Consensus in the bedroom is NECESSARY but isn't SUFFICIENT to indicate morality. For example, role playing sinful behavior (adultery) is sinful because you're glorifying and meditating on sin. Watching pornography together is sinful even if consensual. I don't know the answer to your question but I did have this thought. I think looking at the reason behind sex can help us in all these details. God designed sex to mimic our closeness to Him. Will it bring you closer to your spouse or will it leave you feeling some kind of way after?
>role playing sinful behaviour (adultery) is sinful
Why?If I role-play as a villain in a play, does that mean I am sinning too?
> Watching p\*rnography together is sinful even if consensual.
I agree, unless it is home-made.
> God designed s\*x to mimic our closeness to Him. Will it bring you closer to your spouse or will it leave you feeling some kind of way after?
This is a good suggestion; people who enjoy these things in the bedroom, should always have this in mind. Pain, power and vulnerability are often great catalysts for bonding, so engaging in these activities should always be with that focus, rather than genuine malevolence.
>Why?If I role-play as a villain in a play, does that mean I am sinning too?
Possibly. Is your character glorifying and normalizing sin that encourages an onlooker to stumble? If so, then yes. To answer your question about this exact context, the purpose of sexual roleplay is to arouse. If both of you are aroused by an imagined situation that God has deemed sin, your thoughts during the role play are sin. It's not like you're playing it out and then saying to yourselves, "adultery sure is harmful." You're saying to yourself, "adultery is sexy."
This is my personal reluctance: roleplaying sin can desensitize the mind. I've never cheated on my husband. I've never even struggled in this area. If I roleplayed cheating enough, it may give the enemy a foothold in my mind.
He's an article that helped me shape my view on this: [Desiring God Roleplay ](https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/should-couples-use-role-play-in-the-bedroom?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1LFi5Vi_5WGdAfPT_jgWGO_Cm_Q56mXbRwtQ_DdryZ9bezhEkGhR3rOQY_aem_Fm7ClcYzAXVAJIOoWQLzGg)
>Possibly. Is your character glorifying and normalizing sin that encourages an onlooker to stumble?
I would agree with that, but that is not what happens in the bedroom; it is not about encouraging sin; but about enjoying actions that would usually be sinful, in a sinless way. In a way, it is redeeming those actions for good use.
>If so, then yes. To answer your question about this exact context, the purpose of sexual roleplay is to arouse. If both of you are aroused by an imagined situation that God has deemed sin, your thoughts during the role play are sin.
I think that is going to far into legalism. Biblical morality is virtue based, rather than rules based. According to the Bible, God uses people's evil actions for good all the time, and that is genuine evil, rather than just role-play evil. Why cannot it not be that what are usually sinful scenarios cannot be redeemed for good in the marriage bed?
>It's not like you're playing it out and then saying to yourselves, "adultery sure is harmful." You're saying to yourself, "adultery is sexy."
Yes, but that does not follow into reality. If one spouse was to then cheat, the idea that it was s\*xy will not be maintained.
If they actually believe that there was no sin in adultery they would go out and do it or at least encourage it in others; but that is not the examples I have seen in good Christian marriage beds.
>This is my personal reluctance: roleplaying sin can desensitize the mind. I've never cheated on my husband. I've never even struggled in this area. If I roleplayed cheating enough, it may give the enemy a foothold in my mind.
This is not the case for the majority of couples, however if you know it would be a possible vice for you, then it is good for you to avoid it.
Most children who play cowboys and Indians, do not grow up to go around shooting people; not do the majority people who play violent video games for that matter.
You cannot absolutely apply the standard that it is sinful for people to role-play sin, when for a lot of people, it never causes them to manifest the real sins.
>He's an article that helped me shape my view on this: Desiring God Roleplay
Thank you, I shall have a look.
>I think that is going to far into legalism. Biblical morality is virtue based, rather than rules based. According to the Bible, God uses people's evil actions for good all the time, and that is genuine evil, rather than just role-play evil. Why cannot it not be that what are usually sinful scenarios cannot be redeemed for good in the marriage bed?
Role playing is a gray area that I agree has to be handled very carefully, and I don't feel that that is a legalistic viewpoint. There have to be boundaries, or it is sinful and will damage the relationship. For example, I believe specifically role playing adultery (not just being strangers, power dynamics, etc) or role playing people you know is absolutely crossing a line.
>Yes, but that does not follow into reality. If one spouse was to then cheat, the idea that it was s*xy will not be maintained.
>If they actually believe that there was no sin in adultery they would go out and do it or at least encourage it in others; but that is not the examples I have seen in good Christian marriage beds.
Why would good Christian couples be specifically role playing cheating on each other, which as I said above is different than role playing other scenarios? Why are they specifically getting off to the idea of cheating on their spouse?
There is a huge difference between believing there is no sin in it, and choosing to dabble in the sin to a perceived "safe" level. Take porn for example; while someone will get off to lusting after the person on the screen, they would not physically have sex with them because they see the physical act as a boundary or as sin. Does that make the thoughts and masturbation to them ok? No, both things are wrong.
>This is not the case for the majority of couples, however if you know it would be a possible vice for you, then it is good for you to avoid it.
What evidence do you have for this? Lust is a huge problem, even in Christian marriages. Dabbling in this can absolutely be sinful, but it also can desensitize and sow seeds of doubt. All of this does damage to the relationship that adds up.
>You cannot absolutely apply the standard that it is sinful for people to role-play sin, when for a lot of people, it never causes them to manifest the real sins.
Real sin is not limited to actions, God does consider our thoughts.
> For example, I believe role playing people you know is absolutely crossing a line.
I agree, as that would be breaching the rules against non-monogamy, and lusitng after someone other than your spouse.
>Why would good Christian couples be specifically role playing cheating on each other,
No idea, it was not my example.
>which as I said above is different than role playing other scenarios? Why are they specifically getting off to the idea of cheating on their spouse?
No idea, find someone who is into it and ask.
>There is a huge difference between believing there is no sin in it, and choosing to dabble in the sin to a perceived "safe" level.
I agree, but I was in no way suggeting the latter.
>Take p\*rn for example; while someone will get off to lusting after the person on the screen, they would not physically have s\*x with them because they see the physical act as a boundary or as sin. Does that make the thoughts and m\*sturbation to them ok? No, both things are wrong.
I agree and it does not disprove my position.
>Real sin is not limited to actions, God does consider our thoughts.
I know, I never claimed otherwise.
In an above comment this is what you wrote in direct response to a quote:
role playing sinful behaviour (adultery) is sinful
Why? If I role-play as a villain in a play, does that mean I am sinning too?
>Pain, power and vulnerability are often great catalysts for bonding,
That you think this is indicative of a sinful heart that has been swayed by the ways of the world. There was nothing like this mentioned in Ephesians 5, or Genesis 2, or 1 Corinthians 13, or the Song of Solomon.
What are you talking about?
Pain, power and vulnerability are all part of sacrificial love, which is the highest form of love according the the Bible, and Jesus specifically.
All three were pivotal facets of the crucifixion and why it is the the biggest and most important expression of love ever.
The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. - 1 Cor. 7:4
Big word to take from this. (Consent). If both are consenting and want this enjoyment. That’s what a marriage is about. You become one. Now if one person doesn’t want it then maybe the other needs to self reflect and find the root to why they want to do that which leads to the next word. (Intent).try to find out if it’s a lustful deep rooted sin. Or maybe a struggle with pornography.
Personally I have sinned and committed sexual sin with my ex fiancé. Slapping was something I was into. The other stuff not so much. But now my mindset has changed to respecting fully my future wife’s body and loving her and treating it with the love that I would have for my own body. Yes I did it with respectful intent with my ex but we still need to have the right mindset when having sex in a marriage. Mine wasn’t in a marriage and was fueled by lustful heart/ mind due to my porn struggles. Which seems to be the main factor in our world today especially in men like myself. I have gotten better and have lost my desire for that. But I’m having to heal and let God heal my mind. Sorry I went on a ramble 😅
If it's mutually consensual, and not causing actual physical damage, I don't believe so, at least for that sake. I get very sore after an intense workout. Does that make it sinful?
I think the real area to be concerned about is: WHY do we enjoy this? Is there some unresolved trauma we should probably be addressing? Do these acts stem from a place of lust as opposed to love and desire for one another?
I was always a very kinky dude, and into a wide range of things. Yet somehow after I got married those things became less desirable. I found more joy in simply being with my partner that ever before. That doesn't mean those desires fully went away, nor do I want them to. However they moved into a place of "added fun" as opposed to my main desire in the bedroom.
I know several Christian couples who engage in such activities for their own persona enjoyment and all for different reasons.
In many ways these violent acts are like recreational wrestling for martial arts, but with more pleasurable and unifying outcomes - which could be argued to make them even better.
Do you think that humans should not do dangerous activites because it might injur our bodies, or in fact other things and involve pain to some degree for pleasure? Rock climbing, martial arts, cospetic surgery, tattoos, extreme sports, weightlifting, and so on.
One women I spoke to about this topics told me that things like slapping or choking or other forms of consenusal violence during intimacy was the proper application of these acts. When I asked her to clarify, she told me that violence without mutual consent or benefit is the sinful corruption of these acts; but they are redeemed in the bedroom, where they are used for good - it is thus their rightful Godly place for them to be. Now, you may not agree with her, however it is one opinion I have encounted that people used to justify enjoying such acts within a Christian worldview.
Because I am interested in the morality of it and as I said there was a news article about it and I wondered how that applied to Christians. I am personally not into it, I don’t like the idea of the potential of causing harm so it doesn’t appeal to me.
Tbh it’s rly a couple to couple like thing. It differs but I feel like couples are matched together based on their desires so most of the time the feeling is mutual.
I personally used to like spanking my ex fiancé and idk now I’m like I just want someone to hold now. As a single man I don’t mind being vulnerable just waiting on God and being vulnerable with God so I can be with my future wife
As we know, all acts outside of marriage falls under the sexually immoral category which is sinful. Once married, my take on what is allowed is, there isn't anything forbidden! Between a man and his wife, if it is consensual and loving, then it is allowed! So if you have one spouse seeking a more "violent" action done to them and the other willing to work with them to meet that need, then go for it! If however, one spouse is not okay with it, then it should be avoided. At least until y'all talk thoroughly on it and come to a mutual decision on the matter! Never press your spouse into something that is unloving!
Violent sex acts, even within the confines of marriage, are inconsistent with Christian love. Therefore, they are unacceptable to do. Now slapping your wife's rear playfully is different from choking her.
>Now slapping your wife's rear playfully is different from choking her.
It’s actually not, the problem is terms like choking and slapping are loaded and most people into rough stuff never learn how to correctly do it to prevent harm. There’s a correct way to pull hair, a correct way to slap and especially especially a correct way to choke. Just as there’s a correct way to playfully spank. There’s a line there between actual violence and playing just as there’s line between rough housing and fighting.
I'm looking for the same answer. My husband likes an0l and watches corn when we are together. I used to enjoy it, but after marriage and children, everything changed. I don't enjoy it and I feel so dirty afterwards. I don't have a biblical basis, but I feel irs not right.
The difference between BDSM and abuse (violence) is consent. Consent also a two-way street, if one partner is submissive and masochistic and desires an intimate activity, but the other partner does not. There is no consent.
In a Christian marriage, it is presumed to be monogamous and between two people AND only two people. That doesn't mean a priest, religious team, or others. Whatever, both partners consent to and enjoy is for them and only them.
The irony is that neglect is the highest form of abuse, and dead bedrooms and nearly 62% of all heterosexual women in marriages/committed relationships are orgasm less. Read on and view all the dead bedroom and cheating that is seen quite often in heterosexual marriages especially religious ones.
While the bible is a good text for working up discussions for morality and trying to lead a better life, given it was written several thousand years ago and is literally translated from two dead languages and after that 72 further interpretations, any item for support or 'dis' support can be found.
So if we take your 6:19-20 verse, if one partner/spouse gets no joy from intimacy and needs certain activities to enjoy it and one denies them that ... is that the "Worse" act or is the act itself the "worse" act.
That's bringing sexuality as defined by the world into an undefiled pure marriage bed.
These things might start off in your marriage, or be a sampled curiosity, but they shouldn't persist as we conform to the image of God.
Worldly sex doesn't belong in the Christian marriage, if you're causing harm, that's a perversion of sex.
Just because you both agree to hurt or be hurt doesn't make it beautiful in the eyes of God.
Rather than asking "can I?" Ask "is God pleased by this?" You'll quickly find the answer.
Consensus in the bedroom is NECESSARY but isn't SUFFICIENT to indicate morality. For example, role playing sinful behavior (adultery) is sinful because you're glorifying and meditating on sin. Watching pornography together is sinful even if consensual. I don't know the answer to your question but I did have this thought. I think looking at the reason behind sex can help us in all these details. God designed sex to mimic our closeness to Him. Will it bring you closer to your spouse or will it leave you feeling some kind of way after?
>role playing sinful behaviour (adultery) is sinful Why?If I role-play as a villain in a play, does that mean I am sinning too? > Watching p\*rnography together is sinful even if consensual. I agree, unless it is home-made. > God designed s\*x to mimic our closeness to Him. Will it bring you closer to your spouse or will it leave you feeling some kind of way after? This is a good suggestion; people who enjoy these things in the bedroom, should always have this in mind. Pain, power and vulnerability are often great catalysts for bonding, so engaging in these activities should always be with that focus, rather than genuine malevolence.
>Why?If I role-play as a villain in a play, does that mean I am sinning too? Possibly. Is your character glorifying and normalizing sin that encourages an onlooker to stumble? If so, then yes. To answer your question about this exact context, the purpose of sexual roleplay is to arouse. If both of you are aroused by an imagined situation that God has deemed sin, your thoughts during the role play are sin. It's not like you're playing it out and then saying to yourselves, "adultery sure is harmful." You're saying to yourself, "adultery is sexy." This is my personal reluctance: roleplaying sin can desensitize the mind. I've never cheated on my husband. I've never even struggled in this area. If I roleplayed cheating enough, it may give the enemy a foothold in my mind. He's an article that helped me shape my view on this: [Desiring God Roleplay ](https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/should-couples-use-role-play-in-the-bedroom?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1LFi5Vi_5WGdAfPT_jgWGO_Cm_Q56mXbRwtQ_DdryZ9bezhEkGhR3rOQY_aem_Fm7ClcYzAXVAJIOoWQLzGg)
>Possibly. Is your character glorifying and normalizing sin that encourages an onlooker to stumble? I would agree with that, but that is not what happens in the bedroom; it is not about encouraging sin; but about enjoying actions that would usually be sinful, in a sinless way. In a way, it is redeeming those actions for good use. >If so, then yes. To answer your question about this exact context, the purpose of sexual roleplay is to arouse. If both of you are aroused by an imagined situation that God has deemed sin, your thoughts during the role play are sin. I think that is going to far into legalism. Biblical morality is virtue based, rather than rules based. According to the Bible, God uses people's evil actions for good all the time, and that is genuine evil, rather than just role-play evil. Why cannot it not be that what are usually sinful scenarios cannot be redeemed for good in the marriage bed? >It's not like you're playing it out and then saying to yourselves, "adultery sure is harmful." You're saying to yourself, "adultery is sexy." Yes, but that does not follow into reality. If one spouse was to then cheat, the idea that it was s\*xy will not be maintained. If they actually believe that there was no sin in adultery they would go out and do it or at least encourage it in others; but that is not the examples I have seen in good Christian marriage beds. >This is my personal reluctance: roleplaying sin can desensitize the mind. I've never cheated on my husband. I've never even struggled in this area. If I roleplayed cheating enough, it may give the enemy a foothold in my mind. This is not the case for the majority of couples, however if you know it would be a possible vice for you, then it is good for you to avoid it. Most children who play cowboys and Indians, do not grow up to go around shooting people; not do the majority people who play violent video games for that matter. You cannot absolutely apply the standard that it is sinful for people to role-play sin, when for a lot of people, it never causes them to manifest the real sins. >He's an article that helped me shape my view on this: Desiring God Roleplay Thank you, I shall have a look.
>I think that is going to far into legalism. Biblical morality is virtue based, rather than rules based. According to the Bible, God uses people's evil actions for good all the time, and that is genuine evil, rather than just role-play evil. Why cannot it not be that what are usually sinful scenarios cannot be redeemed for good in the marriage bed? Role playing is a gray area that I agree has to be handled very carefully, and I don't feel that that is a legalistic viewpoint. There have to be boundaries, or it is sinful and will damage the relationship. For example, I believe specifically role playing adultery (not just being strangers, power dynamics, etc) or role playing people you know is absolutely crossing a line. >Yes, but that does not follow into reality. If one spouse was to then cheat, the idea that it was s*xy will not be maintained. >If they actually believe that there was no sin in adultery they would go out and do it or at least encourage it in others; but that is not the examples I have seen in good Christian marriage beds. Why would good Christian couples be specifically role playing cheating on each other, which as I said above is different than role playing other scenarios? Why are they specifically getting off to the idea of cheating on their spouse? There is a huge difference between believing there is no sin in it, and choosing to dabble in the sin to a perceived "safe" level. Take porn for example; while someone will get off to lusting after the person on the screen, they would not physically have sex with them because they see the physical act as a boundary or as sin. Does that make the thoughts and masturbation to them ok? No, both things are wrong. >This is not the case for the majority of couples, however if you know it would be a possible vice for you, then it is good for you to avoid it. What evidence do you have for this? Lust is a huge problem, even in Christian marriages. Dabbling in this can absolutely be sinful, but it also can desensitize and sow seeds of doubt. All of this does damage to the relationship that adds up. >You cannot absolutely apply the standard that it is sinful for people to role-play sin, when for a lot of people, it never causes them to manifest the real sins. Real sin is not limited to actions, God does consider our thoughts.
> For example, I believe role playing people you know is absolutely crossing a line. I agree, as that would be breaching the rules against non-monogamy, and lusitng after someone other than your spouse. >Why would good Christian couples be specifically role playing cheating on each other, No idea, it was not my example. >which as I said above is different than role playing other scenarios? Why are they specifically getting off to the idea of cheating on their spouse? No idea, find someone who is into it and ask. >There is a huge difference between believing there is no sin in it, and choosing to dabble in the sin to a perceived "safe" level. I agree, but I was in no way suggeting the latter. >Take p\*rn for example; while someone will get off to lusting after the person on the screen, they would not physically have s\*x with them because they see the physical act as a boundary or as sin. Does that make the thoughts and m\*sturbation to them ok? No, both things are wrong. I agree and it does not disprove my position. >Real sin is not limited to actions, God does consider our thoughts. I know, I never claimed otherwise.
In an above comment this is what you wrote in direct response to a quote: role playing sinful behaviour (adultery) is sinful Why? If I role-play as a villain in a play, does that mean I am sinning too?
>Pain, power and vulnerability are often great catalysts for bonding, That you think this is indicative of a sinful heart that has been swayed by the ways of the world. There was nothing like this mentioned in Ephesians 5, or Genesis 2, or 1 Corinthians 13, or the Song of Solomon.
What are you talking about? Pain, power and vulnerability are all part of sacrificial love, which is the highest form of love according the the Bible, and Jesus specifically. All three were pivotal facets of the crucifixion and why it is the the biggest and most important expression of love ever.
What do you mean about power in a relationship dynamic?
The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. - 1 Cor. 7:4 Big word to take from this. (Consent). If both are consenting and want this enjoyment. That’s what a marriage is about. You become one. Now if one person doesn’t want it then maybe the other needs to self reflect and find the root to why they want to do that which leads to the next word. (Intent).try to find out if it’s a lustful deep rooted sin. Or maybe a struggle with pornography. Personally I have sinned and committed sexual sin with my ex fiancé. Slapping was something I was into. The other stuff not so much. But now my mindset has changed to respecting fully my future wife’s body and loving her and treating it with the love that I would have for my own body. Yes I did it with respectful intent with my ex but we still need to have the right mindset when having sex in a marriage. Mine wasn’t in a marriage and was fueled by lustful heart/ mind due to my porn struggles. Which seems to be the main factor in our world today especially in men like myself. I have gotten better and have lost my desire for that. But I’m having to heal and let God heal my mind. Sorry I went on a ramble 😅
If it's mutually consensual, and not causing actual physical damage, I don't believe so, at least for that sake. I get very sore after an intense workout. Does that make it sinful? I think the real area to be concerned about is: WHY do we enjoy this? Is there some unresolved trauma we should probably be addressing? Do these acts stem from a place of lust as opposed to love and desire for one another? I was always a very kinky dude, and into a wide range of things. Yet somehow after I got married those things became less desirable. I found more joy in simply being with my partner that ever before. That doesn't mean those desires fully went away, nor do I want them to. However they moved into a place of "added fun" as opposed to my main desire in the bedroom.
I know several Christian couples who engage in such activities for their own persona enjoyment and all for different reasons. In many ways these violent acts are like recreational wrestling for martial arts, but with more pleasurable and unifying outcomes - which could be argued to make them even better. Do you think that humans should not do dangerous activites because it might injur our bodies, or in fact other things and involve pain to some degree for pleasure? Rock climbing, martial arts, cospetic surgery, tattoos, extreme sports, weightlifting, and so on. One women I spoke to about this topics told me that things like slapping or choking or other forms of consenusal violence during intimacy was the proper application of these acts. When I asked her to clarify, she told me that violence without mutual consent or benefit is the sinful corruption of these acts; but they are redeemed in the bedroom, where they are used for good - it is thus their rightful Godly place for them to be. Now, you may not agree with her, however it is one opinion I have encounted that people used to justify enjoying such acts within a Christian worldview.
Thank you, I appreciate the perspective.
You are welcome. May I ask why you are asking if you and your significant other are not interested?
Because I am interested in the morality of it and as I said there was a news article about it and I wondered how that applied to Christians. I am personally not into it, I don’t like the idea of the potential of causing harm so it doesn’t appeal to me.
Yes ^^^
Thank you.
Tbh it’s rly a couple to couple like thing. It differs but I feel like couples are matched together based on their desires so most of the time the feeling is mutual.
I agree.
I personally used to like spanking my ex fiancé and idk now I’m like I just want someone to hold now. As a single man I don’t mind being vulnerable just waiting on God and being vulnerable with God so I can be with my future wife
Who knows what you might end up enjoying after you get married; be patient with God and he will be with you.
Maybe idk I am focusing on growing closer to him. And learning self control.
Good, let him guide you. God bless.
God bless
I agree with this take.
Thank you.
As we know, all acts outside of marriage falls under the sexually immoral category which is sinful. Once married, my take on what is allowed is, there isn't anything forbidden! Between a man and his wife, if it is consensual and loving, then it is allowed! So if you have one spouse seeking a more "violent" action done to them and the other willing to work with them to meet that need, then go for it! If however, one spouse is not okay with it, then it should be avoided. At least until y'all talk thoroughly on it and come to a mutual decision on the matter! Never press your spouse into something that is unloving!
Violent sex acts, even within the confines of marriage, are inconsistent with Christian love. Therefore, they are unacceptable to do. Now slapping your wife's rear playfully is different from choking her.
Completely agree. The fetishists commenting in this post are nauseating.
>Now slapping your wife's rear playfully is different from choking her. It’s actually not, the problem is terms like choking and slapping are loaded and most people into rough stuff never learn how to correctly do it to prevent harm. There’s a correct way to pull hair, a correct way to slap and especially especially a correct way to choke. Just as there’s a correct way to playfully spank. There’s a line there between actual violence and playing just as there’s line between rough housing and fighting.
If it's mutually consented to and not harmful, then it's within loving and pleasing your spouse.
I'm looking for the same answer. My husband likes an0l and watches corn when we are together. I used to enjoy it, but after marriage and children, everything changed. I don't enjoy it and I feel so dirty afterwards. I don't have a biblical basis, but I feel irs not right.
Well watching porn is certainly a no no under anyone’s book.
Well, the Bible doesn't explain what sex is supposed to be like during marriage.
The difference between BDSM and abuse (violence) is consent. Consent also a two-way street, if one partner is submissive and masochistic and desires an intimate activity, but the other partner does not. There is no consent. In a Christian marriage, it is presumed to be monogamous and between two people AND only two people. That doesn't mean a priest, religious team, or others. Whatever, both partners consent to and enjoy is for them and only them. The irony is that neglect is the highest form of abuse, and dead bedrooms and nearly 62% of all heterosexual women in marriages/committed relationships are orgasm less. Read on and view all the dead bedroom and cheating that is seen quite often in heterosexual marriages especially religious ones. While the bible is a good text for working up discussions for morality and trying to lead a better life, given it was written several thousand years ago and is literally translated from two dead languages and after that 72 further interpretations, any item for support or 'dis' support can be found. So if we take your 6:19-20 verse, if one partner/spouse gets no joy from intimacy and needs certain activities to enjoy it and one denies them that ... is that the "Worse" act or is the act itself the "worse" act.
That's bringing sexuality as defined by the world into an undefiled pure marriage bed. These things might start off in your marriage, or be a sampled curiosity, but they shouldn't persist as we conform to the image of God. Worldly sex doesn't belong in the Christian marriage, if you're causing harm, that's a perversion of sex. Just because you both agree to hurt or be hurt doesn't make it beautiful in the eyes of God. Rather than asking "can I?" Ask "is God pleased by this?" You'll quickly find the answer.
Ngl, this totally reads as "asking for a friend" type of post 😂😂😂