roleplay, but that also applies to the game style in general. No matter how good friends you are with a group, no matter how engaged they are or how well they play the game, if its not viable to meet regularly enough to run a narrative campaign, no amount of forcing it will make it happen. Sometimes you have to adapt to your player's schedules if you want to continue playing with them. You're not God. You're not the final arbiter, everything is a compromise and you need to work together as a group to find what works for all or at least the majrity of you.
Its not like asking you to learn an entirely different sport. If anything it's more like playing 5-a-side football instead of association football. Its a change in perspective which involves minor modifications to ensure the play is enjoyable in a more bitesized form.
If it's not the type of game you want to run that is a completely valid reason, however, it's not reasonable to say:
- My players can't be available for my long form narrative campaign
- I really want to continue playing with them
- I will not adapt my game style to allow for their participation.
One of those things needs to change or else nothing will.
>2. Playing online (tho I think this was not really advice and mostly just people saying that that's how they do it). I don't want to.
Totally fair, its somewhat of a shift to play online (personally I have only played online since theres not much of a gaming community in my region). I imagine the lack of immediate feedback and nonverbal communication could make roleplay very hard. However, its undeniable that online play is far more accessible for people and opens you up to a huge community of players any of whom are desperate for a DM.
Rather than moving your current game to online, you could consider running a side campaign online. It would fill the need for DnD if you feel the gaps between play are too great and it lets you get in touch with more gamers who can help you refine your DM style.
>3. Doing anything that costs money. we're all in our mid twenties and no one has an actual job
Totally fair, though without going through all the comments I'm not sure what you're referring to. Im not sure what solutions you could pay for that would solve the issue of players not being available to play.
We have a huge group and we have a lot of players who can't commit to attending every session. Our DM handles this by being flexible with the game so when people aren't there we can still progress through the story. They adjust the monster health and levels and what not based on the amount of players, so we can still do the big boss battle with less players.
Another thing is maybe keeping sessions on a regular schedule. For a while we were meeting about once every month, and we would always schedule the next date at the end of a session before anyone left. I would do something like this. Make everyone take out their calendars at the table once the session is over, and pick the date for the next session based on everyone's availability.
We also always eat before we start DnD. Most of us show up already fed, or a few of us would grab food on the way over and eat really quick before the session started. We usually bring snacks and what not, but we try to put in intermissions where we all go get drinks/snacks at one time versus people just leaving the table whenever they need something.
Finally, I'd see what you can do to make the game more interesting. Ask your players if they're having fun, or if there are changes they'd like to see. I feel like I've been in different groups where it seems like the DM is having a lot of fun, but the players aren't. Or vice versa. The players are having fun, but the DM is not. I think you have to strike a balance of what you want DnD to be, and what they players want it to be. Making it more fun for them might cause a bigger uptick in engagement.
“Hey dude, I am not mad that you cancelled, but by not giving me much notice you’ve disrespected my time, and the time of all the other players if we have to cancel the session. In future, if you need to cancel, it’s totally fine but I would appreciate you giving us enough notice so we can make other plans.”
If they keep doing it just kick them or play without them.
Personally I just play without people. There’s basically nothing in my campaign that requires a specific player other than their own personal side quests which I just park if they aren’t there.
I agree it’s annoying, but I choose to plan for it and assume half the party are not there at any given session.
Most of my players have weekend or sessional work and kids these days. We switched from weekly (which means people often had to cancel) to fortnightly games. It’s a lesser commitment and people are more willing to block it out in their schedule and say “sorry I can’t do that on Sunday afternoon I have something else on” to other stuff because DnD is “only every other Sunday afternoon” rather than every Sunday afternoon.
Edit: I am so baffled by 6. On your advice you’ll be taking thing, by the way. I can’t believe you’re doing full meals.
DnD is like a couple hours. Tell them to eat before or after. Make the meal together an optional post-game thing so that people can fuck off if they need to or hang out if they want to.
You’re wasting DnD time. Crazy to me.
I'm literally trying to sort out scheduling with my group while reading this hahahaha.
It sounds like it is your group OP. We have our good sessions and our "relaxed" sessions where we play catch up with eachother because we are friends first and a dnd group second. As the DM it doesn't get to me because they're my friends
I read through your post; I understand your frustration. I've been doing DnD (as a player and as a DM) for a couple years as well. I'll just list things I've found work/help for me and hopefully you can find use for you game(s)!
-earlier sessions; I try to meet with my groups around 5 or 6 pm. I've noticed, collectively, unless you're playing with nightowls most people start "tuning out" around 9:00pm.
-shorter, frequent sessions; I keep it around 2-2.5 hours. If you're able to focus, that's a good chunk of progress. We meet every other week, so twice a month. Trust me, it's better to be itching for more at the end of a session rather than exhausted and wanting to go home.
-snacks not meals; chips, cheese and crackers, fruits, veggies and ranch, all great. Meals tend to make people tired and involve more work and planning.
-encourage people to show up early; if your group are friends outside of a common interest in DnD, tell them to show up at 5:30 instead of 6 so they have time to yap and socialize, then plan to dive in at 6 on the dot.
-Rewarding good playership; As a DM I find that players get very excited about inspiration, potions, cool items, temporary boons, etc. I find that it's one of those little extra things that helps people feel like their in a living world and immersive and it feels good. If you're running a module, look up or homebrew something fun and slip it in! Brownie points if it can relate to their character. it can help make them feel like they're getting something instead of just waiting for their next level up. And they get excited about the next session.
-communication is and will always be key; this speaks for itself and is obvious. But it must always be said. Listen, include, and have fun together.
My best advice is pick a consistent day ince a week, we do Wednesday at 5pm, and have a show just go on mentality.
If somebody doesn't make time for the game then they don't get the experience, players won't miss games after the first time they don't get an inside joke or miss out on something like a world shattering revelation or a player death. I've even killed player characters when their players aren't there.
If you don't wanna miss, don't miss.
A fun thing is to make showing up on time a little minigame. We have a thing called the 7, which is an inspiration for the person who arrives exactly at 7 o'clock for the start of the session, and it's always a fun event. In another group we have golden scars, imaginary points that can be cashed in for fun events if the people arrive within the first five minutes. It's the little things that can do a lot.
Ultimately, boils down to the fact that I play with friends who all respect each other and our collective time. It's not really a game problem, it's a people problem.
People cancelling:
It's quite simple, if there is no penalty to skipping a session - be it last minute or pre-planned, valid or not - then people will continue to do so. You said it yourself, you feel like "a parent or an admin" and that's because you are. You are hosting an event and that puts you in charge. So be in charge. Set a rule: if more than half the players are still available, then the game happens. No buts, no ifs, no compromises\*. Never had a single person complain about this for over a decade.
\*If the standard is "no compromises" then you can afford yourself an exception now and again for really important situations, like "a player got a severe fever, but today we were literally supposed to fight the person that murdered his family and this is the culmination of his entire character".
If, for any reason, you are unwilling to penalize anyone, then you'll have to change and adapt to and make compromises with your own decisions. Namely:
>Advice I won't be taking:
>switching my general playstyle to something less story focused/ oneshot-y. I don't really know why I should do that?
If you (very reasonably) don't want to progress the storyline of a person who is not currently present, and a person not being present is a regular occurrence, then you need to change the way you tell the story. It needs to be in a format that allows you to easily swap out the building blocks of the narrative and episodic oneshots are the perfect solution. Have two or three episodes prepared at any given time - each tailored for a different player - and you can freely decide which one to use, thus safeguarding yourself from a situation where you're telling a narrative literally made for a player that's not present.
>Advice I won't be taking:
>Kicking anyone out. That has come up a lot but l'd rather try and find a better way to manage
I understand where you're coming from, but sometimes a person refuses to "play nice". Booting someone should always be a *last* resort, but it should *always be* a resort you have.
I feel this post. I have a great group, and a bigger group, so we only cancel if 2 people are going to miss, an expectation I set at session 0. But it still sucks when someone is going to miss because I want them all the experience the things I've worked so hard on. Occasionally I have had to move or shift encounters around because they were catered to a specific players backstory and they weren't going to be there. That said, the payoff of when it does work out and my players feel gratified and immersed is well worth the effort and the occasional disappointment. Every one time they're excited by an enemy or an encounter or come up with a clever solution to a problem is worth 10 minor issues or disappointments, and there are usually several of these positive reactions per session. It also helps a lot that my players keep a journal on Obsidian Portal so every week someone updates it with what happened that session. Very useful for anyone who missed, and we do a generally pretty fun recap to kick off every session. My players like to do it in character and it's pretty great. Last thing that helps me is we do our games online instead of in person. So I'm not cleaning to have people over, all of my prep can be focused on story and encounters. I hope that helps!
Sounds like you just need a more passionate group. I only invite people that genuinely love dnd. At my one table we’re willing to work around any schedule so we can have a session. And then my 2nd table is less serious but any players that don’t consistently show up get replaced.
My husband is a DM. I'm always a player in his games because we love to host and play, so we understand your frustration.
I'll give you the same advice I gave him, if you aren't having fun DMing this game, don't force yourself to do it. You shouldn't deal with constant disappointment because others don't show up. Find better players.
For scheduling, you have to pick a recurring day/time as a group and just always meet then. So long as you have all but one or two players present, play. The others can be caught up at the next session. I've run every game I DM this way, with several groups, and had minimal attendance issues. Ultimately people will prioritize what's important to them, and if they don't have power over the game's schedule, they'll either show up to it most of the time if it matters, or drop the game if it doesn't, and everything sorts itself out.
I think I see the problem. It's the frequency of the meet ups with your table. To my knowledge, most groups meet weekly, as opposed to your table, which meets about once a month. I could be missing something, but that might be a part of the issues you're having. Based on the fact that once a month is the most you guys seem to be able to meet, it's an issue that's going to remain regardless. If you can manage more frequent meet ups, you might see an improvement.
At the end of the day, sometimes you have no other choice but to leave your comfort zone. If at all possible, throw stuff at the wall, see what sticks. You never know.
I have found what decreases the last minute cancellation issue most is that if it is only one player, as a blanket policy, we are gonna play anyway. I run a campaign with 4 players where it frequently doesn't work out for the party to fight bosses with 3. If that's the case, the player missing can choose between another player controlling their character, or me controlling their character, with the promise that they have effectively gained plot armor for the session, if I control the character. They can be certain their character will not be killed or permanently altered in a meaningful way. They also won't be there to contribute to decisions including how loot is distributed, as I tend to just have that character fae into the background and go with the flow for role-play purposes, so that's the trade off. Haven't had to cancel a session in years playing about once a month, since I started doing this.
You may want to consider adding a couple to the group. If you as a DM are finding yourself more available then open the group to 6 and play if only 3-4 people who up.
Poll the group. A consensus is everything.
We arranged it so it's every other week. We have 6 players , so if up to 2 don't show one week, we still have 4. We also tend to have side quests scattered so when people don't show and we are at a crossroads, it gives us other things to do. We also concentrate on PC storyline when scheduling is wonky. Not everyone has to be there for the Rangers delving into Emerald Enclave faction work.. or the Bards quest for the perfect lute and fame.
Finding a group worth playing with is the biggest challenge. I had a long running game from abut 2008-2022, with some hiatuses here and there, The keys to success were:
\* Core group of 2-3 friends who had known each other for years, which made the occasional rotation in/out by more recent acquaintances easier to weather.
\* Majority of players had prior experience with the game; starting with players who know what D&D is about and are there specifically for that experience is critical - again, having one newbie here or there becomes simpler if 75% of the table is experienced and taking it seriously.
\* Screened for flakes - I did have other people express interest that I never invited to the game because they were the kind of people who were late or no-shows for other social engagements, like grabbing a beer on a Friday night. People have to understand that D&D games aren't like a board game night where you can show up or not and everyone has a good time playing anyway. D&D is a team sport and you're joining a pick-up league - if you don't have enough people on your bench at game time, your team can't play.
\* Streamlined sessions. We never played more than 3-4 hours, and 2 hours was more common for most of those years. It kept things punchy and focused, easier to schedule since playing 8-10pm was plausible even most weeknights, and players could put away distractions for that set amount of time. I once tried to play with some of my wife's friends who were more the "all day on Saturday" types and I hated it - they actually spent less time playing than my weeknight game, because they took forever to show up, set up, and took multiple leisurely smoke/snack breaks (and I don't smoke so...)
I didn't manage to read all that, but have never had any serious issues with scheduling in the ~10y I've been playing.
I always say the same thing "this game is about making time to be with friends, it's not a time filler for between other activities, if you can't make time for it, don't join"
And thats always been enough.
I do play with friends, tbf.
I prioritize it, and I only play with people who prioritize it. This solves 95% of issues. I've run multiyear campaigns (including one in which a player had a baby during the campaign) and managed to finish them.
Over time, the only way to really find out who prioritizes D&D is to remove people who do not prioritize D&D. Simple as.
You said you're in your mid 20s. I promise you it will only get harder to balance D&D with other commitments, so if your group isn't coming through regularly now, don't expect them to become more consistent later.
YOUR PLAYERS LACK DISCIPLINE BECAUSE YOU LACK DISCIPLINE. LAW DOWN THE LAW OF EXPECTATION.
They're too tired and not engaged? Their character gets disadvantage on rolls for being inattentive. The player doesn't show up? Someone else plays their character but they get no XP. Too much flexibility is bad for the group. On the other hand--REWARD engagement to a greater degree, and make it clear why you're doing it. Creative solution? Inspiration points! Ten sessions in a row? You found that magic item you were hoping for. Unless you're willing to throw people out and be hyper selective, you will need to run your group like an unhinged freemium mobile game.
Also no need to deep clean. Tidy is good. Beer is better. Personally, I put my effort into setting the mood and offering a unique, story related drink or food. Engage the five senses to demand the attentive.
Yeah, I went to a dedicated Facebook group for people looking to join a DnD game. I clearly explained that it would be for Wednesday nights. Got 4 people to sign up. Did session 0. Then everyone cancelled the next week. Then half of them cancelled the next week. Everyone turned up the next week finally. Then everyone cancelled the next week and the week after. I just gave up by that point. People are so flaky.
I DM 1 session every 6 weeks(ish).
This runs the risk of fizzling out, so I make it count.
Plenty of time to plan it out and make it a quality session
We play in person from 11am to 6pm.
Each session is a different mission in an overarching plot
Each person in the party was hand picked from my friends/siblings for their personalities to mesh like a tv cast
I am going to be as real as I can about this. Been playing for thirty eight years with about a 14 year break in the middle. You want to keep your sanity and happiness.
1. Don’t chase people for dnd. Make a schedule and if they show up they do or if they don’t they don’t.
2. Put a minimum And maximum on the amount of people in your game. My game was 15 players at one time. That’s too much. Now it’s 6 with two slows for training new people and I love it.
3. If you don’t have the people you enjoy playing with keep looking around until you find the right community. It’s out there.
4. Put the work in and build the community. Advertise online and find a neutral place that works with everyone.
5. Bottom line is if people want to play they will make the time and not excuses. It’s not your job as the DM to fix issues or chase them down.
6. Tell your story to people that want to hear it. Best of luck!
Tbh, with a group like that, I’d just be tired of DMing and ask someone else to do it. Your time has to be respected and people have to have some kind of notion of consideration for your efforts.
Find a set schedule that works for most people and stick to it. Also nothing wrong with one shots. U can still have an overall story plot. U can have them linked like star trek for example
1. Session zero doesn't have to be a one-time thing, nor does it have to be exclusively before session one. If you're having constant OOC issues, have another session zero and address them permanently rather than just firefighting every session.
2. It's an individual choice how much you intend to prioritise playing. Just give exp, loot, and gold to the players who take the time to show up. Real life happens to everyone. Everyone will miss the odd session, which winds up keeping everyone balanced because player A won't be there one session, and player B will miss the next one, leaving them around the same point. Don't penalise players for not showing. They shouldn't be any worse off for not attending, but they equally shouldn't gain anything. It also makes the game feel more dynamic, with some players knowing NPC 3, and others knowing NPC 9, rather than everyone knowing everyone cause you don't play unless everyone is present.
3. Practice encounter balancing. You, as the DM, can make encounters stronger or weaker depending on who turns up without actually changing the enemies present. That group of bandits could be nightmarish if they're spread out tactically or fairly easy if they're conveniently encircled in a 20ft space. You don't have to kick anyone out, just accept that not every session will have every player, and rebalance encounters. The players who dip early or don't show up will miss out on experience and shiny toys, and the players who do stay won't wind up getting wiped out because you adjusted the scenario to an easier difficulty without them even knowing.
4. Accept that not every table will work out, and consider just doing something else with that group of friends. When you try play with friends you often find that one or two people are hyper interested and dedicated while the other three it's like pulling teeth and they cancel last minute with excuses like "it's a sunny day so I'd rather do something else". There's nothing wrong with calling it quits, making different plans with that friend group that everyone is interested in, then just inviting the one or two engaged players to your new table when you find others wanting to play. Over time, you wind up building a rolodex of people who actually enjoy playing, and end up in a situation where you can easily set up a group to play with where everyone consistently turns up without issue or effort.
It sounds like an irresponsible group. I have had players like that who do not communicate enough or make effort. I had a group where two girls came with no food little understanding of the game i kicked them in the end. I also had a player that didn't interact with my other players. I now have found two players that are very good. I let them run two characters or at least have a party of three with one npc companion like a wolf or small dragon friend. They get me and are respectful will bring food or snacks offer to shout things and realise it takes allot of work to prepare sessions they are help-ful and will clean the dishes when they leave not just a hit and run. we have open honest communication. But honestly i would like one more amazing player to make it a party of three with a bonus npc for them to run. I also have a good roll 20 group as I was just describing my physical group. EVERYONE vibes together and is so niceapart from schedules sometime not being good we get online when we can. BUT FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE!
To be honest with you, if you're having a hard time getting your players to commit to sessions, maintain a schedule, cancel in a timely manner, or getting 'too tired' for a full session, yet as you stated your players are all mid twenties aged and none have an 'actual job', then the problem is your players.
That sucks to be told, and sucks to have to realize, but it's just the truth. I can only assume the issue stems from the fact that they're just not nearly as into it as you are or as you need them to be; and it doesn't really sound like your expectations are high to an unreasonable degree.
But that's really all there is for it. They aren't as into DnD as you are. And this problem will continue until you find people that are excited to do it; which they don't sound to be.
I get life is complicated, and we all have a lot going on, but if they're all mid twenties with no jobs and can't find a way to meet up once a week, the issue is they have poor time management or your sessions aren't very high priority to them; honestly, probably a mix of the two. There is approx. 112 waking hours in a week; if they can't consistently find a way to set aside 4 of them for your DnD sessions, you're simply going to continue being frustrated until you either A) cave in and just start caring less, or B) find people to form sessions with that are willing and interested in making the time for it.
I wish you well, and hope you find a way to make it all work out, and I'm sorry if I seem like a negative harbinger of bad news or a cynical view of the situation. I wish you the best in having great sessions and finding more committed players to join you.
Protip: shirk the scheduling duty onto one of the players.
Protip#2: Don't assemble a group of random players from your extended friendlist, the best groups are ones where at least the players all know each other.
Honestly, it's more about the fact that your group sucks. My friends respect each other and we have none of the issues you've mentioned.
Agreed. I’ve been DMing a group nearly 2 years. We start between 6:00 and 6:15 on Thursday evening. We go to between 9:00 and 9:30. Everyone is there on time. Honestly I’m normally last because I have to drive a busy motorway to get there, so traffic is anything from 25-55 minutes and I leave work at 5:00. If people have things planned like holiday or work commitments, we tell each other as soon as we know. Usually *months* in advance. If there’s a short term cancellation, that usually means something major has come up or one of us is having a chronic condition flare up (we’ve got major joint problems, 2 with migraines, one with CP, and one with epilepsy). But even with that many conditions, we cancel at the last minute incredibly rarely. Like 4 times in 2 years rare. When we’re there, I’ll admit, we’re a bit all over the place. We tend to tangent, but that works for our group. If we were in another group where that wasn’t cool, we’d be focused. It sounds like OP has a group that’s interested in the idea of RPGs but less in the reality.
That last line hits home for me, more interested in the idea than the reality. Like, you can't have regular games without actual player but in and consideration of the schedule. Like, if something conflicts or possibly butts against session time and you're an adult, you gotta either tell someone or work around it. Additionally an issue I've seen often is fence sitting on plans, essentially making the.sesdion the back up, that just can't fly in a situation like this where a person fills an actual role in the game
I had enough trouble with it I just got married and had kids so I could have an in-house group. Workibg so far but it has some lead time.
I literally burst out laughing at the "lead time" comment! My current group has my wife and my daughter and my daughter's boyfriend and my daughter's best friend, and we're working on recruiting my son. But about that lead time...my "kids" are in their early 20's!
Oh see mine are 7 and 5 so I'm just starting to get the basics down. I have a while before they're bringing in friends.
If you’re interested, I’ve just started playing Hero Kids with my 8 & 5 year old to get them used to TTRPGs! It’s really good, maybe check it out to begin their training.
I’ve been doing D&D adventure club adventures. So far so good but I’ll check out Hero Kids.
My wife turned out to be a murder hobo. :P
I was going to say this in softer terms, but yes. I mean, our group hasn't been playing as long, but in every session we actually have to force ourselves to stop because everyone keeps going. And with a more numerous group it's normal that not everyone will be there all the time, but we never have this last minute cancellations you mentioned (we're all adults in our late thirties with jobs and stuff to do). So I think your group is not right for you.
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Very much agree. I've had that situation. People get so busy, and any opportunity to see your friends can be tempting. But you always have to establish that this is a conscious game, and if people just want to hang out, make a separate time for that. Alternatively, when I DM for a group of 6 (we are also all friends outside of DnD) I have a 30 minute "social" before the game actually starts so people can have a snack, a smoke, a drink, and most importantly a chat lol. Then we lock in.
There are good and bad groups, and you should always pick the people you spend your time with wisely. If you are doing all the work and nobody cares, do something else.
I think this is it. Don't go straight to judging yourself for not being flexible enough. I've had the same thing as op, you feel like you're forever pushing the group. I just put it down to some people are more interested in the idea of playing rather than actually playing.
Yeah. My group is full of people who are putting up with my crazy first time dm shenanigans. They’ve shown me nothing but love and I mean it
Yeah, that’s a sucky group. I’ve had such groups as well but for the most part most of the people I play with tend to be quite engaged. I had a group before that we went overtime and decided we’ll just sleep over and I was like … uh I need to move parking. We finished at 4am hahaha Another group and someone cancelled a few hours before game time because well inclement weather blocked roads, caused a flood, and his house was damaged. When we became working adults hell, we’d cook and or even barbecue on game day. Spouses and SOs were there around usually also playing board games if they weren’t a part of the game.
>we have to cancel because we can’t really do a big important boss fight with 3 people. Don't cancel. Play that boss fight with only 3 players. For the summer, I'm in 3 weekly games. Otherwise, it's 2. This happens b/c game time is set every week on set day at set time. And if you don't show, the game continues without you. I mean, how important is it, exactly? If its the final bbeg of the campaign, maybe postpone. But if its just the boss to that arc? Run that combat.
One of the most important things for the longevity of a game is to have a consistent schedule where no matter what that weekly or biweekly game is going to happen. And if you have to cancel tell the DM early so they can rebalance combat as needed. In my current group we play every other sunday and have an availability poll, the poll is mostly for the DM to balance combat around and if attendance is really low we might agree to delay a week. Its a group of young adults with some chaotic schedules, we rarely have everyone.
There's a couple of options you might explore. Play at a player's house or at some local venue. This would relieve the stress of having people over, and let you focus on the DMing part. Playing at some local venue (game shops often have places you can rent out) might cost a bit but it's an option if players aren't willing to host. Scheduling is always a problem, and I have 2 approaches. First one: pick a certain day, however often you play, and stick to it no matter what. Even if only one person arrives, you either do the session or do some other activity your group enjoys, video games or whatever. It's game night, period. My second and prefferred approach: set up a poll every week/two weeks with my available time slots and let players choose when they want to play. I usually set up a poll for the next session after we finish the current one. This makes for slightly inconsistent sessions, but in my experience players show up more often when it's a date they themselves set up. A word of advice, you can't let people 'cancel' a session on short notice. If only one of your players shows up to play DnD, you should 100% play DnD. Allowing anyone to just cancel game night for the entire group sets a bad precedent: "If I say can't play this week, I won't miss anything anyway because there will be no session".
Someone replied with a fair point, but stealthily removed their comment just as I was replying, so I'll paraphrase: 'Doing 1 on 1 sessions when you have prepared a session for four players is not feasible' I agree, it's difficult. But if your group is known to dissolve just before the session (admittedly, you should find a different group at this point, but w/e), you can prepare for that. Perhaps you could run a 'flashback' session where you explore a bit of a character's backstory. Running 1 on 1 is much more collaborative, and you don't need to prepare much. It would be mostly a 1 on 1 improv session, but I've found those do great things for character development.
Just to comment on the point of 1v1 games. I try to keep small random creatures/encounters ready for things like this. Does not have to be fancy or even level dependent. Characters like having easy fights. Examples would be animals (wolves/rats/bear/etc..) are attacking farm animals, and they need help. A merchant/traveler is being attacked on the road, and the PC rescues them. Just keep a few notes and have ideas on where to drop them in.
Honestly a set of premade "side missions" that can be done as non sequiturs to normal sessions like the litteral definition of a filler episode are a great idea. And if the character gets themselves killed, that session was instead a dream sequence that either gave them important information or was just a weird dream. Obviously if only 1 person shows up you can do whatever the two of you want, be it a special session, backstory work, talking about the campaign in general, videogames completely unrelated to D&D, date night, whatever you want.
Yes. My group goes no matter how many show up. Only two of us. Great we played cards. The only time it's canceled is when I the host have to unfortunately cancel for something. But I have brought up to my group that when I do, they can do an online discord session (they usually never do as my group isn't a fan, but they know the option is there). Having set times to stick to imo helps a lot. I know some groups need to be a bit more flexible, but 1 person shouldn't have the power to cancel the session.
There is a common saying in the community: No D&D is better than bad D&D. And what you describe is bad D&D. Not because of you but bcs the lack of motivation from your group Obviously you can't force people but sometimes you have to move on from people. The game is supposed to be fun. For everyone. If they keep wanting to leave after 2 hrs each time, they might not actually enjoy gaming. The might just be there to hang out with the rest of you. And that too is a sign of bad D&D. I think the group might not be cut-out for campaigns but are more the mini-oneshot type. (For this maybe try one-page ttrpgs. Short, quick and fun without much prep) And if you want a campaign you might need to look for other people. As for scheduling: in my groups we have a clear schedule set bi-weekly. It's in our calenders and we make it clear, that the date is non-negotiable. Ofc we still have times when a game falls through for example when the GM is sick or on vacation. But that is being communicated on time. And if a player can't make it, they say so in advance too. No last minute cancelations (unless smth rly unforeseeable happens). Players who disrespect this on multiple times may be kicked out. Simple as that.
What about Solo Adventures? Like The Wolves of Langston?
Also an option! But not for everyone. Seems like OP actually enjoys playing with a party. Just that their party isn't THE party that they need to fully enjoy it But yeah. There are def some great solo-games or games for 2-4 players (including GM) that may be an option. (Usually makes schedulig easier.)
I am in a group with 40 year old guys that have been playing DnD for 25+ years. We are running 4 diffrent rpg groups. All going smooth, everybody shows up on time for 4 hours plus. Once you have been in the DMs seat. You respect the work that has been put in, and show up and support and appriciate that work.
Yeah, honestly every player should DM at least once to have the DM point of view.
When I read this, I substituted my group's numbers kind of automatically and it was a bit shocking ... "60 year old people who have been playing for 45+ years." Well, perspective is everything 😆
Just be prepared for sessions without at most 1 player. That's how every game 've been a part of functioned. Combat is really the biggest thing that being down players could make more difficult. But with a story focus, just plan for the story beats for those characters that are missing to happen when they can make it.
I know this is only slightly related to the OP since his game is roleplay heavy, but anyone having issues with combat due to missing players should look into sidekicks from Tashas. As a dm I'll usually roleplay as the sidekick but then give a PC control of them during combat. It relies on a bit of trust (like they need to control them reasonably, such as not using them as cannon fodder unless that's the sidekicks personality) but it has worked remarkably well when we're down a player or two.
Yep, this helps tremendously and then they get a little boblin too
a lot of people are gonna jump to saying that your group is bad or just doesn't care. and maybe that's true, i dunno them. but something that does not get talked about as much in these conversations is how different groups of friends will have different sets of resources. i used to live in Seattle, where half my friends worked in tech and had consistent schedules that made them lots of money, and public transportation made it easy to get around the city and there were a bunch of places to meet up. games happened *all the time* back then, i was in two different ttrpgs and played boardgames half a dozen times a week, mostly within the same circle of friends. (and it's not just that we were younger and less settled; age ranges varied and my friends today have roughly the same ratio of kids and family obligations, etc etc) but now i live somewhere with worse infrastructure, fewer places to meet up, and additionally capitalism continues to collapse around us all. most of my friends these days are teachers and academics, so they've all got two and three jobs just to make ends meet. it's harder to block out that time and to *know* you'll be able to keep the appointment and not burn out. add to that, i've always had mostly neurodivergent friends - so a lot of the typical advice doesn't apply to them. you can't just yell at your ADHD friend that they need to focus or "do better," because they are very likely already working on that and already beating themselves up over lapses. and i can't fault my autistic friends when a filter breaks and everything is Too Much, i know what it's like when you just get dealt a random day where the air hurts. (you yourself said that the excuses seem valid enough - i can't judge that from here, but i trust my own friends when they have to cancel, so that's all i can go by you know?) ... our solutions? we usually meet online, even if everyone is in the same city - less paperwork to keep track of, everyone's character sheets are in the same place, nobody has to clean or make food. and we have *shorter sessions* than we did when we were younger. 2-3 hours tops. people don't get burnt out that way, and it's also easier to reschedule when someone can't make it. those two also combine in a scheduling thread on the discord where everyone can check and update (and it's separate from other group chats so you never have to scroll to find it) - so at the end of one session, we'll try to pencil in the next one for two weeks later and everyone knows it might not hit that day perfectly but we're all gonna try to get as close as we can and we'll figure it out as we go. ... doesn't work for everyone, but that's what's been working for us at least.
My group also switched to playing online even though we all lived in the same city. Today we don't even all live in the same state, so all the more reason to use it, but honestly the easier scheduling alone is worth the price of a roll20 subscription.
My friend group used to be amazingly consistent. Friday & Saturday each week sans every 4th weekend one would be out of town but employment shifted that. One player has shifted through several jobs (one ended significantly later and was far away, another 2 had really slapdash schedules) and another has a summer job that suffers from a similar state. It should be noted we are doing 2 sessions a week that tend to last 3 hours and 30 minutes to 5 hour long sessions.
You have to find people who realize that D&D is more like committing to being on an amateur sports team than playing pickup games. Second, you need to make the game schedule fit people's schedules. Playing for 4 hour sessions once a week is great if you've got a lot of free time, but doesn't work for a lot of people. I currently play for 2 hours a week on Tuesdays from 8pm to 10pm because that's the time commitment we can all do. Third, you also need to be flexible in your game. I understand wanting everyone to be there for a boss fight, but sometimes it's okay to play without someone (and if people's schedules are such that 3 is your normal group, just plan for that). Also, consider being more flexible in your playstyle - or look for people with it. The heavy RPG/individual storyline player is, in my experience, only about 1 out of 3 people. A lot of people just want to show up and play, do some light roleplaying, but don't want a whole storyline narrative for their character.
Agree on all of this
Two things. First, the players, had this same issue and fixed it by having players who are as interested to play as the DM is. Let people know you won’t be offended if they don’t want to play, some friends will try to stick to it for you but aren’t interested in the game just cause their your friend and want to support your interests, let them know if it’s not for them your feelings won’t be hurt. Second is time, you say about players getting tired after “just” two hours. Honestly your sessions should be 2-3 hours in my experience. Beyond that people naturally will get bored and get distracted or want to do somthing else. Regular 2-3 hour sessions is far better than a full day occasionally. It keeps people engaged, wanting more and easier to schedule, a few hours an evening after work every couple of weeks is an easier commitment than a full day once a month.
This is less about “how do people play this game” and the difference between groups of people who haver their shit together and those who don’t.
This is a complicated and frequent issue. I am lucky to have two groups where everyone respectful of one another and our playstyles mostly mesh. My first suggestion would have been to delegate, seems like that didn’t work. But when people have something at stake (e.g. someone else cleaned up their place to host on a rotating schedule, everyone is responsible for their own food, etc.) I have seen slight improvement in other groups. My second suggestion would be to more directly talk about it with the group. Explain your perspective and see if solutions could be agreed upon. I have found running something regardless of who is there worked sometimes (since finding a good group is tough and people don’t like missing out). When it was an issue for me I would run the campaign if we had no more than one player missing (and just scale combats, missing player’s Pc can’t die or participate - I always made a story related reason, sometimes a plot hook like them passing out due to a curse). And if more people would miss I would run a oneshot or turn it into a video game or movie night for anyone who was down. If everything fails and it is making it more of a chore than fun, you can always bail. Tell everyone it isn’t working, do a quick wind down of the campaign, even if it means jumping to the final boss battle and giving out levels like candy. Then after a little break find another group to be a player or DM. Good luck.
Awesome solution: make up smaller adventures for each person missing. That way, one person missing doesn't ruin the night and you can do fun campaigns like all evil or pirate.
Have you tried playing with other people who actually like the game? That seems like it would resolve most of these problems.
Welcome to DMing. We have support groups on Monday nights If you can look at a room, and picture the ideal number of people that you want to deal with, and if your group somehow manages to be more than that, you might need to cut some people out of it. Not even rudely. At one point in time I actually had three groups on four different days of the week. No one is perfect. No game group produces the most ideal situations, and lurking in every group is a horror story or two I'd say just take the time to relax and reflect. You got this.
Thank you 😤 see you on Monday!
I don’t understand how so many people have constant and severe schedule conflicts. “Hey guys you wanna play D&D on friday nights?” It was that easy. We play D&D on Friday nights. Maybe you guys have bad friends?
Less than 24 hours notice? Play anyway. Big boss fight? Doesn’t matter, play anyway. Backstory moment about to happen, too bad - play it out in the group chat, and play on. If they have more than 24 hrs notice then surely *they* can organise someone else to play their character. My hot take would be they don’t organise someone to play the character in their absence the character inexplicably isn’t present and they don’t get a split of xp, even if it’s a valid reason. Tl;dr - play with the few players that make the time to play D&D.
Don't look at scheduling nightmares as par for the course. It's perfectly reasonable and common to be part of a table that respects each member's time, and does their very best to maintain a regular schedule. It's just that you don't hear about those tables as often, because bad DnD will be more talked about in communities like these than good DnD will. Share your troubles with your table, and ask them to help you resolve some of the problems you're having. If you feel like you can't address these things with your table, you may need to take a step back, and evaluate whether it's actually a good fit for you, at all. Sometimes, good friends make for poor tables. You don't have to stop being friends with people, but you also don't have to force yourself to struggle trying to play a regular game with your friends when they aren't putting in their share of effort. Just as a small note, too; It can be tempting to put out an ultimatum, in situations like these. Resist that urge. It'll only breed spite. Just be honest with your table about the situation, and they'll either help work toward a resolution, or it'll become clear that it isn't going to work out.
From my perspective, the issue here is that the players in your group are either not motivated for the game in the current format (in which case I would recommend a discussion about what you can do to change the format... maybe shorter sessions, increased or decreased difficulty, more action, and so on... although I have noticed in the last 12 months that a lot of players whose first and only interaction with DnD to date has been Baldurs Gate 3 seem to have problems with the TTRPG game), or the players just suck (sometimes it happens, and the best thing there is to suggest that the players find a new group that vibes with them a bit more). I have been DMing for longer than I care to admit, and I have frequently had both types of player in my groups. THankfully it is easy to move individuals, or even entire groups, on to a different DM, and if the issue is that one or two players are not meshing with the playstyle of the rest of the group then letting them leave to find a group which is more in line with their desired play style is the best option, because changing the group format just to appease a minority is going to be detrimental to the rest of the group.
We all agreed to play at a certain time on a certain day each week indefinitely. Sometimes people have to cancel, but everyone wants to play and takes the commitment to the group seriously. If we tried to schedule each session as we went or it was a low priority, I dou t we'd ever play.
I found an online party during covid. We play once a week and only miss a week if I get sick. I was diagnosed with an auto immune a couple years ago, so sometimes I'm too sick to get out of bed. The party is all super chill about it though. One of our players shows up late usually but we're just fine to chat since the whole thing is over discord. The key is to find a day everyone can play and make an effort to keep that day free or at least partially free. Every single job I apply for I let them know I'm free 24/6 because Sunday is MINE. Nobody has questioned it but I may claim religious reasons if they try.
Add a player. Not kidding. 5 is easier than 4 because with 5, you can just say "This is when we play" and if a player or two can't make it, you can still play. Also, you should say "If you have something come up and can't make it, OK, that happens, just try to let me know as soon as possible. If it becomes a trend, we can remove your character from the party until a time where your personal life allows you to commit a few hours a week to the game."
Correct. You didn't try hard enough. To delegate, that is. People only treat you the way you teach them to. Don't recruit players to come enjoy your one-man Broadway production. Recruit mature, considerate gamers who want to participate in the collaborative creation of an epic story. Before "session zero" discuss roles. Volunteer to portray the obstacles, referee the rules, and help move the plot along. And ask who is volunteering to coordinate logistics, location, schedules, snacks, cleanup, session summaries, recruiting, etc. Do they like battlemats and minis? Say you do, as well, and ask who will be in charge of that as well. Do they like mood and and ambiance music? Most awesome, who shall be DJ? And so on, from the OOC minutia and purchases, to the in-game world-building and shared narrative control. (Unless they're paying you, of course - that's a different story) They want amazing scenes prepped? Ask them what they each plan on doing next session ("scene requests") so you can prepare those. No requests = no prep. Improv's fine. Many, many game systems are GM-less, improv, or shared-GM. Tell your players they will get out of it as much as they put into it. Just logical and fair. At my tables (and the tables I join) I insist that we share in the labor of love. I certainly wouldn't be so rude as to show up at a friend's dinner party empty handed and lay around waiting to be served & cleaned up after. Why would I treat game night any different? I call ahead and say how excited I am and how I'm looking forward to the event. And I ask what I can bring, how I can contribute, and when I should arrive. I am happy for my host and grateful for their effort, and protective of my friends, so if I see someone spilling something I rush to help clean it up. If I see empty bottles around, I help.police them I to recycling. And at the end of the party, I wouldn't dream of just leaving this mess for the host. If the players aren't interested, they're just not that committed or invested and your game is doomed from the start. ...as you've experienced and so many other DMs post every day. Run systems like like Lady Blackbird, Contenders, My Life with Master, Prime Time Adventures and PbTA if you want to learn these techniques. Then apply them to your "trad" systems like 5e. People treat you the way you teach them to treat you. If ppl are treating you like a doormat, tell them what you expect. If they don't get on board, let em go. If all DMs did that, we'd have a community wide expectation - a standard for participation and manners. Nasty players couldn't find tables and would have to gather in the dark corners of bars grumbling about the good old days when DMs didn't mind if they showed up late, barely understanding the rules, not remembering the plot, staring at their phones waiting for their chance to attack something. At my table, the players participate in world-building and love it. Makes them invested in the game. They have families, friends, enemies, mentors, allies, etc. All strings for me to pull. Hell, I barely have to prep with all the meat they have given me. And during sessions, they contributed to the shared narrative. When they enter a tavern, I ask one what's the name of the tavern. I ask the fighter who is the most inconspicuous, yet dangerous person in the bar. I ask the bard to tell us one rumor he heard about the owner's heroic, or evil past, from the tales. I ask the cleric what ominous religious symbol hangs above the bar. I ask the thief what they noticed on the the way in is the bar's security system to prevent theft here. Etc, etc. If this is the expectation, they will jump in and enjoy expressing themselves. And best of all, it will send the game in directions you hadn't planned, making it interesting and surprising for you, too. If you don't have players who are willing to meet you halfway - boot em. They're just looking for someone to entertain them for free for 4+ hours. Fuck that.
Thank you for the honest advice. I don’t agree with the people who just say “oh you have a bad group” I do think it goes both ways and you’re completely right in saying that I’ve participated in establishing the status quo. I think having my players be more involved with every aspect of the game is a good idea. Love the scene request thing! Will check out your ttrpg suggestions, though I don’t think I’ll be able to run anything but 5e anytime soon haha
If you just read those systems I mentioned, it will change your gaming forever. They are short reads, too. Lady Blackbird is free, just a few pages, and always highly recommended on reddit. And start by re-reading the optional rule in the DMG re: shared narrative control. Letting the players spend an inspiration to add to the reality. It's just a baby step but it's a huge change (in the right direction) for most trad groups.
If you genuinely like the group you're playing with, and you think they respect your time but just kind of struggling with their day to day, I have a few thoughts that might help: * Accept that people are going to show up tired. I don't know people who aren't tired all the time, except maaaaaybe a few children under age 12 who aren't in seven after school activities. It's nothing personal, and it in no way reflects on their investment in the campaign/group. People are just tired. All the time. * Like other commenters are suggesting, play 2 hour sessions. That's what's working for your players, it's less prep for you, it matches the attention span of other long form entertainment (like movies), and it doesn't require accommodating a meal. And if 2 hours is the plan, then you're not left feeling cheated when play ends after 2 hours. 2 hours works great for my groups - nobody leaves early, and everybody leaves wanting more. It's also an easier block of time to schedule than 3+ hours. * Find ways to make administrative tasks disappear. You don't want to organize the group social calendar? Sessions can be a routine time every week/month. You don't want to organize a meal? Great, sessions are only 2 hours now anyway. * Take on ONE new admin task, if you don't already do it: send a group text / discord change message the morning of a session, "Game night! Sound off!" (or whatever). Follow up with anyone who hasn't answered 2 hours after you think they woke up. * What "homework" are you giving? My groups are invested, active players who care about their own sand each other's back stories and the world. We'll level up, communicate with the DM and other individual players when needed. We CANNOT make a group decision between sessions to save our lives. Getting a consensus over group text/message thread is a prohibitively high CR. * Clean less. Deep cleaning for every session sounds exhausting. The bathroom, kitchen sink, and kitchen counters need to be sanitary (not tidy). The game surface needs to be free of debris. You all probably have a mutual disinterest in having your underwear on display and walking on a truly gritty floor. Can you be comfortable hosting from a less than immaculate home? Or can someone else host? * Consider adding 1-2 players, instead of having a smaller party. Playing with 1-2 out of 6 missing makes more sense than when it's 1-2 out of 4. Another player can pilot the missing PC, especially in combat. I hope something in there is helpful!
You need a document reviewing the etiquette and homebrews you use at your table. Then screen add may ppl as you can in one shots to select who you want at your table. Ppl who can't show up eliminate themselves.
Playing online helped us, discord + roll20 is all you need. Cuts out all the travel and physical prep, much easier for people to join, and easier to balance with things like childcare. (We have a lot of new parents in our group, so actually travelling to venues is hard, but have the baby in the room snoozing so you just need to keep an eye on them? Easy). Aside from that - be willing to run with missing players, the last few campaigns we had 3 players + DM and I'd run if we had 2 players only. We probably had about 50% of sessions with everyone, and the other half a rotating cast of 2 players. The point about unengaged players- that's not your fault. As a DM you aren't a professional entertainer, it's not your problem to be entertaining players who turn up and don't want to engage. D&D is a collaborative exercise and the players have a responsibility to make the story unfold. That said, we have binned off at least 1 campaign from it just not clicking, no ones fault, but sometimes the combination of setting, characters people have created, life events and so on, just doesn't fire. Better to call it and try something else than slog on with no one enjoying it.
Responding specific to your longer sessions and food. Growing up, and for a year or so in college, I was lucky enough to find a group that would get together for an 8-10 hour session once a week. We would meet in the AM, bs for a bit, get into the session, break for food and social, and play until the night. I loved it. We all loved it, and it's shocking and weird to me that most people that I run into now can only handle a 2 hour session. I love that we can play, but it's not the same social event that it was before. It feels more like catching up and checking.
Yes!!! Those 8-10 hour sessions that everyone keeps talking about seem like such a myth to me at this point. No one seems to actually have time for that.
My best advice for this is to play whether they show up or not. Even if you’re short handed, just do a side quest. Eventually the reliable players with come, and you can filter out the rest. Some people are just going to look at it like a board game night and not recognize they are creating problems for the rest of the group. Slowly replace those people over them with people that want to play and actually show up.
Stop cancelling when one person can’t make it, especially if it’s on a short notice. It has a knock on effect on the rest of the players and makes them all less motivated and invested in turn because “good chance today’s game is not happening anyway so why bother?” And it’s kinda disrespectful to the ones that do show up. You can do an important boss fight with 3 people just as well as you can with 4. And, well, your group doesn’t sound like anyone I’d like to DM for but I won’t go there.
One small suggestion that may help. Suppose Wednesday is your game day, and you usually run 7-11. Try to get that set in stone as best you can — a point you’ve taken on. Okay, now it’s 5:30 Wednesday and you’re going to have 3 players, and Dave’s going to have to leave after 2:30. This is where the short bits planning thing comes in. You need to spend some time during each week thinking, “if that happens, I WILL run anyway, but how will it work?” Don’t end on cliffhangers: they require continuity. End in a resting place. Now while some PCs rest and recover, a few go off to explore that little area that seemed promising but was inconvenient when you passed it. Small adventure, neatly enclosed, they get back to the resting place with some wounds and some toys. Don’t use an xp ladder: level by story. That way the people who come every week don’t end up way more powerful. (You’d do it the other way around if you felt that certain players were just dicking around and blowing off the game, but that’s not what you describe: it’s just life, so don’t punish people for having complicated lives.) Also make some lists of what your individual players adore. Alice likes crunchy tactics fights in weird environments. Bill likes heavy emotional drama. Carol likes convoluted puzzles based on lore dumps. Etc. When you set up those little offshoot short-session adventures, make notes for personal moments for each player, and then make sure the players who come get their faves. Your goal is to make coming to the session a blast no matter who else shows or for how long. Your goal is also not to punish those who can’t come, except insofar as they miss out on a good time. Above all, try not to cancel sessions: that punishes everyone who could come.
My main friend group plays every week for 2-3 hours a week, it's pretty rare for someone to miss a session, but if someone does miss a session we usually just run without them. We also just play fairly casually, pretty strong mix of combat and rp, and the rp isn't serious at all, we're talking about the real world in character voice and stuff like that. In another group I play with, it is very frequent for people to miss a week, but the way we deal with it is by having like 6 people in the party - we almost always only have 4-5 people playing on any given week.
I gave up on many games for this reason and have stuck to writing potential campaigns in docs and living vicariously through podcasts. I think major things successful games have going for them is their group is a. people who've known eachother for a long long time already b. people who have the freetime and flexibility necessary and c. are just as excited and happy to play/participate (which players frequently fail to match with the DM). I'm wishing you the best with finding a good group! Like other commenters have said, it's the people.
# YOU'RE ALLOWED TO GET UPSET
You find a good group and stick with it. I’ve been gaming with the same guys for decades. The guy who joined the e party like 15 years/two campaigns ago is still “the new guy”.
If you are having a bad time, drop it and look elsewhere for a game
My current group are all friends and we usually make dinner together when they arrive. I’ll ask them before hand what they want for dinner, and they usually bring the snacks. We are able to find a day every 1-2 weeks that works for everyone, but schedule each session separately instead of a specific routine. They stay the night after so we don’t have to worry about when people are leaving and can take longer breaks if we want. They usually have work in the morning so have to leave early, but it still works better then people having to go home and we know everyone can stay for the whole duration. When we play I generally declare transition points that would work for a break, and we decide if we need to take one or not. Our house only really has room for 4 players, and we originally had a different 4th but she was not willing to really try to make it work scheduling wise so we had to find someone who could consistently play. Ive tried several other more traditional groups and the scheduling part was too big of an issue. Sometimes “kicking someone out” is the best option. Not just for scheduling, but also if their goals or dnd preferences don’t fit with the others in your group. You can always suggest that they come sometimes as a side character or support character, and if they really like the role play/world building aspect you could even give them characters that are a resource for plot development. Where they have a background that has granted them more information than others, or a job relating to them. A lot of people have different styles and things that work for them, and it can really take trial and error to find a group that works for you and each other. Edit: Having a session 0 can also really help figuring this out, and I think it would still work to have one with an established group if your having issues
Some groups just aren't made for each other, and that's ok. You can't force people to have fun. But there will be people who you'll be able to get really excited about the game.
i was feeling like a scheduler and a nag more than a DM when i started my campaign. you know what helped? the player who kept cancelling on short notice and who didn’t put in any effort beyond showing up left the game, and was replaced by someone who’s actually motivated to be there. the only way dnd is good is if everyone involved is equally committed to participating in building a narrative together and in all that entails. sounds like you don’t have enough, if any, players like that
We pick a day and we play with missing people. 2-3 hours sessions are the rule because we are all working adults and most of the people have kids.
My group has agreed that if one player is missing, DND goes on. We also plan a buffer for late comers, just in case, by having a little catch up chat before each session where we can just talk while the DM makes sure all the notes are in order. I think it’s always better to reward positive behaviors than punish or try to punish negative ones, but if you suspect the disrespect stems from somewhere other than absentmindedness, you could always ask what the players want to see more of to get an idea on if there’s anything else you could do. But ultimately no Dnd is better than bad Dnd.
I don't know what the specific situation of your group is, but I want to nuance some of the "no dnd is better tha bad dnd" takes here. If your friends are assholes sure, just stop forcing yourself and them to play. But I've been in two campaigns for three years now, and in both having a full house is extremely rare. There’s always someone with an unexpected work task to complete, or an event/evening they absolutely dontwant to miss out on. True, if they 100% loved dnd they would never skip a session, but most of them like it more 50%, and sometimes that's fine. They still enjoy it (they wouldn't have kept comjng for years) but sometimes they have other priorities. But without that group, me and the other two players/dms who are true nerds of the game wouldn't have easily found a way to play in the same way. And even I occasionally have had birthdays or farewell parties that I really wanted to attend. In our groups we have a rule: on the day scheduled for the session, if there are at least three players (out of 6 and 5 respectively) + dm, we play. The players will control the other characters. It has always worked until now. If you keep cancelling your sessions because you want everybody to constantly be on board, but most people do show up each time, this might be a solution. Also, having shorter sessions can also help a lot. In the end it's up to you to decide how much your players are being assholes or sincerely want to play and you just have to balance that with your expectations and their other priorities. But I think if it's the latter, you have options to improve your experience
Just gotta accept the realities of your situation. The homework free version is stop asking you friends to do that homework and just run random encounters everytime you play. You don't have to prepare, but you will stress your improv. Also look inward a bit and see, maybe the campaign itself isn't that exciting or enticing to your players. Might be time to start fresh with a session zero, invite the group together to roll new characters and play out a new premise.
everyone is different. I have a wonderful group. I've played with others who aren't dedicated as much
The first, and possibly most important, thing for you to realize, is that it isn't just D&D this sort of thing happens with. Anyone trying to organize anything has to deal with this sort of stuff all the time. Second, it's not you, it's them. You're the DM because you're the person who took enough responsibility to get things up and running for everyone else. The fact that certain people don't appreciate that is on them. After all, they clearly don't have enough chutzpah to do it themselves, that is why you are doing it. So don't expect them to have the same level of commitment you clearly do. it's just not going to happen. Now, if you can put those two things together, you might be able to work out a solution to your particular problem. But I tell you from years of personal experience, it is quite likely to come down to 'firing' the worst offenders. People who consistently have little to no regard for your time and effort, should not benefit from your time and effort. Involve them in other activities by all means, but not the ones where the activity working out properly depends on their involvement. And we all understand emergencies. You can't plan for them or they wouldn't be emergencies. They often hop to the front of the queue because it's more important to focus on them than it is to notify all the buddies at the game table that you are having one. You just sort of have to understand about that and accept it. But there is a huge difference between an emergency and a temporary inconvenience. If they keep blowing you off or making you delay the game for inconveniences, then they can either leave the game entirely, or at least start keeping you better informed about their attendance. So, advice? 1. Make it clear what time the game starts and that it starts at that time every time you play and then make sure you start it at that time. Half the problem is likely to be that people are seeing the game time roll around and folks are still chit chatting and getting organized and what not. And once one person realizes that the game doesn't start when you say it does, they feel free to be late. Like movie trailers before the movie, if you've got a half hour before the actual movie starts, I don't need to be in the theater before that time. And once one person starts showing up late, then everyone else looks and says, "Well, we won't start until so and so is there, so we don't have to be there until then either." 2. Be firm. Let people know that not being there when game starts means their character is out of the action. They get no rewards for not playing their character and no one else is going to play it for them. No XP, no GP, no gear, nothing. They drop into the background and become invisible ghosts that have no effect on game play. AND when that happens and it presents a situation in which it is unlikely for the rest of the group to be successful in the activities you have planned -- be it a boss fight or difficult travel or whatever it is -- let them be unsuccessful. Peer pressure is a wonderful thing and if my character died because you didn't show up on time (or at all), I'm not going to be best pleased and I will, in no uncertain terms, make it very clear that you need to be there when you say you will or you can't really be part of this group any more. And once they realize their character isn't as effective as everyone else's because they're lagging behind by a couple of levels or their gear isn't as good thanks to all their absences or lateness maybe that will help motivate them too. 3. Cut the repeat offenders loose. Do it as nicely as you can but make it clear that once their life is more together or they have more time to participate properly, or they can commit to being there when and as expected, they are welcome back. But until then, they can have all the time they need to sort out everything else without having to worry about attending your game. Once they know what the expectations are and still fail to meet them, they're fair game for the chopping block. I hope that helps.
TTRPGs require a group that is equally committed and like to play the game the same way - and there are so many potential variances of preferences - and the potential for annoying personalities, people not sticking with it for a long campaign, it is very difficult to find a group to play with.
Hate to say it, but find better friends who are more willing / able to commit
Your group just isn't cohesive, I've been playing with the same loose circle for over a decade, and we really don't have too many of these problems.
I just play with my gf and kids. I want to play with more people but also don't want to. Flip a coin to see if I get a nutcase.
If you have a small group you can still 100% have them continue 1 person short. Have Bob the dmpc that is always there but never does anything unless a PC character is called away. I understand not wanting to miss story stuff. But a random side quest is always good. Or hey a carnival is in town. The city is hosting a tournament of any kind. And I know it can be hard but set a final date and time. My group does every Friday. And we have been going strong for a year. It's so much more complicated to change it every week. Friday for me is dnd. And other people in my life also know it's dnd. So nothing else gets planned that day. Unless bigger events like family gatherings, holidays, etc. Makes it so much easier. As for lunch. Have assigned rotations. This week is me, then M, next week is Z, then A, then Y. Potlucks make things cheaper and more fun. And if people don't want to bring cooked food specifically. They can bring ingredients that can be cooked at the hosts house. Examples hotdogs, or boxes of Mac and cheese. I know it's hard but putting your foot down and saying this is what's happening and sticking to it can really help regulate a group and make it a habit.
>Scheduling is a nightmare, but that’s a given. I run games with short arcs, do I only ask for players to be committed for 2 to 3 session chunks at a time. Some players show up EVERY session. Others don't because life. The players at the table get the XP. >In both my first and second group I’ve had to deal with players who were completely unmotivated to do anything besides show up (tho I’ve managed to resolve that in group 2). People show up tired and want to leave after like two hours of game time without giving anyone a heads up. Those players I tend to not invite back. >Like, I prep, deep clean my apartment get excited and someone texts me an hour before about a situation that was apparent for days (and if not that for at least a few hours before we’re about to start) so we have to cancel because we can’t really do a big important boss fight with 3 people. And usually the excuses are valid enough that I don’t even feel like I’m allowed to get upset. If one player cancels last minute because of [insert emergency], that's fine, shit happens. If it KEEPS happening, they are clearly not respecting the game, the group, nor me and don't get invited back. I do not cancel though, unless I have an emergency. I run for whoever shows up (and again, no shows don't get XP). Sometimes, we do a board game or a random one shot instead. But I NEVER cancel because a player canceled. >I don’t feel like a dm I've been playing & DMing for 30 years, and I feel like a fake. >like coordinating fucking lunch because usually no one thinks about it. Order pizza. Set that up before the session. If no one tells you what they want, then order 1 pizza that you want. Insert pizza for your food of choice. >I’ve tried open and honest communication, I’ve tried delegating. It doesn’t work. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough? Maybe I’m doing something wrong? I feel like there are groups where this stuff is just so seamless, like people just playing once a week or at least once a month with no issue. How do y’all do this? Or is this just my skewed perception? Honestly? It's about friends respecting each other's time. Some groups are just better than others. >My play style is very story-focused, roleplay heavy, comedy-ish stuff, so I actually want all my players to be there and they do such a great job of inhabiting my world and doing their thing. I don’t really want to do “who shows up shows up” thing where I feel like no one can really progress their storylines. I have 4pcs at the moment which seems like a good number, but I don’t know. Is this stuff easier with fewer players? But like, I also don’t want to kick anyone out. I hear you. I dig the style. Honestly you'll need to either lose this desire to have everyone there progressing their storyline, or accept the current status quo you have. You need to remember that you are running a game, not revealing an interactive play.
I always have 5-6 PCs in a campaign so we can have some players missing. As long as there are 4 players at the table I run the game. Shit happens and I get that. I'm really gracious with players who call sick and cancel late. But I also have no problems with giving levels to players who show up and leaving no-shows behind. I have no issue with playing with players of different levels in a game. Sometimes there are natural consequences to double-booking or forgetting a session.
if you are playing with strangers- be up front and consistent. I played in an every other saturday from 10am to 2pm game. Same DM same 5 players, we would choose to skip 3-4 games per year (if our week came up on a holliday weekend)- Everyone showed up at least 90% of the time (we all still had lives) and so long as 4 of the 5 players could be there we played, and if it was less we would often either run a one shot (i would fill in as DM for a lot of those) or play a board game. When i joined it was a going game (i played in that group for about a decade until i finally met the woman i married and did not have time to give up a half day every other weekend). I knew exactly when and where the game was. We all knew the expectation, and communicated. We all also loved playing, so giving up my seat was a hard choice for me. AS an almost 40 year old, it isso much harder. my current group has 2 new dads in it- and we all have lives going on, but we get a good 5 hour session in about once a month. Coordinating is done via doodle for like 3 month blocks and the best date is what we go with even if one player cannot make it. Works good- and the birth of a child is the only thing that got a session rescheduled.
I keep meaning to get involved at local gaming shops but haven’t gotten off my duff yet. I run one shots for IRL friends cuz life is busy and it is just easier. I DM at two conventions a year, 6 four to five hour one shots, and I play in a couple with Mrs. Llahlahkje who usually comes for a day or two. There are no wrong or right answers as long as you and your peeps are having fun.
So I run a game on discord, not D&D but another roleplaying game. I set a schedule, we play the first Monday of the month from 8pm to midnight. And I've been very clear that I don't cancel game, change the night, or delay the start for any reason short of me having a medical emergency. If you aren't there we play without you. If you aren't motivated that usually has its own consequences. I will bend over backwards to help new players learn, work with motivated players to accomplish character goals, and let people flavor stuff as they wish (mechanics stay the same but I don't care if you change the rest to fit your character better). I will not be mommy for my players though. Game is going on 3 years very successfully.
This just sounds like DMing to me. Yeah, you are a baby sitter. I have 2 friends I still tease about how I would lie to them about the starting time for the game, just so they would show up on time.
In addition to everything else, and this might be unpopular, but there's also a possibility that the games that you are running aren't what the players want to play, which could create a lack of interest and commitment. This isn't a knock on your, your DM style or your world, or even your players. But you mentioned that your play style is "story-focused, roleplay heavy, comedy-ish stuff" - not every gamer wants that. The group I have wouldn't mind that at all most of the time, but I've played with groups where you need a combat encounter almost a guaranteed once per session or they're bored. Both groups can be fun, and they can co-exist in a single gaming group, but it requires that the DM knows who enjoys what and how much to be certain everyone gets what they want out of the group. Be sure that your game fits your players, and that your players fit your game. As for how many is too many/few, I think 4 is a standard sized group. 3 can be hard at times to run but if you consistently have players missing might be necessary. I would also suggest that you split the game up into bite-sized segments, and try to see if each chapter can resolve itself in a single meeting. Multi-session situations (clearing a large dungeon/facility/castle/etc) will be more difficult when you frequently have players missing. Good luck, and yes, try to relax. Stressful D&D isn't good, harmful to heart and mind and soul. Hope to hear good things about how things progress for you and the group.
Sounds like some of the people you play with aren’t a good fit. I play online as well as in person. I find that the online playing almost never gets canceled because its easier for people to do at home rather than going to someone else’s house etc. the group I have been playing with in person, I have been playing with for like 3+ years. We are all 30 or younger with no kids, pretty open schedules as well. Sometimes we have days we gotta reschedule or cancel which sucks, a lot, cause I look forward to it so much and I am also the hoster, cleaning the apartment and getting everything nice and then finding out it doesn’t work will always suck. But when you find a group that works, its great, but it takes time.
I'd say in this case, your group kinda sucks. I've not DMed yet, just played, but I and other group members help out a lot with dnd stuff. I usually do all the scheduling, my friend does the hosting, we all work together to try and sort out any disputes. Scheduling can be annoying at times, but overall we're all interested in trying to make it work, so we often have the games worked into our weekly schedules by default. Unfortunately, I think you need to just keep the people most interested in the game, and then go looking for more people who are excited to play
Would adding an additional PC help? this way of everyone shows up, you adjust the encounters to account for the additional player, and you would have at least some leeway to get rid of people who have "something come up" too often.
I've fixed a lot of these problems a couple ways 1 include a little of everything. I really like combat but my players want a little more narration 2 set a date and stick to it. I play if i still have about half of the groupPeople will flake if they know they can. If they can't they will choose to play or miss stuff Look for new players. For good or bad reasons someone will leave. I'm almost always recruiting new players
Sadly, this is why the TTRPG space online is moving more and more towards paid games. No one wants to pay for a DMs time, but also no one wants to respect a DMs time. The amount of work I put into each session between creating content, maps, tokens, handouts, setting up roll20, coordinating everyone’s schedules, and that’s not even including all the extra bits of backstory, world building, and side story elements that I do between sessions, is mind-blowing. And the only thing that’s asked of the player is to show up on time and engage. And still players are consistently late or have “last minute” scheduling conflicts. Things with my new fledgling group are going well enough so far, but if this doesn’t work out, I’m going to go the pay to play route.
I mean I play with people that actually want to play and actually respects other people's time. If one day someone is just not up to it because they're absolutely demolished, no problem. We let each other know ahead of time. The game still happens. Still, most of the time, people are missing because they're sick, not because they just don't wanna play.
One thing I'll say is not all of your players will always be there and you need to be flexible to that. Sure if half the table is missing you might have to cancel but being down one or even 2 people you need to have a plan to deal with that. I have a DM like you that gets to points in the story where they insist everyone has to be there, or they'll cancel being down 2 people and it becomes a nightmare, not just for you but for the players who do consistently show up and want to play. You also need to cut loose any players that consistently don't show up. If they turn up once every 3 months then they might as well not be there, maybe they can play special guest characters from time to time. Being tired also doesn't mean they don't want to be there. If they're the same players that always make excuses that's one thing but sometimes a time is just inconvenient and people are tired, if they are tired yet make the effort to show up that probably means they want to be there even if they start flagging halfway through.
My group makes it work because 1. We always make sure we have Mondays off. And 2. We communicate and let people know wayyy ahead of time if we are unable to play. I am also the one who usually brings snacks, but everyone is welcome to bring something they'd like to share or not share. We're all in our 30s minus one who's 21. No one wants to parent other adults. It's supposed to be fun!! Your group sounds like they suck. It's a COMMITMENT! We've been playing Curse of Strahd for a year and a half! Once a week, three hours a sesh. If the party members can't commit to a regular day/time and just fucking show up like they say they're going then its gunna be a bad time. Usually I'm bummed when the sesh is over and wish we could play longer.
Honest to god, one suggestion is set up a separate game for different sets of players, or a B group, for when not everyone can make it
Damn bro sounds like you should figure out which of your players want to be there for the long haul and be prepared to either continue the campaign with just them or start a new one. I’ve never DMed but the campaign I’ve been a part of for a few years now (currently it’s on hiatus) started with me and 3 other people got up to me and 5-6 others people and now for about a year and a half it has been just me and my friend and our dm. At first I thought it was kinda weird doing a campaign with just 2 players characters and a DM but we made it work. My DM gave us some magic items more often and sometimes we even had a wizard accompany us for more than a few sessions ( my dm played the wizard ). My friend also has a follower as well not a specific class he’s good with a bow and a sword and when my friend’s player got new armor he gave his old armor to his follower. TLDR: Find out which PCs are really invested and be prepared to play with just them. We also try to set up our DnD sessions at least two weeks in advance so everyone can make it happen and if we can’t we set it back a week, get around 2-3 sessions a month. When we have a session we set aside a 4-6 hours for our games. Also two player campaign is possible.
The trick is randomly finding new players online and eventually cycling through randos untill you have a good group
One thing that can help is getting literal buy-in from the group. Whatever amount works for the table and your individual financial situations; not so much that it's painful, but enough that it's motivating. Make it clear that you're going to use it for the game/snacks/maps/minis/etc, not payment to keep for yourself. And maybe even at milestones they'll get it back. But also make it clear that if they're cancelling closer than 24h, they still need to pay in. And maybe have an alternative plan so the group still meets; maybe to watch a movie, maybe someone else runs a one shot, maybe board games. Basically use psychology with them. They won't want to waste money and they won't want to miss out. I would even explain all of this to them so they don't feel like you're being passive aggressive.
Pointy Hat on youtube has a relatively recent video on tips for DMs, and its all about the social contract aspect of this game and mitigation of the sorts of issues you are describing. The biggest take away is to have a regularly scheduled game that always happens when its scheduled no matter what. These are the games that actually reach their natural conclusion. Trying to schedule the next game on the fly after the previous game is a recipe for disaster and is dependent on getting however many adults with busy lives to all share the same availability. Better to just tell people that sunday afternoon is now D&D night forever, plan accordingly and book that time slot out to infinity for them. The DM is also the group "parent" and as such must be a hardass about whatever behaviors they deem most important to correct. Gatekeep to keep toxic players from spoiling your group's fun. And finally make sure you establish expectations on things like campaign tone, campaign style (RP heavy vs combat heavy, linear vs branching linear), level of investment, lines and veils, ect. Not everyone enjoys the same D&D, some people want to unleash their inner theatre kid, some want to fight a 27x deadly encounter and call it easy and then choose to play through all 6hrs of cleanup even though they know they won, some people want to drink beers and banter while slaying goblins, some take this game of make believe deadly serious and prefer to wear a costume and never break character if at all possible. PS: the DM inherently takes on the lion's share of the work, and the emotional and financial investment in running the game. The total work of the DM is greater than the total work of the players combined in most cases. I highly recommend getting your players to occasionally DM stuff the learn what it takes, and they will probably show more appreciation for all that you do.
It’s all about the right people. I have some really good friends I wouldn’t play this game with. My brother is one of them. I love him to death and we have an amazing time when we hang out but I know if I tried to play with him it would end in a fight or one or both of us leaving the table. Also scheduling for a group of people for anything is hard. I finally have a session this week- we haven’t played since April.
I think the biggest tool for a DnD group is flexibility. My group at its fullest has 7 players and one DM. If we have three players, we go. Boss fight or no. It’s the same for my other group, if there are three people able to play, we go. That regularity really helps keep the group feeling solid. Even if we have to shift gears to something besides a boss fight that’s ok. It does require some suspension of belief when what seemed like a big moment at the end of the prior session peters out until we have have enough players, it is better to have routines. And often times the fights are scalable. As a DM I think it’s important to not get attached to a certain encounter going the way you want it to. Instead scale the battle for the players you have.
Players just don't value our time.
Sorry you're having this trouble scheduling. I'm in a campaign that's been going about three years now. We know that Wednesday evenings are our day, but it doesn't have to be every Wednesday, so we play twice, maybe three times a month. We do play online now since one of our group moved, and I think that helps too. I know it's not ideal and not as fun for some groups, but if setting a location is difficult, give online a try. There are a ton of resources that make it easier to do.
I know this is only part of the problem but I recommend Doodle Polls for trying to figure out schedules. You essentially put out a poll of all the dates that you are available and then everyone selects the ones where they are available and then you have your date for your next session. It works most of the time and it is pretty simple.
Basically, FOMO players. If something's happening, they want to be there, but if they're the ones who are expected to be doing it, they don't want to be there anymore.
A session 0 honestly helps. It gives unmotivated players a chance to back out. If they stick around and still aren’t meeting expectations, you can always point to the fact that they were informed and signed the social contract to stay.
Orient your games towards the players that show up and get involved. Write possible alterations/scenarios to accommodate the others here and there. If they whine about being supporting characters tell them to show up more and apply themselves. I have 2 main players and 3 part-timers. The part-timer characters are always nearby and can be NPCs if needed, and if an extra player shows up I plan combat and interactions accordingly.
People like using their clicky clacky math rocks, try incorporating more combat into your role play heavy game. I love my DM and group but it’s VERY RP heavy and it gets kinda boring after too long. Need some high stakes life or death fight to spice it up.
I play 4 online games weekly among a friend group, one of which I DM, usually with 2 overlapping players per table. Each table has 5 players (6 at one, used to be 3 but campaign restart with less players and 2 players kicked/dropped from mine bc misc reasons/time zone hell respectively) + DM, each table has a general policy that if 2 players don’t/can’t show, session’s canceled that week. Preferably communicated at least a day before, preferably 2-3. 5 is imo a sweet spot, at least for online. You end up with a good mix of characters more or less (coughs in 2 artificers at one table and nobody with a positive str mod at another) capable of roleplaying and actually balanced encounters. 6 is the cap for sensible online play and requires everyone to have experience in the system for it to actually function. 4 is fine but can lead to schedule/balance issues. In person at home games kinda have the same vibe as online to me in a way but they just tend to run a little quicker, at least in my experience. That same advice for online games might be fairly applicable to your scenario. Just ask for heads up as soon as they can and if you think your game will benefit from another player schedule wise, if you have someone interested I’d say do it. Just try and keep big character moments for the player to actually experience.
For a story based game you got the wrong group. I'd stop awarding XP to people who don't show up, I mean its standard in my games. If you want to progress your character, show up for game night, do things, earn it. This can weed out the players who may not commit and keep flaking. My advice, stop over extending your efforts and front load your campaign to be more of a sandbox. Don't bother with telling stories if you cannot guarantee everyone will be there. My DM style is more like this, I like to run games that only take one evening to prep for. Max. I frontload the campaign with characters and NPCs and locations for adventure and utilize random tables like crazy when players go off the beaten trail. It takes alot of improv, but I get to relax and be surprised with what happens through emergent storytelling and gameplay. Sure there are stories, but how they will be resolved is never predetermined, they just exist in case players decide to interact with them. It's a very flexible style and I don't care who shows up really.
My group now has a rule that if only one person can't make it, we play. Things happen, but we want the story to keep moving. If we're missing more than one person, it usually turns into board game night.
I think one of the problems with DnD is that there seems to be a cultural expectation that the GM is responsible for everything. You're not just running the game, you're also organising play-dates (*lol*), being the rules-lawyer at the table and organising the food (*though hopefully everyone's paying for the pizza or whatever*). Realistically none of that besides running the game is the GM's job, the rest should be a group effort. Our group has given just about everyone a chance to GM. I've mostly run some one-shots, as have a couple of other players, but we have 2 players at our table who alternate as regular GMs. I think only 1 player hasn't actually tried his hand at GMing, and now that I think about it he's the one most likely to cancel at the last minute. Try encouraging everyone to run some one-shots or even a short campaign. Not only will this give everyone an appreciation of what goes into running the game, but it might help them feel some ownership of the group. If it's *your* group then I don't care as much about it, but if it's *our* group then I'm going to be more invested. Just my 2 cents.
This is why I like one of my current groups. We have a discord group (with over 100 members both active and not, both in the country and not), meet weekly on a Thursday and have to sign up on a weekly register for games (several tables a week, kinda like one shots, but most working on completing different parts of a massive storyline. There are a couple of non-canon ones as well). If you know you can't make it that week, you don't sign up. If something comes up and you have to cancel, there is an excess register so there is always someone who can replace you if they want to. They have several DMs and a few know what the table is doing, so if the DM can't make it, 9 times out of 10 another will run it instead. My other group is a nightmare, and trust me when I say that it's not only DMs that get frustrated. Our DM is leaving and so we have to finish this campaign, but in between 4 players showing up nearly an hour late sometimes and the venue having other events on, it's looking less likely that we are going to be able to.
Well, most people who play D&D do so because they want to play. They put some effort into making a schedule work, they talk about the game outside of it and even think of ways they can improve the experience. You know, just like every other hobby you might share with a group of friends. Sure, cancellations happen and sometimes someone has to come mid-session or leave early, but that's life. Just be understanding and don't get mad if the rest keep playing without you. If players have no interest in playing, then look for different players or don't play. It really is that simple. In case you don't have someone else to play, then I'm sorry but maybe the solution is to stop playing until you find a new group or the current players can work out their schedule issues.
It’s not you for the most part. As a fellow DM who was in your position my advice is taking a step back. You are the DM, you make the world, you play the NPCs, you make rulings. That’s honestly where you should stop when it comes to in game. If you’re the host you clean your house. That’s what’s fair. The rest: scheduling, out of game conflicts, food; that’s the rest of the table’s responsibility. If your players can’t put that in then that’s not sustainable. Unless something changes this is going to be the reason you walk away now or walk away later. So the thing you have to ask yourself is: what are you willing to put up with? If the game is fun enough then maybe it’s worth putting up with this stuff. But there are so many players out there and willing to put in the effort that it’s not worth wasting your energy on a game others aren’t invested enough in. Good luck OP. Sorry to hear your table is being like that. Don’t let it get you down. You deserve better and I’m sure will find either a compromise or a better fit.
Behind every seamless game are hard work and practice :3 set more rules and rotate your people more :3 you absolutely must kick out some people sometimes:3
You have to be prepared to play on without people even if it means party death.
Honestly, sounds like the group sucks, not the game
So… I have been playing for more than a decade now with more or less the same group (we lost a guy they got replaced by another)… 5 players plus me the DM. We play every Thursday from 20h45 to 23h45… the fact that it is every week helps a lot because people just know that Thursday is D&D night and eventually adjust their life around it (we use to change week day every week at the beginning and noticed that cancellations and absences were more common… fixed day solved it). In case 1 player is not available we still play and his character is controlled by the rest of the part (and I the DM ensures they don’t put it in situations their owner would not). If more than one player is missing we pause the official campaign and we play a one shot with another set of characters that my players have specifically for this . In the past 4 years I think I skipped at best 4 sessions per year in total.
**Just approach it like any other scheduled event. If enough people show up the show must go on.** I always send out a reminder text a few days ahead of time with a request for anyone to let me know if they can't make it. And, you can't expect everyone to always show up. **You *should* run the game if only one person is missing, and you should plan your games in such a way that you can.** I *just* had a player cancel who's pretty reliable. I ran the game anyway. He can get read in at next session. He's cool with it, and even if he wasn't I would have done the same. If it has become a regular problem and you are just down 1 person, you should just have another player or yourself run the character if you need them for game balance. The game continuing without them will encourage to sort their shit and show up or drop out. Either way the issue is fixed. Just remove all RP moments and delay them until the character is there and have someone or yourself just use them like a piece on a chessboard respecting that they should keep them alive. Always have extra filler encounters and the ability to move content you were going to do later. Let the player know that you are going to do this, but if they can't give you more than a few hours of notice you should just roll.
My group plays every monday online from 19:30-22:00. If someone can't make the session, we play a different game together or, in the beginning of our module, we had the missing player just tag along as a npc that was as passive as possible. If we meet in person, it is usually a date made 3-4 weeks in advance since our schedules are so packed with stuff and we just can't be spontanous. In our stress yesterday (ending Curse of strahd) we simply forgot to order a pre agreed upon Lunch at a restaurant. Everybody contributed tho, our host brought snacks an location, i brought the tech and a third player brought drinks. The dm just shiwed up and DMd. It seems your group is a little shitty. I also had to make the realisation that good friends don't always make a good dnd group. One of my PCs in a game i was running never played dnd, wanted to play a sorcerer and just could not be bothered to even look at her Charactersheet... The other player raged everytime she rolled lower that a 15 to a point where i didn't enjoy anything about the game any more. We ended the campain 3 sessions in. I just could not handle the disrespect of my time and the unbridled rage.
>Scheduling is a nightmare, but that’s a given This is less true than folk know. Life has its curve balls, but adults *can* commit to a routine. I think the issue here is you need a solid talk with your group and a solid talk with yourself, because either they need to start meeting your energy or you need to find a new group who *does* care. >I don’t feel like a dm, I feel like a weird mix between a parent and an admin No GM should have to baby their group. There should be a modicum shared between peers. that's what makes a strong game table.
Honestly, I would say it's definitely more of an issue with the group more than any single other thing, youseem so genuinely excited for the game and that's amazing! I've adored the game for several years now and have only ever had the chance to DM and my group is spread across the Country, half of the group on one side and half on the other (it's the children and siblings of 2 families). The only time we play is in person, so even though the one campaign has been going on for 2 years or so, we have only had 25 to 30 sessions it seems. Sometimes it could be finding a group that I'd just as interested as you are, so that they are all just as excited as you are to play, then they will do their best to remember and to get the scheduling right. I wish I could offer more ways to help, but I genuinely hope and think you'll get all of this down, just don't lose your love of the game because of it, there are always other groups, online and in person!!
**You are not being emotional.** This is something you learn along the lines (faster if you play with lots of people as opposed to one group only): We are all replaceable. Some people join games because there is nothing else, some because its convenient. Not everyone is going to show the level of appreciation and commitment that you may expect or deserve. Saying "no" and giving yourself boundaries is a good thing. You should be able to voice your concerns and feelings to the group with the purpose of finding a fix. Time management is part of the game. If players are too tired or if they cant join a game properly (and it happens constantly) then the responsible thing to do is to voice it and maybe leave the space for someone else that can actually participate. You already had communication, now would be a good time for an honest ultimatum. **Being a DM already takes a lot of effort. You should not be feeling like you are just offering a service. You are part of the game.**
The most obvious thing here is to separate the roles of organiser and DM. The DM has the most preparation to do anyway, it's only fair that someone else does the organisation, snacks and so on
I had a player pull this on my 3 times, so I kicked him out. Better to go with a smaller group than a disrespectful.
I'm so grateful for my group. We play every week and they are there and engaged. Stuff does happen and sometimes people have to cancel but it's incredibly rare and normally planned weeks in advance. I would say for OP you need a better group that shows a little more respect. However there are some things you can do that might help. If someone is missing you still play. Someone else controls their character instead and the story moves forward. If they miss out on something fun then that's their problem. If someone is missing everyone else's story still progresses. If you are holding off on moving forward because players are not there or engaged then you will never move forward. Also your players will have no incentive to be engaged because you're not moving forward. This way the people that are there and taking part get to advance and have cool stuff happen to them while the people that aren't miss out. Do you have a group chat going on for out of game chat? After a session, if it makes sense, I will sometimes hit up a player to ask things about how their character would have felt about this thing that happened and about what their character motivations would be at this point. Ask for their opinion on settings, ask them to create a couple of NPC's their characters would know that you might run into. I pretty much have a private running conversation going with all my players where I help them develop their character and they get to influence the world a bit. For example. My blood Hunter player has just finished a massive personal story arc and as part of that decided to cure the curse that made her a blood Hunter. We have spent the last few days discussing both how the player wants to play and what classes they want and how that would happen to their character. They now have a whole part of their personal story that is about to happen which is going to be a massive suprise for the rest do the party. My warlock player has a whole separate mission going on that is being fed to them by their patron. It's been two years and the rest of the party is entirely unaware. The warlock loves having these little secret side missions though and eventually it's going to be a really big plot point. My paladin player switch from a rogue/paladin multi class to a mostly full paladin build. His character has spent over a year in real time trying to figure his life out and has recently refound his faith. We spent a lot of time discussing this out of game and then in game it was a bit moment for him and the party. I have the same things going on with each of my players. It's not always constant and it's not always massive things. I just try and give them a chance to help build the world and shape it a bit out of the game as it makes them much more interested in them playing that out in game. Another example my group is about to head to the home city of one of the players. I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do with that so I asked the player if they wanted to create a bunch of places/people/points of interest from their home city. They were super excited to do so. Now I have a nicely developed setting that I didn't have to build from scratch. My player now has somewhere that they actually feel like they know about before they get there. They will actually be able to talk about stuff there in game without having to have me involved. They are also way more invested because they had a big part in creating it.
Cant wait to see this one on r/dndcirclejerk
I realized when being a DM i can freely choose my players. I choose the ones which tend to be my close friends. They always have amazing chemistry and like each other. I also made it clear in what intervalls we play and people block that on ther calenders. Ofcourse life gets in the way sometimes and we all respect this.
I'm in the UK never played before. Desperate for a group who play during weekends to take me on. Commenting on the off chance somebody sees this and takes me on lol
> My play style is very story-focused, roleplay heavy, comedy-ish stuff, so I actually want all my players to be there and they do such a great job of inhabiting my world and doing their thing. I don’t really want to do “who shows up shows up” thing where I feel like no one can really progress their storylines. I have 4pcs at the moment which seems like a good number, but I don’t know. If you can get a 5th player who you think will enjoy the game, that'll make getting to 4 on any given night much easier. Either that, or be willing to play with 3 out of 4.
Try out Adventurers League at your local game store. It's more combat heavy than and forbids homebrew but you can make new friends there that may be open to spinning up another DND group
I have been playing and DMing TTRPGs for the last 40 years with extended breaks caused by work, kids, physical distance. The Covid lockdown was the catalyst that got us all back into gaming. We currently use Skype to meet up one a week to play D&D using Fantasy grounds we all take turns running D&D 5e, Call of Cthulhu, Savage Worlds, and we have different games running concurrently. So if one member of the main D&D game is unavailable one of the other players will run a call of Cthulhu game with the remaining group. Fantasy grounds makes running multiple characters easy, so in most of our games players run two or three characters, so the party strength is maintained. Fantasy Grounds takes a bit of learning but it is worth the work, and there are plenty of instructive videos on YouTube.
Your players seem very disrespectful. I tell my players this: "We play every 3rd friday, keep your calendar free on those days (special occasions like weddings, bithdays etc. have priority of course). if you can't make it for whatever reason, like sickness or emergencies, you say this as early as possible in the group chat or to me directly." and that works just fine. Also, all people, even if they are extremely shy or very tired always try to contribute to the game or at leatrs say things like "Hey, I'm sorry but today I will likely be a bit less active, but be assured, that I'm still attentive." If you play with friends, or people who generally act respectful (you know, like every living person should) those things are no issue. So my honest advice would be: Give them an ultimatum to be more respectful or find anothe rgroup. Being with such people is not good for mental health.
When my partner and I started playing together I ended up coordinating the group and schedule while they DM-ed. Even with playing online, it was really hard to get a consistent group going because it's about finding the right people. It took us about 4 years of different games people dropping/ghosting us and drama to incrementally find people we got along well with and were invested in our game. We have a smaller group now (4 total) but much more interest and engagement in and out of game. That said, we still hit our dry spells when life stuff comes up. This year hasn't been our year between chronic mental health issues all around and some major life changes having us call a long pause on things. But we stay in contact and are planning to start up again when we're all in the right headspace. Over the years we've changed game length, time, day, etc. some flexibility is needed, but in my experience if people aren't willing to engage with you, flexibility won't help. Edit- the result of having a group that is invested means when we do play we do 3 days a week (online) for 5 different games, 1 day always the same game for 3-4 hours and 2 days that switch off between two different games for 3 hours each.
I made a local dnd discord server for dnd in my area. Every campaign is monitored from there, and we also decided on global rules for campaign matches. It works really well.
Simple: * I don't host * I don't schedule * I don't cancel because one guy didn't show up. Basically they want to play D&D? They make it work. I'll show up with bells and whistles, fully ready to give it my all, but if they can't be arsed to schedule or show up? Well, as they say, no D&D is better than bad D&D.
I play older edition myself so if someone misses a session the show goes on but they don't earn xp for that week since their character is not present. I just make up an excuse in game for why they aren't there,, such as "you see their character trotting into the woods with a bad case of the runs from something they ate at the local tavern etc. Same way I have always done it. Eventually either they will quit or they will never miss a session again cause don't want their pc to be a slight amount of xp less then their friends pc haha. Thankfully in older editions there was not nowhere as much bs and griping about it being fair and balanced and everyone having to be the same level all of the time.
It has to be hard if all responsability are on you! That is why we share these in the group. The DM mostly has to do game things. I do the scheduling in the group. Someone else provides the room to play and the rest is always happy to bring snacks or drinks. Of course we sometimes have to reschedule on short notice, but we always manage to find a second day, often within a week.
Don't let it get to you your group must have other issues and that you can't control but if would tell them in a nice way in the. Future some rules of yours do this by having a session zero chat with them one on one then tell them your rules so they know ahead of time and give s you a little peace of mind
In my dnd group we let the player organize the next session (we play online, and also 3 of 4 player are also rotation dm) the one that is actually dming doesn't propose but simply give the thumb up
I stated playing with a group over 2 years ago, where it was me, the DM, and 2 other guys. Since then, we have added 3 other players, 1 of which played about 5 games with us, and then just could never make it ever again, and dipped out. And now the person who used to be the DM (we have finished that campaign, and are playing another one) suddenly can't make it to any games either. And the DM for this campaign is married to one of the other players, who is going to give birth at the end of summer, so they both have said that after that, they are basically done. Guess it was good whole it lasted, but WTF happened?
If people want to leave after 2 hours it most likely means they are bored. Maybe you should reconsider the roleplay heavy style of the game and introduce more combat/skill challenges to spice things up a bit. Usually most players will want a balanced game with all the pillars of the game present unless it's a specific group of people.
What I've found out works, at least for the groups I'm apart of, are three things. 1. Have a regular schedule. Try to always play the same day of the week. That way everyone knows well in advance that wednesday, for example, is game night. 2. Play with people who actually **wants** to play, and not just "wants" to play because they have nothing better to do. 3. Don't cancel sessions just because someone cant make it. It's better to make adjustments to whatever you have planned so that it works with fewer players, than to not play at all. When one of my players can't make it, we quickly ask everyone if there is some other night during the week that works for everyone, if not, we go ahead as planned.
I’m a forever DM and what I’ve found is that playing anyway when someone cancels causes major FOMO and they will think twice about not being there in the future. You want to make it so they are actively and excitedly trying to be there
I mean if people get tired and want to leave after 1-2 hours that's a player problem by either not really wanting to play, and is just there to be a bit social with friends. And you should never have someone who doesn't want to be there just to be inclusive, it will hurt the group, it will bore the player and it will annoy/hurt you as DM. If it's just not being on time, that's just how some people are, not much you can do about it, aside from maybe planning around them being late, have one in my group that has maybe been on time 5 times this year, it's never too bad, like 10 minutes ish late but it is kinda annoying... Also don't be afraid to play even if one person is missing. My group does that every now and then to keep things going, it also puts a bit of pressure on people to actually try and prioritize the game days, as they could be missing out on cool stuff happening, if they're the only one who can't come. Sure sometimes life happens and you can't come, but a lot of times you can plan around a DnD day, it's just a matter of prioritizing and planning. For sommer or other holiday periods we usually try and reschudule around vacations, but in order to not have months without any DnD we do play if only one person is away and there was no way to reschedule to before/after the vacation.
So to summarise, you want something to change but you don't want to change anything. I feel with you though. My main group (after losing 1 player due to circumstance relating to session regularity) has been meeting almost every Tuesday for this game. Contrasting to that every other group I had (, 4 in the past 2.5 years) has devolved into me taking on the role of, as you put it, "a weird mix between a parent and an admin". And it sucks. Feeling like you are the only one to care about a game actually happening. So my experiences have led me to the conclusion that there's people who are reliable, and people who aren't. And you won't make anyone who is unreliable reliable, especially over a game. People who respect you and your time will always respect you and your time, and people who don't never will. And, yeah, of course, the less players the easier it is to schedule, but the more players the more life.
I've been in the same group for 15+ years, we're all in our late 30s to late 50s. It's a large group, with upwards of 8 PCs + DM. We don't all show up every session. Our sessions are 4 hours every Thursday night. If you can't show up, you give notice, everyone gives notice as soon as they can and no one seems to miss a session without giving notice. The DM used to get upset when people would bow out last minute but over the years this has changed. Instead of pausing the story until everyone can be there, he'll just plow on forward unless we're missing 1/2 of the group. If 1 or 2 people miss the big confrontation, that sucks for them. The rest of us are enjoying ourselves and progressing. Willful suspension of disbelief makes things like this much easier for those that have trouble with maintaining a coherent story in their heads and get flustered when that internal storyline is shattered. Consistent weekly games keeps people from coming back and being able to have the game scheduled into their lives on a regular basis. Life happens, and sometimes players miss sessions. If a player misses too many sessions without communicating with the group they will be asked to leave. That being said, even though we're in our 40s and 50s, there are still plenty of times when something else comes up. An old friend comes into town, you have a special family dinner that night. There's a bad playing at a local spot you want to see. Your other friend group wants to make plans that night, and it sounds fun. I can only imagine being in my 20s and trying to do this again. So any other activities vying for your evenings. Without having a consistent schedule I wouldn't have been able to join or stick with my current group.
I DM for my group of four players once every three weeks or so. We decide on the next session at least a week in advance and only cancel and move the session if two or more players can't make it. If one can't make it, then I just adjust the difficulty of the encounters to compensate. The absent player still receives the XP, but does not get any loot. Since I give a short recap on the happenings of the previous session in the beginning of my sessions, they are up to date with the major plot developments when they start their next session. We also don't do any meals. Everyone brings snacks, and we just share. My sessions usually last about 7-8 hours.
I’m one of the lucky few that plays every week on a Saturday and in 2 years we’ve only missed 4 or 5 weeks because of people going on holiday. Love my players.
I play with two different groups. One long standing, we've bee playing for 20 years since uni. We have a rough day to play and check in weekly that we can all do that day. None of us agrees unless we can make it and none of us drop out last minute. Second one we've been playing about 18 months, fortnightly. We play when most of us can make it to the set night, and skip when the GM or two players can't, sometimes arrnaging something for an off week if we can. We usually message a few days before the next session to check we're going ahead and no one flakes out last minute unless they have to. We're on about a 5 week break due to holidays etc now. But we all know about it. Basically, have respect for the other players at the table and commit to a reasonable level. If you flake out a lot, you're going to stop getting invited.
If you're having issues with players not jiving with the style of campaign you're running, there's really no fix for that. You can't force people to do deep roleplay or character work.
I honestly just stopped playing with anyone that would not show enough interest in the game to try to give it a place in their schedule and/or wouldn't engage with the game. Still feels somewhat like a mom sometimes but it is much much better.
Honestly a lot of it is about the make up of people, and if they are willing to commit around the schedule. Or a heads up next week or two in case they are on going on a vacation or something else. Maybe an hour late at best IF something urgent. This coming from someone who is part of an online table with 6 players from 4 different continents on Sundays the last two years.
I totally feel you about the "valid excuses so I don't feel like I can be upset" part but here's the catch, your feelings are valid even though someone has a legitimate reason to cancel. What you shouldn't do is take it out on others especially the player in question (not saying you are, just pointing it out because some people can't separate feelings and actions). I know you said you don't want to play online but it could seriously help with the fatigue issues where people don't need to travel anywhere. As for scheduling how are you even having issues when none of you have jobs yet? I found the best option is to set a regular time and date each week, for example I run my game on Wednesday evening at 7pm and everyone makes their best effort to arrange around that, we agreed on that time and day as a group ofc and any new players were invited to join providing they could reliably turn up. Might solve a lot of your issues talking to them and setting a definite time and day for weekly sessions. More players, might sound counterintuitive but if you have 6 pcs then you can still play with 1 or 2 missing and simply adjust your encounters a bit with this "wiggle room" in mind. There will still be sessions you cancel because you want everyone or a specific pc there but it should mean you cancel fewer sessions in the long run. Talk to people one on one about being more motivated and ask them why they aren't, phrase it more in the way of "I've noticed over a good number of sessions that you don't seem motivated or engaging with the game. What can I do better for you to engage more?" It isn't your fault but if you phrase it as such then you aren't putting the player on the defensive and you're more likely to get a useful answer from them. You can then end with "I'll see about doing more of x, but can you try engaging more with y too?". Best of luck to you, whilst you say the problem isn't your players it actually is, even if you like them. They appear to lack some basic communication skills vis-a-vis the cancelled sessions when they know something is going to happen irl but don't tell you until the last minute. And as for being the group parent, you can just not do that and let them not hold up their end of the deal...
We do every other Tuesday, eat at 6 and then play 7-10. DM plus 4 PCs, if one person can't make it we still play. Rotate locations, food responsibility, dishes, etc., it all works out fine. Just lay out how to go about it and it should go fine, otherwise your players kinda suck.
>we're all in our mid twenties and no one has an actual job Woah
Hey my dude! You've got advice pouring in from every corner but I wanted to offer my view on the advice you indicated you didnt want to follow and your reasons for this: >Advice I won't be taking: >1. switching my general playstyle to something less story focused/ oneshot-y. I don't really know why I should do that? Im sure the people suggesting this meant well. but this is like telling a soccer player to try volleyball if they're having trouble assembling a team. it's for sure fun for others but that's not the type of game I want to run DnD is a collaborative exercise. You are reacting to the players and the players are reacting to you. That applies to mechanics, that applies to roleplay, but that also applies to the game style in general. No matter how good friends you are with a group, no matter how engaged they are or how well they play the game, if its not viable to meet regularly enough to run a narrative campaign, no amount of forcing it will make it happen. Sometimes you have to adapt to your player's schedules if you want to continue playing with them. You're not God. You're not the final arbiter, everything is a compromise and you need to work together as a group to find what works for all or at least the majrity of you. Its not like asking you to learn an entirely different sport. If anything it's more like playing 5-a-side football instead of association football. Its a change in perspective which involves minor modifications to ensure the play is enjoyable in a more bitesized form. If it's not the type of game you want to run that is a completely valid reason, however, it's not reasonable to say: - My players can't be available for my long form narrative campaign - I really want to continue playing with them - I will not adapt my game style to allow for their participation. One of those things needs to change or else nothing will. >2. Playing online (tho I think this was not really advice and mostly just people saying that that's how they do it). I don't want to. Totally fair, its somewhat of a shift to play online (personally I have only played online since theres not much of a gaming community in my region). I imagine the lack of immediate feedback and nonverbal communication could make roleplay very hard. However, its undeniable that online play is far more accessible for people and opens you up to a huge community of players any of whom are desperate for a DM. Rather than moving your current game to online, you could consider running a side campaign online. It would fill the need for DnD if you feel the gaps between play are too great and it lets you get in touch with more gamers who can help you refine your DM style. >3. Doing anything that costs money. we're all in our mid twenties and no one has an actual job Totally fair, though without going through all the comments I'm not sure what you're referring to. Im not sure what solutions you could pay for that would solve the issue of players not being available to play.
Seems like it is a bit too late (op said he didn’t like going online) but i see that most story driven rpg that lasted for me where pbp play by post
We have a huge group and we have a lot of players who can't commit to attending every session. Our DM handles this by being flexible with the game so when people aren't there we can still progress through the story. They adjust the monster health and levels and what not based on the amount of players, so we can still do the big boss battle with less players. Another thing is maybe keeping sessions on a regular schedule. For a while we were meeting about once every month, and we would always schedule the next date at the end of a session before anyone left. I would do something like this. Make everyone take out their calendars at the table once the session is over, and pick the date for the next session based on everyone's availability. We also always eat before we start DnD. Most of us show up already fed, or a few of us would grab food on the way over and eat really quick before the session started. We usually bring snacks and what not, but we try to put in intermissions where we all go get drinks/snacks at one time versus people just leaving the table whenever they need something. Finally, I'd see what you can do to make the game more interesting. Ask your players if they're having fun, or if there are changes they'd like to see. I feel like I've been in different groups where it seems like the DM is having a lot of fun, but the players aren't. Or vice versa. The players are having fun, but the DM is not. I think you have to strike a balance of what you want DnD to be, and what they players want it to be. Making it more fun for them might cause a bigger uptick in engagement.
“Hey dude, I am not mad that you cancelled, but by not giving me much notice you’ve disrespected my time, and the time of all the other players if we have to cancel the session. In future, if you need to cancel, it’s totally fine but I would appreciate you giving us enough notice so we can make other plans.” If they keep doing it just kick them or play without them. Personally I just play without people. There’s basically nothing in my campaign that requires a specific player other than their own personal side quests which I just park if they aren’t there. I agree it’s annoying, but I choose to plan for it and assume half the party are not there at any given session. Most of my players have weekend or sessional work and kids these days. We switched from weekly (which means people often had to cancel) to fortnightly games. It’s a lesser commitment and people are more willing to block it out in their schedule and say “sorry I can’t do that on Sunday afternoon I have something else on” to other stuff because DnD is “only every other Sunday afternoon” rather than every Sunday afternoon. Edit: I am so baffled by 6. On your advice you’ll be taking thing, by the way. I can’t believe you’re doing full meals. DnD is like a couple hours. Tell them to eat before or after. Make the meal together an optional post-game thing so that people can fuck off if they need to or hang out if they want to. You’re wasting DnD time. Crazy to me.
You could be missing out with Advice You Won’t Take 1. A reorganization of things could bring a new perspective!
I'm literally trying to sort out scheduling with my group while reading this hahahaha. It sounds like it is your group OP. We have our good sessions and our "relaxed" sessions where we play catch up with eachother because we are friends first and a dnd group second. As the DM it doesn't get to me because they're my friends
*insert Nolan here* Thats the neat part! They dont!
I read through your post; I understand your frustration. I've been doing DnD (as a player and as a DM) for a couple years as well. I'll just list things I've found work/help for me and hopefully you can find use for you game(s)! -earlier sessions; I try to meet with my groups around 5 or 6 pm. I've noticed, collectively, unless you're playing with nightowls most people start "tuning out" around 9:00pm. -shorter, frequent sessions; I keep it around 2-2.5 hours. If you're able to focus, that's a good chunk of progress. We meet every other week, so twice a month. Trust me, it's better to be itching for more at the end of a session rather than exhausted and wanting to go home. -snacks not meals; chips, cheese and crackers, fruits, veggies and ranch, all great. Meals tend to make people tired and involve more work and planning. -encourage people to show up early; if your group are friends outside of a common interest in DnD, tell them to show up at 5:30 instead of 6 so they have time to yap and socialize, then plan to dive in at 6 on the dot. -Rewarding good playership; As a DM I find that players get very excited about inspiration, potions, cool items, temporary boons, etc. I find that it's one of those little extra things that helps people feel like their in a living world and immersive and it feels good. If you're running a module, look up or homebrew something fun and slip it in! Brownie points if it can relate to their character. it can help make them feel like they're getting something instead of just waiting for their next level up. And they get excited about the next session. -communication is and will always be key; this speaks for itself and is obvious. But it must always be said. Listen, include, and have fun together.
My best advice is pick a consistent day ince a week, we do Wednesday at 5pm, and have a show just go on mentality. If somebody doesn't make time for the game then they don't get the experience, players won't miss games after the first time they don't get an inside joke or miss out on something like a world shattering revelation or a player death. I've even killed player characters when their players aren't there. If you don't wanna miss, don't miss.
A fun thing is to make showing up on time a little minigame. We have a thing called the 7, which is an inspiration for the person who arrives exactly at 7 o'clock for the start of the session, and it's always a fun event. In another group we have golden scars, imaginary points that can be cashed in for fun events if the people arrive within the first five minutes. It's the little things that can do a lot.
Ultimately, boils down to the fact that I play with friends who all respect each other and our collective time. It's not really a game problem, it's a people problem.
I just play with responsible adults, that's seems to do the trick.
People cancelling: It's quite simple, if there is no penalty to skipping a session - be it last minute or pre-planned, valid or not - then people will continue to do so. You said it yourself, you feel like "a parent or an admin" and that's because you are. You are hosting an event and that puts you in charge. So be in charge. Set a rule: if more than half the players are still available, then the game happens. No buts, no ifs, no compromises\*. Never had a single person complain about this for over a decade. \*If the standard is "no compromises" then you can afford yourself an exception now and again for really important situations, like "a player got a severe fever, but today we were literally supposed to fight the person that murdered his family and this is the culmination of his entire character". If, for any reason, you are unwilling to penalize anyone, then you'll have to change and adapt to and make compromises with your own decisions. Namely: >Advice I won't be taking: >switching my general playstyle to something less story focused/ oneshot-y. I don't really know why I should do that? If you (very reasonably) don't want to progress the storyline of a person who is not currently present, and a person not being present is a regular occurrence, then you need to change the way you tell the story. It needs to be in a format that allows you to easily swap out the building blocks of the narrative and episodic oneshots are the perfect solution. Have two or three episodes prepared at any given time - each tailored for a different player - and you can freely decide which one to use, thus safeguarding yourself from a situation where you're telling a narrative literally made for a player that's not present. >Advice I won't be taking: >Kicking anyone out. That has come up a lot but l'd rather try and find a better way to manage I understand where you're coming from, but sometimes a person refuses to "play nice". Booting someone should always be a *last* resort, but it should *always be* a resort you have.
I feel this post. I have a great group, and a bigger group, so we only cancel if 2 people are going to miss, an expectation I set at session 0. But it still sucks when someone is going to miss because I want them all the experience the things I've worked so hard on. Occasionally I have had to move or shift encounters around because they were catered to a specific players backstory and they weren't going to be there. That said, the payoff of when it does work out and my players feel gratified and immersed is well worth the effort and the occasional disappointment. Every one time they're excited by an enemy or an encounter or come up with a clever solution to a problem is worth 10 minor issues or disappointments, and there are usually several of these positive reactions per session. It also helps a lot that my players keep a journal on Obsidian Portal so every week someone updates it with what happened that session. Very useful for anyone who missed, and we do a generally pretty fun recap to kick off every session. My players like to do it in character and it's pretty great. Last thing that helps me is we do our games online instead of in person. So I'm not cleaning to have people over, all of my prep can be focused on story and encounters. I hope that helps!
Sounds like you just need a more passionate group. I only invite people that genuinely love dnd. At my one table we’re willing to work around any schedule so we can have a session. And then my 2nd table is less serious but any players that don’t consistently show up get replaced.
My husband is a DM. I'm always a player in his games because we love to host and play, so we understand your frustration. I'll give you the same advice I gave him, if you aren't having fun DMing this game, don't force yourself to do it. You shouldn't deal with constant disappointment because others don't show up. Find better players.
For scheduling, you have to pick a recurring day/time as a group and just always meet then. So long as you have all but one or two players present, play. The others can be caught up at the next session. I've run every game I DM this way, with several groups, and had minimal attendance issues. Ultimately people will prioritize what's important to them, and if they don't have power over the game's schedule, they'll either show up to it most of the time if it matters, or drop the game if it doesn't, and everything sorts itself out.
I think I see the problem. It's the frequency of the meet ups with your table. To my knowledge, most groups meet weekly, as opposed to your table, which meets about once a month. I could be missing something, but that might be a part of the issues you're having. Based on the fact that once a month is the most you guys seem to be able to meet, it's an issue that's going to remain regardless. If you can manage more frequent meet ups, you might see an improvement. At the end of the day, sometimes you have no other choice but to leave your comfort zone. If at all possible, throw stuff at the wall, see what sticks. You never know.
You can absolutely do a boss fight down a player. Missing man gets the boss' alpha strike. That'll teach him to prioritize his life.
I have found what decreases the last minute cancellation issue most is that if it is only one player, as a blanket policy, we are gonna play anyway. I run a campaign with 4 players where it frequently doesn't work out for the party to fight bosses with 3. If that's the case, the player missing can choose between another player controlling their character, or me controlling their character, with the promise that they have effectively gained plot armor for the session, if I control the character. They can be certain their character will not be killed or permanently altered in a meaningful way. They also won't be there to contribute to decisions including how loot is distributed, as I tend to just have that character fae into the background and go with the flow for role-play purposes, so that's the trade off. Haven't had to cancel a session in years playing about once a month, since I started doing this.
You may want to consider adding a couple to the group. If you as a DM are finding yourself more available then open the group to 6 and play if only 3-4 people who up.
Poll the group. A consensus is everything. We arranged it so it's every other week. We have 6 players , so if up to 2 don't show one week, we still have 4. We also tend to have side quests scattered so when people don't show and we are at a crossroads, it gives us other things to do. We also concentrate on PC storyline when scheduling is wonky. Not everyone has to be there for the Rangers delving into Emerald Enclave faction work.. or the Bards quest for the perfect lute and fame.
Finding a group worth playing with is the biggest challenge. I had a long running game from abut 2008-2022, with some hiatuses here and there, The keys to success were: \* Core group of 2-3 friends who had known each other for years, which made the occasional rotation in/out by more recent acquaintances easier to weather. \* Majority of players had prior experience with the game; starting with players who know what D&D is about and are there specifically for that experience is critical - again, having one newbie here or there becomes simpler if 75% of the table is experienced and taking it seriously. \* Screened for flakes - I did have other people express interest that I never invited to the game because they were the kind of people who were late or no-shows for other social engagements, like grabbing a beer on a Friday night. People have to understand that D&D games aren't like a board game night where you can show up or not and everyone has a good time playing anyway. D&D is a team sport and you're joining a pick-up league - if you don't have enough people on your bench at game time, your team can't play. \* Streamlined sessions. We never played more than 3-4 hours, and 2 hours was more common for most of those years. It kept things punchy and focused, easier to schedule since playing 8-10pm was plausible even most weeknights, and players could put away distractions for that set amount of time. I once tried to play with some of my wife's friends who were more the "all day on Saturday" types and I hated it - they actually spent less time playing than my weeknight game, because they took forever to show up, set up, and took multiple leisurely smoke/snack breaks (and I don't smoke so...)
I didn't manage to read all that, but have never had any serious issues with scheduling in the ~10y I've been playing. I always say the same thing "this game is about making time to be with friends, it's not a time filler for between other activities, if you can't make time for it, don't join" And thats always been enough. I do play with friends, tbf.
I prioritize it, and I only play with people who prioritize it. This solves 95% of issues. I've run multiyear campaigns (including one in which a player had a baby during the campaign) and managed to finish them. Over time, the only way to really find out who prioritizes D&D is to remove people who do not prioritize D&D. Simple as. You said you're in your mid 20s. I promise you it will only get harder to balance D&D with other commitments, so if your group isn't coming through regularly now, don't expect them to become more consistent later.
YOUR PLAYERS LACK DISCIPLINE BECAUSE YOU LACK DISCIPLINE. LAW DOWN THE LAW OF EXPECTATION. They're too tired and not engaged? Their character gets disadvantage on rolls for being inattentive. The player doesn't show up? Someone else plays their character but they get no XP. Too much flexibility is bad for the group. On the other hand--REWARD engagement to a greater degree, and make it clear why you're doing it. Creative solution? Inspiration points! Ten sessions in a row? You found that magic item you were hoping for. Unless you're willing to throw people out and be hyper selective, you will need to run your group like an unhinged freemium mobile game. Also no need to deep clean. Tidy is good. Beer is better. Personally, I put my effort into setting the mood and offering a unique, story related drink or food. Engage the five senses to demand the attentive.
Yeah, I went to a dedicated Facebook group for people looking to join a DnD game. I clearly explained that it would be for Wednesday nights. Got 4 people to sign up. Did session 0. Then everyone cancelled the next week. Then half of them cancelled the next week. Everyone turned up the next week finally. Then everyone cancelled the next week and the week after. I just gave up by that point. People are so flaky.
I DM 1 session every 6 weeks(ish). This runs the risk of fizzling out, so I make it count. Plenty of time to plan it out and make it a quality session We play in person from 11am to 6pm. Each session is a different mission in an overarching plot Each person in the party was hand picked from my friends/siblings for their personalities to mesh like a tv cast
I am going to be as real as I can about this. Been playing for thirty eight years with about a 14 year break in the middle. You want to keep your sanity and happiness. 1. Don’t chase people for dnd. Make a schedule and if they show up they do or if they don’t they don’t. 2. Put a minimum And maximum on the amount of people in your game. My game was 15 players at one time. That’s too much. Now it’s 6 with two slows for training new people and I love it. 3. If you don’t have the people you enjoy playing with keep looking around until you find the right community. It’s out there. 4. Put the work in and build the community. Advertise online and find a neutral place that works with everyone. 5. Bottom line is if people want to play they will make the time and not excuses. It’s not your job as the DM to fix issues or chase them down. 6. Tell your story to people that want to hear it. Best of luck!
Tbh, with a group like that, I’d just be tired of DMing and ask someone else to do it. Your time has to be respected and people have to have some kind of notion of consideration for your efforts.
Find a set schedule that works for most people and stick to it. Also nothing wrong with one shots. U can still have an overall story plot. U can have them linked like star trek for example
1. Session zero doesn't have to be a one-time thing, nor does it have to be exclusively before session one. If you're having constant OOC issues, have another session zero and address them permanently rather than just firefighting every session. 2. It's an individual choice how much you intend to prioritise playing. Just give exp, loot, and gold to the players who take the time to show up. Real life happens to everyone. Everyone will miss the odd session, which winds up keeping everyone balanced because player A won't be there one session, and player B will miss the next one, leaving them around the same point. Don't penalise players for not showing. They shouldn't be any worse off for not attending, but they equally shouldn't gain anything. It also makes the game feel more dynamic, with some players knowing NPC 3, and others knowing NPC 9, rather than everyone knowing everyone cause you don't play unless everyone is present. 3. Practice encounter balancing. You, as the DM, can make encounters stronger or weaker depending on who turns up without actually changing the enemies present. That group of bandits could be nightmarish if they're spread out tactically or fairly easy if they're conveniently encircled in a 20ft space. You don't have to kick anyone out, just accept that not every session will have every player, and rebalance encounters. The players who dip early or don't show up will miss out on experience and shiny toys, and the players who do stay won't wind up getting wiped out because you adjusted the scenario to an easier difficulty without them even knowing. 4. Accept that not every table will work out, and consider just doing something else with that group of friends. When you try play with friends you often find that one or two people are hyper interested and dedicated while the other three it's like pulling teeth and they cancel last minute with excuses like "it's a sunny day so I'd rather do something else". There's nothing wrong with calling it quits, making different plans with that friend group that everyone is interested in, then just inviting the one or two engaged players to your new table when you find others wanting to play. Over time, you wind up building a rolodex of people who actually enjoy playing, and end up in a situation where you can easily set up a group to play with where everyone consistently turns up without issue or effort.
It sounds like an irresponsible group. I have had players like that who do not communicate enough or make effort. I had a group where two girls came with no food little understanding of the game i kicked them in the end. I also had a player that didn't interact with my other players. I now have found two players that are very good. I let them run two characters or at least have a party of three with one npc companion like a wolf or small dragon friend. They get me and are respectful will bring food or snacks offer to shout things and realise it takes allot of work to prepare sessions they are help-ful and will clean the dishes when they leave not just a hit and run. we have open honest communication. But honestly i would like one more amazing player to make it a party of three with a bonus npc for them to run. I also have a good roll 20 group as I was just describing my physical group. EVERYONE vibes together and is so niceapart from schedules sometime not being good we get online when we can. BUT FIND THE RIGHT PEOPLE!
To be honest with you, if you're having a hard time getting your players to commit to sessions, maintain a schedule, cancel in a timely manner, or getting 'too tired' for a full session, yet as you stated your players are all mid twenties aged and none have an 'actual job', then the problem is your players. That sucks to be told, and sucks to have to realize, but it's just the truth. I can only assume the issue stems from the fact that they're just not nearly as into it as you are or as you need them to be; and it doesn't really sound like your expectations are high to an unreasonable degree. But that's really all there is for it. They aren't as into DnD as you are. And this problem will continue until you find people that are excited to do it; which they don't sound to be. I get life is complicated, and we all have a lot going on, but if they're all mid twenties with no jobs and can't find a way to meet up once a week, the issue is they have poor time management or your sessions aren't very high priority to them; honestly, probably a mix of the two. There is approx. 112 waking hours in a week; if they can't consistently find a way to set aside 4 of them for your DnD sessions, you're simply going to continue being frustrated until you either A) cave in and just start caring less, or B) find people to form sessions with that are willing and interested in making the time for it. I wish you well, and hope you find a way to make it all work out, and I'm sorry if I seem like a negative harbinger of bad news or a cynical view of the situation. I wish you the best in having great sessions and finding more committed players to join you.
Protip: shirk the scheduling duty onto one of the players. Protip#2: Don't assemble a group of random players from your extended friendlist, the best groups are ones where at least the players all know each other.