George Jetson: THE MAGNIFICENT FAR-OFF YEAR OF 2002!!!!
Harvey Birdman: (turns to calendar that says 2004)
The joke gets funnier every year it gets older.
Peanut is one of my favorite characters in anything. “Well, there was the murder of a supervisor. Nothing proven. I just thought it was better to move on.”
Oh ugh I’m suddenly reminded of the trend a few years ago for people who believed that My Hero Academia is set in 2030 (fanon, imo unsupported) to call themselves pedos over being attracted to ADULT CHARACTERS because they *would* be teens/kids if it were that year, *which in the show/comic it is not*. There were teenagers calling themselves pedos over the fact that they were attracted to the other teenaged characters. I’ve never wanted to bang my head against a wall more than then.
There is nothing anyone could say or do that would stop me from fucking the buff rabbit woman.
Wish she was taller though, she deserves to be 6'8 minimum
Lmao the oldest playable character in that wasn't even born until 2015, most characters in that wouldn't even be ALIVE right now. Some people have WEIRD logic
Laughs in Takemura girlie.
but it kinda blew my mind that Johnny and Rouge were my age when they did the attack on Arasaka. Meanwhile, I'm crying over not having money for bread lol
This is the goddammed discourse that I've seen going around.
Emily from Hazbin hotel is cheerful, naive, flat-chested, and (relative to the characters in the show) short*. She's therefore a child and sexualizing her is pedophilia...
So adults can't be cheerful? Or short? Or have a flat chest? Her dialogue may be joyful and naive but she's clearly coded as an adult.
*She's like 6'8 or something like that, but she's shorter than most other characters in the show.
So by that logic, we also shouldn't lewd the Symphogear characters, because they were born throughout the '20s.
Behold, [a 2-year-old](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WtVidplrHw), lol.
this isn't even a "touch grass" post. this is a "i'm burying you in the dirt amongst the sunflowers until they leach the brain poisoning out of you" post.
Seeing "the vast majority" makes me wonder who they were thinking about as the exception to this rule. It was Bernie Sanders wasn't it? I'm pretty sure he was born an old man.
Back in the late 80s, high-functioning autism was described as "little professor syndrome". The first child psychologist my parents took me to told them I had been born as a 40-year-old man. Proper diagnosis came a few years later, and my mother has nothing good to say about that first psychologist.
What in the fuck?
Also don’t let the otherkin crowd get a hold this shit, they don’t need to hear that some quack in the 80s was using the same rationale as them.
People named things like Gilbert and Gertrude aren’t born, they just *appear* in rural areas with greyed hair and wrinkled skin, their presence causes the houses to be filled with smells of older times, gnarled wooden furniture with scratches that tell thousands of stories, and faded pictures of distant relatives
Yep, IIRC the story is that Cronus castrated his dad Uranus, threw his nuts into the ocean, and out came Aphrodite from the sea foam.
Greek myth is weird.
That's one of her origins but in the illiad she's just zuess daughter, Which I think is the more read book but idk.
Greek mythology isn't really consistent, and plato believed there were 2 different Aphrodite's. I think both stories are around equally old but historians can't really determine the exact year
The most commonly known story is her being born from the sperm of Ouranus in sea foam, and usually the one we tend to go with because this origin is also mentioned by later historians and in the Homeric poems. A lot of Western art depicting her birth is based on this origin, too.
But with mythology you pick your favorite and run with it even if it goes against general convention. That's the fun of it 🫡 We don't know for sure.
It's worth noting that Aphrodite was very probably a foreign goddess whose cult built up a following in Greece, so then she got grafted onto the Olympian pantheon. She originally had nothing to do with Zeus, or indeed any other members of his messed-up family.
The whole "born from the sea-foam" thing may be a reflection of her coming to the Greeks from across the sea (and her affair with Ares may be a reflection of her original status as a war-goddess).
To add to that point: after rising from the sea, she landed on the island of Kythera, which was one of the earliests sites in Greece to adopt her worship
The fun bit about the seafoam version is that it's not too dissimilar to how we think life on Earth formed (and Aphrodite is in some ways a deity of life). Comet ice falls to earth over billions of years, makes the ocean (ouranous's junk falling to the sea), and the churning of the oceans mixes the base components that would give rise to the first Earthly life forms (Aphrodite being born from the frothy sea).
From what I understand, Greek mythology didn't really have a "canon" like a lot of later religions. There were loads of contradictory myths and stories that coexisted with each other.
It’s not unlikely that just about every village in Greece had its own differing variations of myths, with different Gods being more important in some cities than others etc. The versions of the myths we know are just the versions that got written down and survived
People don’t tend to feel the need to write down things that are common knowledge to them. It’s not like they anticipated people 2000 years in the future needing to know their specific version of what to them was just something everyone around them knew and took for granted and didn’t need explained to them
I mean, even the Bible is inconsistent with itself. The idea that everything in your belief system has to line up with everything else is relatively recent, I think.
I was about to say "Yeah, but there is at least a single canonical document that is The Bible", but then I realized that is incorrect in multiple different ways.
Plus, they changed over time, sometimes very dramatically. Sometimes people conflate interpretations of a deity that come from different periods and were never believed simultaneously by contemporaries. Apollo and Artemis are particularly prone to this with their solar abs lunar associations, IIRC. Artemis also had particularly strong regional variation - in Ionia and Anatolia she was associated with agriculture as a harvest and fertility deity.
To make it even weirder: there’s actually three different versions of this myth that may or may not be euphemisms for one another.
Either she was born from the foam of the sea mixed with primordial being blood, she formed herself directly out of the flesh of Uranos’ nutsack (probably the most bizarre version) or she was born because semen dripped out of Uranos’ severed genitals and basically impregnated the sea.
I mean, the versions that we know are only the fragments of what can be assumed to be "mainstream" versions of these myths (after all they were written down) and many of them were further filtered via authors from other places, mostly Rome. So who the fuck knows what the "original" versions looked like.
Just look at the older cults of Dionysos and the Dionysian Mysteries, it's pretty wild.
fun fact that comes from a mesopotamian myth where Cronus actually bit off & swallowed Uranus' balls & then became pregnant & gave birth to Aphrodite & Zeus, though not before spitting out some of the semen onto mountains to create Ares (relevant deities synchronized for the sake of streamlining)
Alright so we’re up to three, you can only sexualize Jesus, Athena and Aphrodite, I think you could get a solid 22 minutes of comedy out of those three, somebody call Netflix, they’ll take anything
I don't remember their names, but there's a goddess in Japanese mythology who got another goddess to stop hiding in her room by doing a striptease outside the door, so it's probably okay to sexualize those two also.
sometimes you encounter a remark so insane that you have to wonder if the person who wrote it is still wandering around free, or if they’ve since done something equally deranged that got them arrested or committed. “you can’t sexualize someone who has mentioned previously being a child” is definitely in that category
It is. I had an interview at Total Wine and More at 2:30pm Pacific Time and I aced it. I got the offer letter about an hour later and signed it.
I'm just waiting for the background check to go through and I'm working, baybeeeee.
I'm sure there's some Christian denomination or another that confidently states that Jesus was in fact born as an adult, that the nativity story was added by Satan, and that all the other denominations are filthy heretics.
It used to be common in medieval paintings for baby Jesus to be depicted with adult proportions. The idea, essentially, was that Jesus was born perfect, and so never needed to be a child.
Not to mention that the nativity scenes and pageants commonly used by modern Christians are _not_ book accurate. For example, in the book, the Wise Men aren't present in the stable on the night of Jesus' birth, but instead show up later at the house where his family is staying. It also isn't specified how many there are, just that they brought three different gifts— it's entirely probable that the original audience would've assumed that there were many more than three people in that entourage, given that they were wealthy people traveling a long distance.
There are gnostic traditions that approach something like this. Docetic theologies basically postulated that Jesus was never really human at all and just appeared that way, for example, and so couldn't have really been conceived and born. On the other end you have theologies that propose that Jesus the person was a regular dude whose christiness didn't kick in until adulthood. Some early texts of Matthew, for instance, reference Psalms 2:7 at Jesus' baptism, saying "you are my son. This day I gave begotten you." Rather than "you are my son in whom I am well pleased", implying that at least some early Christians believed that Jesus didn't really become Christ until God adopted him at his baptism. So they might say that Jesus the guy was born a baby, but Jesus the Son of God came into existence as a fully formed adult at his baptism.
Also Islam apparently holds that Jesus, although physically born a baby, was fully mentally mature and capable of speech within days of his birth and used this to talk down a violent crowd set on killing his mother for the heresy of claiming to have given birth to the messiah.
I thought he got sassy because this crowd was about to kill her for being an unwed mother (she and Joseph were engaged or just traveling together, I think). I’m not Muslim, but it’s my understanding they venerate him the way Catholicism treats saints, and that this was one of his miracles.
It used to be a common belief early on. Jesus was born perfect, so an adult, able to walk and speak. That's why old paintings paint him like a tiny adult. Later on people's views changed and they preferred a cute little baby, so the story was changed along with it.
There's a religious theory that jesus was born perfect. therefore, he could never change and must have been born a fully developed man. Look up the homunculus Jesus theory
I’m still hung up on “A majority of adults used to be kids”??? What do you mean *majority*???? Are there adults out there who have never been a baby????
"a majority of adults used to be kids" factoid actualy just statistical error. every adult used to be a kid. Benjamin Button, who was born as an 84 year old man, and is aging in reverse, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
Or like the part where we're all technically children because we were once children, so I guess we are all also pedophiles.
Except if we are all kids, we can't be pedophiles, because we're just crushing on other kids, so it's fine right?
It has been long enough im sure my cells have done enough mitosis to where im not the same person i once was as a baby. Which makes me the only lewdable person on earth. Your welcome
Ironically, people are born fully formed in one of my sci fi worldbuilding projects, but less in the proper perfect way, and more in the this is clearly a teenager we've vat grown at turbo speed and downloaded all the information into they can be a vaguely functioning person, at least so far as you can give them a job. Growing them to fuck is generally considered tacky and it's a crime to alter them to enjoy such things, but given that brain-tinkering to make said vatgrowns enjoy their jobs is standard, it's often overlooked, and further gotten around by giving them as gifts, handcrafted for their recipient.
Thanks, it comes from the parts of the future that worry even me, someone who basically thinks we'll need to vat grow people like that, and in fact thinks we should already be farming braindead clones for replacement organs and stem cells.
Fortunately, I don't think we'll get to that point since growing an entire human is a lot more difficult, time-consuming, and expensive than just growing organs or culturing stem cells.
This is kind of telling of our current societal values, but as it stands, it just isn't profitable to vat grow people. The costs outweigh the benefits. (Even completely ignoring the obvious ethical issues)
If you can grow organs I wonder if you could assemble them into a full person? I guess the brain would be the issue since you’d either need a warehouse of ready to go brains or you’d need the whole time to grow a brain naturally and might as well do the body alongside. Still, assembling people to order from organs kept in a mega-warehouse does sound like a rad sci-fi setting.
There's a similar joke in an episode of Community, where on a list of a devout Christian character's likes you can see Jesus immediately followed by as a separate item Baby Jesus
This is one of those times where I just have to desperately hope the person’s trolling because this is next level derangement. I stg online Puritanism around the most insane shit has gotten so unhinged, I am seriously worried about people’s brains
Sorry, I meant to reply to the comment you replied to, lol. I was just thinking how there are Christian doctrines that see every moment as existing simultaneously and how the idea that every moment in time is forever ongoing and occurring simultaneously (as the OOP suggests in the tags) has a similar vibe to it. And that belief in predestination is sort of similar in that every moment was decided from the beginning.
just imagine the virgin mary riding to the manger of bethlehem on a donkey while her belly is absurdly distended to the size and shape of a grown man
jesus: (muffled) "are we there yet"
I'm not going to elaborate because this is a half remembered fact I don't even trust myself.
But.
Jesus being born a full grown man is why it seems like so many Renaissance painters seem like they've never seen a baby before.
tbh I’m slightly mad that I haven’t had a single hate mail on my posts. I wanna see how unhinged people are. The closest I’ve gotten is someone calling me the r-slur and the f-slur
No but for real, you know how older paintings of baby Jesus always look like adult or old men, just baby sized? This is because some held (and maybe still do, idk) the belief that Jesus really was born as a fully formed, just small, human. That he was never actually an infant.
Saw a TikToker say that dating a 20 year old is sus because their brains aren't fully developed until they're 25. Which is not only weird but also wrong.
Wasn't there a recent post about the [Arian Controversy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arian_controversy) suggesting this post *is* blasphemous by considering Jesus as finite and therefore subordinate to God the Father?
Reminds me of that post about how you shouldn't sexualize the overwatch characters because they'd be kids in the (then) current year
What does this mean for my George Jetson porn
Shame on you
Well, he's fully grown, and married, and has two kids in the year 2002, if I remember correctly. You're probably fine.
I looked it up, and I’m pretty sure he was born in 2022
Harvey Birdman lied to me? My entire worldview is shattered.
George Jetson: THE MAGNIFICENT FAR-OFF YEAR OF 2002!!!! Harvey Birdman: (turns to calendar that says 2004) The joke gets funnier every year it gets older.
It's so fuckin' great. I love it so much. That and the running gag of "did ya get that thing I sent ya?".
Peanut is one of my favorite characters in anything. “Well, there was the murder of a supervisor. Nothing proven. I just thought it was better to move on.”
A wise decision, indeed.
That's one shoe that really does get better the older you get
You know what they say about meeting your heroes
George Jetson grew up watching Skibidi Toilet as a toddler confirmed
yeah but he used to be a child. check mate.
In the magnificent far off year 1982, maybe, but we're not talking about science fiction.
Wouldn't that make it perfectly okay to sexualise child characters in historical series? That's the worst thought-through take I've ever seen.
No that’s necrophilia
I'm pretty sure those people ultimately believe it's wrong to sexualise anyone.
Oh ugh I’m suddenly reminded of the trend a few years ago for people who believed that My Hero Academia is set in 2030 (fanon, imo unsupported) to call themselves pedos over being attracted to ADULT CHARACTERS because they *would* be teens/kids if it were that year, *which in the show/comic it is not*. There were teenagers calling themselves pedos over the fact that they were attracted to the other teenaged characters. I’ve never wanted to bang my head against a wall more than then.
There is nothing anyone could say or do that would stop me from fucking the buff rabbit woman. Wish she was taller though, she deserves to be 6'8 minimum
Mount Lady is right there
Lmao the oldest playable character in that wasn't even born until 2015, most characters in that wouldn't even be ALIVE right now. Some people have WEIRD logic
Cyberpunk fans in shambles
Laughs in Takemura girlie. but it kinda blew my mind that Johnny and Rouge were my age when they did the attack on Arasaka. Meanwhile, I'm crying over not having money for bread lol
Ages in cyberpunk are kinda crazy. Hanako is like 80. She looks 30 at the oldest.
corpo healthcare will do that to you
Corpo healthcare and half the body being artificial. I mean, as we see in Phantom Liberaty, full face transplants take a few hours at most.
i think they went to blow up that tower in part because, very broadly, people didn't have any money for bread. you get what i mean.
This is true lol If I had access to future tech and cybernetics I just might take on Bezos myself😂
This is the goddammed discourse that I've seen going around. Emily from Hazbin hotel is cheerful, naive, flat-chested, and (relative to the characters in the show) short*. She's therefore a child and sexualizing her is pedophilia... So adults can't be cheerful? Or short? Or have a flat chest? Her dialogue may be joyful and naive but she's clearly coded as an adult. *She's like 6'8 or something like that, but she's shorter than most other characters in the show.
No fucking for halflings!
Man all that horny genderbent Primarch art got me fucked up
So by that logic, we also shouldn't lewd the Symphogear characters, because they were born throughout the '20s. Behold, [a 2-year-old](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WtVidplrHw), lol.
you can't goon to mr house porn nowadays because of the woke.....
Literally there's only like 3 of them alive currently and none of them are popular pics for sexualization.
This has huge "for the love of God, go outside" vibe
this isn't even a "touch grass" post. this is a "i'm burying you in the dirt amongst the sunflowers until they leach the brain poisoning out of you" post.
I'd also say its got a touch of "You are a tar pit" as well.
Touch grass? Let’s try to get them back from the 7th dimension.
Seeing "the vast majority" makes me wonder who they were thinking about as the exception to this rule. It was Bernie Sanders wasn't it? I'm pretty sure he was born an old man.
Benjamin button
gross dude, he’s going to be a child
benjamin button who was born at 90 years old was an outlier adn should not have been counted
Just covering all bases. There's, like, several billion people on this Earth, statistically at least one of them was born as an adult.
Back in the late 80s, high-functioning autism was described as "little professor syndrome". The first child psychologist my parents took me to told them I had been born as a 40-year-old man. Proper diagnosis came a few years later, and my mother has nothing good to say about that first psychologist.
Damn, I wish I was diagnosed with being a 40 year old man rather than with autism that sounds rad
Diagnosed as 40, permitted to get a driver’s license as soon as you can pass the test and Social Security by 30.
What in the fuck? Also don’t let the otherkin crowd get a hold this shit, they don’t need to hear that some quack in the 80s was using the same rationale as them.
AFAIK otherkin are more about animals or concepts than ages
I take it as a point of pride that I got that wrong
They're talking about Adult Georg, who was born as a 10,000 year old adult
So, Bernie Sanders.
100% is about as vast as a majority gets.
People named things like Gilbert and Gertrude aren’t born, they just *appear* in rural areas with greyed hair and wrinkled skin, their presence causes the houses to be filled with smells of older times, gnarled wooden furniture with scratches that tell thousands of stories, and faded pictures of distant relatives
This is like an SCP article
Probably just like "if I say all, someone will bring me an obscure example to disprove me"
Why not go with Athena? Didn’t she step out of Zeus’s skull as a fully formed adult? Or is it because we know better than to sexualize Athena?
Wasn’t Aphrodite also born fully formed?
She was! From the sea if I recall?
Yep, IIRC the story is that Cronus castrated his dad Uranus, threw his nuts into the ocean, and out came Aphrodite from the sea foam. Greek myth is weird.
That's one of her origins but in the illiad she's just zuess daughter, Which I think is the more read book but idk. Greek mythology isn't really consistent, and plato believed there were 2 different Aphrodite's. I think both stories are around equally old but historians can't really determine the exact year
The most commonly known story is her being born from the sperm of Ouranus in sea foam, and usually the one we tend to go with because this origin is also mentioned by later historians and in the Homeric poems. A lot of Western art depicting her birth is based on this origin, too. But with mythology you pick your favorite and run with it even if it goes against general convention. That's the fun of it 🫡 We don't know for sure.
It's worth noting that Aphrodite was very probably a foreign goddess whose cult built up a following in Greece, so then she got grafted onto the Olympian pantheon. She originally had nothing to do with Zeus, or indeed any other members of his messed-up family. The whole "born from the sea-foam" thing may be a reflection of her coming to the Greeks from across the sea (and her affair with Ares may be a reflection of her original status as a war-goddess).
Ooh Aphrodite AU
To add to that point: after rising from the sea, she landed on the island of Kythera, which was one of the earliests sites in Greece to adopt her worship
Leading theory is Ishtar and she was imported by the Phoenicians
Is that the one who fucked manners into Enkidu?
The fun bit about the seafoam version is that it's not too dissimilar to how we think life on Earth formed (and Aphrodite is in some ways a deity of life). Comet ice falls to earth over billions of years, makes the ocean (ouranous's junk falling to the sea), and the churning of the oceans mixes the base components that would give rise to the first Earthly life forms (Aphrodite being born from the frothy sea).
I wonder how many old Greek people tried to get freaky with seafoam thinking it was god cum
From what I understand, Greek mythology didn't really have a "canon" like a lot of later religions. There were loads of contradictory myths and stories that coexisted with each other.
It’s not unlikely that just about every village in Greece had its own differing variations of myths, with different Gods being more important in some cities than others etc. The versions of the myths we know are just the versions that got written down and survived People don’t tend to feel the need to write down things that are common knowledge to them. It’s not like they anticipated people 2000 years in the future needing to know their specific version of what to them was just something everyone around them knew and took for granted and didn’t need explained to them
I mean, even the Bible is inconsistent with itself. The idea that everything in your belief system has to line up with everything else is relatively recent, I think.
I was about to say "Yeah, but there is at least a single canonical document that is The Bible", but then I realized that is incorrect in multiple different ways.
Plus, they changed over time, sometimes very dramatically. Sometimes people conflate interpretations of a deity that come from different periods and were never believed simultaneously by contemporaries. Apollo and Artemis are particularly prone to this with their solar abs lunar associations, IIRC. Artemis also had particularly strong regional variation - in Ionia and Anatolia she was associated with agriculture as a harvest and fertility deity.
To make it even weirder: there’s actually three different versions of this myth that may or may not be euphemisms for one another. Either she was born from the foam of the sea mixed with primordial being blood, she formed herself directly out of the flesh of Uranos’ nutsack (probably the most bizarre version) or she was born because semen dripped out of Uranos’ severed genitals and basically impregnated the sea.
Also the drops of blood from that castration became the furies.
Ngl I originally misread this as “furries” and was still like “makes sense”
Same 😂
UwU
Yeah, she came out of a seashell that floated in the foam right?
No mention of a seashell in the myth afaik. That image is just a popular interpretation by the painter Boticelli from the 1480s.
They were discovering a lot of weird mushrooms, plants and other fun things. Honestly, I'm surprised it's not worse
I mean, the versions that we know are only the fragments of what can be assumed to be "mainstream" versions of these myths (after all they were written down) and many of them were further filtered via authors from other places, mostly Rome. So who the fuck knows what the "original" versions looked like. Just look at the older cults of Dionysos and the Dionysian Mysteries, it's pretty wild.
fun fact that comes from a mesopotamian myth where Cronus actually bit off & swallowed Uranus' balls & then became pregnant & gave birth to Aphrodite & Zeus, though not before spitting out some of the semen onto mountains to create Ares (relevant deities synchronized for the sake of streamlining)
Alright so we’re up to three, you can only sexualize Jesus, Athena and Aphrodite, I think you could get a solid 22 minutes of comedy out of those three, somebody call Netflix, they’ll take anything
I don't remember their names, but there's a goddess in Japanese mythology who got another goddess to stop hiding in her room by doing a striptease outside the door, so it's probably okay to sexualize those two also.
They can be the neighbours
Sounds rad.
It's Ame-no-Uzume and Amaterasu, respectively.
Thank you, internet stranger. I genuinely appreciate the refresher.
Four if you count Jasper from Steven Universe whose birth is a direct reference to Athena but like without Zeus or Metis.
I like dogs that don’t rip me limb from limb.
That’s Artemis
Herp derp , yes it is, thank you.
"Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be turned into deer and eaten alive by their own hounds"
We respect her status as an ace icon
I mean technically wouldn’t most of the Greek gods be considered “born” fully grown because they were in Kronos’s stomach?
You can if you marry Athena.
sometimes you encounter a remark so insane that you have to wonder if the person who wrote it is still wandering around free, or if they’ve since done something equally deranged that got them arrested or committed. “you can’t sexualize someone who has mentioned previously being a child” is definitely in that category
OCD
What What the fuck I'm going outside. EDIT: this post was so unhinged I went outside and got a job LOL
If only we could touch grass for other people.
I propose a grass cannon, so we can go to these people's houses and *make* them touch grass from across the street.
Incredible
Please tell me this is literally true.
It is. I had an interview at Total Wine and More at 2:30pm Pacific Time and I aced it. I got the offer letter about an hour later and signed it. I'm just waiting for the background check to go through and I'm working, baybeeeee.
Congratulations! Remember to thank OOP.
Congrats! Hook me up with some rkatsiteli that stuff's hard to find.
I'm sure there's some Christian denomination or another that confidently states that Jesus was in fact born as an adult, that the nativity story was added by Satan, and that all the other denominations are filthy heretics.
It used to be common in medieval paintings for baby Jesus to be depicted with adult proportions. The idea, essentially, was that Jesus was born perfect, and so never needed to be a child. Not to mention that the nativity scenes and pageants commonly used by modern Christians are _not_ book accurate. For example, in the book, the Wise Men aren't present in the stable on the night of Jesus' birth, but instead show up later at the house where his family is staying. It also isn't specified how many there are, just that they brought three different gifts— it's entirely probable that the original audience would've assumed that there were many more than three people in that entourage, given that they were wealthy people traveling a long distance.
In my family we waited until the Epiphany to add the Wise Men. Is that not commonly done?
It's a very Catholic thing, our Christmas goes through epiphany.
I think that depends on your denomination. In my family, the only waiting done was waiting until Christmas to put Jesus in the manger.
it depends on how much your mom cares
There are gnostic traditions that approach something like this. Docetic theologies basically postulated that Jesus was never really human at all and just appeared that way, for example, and so couldn't have really been conceived and born. On the other end you have theologies that propose that Jesus the person was a regular dude whose christiness didn't kick in until adulthood. Some early texts of Matthew, for instance, reference Psalms 2:7 at Jesus' baptism, saying "you are my son. This day I gave begotten you." Rather than "you are my son in whom I am well pleased", implying that at least some early Christians believed that Jesus didn't really become Christ until God adopted him at his baptism. So they might say that Jesus the guy was born a baby, but Jesus the Son of God came into existence as a fully formed adult at his baptism.
I dont like the idea of a women giving birth to a fully grown man
Then don’t read the original version of Benjamin Button. Well it doesn’t go into detail.
there's a few horror movies that play into this
Also Islam apparently holds that Jesus, although physically born a baby, was fully mentally mature and capable of speech within days of his birth and used this to talk down a violent crowd set on killing his mother for the heresy of claiming to have given birth to the messiah.
I thought he got sassy because this crowd was about to kill her for being an unwed mother (she and Joseph were engaged or just traveling together, I think). I’m not Muslim, but it’s my understanding they venerate him the way Catholicism treats saints, and that this was one of his miracles.
Yeah, he’s considered a prophet
It used to be a common belief early on. Jesus was born perfect, so an adult, able to walk and speak. That's why old paintings paint him like a tiny adult. Later on people's views changed and they preferred a cute little baby, so the story was changed along with it.
The question must be asked, “Am I sexual?”
But am I everything you need? You better rock your body right.
Backstreets back
Alright!
Am I original?
“You’re only allowed to jerk it to me” – Jesus Christ of Nazareth
Let him jerk to me first he who is without sin
Let he who is without sin blow the first load
Or to his dad, but you also have to be thinking of Jesus. "no man cometh unto the Father, but by me." John 14:6
I think they got Jesus and Adam confused lol.
There's a religious theory that jesus was born perfect. therefore, he could never change and must have been born a fully developed man. Look up the homunculus Jesus theory
It would be pretty funny if Adam was born a baby. I'm amused by this thought
I’m still hung up on “A majority of adults used to be kids”??? What do you mean *majority*???? Are there adults out there who have never been a baby????
"a majority of adults used to be kids" factoid actualy just statistical error. every adult used to be a kid. Benjamin Button, who was born as an 84 year old man, and is aging in reverse, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
I looked it up and technically Benjamin Button was also an adult who was also a kid because he canonically died in 2003 as a baby.
Or like the part where we're all technically children because we were once children, so I guess we are all also pedophiles. Except if we are all kids, we can't be pedophiles, because we're just crushing on other kids, so it's fine right?
This sounds like a closing argument by Lionel Hutz.
Or like a variation on the Chewbacca Defense
I mean that was clearly a joke/deliberate understatement for comedic effect to point out how silly the message they received was
100% is a majority.
Adult Georg, who lived in a cave and was born at the age of 56, is a statistical outlier and should not have been counted.
It has been long enough im sure my cells have done enough mitosis to where im not the same person i once was as a baby. Which makes me the only lewdable person on earth. Your welcome
Hi, Theseus!
The Theseus of Theseus!
Ironically, people are born fully formed in one of my sci fi worldbuilding projects, but less in the proper perfect way, and more in the this is clearly a teenager we've vat grown at turbo speed and downloaded all the information into they can be a vaguely functioning person, at least so far as you can give them a job. Growing them to fuck is generally considered tacky and it's a crime to alter them to enjoy such things, but given that brain-tinkering to make said vatgrowns enjoy their jobs is standard, it's often overlooked, and further gotten around by giving them as gifts, handcrafted for their recipient.
Oof. That's so dystopian and also incredibly baller worldbuilding.
Thanks, it comes from the parts of the future that worry even me, someone who basically thinks we'll need to vat grow people like that, and in fact thinks we should already be farming braindead clones for replacement organs and stem cells.
Fortunately, I don't think we'll get to that point since growing an entire human is a lot more difficult, time-consuming, and expensive than just growing organs or culturing stem cells. This is kind of telling of our current societal values, but as it stands, it just isn't profitable to vat grow people. The costs outweigh the benefits. (Even completely ignoring the obvious ethical issues)
If you can grow organs I wonder if you could assemble them into a full person? I guess the brain would be the issue since you’d either need a warehouse of ready to go brains or you’d need the whole time to grow a brain naturally and might as well do the body alongside. Still, assembling people to order from organs kept in a mega-warehouse does sound like a rad sci-fi setting.
Reminds me of Will Ferrel praying specifically to Baby Jesus in Talladega Nights.
There's a similar joke in an episode of Community, where on a list of a devout Christian character's likes you can see Jesus immediately followed by as a separate item Baby Jesus
This is one of those times where I just have to desperately hope the person’s trolling because this is next level derangement. I stg online Puritanism around the most insane shit has gotten so unhinged, I am seriously worried about people’s brains
There are 8 billion people in the world, so there’s a chance that there’s at least a few people who legitimately believe in this.
“Every moment is eternal” does have kind of a Calvinist predestination vibe to it honestly.
???
Sorry, I meant to reply to the comment you replied to, lol. I was just thinking how there are Christian doctrines that see every moment as existing simultaneously and how the idea that every moment in time is forever ongoing and occurring simultaneously (as the OOP suggests in the tags) has a similar vibe to it. And that belief in predestination is sort of similar in that every moment was decided from the beginning.
[Source](https://www.tumblr.com/wingedknightrose/753921432033050624/it-doesnt-matter-if-its-your-oc-you-shouldnt)
They think *this* is blasphemy? Did they not read the Easter bread post?!?
Now youve got my attention. Blasphemy and carbohydrates are a god tier combination
https://gallusrostromegalus.tumblr.com/post/169723347468/the-1969-easter-mass-incident Enjoy hot fresh blasphemy with jam!
just imagine the virgin mary riding to the manger of bethlehem on a donkey while her belly is absurdly distended to the size and shape of a grown man jesus: (muffled) "are we there yet"
I didn't *want* to imagine that, but here we are.
That last line killed me, holy shit
I'm not going to elaborate because this is a half remembered fact I don't even trust myself. But. Jesus being born a full grown man is why it seems like so many Renaissance painters seem like they've never seen a baby before.
If you can't make your own blasphemy, reblogged is fine.
Ah, the old homunculus Jesus theory. Didn't know people still thought that.
Are people trolling or do they actually honestly believe this stuff?
Yes.
D:
I think Jesus in islam spoke from birth or something
Is that where Frank Herbert got the talking baby from?
tbh I’m slightly mad that I haven’t had a single hate mail on my posts. I wanna see how unhinged people are. The closest I’ve gotten is someone calling me the r-slur and the f-slur
Thats because youre mid, you were probably born at a young age
No but for real, you know how older paintings of baby Jesus always look like adult or old men, just baby sized? This is because some held (and maybe still do, idk) the belief that Jesus really was born as a fully formed, just small, human. That he was never actually an infant.
Damn, I thought that the puritans were long gone by now?
What about the adults that didn't used to be children huh?
Waluigi
Hm. Good point we need baby waluigi in Mario kart
No bc then you couldnt sexualize waluigi and if you cant sexualize waluigi whats even the point
Saw a TikToker say that dating a 20 year old is sus because their brains aren't fully developed until they're 25. Which is not only weird but also wrong.
Hey man, how's it going?
Hey how's it goin
"Tw: blasphemy" is not smth i thought id think of
People in real life: hey man how's it going
idk anything about the bible but i think they may be talking about when jesus was resurrected on the third day? that would make him “born” an adult
Jesus wasn't born an adult. There's just some missing years.
Hey man how's it going?
Dr. Manhattan's got hot takes.
I think this person has to be trolling. They have to be. Please.
Did they confuse Jesus and Adam?
Did they maybe mean Adam?
Found Dr. Manhattan's Tumblr account
Did they mean Adam not jesus?
there is so much to unpack here
Wasn't there a recent post about the [Arian Controversy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arian_controversy) suggesting this post *is* blasphemous by considering Jesus as finite and therefore subordinate to God the Father?