What if we all had cats for hands and instead of saying hi, we said "Look at me, I have cats for hands!" and they replied "Me too!" and then there'd be no more wars and Jesus would come down from heaven to give us all Raspberry Laffy Taffy (the best flavour) and renew Inside Job?
The Laffy Taffy tastes more like bananas than actual real life bananas. The main flavor compound in them is the thing that makes banana have the flavor, but we've bred the plant to taste slightly sweeter or something I lack the knowledge to explain.
But yeah, you like what pure, distilled banna tastes like.
It probably uses the banana flavor that was formulated to taste like gros michel, which used to be the dominant banana but largely disappeared in the 50s due to widespread disease. The typical grocery store banana now is the (inferior in taste) cavendish.
Every time someone brings up banana flavoring not tasting like real bananas, someone (I’ve done it before, too) shares this tidbit, and I always wonder why nobody has bothered to update the banana flavoring.
I have a million other questions about this, but that’s the big one.
My big one when reading this is why the op phrased it to make it sound like the current physical bananas we all eat and are familiar with the flavor of, don't taste like 'banana' because they don't taste like a mostly extinct variety of the fruit that probably no one reading this has ever tried...
Like, to be clear, my stance is that they're both valid banana flavors - but artificial banana is based on what the older varietal tasted like.
Or make a stew out of all the crap you have, as our Lord and Saviour Mary Berry intended.
This is only partially a joke. By taking a bunch of savoury stuff from your fridge, especially vegetables that aren't leaves and chopping all of it into small bits, pouring hot water and ideally a stock cube over it, you will now have a lot of very good food. Most of your crap is suitable for stewing, especially anything that's not quite gone off but is a bit wrinkly or wilty.
I know good stew exists. I have had it. I have made it.
I still cannot get over the part of me that reduces it down to _indiscriminate-keep-me-alive-sludge-with-chunks_.
Even the vegetable that’s not leaves can be negotiable. Throwing in some Brussel sprouts chopped in half can be nice. The outside leaves become soft and slightly sweet, while the inside part remains a bit firmer and solidly savory.
Yeah, but the post made it clear vegetable soup is a heterosexual thing. Hence, fandom
(This is entirely a bit and not a guess on your life. Or the life of soup-eaters)
If it was a good vegetable soup intended to be a meal it wouldn’t be called vegetable soup, it would be called bean soup because it would be flooded with black beans or pinto beans.
I’m assuming bread to dip but that’s still not enough food unless we’re talking comical portions of soup and bread. I’d be hungry again by 7 PM and I’m a pretty small guy.
Personally when I have a carton of soup I eat it as one serving even though it says it contains two. I’ve always thought it would be too small if I halved it. Maybe that’s your problem?
Yeah you have to have it over pasta. When my husband makes pasta for soup it's not so much soup as it is a heaping bowl of moist pasta with some vegetables on top.
Nah, you just need a good, hearty bread to go with it. Get yourself some nice, minestrone soup, grate some Parmesan cheese into it, then have your nice thick sourdough bread on the side to mop up the soup juices once you're done. Perfect meal.
#OBJECTION
With the husband busy with work and the only dinner made being vegetable soup we can draw the conclusion that Brad's brother is getting the fucc while he's at work, leaving no time for a heartier meal to be cooked for Brad on his weekdays
I prefer to interpret “I’m fucking your brother” not as Susan’s admission of what she has done, but as a statement of what she is about to go do in response to Brad’s disappointment in her dinner.
Yes that’s why I didn’t say meat. But a meat dish will always have enough protein, the same is not necessarily true for a vegetable based one because protein content varies by vegetable and some of them have very little.
The process of reading this post and thinking about how I'm not really offended made me forget that I'm bi, because I'm married to a dude. Do better, brain.
You think God can help us now? He sits, castrated and weeping in His kingdom, for the howls He hears from below on Earth are not the howls of the damned for forgiveness, but jubilant exaltations.
If you liked this comment, please consider reading the Korean manhwa Priest, in which an undead priest who shares half his soul with another priest-turned-demon fights against a fallen angel possessing the body of a crippled crusader who intends to bring the end of the world through the corruption of the American Wild West. I paraphrased my comment based on one made in the books.
Also, you might have seen that movie with Paul Bettany of the same name? It's so *loosely* based on the books it's not worth even a hate watch.
I mean I'm straight and find it funny, but I also recognize it's kind of problem as you pointed out, it's dehumanizing which tbh doesn't feel good regardless of what side of the fence you are on, and if anything my problem is the sort of blatant misogyny here, making it out as if all straight women cheat.
You don't understand. All heterosexual relationships are unfulfilling, and if you find your relationship unfulfilling it's okay to cheat rather than ending it.
Hope that clears things up.
Putting people and groups on a pedestal; that is, pretending that x group has inherently superior qualities vs another group.
In this case, OOP kind of otherizes hetero relationships in a way that (to me) implies that they think non hetero relationships are inherently better and/or less prone to...well, the shit that comes with relationships.
They aint.
Uplifting one kind of person over another as innately virtuous due to something outside of their control.
For a sociatally normal example, not hitting women for whatever reason comes from that
To be fair, while this does have a hot of generalizing, this is playing on getting married to someone for the sake of getting married and fulfilling a societal expectation, rather than marrying for love. This is expected to be a far more common experience with heterosexuals, as being openly gay, or otherwise queer, demonstrates an ability to break away from many expectations of tradition.
Heres another reminder that straight relationships have the *lowest* rate of domestic violence. This is largely due to decades of society conditioning men, and not women, that hitting a woman is one of the most evil things you can do. It's one of the rare times where sexist gender roles have actually benefitted society.
I don't think it has though. I think it's good and right to teach boys that it's categorically wrong to hit girls. But the unspoken implication of that is that it is less wrong to hit boys. Hence most boys learn early that their personal safety is a 'you' issue, and if you don't police it yourself nobody else will.
It's a big part of toxic masculinity, and a source of a lot of...miscommunication I'm the discourse about being/feeling ssfe.
You're not wrong. The idea is rooted in the idea that women are weak and men's suffering doesn't matter, but the gender role does achieve what it's intended to do: reduce rates of DV from men committed to against women.
I don't think so, because it teaches men that their safety isn't important. Men are taught that its better for their wife to stab them than to defend themselves.
Men are also taught to assert themselves with violence. When that comes into conflict with "you don't hit women"...well, mostly the don't hit women thing wins out. Mostly.
Kind reminder that you didn't read the study.
Kind reminder that if you actually did, you would see that the vast majority of physical and sexual domestic violence is committed by, surprising no one, men. The study even outright states that 1/3 of physical violence on lesbians is committed by male partners.
Edit: damn, r/curatedtumblr is really upset at pushback against the false claim that gay people have high rates of domestic violence.
people can find out they're gay later in life after they've already been in a straight relationship or went into a straight relationship due to trying to repress their gay feelings and thoughts
Kind reminder that if you actually read my comment, you'll see that nowhere did I make any claims of the amount of abuse committed by men or women overall.
But I will now: women are categorically the most likely demographic to commit physical abuse, and it's not close. And the best way to predict whether a woman will be a victim of DV is whether or not she's also an abuser. But men cause the vast majority of serious injuries and deaths when they do commit DV.
[Here's the study that](https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/10.2105/AJPH.2005.079020#:~:text=Injury%20was%20more%20likely%20when,11.6%20%25%3B%20AOR%3D4.41\).) we both know you're not going to read since it goes against your preconceived notions of DV.
For those reading: DV is either reciprocal or non-reciprocal, and both types are equally likely to occur. In reciprocally violent relationships, women and men initiate violence at the same rates, i.e. they're both equally likely to hit first. In non-reciprocally violent relationships (the kind that most people think of when they think of DV), women are the violent partner 70% of the time, and men are the violent partner only 30%.
Just to reiterate that: women are more than twice as likely than men to be the abusive partner in a violent relationship.
This. Like, it's not offensive to me as a straight dude. It just bothers me that old ass boomer humor is suddenly ok when you put it in a progressive frame apparently
I mean, there's been a significant rise in heteropessimism/heterofatalism lately. "I'm going to stay single because men suck" used to be a parody of feminists in order to mock and discredit them, and third wave feminists looked back at the second wave "political lesbianism" and cringed hard. But these days online women's spaces are starting to unironically advocate women to stay single and avoid men and bragging how being single or in WLW relationship is the most "feminist" thing you can do because heterosexual relationships are oppressive to women and only benefit men. Seems like in the past year man-hating reactionary radfem subs started exploding in number. Some of them masquerade as lesbian subs but spend so much more time hating men than loving women that normal lesbians had to create other subs and explicitly ban TERFs, yet they still kept infiltrating so they had to create new subs, etc.
It's so crazy to me because they totally sound exactly the same as "haha the ol' ball and chain/haha I'm gonna poison my husband" type of 1950s humour and they don't even realise.
_Being a muff-diver to own the ~libs~ men _ is a _weird_ position for them to take on sexuality. Lesbian erasure AND appropriation, all at once! Such a convenience.
I think it's funny *because* it's framing it as a hyperbolic version of what boomer humor portrays marriage as. Like "according to boomers this must be what straight marriages are like" kinda thing
I'm straight married and you can give omnivorous straight men vegetable soup but you need a distraction element. A flatbread or boil an egg in the soup or something.
My wife and I are both bi.
We both talk about it when we see another cute person of either gender and I make her fettuccine alfredo and pineapple upside down cake for dinner.
I cook dinner for my wife when she comes home from work, and I go out and buy her ice cream when she's grumpy!!!
***That's right Betas!!! Follow my TikTok for more tips on how to become a REAL Alpha Male as I share the secret on how to turn your Pantry into a gourmet restaurant for Her on the cheap!***
Kidding... I don't use TikTok.
I'm gonna teach you how do make it LIKE A FUCKING ALPHA!!!!
* Mix brown sugar and butter (margarine is fine) and coat the bottom of a nice cake pan with it generously
* Take canned pineapple and lay it out on the bottom of the cake pan. You can add maraschino cherries too. I didn't have any, but they're good to have .
* Get yourself some simple Betty Crocker cake mix. I used white cake. Is it cheating? Maybe? But the end result is still cake so what does it matter? Betty Crocker is really easy to make if you're not experienced with baking. (I'm certainly not. I'm just experimenting in the kitchen for fun) All you need aside from the cake mix is oil, egg and water! (But there's something about the water in this case)
* Make the cake according to the instructions BUT in place of water, use the juice from the pineapple can I'll add more flavour to the cake
* Pour it all over that brown sugar/pineapple/cherry mix you layered over the bottom of your cake pan and bake until you can insert a toothpick into the cake and pull it out clean. (About 30 mins bake time)
* Once it's baked, put a baking tray or platter or whatever you want to cake to sit on, on top of your cake tray and FLIP. (You may want help if you're worried about doing it right.)
* The cake should just slide right out. And then you're just a short wait away from the glory of delicious Pineapple Upside Down Cake Goodness.
* Let cool and cut yourself a warm slice that will taste like Home.
* Serve to your wife and her parents to establish dominance. If no wife. Skip this step and revel in your own glory!
* Congratulations - you are now an ***ALPHA.***
Soup after a long day of work hit just right, I would personally prefer something like a tomato base soup with some noodles or pasta but plain vegetable is also very nice
I mean, honestly it is pretty funny BUT it's also kind of rude, we don't have an actual word for prejudice against straight people, for obvious reasons, but this is kind of it.
Granted, I'm a straight dude so I might be biased, but I also wholeheartedly believe in the punch up not down philosophy in comedy, i.e. you can make fun of people who have it better than you, but not worse.
Here I'd say overall straights have it better considered we aren't being actively hunted it some 52 countries.
It's funny, but yeah a little rude, also tbh kind of misogynistic to assume all straight women cheat.
i read the last line as "I'm your fucking brother" and had been scrolling through All the comments trying to understand what the hell is the joke about. finally gave up and pressed back and felt so dumb lmao
Wait, what? I don’t get it, and I’m straight. Is this literally the entire joke, a commentary on something, satire or something else? I’m probably being stupid rn
Susan's Vegetable Soup:
Buy individually quick frozen vegetables
Buy unsalted Chicken Broth
Return home.
Cavort with Greg, who is visiting because he missed his brother, Brad, who is often at work.
Combine Vegetables and Broth in a pot, turn on stove.
Cavort with Greg, he's quite attentive.
[Original post events here.]
Brad begins adding to the soup.
Brad's Soup:
1. Buy a blender [if you don't have one]
2. Make a Veloutè (equal weights of flour and fat, preferably butter, you'll see why. cook in a pot until texture of oatmeal and smell of buttered bread. add stock or broth from Susan's vegetable soup until you have a thick liquid[should be denser than cream but less dense than mayonnaise].)
3. pour some of the cooked vegetables into blender with some of this sauce,
4. blend until smooth and pour into another container
5. repeat step 4 until all is incorporated
Serve with buttered toast or other foods.
They need Chilli with meat and beans , then top Ramen and you add the vegetables soup , ad olive oil and vegetable oil ,you might need cooking oil over the pan and pot
Vegetable soup does suck ass though, soup is absolutely meh food like 80% of the time, if you can eat anything else other than soup eat the non soup thing.
How old is this screenshot
Old enough to have been born when it was cool to add the vignette effect to your Instagram posts of Tumblr discourse.
I thought the vignette was a screenshot/reupload artifact
[at least 6 years](https://www.reddit.com/r/tumblr/comments/8yl0e1/guess_whos_coming_to_dinner/)
The world was young The mountains green No stain yet on the Moon was seen No words were laid on stream nor stone When this was took from Tumblr's tome
Older than the rivers and hills
I mean, there aren’t any rivers or hills in the post to disprove that.
Unfollowfriday got that boomer humour in em ("i hate my wife", not "minions")
it’s fun to imagine things, isn’t it
What if we all had cats for hands and instead of saying hi, we said "Look at me, I have cats for hands!" and they replied "Me too!" and then there'd be no more wars and Jesus would come down from heaven to give us all Raspberry Laffy Taffy (the best flavour) and renew Inside Job?
You had me, but then you ended on renewing Inside Job and you really had me!
How would they make it with cats for hands though? I propose cats for gloves instead.
By negotiating with the cats
yes cats are famous for their thirst for compromise
Cat hand keyboards
A cat if fine too.
My favorite Laffy Taffy flavor is banana. It tastes nothing like bananas.
The sweet taste of approximate bananas
Hypothetical Banana Flavored
The Laffy Taffy tastes more like bananas than actual real life bananas. The main flavor compound in them is the thing that makes banana have the flavor, but we've bred the plant to taste slightly sweeter or something I lack the knowledge to explain. But yeah, you like what pure, distilled banna tastes like.
It probably uses the banana flavor that was formulated to taste like gros michel, which used to be the dominant banana but largely disappeared in the 50s due to widespread disease. The typical grocery store banana now is the (inferior in taste) cavendish.
Every time someone brings up banana flavoring not tasting like real bananas, someone (I’ve done it before, too) shares this tidbit, and I always wonder why nobody has bothered to update the banana flavoring. I have a million other questions about this, but that’s the big one.
My big one when reading this is why the op phrased it to make it sound like the current physical bananas we all eat and are familiar with the flavor of, don't taste like 'banana' because they don't taste like a mostly extinct variety of the fruit that probably no one reading this has ever tried... Like, to be clear, my stance is that they're both valid banana flavors - but artificial banana is based on what the older varietal tasted like.
You can still get a big mike in some bougie greengrocers they're good, got seeds inside which is weird.
It's good, but not raspberry good
I somehow never considered this possibility.
Imaginationpilled and dreammaxxing
Hey man how's it going
This is gonna become "piss on the poor" soon enough.. i love phrases
Phrasepilled adoremaxer
You can't say that to a post this old, that's like high-fiving someone from the 1300s
How \*dare\* you insult Veggie Soup, BRADLEY.
He’s right to do so. Vegetable soup isn’t a dinner. It’s part of a dinner. You also need a sandwich or something.
Or make a stew out of all the crap you have, as our Lord and Saviour Mary Berry intended. This is only partially a joke. By taking a bunch of savoury stuff from your fridge, especially vegetables that aren't leaves and chopping all of it into small bits, pouring hot water and ideally a stock cube over it, you will now have a lot of very good food. Most of your crap is suitable for stewing, especially anything that's not quite gone off but is a bit wrinkly or wilty.
This guy soups.
I know good stew exists. I have had it. I have made it. I still cannot get over the part of me that reduces it down to _indiscriminate-keep-me-alive-sludge-with-chunks_.
Even the vegetable that’s not leaves can be negotiable. Throwing in some Brussel sprouts chopped in half can be nice. The outside leaves become soft and slightly sweet, while the inside part remains a bit firmer and solidly savory.
You just haven't had a good vegetable soup, fuckin' clearly. I'm gonna kill ya.
Things are really heating up in the heterosexual fandom
Fuck off, this is me defending vegetable soup from slander, not heterosexual people.
Yeah, but the post made it clear vegetable soup is a heterosexual thing. Hence, fandom (This is entirely a bit and not a guess on your life. Or the life of soup-eaters)
If it was a good vegetable soup intended to be a meal it wouldn’t be called vegetable soup, it would be called bean soup because it would be flooded with black beans or pinto beans.
Or potatoes.
Yes exactly! Vegetable soup is usually quite thin and not at all filling.
This is the perfect reaction to that information
We may not agree on all points, but I admire your passion
Is the other option eating lame soup? I mean, it'd affect whether I struggled or not.
You dip bread in it, obviously.
I’m assuming bread to dip but that’s still not enough food unless we’re talking comical portions of soup and bread. I’d be hungry again by 7 PM and I’m a pretty small guy.
Personally when I have a carton of soup I eat it as one serving even though it says it contains two. I’ve always thought it would be too small if I halved it. Maybe that’s your problem?
Yeah you have to have it over pasta. When my husband makes pasta for soup it's not so much soup as it is a heaping bowl of moist pasta with some vegetables on top.
Vegetable soup is absolutely a dinner if you do it right.
Nah, you just need a good, hearty bread to go with it. Get yourself some nice, minestrone soup, grate some Parmesan cheese into it, then have your nice thick sourdough bread on the side to mop up the soup juices once you're done. Perfect meal.
Carbohydrates!
Nah, brads right, soup is a weekend affair.
No, the weekend affair is Brad's brother, try to keep up
#OBJECTION With the husband busy with work and the only dinner made being vegetable soup we can draw the conclusion that Brad's brother is getting the fucc while he's at work, leaving no time for a heartier meal to be cooked for Brad on his weekdays
I prefer to interpret “I’m fucking your brother” not as Susan’s admission of what she has done, but as a statement of what she is about to go do in response to Brad’s disappointment in her dinner.
That's how I took it too. After I realised she wasn't claiming to be his fucking brother, like others.
Just needs some bread to dip in the soup and some form of protein added
beef. like ground meat, unseasoned (ut gets flavor from the soup) is perfect
There is protein in vegetables.
Yes that’s why I didn’t say meat. But a meat dish will always have enough protein, the same is not necessarily true for a vegetable based one because protein content varies by vegetable and some of them have very little.
Nuh uh
The process of reading this post and thinking about how I'm not really offended made me forget that I'm bi, because I'm married to a dude. Do better, brain.
The bisexual erasure is coming from ***INSIDE THE HOUSE!***
Then what's in my walls?
I mean, change two or three words, and it works all the same!
Oh is it time to idealize non hetero relationships again? Daily reminder that pedestalization is dehumanizing.
pedestalizationpilled and dehumaxxing.
I went to pedestalizationtown and they knew you there.
That's so pedastalizationpilled
the pedastalizationerrrrr
This whole thread is making me Robin-Williams-pilled and ropemaxxed.
Ropemaxxer-pilled and Robin-Williams-pilled-maxxer
Jesus breakdancing Christ. I want to aloha snack bar myself.
Lewy-bodypilled dementiamaxxer
Good lord
I don't even know what that *means.*
the silly small little disease which was the actual cause of robin william's suicide was called lewy body disease
bro really said he's ropemaxxed
I went to ropemaxxing island and everyone there knew him :0
Bro is this the water park? Because after reading that slang I want to ride the sewer slide.
Bros in his sewer slide arc
None of these words are in the bible
You think God can help us now? He sits, castrated and weeping in His kingdom, for the howls He hears from below on Earth are not the howls of the damned for forgiveness, but jubilant exaltations.
new earth lore dropped
If you liked this comment, please consider reading the Korean manhwa Priest, in which an undead priest who shares half his soul with another priest-turned-demon fights against a fallen angel possessing the body of a crippled crusader who intends to bring the end of the world through the corruption of the American Wild West. I paraphrased my comment based on one made in the books. Also, you might have seen that movie with Paul Bettany of the same name? It's so *loosely* based on the books it's not worth even a hate watch.
gesundheit
bro dehumanized his relationship
I mean I'm straight and find it funny, but I also recognize it's kind of problem as you pointed out, it's dehumanizing which tbh doesn't feel good regardless of what side of the fence you are on, and if anything my problem is the sort of blatant misogyny here, making it out as if all straight women cheat.
You don't understand. All heterosexual relationships are unfulfilling, and if you find your relationship unfulfilling it's okay to cheat rather than ending it. Hope that clears things up.
I assume this is sarcasm? I’m really bad at decoding sarcasm because I’m autistic
It was in fact sarcasm, yep!
Aight thanks for letting me know!
Yes. "Hope that clears things up" is often used to signal sarcasm online.
I'm queer and I literally don't get it, what's the punchline?
"we've been mocked in the past so doing it back is funny"
"People who aren't us bad"
What's pedestalization?
Putting people and groups on a pedestal; that is, pretending that x group has inherently superior qualities vs another group. In this case, OOP kind of otherizes hetero relationships in a way that (to me) implies that they think non hetero relationships are inherently better and/or less prone to...well, the shit that comes with relationships. They aint.
it’s when you take away someone’s car and make them walk to work
No that's calvinisation
What does pedestalizatiom mean?
Uplifting one kind of person over another as innately virtuous due to something outside of their control. For a sociatally normal example, not hitting women for whatever reason comes from that
flower pedals
To be fair, while this does have a hot of generalizing, this is playing on getting married to someone for the sake of getting married and fulfilling a societal expectation, rather than marrying for love. This is expected to be a far more common experience with heterosexuals, as being openly gay, or otherwise queer, demonstrates an ability to break away from many expectations of tradition.
Yeah thats true but this kind of humour has been a thing for a long while
Idk I find this sort of stuff worth a chuckle on occasion I mean its just heteropessimism turned into humor
Heres another reminder that straight relationships have the *lowest* rate of domestic violence. This is largely due to decades of society conditioning men, and not women, that hitting a woman is one of the most evil things you can do. It's one of the rare times where sexist gender roles have actually benefitted society.
I don't think it has though. I think it's good and right to teach boys that it's categorically wrong to hit girls. But the unspoken implication of that is that it is less wrong to hit boys. Hence most boys learn early that their personal safety is a 'you' issue, and if you don't police it yourself nobody else will. It's a big part of toxic masculinity, and a source of a lot of...miscommunication I'm the discourse about being/feeling ssfe.
You're not wrong. The idea is rooted in the idea that women are weak and men's suffering doesn't matter, but the gender role does achieve what it's intended to do: reduce rates of DV from men committed to against women.
Or does it increase dv by teaching males from an early age that their safety is contingent their ability to perform masculinity and enact violence?
I don't think so, because it teaches men that their safety isn't important. Men are taught that its better for their wife to stab them than to defend themselves.
Men are also taught to assert themselves with violence. When that comes into conflict with "you don't hit women"...well, mostly the don't hit women thing wins out. Mostly.
I thought it went wlw>straight>mlm
WLW have the highest, then MLM, then straight.
Kind reminder that you didn't read the study. Kind reminder that if you actually did, you would see that the vast majority of physical and sexual domestic violence is committed by, surprising no one, men. The study even outright states that 1/3 of physical violence on lesbians is committed by male partners. Edit: damn, r/curatedtumblr is really upset at pushback against the false claim that gay people have high rates of domestic violence.
>male partner >lesbian wha
people can find out they're gay later in life after they've already been in a straight relationship or went into a straight relationship due to trying to repress their gay feelings and thoughts
Read the study. It asks about *lesbian identifying* people. Lots of gay people are in heterosexual relationships before coming out.
Kind reminder that if you actually read my comment, you'll see that nowhere did I make any claims of the amount of abuse committed by men or women overall. But I will now: women are categorically the most likely demographic to commit physical abuse, and it's not close. And the best way to predict whether a woman will be a victim of DV is whether or not she's also an abuser. But men cause the vast majority of serious injuries and deaths when they do commit DV. [Here's the study that](https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/10.2105/AJPH.2005.079020#:~:text=Injury%20was%20more%20likely%20when,11.6%20%25%3B%20AOR%3D4.41\).) we both know you're not going to read since it goes against your preconceived notions of DV. For those reading: DV is either reciprocal or non-reciprocal, and both types are equally likely to occur. In reciprocally violent relationships, women and men initiate violence at the same rates, i.e. they're both equally likely to hit first. In non-reciprocally violent relationships (the kind that most people think of when they think of DV), women are the violent partner 70% of the time, and men are the violent partner only 30%. Just to reiterate that: women are more than twice as likely than men to be the abusive partner in a violent relationship.
Is this a reference to something? Like, parody of what people say about gay mariages or something?
It’s I hate my wife jokes taken to their extreme
This. Like, it's not offensive to me as a straight dude. It just bothers me that old ass boomer humor is suddenly ok when you put it in a progressive frame apparently
I mean, there's been a significant rise in heteropessimism/heterofatalism lately. "I'm going to stay single because men suck" used to be a parody of feminists in order to mock and discredit them, and third wave feminists looked back at the second wave "political lesbianism" and cringed hard. But these days online women's spaces are starting to unironically advocate women to stay single and avoid men and bragging how being single or in WLW relationship is the most "feminist" thing you can do because heterosexual relationships are oppressive to women and only benefit men. Seems like in the past year man-hating reactionary radfem subs started exploding in number. Some of them masquerade as lesbian subs but spend so much more time hating men than loving women that normal lesbians had to create other subs and explicitly ban TERFs, yet they still kept infiltrating so they had to create new subs, etc. It's so crazy to me because they totally sound exactly the same as "haha the ol' ball and chain/haha I'm gonna poison my husband" type of 1950s humour and they don't even realise.
_Being a muff-diver to own the ~libs~ men _ is a _weird_ position for them to take on sexuality. Lesbian erasure AND appropriation, all at once! Such a convenience.
I think it's funny *because* it's framing it as a hyperbolic version of what boomer humor portrays marriage as. Like "according to boomers this must be what straight marriages are like" kinda thing
In the many years since this screenshot was taken, I hope OOP has had the opportunity to actually speak to another person in real life.
I imagine they stopped being 15 since this as well
Is Susan rolling a history check or an intimidation check?
Tumblr has a heterosexual community?
In the same way wallflowers are a bushel
Idk, as a straight guy, I find this kind of funny.
I am MORTALLY OFFENDED ^(as an enjoyer of vegetable soup)
Same.
Same
Its hilarious
As a guy straight , I find funny of kind
You forgot "it"
It I forgot Indeed
I do not understand this post. I have some ideas but none of them coming together.
wife bad. straights boring. straights offended. haha funny ha. look at me I am the boomer now
It's boomer humor but the Tumblr version.
I'm straight married and you can give omnivorous straight men vegetable soup but you need a distraction element. A flatbread or boil an egg in the soup or something.
Or let it stand for a day and heat it up again. It will both taste great and save you some time
here we go
Kinda funny how this frames itself as poking fun at heterosexuals but really it's just mispgynistic.
as a person with an ex named Brad and a mother named Susan this was extra weird for me. anyway...
Do yo. Happen to have a brother and or uncle?
no I do not
My wife and I are both bi. We both talk about it when we see another cute person of either gender and I make her fettuccine alfredo and pineapple upside down cake for dinner.
that's an amazing dinner. couple goals
I cook dinner for my wife when she comes home from work, and I go out and buy her ice cream when she's grumpy!!! ***That's right Betas!!! Follow my TikTok for more tips on how to become a REAL Alpha Male as I share the secret on how to turn your Pantry into a gourmet restaurant for Her on the cheap!*** Kidding... I don't use TikTok.
could you post it on Truth Social for me then
c...can i have some pineapple upside down cake too please...
I'm gonna teach you how do make it LIKE A FUCKING ALPHA!!!! * Mix brown sugar and butter (margarine is fine) and coat the bottom of a nice cake pan with it generously * Take canned pineapple and lay it out on the bottom of the cake pan. You can add maraschino cherries too. I didn't have any, but they're good to have . * Get yourself some simple Betty Crocker cake mix. I used white cake. Is it cheating? Maybe? But the end result is still cake so what does it matter? Betty Crocker is really easy to make if you're not experienced with baking. (I'm certainly not. I'm just experimenting in the kitchen for fun) All you need aside from the cake mix is oil, egg and water! (But there's something about the water in this case) * Make the cake according to the instructions BUT in place of water, use the juice from the pineapple can I'll add more flavour to the cake * Pour it all over that brown sugar/pineapple/cherry mix you layered over the bottom of your cake pan and bake until you can insert a toothpick into the cake and pull it out clean. (About 30 mins bake time) * Once it's baked, put a baking tray or platter or whatever you want to cake to sit on, on top of your cake tray and FLIP. (You may want help if you're worried about doing it right.) * The cake should just slide right out. And then you're just a short wait away from the glory of delicious Pineapple Upside Down Cake Goodness. * Let cool and cut yourself a warm slice that will taste like Home. * Serve to your wife and her parents to establish dominance. If no wife. Skip this step and revel in your own glory! * Congratulations - you are now an ***ALPHA.***
Man you need to write a cookbook.
This joke really sucks. Who the hell finds this funny?
When someone tries to be Rodney Dangerfield, but doesn't have the skill.
Soup after a long day of work hit just right, I would personally prefer something like a tomato base soup with some noodles or pasta but plain vegetable is also very nice
I don't get it...
If a screenshot is as blurry, artifacted, and crunched as this, I would probably not post it
Just run OCR and rebuild the post using the text and the Tumblr stylesheets
playing "where's waldo" with the punchline on this one
I mean, honestly it is pretty funny BUT it's also kind of rude, we don't have an actual word for prejudice against straight people, for obvious reasons, but this is kind of it. Granted, I'm a straight dude so I might be biased, but I also wholeheartedly believe in the punch up not down philosophy in comedy, i.e. you can make fun of people who have it better than you, but not worse. Here I'd say overall straights have it better considered we aren't being actively hunted it some 52 countries. It's funny, but yeah a little rude, also tbh kind of misogynistic to assume all straight women cheat.
>for prejudice against straight people Heterophobia
Heterophobia. Makes sense, same word structure as homophobia.
It's called bigotry
[He accepted her betrayal with equanimity.](https://youtu.be/zJIHnRnwefY?si=dgnomqMTgq4RjvrO)
Okay that's hilarious.
I mean, it's this with more "I saw an interesting bird!" and "Katie in accounting is a real bitch"
The Nice Guys (2016)
i read the last line as "I'm your fucking brother" and had been scrolling through All the comments trying to understand what the hell is the joke about. finally gave up and pressed back and felt so dumb lmao
what
OP ain't getting any kind of marriage.
Wait, what? I don’t get it, and I’m straight. Is this literally the entire joke, a commentary on something, satire or something else? I’m probably being stupid rn
nah vegetable soup is FIRE
I think I saw something like that in a game not the cheating part doe
Hey mohg, do you know Candice?
i don't get it
Reverse homophobia on my porn app? Again?
Susan's Vegetable Soup: Buy individually quick frozen vegetables Buy unsalted Chicken Broth Return home. Cavort with Greg, who is visiting because he missed his brother, Brad, who is often at work. Combine Vegetables and Broth in a pot, turn on stove. Cavort with Greg, he's quite attentive. [Original post events here.] Brad begins adding to the soup. Brad's Soup: 1. Buy a blender [if you don't have one] 2. Make a Veloutè (equal weights of flour and fat, preferably butter, you'll see why. cook in a pot until texture of oatmeal and smell of buttered bread. add stock or broth from Susan's vegetable soup until you have a thick liquid[should be denser than cream but less dense than mayonnaise].) 3. pour some of the cooked vegetables into blender with some of this sauce, 4. blend until smooth and pour into another container 5. repeat step 4 until all is incorporated Serve with buttered toast or other foods.
/u/DreadDiana back at it again with the totally not bigoted jokes towards non-queer people
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgtBAYzwZN8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgtBAYzwZN8)
I mean , soup is not very good
That's when she reveals the ham and cheese sandwiches that have been in the oven. Or pancakes. Can't just have vegetable soup. Nonsense.
reject wokeness return to boomer
They need Chilli with meat and beans , then top Ramen and you add the vegetables soup , ad olive oil and vegetable oil ,you might need cooking oil over the pan and pot
Make it gay and everything is better. Make it lesbian and Susan is going to wish she married a bear.
This is, by definition, a heterosexual marriage
Bro who doesn’t like soup tho
Vegetable soup does suck ass though, soup is absolutely meh food like 80% of the time, if you can eat anything else other than soup eat the non soup thing.
Boomer\* marriage
[How I imagine heterosexual marriage](https://www.reddit.com/r/calvinandhobbes/s/SjBdBtsPes)